0:31 overwhelming affection 1:07 too much quality time 1:33 saying “i love you” too soon 2:13 constant texting 2:49 constant monitoring 3:19 jealousy and possessiveness
I never really watch these videos because I don't have the attention span for them But all of these time stamps just perfectly describe how I act when I'm in love help- 😭
Oh, damn… I do 1, 3 and 4… but thats mostly because I am a very interested person. I love listening to what my friends and love interests do all day and I also like to calm them donw when they are stressed. I didn‘t know being overly supportive can be seen as a red flag… 😮
@@rainy_g0d same my mom sent it to me telling me I do some of these and should work on it but I didn't even notice that I do it and it's definitely not with bad intentions
Sometimes our feelings blind us to how we behave, even if our intentions are good. But the important thing is to make an effort to change the things that you recognize as problematic.
Somewhat reminds me of my late girlfriend. Who wasn't manipulative - she, apparently, was just desperate to love and be attached to someone and felt her life being empty without it.
Yes, sometimes people do that because they r somehow scared they won't have enough time to express themselves to u, it happens. This video goes on generalities, they can't cover the particularities of each and single case.
For the last few years, I'm fighting the obsessive part of me. I'm able to fall in love with almost anyone who's a decent human being, and i'll try my best to give them the world. It really fucking hurts, me, and the other person. I can't stop thinking about them. Right now, I'm at point when i'm actually feeling alright about myself, have some hobbies which are only mine. I can completely live few months or longer without any contact with anyone, validation or love, affection, and be completely alright and happy. But as soon as someone wants to get to know me, I'll just slide into the spiral of insanity and obsession. Some love it, some not, which is completely alright. I give the ppl who don't like it the space to have their own time alone or with their friends. I don't feel desperate for love, in the fact, I just love too much(it's never too much, but u get me). I'm not sure if lovebombing is the thing I do. I just love to make people feel loved, and even more when they are interested in me. I don't feel a single hint of me trying to manipulate them in me, or trying to make them love me cause of the love i give them. I'm sorry for anyone who has read this. I don't really know what have I just written, just wanted to vent out my frustration I guess.
How much time to you have on your hands? It freaks me out when someone new were to invest in me so much because I’d wonder if they must do this to every single person the relationships must not last long and I wonder why that is- there must be something wrong with that person because otherwise they’d wait to devote so much time until they get to know me better, otherwise it could be a waste and who wants to do that unless they’re desperate?
I appreciate you sharing your experience and struggles here. It’s never black and white and we’re all different and complicated and have our own things we have to work on.
Hey bro. I have the same situation as yours. It is quick for me to fall in love with people (who are decent & nice to me) but it could be due to various factors- I have never been in a romantic relationship my whole life. So I’m fantasize/crave to be with someone (to give her my everything and at the same time, feel loved) I admit that this is toxic behaviour. That’s why I am now focusing on my work and hobbies to keep my mind off from love. To anyone seeing this, do not rush to be in a relationship. Work on yourself and when the time comes, the right person will come to you ❤
@@samijust8689 I do have a bit of free time. I do study, and focus on my hobbies, but i still have it. And also, honestly, I just love giving people love. I feel like I have so much of it that I love giving it to others, without any expectation of return. Doesn't matter if it'll be short-term relationship/friendship, NO LOVE is ever WASTED. But that's just my pov. I'm no people pleaser, I do respectfully leave when things go south, relationship develops into toxic one without other side wanting to fix it and work on it long-term. I also say so, if something hurts me, makes me feel weird and so on. I'm person which is really based on communicating about feelings, thoughts and so on!^^ But despite my really negative experiences of loving someone who was a bipolar drug addict, I still fall in love really easily, and trying to be there for them through all types of shit. I've been having issues with leaving, but I don't hold people so much anymore. If they want to stay, that's great, if not, I'm used to being by myself and it's my comfort zone sorta.
I have to point out that some of these (in particular, #1 through #4) are NOT ALWAYS red flags or signs of toxic manipulation -- they DEFINITELY CAN BE, but they CAN also just be signs of insecurity, of trauma, of anxiety, of desperation, or they can even be NORMAL for SOME people (for example: people with social anxiety; people who are new at dating; people with a very romantic personality; people who are neurodivergent in certain ways, especially those with Asperger or other forms of autism; people who have an anxious attachment style or a high level of anxiety generally; people on the far ends of the extrovert/introvert scale, i.e. extreme extroverts or extreme introverts; people who have had a recent breakup; people who have been in a traumatic relationship; people who have recently or repeatedly been ghosted by a romantic partner; and so on)! So, when you see these in your partner, you should NOT jump to conclusions and immediately push them away, but you SHOULD proceed with caution and try to see where these things are coming from, and also look out for other possible red flags! However, #5 is ALWAYS a MAJOR red flag, and #6 is USUALLY one (EXCEPT that, if you see #6 in a person who is generally anxious and/or insecure, it MIGHT be OK) -- so, if you see #5 at any time (or, with the one above-mentioned exception, #6), then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Also have to point out something... My boyfriend has ALL of these because of autism and other issues. So you're right, but really each of these flags can be unintentional and caused by issues. Does it make it easier or more just for you to have to go through this? From my own experience - NO, IT DOESN'T. I regret now I was so naive to think love can fix everything and bare any illness. Because sometimes it can't. And I'm not saying about every ill person, I'm ill too. I'm saying just about my personal situation.
@@KateConstabla Wait, he secretly monitors your communications because of autism??? I get him wanting to spend every waking hour with you, saying the 3 words right off the bat, constantly texting, MAYBE being jealous -- but I'm autistic myself, and I would NEVER secretly snoop on my girlfriend because of it (and what's more, being a profound introvert as well as autistic, I would draw the line at any such snooping from her as well)! Or is his snooping due to other issues besides autism?
@@agentorange153 He monitors my communications and where I go and what I'm wearing... He monitors everything in secret and openly. And yeah, it's probably because of his other issues like PTSD after many traumas caused by all important people for him betrayed him in some way. I'm his first partner and we both didn't know he will behave like this with me but he does. And even though he knows I didn't betray him anyhow, he is unable to fully believe me and stop. It hurts him too but I'm living in the hell :(
@@KateConstabla And there's no way you can earn his trust and convince him that you won't cheat on him??? Because I'm also a VERY distrustful person and have also been stabbed in the back MANY times by MANY different people (ranging from both of my own parents to an ex-President and many others in between), but it certainly IS possible (but NOT easy) to earn MY trust! So would it be possible for him to learn to trust you??? BTW, how long have you been with him???
I've done some of these out of pure desperation to gain someone's affection. Makes me wonder if the people I pursued turned me down purely because they realized that the things I were doing were unhealthy and would've caused the relationship to go south anyway. I just always wrote it off as us being incompatible. But I also fear that my naivety could lead me to fall victim to this behavior as well. Just goes to show that relationships really are hard work and shouldn't be rushed into.
Hardest parts of new relationships IMO are self-independence, boundaries, and over affection. For me, timing the pacing for a healthy relationship helps put less pressure on the other person. It also helps with tempering preserving expectations, and not freaking people out. Good solution I found is to of take a step back, spend some quality time to yourself comfortably, and view your relationship in a third-person perspective. (Or talk to a close friend to get a second opinion.)
I hate it, i know i looks like that toxic person but never ask yourself what if someone heard it? he wouldn't say he is watching educational videos he well say he is watching that hub!
Could be a sign, since it came into your life right when your friend needed it. Or could just be a coincidence. Either way I wish for the best for your friend.
1. 0:30 Overwhelming Affection (Love bombing) 2. 1:05 Too Much Quality Time 3. 1:32 Saying "I Love You" too soon 4. 2:11 Constant Texting 5. 2:47 Constant Monitoring 6. 3:17 Jeaulosy & Possessiveness
You just need to create a safe inner space for yourself. “True maturity doesn’t come from just saying no but also saying no to the things you want.” In my opinion, being insecure and constantly needing validation it’s just another sign of anxiety and obviously it’s a type of anxiety or a type of personality disorder. Like obviously relationship anxiety is not ever going to go away since that’s just part of life but there are steps. We can take to resolve these issues, such as creating a safe inner safe and obviously setting standards in relationship.
Me neither -- it's just creepy, and an absolute turn-off! (Especially for introverts like me and my sweetheart -- we NEED our alone time like we need air or like we need food, so we need a relationship which will give us enough room for this!
Most of this resonated with me. I've seen a lot of these behaviors in my partner for a while, but I know her, and I know it isn't coming from a selfish place, so we've been actively trying to work on it.
A lot of these were my ex fiancée. She had been in 2 abusive marriages, was still living with her ex when we started talking, and we moved in together after less than 3 months of knowing each other. She checked a lot of these boxes, and made me feel like I was stupid. I called things off when she realized I was a human being, I’m autistic and got shamed for stuff I couldn’t control and I would apologize if I said something offensive without meaning too or if I made a mistake with her kids. We’ve been broken up 6 months, I’ve been with my current girlfriend for 3 months and she treats me well, but I’m still dealing with stuff. I’m seriously questioning my worth as a human being, I was constantly dismissed over misunderstandings and I feel like her kids ran the household
You are not responsible for how another person reacts or chooses to see things. I did not like to hear that when I first got married, as I was always the fixer of conflicts. You can’t do that forever.
Omg I understand what u been through and felt, I’ve never shared this but…. My mom is the same as the video and ur fiancé and I felt everything u wrote I forgot I was human I felt like a toy I forgot who I am I had big depression. But now I’m staying away from here I live with her but I try not to see her much , and I’m going out alone and doing my own stuff I feel like a human and … it feels amazing I didn’t know being a human was this nice, it’s so simple and beautiful, it was awful before , I’m glad I understood how she is and knew my worth , I hope u a good life and never Ever forget who you are , and what you want , we all are precious amazing and important :) !!!!
@@fieldy409I’m an Angelic Being and this is 100% my love language. It sucks that they want to keep women from the greatest love of their life Because of the effect on future male partners (cops and doctors and affluent men who take the romantic god’s sloppy 2nds…)
1. Be true to yourself, eg say no when you feel no. 2. Reject (arbitrarily politely) anyone who doesnt vibe with your genuine self. 3. Real relationships will follow.
Once again, I feel like many of these only take into account neurotypical relationships. Many of these things are just normal and harmless for neurodivergent individuals with the exception of the possessiveness and crontoling behaviors. We just express our feelings in ways that can seem like red flags to NTs.
Very true -- and even in a neurotypical relationship, #1 through #3 (and to a limited extent even #4) could simply be a sign of anxiety or desperation, not a red flag of toxicity in and of itself! (#4 could especially be a problem in extrovert-introvert relationships -- which, however, are still NOT recommended because of basic incompatibility of temperament -- the extrovert partner keeps trying to reach out because that's just what extroverts do, while the introvert partner feels overwhelmed by it and withdraws, which only causes the extrovert partner to become anxious and try to reach out even harder, and it can become a vicious circle!) #5 and #6, however, are NEVER healthy (especially #5), and if you see THESE red flags, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Here are the diff sections : 1. Overwhelming affection 0:30 2. Too much quality time 1:05 3. Saying "I love you" too soon 1:32 4. Constant texting 2:11 5. Constant monitoring 2:48 6. Jealousy and Possessiveness 3:18
All these negatives can be overlooked if the positives out weigh them it depends very much on the extent on which these things are being implemented how far do they go and what positive aspects of the person shine there's lot's to consider
NEVER overlook #5 (it's a MAJOR sign of toxic manipulation), but as far as the others, you have to look in a wider context and try to get the whole picture, because they CAN definitely be red flags BUT can also be signs of something totally innocent!
@@agentorange153all are manipulation all are based off of fear and control my point is if someone has redeeming qualities then they shouldn't be ignored just because of the undesirable traits of course one must be smart and able to control one's own emotions there's a difference between being a doormat and allowing something to slide the difference is one has no control and the other can can take control at any time and generally speaking the people who display these traits are intelligent and will understand very quickly if you're gonna be steamrolled or the one who does the crushing if one chooses see you can't simply look passed things without the ability to take control otherwise the relationship is doomed to failure like I said before there's lots to consider if the person that has these traits is worth fighting for then you gotta be able to fight intelligently and with purpose that benefits both parties
I remember my ex said he loved me in the first two months. I told him I couldn't say it back because it was too soon.. and then he started crying. Man, I wish I had realized that was a red flag much sooner. Turns out he's extremely anxious and I was very avoidant... not a good match.
Well, the good news is that it didn't come from a place of manipulation or possessiveness -- the bad news is that you still were fundamentally incompatible!
I've been through all of those. I'm healing and receiving therapy. It takes a long time, but day by day, there are improvements with identifying red flags in people. For anyone going through any of these red flags, be kind to yourself and get help when needed
Thank you for making this video. As a guy who just ended a situationship where my partner presented all of these red flags and blamed me for everything that didn't work between us, even for her own mental problems, I can assure you that it's better to leave those kind of situation as soon as you can, because it doesn't take too long to start developping traumas when in contact with these types of people. Now I'm focused on working on my boundaries and connecting to healthy relationships where respect and loyalty are mutual. Stay safe y'all 💜
Lovebombing is pretty come on for people who've been through trauma; look out if it seems manipulative, otherwise talk to them, might be a chance to get a bit closer
This is my comfort channel I feel that I'm very emotional and over think a lot this channel helps me not over stimulate my feelings and understand myself, i always seem to watch these videos because alot of stuff happens or I feel emotionally unstable. I have a question is it normal to want to be loved but be scared of it to? I seem to always think about this I don't really know why.
Yes, it is very much possible to want love AND to be scared of it at the same time -- just like, for example, you can want to have a baby and be scared of having one at the same time!
I enjoy these videos cause it teaches me what to look out for. Also helps make me more self aware of my actions to another and not cause anyone stress or discomfort.
I've noticed some of these gestures in myself, and I know its not right. Its not me wanting to control her, or wanting fast intimacy. Its more an insecurity from my past relationship. In which I felt ignored and neglected. I hope its not to late to look at myself for these mistakes, and work on them. Its difficult sometimes.
when i got the notification i was scared of clicking and relating to the traits she would mention... now that i watched, i didn't relate to it, but i feel like my boyfriend has half of these red flags (overwhelming affection, too much quality time and constant texting). i feel so guilty because i feel so suffocatted sometimes, but i think those red flags, for him, aren't bad but just his way to show love.. i've already told him that and we're trying to solve things
My dear, the wounds and scars a toxic relationship leaves you, is so much worse than the joy and happiness that comes out with it. You can find joy almost anywhere, but for people like me, nothing feels fun anymore.
@@eimdh I feel you. But man, the pain I felt and the realization that it was a toxic relationship just made me a better person. It open up feelings I've never knew I had. It also added my knowledge on how to avoid and recognize the toxicity. In a way it motivated me into becoming a better person. And knowing that two people can simultaneously deserve better. Nothing we can do with the past. But we still can have a better tomorrow because of our traumas. I promise it gets better, just give it time to move on. Friends will definitely help Keep fighting king 👑
Mmm i actually saw myself in a few of these signs, i didnt know that one or two were toxic behavior i wish i knew or rather realised that before, i hope i can still fix myself i really dont wanna hurt him or ruin our relationship
Wow, thank you so much for this video. I was crying just now thinking about my ex and reflecting that I miss him but there was also the bad parts of it. That relationship was filled with manipulation and control, and I know I was also codependent. It was A MESS. I was crying wondering if there was really actual love between us, cause sometimes it really felt like there was. I miss the good moments with him and I was crying about that, but him trying to isolate me, control me and being jealous all the time did me SO SO BAD. Life is hard. Decisions are hard. But I think I did the right thing breaking up. It was a three year long relationship. I think separating was the hardest thing I did in my life. I loved him so much. I don't know if he loved me or not, but I loved him and I hope he's doing fine in his life. It was hard but it made me realize very deep things inside of me that I needed to heal.
Okay there are some things I never knew that were major red flags to me, such as constantly affection and messaging, maybe I might need to take sometime to reflect on my actions and better understand myself before going into another relationship again, that way it will help me in the long run to better understand my partner and doesn't rush at all or too soon if that makes sense, thank you for this video ❤
Perfect timing. I’m about to enter a relationship soon. We both like each other. We are both dealing with trauma. And we’re both 17 and want to be in a healthy relationship with each other. I’m happy to learn what to not do and improve and work on ❤ thank you Psych2Go ❤
No wonder some people give up and choose to stay single! I don't blame them! Life is such a balancing act, and if you sway too far one way or the other, you're screwed! Nobody promised life would be a walk in the 🏞️ park, but all these challenges and obstacles are very overwhelming sometimes! Let's try to hang on until the end friends, and maybe a miracle will happen and we'll get to have our happy ending! Bye!
i totally agree with this video. i was doing most of these things to my partner and tbh my relationship almost fell apart. but i got to realise my mistake and i am with that partner happily.
I do #1 and #2 sometimes, but also not to manipulate -- it's just because, being an introvert from the very deep end of the scale AND an Aspie at the same time, it's VERY hard to find a date, so I always end up trying too hard to keep her!
Thank you! I've been saying this for so long now! I'm somewhere in the Aromantic Spectrum, so i don’t have any experiences when it comes to love and relationships but the amounts of times i got red flags with each category shown in this video and trying to warn my friends only to get ignored or brushed aside is overwhelming. I tend to look at relationships in a more "logical" way than all my friends who are not Aromantic. That being said i hate how some romantic stuff are considered normal and/or romanticised; for example "My bf won't let me wear that" or "My gf doesn’t want me talking to other woman" Are you ok?! Blink twice if you need help.
Let’s please also keep in mind not everything is about manipulation. You guys don’t have to always make this so dark all the time. Sometimes people just don’t know how to show their love in healthy ways, or they have mental illness they need to work through, or insecurities, or they have a different view on love and as long as their partner is on the same wavelength then it’s fine, or they never had healthy relationship models growing up.
Definitely true for #1 through #4 -- these can also be a sign of insecurity, of desperation, or can even be perfectly normal for some people! So, these are not so much red flags in themselves as "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" signs! However, #5 (and to a lesser extent #6) are ALWAYS bad signs!
As someone with BPD every time I click on one of those videos I wonder how many of the things mentioned I did, all of them in this one haha. However it was way more out of control when I was not aware of my issues, thankfully now I am bit better with it
I wish I could see this video 4 years ago, when I decided on my relationship, because it could open my eyes and save me from diving into nightmare. Many red flags on the beginning, eventually all of them. Now it's kinda too late, because I'm not able to leave my partner considering his difficult situation and his mental illnesses. I kept him alive when he was dying, but the price is feeling dead while being alive for both of us... It may sound melodramatic but believe me, it's just the truth in this case.
A friend of mine had this kind of relationship. Her bf said i❤u after a week of dating. He also made her say those words by emotionally manipulating. But eventually they broke up after a month and a half as she figured this wouldn’t work as he used to constantly advice her to change the way she spoke or change her behaviour even made her question her worth😢 I'm glad she is out of that
I've struggled with 1 2 and 4 a lot I'm hesitant to tell people I love them because I've seen it misused so often and I've misused it in one relationship I was in I don't have an interest in controlling others usually and I'm not a particularly jealous person But I do struggle with anxious attachment and tend to message people a lot and want to talk regularly I usually don't use lovebombing as manipulation tactic (though I did once in a toxic codependent relationship I was in once...Ironically we both did it to each other but neither of us really wanted to commit T_T) But I have been told my feelings and affection can be overwhelming which while usually unintentional, is something I've been digging into and trying to work through for the last four or five years Fortunately, I'm not an angry person by nature so I've grown a lot in respecting other's need for distance and I'm taking it less personally It's a process but I've grown a lot and I'm still working through it all with time...
My friend's ex did all of these. She was like you said, blinded, but I wasn't. I saw it all and one day, I sat her down and just explained everything and told her to be more mindful. She actually took my advice and started talking to me about the way she felt, their dinamic, everything (I never intendef for it to go like this, all I wanted was to give her some reality check) I listened and told her to do what she felt would be the best. She left him. I'm no contact with her now, so I don't know how she's doing, but I just hope I did the right thing
I like the messages that other people give in this challenge and they deliver it so well, but I love the voice in this video and many other ones as well. Thank you for the message. 🖤😌
@@agentorange153 all day everyday, if there’s plans you cancel them, if your out with the boys and you get a text from your girl so you ditch the boys. That’s to much time
Gotta say, an excessive need for validation is a biggie for me… I’m just not built that way. Though I wonder if I am in some ways 🤔. This could also apply to friendships…
y'know, sometimes it's unintentional to be a toxic partner. Sometimes the love emotion is just exploding the moment you see someone or get to know someone. Handling relationship is a technical skill and if someone can't handle them good it doesn't mean they're toxic or manipulative. It's just mean they have the skill issue. Of course you gotta comes to terms with your partners, otherwise you won't be able to proceed if you're too worry about someone is there to manipulating you. Someone might just be too obsessive about you because of various reasons. Do you love them ? Help them become a better person. I'm acknowledged that there are real manipulative people whom just "playing around". Just learn about them before deciding about getting into more committed relationship like marriage or for some people giving away your virginity. Either sides, it's more about your ideal relationship. What kind of relationship you wanted to have. I knew someone whom wanted to cling me all day long and it's too much. That's why I broke up with the person. Most people don't want to talk about complicated stuffs, so I given up on finding the person to be in relationship with.
Had an ex who insisted on approving a therapist for me. She didn't approve of my current one because she felt he was too young and insisted I see an older therapist for his "life experience."
It should be noted that, whilst sometimes used intentionally by manipulators, all of these are also done unintentionally or with good intentions. Don't run because of any of these. Talk about it. Pointing these behaviors out will make it obvious if they have harmful intent most of the time.
Exactly -- proceed with caution for most of them (but definitely run for your life if they show #5, not only is it ALWAYS toxic but it can be flat-out DANGEROUS)!
A thing to remember about a red flag; they aren't always inherently, automatically disqualifying, but they are things to be cautious of. They *may* indicate something problematic. Context is important.
In this case, #1 through #4 are things which could go either way (so, don't reject off the bat, but DO proceed with caution and look out for other possible problems), #5 is ALWAYS a sign of trouble ahead (so, best advice is to ghost them IMMEDIATELY and WITHOUT giving them any of the info they're demanding from you), and #6 is USUALLY a sign of manipulation BUT in SOME cases CAN be just a sign of anxiety (so, in MOST cases the best thing to do is push them away, BUT if they're a naturally anxious person then it's PROBABLY, but not certainly, OK!)
This video makes the other person seem like some kind of manipulative monster or that they do all that on purpose. They don't. Sometimes it can be hard for the other person to control themselves, even if they want to. If you are in love or interested in someone and you see these signs, I think it would be a better idea to talk about it to see if that person wants to change that or not. If that person wants to change that, then they are not a bad person, you can be happy with that person, because that person will one day solve all those problems and stop acting that way.
Relationships at the end of the day should not feel like games and cause you excessive pain. A lot of these red flags are issues that anxious attachment people posses and these behaviors may come out from a lack of ones own actions. Not saying these aren't important to look out for, if you have someone who is suffocating you. But, sometimes a lack of ones own actions can cause a reaction out of another. It can cause the other person to feel inadequate and neglected which pushes them to "try harder", which then can be perceived as these red flags. In adulthood, interactions with the opposite sex usually derives first from intimate interest and you should navigate "new friendships" very careful once entering a relationship. This is especially true with men, its very rare, that a man doesn't build unrequited love towards females that they find both interesting/attractive. Which overtime leads can lead to a friend who becomes possessiveness in your life, when they shouldn't have that kind of influence. So really the point about "new friends" can go both ways.
True -- ghosting or perceived ghosting can be a MAJOR trigger for these! (I speak from personal experience -- I went big on #4 when my new sweetheart, right after our first date, suddenly stopped replying to my e-mails and texts despite having done so quite promptly before, I pretty much bombarded her with messages until she finally answered me and explained that her relative is very sick and she's taking care of her!) So yes, it IS possible for MOST of these things to come from a good place, too (but NOT #5 or #6, though, these are ALWAYS toxic)!
Thank christ i already am very close to them, because i do give alot of affection, like quality time, and do say love you, plus texting alot, but its more of our friendship just grew that far. But the other 2 down there is definitely negative as hell and i definitely dont have em
It is good to hear Amandas as a speaker again. It fits the mental or psych to go somehow very fine. Wonder if this video gives some feeling of borderlines and their behavior , any one else who thinks Borderline?
the thing is This can ruin someone and also help someone Over thinking the situation and jumping into conclusion And Potentially spotting a bad thing about a relationship (Overthinking because of this but this also help me and I know its meant to be kept in mind only not in heart)
Being affectionate is controlling. So is saying "I love you" "soon". They have to be cold or it's not "healthy". The first 3 points are so vague they apply to all good relationships too. What is considered too much is relative. I knew guys who would "feel smothered" if anyone they dated tried to spend time together outside of sex Notice there's no timeline given for what is too much or too soon, just claims that it's what experts say. We don't need more division and paranoia in the world
I love the fact you portraited Sailor moon relationship with her boyfriend as toxic. Because sadly he is 19 and she is 14 years old. Paraphilic relationship is never healthy
I have a friend showing these signs and he likes me but I'm not into him. My make ups, clothing actions... He judges all of this and it pisses me off. He once said that he will make me mine so that I won't be hurt by other guys. He also gaslight and guilt tripping me for not replying his messages. He know he don't stand a chance but acts like a controlling lover
So, bottom line is, he will hurt you himself so that other guys don't hurt you! And you are right, you should NOT let him into your heart -- he will make you into his puppet if you do!
My covert narcissistic (and sociopathic) abuser did all of these things, he only took his time with the three magic words. Thanks to rose-colored glasses I thought I had found a best friend and soulmate. One of the greatest mistakes I ever made. Back then I didn't know any better. He was a puzzle piece that fitted perfectly into the picture of everything that I've learned growing up in an emotionally unsafe home.
This is less of a protection to me, but more of something for me to be aware of. I had all these tendencies when I was in a teenage relationship. Didn't realize I'm a walking red flag myself back then. Then years later, now that I'm adult, I have decided to just fully trust the person I'm dating with. I'm going all-in with my trust. I don't care if they end up hurting me as long as I know I trusted them and gave them enough space to be independent. It will be painful, but as long as I know I'm doing the right thing, I will never regret my decision to be kinder.
What happens when he lies and has to earn his trust back? And now your constantly on edge about everything he does. Because you don't know what's truth or a lie anymore???? Does me wanting to see his phone all the time now make me narcissistic? Does my now insecurities make me a narcissist? Just wondering???
I just relized I do 5 of these things... I have no desire to be controlling and I'm not an abusive person at all but I get attached easily and feel jealous about this person I've recently been having feelings for... I don't know how to feel right now.
Is it red flag when a guy you know online now for 4 months tells you 2 mknths after you know each other via Text that he loves you back abd you text each other since then? Btw only via texting and the oerson tells you thst this oerson you love will visit you someday but lives far away and is soldier and also student And how can I tell my friend who is in this current Situation that something is wrong ?
This actually allowed me to understand the first guy I met on an online dating site better. Luckily, I broke our relationship off by accident before it became truly serious, but he diffidently gave me more than one red flag from this video. I couldn't understand what really happened and only after a long time of pondering did I realize that what he said about me in the end wasn't actually true nor my fault. For a three-day relationship, I hardly scratched the surface of what it truly feels like to have that sort of person in your life, and honestly I feel like I'd be the perfect victim for them, as someone hesitant to make decisions and also in love with the idea of being in love. (I'm an aspiring romance author). Now that I know more about these red flags, and what they can do to me, I feel a lot safer. Thanks Psych2Go!
Deciding to commit to someone is love though. And when we keep mystifying love it's no wonder people go their whole lives thinking they've never been in love
Timestamps 1). Overwhelming affection 0:29 2). Too much quality time 1:04 3). Saiding "I love you" too soon 1:32 4). Constant texting 2:10 5). Constant monitoring 2:46 6). Jealousy and possessiveness 3:17 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Sigh, how much I wish I could've known this back then... They did all of this, yes, the entirety of the list; I did feel bothered by it, but I thought it was a me problem, that I was the one who was sh1tty in the relationship for getting rubbed off the wrong way from it. At the end, in the part that says it shows they might not trust you to be as your own person I felt that...
I had a relationship with some of those traits and... it ended with me breaking it because the other party wanted the wedding bells ringing before the graduation gowns can happen. I was a university student and trying to get a degree. I won't say much about the relationship other than it had some of the characteristics mention in the video.
Huh- so my now ex best friend did ALL of these- I don’t think it was done with malicious intent, but it certainly happened. And now I know why I felt so suffocated
My last relationship had all of these red flags and each of us contributed with some different one (and sometimes we both contributed the same one) 💀💀💀💀
💯 % my ex & thank God i ended it for 2 years, I'm 22 years old now i still think about her a time or to but i keep telling myself that it's not worth it
"You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
YESSSSSSS
They pale and deceive our perception 👏👍
That's from Bojack Horseman!
@@KAYEscl0sed What is this a crossover episode?
@@Durmomo0 Come on, Mr. Peanutbutter! 🐶
Jesus that's deep
0:31 overwhelming affection
1:07 too much quality time
1:33 saying “i love you” too soon
2:13 constant texting
2:49 constant monitoring
3:19 jealousy and possessiveness
Narc
@@marfand1181 what
@@ameliaray0711thanks for the time stamps
I never really watch these videos because I don't have the attention span for them But all of these time stamps just perfectly describe how I act when I'm in love help- 😭
Oh, damn… I do 1, 3 and 4… but thats mostly because I am a very interested person. I love listening to what my friends and love interests do all day and I also like to calm them donw when they are stressed. I didn‘t know being overly supportive can be seen as a red flag… 😮
The fact that I did some of these and didn't know it was toxic is interesting...
How much of these have you done? I did almost all of these but unintentionally cuz i have ADHD.
@@rainy_g0d same my mom sent it to me telling me I do some of these and should work on it but I didn't even notice that I do it and it's definitely not with bad intentions
Sometimes our feelings blind us to how we behave, even if our intentions are good. But the important thing is to make an effort to change the things that you recognize as problematic.
It's not automatically toxic...
Same
Somewhat reminds me of my late girlfriend. Who wasn't manipulative - she, apparently, was just desperate to love and be attached to someone and felt her life being empty without it.
that is unhealthy dude
@@danielle-bi3tk IKR?
Yes, sometimes people do that because they r somehow scared they won't have enough time to express themselves to u, it happens. This video goes on generalities, they can't cover the particularities of each and single case.
For the last few years, I'm fighting the obsessive part of me. I'm able to fall in love with almost anyone who's a decent human being, and i'll try my best to give them the world. It really fucking hurts, me, and the other person. I can't stop thinking about them. Right now, I'm at point when i'm actually feeling alright about myself, have some hobbies which are only mine. I can completely live few months or longer without any contact with anyone, validation or love, affection, and be completely alright and happy. But as soon as someone wants to get to know me, I'll just slide into the spiral of insanity and obsession. Some love it, some not, which is completely alright. I give the ppl who don't like it the space to have their own time alone or with their friends.
I don't feel desperate for love, in the fact, I just love too much(it's never too much, but u get me). I'm not sure if lovebombing is the thing I do. I just love to make people feel loved, and even more when they are interested in me. I don't feel a single hint of me trying to manipulate them in me, or trying to make them love me cause of the love i give them.
I'm sorry for anyone who has read this. I don't really know what have I just written, just wanted to vent out my frustration I guess.
How much time to you have on your hands? It freaks me out when someone new were to invest in me so much because I’d wonder if they must do this to every single person the relationships must not last long and I wonder why that is- there must be something wrong with that person because otherwise they’d wait to devote so much time until they get to know me better, otherwise it could be a waste and who wants to do that unless they’re desperate?
I appreciate you sharing your experience and struggles here. It’s never black and white and we’re all different and complicated and have our own things we have to work on.
Hey bro. I have the same situation as yours. It is quick for me to fall in love with people (who are decent & nice to me) but it could be due to various factors-
I have never been in a romantic relationship my whole life. So I’m fantasize/crave to be with someone (to give her my everything and at the same time, feel loved)
I admit that this is toxic behaviour. That’s why I am now focusing on my work and hobbies to keep my mind off from love.
To anyone seeing this, do not rush to be in a relationship. Work on yourself and when the time comes, the right person will come to you ❤
that's tough. stay strong comrade, because love is *supposed* to hurt. it takes sacrifice to fulfill, but that's where the beauty of it lies i guess.
@@samijust8689 I do have a bit of free time. I do study, and focus on my hobbies, but i still have it. And also, honestly, I just love giving people love. I feel like I have so much of it that I love giving it to others, without any expectation of return. Doesn't matter if it'll be short-term relationship/friendship, NO LOVE is ever WASTED. But that's just my pov.
I'm no people pleaser, I do respectfully leave when things go south, relationship develops into toxic one without other side wanting to fix it and work on it long-term. I also say so, if something hurts me, makes me feel weird and so on. I'm person which is really based on communicating about feelings, thoughts and so on!^^
But despite my really negative experiences of loving someone who was a bipolar drug addict, I still fall in love really easily, and trying to be there for them through all types of shit. I've been having issues with leaving, but I don't hold people so much anymore. If they want to stay, that's great, if not, I'm used to being by myself and it's my comfort zone sorta.
I have to point out that some of these (in particular, #1 through #4) are NOT ALWAYS red flags or signs of toxic manipulation -- they DEFINITELY CAN BE, but they CAN also just be signs of insecurity, of trauma, of anxiety, of desperation, or they can even be NORMAL for SOME people (for example: people with social anxiety; people who are new at dating; people with a very romantic personality; people who are neurodivergent in certain ways, especially those with Asperger or other forms of autism; people who have an anxious attachment style or a high level of anxiety generally; people on the far ends of the extrovert/introvert scale, i.e. extreme extroverts or extreme introverts; people who have had a recent breakup; people who have been in a traumatic relationship; people who have recently or repeatedly been ghosted by a romantic partner; and so on)! So, when you see these in your partner, you should NOT jump to conclusions and immediately push them away, but you SHOULD proceed with caution and try to see where these things are coming from, and also look out for other possible red flags! However, #5 is ALWAYS a MAJOR red flag, and #6 is USUALLY one (EXCEPT that, if you see #6 in a person who is generally anxious and/or insecure, it MIGHT be OK) -- so, if you see #5 at any time (or, with the one above-mentioned exception, #6), then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
This is true.
Also have to point out something... My boyfriend has ALL of these because of autism and other issues. So you're right, but really each of these flags can be unintentional and caused by issues. Does it make it easier or more just for you to have to go through this? From my own experience - NO, IT DOESN'T. I regret now I was so naive to think love can fix everything and bare any illness. Because sometimes it can't. And I'm not saying about every ill person, I'm ill too. I'm saying just about my personal situation.
@@KateConstabla Wait, he secretly monitors your communications because of autism??? I get him wanting to spend every waking hour with you, saying the 3 words right off the bat, constantly texting, MAYBE being jealous -- but I'm autistic myself, and I would NEVER secretly snoop on my girlfriend because of it (and what's more, being a profound introvert as well as autistic, I would draw the line at any such snooping from her as well)! Or is his snooping due to other issues besides autism?
@@agentorange153 He monitors my communications and where I go and what I'm wearing... He monitors everything in secret and openly. And yeah, it's probably because of his other issues like PTSD after many traumas caused by all important people for him betrayed him in some way. I'm his first partner and we both didn't know he will behave like this with me but he does. And even though he knows I didn't betray him anyhow, he is unable to fully believe me and stop. It hurts him too but I'm living in the hell :(
@@KateConstabla And there's no way you can earn his trust and convince him that you won't cheat on him??? Because I'm also a VERY distrustful person and have also been stabbed in the back MANY times by MANY different people (ranging from both of my own parents to an ex-President and many others in between), but it certainly IS possible (but NOT easy) to earn MY trust! So would it be possible for him to learn to trust you??? BTW, how long have you been with him???
I've done some of these out of pure desperation to gain someone's affection. Makes me wonder if the people I pursued turned me down purely because they realized that the things I were doing were unhealthy and would've caused the relationship to go south anyway. I just always wrote it off as us being incompatible. But I also fear that my naivety could lead me to fall victim to this behavior as well. Just goes to show that relationships really are hard work and shouldn't be rushed into.
Hardest parts of new relationships IMO are self-independence, boundaries, and over affection.
For me, timing the pacing for a healthy relationship helps put less pressure on the other person. It also helps with tempering preserving expectations, and not freaking people out.
Good solution I found is to of take a step back, spend some quality time to yourself comfortably, and view your relationship in a third-person perspective.
(Or talk to a close friend to get a second opinion.)
I love the creator’s voice, it’s so calming
me too!
Those others don't cut it. I love it when she narrates
Yep she is too calm 🥺
And attractive
I hate it, i know i looks like that toxic person but never ask yourself what if someone heard it? he wouldn't say he is watching educational videos he well say he is watching that hub!
Why did this show up at the right time??? My friends need this video right now!!
Thank you so much for this video!
@@aexniqtSAAAME,FOR ME
Could be a sign, since it came into your life right when your friend needed it. Or could just be a coincidence. Either way I wish for the best for your friend.
@@Entei9000 :o
1. 0:30 Overwhelming Affection (Love bombing)
2. 1:05 Too Much Quality Time
3. 1:32 Saying "I Love You" too soon
4. 2:11 Constant Texting
5. 2:47 Constant Monitoring
6. 3:17 Jeaulosy & Possessiveness
"Insecure and constantly need validation"...😶🌫️
Me too, pal, me too...
You just need to create a safe inner space for yourself. “True maturity doesn’t come from just saying no but also saying no to the things you want.”
In my opinion, being insecure and constantly needing validation it’s just another sign of anxiety and obviously it’s a type of anxiety or a type of personality disorder. Like obviously relationship anxiety is not ever going to go away since that’s just part of life but there are steps. We can take to resolve these issues, such as creating a safe inner safe and obviously setting standards in relationship.
I'd hardly call constant monitoring a "romantic gesture".
Me neither -- it's just creepy, and an absolute turn-off! (Especially for introverts like me and my sweetheart -- we NEED our alone time like we need air or like we need food, so we need a relationship which will give us enough room for this!
It' s not, that' s why they called it a red flag.
Most of this resonated with me. I've seen a lot of these behaviors in my partner for a while, but I know her, and I know it isn't coming from a selfish place, so we've been actively trying to work on it.
A lot of these were my ex fiancée. She had been in 2 abusive marriages, was still living with her ex when we started talking, and we moved in together after less than 3 months of knowing each other. She checked a lot of these boxes, and made me feel like I was stupid. I called things off when she realized I was a human being, I’m autistic and got shamed for stuff I couldn’t control and I would apologize if I said something offensive without meaning too or if I made a mistake with her kids. We’ve been broken up 6 months, I’ve been with my current girlfriend for 3 months and she treats me well, but I’m still dealing with stuff. I’m seriously questioning my worth as a human being, I was constantly dismissed over misunderstandings and I feel like her kids ran the household
Don t let anybody devalue you. You r worthy. Leave if they do it
You are not responsible for how another person reacts or chooses to see things. I did not like to hear that when I first got married, as I was always the fixer of conflicts. You can’t do that forever.
Omg I understand what u been through and felt, I’ve never shared this but…. My mom is the same as the video and ur fiancé and I felt everything u wrote I forgot I was human I felt like a toy I forgot who I am I had big depression. But now I’m staying away from here I live with her but I try not to see her much , and I’m going out alone and doing my own stuff I feel like a human and … it feels amazing I didn’t know being a human was this nice, it’s so simple and beautiful, it was awful before , I’m glad I understood how she is and knew my worth , I hope u a good life and never Ever forget who you are , and what you want , we all are precious amazing and important :) !!!!
There must be something cultural about this. Saying I love you and showing "too much" affection is normal in my country. Context is everything IMHO
Brasil?
@@deadrat2003 Close... Venezuela
It sucks that people think this way because with ADHD i always start obsessed in relationships and its not manipulation
@@fieldy409I’m an Angelic Being and this is 100% my love language.
It sucks that they want to keep women from the greatest love of their life
Because of the effect on future male partners (cops and doctors and affluent men who take the romantic god’s sloppy 2nds…)
Nono no no it’s different from what you think , there is a toxic way and normal way in everything
I had all 6 of these in one partner. Looking back though, I remember how good they were at always claiming “It’s all because I love you so much”
I’ve never had a good romantic relationship lol
Forget abt good ...l have never been in a relationship
sounds like a skill issue to me
What’s a romantic relationship
@@crazykosiarka fun story: I got forced into my first relationship cause I didn’t wanna say no, and that one lasted six months 👀
1. Be true to yourself, eg say no when you feel no.
2. Reject (arbitrarily politely) anyone who doesnt vibe with your genuine self.
3. Real relationships will follow.
Once again, I feel like many of these only take into account neurotypical relationships. Many of these things are just normal and harmless for neurodivergent individuals with the exception of the possessiveness and crontoling behaviors. We just express our feelings in ways that can seem like red flags to NTs.
Very true -- and even in a neurotypical relationship, #1 through #3 (and to a limited extent even #4) could simply be a sign of anxiety or desperation, not a red flag of toxicity in and of itself! (#4 could especially be a problem in extrovert-introvert relationships -- which, however, are still NOT recommended because of basic incompatibility of temperament -- the extrovert partner keeps trying to reach out because that's just what extroverts do, while the introvert partner feels overwhelmed by it and withdraws, which only causes the extrovert partner to become anxious and try to reach out even harder, and it can become a vicious circle!) #5 and #6, however, are NEVER healthy (especially #5), and if you see THESE red flags, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
@agentorange153 Yes exactly!
now i need a video explaining why i am into these red flags
Hope this video you!
@@Psych2go if you sent a link or something i didnt see it
look into their vids about attachment styles & consider therapy or counseling for a personalized understanding
Here are the diff sections :
1. Overwhelming affection 0:30
2. Too much quality time 1:05
3. Saying "I love you" too soon 1:32
4. Constant texting 2:11
5. Constant monitoring 2:48
6. Jealousy and Possessiveness 3:18
All these negatives can be overlooked if the positives out weigh them it depends very much on the extent on which these things are being implemented how far do they go and what positive aspects of the person shine there's lot's to consider
NEVER overlook #5 (it's a MAJOR sign of toxic manipulation), but as far as the others, you have to look in a wider context and try to get the whole picture, because they CAN definitely be red flags BUT can also be signs of something totally innocent!
@@agentorange153all are manipulation all are based off of fear and control my point is if someone has redeeming qualities then they shouldn't be ignored just because of the undesirable traits of course one must be smart and able to control one's own emotions there's a difference between being a doormat and allowing something to slide the difference is one has no control and the other can can take control at any time and generally speaking the people who display these traits are intelligent and will understand very quickly if you're gonna be steamrolled or the one who does the crushing if one chooses see you can't simply look passed things without the ability to take control otherwise the relationship is doomed to failure like I said before there's lots to consider if the person that has these traits is worth fighting for then you gotta be able to fight intelligently and with purpose that benefits both parties
@@eugenekrabs3837 True, but going through the other person's pockets and reading their mail is ALWAYS out of bounds!
@@agentorange153well if that's one of your boundaries than that's your choice
@@eugenekrabs3837 I don't see why anyone would put up with that kind of behavior from their significant other (or from anyone else, really)!
I remember my ex said he loved me in the first two months. I told him I couldn't say it back because it was too soon.. and then he started crying. Man, I wish I had realized that was a red flag much sooner. Turns out he's extremely anxious and I was very avoidant... not a good match.
Well, the good news is that it didn't come from a place of manipulation or possessiveness -- the bad news is that you still were fundamentally incompatible!
TRUST IS A MUST
LIES =GOODBYES
I've been through all of those. I'm healing and receiving therapy. It takes a long time, but day by day, there are improvements with identifying red flags in people.
For anyone going through any of these red flags, be kind to yourself and get help when needed
Thank you for making this video. As a guy who just ended a situationship where my partner presented all of these red flags and blamed me for everything that didn't work between us, even for her own mental problems, I can assure you that it's better to leave those kind of situation as soon as you can, because it doesn't take too long to start developping traumas when in contact with these types of people. Now I'm focused on working on my boundaries and connecting to healthy relationships where respect and loyalty are mutual. Stay safe y'all 💜
Lovebombing is pretty come on for people who've been through trauma; look out if it seems manipulative, otherwise talk to them, might be a chance to get a bit closer
Definitely -- so, not so much an automatic red flag, but more of a "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" sign!
This is my comfort channel
I feel that I'm very emotional and over think a lot this channel helps me not over stimulate my feelings and understand myself, i always seem to watch these videos because alot of stuff happens or I feel emotionally unstable.
I have a question is it normal to want to be loved but be scared of it to? I seem to always think about this I don't really know why.
Yes, it is very much possible to want love AND to be scared of it at the same time -- just like, for example, you can want to have a baby and be scared of having one at the same time!
Yeah, it's perfectly normal. Especially when you have never been in long or healthy relationship before
I enjoy these videos cause it teaches me what to look out for. Also helps make me more self aware of my actions to another and not cause anyone stress or discomfort.
I've noticed some of these gestures in myself, and I know its not right. Its not me wanting to control her, or wanting fast intimacy. Its more an insecurity from my past relationship. In which I felt ignored and neglected. I hope its not to late to look at myself for these mistakes, and work on them. Its difficult sometimes.
when i got the notification i was scared of clicking and relating to the traits she would mention... now that i watched, i didn't relate to it, but i feel like my boyfriend has half of these red flags (overwhelming affection, too much quality time and constant texting).
i feel so guilty because i feel so suffocatted sometimes, but i think those red flags, for him, aren't bad but just his way to show love.. i've already told him that and we're trying to solve things
Watching this while being single my Whole life
My dear, the wounds and scars a toxic relationship leaves you, is so much worse than the joy and happiness that comes out with it.
You can find joy almost anywhere, but for people like me, nothing feels fun anymore.
@@eimdh thanks pookie
@@eimdh I feel you. But man, the pain I felt and the realization that it was a toxic relationship just made me a better person. It open up feelings I've never knew I had. It also added my knowledge on how to avoid and recognize the toxicity.
In a way it motivated me into becoming a better person. And knowing that two people can simultaneously deserve better.
Nothing we can do with the past. But we still can have a better tomorrow because of our traumas.
I promise it gets better, just give it time to move on. Friends will definitely help
Keep fighting king 👑
Mmm i actually saw myself in a few of these signs, i didnt know that one or two were toxic behavior i wish i knew or rather realised that before, i hope i can still fix myself i really dont wanna hurt him or ruin our relationship
Wow, thank you so much for this video. I was crying just now thinking about my ex and reflecting that I miss him but there was also the bad parts of it. That relationship was filled with manipulation and control, and I know I was also codependent. It was A MESS. I was crying wondering if there was really actual love between us, cause sometimes it really felt like there was. I miss the good moments with him and I was crying about that, but him trying to isolate me, control me and being jealous all the time did me SO SO BAD. Life is hard. Decisions are hard. But I think I did the right thing breaking up. It was a three year long relationship. I think separating was the hardest thing I did in my life. I loved him so much. I don't know if he loved me or not, but I loved him and I hope he's doing fine in his life. It was hard but it made me realize very deep things inside of me that I needed to heal.
It's so refreshing to hear your voice. Those others don't cut it. Please do more that you narrate
Constant monitoring and jealousy and possessiveness are not just red flags they can also be dangerous
True -- they can easily cause a misunderstanding to escalate into physical abuse or even murder (just ask Desdemona from Shakespeare's "Othello")!
Okay there are some things I never knew that were major red flags to me, such as constantly affection and messaging, maybe I might need to take sometime to reflect on my actions and better understand myself before going into another relationship again, that way it will help me in the long run to better understand my partner and doesn't rush at all or too soon if that makes sense, thank you for this video ❤
Perfect timing. I’m about to enter a relationship soon. We both like each other. We are both dealing with trauma. And we’re both 17 and want to be in a healthy relationship with each other. I’m happy to learn what to not do and improve and work on ❤ thank you Psych2Go ❤
No wonder some people give up and choose to stay single! I don't blame them! Life is such a balancing act, and if you sway too far one way or the other, you're screwed! Nobody promised life would be a walk in the 🏞️ park, but all these challenges and obstacles are very overwhelming sometimes! Let's try to hang on until the end friends, and maybe a miracle will happen and we'll get to have our happy ending! Bye!
i totally agree with this video. i was doing most of these things to my partner and tbh my relationship almost fell apart. but i got to realise my mistake and i am with that partner happily.
Wow look at your animation, it’s getting more awesome! Definitely love it ❤
I almost do everything in the video but not because of intentions to manipulate but because i have ADHD.
I do #1 and #2 sometimes, but also not to manipulate -- it's just because, being an introvert from the very deep end of the scale AND an Aspie at the same time, it's VERY hard to find a date, so I always end up trying too hard to keep her!
That' s just an excuse.
Thanks you for helping me identify emotions and toxins
1:33 how soon is "too soon"?
0:29 and 1:04 How much is "too much"???
I would say that depends on the ppl, everyone and every relationship is different.
Wow, I suffered everything said in this video... I'm really glad it's over.
Thank you! I've been saying this for so long now! I'm somewhere in the Aromantic Spectrum, so i don’t have any experiences when it comes to love and relationships but the amounts of times i got red flags with each category shown in this video and trying to warn my friends only to get ignored or brushed aside is overwhelming. I tend to look at relationships in a more "logical" way than all my friends who are not Aromantic. That being said i hate how some romantic stuff are considered normal and/or romanticised; for example "My bf won't let me wear that" or "My gf doesn’t want me talking to other woman" Are you ok?! Blink twice if you need help.
Let’s please also keep in mind not everything is about manipulation. You guys don’t have to always make this so dark all the time. Sometimes people just don’t know how to show their love in healthy ways, or they have mental illness they need to work through, or insecurities, or they have a different view on love and as long as their partner is on the same wavelength then it’s fine, or they never had healthy relationship models growing up.
Definitely true for #1 through #4 -- these can also be a sign of insecurity, of desperation, or can even be perfectly normal for some people! So, these are not so much red flags in themselves as "PROCEED WITH CAUTION" signs! However, #5 (and to a lesser extent #6) are ALWAYS bad signs!
As someone with BPD every time I click on one of those videos I wonder how many of the things mentioned I did, all of them in this one haha.
However it was way more out of control when I was not aware of my issues, thankfully now I am bit better with it
I wish I could see this video 4 years ago, when I decided on my relationship, because it could open my eyes and save me from diving into nightmare. Many red flags on the beginning, eventually all of them. Now it's kinda too late, because I'm not able to leave my partner considering his difficult situation and his mental illnesses. I kept him alive when he was dying, but the price is feeling dead while being alive for both of us... It may sound melodramatic but believe me, it's just the truth in this case.
A friend of mine had this kind of relationship. Her bf said i❤u after a week of dating. He also made her say those words by emotionally manipulating. But eventually they broke up after a month and a half as she figured this wouldn’t work as he used to constantly advice her to change the way she spoke or change her behaviour even made her question her worth😢 I'm glad she is out of that
1, 2 and 4 are something I can relate to, but that's because I'm really excited to talk to people and hang out with everyone 😭
I cried a lot of after watching this... I have some of the red flags mentioned here....
I've struggled with 1 2 and 4 a lot
I'm hesitant to tell people I love them because I've seen it misused so often and I've misused it in one relationship I was in
I don't have an interest in controlling others usually
and I'm not a particularly jealous person
But I do struggle with anxious attachment and tend to message people a lot
and want to talk regularly
I usually don't use lovebombing as manipulation tactic (though I did once in a toxic codependent relationship I was in once...Ironically we both did it to each other but neither of us really wanted to commit T_T)
But I have been told my feelings and affection can be overwhelming
which while usually unintentional, is something I've been digging into and trying to work through for the last four or five years
Fortunately, I'm not an angry person by nature so I've grown a lot in respecting other's need for distance and I'm taking it less personally
It's a process but I've grown a lot and I'm still working through it all with time...
My friend's ex did all of these. She was like you said, blinded, but I wasn't. I saw it all and one day, I sat her down and just explained everything and told her to be more mindful. She actually took my advice and started talking to me about the way she felt, their dinamic, everything (I never intendef for it to go like this, all I wanted was to give her some reality check)
I listened and told her to do what she felt would be the best. She left him.
I'm no contact with her now, so I don't know how she's doing, but I just hope I did the right thing
I like the messages that other people give in this challenge and they deliver it so well, but I love the voice in this video and many other ones as well. Thank you for the message. 🖤😌
I kinda already knew that spending to much time with each other was a red flag, my brothers ex was like that
So, HOW much is too much???
@@agentorange153 all day everyday, if there’s plans you cancel them, if your out with the boys and you get a text from your girl so you ditch the boys. That’s to much time
Gotta say, an excessive need for validation is a biggie for me… I’m just not built that way. Though I wonder if I am in some ways 🤔. This could also apply to friendships…
y'know, sometimes it's unintentional to be a toxic partner. Sometimes the love emotion is just exploding the moment you see someone or get to know someone. Handling relationship is a technical skill and if someone can't handle them good it doesn't mean they're toxic or manipulative. It's just mean they have the skill issue. Of course you gotta comes to terms with your partners, otherwise you won't be able to proceed if you're too worry about someone is there to manipulating you. Someone might just be too obsessive about you because of various reasons. Do you love them ? Help them become a better person.
I'm acknowledged that there are real manipulative people whom just "playing around". Just learn about them before deciding about getting into more committed relationship like marriage or for some people giving away your virginity.
Either sides, it's more about your ideal relationship. What kind of relationship you wanted to have. I knew someone whom wanted to cling me all day long and it's too much. That's why I broke up with the person. Most people don't want to talk about complicated stuffs, so I given up on finding the person to be in relationship with.
Meaningful conection needs time💙💙
Had an ex who insisted on approving a therapist for me. She didn't approve of my current one because she felt he was too young and insisted I see an older therapist for his "life experience."
I love you is different than I am in love with you. People can hate/love you for no reason. Do not forget agape love.
As opposed to closed-mouth love???
It should be noted that, whilst sometimes used intentionally by manipulators, all of these are also done unintentionally or with good intentions. Don't run because of any of these. Talk about it.
Pointing these behaviors out will make it obvious if they have harmful intent most of the time.
Exactly -- proceed with caution for most of them (but definitely run for your life if they show #5, not only is it ALWAYS toxic but it can be flat-out DANGEROUS)!
I’m every red flag mentioned in this video 😰 help
A thing to remember about a red flag; they aren't always inherently, automatically disqualifying, but they are things to be cautious of. They *may* indicate something problematic. Context is important.
In this case, #1 through #4 are things which could go either way (so, don't reject off the bat, but DO proceed with caution and look out for other possible problems), #5 is ALWAYS a sign of trouble ahead (so, best advice is to ghost them IMMEDIATELY and WITHOUT giving them any of the info they're demanding from you), and #6 is USUALLY a sign of manipulation BUT in SOME cases CAN be just a sign of anxiety (so, in MOST cases the best thing to do is push them away, BUT if they're a naturally anxious person then it's PROBABLY, but not certainly, OK!)
I left someone for all these reasons… and I thought I was just being mean. Thanks for the reassurance
This video makes the other person seem like some kind of manipulative monster or that they do all that on purpose. They don't.
Sometimes it can be hard for the other person to control themselves, even if they want to. If you are in love or interested in someone and you see these signs, I think it would be a better idea to talk about it to see if that person wants to change that or not. If that person wants to change that, then they are not a bad person, you can be happy with that person, because that person will one day solve all those problems and stop acting that way.
Relationships at the end of the day should not feel like games and cause you excessive pain. A lot of these red flags are issues that anxious attachment people posses and these behaviors may come out from a lack of ones own actions. Not saying these aren't important to look out for, if you have someone who is suffocating you.
But, sometimes a lack of ones own actions can cause a reaction out of another. It can cause the other person to feel inadequate and neglected which pushes them to "try harder", which then can be perceived as these red flags.
In adulthood, interactions with the opposite sex usually derives first from intimate interest and you should navigate "new friendships" very careful once entering a relationship. This is especially true with men, its very rare, that a man doesn't build unrequited love towards females that they find both interesting/attractive. Which overtime leads can lead to a friend who becomes possessiveness in your life, when they shouldn't have that kind of influence. So really the point about "new friends" can go both ways.
True -- ghosting or perceived ghosting can be a MAJOR trigger for these! (I speak from personal experience -- I went big on #4 when my new sweetheart, right after our first date, suddenly stopped replying to my e-mails and texts despite having done so quite promptly before, I pretty much bombarded her with messages until she finally answered me and explained that her relative is very sick and she's taking care of her!) So yes, it IS possible for MOST of these things to come from a good place, too (but NOT #5 or #6, though, these are ALWAYS toxic)!
Thank christ i already am very close to them, because i do give alot of affection, like quality time, and do say love you, plus texting alot, but its more of our friendship just grew that far.
But the other 2 down there is definitely negative as hell and i definitely dont have em
It is good to hear Amandas as a speaker again. It fits the mental or psych to go somehow very fine. Wonder if this video gives some feeling of borderlines and their behavior , any one else who thinks Borderline?
the thing is This can ruin someone and also help someone
Over thinking the situation and jumping into conclusion
And Potentially spotting a bad thing about a relationship (Overthinking because of this but this also help me and I know its meant to be kept in mind only not in heart)
Lovebombing is utterly manipulative.
Not always, but it definitely CAN be!
Being affectionate is controlling. So is saying "I love you" "soon". They have to be cold or it's not "healthy". The first 3 points are so vague they apply to all good relationships too. What is considered too much is relative. I knew guys who would "feel smothered" if anyone they dated tried to spend time together outside of sex
Notice there's no timeline given for what is too much or too soon, just claims that it's what experts say. We don't need more division and paranoia in the world
That's because it isn't a time-line, it's a criterion. The criterion of really knowing each other.
I love the fact you portraited Sailor moon relationship with her boyfriend as toxic.
Because sadly he is 19 and she is 14 years old. Paraphilic relationship is never healthy
I have a friend showing these signs and he likes me but I'm not into him. My make ups, clothing actions... He judges all of this and it pisses me off. He once said that he will make me mine so that I won't be hurt by other guys. He also gaslight and guilt tripping me for not replying his messages. He know he don't stand a chance but acts like a controlling lover
So, bottom line is, he will hurt you himself so that other guys don't hurt you! And you are right, you should NOT let him into your heart -- he will make you into his puppet if you do!
My covert narcissistic (and sociopathic) abuser did all of these things, he only took his time with the three magic words. Thanks to rose-colored glasses I thought I had found a best friend and soulmate. One of the greatest mistakes I ever made. Back then I didn't know any better. He was a puzzle piece that fitted perfectly into the picture of everything that I've learned growing up in an emotionally unsafe home.
THE LOVE CAT REFERENCE I SCREAMED
This is less of a protection to me, but more of something for me to be aware of. I had all these tendencies when I was in a teenage relationship. Didn't realize I'm a walking red flag myself back then. Then years later, now that I'm adult, I have decided to just fully trust the person I'm dating with. I'm going all-in with my trust. I don't care if they end up hurting me as long as I know I trusted them and gave them enough space to be independent. It will be painful, but as long as I know I'm doing the right thing, I will never regret my decision to be kinder.
What happens when he lies and has to earn his trust back? And now your constantly on edge about everything he does. Because you don't know what's truth or a lie anymore???? Does me wanting to see his phone all the time now make me narcissistic? Does my now insecurities make me a narcissist? Just wondering???
I especially like it that they used Yuno from Future Diary as example.
My dumbass always being nice to my gf and her using me
Reverse psychology type shi 💀💀
I just relized I do 5 of these things... I have no desire to be controlling and I'm not an abusive person at all but I get attached easily and feel jealous about this person I've recently been having feelings for... I don't know how to feel right now.
power of LOVEEE!
Is it red flag when a guy you know online now for 4 months tells you 2 mknths after you know each other via Text that he loves you back abd you text each other since then?
Btw only via texting and the oerson tells you thst this oerson you love will visit you someday but lives far away and is soldier and also student
And how can I tell my friend who is in this current Situation that something is wrong ?
This actually allowed me to understand the first guy I met on an online dating site better. Luckily, I broke our relationship off by accident before it became truly serious, but he diffidently gave me more than one red flag from this video. I couldn't understand what really happened and only after a long time of pondering did I realize that what he said about me in the end wasn't actually true nor my fault. For a three-day relationship, I hardly scratched the surface of what it truly feels like to have that sort of person in your life, and honestly I feel like I'd be the perfect victim for them, as someone hesitant to make decisions and also in love with the idea of being in love. (I'm an aspiring romance author). Now that I know more about these red flags, and what they can do to me, I feel a lot safer. Thanks Psych2Go!
Deciding to commit to someone is love though. And when we keep mystifying love it's no wonder people go their whole lives thinking they've never been in love
Timestamps
1). Overwhelming affection 0:29
2). Too much quality time 1:04
3). Saiding "I love you" too soon 1:32
4). Constant texting 2:10
5). Constant monitoring 2:46
6). Jealousy and possessiveness 3:17
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Sigh, how much I wish I could've known this back then...
They did all of this, yes, the entirety of the list; I did feel bothered by it, but I thought it was a me problem, that I was the one who was sh1tty in the relationship for getting rubbed off the wrong way from it. At the end, in the part that says it shows they might not trust you to be as your own person I felt that...
I had a relationship with some of those traits and... it ended with me breaking it because the other party wanted the wedding bells ringing before the graduation gowns can happen. I was a university student and trying to get a degree. I won't say much about the relationship other than it had some of the characteristics mention in the video.
Funny I look back at the toxic and narcissistic “friendship” I had and she showed every single sign!!!
Huh- so my now ex best friend did ALL of these- I don’t think it was done with malicious intent, but it certainly happened. And now I know why I felt so suffocated
Yes...
I went through this alright...
Every single one.
It sucks.
But nothing wrong being single now..
I'm okay with it.
My last relationship had all of these red flags and each of us contributed with some different one (and sometimes we both contributed the same one) 💀💀💀💀
Narrator’s voice is awesome, wish she would do all them.
💯 % my ex & thank God i ended it for 2 years, I'm 22 years old now i still think about her a time or to but i keep telling myself that it's not worth it
Thank god , this voice again
This video came at just the right time omg. My friend needs to see this asap
I'm really glad I'm single 🦋
Sleepy comfy voice lady 💕
To think that my ex partner had them all 😭I am glad I opened my eyes
1:37 I know the exact scene from the anime that's referencing and I'm feeling the frustration all over again 🎆
I LOVEEEE THE LOVE CAT REFERENCE