I Found Out My Girlfriend Was Married
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- Опубликовано: 3 фев 2025
- I Found Out My Girlfriend Was Married
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![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
Sir, if your girlfriend has a husband she's not your girlfriend. She's her husband's wife and you're her side piece.
I’m the mistress ? - Michael Scott
I was literally coming to make this comment. Well said
At this point, she's neither a wife nor a girlfriend. She belongs to the community.
@@texan903 Still a person, goddamn.
@@Username0467 Still loose and has become property of the community.
With 8 billion people on Earth, there is no need to settle for messy situations.
So true!!!!!!!!!!!!
Married people are the main people settling
A woman would never date a man who lives with his mother but she would date a man who lives with his wife
@@romans52345-cy3tq unrelated to this situation. LOL
Is this so? 8 billion?
For a given human, narrow that down to the number of single people of the preferred gender who live close enough and actually cross-paths with enough to start flirting...... I'd say the number is more like 2 or 3 at best.
This dude is smart. I think he just got caught up in what the heart wants. Sometimes logic goes out the window
Sometimes the nuts want what the nuts want
Not his heart but maybe another piece of his anatomy.
@@JohnWilliams-cx3ipoh!
Hes not smart. This is like when someone breaks something, they fix it, then claim to be the one the remedies the situation. Uh, you also made the situation messed up in the first place... you dont get to be the villan of the story then claim to be the hero when all you did was reverse the situation.
A, she is a liar,
B, she will cheat and Lie to you,
C, get her out of your life, FAST!!
What? She told him and he still dated her
Yes, so he knows the inevitable:
D. If she does it with you, she’ll do it to you
If she cheats on her husband, she will cheat on you later on if you stay.
"D" is her hobby
And they always have a roster of guys they are texting and you are being moved up or down on that list.They are basically whores.
To all single people, when someone claims they are " leaving their current spouse" and you will be the new partner, RUN. If they are truly interested they can look you up when they have completed their OLD business. Stop playing side/chick/dude to a married person who has no interest in leaving their current situation, but LIES and gaslights you that it will happen. So make them demonstrate its done. 9/10 the spouse has no clue that their marriage is going anywhere and side person ends up the fool.
Amen ❤ I agree 💯
Agreed! I got jumped on in a Facebook singles group for saying that I would never date someone who is separated. I was told that I could be potentially missing out on a great guy just because I’m judgmental. 😂 But I have seen too many situations where people say they are separated, but never actually get a divorce. Or it takes a few years to get the divorce. I don’t even understand why anyone would want to start a new relationship when they’re still attached to an old one, even if it’s just legally
If I listened correctly, he didn't "found out"--he knew almost immediately upon meeting up with her in person after messaging her online... and went into it anyways.
Well, she was evasive, and he didn't push hard enough for the info.
Ultimately, it's on him...
Typical simp
Yes, exactly.
@@melanieb2132it’s the man’s fault of course
@@melanieb2132It's the wife fault. She is married and should not be with other men except her husband.
Even without the moral concerns, that’s a dangerous spot to be. You do not want a scorned spouse angry at you.
You’re right. However, years ago, an angry spouse was something to definitely be concerned about. But these days, men who get cheated on don’t do anything. Not like they would have years ago. I wish they still did do something to put the fear of the Lord in the hearts of the men who sleep with their wives. But, sadly, in most cases now, they just let it roll right off like water off a duck’s back
@@montecarlo4294it happened to me and the only reason I didn’t end him is because I wanted to continue to be a father for my son. Hard to do that from prison but it has nothing to do with acceptance or “letting it roll”!! Some things are more important than revenge or pride.
@@montecarlo4294 Vigilante justice, sometimes is called for. It can be done, legally, people simply don't care enough to implement it.
A law was passed in New York in 1907 making it legal for SOs to sue for cheating on them. 15 US states also have laws that have been used where one spouse sued another for cheating on them.
If a person gathers the evidence, wants to go through the anguish of a lawsuit, it has been done successfully.
@@montecarlo4294 Please get some help.🙏🏾
@@montecarlo4294
Not dice i would ever want to roll...
This lady is DANGEROUS herself
GF got herself a Grandpa-Husband and Sidedude-Lover. She didn't play him, she played the old man.
Or she played everyone.
The old man knew exactly what he was getting in to.
I think it’s good that he actually feels bad, it means he is a good human being. You have no idea how much a man that makes You.
The caller is actually very wise. He realized even before this call that she will cheat on him, and wants to end it.
He knows he did something wrong. He is wise for sure. I don’t think he’ll repeat this. She was probably tempting because he had a hubby so she felt more disconnected in a way whereas single women, who are actually available, make him run because it’s more realistic he’ll actually end up with her. He knew the married woman wasn’t so easily obtainable and so it’s less scary. It all adds up.
This guy needs to run. My son’s father(an ex) just got a marrried woman pregnant. She lives with her “estranged” husband and their 16 year old son in the same home. My son’s father is a wealthy man and now this woman got her meal ticket to financially exit her marriage and acquire child support. This woman chased him all year even while he was with other women and told him she couldn’t get pregnant at 42 years old due to endometriosis. He fell for this and made decisions with the wrong head. Please leave married and red flag women alone.
I truly adore how John listens without judgement.
And why no one will fix themselves... people need judgement.
No regerts...YOLO... Puke
This is the kind of therapy men need. Honest. Direct. Supportive. Practical. The caller takes responsibility for choices, but doesn't know how to move forward. I wish more therapists did this with men. We might see a positive change in the internal narratives men carry. Thank you, Dr. John.
"I'm usually running from relationships, self- sabotaging..." she was great as long as she was married. Now she is available for him, he is sabotaging the relationship and running again...
He self sabotaged accepting her into his life knowing she had a husband. This isnt a “relationship” to even be running from.
He's suffering from a deep kind of self-hatred. One that tells you that you don't deserve to be loved. He was deprived of it when he was younger. So he still carries that around. He was attracted to her because in some ways, she reminded him of his mother's situation. He's still taking the hit for that. Poor guy.
Ding ding ding
Time to run away. Fast.
I’ve been a little critical of your approach Dr. John with some of your previous sessions. But the advice you gave here and the treatment you gave this man makes me happy to call you a brother in our effort to decrease suffering in the world! I’m proud of you John!
He’s way to soft. This dude is going to get karma bad.
Alexander, you are worth more than that, I wish you much love, healing and self forgiveness.
he kinda sounds like myself not long ago. its tough to have a healthy relationship, when you've never seen one personally.
How Not to be Married:
My Dad was abusive and our family was extremely dysfunctional.
In my 20’s it took me awhile to figure out that it would be a good idea if I picked someone opposite of my Dad.
In other words, someone who wasn’t a dictator who ruled with an iron fist & cheated on their Spouse.
Learning the finer nuances of good communication & things like conflict resolution came later.
Growing up I never saw a healthy relationship but it didn’t seem like rocket science:
How to Be Married:
1. Don’t abuse your partner.
2. Don’t abuse the kids.
3. Give your Spouse the same respect you want to have.
4. Don’t be selfish.
5. Don’t cheat.
6. Get professional help with any personal issues you can’t resolve on your own.
28 years later & it’s worked in my marriage.
💕
I agree to extent, because you don’t need to do drugs to know it’s bad for you. Having good character won’t allow you to be with a married man/woman.
@user-ex3mx7hk4l good for you! You are so wise! God blessed!🙏👍👊🙌
I am sad that you have never had role models to show you what healthy relationships looks like.
@Xzy-rv2nu not my thing
If you ask the question, "do you have somebody" and the answer is, I do, but it's complicated", the person is NOT AVAILABLE!!! Do not , do not, do not get involved with anyone is not 100% available. If you do, be prepared for heartache. Do not settle for an unhealthy situation.
Thank you!! This show really helped me in my inability to forgive myself for my stupid mistakes. I have some letters to write!!
I like the way dr John explains guilt and shame , this is very helpful
A lot of people from broken homes chose toxic relationships that they know will fail to justify their belief that relationships are harmful and they hurt.
This is too true.
“So you’re saying…there might be a chance!” 😂
"I read you" 😂
😂
😂
"What was all that one in a million talk?!" 😅😅😅
Wow, I was buying into his story until John pointed out this talk was about her and not him. Progress was made once the caller understood he needed to focus on himself!
He deserves so much better than this and deserves to be loved and held in a high status - I hope he gets some help to see the light and starts to value himself. He will attract someone who treats him so much better than this if he does resolve his issues ❤ I wish that for you all as well.
why does he deserve better? he knew going in that she was marrried.
@@jones2277 because of his childhood trauma he suffered through
He knew she was married and still pursued her.
@@evelyndaisy9722 Yup - and he deserves to be with someone who is not married and to heal his trauma.
@@jones2277 Because he deserves to be with someone who is not married and to heal his trauma - hence - deserves better.
I'm a self saboteur; it's ruined my life and in maturity, I realise it was all down to abandonment issues from childhood...I found this so relatable.
I had a relationship similar, not married but with a friend ex. Totally regretted it and beat myself up about it for years. Finally, I asked God to forgive me and I had to forgive myself. I wasn't in a good place when I got into the relationship. Took time to get over and then I heard the song, I'm clean by Natalie Grant. I realized I was and owe none of those people in that process anything. The guilt was lifted off my shoulders
You don't owe the friend an apology?
You heard a song
Jesus might have sacrificed himself for your sins, but your friend did not.
@@thomaspugh9969 I actually did, but that's a story for another day
You are gojng to get yours had too! Karma is coming for you and you deserve it.
Gosh I am so glad I’m not in a relationship. So much energy.
For real! It’s solving problems constantly…problems you wouldn’t have if you were single 😂😂
Are you devoting that energy into something else which is rewarding to you? Or are you pursuing a simpler life? (both have benefits)
p.s. That is a rhetorical question.
Being single is always the simpler way of living regardless of how you're using your time @@davidharman7245
@@davidharman7245 Which question is rhetorical?
@@Hello_jo You close to West Virginia? You'll fall in love with me. I'm gods gift to women
Ok the fact that she is 35 and married to a 60 yr old man should raise a lot of questions. Especially since she seems to lead a completely different lifestyle than her husband. So many red flags with her. She is probably pretty wild and needed someone who would offer stability. Like a father figure. He should walk away and get some support. She needs to figure her sh#$ out.
I am wondering if he had money
Look I'm 32 and wouldn't be with someone that old. My dad is 70 and just because you can doesn't mean you should... the thought of being with someone thirty years younger than me makes me cringe
Yep...if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. Dude...gain some self-respect.
That part about *how* to forgive yourself is really helpful, thank you.
It's definitely not over. Only over if she decides. He'll go back.
Break up with her.
He "low-key" loves the thrill of it 😂
Nah they in love
I don’t think we forgive ourselves enough. That’s great advice and something I’ll take with me, thank you!
This happened to me except we were dating first. She met an older doctor and married him and I had no idea until he contacted me. It was heartbreaking for both of us. He ended up drinking himself to death. I moved on.
Karma will hit you.
I almost choked on my gum and broke out laughing when he said, “I should’ve known then when she said ‘I do, but it’s complicated’”! 🤣🤣🤣Red flags for sure! Hello!!! 🚩🚩🚩
I was extremely disappointed in the comments here. If the roles were switched y'all would have been making every excuse in the book. He obviously has a lot of childhood trauma he needs to heal and grow from. I come from a very similar background and I hope and pray you heal sir. I wish you all the best and please ignore the nasty comments. Most of them sound like they need God or a good talking to from Dr. John themselves.
I don’t know why but when you said “that’s a good dude that did a dumb thing” it really hit me. Shame is so hard to deal with, thanks for the videos John!
At least he recognized he made a mistake and felt that it was not ok. Deep down infedility issues stem from situations from our upbringing. In my belief as long as you honestly regret and ask God for forgiveness, you will feel much better.
Some people who have commitment issues purposely choose relationships they know will not work out. That way the relationship fails without their having done anything wrong or ended it, and they can keep believing that they want a relationship and they were wronged.
She’s for the streets bruh. Let it go. Run.
The comments are being way too hard on this caller. It's true he should have known better and is responsible for his actions. But people are missing the part where the girl said "it was complicated" and implied to him that the relationship was over (or on the way to being over). The caller is also using hindsight to say "i should have known better" because yeah the way she worded that was sketch. But it doesn't take into account that she lied when they first met and persuaded him that her relationship was on its last legs. Its only after the fact he realizes it was a complete lie and he should have picked up on it.
Also most cheaters or people who do bad things, don't give it a second thought. They don't feel any guilt. This guy does. He's actually taking responsibility for his actions and recognizes he did a bad thing. He's taking steps to fix himself. Again, I'm not saying people cant be critical of him. But I just don't get why so many are kicking him while he's down and acting as if he doesn't already know he messed up.
I think he heard what his heart wanted him to hear...
No, it wasn’t complicated. He crossed the line with a woman who was still married and then he went farther and farther across that line. He was not a victim or manipulated. He knew exactly where this could head because he was thinking with his small head from day one.
You must be new here. This channel bashes men for breathing wrong and puts women on a pedestal no matter what. He doesn't have them take accountability. The same stuff he'd say to a man he wouldn't a women even if they had similar stories
"its was complicated" is the reason not to engage. Let them first be single/divorced legally, mentally, emotionally etc
No he knew exactly what was up. He dresses everything bad that is coming his way. He is going to fall in love hard after working on himself and she will cheat.
This is why therapy is important for some people. Childhood trauma is real and needs to be dealt with before entering a relationship if you want a HEALTHY relationship.
100% truth!
Sounds like he hasn't thinking with the right head and now he's realizing not that she was married but that he messed up.
Karmas going to come for him.
Motorcycles and bodybuilding? I'd be hypnotized too.
I don't know but that's masculine energy to me. I prefer feminine women.
@@Mr_Santo5 it's just people liking what they like, no “masculine energy”
@@RealAnimeBadGuy Women into bodybuilding and motorcycles definitely harness masculine energy. You can like whatever you like, but it doesn't make the statement wrong.
@@morgancardinale6098 it does though a motorcycle is a mode of transportation not a men-only thing. Neither is bodybuilding. That's exactly why there are male and female competitors. Getting from point A to be or building your body is not gender based
@@morgancardinale6098She's a firefighter, too. Interesting.
Get her out of your life completely. Block her on social and phone. Avoid the same gym and biking friends circles. Don't look her up. These are easy to do if you get a life. The weakest time is when you're lonely so make sure you have a couple of good friends you can call when this happens.
This is excellent advice! I hope he sees your comment and actually implements it in his life.
Great advice!
I feel bad for the chick's husband who can't defend himself. Both are at fault. Unfortunately we hear these stories all the time where people get hurt because they decided to keep the affair going. Stop the bs. You knew what she was about from the jump. You're not innocent in this as you took ownership of and thats great. But dude. Forgive yourself and tell her husband.... work on yourself & dont get into relationships until you heal. end the relationship. Save a brother or sister in this situation. Stop fkn with people's feelings.
Why would he tell the husband? 😂 He would probably get his ass kicked.
Don’t tell the husband. That’s looking for drama.
@auemmjee real men does these. I highly doubt he'll want to throw hands unless hes a simp. You telling me you wouldn't tell another man his wife I cheating on him?
@genxx2724 you ain't looking for drama. I'd want to know if someone was cheating. But I guess some people rather not know it's on them I guess
You deserve better. You deserve someone who will be honest and committed and you’re wasting time with someone who doesn’t deserve you. She is keeping you from who you’re meant to be with.
I’m Dominican, close to his age and I felt that when he spoke of our culture, it’s true.
What part?
Same
Great advice Dr John.
1:47 "I do but it's complicated". So she was honest from the beginning that she was in a relationship, he ignored that and now is upset about the situation he has put himself in?
Alexander, please do write that letter to yourself. I've done that particular therapy, which is very helpful. I wish you peace Alexander and best regards, Celita
Nothing he can do other than forgive himself, try to learn from his mistakes, and move on.
He’s going to fall in love and karma is going to hit him bad. And he deserves it.
@@mrv2308 maybe but it still doesn’t negate what I said. Even if that happens all he can do is accept that he’s been humbled and keep walking.
Words of wisdom I heard is " how they enter your life is how they will leave your life." Choose to use this wisedom as you wish.
You loose 'em how you get 'em!
Who loves you and respect YOU, and themselves will never put into a triangle. 😪 .
He added her on facebook, he definitely knew she was married. She’s a 304, nothing new.
Sure. The old "my spouse doesn't understand me" trope. If they'll cheat on their spouse they'll cheat on you.
Soul ties, not fun. Gotta pray on it.
Nah karmic ties.
The nasty gotta go ones 😂
Soul ties are not biblical.
@@JakobPGrau
They are that is why there is confusion 😂😂😂
Yep I’ve had to do that and give to Jesus.
@@JakobPGrau it certainly is. God himself delivered me.
She’s an adulterer. He’s participating in it shame on him.
Side note. I love his accent 😮😊
If she cheats on her HUSBAND... What do you think she 'll do to you??? 😮 Walk away from that mess
She told him ,” she’s married and it’s complicated “. He should’ve walked away right there. She has drama. She’s probably using them both .
Dr John is right again! We’re all human!!
This is exactly the way I feel when I look in the mirror
Once a cheater..always a cheater. Run from this woman.
Right she told him she had an affair before and he will got with her while married. Karma is gojng to hit him bad.
Don’t get involved in a marriage. Period.
Why are you anti-marriage?
This is why it's hard to pick a forever life partner. You can be tempted to infidelity much easier if you're not really into the partner. It sounds like this woman has a personality disorder and she's seeking security while also not being happy. Be careful who you marry, no matter what position you're in.
She was upfront about her "complicated" situation.... there's always 2 sides to the story. Perhaps she's trapped in a Narcissistic/controlling or manipulative "unloving" relationship. Perhaps she is seeking a bit of love and validation which she so rightly deserves and not getting at home 🤔 ... just a thought ❤
@@ntDR1313If she was in a relationship she isn’t happy with she should end it and not start a side relationship/affair. If you are a victim of something that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to hurt other people around you.
There's no reason to pick a forever partner.
@@wordsalad01Agreed, this is a manipulation thing where they can twist and contort anything to justify bad actions.
@@Dansyoung 100% I do agree there's no free pass.
My now wife was in a relationship before me. When we became friends she was married to an abusive man. We started to have feelings for each other during their separation. For better or worse, we’ve been married for 10 years now with 3 kids. We are best friends and our relationship only has gotten better through time. I understand people’s judgement about people in my situation, I suppose I justified our initial relationship by saying to myself that her then husband was an awful person and she was already escaping. Maybe I did the wrong thing but we’ve built a life, a homestead, and 3 wonderful children from that situation. How can I regret it? Given the subject of this video.
The fact that your wife's ex husband was abusive is a gigantic factor. I think people will judge your wife less harshly because an abusive relationship destroys people in it, so her ex-husband never would have been a decent husband to begin with. She left to save herself, not for the thrill of forbidden "kicks."
Sounds like that marriage was dead and only needed to be sorted legally. Most cases people shouldn’t involve themselves romantically with married people no matter how bad the marriage is. Happy urs worked out.
@@proudatheist2042this is the same excuse all Women use for cheating
nah brah ur a home wrecker and should be ashamed
Great advice. I forgave myself over 20 yrs ago. There's freedom in forgiveness of self & to the other person.
You know we all know what he did was wrong, but goodness you have mercy on people when their life’s have been so heavily hurt by their parents. I love how John helps them clearly see they are wrong and then showing them the way forward. Don’t stay were you are because your afraid to change.
I love you john
Jesus loves you and forgives you! ❤❤❤ Writing the letter to self is so powerful. Love it.
That news should be ENOUGH EVIDENCE to literally cut all contact/block absolutely everywhere and never ever speak to this person again. You didn't deserve the lie, but you owe it to yourself to dust yourself off and never speak to this person again.
Sounds like he thought it would be short-term and fell for that thang. He won't leave.
exactly.
Him owning up to this and calling you is a true man there and he understands he saw the red flags
Walk away and block her. If you mess around with another man's wife, you're going to find out. (Proverbs 6:34) For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
Ssme goes for women.
Damn. I’m almost going through this exact situation and it’s ruined me.
So you knew the person was married?
Sht happens so you either work around it or you leave 😂😂😂
She has an appetite for life😂😂😂
It’s clear why he did it.
When someone has a void, and then along comes someone who is beautiful, is fun, is laughing at your jokes, is looking at you a certain way no one else has….
Man, you’re going to take every bit of that energy in.
How could he say she was fake if HE knew she was married the whole time? He is just as fake! He knows he’s not a genuine person but he’s blaming her for it. And after she left her husband, he no longer wants her, so he was only attracted to the fact she belonged to someone else so technically the woman wasn’t available. Like he said he self sabotages, and only wanted her when she wasn’t available.
My partner once was in the same situation. He loved a woman that was still married. He got rid of her....I am still disgusted of it 🤮
Sounds like he's a big guy who is desperate for love.
Run.
You have a gentle soul. That is a gift from God. Go and find out what this means:
“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36
Alexander has my respect for righting his wrongs 🙏 ❤
He's human and love is a drug. He just needs to get back on track.
Lisa, it's more than him just "getting back on track". This man is delusional and he needs a father figure to step in and set him straight immediately. In a loving way of course.
@@andrewmarshall7569 You take comments way too seriously, but ok, if you say so.
@@9liveslisa I was adding on to what you were saying. I'm not disagreeing with you at all, but if you have sons, you'd be doing them a favor by jumping all over this, even if they are adults.
This sounds more like lust to me… which is even harder to overcome imo
This is why deep and thorough background checks are vital
Had this person done a background check before dating, something like this, would have a lower chance of ever being able to happen in the first place
❤❤ dude you have this Antonio Banderas voice hot as hell you just need to ask whether the woman is married first before you proceed
You made a mistake...but I think that the vast majority here has made a dumb mistake like this in life..BUT even more so I believe the vast majority can hear that you are a GOOD MAN! ❤️
that's not a mistake. that's what's called a choice.
Ahhh he knew from the very beginning. Alright, I'm out. Sorry bro, you did this to yourself.
Ride it out and have a good time.
You reap what you sow. You don't feel any guilt; that's a lie. You are simply now suffering, knowing that the woman you fell in love with has zero morals, same as you. And she might say to another man that her relationship with you is complicated, the same way she said that to you.
Let's face it, you are clearly not suffering for the marriage that you helped to wreck, since the beginning you knew she was married and you did not care, you are suffering because deep down you know that no one can expect to put his hands on fire and not get burned.
Alexander is a himbo with someone who is in limbo.
Never ignore the 🚩🚩🚩🚩
You’re so right, but I never recognize the red flags except in the rearview mirror. I see them, but my brain is high on dopamine or whatever! But the other person being married is more than a red flag. It’s a brick wall!
Where's the fun in that? XD
That's not even a red flag. It's just a hard boundary that he chose to bust through for his own selfish desires.
@@dahliaherrod4301 Did you even listen to the video ? She's married, on social media interacting with other Men. Had an affair with a co worker. How are you going to tell me that's not a red flag ?
@@ozzycortes A person being married isn't a red flag. A red flag is a hard stop on a relationship. There is no relationship because she's married. He's just delusional and tried to hold onto something that never existed. The woman is disgusting and deserves whatever consequences come her way, but that doesn't negate the caller's issues.
I wish my dad would call and talk to Dr. John. He has issues with my mom that he occasionally lets leak out to me. But he shouldn’t. He needs to talk to someone though.
He’s not originally from the US, so I don’t know how well he’d take to this podcasting thing.
"Maybe next lifetimeeeee"
Write two more letters....one to the husband + children and one to OUR FATHER as he graciously gave us his SON ....by HIS GRACE we are forgiven.
Is this TJ mack?
She wanted to spice up her life with a Latin lover. 🕺🏽
How do you know that she is not Latin
😂