The Problem with Sexuality, Gender and Labels.
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- Опубликовано: 21 авг 2022
- SUBSCRIBE! Bet y'all didn't expect this kind of video, yes I'm continuing the problem with __ series, and today it's about sexuality, gender and labels.
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The Problem with Sexuality, Gender and Labels.
#lgbt #pride #gay 
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so... apparently people still don't know I have a Twitch. Therefore, I'm going to shove it down your throats :) but please follow if you like chill streams! We talk, drink, play games, and more importantly have fun www.twitch.tv/thatgaymingasian
ALSO if you are going to argue something that I said, please watch the whole video without skipping. You don't critique a movie without finishing it, so do the same with RUclipsrs.
frederic search abou non SAM u don't need to do a video about it but I think that it's for yourself! :D
OK first of all: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID
And secondly: I followed! :)
Hey just wanted to tell you bi-lesbian is actaully a slur terfs used to invalidate lesbians who date trans women and non binaries the correct term is bi-saphic
✨league beauties✨
Lookin fresh as usual 😉
I feel like 99% of lgbt label discourse would be solved if we stopped viewing sexuality/gender identities as like fandoms or whatever and started viewing them as a nuanced human experience YK?
I was thinking of this but I didn’t know how to explain it. There’s like different “fandoms” for different gender identities, sexuality’s etc. and they just act like it’s like being a fan of Justin Bieber but it’s not and it’s something that takes time and not something you immediately know.
@@notmknuth frrr! All this fighting and exclusivity for no reason. We all just gay/trans/aroace ect so why are we attacking each other? Doesnt make any sense to me
I swear people think of the LGBT as aesthetics, like last month I was putting on a dress and asked my older sister how I looked and she said “so cute, you look pansexual” (I’m not even pan) and I just stared back like “tf?” Pansexual isn’t a style and she always does this where she grabs clothes or object and goes “omg this is so bi” “this is so non-binary” “look at that hat, it’s so queer” like they’re adjectives
@@rana-hw7gq this is what I'm talking about...its fun to joke arounr but SOME ppl take this seriously and it's kind of annoying. Especially when you dont fit into those ppls stereotypical boxes.
True. I make jokes, but I don't treat my sexuality like it's my only trait. lol I'm pretty obnoxious sometimes, but it's still in good fun and not to be taken too seriously. I got a Sapphic licence off of Etsy, because I am actually sapphic, but I also got it for a laugh and an inside joke. lol I don't get the whole fandom thing with gender identities and sexual orientations. Like, they aren't some fanfic or fictional thing, they're real life experiences and and different for different people.
The infighting can honestly take a backseat and people can stop their gatekeeping bs, trying to win oppression points and compete on who's more oppressed. Also, people who say a certain look is linked to a sexuality or gender identity, when it isn't and is just very stereotypy. Like, I am the opposite of a lesbian stereotype, despite being one and though I also have made jokes about certain aesthetics and LGBTQ+ identities, I'm never serious about it. Why do people take things so far and take it so seriously? This is why I don't like people much and why I prefer to be single and just watch animal videos. xD Humans cause stress, animals cause peace. Gonna live that hermit life.
"today were gonna offend everyone"
finally someone that treats others equally and truthfully
executing everyone is equality 🌈
Yes! This is so much better than walking on eggshells in fear of Twitter. Speaking Carefully and Respectfully is essential with a platform, but that's different from sacrificing Truth for Inoffensiveness.
I think the main issue with labels is the fact that people are looking for labels that 1000% describe their relationship to their sexuality and/or gender, and that is impossible. No word or phrase is going to succinctly sum up your specific relationship to your gender/sexuality. That's why words like gay, straight, bi, trans, cis, non-binary, et al are so vague; when you try to get into the specificity of it all, you come out the other side with a thousand confusing ass labels that get interpreted differently by different people.
Yeah there's a reason that I go by 'queer' instead of 'bi ace but actually basically pan ace', and 'non-binary but that's as far as I got lmao, genderfluid, agender, what's that' unless I'm talking to close friends or other queer friends. It's a lot to get into my feelings and experiences so I just simplify it. No one has to have my experience and there's gonna be very few people who understand it like I do. Trying to give it a thousand names just feels like overcomplicating it. Ofc, i don't mind others having all their labels on their sleeve but it's just not for me :)
i’m straight but am finding myself more attracted to women. but i’m still straight. i don’t wanna date or fuck women, but i’m questioning. but i’m still straight rn, because i chooose this as my label
lesbian 1000% describes my relationship to my sexuality. most of this conversation is led by people who don’t use labels because they don’t need to, but there are others who find a lot of comfort in them. so be kind please and respect that yes, some of us do feel really strongly about our label, you don’t have to, and we also don’t have to “agree” that sexuality is fluid. YOURS is fluid. mine is not. talk about your own experiences without invalidating others with hypothetical scenarios
@@orcaletta Thank you for saying this. As a person who NEEDS labels in order to comfortably describe myself I greatly appreciate it /gen
@jayl i was generally speaking about the queer community in general and some mspec people saying that to lesbians, trans people, asexuals, gay men etc. like for example: if i tell someone about how i used to think that i was bi and identified as such for a very long time, they’ll say something like “oh so do you think you’ve always been lesbian? or did you change, cause you know sexuality IS fluid”. many non-mspec people go through this and it’s very annoying. i wasn’t trying to cause a ruckus or be confrontational or anything just lightheartedly explaining my perspective :)
"Why do you give a s*** about other people's sexuality/gender?" What everyone including the league beauty community needs to hear. Well done Frederic!
@@abcxyz2927 💀💀💀
Massive L
@@abcxyz2927 u thought u ate
@@abcxyz2927 this is not even true
@@abcxyz2927 People do keep it to themselves and people DO care. I’m trans ftm, i don’t push it in anyones face and yet i still get people purposely calling me “ma’am” just because its in my bio i’m trans. Even when the argument i’m having with them isn’t about lgbtq. Your opinion has completely no evidence.
@@abcxyz2927 Right, because we should hide who we are from the world that wants to kill us. This video is terrible, it attracts people like you.
"Do you know your sexuality?" That's actually a great question. I don't know how to explain, but I'm like 99,99% gay (I find men attractive both sexually and romantically overall) but I do find specific types of women very attractive but that's *very very rare* nowadays. Not sexually, just romantically, like I'd love to have a cute relationship. I don't know why but I'm REALLY gentle when it comes to women. 🥺 But when it comes to men... Hoo boy. Let's not go there. 😳
I relate to this on a spiritual level. Like very very rarely I'm romantically into woman, and I love them. But it's on a different level when I see a man I like. Which is pretty often. So I just end up calling myself gay.
Me but the other way around lmao...I still call myself bi but I relate to this sm 😭
agreed man
@@ghostedits1365 i feel thisss
Sammee just-- the other way around
i see labels as a way to identify and feel more comfortable with yourself, but the label shouldn't change how anyone else sees you or treats you, and if you don't want to be labeled there shouldn't be any pressure to define yourself because you can just be queer. Gender and sexuality is such a spectrum, where some people can find an exact label they feel comfortable in and some people don't and thats okay. Your identity shouldn't matter to anyone else and no one has the right to tell you who you are. If you use a label great if you don't great it isn't invalidating to other people to express yourself how you want to (obviously you can cross lines but in terms of gender and sexuality most of the time its no ones business but yours)
I agree with this so much! I feel like labels are more or less the same function as representation and sexual education. In a cisheteronormative society, if we don’t even *know* what we can and can’t be, how could anyone truly understand why they deviate from the norm? These labels were born out of the need for queer folks to validate to themselves and fellow community members that their behavior and feelings don’t make them broken, that *they are valid.* I’m becoming a lot less verbal about *how* I identify and typically just explain to people (this is those I trust and feel comfortable to share this info) what I’m attracted to, how I express myself, and how that manifests. Just like the video says, the labels are reductive and can allows people to make assumptions about who I am based on my label.
Labels should only ever be a tool to help you communicate what you are already doing / learning about yourself. Not a way to segment and police behavior or expression!
Thank you for this comment. I've been considering not to label my sexuality. I was worried because people might think that "oh you're straight, you're just being quirky for attention" and that pressured me into finding a label for my sexuality
Yes, its noone elses business what labels if any you use (or if u use a lot of labels) and the only one that can label you is yourself
I discovered fairly recently that I am probably gender fluid.
This made me panic at first. Which isn't good... Obviously.
The idea of having to figure out my pronouns and labels every day for the rest of my life was really scary.
What's been calming me down is just realizing that it doesn't really matter all that much all the time, and instead of overthinking it, I now just go "am I comfortable with this? No? Okay... This one? Sure." but don't take it too rigidly and seriously.
This is actually a really cool revelation. Thank you for sharing!
@@balldevourer_ thank you so much for sharing
something that's helped me is to like try not to think about my gender as much as I can, and like sometimes I don't even realise i changed until someone refers to me as the wrong one (tm) for that time, and then (if i can) i just correct the person saying im (other gender) rn, but that can change, though I know because of disphoria and anxiety and other stuff it might be hard to just ignore gender.
My main point is, don't worry about identifying what gender you are every day and shit, wear what feels cute and comfy and correct who you need to correct (or don't), but you'll still always be the gender(s) you are- or not at all. You just need to feel it.
That's a good way to be, honestly. Stressing out over it will only cause you to become emotionally and physically exhausted. Just do what you are comfortable with and what feels best for you. I think we all have a tendency to overthink and it can be damaging to us. It's hard not to overthink and when you can find a way to be you without stressing over it, you're on the right track and you can just take each day as it comes. I still stress over stuff, but am trying not to.
I've been going through something similar as well. I recently realized that I think I'm gender fluid. In a way, realizing it took a lot of stress off of me because I felt like I finally was starting to know roughly who I was. But on the other hand, it added some new stress about trying figure out my pronouns and overall view of my gender identity. It was also stressful just thinking about how I will present myself in public when im feeling differently about my gender, and how that would affect my social life. Because of all this stress, I've just kinda stopped trying to label myself, and my gender just kinda does its thing and I don't need to worry about labeling anything until I am secure about it all. Idk if any of that makes sense, but its what I've been feeling so whatever lol.
A big problem still is gatekeeping.
IN TWENTY TWENTY TWO. Hi hello I'm asexual and straight and yes I AM part of the LGBT community. We already don't exist in the eyes of the general public because APPARENTLY we're just "BROKEN" or "SOCIOPATHs" or "HAVEN'T FOUND THE RIGHT PERSON YET" or "DON'T KNOW BECAUSE WE'RE VIRGINS AND HAVEN'T HAD FUN TIMES YET SO HOW CAN WE KNOW" and NOW because we are in the camp of "we don't do that here" when it comes to FUN TIMES (censoring cause RUclips comments) the LGBT "community" also just wants to go "ugh you don't sit with us because you're not OPPRESSED enough"?
It's a big problem that a LOT of people genuinely believe this; that the definition of who counts as queer is based around being “oppressed enough” to count. And it needs to stop because it creates an "oppression olympics" as it were and what's bad enough, is that this "judging" behavior is done by people in the community *who don’t even experience the things being talked about BY aces, aroaces, alloaces, pansexuals, bisexuals etc.*
I'm gonna make it simple: asexuals count because we're so invisible to the public eye that when Jaiden Animations made HER video about being AroAce, a LOT of people were like "what the hell is that?"
you're so right about oppression olympics! I'm stealing that tyvm, and I remember Jaiden's video causing that stir as well, should have mentioned it but i can always do a problem with aro ace
@@FredericChen Her video was SO incredible GOD i related to the not feeling ANY type of way in terms of crushes in high school SO hard....and I love that so many got triggered by it like it's gonna SUDDENLY make kids ace lol no what's happening is someone is FINALLY FCKING TALKING TO THEM ABOUT THESE THINGS so they're FIGURING THINGS OUT. Oh so scary I know. people thinking for themselves. the horror lol
Wow. You actually hit the nail with the term "oppression olympics". Very very accurate when it comes to the lgbt community. I don't like it how you have to be "oppressed" so that one can have a place within the community.
YES SIR SLAY. says me, an asexual straight sociopath
I know how you feel. I'm not asexual though but bisexual and in a straight presenting relationship. And just like that I'm not oppressed enough to be part of the LGBTQ+ community. It's just like you're not really part of the "straight community" (I know that's not a thing but I hope you know what I mean) but also not part of the queer community.
I hope that you have people in your life that cherish (is that a word? Sorry English is not my first language) you for you 😊
I remember this one time when someone said to me, a gay man, "how can you be gay if you've never even kissed a woman." To which I said that I don't have to have experience with women to know that I'm not attracted to them. I think that for a lot of people it is fluid and for some it is straight-forward. It's all personal to what you feel. Though I can acknowledge if a woman is beautiful, at the end of the day I am not romantically or sexually attracted to women or femme presenting people. And me calling myself a gay man feels right to me after years of being confused about myself. At the end of the day, it all boils down to how you feel about yourself.
That “you wouldn’t know because you haven’t kisses a woman,” well DERRICK, had you kissed a girl in second grade when you had your first crush? (Don’t mean to offend any derricks I just thought that was a good name for this)
Same...everybody always asks lesbians "But how you know if you never slept with a man." Well have you slept with a man Chris?
The problem is that now so many people are insisting EVERYONE is fluid, which strikes me as just a way to attack and erase solid identities.
@@seto749 yeah how like people say everybody is bi or secretly bi is very invalidating especially to straight forward sexualities like lesbians and gays. Or when people call those straight forward sexualities homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic for not acknowledging that they’re fluid or have some sort of fluidity when they don’t .
lesbian here, i find it hilarious how people are always like “how can you be gay when you’ve never been with a _____” but when you have been with a _____ it’s “you haven’t found the right person!” okay buddy
I used to adhere to labels big time when I was still trying to find myself - thought I was straight, then realized I was asexual panromantic, lost my gender somewhere, got into a relationship with my girlfriend and was shocked to realize I might be demi sexual. (Not to mention my attraction to men has faded over time.) Along the way I kept being afraid to “change” labels, before I realized they weren’t helping me anymore. Labels gave me a safe space when I was a young queer, but the gatekeeping and lack of fluidity in communities is what drove me away from them in the end :’)
I completely agree! Labels were such a big thing to me as a kid and meant a lot to me but now I find them just… useless? Not even useless, I find them harming me more as I feel by using them I am constraining myself to one thing when sexual and gender identity alike are both fluid and prone to change.
I use the label demisexual in order to talk to people with similar experiences or to read about people with similar experiences, and that’s it.
I don’t really have a use for it outside of that, so I hardly say it at all. I don’t like talking to people about how I don’t relate to them since that just makes me feel lonely, and since my label already changed from ace to demi, I am well aware the labels I use can change.
I feel like I relate to this in a way. Every time I begin questioning a different aspect of myself labels are what really help me figure all that out and give me comfort and community while doing so. But after sitting with the label for a while I always go to the most vague term I can use until considering dropping it entirely. Labels served me well in the beginning but as I become more sure of myself I find they constrict me more than support me.
i usually end up saying i'm not straight or queer if some1 asks me abt my sexuality yet, explain it on a deeper meaning if it is with my closer friends or the more understanding queers in my school bc ik they should probably at least know bc trust me if they didnt they'd be confused af, in general i'm not rlly comfortable with sharign my labels bc they keep shifting and i generally hate having to update every1 so i just give them the summary but i also realised my friends wanted to support me and a few of them were similiar to me.
@@totallynotyourreality2208 exactly that; I only realised that these hyperspecific labels didn't fit anymore when I saw that one of my friends only has one label for his orientation: queer
and now I also only label myself as queer, because even though hyperspecific labels helped me in the past, now they're too constricting. all you need to know about me is I am not cishet; but what goes on internally is my business and mine alone (:
I feel like all this discourse happens online, but then in real life the conversation is just like “….💅?” “💅” and no one really gets bothered
honestly yeah, most of the time we just say we're queer and move on; if someone wants to be more specific we listen but there's far less emphasis on it than I see online. also depends on who you hang out with (irl or online), I suppose
I’ve stopped caring. Stopped caring about labels, perceptions that people have of me and stopped letting the societal pressures choke me up.
As a member of Gen Z, I’m surrounded by many members of the queer community (using queer in a reclaimed manner). This pushes such a force onto me to comply to a gender identity and sexuality. Having to push yourself into a box so that members of your own ‘community’ can validate you and accept you is horse crap.
I describe myself with labels when confronted about it, but, in with myself, I refuse to conform. I describe myself as an AMAB agender gay person. In reality, I find myself outside the constraints of boxes altogether. Yes, I’m strictly attracted to men of all types, but I feel like (in terms of gender) there is a void that can’t be filled with labels or constraints. I’m myself, I use any pronouns, gendered terminology and (due to being closeted at home) wish to present myself in a way that does not conform to any specific roles.
wait why was that so deep??
like im honestly, and quite literally, paralyzed by the sheer intellectuality of that comment
@@itspeggybtw I think that the community is toxic and doesn’t truly accept everyone. Yeah, we’re meant to acknowledge all gender identities and sexualities equally as oppressed minorities ourselves, but when was the last time you heard a gay person complain about how many labels there are or a bi person gatekeeper the definition of a label that anyone can define for themselves.
It’s a problem that truly resinates in the queer community and is one of the biggest issues with it. I know that there are many people with my own experiences and I think I’d go as far as to say that my own experiences cause me to feel a lack of connection to the community altogether.
I shouldn’t feel pushed out of the one group that brings us all together. I feel like a minority within a minority group. It sucks. Truly.
I wish to make others like me feel a sense of acceptance. I wish that we could all just care about ourselves before asking what’s in others’ pants. I hope I’ve helped you in some way or other, be it philosophically, mentally or emotionally.
@@buzz_bzuzz The amount of self-hate is crazy.
Ok, so, you don’t understand that the source of all this “toxicity” is from the nature of our cisheteronormative society reinforcing rigid categorization onto us, which makes lots of us think in those same oppressive ways.
And instead of recognizing that queer oppression comes from the cishets, you say shit like “the lgbt community is toxic”.
You’re the one who’s toxic, here. Rather than educating yourself, you wax poetic about how oppressive it is to be minorly annoyed by the labeling systems we use to define ourselves despite the rest of the world being the reason for and source of all of your abuse- and you assert that it is this “trait of the community” that causes you discomfort.
It’s not the fault of queer people that other queer people feel alienated. It’s the fault of the institutions and society that alienates us all, because it teaches us to hate ourselves, and if you can’t realize that, and you want to spin a pity party about the minor annoyances generated between queer people about the labels into this systemic oppression of queer people BY queer people, then you’re full of shit, and you need to get your head out of your ass before you even consider finding community.
I feel this way too.
So basically be chill, try not to box yourself, support others
i used to identify as bi when i realized i actually liked my best friend, but eventually came to the conclusion that i was gay. i do identify as gay, even though my attraction is 95% towards men and 5% towards nonbinary individuals. i just used to be a cis gay he/him boy but a couple years ago i began to explore gender expression and my gender identity. i didn’t fully feel like a boy, and discovered the demiboy gender label and went by he/they pronouns for awhile. but eventually i began becoming more jealous of women, how they can freely wear skirts, dresses, other “fem” things that are already socially expected of them, and i couldn’t, and how much i wished i was a girl. it was then i realized how much i wanted to he born female, and how dysphoric i really am with a male body. it’s really an indescribable pain. even though i want to be called a girl and seen as a girl, i also do like being a boy too and also genderless? so currently i identify as nonbinary, but more specifically genderfluid and pangender (genderqueer too). i now use all pronouns. i also realized that i was in the aroace spectrum, due to my complicated history of crushes and attraction. labels really can change over time, not saying that it does for everyone. im really glad where im at right now and i feel comfortable with my labels for now, even with all the shit i get from other queer people especially that say i can’t be nonbinary and gay, or how am i aroace if i have a boyfriend? i just don’t understand why anyone, ESPECIALLY in the community cares??
a reason i didn’t exactly feel like i cis boy either is due to how i didn’t act like a “traditional boy” as a child, and how after coming out as gay, i was “othered” by most boys at school and mainly girls wanted to be my friends
It’s gotten like TOO complicated even for someone who tries to understand it I’m kinda like huh? I mean I try to be super woke about the terms and labels and differences between them and I identify as omnisexual now but I could be pan and just be in denial but I’m not attracted to personality alone looks matter to me too and how someone identifies somehow plays a role in my attraction which is so dumb but so accurate 😫
i pretty much relate to everything you said. i identified as bisexual and eventually realized i was a lesbian. and i relate to everything you said about gender (except for the fact that im afab). im either genderfluid or pangender. and im also aroace (im probably cupioromantic and asexual) which is so confusing considering the fact that i still want to date girls and i still want to also identify as a lesbian. sexuality and gender are very confusing but ive learned to focus less on finding the perfect labels and more on just trying to understand myself better
Omg this is me but I'm AFAB. I'm on the AroAce spectrum, lesbian, and nonbinary. I currently identify specifically as Librafluid but idk if I'm actually that or libramasc but I think librafluid fits me more rn so that's why I still use the lesbian label even if I use "he/they" pronouns.
I've been asked the same things. Since I'm nonbinary and lesbian, I go by trixic lesbian, which basically means a nonbinary lesbian. I think the opposite of that is "toric" if you wanna use that, which is nb people who are primarily attracted to males and masc people. Or still identify as gay--of course that's fine too.
Also when people talk about the partner thing while being part of the AroAce spectrum... They forgot that there are 7 types of attraction. So for me personally, just because I'm not romantically or s3xu@lly attracted to women, I'm attracted to them in all the other ways--emotionally, sensually, etc etc.
i kinda understand bc my labels kept shifting a lot and i didnt realise why until i realised my reflecting on my complicated history with crushes (liking some for like a wk then some for four yrs or smthn) that i was probably genderfluid, sexually fluid and polyamorous (i kept on crushing on guys specifically simultaneously and then i'd randomly like a girl then simply not) and realised i'd keep going from he/him, to they/them to he/they constantly and i knew i wasnt straight but label only stuck to a certain extent. Now unless ur a close friend i usually just tell some1 i'm queer ornot straight.
Bi girl here! I am so damn tired of people deciding I'm a lesbian or straight. I feel like people only see me as what they want me to be.
I also do not feel accepted into queer communities. I feel as if I am "whole" enough to be queer, if that makes sense. I feel like I am not accepted anywhere, to be honest, even in bi communities I feel like I do not act "bisexual" enough.
I completely felt how you felt, it gets annoying with people telling you. You aren’t enough on either side! It gets old people telling you. You don’t belong on either side (or that just me) I like men but, I like women. I see it as 50/50 for me. It’s a struggle when people try to make you what you’re not.
Fr. I've also felt the pressure that now that i identify as a lesbian, i have to fit into the estetic or role, or else i'm not "gay enough" or that i should dress to "look more gay" and it's really annoying. I'm still on a confusing road of self discovery, and i learned a lot ab myself, and i still need to learn. But i just feel like it will never be enough and i have nothing to "prove for it" and it's stupid and i hate it 😤
This person in one of my classes said “that’s inappropriate” when I searched up what some flags looked like.
bring on to school one day and give it to them
Of course. You should've studdied geography better to know what flags look like.
@@helgenlane I do know what they look like but I was showing a friend too.
Frederic while I do agree with this, I feel like someone from a third word country the labels kinda do help us and they’re more freeing and help me find a community. I feel like it’s less “labels are restrictive and overwhelming” and more “labels being pushed on anyone is wrong”.
I think the whole point of him is that people don't need to worry so much about finding a lable or defining others.
hence why I said "USA" in terms of pride history, and also how people in places with less privilege aka less rights and acceptance adopt labels more often. we're on the same page, watch the whole video first
Yup. I say repeatedly that im bi and everyone says I'm gay. So much fun
The struggles of being a bisexual guy. I hear ya
@@lifeaftermidnight6132 yup. Its like me saying I have some interest in women just kinda goes in one ear out the other.
@@spiffywolf2850 And I always preferred girls growing up and the second I'm attracted to another dude everyone thinks I suddenly don't like women anymore lol
How do you even end up in situations like that? I have never had to express my sexuality to anyone who wasn't in a relationship with me.
@@helgenlane coming out as bi...
I think the older I’ve gotten the less I understand my sexuality. I changed the label as a teen like every week. I too just say i’m queer and honestly irl as I’ve gotten older, the less I and the people I associate with care. “idk I’m not straight” is an entirely acceptable answer to me. I think if you can find community in labels go for it. Obviously not going to be everyone’s experience especially since I live in a pretty accepting area.
Samee!! Labels confuse the hell out of me personally and I have decided to not label myself. Since most people around me are straight, I have just been telling them I am not or that I am queer to people part of the community. I understand if others find comfort in them, it just made it worse for me.
i just keep saying i'm not straight or that i'm queer if some1 asks me abt my labels unless that person happens to be a close friend bc i feel like they should probably know and i kinda just explain the terms to them when they get confused.
Honestly, I have been very confused about my sexuality and I have used so many different labels throughout my teen years, but from watching this video I realize that I dont need to have a specific label because my sexuality still will always be valid!
Thank you for having these tough conversations. There's a tendency for people in the LGBT+ community to avoid being self-critical and looking at our own issues. In a lot of corners of the community there's a need for some maturing and behaving like adults when addressing various topics.
I agree. There's this unfortunate trend of people feeling like they have to hyper-define sexuality and gender. There's no issue with having words to describe things, but that doesn't mean we need a word for every single thing. These labels exist to be a simple approximation of a part of who someone is. In some situations it may be useful to describe your gender or sexuality in more detail, but most of the time it's just unnecessary. A more complicated flavor of bi is still bi. Just because 0x550088 is my favorite color doesn't mean I can't just say Purple when people ask. Heck, I could say reddish-blue and it'd still get the point across.
I think the benefits of labels is being able to use them to find other people with similar experiences - but I wholeheartedly agree that for the same reason they're helpful is the same reason they're limiting, and I tend to think until we normalise the spectrum of these things we won't be able to remove labels wholly. I like being able to use general labels like queer personally, but at the same time while I was figuring things out for myself being able to search my experiences with smaller labels was helpful.
You're on the right track but what you think is a bug is actually a feature.
Labels also come with deffinitions, usefull to explain what you go through to others
@@seto749 i think it can be positive or negative - i've found it both helpful for finding others with similar experiences, but sometimes limiting in that i don't always feel that i strictly adhere to a specific label, or that i will always adhere to a specific label. They aren't inherently bad i think, and I've found a lot of peace when I found labels I'm comfortable with - but at the same time I think it's nice that using open labels or not having specific labels is becoming more widely accepted for people who don't feel like they fit or do not want to be defined in that way 😊
@@saragreenfire4515 definitely agree, but at the same time I feel like using board labels or no labels can be an explanation in and of itself? For people who don't feel like their experiences fit with the labels they know, or who otherwise feel like using the labels is limiting, or even for those who have not yet deciphered the specifics of how they feel or aren't yet ready to share it. Labels can very much be a good thing for many reasons, but I also appreciate that as a society we are slowly getting more tolerant of those who aren't ready yet or do not ever wish to use more specific labels and are getting better at accepting that there are a lot people who have valid human experiences that do not neatly align with the labels we are used to using 😊
@@alexlm161 That's fine and I actually quite like the proliferation of new labels; those who want something specific/more clearly defining have a better chance of finding it and those who prefer blurry going with that. Our host has unfortunately wandered into Everyone Should Love Everyone Land, an extremely anti-gay place. Trying to push the Q label onto us all is part of the planned erasure. It's the point.
How I've seen labels for the past few years is something that continues to limit how I see myself and other people, and is something that can and has changed over time for me. The reason that I'm fine with whatever people think I am (to the extent of their definition) is bc I'm sick of being put in a box that has so many expectations and rules I have to follow to be considered that thing.
I really like thinking of the lgbtqia+/queer similarly to emotions. You *could* describe everything you're feeling in just "I'm happy" or "I'm sad", but that WOULDN'T accurately describe all your experiences. There are more words you can use and that's similar with sexuality/gender identity.
Is it all fixed and set in stone? No. Is it just additional vocabulary to better describe the particular way *we* feel? Yep.
Don't stress abt it, no one checks everyday you wake up if you're feeling just as asexual/feminine/gay/fluid/straight as you did yesterday, so just find what best describes you in the moment. The vocabulary is there to serve you to better understand yourself, and not to put you in a rigid box.
Edit: formatting
Miimiminumk7m7k7j7j6h6jklmy 7j tbyny young y umbrella h y u. H h u.u y .u.u.unynbbtby umynyb8 unnynybynyngrvtb7k7nvyn7ibt988ujjjiybmn8n6hkvyn7btvynyntvk7m8myn6j iu
Do you really wake up and ask yourself "How do I feel about myself? How can I describe the emotional sate I am in at this exact moment?". No sane person ever does that. Gender or sexuality aren't any different.
"any media that represents this, it doesn’t make children become anything. it gives them the vocabulary to understand how they’re feeling and how to navigate the world, cause its fucking crazy out there.” holy shit this is such a good quote.
i also finally decided to go with queer a few months ago. i considered myself bi from elementary thru hs and when i got to college i was like "maybe pan fits me better." now i just don't want to be labelled tbh but i also don't want to be perceived as straight (because i'm def not) so queer just feels right for me. ❤
I remember getting into high school and making lgbt friends in my small town, the WHOLE ASS COMMUNITY gatekeeps sexualities and genders to people new to the group. someone I used to know used to just completely gatekeep terms and labels, and would just start saying "oh you cant say that because its actually transphobic" and no one else had ever heard of it being transphobic? its weird, and it pushed me to just saying "I'm queer". I'm gonna be 19 this year, and I've been queer my whole life. the past 3 years I've been trying to learn everything but it SO confusing nowadays, and the community in my town is in no way helpful
i use labels to get things across quick but i don't identify with them.
i dislike how western centric gender discourse can get also because non western perspectives and concepts exist but they aren't talked about. this level of fluidity in gender identity and sexuality goes beyond wanting to be accommodating and not limiting yourself, it's seeing other queers in other cultures and what concepts they've developed for themselves
for me you can change your label a lot of times in your life and that's fine
- you can be hetero and trans for example!
remembering that hetero means that you're attracted to the opposite gender.
I think that labels are an easy way to communicate about yourself inside the big lgbt or(mogai)community, because if I say that I'm ace people actually care, yes they do
but yes I understand your point I agree, people should like others for their personality friendship! your gender or orientation says nothing about how cool you're! (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
100% agree as to the labels. they're changing. When i was 10-18, i thought i was straight. I mean i knew i'm only attracted to men, but due to the very homophobic surroundings, i tried to find in myself attraction to women. Then, the whole twenties, i was just gay. And that is being said about orientation. As for gender, i think this is what's changing in my experience.
You are on every video talking about LGBT+ labels. You are just as obsessed with this topic as me and I am not a very mentally well individual….
I spent so long trying to figure out a label that works, so I just went with queer and gender fluid and left it at that. People really don't need to know every little part about who I'm attracted to or how much on a given day. I'm just here, y know?
I completely agree with you! Currently, labels are dividing more than unifying. And the oppression competitions that happen within the community are so harmful and stupid. However, I would like to say something in defence of labels. Sometimes labels are just comforting. Finding a word that describes yourself feels good *for some people* (obviously it is horrible that people feel like they have to use labels when they don't want to). So in an ideal world, I think there should be options for people who like labels and don't like labels! If I completely missed the point feel free to let me know haha :))
I think they re very important to get on your own, but people change, and honestly it wopuld be depressing being just defined by one trait. And i get its impotant to explore , but also get less important once you did the most scary part. And to generalize in broad strokes stuff i guess to explain, to help security, like even if anyone learns broad strokes help, in details, generalizing is bad.
I think labels are just a good starter tool. To get across, i guess. Not to limit.
Or i guess a you can beak the rules once you know them situation?! I gues its good to generally know but not let that limit anything. People and society is paradox.
Starters toolbo might be good, like its good or easy early acess to have a starters toolbox but when you get to know more its limiting to stay with that instead doing what the heck you want and just be creative and whatever in expressing yourself.
Labels are also educating, i'd say. I don't like them much, as I believe lives of human beings are very controversial and changing, but i do realize that labels sometimes help putting evth in its place. In some countries, for instance, society and government make people believe something is right and something is wrong. I've lived all my life in fool's paradise, not understanding that homophobia in my country comes from the upper-most echelons of the power structure that convinced the society that LGBTQI+ people are cause of all troubles and supposed to be blamed. Emerge of non-binaries (i know that they always existed, but they'd never been told about much in the past), for example, helped changing situation in a better way to some extent. It's like it's not that damnable (as gay or bi) if a person says they're non-binary. But anyways, everything's so medieval here in my country. We definitely need some labels (and education lol).
Labels have been so comforting for me because I've always felt left out when in certain communities because I didn't have the same feelings or experiences as the majority. Like in the AroAce community. I don't fit exactly with their experience of NEVER experiencing romantic or s3xu@l interest and it never coming across my mind because I'm AegoAroAce so I do experience it just in a different way from both allo people and the people who strictly identify as AroAce
I think labels are good as a starting point to figure yourself and then go from there. People also probably like having specific labels so that they can feel more understood and just feel like they belong somewhere with no explanation or argument.
I hope your video reaches many people!! Not just because you deserve it (which you absolutely do!) but because I think this information is extremely important. There are a lot of really confident ignorant people out there who create a toxic environment for everyone. Your video definitely gives me a bit of hope in humanity. -- Cause genuinely thats how bad it can get.
My whole life I just ran with the idea that I was straight man because that was the default. Now that I'm in college I've started to question that and thought maybe I'm ace, but that didn't exactly cover it. The label I eventually came to was that I was demisexual, but honestly it was so convoluted to explain what that is and how I define as it that I just gave up. I'm convinced that label's only work if you clearly fit into an already established one and if you don't fit that mold there's no point in torturing yourself trying to find one that fits
I 100% agree!! I've always struggled with finding a proper label for myself, especially because of my complicated relationship with gender. The fact that "queer" or "unlabeled" are labels themselves will never stop giving me a headache.
personally i like labels it makes it easier for me to find people that relate to my experience, understand that what i feel is normal, and easily tell people who i identify as, unless they don't know then most the time i'll happily explain unless i'm not feeling great and then i'll simplify it to them. like i'm not going to tell richard down the road i'm an arojump aceflux greyomnisexual fluid demiboy. but i'll gladly tell them i'm bi and what demiboy means if they ask.
but just because i like labels doesn't mean everyone has to. you don't even have to know what your gender, sexuality, or romantic attraction is.
also fellow lgbt peeps, if you're gatekeeping stop it. if you're not the "typical" cis straight allo person you're apart of the lgbt community and if you cannot handle that don't try to kick them out, just stay in your communities box. out of anyone in this world you as an lgbt person should understand what it feels to be discriminated against, so stop pushing that onto others.
I think sexual attraction is more based on gender expression rather than gender itself.
This came out at such a great time cause I've recently found out I am bisexual. I used to think I was just gay but I have found out Im kind of attracted to women. I do have a preference for men but man was it scary when I came to the conclusion and I couldn't figure out why and j think it's mostly cause of the Biphobia in the community. Some people openly admit to finding bisexual men weird and it's really confusing to me on why our community that is oppressed on the daily by outsiders also oppresses people in the same community. It's the same with asexuality
It’s because the outside oppression is taught to all of us. It’s not coming from us, it’s coming from the cishets.
It was scary for me too ✋️ when i realized i was bisexual after identifying as just gay.
Oh please.
🙄🙄
“Totally we’re gonna offend everyone” proceeds to feel nothing but love* 💕
When I was 10, I discovered that my cousin was nonbinary. I didn't understand the community at all then. My mother is transphobic so I had to look it up and explore the trans community on the internet on my own. I'm 14 now and I still didn't fully understand it until I watched this video. This is why I'm subscribed to you.
Such👏a👏good👏video👏! I really enjoyed this cause it made me feel not so alone in thinking this way, and also not really knowing how I identify. I've struggled with labels and so I just say I'm not straight.
It's always so stressful to figure out what you are. See I don't feel sexual attraction and I thought I was asexual, but then I realized still feel it a bit and then started questioning my entire sexuality and panicked.
The same thing with bi-romantic, I felt a romantic attraction to everyone and I heard bi isn't just two, but then there's Omni, and pan, and I just didn't know what to do.
Then gender, I feel okay with female but also when I think about it I don't automatically go, yeah in definitely a girl!
I also go by she/he pronouns and that's confusing for some people. It's so exhausting.
I just want to exist loving who I want, being who I want.
This is a great point. I was about 10 when I started to explore who I liked and I tried to fit into so many labels and realized I didn’t like that. I’ve settled with bisexuality now after a long journey.
Personally i really like ho Ace dad Advice defines labels. They are just tool that help us communicate with other peopls and to understand ourselves.
I use the label gender fluid to explain my experiences but honestly I just want to be seen as a human just living.
Also: Romantic orientation is a spectrum and sexuality is a spectrum. Either aroace or pan romantic/pan sexual. Rather if your sexuality and romantic orientation match. Labels can help you determine your sexuality and gender but testing the waters is the only way you can confirm. That’s just what I think though. Everyone’s journey is different. But everyone should be able to use the pronouns they are comfortable with, wear the clothes they like, and date who they have feelings for without having to give an explanation for WHY.
Editing: YES WHY ARE WE TRYING TO FIGHT AGAINST EACH OTHER AND GAIN THE APPROVAL OF CIS-HET SOCIETY ???? I don’t get it
Hi Frederic, ilysm and this video is literally WHAT IVE BEEN TRYNA TELL PEOPLE.
I had this friend and she is young, she is 14, and she was constantly making everything about being gay, and les, and everything was about sexuality. they would only talk to people apart of the lgbtqia+ community and always talked about how they hated straight people and they hated men and that straight ppl and men should all burn. Im straight, and this always rubbed me the wrong way and I even addressed it, but everytime i tried to talk abo it to them, they would make it seem like I was saying they were being "straightphobic" WHICH IS NOT WHAT I WAS DOING. I dropped that person long ago and looking back they always would put labels and sexualities on celebs and random strangers we would see in public. It's a crazy world
But anyhoo, hearing all of these things from a content creating ADULT felt really good and reassured my feelings and that gut feeling i had that that friend was a pos.
Love your videos Frederic, Cant wait to watch them all
I so appreciate your openness and how you seek to broaden, not narrow, caragories!
labels are great to clarify, affirm, and validate peoples identities, but don’t force them onto everyone and everything.
Personally I LOVE labels and really enjoy categorizing and using them, but in the grand scheme of things they ARENT THAT IMPORTANT
you don’t EVER have to pick a label, and you don’t owe ANYONE an exact description of your sexuality or identity.
if you like them; great, if you don’t; great. do what feels best for you, don’t attack other people for the way they choose to identify.
it’s a complex subject,
spread more love ❤️
This is why I just identify as Sapphic! I know I was born female, and I do like they/them pronouns, and yet I don't really care if a person calls me she. I know I'm attracted to women, but I also have slight attraction to men and nonbinary people on certain occasions. Its a lot to say! That's confusing! So I'd rather just say sapphic and move on. Im confident in my attraction to women, so even if my attraction changes a bit, I think I will always identify with the sapphic label. Plus the flag is really pretty :3
The flag as in the one with the flower?
@@elizatilsizoglou5946 yes that one!
@@may_the_mouse it's very pretty indeed
Hey, Angel Boy, I'm older than you! I'm a fluid grandmother of 76, and my experience is your generation has it WAY more together than mine or my grown children's. That's the sad news and also the good news. Thanks for all you guys contribute backwards to those of us who lived through times that were really awful. I know you guys are still having to go through coming out to family and things like political and social erasure, but I hope and pray that the stuff we were able to change means that there are some traumas you all will never experience because we were here. Love & light!
I personally like labels because they help me find people with similar feelings or experiences online. But I don't use them to describe myself to others, because I think in that respect they are limiting. It would feel like I am putting myself into a box.
For communication they could be more helpful if we agreed on what they entailed, but it is difficult, because it would take away the nuances of our experiences and feelings
Love the outfit (also love the setup. It looks cozy)
Oh wow, a video that perfectly explains every doubt and concern I've had about my identity since I was 10 years old! What are the odds?
Really though, trying to figure out what labels fit has always been a pain in the neck. My best friend at the time came out as bi when we were 10, and I thought about it for a few days and thought "yeah, I'd kiss a girl" and figured I must be bi too. Then my friend tried to teach me about pansexuality, and she said that bi and pan were the same thing, except bi people only liked their own race and pan people liked any race. Which... yeah, yikes 😬
So I thought I was pan for a couple days before deciding to just Google it and finding out my friend was _very_ misinformed to say the least. And around the same time I started thinking about past relationships. Obviously any "boyfriends" I had at that point was nothing more than holding hands on the playground and maybe getting them Valentine's cards, point is I was thinking about it and realised every time I had a crush on a boy, it would disappear right after we started going out.
I was a dense child and instead of thinking "maybe I don't like boys" I scoured Tumblr for answers. I ended up identifying as some obscure label (akoiromantic maybe?? my memory's not great) and assuming I'd just never be in a meaningful relationship. Then my mum found out I was questioning and was very supportive, and the tiny bit of internalised homophobia finally shut up, and I realised "yeah,, not boys."
And while I was thinking about that I started wondering about my gender, too, because something something preferred cars to dolls, got along better with boys than girls, never cared about feminine things. Yes that is just describing a tomboy, but I still wanted to experiment. So I told a couple friends at school that I was trying out pronouns and stuff, and like a swarm of locusts the bullies descended. I stopped thinking about gender within a couple weeks, cause British schoolchildren are the spawn of Satan, and it was hard enough getting through school with a disability and no close friends, I didn't want _another_ target on my back.
Fast forward a few years, I make it to college, I have supportive friends, and I'm finally on enough medication to let me function as a human being. And my god, going from high school in England to college is a slap in the face in the best way. No one gives a shit about you! And I don't mean that in the "you're worthless" way, I mean people will see you, maybe say hi if they know you, and just mind their own fucking business! My college literally had pride flags hanging by the main entrance, so yeah, I figured it was probably safe to start questioning things again.
It actually almost sent me spiralling again, because I realised that A) some boys might be okay, B) I am not cis, and C) I have never been attracted to a single person in my life. Thankfully my new best friend was having the exact same realisations about herself, and between us we agreed it just... didn't matter.
I'm non-binary and on the aroace spectrum, and don't care to narrow it down any further than that. When anyone outside the community asks, I just say I'm a lesbian, because frankly that's all they need to know: they can call me a girl and I like girls. It would take far too long to explain that no, I don't identify as a girl, I just don't mind being called one, yes a lesbian is a girl who likes girls, no I'm technically not a lesbian it's just easier to say that, blah blah blah. Unless I'm romantically or sexually interested in you, it just doesn't matter.
TL;DR, just do what feels right. Worrying about definitions and finding the right label is just going to give you a headache. If you want a label, that's fine, pick whatever feels comfortable, but don't beat yourself up if you don't fit neatly into the box. It's all just feelings and desires - they don't need names.
The lesbian label includes wlw, nblw, and nblnb people, sorry if I'm overstepping but I thought I'd add since you didn't think you were 'technically' a lesbian. Ofc, I can always delete this if it crosses a boundary
@@clownRatcity You're not overstepping, don't worry. And I honestly agree with you, it's just hard to explain that sometimes since a lot of people are still so set on what defines a lesbian
How do you all get yourselves into situations where someone asks your sexuality? I'm pretty sure "it doesn't matter" is an appropriate response 95% of the time.
I identify as bisexual and sometimes when i talk with friends about it they will try to change it. They asked me if i preferred girls and i said that maybe and they decided to say that i was omnisexual. Idk and idc. I connect with the term bisexual and that's it. I'm 15 and only have been sure about this for like a year and people are already confusing me again. I really loved your video, I think we all should just chill and let everyone identify and feel as they want.
As a straight man (Yes, not the target audience here, obviously), I've always found labels nowadays to be pretty convoluted and confusing. That whole point of "gender and sexuality as an abstract construct" you made is something I totally agree with. When you try to segregate feelings that are nuanced it goes to the point where every little minute detail needs to be labelled, which is what makes it so mind-boggling to me.
I think labels have educational values. Segregating feelings sounds like an unachievable goal, but it's interesting though...
@@samantha_proust It's interesting as long as you're not obsessed with achieving it
“You gotta do what makes you happy”
-Leif (Animal Crossing)
personally, I have given up on labels. I understand that it helps people communicate with and understand one another. I will say I am bi and that I am female to help older generations understand, however I am not going to let those vague definitions actually define who I am. Honestly, I kinda hate it when I have to explain/label myself. I just want to love who I love and be myself.
These conversations are so important so thank you for having them
I wish more people, especially within the U.S. and many Euro countries, would understand that the labels and language we use regarding the LGBTQ+ community are the result of the mainstream culture. In the U.S. for example, you often see labels such as gay, bisexual, straight, etc. with stringent definitions because the U.S. has historically taught and followed a binary gender model i.e. the idea that there are "only two genders". I imagine that this is big reason why we have such a long ways to go in terms of non-binary/genderqueer rights and visibility when there are cultures where ideas of a third gender or gender fluidity are already widely present (e.g. several Native American cultures, Hijras, etc.)
This is why I think it's important to teach and emphasize how human sexuality and gender exist on a spectrum and is fluid. Of course, I still believe labels have value and a lot of people rightfully feel it's important to their identity. But just in general, we should recognize that there are those who neither want to feel pressurized into a label nor gatekeeped because they don't fit the exact definition of a particular label. Ultimately, labels are just our way of wanting to categorize people and their feelings when people will never fully fit into any particular categories.
I’ve always been so confused about my sexuality and whenever I labeled it ,it never felt right.Given the definitions people told me were right so I kept changing it to find the “right one”but I just came to conclusion that It’s okay to be confused because i have time to figure out who I am :)
"Do you know your sexuality?"
No and I dont care about labelling. Thats why im a non-sam aro! You dont have to label everypart of yourself if you dont want to
"You're not a male Fredrick because you wear make up" LMAOO imagine saying that to somebody. Idiots. 99% of men on tv, yes even your "manly men" in the Marvel movies and the guys of Top Gun have to wear make up I bet. I guess according to their logic I'm not a woman then bc I rarely wear make up💀 imagine being so offended by some eyeshadow.
"Rihanna would be thriving rn"😂
Evn tucker carlson , that can go to hell, but pretty sure he wears make up.
Totally agree. But say it to someone from my country which is super homophobic lol
I'm confident that it wasn't just about makeup in general, but feminine makeup, feminine closes and feminine jewelry. These people think that a man that presents himself as a woman is not a man. Not a woman either. Sometimes they don't even consider people like that human. But haha, funny, right.
What a Mood- I used to try and define my sexuality and romantic attraction so badly, only to now finally be like "I like who I like and I'll do with them what I'll do with them" And it's so funny to be finally be able to say that and have the same family who told me "it's getting confusing all these lebels" be the one who goes "what do you mean you don't have a label??? That's confusing-”
Omg you just perfectly described what has been on my mind for the last couple of days. I've always felt fairly pressured to label my sexuality and my gender, although it just keeps evolving. As a teen who is still figuring out my identity, hearing someone else say all these things just takes so much stress off of me. So yeah I guess just thank you for making these videos, and please keep doing what you do because it has really helped me out recently.
With the assuming celebrities sexualities, it also gets worse when they have or begin dating someone and people flip/attack and shit on the person online.
Like some people will get so hostile that it’s lowkey scary.
I appreciate your perspective on this situation and it has helped me in my journey with my sexuality and gender, so thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
I have been really struggling as a teenager with my gender identity and sexuality for the past few month, no label felt quite right. But thanks to this video I understood that I was pushing myself too hard trying to define myself watching this has really helped me understand my identity and chill out more so thank you! I hope other young viewers like me can watch this and accept themselves :D
as a person from a small town in oklahoma, i, for years didnt understand who i was or how i felt. i grew up in church and i didnt know anything ab the lgbtq community. until in 7th grade i got instagram and i started to see so many unique individuals that i had never seen before. it opened my eyes to a world full of possibilities where i could figure out who i was and how i felt. i thought i was bi and then i realized that that label didnt fit me. i learned about pansexuality and i felt that it more accurately described my feelings. then once i finally felt secure in that i started to learn more about trans identities and found out that i wasnt a cis woman. i learned about genderfluidity and i realized that this is who i am. the years of struggling with my identity are over (as far as i know).
So many great points! I just want to add that the omni/pan thing is often about personality & physical attraction. Like, pan tends to be attraction to who someone is regardless of gender whereas omni might have more physical preferences attached. This feels like such a nitpick in this context, but honestly it's the reason why a lot of people identify as omni or bi - they're just broader terms than pan. But I also agree that bi can be inconvenient and lead to a lot of assumptions. I kind of wish it were more common to use a nice umbrella term, like multisexual, that was more intuitive and easily understood by the general population.
I am a trans man that still identifies as a lesbian, i got to this stage of myself through a lot of self discovery, and learning to come to terms with who i am. i learned about the history of lesbians and trans men and how they often overlap, and came to the conclusion that actually: current "definitions" for labels are only suggestions. Do whatever you want and be whoever you want to be. The ball is in your court, the world is your oyster.
The gender labels and stuff used to keep me up at night and distracted all the time because I don't know mine. I am finally feeling so much better
thank you so much for all this education! as much as i agree about proactive learning, the queer labels have always seemed so intimidating to me when i thought i was just an ally and i didn't want to learn them wrong or even actually felt like knowing them would make me a better ally necessarily. so i basically waited until they 'naturally' came up in the content of creators i already watch and even though it does make me feel more secure in my understanding, it meant that i never knew i'm actually not just an ally but demi!
what you said about prefference really opened my eyes, so true
Figuring out your identity is quite the journey, isn't it?
Around 8th grade I labeled myself as bisexual, but then things got insane when I started debating my gender and figuring out I am on the ace spectrum. I swapped between a bunch of hyper-specific labels for years, only to find myself now leaning towards very general terms such as gender queer and grey ace/aro. All that and I still haven't really come out.
Anyways, I'm quite sure that I will change my mind a thousand times over again about the labels I use, and I'm glad to see people enforcing that that is OKAY. It is perfectly normal and fine to change what labels you use.
Tbh, I just wish there were no such things as labels in many aspects of society, but that is a very far ways away and would take quite a bit of change, so I'm not mad at people who do use them; I mean I used them for so long and still do, though less so.
I don't know exactly what I am trying to say from this comment, I just wanted to voice some of my random thoughts.
Thanks for this video and just voicing that people really shouldn't care about other people's sexuality, gender, etc because it has nothing to do with them and everyone is different.
Have a great day everyone!
I appreciate this video. it felt like a very respectful conversation that needs to be talked about in a way that felt casual enough that I didn't feel the need to take physical notes. it was really well done, great work.
I haven't seen the whole video yet but you always broaden my perspective! I also agree so much with what you said about a definition not being able to fully validate our fluid and evolving feelings.
I was out as lesbian for YEARS before coming across my current boyfriend this summer. Connecting with him felt natural, real, and RIGHT for the first time ever. I call myself pan now, not because gender doesn't matter or because I don't have a preference, but because I don't care what HE has or identifies as. I love him for him, and his body is perfect the way it is. I also have untreated trauma in regards to men so at first, I was really uncomfortable and scared to be with one in any way but he made me feel so comfortable and safe. I fall for the individual, and that's the broad meaning I give to the pansexual label, DESPITE that I do have a huge preference for women. I would never seek out a relationship with a man, but if I happen to fall for one like I have, then he's special and I won't fight those urges because he'll make me feel heard and loved
an hour long video from frederic what a treat i cant wait for this all! thank you for the talk of the queer community!
If asked by other people, I identify as bi ace but most of the time I don’t even bother adding the ace bc I know they’ll have questions and being a queer black woman, I’m constantly defending my existence anyway. For those of y’all who do wanna learn more though, I cannot recommend ‘Ace’ by Angela Chen enough. I found that book early into my exploration of asexuality and it covers so many different backgrounds and stories in an educational and humanizing way.
Just discovered your channel and I wanted to say that it is very comfortable watching you. You look great in your outfit and you completely own your makeup and haircut, even before your makeup session. You also explain your thoughts in a calm and nuanced manner.
I'm kind of tired of labels. I've seen everyone from every side use them, often fanatically or, ironically, in a discriminatory way, and now I don't want to constantly live like that. I recognize their usefulness, but also how oppressive they can become if we are not careful.
I sent this to a friend because she is trying to figure herself out and you explain this stuff really well so glad you did this. Thank you!
I’m bisexual. For a long time I just wasn’t sure but I knew after my first time with a woman bc I’ve already been with many men throughout my life. It was so passionate, gentle & fun. She knew it was my first time and was so sweet with me. But like I said for a while I wasn’t sure if I was bi until after I figured it out this year & im 29. I’ve literally lived my whole life a lil blind lolz & the funny thing is I’ve always found other women beautiful even though I’m very insecure. I should’ve known I was bi after it never really stopped lol
"I'm not the Lorax of the gays" is the best sentence I've heard in awhile 🤣
The hex code metaphor is so useful. Thanks so much! Also, your eyeshadow gradient include my fave colors.
You are amazing and these videos are awesome. I struggled for so long trying to find the right labels and thinking I was not a part of certain spaces because I didn't check all the boxes under the label. It's important to understand labels are meant as a short hand but they might not be the end all be all. So thank you for talking about this
Haha I love that there are already so many well thought out comments even though the video has only been up for half an hour and is nearly one hour long. Love this for us
The problem with labels is if you're someone like me who's struggling with you gender and finally find the right pronouns and everything it's super hard to come out to someone. Like if you're gonna come out you need to use a label to describe your gender. I've already figured out what pronouns I wanna use, but I still haven't found a label to describe how I feel. I wish I could just tell a loved one "Here are my pronouns, please respect them" instead of "Hey, I identify as a ______ person, but not really because I still feel detached from it's description".
i didnt mean to dump my problems on you, i just sort of relate to you by what you said
This needed to be said desperately. I questioned myself a lot as a kid, thinking am I valid or not, I lost a friendship because I used a label I wasn’t deemed allowed to use. We really need to stop putting so much value on oppression and gatekeeping and just let people be themselves unapologetically without a name tag for everything.
Asghdhfjhsbf I love this so much! I'd also like to add on to the aspec part, that in my experience, the aspec communities have been some of the most open and welcoming communities I've ever seen, in terms of queer identities (though we're by no means perfect, and neither are we immune to racism). But each person in the community is so different in how they experience attraction, friendships, other relationships, love, and affection, and it's really interesting to hear and read about other people's experiences that I don't relate to at all and realize that we may be different in the way we experience our aspecness, but that we still share that part of our identities. I really appreciate that this video is sort of applying that "you do you" philosophy so the broader queer community, bc I think it's essential for building empathy within the community and moving on from stuff like labels discourse like you talked about.
Ive resolved to calling myself queer to make people understand that I don't want labels
If you're into talking to other creators about trans identities, I always find miles mckenna's videos super informative and I feel like you both have very nice/in depth explanations :D
as a pan girl, this video and ur channel is such a helpful and safe space. tysm for being a someone who thinks the person is more important than the labels associated with them
As a nb I feel I always put myself last. I never had my boundaries respected. Not even by myself. I find labels a way of finally recognizing my own boundaries for myself. But i do admit it can go full internet mess, and I just want to be them. Im currently struggling with dysphoria, and them helps.
This video and most of the comments makes me so happy in a way. I am the "newer" queer person in my friend group if that makes sense. Like, when I started trying to explore my orientation and gender, I thought more like "black and white" when it came to labels. However, it started becoming confusing since my feelings of attraction is just specific, which it is for everybody. I went through the lovely journey of bi-curious to bi to pan to lesbian, and now, I feel like the best way to describe it at least is I'm attracted to anything but most men. Gender is a whole other can of worms, but the best way I can describe myself is I am feminine, but not necessarily female.
I also realized why I stressed over labels, to an unhealthy extent, in the past was the gatekeeping and worrying if I'm just being another individual who's just trying to be trendy.
This is so real. I also considered myself bisexual and then lesbian and now I just use ‘queer/gay’ I’m not attracted to most men but I’m still attracted to masculine GNC/non-binary people. When I came out as bi I was scared I was just copying other people and when I came out as lesbian I was scared that I was just trying to “follow the wave” of people coming out as lesbian and didn’t want to hurt anyone bc I was unsure of my sexuality
I feel like you worded my scattered thoughts very nicely and i love it.
im so glad you made this video. i am someone who feels that there should be no need for labels. that we should just be who we are. however, we live in a society where labels are pressured on those who choose not to identify with one label. i just go as bi if anyone asks as i am just attracted to whoever i am attracted to. it would be nice to live in a world where people are just attracted to other people, not basing your attraction on gender.
I'm glad this video is being received positively.
I tried expressing these exact feelings to my friends, about how I don't think sexuality labels work anymore, and they all responded negatively to me.
So I'm glad I know I'm not alone in believing we need to either remove labels, or re-work them.
10:47 I'm a trans man. Who ironically is androgynous by birth. Growing no one actually knew my gender. I would always tell them you decide and never questioned what answer given. As i grow older i look more and more masculine to the point that when people look at me in a crop top and high shorts they just assume that im a gay male. I am queer for the most part as i find label quite odd. As people now a days rely on them with some being very close with other definitons. I am sticking with my point. I disagree with a lot things being said an done today. (ironic coming from a gacha channel ) but thats all. Im leaving it here as to not imput an argument in my replys as i manage to that no matter what i put.
This comment gives off the impression i think im like high in clouds holy sh-- :/
@@itskatplayz You okay?
I love your argument on how sexuality is a spectrum, like the color spectrum, and labels are like limiting yourself to one specific shade. That also made me think of your argument about how everyone would be okay with the rainbow flag if people acknowledge the spectrum. But if people truly did, then the rainbow flag would be a gradient as you said, not stripes of color, representing those set in stone labels.
I like the way you look at things. Instead of obsessing of what to call ourselves wether we’re in or out of the closet, we should focus more on destroying the closet. 💜💜💜
Ok THANK YOU for not only mentioning aros and aces but, like talking about how the messiness of the labels for aspecs are. And it's not just outside the aspec community with the overall queer community, inside the aspec community I can describe myself like 6 different ways depending on the conversation and what's being discussed. Like I can't just say "im aro" to other aspecs bc then I'm perceived as aroace and im not asexual. I also have to gage the type of convo on if I say I'm "aro" vs a more accurate arospec, grayromantic or aroflux. And then just before I got off Tumblr at beginning of this year, "arospec" was being questioned on its usefulness and if people should just say they're grayromantic/demiromantic/cupioromantic/aroflux/ etc and I wanted to pull out my hair bc as someone who can't choose on if grayro or aroflux is better than the other for me personally bc theyre both, like, dead accurate in just ways lol, just saying "I'm arospec" to other aros was kinda helpful lmao
With being bisexual, it is just bisexuality for me. like how I'm already at odds with communication with how I feel like I *get* to communicate my aromanticism, I am NOT doing that with my bi attraction lmao. It's a whole can of worms, I'm attracted to so manys, like. It's bi. I'm not digging around into a tighter label and no, you can't call me pan, ok? It's fine if yall are pan, but bi just works for me and people understand it and I don't have the emotional energy to work on two identities at the same time 😂
Labels are hard yall. Can we just be friends? All the flags are pretty, I want to make yall pride bracelets lol