"Ask Her Name and Marry Her!" | Jim Wilson and Douglas Wilson
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- Опубликовано: 11 ноя 2012
- Discussion with Douglas Wilson and his father Jim Wilson on fatherhood. Jim Wilson (father of Doug) is an evangelist and the author of "Principles of War". In this Jim encourages young men to not wait around for marriage.
Douglas Wilson wrote "Father Hunger" (Thomas Nelson, 2012). amzn.to/SAGbtj
“‘In love’ is love for yourself, not the other person.”
Your dad is such a wise man. I never thought of it this way, but it rings true.
"In love, or so we tell ourselves......" from Rod McKuen / Anita Kerr's "The Sky...." (opening theme.)
I dated my "dream girl" and it turned into a nightmare. After that ended I got right with God, renewed my masculinity-identity in Christ, and eventually met the woman of God I've been praying four since I was a kid.
She wasn't what I expected on the outside, but she's got a heart for Jesus that I've never seen in anyone else I've ever dated. We sought the Lord the entire relationship and were will be wed by July 4, 2022.
"She wasn't what I expected on the outside, but she's got a heart for Jesus"
Did you ever tell her that? Don't! ( to me it would seem kind of like living a little bit of a lie)
because I think person wants to be wanted for more than just , because they "Have a great love of Jesus "
I wouldn't count it out right , but thinking its a bit deceitful, because you didn't want be lonely, wanting kids , what have you ?
I sometimes feel people go in things with best intentions but there really not, or for who?
This me , and I've been married awhile, but still when my wife walks into a room ,she still takes my breath away , and she not 25 anymore.
I agree marrying for looks alone is bad idea but I think there at least has to be a particle of physical attraction there too.
Its like years ago they use to say to women , if your not attractive enough to attract a man learn to cook.
and if its a man learn to make a lot of money
which I think is a utility marriage than eventually becomes a roommate marriage.
@@sitka49 Well, the basic premise is similar to an arranged marriage, usually done for religious/cultural reasons. The spouses are expected to learn to love one another after marriage.
@@toomuchinformation Well I'm glad I don't have those religious or cultural reason be forced into something I don't want to be part of. And highly doubt a lot learn "expect" to learn to love , lets face it a lot of men can have sex with a woman they don't love, and some women too ,you just learn except your lot in life ,and push though if your forced into a marriage.
The 10th century called they want there marriages back.
But I get what your conveying.
I have to say as a never married 45 year old male, I found this very encouraging and helpful. Thanks for speaking plainly and honestly about this issue. Thank you for the Godly wisdom.
Stay strong. You made it this far.
*slight inhale*
*Microsecond pause*
"Okay?"
Classic Wilsons
I love the little idiosyncrasies of speech they all seem to have. Also they start many sentences with “And so...”
We want to hear more from Jim! We’d love to hear more about marriage and child-rearing from him. Such wisdom
He points something very interesting: all the girls I am attracted to, they are not attracted to me, and all the girls who are interested in me I´m not attracted to. My humble opinion this is because of our sinful nature, we are egocentric and we like impossibles, things we need to work for. Like Mr. Jim Wilson said: most of the times to be in love is almost love for your self not for the other. We need to pray the Lord so we can love and appreciate what He loves.
Haha, either that or he has no game.
Eric Runge - You must not be a Christian.
Well Jacob-Israel wanted Rachel and didn’t budge.
Never in the Bible it’s said to pray for someone that God will bring you....
Read your Bible don’t invent or make stuff up
What a blessing a godly father is. Whoever is reading this, if you have a father who loves Christ, do not underestimate the blessing it is.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
When you first love the Lord, then you can love someone else like yourself.
FarsightYT, I agree that we shouldn't just simply settle. The main point made by Jim here is that you might need to change ("settle" in that sense) your expectations. If you think beautiful is barbie girl, maybe you need to "settle" for a real woman. Part of the problem with this culture is our ideas of beauty.
Also, I agree entirely with you about exhorting women to do the same with their "Prince Charming." And, I Kissed Dating Goodbye has done similar damage. -Daniel
Well said, Canon Press. Jim's point was clear to me. It is shocking to me how our cultural ideals are assumed by too many Christians. And more sadly, how unaware of this they are in fact and practice.
I get a kick out of every time there's an issue with something it's this culture? I honestly don't think the definition of beauty has probably changed in the past couple hundred years in fact the Barbie doll came out in the 50s
Look at the pin-up girls in the '40s during world war II
Unless you're talking about the culture of women changing priorities they want a career and to go to college (I heard a study that there are more women that graduate college than men now days ) lot of them nowadays don't want kids much like their male counterparts
@@sitka49 Just because the culture has been a certain way for a century doesn't make it right. Slavery was culturally accepted world-wide for thousands of years; does that make it right? Regardless, I think social media and porn probably have distorted men's expectations about what a woman should look like. If you've spent a lot of time looking at the most beautiful women in the world, the average women in your small town might not meet your distorted expectations.
@@crusherven I don't believe definition of beauty has change, but attitudes and virtues have. I mean when you lived in small community you dated the local talent, I agree with the internet you can find someone thousands miles away date and possibly marry now.
And yes men now you can see more beautiful women in 1 hour then any man could've seen in a lifetime 50 or 60 yrs ago.
Men/ boys are now self pacifying with porn, they lost primal urges to seek out mate . 50% men between the ages 18 and 35 aren't even looking for a relationship.
I think the other problem is women have become incredibly selective too and part of it is the increase in female achievement in education and employment now about 50 years ago when Title 9 came in, there was a 13% swing in favor of men to women in universities there were significantly more men than women. Now and 50 years later 2023 it's a 15% point swing between men and women at the University and so it's in the other direction there are two women for every one man in a four year us college degree and women now on average between the ages of 21 and 29 earn
$1300 more than their male counterparts.
Women are roughly twice as likely as men to say that they will value financial viability in a man.
For him to increase his rating on a 10-point scale by two points he requires around a tenfold increase in his salary. For a woman to achieve the same two point Improvement on a 10-point scale in a salary would need to increase by 10,000 times, a woman is concerned about a partner's socioeconomic status, men are not.
I have known plenty of guys, speaking as a guy myself, who have had extremely high standards of beauty and personality, and are single to this day because of it. I am married to a woman that I think that is very well suited for me, she is not perfect, but then again I'm no great catch myself. What could be a better match?
I have much respect for this brother but I think he's giving advice better taken in yesteryear when most women you met in a crowd were at the very least openly Christian. Times have changed.
With state laws overwhelmingly awarding women half of what a man owns and with women initiating divorce at nearly 80% of the time, the state has made it extremely profitable and feminist culture (which has infected almost everything it touches) has made it trendy to divorce men.
Just "marrying the girl in front of you", while it does sound very noble and may have absolutely been solid advice some time ago, can be disastrous for young men today. A Christian man needs to exercise great discernment in today's marriage climate.
Look for a woman who deeply loves the Lord and who will love you. Use your better judgement and keep your options open and let scripture guide your decision making. And most importantly, be the kind of man a Bible believing woman needs, and do not chase what she wants.
I completely agree Alex. Social media especially has changed this landscape a lot, even in the most conservative circles.
100% agree. Im an attorney who has to defend men in divorce and custody cases sometimes. They start with a handicap and have to fight that way the whole time to the bitter end.
This is my biggest frustration in getting advice from elder brothers. They seem to think, not without warrant, that marriage is as simple as asking. And it seems like that may have been the case once, but the church and the culture at large is generally infected with women who do not know how to be women. Finding one who is somewhat pleasant, domestically skilled , loves the Lord and is easy enough on eyes seems a monumental task.
Thank you sir! In my younger years *funny being I'm 27 now .
I followed this logic luckily a marriage did not happen.
My father did this twice and both ended in horrible divorces .
Both women he married were after his church elders said shut up and marry her.
I understand the sentiment .
Getting married just because you're an aged 27 year old is crazy to me .
Just so you know, the "awarding 50% of what a man owns" is actually completely fair, much of the time.
If a woman stays home for you to cook and clean and care for your children, while you go off to a career and job - if you were to divorce her, you would be in a MUCH better position. She has had no career, sacrificing herself for her family, while YOU have one. She would be destitute, maybe homeless - while you would be fine. This is because of the choices you both made while being married, and you would need to recognize that.
Also, take a look at domestic abuse and infidelity statistics and you will see why women initiate divorce 80% of the time. Men need to step up and recognize this for what it is.
Once a man or woman is disillusioned with the "ideal" for marriage by seeing what "real" marriage is, then that person MUST reexamine whether s/he actually wants real marriage.
The ideal and the real can be VERY different, especially in this man-hating culture.
Many men these days are simply setting themselves up for martyrdom.
That's a good way to put it. I'm almost 44 and never married and my mind is almost made up to never bother with another woman. It would take a spectacular woman of character to even get my attention for a few minutes these days.
Found this channel about a week ago, and really enjoying it. Such a gift to the world!
This is a reason I've come to hate my sexuality. Why can't I feel attraction towards plain-looking women like others of my peers? It has never happened to me that a girl whom I considered unattractive just started seeming attractive to me because I came to know her better...you never want to tell your future wife that you respect her and appreciate her for her good wife-to-be-qualities, but aren't even at all curious how she'd look in a wedding dress.
I think it’s unwise and fruitless to marry someone you’re not attracted to. It may seem noble to not worry about looks or chemistry, but the fact is attraction does matter and I don’t think you can force it. Yes, you can be overly shallow and focused on looks. But attraction and chemistry do matter and it’s not wrong to seek that.
@@s.a3099 true! There’s a good of AskPastorJohn about “Should I Date Someone I don’t find attractive?” Because many times people only get hurt down the road when we completely downplay attraction. It is important. Not as important as other things, but definitely important. You’re choosing a mate for life, and someone you’re supposed to (hopefully) have babies with. 😁
I agree. I dated a woman of God who is attracted to me, but I am not attracted to her willing myself to be attracted to her the more that I got to know her. I received an epiphany that if I married her, I would regret it, turn around and blame her and more importantly, it would set me up to commit adultery on her because I'm just not physically attracted to her. Based on that and the fact that the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit to break up with her, I obeyed and broke up with her seeing that I also had more pressing responsibilities as a caregiver to my mentally sick mother at the time. We are still good friends to this day and she is still attracted to me, but I'm still not attracted to her and wold never marry her even though she is a woman of God. The Word says in Proverbs 31:30 that "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman of fears the Lord, she shall be praised" however it must be balanced with what what Word also says will happen if we delight ourselves in the Lord... that He will give us the desires of our heart. The desire of my heart is for a woman of God who I'm also attracted to, not a woman of God I'm not attracted to whom I have to settle for, which will set me up to disobey God and commit adultery.
And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold. (Matthew 24:12)
Late to the video but he makes a great point. The beginning of loving someone is loving the Lord and spending time in the Word. I dated a great girl for 1.5 years and focused on worldly things, all the while not seeking the Lord or being in scripture. Eventually things ended and I sought the Lord and his counsel and began reading scripture. I now realize how spiritually minded she was and am attracted to the very qualities she has. I was the one who did not have the spiritual lenses or guidance to see it to my own detriment. I mostly wish that I had trusted the Lord earlier and read his scriptures before hand but also wish I had listened to counsel, like Jim Wilson, in my life that told me she was a great catch and I should move forward with her. Emotionally I wasn't feeling it and was numb, but your emotions are incorrect when you are living in sin and not seeking the Lord, its not wise to always trust them.
I want to hear more from Jim on this topic!!
Yes we want to hear more from Jim!!!
I'm in leadership at my church and know a host of men (but I know even more women) who need a fuller, longer discussion on this topic. Are there any videos/books/curriculum that anyone can recommend?
I know this is a year late lol but Voddie Baucham's sermons on love and marriage are good
I know this is further month later.. i would agree with Ben and add Paul Washer making a very short list
@@benhur6211 thanks for this suggestion. I've been looking for stuff on this subject and I love Voddie
@@Jcoch_27 Glad I could help. Those sermons changed my outlook on marriage/dating
Douglas Wilson is the most handsome Pastor on youtube. H e has filmstar looks and he is so humble and kind. You rock dude.
wow, his father is still alive? how old is he?
Very good video. The discussions starting at 1:45 show great wisdom. The use of the word "settle" by Douglas at about 3:45 was unfortunate but I understand that he was speaking from the other person's perspective.
I like the point he's making
Already lost my one and only, was too foolish and stiff necked. Now i'm living with the concequrnces of loneliness and overwhelming temptation to apathy
It's not just that the "story-book ideal may be a daydream" (for young women too! ie Prince Charming) It's that it doesn't last. A woman who looks like Barbie, and doesn't care about anything, will one day grow older, especially after children, her body will change, and she will end up caring about something - have an opinion, disagree with you, have her own wants and desires, etc... And because these weren't the topics discussed purposefully, men will be disappointed with who they end up with - and so will the woman.
I also say - whatever you marry you have to "keep up". So if you marry a beautiful girl who always dresses nice and smells good - guess what you are going to pay for the rest of your marriage?? And it won't get cheaper! But if you learn to look for a lady that you can agree on lifetime issues with and both are pursuing a lasting relationship with God, then external things really take a backseat quite easily.
Absolutely well put!
I dress nice -- in Goodwill clothes.
I know plenty of 60yo's who look better than others at 20. Some physical beauty does last.
This is great advice…if I knew any single Christian women.
So what if we are among the second group, the single men who are single not for a lack of trying? Some of us actually are seeking the will of God in the Scriptures concerning this issue. And some of our standards are not by any means unbiblical or unrealistic as he describes (as in, some of us are not looking for the perfect barbie-doll he's describing). As a man in his early 20s who has gone on dates, been in serious relationships, done all the hard work to work on myself, looking to the Word to dictate how I should go about finding a godly woman: prayer, pursuit, etc. - these responses are extremely frustrating.
Again, as a young, 20 something who knows the Word well enough to stand on his own, has a full time job, lives on his own, financially independent, etc. (not a dead-beat "boy"), it feels like God simply is not allowing me to move forward with anyone, and I can't put a finger on why. Can someone speak to this? What else do men like me need to do?
The problem with older generations of men trying to give advice about this particular topic is that with feminism and a culture that hates men, the dating and marriage world isn't the same anymore. Women weren't incentivized to divorce (which they are near 80% of divorce initiations now) for cash and prizes. Thats not to say God doesn't have daughters out there, but you can't throw caution to the wind.
This is not a day and age where most women out there are Christian women and many women (and men) who are Christian accept the cultural zeitgeist of our time. We have to use our better judgement and guard our hearts.
I don’t know if this will be helpful to you, especially months later, but this is my point of view lately as a Christian woman.
It seems very hard to find single men who present as truly confident and traditionally masculine, and this creates a serious attraction issue for feminine women who value masculinity. (I know that it’s hard out there for men in our culture, that’s not lost in me, but I’m just telling you what I see.) Even in the Church, there are many, many single men who are pleasant enough to talk to, have stable jobs, decent hygiene, etc., but who are just not masculine in the way they present themselves. This could be for a variety of reasons: they could be from broken homes without a strong father figure to teach them how to act, they might be spending too much time on the internet instead of cultivating real-world skills, they might be out of shape or eating food that makes them more feminine (testosterone levels at record lows, partly because of diet), they might feel social pressure to act overly mild-mannered, giggly, and “nice” because they believe that makes them more virtuous in our feminized church culture, and of course there is just the general pervading secular culture influencing Christians in ways we sometimes don’t even think about.
If I were a man today trying to find a virtuous, feminine wife, I think I would be doing everything possible to be not only a stable man but a more stereotypically MANLY man. I would be learning a trade or even multiple trades, I would be working out regularly, eating healthy, growing full facial hair, going on adventures out in nature and attaining practical skills. I would be avoiding screens. Working with my hands. I would find the most masculine older Christian man in my community and ask him to personally mentor me, and I’d be spending time with him regularly. I would be becoming well-rounded and highly competent in whatever seemed cool to me. When you become highly competent you will become more confident, and this will come out naturally in the way you present yourself, making you more attractive.
I say, in the meantime while you wait for your wife, go have fun being a man and pursuing more skills/experiences. We really do still long for the kind of guy who could change our tire for us, and who will even stand up to us when we’re in the wrong. There are so many wimpy men out there now that it can be hard to figure out who the strong men actually are, even among Christians. Make it easy for us.
I also agree with Alex’s assessment though! I just think that the more manly you are as a Christian man, the more likely you’ll be to attract the right feminine Christian woman.
@@emmadoremus9908 These are great thoughts, Emma. I couldn't agree more. I usually refer to men like the ones you described as limp wristed, and it's gotten me in a lot of trouble. But you're right, and it's sad. We need men who are masculine enough to stand up tall against the tides of the godless culture, with a spine.
On another note, by God's grace, ironically enough, I have indeed found the one whom my soul loves. I will be marrying her this upcoming August, so long as the Lord wills. I praise God for her. There are men out there such as the ones you described, be encouraged and know that. Just be ready to recognize him when he comes your way.
@@justinbirkelo6806 Hey, that’s awesome news!! Congratulations! I am definitely encouraged by that. It’s amazing how much God can work in just a short amount of time.
And “limp wristed” is a good way to put it... that might sound harsh to some people but that about sums it up. I’m sure God will use you and your story to encourage and teach other men who have been struggling in this way. Very cool. :)
@@emmadoremus9908 This is good!
Good advice. Infatuation is not love. Our society should re-term “I’m falling in love “ . Because it’s not love they’re falling into.
Such wise men on women “maybe he’s attracted to Barbie dolls or maybe he wants brains” oh dear, the wisdom is astonishing 😂
Oh cousin Jeff... SMH.
Poor cousin, Jeff
What if all the single women at church are always 15-20 years younger or more - and the one close my age makes it a point to not talk with me
SOL I’m 42 attend a reformed church for four years now. Everyone close to my age is married. It would be a good place if you are late teens but I’m not.
A solid advice but it's always guys Jim and Doug that advise people to settle when they did not settle themselves. It's very hard to settle , it's not like picking one car over another, just saying
Many women earn their own living now. They don't feel the same pressures to marry. Generally they only want to marry up. They've priced themselves out of the market for most guys.
"marry up" with reference to what?
Status?
Wealth?
Coolness?
How about STABILITY? No one seems to care about that when they're trying and failing with the opposite sex.
@@steveboling8830 probably experiences.
Non-Christian women maybe.
I think women are biologically designed to want to marry up. We generally aren’t attracted to men who aren’t more well off than we are. It doesn’t necessary make a woman a gold digger if she wants to marry up, but it can be that way.
Women are far more likely to want to get married than men.
Ha! So it's OK to marry for sex then? That is what Paul seems to say. But then it seems almost a curse that if you struggle with porn and lust and attraction problems, your solution is that it is fixed by marrying someone you are not attracted to (which is anyone really because the attraction will eventually fade)? That will only increases the problem! No, it is a heart issue and must be dealt with alone with God in prayer and with brothers and sisters you can confess and confide in. Both married and single people struggle with it porn and it is not going to go away just because you get married.
I cannot agree with this comment more.
Pastor Doug agrees. He is saying that the inclination towards sex means you're not gifted with celibacy. And those who aren't gifted that way should seek marriage.
That man could be your dad
Settle?
Ya I’m sure the woman you settled for who is plain and dumb will be thrilled to hear this.
Yeah as I've been hearing its not that "I can't find a barby doll or someone I'm in love with" its more there are not that many good christian girls out there that want to have a biblical marriage.
Exactly
also I think no men in their right mind would WANT bachelorhood unless they are "non Christian" and does not believe in sex within marriage only.
“True Love Waits”- sold to Southern Baptists in the 1990’s; is making a resurgence. My problem with TLW; less than 10% of CHURCHED Students wait till University, less than 1% of those who take the pledge remain faithful. The church knows this; but it does not celebrate it. Couples who have children out of wedlock are pursued, as are women whom have aborted .. to reconcile these sinners to God. But what of that one percentage? Imagine if a woman is never asked; I’ve had well meaning pastoral friends suggest that a woman raise a child alone - and that 1% spoke Gods Word about the importance of a father. Psalm 127 is hard.
..." there's not that many of them"...!!!!???? What in the world is this man saying??
I would say there are NO storybook ideal people, male or female. Not "not many," NONE.
@@kristinazubic9669 I disagree. There are a few, but they're already married
@@horrificpleasantry9474 I like your name
So marriage is going to make a man who struggles with porn magically not do so (the implication of 0:53)?!? WHO in these circles is going to protect these poor women who are going to end up married to porn addicts?!?
Im open to being wrong here, but it seems like the point being made is that the man who struggles with pornography probably does not have the gift of singleness.
I don’t think this video is implying that marriage magically makes a man not struggle with pornography anymore. That’d be foolish to think that it would.
I also think we need to be careful not to label everyone who struggles with pornography (what Doug said) a porn addict (what you commented).
Let me know what you think!
@@erikmoore2918 I think your answer was correct on every point
😂
I am not sure giving specific advices on dating is going to help much.
Far too many variables are missing.
Teaching men how to know the self and cultivate masculinity would be much more helpful.
What happens if you're exclusively same sex attracted but don't feel called to celibacy?
If you're only talking marriage, the biblical answer to that question is the same answer as to someone who is "exclusively attracted" to an incestuous relationship, for example.
@@CanonPress But, what's the answer?
@@miguelbayne4506 In both situations, the answer is that a Christian, where there is no possible lawful fulfillment of that desire, is called to resist that desire. The principle applies to all other sinful attractions as well (covetousness, lust, envy, etc).
@@CanonPress Ok, but then what Doug's father is saying unbiblical. The "gift" and the mandate of celibacy are 2 different things. Homosexuals like myself do not necessarily have the "gift" of celibacy. I certainly do not. I find celibacy very difficult and a source of great sometimes even suicidal depression and soul crushing loneliness. However, homosexuals are called to sexual purity, as all Christians are. This is not synonymous with having a "gift" for it. Some Christians and even homosexuals may have the gift of celibacy. Some like myself may not, but it is a lifelong burden to bare. I want nothing more than to be in a loving committed relationship with another man. But, because I know it is disgusting and unholy I do not pursue this and must repress every single romantic thought and desire that occurs to me every day and hour of my life. I pray someone draws this distinction to Doug and his father.
@@miguelbayne4506
You are absolutely to be respected highly for your words and your stance and obedience and humility and openness. God bless you.
What did I just listen to? Basically just get married? Sanity just left the room.
You cant marry someone your not attracted to, that is stupid. If you develop an attraction to said person later on while knowing them, that's a different story.
Being attracted to the person is very important, because he or she without it will feel unloved or unappreciated and will slowly poison the marriage. To take a risk in marrying this person you are "settling down for" is very dangerous because of what i said.
Honestly I think this is terrible advice. If you have to wait longer, then do it. Its not worth wasting you and your spouses time.
Please do not listen to this advice. There is obviously more depth intended than the hyperbolic simplicity indicated in the title of this video, but please take the appropriate amount of time to get to know a woman before marrying her. I went for a quick engagement to a woman from church, inspired by this advice, regularly saying to myself, "There's no such thing as 'the one.' Trust God's sovereign plan. Love her like Christ. Blah blah blah." It was the worst decision of my entire life. I ended up calling off the engagement and costing us massive amounts of emotional pain, costing my family and friends tons of money and pain, and as I paid for most of the wedding, I destroyed my non-retirement savings.
Do. not. listen. to. this. advice. It is in fact GOOD for a man to be alone, rather than to be with a woman who appears to be something she is not, who turns out to not be trusting the Lord despite all of the public professing...
TELL THE WOMEN!!!
You should find a woman you find attractive, but don't assume your conception of attractiveness is currently perfect. It's probably twisted by worldly influence and should be readjusted with the help of the scriptures.
His words do not agree with scripture.
For Doug… So I’ve heard you mention pornography a couple of times in different sermons and blurbs that I’ve heard on RUclips. I do not attend your church. I do not like what I hear. There is no such thing as a minor porn problem. While you didn’t use that particular terminology in this particular video, you have in others. Pornography is like a drug… It leaves a myriad of victims in its wake. Not only is it a scourge on society, it is, for the people engaged in it, them joining themselves to a harlot. It’s also idolatry. Paul makes that clear.
You should listen to more of his talks-he addresses that
Plenty of whom have been forced into it as well and now calling them harlots for their misfortune.
Jesus didn't do that.
"dumb and plain" isn't a very nice thing to say, folks. Isn't that kind of judgmental ? Trust God to lead the people into your life you need, and trust God in areas of your life, and the rest will fall into place. If you go looking for love, there's a good chance you won't find it. When you aren't looking for it, whoa....there it is. That happens sometimes (per the Habanera in the opera Carmen.) My comments only, and I don't claim to speak Ex Cathedra on the above issues, but.....I'm just sayin.
I'm sorry this is poor advice. I understand where it comes from and I understand it has good, biblical intent. But MOST women are not interested in having a legitimate, biblical, stable marriage at all. They want a superficial marriage. There's also the increasingly one sided marriage laws, the fact she can take my kids, the fact she can take all my money and be the one cheating, leaving, and slandering me. I'm sorry there's no good reason to marry anymore. Not legally at least. I believe in marriage as a religious institution but the state and the world have corrupted it. And you're not gonna fix it by encouraging young men to marry just any woman they come across.
You're missing some presuppositions that men like Doug have. You should be in a community of God-fearing women and families to begin with. The reformed, covenantal community looks very different than the average American community today, with different values.
This is silly at best and dangerous at worst. A man who cannot attract the type of women he's attracted to should not lower his standards, but should learn how to attract those type of women. These two men have a lot of good insights and have helped a lot of people, but this video is not an example of their shining hour. They clearly do not know how to teach a man how to be attractive to the type of girl he wants, or else they wouldn't need to shove him down into settling for a plain looking stupid woman. On their wedding day: sweetheart you're not that great looking to me and you don't seem all that intelligent, but I lowered my standards to be with you. All girls want to hear that! It's almost literally a quote from Song of Solomon, trust me. No, a man needs to learn how to up his game, up his status, up his value. I fear that talk like in this video only serves to undercut a man's confidence and further lower his status.
I see many more guys supposedly "waiting for the perfect girl" (which is usually an excuse for passivity and never getting married). Don't you? And obviously, if you don't find a girl attractive, don't marry her...but just because you're not initially attracted doesn't mean you shouldn't pray about and consider it. Again, our Christian culture is in the other ditch right now...
@@CanonPress No. Because of the post-Christian fallout what I see is many, many more guys from messed up home situations who don't naturally understand how to attract women, and who don't understand how what they're doing around women is turning them off. They may appear to you to be passive, but the principle of love says that they should be believed that they're in a legitimate pickle and can't figure this stuff out, which means they actually need to be taught and built up. Moreover, since they actively came to you for council (didn't they?) isn't it more likely, dear mystery responder, that you or Doug or Jim don't know how to teach them to attract women, and should first learn how to teach the principles of female attraction instead of putting it all back on the poor sap? I mean, at the very least one should not teach men as a solution to pursue women they don't find attractive and then tell them they're selfish when they don't. I know for a fact that Doug wouldn't do this in person, but not everybody who watches has the chance to hear Doug personally contradict what this video says. This teaching in this video is not in line with scripture, damages masculinity, and can be a recipe for future divorce.
Just thinking this through some more. Have you noticed that both categories of men in this video are being filtered through one over arching & unproven faith commitment? Namely, that any man who isn't married by 27 is by definition selfish, and kind of stupid. It is implied that there are really only two reasons for him to be unmarried, so he is deliberately selfish if he is passive and won't get married, or he is kind of stupid and selfish if he wants to marry but can't find the right girl, because what he's actually doing is waiting for the non-existent perfect girl. This driving idea that men "should" be married by age-wait, what again is the best age for all men(?), leads to what is spoken against in 1 Timothy 4:3, except on the other side of the ditch: instead of arbitrarily forbidding to marry this is ipso facto arbitrary pressure to marry.
Feel like I'm missing something here. This video says 1) If you're late 20s and not gifted with celibacy, 2) you need to find the right girl and marry her asap. Did you miss all the parts where Jim referred to "helping" men and women in this endeavor? I agree that understanding attraction has a lot to do with this situation. By the by, for that purpose, for women, making a lot more money is the single most attractive trait a guy can have (drawing my data from The Masculinist).
@@CanonPress There you go. That's exactly what I'm talking about. We could debate what is more or less attractive to women, but each man will find what works for his style. Other things would be how to approach a woman so that she feels emotionally safe, learning how to mess with her in a way that raises her attraction level and helps let her guard down, and precisely what (and what not) to say when asking a woman out. I believe this is teaching men to use their masculinity in service to women, and it turns out women can't get enough of it. After all, nobody is teaching this stuff, and something like 3% of men understand it naturally. I certainly didn't learn this in Moscow. Maybe what I said is what Jim means but I suspect not. I think if he did he wouldn't need to suggest that somebody consider a woman he thinks is plain and kinda dumb.
Horrible advice. Settle then resent her for the rest of her life. A nightmare for both...
Boomers being boomers. Retire your mumbling.
horrible, horrible, horrible advice for men.
Insane advice. You’ll lose half your shit.