Cleaning Advice for the Family of Someone with ADHD
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- Опубликовано: 27 апр 2024
- #autistic
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I am severely depressed and have gone from a model home to the type of house that you clean. Nobody has been inside for three years. I have spent nearly 2 years in bed. I keep hearing you say to just start with 3 square feet…..and then I leave my bed and look around and freeze. For the hundredth time I am about to try again. Until this became my life, I had no understanding. Thank you for understanding. Thanks for not judging, I judge myself 24/7. This is no way to live.
Edit: I wrote this 3 hours ago and am overwhelmed by the kindness and encouragement everyone is showing me. I had no idea people would take the time to write and show their support. And through the tears, let me say that I will take the advice and wisdom so many of you have imparted and reread everything to use as inspiration. Now the journey is more than me alone, feeling that the odds are against me. So many of you have overcome similar obstacles - I am determined to do so as well. Thank you for caring.
The decision paralysis is so difficult! I have to psych myself up by doing a countdown. Like ten, nine, eight all the way to two one BLASTOFF! It tricks my brain into getting up and hopefully going. You’ve got this.
Is there any way I can help?
You are not alone. I just keep hoping it will get better
Do you have any family or close friends that can be supportive and helpful without judging or shaming?
@@lisaspadini3343 No, my family would be horrified and I have isolated myself.
I literally teared up at the fact that you included a warning and safe message for people with history of abusive relationships. It just shows how well you understand mental health.
Yes. He wins youtube. I so appreciated that. I listened, and boy, was it familiar!!
You are such a thoughtful and kind person amid some of your rough edges and I love you for the empathy and compassion you show. I just shared your channel with a former therapist and told them you were my superhero not trying to force round pegs in a square hole. I loved that most recent live with your wife! I was sad to hear you were foregoing the weekly lives BUT i totally understand why you are and it is all good. I like and appreciate your transparency in the money aspect. You are upfront and honest. That also adds a lot to my enjoying your channel.
Hearing someone call this out as abusive was really amazing
Appreciate this person very much
I also have to say I liked how the warning was flipped than normal, meaning instead of:
Please feel free to skip to this point if you can't handle this today
To:
If you have experanced this mute until you see SAFE
I feel like that makes it so a lot easier guilt wise, which is such an issue for people who have experanced abuse
I have adhd. One of the most romantic moments of my life was when my husband looked at my desk that had a bunch of papers and trash on it (despite having a trash can on the floor less than 2ft away) and asking me if I'd like a little trash can for on top of my desk.
Oh my gosh. That made me swoon.
When my husband notices that I am all contorted around the clutter on my desk to reach my mouse and keyboards. And Ask me if I want him to take that plate or xyz out and back where it goes like dishwasher etc 🥹❤ I don't even notice how I am sitting and how bad my posture is because all the clutter that constantly reappear on my desk😂😅😅
I just moved and my place is smaller now. I keep thinking I want a bathroom trash even though I have my main trash right out the door. This convinced me it's okay to have the bathroom trashcan.
I love that you made the bed without the cat ever having to move 😻
His benign overlord is pleased.
Me too ❤
That was my favourite part of the video.
The cat knows the bed was made for their comfort, not a human's preference. 😀
Yup, that is some happy biscuit making.🥰
I’m ADHD. I used to be married to someone who turned out to be narcissistic. I can’t remember most of our marriage. I guess I just blocked it out. I do remember him bullying me into going to marriage counseling so I went in the first session he complained to the counselor that I didn’t do anything that there had been a stack of empty boxes waiting to be broken down in the entryway. I told the counselor that to me they are out of sight out of mind because of ADHD. So the counselor explained to my husband what it is for a person to be ADHD. In other words he put him in his place. Needless to say, my ex did not ask me to go back to marriage counseling. God provided me a miracle to get out of that situation.
It’s a struggle, but now that I live alone, I only have to do battle with myself. I go through periods of time where I just can’t do anything or I don’t see things and then I go through other times where my apartment is briefly Instagram worthy. But at least now I live in peace.
I can somehow relate to both the sides. "Leave my stuff alone wherever it was" and "This clutter and chaos is anxiety-inducing"
Same here. I struggle with stuff like laundry but I cannot handle clutter.
I'm the same way!
I can't believe I get this info for free. Your instructions on knowing and living with a person with ADHD are gold. Through your videos I've realized my hubs is ADHD and how to help him be successful. He could never find his meds in the medicine cabinet so I put them in a cute little wooden cabinet. He still kept them on the counter, not in the box/ cabinet that I bought for him. For years i ignored it. After watching your channel I realized he needed to see everything so I got rid of the box and got him a small, free standing metal shelf, just big enough for his meds and to fit against the backsplash. He was in love! He immediately organized his meds, first time in his life!
Next was the fact that he was using the kitchen table as a desk so every time we tried to eat on it I had to ask him to remove his stuff. I asked him what type of desk he needed and we found one at a second hand store. Now it's in his office and he's in love with it. Your channel is marriage counseling/people skills combined. Next goal is to get a fridge with a glass door, I already have glass on my pantry doors.
What a lovely help you are providing your loved one !
How lucky he is to have a lovely person like you in his life ❤
Fridge with Glass door! 👀 That'd be perfect ! I want a fridge that's like a book. Instead of deep shelves would be like a few vertical doors that you could "page through" so you could see everything so nothing gets lost behind to rot for ever😂
... i love how pet people can make a bed with the pet still on it
😍🐱🐶🐾
Beans is such a good boy, helping you out by kneading the blankets
I loved that kneading...I was oohing and aweing the whole time. I think I even said oh look at the kitty, pet the kitty. hahah.
😂❤ See the happy kitty. Knead the blanket, happy kitty. Knead. Knead. Knead.
Have to agree here? That man Beans, like the cutest thing ever 🥰
So cute.
My cat wouldn't sit there, she has to try to dive under moving sheets or blankets!
Regal bearing❤😊🎉
Love him nd ur channel😊
As someone with ADHD, I appreciate this so much.
I was just about to say this.❤
Just because I don’t know, isn’t it helping you to have things put away by you, in a place that you know where to get things from? I’m wondering if it’s not alleviating your issue to have structure, like in having drawers labelled and items organized by yourself.
@@minime7375 ADHD is confusing and complex. It has taken most of my adult life of living in chaos to learn what works for me. At work I was super organized because I couldn't leave things out but I knew where everything was. At home was a different matter for years. I could start projects but get distracted and overwhelmed and not finish them and then get even more overwhelmed by the chaos. I have to be able to see things. For years my clothes were in laundry baskets and scattered on furniture because putting them in a dresser meant they disappeared. Now everything gets hung up right out of the dryer and put in my closet that doesn't have a door. I have shelves with baskets that contain my chaos. I have clear containers in my bathroom so I can see what is in them. I still have chaos but it's functionally contained.
@@minime7375 What "issue"? If I am understanding your questions, you want to know if traditional organizing helps an ADHD person know where things "should" go and be found later?
@@dpayne1943 by issue I meant the symptoms. And yes, I was wondering if traditional organizing would help an ADHD person, if they were the ones doing the organizing themselves, maybe together with their partner.
edit-not asking for pure curiosity, my husband is a bit like that and I’m trying to understand what would help with not covering the countertops with stuff that doesn’t belong there. Right now, i gave up and just clean after him and put things where they belong but I’d like him to be able to make him understand that leaving the coffee bag and grinder next to the coffee machine for days doesn’t make sense, it’s like “put it in the cupboard, it’ll still be there in 3-4days when you need it again”. In his mind I think it’s where they belong although the cupboard is right under his coffee maker.
My entire household is ADHD, so while we do have stuff we clash on, I've actually grown up in a fairly ADHD-friendly environment. One thing I've learned when it comes to cleaning, is that it's a lot easier to have a "warm-up" task that is in the way of your main task. Like, I can ask my family "Hey, you mind taking the cans out of the sink so I can do the dishes?" This takes away my choice for when to start the task, which sounds bad, but it works because I voluntarily gave up control, if that makes sense? Or like the other day, when I was struggling to convince myself to take a shower (executive dysfunction sucks), so I washed my towels and bedding. Towels so I *could* take a shower, and bedding so I'd *want* to take a shower and sleep in a nice clean bed. And, that way I could hop in the shower after my towels were done drying and while my bedding was still drying. "Task overlap" is another good way to look at it. If I can do two tasks at the same time, my brain is much less likely to fight me on actually starting either task.
Oh, and a tip to family members or roommates? Giving a "goal" is a good way to get your ADHD-er to do some chores. And always phrase it as a request, because our brains are silly and shut down when told what to do. "Would you mind getting the dishes done around 5?" Sounds a lot better than "You need to do the dishes."
This! In this past week alone my husband has asked me to do a couple of things but didn’t say right now or use a bad tone and he also asked me to do X while he was doing Z - it made all the difference and I told him. I respond well to a certain tone of voice and lack of a deadline- I.e, it was clear he wanted the counter wiped down yesterday but didn’t say right now or by 2pm. I did it on my own terms. I have an excellent husband but he is not only neurotypical but very organized lol 🤦♀️
For me it helps to use an app. My therapist recommended it to me when I got diagnosed with adhd. I planned cleaning tasks myself, but the app tells me when I last did them, and tracks when I need to do it again. So the kitchen counters need to be wiped daily, but the entryway shoe cabinet only has to be dusted every other week or so. It helps a lot with my guilt of not doing anything and being paralysed while looking at the things I want to clean/tidy, it gives me a list of the things that are dirty, and things that are good for now. It gives me permission to not worry about the things that are fine. I basically get an app to prioritise tasks for me, and I only have to think about how often I need to clean the dog's blankets once, when I fill out the list per room. It has helped me immensely.
@@AnnekeOosterinkwhat is your app called?
@Bomber411 sweepy. I use the free version, the paid version makes a daily list of tasks, but I just sort my tasks by cleanliness and work from the top. 😊
@@AnnekeOosterink thanks! I've got no more room on my phone so I've got a list of apps I want to try when I switch phones and have more space. Adding this to the list!
As someone who only learned I had ADHD as an adult, I went my entire childhood and well into my young adult years not only wondering why I just had this constant issue with clutter, but beating myself up about it mentally.
People in my life would often ask me the questions you talked about early on, the ones that hurt to hear and that I echoed back in my own head constantly. I was frequently accused of laziness. Why I couldn’t apply myself to keeping piles of papers or clean laundry organized if I could take the time to organize my sketchbooks and Pokémon cards?
It never motivated me to find better methods that worked, it only hurt. It felt hopeless.
I feel seen when I watch your videos. I am both autistic and have ADHD, so there’s this constant battle in my brain over wanting so desperately for things to be organized in a particular way, and my scraggly little dopamine receptors going “Okay but will that actually feed us, or…?”
I've watched a lot of cleaning videos. I use them to motivate me to clean and tidy.
Seeing people’s process is motivating, but so often the narration shifts from cleaning to highlight some perceived moral failing of the person (struggling with a disorder) that they’re supposed to be helping.
Hearing you talk about the methods you use for cleaning is fantastic.
What I love even more, though, and what kept me watching, is both the levity you bring to these discussions and how kindly you speak about your clients.
You make it clear that it’s not a conscious choice they’re making to be surrounded by clutter or worse, but they did make the choice to reach out to you and your family for help- that’s a big deal.
So many people don’t bother with that distinction.
ANYWAY, let me wrap up this novel of a comment by saying thank you so much for sharing this with us. It means a lot to feel like someone who does this sort of thing both for a living and as a hobby and special interest *gets it*.
I can only speak for myself, but from other folks I’ve seen say the same, it’s safe to say you help far more people than those whose houses you clean.
I hope any of this made sense.
May all your moose be easily swept.
Look into AuDHD which is a situation that is only now being studied. Basically you have the Autism pulling one way and the ADHD pulling the other which makes it so much harder to deal with it because the struggle starts in yourself. Just look at the way Mack tidies and imaging what he describes as the ADHD being also a part of him. The dichotomy can be paralyzing
Hubs has ADHD and I'm a lot of a neat freak. The compromise was clear containers and bins. I designated a space on the counter (his usual dumping ground) for his wallet/keys/business cards/receipts, etc. with a clear bin and he compromises (contains the chaos) by putting all his goodies there...most of the time. If I find his stuff elsewhere on a random counter, it goes in the bin. That way he always knows where to look and it's clear so he can see through it to see his stuff. Before the clear bin, his stuff was everywhere and no where. His garage is an absolute disaster but that's his space so I leave it be. You have to respect each other's zones.
My ADHD husband and I have worked on organizing for nearly 40 years. I’m surprised we stayed married before we realized his condition. I got so angry. But little by little we’ve made convenient places for stuff he uses in the places he tends to occupy. He still can’t organize his closet. Love is the secret. It’s not romantic. It’s an everyday practice that you describe so well. My husband has helped me tremendously in so many ways that it’s worth it. When you’re older it’s a real gift to have a partner who knows and loves you. 😊
I ge that. And we are even on similar timelines!
Thank you for mentioning that love is all important, and that the romantic has nothing to do with it 80% of the time. My wife's love for me allows and understands my ADHD symptoms but also appreciates my creativity for solutions and calm during "emergencies".
My love for her allows for her anxiety but also appreciates her general excitement for life and new things (sometimes just her allowance and understanding of me).
We have both decided that we want to be with the people we are right at this moment. Not who we have the potential to be, or who I will be when I tame my adhd, or who she could be when she finally learns to chill out a bit. We have chosen each other for who we are in the present, a quality that I feel is missing sometimes in relationships.
We've been together for 20 years and neither of us believes in staying with someone solely because of prior time "invested". We choose each other every day.
You are absolutely right, the key to not only our relationship, but with every relationship (romantic or not) in my life is approaching it with love and a genuine attempt at understanding and accepting people for who they are in that moment rather than judgment.
I hope we can get Jason's house all fixed up. It must be so stressful to have to figure out what to fix first, especially when life keeps piling on. #TeamJason
Oh you betcha! 👏🏼💪🏼🙌🏼🇬🇧
Oh, my - the cat knew that the blanket you were folding belongs at the foot of the bed and moved so you could place it there! Then it moved back on top of the blanket. So smart.
I never knew the concept of ADHD until you explained it. It is exactly how my brain works. I’m 63 and now know I am not abnormal. Thank you 😊
Making the bed with a cat on it, the struggle is real.
I make the bed with 4-6 cats on it 💀
Mine always climbs on my bed when I take the sheets off. So I just put the sheets on over him lol 😂 it’s a fun game
This is my cats too
I’m 53 years old and my husband is autistic. I’m not going to lie, living with him has not been easy. Far from it. But the most important thing I learned AND accepted is that he’s not going to change the way he does things, that’s just not going to happen! So I stopped asking him to do things differently and instead I chose to change how I react to the things he does. I chose to change my way of dealing with his “quirks”. It was a learning curve for sure and something I still struggle with from time to time. But it has made such a huge difference in our marriage. I could have quite easily walked away, many times, but I’m glad I didn’t. My husband is definitely worth re-wiring my brain for. So my advice to anyone living with someone either with ADHD or autism, is stopping hoping your loved one will change their behaviour, instead change the way YOU react to their behaviour. I guess that’s my only advice 🤷🏼♀️ 😊
I think that's called re-framing. Putting something into another context
(As in the video: X's behaviour is not meant/done out of spite/forgetfulness/laziness but because of e.g. ADHD/Autism and X therefore has trouble changing it/cannot change it) the reason for said behaviour changes your perception and feelings about it
@@sternentigerkatze Exactly!!! Thank you, you phrased it better than I ever could 😂❤️ For the longest time I thought my husband didn’t care enough about me to stop doing this, or didn’t love me enough to start doing that. Childish, I know! But I didn’t understand because I wasn’t asking him to do things that I wasn’t prepared to do, things out of his reach, just small things. Minor changes! And it got to the point that I just ran out of patience and was at the end of my tether! I was so ready to leave. I gave up all hope of things ever getting better. That’s when the penny dropped, and I starting watching videos about living with people on the spectrum and I learned so much and the biggest thing was acknowledging the fact, that I was the one who had to change. At first I didn’t think that was fair, why should I change, I’m “normal” He’s the one who should change!!!!! Yeah…..doesn’t work like that in the real world and again, very childish of me 😂 And I started working on myself. As I said before, it wasn’t easy but he was worth it and it completely changed our marriage, for the better! And it’s made me a better person, a more understanding and patient person in all aspects of life. Oh, and a lot less childish 😂
So beautiful to read your comment! Yes, it's worth re-wiring; guess that's what marriage is all about.
If you can find my comment, read it.
I feel like you do......but my husband is not autistic nor does he have ADHD.......just find my comment......AND your advice is good!
May you have many more good years together! .....
You’re not alone.
That is wonderful testament of love for your husband. It releases you of feelings of frustration and resentment that can creep in when living with a partner that lives with autism and adhd. 🤗🥰
I'm Dr. Jekel and Mr Hyde. My ADHD ruled my daily life until it was too much then do 8hrs of cleaning like a white tornado and go off on anyone who messes it up....until I revert. You have explained things so much better than any therapist ever has.
Sounds more like OCD ❤
@@lpfx777 I suspect it is more of going into hyperfocus. I have both ADHD and OCD and the OCD does not just come and go like that. EDIT: I wish!
@@lpfx777adhd can do like an intermittent ocd mode. It is our hyperfocus, but is not sustained.
Hi Mack
You have such a great deal of respect and truly kindness of a person
It shows so much in your videos in what you say and do
God bless you and your family🙏
And hope everything that Jason needs continued to go well for him!!!
That's a very high quality cat.
I appreciate so much how caring you are. Warning for verbal abuse is so thoughtful and not everyone would think to do it.
I was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum last year, and I think that knowing why you, yourself, react a certain way in any given situation, then allows you to explain it to someone else.
When I’m at home, I perform certain cleaning tasks in a particular way and at a set time - if I can’t do it, I start to feel anxious. Pre-diagnosis, when I went to stay at my eldest sister’s house, she got really upset when I cleaned because she believed that I thought she was dirty (I really don’t). Because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I wouldn’t clean and that meant I got really anxious, particularly when I was staying for a while.
Since I’ve been diagnosed, I understand why I behave that way, and explained it to my sister. I told her that if me cleaning in her house still made her uncomfortable, I would stop because after all it is HER house. Once she realised that it was about my need to perform certain rituals, and not a reflection on her cleanliness, she was happy to let me carry on.
Making the bed with the cat still on it was epic!
That kitties doing happy paws😊
We call it "makin' muffins"! 😂
I live with people who have ADHD and I understand that their brain works differently. I also know that living in a cluttered, disorganized mess gives me a huge amount of anxiety and my mental health is also important.
Thank you for saying it.
Agree with you!
Totally agree!
This! I've known for some time that clutter triggers depression in me, but getting the rest of the family to understand that is an exercise in agony at times. I swear, it's like in one ear out the other (AuDHD household, I'm the one normal person)
@tamaratamtammorris8151 normal? ADHD people are normal, just wired differently than you are. Sounds like they do need to figure out some work arounds but maybe you all need to start looking for the positive traits in each other.
You are amazing! I have a granddaughter with this disorder, and I learned the hard way not to get rid of anything without her going through the “clean out” with me. Having her go through it herself with me by her side worked because she would start to ask me what I thought about discarding some items, and I saw that mere act of asking me for my opinion, real progress! Also, I need to add that this little girl is the most interesting and joyful person in my life❤️
I'm happy you had time to pet your cat. Kitty seems to love you and was so cute when making those little kitty biscuits in the left corner❤
Thank you for defending us ADHD-people.
I totally appreciate your ability to recognize your wife's needs and your own as well. That's a sign of a good relationship!
Mack, thank you so much for addressing this topic! I was diagnosed ADHD as an adult and my ENTIRE life I was told I was just "lazy", "disorganized", and a "waste of space". Needless to say, it has led to a lot of self-worth issues. I've been implementing a lot of your tips (focus on one 3'x3' section at a time) along with finding my "acceptable" level of daily cleanliness (no, the floors do not need to be clean enough to eat off of) and learning to stop being so harsh to myself. Also! There is no one right way to do things! Your clothes do not need to be folded in a dresser if you are managing fine by having one clean laundry basket and one dirty. Who cares?! No one! Do whatever is easiest for your brain!
Also: When you have ADHD, "out of sight, out of mind" is LITERAL -- If you "put something away" it literally feels like we no longer have that item. I drives me nuts lol
My husband just got his official ADHD diagnosis in November. I suffer from high-functioning anxiety. It's been a struggle for us to learn how to navigate each other's -isms. Thank you for all your down-to earth and empathetic content ❤
The way that you incorporated the trigger warning and safe word was elite!!! Haven't seen a single channel or creater do it that way, very well done and thank you!! 👏
Keys to a harmonious marriage for sure. It's a nod to you both having made concessions for each other and you said it... respect. You may kick around those moose but you even made the bed so kindly to the kitty, didn't even bat an eye as you just made the bed around her. 😂 Perfect reminder to always be kind, but I am grateful for your insight into ADHD as well.
I read that Moose Flakes should always be refrigerated.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate this video. I am married to a wonderful neuronormal man who grew up in a very tidy minimalist home. I have not yet been diagnosed, but all indications are that I have ADHD and a level of autism. We are in our late 50s and our home in recent years has become overwhelming for me. The thing is I want - and need - a tidy, minimal home, but my ADHD has worsened with age and is causing stress for both of us. So many times he has tried to help tidy up only to feel defeated and disrespected when I don’t continue it. Everything you have said is us. I found while watching I felt anxious at the start of each room and was acutely aware of the calm and peace that washed over me as you tidied each one. My husband is trying to understand and even asked me calmly why I did a particular thing last night, which gave us space to discuss it. I was so grateful he did. I was able to explain why I did what I did, but also acknowledge the stress it caused him. I believe this video will be helpful for him. Thank you again.
You are so incredibly compassionate. Verbal abuse is no joke. Thank you for all you do and for how you present it.
"Out of sight, out of mind" is so very true in my life. Part of my wiring for ADHD is struggling with memory recall, so when things are put away on shelves, inside cupboards, in plastic storage containers, I can easily forget where they are, or if I even own them. It's not unusual for me to repurchase items I like to have available, but haven't seen recently, don't remember if I own anymore, but it's also realistic to recognize not everything I own can always be within my vision.
Labeling boxes, cupboards helps, but needs to be done consistently, which is another challenge.
Thank you for the validation of what I do. Once my things are out of sight, out of mind, I completely forget that I have the things that I do have!
My memory is so bad at times.
.....the parting shot of Miss Kitty.........."Yes, I AM the queen. Everyone ALWAYS works around ME! Bow from the waist, as usual......."
Living with ADHD can be quite a rollercoaster. We detest mess, yet ironically, we're often the ones creating it. It feels like a paradox. Those cluttered piles that seem to appear out of nowhere? We, the ADHD community, have a name for them - 'doomed piles'. And yes, many of us have what we call 'floor ropes'... our wardrobes often end up as heaps on a chair or in a corner of the room. 🎉
And let's not forget about laundry. Our clothes are always sparkling clean, but not without a twist. We frequently forget to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer, leading to a second wash cycle. 😂
However, ADHD isn't just about the challenges. It comes with its own set of advantages too. We are known for our out-of-the-box thinking, our ability to spot patterns that neurotypical individuals might overlook, and our creativity and resilience. So, while it may be tough, there's also a silver lining to living with ADHD.
Exactly this! I have a great job because of being ADHD because I go down rabbit holes and see connections but my doom piles are a thing of breathtaking something 😀
Three years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, and that explained so much. Having been severely depressed for over 60 years just made my whole life miserable. My husband has moderate OCD and I am surprised we have been able to stay together for over 30 years. He decided to "help me" by cleaning out my office and putting everything in storage. Had I known where my Ruger was, I would have killed myself. It was like the world had ended for me. It has been over two years and I am still on very shaky ground mentally. Thank you for acknowledging the problem is real, and for explaining it so eloquently. The more people who know the truth of this disease and how to help sufferers cope with it gives me hope that someday the world will be a little less judgemental and much less stressful for all involved.
While watching this video I just kept thinking...PET. THE. CAT.
LOL I’m a cat lover and that’s what I thought too!
Dude, I have ADHD, and it took you saying the 'out of sight, out of mind' bit for me to realize why my desk project in the back yard is STILL in the back yard, half cleaned and un-painted. I don't have direct sight access to that corner of the yard, and keep forgetting I have that project going. Hearing you talk about ADHD so plainly and with a no-nonsense tone at the start of this video reminded me of what I fight against, and let me stop beating myself up for not finishing it during the nice weather.
Sincerely, thank you so much.
Ty for differentiating between mental illnesses and disorders. Bless those who recognise disorders and have the strength and commitment to improve. I myself have several mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have learned I will always have them. However, I have learned strategies as to how to cope and mange them into remission with ongoing talk therapy and medication. Disorders require a next level commitment, acceptance and strategy for weller being. I know we, your audience members, all agree that your straight up compassion and understanding of the differences leads to much weller beings. Ty again and god bless you for educating our public. Amen. 🇬🇧
You making the bed with the cat still on it is everything. Thanks for the extra vid.
I admire the amount of respect and understanding you show Emily. Your response to the tossing of the tea bags had me bawling! I haven’t experienced a relationship where the reaction wouldn’t have immediately been defensive, when it should be as simple as “oops, sorry, I’ll replace them”. What a beautiful (and rare) thing you two have ❤
If everyone in the world had your level of understanding, acceptance and empathy for people with ADHD/depression/hoarding and other disorders....not to mention your ability to explain things in a way that really makes people understand...well...we would be living in a much kinder world. But, you are making such a difference in so many people's lives by helping them and by helping people understand those disorders. That, is making positive changes in the world! Thank you for everything you are doing. ❤
It it's easy to have compassion for it until you are forced to live in it. You feel like you're in a prison. I still have nightmares about how I grew up. To me there is no excuse to throw trash on the floor. That's not out of sight, that's sheer laziness. I don't ever wanna live with people who are super messy because it causes me stress, because I feel compelled to clean it up, but at the same time I'm sick of cleaning up after people who won't even try. Of course it makes you angry.
When you made your bed without the cat moving, it reminded me of my cat. He did the same thing😊. I had to put him down a couple months ago. Thanks for the memory 😊.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry about your fur baby.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I have ADHD, was in a toxic relationship, cleaned more than my ex did even if it was very difficult, and still heard the type of shit you quoted. Now I can ADHD in peace with the help of my parents and partner. Your videos make me feel better about my keeping clean skills. Plastic boxes/baskets/crates are the answer to keeping small messes contained.
Boxes and containers are a godsend. As well as designated places where the messes can be as messy as they like.
I love my label maker - it means I have a chance of finding my things - we have also started putting labels on the kitchen cupboards
The cat starting to knead after the bed was made was so cute.
Glad to hear that your son is getting help. I like to think of the Pay Pal as Filth’s dust bunny hutch fund. Getting the sub floor done fixed is good news. ❤
I dislike going into homes where everything is perfect. It makes me nervous that I might mess something up. Growing up my friends and most relatives had clean homes but looked lived in. I did have a great aunt who had the plastic covered couch, but that was only in the formal living room. The den was relaxed. I’m glad most people no longer have formal living rooms.😂🤣 I don’t always have a clean home but have used many tips I’ve learned from this channel to make it better! ❤ from Texas
I really feel seen like this as a ADHD kid that grew up with a parent with a parent with cleaning OCD due to trauma (compulsive cleaning). To my mother, her house being clean is her safety net. If she sees something out of place it slowly builds up until she explodes. As a kid with ADHD I always felt like an obstacle. I wasn’t a person to her, I was a thing to be cleaned up. It’s gotten better over the years but cleaning in a way that’s enough for her while working for me has always been a balancing act. Both of our disorders have always interacted in a really nasty way so it feels good to have someone outside of that actually recognize how it feels.
To make extra counter space, I’ve placed my dish rack inside one of my double sinks.
We did that in my childhood home. I would love to do that in my current home, but our double sink is too small to accommodate a dish rack
@@tamaratamtammorris8151 I’ve had one that just fit perfectly just inside the top area, it was starting to deteriorate. Purchased another one which was smaller and fit right on the bottom of sink, it took a bit of getting use to the new one. I have seen smaller ones but I wanted the larger one. They don’t make them like they use to.
Hopefully you’ll find one when you least expect it. 👍⭐️
@@tamaratamtammorris8151 Try looking at a store that carries RV (camper/trailer) products. They have small dish racks that fit really small sinks.
If Jason and his partner are ok with it , would love to see some videos of the house repairs.
ADHD here. Not diagnosed until in my 40's, including a brain scan second opinion , although looking back on childhood documents, it was recognizable even then. The amount of flak I took over my lifetime would cripple most sensitive people. Knowing what's going on with one's mind is half the battle of getting a handle on it. The first time I read " Driven to Distraction" by John Ratey and Edward Hollowell after my diagnosis, I literally sobbed for an hour. For the first time in my life, someone "got" me. Keep in mind, I rarely cry about anything. There are also books that are helpful for people in ADHD relationships, and of course totally awesome YT videos like this one!❤ Thank you!
Same! Except I was 56 when I was diagnosed. And yeah, I wish I knew back then. Would have saved me a lot of punishment and name calling. But I'm finally on meds and it seems to be helping....
Treasure the realization you have gained because it makes you want to be more tender to those around you and those you meet.....you are a valuable human......
Same experience with Driven to Distraction!!
YES! What an informative, helpful explanation regarding the people who live with someone with ADHD. It sounds like it took time and a lot of discussion for you and Emily to come to some sort of compromise. Such great personal experience to share! You both have your issues and care enough to figure out how to make it work. Life is hard as crap anyway, then adding in 1 or 2 other issues like you guys have, can make or break a couple. You have the BEST, EASIEST ways to help and they just make sense.
On another note, I'm glad you reiterated about Jason's need for cash to help with his crumbling home... that kid needs a break: the house's structural issues, the car, the kitchen appliances goin out.. and you said it perfectly.. when it rains it pours. He's a great kid! and he got it from Papa Filth! Just waitin on Baby Filth to join the ranks. I'll throw in a couple bucks for the cause as well. (And Good for Kitty, helpin out makin the bed.) Love from Washington State 💛🖤💛 sah
This is a conversation that needs to be had. Once again - spot on!
Love how Beans helps make the bed. 😂
12:26 That cat’s expression is classic. 😁👍🏼🇬🇧
Unless they have it, people don't get it. I'm so glad that i finally got a diagnosis. A friend who was trying to help me clean asked why I didn't put stuff in my closet. The answer--because it disappears. No one can clean or organize for me. These videos have been a lifesaver for me. I'm not ready to host parties, but people coming in doesn't make me have panic attacks non stop.
my therapist (also ADHD) told me to take off the doors to my closet and instead of putting things in drawers, to buy clothes racks and specialized hangers for the things that usually arent hung up (the only drawers are for things that can just be thrown in without folding, like socks and underwear)! havent bought it all at once, i dont have those funds, but its made such a difference in my motivation to put things away and putting together an outfit has never been easier!
My husband has ADHD, and didn't get diagnosed until he was an adult, by which time he also had clinical depression for thinking he was such a failure. I used to get mad because he'd leave his aluminum can on the counter directly on top of the recycling bin, and i interpreted that as him being fine with other people cleaning up behind him. Luckily we've both come a long way, and while it's still mildly frustrating that we have 7 home improvement projects that are half done and stalled out, it's worth living this way because i get to live with him, and he can't be any other way even though he tries. Thanks for talking about the spouse. The struggle is real!
So glad you explain to those that don't understand. Thank you
I often make the bedxwith my 15 pound cat camped out in the middle, having learned that Her Majesty will just jump back up if I move her.😊
I as an Autistic Husband have struggled with my wife that feels like a Hoarder.
She has been suspicious of having ADHD.
She found another video of yours and introduced me to it.
I then found this and shared this back to her both to let he know I watched the original video, but also because this highlights the ADHD & Autism marriage conundrum.
Hope your videos enable us to be a better Autism / ADHD couple! ❤❤❤
Not on topic, but I love that you made the bed without disturbing the cat.
Oh wow you’re so close to the 500,000 mark! Yay!!!
I love your talks. My adult son has ADHD, and I'm glad that I was and am kind and respectful towards him... no matter what.
You're a good man, Mack 🙌🏻
This was nice that you explained this.
The thought that came to my mind was. Be kind because you can't rewind. You know, too many people don't think about respect anymore. I think it's sad. Yes, screaming solves nothing kindness and respect go a long way. My cleaning angel, you are a good person, and reward is yours.
Hope Jason has enough help from the fans that everything can get accomplished.
Love to all of you.❤
Your talks are good for me to hear. I'm pretty sure my husband has ADHD. If I clean his keyboard, wipe the dust off his screen and gather up his 40 writing instruments into a large cup where the upper half shows, they will be out scattered all over his desk or falling on the floor within a matter of a couple hours. When he works on paperwork, he will set it in a place that he sees as clear and easy to find later. However, he then puts 4 or 5 other projects on top of that 1st one and starts asking me if I've seen project number 1, 2, or 3 because he can't find them. He has utilized every horizontal surface in our condo, so he opens the mail and reads the paper on my glass top stove. I get asked where things are several times every day. He has gotten worse. I do worry that his chaos could lead to a fall by either him who has a rod for a femur due to cancer plus a rod up his other ankle, or my 93 year old mom who lives with us. It's so chaotic that I don't even have enough space to sort my own piles. Of paper or stuff because everything is full. He has taken over most of our dining, kitchen counters, living room, and one bedroom. Every night I have to go back to the main rooms checking to be sure if there would be a necessity that my mom could safetly get out of the house without falling. Thanks for helping me realize I'm not the one who can give him the help he needs. I'm just not sure if I'm giving out enough signals to have at least enough boundaries that I can clean under the chaos at least a few times a year.
My 76YO Mom fell in her own house of adhd mess. Her insurance paid for five weeks of hospital and 20 days of a skilled nursing facility, then gave up on her. She did self pay for another 30 days and did an unsafe discharge to MY house for home health care until her wound vac is off or she decides to quit dialysis.
Jan 17 injury. April 24 discharge to home health. All because of a fall.
Don’t risk it. I ignored it for too long, and Mom may die soon.
You're a better person than me. I would have flipped long before now. It may be adhd, but it's also disrespectful and unsafe. He can learn to meet you halfway.
He does nice things too though. He always loads and empties the DW and does cooking dishes. I have a fridge magnate that says no woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes.
Also after I watched your video on Saturday. I got motivated and I did a lot of cleaning. It's almost all done. I know I'm the one who got up and did it. But you motivated me.😊
As someone with ADHD I really appreciate this. I was only recently diagnosed in my late 30’s and this type of video is great b/c I give it to my parents to understand why my house is the way it is and to give them insights into why I did certain things as a child.
Thanks for the always explaining add adhd and autism
I'm excited for Jason's house repair project -- he deserves all the help he can get! Such a great guy❤
You are wise and kind. 😊
Very good video with some excellent advice for relationships period, and particularly those living with someone with some disorder or another. You've taught your viewers so much about these issues that I, for one knew very little about. And I have learned some things about myself too. That beautiful cat on that bed! She looked at you like why are you messing with my bed? 😂 But she got settled back and I'm sure she's used to you tidying up around her. She's so pretty 😍 ❤
God bless everyone who donates to Jason and his family ❤
Kick out one of their crutches😂😂😂 you are so darn funny . Love your sense of humor. I have Bipolar,adhd,ocd, high anxiety,depression so I understand people who are like ne. I have to have complete order on my home,organized to the max. I'm a minnalmist on top of that .
Thank goodness my guy understands me & doesn't say a thing. ❤❤❤ I Love your whole family❤❤❤
Same!
@@michellesmith6558me too❤❤❤
You are much more valuable than you realize. I’m dead serious! It amazes me 2 people who suffer from Autism and ADHD understand each other. I’m ADHD and my husband has taken 40 years to figure it out. We fought the first 20 years. I was 17 and he was 19 when we married. We were very immature. Thanks for always sharing because you make me feel like I can do anything. Thanks so much!😊
As someone who lives with a grandma who doesnt get ADHD and isnt willing to compromise I just dont touch my stuff anymore. If I dont touch it I cant make a mess with it. Slowly family has been trying to get her to understand that theres gonna be some clutter in my room and if you move it I'm going to lose it. I'm glad you put in the work to understand yourself and your wife ❤❤
I live in a service home for my autism and undiagnosed adhd and I've asked the staff for help, I wanted them to fill up boxes with stuff so I could sit down and organise them later, which they did and I'm grateful!
But... they also filled the boxes I had for specific things with random stuff, so now I have to go through those boxes too.
I'm not saying anything to them, because they did help me, but I did groan over the extra work I just got from them doing this and I have limited energy from several burnouts, so that energy could have been spent somewhere else, instead of reorganising boxes.
My mom however is perfect in helping me, she does stuff that drains me quickly while I organise things and if she helps out, she takes an empty box and fill up, since she knows I have a system that she doesn't want to mess up.
She rarely throws anything away either, since I'm a crafter, she either asks or makes sure I see what she's going to throw away, so I can take what I want to keep. When she sweeps the floor she lets me go through the pile before it goes into the trash.
I love her so much and I'm so grateful that she's my mom, but she turns 71 in August and I don't want to burden her, even if she has more energy than a 40 year old (she's a true superwoman and my idol), so my plan the last 10 years has been to organise everything the way I want it, so everything has it's place so I can easily clean and when she comes over she does minimal work (because she won't be able to stop herself), then we hang out and watch a movie or something instead. It's a work in progress XD
Your mom LOVES you and wants to "mother" you when she visits. I do the same to my autistic son.
@@Tigertame4 She does spoil all her kids like this when we allow her to and her grandkids, gosh she spoils them so much, with love and the kids are so loving and amazing.
My family is rich with love which is why I never cared much for money, so when I had money issue and mom told me I'd get a lot of money when she and dad dies (their house is worth at least 100 000 dollars), my response was "I don't care how poor I am, I'd rather have you and dad in my life"
Also that house is still my home! I was born there and grew up there and it's still my one solid point in the world.
Which makes it so funny that my oldest niece keeps saying "i'm going to get a good job and buy this house from you grandma, so wait until then please" :D
A bonus video 🎉🎉🎉
Hell yes!
It's the way you roll, Son.😊
I wish i had someone to help me purge and organize my small storage unit in Branson, Mo. I am tring to leave living with mom in Arkansas. This is my second video watching you. Ive been living with my mom with Dementia and she is extremely cluttered, and abusive. I have physical limitations and am so overwhelmed with my unit.
Every time you post, I have to watch it immediately just in case you accidentally posted it for everyone instead of just your members 😂
I LOVE how you truly understand your wife’s perspective. Wish my husband was more accommodating
Husband living with ADHD wife here. Your experience mirrors mine. Thanks for recognizing us.
My son has severe ADHD and it is in direct opposition to my OCD. It is a massively exhausting struggle to try to make space for each of us but you help out a lot so thanks.
The relational tips are def a bonus❤
I've listened to a lot of therapy videos, watched a lot of organization/cleaning videos and listened to a lot of sound therapy - your videos are all of that in one, plus comedy! 👏👏👏👏👍😊 THANK YOU!🙌
I love how you made the bed around the cat. Im sure she appreciated it! ❤ 😻
That is such a *happy* cat that is used to your routine!
Another great video that I wish I could make every person in the world sit down and watch. This has helped me so much to understand my kid, and to NOT go through like a tornado (which I’m so ashamed to say I have done in the past). You should be so proud of the number of lives you’ve changed in person but also online. I’m autistic, and the symmetry and treating organizing like a puzzle or Jenga has helped me so much.
I absolutely love your channel. Your voice is calming, and I find your humor freaking hilarious.
I have ADHD. My husband of 32 yrs does not. I thank God for his support and understanding. Your videos are extremely helpful to all of us. Thank you for everything you do.
This was an incredible video! I'm 68 now and wasn't diagnosed with ADHD till I was in my late 50's. When I was young, no one knew about ADHD. My dad had the worst time understanding and accepting the way I was and was always trying to get me to explain WHY I was the way I was. Naturally, my answer was always "I don't know." When I was in 8th or 9th grade, after a night of working to clean my room, which ended up being more of a "taking things out of drawers and reminiscing" thing, most of the papers and other items ended up on the floor before I caved and went to sleep. The next morning, he came in to wake me up, flew off the handle, came in with the trash can from the outdoors, and started stuffing EVERYTHING into it, no matter what it was, yelling the whole time. At 68, I'm still traumatized by that. Unfortunately, I never did learn any real coping skills like I've heard that some people have. I always believed something was wrong with me and that I was lazy. Knowing now that I have ADHD (along with my depression) makes it a little better, as far as knowing WHAT is wrong, but doesn't help to change anything. I still become overwhelmed and paralyzed when it comes to keeping my home if not pristine, like my parents' home was, but something I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone visit. I REALLY appreciated how compassionate you spoke of your wife and others with ADHD, and I will delve deeper into your channel and hopefully learn things that might help me with coping.
The newest snack: moose flakes. Available in sweet and savory.
Great post
Is the savory kind smoky? It sounds like it should be smoky
@@katphish30 Hickory smoked!
@@rebeccasourpuss Perfect
In France they have chocolate. Sorry, couldn't help myself
Thank you.
Those words seem quite paltry for the extent of gratitude I feel. Not quite sure how I initially found your channel but I’m ever so thankful I did.
You’re speaking my life. I’m AuDHD and hubby is ADHD. Fun times, but we work well with each other.
Your cat making biscuits on the bed❤😂
This is all really good advice and explanation for those of us who live with ANYONE, ADHD or not. Also: Excuse me, but we need more cat time. More of the cat "helping" you make the bed and then kneading everything back into place.
I've had 3 cats like your cat.watching your cat brings back fond memories of mine. Thank you so much.😢😢
OMG. You hit the nail on the head every word from both sides. Before watching your channel. I had to laugh because I have learned so much from you and your perspective. My husband of 34 years. He is the one with undiagnosed ADHD with hoarder tendencies. I was the one with anger issues. But let's be real, I still have anger moments. Working on my approach and alternatives. He actually started to declutter and organize on his own. Not to my standard but I appreciate his gift and how proud he is for what he accomplished. You Rock.
Omg... idk how this came across my screen, but this is the most amazing thing. Seriously. I'm crying and feel so seen. I've been dealing with depression, adhd, ptsd, and probably some ASD. I cannot get it together for anything. It's so embarrassing, I've never had anyone over besides my close family- for brief periods. 😢
Thank you for doing what you do and creating this.
Hoping this will help me with my home.