Amen. My now husband told me he would have waited for me if I wasn't ready after getting out of an abusive marriage. His understanding and patience was a light. ❤
You are right! My husband told me on our 3rd date that if everything went well as we continued to get to know each other, he’d propose a year from now. He did EXACTLY that and less than 2 years from that first date, we got married! Making your intentions very clear from the beginning is important. I always told all my potential dates that I was dating with the intention to marry and NOT be someone’s perpetual girlfriend. Men overwhelmingly told me how refreshing it was to hear exactly what I wanted- and much to my surprise, they were on the same page! I didn’t feel any of those guys were for me (even though they were great)- but when I met my now husband- I thought to myself, “this is a guy I could see spending the rest of my life with”. Divorce is really no excuse! Both my husband and I came out of long 20 year marriages and had been single for a few years, got our rebound relationships out of the way and worked on ourselves. Those things are important! I didn’t want to date anyone who was freshly divorced because I knew how messy the emotions can be, especially the first year. My husband was divorced for a year and a half- so I met him at the right time because being such a great catch- and the most eligible bachelor in northeast Indiana, the timing was JUST right! I thank my lucky stars every day for this amazing, wonderful man and for the peace and happiness we share.
I think when it comes to the point where you're feeling like you're begging for someone to see you as the one, then it's probably not the relationship you actually want.
It’s a waste of everyone’s time. If you’re “not sure”, then why are you with the person NOW? Using the person as a fill-in until the “one” comes along? The caller should take seriously the feedback he gave her. If someone tells you they are scared of losing their identity with you because of how “stringent” you would expect them to live their lives….😮might want to rethink how you are living your life and how you view others. It’s a nice way of saying you’re too hard on yourself and others. Probably very judgmental. Don’t allow others to be themselves when they are around you. You don’t get to tell others how they should live because you love them. If you love them, you love their genuine self, not the version of them you want them to be.
If he’s worried about “losing his identity” with just marrying you, then DO NOT have children with him. He will let you sit in misery taking care of that child alone while he goes off and does what he wants to “maintain his identity”
“Losing his identity” sounds like a Child who can’t set boundaries and time for himself. But you’re correct. Women really have to ask themselves if this person is worth having a child with. Because when it’s time to pass the baby, so momma can get a break, men act like it’s a prison or trap, losing his time and identity. I know because I did this. Ask the question ladies.
I knew a woman who dated a man for 10 years. He just didn't believe they needed to get married etc. Finally she broke it off. Within a year he was married and a year later expecting a baby. She was now too old to have a child and wasted 10 years. If a man is in love, he will move mountains for you
I had a boyfriend for 6 years. I asked him if we were ever going to get married. He said he didn’t know. We broke up. 10 years later I started dating a man who had become a good friend. We got married 15 months later. So glad.
Leave him sis. I wasted 10 years of my life with someone who was dragging their feet. My current man proposed after being with him for just 6 months. And we actually just got married on September 1st after being with him for only one year. Don’t do what I did. Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from meeting your husband.
You’ve known him for a year… I see why divorce is so high. At least you have the excuse of not really knowing him when you decide to divorce. I’ve read so many comments and it seems to me that women don’t really care about the man, they care about the social label. Which is probably why they are the ones to usually file for divorce because once they have had the label, they don’t need it anymore.
Girl, he has openly told you he thinks a life with you would make him unhappy. Come on. You're not even seeing him regularly with this "long distance" relationship. Please stop burning daylight.
I kinda wondered if he might be leading her on until she said that. What else does she need to hear? She should honestly be thanking him for being so direct so she can move on with her life.
@@benmyers9030Right? Gurl if you want kids, you got a good 15 years left AT BEST, maybe 20-25 if you're exercising regularly (my mother has not hit menopause yet, and we recently had a pregnancy scare. She's almost 50)
Was going to say the same thing. It's amazing how many people will stay in these three plus year relationships with no wedding insight and just be okay with somebody not committing to them
@@alluringbliss4165 That's the dumbest answer here. You can get some anywhere. It's about the fact that he likes her but there's no incentive to get married for men in 2024. It's a really really really bad investment. The odds of divorce or having a bad marriage are almost 70% and divorce sets you back a decade financially.
If she was in it for the right reasons a ring and party wouldn’t make a difference. Men know this, and they also know women change once they are married. Marriage is dead in modern society.
The right question to ask is “why I won’t break up with someone who doesn’t value me as much as I value him”. She can only control herself so what he will or won’t do is not her concern. She can’t make him answer her honestly nor make him take action, but she can do both for herself. This is how ppl get stuck for years in dead end relationships and end up on call up shows to get answers to questions they already know the answer to.
I gifted myself being single for my 30th birthday. He wasn't ready to get married and I was. People are as they are, take it or leave it, we are mortal. When a man wants his woman, he will raise hell to get her to be by her side.
If you dont know someone after 5 years, you aren't putting in the effort. They guy is in the relationship because he is lazy and doesn't have to do anything. That's why so many relationship break ups are instigated by women. Men will happily coast in a relationship and do nothing to change or improve l
Girl. Your future husband and love of your life will actually want you. Your future husband is someone who is going to be excited to marry you. It’s that simple.
If I were you i would get out quick fast and in a hurry. I had a boyfriend who abused me emotionally for 10.5 years and wasted the best years of my life by pretending he lovede me but he didnt. I was just a placeholder and someone who he could benefit from. It still break my heart 9 years after the breakup that i didnt listen to my gut instinct abput who he truly was. Pleasr dont waste more on him. You deserve better and he deservers garbage just like himself.
You are too good for him and he knows that. Thats why he abuse you and your time. He knows he is garbage and will find garbage just like himself oneday and he doesnt want to see you happy with someone else. Please run or start looking for someone at church with the same values as you.
A rabbi told us one time not to go past a year in a relationship without getting engaged because there's not much to learn about each other after a year.
"He doesn't put church as a priority". This is being unequally yoked. And this guy is making excuses. He is not honoring this woman. What a coward. He is not husband material.
I agree with you however let us not forget 1 Corinthians 7:14-16. Im a Christian, have been for awhile but i to didn't go to church or make it a priority. The wife did, and i even knew without a doubt that you didn't have to go to church for salvation. I had fellowship with other believers but didn't have a home church. Granted i have changed and have been a member of 2 churches (sw MO and interior AK). I talk to many people on the importance of fellowship. Why did i say all this? I just wanted to point out scripture many skip over and probably unintentionally while also confessing that i too was in the same situation and mind set.
@@dano8613to be fair, the passage you're citing is about a new believer who has an unbelieving spouse. The Bible never advocates to marry someone who doesn't believe (But correct me if I'm wrong)
Well church shouldn’t be a priority, Jesus and being righteous should. Putting church as a priority is simply putting the face on in order to fit, which is probably why marriage is so important as it would make her feel better playing the part.
lmao so youre a coward for not wanting to sign a contract that REWARDS the other party for breaking it? bahahahah and people wonder why men dont want to marry. We do, but not with all of that unnecessary risk.
He may be "saving" himself for "the right one." My ex made me wait 7 years. I forced marriage, and nothing changed for the better. It's sad. I never wanted to have to get divorced, but it took me another 7 years and 2 children to grow my strength and leave what was no good for me. 💔My heart breaks for my naive self, but I found independence, freedom, and peace.❤✌️
And did he ever meet "the one" ?? I never married, but my x only wanted to get married when I was half way out the door. He had this belief he could do better. I guess.
@@SusanaXpeace2u smart not to marry him. DONT ask a guy to marry you, date plenty of guys until one starts talking marriage.and DONT have sx with them UNTIL your marry them. that way you KNOW theyre marrying you bc they LOVE you, not USE you.
From experience run, run far, far away. Do not communicate with him. He will beg you to come back until he finds something better because he doesn’t feel that you’re the one and you will never be the one even if he marries you he’ll still be looking for the one.
Sounds like this guy has been stringing her along. After 6 years you should definitely know if she is the one or not. And John is right, he doesn't have the courage to break it off because he's way too comfortable. And she's way too comfortable to give him an ultimatum.
My dad told my mom on their second date he was going to marry her. My husband told me after we had been talking for 2 months. My younger brother had his first date with his now wife, came home & said “I met my wife tonight.” I really believe that a man knows when he’s met the woman he wants to make “the one”, not every single man, sure. But most. Anna sounds lovely, & the man who sees her as the one will pop up in her life before she knows it.
Totally agree. I knew 3 months into my relationship that I wanted to marry my husband and he knew too. We’ve now been married 11 years. We got married when I was 21 and he was 25 after dating 3.5 years. They know early, and a man who can’t decide either way is not a man, he’s a boy.
Good grief, it’s 2024, and women STILL think they can change men. He just isn’t that into you, dear. If a guy doesn’t want to marry you because he says he won’t enjoy who he is when he’s your husband, time to walk away. Even if he does give in and marry you, you won’t last long. Find someone who loves who they are when he’s with you and wants to grow alongside you.
Some people don’t want to get married, I got divorced last years and I don’t want to get married again and I have a boyfriend that he wants to get married and make a big wedding and I talked to him one day. Marriage isn’t for me. I love you but I prefer that you live in your house and I live in my house. Maybe I change of opinion on the future but I’m not into marriage anymore. He andustand me, I don’t have anyone else or that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. I don’t need a paper to prove that I love someone.
I gave it 5 1/2 years of ALL my love and effort. I was still the one who had stop the pain and I could not love myself more for being brave enough to do so. Thank God for one of his friend's wives taking me aside and saying exactly what Dr. Delony said - WHAT IS HE DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! GET OUT! My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. Two years later and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I live on the other side of the country, putting all that love and effort into myself. There are much worse things than being single.
I had a boyfriend that I loved very much, he broke up with me after we talked about getting married and dating for like 2 years. I thought it was the end of the world but thank God, I met my now husband a year and bit later. We got married months later and he didn’t hesitate to do it. We now have a beautiful family with a very happy baby ❤, we have had our ups and downs but with God we have worked through them.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Men almost always know very early on if they want to marry you. My husband and i were friends and started dating two years after meeting. We hadn't even kissed for the first time before he made up his mind he wanted to marry me. My sister's husband said he knew at the end of their second date. My dad knew before even asking my mom out. I'm certain there are exceptions out there, but men dont need six years to decide.
@@Matrimonyncheese This is true. My husband said he knew on Date #1 that I was what he wanted in a wife, and that I was worth pursuing with the intent of marriage. We were engaged within 6 months, and married several months after that. We just celebrated 24 years of marriage. Three kids. Two are grown. Looking forward to grandkids one day :)
I wasted ten years with a guy hoping he would change. He didn’t. We were friends for eight and in a relationship for two. I felt like an option. He never changed and kept being a child. I broke it off and felt a weight immediately lift. It was amazing!
I’ve been there before. I was with someone for 3 years and it was going nowhere. I kept asking him if he wants to get married, he kept telling me that he did. Long story short, he broke up with me and I’m glad he did. I hope this girl realizes her value and leaves. She deserves someone who is willing to take that next step. ❤
Leave him. He isnt worthy of you. He will never be ready. He's alreadt told you that you arent the one. He's telling you that he's only with you until someone better comes along.
@@Alvin-xs7dbit seems like the original content is implying something that may not be there. But sex aside, she's likely providing emotional support he wouldn't have if he was single
6 years, at this point I wouldn’t want to marry him. Him taking 6 years is really telling! This isn’t actually difficult, YOU GUYS MAKE IT DIFFICULT BY NOT READING WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING. Not to be annoying, but my husband married me after 3 months. He said he just “knew”. It’s not difficult, men tend to know who they want to build with and start a family with. Stop giving away your good years!!
Yup, at some point you have to read between the lines. He hasn't proposed in over half a decade. He simply doesn't want to get married to her. With that knowledge, the decision is hers to move on.
Well men don't want marriage because it does not benefit because men don't get nothing in marriage and in marriage women withholding sex so why should men get married
My man same. We haven’t married yet but he expressed interest in marrying me at 3 months, and then asked me 2 1/2 years in officially. I haven’t said yes for my own reasons but do I know he wants too. 1 year is too much to not know if he at least would like to marry you
When they break up, he will regret it. But it will take probably 5 years until he looks up, still single, stressful job, and has nothing. Well, he chose that.
No he won’t. Marriage changes nothing, she just wants the ring and the big party, and then nothing changes. So if she wants to leave, let her go and he will move on to someone else if he wants. If she leaves she just proved his reluctance right. She wasn’t in it for life.
He will not regret it. He may have a stressful but high income job, BUT he will not have had all of this money, the house, both of the cars taken from him and given to her in the inevitable divorce.
I’m friends with a guy who dated a girl for 7 years. She kept pressuring him about marriage and a wedding… he would tell me behind her back, “I want to get married and have a wedding, and right now it looks like that’s gonna happen with her…” He felt like he couldn’t do better, but didn’t love her. This is the kind of language your guy uses to describe you when he won’t marry you. Keep that in mind.
This is the mistake women make all the time. Men know who they want to marry from day one. Men are not stupid oo. You meet a man, you don’t have the tough honest conversations, set boundaries. You jump you move in with him, cooking for him, cleaning for him, make your body available anytime, going on vacation with him, bill sharing with him, some even have children in this situationship. In any man’s mind, he is already married. If marriage is your goal, one year should be the maximum time allotted for dating. I can understand if you are in college and getting your education. Six years really. You are the problem. I will not want to marry a man who I have yo force or coerce or cajole to marry me. Let him do it of his own volition. If this man marries you, he will always remind you that you forced him to marry. Time to move on. The next man you meet. Be kind, calm but blunt and intentional about your dating goals. The right man God has for you , will see nothing wrong with your goals and boundaries.
If men know who they want to marry from day one, why do they stay in relationships with women they know they won't marry? How about the sex?? And, if one stays in a relationship with someone they know they won't marry, then they are defrauding that person. That is NOT love. It is dishonest.
@@jeannet7443 Because cheap women allow men to use them this way. No woman should be having sex, cooking, cleaning and performing wife's duties with and for a man she is not married to. People buy and abuse cheap commodities.
I went through the samething many years ago. Mine was 7 1/2 yrs long. He was a lying, abusive, cheat. He wanted me to do the final break. Long story short, I ended it. Which put me into a horrible place. (But thats a story for another time)But I didn't go back. And six weeks later, he was engaged to be married. It took me years to function again. It broke something inside of me. But I moved on. And eventually i had a family and babies. So my thoughts would be...RUN, LEAVE, AND NEVER LOOK BACK.!!! Good luck.
End it!! I lasted 13 years with my ex-fiancé, he cheated on me, married her and now they’re getting divorced and now she’s taking everything from him…and he literally told me, he regrets not marrying me, oh well 🤷🏼♀️ For those wondering: Him and I still talk because I forgave him, for me not for him, I was holding too much anger over him BS and now I’m happy and he’s miserable going through an ugly divorce
“She’s taking everything from him” lol.. this is why Men aren’t getting married, in the case of a divorce the assist’s should be split evenly and fairly. This system that allows for a man’s financial ruin if his wife wants to leave is exactly why so many guys are uninterested in tying the knot.
There's a harsh truth about most men that they love their freedom more than they love women or men 💯💔 But when they find their soulmate, then they will fight for them to tie the knots & will like to share their freedom with them. If he doesn't do that with you, he's keeping you warm & his eyes open for the "right" one whom they obviously & unfortunately don't see in you. I had a friend who wasted almost 20 years with such kind of guy who then cheaated on her... Ladies & gentlemen, you can't fix his nature. Go ahead & move on, dear sister❣️
This poor woman. I was in the exact same situation with my high school sweetheart many years ago. I broke things off at the six year mark. I call guys like him sunk-cost boyfriends. You’re only with him because you have invested so much time. My next boyfriend proposed after two years, and we’ve been married for eight. Best decision I ever made.
@@gostavoadolfos2023 I have no idea. I don’t think he met anyone else because of a message he sent me on Facebook a few years ago. He sent me an apology the next day claiming he was drunk and agreed not to contact me again.
I was with a girl and started talking about marriage and joint bank accounts and all that. We were together a little over five years. Towards the end she was saying “we have nothing in common”. She broke up with me. Moving forward, if I’m in a relationship with a girl for about year, I’m going to propose. Commit or quit.
Make sure you go to a non religious premarital counselor Make sure you agree on the plan for religion, money, kids, conflict resolution, and in-laws. Find out your attachment Style and make sure you both do the work to be securely attached! If you work this out, you'll be good to go!
He likes the status quo. He has at least one other woman on the side and she's stupid enough to accept what she gets from him.. Marriage would disturb his situation and he'd be caught. He's Not willing to commit to her.
I was her. After 4 years, him knowing I wanted to progress the relationship and he got me a sweater for our 4 year anniversary. I knew I had to walk away. If after 4 years he wasn't ready to get engaged, he was never going to be ready...not for me any way... I found out he has the life I wanted with him, with someone else. Marriage, kids. Etc.
When my husband first spoke to me, he let me know he had marriage in mind and he wanted to get to know me for that purpose. We both knew it was meant to be after a few conversations. But we didn’t get married for three years because we were both young and getting to know each other. We’ve been married for four years now and are as happy as ever.
I knew a lady who dated a man for 25 years! There is an old saying - "winter and summer him before you marry him" You should know after 1 year if they are right or not.
Some couples see each other 5 times a week, twice a week, every weekend, every fortnight or once a month, depending on distance and situation. That makes a big difference how quickly you get to know your partner. I wouldn't generalise it.
@@alexandrabackhaus-if4gm Even so, 25 years is way too long to date without marrying. It's fair to want to not generalize an answer of how long two people should date before marriage, but every person needs to answer for their own self how long they are willing to spend in a relationship waiting for the other person to decide about you if the relationship will ultimately break up. Personally, having been in a long distance relationship, three years is more than enough time to decide if this is the person you want to marry or not if you can still communicate regularly via text and video call.
@@nr7701 I agree. I should have added 1-3 years should be enough. Unless the couple has no intention in getting married at all. If it would be a second marriage for example.
That was me. Took forever to propose. Family were always getting on me about why I was taking so long. It was entirely my own stupidity. I didn’t want to because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life (if I was going to have to move away or not for a good job). But then I did it, and said I need to start committing to things and not just living in la la land and chasing waterfalls and leaves blowing in the wind and pretending someone better might come along. Those thoughts that prevent and stall commitment are from the devil. He doesn’t want us to marry and be committed to things.
Why do ladies stick with a dude that doesn't want the same life plan? He's never going to marry her and at this point if he did go along with it what is the point.
Religion, indoctrination, the patriarchy, fairytales and delusion. All wrapped up in a bow. Societal pressures of getting married, to the point where a woman will bend backwards just to get a ring, even if the man blatantly doesn’t like her, or like her enough. In this case, he doesn’t want marriage or doesn’t want to marry her. Either way, she needs to walk.
Because women like to think we can love a man more, and if we fall at his feet, he will see how amazing we are, and then the light will go off, and he'll suddenly propose .
Ya like why are you going on a solo trip when you’re 5 years deep into a relationship. So weird. And she said half their relationship was long distance, so he moved away 2.5 years in and didnt take her with him????
Many years ago a friend gave me advice to set a deadline for yourself to do it, or cut it. My then girlfriend of 2.5yrs I broke up with based on his advice. It wasn’t fair to her to keep it going. Fast forward, I met my wife of nearly 25yrs and proposed after 7mo. Time to move along. Perhaps set a deadline for yourself if he won’t do it.
Wow. Haven't heard it explained in that way. That's actually pretty smart. You will definitely get your goal accomplished whether you get married or not.
Even if you convince someone to marry you after such a long time, its not going to be everything you want/imagine/pretend it will be. Personal opinion.
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, we got engaged after 1.5 years. When you’re with “the one”you don’t really have the desire to wait it out. I always thought I’d date someone for 5 years before locking it down but it just wasn’t necessary.
My spouse and I dated for 5 years before getting married, I didn’t have an issue with it because for most of the relationship we maintained separate residences. It gave me an opportunity to learn more of who he is and if I could live with it, and I wasn’t the girlfriend playing the “wifey” role. It sounds like he doesn’t really like her and it’s fortunate she’s learning this now than later.
Ana, he's giving every reason he doesn't want to marry you. You will forever be thinking about his words to you and reasoning to not commit to you if you end up marrying. Is he even worthy of marriage?
PRINCESS BEATRICE dated a man for 10 Years until she snapped the lights on, the music off, saw the clear truth and ended it. Then Edo, a friend for decades who became single too, shone his loving heart on her. They are successfully married, parents to a child their love created, and share raising his son from his former relationship. Looking at Beatrice's photos before Edo and after are, to me, a beautiful testimont to how loved and secure she is within his love for her. In a crowd of lovely women, Edo's eyes shine with loving desire only for Beatrice. So please, step away from this man who is Not equally yolked with you and open yourself to finding your Edo. Blessed prayers for your new adventure. 🙏 🥰⚘️
If a guy doesn't propose within 2 or 3 years it's a red flag. He's comfortable but doesn't see you as his life partner. My dad was in a relationship with my mum for 25 years but never proposed brushing it off as "He didn't believe in marriage". His next partner he married her after 2 years of them first meeting. It sucks knowing he brought me and my brother into the world with someone who he settled with. Don't do this to your kids n know when to walk away.
I feel this deeply. Same with my parents but a bit different in many ways. I found Jesus and understood this is why you don’t have sex outside of marriage. This is why and how broken families (majority) are made. Get committed and married then the kids come after. It lessens the chances of things like this happening- won’t prevent everything but definitely helps a lot. Much blessings to you and know that Jesus has a plan for you and with the pain he makes purpose. Break the chain for your future kids and generations through Jesus.
Tell him you want a break because he isn't committing to marriage and it is important to you. Then leave him. Don't argue or beg. Then break up with him. He with either come after you or he won't. You will find out in 3 months, You have to value yourself and your time, Many women have to do this. It is a win/win. He may decide to propose or you will realize you are going to move onto someone else. I know it hurts but so does not moving forward and not getting what you want. Don't be a therapist to him and listen to endless excuses and reasons.
Sometimes people will come back when you're one foot out the door but it doesn't necessarily mean they are serious. He shouldn't have to almost lose her to get it 🤷🏾♀️
I really like johns assessment of the guy. He's very clearly telling her to leave and that he's not happy in the least damaging way possible, but he's just a coward
MEN do what they WANT to do. If he wanted to HE WOULD, and he’s NOT DOING IT because HE DOESN’T WANT TO MARRY YOU! Read the tea leaves, HE’S BEEN TELLING YOU FOR YEARS.
Christian woman here too, but I always get an ick when I hear that someone is trying to get someone else to go to church, like it's so important that they do that one thing with you that it makes or breaks your relationship. Everyone's religious journey is their own. Be supportive, not demanding.
I feel like this is me on the call. I dated my ex for nearly 6 years and he kept telling me he wasn’t ready for marriage. We just broke up a week ago and I’m fighting the devastation of all this. But ultimately I’m feeling everything John is saying, and I’m at a point now where I know I don’t want to chase someone who doesn’t care enough to chase me.
i spent years with a dude who was with me only for his convenience. On the other side, i can tell you that if someone really wants to be with you, YOU'LL KNOW! They don't hide it. That doesn't mean you have to get married immediately. But if you have to wonder if they even care about the relationship, they don't. You're just the time filler while they wait for the one. You're free to choose to stay in a relationship like that. But there's no sense in either one of you lying to yourselves as to why you're together.
I walked away from a 5 year relationship. I was 35. Married a new guy at 38. Im 64. He has some, i have some and we have 1. Wasbt peefect. 2nd for him, my 3rd. It worked. He has faults, I have faults.
The long distance allows him to keep her at a distance right where he likes it. The conversation needs to be "we move in together fulltime right now and plan for our future as a married couple". If he is not ready for that she will need to walk away. They want different things, it is ok to not be together. I hope they are both able to find happiness whether it be with each other or apart.
This is actually sad, that many choose to wait 2 plus years to see IF that person decides to choose you... I'm glad my husband after 6 months of dating we got married. He was 26 and I was 23 and 12 years of marriage by the grace of God
He doesn't want to take responsibility, he keeps his escape door open. In case things go south or he finds someone else its easier just to walk out. If you're married its much harder, then there is the assessts splitting, debts and whatever.
I was in the same relationship except I was dumb enough and waited 8 years (engaged for 4 or 5) before I ended things. My now fiancé proposed less than a month ago and it only took him 2.5 years.
I realized recently when my bf got me a $12K engagement ring (he doesn’t make tons and tons of money) and proposed after 6 mo dating (we’ve known each other for years) and commented every day I didn’t wear it that I need to wear it because he’s proud of it and wants everyone to know that I’m taken THAT Any man who doesn’t propose within 2 years really isn’t excited about you. You shouldn’t marry someone who isn’t excited about marrying you!!
@@Gotoworkkk Exactly! My husband and I were married 6mos and 1 day from the day we met. I still don't have a big diamond. Now that we can afford it, I told him, "don't you dare waste money on something that stupid". Let's go to Italy instead. 😂
A friend was dating a women for 10 yrs, she finally broke up, he married a younger women 6 months after meeting her, don't let men waste you time and life.
My older brother took 8 years to propose to his wife…they’ve been SO happily married for 10 years. Totally the perfect couple ♥️ marriage isn’t everything…the relationship is!! If the relationship is amazing otherwise then why leave? 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve been married and we got married after 2 and a half years…HORRENDOUS experience! I would MUCH rather have a really healthy and happy relationship without a ring now.
Also LOVE the point you made about how you’d rather have a healthy loving relationship than a ring. So many women are OBSESSED with having a ring, they show it off like some kind of prize. But it is better to have a good man than an expensive ring. So many marriages are terrible why do women think the ring means they won?!
Well a relationship without marriage works for you and that’s fine. But this young woman knows what she wants also and she won’t get it from him. Time to move on.
If he won’t marry you, he doesn’t love you. You are just not the one. The only correct decision is to leave, because you’re worth having someone who loves you deeply, thinks you’re the most wonderful woman on earth, and desires to marry you yesterday.
This woman’s doing just what I did ie letting the relationship ‘drift’, too scared to ask The Big Question because I was terrified of hearing the answer. And HE is doing what my ex did - moving the goalposts constantly because he’s terrified of commitment due to having been cleaned out financially by his wife. So he abandoned me and my life was destroyed. Don’t do it, ladies - value yourself enough to leave.
how can you blame him for avoiding marriage after being cleaned out by his ex wife? Would you blame him for not petting another Tiger after getting brutalized by the first one he petted?
The second you start wondering, and you tell them and they agree that it's a situation that should be permanent, then you should be making it permanent. I say a year should probably be a good marker. UNLESS you agreed from the start that it's gonna be a open ended. This guy is NOT the one for her. And she's not the one for him... He said that He doesn't know if his life with her will be one he wants? He's already living life with her! He's gonna be one of those that get out of this relationship and marry the next one he meets.
Honey, you’re his Option B. Run. If a man finds “the One”, he will move heaven and earth to be with her forever. This is a universal truth.
The most desirable bachelors have too many options
Facts
Amen. My now husband told me he would have waited for me if I wasn't ready after getting out of an abusive marriage. His understanding and patience was a light. ❤
You are right! My husband told me on our 3rd date that if everything went well as we continued to get to know each other, he’d propose a year from now. He did EXACTLY that and less than 2 years from that first date, we got married! Making your intentions very clear from the beginning is important. I always told all my potential dates that I was dating with the intention to marry and NOT be someone’s perpetual girlfriend. Men overwhelmingly told me how refreshing it was to hear exactly what I wanted- and much to my surprise, they were on the same page! I didn’t feel any of those guys were for me (even though they were great)- but when I met my now husband- I thought to myself, “this is a guy I could see spending the rest of my life with”. Divorce is really no excuse! Both my husband and I came out of long 20 year marriages and had been single for a few years, got our rebound relationships out of the way and worked on ourselves. Those things are important! I didn’t want to date anyone who was freshly divorced because I knew how messy the emotions can be, especially the first year. My husband was divorced for a year and a half- so I met him at the right time because being such a great catch- and the most eligible bachelor in northeast Indiana, the timing was JUST right! I thank my lucky stars every day for this amazing, wonderful man and for the peace and happiness we share.
This! My husband and I knew after 2 dates. Married on our 1-year anniversary of meeting.
I think when it comes to the point where you're feeling like you're begging for someone to see you as the one, then it's probably not the relationship you actually want.
I heard men always know. It means he does not see her as his wife.
It’s a waste of everyone’s time. If you’re “not sure”, then why are you with the person NOW? Using the person as a fill-in until the “one” comes along? The caller should take seriously the feedback he gave her. If someone tells you they are scared of losing their identity with you because of how “stringent” you would expect them to live their lives….😮might want to rethink how you are living your life and how you view others. It’s a nice way of saying you’re too hard on yourself and others. Probably very judgmental. Don’t allow others to be themselves when they are around you. You don’t get to tell others how they should live because you love them. If you love them, you love their genuine self, not the version of them you want them to be.
Yea for sure 👍🏼
Female Female what do a ring change?
EXACTLY!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉
If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no.
💯💯💯
Maybe it’s as simple as he does not want the government to get involved in their relationship and to risk half of what he owns on her whim?
@@GiftofGod289He wouldn't care if he would really love her.
@@lisa3341She wouldn't care if she only wanted a commitment not a financial guarantee.
You deserve more girl,I think your relationship is one sided.
If he’s worried about “losing his identity” with just marrying you, then DO NOT have children with him. He will let you sit in misery taking care of that child alone while he goes off and does what he wants to “maintain his identity”
“Losing his identity” sounds like a Child who can’t set boundaries and time for himself. But you’re correct. Women really have to ask themselves if this person is worth having a child with. Because when it’s time to pass the baby, so momma can get a break, men act like it’s a prison or trap, losing his time and identity.
I know because I did this.
Ask the question ladies.
He sounds like he doesn't want to be with a religious nut...@@whawha8043
I knew a woman who dated a man for 10 years. He just didn't believe they needed to get married etc. Finally she broke it off. Within a year he was married and a year later expecting a baby. She was now too old to have a child and wasted 10 years. If a man is in love, he will move mountains for you
I had a boyfriend for 6 years. I asked him if we were ever going to get married. He said he didn’t know. We broke up. 10 years later I started dating a man who had become a good friend. We got married 15 months later. So glad.
You say that now. You really think a ring matter
So you settled for your second choice!
Friendship is a great start of a marriage. Glad you found some that had the same view on how a relationship should be. ❤
imo this is just weird. Getting married so fast shouldn't be a win
@@juniorgod321lol that’s not settling. You’re still waiting for that promotion promised at work huh?
Leave him sis. I wasted 10 years of my life with someone who was dragging their feet. My current man proposed after being with him for just 6 months. And we actually just got married on September 1st after being with him for only one year. Don’t do what I did. Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from meeting your husband.
"Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from meeting your husband."
Love it!
Congratulations on your marriage!!
You’ve known him for a year… I see why divorce is so high. At least you have the excuse of not really knowing him when you decide to divorce. I’ve read so many comments and it seems to me that women don’t really care about the man, they care about the social label. Which is probably why they are the ones to usually file for divorce because once they have had the label, they don’t need it anymore.
What makes you so sure that they are the person you want for the rest of your life after knowing for just a year?
I'm so happy for you! Have a great life together.
Girl, he has openly told you he thinks a life with you would make him unhappy. Come on. You're not even seeing him regularly with this "long distance" relationship. Please stop burning daylight.
I kinda wondered if he might be leading her on until she said that. What else does she need to hear? She should honestly be thanking him for being so direct so she can move on with her life.
She should hold on for 10 more years or so. I'm sure he will get there, he just needs a lot more time!
@@benmyers9030Right? Gurl if you want kids, you got a good 15 years left AT BEST, maybe 20-25 if you're exercising regularly (my mother has not hit menopause yet, and we recently had a pregnancy scare. She's almost 50)
He probably has a local girlfriend and she's the side chick who doesn't know she's a side chick
@@thornyrose1235I thought the same thing, right when she said they're long distance.
The phrase “if their behavior was a language, what would it say?” REALLY helped me.
Brilliant.
HE IN NOT A CHRISTIAN
If you have to call Dr John, you already have your answer. Leave already and stop being nice.
People just needs confirmation
My thoughts exactly!!!!!!
💯💯💯
Was going to say the same thing. It's amazing how many people will stay in these three plus year relationships with no wedding insight and just be okay with somebody not committing to them
Well said.
The right question to ask yourself in these situations isn’t “why won’t he marry me?” the right question is “why won’t he break up with me?”
He is enjoying the access to her secret garden.
Nailed it.
@@alluringbliss4165 That's the dumbest answer here. You can get some anywhere. It's about the fact that he likes her but there's no incentive to get married for men in 2024. It's a really really really bad investment. The odds of divorce or having a bad marriage are almost 70% and divorce sets you back a decade financially.
If she was in it for the right reasons a ring and party wouldn’t make a difference. Men know this, and they also know women change once they are married. Marriage is dead in modern society.
The right question to ask is “why I won’t break up with someone who doesn’t value me as much as I value him”. She can only control herself so what he will or won’t do is not her concern. She can’t make him answer her honestly nor make him take action, but she can do both for herself. This is how ppl get stuck for years in dead end relationships and end up on call up shows to get answers to questions they already know the answer to.
Lose his identity?! He doesn’t want to marry you. Just break up. Don’t waste anymore time.
Lose his second girlfriend 😂
Lose his identity might mean “lose half his stuff.”
That sounds painful to hear like so damn marrying me would make you lose your identity? That would crush my self esteem if I heard that. Smh
@crazycuttee Do you think she has much self-esteem if she's waiting for a ring from a guy who openly told her he doesn't want to marry her?
I gifted myself being single for my 30th birthday. He wasn't ready to get married and I was. People are as they are, take it or leave it, we are mortal. When a man wants his woman, he will raise hell to get her to be by her side.
Are you married?
I love this - gifting yourself ❤
You're not his person. Walk away. 5 years is a long time
You don't know a person for 5 years women should not pressure men to get married because marriage does not benefit men
@@chris-gx7rsIf he doesn’t want to get married then he should open his mouth and state that explicitly.
@@chris-gx7rsthen men should not get with women that explicitly tell them they want marriage
If you dont know someone after 5 years, you aren't putting in the effort. They guy is in the relationship because he is lazy and doesn't have to do anything. That's why so many relationship break ups are instigated by women. Men will happily coast in a relationship and do nothing to change or improve l
Truth 👍
I waited 10 years 🥹
Girl. Your future husband and love of your life will actually want you. Your future husband is someone who is going to be excited to marry you. It’s that simple.
If she finds someone.
I dated a guy for a while, who I saw no future with. I broke it off. He was shocked. Best thing I ever did! I honored me.
You’re a wiser woman than I was! Good for you.
Anna, he knows how important this is to you and that you’re not getting any younger, and he’s still wasting your time…
Uh, no. Anna is wasting Anna's time. Anna wants it, he doesn't. He's fine with how it is. If she wants different, it's ON HER to do it.
@AmandaHugenkiss2915 of course because the emotional labor of a relationship will always be on the woman.
If I were you i would get out quick fast and in a hurry. I had a boyfriend who abused me emotionally for 10.5 years and wasted the best years of my life by pretending he lovede me but he didnt. I was just a placeholder and someone who he could benefit from. It still break my heart 9 years after the breakup that i didnt listen to my gut instinct abput who he truly was. Pleasr dont waste more on him. You deserve better and he deservers garbage just like himself.
You are too good for him and he knows that. Thats why he abuse you and your time. He knows he is garbage and will find garbage just like himself oneday and he doesnt want to see you happy with someone else. Please run or start looking for someone at church with the same values as you.
Anna, you deserve better. You deserve someone that is 100% crazy in love with you. Let this guy go. You will find the right one.
He doesn't need more, what else is he going to learn about you? Bravo! Dr. Delony is 100% right!! Nailed it
A rabbi told us one time not to go past a year in a relationship without getting engaged because there's not much to learn about each other after a year.
He doesn't want to marry her. It's that simple.
Probably because he does not want to risk half of his stuff.
That and he's happy getting what he wants. Why change? She's still hanging around. That's on her.
agreed
@@GiftofGod289That's fine. She should move on.
Exactly.
"He doesn't put church as a priority". This is being unequally yoked. And this guy is making excuses. He is not honoring this woman. What a coward. He is not husband material.
I agree with you however let us not forget 1 Corinthians 7:14-16.
Im a Christian, have been for awhile but i to didn't go to church or make it a priority. The wife did, and i even knew without a doubt that you didn't have to go to church for salvation. I had fellowship with other believers but didn't have a home church.
Granted i have changed and have been a member of 2 churches (sw MO and interior AK). I talk to many people on the importance of fellowship. Why did i say all this? I just wanted to point out scripture many skip over and probably unintentionally while also confessing that i too was in the same situation and mind set.
@@dano8613to be fair, the passage you're citing is about a new believer who has an unbelieving spouse. The Bible never advocates to marry someone who doesn't believe
(But correct me if I'm wrong)
Well church shouldn’t be a priority, Jesus and being righteous should. Putting church as a priority is simply putting the face on in order to fit, which is probably why marriage is so important as it would make her feel better playing the part.
lmao so youre a coward for not wanting to sign a contract that REWARDS the other party for breaking it? bahahahah and people wonder why men dont want to marry.
We do, but not with all of that unnecessary risk.
@@jeannet7443 is she having sex with a dude that doesn’t make church a priority?
We have a word for that in English: Hypocrisy.
He may be "saving" himself for "the right one." My ex made me wait 7 years. I forced marriage, and nothing changed for the better. It's sad. I never wanted to have to get divorced, but it took me another 7 years and 2 children to grow my strength and leave what was no good for me. 💔My heart breaks for my naive self, but I found independence, freedom, and peace.❤✌️
how very telling; if you have to force it now, then you will divorce it later....
And did he ever meet "the one" ?? I never married, but my x only wanted to get married when I was half way out the door. He had this belief he could do better. I guess.
@@SusanaXpeace2u smart not to marry him. DONT ask a guy to marry you, date plenty of guys until one starts talking marriage.and DONT have sx with them UNTIL your marry them. that way you KNOW theyre marrying you bc they LOVE you, not USE you.
Men KNOW who they want pretty quick...6 months.
From experience run, run far, far away. Do not communicate with him. He will beg you to come back until he finds something better because he doesn’t feel that you’re the one and you will never be the one even if he marries you he’ll still be looking for the one.
Yes
💯💯💯
Truth
Yep, there are a lot of nice guys that will use you as a placeholder until he meets the one he wants.
The most accurate simple statement ever, “If he wanted to, he would.”
Girl, don’t waste money for travel…tell him over the phone that’s it’s over.
HA!. Came here to say this! Save that travel time and $$ for a FUN trip!
Couldnt agree more!!!!! I had to go across the country when I ended my 5 year relationship and then I was insanely heartbroken AND BROKE! 😤
Exactly.
That part. It's been over. Nothing else really to talk about
And block. There is nothing else to discuss after this time.
He knows. He’s just comfortable how it is until he meets someone else. Don’t waste your good years with someone who does this.
Sounds like this guy has been stringing her along. After 6 years you should definitely know if she is the one or not. And John is right, he doesn't have the courage to break it off because he's way too comfortable. And she's way too comfortable to give him an ultimatum.
The little issues when you are in love while dating become big issues when you're married... If they aren't resolved.
@@jenerin905 spot on
My dad told my mom on their second date he was going to marry her. My husband told me after we had been talking for 2 months. My younger brother had his first date with his now wife, came home & said “I met my wife tonight.” I really believe that a man knows when he’s met the woman he wants to make “the one”, not every single man, sure. But most. Anna sounds lovely, & the man who sees her as the one will pop up in her life before she knows it.
Totally agree. I knew 3 months into my relationship that I wanted to marry my husband and he knew too. We’ve now been married 11 years. We got married when I was 21 and he was 25 after dating 3.5 years. They know early, and a man who can’t decide either way is not a man, he’s a boy.
Good grief, it’s 2024, and women STILL think they can change men. He just isn’t that into you, dear. If a guy doesn’t want to marry you because he says he won’t enjoy who he is when he’s your husband, time to walk away. Even if he does give in and marry you, you won’t last long. Find someone who loves who they are when he’s with you and wants to grow alongside you.
Exactly! When my now hubby and I got together, we have become people who we love even more because of the growth we have done together! ❤
To be fair.... she isn't trying to change him. She is trying to change herself to fit him.
@@ineedhoez Equally as foolish.
@@texasdazzlers more foolish!!!
Some people don’t want to get married, I got divorced last years and I don’t want to get married again and I have a boyfriend that he wants to get married and make a big wedding and I talked to him one day. Marriage isn’t for me. I love you but I prefer that you live in your house and I live in my house. Maybe I change of opinion on the future but I’m not into marriage anymore. He andustand me, I don’t have anyone else or that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. I don’t need a paper to prove that I love someone.
This doesn’t break my heart, this is a chance for her to be strong, and find someone worthy👍🏼
She's still young. She needs to stop wasting time on this man.
The caller needs to read the book "He's Just Not That Into You."
I gave it 5 1/2 years of ALL my love and effort. I was still the one who had stop the pain and I could not love myself more for being brave enough to do so. Thank God for one of his friend's wives taking me aside and saying exactly what Dr. Delony said - WHAT IS HE DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! GET OUT!
My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. Two years later and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I live on the other side of the country, putting all that love and effort into myself. There are much worse things than being single.
Thanks for this ❤
I had a boyfriend that I loved very much, he broke up with me after we talked about getting married and dating for like 2 years. I thought it was the end of the world but thank God, I met my now husband a year and bit later. We got married months later and he didn’t hesitate to do it. We now have a beautiful family with a very happy baby ❤, we have had our ups and downs but with God we have worked through them.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
You wont regret it
Run girl, don’t walk
Men almost always know very early on if they want to marry you. My husband and i were friends and started dating two years after meeting. We hadn't even kissed for the first time before he made up his mind he wanted to marry me. My sister's husband said he knew at the end of their second date. My dad knew before even asking my mom out. I'm certain there are exceptions out there, but men dont need six years to decide.
Very true. My husband said he knew within the first 3 weeks that he wanted to marry me.
Yeah is not like there are billions of men with different personalities or anything
@@Matrimonyncheese This is true. My husband said he knew on Date #1 that I was what he wanted in a wife, and that I was worth pursuing with the intent of marriage. We were engaged within 6 months, and married several months after that. We just celebrated 24 years of marriage. Three kids. Two are grown. Looking forward to grandkids one day :)
If he’s not there yet, he will never be. You’re a placeholder until he finds the woman he actually wants
Well, easy. If you dont have the relationship you want, then you have the relationship he wants.
Bingo!
Well put. ✔️. Thank you.
I wasted ten years with a guy hoping he would change. He didn’t. We were friends for eight and in a relationship for two. I felt like an option. He never changed and kept being a child. I broke it off and felt a weight immediately lift. It was amazing!
💯
I’ve been there before. I was with someone for 3 years and it was going nowhere. I kept asking him if he wants to get married, he kept telling me that he did. Long story short, he broke up with me and I’m glad he did. I hope this girl realizes her value and leaves. She deserves someone who is willing to take that next step. ❤
Leave him. He isnt worthy of you. He will never be ready. He's alreadt told you that you arent the one. He's telling you that he's only with you until someone better comes along.
find more activities they have in common? they’ve been together for almost 6 years!
That's what made me solidify the thought that she needs to go.
Why would he? She’s giving him all the benefits of marriage and he’s never had to buy a ring or risk loosing half his assets.
THANK YOU!
Out of curiosity, what marriage benefits is she giving him? They have been long distance for half their relationship
@@Alvin-xs7dbit seems like the original content is implying something that may not be there. But sex aside, she's likely providing emotional support he wouldn't have if he was single
@@aisherwasher6959name one thing that benefit men in marriage nothing
@@Alvin-xs7dbsomeone to talk to, would be benefit
Stop fighting for this and move on. You're still young and you can meet an amazing person one day.
6 years, at this point I wouldn’t want to marry him. Him taking 6 years is really telling! This isn’t actually difficult, YOU GUYS MAKE IT DIFFICULT BY NOT READING WHAT HE’S ACTUALLY SAYING. Not to be annoying, but my husband married me after 3 months. He said he just “knew”. It’s not difficult, men tend to know who they want to build with and start a family with. Stop giving away your good years!!
Yup, at some point you have to read between the lines. He hasn't proposed in over half a decade. He simply doesn't want to get married to her. With that knowledge, the decision is hers to move on.
Well men don't want marriage because it does not benefit because men don't get nothing in marriage and in marriage women withholding sex so why should men get married
Well you don't know the person your in 6 years that why men should marry women in the 13th year of dating cause you don't know a person in 6 years
My man same. We haven’t married yet but he expressed interest in marrying me at 3 months, and then asked me 2 1/2 years in officially. I haven’t said yes for my own reasons but do I know he wants too. 1 year is too much to not know if he at least would like to marry you
3 months?! 🤣 ridiculous to promote
"If both people are living in integrity, the sun will come up."
Sunrises are beautiful though
I love this comment the most.
When they break up, he will regret it. But it will take probably 5 years until he looks up, still single, stressful job, and has nothing. Well, he chose that.
No he won’t. Marriage changes nothing, she just wants the ring and the big party, and then nothing changes. So if she wants to leave, let her go and he will move on to someone else if he wants.
If she leaves she just proved his reluctance right. She wasn’t in it for life.
I dont think so. He'll probably move on to a 24 yr old pretty easily.
@@Dansyoung actually he do better men age up women age down
He will not regret it. He may have a stressful but high income job, BUT he will not have had all of this money, the house, both of the cars taken from him and given to her in the inevitable divorce.
He’s probably trying to get something nicer lmao
I’m friends with a guy who dated a girl for 7 years. She kept pressuring him about marriage and a wedding… he would tell me behind her back, “I want to get married and have a wedding, and right now it looks like that’s gonna happen with her…” He felt like he couldn’t do better, but didn’t love her. This is the kind of language your guy uses to describe you when he won’t marry you. Keep that in mind.
Behavior... is a language .. we will hold your hand while we say this ... move on gracefully.
This is the mistake women make all the time. Men know who they want to marry from day one. Men are not stupid oo. You meet a man, you don’t have the tough honest conversations, set boundaries. You jump you move in with him, cooking for him, cleaning for him, make your body available anytime, going on vacation with him, bill sharing with him, some even have children in this situationship. In any man’s mind, he is already married. If marriage is your goal, one year should be the maximum time allotted for dating. I can understand if you are in college and getting your education. Six years really. You are the problem. I will not want to marry a man who I have yo force or coerce or cajole to marry me. Let him do it of his own volition. If this man marries you, he will always remind you that you forced him to marry. Time to move on. The next man you meet. Be kind, calm but blunt and intentional about your dating goals. The right man God has for you , will see nothing wrong with your goals and boundaries.
If men know who they want to marry from day one, why do they stay in relationships with women they know they won't marry? How about the sex?? And, if one stays in a relationship with someone they know they won't marry, then they are defrauding that person. That is NOT love. It is dishonest.
@@jeannet7443 Because cheap women allow men to use them this way. No woman should be having sex, cooking, cleaning and performing wife's duties with and for a man she is not married to. People buy and abuse cheap commodities.
Good advice
@@jeannet7443maybe he does love her, but just doesn’t want the government to get involved so he has a risk of losing half his stuff?
“He isn’t there yet” weeeeirrrrddd
I went through the samething many years ago. Mine was 7 1/2 yrs long. He was a lying, abusive, cheat. He wanted me to do the final break. Long story short, I ended it. Which put me into a horrible place. (But thats a story for another time)But I didn't go back. And six weeks later, he was engaged to be married. It took me years to function again. It broke something inside of me. But I moved on. And eventually i had a family and babies. So my thoughts would be...RUN, LEAVE, AND NEVER LOOK BACK.!!! Good luck.
End it!! I lasted 13 years with my ex-fiancé, he cheated on me, married her and now they’re getting divorced and now she’s taking everything from him…and he literally told me, he regrets not marrying me, oh well 🤷🏼♀️
For those wondering:
Him and I still talk because I forgave him, for me not for him, I was holding too much anger over him BS and now I’m happy and he’s miserable going through an ugly divorce
"she's taking everything from him" and some people wonder why some of us men aren't interested in marriage 😅
Forgiving him has nothing to do with you still being in communication with him. Stop letting man who betrayed you have access to you.
@@rorycolganpick better
@@ineedhoez I like who I picked. I don't like marriage. Hence unmarried.
“She’s taking everything from him” lol.. this is why Men aren’t getting married, in the case of a divorce the assist’s should be split evenly and fairly. This system that allows for a man’s financial ruin if his wife wants to leave is exactly why so many guys are uninterested in tying the knot.
There's a harsh truth about most men that they love their freedom more than they love women or men 💯💔 But when they find their soulmate, then they will fight for them to tie the knots & will like to share their freedom with them. If he doesn't do that with you, he's keeping you warm & his eyes open for the "right" one whom they obviously & unfortunately don't see in you. I had a friend who wasted almost 20 years with such kind of guy who then cheaated on her... Ladies & gentlemen, you can't fix his nature. Go ahead & move on, dear sister❣️
Your channel is not just a place for entertainment, it is a source of inspiration and wisdom. Thank you for your creativity and diligence!🐕🚛💖
bOt !!!
This poor woman. I was in the exact same situation with my high school sweetheart many years ago. I broke things off at the six year mark. I call guys like him sunk-cost boyfriends. You’re only with him because you have invested so much time. My next boyfriend proposed after two years, and we’ve been married for eight. Best decision I ever made.
How your ex is doing?
@@gostavoadolfos2023 I have no idea. I don’t think he met anyone else because of a message he sent me on Facebook a few years ago. He sent me an apology the next day claiming he was drunk and agreed not to contact me again.
I was with a girl and started talking about marriage and joint bank accounts and all that. We were together a little over five years. Towards the end she was saying “we have nothing in common”. She broke up with me. Moving forward, if I’m in a relationship with a girl for about year, I’m going to propose. Commit or quit.
Make sure you go to a non religious premarital counselor
Make sure you agree on the plan for religion, money, kids, conflict resolution, and in-laws. Find out your attachment Style and make sure you both do the work to be securely attached!
If you work this out, you'll be good to go!
I don't understand? You wanted financial entanglement without marriage after 5 years?
He likes the status quo. He has at least one other woman on the side and she's stupid enough to accept what she gets from him.. Marriage would disturb his situation and he'd be caught. He's Not willing to commit to her.
And He openly said he wouldn't be happy spending a life with her!
yep. Even if he's not physically cheating, rest assured he definitely has a backup that he'll be plotting on, as soon as she leaves.
@@7RB373 Where did he say that? I didn't get that...
@@ElimEx1she quoted her man saying this to John
@@izzywox8246 exactly
I was her. After 4 years, him knowing I wanted to progress the relationship and he got me a sweater for our 4 year anniversary. I knew I had to walk away. If after 4 years he wasn't ready to get engaged, he was never going to be ready...not for me any way...
I found out he has the life I wanted with him, with someone else. Marriage, kids. Etc.
When my husband first spoke to me, he let me know he had marriage in mind and he wanted to get to know me for that purpose. We both knew it was meant to be after a few conversations. But we didn’t get married for three years because we were both young and getting to know each other. We’ve been married for four years now and are as happy as ever.
I knew a lady who dated a man for 25 years! There is an old saying - "winter and summer him before you marry him" You should know after 1 year if they are right or not.
Some couples see each other 5 times a week, twice a week, every weekend, every fortnight or once a month, depending on distance and situation. That makes a big difference how quickly you get to know your partner. I wouldn't generalise it.
25 years ???? Lol smh
@@alexandrabackhaus-if4gm Even so, 25 years is way too long to date without marrying. It's fair to want to not generalize an answer of how long two people should date before marriage, but every person needs to answer for their own self how long they are willing to spend in a relationship waiting for the other person to decide about you if the relationship will ultimately break up.
Personally, having been in a long distance relationship, three years is more than enough time to decide if this is the person you want to marry or not if you can still communicate regularly via text and video call.
@@nr7701 I agree. I should have added 1-3 years should be enough. Unless the couple has no intention in getting married at all. If it would be a second marriage for example.
That was me. Took forever to propose. Family were always getting on me about why I was taking so long. It was entirely my own stupidity. I didn’t want to because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life (if I was going to have to move away or not for a good job). But then I did it, and said I need to start committing to things and not just living in la la land and chasing waterfalls and leaves blowing in the wind and pretending someone better might come along. Those thoughts that prevent and stall commitment are from the devil. He doesn’t want us to marry and be committed to things.
Men. Don't like committee because it holds men down
Men should string there women along cause women need to stop pressuring men to marry cause facts are you don't your person just 6 years of dating
@@chris-gx7rslol what? 😆
@@chris-gx7rsThat's fine. Say that from the start. Date women that don't value marriage.
Find women that aren't interested in marriage.
If you don't find anything in common in five years- you just don't have anything in common.
Why do ladies stick with a dude that doesn't want the same life plan? He's never going to marry her and at this point if he did go along with it what is the point.
Religion, indoctrination, the patriarchy, fairytales and delusion. All wrapped up in a bow. Societal pressures of getting married, to the point where a woman will bend backwards just to get a ring, even if the man blatantly doesn’t like her, or like her enough. In this case, he doesn’t want marriage or doesn’t want to marry her. Either way, she needs to walk.
Because us women are romantic at heart and she put all her eggs in one basket 😭
We bond sexually
Dickmatized
Because women like to think we can love a man more, and if we fall at his feet, he will see how amazing we are, and then the light will go off, and he'll suddenly propose .
Girl, RUN. Find a man who actually wants you and not one that is too selfish and scared to even tell you the truth.
Once she said long distance I knew it was a wrap and also going to trips alone.
Ya like why are you going on a solo trip when you’re 5 years deep into a relationship. So weird. And she said half their relationship was long distance, so he moved away 2.5 years in and didnt take her with him????
@LittleNicky558 yeah!! It's probably already over, and she doesn't even know it.
Many years ago a friend gave me advice to set a deadline for yourself to do it, or cut it. My then girlfriend of 2.5yrs I broke up with based on his advice. It wasn’t fair to her to keep it going. Fast forward, I met my wife of nearly 25yrs and proposed after 7mo. Time to move along. Perhaps set a deadline for yourself if he won’t do it.
Wow. Haven't heard it explained in that way. That's actually pretty smart. You will definitely get your goal accomplished whether you get married or not.
At the least after 6 years of waiting for him decided you should decide if you wanted to wait.
Even if you convince someone to marry you after such a long time, its not going to be everything you want/imagine/pretend it will be. Personal opinion.
it wont. It's a shup up ring.
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, we got engaged after 1.5 years. When you’re with “the one”you don’t really have the desire to wait it out. I always thought I’d date someone for 5 years before locking it down but it just wasn’t necessary.
My spouse and I dated for 5 years before getting married, I didn’t have an issue with it because for most of the relationship we maintained separate residences. It gave me an opportunity to learn more of who he is and if I could live with it, and I wasn’t the girlfriend playing the “wifey” role.
It sounds like he doesn’t really like her and it’s fortunate she’s learning this now than later.
Ana, he's giving every reason he doesn't want to marry you. You will forever be thinking about his words to you and reasoning to not commit to you if you end up marrying. Is he even worthy of marriage?
PRINCESS BEATRICE dated a man for 10 Years until she snapped the lights on, the music off, saw the clear truth and ended it.
Then Edo, a friend for decades who became single too, shone his loving heart on her. They are successfully married, parents to a child their love created, and share raising his son from his former relationship.
Looking at Beatrice's photos before Edo and after are, to me, a beautiful testimont to how loved and secure she is within his love for her. In a crowd of lovely women, Edo's eyes shine with loving desire only for Beatrice.
So please, step away from this man who is Not equally yolked with you and open yourself to finding your Edo.
Blessed prayers for your new adventure. 🙏 🥰⚘️
??????
Beatrice didn't date anybody for 10 years.
Wait, what?
If it’s been long distance the entire relationship, maybe they don’t know each other as well as it would seem.
Half. I'm sure they know each other well. I question the faithfulness however.
@@FallingAwake16 Exactly.
@@FallingAwake16 Thank you; I was afraid to bring that up in the comment section!
If a guy doesn't propose within 2 or 3 years it's a red flag. He's comfortable but doesn't see you as his life partner.
My dad was in a relationship with my mum for 25 years but never proposed brushing it off as "He didn't believe in marriage". His next partner he married her after 2 years of them first meeting. It sucks knowing he brought me and my brother into the world with someone who he settled with. Don't do this to your kids n know when to walk away.
I feel this deeply. Same with my parents but a bit different in many ways. I found Jesus and understood this is why you don’t have sex outside of marriage. This is why and how broken families (majority) are made. Get committed and married then the kids come after. It lessens the chances of things like this happening- won’t prevent everything but definitely helps a lot. Much blessings to you and know that Jesus has a plan for you and with the pain he makes purpose. Break the chain for your future kids and generations through Jesus.
Men will friend zine a woman in his mind and maintain a relationship and even start a family.
Tell him you want a break because he isn't committing to marriage and it is important to you. Then leave him. Don't argue or beg. Then break up with him. He with either come after you or he won't. You will find out in 3 months, You have to value yourself and your time, Many women have to do this. It is a win/win. He may decide to propose or you will realize you are going to move onto someone else. I know it hurts but so does not moving forward and not getting what you want. Don't be a therapist to him and listen to endless excuses and reasons.
Sometimes people will come back when you're one foot out the door but it doesn't necessarily mean they are serious. He shouldn't have to almost lose her to get it 🤷🏾♀️
I really like johns assessment of the guy. He's very clearly telling her to leave and that he's not happy in the least damaging way possible, but he's just a coward
You're either right for each other, as is where is. Or you're not.
Don't waste 40 years of your life waiting for him to grow!
MEN do what they WANT to do. If he wanted to HE WOULD, and he’s NOT DOING IT because HE DOESN’T WANT TO MARRY YOU!
Read the tea leaves, HE’S BEEN TELLING YOU FOR YEARS.
Do women do what they want to do?
Anna he doesn’t see you as his wife!! 5 years is a long time, cut your losses and move on.
Christian woman here too, but I always get an ick when I hear that someone is trying to get someone else to go to church, like it's so important that they do that one thing with you that it makes or breaks your relationship. Everyone's religious journey is their own. Be supportive, not demanding.
I feel like this is me on the call. I dated my ex for nearly 6 years and he kept telling me he wasn’t ready for marriage. We just broke up a week ago and I’m fighting the devastation of all this. But ultimately I’m feeling everything John is saying, and I’m at a point now where I know I don’t want to chase someone who doesn’t care enough to chase me.
Good for you ! Stay strong in the Lord. He won’t let you down!
You made the right choice.
i spent years with a dude who was with me only for his convenience.
On the other side, i can tell you that if someone really wants to be with you, YOU'LL KNOW! They don't hide it.
That doesn't mean you have to get married immediately. But if you have to wonder if they even care about the relationship, they don't. You're just the time filler while they wait for the one.
You're free to choose to stay in a relationship like that. But there's no sense in either one of you lying to yourselves as to why you're together.
I walked away from a 5 year relationship. I was 35. Married a new guy at 38. Im 64. He has some, i have some and we have 1. Wasbt peefect. 2nd for him, my 3rd. It worked. He has faults, I have faults.
The long distance allows him to keep her at a distance right where he likes it. The conversation needs to be "we move in together fulltime right now and plan for our future as a married couple". If he is not ready for that she will need to walk away. They want different things, it is ok to not be together. I hope they are both able to find happiness whether it be with each other or apart.
This is actually sad, that many choose to wait 2 plus years to see IF that person decides to choose you... I'm glad my husband after 6 months of dating we got married. He was 26 and I was 23 and 12 years of marriage by the grace of God
Only 6 months?!!!!
He doesn't want to take responsibility, he keeps his escape door open. In case things go south or he finds someone else its easier just to walk out. If you're married its much harder, then there is the assessts splitting, debts and whatever.
I was in the same relationship except I was dumb enough and waited 8 years (engaged for 4 or 5) before I ended things. My now fiancé proposed less than a month ago and it only took him 2.5 years.
I dated for 2 years, got married and we are together now for 10 years, he was my first boyfriend ever
I realized recently when my bf got me a $12K engagement ring (he doesn’t make tons and tons of money) and proposed after 6 mo dating (we’ve known each other for years) and commented every day I didn’t wear it that I need to wear it because he’s proud of it and wants everyone to know that I’m taken THAT
Any man who doesn’t propose within 2 years really isn’t excited about you. You shouldn’t marry someone who isn’t excited about marrying you!!
Why are you bragging about the ring?
@@Gotoworkkk Exactly! My husband and I were married 6mos and 1 day from the day we met. I still don't have a big diamond. Now that we can afford it, I told him, "don't you dare waste money on something that stupid". Let's go to Italy instead. 😂
@@terripanzarella6832 yes!! I totally agree!!
@@terripanzarella6832💯
💯
They’re long distance too??? Girl you need to accept it’s over and move on unless you want to live in limbo forever
Good job Dr. John. 👏 Prayers of strength and guidance for Miss Anna. 🙏
If they break up, he’s gonna find another girl and marry her within a year. It always happens like this
Sometimes people behave badly until the other person calls it because they don’t have the bottle to do it themselves
A friend was dating a women for 10 yrs, she finally broke up, he married a younger women 6 months after meeting her, don't let men waste you time and life.
Now my head is spinning because I'm on year 8...
I’m on year 9
My older brother took 8 years to propose to his wife…they’ve been SO happily married for 10 years. Totally the perfect couple ♥️ marriage isn’t everything…the relationship is!! If the relationship is amazing otherwise then why leave? 🤷🏻♀️ I’ve been married and we got married after 2 and a half years…HORRENDOUS experience! I would MUCH rather have a really healthy and happy relationship without a ring now.
Also LOVE the point you made about how you’d rather have a healthy loving relationship than a ring.
So many women are OBSESSED with having a ring, they show it off like some kind of prize.
But it is better to have a good man than an expensive ring.
So many marriages are terrible why do women think the ring means they won?!
Well a relationship without marriage works for you and that’s fine. But this young woman knows what she wants also and she won’t get it from him. Time to move on.
If he won’t marry you, he doesn’t love you. You are just not the one. The only correct decision is to leave, because you’re worth having someone who loves you deeply, thinks you’re the most wonderful woman on earth, and desires to marry you yesterday.
This woman’s doing just what I did ie letting the relationship ‘drift’, too scared to ask The Big Question because I was terrified of hearing the answer. And HE is doing what my ex did - moving the goalposts constantly because he’s terrified of commitment due to having been cleaned out financially by his wife. So he abandoned me and my life was destroyed. Don’t do it, ladies - value yourself enough to leave.
how can you blame him for avoiding marriage after being cleaned out by his ex wife? Would you blame him for not petting another Tiger after getting brutalized by the first one he petted?
When he meets the woman he does want to marry, it will make your head spin how quickly he'll lose his fear of losing his identity.
The second you start wondering, and you tell them and they agree that it's a situation that should be permanent, then you should be making it permanent. I say a year should probably be a good marker. UNLESS you agreed from the start that it's gonna be a open ended.
This guy is NOT the one for her. And she's not the one for him... He said that He doesn't know if his life with her will be one he wants? He's already living life with her!
He's gonna be one of those that get out of this relationship and marry the next one he meets.