RC Sproul actually had a thought/writing exercise singles can do, and I found it helpful. It's from his teaching series The Intimate Marriage: Knowing Each Other. He called it a Special Order Bride/Groom, 😂 List twenty qualities of the ideal spouse. Be honest. Anything goes, don't be afraid to bring it to the list. Physical appearance, spiritual character, talents, personality, favorite hobbies, etc. These are qualities YOU like/adore. Once you have your twenty, narrow the list to five. RC called these your felt needs. Obviously these aren't meant to be nonnegotiables, but they are something to keep an eye on while you're searching. After all, to use a food analogy, not everyone enjoys sauerkraut, but good on those that do. 😉
@@p.o.d9410 In my opinion, it’s probably a good exercise for young adults, but only because it allows them to get it out of their head and on paper. So maybe they could stop dwelling on their “checklist”. In reality, which you learn as an adult, no one really meets those unrealistic lists we created in our youth. We all are flawed sinners, and we all will offend each other at times. The folks staying single into their 30’s despite trying to find someone, nearly always tell me about their “standards” and list. It seems to be on the narcissist side. Not that RC is encouraging that at all either, I love RC’s wisdom. But most of these folks really just need to be humbled, or they will die single while still gripping that list. I agree more with Voddie’s perspective…. Of “just pick the next person you talk to!” 😂😂😂 And get on with it! ♥️🙏🏽
@@jaquirox6579 I do wish more people _were_ flexible about the kind of person they're looking for, like if the person in question only meets two - three of the things, but they are excellent in those two - three things then I would say that's quite a catch. Perhaps the lady has an attractive face, is warm-hearted, and intelligent, but obese and tends to down be on herself. I wish more singles were prepared to accept the bad with the good in these situations, because we're all poor, weak, needy people fully capable of selfish motives and actions - however - we are covered by the blood of the Lamb and should work together to overcome our struggles.
@@BirdsofAccord Exactly that! And perhaps the digital online age has contributed largely to the giant case of the FOMO’s creeping through peoples perspectives in dating, and in marriage as well. But it seems to me that people overall have just become very self enveloped. People really genuinely think they are great! And they don’t realize their own sin, their own flaws, and honestly their own annoyances. It’s just a world full of people now that all think they are pretty great. And therefore, deserve someone great. They aren’t thinking about, or understanding, that they really aren’t great. They really are actually pretty rotten. And the only means by which we aren’t rotten, is by the blood of Jesus Christ. But through Christ we also can be regenerated, and sanctified, and humbled, and wisened up! All of us can grown from our crappy starting place, and become “pretty ok and cool”. At least that’s what I strive for, 😂 pretty ok. 😂 To the example you gave. A woman who has a pretty face, she’s intelligent, and something of a warm hearted girl. But perhaps she’s obese, and has bad self esteem at times. I would say that I would love to mentor her, and show her how easy healthy living is, and how absolutely fulfilling it is to live a Godly life according to the ordained roles commanded in scripture for women. And how much we truly can blossom and thrive working hard on that role, and treating our body well. And a bonus benefit to just doing those for God, is that you can lose weight very quickly and healthily. And the work outside, hobbies, lawn care, etc, raises your severely depleted vitamin D. The combination of all these things together naturally improves mental health as well. So then she would just find herself organically feeling much better about herself. The human body is a particular machine that does require particular care, and when neglected, usually because we are ignoring God’s commands for how we are supposed to be living… we get real fat, and feel real bad! Anyways, that was a rant! 😂 But gosh golly gee wilikers I just love this topic. So if you find a woman landing 3 big traits, then she can just learn and grow into the others. As long as she willing, and teachable, and humble… and willing to get her hands dirty. :)
@@harrylime9611 I'd say most men. Far too many of us have let our daydreaming get a grip on our expectations of the opposite sex. Especially the ones who are raised believing they'll find "the one" someday. Speaking from experience
I feel like most guys have a very simple list in their youth. 😂 My husband included. Tan ✅ witty ✅ interesting ✅ female ✅. Just as well, my list was equally shallow and not well thought out. Like a provider, security likely, considerate, and at least kind of cute. 😂😂😂
The problem with all this advice is it is directed at a nubile woman that would benefit from being picky. The "left over" woman who missed their chance at using such tactics need a whole other set of advice the same way the just short of confirmed bachelors need a different set of advice to the young still ambitious (not beaten down yet) men.
Fair point. I think this advice is a good place to start, though; both as a philosophical baseline to understand the proper dynamics (and from there adjust for context) and because it is better to prevent the difficulties in the first place (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure) - once the hull is patched we can start bailing.
My guess is that much of what you have presented over the past several videos is all in a book somewhere. So, when are you going to share the title? Oh wait, there it is on the table next to you. How convenient! Maranatha!
Not sure why it's wrong for a woman to initiate or to pursue. It may be contrary to how things tend to work, but making it a sin seems a bit of a stretch. Then again, Doug thinks a woman doesn't get it if she wears head coverings. She does -- she's submitting to God's command to cover, over her husband's objection or shrug. So Doug needs to think more carefully about things. He extrapolates broad truths, which is generally his strength, but also leaves plenty of room for fault.
I think in general a woman initiating is fine as long as she can reign it in and not pounce on the fellow. Sometimes a woman needs to initiate because the man is blind to her subtle signals and literally thinks she is not interested when she's giving all the signals another woman would recognize that she craves him.
@@REM-4444 No, it isn't. "If she won't cover, she should shave. But if it's disgraceful to shave, let her cover." Also, covering is only done at certain times, and likewise men must uncover at certain times. Context is important. Besides, that's not what Doug was saying. What he was saying is that a woman who wears a head covering when her husband doesn't believe in them is somehow in disobedience, thinking she's wearing a symbol of authority on her head, and so wearing something while doing something contrary to the covering. But if the woman thinks God commands women to cover, then she's not at all doing something contrary to proper authority and submission.
@@REM-4444 Paul is arguing that God demonstrates His will for women to cover their heads by giving them a natural covering of long hair. He argues in verses 5 and 6 this way, if you're having a hard time following his argument. Long hair is not the covering Paul is speaking of.
@@REM-4444 Where does it talk about beauty? It talks about hierarchy, and it says God even gave women longer hair to make the point that they should be covered. The people Paul was speaking to did not practice, culturally, coverings the way Paul instructs. Nor did the other churches (which Paul says all do as he is instructing here). There is no cultural argument, no reference to beauty. It's a matter of headship. Paul gives counter-cultural commands based on objective truths, not cultural commands based on cultural expectations. And did you now just argue that it is about coverings rather than hair itself? You changed your argument?
@@REM-4444 "Do you not understand" isn't an argument. I don't think you have one. Women are given long hair, and Paul points to that to back up his instruction that God intends for women to be covered when praying or prophesying. Counter-cultural command, objective reasons.
Alas, it's very common on women's "lists." I had two personal friends who refused to consider a guy shorter than them, no matter his other qualities or attractiveness. It's unfortunate, but what can you do?
@@matthewterry9413 After giving away his ill-gotten gains, Zach probably didn't have too much left. Besides, just how many "loaded rich" men are out there anyway?
I'm a guy and I've been daydreaming about a Christian girl I stumbled upon on Twitter. XD Have had very opportunities to get her to notice me and talk to me unfortunately. Hopefully that changes in the future. I don't even know if she's the right one for me, but she does look very appealing. She's very passionate about Jesus and she's a very creative person. She's my type in terms of sppearance too.
There was a time long ago where those who used the internets for dating and potential relationships were marked as 'creepy weirdos' that were to weak and scared to meet someone face to face and talk using your mouth not fingers.
@@imb6068 I DMed her early after finding her. She didn’t even see it, according to Twitter. A week or so later, I read an article on Twitter dating and found out I did things out of order. It basically said to follow the girl, like her Tweets and comment on them in order to get her to notice me. Eventually I should be able to get her to start a conversation with me after getting noticed. So far, I commented on one of her Tweets complimenting her artistic talent and she replied with a thank you.
@@Lukandon You're much better off with a woman who loves the Lord and has very little or, better yet, NOTHING to do with social media. Women on social media, even actual Christian women, are bombarded with men seeking their attention and it's easy for even the most godly woman to fall into the trap of receiving all that attention as a means to inflate their ego, knowingly or not. Lots of temptations there and honestly, would you want to be with a woman who has thousands of "followers", many of whom are thirsty men, commenting about her appearance and worse? Obviously, this is mostly an unbelieving and worldly woman's "game", but is definitely can be a snare for the most godly woman. Beware.
RC Sproul actually had a thought/writing exercise singles can do, and I found it helpful. It's from his teaching series The Intimate Marriage: Knowing Each Other. He called it a Special Order Bride/Groom, 😂
List twenty qualities of the ideal spouse. Be honest. Anything goes, don't be afraid to bring it to the list. Physical appearance, spiritual character, talents, personality, favorite hobbies, etc. These are qualities YOU like/adore. Once you have your twenty, narrow the list to five. RC called these your felt needs.
Obviously these aren't meant to be nonnegotiables, but they are something to keep an eye on while you're searching. After all, to use a food analogy, not everyone enjoys sauerkraut, but good on those that do. 😉
Kimchi 🤤
I couldn't come up with 5 things if I tried let alone 20
@@p.o.d9410 In my opinion, it’s probably a good exercise for young adults, but only because it allows them to get it out of their head and on paper. So maybe they could stop dwelling on their “checklist”. In reality, which you learn as an adult, no one really meets those unrealistic lists we created in our youth. We all are flawed sinners, and we all will offend each other at times.
The folks staying single into their 30’s despite trying to find someone, nearly always tell me about their “standards” and list. It seems to be on the narcissist side. Not that RC is encouraging that at all either, I love RC’s wisdom.
But most of these folks really just need to be humbled, or they will die single while still gripping that list. I agree more with Voddie’s perspective…. Of “just pick the next person you talk to!” 😂😂😂 And get on with it! ♥️🙏🏽
@@jaquirox6579 I do wish more people _were_ flexible about the kind of person they're looking for, like if the person in question only meets two - three of the things, but they are excellent in those two - three things then I would say that's quite a catch. Perhaps the lady has an attractive face, is warm-hearted, and intelligent, but obese and tends to down be on herself. I wish more singles were prepared to accept the bad with the good in these situations, because we're all poor, weak, needy people fully capable of selfish motives and actions - however - we are covered by the blood of the Lamb and should work together to overcome our struggles.
@@BirdsofAccord Exactly that! And perhaps the digital online age has contributed largely to the giant case of the FOMO’s creeping through peoples perspectives in dating, and in marriage as well. But it seems to me that people overall have just become very self enveloped. People really genuinely think they are great! And they don’t realize their own sin, their own flaws, and honestly their own annoyances.
It’s just a world full of people now that all think they are pretty great. And therefore, deserve someone great. They aren’t thinking about, or understanding, that they really aren’t great. They really are actually pretty rotten. And the only means by which we aren’t rotten, is by the blood of Jesus Christ. But through Christ we also can be regenerated, and sanctified, and humbled, and wisened up! All of us can grown from our crappy starting place, and become “pretty ok and cool”. At least that’s what I strive for, 😂 pretty ok. 😂
To the example you gave. A woman who has a pretty face, she’s intelligent, and something of a warm hearted girl. But perhaps she’s obese, and has bad self esteem at times. I would say that I would love to mentor her, and show her how easy healthy living is, and how absolutely fulfilling it is to live a Godly life according to the ordained roles commanded in scripture for women. And how much we truly can blossom and thrive working hard on that role, and treating our body well. And a bonus benefit to just doing those for God, is that you can lose weight very quickly and healthily. And the work outside, hobbies, lawn care, etc, raises your severely depleted vitamin D. The combination of all these things together naturally improves mental health as well. So then she would just find herself organically feeling much better about herself.
The human body is a particular machine that does require particular care, and when neglected, usually because we are ignoring God’s commands for how we are supposed to be living… we get real fat, and feel real bad!
Anyways, that was a rant! 😂 But gosh golly gee wilikers I just love this topic. So if you find a woman landing 3 big traits, then she can just learn and grow into the others. As long as she willing, and teachable, and humble… and willing to get her hands dirty. :)
Excellent advice for young women.
Or some men.
@@harrylime9611 I'd say most men. Far too many of us have let our daydreaming get a grip on our expectations of the opposite sex. Especially the ones who are raised believing they'll find "the one" someday. Speaking from experience
Great as always.👍👍
Before i met my lady and mother to my 4 children, my checklist was: no new age, not over weight and no scratchy voice. Might sound harsh but thats it
I feel like most guys have a very simple list in their youth. 😂 My husband included. Tan ✅ witty ✅ interesting ✅ female ✅.
Just as well, my list was equally shallow and not well thought out. Like a provider, security likely, considerate, and at least kind of cute. 😂😂😂
Harsh ? No it's pretty tolerant 🤗👍
Small list lol 👌🏻
@@jaquirox6579 tan? I don’t know a single guy, dead or living, that this would cross his mind… ever lol
@@matthewterry9413 Allow me to introduce you to my husband Sir. His name is Jake, and he was completely infatuated with my tan. 😂😂😂
Wish I had had some guidance in this area.
Nice blog post
The problem with all this advice is it is directed at a nubile woman that would benefit from being picky. The "left over" woman who missed their chance at using such tactics need a whole other set of advice the same way the just short of confirmed bachelors need a different set of advice to the young still ambitious (not beaten down yet) men.
Fair point.
I think this advice is a good place to start, though; both as a philosophical baseline to understand the proper dynamics (and from there adjust for context) and because it is better to prevent the difficulties in the first place (an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure) - once the hull is patched we can start bailing.
I just wanted to watch doug doug what is this
This is hard not to do long distance not going to lie.
My guess is that much of what you have presented over the past several videos is all in a book somewhere. So, when are you going to share the title? Oh wait, there it is on the table next to you. How convenient! Maranatha!
Revenue stream.
What man of God doesn’t speak with his own self-published book front-facing at his right hand?!
For the record, I'm already married.
LOL! Took me a minute.
Should my husband be taller than me?
sure
Biblically yes.
@@nathanielriesterer9103
Biblically? I get how it is psychologically advantageous, but I don’t recall a verse on it.
Is it a joke?
@@nathanielriesterer9103
What do you have?
@@nathanielriesterer9103 verse?
Not sure why it's wrong for a woman to initiate or to pursue. It may be contrary to how things tend to work, but making it a sin seems a bit of a stretch.
Then again, Doug thinks a woman doesn't get it if she wears head coverings. She does -- she's submitting to God's command to cover, over her husband's objection or shrug. So Doug needs to think more carefully about things. He extrapolates broad truths, which is generally his strength, but also leaves plenty of room for fault.
I think in general a woman initiating is fine as long as she can reign it in and not pounce on the fellow. Sometimes a woman needs to initiate because the man is blind to her subtle signals and literally thinks she is not interested when she's giving all the signals another woman would recognize that she craves him.
@@REM-4444 No, it isn't. "If she won't cover, she should shave. But if it's disgraceful to shave, let her cover." Also, covering is only done at certain times, and likewise men must uncover at certain times.
Context is important.
Besides, that's not what Doug was saying. What he was saying is that a woman who wears a head covering when her husband doesn't believe in them is somehow in disobedience, thinking she's wearing a symbol of authority on her head, and so wearing something while doing something contrary to the covering. But if the woman thinks God commands women to cover, then she's not at all doing something contrary to proper authority and submission.
@@REM-4444 Paul is arguing that God demonstrates His will for women to cover their heads by giving them a natural covering of long hair. He argues in verses 5 and 6 this way, if you're having a hard time following his argument. Long hair is not the covering Paul is speaking of.
@@REM-4444 Where does it talk about beauty? It talks about hierarchy, and it says God even gave women longer hair to make the point that they should be covered.
The people Paul was speaking to did not practice, culturally, coverings the way Paul instructs. Nor did the other churches (which Paul says all do as he is instructing here). There is no cultural argument, no reference to beauty. It's a matter of headship. Paul gives counter-cultural commands based on objective truths, not cultural commands based on cultural expectations. And did you now just argue that it is about coverings rather than hair itself? You changed your argument?
@@REM-4444 "Do you not understand" isn't an argument. I don't think you have one. Women are given long hair, and Paul points to that to back up his instruction that God intends for women to be covered when praying or prophesying. Counter-cultural command, objective reasons.
"Is he taller than you?" Seriously, that's on the list??? I guess that leaves poor little Zacchaeus out in the cold.
Alas, it's very common on women's "lists." I had two personal friends who refused to consider a guy shorter than them, no matter his other qualities or attractiveness. It's unfortunate, but what can you do?
"Death the the little people" 😆
No way. Zachaeus would have his pick of the litter being rich. Women will overlook height and weight for being loaded rich.
@@matthewterry9413 After giving away his ill-gotten gains, Zach probably didn't have too much left. Besides, just how many "loaded rich" men are out there anyway?
@@sagnorain3160 I might remind you that it is also Doug Wilson who says it ought to be on a woman's list.
Boom
"Is he reformed?" Answering in the affirmative is a disqualifier in my household. No Calvinist gets within a mile of my daughters.
Haha
Ha! Slightly agree, but love Doug Wilson ❤️
I'm ok with paedobaptists. But no daughter of mine will marry a meterologist!
Your comment made me chuckle thanks
@Barny Baylery LOL. Solid biblical theology that no one outside of gnostic circles advocated until the 4th century.
I'm a guy and I've been daydreaming about a Christian girl I stumbled upon on Twitter. XD
Have had very opportunities to get her to notice me and talk to me unfortunately. Hopefully that changes in the future. I don't even know if she's the right one for me, but she does look very appealing. She's very passionate about Jesus and she's a very creative person. She's my type in terms of sppearance too.
Just ask her out. Don't even worry about the noticing part.
There was a time long ago where those who used the internets for dating and potential relationships were marked as 'creepy weirdos' that were to weak and scared to meet someone face to face and talk using your mouth not fingers.
Lukandon 'the anime gamer', what are your responsibilties and commitments that would show a woman that you can look after yourself and her?
@@imb6068 I DMed her early after finding her. She didn’t even see it, according to Twitter. A week or so later, I read an article on Twitter dating and found out I did things out of order. It basically said to follow the girl, like her Tweets and comment on them in order to get her to notice me. Eventually I should be able to get her to start a conversation with me after getting noticed. So far, I commented on one of her Tweets complimenting her artistic talent and she replied with a thank you.
@@Lukandon You're much better off with a woman who loves the Lord and has very little or, better yet, NOTHING to do with social media. Women on social media, even actual Christian women, are bombarded with men seeking their attention and it's easy for even the most godly woman to fall into the trap of receiving all that attention as a means to inflate their ego, knowingly or not. Lots of temptations there and honestly, would you want to be with a woman who has thousands of "followers", many of whom are thirsty men, commenting about her appearance and worse? Obviously, this is mostly an unbelieving and worldly woman's "game", but is definitely can be a snare for the most godly woman. Beware.