What are your emotions telling you?
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- Опубликовано: 10 апр 2024
- Emotions can be absolutely terrifying; causing total shut down and unbelievable pain.
Despite all that, your emotions are not the enemy of your life. In fact, they can be valuable insight into your present experience. They will only cause you agony when you don't understand your relationship to them.
Approaching them as allies instead of enemies will help you control them and make better choices for your life. I'm going to show you how to do this.
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But I do care.
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I am really happy that RUclips sent me the suggestion for your channel. You've been a great help.
Same! He's been incredibly helpful!
Spot on. He's the best❤
8:20 Trying to shut down a child's emotions is also called "denying and minimizing their emotions."
I get that response from psych--and of course it is just further damaging in multitude of ways. And of course they then further pathologize me! What an inextricable trap
As some say "They are re-wared for supressing feelings, being obedient good boy or girl..."
then the child never follows their passion.
Well its like you buy equipment for your business, thinking " I will never have to work manually or something"..... people rush too much, too fast.... because fast food industry taught people to have instant food instantly, clicking a button, to have everything instantly....
but relationships don´t work that way, everything goes slow, to teach you to "ENJOY" life and to "ENJOY" a present moment......
As Deepak Chopra said its wrong to live in past or in future.... The ones who live in future and constantly think about future, can never live in present moment....and they feel not satisfied, because when the future event finally happens, they are no there, living in present moment, be connected with the present self...
.....their mind is again in the future,
What he means is this....... He thinks: When? When? , today?....yes yes yes, it happens today.... I am happy......
wait a minute...I can not be happy today, at this moment...
my subconscious mind learned to be constantly in future, every minute of my life..... because I taught my subconscious mind living in future....
so I am not here, I am actually there in future....
I can not be connected today to my true self to my current feelings.......
I can not be happy now and enjoy my house and car and my current wife....that I was trying to attract for 5 months, with so much effort, I tried to attract her, and didn´t feel comfortable at the moment and not enjoying present moment...but it dost matter, i would rather sacrifice my current happiness for the future that I dont have time to enjoy....
my mind is constantly planning the future.
Wife: Where are you darling? I made a lunch. I hope you will enjoy it.
Husband: I am in the future planning our future.
Wife: Can you come back for 15 minutes and enjoy a moment with me?
Husband: No I have an important work, I have to work for my future that I don´t have time to enjoy actually, but I will come back for one minute maybe if my boss allows.😄
I heard on social media that if a man is connected to his feelings, he is not masculine enough....because he can not focus if he decides to feel some emotion....
Wife: But do you want to enjoy your life right? so you need to feel some feelings and emotions at least.
Husband: Well you are right,....Now I see they were lying about masculinity, I don´t need so much emotions
I just need a stoic way of thinking....But the stoic way of thinking will not happen if I am affraid of emotions.
Do you know what? I decide to feel emotions, ....so I can finally pass them and not suppress them inside....
and as I pass the "toxic" and unwanted and non-productive type of emotions I may finally leave them in the past, because they don´ work for me and my productivity....
...so now I may enjoy only the good emotions and happy emotions with you, because the unwanted emotions are left in past
I feel free to pick the feelings and emotions that suit my true personality, because I may learn to connect with my true self and true self feelings....(not the feelings of my toxic neighbor, his opinions are his, its his journey that he wants to try that he has a 100 percent right to do, he will learn his lessons that have nothing to do with me)
and in my future I want to nurture the good emotions, some call them "elevated emotions" like love empathy and joy and gratitude....and i will nurture them with you because you as my loving wife , you are inspiring me... you are polite and kind and understanding....
.... because you are my wife that cares about my wellbeing and my happiness because I realised that my happiness affects your happiness. We may create a happy family together.
It is sad to have reached this very advanced age and still be plagued by toddler brain. It defies everything I ever wanted to be (calm, thoughtful, objective, analytical, "successful" even, e.g.) Statistically not a lot of years left and yet every one that passes still feels wasted at best. I wish I had a doc like Dr. Scott who 100% gets it. In fact, he revealed it to me! To have learned this fifty years ago would have granted me an actual life in the sun.
I hear you. To be fair, I think we likely have ‘toddler brain’ aka ‘emotional dysregulation, due to our emotional needs not being properly attuned to or validated as babies, children or while growing up. And/or some other type of family disfunction, plus our own level of personal sensitivity. We were programmed to be this way and its very hard to undo childhood programming.
just finished a 'self talk' about this very topic! Having recently realized that I live in an emotional state, without much logic...been practicing a better balance and 'wise mind' thinking. "Spiraling completely out of control" - That's me! I'm here to learn a better way.
Everyone needs to know this. Our emotions are there for a reason.
That's why anhedonia is worst thing what can happen people with anhedonia cant feel anything no matter what happens in their life
I get what he is saying.
It's still infuriating, though.
Can we talk about those 6 hour depression naps? Those are so terrible because not only do you wake up still feeling terrible but now you probably have a headache too because you've slept too much. And then you will probably sleep again at bedtime as if you never napped at all
Not to mention the baseless guilt of succumbing to "it."
@@lanelson6875 absolutely! Then you look at your phone and see all those missed calls and texts
I like opinion I just heard, Jaroslav Dušek (not in english) said he is inspired by various books and techniques, useful ideas.
He said our biggest mistake as humans is that we separate people in two groups good person, bad person.....
In past they had better approach, because in ancient times they learned another approach in some healthier civilisations.
They separated people in two groups "mature" and yet "immature"....or unexperienced.
which means they know the person will get mature in the future learning new things, and that at some point they will self-reflect and experiment with various ideas
and learn new experiences.
They were not so judgmental putting the guy in category "bad guy" or "bad woman" but immature man, immature woman....
It wasn´t such harsh approach toward them it was meant well I think you are yet immature, but its not a form of judgment...
You will grow as does everybody in community.......
He said: Attention is greatest form of manipualtion....
You say this is good guy, this is bad guy...to attract attention from people etc
It seems to me today men are told to not experiment with ideas, someone want´s men to stay in the same mindset, and never grow, never change, never learn new ideas, and men shouldn´t allow others to tell them how to think and not upgrade their mindset in positive way or not read philosophical books etc.
Or learn something about emotional state of mind...
Because companies may easily manipulate immature guy,
but he isn´t immature because he chose to be immature, but because someone is manipulating him.
Maybe the companies and capitalism profit from people´s weakness so they want to brainwash them to never grow.
All too true. Now ask why you felt that way and is it true.
Or you CAN’T sleep at bedtime, and have thrown off your entire sleep schedule…
I’ve never heard this before. It makes so much sense. A bit of a light in this dark tunnel.
I have never heard of it either
When I feel sadness, hopelessness and fear, how am I supposed to know what its telling me? How do I learn what and how to solve?
The problem I seem to have is my frontal is even more clueless than my limbic, they’re both babies looking at the world and go like oh no we have no clue, we’re not up for this.
Thank you for the video, validation is reassuring. Looking forward to more videos on self regulation
It would be helpful to have a series on emotional regulation and more tools to manage extreme emotional reactivity. My emotions are usually a rational and valid response to difficult situations, but they are so intense that they are overwhelming. I need healthy ways to lessen the intensity and develop a more proportionate emotional response.
Ooh I'm looking forward to this video
"How to have a healthy relationship with your emotions" well they could stop _attacking me first_ 😨
Can i have your phone number for more explanations
Ahahaha thats a good one
Dr.scott you are handing out diamonds!!
What's crazy is I handle emotions correctly sometimes and frantically other times. Same emotions same person. Unregulated mental filters/discipline 🤯🤯🤯
Our education systems fails us badly in two areas: (1) understanding personal psychology (why should we have to get this sort of essential behaviour-regulation skills from RUclips?); and (2) good parenting skills.Thanks for once again providing an excellent tutorial in human psychology and behaviour management.
That makes sense. The story about a child''s emotions and what we tend to do to calm them made it clear in my mind. I would usually tend to "run" from intense emotions by substance use or listening to loud music (or both). I'm getting better, but I do tend to blame myself for being "too sensitive" as that's the message I've gotten from family, friends, and partners over the years. Thanks, Scott. I'll try this method. 😊
You're a beautiful person, Dr. Scott. I have so much respect for how you always make your videos in one take - no editing for continuity. This gives them a truly authentic magic that has undoubtedly saved many lives, and will continue to save many more.
Love from London.
Dear Scott, I could not type on one of your shorts about gratitude. I am so grateful that we don't live forever and there is no eternal life. No amount of money would make me want to live forever or have an afterlife. The older you become unless delusional, you realize that this existence was transitory as was everything and everyone in it. So try to make the best of a day even though it is pointless and everyday there is a struggle once the illusions and delusions of youth about existence are gone.
My coping skills were sidelined by a deeply felt trauma at seven. Now I understand why and how emotional response flairs with everything I encounter. This insight adds a lot to my growing positive relationship with my inner child, who has suffered greatly as the bearer of all my adult dysfunctions.
This channel was that spark of hope which tipped me toward climbing out of the cave of depression. Thank you Dr. Scott
If someone always texted me back I'd be terrified they got hurt or something bad happened to them but I get what youre saying in this episode it makes sense. Thanks so much
Just not at once; like mud slides.. How a "safe place" treats you after you work up the courage to expose your vulnerability in an attempt to get help to make sense bc I realize I am overwhelmed and overreacting ,but when you are inside a tornado filled with real triggers rapid firing ; causing the freeze response... Then I feel shame & feel like I have fumbled myself. It's embarrassing, overwhelming and I'm left feeling pathetic. This is why a Dr shouldn't treat you like you're psychotic and leaves you feeling stupid and ashamed for being brave to ask for help. I'm stuck and just need help to help me put everything into a logical perspective. Thank you for your help 🙏
Ditto everything you said!
I just want to say thank you
Dr Scott. Your message is most helpful.
I do always try to shut them down because I find some emotions very disruptive instead of feeling them and finding out what they are trying to tell me.
Hope u can do future videos on how to manage emotional disregulation.
I've been wondering why journalling seems to help when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I think you just explained it.
Very well explained why validation and empathy towards ourselves and others is so important! I tell myself very often: "It's understandable that you feel this way because of..." and this alone helps to calm me down and move towards the next step. I also like to acknowledge my emotions by feeling into them, notice how they show up in my body. So much better than always just running away, distracting myself or judging myself. Thank you for your very valuable content, you are helping a lot of people!❤️
I wish I had heard this 20 years ago lol ❤ I understand and validate my emotions, I know my history, I know my brain, but I struggle with stopping bad coping behaviors. Can't wait for the next in this series.
This is so helpful! I recently realized that im twisting in the wind alot, getting offtrack from my goals because of strong emotions and not dealing with them in ways that will keep me on track!
Dealing with extreme envy over my ex husband's marriage. Have listened multiple times. This video is so helpful.
Fear included? The emotions I’m trying to accept and get a handle on is anxiety, fear and uncertainty. They have plagued me for a little over a month, a new phenomenon for me. It stemmed from a panic attack I had in conversation with my boyfriend, where I believe I experienced a trigger from a long ago abusive relationship(s) from something he said in jest.
But, I’ve had two panic attacks total now, and I experience anxiety every single day to some extent since the initial one. I am thankful to have such an amazing, supportive and understanding partner who loves me.
I am working so hard to get through this newfound anxiety.
I’m trying to allow the pain and fear of my past trauma and these anxious emotions, and give them as much validation as I can, and realize the panic and the fear is just that part of my brain needing understanding and care from “current” me.
Some days are easier than others, some days have been so dreadful. Thank you for this video, resonates well. ❤
if you are eating flesh, blood and secretions thats probably where this newfound anxiety comes from, most peoples have been desensitized to theses horrors, but some wake up.
Decreasing magnetism from solar events or exposure to heavy metals could be possibilities as to why.
@@ALWO-xn9nk I have noticed if I eat chicken consistently I start feeling trapped and unable to escape. The way animals are treated passes on to you is a viable theory to myself.
I'm actually hoping to be asleep when this premiers. 😂 But I definitely need to watch! I'm dealing with a really bad bout of insomnia triggered by a rare side effect of my fibromyalgia meds. It's supposed to make people drowsy but in rare instances it can make it difficult to sleep. I haven't slept in 48 hours. I quit taking it too but it affected my brain chemistry in a way that hasn't worn off. I started a new medication that should treat my pain and calm my brain but it can take a month to work 😮 so I'm just hoping I'll crash and burn at some point soon. But if I sleep all day today it'll make it hard to sleep tonight. It's like a vicious cycle I'm stuck in lol and I despise sleeping during the day beyond just a short nap. My emotions are going to be all over the place if I don't fix it.
Oh my goodness how horrible for you!
I have struggled with insomnia and chronic pain but nothing like that. Not sure whether you can use magnesium glycinate with your meds but I have found it super helpful for sleep. I mix mine with kombucha about an hour before bed and it helps to calm my nervous system. I hope you get the rest you so desperately need.
I am so sorry to read this. I dearly hope you find a way through this. Stay strong from Ruth x
Oh, no, I've had those episodes. I really feel for you!
Scott encourages us to listen to and validate our emotions.
Who needs emotions? They cause just problems.
And I never learned to deal with them in a grown up way .....
Those two statements may be correlated
Without emotion, there is no productive cognition. An emotionless person can think, but they can't decide anything.
Emotion is energy in motion.... So you are stuck, not feeling emotions, not understanding them,
....not letting useless emotions in your past, if you never felt them fully.
You can not overcome them if you never felt them fully, if you just supress them as society told you to do.
As you pass the emotions, they turn to something better....on the other side of negative emotion is joy, and happiness.
You can not dream about 100 000 dollars if you never had them.
You need emotion to even be curious about anything or to want to learn anything. Emotion is not opposed to rationality, in fact, a certain level and kind of emotion is needed to motivate you to think and behave rationally.
@@Zzyzzyx Correct, mind cannot provide a goal.
Yet when the goal is set, emotions are the hindrance and should shut the hell up, because at this point, they are detrimental.
Dealing with them while you're trying to be productive is just like - as the author of video said - dealing with a small child, ie infuriating.
I learned something new! Our emotions are with us from day one. This makes total sense to me, my parents did not have the skills to teach me how to deal with emotions. Now I can do that for myself. Thank you so much!!
thank you , I can see why I am hyper emotional but have just struggled with the debilitating state they leave me in . Knowledge is the answer .
I struggle with feeling emotions. I can recognise anger and, sadness, but rarely anything else.
I believe this started in my childhood, due to my emotions being dismissed as unimportant.
My Psychologist wants me to "sit with" my feelings. Whatever that means. But i just don't get it. How do i start feeling again?
Sounds like anhedonia it means your reward system doesn't work anymore
Omg where have you been all my life? Thank you 🙏
Thank you for info.
Useful as always
you're good Thanks
Great topic, thank you! ❤ I have to watch this again.
So much wisdom.
I would love to see you make a more in depth video on self injury or substance abuse. Everything just makes sense coming from you.
I needed this tonight. Thank you.
Fantastic video. Thank you so much for creating the content you do
Dr Scott, you couldn’t have timed this better 🙏🏻
Please make this a series of videos
I thought the same.
This talk needs to be my monday morning reminder that i am ok and so is the world.
Thank you Dr. Scott for helping me. Hugs from a grateful fan of yours from Bulgaria.
I bought your book on Amazon. Looking forward to reading it. ❤
Well thats something i've never considered
I'm so glad yt decided to recommend me your channel, your videos have been really helpful!
we needed a teacher like u growing up 💕
Saving this video for when I get back in touch with my emotions
I’m sure it’ll be a learning curve for dealing with them
Thanks!
This is one of those things where not only would I have never thought of it, I would never have thought to ask someone about it.
I don't think I've ever taken the conscious step of validating my own emotions. I've always either tried to minimize them or immediately act on them, with mixed results.
Make a friend of your mind. Tease it, take it lightly, ignore the bully, assume positive intent, forgive it, accept it, treat it like a best friend.. Or it will follow you around like a maniac who never leaves.
Thanks for the video! 👍
Unfortunately I have completely opposite experiences. In my mind I had always something positive why people did not response, but in the end I was told that I was the problem.
Thanks!
Thank you!!
good man.
Do you have anything on BPD? I really suffer with the distorted thinking that ppl hate me, they're out to get me, etc. That's just one of the things. I love your channel
So much info , hope i will understand but its good to info
to be informed
Biggest problem for me is lack of emotions
I foresee many confusing conversations between my limbic system and my pre-frontal cortex. I already talk to myself but this is taking it to the next level.
I did appreciate the analogy between mu emotional response and that of my 4 yo… puts it into perspective and helps me support his emotional growth as well as my own.
I already have many fights between my limbic system and my pre-frontal cortex. 😊
It could be said that the ability to analyze our own emotions in order to better perceive the situation and regulate our subsequent behavior is uniquely and wonderfully human.
I don't know how you always know what my brain is thinking. Is there a segment of people living in some mass Simulation that are having the same events and thoughts simultaneously? Regardless, your work always helps me re-build my new and improved mental foundation. Thank you ~
Yes there is. Or yes, we are. I'm absolutely certain of it. But we must hack the system and take control from those controllers of the game or the simulation. 😂
Does this work on crippling anxiety?
“We don’t always need someone else to know that we’re scared and talk us down from it; in many cases, we can do that now. We have learned and internalized those skills.”
Respectfully - what if we haven’t learned or internalized those skills? Growing up, parents definitely dismissed my concerns and I internalized that it was useless to share, but as I said, the emotions only grew larger. The same remains true today with no skills on dealing with big emotions like fear. Do you have any videos on specifically developing those skills if you missed them in your upbringing? Thank you very much.
look into introjects:
They are not your thoughts, those are the words of OTHER PEOPLE IN YOU HEAD. They are not Your’ own
Ooh I just thought of a topic I don't think you've covered yet! So because you have shared your history & growing up with depression, you may have your personal answers & your clinical answers. How do you (us,we) move away from blaming our parents or whoever raised us, for the way we were and are now?
Sir my depression symptoms are mostly treated but still have loss of interest and motivation to do job,being with friends and hobbies are unpleasurable.I am taking med should i consult a psychologist also??????????
I hope more people will watch your content 🙏🩹
Thanks again!
@@DrScottEilers Im glad to have a chance to pay for what i like 🙏
I'd like to hear you do a video about how to come to terms with the fact that "I am a nobody." Let's face it, 97% of ALL humans on Earth are nobodies. We have done nothing to truly put our stamp on the world. Most people seem totally fine with this. How?
Thank you. Even tho im FUCKED this does help. I will be doing a deep dife thru all the videos this week
I love emotions. Without them I am just a boring robot 🤖.
Muito bom
Please, Dr Scott, could you talk about borderline personality disorder? I'm desperate here, there is no treatment for this and I don't know what to do. Thank you from Ruth x
There are treatments check out Dialectical Behavioral Therapy aka DBT and Internal FamilySystems protocols. Along with Tapping, Emotional Freedom Techniques and Meditation. Change and healing are possible. Best.
I am highly uncomfortable at my job.
Despite the video, I can't stop hurting myself. I'm aware that it's escalating to the point of ending my own existence.
Please don't hurt yourself. It is a request. Please don't. Be kind to yourself.
@@The.Narc.Files7 I do not know how. How to stop that cycle of wanting constantly punishing and hurting myself for all wrong decision I made in life. I am tired of living in the fear. It is just too much. I cannot find compassion for myself and be kind to myself.
@@The.Narc.Files7 Thank you for your message. I wish I could be as strong as you.
@@slivkask8329 I have also made a lot of mistakes. That's OK. This is part of being a human. All humans are deficient in knowledge and wisdom. We learn through mistakes and sufferings. Because I am not God this means my wisdom will always be very incomplete. That's OK. That's how human beings are. I forgive those who hurt me deeply but I don't approve what they did. I don't love or care about them. I forgave them so as to end all contact with them. I also need forgiveness.
@@slivkask8329 please keep in mind that a lot of your suffering is because life is harsh. Not because of your mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes but some are born in good homes, some in bad. Life is really hard and it is really really hard a lot of times.
no i was telling myself stories like what if they have died or something horrible is happening and i dont know))) anxiety
ok its unpleasant emotion now i understand but how to deal with it? I was really trying to get rid of it
My emotions are causing me resentment with myself and family members. I hate being back in my homestate its been hell since covid. Deaths illness ect nonstop. Its causing me to get sick. Internalizing. Pa is hell dreary miserable and basically dead. Ill elderly family members refuse to leave there homes even to move with other people. I feel like a hostage because I do not want to hurt others. I am the only able body person and I was just diagnosed with cancer. I know its from the stress. I just want to leave this dreadful state and never look back. I am angry about this bioweapon that murdered my family, friends ect.
I keep reliving the emotions and having flashbacks from a very traumatic experience. How should I deal with them? Thanks
so much would be solved if one did not have to live in apt dominated by a loud all night person for your entire life
Can you get ear plugs or something. I know it's difficult when you can't sleep well.
Anyway there is a different apt you can move to?
moved a lot radios and ear plugs yes, my car is better. thinkin about it full time
I've watched so many of your videos now and have concluded that you're the exact male version of me. I'm finally going for therapy, but was wondering what is your diagnosed mental illness? Thank you for making these videos, found you at a time of need.
Do you happen to be an INFJ personality type?
Yeah?
I Panicked.!! I knew I made a foolish mistake. My emotions were negative and overpowering. I couldn't handle them , and LOST MY CAREER JOB.!
now, im insecure.
Stress, Insomnia, Anxiety, Depression... life and living became unbearable.
The feeling after knowing you made a mistake is the worst.
@@eternal7346 Yes, knowing it, and... bearing the consequences. In my case., the worst case senerios. Mental and physical health,... total devastation.
my limbic system is in limbo
I know what is my selfharm when i was in pain and without medicine i was squeezing my shoulders and neck so hard that i think i managed to stop normal blood circulation to the brain
now i can at least my behaivior to myself thank you
❤❤🙏🏻
Just curious, how do you feel about the PIXAR movie "Inside Out?"
Haven’t seen it. I don’t really watch movies, it’s kind of a running joke in the clinic. “Hey have you seen this? Oh no of course not.” 😂
@@DrScottEilers Ah. That movie did an *amazing* job of putting emotions into perspective, even "having a relationship with them" as you put it (since they were personified into characters)
No one ever taught me this
and why i was attacked by alexandrova? u in us know everything
If emotions are just information, they don't have to f**king shout! 😩
Just give me a nudge FFS!
I specifically look a video to validate my emotions. Thanks for this