Remember to subscribe if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and what to watch next: ▶ Psychologist On How To Deal With / Control / Manage Anger | Anger Issues | Anger Management ruclips.net/video/hbSxsRdjosI/видео.html ▶ How Your Ego Makes You Needlessly Angry And How To Transform It ruclips.net/video/VdmdImbnork/видео.html ▶Resolving Anger: Turning Anger Into A Constructive Force ruclips.net/video/OiMhulFBAto/видео.html ▶ How To Let Go Of A Grudge | The Pain Of Having Been Wronged | How To Forgive ruclips.net/video/P6fW5cRJ2W4/видео.html
Thank you for making this video. I am someone who did not suppress my anger, rather I associated it with aggression. Anger is an emotion that I do not experience often because I don't like how it makes me feel... I knew how to sooth it as well I just had a difficult time articulating my process. This video has done that perfectly and has made me understand anger and aggression in a new light.
I'm glad this video opened up some new perspectives on anger! It is a very interesting emotion, often misunderstood, although it is a natural function of what it means to be human.
Best way to deal with anger I think is crying. Go to a park. Sit there alone with a bottle of water. Put on your shades. Listen to the most emotional song that makes you cry and release it. Releasing anger is more important than rationalising your anger coz anger is an emotion. Rational thought comes after you feel light on your chest. 😊
Thank you for sharing how you process anger and what helps you, I'm sure other viewers will find this helpful! Allowing our emotions to flow like you've described is so important ✨
What do we do with anger that is unsafe to express..? ..for example being mistreated, and bullied by a covert narcissist claiming victimhood? Also outnumbered by their gang of cronies. In the past I would stand up for myself, not realising I was being baited. I know better now as I understand these highly dysfunctional people better. So now I disengage from the abusive person. But I’m left with a lot of anger and feelings of injustice, also because they’ve usually caused me some loss, or at the very least alot of pain..
This sounds like a tricky situation. It‘s hard to share ideas on this without knowing all the details. The function of anger is to signal that boundaries are being crossed or that our needs aren‘t being met in a fundamental way. Expressing our anger doesn’t always have to mean we engage in an argument/debate with the other person - and from what you‘ve written that also doesn‘t seem to be helpful with this person. An expression of our inner “no” / anger can also be to look for ways to not have to have much to do with the covert narcissist, and then blow off residual steam / regain inner calm through exercise, nature time, breathing, relaxation and grounding exercises… also maybe you’d like to browse through my “autonomy & boundaries” playlist ruclips.net/p/PLzRKYOPcN3c8cAsy94uaCWyY6p1Nro4ZC&si=aIftvX9KZfuQCdzu - specifically check out this video: “4 steps to handling relationships with emotionally immature people” ruclips.net/video/CSLi8eNOLBY/видео.htmlsi=djLROglhcJaAJja1
Glad it resonated with you! About your topic query: that sounds super relevant and interesting, could you let me know a bit more about it, formulate a question, so I can be sure of the specifics you‘re interested in? (Otherwise the chance is high I‘ll unintentionally take it into a different direction since I try to keep these videos short and on point, so I cant really say *everything* in one video…)
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thank You for your reply. My question would be, is sensitivity biological or conceptually learned behaviour and are some people more prone to sensitivity than others. And how does this play out in people? Many Thanks.
@@Teasehirt Thanks for clarifying, that's a really interesting and relevant topic, I think lots of the viewers of this channel would be interested in that. I put it on my topics list and look forward to it. (It will take some time, though, I always create several weeks in advance...)
@@Teasehirt Thank you for bringing this up! I'm always wanting to know how sensitivity connects with every topic, because everything is more complicated when sensitivity is in play. I appreciate you voicing this.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn I would like to add my request also. Being easily overwhelmed with sensitivity makes everything, and especially anger, more difficult. Especially being female in a society that doesn't appreciate anger in women OR sensitivity. My further complication is that I'm extrovert as well as sensitive, so my needs are different. Self-calming doesn't work as well for me as it does for introvert. I realize I'm a minority of a minority, but I'm guessing there are others struggling with the same conundrum. Thanks!
Happened upon your video series by chance while roaming on FB. Interesting is that I had just hung up a very frustrating phone with my states DOL, during which I got very upset, used foul language at the extreme process change and amount of hoops one has to just through to apply for unemployment. I watched your video with the topic, 'Unnecessary Anger', and related quickly to my ego having the false expectation that this would be easy and that inconvenience is unbearable. My question is that my anger is hidden most of the time, but when it appears, it appears from out of the blue and rages until I am exhausted mentally. My anger is not physical, it is deeper in the mind. I get clouded, cannot think clearly, which make me more upset, then I am merely rambling (like this question, not upset though). My question is, "How can I realize those signals sooner, calm or soothe my anger into a more constructive and accepted realization?"
Hi David! Dealing with bureaucracy is often challenging to inner peace, or, seen from the lens of personal growth, a chance to practice staying or finding back to one's preferred state of mind as much as possible... To answer your question: you've already observed an anger signal: mental cloudedness. Now, it takes a bit of observation to find some more, also the subtle ones that come before it gets intense. That also includes looking out for signs of softer forms of anger - irritation or frustration. How do your mind and body react when something irritates you, even slightly? Our body and mind are very interconnected, even if the main portion of your anger is felt in the mind, it always also shows in the body somehow. Often, we've learned/been taught to disconnect from the sensations of our bodies, so we're not so sensitive or attentive to them. In any case, that would be the next step, to figure out the softer signals for slight irritation. This could be tension building in your shoulders, a tense jaw (perhaps also biting your teeth together), it could be some sort of sensation in your arms, legs, stomach or throat, it could also be an urge to do something - run away or snap at someone - it could be certain thoughts (specifically ones that express frustration or hightened negativity, "The way this is organized is a joke!", "I can't believe this!"...)...
I noticed that people can also become angry when you point out some distruth that they spoke. When you call out a shadow. When they express that anger and they give a reason for that amger, but deny the shadow that actually caused it.... how do we respond to that? By just saying; " i see you are angry and thats okay, however i feel that you are angry because of a different reason? This will trigger the crap out of someone and i guess i just need to get comfortable with confrontation more. I get very angry when people say "it was just a joke", when clearly they did something rude that was not a joke. Still figuring out a healthy way to respond to that type of gaslighting. All suggestions and advise are appreciated. Thank you for making these videos ❤
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It's great to hear how aware and intentional you are and practicing to be with anger. Concerning the first topic - I don't think there's one ideal way of responding to these types of situations. Sometimes it may be best not to say anything at all and let the other person cool off, before coming back to it (or not). At other times, we need to stay in the confrontation and speak. (I talk about these different options of responding to conflict more here: ruclips.net/video/Cd8N57Mnuqg/видео.html ) If someone is triggered, it means they're either not at all aware of what you're suggesting, not ready to speak about it or it may also not apply... It helps to ease into these types of conversations and best talk about these potentially triggering issues when a person is calm and not flooded by anger. Easing into it can sound like "I want to address something that's been on my mind, but it's not a comfortable topic. Still, I feel like it would be helpful to talk about it. Would now be a good time? ... From what I've seen .... What goes through your mind when you hear me saying that? Does this resonate with you?..." And then really honestly listen to their response. It needs to be a real dialogue in which both parties are open to learning something new. And regarding the second topic - yeah, that can be disturbing when someone isn't willing to see the effect their comment had and do what's necessary to correct it (like apologizing). I find it helpful to highlight that "It may have been a joke to you, but my feelings got hurt by this comment." That way it opens a person's mind to the fact that different people have different perceptions and experiences and that even if it was just a joke to them, someone else has the right to have their own experience of it and although that's not all on them, they still have influence on it. Hope these thoughts help and thanks for the interesting discussion :-)
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thanks for your tips dr. I am not sure if the "but my feelings got hurt" feels like an option for me because the type of people who use these tactics usually take pleasure out of hirting others and for me I think its more about their behavior crossing boundaries then being hurt because I know its not personal. Its usually a powergame that comes from a place of feeling inferior or insecure. A manner of getting the upperhand. But i can rephrase it a bit so it fits me better. I will check out the video. Thank you for taking the time to write me back a reply to my questions ❤
@zion367 I don’t know what works in this situation either. But by calling it a joke, they are trying to reframe the narrative & prevent the insult being challenged. I might try reframing the narrative back to what’s happening ‘ not a joke, it’s an insult’ and keep repeating that calmly.. or ‘stop harassing me’ or ‘you are being really insulting’ putting the focus on their behaviour and off your response (ie you’re not laughing) Another option is ‘I can see what you’re doing’ but say nothing more, just repeat that.
I don't know how to express my anger. It's like I am ashamed of being angry or I am incapable of it. And I hate it. For example, if someone does me wrong, in my head, I am soooo angry, but my body shows a different sign, like I look okay with things. 😢
This makes sense to me. When we're ashamed of our anger, or feel like it's a wrong emotion or one that says something horrible about us - that shame can inhibit the expression of our anger. I hope you find ways to express it. Maybe this video helps: ruclips.net/video/taZk_iT-9Cs/видео.html (It's about how assertion isn't the same as hostility - a motivation video for assertion.)
The problem is that i get very frustrated with my older sister. I know she treated me very poorly in childhood and now she’s doing it with her kid… he told me that he’s afraid of her and unfortunately i exploded in het face today… her attitude towards me and others is really damaging and I’m tired tot tiptoe on eggshells to not “hurt her feelings” she can be really mean and hurtful. My cup was full and i know its not the best thing to do but my limit was reached. She’s always complaining, irritable and rude! You think i can get to her being polite ? I shut my mouth almost my whole life to not rock the boat so how do you tell that to someone who is so full of herself? She can be a real difficult person who always rationalizes her way out of her responsibility. You just can’t get to these individuals. Let alone, her younger brother…
That sounds like she‘s a very difficult person to interact with. I‘m sorry it’s so hard for you and your nephew and wish you all the best with this. It sounds like a really challenging relationship to stay calm in. Sometimes anger comes out in an overwhelming intensity when there were too many small things we swallowed up until that point. Before anger builds up, it feels like an inner voice that softly says “No, this isn’t right.” It’s really important to speak up on behalf of that inner voice so your anger doesn’t build up. All the best!
Nice angle. You look really pretty ☺️☺️do you think it’s possible that you could elaborate on how to be comfortable in your own skin ? I still feel I am not comfortable when it comes to looks. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️as I am aging and getting ugly.
Thank you ☺️🌸🙏🏻 I‘d love to talk about that, I‘m putting it on my list! (I‘ve gotton several requests lately, so it will probably take 4-5 weeks for the video to go live.)
Great information! Thanks Doc. We are in a similar niche. This channel and your topics are very insightful. Great video and audio as well. Thank you for the information and your commitment to helping people.
Thank you, Richi! I went over to your channel and watched your video on what it‘s like getting started on RUclips and related to it a lot! 💯 And the dog-barking 😂👍🏻 our neighbor‘s dog has also made it onto my channel because he wouldn‘t stop for hours… Wishing you lots of success with your channel!
Remember to subscribe if you're new here 🙂 👉 t1p.de/2o0n and what to watch next:
▶ Psychologist On How To Deal With / Control / Manage Anger | Anger Issues | Anger Management
ruclips.net/video/hbSxsRdjosI/видео.html
▶ How Your Ego Makes You Needlessly Angry And How To Transform It
ruclips.net/video/VdmdImbnork/видео.html
▶Resolving Anger: Turning Anger Into A Constructive Force
ruclips.net/video/OiMhulFBAto/видео.html
▶ How To Let Go Of A Grudge | The Pain Of Having Been Wronged | How To Forgive
ruclips.net/video/P6fW5cRJ2W4/видео.html
Thank you for making this video. I am someone who did not suppress my anger, rather I associated it with aggression. Anger is an emotion that I do not experience often because I don't like how it makes me feel... I knew how to sooth it as well I just had a difficult time articulating my process. This video has done that perfectly and has made me understand anger and aggression in a new light.
I'm glad this video opened up some new perspectives on anger! It is a very interesting emotion, often misunderstood, although it is a natural function of what it means to be human.
Best way to deal with anger I think is crying. Go to a park. Sit there alone with a bottle of water. Put on your shades. Listen to the most emotional song that makes you cry and release it. Releasing anger is more important than rationalising your anger coz anger is an emotion. Rational thought comes after you feel light on your chest. 😊
Thank you for sharing how you process anger and what helps you, I'm sure other viewers will find this helpful! Allowing our emotions to flow like you've described is so important ✨
Can you please do a video on letting your emotions flow?
This was clear and helpful. Thank you.
Brilliant teaching! One of the best I have ever heard on this topic. 😇
Thank you 🌞
Great, thank you!
🌸☀️🌈
You explained everything so calmly, and thoroughly, thank you
Thank you, I'm glad this resonated with you!
What do we do with anger that is unsafe to express..?
..for example being mistreated, and bullied by a covert narcissist claiming victimhood? Also outnumbered by their gang of cronies.
In the past I would stand up for myself, not realising I was being baited. I know better now as I understand these highly dysfunctional people better.
So now I disengage from the abusive person. But I’m left with a lot of anger and feelings of injustice, also because they’ve usually caused me some loss, or at the very least alot of pain..
This sounds like a tricky situation. It‘s hard to share ideas on this without knowing all the details. The function of anger is to signal that boundaries are being crossed or that our needs aren‘t being met in a fundamental way. Expressing our anger doesn’t always have to mean we engage in an argument/debate with the other person - and from what you‘ve written that also doesn‘t seem to be helpful with this person. An expression of our inner “no” / anger can also be to look for ways to not have to have much to do with the covert narcissist, and then blow off residual steam / regain inner calm through exercise, nature time, breathing, relaxation and grounding exercises… also maybe you’d like to browse through my “autonomy & boundaries” playlist ruclips.net/p/PLzRKYOPcN3c8cAsy94uaCWyY6p1Nro4ZC&si=aIftvX9KZfuQCdzu - specifically check out this video: “4 steps to handling relationships with emotionally immature people” ruclips.net/video/CSLi8eNOLBY/видео.htmlsi=djLROglhcJaAJja1
Thank you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for another valuable tool 🙏🙏🙏🌷
Glad you found it helpful 🙏🏻
Thank you Maika, I will think of the balloon, next time I can not avoid to be angry.
Wonderful 🙂🎈
This covered so many points. Thank You.
Any chance about a discussion on sensitivity and self-analysis. Thank You.
Glad it resonated with you! About your topic query: that sounds super relevant and interesting, could you let me know a bit more about it, formulate a question, so I can be sure of the specifics you‘re interested in? (Otherwise the chance is high I‘ll unintentionally take it into a different direction since I try to keep these videos short and on point, so I cant really say *everything* in one video…)
@@DrMaikaSteinborn
Thank You for your reply. My question would be, is sensitivity biological or conceptually learned behaviour and are some people more prone to sensitivity than others. And how does this play out in people?
Many Thanks.
@@Teasehirt Thanks for clarifying, that's a really interesting and relevant topic, I think lots of the viewers of this channel would be interested in that. I put it on my topics list and look forward to it. (It will take some time, though, I always create several weeks in advance...)
@@Teasehirt Thank you for bringing this up! I'm always wanting to know how sensitivity connects with every topic, because everything is more complicated when sensitivity is in play.
I appreciate you voicing this.
@@DrMaikaSteinborn I would like to add my request also. Being easily overwhelmed with sensitivity makes everything, and especially anger, more difficult. Especially being female in a society that doesn't appreciate anger in women OR sensitivity.
My further complication is that I'm extrovert as well as sensitive, so my needs are different. Self-calming doesn't work as well for me as it does for introvert. I realize I'm a minority of a minority, but I'm guessing there are others struggling with the same conundrum.
Thanks!
Happened upon your video series by chance while roaming on FB. Interesting is that I had just hung up a very frustrating phone with my states DOL, during which I got very upset, used foul language at the extreme process change and amount of hoops one has to just through to apply for unemployment. I watched your video with the topic, 'Unnecessary Anger', and related quickly to my ego having the false expectation that this would be easy and that inconvenience is unbearable. My question is that my anger is hidden most of the time, but when it appears, it appears from out of the blue and rages until I am exhausted mentally. My anger is not physical, it is deeper in the mind. I get clouded, cannot think clearly, which make me more upset, then I am merely rambling (like this question, not upset though). My question is, "How can I realize those signals sooner, calm or soothe my anger into a more constructive and accepted realization?"
Hi David! Dealing with bureaucracy is often challenging to inner peace, or, seen from the lens of personal growth, a chance to practice staying or finding back to one's preferred state of mind as much as possible...
To answer your question: you've already observed an anger signal: mental cloudedness. Now, it takes a bit of observation to find some more, also the subtle ones that come before it gets intense. That also includes looking out for signs of softer forms of anger - irritation or frustration. How do your mind and body react when something irritates you, even slightly? Our body and mind are very interconnected, even if the main portion of your anger is felt in the mind, it always also shows in the body somehow. Often, we've learned/been taught to disconnect from the sensations of our bodies, so we're not so sensitive or attentive to them. In any case, that would be the next step, to figure out the softer signals for slight irritation. This could be tension building in your shoulders, a tense jaw (perhaps also biting your teeth together), it could be some sort of sensation in your arms, legs, stomach or throat, it could also be an urge to do something - run away or snap at someone - it could be certain thoughts (specifically ones that express frustration or hightened negativity, "The way this is organized is a joke!", "I can't believe this!"...)...
Hello! Can you link the video on how to shift your perspective on ego needless anger ? Thanks !
Hi, sure! It's this one: ruclips.net/video/VdmdImbnork/видео.html 🙋
I noticed that people can also become angry when you point out some distruth that they spoke. When you call out a shadow. When they express that anger and they give a reason for that amger, but deny the shadow that actually caused it.... how do we respond to that?
By just saying; " i see you are angry and thats okay, however i feel that you are angry because of a different reason?
This will trigger the crap out of someone and i guess i just need to get comfortable with confrontation more.
I get very angry when people say "it was just a joke", when clearly they did something rude that was not a joke. Still figuring out a healthy way to respond to that type of gaslighting.
All suggestions and advise are appreciated. Thank you for making these videos ❤
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It's great to hear how aware and intentional you are and practicing to be with anger.
Concerning the first topic - I don't think there's one ideal way of responding to these types of situations. Sometimes it may be best not to say anything at all and let the other person cool off, before coming back to it (or not). At other times, we need to stay in the confrontation and speak. (I talk about these different options of responding to conflict more here: ruclips.net/video/Cd8N57Mnuqg/видео.html ) If someone is triggered, it means they're either not at all aware of what you're suggesting, not ready to speak about it or it may also not apply... It helps to ease into these types of conversations and best talk about these potentially triggering issues when a person is calm and not flooded by anger. Easing into it can sound like "I want to address something that's been on my mind, but it's not a comfortable topic. Still, I feel like it would be helpful to talk about it. Would now be a good time? ... From what I've seen .... What goes through your mind when you hear me saying that? Does this resonate with you?..." And then really honestly listen to their response. It needs to be a real dialogue in which both parties are open to learning something new.
And regarding the second topic - yeah, that can be disturbing when someone isn't willing to see the effect their comment had and do what's necessary to correct it (like apologizing). I find it helpful to highlight that "It may have been a joke to you, but my feelings got hurt by this comment." That way it opens a person's mind to the fact that different people have different perceptions and experiences and that even if it was just a joke to them, someone else has the right to have their own experience of it and although that's not all on them, they still have influence on it.
Hope these thoughts help and thanks for the interesting discussion :-)
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thanks for your tips dr.
I am not sure if the "but my feelings got hurt" feels like an option for me because the type of people who use these tactics usually take pleasure out of hirting others and for me I think its more about their behavior crossing boundaries then being hurt because I know its not personal. Its usually a powergame that comes from a place of feeling inferior or insecure. A manner of getting the upperhand. But i can rephrase it a bit so it fits me better. I will check out the video. Thank you for taking the time to write me back a reply to my questions ❤
@zion367 I don’t know what works in this situation either.
But by calling it a joke, they are trying to reframe the narrative & prevent the insult being challenged.
I might try reframing the narrative back to what’s happening ‘ not a joke, it’s an insult’ and keep repeating that calmly..
or ‘stop harassing me’ or ‘you are being really insulting’ putting the focus on their behaviour and off your response (ie you’re not laughing)
Another option is ‘I can see what you’re doing’ but say nothing more, just repeat that.
@@annastone5624 I love the last one! It gives my clear take on things without needing them to agree with me. Thanks!
I don't know how to express my anger. It's like I am ashamed of being angry or I am incapable of it. And I hate it. For example, if someone does me wrong, in my head, I am soooo angry, but my body shows a different sign, like I look okay with things. 😢
This makes sense to me. When we're ashamed of our anger, or feel like it's a wrong emotion or one that says something horrible about us - that shame can inhibit the expression of our anger. I hope you find ways to express it. Maybe this video helps: ruclips.net/video/taZk_iT-9Cs/видео.html (It's about how assertion isn't the same as hostility - a motivation video for assertion.)
The problem is that i get very frustrated with my older sister. I know she treated me very poorly in childhood and now she’s doing it with her kid… he told me that he’s afraid of her and unfortunately i exploded in het face today… her attitude towards me and others is really damaging and I’m tired tot tiptoe on eggshells to not “hurt her feelings” she can be really mean and hurtful. My cup was full and i know its not the best thing to do but my limit was reached. She’s always complaining, irritable and rude! You think i can get to her being polite ? I shut my mouth almost my whole life to not rock the boat so how do you tell that to someone who is so full of herself? She can be a real difficult person who always rationalizes her way out of her responsibility. You just can’t get to these individuals. Let alone, her younger brother…
That sounds like she‘s a very difficult person to interact with. I‘m sorry it’s so hard for you and your nephew and wish you all the best with this. It sounds like a really challenging relationship to stay calm in.
Sometimes anger comes out in an overwhelming intensity when there were too many small things we swallowed up until that point. Before anger builds up, it feels like an inner voice that softly says “No, this isn’t right.” It’s really important to speak up on behalf of that inner voice so your anger doesn’t build up.
All the best!
Anger witout agression ?
Yes, if we define anger as the emotion and aggression as what manifests in our behavior... We can feel angry, without acting aggressively 🙂 🌞 🌷
Nice angle. You look really pretty ☺️☺️do you think it’s possible that you could elaborate on how to be comfortable in your own skin ? I still feel I am not comfortable when it comes to looks. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️as I am aging and getting ugly.
Thank you ☺️🌸🙏🏻 I‘d love to talk about that, I‘m putting it on my list! (I‘ve gotton several requests lately, so it will probably take 4-5 weeks for the video to go live.)
@Furiosa Ning, the video is out now :-) ruclips.net/video/_2oMEjZJCJc/видео.html Hope there's something in it for you...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you so much Dr Maika for your kindness. I will watch shortly ❤️☺️
In the bible it saids be angry but dont let it lead you to sin
Great information! Thanks Doc. We are in a similar niche. This channel and your topics are very insightful. Great video and audio as well. Thank you for the information and your commitment to helping people.
Thank you, Richi! I went over to your channel and watched your video on what it‘s like getting started on RUclips and related to it a lot! 💯 And the dog-barking 😂👍🏻 our neighbor‘s dog has also made it onto my channel because he wouldn‘t stop for hours… Wishing you lots of success with your channel!