The way she let the guest speaks, never interrupts, asks right questions on right time The way she isn't making it about her and acually hosting... something rarely found in the nowdays media You're amazing!
I love that dev just decided one day to use her platform to give voices to ppl who have been through traumatic/unique situations. I wish more creators would do that!
@@taylorellison2719 yeah if you're forced/pressured into doing it... But for the people who want a place to share their stories is extremely therapeutic and good for the brain. Sharing your story makes people feel less alone, it helps you face your fears and trauma, makes you analyze what bothered you and how to notice the signs which helps center yourself and reflect on how to react in tough situations. Finally, making awareness of issues in our world and how we CAN do better.
@@taylorellison2719 for the third time, hoping you see this, could you elaborate? If you mean speaking about personal trauma... I don't think they're being paid or forced so it's actually very healing [in the right setting, and dev is SO good at listening & making people feel welcome & safe. I really believe her intentions are pure]. The only thing worse than working through trauma or talking about it (in a safe space) is NOT.
I remember praying, as a kid, for my mom to leave my dad. Very similar experience minus the missionary stuff… they never split. And I still deal with the wreckage from time to time. But I’m learning better boundaries and how to protect myself.
Yeah, it is also great that the mom actually decided to acknowledge the abuse and do something about it. Mine not only never did, but also was angry with me for standing up for her (or for my siblings). She chose my dad and the abuse over us or her own life every single time.
I married a narcissist. He was the most beautiful human being when in public, and the ugliest in private. He made me believe the "Holy Spirit" told him everything I did and thought, so I was terrified to even plan to leave. Then he left me and I was so programmed by then, I was afraid I couldn't survive without him. I hate narcissists, with every fiber of my being
If he is a true narcissist, he has not changed and will never change. He’s playing his games for the long run and will hurt your siblings and you if you give him the time of day again
Dev giving your guests a safe space to share their story is such a special thing. You can tell this was like a therapy session for Ellie in the most beautiful way. 😭❤️
I ended up watching this video because of Ellie. Her father, Scott, was the headmaster for one year at the private Christian high school I attended - my freshman year and the school's first year in operation. It was run out of that same church Ellie spoke about. My family didn't attend, but most of my friends at school's families did. The one friend I'm still extremely close with and the only former classmate I still speak with can say this for certain: that church wasn't a church. It was a cult. Somehow, a lot of my classmates and I were shielded from the majority of the cult behavior because we had so many different and amazing teachers. But, we all gave Mr. Davenport to his face and Mr. D behind his back a wide, wide berth. Parents either kowtowed to him or hated him. My mom in particular knew he wasn't what he said he was and repeatedly went to bat for not only me but my classmates. Nothing moved him; typical narcissist behavior. Plus, through my mom's interactions with Ellie's mom, she could quickly tell that home life for the Davenports wasn't what it should be but was helpless to do anything about it. Now, all the way from 2009 freshman year, it's shocking to hear all this....and yet not shocking at all. The signs were there from the beginning, even for a bunch of 14 year olds. Ellie, you are so strong and so brave for shouldering the weight of a family at such a young age. You are so strong for surviving. You and your incredible mother deserve a beautiful life of peace and safety, as well as the rest of your siblings. 2/3 of the GCA freshman class girls salute you and your journey and your future success. 💛
I hope she doesn't feel obligated to ever forgive him or see him again. He doesn't deserve it, even if he changes. He made his choices and he can live with them.
Forgiving those who’ve harmed us is more for us than for them, but you’re right that Ellie is under absolutely no obligation to see or even talk to her abusive father.
There is a reason why less than 1% of all of earth histories humans will make it into heaven. Cause they wont forgive. It is the hardest thing for any human to do. God will not let you into heaven if you cannot forgive people. Even Jesus forgave the people who crucified him lol.
Ellie is such a fantastic and clear storyteller, and I honestly cried because I was so moved at the way she fiercely protected her mother and siblings in all those ways over the years. Ellie thank you for sharing your story! We would all be lucky to have a person like you in our lives !
i love the way she speaks - the long word pronunciations, the gaps, the hesitations, the changing delivery speed. And then what she says is fascinating, and she is so aware, caring and sensitive. What a sweetheart!
listening to her describe her dad really confirms that my dad is DEFINITELY a narcissist wow that’s crazy. cool to hear things from another persons perspective
I love this podcast dev. It’s such a good reminder that you never know somebody’s story. We can judge someone by their exterior but if we can put that aside we can learn a lot from others experiences
also had a verbally/emotionally abusive narcissist pastor father... it's something that I've always found hard to explain to others who don't understand, because there were no visible scars. thanks to him, I have chunks of my childhood that I can't remember because I've blocked it out. been trying to work through everything that happened in therapy but when you can't remember things clearly, it's tough.
my dad was a pastor and cheated on my mom for 2 years and was a narcissist. also traumatized me as a child. narcissistic pastor fathers are SO not talked about enough!!
Narcissistic abuse is so incredibly hard to overcome. I immediately stopped speaking to my dad when I realized that I wouldn’t tolerate his behavior from a boyfriend or friend. If I wanted better for myself, I needed to make it better. Four months after, I started seeing my boyfriend and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. It was really hard to lose a parent in that way but made my life so much better.
I know this comment is a year old but I just found this channel and my experience was so similar. I didn’t go through the religious trauma thankfully but man when she was talking about her dad it was a mirror image of mine. I also cut contact with him about 4 years ago and am now in the healthiest relationship of my life with an amazing boyfriend. I hope you’ve been able to heal 💖
"if you were ready that would be something you would know and feel in your heart" honestly incredible thing to say, very sweet of you to reinforce that fact
Ellie is so eloquent! The way she told her story, is so clear! I could almost picture the things she described, and i understood completely what she meant all the way through. I've dealt with a narcissistic boyfriend before, he abused me mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically and financially. And also, my own father has narcissistic traits. Some of the things Ellie described about her father sounded scarily familiar. My dad has a huge anger problem, he can't control it. And he has to be, and fully believes, that he is right all the time. He's given me awful anxiety, among other things, cos it's hard to be around him and have conversations with him without there being an argument. Anyway, thank you so much Ellie for telling your story. You are sooo strong, and seem like such a wonderful person. Sending loads of love from England 💕
“Honor thy father & thy mother.” doesn’t mean you have to live with or near them or talk them when they’re abusive & narcissistic. You can “honor” your parents without dealing with them in situations like you described…
It’s actually terrifying that your siblings are making amends with your dad, because narcissist, do not heal or ever get better. They just manipulate people. So it’s possible he can manipulate your siblings and turn the whole situation around to where they start looking at you and your mother negatively.
My abusive and narcissistic father was named Scott and the first time she said his name I got chills down my spine and goosebumps… thank you for having such an amazing platform for these people to tell their stories and giving people in these situations a place to be seen and heard
The legal system failed her family on so many levels. Her father started choking his son at a public visitation and they still allowed him to see his children. Unbelievable. 🤦🏼
Welcome to America. Literally physically abuse your kids in public? Ehhh. Get caught smoking a little weed in a safe environment, away from any children? Cant have that! A lovely couple I babysat for years ago almost lost their children because one of them was caught with a joint. Ridiculous.
@Coaching By Daisy you’re completely missing the point the other commenter is trying to make. They’re saying that they don’t take kids away from homes they should, like you said they don’t take kids away from addicts and abusers. Instead CPS manipulates the system to victimize families and steal their children for things that children didn’t need taken for- weed, school, whatever excuse they can make up. It’s about selling the kids not saving them.
@Coaching By Daisy yes it is a common thing that happens in the states- look up the stats of how many children have went missing from foster care or state facilities. They’re doing it on purpose
She’s so precious… and I’ve dealt with a father that was very abusive physically and mentally and emotionally… narcissistic sociopathic.. constantly instigating, constantly calling names, not to mention being a complete psychopath and delusional. It’s sad to watch someone you love slowly deteriorate into their mental illness. It’s very traumatic and leaves you with such bad ptsd / anxiety… also narcissistic abuse can cause brain damage and cause memory loss and much more… some people are just so selfish and so sick… Sending love to you Ellie, I understand ❤️🙏🏻
I worked for her dad, he was my manager. He put on a kind persona but whenever he was challenged he’d become insistent and aggressive bif he didn’t get his way. Even then I never expected him to be this bad. It makes me sick that I worked for someone like this.
Wow , I have so much respect for this girl. I know exactly what she’s dealing with. I grew up with a narcissistic father and he basically made my Mum and us kids life hell! Unfortunately my Mum wasn’t strong enough to leave him. Personality disorders should be more closely monitored in the community because it absolutely destroys peoples lives ! 😢
Thank you dev for sharing Ellie’s story. I also grew up with a narc pastor father with very strong patriarchal views and a very empathic and co dependent (on my dad) mother. I love my mom so much and like Ellie said about her mom, is the sweetest and kindest person i know. Even after everything my dad put my mom and i through she is supportive of me having a relationship with him if that’s what i want, that women does not have one bitter bone in her body. Even tho i don’t want a relationship with him and am no contact with him. I am the oldest and used to try to always comfort and rescue my mom from his abuse. I cried when she talked about staying up all night to make sure her mom was ok cause i used to do the same. My room was the closest to theirs. My mom finally left him in 2020 after over 20 years of abuse. She is thriving and the best I’ve ever seen her, i never thought she would have a happy ending but I’m so happy she does now.
I love how dev just sits and listens and just takes it all in, I seriously love this podcast sm, it brings light to people who’s stories need to be heard, thank u
I don't hear a lot of young survivors talk about their stories, but this very much mirrors my childhood. I'm glad you made it through it with a strong head on your shoulders.
I had a husband just like this, and my father is also a Narcissist. I was with my husband for a total of 1 year, and ut was 1 year too long. I wish he had never convinced me to marry him so fast. Huge mistake. So glad I got out......and it wasn't that long after that I went NC with my father. I can so TOTALLY relate to her story.
My mother is a diagnosed narcissist (by 2 psychologists). She’s a complete monster and my father is too weak to fight back. He’s battling cancer and she preys on him even more now that he’s vulnerable. All she cares about is his money. It’s heartbreaking because he’s a great guy, just unable to stand up to her bullying ways.
I serve in student ministry in a wonderful church- thank you for sharing this story. It’s so important that religious organizations examine their leaders and actively look for warning signs. Narcissistic people can thrive in a church because they can be heavily focused on image.
Narcissists are the least of what you need to be watching out for. In many religious "organizations", women are freely raped and abused, and nobody does anything about it.
I definitely can relate to Ellie’s story. Only difference is fortunately I didn’t see a lot the abuse (emotionally, & physically) going on because my mother left my father when I was three years old. Further, my mom was forced to raise 4 children, 1 with a disability all on her own all while battling cancer(3 Times) and kidney failure along the way. My mother recently passed away this July 04, 2022, which all happened so suddenly for my family and I and it has taken a huge emotional toll on us for the rest of our lives. (Our ages range from 24-28 years old). Life just doesn’t seem fair. The ones that love us the most always tend to whether the storm. God bless.❤️
So incredibly sorry for your loss. 😢💔 Thank you for sharing your story and honoring your mom’s undeniable strength, resilience, radiant light, hard-fought life and lasting memory in such a beautiful way. She’s an inspiration and has found a way to shine her light, even still, through you. ✨💖 Sending you and your family all the love and hugs and good vibes. Keep radiating her light 🤗♥️
my heart goes out to you, Iosing a parent is incredibly difficult.I’ve found that keeping my fathers memory alive is what feels the most soothing to me, so I have since framed just a few of my favorite photos of us together, or even just of him! they are really nice reminders of the love that still exists even though they are physically no longer with us. sending you love and healing 💓
I am surprised no one else made this observation and commented about this but as Ellie tells her story she almost speaks as of she were the one married to her father. I think she’s amazing for telling her story and speaking out against the abuses she and family members endured. And there is just something really heartbreaking about the amount of responsibility (even in the language she uses “when we left my dad” “my lawyer”) she places on her childhood self. 😢
I had a narcissist dad as well mentally/physical abuse for years but somehow still miss him and the good days we had. It was a tough cycle back and forth for years but once I got into high school I stopped contact. Slowly started contact as he was getting physically sick. He eventually passed away and it just hurts. No matter how bad things were I still miss him. It’s honestly insane
Insane...Exactly how I feel every single time I start to miss my husband, who died last October from a fentanyl overdose. It's so hard to understand how I could possibly miss someone who caused me so much pain & trauma. In the 12 years we were together, we had so few "good times", that it makes it that much more insane that I miss him! 🫶
At 50:00 I am hysterically crying. Because this is my story. Except for my mom wasn’t strong enough. She stayed. I watched some very sick physical and psychological abuse go on until I can finally move out at 19 YO. I wish my mom could have done that. I yearned for that day. It never came 🥺😫
I’m 8 minutes into this and I’m already feeling so much of my own childhood pain and trauma surfacing because I relate so much to this experience. I was a missionary kid with an abusive/narcissistic father but the thing I still struggle with so much is my anger towards how neglected the lives of missionary kids are and how the instability is harmful. I’m 28 and I still struggle with the aftermath of that instability.
I just found this podcast the other day and I can't believe it's Ellie! You are so strong for sharing your story, friend. Religious abuse is real and the church not advocating for victims is a disgrace. Narcissistic parents do so much damage, and a pastor narcissistic father is overwhelming. I'm so sorry for everything you experience. You seem like you've grown stronger because of it and I'm proud of you ❤️ -Bonnie
The cat is magical, it always seems to come up to the table when something very dark or scary is being talked about. Cats are seriously little angels 👼
I applaud Ellie for speaking up! This is a conversation the church needs to have, men must be held accountable! And young men must see that men are held accountable!
That's so awesome you do your podcast in maryland. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that. Not very many things I hear about my state in general. Keep doing what your doing you have an amazing heart and I love to see girls on each other side instead of against each other. Love ya 😘
Going non contact with my narcissistic father was the best thing I could've done for myself. It's been 2 years now and life is still full of ups and downs, but I am so much more at peace now that I'm not forced to focus any energy around his drama. My sister wants to reconnect with him and that's her choice, but I relayed to her that he's not changed and will never no matter what he says or how he tries to act. He will always only care about himself. Sadly I've come to realise that truth.
This story was so relevant to my childhood, mine was not as extreme but I sympathize with her story and path so much :) She is so level headed and grounded and strong to share her experiences !! My family would host missionaries in our house when I was young and it was enlightening to hear her side of the story, it would be hard to travel so much, also those mean and bitter comments from her dad made me so annoyed omg , She has a heart of gold❣️❣️❣️
Dev giving this platform to people to tell their stories, like, love you dev... You are more than fitness and being hot, you are a good soul a beautiful person 💛
I was waiting for the part where the physical abuse starts because unfortunately it was sounding A LOT like my own father. It's taken me 7 years to realise and fully internalise it was actually abuse not just a shitty dad and a messy divorce. I'm so glad I randomly decided to watch this video. I have never felt fully validated about what happened to me and this video opened a whole Pandora's box in my mind. Gonna book a psychology session to unpack all this ASAP. Also you don't owe him ANYTHING even if he "changed". He made his bed and now he can sleep in it.
Breaks my heart how parentified this young woman had to become to have been inserted into her parents divorce and custody battle which she refers to as "our divorce" and "our custody battle." When she needed to correct herself when she said "My lawyer" remembering it was actually "Mum's lawyer" and how aware she had to become to ensure not to breach either of the parents' legal obligations, I imagine she'd struggle to allow herself to completely trust in a romantic relationship. This is parental abuse even though I imagine both of her parents believed what they were doing was the right thing.
The way a lot of your guests tell their stories is so comforting in the way that I went through so many of the same things and listening to someone else tell it almost for me and then I play your videos while I do other things and I can focus on the story and get everything done without the trouble I usually have
If your dad's a true narcissist he's just hiding the behavior that you disliked in the first place or that was abusive. He's absolutely trying to turn your youngest brother against you that's just a fact that's what narcissists do if he truly is one
Found this video a year later but wanted to put my two cents in. I chose at a very early age I would NEVER see/talk to/visit my bio dad. He died several years ago and I still have zero regrets. I think I always knew I would never regret it too. I listened to my gut and it’s never steered me wrong. I’ve done this to every toxic/horrible person in my life/that comes into my life and I never regret it. And Just because they’re blood, doesn’t mean their family. You don’t owe this person ANYTHING. Find your own family and you’ll be happier for it.
I am obsessed with you. I have been for so long and somehow just saw this platform. Good for you in all ways and thank you for doing this as a woman. So thankful
I just found this channel. The stories and the way that these ladies rise above is so encouraging. I love how you let the ladies talk. Thank you for bringing these issues to the forefront.
Ellie's story is so relatable, she described my father too very well, same here with the religion guilt as a muslim too, i hope she heals from all that pain, i'm proud of her speaking up about it♥
This video gave me so much encouragement. Especially going through this type of thing as the oldest sister in the family, and seeing this stuff first hand. Thank you so much for this. Like seriously I needed this today. ❤❤
this is soo similar to my childhood. the narcissist father, the religious guilt, the abuse, even down to the kidnapping. thank you for speaking about this ❤
listening to this 20 min in and i’m absolutely floored by how exact this is to my life so far. the narcissist father, the missions trip, my dad didn’t become abusive/neglectful until i was older but wow i’ve never heard someone with such a similar story to mine.
I really love these stories, I get so sucked in it feels like I’m in their world for an hour, like when u get into a book. thank you to the creators of this podcast and all the guests! ❤
i just yesterday found your channel, AND IM ADDICTED, this is so my style, so glad this popped up on my recommendation, i’ve been needing something new to be hooked on!! 🖤
I grow up without father figure and even he was at the same town as me, he didn't want to contact me since I was 7 years old. Also, he was very abusive woth my mom, his mom, he didn't care about anyone... And I was always, as a kid, sad, million questions like what I did wrong so my father doesn't want me etc. But when I hear stories like this I AM SO HAPPY that that monster literally saved me from all of his shit, angry issues, drugs, god know what else!!!
I have a religious narcissist father as well, and also had a bad dream about him when I was really little. At that time he wa always absent and never did anything wrong, so it’s just crazy how our younger selves picked up on their aura.
Outstanding these podcasts are so informative. We would never believe what goes on behind closed doors without people living through this themselves tell us about it. Keep up the great work your doing Devorah I’m sure it is helping so many people . ❤️👍👌
New subscriber !! I usually spend my work days listening to Bailey sarian & Annie Elise (a few others) but I have been binge watching your videos the past week 🤣 I love how it's always something different, a different voice and a different story . You go girl!
thanks for speaking up ellie ❤ i admire your strength in even being able to talk about it…and it’s def a message that needs to be heard by Christians and people of other beliefs too
This was so comforting to listen to. I’ve been trough something similar with my dad, he was never directly mean or abusive to me tho. But he broke the one I love the most in this world, he broke my mom, I don’t know if I can forgive him for that. I really felt seen by the ending, it made me feel I don’t have to forgive him just bc he’s my dad. Thank you❤
I love how clearly her story is told from a child’s perspective, her mother is so wonderful for that. Many of us, me included, have overindulgent and biased mothers who over share just about everything at any age 🙂 what a refreshing viewpoint.
Fascinating in the first 5 mins it shows how the children inherit worldview from their family. "We're more christian than you" is about the most narcissistic value I can imagine, that sound straight out of a DX'd narc mouth even though she was a kid, and I had similar thoughts as a child of a narc back in elementary school. Looking for ways to justify why my family is talking about how we are VS other people, why WE seem to 'require' so much more 'structure' (Narc Control!) than other families... justification all the way down. Little kid brains DO pick up on signals like "we're different than most families" but then the conclusions are little kid conclusions.
Having no father to look to when growing up is terrible. It's way worse when the father, who's supposed to be the protector, turns out to be the abuser.
dev if you haven’t watch the soft white underbelly videos! he interviews people who have gone through or are going through certain things . i love these kinds of videos that give people the environment to speak about their experiences
1:19:00 - Ellie, I don’t think you need to restart a relationship with your father until he’s taken responsibility for his actions (No “Buts” or blaming you & your mother for anything that happened) & has demonstrated some substantial changes in how he acts. Even then, I would have “outs” set up so you can leave as soon as you don’t feel safe or he starts behaving like he did before…
It's unfortunate, but her father will never change. Narcissist's don't change. He'll never take responsibility for his actions. That's just they way they are. I'd stay the hell away if I was her.
The way she let the guest speaks, never interrupts, asks right questions on right time
The way she isn't making it about her and acually hosting... something rarely found in the nowdays media
You're amazing!
Very true
LOVEEEE that about Dev. That's why I'll watch the episode even if I'm not super interested in the topic. She's a wonderful host.
So true! I love that she is there to support and uplift others' stories. So grateful for her!
Yeah sure, that way she doesn't have to prepare and ask thoughtful questions and can just make easy money with her guests
@@luigil8439wheres mario
Some people don’t deserve a relationship with their kids or anyone they treat badly
I love that dev just decided one day to use her platform to give voices to ppl who have been through traumatic/unique situations. I wish more creators would do that!
This is actually very damaging.
@@taylorellison2719 yeah if you're forced/pressured into doing it... But for the people who want a place to share their stories is extremely therapeutic and good for the brain. Sharing your story makes people feel less alone, it helps you face your fears and trauma, makes you analyze what bothered you and how to notice the signs which helps center yourself and reflect on how to react in tough situations. Finally, making awareness of issues in our world and how we CAN do better.
@@taylorellison2719 please expand on your response ?
@@taylorellison2719 Elaborate
@@taylorellison2719 for the third time, hoping you see this, could you elaborate? If you mean speaking about personal trauma... I don't think they're being paid or forced so it's actually very healing [in the right setting, and dev is SO good at listening & making people feel welcome & safe. I really believe her intentions are pure]. The only thing worse than working through trauma or talking about it (in a safe space) is NOT.
I remember praying, as a kid, for my mom to leave my dad. Very similar experience minus the missionary stuff… they never split. And I still deal with the wreckage from time to time. But I’m learning better boundaries and how to protect myself.
that's the same situation i'm going through right now. Nobody should live like this.
Same
Yeah, it is also great that the mom actually decided to acknowledge the abuse and do something about it. Mine not only never did, but also was angry with me for standing up for her (or for my siblings). She chose my dad and the abuse over us or her own life every single time.
@@wsiur same as my mom. I am 32 and still go through this pain.
Same here. Learning how to set boundaries and how to say no has saved my life tbh
I married a narcissist. He was the most beautiful human being when in public, and the ugliest in private. He made me believe the "Holy Spirit" told him everything I did and thought, so I was terrified to even plan to leave. Then he left me and I was so programmed by then, I was afraid I couldn't survive without him.
I hate narcissists, with every fiber of my being
And yet he is still loving rent free in your mind
@@copernicusvanstruselclit9508 he likely always will. You never forget your abuser
You're very strong.
@@kaitlyndejesus489 thank you 🥰 we all are. Anyone who's been through abuse and is working on healing is so strong, even if you feel weak ❤️
@@copernicusvanstruselclit9508
What an abusive thing to say about someone's Trauma. Get some help.
If he is a true narcissist, he has not changed and will never change. He’s playing his games for the long run and will hurt your siblings and you if you give him the time of day again
Yes, agree. Save yourself the heartbreak, don't give these people second chances.
Dev giving your guests a safe space to share their story is such a special thing. You can tell this was like a therapy session for Ellie in the most beautiful way. 😭❤️
I ended up watching this video because of Ellie. Her father, Scott, was the headmaster for one year at the private Christian high school I attended - my freshman year and the school's first year in operation. It was run out of that same church Ellie spoke about. My family didn't attend, but most of my friends at school's families did. The one friend I'm still extremely close with and the only former classmate I still speak with can say this for certain: that church wasn't a church. It was a cult. Somehow, a lot of my classmates and I were shielded from the majority of the cult behavior because we had so many different and amazing teachers. But, we all gave Mr. Davenport to his face and Mr. D behind his back a wide, wide berth. Parents either kowtowed to him or hated him. My mom in particular knew he wasn't what he said he was and repeatedly went to bat for not only me but my classmates. Nothing moved him; typical narcissist behavior. Plus, through my mom's interactions with Ellie's mom, she could quickly tell that home life for the Davenports wasn't what it should be but was helpless to do anything about it. Now, all the way from 2009 freshman year, it's shocking to hear all this....and yet not shocking at all. The signs were there from the beginning, even for a bunch of 14 year olds.
Ellie, you are so strong and so brave for shouldering the weight of a family at such a young age. You are so strong for surviving. You and your incredible mother deserve a beautiful life of peace and safety, as well as the rest of your siblings. 2/3 of the GCA freshman class girls salute you and your journey and your future success. 💛
It sounds very close to mormons, which I consider a cult. I’m not surprised to hear you say this
I hope she doesn't feel obligated to ever forgive him or see him again. He doesn't deserve it, even if he changes. He made his choices and he can live with them.
Forgiving those who’ve harmed us is more for us than for them, but you’re right that Ellie is under absolutely no obligation to see or even talk to her abusive father.
A narcissist never changes, nor will they ever admit they're a narcissist
There is a reason why less than 1% of all of earth histories humans will make it into heaven. Cause they wont forgive. It is the hardest thing for any human to do. God will not let you into heaven if you cannot forgive people. Even Jesus forgave the people who crucified him lol.
@@WheresWaldo05random ass not real statistic lmfao
Ellie is such a fantastic and clear storyteller, and I honestly cried because I was so moved at the way she fiercely protected her mother and siblings in all those ways over the years. Ellie thank you for sharing your story! We would all be lucky to have a person like you in our lives !
i love the way she speaks - the long word pronunciations, the gaps, the hesitations, the changing delivery speed. And then what she says is fascinating, and she is so aware, caring and sensitive. What a sweetheart!
listening to her describe her dad really confirms that my dad is DEFINITELY a narcissist wow that’s crazy. cool to hear things from another persons perspective
I love this podcast dev. It’s such a good reminder that you never know somebody’s story. We can judge someone by their exterior but if we can put that aside we can learn a lot from others experiences
also had a verbally/emotionally abusive narcissist pastor father... it's something that I've always found hard to explain to others who don't understand, because there were no visible scars. thanks to him, I have chunks of my childhood that I can't remember because I've blocked it out. been trying to work through everything that happened in therapy but when you can't remember things clearly, it's tough.
my dad was a pastor and cheated on my mom for 2 years and was a narcissist. also traumatized me as a child. narcissistic pastor fathers are SO not talked about enough!!
I can totally understand what you said. Same.
Narcissistic abuse is so incredibly hard to overcome. I immediately stopped speaking to my dad when I realized that I wouldn’t tolerate his behavior from a boyfriend or friend. If I wanted better for myself, I needed to make it better. Four months after, I started seeing my boyfriend and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. It was really hard to lose a parent in that way but made my life so much better.
I know this comment is a year old but I just found this channel and my experience was so similar. I didn’t go through the religious trauma thankfully but man when she was talking about her dad it was a mirror image of mine. I also cut contact with him about 4 years ago and am now in the healthiest relationship of my life with an amazing boyfriend. I hope you’ve been able to heal 💖
"if you were ready that would be something you would know and feel in your heart" honestly incredible thing to say, very sweet of you to reinforce that fact
Devorah is a great interviewer! She lets people talk and makes them feel at ease.
Ellie is so eloquent! The way she told her story, is so clear! I could almost picture the things she described, and i understood completely what she meant all the way through. I've dealt with a narcissistic boyfriend before, he abused me mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically and financially. And also, my own father has narcissistic traits. Some of the things Ellie described about her father sounded scarily familiar. My dad has a huge anger problem, he can't control it. And he has to be, and fully believes, that he is right all the time. He's given me awful anxiety, among other things, cos it's hard to be around him and have conversations with him without there being an argument. Anyway, thank you so much Ellie for telling your story. You are sooo strong, and seem like such a wonderful person. Sending loads of love from England 💕
“Honor thy father & thy mother.” doesn’t mean you have to live with or near them or talk them when they’re abusive & narcissistic. You can “honor” your parents without dealing with them in situations like you described…
It’s actually terrifying that your siblings are making amends with your dad, because narcissist, do not heal or ever get better. They just manipulate people. So it’s possible he can manipulate your siblings and turn the whole situation around to where they start looking at you and your mother negatively.
Believe me, they will soon learn to regret going against their better judgement. These narcs never change.
My abusive and narcissistic father was named Scott and the first time she said his name I got chills down my spine and goosebumps… thank you for having such an amazing platform for these people to tell their stories and giving people in these situations a place to be seen and heard
The legal system failed her family on so many levels. Her father started choking his son at a public visitation and they still allowed him to see his children. Unbelievable. 🤦🏼
Welcome to America. Literally physically abuse your kids in public? Ehhh. Get caught smoking a little weed in a safe environment, away from any children? Cant have that! A lovely couple I babysat for years ago almost lost their children because one of them was caught with a joint. Ridiculous.
@Coaching By Daisy you’re completely missing the point the other commenter is trying to make. They’re saying that they don’t take kids away from homes they should, like you said they don’t take kids away from addicts and abusers. Instead CPS manipulates the system to victimize families and steal their children for things that children didn’t need taken for- weed, school, whatever excuse they can make up. It’s about selling the kids not saving them.
@Coaching By Daisy yes it is a common thing that happens in the states- look up the stats of how many children have went missing from foster care or state facilities. They’re doing it on purpose
this is what they mean by separation of church and state
Himpathy and the power of the magic eraser.
Your kitties never failed to make a heavy situation lighter. I love the kitty palate cleanser.
She’s so precious… and I’ve dealt with a father that was very abusive physically and mentally and emotionally… narcissistic sociopathic.. constantly instigating, constantly calling names, not to mention being a complete psychopath and delusional.
It’s sad to watch someone you love slowly deteriorate into their mental illness.
It’s very traumatic and leaves you with such bad ptsd / anxiety… also narcissistic abuse can cause brain damage and cause memory loss and much more… some people are just so selfish and so sick…
Sending love to you Ellie, I understand ❤️🙏🏻
I grew up with the exact same father.. narcissistic sociopath
I really like how she lets them talk and don’t interrupt
I worked for her dad, he was my manager. He put on a kind persona but whenever he was challenged he’d become insistent and aggressive bif he didn’t get his way. Even then I never expected him to be this bad. It makes me sick that I worked for someone like this.
Wow you worked for him? He has a business?
@yasminxo9955 her father is a manager at a Chick-fil-A
Wow , I have so much respect for this girl. I know exactly what she’s dealing with. I grew up with a narcissistic father and he basically made my Mum and us kids life hell! Unfortunately my Mum wasn’t strong enough to leave him. Personality disorders should be more closely monitored in the community because it absolutely destroys peoples lives ! 😢
Thank you dev for sharing Ellie’s story. I also grew up with a narc pastor father with very strong patriarchal views and a very empathic and co dependent (on my dad) mother. I love my mom so much and like Ellie said about her mom, is the sweetest and kindest person i know. Even after everything my dad put my mom and i through she is supportive of me having a relationship with him if that’s what i want, that women does not have one bitter bone in her body. Even tho i don’t want a relationship with him and am no contact with him. I am the oldest and used to try to always comfort and rescue my mom from his abuse. I cried when she talked about staying up all night to make sure her mom was ok cause i used to do the same. My room was the closest to theirs. My mom finally left him in 2020 after over 20 years of abuse. She is thriving and the best I’ve ever seen her, i never thought she would have a happy ending but I’m so happy she does now.
How she described how she felt the day her mom left her dad was enough reason for me to ever leave someone my kids dreaded being around.
I love how dev just sits and listens and just takes it all in, I seriously love this podcast sm, it brings light to people who’s stories need to be heard, thank u
I’m so glad we can finally all agree that there are toxic fathers are not better then an absent father
I love how she's wearing a Brittney shirt because you know she wouldnt be allowed to wear that because "its evil" if she were still in her community.
I knew Ellie when she was a little kid. That church she was in covered up a LOT more than just this.
It's Britney bitch! ❤
I don't hear a lot of young survivors talk about their stories, but this very much mirrors my childhood. I'm glad you made it through it with a strong head on your shoulders.
I had a husband just like this, and my father is also a Narcissist. I was with my husband for a total of 1 year, and ut was 1 year too long. I wish he had never convinced me to marry him so fast. Huge mistake. So glad I got out......and it wasn't that long after that I went NC with my father. I can so TOTALLY relate to her story.
My mother is a diagnosed narcissist (by 2 psychologists). She’s a complete monster and my father is too weak to fight back. He’s battling cancer and she preys on him even more now that he’s vulnerable. All she cares about is his money. It’s heartbreaking because he’s a great guy, just unable to stand up to her bullying ways.
If you haven't yet, I recommend that you read Jennette McCurdy's book
I serve in student ministry in a wonderful church- thank you for sharing this story. It’s so important that religious organizations examine their leaders and actively look for warning signs.
Narcissistic people can thrive in a church because they can be heavily focused on image.
narcissists and religion go hand-in-hand.
@@pabloescobarschanclas even more broadly- predators and religion go hand in hand
@@katier0se facts. religion is basically a mental illness in and of itself.
Narcissists are the least of what you need to be watching out for. In many religious "organizations", women are freely raped and abused, and nobody does anything about it.
Keep your eyes open.
might not be as wonderful as you think
I definitely can relate to Ellie’s story. Only difference is fortunately I didn’t see a lot the abuse (emotionally, & physically) going on because my mother left my father when I was three years old. Further, my mom was forced to raise 4 children, 1 with a disability all on her own all while battling cancer(3 Times) and kidney failure along the way. My mother recently passed away this July 04, 2022, which all happened so suddenly for my family and I and it has taken a huge emotional toll on us for the rest of our lives. (Our ages range from 24-28 years old). Life just doesn’t seem fair. The ones that love us the most always tend to whether the storm. God bless.❤️
RIP to your amazing mom❤❤
So incredibly sorry for your loss. 😢💔 Thank you for sharing your story and honoring your mom’s undeniable strength, resilience, radiant light, hard-fought life and lasting memory in such a beautiful way. She’s an inspiration and has found a way to shine her light, even still, through you. ✨💖 Sending you and your family all the love and hugs and good vibes. Keep radiating her light 🤗♥️
@@lunas9655 thank you 🙏
@@kellyrench8173 thank you so much ❤️🙏
my heart goes out to you, Iosing a parent is incredibly difficult.I’ve found that keeping my fathers memory alive is what feels the most soothing to me, so I have since framed just a few of my favorite photos of us together, or even just of him! they are really nice reminders of the love that still exists even though they are physically no longer with us. sending you love and healing 💓
I am surprised no one else made this observation and commented about this but as Ellie tells her story she almost speaks as of she were the one married to her father. I think she’s amazing for telling her story and speaking out against the abuses she and family members endured. And there is just something really heartbreaking about the amount of responsibility (even in the language she uses “when we left my dad” “my lawyer”) she places on her childhood self. 😢
I had a narcissist dad as well mentally/physical abuse for years but somehow still miss him and the good days we had. It was a tough cycle back and forth for years but once I got into high school I stopped contact. Slowly started contact as he was getting physically sick. He eventually passed away and it just hurts. No matter how bad things were I still miss him. It’s honestly insane
Look up ways to deal with a trauma bond
Insane...Exactly how I feel every single time I start to miss my husband, who died last October from a fentanyl overdose. It's so hard to understand how I could possibly miss someone who caused me so much pain & trauma. In the 12 years we were together, we had so few "good times", that it makes it that much more insane that I miss him! 🫶
It’s proof that you’re a human being with feelings. We’re capable of loving & missing even the most horribly abusive people…
I love how she just gets into her podcasts and dosnt have the guests drag out the intro it's sm better
At 50:00 I am hysterically crying. Because this is my story. Except for my mom wasn’t strong enough. She stayed. I watched some very sick physical and psychological abuse go on until I can finally move out at 19 YO. I wish my mom could have done that. I yearned for that day. It never came 🥺😫
I’m 8 minutes into this and I’m already feeling so much of my own childhood pain and trauma surfacing because I relate so much to this experience. I was a missionary kid with an abusive/narcissistic father but the thing I still struggle with so much is my anger towards how neglected the lives of missionary kids are and how the instability is harmful. I’m 28 and I still struggle with the aftermath of that instability.
I’ve been kind of binge listening/watching these and I notice the cat always comes in at the right times. Very sweet
The problem with 2nd chances and Narcissists is the fact that they don't change and they will never change.
Exactly.
I just found this podcast the other day and I can't believe it's Ellie! You are so strong for sharing your story, friend. Religious abuse is real and the church not advocating for victims is a disgrace. Narcissistic parents do so much damage, and a pastor narcissistic father is overwhelming. I'm so sorry for everything you experience. You seem like you've grown stronger because of it and I'm proud of you ❤️ -Bonnie
As a cat mom I feel like your cats knew she could use the grounding moment. What sweet beans ❤
The cat is magical, it always seems to come up to the table when something very dark or scary is being talked about. Cats are seriously little angels 👼
The amount of similarities I have with your story is insane! Mind blowing how much of the same things I went through…
I applaud Ellie for speaking up! This is a conversation the church needs to have, men must be held accountable! And young men must see that men are held accountable!
That's so awesome you do your podcast in maryland. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that. Not very many things I hear about my state in general. Keep doing what your doing you have an amazing heart and I love to see girls on each other side instead of against each other. Love ya 😘
Going non contact with my narcissistic father was the best thing I could've done for myself. It's been 2 years now and life is still full of ups and downs, but I am so much more at peace now that I'm not forced to focus any energy around his drama. My sister wants to reconnect with him and that's her choice, but I relayed to her that he's not changed and will never no matter what he says or how he tries to act. He will always only care about himself. Sadly I've come to realise that truth.
i love you ellie! it was tough growing up in this environment but you were and are so strong and i look up to you a lot for that! love you sis🫶🏼
Smooth bonnie… smooth
@@Seth-bk7lv thanks seth 🫶🏼
@@bonniedav5334 anytime
I love how the cats come in and out. I feel like it’s comforting to the guests🥹
This story was so relevant to my childhood, mine was not as extreme but I sympathize with her story and path so much :)
She is so level headed and grounded and strong to share her experiences !!
My family would host missionaries in our house when I was young and it was enlightening to hear her side of the story, it would be hard to travel so much, also those mean and bitter comments from her dad made me so annoyed omg ,
She has a heart of gold❣️❣️❣️
I love this podcast, it’s such enlightening conversations that make you think and learn and respect other people’s lives.
Plenty of Narcissist are loud and abusive! My mother for one.
Dev giving this platform to people to tell their stories, like, love you dev... You are more than fitness and being hot, you are a good soul a beautiful person 💛
I was waiting for the part where the physical abuse starts because unfortunately it was sounding A LOT like my own father. It's taken me 7 years to realise and fully internalise it was actually abuse not just a shitty dad and a messy divorce. I'm so glad I randomly decided to watch this video. I have never felt fully validated about what happened to me and this video opened a whole Pandora's box in my mind. Gonna book a psychology session to unpack all this ASAP. Also you don't owe him ANYTHING even if he "changed". He made his bed and now he can sleep in it.
Obsessed with this podcast. You are amazing at letting people tell their stories
This is my exact experience with my father and at this point I have stone walled him and it’s a struggle but it’s so much better now.
This is an incredible interview. Well done 👏🏾 And I wish this brave, beautiful woman the best of luck. I am so proud of her.
Kinda eye opening as a mother in an abusive relationship 😕I don’t want my kids to feel this way
I hope you found resources to leave - your kids deserve better.
Breaks my heart how parentified this young woman had to become to have been inserted into her parents divorce and custody battle which she refers to as "our divorce" and "our custody battle." When she needed to correct herself when she said "My lawyer" remembering it was actually "Mum's lawyer" and how aware she had to become to ensure not to breach either of the parents' legal obligations, I imagine she'd struggle to allow herself to completely trust in a romantic relationship. This is parental abuse even though I imagine both of her parents believed what they were doing was the right thing.
The way a lot of your guests tell their stories is so comforting in the way that I went through so many of the same things and listening to someone else tell it almost for me and then I play your videos while I do other things and I can focus on the story and get everything done without the trouble I usually have
If your dad's a true narcissist he's just hiding the behavior that you disliked in the first place or that was abusive. He's absolutely trying to turn your youngest brother against you that's just a fact that's what narcissists do if he truly is one
I’m so glad you’re safe. You were and are so courageous. I’m sure your mother is so grateful for your strength and support through all of this. ❤
Found this video a year later but wanted to put my two cents in. I chose at a very early age I would NEVER see/talk to/visit my bio dad. He died several years ago and I still have zero regrets. I think I always knew I would never regret it too. I listened to my gut and it’s never steered me wrong. I’ve done this to every toxic/horrible person in my life/that comes into my life and I never regret it.
And Just because they’re blood, doesn’t mean their family. You don’t owe this person ANYTHING. Find your own family and you’ll be happier for it.
I am obsessed with you. I have been for so long and somehow just saw this platform. Good for you in all ways and thank you for doing this as a woman. So thankful
Every time I see an american who understand what we latinamerican live like, it feels good. Its not what they portray us like. Thanks for sharing this
I just found this channel. The stories and the way that these ladies rise above is so encouraging. I love how you let the ladies talk. Thank you for bringing these issues to the forefront.
I am also estranged from my narcissistic father. Thank you for helping me feel less alone.
Ellie's story is so relatable, she described my father too very well, same here with the religion guilt as a muslim too, i hope she heals from all that pain, i'm proud of her speaking up about it♥
honestly a beautiful story, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel once you find the strength.
This video gave me so much encouragement. Especially going through this type of thing as the oldest sister in the family, and seeing this stuff first hand. Thank you so much for this. Like seriously I needed this today. ❤❤
this is soo similar to my childhood. the narcissist father, the religious guilt, the abuse, even down to the kidnapping.
thank you for speaking about this ❤
listening to this 20 min in and i’m absolutely floored by how exact this is to my life so far. the narcissist father, the missions trip, my dad didn’t become abusive/neglectful until i was older but wow i’ve never heard someone with such a similar story to mine.
I really love these stories, I get so sucked in it feels like I’m in their world for an hour, like when u get into a book. thank you to the creators of this podcast and all the guests! ❤
i just yesterday found your channel, AND IM ADDICTED, this is so my style, so glad this popped up on my recommendation, i’ve been needing something new to be hooked on!! 🖤
The only thing I wish this had would be pictures of the story tellers throughout these journeys for those of us who are watching.
Great channel! 👏❤
I grow up without father figure and even he was at the same town as me, he didn't want to contact me since I was 7 years old. Also, he was very abusive woth my mom, his mom, he didn't care about anyone... And I was always, as a kid, sad, million questions like what I did wrong so my father doesn't want me etc. But when I hear stories like this I AM SO HAPPY that that monster literally saved me from all of his shit, angry issues, drugs, god know what else!!!
I relate to you so much Ellie with the story you shared of standing up for your mom🤎 you are so strong.
I have a religious narcissist father as well, and also had a bad dream about him when I was really little. At that time he wa always absent and never did anything wrong, so it’s just crazy how our younger selves picked up on their aura.
As someone who was the black sheep to my narcissist father figure. I hear you and thank you for sharing.❤
Outstanding these podcasts are so informative. We would never believe what goes on behind closed doors without people living through this themselves tell us about it. Keep up the great work your doing Devorah I’m sure it is helping so many people . ❤️👍👌
This was such a great story that I couldnt even get a hold of my self, just straight up rivers from my eyes
New subscriber !! I usually spend my work days listening to Bailey sarian & Annie Elise (a few others) but I have been binge watching your videos the past week 🤣 I love how it's always something different, a different voice and a different story . You go girl!
Narcissists can definitely be loud ❤
watching this and then promptly getting a call from my abusive father lol
Don't let him abuse you anymore. Stand up for yourself. Please 💖
block his number 💯
i'm in love the way she speaks and expresses herself. i hope she knows how strong she is.
thanks for speaking up ellie ❤ i admire your strength in even being able to talk about it…and it’s def a message that needs to be heard by Christians and people of other beliefs too
Dev you were made for this!❤
This was so comforting to listen to. I’ve been trough something similar with my dad, he was never directly mean or abusive to me tho. But he broke the one I love the most in this world, he broke my mom, I don’t know if I can forgive him for that. I really felt seen by the ending, it made me feel I don’t have to forgive him just bc he’s my dad. Thank you❤
I love how clearly her story is told from a child’s perspective, her mother is so wonderful for that. Many of us, me included, have overindulgent and biased mothers who over share just about everything at any age 🙂 what a refreshing viewpoint.
Fascinating in the first 5 mins it shows how the children inherit worldview from their family. "We're more christian than you" is about the most narcissistic value I can imagine, that sound straight out of a DX'd narc mouth even though she was a kid, and I had similar thoughts as a child of a narc back in elementary school. Looking for ways to justify why my family is talking about how we are VS other people, why WE seem to 'require' so much more 'structure' (Narc Control!) than other families... justification all the way down. Little kid brains DO pick up on signals like "we're different than most families" but then the conclusions are little kid conclusions.
Having no father to look to when growing up is terrible. It's way worse when the father, who's supposed to be the protector, turns out to be the abuser.
This a difficult but important for me to watch in order to face my emotions as i deal with my dad. Thank you for the podcast!
I've been loving the interviews but the cats are really bringing the vibe together. It's really sweet.
I'm literally listening to this with my air pods because I don't want my Dad to hear this 😞
dev if you haven’t watch the soft white underbelly videos! he interviews people who have gone through or are going through certain things . i love these kinds of videos that give people the environment to speak about their experiences
Great interview. Such a strong young woman! ❤
The issue with not wanting to rekindle things with an estranged/abusive father is something I struggle with daily, nobody is alone in this❤
Don't rekindle, save yourself the trouble, they won't change 😔
1:19:00 - Ellie, I don’t think you need to restart a relationship with your father until he’s taken responsibility for his actions (No “Buts” or blaming you & your mother for anything that happened) & has demonstrated some substantial changes in how he acts. Even then, I would have “outs” set up so you can leave as soon as you don’t feel safe or he starts behaving like he did before…
It's unfortunate, but her father will never change. Narcissist's don't change. He'll never take responsibility for his actions. That's just they way they are. I'd stay the hell away if I was her.
i applaud this girl and her siblings and mother. i wish i had called the police on my dad. biggest regret in my life.