Something I've realized is we naturally know how to keep boundaries since born. Toddlers aren't ashamed to scream when they need food or are uncomfortable. Later in life we are conditioned boundaries are bad and we need to be "good little girl" so we get bullied by those who are still emotionally screaming toddlers. I have a problem with asserting my identity in group and it's a source of social anxiety, since I feel I don't have the right to express myself. Boundaries aren't about learning something new, but removing the toxic shaming conditioning we received and nurturing our real self.
I used to feel the same way. After very deep work I value and fully love myself above all else. It’s hard to go so deep but it is necessary for us to grow and undo the damage that was done. You’re worth working on and valuing.
@@TejubescDM that’s really good. Sounds like you know what’s good and what isn’t for you and that’s half the battle. We are work in progress and we will continue to learn till the day we leave Earth so have fun with it!
What a remarkable woman. She is so young and figured out narcissistic abuse and the importance of boundaries . Your journey makes so much sense. When you want healthy and long lasting relationships, coming from abusive homes, you need to understand your childhood programming first. Good for you for not getting married until now. You would have most likely attracted a narcissist. Divorcing them and co parenting with them is an absolute nightmare. What you have accomplished at 32, I’m learning at 53. You are now so well equipped and radiate at a vibration that repels narcissistic people. The best is yet to come for you! You created your own, positive future because you had the guts to be authentic, hold your ground, explore yourself and learn to love yourself. It’s a wonderful journey and so worth it.
She's wise way beyond her years. I only wish that I also would've examined myself decades ago...especially the conditioning she speaks of. This has to be one of the best talks ever on shame, guilt, and conditioning.
@@aperfectplaceo not today.. and she is so young and the partner she atracs now… wil be an much better fit to her than the one she had attract in the past… And you can better be an Healthy, happy authenthic person when you have to rease children and hopefully in an healty an happy relation❣️ So, she got it all.. at least she is happy with herself and life.. the rest can only add more….and eaven if not happening.. doesnt eaven madder that much‼️she is living the live she loves❣️❣️👌🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I wanted to write something very similar to your comment as I am also straight in the middle of a situation like this and this video is a treasure and it saved me as I will start limiting my kindness to protect myself going forward
“Doing something that makes those around me uncomfortable means I’m doing something wrong?” Truth well said. No, there is nothing wrong with us. We are not doing anything wrong when we reclaim our lives.
I was raised with "Relationships take work". Yes, they do. However, it's not all on the woman to keep a relationship going, strong. I was told this by My Mother, Aunt, women of that time who were as a matter of fact in abusive marriages. They in turn taught us daughters what to expect and how much to give to our boyfriends later husbands. It has taken me till I was in my 60's to breakaway from that mindset, take my Power not only back but to take it altogether and stop people pleasing at my own expense to create boundaries and not feel guilty. I truly hope that in 2023 this mindset is being thrown away; however, I still see fractions of it today.
I wish men spent as much time on personal growth and healing and being healthy as women do. Men just don't give a shit. If women act like them people get pretty upset.
I've been reading a lot about "boundaries lately because I just left a relationship where he claimed I was constantly crossing his boundaries and being disrespectful to him. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and that everything I did displeased him. He was always annoyed with me. I finally broke down and left under the stress. I made a list of his "boundries", 48 items into the list I just bawled. The list included items like. Close my car door properly, and use the soap properly. Dont talk to the neighbors, don't leave the garage door open, I was only aloud to call between 2pm and 6pm, I wasn't aloud to go out the front door, I wasn't allowed to whistle, if I went down stair I had to tell him where I was going, I wasn't allow to be sarcastic. The list keeps going on like that for 48 items. It grew so slowly I guess I emotionally lost track of what I was agreeing to. I was just trying to be loving, understanding, and keep the peace. Till my insdies just started to die, and I finally started saying no and standing up for me and my boundries and how i wanted to be respected. This was control, not respect and boundaries. I understand needing boundaries with people. But their is a fine line between "I need you to respect my boundaries, and you're doing something that's annoying me, so if you don't change, you're crossing my boundries." It's a balance, isn't it. A healthy balance if mutual respect and healthy boundries of time, body, love and space... not do this, dont do that or else your a bad disrespectful person.
It's so weird to look back at how it got so out of control. Becuase he kept saying "your crossing my boundaries" I kept asking myself. "Am I being disrespectful of his boundaries?" I would think ok, this is not something I would consider a boundry but if he needs this from me and this is a boundry for him, ok, I'll respect what he's asking me for?" The list grew so slowly over time and then after 2 years it just got weird and so precise. Don't use the washcloth the wrong way, don't talk about work, don't ask me if I had a nice day, don't talk in the morning till I say it's ok.... I had one of those "oh crap! How did I get here moments? " but still questioned if I was the bad guy and if I was the unreasonable one. It's made me really question "boundaries" and what mine are and what's healthy and just control. In the end, I feel sorry for him and his need to be compulsively, obsessively in control of everything around him all the time. He has no inner peace. But that's not mine to fix and I'm glad I left.
@@dianesalisbury2 Yes - there are a number of possible diagnosis and reasons why he does this excessive control trip. And none of them are healthy. They are all toxic. You've done the Absolutely RIGHT and only healthy thing, as hard as it is to accept. With a person like him you will never ever get his approval. You said it - he has no inner peace, but that is not yours to fix. Good Work!!!!
I'm not even 15 minutes into this video and it's LITERALLY changing my LIFE!!!! "Am I feeling guilty because I'm doing something wrong... or because of my conditioning?"
All I have is wow, this was awesome. I have been on my inner journey for almost a year, had to leave a 'mean friendship group' and start loving on my inner child. My boundaries and core beliefs have upset family members and left me feeling isolated, at times. Today is my birthday and I even bought my own birthday cards, so I would feel 'loved, honoured, cherished.' It's actually been a wonderful day of peace and joy. This has been the icing on my cake 😁. So many gems and indicators that I really am on the right path of self discovery. Love you both, you are awesome! 😍❤❤
A teacher said, a friend is someone who takes role as a mom. Thanks mom. You said what my mom said about if someone really cares how you feel, they wouldn't cross your boundaries.
"Not focus boundaries on others" so right!!! I've realized the mistake I was doing on my self-healing journey is I subconsciously wanted to check up if others validate the healthy, confident version of me or not. That's back to square one, worrying about others approval led me to social anxiety so I can't heal by doing the same again.
I heard a psychologist say that shame is an exile emotion. It prevents your from being exiled from your group. If you insist on leaving the group anyway, you will need to have support in place on the outside. I also think that if someone is causing guilt or shame in you, they want you to abandon yourself and let them in. Shame is like a mind parasite that wants a new host.
13:50 Taking time out from toxic family relationships is essential for your own growth and evaluation of your relationships. You give yourself enough space to see yourself more clearly without the murkiness of learnt behaviour. 16:00 "You're not mine to carry", god yes this speaks deeply into my spirit, the absolute Truth of people pleasers and fawning! 23:05, 30:00, 32:00 'You have to put a limit on your kindness' 34:00 Bang on sister! 🙌🙌🙌 43:00 Trauma bonding. 45:30** How it works. 48:00, 50:55, 1:09:00, 1:20:00 Good for you, my bf spent years slagging me down, I wore some shorts in the garden ( the front garden is quite private) and he kept having a go at me about wearing these shorts because they were lace ( cotton not underwear, nor short) it wasn't like I was walking around the street on them, he also hid 23 pieces of my best clothing under the loft boards, he spent years eroding my confidence...so I really appreciate that about the entitlement thinking. He's kind of brainwashed me into making myself invisible rather than looking my best...I am also trying to reclaim myself. 1:27:00💪1:30:00🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Love the part where she explains the game of push and pull and letting it go and breadcrumbing to pull you back and how letting it go saves you from all the trouble
I am 67, very ‘accomplished’ so to speak, and still learning these lessons - families of origin are most challenging. I just disowned the rest of my family, b/c I hoped against hope the final remnant, including my lil sis, was ‘different-better’, but if they don’t want to remove those original “roles”, they will continue to want to pull you back into a role THEY need you to occupy. THEY will not re-cog-nize this Phoenix, when she Rises from these ashes!
Just a random comment: Instead of “find your truth,” I prefer to say, “find your values.” I think when people say “your truth,” what they really mean is “your values.” I don’t like to get into the habit of treating the concept of truth as though it were subjective. But values are definitely subjective!
I cannot find the words to express how impactful your story is to me because I went through the same thing with a group of female friends who were always jealous of me for one reason or another. I was being abused and not realizing it. As an only child, sustaining these friendships were also about survival. In the end, I cut them out, as I had to honor myself, my self-respect, my dignity, and my emotional, spiritual, and intellectual landscapes. Lisa, thank you so much for doing this show. I would love to share my story on Women of Impact. You and your husband have changed so many lives for the better. I love you guys!!!
She looks so much like a cousin of mine I can’t stop looking at her! She’s very beautiful. I’ve had a similar journey to her. Boundaries are a must and once you start taking care of yourself they naturally arise.
I’ve become cold, distant, selfish. This coincides with learning boundaries and putting myself first. Those who say these things about me use to benefit from my lack of boundaries 🤷🏽♀️
That is "genius level" advice to "hold the feeling" instead of breaking your own boundary to avoid feeling it...and asking yourself where that feeling is coming from before deciding how to respond. We sooooo need methods like this to simplify the process of "re-training" our own auto-pilot responses. The simpler the method (assuming it's addressing the true problem) the faster we can make it our "default" response. Somehow, I eventually figured this method out, and once I put it into practice, it immediately brought me a feeling of relief and freedom from one of the major "traps" I found myself in.
I believe the question of "when are you gonna get married and have kids?" THIS MUST STOP BEING ASKED OF WOMEN!!!! FREE WILL EXISTS FOR A REASON. People want this but they want us left to handle it alone. WOMEN THIS SHOULD BE "ONLY YOUR" CHOICE NOT THE WORLDS! MY LIFE MY WAY!!!!!! Women make the decision for yourself. Honestly, I've never been in relationship and that' was my choice no one told me to remain single. I want to make sure I love, accept and trust myself before lending my heart out and I want to make sure I know my boundaries solidly before any of this comes for me. I will put myself first.
On point. Conditioning and trauma relationships, speaks for all my adult relationships and why I put up with so much bull with friends aswell. Early trauma can really screw you up. It's not always you 😒
Wow this lady said some really profound things! I totally related to her story about the friend circle where she was expected to buy gifts for everyone else but they never reciprocated, which happened to me too in the past. Another thing she said that really hit home was that we sometimes deny the red flags because if we recognise them in the moment, it means we will have to act on them and potentially challenge someone -- which is an uncomfortable situation if you're conditioned to be a pleaser. And then you would have to second-guess all the previous times in your life that you should have seen flags. It is good to see women recognizing and changing these negative patterns at such a young age, as it bodes well for their future. It's harder to do at my age (55).
From my “mother” The messaging I got was be married get married you’re nothing if you’re not married…my “dad’s messaging was, “don’t get married don’t get pregnant a hard Dick has no conscience, be self-reliant learn to trust yourself & never be a co-dependent and learn to be happy alone….listening to this reminds me why I’m so glad I listened to my Dad….😂
I LOVE the protecting the diamond idea. Crystal Clear when put that way! Also, people who are not well ( mentally ill or culturally indoctrinated without insight) believe they are right. And they may be - for themselves! But what is My independent identity? That is healthier, I think. People don't like it, often. That doesn't make it wrong. Lovely conversation, Lisa💜💜
Wow! This is really aligning with me and I’m recognizing how I was manipulated and controlled by a family member! It feels Excellent to hear how she dealt with guilt and shame in such a gentle and respectful manner! I’m absolutely “Moved” by her kind approach and am going to adopt her method of setting boundaries to respect myself vs pleasing others before me!❤🌈🌺
I COMPLETELY AGREE. My cousins would always get love, affection, recognition, and gifts from my family. I was the only one they apparently thought did not deserve any of that. When I graduated from a high-ranking University in Illinois (1st generation), it was like a dog graduated. Nothing. Crickets. Then they wonder why I've severed all ties. They are not worth the reminder. Share good news and events with people that become genuinely happy for your success.
What a wonderful episode ❤ I really enjoyed. One thing that really stick to me is that we, particularly women need to stop shaming each other. Wear what you love, live the life you love and receive support from the ladies. We are way more powerful & need to stop putting ourselves into these limited boxes. It’s really about awareness. 🙏✨
I’ve been keeping these boundaries for years …it was a very close and caring friend that saw me over explaining myself and being apologetic to someone who was being unreasonable…She said.. Don’t ever let me see you do that again….. .. the best advise ever..I reserve the best version of myself for those that deserve it and no is an easy word for me when my gut tells me.. The genuine people will be offered an alternative if I can’t attend or help with something… It’s important to know this can be a walk of solitude if people don’t like it.. but it’s empowering to know you did the right thing for the right reason.. Best to stay true to yourself and I do believe you will in the longer term retain the trust of genuine people…. Forget the rest!!
I've never looked at guilt from your perspective. I thought that guilt was something else that other people did and have but not me.....but now I can see with my conditioning that guilt is coloring my behaviors. My boundaries hold reason and meaning for me, and not for the sake of changing others.
This is one of my favorite all time talks. I’ve listened to it twice already. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story and lessons you’ve learned ❤
Been going through this for so long and so glad i came across this! Always been a people pleaser and it came to the point just recently i got physically sick and drained after meeting up with a friend who will not take no for an answer. I love when you say it is not about them it is about you and am i feeling guilty of doing something wrong or conditioning. I am 55 and this has opened my mind to to know its ok to say no. Thank you both ❤
Download this book on Google pdf version and be conscious and delligent about no longer being a people pleaser book title Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr Aziz Gazipura
As an Arab woman I can relate to all of her experiences. It is so powerful to see people of my community breaking generational curses ❤ and finding their own expression. Can’t wait to get my tattoos soon regardless of it being seen as taboo
My first time hearing of Najwa. Wow. I’m almost 30 years older than her but she has so much wisdom. Thank you for this talk. I ordered her book. Can’t wait to read. 🙏🏻
There were not many people who knew what was going on in my life a year ago or two years ago. I was surrounded ironically by people who did not care about me as a person, and I had cut ties with people who did care a lot more than them. What was there when I reached my bottom was a last-ditch effort before I gave up. My then husband was asleep next to me, and I reached out to a stranger on social media. That is desperate. I did not dare at the time to call my sister and say I screwed up again. I have spent the last year finding myself and the self hate I buried myself under. This week, I finalize it on one level. It is hard work, but no one is coming before me anymore. Those who have always loved me never even thought of asking me to make the compromise between taking care of myself and them at my expense even when they ask for help.
You have no idea how much this video helped me. Nothing will be the same anymore and I'm so grateful. My people pleasing is definitely stemmed from my family, I'm constantly feeling like a bad daughter/family member and I'm constantly letting them down because I'm not down with the family dynamic/cultural norms like everyone else is. Shame is such a rabbit hole that leaks into every aspect of my life. Mental health is so important and that is always going to be my first priority from now on. Thank you so much seriously
❤ Najwa Zebian is a very strong, beautiful old soul full of wisdom beyond her earthy years! I am an older woman and learning so much from her! She is a blessing to many of us who is now on a journey to discovery of the self, self-love and self acceptance!!! 🎉
This was great, thank you! I recently realized I was conditioned, and never set boundaries, then became sad resentful and lonely. Now i started setting boundaries, but have come to realize my family needs boundaries too, I found this out when I realized they are not a part of my support system. This hirt me more than leaving my 27 yr marriage, but I am getting better, accepting people who are a healthy support system, and learning to have discernment with that. Yay boundaries! I musta been rite because my family got uncomfortable amd defensive when I stated my business. I actually am worth it, even tho I knew that, I never acted on it before. Thank you for all your good sharing!!!
This is a great episode. I've felt for years exactly how she describes boundries and reasons why I'm the way I am. And ppl throughout my life wonder why I don't go out of my way for them anymore and set boundries for myself. The problem is that most of the human race is only concerned about themselves and what they need and think. Then there's ppl like us tho that I would consider 10% of humanity that doesn't think like that. We're called empaths.
Profound message for those of us who struggle to put boundaries in place. I am learning that we cannot ask people to treat us right, we have to treat ourselves right . I read some somewhere that we 'Can't expect cherries from a peach tree'.... Makes sense. People show you what they are made of by their behavior...positive and negative!
Wowowowowow. And the messed up part with Middle Eastern culture is that we are told our parents wants are more important than our own and when we release them internally/energetically, that’s breaking the ultimate trauma bond 😮😊
I just love watching your show Lisa and Najwa is an amazing guest with lots of wisdom. And I like that she brought up about how women are treated in Iran. Thank you for all these talks. ❤ Best wishes from Ukraine 🇺🇦
Trauma bond explanation - the only way is to let go of your end of the rope🔥 I used to think it can only happen in relationship. Now I see it is possible in friendships and different dynamics as well.
I think this segment made me realize that the greatest rot we have in society is the price we pay for self disconnection in order to be accepted into the "tribe"of being human. A truly courageous person is able to step back and be careful what they choose to believe in as part of reality and society, but this can only happen with a deepened, strong sense of self. I have committed to doing this because I have realized I have been heavily programmed and most of it is not of my choosing. But even with boundary setting we are told that sometimes we can be too rigid with this. This seems to be more directed towards women. Lisa and Najwa, thank you!
This is so good. You have to recognize those one sided relationships. I so get this. ❤ when you let go if these toxic people you attract better people 😊
Najwa, Love your Wisdom to😊 Keep Moving Forward with breaking my "conditioned soul". Forgiving those that taught me the wrong traits and later, treated me poorly. Ppl- pleasing flushed down the toilet😊 FREEDOM & HEALTHIER ME❤
Strangely, covid pandemic in 2020 and being immunocompromised (high-risk due to autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, immunocompromised, other health issues, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression), helped me create healthy boundaries, distance from in-laws family and even some "friends" (now x-friends) who were not and are not mentally or even physically healthy to be around, as they have been lax about covid. Grateful I was able to create and stand firm with my healthy boundaries. Grateful for my husband and grown son being supportive of my boundaries, and showing compassion. Grateful for my doctors and specialists. Grateful for receiving correct medical treatment for Ankylosing Spondylitis, even though I am immunocompromised. Grateful to be alive. ❤️💯 My Life, My Mental Health, My Physical Health are Important, and are Above All Else! I'm my Own Best Friend 🤗💗
I was happy that the people who were fear mongered into believing in Covid distanced themselves from me. The medical field is a multibillion $ business and the NIH and CDC have manipulated these doctors. I feel sorry for you.
Men should be respectful towards women no treating us like shit. Lisa I'm sorry to hear that about your grandmother she didn't deserve it. Men should realise that they can't use physical strength as a weapon. Women deserve EQUAL REPSECT AND EQUAL RIGHT! If any woman faces abuse she should have right to voice her thoughts.
You can't spend your life trying to moralise grown up people and "tell them what to do", if you see such disrespect, give a warning (maybe that person didn't handle himself well), if that action is repeated, leave. This doesn't apply to physical violence, it always starts with "mishandling" (like forcing your arm, with a menacing look) before that first slap then that first punch, kick,etc... leave IMMEDIATELY.
Thank you for this. This is precisely what I needed to hear. It's not only validating, but this conversation helps me feel like amongst like-minded individuals. After spending 25 years in a narcissistic, abusive marriage, setting boundaries representing my true self has been the most challenging thing I've had to do. To the point... I recently left a 2-year relationship because they crossed a non-negotiable boundary. My standards are high, but I refuse to enter another relationship where I relinquish who I am for a man's comfort, non-sense ideas about relationships, and what's okay to do or not according to others. I know who I am and what I want from a relationship and any man who wants to be with me. I refuse to tolerate anything less. But having said that, it's challenging to exist in a world that reinforces dated ideas regarding what's socially acceptable for me to do at this point. So, thank you for helping women understand that they can and should stand in their power and live authentically.
Thank you Lisa for sending support out to us all, thank you for all the great guests. Thank you for the strength you give to us 🙏 and the knowledge to help ourselves ☺️
My dad said, when man says jump, she should ask how high? If she doesn't, he should beat her badly. He serious. Mom said he was kidding. My brother broke my possessions If I didn't let him do sexual things to me in my past. Other men are things for me. I don't know if it's supposed to be a common courtesy or prostitution. Shady.
I have watched this channel ( and your husband’s ) many times. I just found this woman’s interviews today. Man, I wish I had these videos to watch forty years ago. I am learning very late, but I am learning. Good for her! ( Former people pleaser with trampled boundaries ) Yes. It isn’t about making others conform , but who and what you decide to invite in to your life.
Great discussion and helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great to see her finding her self worth and boundaries at her age. I am finally figuring this out at a much older age. I have felt guilty about not knowing what I was accepting for so long. I am letting go of my guilt and shame of what I accepted.
I am so happy she adressed the differemce between I can't and I won't. This is such an important part of empowerment and souvereignty. Not too found how the host advised people to lie. If you use excuses and lies you are still not growing and avoiding fear and responsibility.
Yeah i agree, personally lying has gotten me into more trouble than its worth. I'm building up the courage to tell the truth no matter what. "No i don't want to come because I feel unheard/unease/uncomfortable and value my mental health"
The reason they are treating you as if you not there because your vibe is not in there frequency of consciousness it’s life telling you there is more in you than they can receive ❤❤❤ shine in company of these if not drained
This is absolutely the best video I have ever seen that describes my life exactly! Wow! So helpful! I can’t thank you enough!!! This video describes my life… totally a trauma bond and a cycle. I have dealt with this all my adult life. The holidays are here and I said I am “out of town!”… Outstanding video! Totally describes me and my life. May my healing begin! Definitely saving this video! Thank YOU!
48:00 my life for 24 yrs to a narc/addict. I finally surrendered to my roll I’m 72 yo women & fearless to begin anew. I could not carry his trauma any longer. Therapy has been fantastic for me to find once again. When I think of him now his soul goes right through me & out the other side It’s the intellectual spiritual aspects I am so deserving of. I’m very grateful for my freedom , I chose me
Najwa and Lisa, thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you for empowering women. I relate to your conversation about your parents disagreeing with you about leaving their home to go to another home and pushing marriage without you wanting it or not being ready. I am of Puertorican ancestry and the same situation happened to me. I left many years ago and I became me. I am independent and feel good about myself. I wish you continued success.
I’m so good at creating boundaries now, I’m afraid I no longer have friends. My mom or sisters used to make up excuses for my absence until they realized that I don’t even care to make excuses for myself. 😂 Only people who have expectations of you will be like “where were you?!” Like bruh, that’s why I didn’t show. 😅 I learned how to limit my kindness at work last year. I went above and beyond everyday and it was never good enough for my manager. So I confronted her and instead of acknowledging my feelings she put me down even more. That’s when I realized that some people really don’t know what they’ve got until it’s gone. I was not gonna sit there and let her devalue me when I knew she depended on me. So I left.
This is the most amazing lady! That i have come across so much talent, knowledge, I needed to hear this, I was in so much confusion and my boyfriend now my ex was taking every little bit of myself, playing games with me and when asking him of thy situation he was good at hiding things but the more he hid the more i saw always ending mad at me, along with othet b.s lies but after hearing this today my life changes thank you so much because of you , im on my way to succeed, love me , do me and only me! Ty
Wow I am so impressed by this person. She is so inspirational...❤❤❤ The way she explains boundaries is just so well put and explained that I will relisten to this often so that it gets ingrained. Keep being you! 😊
A very comprehensive and well rounded discussion of many the things I’ve been working on awhile now in my own growth and evolution but often lack the right phrasing and vocabulary. I appreciate your ability to succinctly get to the heart of the matter on some very big ideas. Such as “I’m not shutting you out; I’m inviting you in, to be with the real me” wow. That’s golden. Now then, what comes next? The person on the other side of the boundary might ask what they can do differently? This is a great topic for another broadcast 🙏🧡🌟😎 How to keep the boundary about ourselves while still opening a place for the other person to grow and possibly learn from what we have observed as someone close to them. I’m struggling with the right dialogue for this right now.
Absolutely amazing!! My life has been full of abuse in all aspects of the term. Started my healing journey about 4yrz ago BUT only just started working on boundaries and my 'circle is sooooo small. As an empath im constantly getting used but i realise i have 'allowed' this. Im hoping that as i continue to heal and grow, my circle will get bigger, filled with people who actually want the best for me, not whats the best they can take from me! Thank you so much ladies.. blessings to you both xx
Thanks for this video! What Najwa is saying is defnitely helping me realize some unhealthy patern in my life. I need to also let go of the roap with that person that is pulling me away from my authentic self.
i don’t experience guilt and i count myself pretty lucky. i’m a pretty compassionate person, but experiencing guilt sounds so awful and making responsible decisions is much faster for me than this process because i feel mental pressure a moment then i go straight to “what’s wrong with them” lol it’s not perfect but now that i know i can choose differently. i’m grateful for the survival mechanisms i developed to survive my childhood and how they make my life easier even now. ❤❤❤ beautiful interview very enjoyable as always!
it also made me much more likely to take accountability than a lot of people i’ve met because there’s no guilt holding me up. i’m just like, “if you say it hurts you i believe you and i don’t want to hurt anybody if i can help it so i’ll learn from that” even when it was my mom nicknaming me “bitch” because i refused to be easy to get along with and have no boundaries. it’s hard getting here and too many do not like feminine people saying no, but that’s their shit. ❤
This is such an important video for a lot of women. Nawja hit on so many important points. We all have cultural conditioning that limits us and cloaks us in invisibility. Lisa, thank you so much!
After leaving an abusive relationship where I was trauma bonded for 7 years, this was exhilarating as well as painful to watch. The freedom of finding myself and setting my boundaries is the most wonderful gift I have given myself. My only regret is that I didn't do it at a time when I could still have children 😢 that is something I can't begin to imagine overcoming. But I am grateful to finally be living an authentic life surrounded by people who love me.
Something I've realized is we naturally know how to keep boundaries since born. Toddlers aren't ashamed to scream when they need food or are uncomfortable. Later in life we are conditioned boundaries are bad and we need to be "good little girl" so we get bullied by those who are still emotionally screaming toddlers. I have a problem with asserting my identity in group and it's a source of social anxiety, since I feel I don't have the right to express myself. Boundaries aren't about learning something new, but removing the toxic shaming conditioning we received and nurturing our real self.
I used to feel the same way. After very deep work I value and fully love myself above all else. It’s hard to go so deep but it is necessary for us to grow and undo the damage that was done. You’re worth working on and valuing.
@@raspberrykissable so glad for you, I try to reach that point of radically accepting myself and not compromising to anything that doesn't serve me.
@@TejubescDM that’s really good. Sounds like you know what’s good and what isn’t for you and that’s half the battle. We are work in progress and we will continue to learn till the day we leave Earth so have fun with it!
😂😂😂
This is such a wise post thank you!😁
No one ever kills anyone with kindness but themselves. Especially when its not reciprocated.
What a remarkable woman.
She is so young and figured out narcissistic abuse and the importance of boundaries .
Your journey makes so much sense. When you want healthy and long lasting relationships, coming from abusive homes, you need to understand your childhood programming first.
Good for you for not getting married until now.
You would have most likely attracted a narcissist. Divorcing them and co parenting with them is an absolute nightmare.
What you have accomplished at 32, I’m learning at 53.
You are now so well equipped and radiate at a vibration that repels narcissistic people.
The best is yet to come for you! You created your own, positive future because you had the guts to be authentic, hold your ground, explore yourself and learn to love yourself.
It’s a wonderful journey and so worth it.
Well said these narcissist people
She's wise way beyond her years. I only wish that I also would've examined myself decades ago...especially the conditioning she speaks of. This has to be one of the best talks ever on shame, guilt, and conditioning.
Sorry to say she’s isn’t married at 32 years old and she hasn’t got children either…..
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮h😮😮h😮😢hhx
@@aperfectplaceo not today.. and she is so young and the partner she atracs now… wil be an much better fit to her than the one she had attract in the past…
And you can better be an Healthy, happy authenthic person when you have to rease children and hopefully in an healty an happy relation❣️
So, she got it all.. at least she is happy with herself and life.. the rest can only add more….and eaven if not happening.. doesnt eaven madder that much‼️she is living the live she loves❣️❣️👌🏻👍🏻👍🏻
I literally started crying when Lisa asked a question about limiting your kindness.. This is exactly what I am going through right now.
I can relate 😭😭
Yes me too. They mistake it for weakness. Not!!!
I wanted to write something very similar to your comment as I am also straight in the middle of a situation like this and this video is a treasure and it saved me as I will start limiting my kindness to protect myself going forward
I am going through this too ❤️
@@harleyanne3720 They sure do mistake kindness for weakness, whereas I view it as caring for fellow humans! ❤
All Empaths need to hear and follow this!!!!!
Anddd you shouldn’t feel guilty for honoring your feelings, they should feel guilty for taking advantage of you!
"Am I feeling guilty for doing wrong or am I feeling guilty because of my conditioning?" SO GOOD!!!
Emotional abuse is far more detrimental than any hitting. And so hard for others to detect.
“Doing something that makes those around me uncomfortable means I’m doing something wrong?” Truth well said. No, there is nothing wrong with us. We are not doing anything wrong when we reclaim our lives.
I was raised with "Relationships take work". Yes, they do. However, it's not all on the woman to keep a relationship going, strong. I was told this by My Mother, Aunt, women of that time who were as a matter of fact in abusive marriages. They in turn taught us daughters what to expect and how much to give to our boyfriends later husbands.
It has taken me till I was in my 60's to breakaway from that mindset, take my Power not only back but to take it altogether and stop people pleasing at my own expense to create boundaries and not feel guilty. I truly hope that in 2023 this mindset is being thrown away; however, I still see fractions of it today.
I wish men spent as much time on personal growth and healing and being healthy as women do. Men just don't give a shit. If women act like them people get pretty upset.
@@daniellewhite168 exactly. It's not a woman's job to heal broken men.
same my dear! keep it up.... Im still trying
Fingersnaps
A big hack
I've been reading a lot about "boundaries lately because I just left a relationship where he claimed I was constantly crossing his boundaries and being disrespectful to him. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells and that everything I did displeased him. He was always annoyed with me. I finally broke down and left under the stress. I made a list of his "boundries", 48 items into the list I just bawled. The list included items like. Close my car door properly, and use the soap properly. Dont talk to the neighbors, don't leave the garage door open, I was only aloud to call between 2pm and 6pm, I wasn't aloud to go out the front door, I wasn't allowed to whistle, if I went down stair I had to tell him where I was going, I wasn't allow to be sarcastic. The list keeps going on like that for 48 items. It grew so slowly I guess I emotionally lost track of what I was agreeing to. I was just trying to be loving, understanding, and keep the peace. Till my insdies just started to die, and I finally started saying no and standing up for me and my boundries and how i wanted to be respected. This was control, not respect and boundaries. I understand needing boundaries with people. But their is a fine line between "I need you to respect my boundaries, and you're doing something that's annoying me, so if you don't change, you're crossing my boundries." It's a balance, isn't it. A healthy balance if mutual respect and healthy boundries of time, body, love and space... not do this, dont do that or else your a bad disrespectful person.
That is abuse! Glad you left. Never come back under any circumstances and no matter how nice he'll act.
So happy you left. Well done! Sending hugs
It's so weird to look back at how it got so out of control. Becuase he kept saying "your crossing my boundaries" I kept asking myself. "Am I being disrespectful of his boundaries?" I would think ok, this is not something I would consider a boundry but if he needs this from me and this is a boundry for him, ok, I'll respect what he's asking me for?" The list grew so slowly over time and then after 2 years it just got weird and so precise. Don't use the washcloth the wrong way, don't talk about work, don't ask me if I had a nice day, don't talk in the morning till I say it's ok.... I had one of those "oh crap! How did I get here moments? " but still questioned if I was the bad guy and if I was the unreasonable one. It's made me really question "boundaries" and what mine are and what's healthy and just control. In the end, I feel sorry for him and his need to be compulsively, obsessively in control of everything around him all the time. He has no inner peace. But that's not mine to fix and I'm glad I left.
@@dianesalisbury2 he played mind games, a reverse psychology on you. He was violating your boundaries but accused you of doing it. Purely evil.
@@dianesalisbury2 Yes - there are a number of possible diagnosis and reasons why he does this excessive control trip. And none of them are healthy. They are all toxic.
You've done the Absolutely RIGHT and only healthy thing, as hard as it is to accept. With a person like him you will never ever get his approval. You said it - he has no inner peace, but that is not yours to fix. Good Work!!!!
Powerful, be yourself, dont sacrifice yourself for Noone.
Keep your boundries.
I'm not even 15 minutes into this video and it's LITERALLY changing my LIFE!!!! "Am I feeling guilty because I'm doing something wrong... or because of my conditioning?"
All I have is wow, this was awesome. I have been on my inner journey for almost a year, had to leave a 'mean friendship group' and start loving on my inner child. My boundaries and core beliefs have upset family members and left me feeling isolated, at times. Today is my birthday and I even bought my own birthday cards, so I would feel 'loved, honoured, cherished.' It's actually been a wonderful day of peace and joy. This has been the icing on my cake 😁. So many gems and indicators that I really am on the right path of self discovery. Love you both, you are awesome! 😍❤❤
Happy birthday 🎂🥳. I really get what you are saying, similar experiences... Never forget to believe in you xxx
@@catgrrrl5666 Thank you 😘
Keep doing you ❤
Happy belated Birthday Queen💖
@@freedom123-j8j Thanks sis 😘
Bless up!
Happy Birthday to u all month!!!
A teacher said, a friend is someone who takes role as a mom. Thanks mom. You said what my mom said about if someone really cares how you feel, they wouldn't cross your boundaries.
"Not focus boundaries on others" so right!!! I've realized the mistake I was doing on my self-healing journey is I subconsciously wanted to check up if others validate the healthy, confident version of me or not. That's back to square one, worrying about others approval led me to social anxiety so I can't heal by doing the same again.
I totally feel you on this. Especially today. 💜
I heard a psychologist say that shame is an exile emotion. It prevents your from being exiled from your group. If you insist on leaving the group anyway, you will need to have support in place on the outside. I also think that if someone is causing guilt or shame in you, they want you to abandon yourself and let them in. Shame is like a mind parasite that wants a new host.
13:50 Taking time out from toxic family relationships is essential for your own growth and evaluation of your relationships. You give yourself enough space to see yourself more clearly without the murkiness of learnt behaviour. 16:00 "You're not mine to carry", god yes this speaks deeply into my spirit, the absolute Truth of people pleasers and fawning! 23:05, 30:00, 32:00 'You have to put a limit on your kindness' 34:00 Bang on sister! 🙌🙌🙌 43:00 Trauma bonding. 45:30** How it works. 48:00, 50:55, 1:09:00, 1:20:00 Good for you, my bf spent years slagging me down, I wore some shorts in the garden ( the front garden is quite private) and he kept having a go at me about wearing these shorts because they were lace ( cotton not underwear, nor short) it wasn't like I was walking around the street on them, he also hid 23 pieces of my best clothing under the loft boards, he spent years eroding my confidence...so I really appreciate that about the entitlement thinking. He's kind of brainwashed me into making myself invisible rather than looking my best...I am also trying to reclaim myself. 1:27:00💪1:30:00🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
That's terrible, he is toxic. I hope you are doing well ⚘💯
Love the part where she explains the game of push and pull and letting it go and breadcrumbing to pull you back and how letting it go saves you from all the trouble
I am 67, very ‘accomplished’ so to speak, and still learning these lessons - families of origin are most challenging. I just disowned the rest of my family, b/c I hoped against hope the final remnant, including my lil sis, was ‘different-better’, but if they don’t want to remove those original “roles”, they will continue to want to pull you back into a role THEY need you to occupy.
THEY will not re-cog-nize this Phoenix, when she Rises from these ashes!
Just a random comment:
Instead of “find your truth,” I prefer to say, “find your values.” I think when people say “your truth,” what they really mean is “your values.” I don’t like to get into the habit of treating the concept of truth as though it were subjective. But values are definitely subjective!
Very good point!! Recently there have been a number of raw examples of where prioritizing one's Subjective Reality gets us.
Yes!! I hate the ‘my truth’ phrase. It’s nonsense.
Agree with you WHOLEHEARTEDLY over this! Glad it’s not just me!
I agree !!!
That's pedantic, a personal truth is just that, subjective.Not everyone would understand such, but we can share common meaning of values.
15:17 - brilliant!! Your conditioning says the comfort of others is more important than your own.
I cannot find the words to express how impactful your story is to me because I went through the same thing with a group of female friends who were always jealous of me for one reason or another. I was being abused and not realizing it. As an only child, sustaining these friendships were also about survival. In the end, I cut them out, as I had to honor myself, my self-respect, my dignity, and my emotional, spiritual, and intellectual landscapes. Lisa, thank you so much for doing this show. I would love to share my story on Women of Impact. You and your husband have changed so many lives for the better. I love you guys!!!
She looks so much like a cousin of mine I can’t stop looking at her! She’s very beautiful. I’ve had a similar journey to her. Boundaries are a must and once you start taking care of yourself they naturally arise.
Najwa speaks (and writes) so beautifully. Her is soft spoken but her words hit like a hammer. Truth is powerful
Wonderful tactic! Let them go their own way, your missing out on nothing.
I’ve become cold, distant, selfish. This coincides with learning boundaries and putting myself first. Those who say these things about me use to benefit from my lack of boundaries 🤷🏽♀️
Is it a good thing? Cos im also a bit like that.
This part. It's a guilt trip.
That is "genius level" advice to "hold the feeling" instead of breaking your own boundary to avoid feeling it...and asking yourself where that feeling is coming from before deciding how to respond. We sooooo need methods like this to simplify the process of "re-training" our own auto-pilot responses. The simpler the method (assuming it's addressing the true problem) the faster we can make it our "default" response. Somehow, I eventually figured this method out, and once I put it into practice, it immediately brought me a feeling of relief and freedom from one of the major "traps" I found myself in.
I believe the question of "when are you gonna get married and have kids?" THIS MUST STOP BEING ASKED OF WOMEN!!!! FREE WILL EXISTS FOR A REASON. People want this but they want us left to handle it alone. WOMEN THIS SHOULD BE "ONLY YOUR" CHOICE NOT THE WORLDS! MY LIFE MY WAY!!!!!! Women make the decision for yourself. Honestly, I've never been in relationship and that' was my choice no one told me to remain single. I want to make sure I love, accept and trust myself before lending my heart out and I want to make sure I know my boundaries solidly before any of this comes for me. I will put myself first.
On point. Conditioning and trauma relationships, speaks for all my adult relationships and why I put up with so much bull with friends aswell. Early trauma can really screw you up. It's not always you 😒
Again, Najwa nailed it ! Couple of aha moments around guilt & shame ... Thanks a lot, Lisa !
Wow this lady said some really profound things! I totally related to her story about the friend circle where she was expected to buy gifts for everyone else but they never reciprocated, which happened to me too in the past. Another thing she said that really hit home was that we sometimes deny the red flags because if we recognise them in the moment, it means we will have to act on them and potentially challenge someone -- which is an uncomfortable situation if you're conditioned to be a pleaser. And then you would have to second-guess all the previous times in your life that you should have seen flags. It is good to see women recognizing and changing these negative patterns at such a young age, as it bodes well for their future. It's harder to do at my age (55).
Lisa you ask the best questions! Impactful interview!!! Definitely this episode is a keeper!!
From my “mother” The messaging I got was be married get married you’re nothing if you’re not married…my “dad’s messaging was, “don’t get married don’t get pregnant a hard Dick has no conscience, be self-reliant learn to trust yourself & never be a co-dependent and learn to be happy alone….listening to this reminds me why I’m so glad I listened to my Dad….😂
I just want to say thank you to Lisa for hosting great people to educate and make me become a better person each passing day.
I LOVE the protecting the diamond idea. Crystal Clear when put that way! Also, people who are not well ( mentally ill or culturally indoctrinated without insight) believe they are right. And they may be - for themselves! But what is My independent identity? That is healthier, I think. People don't like it, often. That doesn't make it wrong.
Lovely conversation, Lisa💜💜
Wow! This is really aligning with me and I’m recognizing how I was manipulated and controlled by a family member! It feels Excellent to hear how she dealt with guilt and shame in such a gentle and respectful manner! I’m absolutely “Moved” by her kind approach and am going to adopt her method of setting boundaries to respect myself vs pleasing others before me!❤🌈🌺
I COMPLETELY AGREE. My cousins would always get love, affection, recognition, and gifts from my family. I was the only one they apparently thought did not deserve any of that. When I graduated from a high-ranking University in Illinois (1st generation), it was like a dog graduated. Nothing. Crickets. Then they wonder why I've severed all ties. They are not worth the reminder. Share good news and events with people that become genuinely happy for your success.
Why do they do that though?
I got married and same thing. Zero. Nothing.
What a wonderful episode ❤ I really enjoyed. One thing that really stick to me is that we, particularly women need to stop shaming each other. Wear what you love, live the life you love and receive support from the ladies. We are way more powerful & need to stop putting ourselves into these limited boxes. It’s really about awareness. 🙏✨
I’ve been keeping these boundaries for years …it was a very close and caring friend that saw me over explaining myself and being apologetic to someone who was being unreasonable…She said.. Don’t ever let me see you do that again….. .. the best advise ever..I reserve the best version of myself for those that deserve it and no is an easy word for me when my gut tells me.. The genuine people will be offered an alternative if I can’t attend or help with something… It’s important to know this can be a walk of solitude if people don’t like it.. but it’s empowering to know you did the right thing for the right reason.. Best to stay true to yourself and I do believe you will in the longer term retain the trust of genuine people…. Forget the rest!!
I've never looked at guilt from your perspective.
I thought that guilt was something else that other people did and have but not me.....but now I can see with my conditioning that guilt is coloring my behaviors. My boundaries hold reason and meaning for me, and not for the sake of changing others.
This is one of my favorite all time talks. I’ve listened to it twice already.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story and lessons you’ve learned ❤
Been going through this for so long and so glad i came across this! Always been a people pleaser and it came to the point just recently i got physically sick and drained after meeting up with a friend who will not take no for an answer. I love when you say it is not about them it is about you and am i feeling guilty of doing something wrong or conditioning. I am 55 and this has opened my mind to to know its ok to say no. Thank you both ❤
Download this book on Google pdf version and be conscious and delligent about no longer being a people pleaser book title Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr Aziz Gazipura
As an Arab woman I can relate to all of her experiences. It is so powerful to see people of my community breaking generational curses ❤ and finding their own expression. Can’t wait to get my tattoos soon regardless of it being seen as taboo
My first time hearing of Najwa. Wow. I’m almost 30 years older than her but she has so much wisdom. Thank you for this talk. I ordered her book. Can’t wait to read. 🙏🏻
Love that she shows her vulnerability while also being empowering. Inspiring
There were not many people who knew what was going on in my life a year ago or two years ago. I was surrounded ironically by people who did not care about me as a person, and I had cut ties with people who did care a lot more than them. What was there when I reached my bottom was a last-ditch effort before I gave up. My then husband was asleep next to me, and I reached out to a stranger on social media. That is desperate. I did not dare at the time to call my sister and say I screwed up again. I have spent the last year finding myself and the self hate I buried myself under. This week, I finalize it on one level. It is hard work, but no one is coming before me anymore. Those who have always loved me never even thought of asking me to make the compromise between taking care of myself and them at my expense even when they ask for help.
I m happy keeping my boundaries. Finally no one messes with me!!❤❤❤
You have no idea how much this video helped me. Nothing will be the same anymore and I'm so grateful. My people pleasing is definitely stemmed from my family, I'm constantly feeling like a bad daughter/family member and I'm constantly letting them down because I'm not down with the family dynamic/cultural norms like everyone else is. Shame is such a rabbit hole that leaks into every aspect of my life. Mental health is so important and that is always going to be my first priority from now on. Thank you so much seriously
This conversation inspired me like nothing else. Especially the part about living life authenticly. It's the answer I was looking for.
❤ Najwa Zebian is a very strong, beautiful old soul full of wisdom beyond her earthy years! I am an older woman and learning so much from her! She is a blessing to many of us who is now on a journey to discovery of the self, self-love and self acceptance!!! 🎉
If only having this knowledge was enough, but the hard part is being disaplined enough to live in accordance.
Use your pain to channel the change
This was great, thank you! I recently realized I was conditioned, and never set boundaries, then became sad resentful and lonely. Now i started setting boundaries, but have come to realize my family needs boundaries too, I found this out when I realized they are not a part of my support system. This hirt me more than leaving my 27 yr marriage, but I am getting better, accepting people who are a healthy support system, and learning to have discernment with that. Yay boundaries! I musta been rite because my family got uncomfortable amd defensive when I stated my business. I actually am worth it, even tho I knew that, I never acted on it before. Thank you for all your good sharing!!!
WHY LISA ARE YOU DOINGTHIS, I HAVE EXAM PERIOD AND NOW I'M WATCHING THIS I CANT JUST IGNORE NOT WATCHING THISSS???? I LOVE NAJWA
This is a great episode. I've felt for years exactly how she describes boundries and reasons why I'm the way I am. And ppl throughout my life wonder why I don't go out of my way for them anymore and set boundries for myself. The problem is that most of the human race is only concerned about themselves and what they need and think. Then there's ppl like us tho that I would consider 10% of humanity that doesn't think like that. We're called empaths.
Profound message for those of us who struggle to put boundaries in place. I am learning that we cannot ask people to treat us right, we have to treat ourselves right . I read some somewhere that we 'Can't expect cherries from a peach tree'.... Makes sense. People show you what they are made of by their behavior...positive and negative!
Wowowowowow. And the messed up part with Middle Eastern culture is that we are told our parents wants are more important than our own and when we release them internally/energetically, that’s breaking the ultimate trauma bond 😮😊
Same thing in Nigerian culture smh
I just love watching your show Lisa and Najwa is an amazing guest with lots of wisdom. And I like that she brought up about how women are treated in Iran. Thank you for all these talks. ❤ Best wishes from Ukraine 🇺🇦
Yes, I have lost so many people since I started loving myself more. 1:28:28 is really good advice for me 🥰
Trauma bond explanation - the only way is to let go of your end of the rope🔥 I used to think it can only happen in relationship. Now I see it is possible in friendships and different dynamics as well.
I think this segment made me realize that the greatest rot we have in society is the price we pay for self disconnection in order to be accepted into the "tribe"of being human. A truly courageous person is able to step back and be careful what they choose to believe in as part of reality and society, but this can only happen with a deepened, strong sense of self. I have committed to doing this because I have realized I have been heavily programmed and most of it is not of my choosing. But even with boundary setting we are told that sometimes we can be too rigid with this. This seems to be more directed towards women. Lisa and Najwa, thank you!
Love that make-up look and the black dress, cool 90s vibe.
This is so good. You have to recognize those one sided relationships. I so get this. ❤ when you let go if these toxic people you attract better people 😊
Najwa, Love your Wisdom to😊 Keep Moving Forward with breaking my "conditioned soul". Forgiving those that taught me the wrong traits and later, treated me poorly. Ppl- pleasing flushed down the toilet😊 FREEDOM & HEALTHIER ME❤
Strangely, covid pandemic in 2020 and being immunocompromised (high-risk due to autoimmune disease, Ankylosing Spondylitis, immunocompromised, other health issues, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression), helped me create healthy boundaries, distance from in-laws family and even some "friends" (now x-friends) who were not and are not mentally or even physically healthy to be around, as they have been lax about covid. Grateful I was able to create and stand firm with my healthy boundaries. Grateful for my husband and grown son being supportive of my boundaries, and showing compassion. Grateful for my doctors and specialists. Grateful for receiving correct medical treatment for Ankylosing Spondylitis, even though I am immunocompromised. Grateful to be alive. ❤️💯
My Life, My Mental Health, My Physical Health are Important, and are Above All Else!
I'm my Own Best Friend 🤗💗
I was happy that the people who were fear mongered into believing in Covid distanced themselves from me. The medical field is a multibillion $ business and the NIH and CDC have manipulated these doctors. I feel sorry for you.
You goddesses have saved my life in every single book and interview you’ve worked on. I cannot thank you ladies enough❤
You look amazing. Being comfortable with who your authentic self shines through.
This popped up at the perfect time. Just set boundaries with someone and they made me feel bad because of it. Thank you for the video!
Doing boundaries for your self yes 👏 I just trust myself these days 🙏❤️❤️❤️
I loved when she said " I will walk you out"
Men should be respectful towards women no treating us like shit. Lisa I'm sorry to hear that about your grandmother she didn't deserve it. Men should realise that they can't use physical strength as a weapon. Women deserve EQUAL REPSECT AND EQUAL RIGHT! If any woman faces abuse she should have right to voice her thoughts.
You can't spend your life trying to moralise grown up people and "tell them what to do", if you see such disrespect, give a warning (maybe that person didn't handle himself well), if that action is repeated, leave. This doesn't apply to physical violence, it always starts with "mishandling" (like forcing your arm, with a menacing look) before that first slap then that first punch, kick,etc... leave IMMEDIATELY.
I love this episode, this woman is so wise.. it’s insane. I already know that I‘ll come back to this video often. thank you Lisa! ❤
Thank you for this. This is precisely what I needed to hear. It's not only validating, but this conversation helps me feel like amongst like-minded individuals. After spending 25 years in a narcissistic, abusive marriage, setting boundaries representing my true self has been the most challenging thing I've had to do. To the point... I recently left a 2-year relationship because they crossed a non-negotiable boundary. My standards are high, but I refuse to enter another relationship where I relinquish who I am for a man's comfort, non-sense ideas about relationships, and what's okay to do or not according to others. I know who I am and what I want from a relationship and any man who wants to be with me. I refuse to tolerate anything less. But having said that, it's challenging to exist in a world that reinforces dated ideas regarding what's socially acceptable for me to do at this point. So, thank you for helping women understand that they can and should stand in their power and live authentically.
Thank you Lisa for sending support out to us all, thank you for all the great guests. Thank you for the strength you give to us 🙏 and the knowledge to help ourselves ☺️
My dad said, when man says jump, she should ask how high? If she doesn't, he should beat her badly. He serious. Mom said he was kidding. My brother broke my possessions If I didn't let him do sexual things to me in my past. Other men are things for me. I don't know if it's supposed to be a common courtesy or prostitution. Shady.
I have watched this channel ( and your husband’s ) many times. I just found this woman’s interviews today. Man, I wish I had these videos to watch forty years ago.
I am learning very late, but I am learning.
Good for her!
( Former people pleaser with trampled boundaries )
Yes. It isn’t about making others conform , but who and what you decide to invite in to your life.
Great discussion and helpful. Thank you for sharing. Great to see her finding her self worth and boundaries at her age. I am finally figuring this out at a much older age. I have felt guilty about not knowing what I was accepting for so long. I am letting go of my guilt and shame of what I accepted.
I am so happy she adressed the differemce between I can't and I won't. This is such an important part of empowerment and souvereignty.
Not too found how the host advised people to lie. If you use excuses and lies you are still not growing and avoiding fear and responsibility.
Yeah i agree, personally lying has gotten me into more trouble than its worth. I'm building up the courage to tell the truth no matter what. "No i don't want to come because I feel unheard/unease/uncomfortable and value my mental health"
@@justapseudonym7 awesome!! Your empowerment creates a ripple in all of the collective! Thanks for having the bravery to face your shadows ❤️
The reason they are treating you as if you not there because your vibe is not in there frequency of consciousness it’s life telling you there is more in you than they can receive ❤❤❤ shine in company of these if not drained
This is absolutely the best video I have ever seen that describes my life exactly! Wow!
So helpful! I can’t thank you enough!!! This video describes my life… totally a trauma bond and a cycle. I have dealt with this all my adult life. The holidays are here and I said I am “out of town!”…
Outstanding video! Totally describes me and my life. May my healing begin!
Definitely saving this video!
Thank YOU!
48:00 my life for 24 yrs to a narc/addict. I finally surrendered to my roll
I’m 72 yo women & fearless to begin anew. I could not carry his trauma any longer. Therapy has been fantastic for me to find once again.
When I think of him now his soul goes right through me & out the other side
It’s the intellectual spiritual aspects
I am so deserving of.
I’m very grateful for my freedom , I chose me
Never felt more called out and validated at the same time ❤
How sad to know that we must protect ourselves mentally in order to survive in such a selfish world.
Love, love, love, Women of Impact! I was blown away when she thanked herself for making the best choice for herself. ❤🎉😁
I love that our options are brought out clearly in this video with Lisa and her guest.
Najwa and Lisa, thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you for empowering women. I relate to your conversation about your parents disagreeing with you about leaving their home to go to another home and pushing marriage without you wanting it or not being ready. I am of Puertorican ancestry and the same situation happened to me. I left many years ago and I became me. I am independent and feel good about myself. I wish you continued success.
I can't tell you how much i needed to hear Najwa Zebian today.People pleasing was suffocating me.
Oh yes! Im still learning how to honour my authenticity and not kill off parts of myself.
I’m so good at creating boundaries now, I’m afraid I no longer have friends. My mom or sisters used to make up excuses for my absence until they realized that I don’t even care to make excuses for myself. 😂
Only people who have expectations of you will be like “where were you?!” Like bruh, that’s why I didn’t show. 😅
I learned how to limit my kindness at work last year. I went above and beyond everyday and it was never good enough for my manager. So I confronted her and instead of acknowledging my feelings she put me down even more. That’s when I realized that some people really don’t know what they’ve got until it’s gone. I was not gonna sit there and let her devalue me when I knew she depended on me. So I left.
Sis said…you are valuable…protect your goddess (you).❤️
Thank you, I receive the message!
Omg that’s my story. Same happened to me with my college “friends”…. I never got anything and suddenly they stopped inviting me to events…
This is the most amazing lady! That i have come across so much talent, knowledge, I needed to hear this, I was in so much confusion and my boyfriend now my ex was taking every little bit of myself, playing games with me and when asking him of thy situation he was good at hiding things but the more he hid the more i saw always ending mad at me, along with othet b.s lies but after hearing this today my life changes thank you so much because of you , im on my way to succeed, love me , do me and only me! Ty
That's how is it alot of times. When we go Thru bad things, none cares, yet if is the rich the popular then everyone going crazy to please them
Wow I am so impressed by this person. She is so inspirational...❤❤❤ The way she explains boundaries is just so well put and explained that I will relisten to this often so that it gets ingrained. Keep being you! 😊
A very comprehensive and well rounded discussion of many the things I’ve been working on awhile now in my own growth and evolution but often lack the right phrasing and vocabulary.
I appreciate your ability to succinctly get to the heart of the matter on some very big ideas. Such as “I’m not shutting you out; I’m inviting you in, to be with the real me”
wow. That’s golden.
Now then, what comes next? The person on the other side of the boundary might ask what they can do differently? This is a great topic for another broadcast 🙏🧡🌟😎 How to keep the boundary about ourselves while still opening a place for the other person to grow and possibly learn from what we have observed as someone close to them. I’m struggling with the right dialogue for this right now.
I love how calm you are Najwa
Absolutely amazing!! My life has been full of abuse in all aspects of the term. Started my healing journey about 4yrz ago BUT only just started working on boundaries and my 'circle is sooooo small. As an empath im constantly getting used but i realise i have 'allowed' this. Im hoping that as i continue to heal and grow, my circle will get bigger, filled with people who actually want the best for me, not whats the best they can take from me! Thank you so much ladies.. blessings to you both xx
Thanks for this video! What Najwa is saying is defnitely helping me realize some unhealthy patern in my life. I need to also let go of the roap with that person that is pulling me away from my authentic self.
i don’t experience guilt and i count myself pretty lucky. i’m a pretty compassionate person, but experiencing guilt sounds so awful and making responsible decisions is much faster for me than this process because i feel mental pressure a moment then i go straight to “what’s wrong with them” lol it’s not perfect but now that i know i can choose differently. i’m grateful for the survival mechanisms i developed to survive my childhood and how they make my life easier even now.
❤❤❤
beautiful interview very enjoyable as always!
it also made me much more likely to take accountability than a lot of people i’ve met because there’s no guilt holding me up. i’m just like, “if you say it hurts you i believe you and i don’t want to hurt anybody if i can help it so i’ll learn from that” even when it was my mom nicknaming me “bitch” because i refused to be easy to get along with and have no boundaries.
it’s hard getting here and too many do not like feminine people saying no, but that’s their shit. ❤
This is such an important video for a lot of women. Nawja hit on so many important points. We all have cultural conditioning that limits us and cloaks us in invisibility. Lisa, thank you so much!
After leaving an abusive relationship where I was trauma bonded for 7 years, this was exhilarating as well as painful to watch. The freedom of finding myself and setting my boundaries is the most wonderful gift I have given myself. My only regret is that I didn't do it at a time when I could still have children 😢 that is something I can't begin to imagine overcoming. But I am grateful to finally be living an authentic life surrounded by people who love me.
Well done dear ones.
You are women of courage and grace.
Thank you
Ladies