Failed Assassinations - History Hijinks

Поделиться
HTML-код
  • Опубликовано: 23 янв 2025

Комментарии • 3 тыс.

  • @casparvoncampenhausen5249
    @casparvoncampenhausen5249 4 года назад +2335

    "Mithridates died as he lived ... Not dying from poison"
    Blue, 2020

    • @casparvoncampenhausen5249
      @casparvoncampenhausen5249 4 года назад +26

      Try Historia Civilis, he makes really good historical videos

    • @casparvoncampenhausen5249
      @casparvoncampenhausen5249 4 года назад +7

      @Kim Yo Jong's Sandwich you're describing his lunch ;-)

    • @mobgabriel1767
      @mobgabriel1767 3 месяца назад +2

      "so with his back against the wall mithridates killed himself from poison...except he did not because he was immune"
      -blue,2020

  • @_MimiTsuki_
    @_MimiTsuki_ 4 года назад +5201

    “Funny Ha Ha Poison man” is the best excuse to meme on a historical decent King

    • @alam_utubealam402
      @alam_utubealam402 4 года назад +38

      haha foonny

    • @awzthemusicalreviews
      @awzthemusicalreviews 4 года назад +150

      If he'd just been a good king, we'd likely never know his name. Even the greatest had certain personality quirks that made them interesting

    • @bradyweed4124
      @bradyweed4124 4 года назад +57

      “So my hands are tied” made me laugh

    • @Talia_Arts
      @Talia_Arts 3 года назад +18

      Funny poison man

    • @miguelmontenegro3520
      @miguelmontenegro3520 3 года назад +16

      We all saw Mithridates coming in this list a mile away

  • @krislancaster1214
    @krislancaster1214 4 года назад +6963

    Blue is not addicted to talking about Italy, he can stop whenever he likes.

    • @jinx7501
      @jinx7501 4 года назад +262

      Why stop? They're insane and rather creative when coming up with new ways to out crazy each other. It's like a never ending sea... of crazy!
      Ok, I might have a minor addiction to the crazy.... ;)

    • @scooble_
      @scooble_ 4 года назад +58

      Jinx
      That’s ok, You can stop whenever you want

    • @whafflete6721
      @whafflete6721 4 года назад +93

      No,our boy Blue does not have a addiction to Venezia,he can stop anytime he want,but why stopping now when we can talk about *THE MOST SERENE REPUBLIC*

    • @dogocatostudios8719
      @dogocatostudios8719 4 года назад +13

      @@whafflete6721 exactly

    • @Azazreal
      @Azazreal 4 года назад +13

      @@jinx7501 The First step is admitting it. Its ok we can get you help, you just have to want to give up the crazy :P

  • @pathfindersavant3988
    @pathfindersavant3988 4 года назад +6688

    Mithridates: "Do you have any poison?"
    Clerk: "Sir, this is a bookstore"

  • @Magic_Ice
    @Magic_Ice 4 года назад +4457

    Assassin: “Haha, I put Poison in your soup, you will now die”
    Mithridates: Thanks man, that really added to the flavor.

    • @thathistoryiscoolguy
      @thathistoryiscoolguy 4 года назад +33

      Lol

    • @Cekseiro
      @Cekseiro 4 года назад +151

      Assassin: _visible screeching_
      Edit: OH, NOW STRIKEOUT WORKS.

    • @kaarpiv375
      @kaarpiv375 4 года назад +89

      Mithridates discovers caffeine.
      It's always sunny in Pontus.

    • @brytonwallis4817
      @brytonwallis4817 4 года назад +38

      Rasputin: same

    • @WeaselLikeMan
      @WeaselLikeMan 4 года назад +23

      bone hurting juice

  • @SeRgEaNt_RaNdOm
    @SeRgEaNt_RaNdOm 4 года назад +1617

    Parliament Guards: What's that you have there?
    Guy Fawkes holding a lantern next to a giant pile of gunpowder barrels: A smoothie?

    • @animeguardianxx
      @animeguardianxx 4 года назад +80

      Guards: How do you have a smoothie before smoothies were invented?

    • @fantasyshadows3207
      @fantasyshadows3207 3 года назад +74

      @@animeguardianxx *holding a pile of matches in his other hand* Time Travel

    • @ahbabmuttaki1856
      @ahbabmuttaki1856 3 года назад +23

      I think you're meme would've been perfect if the guards said: what'cha got there?

    • @viktorthykjr1966
      @viktorthykjr1966 3 года назад +6

      With some Bang sang

    • @catsandclassics
      @catsandclassics 5 месяцев назад +4

      Guy Fawkes: Also my name is John Johnson, I do job at place.

  • @spacegoblin0334
    @spacegoblin0334 4 года назад +1633

    "It becomes so much easier to solve problems by just Un-existing the people who disagree with you."
    Makes me think of this Tumblr Post
    "Its 2013 why can't i delete friends in real life"
    -"Ok so it turns out what i was thinking of is called murder"

    • @AxxLAfriku
      @AxxLAfriku 4 года назад +3

      I am being humble when I am telling you that I am the most powerful strongest coolest smartest most famous greatest funniest RUclipsr of all time! That's the reason I have multiple girlfriends and I show them off on my channel all the time! Bye bye girl

    • @marmoris72
      @marmoris72 4 года назад +51

      AxxL wtf

    • @chelsey8737
      @chelsey8737 4 года назад +23

      I REMEMBER THAT ONE!! I laughed so hard when that reemerged last year

  • @elroy9173
    @elroy9173 4 года назад +2826

    Nonna Rossi: “I threw a rock at ‘im!”
    Silence
    Nonna Rossi: “It was a big rock.”

    • @Andri474
      @Andri474 4 года назад +145

      (huge applause from everyone around)

    • @TailTam2934
      @TailTam2934 4 года назад +37

      Nice job croco

    • @cinnastag
      @cinnastag 4 года назад +61

      Want to not have your rent risen? Knockout a person with a stone mortar

    • @unamused_bruise2512
      @unamused_bruise2512 4 года назад +52

      Not gonna lie all I thought of when I read your post was;
      'Crystals for banishing someone: Any of them if you throw em hard enough.'
      'This here's my banishing rock'

    • @MaxHDAvenger
      @MaxHDAvenger 4 года назад +6

      I dunno that rock look like a flower pot but guess that was a stone craved one.

  • @bloopdeboop1707
    @bloopdeboop1707 4 года назад +3457

    "Mithridates, a friend of yours died from poisoning and so many fellow emperors are being offed by it too"
    *Mithrades, while downing 8 shots of cobra venom*
    "Tragic"

    • @omnicupid6694
      @omnicupid6694 4 года назад +160

      Mithridates: Weakling die, big deal.

    • @thesilverprincess
      @thesilverprincess 3 года назад +312

      “Sir, there may be poison in your wine”
      “I know. I put it there”

    • @clockworkkirlia7475
      @clockworkkirlia7475 3 года назад +147

      Fun fact: Unless you have a cut somewhere along the way, snake venom generally isn't poisonous to ingest. I mean, yeah, don't try this at home, but the venom has to go pretty directly into the bloodstream to work.
      The other poisons will have been the classic Mithridatism (of course named after the king), but the snake venom makes for a good party trick because it looks impressive without actually being all that dangerous.

    • @lostgem8225
      @lostgem8225 3 года назад +97

      @@thesilverprincess
      "sir you may have wine in your poison"
      "Wut"

    • @komodobro3341
      @komodobro3341 3 года назад +74

      @Axiom Steel i mean he just told us how to ingest venom without dying, so unironically pretty much

  • @molly6334
    @molly6334 4 года назад +2840

    "But Parliament was closed for most of the year because of plague *ugh, mood*"
    When you can relate closely to people from the *1600s*

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +34

      Bruh moment

    • @fireknight0146
      @fireknight0146 4 года назад +33

      And, you know what, here we go again.

    • @phastinemoon
      @phastinemoon 3 года назад +11

      Is your user picture Hades from Lore Olympus?

    • @fireknight0146
      @fireknight0146 3 года назад +5

      @@phastinemoon Well yeah of course. Look at the beautiful man!

    • @benjiusofficial
      @benjiusofficial 3 года назад +4

      I always relate to people from the 1600s; being a uneducated peasant in a sea of uneducated peasants.

  • @HaydenX
    @HaydenX 4 года назад +3612

    "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! I poisoned your wine!"
    Mithridates: "Mildly sweet, yet with a piquant finish...The foxglove crop was quite splendidly sweet last year, so I presume you saved this poisoned wine for me for two whole years: it's actually a bit of an honor...have you any more of these splendid bottles?"

    • @ivana.pancake
      @ivana.pancake 3 года назад +122

      Princess Bride reference?

    • @lostgem8225
      @lostgem8225 3 года назад +130

      Fun fact anti freeze in wine actualy makes it taste more sweet

    • @jamesharding3459
      @jamesharding3459 3 года назад +99

      @@lostgem8225 And possibly kills you

    • @bradfordmax8372
      @bradfordmax8372 3 года назад +111

      @@jamesharding3459 ***Possibly***

    • @willieoelkers5568
      @willieoelkers5568 3 года назад +95

      "Oh my, that is _quite_ toxic"

  • @teal_m_101
    @teal_m_101 4 года назад +4625

    Assassination is just murder but for fancy people.

    • @TauGeneration
      @TauGeneration 4 года назад +263

      let me fix your comment for you :
      Assassination is just murder *of* fancy people.

    • @usernotfound-jw7xs
      @usernotfound-jw7xs 4 года назад +193

      regular pooh: murder
      fancy pooh: asSASSination

    • @previouslyonx-men
      @previouslyonx-men 4 года назад +26

      Agreed

    • @shotgunatthedisco6909
      @shotgunatthedisco6909 4 года назад +71

      @@TauGeneration Let me fix your fix:
      Assassination is just murder of fancy people, on the down-low. (I mean the whole point of assassination is to be subtle for the most part unless they explicitly want it to be seen but it starts to bleed into terrorism by then.)

    • @honguocngo2086
      @honguocngo2086 4 года назад +55

      Quite literally, as the definition of assassination is the murder of a known, often political, figure by surprise attack, usually for payment or political reasons.

  • @ASquared544
    @ASquared544 4 года назад +1863

    Mithridates: “I fear no man... but... that thing-“
    _A knife, sword, bow, rock, or literally any weapon that isn’t poison_
    Mithridates: “- it scares me.”

    • @eh9618
      @eh9618 4 года назад +60

      You mean "i fear no poison"

    • @theJellyjoker
      @theJellyjoker 4 года назад +5

      I fear Gnome Ann

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 4 года назад +37

      It's impressive how small an amount of any substance can be lethal mixed with an adequate amount of kenetic energy.

    • @ilovethelegend
      @ilovethelegend 4 года назад +27

      @@dynamicworlds1 "I cut this guy in half with a water jet cutter filled with snake venom".

    • @lukevankleef4245
      @lukevankleef4245 4 года назад +1

      666 likes

  • @wonderlilane3724
    @wonderlilane3724 4 года назад +1590

    "Murder isn't a cure-all"
    I dunno man, Signora Rossi got a sweet apartment deal out of it

    • @Doublemonk0506
      @Doublemonk0506 3 года назад +91

      Ah, Blue said murder, not mob justice

    • @chrysaor5171
      @chrysaor5171 3 года назад +89

      I am genuinely curious if that Signora Rossi’s blood line is still around and if either A) they still have that apartment (maybe refurbished but still have it none the less) at what now must be a ridiculously cheep rent (probably), or B) they’re still around in general

    • @gracemeiman187
      @gracemeiman187 3 года назад +80

      @@chrysaor5171 I think the building was demolished and replaced with a statue commemorating her. Still a pretty sweet deal, if you ask me.

    • @5peciesunkn0wn
      @5peciesunkn0wn 2 года назад +44

      @@chrysaor5171 It *was* "For as long as the republic exists". Since the Venetian Republic lasted another 500 years after that point, and was dissolved in 1797, the rent is no longer dirt cheap.

    • @phastinemoon
      @phastinemoon 2 года назад +7

      That’s manslaughter, not murder!

  • @TheDiplomancer
    @TheDiplomancer 4 года назад +897

    "We're going to ignore the rest of the world and cozy up in Venice." Blue, 2020 and into eternity

    • @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988
      @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 4 года назад

      Not cool bro, banned from internet 😔✊

    • @SingingSealRiana
      @SingingSealRiana 4 года назад

      Two of my favorit childrensbooks play there, "The water mirror" and "the lord of the thifes"

  • @barrylyndon5552
    @barrylyndon5552 3 года назад +2123

    Mithridates talking about suicide
    "Well, we need to think up of something steward because the Romans are coming and I dont want to be alive to see it."
    Steward
    "Here my lord, I have prepared a vial of cyanide"
    Mithridates chugs the whole thing
    "Yes, thank you steward I was feeling rather parched but let us not get distracted, I need to find a way to end my life"

    • @k.hizzle5376
      @k.hizzle5376 2 года назад +57

      Why does this comment not have any replies. This is great!

    • @little_ghosty1854
      @little_ghosty1854 2 года назад +39

      @@k.hizzle5376 it's so great that it needs no replies

    • @k.hizzle5376
      @k.hizzle5376 2 года назад +11

      @@little_ghosty1854 Great point and an equally great username.

    • @little_ghosty1854
      @little_ghosty1854 2 года назад +6

      @@k.hizzle5376 thank you!

    • @k.hizzle5376
      @k.hizzle5376 2 года назад +5

      @@little_ghosty1854 Is there an origin behind the name or…?

  • @bloopdeboop1707
    @bloopdeboop1707 4 года назад +895

    I'm imagining Mithridates sampling poison like a fine wine
    "Hmm...what is this I am detecting? Undertones of earthiness, with just a splash of bitterness and hatred. Boils in your stomach nicely...delightful"

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +31

      Yes. I'm sure it is. A fine little cocktail of poisons and maladies. I made it myself.🙂

    • @newperve
      @newperve 4 года назад +49

      The good news is you're going to eat like a king. The bad need is that king is Mithiradates.

    • @rogerogue7226
      @rogerogue7226 4 года назад +16

      @@newperve I need to use that line somewhere. That line is glorious.

    • @vc_whatever
      @vc_whatever 4 года назад +12

      @@newperve I'm stealing this (but with anonymous credit)

    • @newperve
      @newperve 4 года назад +9

      @@vc_whatever I'd you did ill sue you for it's full value. RUclips comments are worth $100,000. That's Zimbabwean dollars but still...

  • @racekitty
    @racekitty 4 года назад +1434

    Mithridates: the first one to level his alchemy to 100.

    • @IMightBeVanny
      @IMightBeVanny 4 года назад +44

      funny ha ha poison man

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +10

      Huh... didn't know it was a perk of that tree. Is it useful in game? Or is this not actually a skyrim alchemy tree thing?

    • @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988
      @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 4 года назад +23

      Actually,the mod Ordinator has Alchemy Tree and that has, as Master perk, you drinking your most lethal poison and if you survive you get even stronger
      ..Mithridates is my new OC don't steal

    • @agooddaytorespawn57
      @agooddaytorespawn57 4 года назад +4

      @@rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 Ah, a man of culture i see

    • @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988
      @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 4 года назад +4

      Glad to see another Nexus friend

  • @hadopelagic
    @hadopelagic 4 года назад +760

    tiepolo:
    some old lady minding her own business: _im boutta end this man's whole career_

    • @Mirro18
      @Mirro18 4 года назад +15

      *life

    • @rattvisa
      @rattvisa 4 года назад +37

      saltiest of the salt let me just correct you there with the qoute:
      ”You have mama-d your last-a mia”

    • @Newbmann
      @Newbmann 4 года назад

      I'm going to become a legend by ending this man's hole life
      Why does this not work when I tried it all I get is a much of media attention and forgotten about a week later,

  • @murlocknight1427
    @murlocknight1427 4 года назад +1617

    “So they laid it out to dry... in front of a fire.”
    Ha ha ha! That’s a good... wait. You’re serious. Oh god, they were really that stupid.

    • @maximusdork3336
      @maximusdork3336 4 года назад +95

      I'm amazed it didn't end with them blowing up.

    • @murlocknight1427
      @murlocknight1427 4 года назад +61

      Alexis Crow I’m pretty sure that it did end with them blowing up, actually.

    • @reyonXIII
      @reyonXIII 4 года назад +90

      @@murlocknight1427 If there's one thing that blew up, it's their grand master plan, and right in their faces

    • @GreyAcumen
      @GreyAcumen 4 года назад +49

      Puts a hilarious spin on Anonymous using Guy Fawkes as their iconography.

    • @GhostBear3067
      @GhostBear3067 4 года назад +80

      @@reyonXIII now I am picturing what if the Gunpowder Plot had failed not because it was discovered, but because in trying to dry off the powder Guy Fawkes caused it to go off before Parliament was in session...
      History books listing the "Explosion of Parliament" as one of the great unsolved mysteries with several conspiracy theories surrounding it, but none of them involving a Catholic coup attempt.

  • @fruitcakemtdew
    @fruitcakemtdew 4 года назад +693

    Mithridates’ father: *gets poisoned*
    Mithridates: Guys I have this idea for a drinking game-

  • @l.r.m.8508
    @l.r.m.8508 4 года назад +505

    “No fuss, no persuasion checks, just an ass-ton of explosions”
    -an chaotic neutral artificer’s look on diplomacy

    • @vinx.909
      @vinx.909 4 года назад +12

      who needs persuasion when you have gunpowder?

    • @shrimpisdelicious
      @shrimpisdelicious 4 года назад +34

      "It seems like a reasonable response to me. As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero."

    • @Janoha17
      @Janoha17 4 года назад +8

      @@vinx.909 On the other hand, gunpowder may grant advantage on intimidation checks.

    • @bastienbovard8159
      @bastienbovard8159 4 года назад +6

      You man that dude with a mustache in disney's Atlantis?

  • @WorgenGrrl
    @WorgenGrrl 3 года назад +261

    Cleopatra VII: "I test poisons on prisoners so that I may learn their effects and can counter them"
    Mithridates VI: "Hold my Hemlock"

    • @bencaspar
      @bencaspar 7 месяцев назад

      Fun fact: Cleo was actually the granddaughter or great granddaughter of mithridates (i forgot which)

    • @Memezuii
      @Memezuii 4 месяца назад

      @@bencaspar it must run in the family

  • @Carewolf
    @Carewolf 4 года назад +660

    As we say in Denmark: "The revolution was cancelled due to rain"

    • @fictionfan0
      @fictionfan0 4 года назад +39

      Truly, the Venetians could have learned from your people.

    • @nikkospelledlikethat8140
      @nikkospelledlikethat8140 4 года назад +4

      How much is that said in Denmark? What is happening in Denmark?

    • @zidanetribal1406
      @zidanetribal1406 4 года назад +10

      Something is wrong in the state of Denmark

  • @alexfietta
    @alexfietta 4 года назад +1481

    "But luckly, there is another, much more efficient option: Murder"
    Me, a seasoned Crusader Kings II player: "Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well!"

    • @minerva9104
      @minerva9104 4 года назад +73

      If you’re not plotting somebody's murder and going through two Byzantine emperors a year, you’re doing something wrong.

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 4 года назад +39

      @@minerva9104 or are the Byzantine Emperor and doing something very right.

    • @whoknows7968
      @whoknows7968 4 года назад +16

      @@dynamicworlds1 Inconceivable. The archives must be incomplete.

    • @theoveranalyzingcinephile983
      @theoveranalyzingcinephile983 4 года назад +20

      @@minerva9104 2 a year? Those are rookie numbers. If you don't have the Byzantine emperor under constant plot, regardless of who he is, having bribed the entire court, then you're doing it wrong.

    • @jjohansen86
      @jjohansen86 4 года назад +12

      Look, it's CK2, you're either plotting against or seducing literally everyone always. That's just how it's played.

  • @casualsatanist
    @casualsatanist 4 года назад +720

    Also: all the assassination attempts the emperor Nero made against his own mother are pretty ridiculous, including Rube Goldberg level traps, self-sinking boats and good old fashioned creative assassination burnout.

    • @AegixDrakan
      @AegixDrakan 4 года назад +139

      Oh man, I remember my history teacher in high school talking about those, and MAN was it hilarious. XD
      He also had this little gem: "Pretty much all roman emperors dies of natural causes. Of course, if you were the emperor, natural causes included disease, being stabbed, being poisoned, being run over with a chariot, burned alive...Basically anything other than dying of old age!"

    • @manderic5436
      @manderic5436 2 года назад +23

      @@AegixDrakan To be clear, quite a few Roman emperors died of old age. I mean, sure they didn't die peacefully in their bed, but dying to a plot identical to dozens that they survived in their prime is more or less the same thing.
      @Aj Farrell
      Ironically, Nero's mom pulled a Mithridates' and built up immunity to poisons in order to survive. The only difference was that it was Nero's assassins who stabbed her to death, rather than a friend.

  • @kortmann9
    @kortmann9 4 года назад +1333

    Murder: A great way to get ahead!

  • @merrittanimation7721
    @merrittanimation7721 4 года назад +2683

    Poisoner: "You fool! You fell for one of the classic blunders! One of them is to never invade Germania, but the other is never fight an Italian when Death is on the line! Haha!"
    *Dies*
    Mithradates: "Little did he know I've been developing a resistance to Iocane powder."

    • @panicontheargo7034
      @panicontheargo7034 4 года назад +98

      The princess bride?

    • @merrittanimation7721
      @merrittanimation7721 4 года назад +58

      @@panicontheargo7034 You bet.

    • @gavinbrown216
      @gavinbrown216 4 года назад +35

      Panic! On the Argo love your username

    • @EliteWarrior1026
      @EliteWarrior1026 4 года назад +19

      I kept thinking of that scene during the story! XD

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 4 года назад +31

      I mean, Rome did have Sicily, so a failed Sicilian assassination is not at all out of the realm of possibility.

  • @twixbyforce
    @twixbyforce 4 года назад +941

    No one:
    Theodore Roosevelt: I got shot! Well, anyways, here’s this speech

    • @ashleightompkins3200
      @ashleightompkins3200 3 года назад +83

      Then there was Andrew Jackson who beat the living daylights out of his attempted assassin

    • @Attaxalotl
      @Attaxalotl 3 года назад +25

      *well anyway, here's wonderwall*

    • @lostgem8225
      @lostgem8225 3 года назад +11

      @@ashleightompkins3200 god Andrew Jackson was a fucjing legend

    • @borisaustria4301
      @borisaustria4301 3 года назад +1

      @@Attaxalotl Mumbo Jumbo?

    • @Attaxalotl
      @Attaxalotl 3 года назад

      @@borisaustria4301 just a meme

  • @redsprite4628
    @redsprite4628 4 года назад +582

    "Parliament was closed because of the plague" "MOOD"
    -Blue 2020, about to be demonetized

  • @DustyBlind
    @DustyBlind 4 года назад +485

    _Makes himself immune to poison_
    Mithridates: "I'm a genius!"
    _Fails to kill himself with poison_
    Mithridates: "Oh no!"

    • @willmangrum3686
      @willmangrum3686 4 года назад +26

      Mithridates: Curse me and my genius!

    • @funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong
      @funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong 4 года назад +18

      If there is a god, he has the same sense of humor as a sadistic DM.

    • @titansjojo1445
      @titansjojo1445 4 года назад +2

      Amen

    • @Lunictd
      @Lunictd 4 года назад +9

      Before you develop imminuty to every poison in existince at the time: There's no way I'll ever regret it!
      After you develop imminuty to every poison in existince at the time: I was stupid. So stupid.

  • @VanillaVillain8
    @VanillaVillain8 4 года назад +345

    Signora Rossi: **throws her stone mortar at a conspirator, killing him**
    Everyone: *Sniper 100*

  • @maddie4834
    @maddie4834 4 года назад +716

    “Divine smite comes in many forms and maybe old Venetian ladies with stonewear is a good one to look out for.” I have just found my new paladin build.

    • @funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong
      @funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong 4 года назад +61

      Yarg-Xothoth, lord of darkness and scourge of the seven kingdoms, slain by an old woman with a granite bowl.

    • @tompatterson1548
      @tompatterson1548 4 года назад +6

      @@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong How is that pronounced?

    • @Adam-cq2yo
      @Adam-cq2yo 4 года назад +7

      @@tompatterson1548 I would assume it's pronounced the way it looks. No reason it'd have any unusual silent letters or anything.

    • @sircharlesninefingers4170
      @sircharlesninefingers4170 4 года назад +3

      @@tompatterson1548 Yee-Arg Zah-th-Ah-th

    • @Alex-mp8dp
      @Alex-mp8dp 4 года назад +10

      Funny Valentine Did Nothing Wrong not to be confused with yog-sothoth, elder god and incomprehensible horror beyond space and time, whose son was, as Red put it, "magic'd into not really existing" by three guys with magic incantations, magic not-being-invisible juice aka paint and a gun. just a gun.

  • @timothy317
    @timothy317 4 года назад +609

    "The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed." - Sheev Palpatine

    • @Big_E_Soul_Fragment
      @Big_E_Soul_Fragment 4 года назад +30

      So this is how liberty dies. With a thunderous applause.

    • @sirapple589
      @sirapple589 4 года назад +19

      42 likes in 4 minutes.
      Is it possible to learn this power?

    • @eh9618
      @eh9618 4 года назад +2

      And that was how the republic died

    • @benjaminahlstrom4435
      @benjaminahlstrom4435 4 года назад +7

      @@sirapple589 not from a prequels fan

    • @mateocomari8781
      @mateocomari8781 4 года назад +6

      @@sirapple589 Not from a jedi

  • @BigPoppaShawarma
    @BigPoppaShawarma 4 года назад +359

    I was really hoping you would talk about the time Theodore Roosevelt was giving a speech when somebody shot him in the chest, but instead of dying he just started berating the assassin with a bullet in his chest.

    • @Mischief_Manager93
      @Mischief_Manager93 2 года назад +72

      Or what about the time Andrew Jackson beat the absolute shit out of his would-be assassin?

    • @ashleightompkins3200
      @ashleightompkins3200 2 года назад

      If you want something more modern, there was a man who was shot by his wife. Turns out he was trying to dirty bomb Obama's inauguration.

    • @BerzerkerRush
      @BerzerkerRush 2 года назад +57

      @@Mischief_Manager93 not only did he beat the shit out of him with a cane, said assassin brought two guns, both of which misfired due to high humidity/rain!

    • @Igarappappa
      @Igarappappa 2 года назад +45

      @@BerzerkerRush And his own bodyguards had to restrain him when I looked their was a very real chance he was gonna club the dude to death.

    • @DragonbIaze052
      @DragonbIaze052 2 года назад +6

      @@BerzerkerRush The assassin didn't have two guns. The second gun was pointed at the assassin.

  • @jamiee7367
    @jamiee7367 4 года назад +744

    0:26 The Cat in the Hat is my favorite political assassin.

  • @HumanoidChia
    @HumanoidChia 4 года назад +542

    “no persuasion checks, just an ass-ton of explosives” oh how i wish that’s how my DM would let my dnd character roll

    • @flqw3d40
      @flqw3d40 4 года назад +10

      im taking notes

    • @tompatterson1548
      @tompatterson1548 4 года назад +25

      Your character has singlehandedly increased the demand for explosives so much that they are charging you 50x what the rules say they should.

    • @altsadhara
      @altsadhara 4 года назад +19

      Tom Patterson
      Realistically, the NPCs would likely strive to increase the supply if a product as profitable as black powder was suddenly being bought en masse. Which could also cause them to start actively advertising the surplus, inspiring many new customers to what was originally a niche item.
      That character could actually kick-start the rise of black powder, causing it to be researched and eventually used for various new explosives imcluding, but not limited to, mass-produced firebombs for infantry units. They'll escalate to clearing out bandit hideouts with explosives, and bandits will escalate in turn to holding entire buildings for ransom with bomb threats. Truly, a new era has begun because of that character's insistence to solve problems with a bang.

    • @kabob0077
      @kabob0077 4 года назад +7

      @@altsadhara That sounds fun ngl.

    • @pepsicrusader535
      @pepsicrusader535 4 года назад +6

      As a dungeon master i have to say NO BAD

  • @danieloceansmith3156
    @danieloceansmith3156 3 года назад +175

    My favorite part is the fact that a man was smart enough to become immune to poison... and then tired offing himself with poison...
    It’s astonishing and hilarious how dumb smart people can be.

    • @ckl9390
      @ckl9390 2 года назад +22

      Sometimes poison resistance only works for small amounts. So eating a whole cup of a given poison that one has built a resistance to for a teaspoon at most can still be lethal. It's possible that he didn't want to risk it not working and being incapacitated but still alive and able to recover when the Romans busted the door open to take him prisoner. Boudica took a step further by ordering her attendants to also dismember and hide her body so Rome would have no trophy at all.

  • @aidanmills6136
    @aidanmills6136 4 года назад +444

    Fawkes: I'll never tell you their names!
    Interrogator: Not even that idiot that wrote to Lord Monteagle?
    Fawkes: Oh, yeah, you can have him.

  • @darth_mechas
    @darth_mechas 4 года назад +495

    *he died as he lived: not dying from poison* **claps**

  • @jesterwanted421
    @jesterwanted421 4 года назад +215

    I’m surprised you didn’t talk about the Chinese Emperor who pulled the video game boss tactic of keeping the assassin on the other side of a pillar by running circles around it

    • @Levsa399
      @Levsa399 2 года назад +16

      I want to know more about that!

    • @kbye2321
      @kbye2321 2 года назад +15

      Qin Shi Huang!

    • @KamenracerX
      @KamenracerX 2 года назад +7

      Ah, Jing Ke's Wild Carousel in the Imperial Palace. A classic, if I ever saw one.

    • @yoyo51010
      @yoyo51010 2 года назад +11

      @@Levsa399 here is the short of it an emperor if in a meeting someone pulls out a dagger, and the king did have a sword (a ceremonial o a to long to be practical) and none of the other people dared to aproched the emperor (one because it was a crime and because they might get accused of also being assassins) so someone chucks something to the face of the guy buying enough time to get the sword out,

    • @Doodles-es1ep
      @Doodles-es1ep 2 года назад +5

      @@Levsa399 it’s a small part of a very long video but xiran jay zhao has a video about him and talks about it. it’s called the emperor of chinas ridiculously dramatic life

  • @alexandercolefield9523
    @alexandercolefield9523 4 года назад +564

    "Some of your protestants are alright, don't go to parliament tomorrow."
    -Guy Fawkes

    • @merrittanimation7721
      @merrittanimation7721 4 года назад +43

      All the other MP's with the blown-up kicks.

    • @monkey_blu
      @monkey_blu 4 года назад +23

      *Pump Up Kicks start playing*

    • @JoeSkylynx
      @JoeSkylynx 4 года назад +14

      @@monkey_blu put on that new Medieval Pumped Up Kicks.

    • @theArab__
      @theArab__ 4 года назад +10

      Merritt Animation outrun muh arquebus

    • @nikhiliyengar1510
      @nikhiliyengar1510 4 года назад +5

      Polished Up Boots.

  • @hollyr7269
    @hollyr7269 4 года назад +903

    “Ya KnOw, LIKE A PSYCHOPA-“

    • @TotallyHuman-
      @TotallyHuman- Год назад +15

      Psychopath is the best path

    • @lgachaboyyt
      @lgachaboyyt 10 месяцев назад +8

      0:18

    • @lexofexcel886
      @lexofexcel886 5 месяцев назад +6

      "Factor out the unfathomable human loss, and a guy could really get a lot done."

  • @Mario_Angel_Medina
    @Mario_Angel_Medina 4 года назад +466

    "Do not mess with a nonna" A lesson every Italian knows to heart... Mostly thanks to two or three sandal-shaped scars on their backs (seriously, old women can have a very impressive aim)

    • @mirjanbouma
      @mirjanbouma 4 года назад +43

      Well they've had a lifetime to practice their aim, so it's not that surprising 😉

    • @the24thcolossusjustchillin39
      @the24thcolossusjustchillin39 4 года назад +20

      Yikes

    • @nicomoist5336
      @nicomoist5336 4 года назад +34

      Or in latino: *Chancla*

    • @comradedima9791
      @comradedima9791 4 года назад +15

      @@mirjanbouma wooden spoon

    • @casualsatanist
      @casualsatanist 4 года назад +19

      From a Russo-Irish family, the closest possible object was usually the weapon of choice whenever I was being a dolt. Books, spoons, shoes were all fair game pretty much, as long as it wasn’t glass. Mostly for the fact it’d probably break on contact but also for safety reasons.

  • @shaokhanwins1037
    @shaokhanwins1037 4 года назад +2958

    Assassin: hehe, he is currently eating the meal I just poisoned.
    Mithridates: .... needs a bit more poison.
    Assassin: '_'

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +122

      Mithridaties: why the long face? Jalepeno seeds add flavor, if you can get over the burn. Plus, I like the crunch. 😁

    • @Ass-eater-h3y
      @Ass-eater-h3y 4 года назад +111

      Mithridates: Bro, there's really no flavor. I have JUST the thing! *Adds more poison*

    • @walkercobb2808
      @walkercobb2808 4 года назад +97

      Hmm. Arsenic was a bad choice. Clashes with the strychnine I added.

    • @ccvcharger
      @ccvcharger 4 года назад +60

      @@walkercobb2808 It might go good with ricin though. I'll need to add that to my notes.

    • @evilproductionstudios9659
      @evilproductionstudios9659 4 года назад +13

      Thanks for a new emoticon.

  • @garbagecan755
    @garbagecan755 4 года назад +303

    "Some of you guys are cool, don't go to Parliament tomorrow."
    - John "Johnny" Johnson, probably.

    • @jjwang7597
      @jjwang7597 4 года назад +30

      Ah yes, the person who was a worker who held the job at the place and did the stuff.

    • @Rabbit-uc5kg
      @Rabbit-uc5kg 4 года назад +3

      It wasn't Fawkes who wrote the letter, it was Francis Tresham. He didn't want his bro-in-law to get blown up.

    • @carolinemcgovern4488
      @carolinemcgovern4488 3 года назад

      @@Rabbit-uc5kg Which is fair enough. I wouldn't want my brother/sister-in-law to be blown up ethier.

  • @reesehendricksen1871
    @reesehendricksen1871 4 года назад +535

    Mithridates was also know as “The Poison King”, at parties he would consume lethal doses of poison to flex on his guests. He also concocted arguably the first Anti-Biotic using his extensive knowledge of medicine. Though he also married his half sisters as well, so yeah.

    • @waterdragon3367
      @waterdragon3367 4 года назад +89

      But marrying your family was something all the cool kings did then, so it's fine

    • @DavidGarcia-oi5nt
      @DavidGarcia-oi5nt 4 года назад +31

      Were they hot?

    • @Haaalp
      @Haaalp 4 года назад +24

      "That makes it even better!"

    • @alexv3357
      @alexv3357 4 года назад +7

      That's pretty much par for the course for royals though

    • @DavidGarcia-oi5nt
      @DavidGarcia-oi5nt 4 года назад +12

      @@torivar4838 yeah that's great and all but did he choose the hot ones

  • @Nindrhu
    @Nindrhu 4 года назад +138

    "But luckily, there's another, much more efficient option: murder!"
    ......At least if the assassination isn't botched, a completely different person isn't killed by accident, or the assassination plan isn't uncovered long before an assassin can even be found to do the deed. All of which seem very prone to happening. This is probably where the "bumbling incompetent assassin" trope came from.

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад

      What's a good example?

    • @jameshart2622
      @jameshart2622 2 года назад

      To be fair, competent assassin's tend to not be caught, or even be suspected.

    • @sydhenderson6753
      @sydhenderson6753 4 месяца назад +2

      Or the result of the assassination isn't the exact opposite of what you want.

  • @LadyOMyth
    @LadyOMyth 4 года назад +851

    Blue: He decided to ingest poison in small doses so he could build up an immunity.
    Also Blue: Giving up, with a back against a wall, he decided to kill himself with poison. However, it didn't work because he was immune.
    Wait. So it actually worked? Man, and here I thought he was just crazy. I mean, I wouldn't try it, but I can't believe his plan ACTUALLY worked. (Well it worked against him in the end, but worked nonetheless.)

    • @okkoheinio5139
      @okkoheinio5139 4 года назад +67

      Yeah I was sceptical but he legit couldn't be poisoned *even if he wanted to*

    • @MrSamulai
      @MrSamulai 4 года назад +117

      No, his body just became resistant. He was an expert in using poisons, no way he was stupid enough to not know how to poison himself. Only, when the time came he decided to share his dose of poison with his wife and kids, sparing them the triumph and hoping what would be left would be enough to kill him. He didn't fail to die because he was immune to all poisons, he failed because he loved his family and didn't plan on having to kill them.

    • @NightRainPanda
      @NightRainPanda 4 года назад +82

      Oh yeah man, building up a resistance to poison through ingestion has been around for AGES. This is literally the same concept as vaccines.

    • @merrittanimation7721
      @merrittanimation7721 4 года назад +37

      It's basically how alcoholism works

    • @brytonwallis4817
      @brytonwallis4817 4 года назад

      NightRainPanda you a- anti vaccier?

  • @FireGuy90
    @FireGuy90 4 года назад +368

    “History is long and people are kinda morons sometimes”
    Jeez doesn’t that just sum up history in a sentence

  • @comradetonk8280
    @comradetonk8280 4 года назад +183

    "That was the logic of these fine morons."
    Probably the best thing Blue said ever.

  • @jonathansports1036
    @jonathansports1036 4 года назад +298

    Blue: And it might've worked if they'd had more than five brain cells amongst them.
    Me: Five's being a bit generous, dontcha think?

    • @kyokyodisaster4842
      @kyokyodisaster4842 4 года назад +12

      it reads, like a goddamn joke at coups...How, How did they think this would work?

    • @bthsr7113
      @bthsr7113 4 года назад +20

      @@kyokyodisaster4842 I will give them credit for thinking big picture and realizing they needed the raw numbers of a popular uprising, strong allies, and to hit with all available force on their first strike.
      The rest is just plain stupid.

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 4 года назад +6

      The guy who sent the note was the brother in law of the recipient, if I remember correctly. So maybe he was trying to avoid losing every marital dispute going forward?

  • @magmat0585
    @magmat0585 4 года назад +308

    Bonus round: Andrew Jackson beat his would-be assassin half to death before his friends pulled HIM off of the assassin after both of the assassin's guns misfired.

    • @shadowkat678
      @shadowkat678 4 года назад +35

      Which to this day I find as an absolute shame because he totally deserved some assassinating.

    • @Janoha17
      @Janoha17 4 года назад +82

      And Teddy Roosevelt survived an assassination attempt by having his speech and his eyeglass case in his pocket, which slowed down the bullet, and then gave a 90 minute speech that earned him the appellation "Bull Moose".

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 4 года назад +32

      One of the friends who pulled Jackson off the would-be assassin was a certain David Crockett of Tennessee.

    • @meh12345HEY
      @meh12345HEY 4 года назад +28

      @@Janoha17 He did open with "It takes more than that to kill a bull mouse..."

    • @thexalon
      @thexalon 4 года назад +30

      Yup, Jackson is the only president in US history to apprehend his own would-be assassin. Not a good president, but definitely a badass.

  • @johnphamlore8073
    @johnphamlore8073 4 года назад +88

    I'm surprised you didn't choose the assassination attempts on the first Chinese Emperor Qin Shi Huang, including the hiring of a strongman who threw a MASSIVE hammer into a carriage killing a deliberately placed double of the Emperor. And the Emperor ironically poisoned himself seeking a formula for immortality.

  • @arcticbanana66
    @arcticbanana66 4 года назад +733

    "Stop sending people to kill me! We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send a very fast working one to Moscow and I certainly won't have to send another."
    - Josip Broz Tito, in a letter to Joseph Stalin

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +29

      Wait, I missed the context. What does that reference?

    • @arcticbanana66
      @arcticbanana66 4 года назад +193

      @@samuelevans738 The Tito-Stalin Split, or Yugoslav-Soviet Split, was a conflict between the leaders of Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union, which resulted in Yugoslavia's expulsion from the Communist Information Bureau in 1948. Over the next 5 years, Tito faced a total of 22 assassination attempts by Soviet agents until Stalin's death on March 5 1953. The above letter was found in Stalin's office, leading many to believe that he didn't actually die of a stroke, but was poisoned by Tito's assassin.

    • @wraithcadmus
      @wraithcadmus 4 года назад +117

      Even better, Stalin stopped trying to assassinate Tito after that.

    • @witheredbonnie9268
      @witheredbonnie9268 4 года назад +13

      @@wraithcadmus cool

    • @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988
      @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 4 года назад +20

      Love those little trivia random ppl send and others complement. Thanks, guys

  • @Leiliel1
    @Leiliel1 4 года назад +767

    In an alternate universe:
    Roman Assassin: Er, General?
    Pompey: Hm?
    RA: Good news, bad news situation. The good news is, the poison had an effect. The bad news is...uh...
    Mithridates the Hulk: *breaks into camp* Persia SMASH!

    • @alam_utubealam402
      @alam_utubealam402 4 года назад +23

      OH NO

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +7

      Is that even a thing?!

    • @wildhunter939
      @wildhunter939 4 года назад +23

      Samuel Evans I mean there were the berserker mushrooms

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +4

      @@wildhunter939 huh...

    • @CollinMcLean
      @CollinMcLean 4 года назад +19

      @@wildhunter939 That's been discredited... Although there is evidence in Viking graves of bath salt like drugs and types of nightshade which may have been used to induce the Berserker state.

  • @marinaelliott8668
    @marinaelliott8668 3 года назад +89

    "John Johnson, esteemed doer of Job in Place!" I'm wheezing 😂
    Also my old pastor is named John Johnson

  • @tsiegy
    @tsiegy 4 года назад +647

    There’s an entire family line of John Johnson’s in my town, I think we’re at John Johnson the fifth

    • @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988
      @rafaelfigfigueiredo2988 4 года назад +16

      Ya kiddin pls

    • @jouheikisaragi6075
      @jouheikisaragi6075 4 года назад +74

      Do you live at Place?

    • @impish_snake3526
      @impish_snake3526 4 года назад +72

      John, son of John, son of John, son of John, son of John, son of John.

    • @yourpalbryan1442
      @yourpalbryan1442 4 года назад +49

      I am very sure they are well known for doing Job at Place

    • @elieli2893
      @elieli2893 3 года назад +18

      @@impish_snake3526 The thing is, they're so usual it's unusual :'D

  • @FuzzyStripetail
    @FuzzyStripetail 4 года назад +293

    John Johnson's respectable business was probably the production of those tiny cocktail drink swords that Mithridates ultimately used to kill himself.

    • @eh9618
      @eh9618 4 года назад +17

      Mithridates was probably their most loyal customer

    • @raziyatheseeker
      @raziyatheseeker 4 года назад

      John Johnson is a saint, those things are awesome

    • @jean-paulaudette9246
      @jean-paulaudette9246 4 года назад +2

      He was the proprietor of 'Ye Olde Thingenesse Shoppe'

    • @tompatterson1548
      @tompatterson1548 4 года назад

      @@raziyatheseeker bombs?

  • @shreyam4661
    @shreyam4661 4 года назад +73

    "Ah yes, John Johnson, who does [Job] at [Place]."

  • @stregastressata03
    @stregastressata03 4 года назад +695

    I’m aware that the “Do NOT mess with a nonna” at the end is a joke but as an Italian I assure you, in Italian culture this statement is taken VERY SERIOUSLY. Also Signora Rossi is my new favorite national hero ❤️

    • @the24thcolossusjustchillin39
      @the24thcolossusjustchillin39 4 года назад +7

      Really?

    • @richardvblack9415
      @richardvblack9415 4 года назад +107

      @@the24thcolossusjustchillin39 yep, in italy there are 2 rules that are older that our nation itself:
      1. your nonna is the best cook in this plane of existence (this applies for every single Italian simultaneously);
      2. any sentence uttered by your grandparents (but especially your nonna) is ABSOLUTE LAW never to be questioned.
      The good news is that every nonna has an endless factory of candies and sweets that she'll give you like the smoothest drug dealer there is (or at least this applies to me).

    • @giacomopanconi8028
      @giacomopanconi8028 4 года назад +54

      @@the24thcolossusjustchillin39 italian grandmothers make you an humble person by bringing divine terror into you ....

    • @the24thcolossusjustchillin39
      @the24thcolossusjustchillin39 4 года назад +12

      ​@@richardvblack9415 I literally don't know how to respond to that

    • @Xavi_Shado
      @Xavi_Shado 4 года назад +29

      @@richardvblack9415 as a second generation American, from Sicilian grandparents,
      I can say this also applies in the US
      XD
      DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. GRANDPARENTS.

  • @mjr_schneider
    @mjr_schneider 4 года назад +597

    The old Venetian lady dropping a mortar on a guys head reminds me of a similar story from Geneva where, when the Savoyard army was scaling the city walls, a lady dropped her cooking pot full of boiling soup onto an attacker's head, killing him.
    To this day, Genevans celebrate this event every year by making giant chocolate pots called _marmites de l'Escalade_ and smashing them on the ground.

    • @Flowerboi145
      @Flowerboi145 4 года назад +89

      Man ladies with pots are deadly

    • @runningcommentary2125
      @runningcommentary2125 4 года назад +59

      I forget who and where it was, but I remember reading about one king or general who died during a siege because an old woman ripped a slate off a roof and threw it at his head.

    • @davidblair9877
      @davidblair9877 4 года назад +84

      Running Commentary 21 you’re thinking of Phyrrus of Epirus. He was attacking Argos and starting fighting some random soldier in the street. The soldier’s mother saw this, grabbed a roof tile, and yeeted it straight into Phyrrus’ head, knocking him out cold. The Argosians, being understandably pissed, promptly killing him.

    • @khigh16
      @khigh16 4 года назад +17

      That sounds entertaining as hell

    • @charlesraccoonington9280
      @charlesraccoonington9280 4 года назад +57

      Its funny how you even find this in the Bible, there was actually a woman who dropped a millstone on some leader's head, and he asked his friend to stab him with a sword after he got is skull split open so nobody would say he was killed by a woman.

  • @darlenemorales3474
    @darlenemorales3474 4 года назад +71

    Rome: WE HAVE AN ARMY
    Venice: Well, we have Nonna Rossi

  • @fissionist2158
    @fissionist2158 4 года назад +282

    To quote SAO Abridged: “Have you ever thought about MURDER?”
    From the Laughing Coffin commercial.

    • @enkiimuto1041
      @enkiimuto1041 4 года назад +20

      Hey, it was a beat we could all dance to

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 4 года назад +7

      @@enkiimuto1041
      Ooooh man, I got chills.

    • @francismarchand1637
      @francismarchand1637 4 года назад +19

      Ad campaign. PR blast. Get your faces out there! Send an email with your exact location to every player in the game!

    • @epsilon1120
      @epsilon1120 4 года назад +1

      why not the I.M.P

    • @bificommander
      @bificommander 4 года назад +9

      Guy Fawkes: So I'm not crazy! Isn't that great, Catholic Jesus?
      Catholic Jesus:That's right Fawkesy. Now... kill them all!
      Guy Fawkes: As you command my liege.

  • @saoirse_games5951
    @saoirse_games5951 4 года назад +200

    "What have we learned today?"
    Be terrified of old ladies wielding stone mortars?

    • @merrittanimation7721
      @merrittanimation7721 4 года назад +25

      There is no immunity you can get to being stabbed?

    • @Bluecho4
      @Bluecho4 4 года назад +22

      @@merrittanimation7721 Well not with _that_ attitude!

    • @dynamicworlds1
      @dynamicworlds1 4 года назад +19

      She had the high ground.

    • @bthsr7113
      @bthsr7113 4 года назад +2

      @@merrittanimation7721 It's called a secure castle. Or a tank for the modern day.

    • @marissagalletta4452
      @marissagalletta4452 4 года назад +7

      "make sure you have proper weather before staging a coup?"

  • @caidalee1994
    @caidalee1994 4 года назад +40

    I’ve watched Red’s half of this channel for almost a year now. HOW HAS IT TAKEN ME /THIS/ LONG TO APPRECIATE BLUE?! Dude, you’re hilarious, and I’m. About. To binge. Some history.

  • @12kidder1
    @12kidder1 4 года назад +349

    His Mother: Nooo you can't just shotgun dozens of poisons and become immune!
    Mithridates VI: Ha ha snake venom go glug.

    • @annonimooseq1246
      @annonimooseq1246 4 года назад +11

      Rattlesnake go brrrr

    • @yunleung2631
      @yunleung2631 4 года назад +1

      The great! The legendary hero!

    • @Theigzorn
      @Theigzorn 4 года назад +2

      Mithridates VI was the IRL mortarion lol.

    • @connorgrynol9021
      @connorgrynol9021 4 года назад +3

      Venom is actually perfectly consumable. It must be injected into the blood to be harmful. Poison is of course, a different story.

    • @stephenflint3640
      @stephenflint3640 4 года назад

      @@connorgrynol9021 as an aside, venom is only really safe so long as their is no open sores or wounds for which the substance can be absorbed. So if you have ulcers in the stomach, or went a little too hard on the tortilla chips and breakfast cereal, maybe rain check that shot glass of rattlesnake juice.

  • @abbeycase143
    @abbeycase143 4 года назад +97

    "Needless to say the royal kiddos were not pumped with the idea of a
    *a r s e n i c s i p p y c u p* "

  • @justsomejerseydevilwithint4606
    @justsomejerseydevilwithint4606 3 года назад +37

    "And so mithridates died as he lived; NOT dying from poison!"
    That's pretty respectable. Rasputin had to pull it off by sheer badass

  • @karavoltron3143
    @karavoltron3143 4 года назад +164

    Everyone: politics require a subtle touch, a certain finesse, etc.
    Guy Fawkes: ok...but hear me out...explosions

  • @loupiquoll
    @loupiquoll 4 года назад +107

    Assassin:" haha, i've poisoned the water supply!"
    Mithridates:" thanks man, appreciated"

    • @maximusdork3336
      @maximusdork3336 4 года назад +5

      *everyone drinking the water drops dead*
      Mithridates: babies.

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад

      Romans appear with trebuches (?) "Parry this, you fucking casual!"

  • @victorsiber5186
    @victorsiber5186 4 года назад +146

    Mithridates basically predicted Skyrim's alchemy system.
    What a man

    • @lemeres2478
      @lemeres2478 3 года назад +5

      hey, hey- eating random things and then taking notes on whether or not it killed you is a long, fine tradition. Most ancient culinary and medical discoveries were through this method.
      Also, this is how we discovered a lot about radiation.

    • @joshuahadams
      @joshuahadams 3 года назад +1

      Just don’t eat the Jarrin root.

    • @mafic3351
      @mafic3351 2 года назад +1

      *Restore stamina learned from Bear Claws.*
      *Damage Health learned from Nightshade.*

  • @HHUUUGE
    @HHUUUGE 4 года назад +522

    Alt. History: Mithridates ate knives to gain their power.

    • @Kairukurumi
      @Kairukurumi 4 года назад +33

      I shall gain the power of stab!
      But you can already do that, *WITH THE KNIVES*
      You're no fun

    • @deanholderde5959
      @deanholderde5959 4 года назад +36

      Alt. Alt. History: Mithridates ate age to gain immunity to it.

    • @robopope7584
      @robopope7584 4 года назад +1

      Deanholder De old people would die soon anyway

    • @asherthemad3704
      @asherthemad3704 4 года назад +15

      “I AM THE BONE OF MY KNIVES”

    • @johnnygyro2295
      @johnnygyro2295 4 года назад +4

      So would he grow claws like Wolverine?

  • @edhamey5737
    @edhamey5737 4 года назад +57

    That note to the MP has the exact same energy as:
    "You're a good kid, don't come to school tomorrow".

  • @alyrar8002
    @alyrar8002 3 года назад +21

    “he died as he lived: not dying of poison” is killing me softly

  • @vampyboi438
    @vampyboi438 4 года назад +56

    I love how gunpowder plot gave rise to the tradition that the parliament cellars be searched before each state opening of parliament. The cellars are searched by the yeomen of the guard supervised by The Lord Great Chamberlain and are paid a small glass of port for doing it.
    Another cool tradition is that during the state opening of parliament, The Lord Chamberlain takes one of the members of Parliament hostage in order to ensure the monarch's safe return.

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 4 года назад +11

      Between these and the two sword lengths rule, it's no wonder they've avoided excessive violence in the chambers.

    • @jenniferh9627
      @jenniferh9627 4 года назад +6

      Ya I love the two sword length rule because first we have guns now and second it would be so hard to conceal the sword it was interesting when I first heard about it

    • @jenniferh9627
      @jenniferh9627 4 года назад +3

      Jordan Robinson how did you learn so many interesting traditions of parliament? If it’s a website please tell me the name because they sound interesting

    • @carolinemcgovern4488
      @carolinemcgovern4488 3 года назад

      Fun fact; The current Lord Chamberlain was formerly the director of MI5 from 2013-2020 when he became Lord Chamberlain in April 2020. And the previous guy's wife was the granddaughter of Winston Churchill. This doesn't have anything to do with the video, but just some fun facts about the modern Lord Chamberlains because why not.

  • @TheOrangeType
    @TheOrangeType 4 года назад +772

    “John Johnson, “David Davis,” “William Williamson” and the like are a little silly, but relatively normal names in the UK. It’s odd and you mentally comment on it, but people don’t find it weird or anything. They’re just slightly silly names.

    • @YuuTheShikigami
      @YuuTheShikigami 4 года назад +60

      This is the first time in my life i ever saw the name Williamson, and even if surprised, i don't doubt it.

    • @animorph17
      @animorph17 4 года назад +86

      Those are the dumbest sounding, silliest names I have ever heard. That's like walking up to someone who's unironically named Scooby Dooby Doo.

    • @hockey4240
      @hockey4240 4 года назад +59

      I think it’s more the fact that there super default. If he had said John Doe or John smith for his name you’d be suspicious of him using a fake name no?

    • @Mario_Angel_Medina
      @Mario_Angel_Medina 4 года назад +53

      In my country, whatever we met a person with a name like "John Johnson" is the custom to tell them either "damn! Your parents must be jerks" or "damn! Your parents must be morons"

    • @99Kuromaru
      @99Kuromaru 4 года назад +31

      @@hockey4240 I mean there is a reason why John Smith is a default... It's a common name :D

  • @tirzahroseroot
    @tirzahroseroot 3 года назад +16

    4:33 And thus, one of the most well loved memes of OSP was born!!!

  • @lauralbranch
    @lauralbranch 4 года назад +293

    Fun fact: Drinking venom often times doesn’t do anything because it’s often broken down in the stomach. Venom must be injected, poison must be eaten or absorbed.

    • @stephenflint3640
      @stephenflint3640 4 года назад +42

      Open sores or wounds, like ulcers or the aftermath of gorging on chips or breakfast cereal can be a potential absorption point for venom. So, be sure to check your meal plan charts accordingly.

    • @reecelongden3500
      @reecelongden3500 4 года назад +94

      Okay, so I'm a toxicology student and this is actually a really cool quirk of the human language.
      Something is a poison if it is harmful to ingest or inhale. Arsenic, cyanide, COCAINE and PURE OXYGEN are all poisons.
      Something is a venom if it is harmful to inject. Snake venoms, any kind of acids or alkaline solutions, WATER and AIR are venoms.
      The catchall term is toxic. A substance is toxic if it is in any way harmful to humans. And a fun fact about toxicity: EVERYTHING IS TOXIC.
      LITERALLY.
      Anything in a high enough dose will kill a person. Drink too much water? You'll die. Too high an oxygen concentration in the air? You'll die. Eat too much spinach? Yup, that's right, you'll die. Sorry Popeye, but your diet is literally toxic. And poisonous.
      A nice analogy we use on my course is the snake and the frog.
      If the snake bites the frog and the frog dies, the snake is venomous.
      If the snake bites the frog and the snake dies, the frog is poisonous.
      Both of them are toxic.

    • @MangOnang611
      @MangOnang611 4 года назад +18

      @@reecelongden3500 Yo, do you have any recommended books to further expand this toxicology knowledge? It seems like a fun science to dig in during these strange times

    • @emblemblade9245
      @emblemblade9245 3 года назад +13

      Too much oxygen will kill you? Smells like a Jojo reference to me!
      Also yeah, “the dose makes the poison” or something like that, is that right? Pretty funny to think about in a way

    • @benjiusofficial
      @benjiusofficial 3 года назад

      @@reecelongden3500 So what happens of a snail bites you?

  • @itsjusthoneystixx
    @itsjusthoneystixx 4 года назад +586

    Grandma: Let me tell you a story...
    Grandchild: *sigh* Here we go again.
    Grandma: A STORY ABOUT THAT TIME I MURDERED AN ASSASSIN
    Edit: I came back to this 7 months later and it's got over 500 likes! Thank you all so much!

    • @Flowerboi145
      @Flowerboi145 4 года назад +76

      *RESPECT YOUR ABUELA OR GET VIBE CHECKED BY MY BOWL, BOY!*

    • @CooledJets
      @CooledJets 4 года назад +30

      Imagine an 80-something year old actually saying either of your comments, I'm wheeze

    • @ViridianForests
      @ViridianForests 4 года назад +25

      @@CooledJets You do realize that once our generation reaches that age we'll probably be saying that kind of shit? xD Its gonna be wonderful. So many old memes

    • @CooledJets
      @CooledJets 4 года назад +6

      Yohannai personally, I cannot wait

    • @jorritoudhof2768
      @jorritoudhof2768 4 года назад +5

      Yukka Kirisame Abuela is Spanish, should be Nonna.

  • @Mothman1992
    @Mothman1992 4 года назад +16

    "We're gonna ignore the rest of the world and cozy up in Venice"
    Blues Default setting

  • @PhantomM1n
    @PhantomM1n 4 года назад +140

    One of my favourites is an emperor avoided assassination by running around a pillar

    • @adamzheng4362
      @adamzheng4362 4 года назад +41

      "The chinese emperor Zheng He, who escaped an assassin by circling a pillar. I managed to replicate this technique and regenerate back to full health."

    • @GhostBear3067
      @GhostBear3067 4 года назад +9

      Yackity Sax INTENSIFIES!!!

    • @JaelinBezel
      @JaelinBezel 3 года назад +4

      Insert Benny hill music here

    • @cosmiclatte8931
      @cosmiclatte8931 3 года назад +5

      @@adamzheng4362 TECHNOBLADE NEVER DIES

  • @VerrouSuo
    @VerrouSuo 4 года назад +70

    4:10 ah yes, the low charisma wizard’s best solution to any diplomatic issue: “I cast fireball.”

    • @YataTheFifteenth
      @YataTheFifteenth 4 года назад +4

      "I cast Explosion."
      "Wait- is that a real spell? Let me check-"
      "I CAST EXPLOSION!"

  • @thewrustywrench21
    @thewrustywrench21 4 года назад +27

    “My king, we have gathered the finest doctors in the land to assist with the research you ordered.”
    Mithridates: ok time to *cronk poison*

  • @fishnewt1331
    @fishnewt1331 4 года назад +97

    8:30 Venician’s: “We shall sing praises to our great hero! Let all who hear her, be in awe of her wise sayings.”
    *earlier during the “revolt”*
    Gramma Rosie: “Shut the hell up! Goddamn millennials.”

  • @preoklenthe
    @preoklenthe 4 года назад +52

    Kinda wish you had gone with Jing Ke's assassination attempt of the emperor Qin Shi Huang, in which the emperor escaped the assassin by running around a column until someone else finally caught the assassin chasing him.

    • @guyfawkes938
      @guyfawkes938 4 года назад +10

      Benny Hill presumably blaring at full volume.

    • @davidblair9877
      @davidblair9877 4 года назад +12

      To add to the Benny Hill theme, Qin Shu Huang tried to draw his sword to defend himself. Problem was, he was wearing his ceremonial sword, which was so long that he couldn’t extend his arm far enough for the blade to clear the scabbard. So presumably he was running around the column while holding his sword 3/4s drawn and trying to find a better angle.

    • @eldorados_lost_searcher
      @eldorados_lost_searcher 4 года назад +3

      @@davidblair9877
      That's funny. I'd heard "ceremonial sword" and thought that meant it was just fancy and made out of precious metals (solid gold or something) that made it useless as an actual sword. The fact that it was just comically long hadn't occurred to me.
      On the subject of ceremonial swords, are you familiar with the marine officer who led the storming of John Brown's Fort in Harper's Ferry? Apparently he'd been in a rush to get to the fiasco and grabbed his dress sword. When he confronted Brown, he made a stab at his chest. Brown was wearing a US cartridge cross belt, and the sword was deflected and bent. So the officer did what marines do (improvise, adapt, and overcome) and bashed Brown in the face with the knuckle guard.

  • @souldragonlunar96
    @souldragonlunar96 3 года назад +15

    "there's a much more efficient option, Murder. ... The nominal simplicity of Huck-a-javelin-though-his-abdomen." -Blue, 2020

  • @OcarinaSapphr-
    @OcarinaSapphr- 4 года назад +122

    History’s Worst Jobs showed what _a fraction_ of the amount of gunpowder they had, would do... I cannot even begin to imagine what *36 barrels* (however many pounds/ kgs, I cannot remember) would have been like...
    Also- Fawkes was actually pretty brave, despite the torture- apparently, it was *days* before he even admitted to his real name. And by the time they’d gotten everything out of him... the others had already either been killed, or taken prisoner.
    Edited for spelling

    • @GhostBear3067
      @GhostBear3067 4 года назад +13

      Richard Hammond did an experiment with the actual amount of gunpowder. The test building pretty much ceased to exist.

    • @ashleightompkins3200
      @ashleightompkins3200 3 года назад +9

      He also had the balls to give the entire execution sentence the finger by throwing himself off of the scaffold and breaking his neck.

  • @screamingaxolotl1476
    @screamingaxolotl1476 4 года назад +80

    "lucky there's a much more efficient opition... murder!" hoo boy is that one heck of a quote

  • @nemthos2605
    @nemthos2605 4 года назад +13

    It's a bit sad that Blue didn't talk about the assassination attempt on Emperor Qin Shi Huang by Jing Ke:
    The dagger Jing Ke used was hidden in a map he was presenting to Qin, but he failed to stab the emperor. Qin started to run away from the assassin while trying to draw his long ceremonial sword because his underlings couldn't help him (weapons weren't allowed in the palace). So the emperor ran around a pillar (I've heard he ran around it several times) until he was able to draw the sword and finish of Jing Ke on his own

  • @Obi-Wan_Kenobi
    @Obi-Wan_Kenobi 4 года назад +187

    I've thwarted a few assassinations myself. I stopped a bug, a droid, two bounty hunters, the Trade Federation, and a Sith Lord from assassinating a senator, all at the same time! You're welcome Padme.

    • @rockyblacksmith
      @rockyblacksmith 4 года назад +6

      Hey, don't forget your own assasination!
      Well, the first one at least.

    • @مجتبىوائلثجيل
      @مجتبىوائلثجيل 4 года назад +3

      Noice

    • @clockworkkirlia7475
      @clockworkkirlia7475 4 года назад +10

      Alas, you couldn't thwart Anakin's character assassination.

    • @samuelevans738
      @samuelevans738 4 года назад +4

      Hasn't she returned the favor by now?

    • @DavidbarZeus1
      @DavidbarZeus1 3 года назад +1

      As I recall, it was Anakin who stopped the bugs and the droid was leaving when you decided to jump on it

  • @greenoftreeblackofblue6625
    @greenoftreeblackofblue6625 4 года назад +71

    Mothridates: "To defeat the poison, I must eat the poison, *be* the poison!"

  • @Emily-tv1iz
    @Emily-tv1iz 3 года назад +9

    bravo to Blue (and/or Indigo) for making relatively normal sentences funny. The music cutting out when he said "high explosives" (3:40) was perfect.

  • @sesfilmsllc
    @sesfilmsllc 4 года назад +78

    I’m also surprised you didn’t discuss the failed assassination attempt on Teddy Roosevelt. He was shot while preparing a speech for his presidential reelection. However, the bullet got lodged into the notebook that contained his speech. To calm down the screaming crowd of supporters he said “Quiet. I’ve been shot.”

    • @Phoenix_IsRising
      @Phoenix_IsRising 4 года назад +14

      Madlad. Absolute madlad.

    • @gavinbrown216
      @gavinbrown216 4 года назад +12

      The *MOST* badass president

    • @gavinbrown216
      @gavinbrown216 4 года назад +15

      Also, the bullet did enter his chest, but the notebook made it so that it didn’t hit anything vital, but its location was troublesome for removal, so some dude worked on developing the metal detector to help, but Teddy ended up living the rest of his (likely shortened) life with the bullet in his chest.

    • @fantasyshadows3207
      @fantasyshadows3207 4 года назад +12

      If I remember, Andrew Jackson did get attempted assasinated several times and they all failed, apparently one attempt he actually beat up the guy doing it

    • @joshfloyd691
      @joshfloyd691 4 года назад +10

      @@fantasyshadows3207 a yes, the president so psychotic even bullets are afraid of him.

  • @MarkSultanaX2
    @MarkSultanaX2 4 года назад +51

    Blue: Avoids talking about Rasputin and Castro.
    20th century: OH COME ON!

  • @theoofer1483
    @theoofer1483 4 года назад +16

    Rasputin hearing about Mithridates : *Finally a worthy opponent, our battle will be legendary!*

  • @Sootielove
    @Sootielove 4 года назад +26

    I was cackling at the poison eater. How did he think that after so many attempts it would work when *he* did it?
    "He died as he lived.... not... dying by poison"

  • @sticks4632
    @sticks4632 4 года назад +30

    "Nooooo! You cant just boil down a brilliant ruler down to a meme!"
    Haha funny poison man go glug.

  • @nerdletter3773
    @nerdletter3773 3 года назад +13

    I am so sad that the failed assassination on Theodore Roosevelt wasn’t included here. Man was shot in the heart at point-blank and went on to still give his speech for over an hour

  • @BioniclesaurKing4t2
    @BioniclesaurKing4t2 4 года назад +81

    7:25 "The Doge of Venice always wears the Corno hat…" So…you're saying he's a corndog?