6 Ways a Narcissist Keeps You Stuck And How to Start Breaking Free

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  • Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 114

  • @carolynkpea768
    @carolynkpea768 3 года назад +21

    Your videos help me see the narcissist I’ve been married to for 41yrs. I was made to feel I was wrong/ the cause of all the suffering and loss I’ve endured. God bless you Christina for the enlightenment. Now I just need to see a way out.

  • @deena3003
    @deena3003 3 года назад +19

    I experienced it all. The hoovering, love bombing and guilt tripping came on strong when I was planning to leave the marriage. I felt stuck in that relationship. I made it out of that relationship. It's such an unhealthy dynamic and draining. Stand up against this kind of relationship and free yourself so you can have peace in your life.

  • @lisakaler4121
    @lisakaler4121 3 года назад +17

    Yah, there is a genuine feeling for them behind hoovering, they are genuinely desperate.

  • @ursulaann694
    @ursulaann694 3 года назад +41

    I'm in the middle of leaving my narc. He's already got a new supply and they talk in front of me 24/7. I know im supposed to act like I don't care but I'm devastated. I move out June 1st. I hope I can feel better.

    • @OpinionOfAGem
      @OpinionOfAGem 3 года назад +7

      Just remind yourself you know what the new supply is getting. Nothing but manipulative affection. You’ll find a healthier lover and just remember they will not be treated any better.

    • @sylviaking8866
      @sylviaking8866 3 года назад +2

      I am going through the exact same thing. It's a good thing you have moved out and this will help you not be emotionally tormented
      I petitioned for divorce before he could to speed it up as he was deliberately trying to coerce me to accepting things that were not Fair.

    • @Rollwithit699
      @Rollwithit699 3 года назад +5

      Once you get away from your narcissist ex, be careful to find a healthy mate. If you're attracted to narcissists, you're more susceptible to either choosing or being chosen by another one. I tend to be a narc magnet. Took many years to recognize their behavior and to stop giving out my own codependent signals that attracts them. Good luck to you.

    • @brandylee6030
      @brandylee6030 3 года назад +1

      @@Rollwithit699 YESSSSS THANK YOU FOR THIS!! 😉❤🙏🏼

    • @brandylee6030
      @brandylee6030 3 года назад +2

      @@OpinionOfAGem this is a great tip! Thanks ❤🙏🏼

  • @garycordle5295
    @garycordle5295 3 года назад +36

    I myself gotten my closure once I found out what I was dealing with, I had to pull myself and my feelings away, it was a tough pill to swallow, The worse hell I had ever had to deal with.

    • @miaalbani1640
      @miaalbani1640 3 года назад +4

      You have now learned to recognize the signs and will not feel victim again

    • @garycordle5295
      @garycordle5295 3 года назад +3

      @@miaalbani1640 how true, I feel we are all survivor's,we out smarted the toxic narcissist, this is where they underestimated us, sometimes it's good to play dumb,it throws them off and you really can have insight on there level and their little toxic game they play, like a poker face.

    • @deena3003
      @deena3003 3 года назад +1

      Me too

    • @garycordle5295
      @garycordle5295 3 года назад

      @@deena3003 I know it's like finding out a dirty little secret, and it's like WOW OMG I'm so glad that I figured it out 👍

    • @Neida225
      @Neida225 Год назад

      It is literally a roller coaster ride that they never get off

  • @rosettesionne9139
    @rosettesionne9139 3 года назад +28

    Hoovering and gaslighting is really what kept me stuck in these relationships. The narcissist when I did and behave the way they wanted, they become Extremely affectionate to the point of embarrassment (idealisation) but the day I "dare" critisize them, I change from the most good person to the more stupid person they have ever met... in just a couple of seconds and so naturally you think it is your fault they behave this way and when I change again to suit their liking they immediately become again kind and affectionate (re-idealisation). My own experience with narcissist
    Love bombing phase: you are so kind, so good, so calm I like it
    But when I don't behave the way they want...
    Devalue: why are you like that? She is so strange, she annoys me, why are you not like everyone else
    When I confront them or refuse to do what they ask me.
    Discard: You are stupid, you are crazy, you are abnormal, you have a problem.
    When they discovered they still need me or that I can still be of use.
    Re-love bombing: How was your day? (After insulting me the day before) (They start showering me again with affection as if nothing happen)
    And the cycle continues.

    • @playalot8513
      @playalot8513 3 года назад +5

      Thank you for describing this. This is exactly what I am just realising my narcissistic husband did to me. I came to these videos to try to figure out why I still think kindly about him after 8 months of the nastiest divorce process ever... Yet I still keep expecting him to be reasonable and kind. I now realise that I am waiting for the hoover that never comes. I'm waiting for it because this is the predictable pattern of the last 27 years of my life.

    • @brandylee6030
      @brandylee6030 3 года назад +1

      Yes Rosie this is where i am!! Thank you for these words-- I sure needed this reassurance. I feel like I'm going crazy!..
      I'm currently planning my exit, silently and then complete NC! ♥️🙏🏼

    • @Lauren-gs1eh
      @Lauren-gs1eh 3 года назад +3

      @@playalot8513 because even when you think it’s finally over it’s never over. They always come back until they have a new steady supply. If this is finally it for you, congratulations! I hope you see it as a new opportunity to take back your life and do what you want to do with it. I hope you keep watching videos like this, and stay strong. The reason why there are so many videos dealing with this is because it can cause soo much pain and trauma, even after they left or you left. They live in your brain, and their emotional abuse repeats itself to your subconscious.
      You are worthy you are enough and you are free now.
      I hope you heal faster each day.
      Godspeed.

  • @heatherspetnation5548
    @heatherspetnation5548 3 года назад +7

    This video is grossly overlooked. It needs more recognition. This has to be one of the best presentations of positive reinforcement I've seen. Wonderful job! Thank you so much!

  • @jag28jj
    @jag28jj 3 года назад +10

    what a great video! I identify completely. if only I had known about narcissism before meeting him 12 years ago. I was naive and believed everyone was the same as myself. what a fool I feel for putting up with this treatment for years. thinking that the Hoovering meant that he loved and wanted me and wanted to make things right...the future faking...the lies....the other woman...a devastating awaking...

  • @raybroome
    @raybroome 3 года назад +11

    So the addiction didn't really kick in until the pleasure was taken away. Then they became obsessed with figuring out what makes it work. Just like the first time , right! Just one more, it will be different this time. The insanity. I think they instinctively know this. Thank you for your work. This one raised me to a higher awareness of "my" reaction to their behavior. ..and the trauma bonding plays into the whole thing too ! "💡" !

  • @NateMTL
    @NateMTL 3 года назад +13

    Thank you so much for these videos. I found your channel about a month ago and opened my eyes to my reality. It has been so liberating to identify my situation and take steps to break free.

    • @ThatMontanaMom
      @ThatMontanaMom 3 года назад

      A couple other good ones I watch is the Surviving Narcissism channel with Dr. Les Carter and also Dr. Ramani.
      I had never been in a seriously abusive relationship until 4 years ago. I think the mental emotional aspect was, in many ways, far worse than the physical. He found ways to tear me down for EVERYTHING, including just being female!
      I started looking for information to help dissect the mental fog and chaos this relationship sh*t-storm had left in my head. I am beyond grateful for this information and the understanding it brings.
      I truly hope you can find your joy again as you find your path back to yourself.

  • @ianclifton4891
    @ianclifton4891 2 года назад +1

    Every trick in the book i experienced. Guilt, lies, gaslighting, threats, control, scare tactics. I became so confused and couldn't see the facts that were in front of me. We don't even always face the fact we are being abused. I used to believe that we couldn't see it but we of course could. YOU SEE IT BUT CHOOSE NOT TO BELIEVE WHAT IS HAPPENING. HOPE TO FIX IT, HOPE IT WILL DISAPPEAR, HOPE THE PERSON WILL UNDERSTAND, MAKE EXCUSES, CHASE THE CARROT. I found that once I left and faced the reality of everything it all became very clear. They will make threats and abuse you and then seem to forget a week later! It's crazy. THEY ONLY WANT YOU BACK TO CONTINUE THE ABUSE. DON'T LET THESE PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE THE ABUSER.

    • @vanessamorey3812
      @vanessamorey3812 2 года назад

      They are humanoid junkies, ADDICTED TO DRAMA. so they are addicted to Fucking with other humans.
      That's all.
      This is the most toxic form of demonic spiritual corruption. These things are responsible for countless deaths and suicides...
      This is the great deception of life on earth. Do not be someone's dope hit. You are the one paying for it. Kick the junkie off your back. Get loose. Get out stay out.
      We are no one's Crack rock.

  • @Amamay315
    @Amamay315 2 года назад

    Meth was one of my narcissists, and generational curse. Thank you for bringing it to light, I think it’s one of the reasons so many people have a spiritual awakening in recovery they’re healing from a narcissist.

  • @skymeadow7762
    @skymeadow7762 3 года назад +2

    I've left 7 times and returned over the years, that's on me. Guilt trip, yes!

  • @stephenbutler1816
    @stephenbutler1816 3 года назад +1

    Everything makes sense the more i think about what I'm going through!

  • @roxymovie3938
    @roxymovie3938 2 года назад +2

    6 ways the N. keeps you stuck:
    1. Idealization / Lovebombing
    2. Future Faking
    3. Guilt Trips
    4. Hoovering
    5. Gaslighting / Confusion
    6. Intermitted reinforcement

  • @Claudia-yc8xk
    @Claudia-yc8xk 2 года назад +1

    Ahhh this makes alot of sense, I often wondered why can't I break up with my ex partner and why do we keep going back and forth back and forth for YEARS !! I'm so happy and thankful the relationship is over now, my ex partner told my mother in law I was dangling him on string when I was very clear that I did not want to be together anymore and he kept coming back and I'd fall for it everytime.
    Be prepared for them to talk alot of smack about you !

    • @clairejohnson6522
      @clairejohnson6522 Год назад

      Unfortunately we didn't realise that that started happening at the very start.

  • @-melanie-1115
    @-melanie-1115 3 года назад +2

    Dear Christina, thank you for this video. I think what is especially good and helpful in your work, is that you explain the intentions of the narcissist very well. I agree with you that these are not always bad. Some people behave differently than 'the average person' not out of malice, but just because of who they are, they do not understand the feelings of others for example. But they should learn from every situation where they caused you pain, in my opinion. If they keep acting in the same way, than the intentions are definitely bad. What really helped me as well in your videos is that you say the intentions do not really matter; what IS superimportant is how the behaviour makes you feel. I wish you much love!

  • @jeffjarrells1484
    @jeffjarrells1484 3 года назад +2

    A lot of this is like the relationship I'm in. Weather we call it narcissistic or whatever it is abusive. I've been called and told things I would never say to someone I actually loved.

  • @jameschambers3171
    @jameschambers3171 3 года назад +3

    He went no contact and when he said turn the other cheek it didn't mean turn the other one to get abused over and over by a narcissist he was talking about when honest people make a mistake not people that don't respect you lie cheat and steal

  • @robinsmith4499
    @robinsmith4499 2 года назад

    I appreciate this information. You helping me survive.

  • @capc1972
    @capc1972 3 года назад +1

    Your channel is one of the best ones on the topic of narcissism I've found so far. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.

    • @wattsurfrigginproblem
      @wattsurfrigginproblem 3 года назад

      Not to invalidate your experience, only to broaden it, i suggest you take the time to listen to Richard Grannon and Sam Vaknin. Since you are going down this rabbit hole, it serves you to be well informed.

    • @capc1972
      @capc1972 3 года назад

      @@wattsurfrigginproblem I appreciate your recommendation. Thanks a lot. Best wishes!

  • @sharic3477
    @sharic3477 3 года назад +4

    Wow! Exactly like the last few years of my marriage!

  • @mrtwister9002
    @mrtwister9002 3 года назад +12

    If you play slot machines, the house, will eventually take all your money.

  • @ricardocamara1602
    @ricardocamara1602 9 месяцев назад

    It’s funny how they want you to forget there behaviour but they never forget what you have said or acted towards them

  • @Jade-wb6fd
    @Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад +4

    I recently learned about Skinners box in my psychology class at university but I never thought about it relating to narcissists. It all makes sense now why I was stuck with my narcissistic ex for so long

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +4

      It's really fascinating how the mind works ❤🙏

    • @Jade-wb6fd
      @Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад +3

      @@CommonEgo Yes it is!

  • @mayonnawoodley5064
    @mayonnawoodley5064 3 года назад +1

    Have left mines it’s been a few days I’m trying not to drive my mind crazy because they will definitely mentally mess you up ! I literally got on a greyhound bus to my hometown at 1 am

  • @rhobot75
    @rhobot75 3 года назад +2

    Thank you!

  • @kristinmeyer489
    @kristinmeyer489 3 года назад +3

    Imo intermittent reinforcement is another form of creating confusion. If one cannot understand what exactly gets them the result they desire, they will keep trying.

  • @shahnazsyed8000
    @shahnazsyed8000 2 года назад

    I've to believe that more people idealize than love.

  • @kirstenhummel-vandegroep7597
    @kirstenhummel-vandegroep7597 3 года назад +2

    Your videos are very helpfull to me. Thank you so much!

  • @lydiapramono4786
    @lydiapramono4786 3 года назад +2

    Hi Christina, Thank you for your videos, it has helped me survived the brutal final discard. Just wondering, is there any video where you shared your personal abuse experience?

  • @polishqueen3671
    @polishqueen3671 Год назад

    Thank you so much..I love your content 🙏❤️‍🩹🌺

  • @summersalix
    @summersalix 3 года назад +6

    Is it common for narcissists to have problems with executive functioning? The person I’m dealing with has huge issues with this and I become the person he blames for his lack of responsibility, In addition to witnessing his explosive anger and tantrums, despite me helping him more than he helps himself.

    • @zainabbest1427
      @zainabbest1427 3 года назад +1

      Sounds like he is blaming you for some deep seated issues he has no control over. I did that too- intense tantrums, blaming me for stuff and then me trying to fix it for them.

  • @brynnleapierce5600
    @brynnleapierce5600 3 года назад +2

    Why does the Narcissist hold onto to you if they may already have a potential “new supply” or or may have already established that new relationship? Would they try & juggle 2 at the same time until they decide which one of you provides the the better deal? I have no proof but suspension & I’m not exactly going out of my way to “pump up his ego & haven’t for a while now, I was hoping he would have discarded me already!!!! I’m really making little to no effort any more!!!!!

  • @ThatMontanaMom
    @ThatMontanaMom 3 года назад +3

    I think I can now safely identify as an obsessive rat. 😑
    I am in the midst of unentangling myself from a relationship, even though I have moved 2 states away. Physical distance was the easiest part of this whole nightmare. The real damage has been on the inside. I am grateful for this knowledge. Thank you for putting it out here.

  • @Ggurl707
    @Ggurl707 3 года назад +2

    I changed my number and went no contact then gave in and it started all over.... its all often flipped on me and made to seem like i make it hard and now we don't move forward because of me and I dont want him around.... I walk away then everything is because I walk away.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 2 года назад

    Thank you.

  • @Bibiesworld
    @Bibiesworld 3 года назад +1

    Thankyou for your great work x

  • @maryri
    @maryri 3 года назад +9

    I appreciate your videos. Can you also address Narcissistic relationships other than romantic and marriage. May of us also have friends and family members who are Narcissists even sadly many have adult children who are Narcissists.

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +2

      Great point. Much of this video will apply to both, but apparently different areas of the brain are involved in different types of love (research in the description). But intermittent reinforcement and guilt have a role in all narcissistic relationships 🙏❤

    • @junemcgill1862
      @junemcgill1862 3 года назад +1

      Yes this would be a very welcome topic. The bond/love you have for your child makes some aspects of advice given in these videos not so relevant, as it is unconditional love as opposed to romantic love.

  • @brynnleapierce5600
    @brynnleapierce5600 3 года назад +1

    How do you disconnect (as I’m ready to do) when this individual (a vulnerable, Covert Narcissist with passive/aggressive behavior) has my checking account #, but no full access to it keeps on occasion deposits money ($60 up to $100 w/o my asking, or offers to buy a new set of tires or a new TV???? Yes future faking, & he has stalking tendencies or when I’ve explained “we” have differing views on our relationship & need to go our separate ways, yet he won’t go away??????

  • @SLJ1943
    @SLJ1943 3 года назад +2

    Awesome video. You do an amazing job.

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +2

      Thank you, Sandra 🙏❤

    • @SLJ1943
      @SLJ1943 3 года назад +1

      @@CommonEgo It is all so very accurate. I'm on my road to recovery. After a discard 6 weeks ago I see all of these behaviors present. This time I will succeed in healing. Thank you.

  • @theresa9365
    @theresa9365 3 года назад +3

    Thank you ...

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +1

      Thanks for watching 🙏❤

    • @lauriemueller2004
      @lauriemueller2004 3 года назад +1

      My son. No contact after 32 y. I am 💔. Will time help? Thank you for your video.

  • @glenrobinson6846
    @glenrobinson6846 3 года назад

    Spot on

  • @jameschambers3171
    @jameschambers3171 3 года назад +1

    $$ power and control are what narcissist love

  • @theresa9365
    @theresa9365 3 года назад +6

    I am stuck I want out, but I don't seem to be able to let go?

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +5

      I wish it was a simple process, but recognizing problems and patterns is astep in the right direction ❤🙏

    • @garycordle5295
      @garycordle5295 3 года назад +4

      What helped me out is stop emotional thinking about them and learn to let go of these toxic people that don't serve you nothing at all, work on it, remember that you deserve better 👍

  • @francesbernard2445
    @francesbernard2445 3 года назад

    Domestic cat behavior is similar when it comes to putting a paw on any button or level. Which is why this city has an animals in cold weather program to help save more beloved children's pets too.

  • @clairejohnson6522
    @clairejohnson6522 Год назад

    If you keep a journal be careful people, they go through your private property.

  • @chilloften
    @chilloften 3 года назад

    Indeed, if stuck turning your wheels and get no where fast...gtfo.

  • @rorymcnabb4193
    @rorymcnabb4193 3 года назад +1

    Is it true that once you've been with a narcissist you're more than likely to end up with another one and you next relationship? Thinking back to my last two relationships my ex was definitely a narcissist as well and so is my current wife / ex-wife.

    • @sylviaking8866
      @sylviaking8866 3 года назад +1

      This is why I have decided never to date or marry again. For me it's not worth it I can enjoy life very well by myself with my dog and of course my kids who are grown up now.

  • @brandon4704
    @brandon4704 3 года назад +2

    My ex left me for another guy. She wanted to leave him, and she explained it like he was a narc. Anyhow, i think he hoovered her after about a week. Cause they got back together. 😒 i'm assuming he used the "going to therapy" card.

    • @jayl96
      @jayl96 3 года назад +1

      Just be careful she could be the narc

    • @brandon4704
      @brandon4704 3 года назад +3

      @@jayl96 yeah, i'm sure she is. I'm assuming she is more of a covert narc, and him being more of the other type of narc. So I'm guessing it helps keep them together. Cause she gets her needs met, and he has controlling issues that makes her think their in love. Or some shit.

  • @kellyjohnson9524
    @kellyjohnson9524 3 года назад +1

    Check your audio with next video. 🙂

  • @chrisx1197
    @chrisx1197 Год назад

    I've been Dysoned

  • @claudiawaid5532
    @claudiawaid5532 3 года назад +1

    What if you don’t have an addictive personality? Then your free from all the residual effects from being with a toxic person right? ☺️

    • @kristinmeyer489
      @kristinmeyer489 3 года назад +1

      There is no such thing as an addictive personality. Addiction is a physical issue and the opioid crisis has proved that anyone can become addicted to highly addictive substances. Addiction occurs when pain management is mismanaged.

  • @jameschambers3171
    @jameschambers3171 3 года назад

    That's a promise

  • @jameschambers3171
    @jameschambers3171 3 года назад +1

    I want peace and stubility for my children like every one else besides a narcissist I want peace most dad's do that all they want not to be stripped of their innocents based on lies not to have their kids molested and have the police cover it up read the Athens messager Athens county Ohio sheriff department dare officer jimmy child's covering up sex cases we want peace but we are prepared to go to war if things don't change the injustice system of Athens county Ohio and it brother county in southern Ohio is why our children are being molested and no one's been arrested just ask jimmy child's Shannon the list goes on dirty cops judges, prosecutors,lawyers prey on the poor and those they think are weak the injustice system of Athens county Ohio

  • @matthewwozniak9138
    @matthewwozniak9138 9 месяцев назад

    👉💖👈Love is the ☝️ultimate 💊drug. Only second to 👐flying an 🛩airplane(🏆Best 🙃High). Sometimes you feel like a 🐿nut, sometimes you 🦆don't.

  • @markoshivapavlovic4976
    @markoshivapavlovic4976 2 года назад

    I like Christina. 😀😍🥰

  • @jennifermartin5120
    @jennifermartin5120 3 года назад +2

    Or use religion against you

  • @jameschambers3171
    @jameschambers3171 3 года назад +1

    Read the bible wwjd

  • @aliciagarcia5947
    @aliciagarcia5947 3 года назад +2

    Future faking!!!!😖😖😖😖😖

    • @christianpulisic7784
      @christianpulisic7784 3 года назад

      Alicia Garcia,You are beautiful 🌹🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!

  • @jennysavoie2683
    @jennysavoie2683 3 года назад +2

    O yeah he said its not that bad really. Sure he only broke marriage vows it not that bad. Ok sure 😳😳😳😳 let me know when your shuttle lands.

    • @CommonEgo
      @CommonEgo  3 года назад +6

      Narcissists like to make mole hills out of mountains when it comes to their indiscretions 🙏❤

    • @garycordle5295
      @garycordle5295 3 года назад +2

      They are just like that shaggy commercial,it wasn't me,get out whenever you can and don't ever look back 👍

    • @theangriestoftabbies
      @theangriestoftabbies 3 года назад +3

      @@CommonEgo “that was so long ago!” Bruh, it was 2 years ago. And this was the third time it happened. Fool me once...

  • @audreypaton8156
    @audreypaton8156 2 года назад

    I have unsubscribed from you , I’m vegan and will not listen to you liking animal testing to narcissistic behaviour it’s 2022 don’t you know people are aware what goes on in animal testing, not very sensitive, goodbye