The abuser always denies the abuse; it’s just that Coverts do such a good job at perception management. Even though they’re ragers behind closed doors, they know when to hide their anger, and be calm in the right moments. In front of an audience, they’re very adept at controlling their anger. A spiritual guide once told me, if a person can behave decently in front of their boss because they could risk “losing their job” if they misbehave, then they can behave decently in ALL situations with ALL people. The fact that narcissists HAVE this discernment is proof enough that their misconduct towards their targets is deliberate.
Mind blowing understanding that. We get no excuses. We get full personal accountability. We have to unpack our own and other people's baggage put on us....they do too. It's liberating getting even just that
Chronic complainers. Never happy no matter what. You could do everything they tell you to do, to the letter, and they will want it done the opposite way.
I experience this with my spouse. I try to be positive and he gets annoyed the more I try to see the silver lining. It's insane, and I now understand after watching these types of videos, and specifically this one, that he is definitely a covert narcissist. :(
I'm currently going through a divorce from a covert narcissistic wife whom I've been married to for almost 9 years. We dated for about 8 years before getting married. I knew nothing about this topic until rather recently when I began to understand what had been happening this whole time. Why I didn't have any friends left. Why I no longer had any interests or hobbies. Why even my parents worried about me staying at their house too long for fear I would "get in trouble." My entire existence is work and home. Going through the divorce is excruciating. I just wanted to say thank you for posting these videos. The content you provide is more helpful and inspiring than you can possibly imagine. Have a blessed day.
Crying makes mine angry. I learned to not shed tears in front of him but sometimes if they just start up I slip into a private space (usually the Bathroom). But I've learned so much from Michele's videos in the past 2 days that my thoughts and reactions are rapidly changing. I'm so grateful.
@@cherylhunt8015 That is the key to empowering us all~to finally step back and not react to it all. It's a great time in our world because for the first time in history we are finally exposing these narcissists for what they are and getting are self worth back also~ It's a revolution taking place right before our eyes. Take care...
Parents that know the other parent is who they are and allow their kids subjected to this SHOULD BE IN JAIL. They are allowing their kids not to be their authentic SELF! That’s absolutely INSANE👈🏻🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
That's incredibly judgemental and a wide sweeping condemnation of parents that may have no choice but to stay. I would assume you have not experienced being stuck with no way out. It's not as simple as you think.
In recent weeks, I have faced challenging situations with my mother, whose behavior aligns with narcissistic traits. I have been subjected to manipulative tactics, such as triangulation and deflecting conversations away from past hurtful remarks. Additionally, I discovered my mother deceived me about my father's financial situation after his passing. This ongoing situation caused me emotional distress. However, seeking guidance and going no contact with my mother has been the best decision I've made. Since then, things have improved, and I am slowly rediscovering my old hobbies and finding joy in them once again. Prioritizing my well-being and surrounding myself with a supportive network has allowed me to move forward towards personal growth and resilience.
It is not easy to understand or believe that a parent especially a mother really does not love you. I think it is because they have no love to give. I took care of my mother the last 3 years of her life she could not drive so I took her to the store for food and doctor visits and none of her other 2 children or other 12 grandchildren did ANYTHING, and she left me $10 and gave everything else to one great grand daughter. I knew this before she died so her death was not really painful at all. I feel now that I just need to love myself more . Carry on ,,,
I think there are a couple narcs in the comment section. They are definitely not happy you are sharing this information. Keep doing what you're doing, you know you're saving lives. ❤
I Love You, Michele......I'm so glad I found you, knowing you and your Experience, gives me hope for the Future......I don't have to Live in this Prison made for me by the person suffering with NPD. Because at this time today, I am STUCK IN A TRAUMA BOND, NOT KNOWING THE WAY OUT. IT'S A LONELY PLACE TO BE!!!!!!♡
What a lovely lady is Michelle. She speaks calmly but with knowledge compassion and understanding. She is doing the work of God in the world. No doubt about it. Whenever did the churches tackle this? Never.
Thank you so much!! Your videos have helped me deal with my narcissistic mother-in-law as well as help my husband through his cptsd. He has a lot of the narcissistic characteristics of his mom and it has taken our 23 year marriage to the brink of divorce a few times. Fortunately, he seems to want to work through his issues and make this work. Your videos have been tremendously helpful for me in understanding narcissism😊. Thank you!!
I don’t think narcissists often directly criticize “healthy” behaviours (reading) as they could get called out. I’ve found they use: 1. Punishment (repeated & unpredictable). - or justified silent treatment 2. Sarcasm / negativity about WHAT you’re reading. 3. Mis-direction (complaining about something else)
They definitely criticise healthy behaviours directly but only after they already have begun the devaluation Stage. And they will do it behind closed doors. Mine did. I was ready a Dr of psychology book and he called me stupid, lazy and having no life for reading and educating myself about mental health disorders and personality disorders. I knew immediately that he felt threatened by Me reading those books. Because he desperately wanted to convince me that I was the problem
Completely relatable and like you were there in my life all those years, because you’ve lived through it & survived it too. I’ve been on my healing journey for many years, putting in the work, getting ME back has been an amazing process. Your video are also very straightforward & helpful, for example - I never knew what I was doing all those years was called Fawning, and that its a whole coping kind of thing. Still learning, still growing, recognizing it when I encounter it now - thank you for he awareness & empowerment 💛
Hi Michele, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. I recently got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist. I was lucky that the relationship ended early. I was initially extremely confused as to what happened. But in retrospect, he showed most of the signs of covert narcissism. I totally in a fawn response and I didn't even realize that it was a trauma response. I wouldn't have realized that without your videos. I love the internet for this reason--we get access to massive amounts of precious information from home. Sending love!
4 years my little sister gaslighted me and tried to convince me that no one I loved me my other sister slept with my ex-husband and come when i confronted her she asked me to get over it once i confronted both of them they deleted me from the family
I have two narcs in my life... The church members of my aunt didn't know what was happening behind close doors when I was with my aunt . Many churches keep ignoring about mental health...
My mom says im mental a lot in even implicit ways. For whatever is not great in me she practically mks fun of me. She had me non stop seeing psychiatrists since 17 bc of a trauma situation. I never understand her reactions to me like if i have a concern of my own or asking why she did something so much happens. She either shuts it down doesnt answer me.... i feel almost paranoid bc i dont know if she doesnt answer me so i will get upset which i always do. Only then does she speak this is the hardest thing though. I get literally activated from like core issues when she does this. Theres always some stupid excuse too. But this happens all day everyday. Sometimes i would scream. She i fear too is okay with her sisters mistreatment of me which really upsets me.
I was told by another narc abuse therapist RUclipsr to give that response to a narc I was dealing with because they had no comeback from that phrase. It was meant to shut the narc down, similar to a ‘no response’ but given in defence against an abuse tirade/accusations from the narc.
I understand about giving them permission, but the best thing is to just leave their ass if you can. I been in a covert relationship with my mom and dad. Then I married one for almost 17 yrs. They create this web in your life that try’s to keep you bound to them. So much confusion and gaslighting in the process of being around these people. It’s so sick and sad because they fck with your mind and emotions on a constant basis until you decide to take your power back
I once told my narc daughter that her makeup looked really pretty. She said thank you. Then i said it looked like one of the Jenner sisters.She yelled 'Dont u ever say that' I tried to figure out that but she was in a rage. Im not at all a fan of the k family but if ya look like one then ya look like one
I've watched all major narcissism channels, and they are divided between who the narcissist is. This and Ramani's channel sees the Golden Child as the "narcissist." But other channels, liks Dr. Rosenberg's, sees the ScapeGoat child as the narcissist and the Golden Child as the victim. Showing narcissism is in the eye of the beholder. What do I think? Golden Child "Narcissists" attract ScapeGoat child "narcissists." Broken people attract broken people. Healthy people attract healthy people. As long as we act like everyone but us is a narcissist, we get stuck.
"How Nice Guys Always Attract Narcissistic Females" Good video. Nothing I didn't already know, but put in a different perspective I hadn't thought of. I like your approach as well, because there are a few RUclips videos that want the victims of narcissist to mess with the narcissism, and that doesn't help anybody.
"How can you read that again? I always thought the joy in reading a book was finding out what happens next" "Dont be a prick, im not reading it to annoy you, i just like it" From the movie Momento
Yes they always talk about narc parents but never about narc adult children. When they do they say it is the result of the parenting with punitive or permissive behavior. I believe that there are genetic reasons for this behavior.
@@kaknighten653genetics is only a part of NPD. Any adult who is narc personality disordered experienced some kind of abuse or trauma during childhood. Unfortunately cluster b personality disorders (NPD specifically) are passed down from 1 or more unhealthy and unstable parental relationships. Sorry.
Michele, I love your channel and I was married to a covert narcissist for 22 years. Thanks for your words. Please upgrade your camera. The video is so grainy. You are too pretty to be grainy Cheers!!😍
The abuser always denies the abuse; it’s just that Coverts do such a good job at perception management. Even though they’re ragers behind closed doors, they know when to hide their anger, and be calm in the right moments. In front of an audience, they’re very adept at controlling their anger. A spiritual guide once told me, if a person can behave decently in front of their boss because they could risk “losing their job” if they misbehave, then they can behave decently in ALL situations with ALL people. The fact that narcissists HAVE this discernment is proof enough that their misconduct towards their targets is deliberate.
Mind blowing understanding that. We get no excuses. We get full personal accountability. We have to unpack our own and other people's baggage put on us....they do too. It's liberating getting even just that
That is correct ! We all have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong
They’re not programmed to be happy! Spot on 👌🏽
You cannot reason with an unreasonable person.
( They WANT CONTROL )
Chronic complainers. Never happy no matter what. You could do everything they tell you to do, to the letter, and they will want it done the opposite way.
I experience this with my spouse. I try to be positive and he gets annoyed the more I try to see the silver lining. It's insane, and I now understand after watching these types of videos, and specifically this one, that he is definitely a covert narcissist. :(
I think the reason for the narcissist being angry at innocent questions or comments is to create chaos since they always need to fight
A narcissist teaches you over time to never look forward to anything as JOY is always paired with DISAPPOINTMENT! -
Don't only not look forward to occasions, but dread them over 1 month in advance...
The narc always tried to tell me stories about deaths, fears, depression or being misunderstood!!! There's NO joy associated with them.
I'm currently going through a divorce from a covert narcissistic wife whom I've been married to for almost 9 years. We dated for about 8 years before getting married. I knew nothing about this topic until rather recently when I began to understand what had been happening this whole time. Why I didn't have any friends left. Why I no longer had any interests or hobbies. Why even my parents worried about me staying at their house too long for fear I would "get in trouble." My entire existence is work and home. Going through the divorce is excruciating. I just wanted to say thank you for posting these videos. The content you provide is more helpful and inspiring than you can possibly imagine. Have a blessed day.
I can relate to your situation. Things will get better once you put it behind you.
It's a slow boiling till your cooked.. the good ole societal and religion never give up. Well that crap is B. S . Better days ahead for sure.
I am living the same thing.
Wishing you the absolute best on your journey ❤
So sorry that you’re in this situation but so glad you’re getting yourself free from the abuse.
They love people with that Sensitive kind Look, people with a high level of caring~ They think, " here's someone I can get a good reaction from"
That's why they don't stop until you cry
Heres someone I can control, they think.
Crying makes mine angry. I learned to not shed tears in front of him but sometimes if they just start up I slip into a private space (usually the Bathroom). But I've learned so much from Michele's videos in the past 2 days that my thoughts and reactions are rapidly changing. I'm so grateful.
@@cherylhunt8015 That is the key to empowering us all~to finally step back and not react to it all. It's a great time in our world because for the first time in history we are finally exposing these narcissists for what they are and getting are self worth back also~ It's a revolution taking place right before our eyes. Take care...
Parents that know the other parent is who they are and allow their kids subjected to this SHOULD BE IN JAIL. They are allowing their kids not to be their authentic SELF! That’s absolutely INSANE👈🏻🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
That's incredibly judgemental and a wide sweeping condemnation of parents that may have no choice but to stay. I would assume you have not experienced being stuck with no way out. It's not as simple as you think.
This is so validating! This describes my ex and my experience to the T! He flipped my whole life upside down! I have family members like this as well.
One of the best channels on RUclips. Best for self awareness, Best for self esteem.
In recent weeks, I have faced challenging situations with my mother, whose behavior aligns with narcissistic traits. I have been subjected to manipulative tactics, such as triangulation and deflecting conversations away from past hurtful remarks. Additionally, I discovered my mother deceived me about my father's financial situation after his passing. This ongoing situation caused me emotional distress. However, seeking guidance and going no contact with my mother has been the best decision I've made. Since then, things have improved, and I am slowly rediscovering my old hobbies and finding joy in them once again. Prioritizing my well-being and surrounding myself with a supportive network has allowed me to move forward towards personal growth and resilience.
It is not easy to understand or believe that a parent especially a mother really does not love you.
I think it is because they have no love to give. I took care of my mother the last 3 years of her life she could not drive so I took her to the store for food and doctor visits and none of her other 2 children or other 12 grandchildren did ANYTHING, and she left me $10 and gave everything else to one great grand daughter. I knew this before she died so her death was not really painful at all.
I feel now that I just need to love myself more .
Carry on ,,,
Michele saved my life.
She is an angel.
I think there are a couple narcs in the comment section. They are definitely not happy you are sharing this information. Keep doing what you're doing, you know you're saving lives. ❤
"About the way you breath." They hate everything about you.
I Love You, Michele......I'm so glad I found you, knowing you and your Experience, gives me hope for the Future......I don't have to Live in this Prison made for me by the person suffering with NPD. Because at this time today, I am STUCK IN A TRAUMA BOND, NOT KNOWING THE WAY OUT. IT'S A LONELY PLACE TO BE!!!!!!♡
What a lovely lady is Michelle. She speaks calmly but with knowledge compassion and understanding. She is doing the work of God in the world. No doubt about it. Whenever did the churches tackle this? Never.
Because they just might lose followers by waking up
Oh God, i remember these things!!! 😢😮😢😡
My father exactly. A street angel, home devil.
Speaking the truth 👏👏👏
5 years in a relationship with one, well in and out but that apart of the territory. This is really spot on...
Thank you so much!! Your videos have helped me deal with my narcissistic mother-in-law as well as help my husband through his cptsd. He has a lot of the narcissistic characteristics of his mom and it has taken our 23 year marriage to the brink of divorce a few times. Fortunately, he seems to want to work through his issues and make this work. Your videos have been tremendously helpful for me in understanding narcissism😊. Thank you!!
I don’t think narcissists often directly criticize “healthy” behaviours (reading) as they could get called out. I’ve found they use: 1. Punishment (repeated & unpredictable). - or justified silent treatment 2. Sarcasm / negativity about WHAT you’re reading. 3. Mis-direction (complaining about something else)
They definitely criticise healthy behaviours directly but only after they already have begun the devaluation Stage. And they will do it behind closed doors. Mine did. I was ready a Dr of psychology book and he called me stupid, lazy and having no life for reading and educating myself about mental health disorders and personality disorders. I knew immediately that he felt threatened by Me reading those books. Because he desperately wanted to convince me that I was the problem
Completely relatable and like you were there in my life all those years, because you’ve lived through it & survived it too. I’ve been on my healing journey for many years, putting in the work, getting ME back has been an amazing process. Your video are also very straightforward & helpful, for example - I never knew what I was doing all those years was called Fawning, and that its a whole coping kind of thing. Still learning, still growing, recognizing it when I encounter it now - thank you for he awareness & empowerment 💛
Hi Michele, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. I recently got out of a relationship with a covert narcissist. I was lucky that the relationship ended early. I was initially extremely confused as to what happened. But in retrospect, he showed most of the signs of covert narcissism. I totally in a fawn response and I didn't even realize that it was a trauma response. I wouldn't have realized that without your videos. I love the internet for this reason--we get access to massive amounts of precious information from home. Sending love!
Thank you for sharing your understanding of the covert and generously offering terrific, helpful tools to deal.
4 years my little sister gaslighted me and tried to convince me that no one I loved me my other sister slept with my ex-husband and come when i confronted her she asked me to get over it once i confronted both of them they deleted me from the family
I have two narcs in my life...
The church members of my aunt didn't know what was happening behind close doors when I was with my aunt .
Many churches keep ignoring about mental health...
You are so spot on with this Michele.
This information is so spot on for what I am experiencing in my current relationship.
Thanks again for the great Videos 💙😇
Oh that was my father. Been thinking he was overt but definitely more covert.
My mom says im mental a lot in even implicit ways. For whatever is not great in me she practically mks fun of me. She had me non stop seeing psychiatrists since 17 bc of a trauma situation. I never understand her reactions to me like if i have a concern of my own or asking why she did something so much happens. She either shuts it down doesnt answer me.... i feel almost paranoid bc i dont know if she doesnt answer me so i will get upset which i always do. Only then does she speak this is the hardest thing though. I get literally activated from like core issues when she does this. Theres always some stupid excuse too. But this happens all day everyday. Sometimes i would scream. She i fear too is okay with her sisters mistreatment of me which really upsets me.
How a covert narcissist gaslights.... "im sorry you feel that way"
I was told by another narc abuse therapist RUclipsr to give that response to a narc I was dealing with because they had no comeback from that phrase. It was meant to shut the narc down, similar to a ‘no response’ but given in defence against an abuse tirade/accusations from the narc.
Thank you Michele, I hope for you the best, I appreciate your content.
How they get you to self isolate from people you're close to like this is so manipulative.
She got angry that i didnt know that she didnt like gummy candy
You're lovely, helping folks!
Thank you. Very helpful.
Michelle, you have helped me in immeasurable ways. Thank you.
❤❤❤
Spot on
I understand about giving them permission, but the best thing is to just leave their ass if you can. I been in a covert relationship with my mom and dad. Then I married one for almost 17 yrs. They create this web in your life that try’s to keep you bound to them. So much confusion and gaslighting in the process of being around these people. It’s so sick and sad because they fck with your mind and emotions on a constant basis until you decide to take your power back
Amen a lot you speak of is in proverbs ♥️🙏
How long would that simple question reaction on boxing last today ? Not even till the rage echo stopped bouncing off the walls. Bye bye.
I once told my narc daughter that her makeup looked really pretty. She said thank you. Then i said it looked like one of the Jenner sisters.She yelled 'Dont u ever say that' I tried to figure out that but she was in a rage. Im not at all a fan of the k family but if ya look like one then ya look like one
I've watched all major narcissism channels, and they are divided between who the narcissist is.
This and Ramani's channel sees the Golden Child as the "narcissist."
But other channels, liks Dr. Rosenberg's, sees the ScapeGoat child as the narcissist and the Golden Child as the victim.
Showing narcissism is in the eye of the beholder.
What do I think?
Golden Child "Narcissists" attract ScapeGoat child "narcissists."
Broken people attract broken people.
Healthy people attract healthy people.
As long as we act like everyone but us is a narcissist, we get stuck.
Being called anarc by your ex when you dont agree or attempt to negotiate and the called a gaslighter lol
Lover/critic
How to contact you reg one on one coaching
"How Nice Guys Always Attract Narcissistic Females" Good video. Nothing I didn't already know, but put in a different perspective I hadn't thought of.
I like your approach as well, because there are a few RUclips videos that want the victims of narcissist to mess with the narcissism, and that doesn't help anybody.
Can I take and use the Certification from your School in all 50 States of the US?♡
Yes - there are currently no restrictions as to where you practice as a coach. I’m currently working as an international coach!
YEAHHHHHHH!!!♡
"How can you read that again? I always thought the joy in reading a book was finding out what happens next"
"Dont be a prick, im not reading it to annoy you, i just like it"
From the movie Momento
you mean when i said to my sister" you need more help" and she hated me for saying that?
What if your adult child daughter is a narcissist.
Yes they always talk about narc parents but never about narc adult children. When they do they say it is the result of the parenting with punitive or permissive behavior. I believe that there are genetic reasons for this behavior.
@@kaknighten653genetics is only a part of NPD. Any adult who is narc personality disordered experienced some kind of abuse or trauma during childhood. Unfortunately cluster b personality disorders (NPD specifically) are passed down from 1 or more unhealthy and unstable parental relationships. Sorry.
and let me guess - she cut off all contact with you
How do Fawns heal?
Girlllllllllll, Could you answer my Questions, Michele, Please????
Michele, I love your channel and I was married to a covert narcissist for 22 years. Thanks for your words. Please upgrade your camera. The video is so grainy. You are too pretty to be grainy Cheers!!😍
Michele why are you so preoccupied with narcissists? You look good. You shouldn't worry about those people.
Hey Michele. You know calling someone a narcissist is like calling someone a racist. It's kinda hard to prove.