Legends Summarized: El Dorado
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2019
- El Dorado! A shining golden city packed with promises of wealth, power and everlasting glory. An unspoiled paradise deep in the jungle, the PERFECT destination for treasure-hunters and anthropologists alike. Something that perfect is something EVERYONE wants to be real.
Aaaaand that's the trick, isn't it? Wanting something that badly isn't healthy. Just ask the conquistadors!
(Oh wait, we can't - because so many of them died on fruitless quests for El Dorado. And also it's been five hundred years and they'd all be dead anyway)
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So what you're saying is... there's an untapped supply of platinum at the bottom of the sea around the coast of Spain? Perhaps it is still there to collect! Onwards friends, let us find El Platino!
Spain found a trunk of gold from that genocide age
Ah shit, here we go again
For Platinum, Piety and Preeminence
and if we dont find it , we can just enslave the spanish
Brady 🤦🏻♀️ *oof*
Friendship and gold?....
“Both? Both?” Both is good.”
well if they werent dicks to the natives they could have been friends with a golden man
@@seelcudoom1 I'm 80% sure this is a reference to The Road to El Dorado
@@arcanefury3666 im aware, im just pointing out how it could have literally been both in one person
Why not have a friendship with gold? Two birds, one stone.
Platinum
Natives: *dumps gold in a lake for sacred rituals*
Spain: “Ha, what idiots, they don’t even realize the value of their own treasure!”
…
“Now let’s dump this useless platinum in the Ocean so those darn counterfeiters will never get to it again.”
It's poetic
Iiiiirooonnyyyyyy!~
@@iceluvndiva21Well, more like platinum-y or gold-y in this case
@@towelclipz * rimshot *
Spain deserved to lose their empire if (among *_MANY_* other things) they threw away Platinum of all things.
Just imagine if El Dorado was real and the Spanish had actually found it.
"Yeah, this genuine city of gold is great and all, but... is there a place where we can get EVEN MORE gold?"
mammon!!! here, have a lozenge. all this whispering in mortal ears can't be doing wonders for your throat.
¡EL DORADÍSIMO!
@@misteraskman3668Where the cats shed pure gold, the drunks barf it, and cancerous tumours of gold are genuinely becoming a problem.
Geez it's almost like this place is deeply sacred and f**king with it is just asking for trouble!
i mean that is what happened. the current standard for el dorado is like that because everything less gold filled had been found
"It really is the map to El Dorado!"
"...You drank the sea water, didn't you?"
(Starts slicing up a bunch of vines) of the trail... that we blaze! ( vines fall, revealing rock wall) (points to the left) That trail that we blaze!
You kept the map, but you couldn’t grab a little more FOOD?!
Oh, come on!
I'm not coming on! I wouldn't set foot in that jungle for a million pesetas!
The horse is a surprise
You're not a God!? You lied to me?
"We find the city of gold. We TAKE the gold. THEN we go back to Spain."
"AND BUY SPAIN"
México invade spain
Hyperinflation intensifies. The Spanish have never been good at economics. Even today they are bad at it.
Yeah! That's the spirit!
@@recordstore2265 dude they have 2 revolutions more before they invade
The comeback.
*Audience:* "this story isn't realistic humans aren't that greedy or stupid"
*Real life:* "IT'S NOT YELLOW IT'S USELESS!"
*American national anthem plays*
This video is overly harsh on the Spanish and here is why:
Taken from Wikipedia:
"Of the 218 tonnes of platinum sold in 2014, 98 tonnes were used for vehicle emissions control devices (45%), 74.7 tonnes for jewelry (34%), 20.0 tonnes for chemical production and petroleum refining (9.2%), and 5.85 tonnes for electrical applications such as hard disk drives (2.7%). The remaining 28.9 tonnes went to various other minor applications, such as medicine and biomedicine, glassmaking equipment, investment, electrodes, anticancer drugs, oxygen sensors, spark plugs and turbine engines"
As we all know, the Spanish Empire was a major consumer of automobiles, petroleum, computers, and cancer treatments. sarcasm
The only use on this list they would have for Platinum is jewelry- which, hey, is based on the same totally subjective value people give to gold because it is yellow and shiny. So put yourself in the mind of a Spanish person c. 1600 AD- you don't know what a catalytic converter is, you have no idea how valuable Platinum will be to people 400 years after you die, indeed, you don't even know what it is. Furthermore, the native Platinum they were coming across in the Americas was not pure Platinum- it was mixed with silver, gold, and the other undiscovered Platinum group elements- so it didn't even show any of the unique properties of Platinum, and really wasn't "Platinum" anyway. That is why took so long to identify Platinum- Spanish chemists had to take great pains to actually isolate the pure metal itself, and note that they had to do this without any knowledge of what the pure form would be like, so it was a very difficult undertaking.
Platinum was utterly worthless to the Spanish- as you can see, they didn't even have pure Platinum, and didn't have any use for it. The Platinum alloy they were finding was a brittle pale metal contaminated with Silver. Guess what? The banks of Europe in the 17th century did not accept that as a currency! And since arbitrary shiny value is the only possible use for elemental Platinum in the 17th century besides maybe as an alchemist or chemist's plaything, Platinum was pretty much worthless to the Spanish for good reason- especially when compared to GOLD- it was gold that filled the coffers of the Spanish king to defend his new empire from constant attack from the English, Dutch, and others, Gold that financed the constant wars Spain was embroiled in in Germany and the Low Countries, Gold that everybody else in Europe was using as a currency to pay for everything they needed- in this situation how are the Spanish ignorant or stupid for discarding an impure silvery metal that could easily be used on account of its heavy weight to counterfeit and invalidate gold currency and pursuing Gold, the actual thing that was necessary for their situation?
Pikachu?
Machu pichu ?
strange thing is, alot of things we see in movies that we dismiss as stupid behavior tends to be actual behavior humans tend to do in similar situations.
11:58 "What about Argentina? Have we tried there yet?" FUN FACT. Argentina was originally called "Virreinato del Rio de la Plata" and Rio de la Plata means "River of Silver". It was given this name because similarly to the shit going on in central America, conquistadores though there was a city of SILVER here. So of course they called the river that. "Argentina" means "Argentine" which means "silvery". So our country is LITERALLY CALLED "THE SILVER ONE" OVER THAT STUPID LEGEND AND CONQUISTADORES' GREED.
Doesn't Argentina have like every other mineral except silver?
But they found Potosí
The real treasures of Argentina are grazing on the Pampas.
@@youngking2503 We do have silver mines. One of them one of the most important in South America, apparently (yes you made me look it up).
Well Chile is called Chile by a bird sing, I guess you has a better name origin.
So in summary, the search for El Dorado was:
10% gold
90% painful, agonizing failure
And %100 reason to remember the name
They fell off the wrong side of that particular razor's edge.
and 60% platinum that they threw into the ocean
I recognize that Movie quote.
Also murder! Don't forget the murder!
"What would YOU do with a time machine?"
Go get all the platinum the Spaniards wasted.
Bring a big net or bucket to catch it once it's under.
They would have probably paid with gold to get rid of them too.
Or catch the group in charge of throwing it to get it before that happens
Let me join in
@@Janoha17 nah just go up to the guy dragging the cart, tell him to give it, if he dosen't shoot him with a machine gun. problem solved!
I see El Dorado as an allegory for Spain's own self-destruction. It was a kingdom that had everything: A powerful military, colonies rich beyond imagination, a leading role in Europe, a vibrant culture; it was the world's first true superpower. But it wasn't enough, it could not be enough, there would never be enough to sate its greed.
This video is overly harsh on the Spanish and here is why:
Taken from Wikipedia:
"Of the 218 tonnes of platinum sold in 2014, 98 tonnes were used for vehicle emissions control devices (45%), 74.7 tonnes for jewelry (34%), 20.0 tonnes for chemical production and petroleum refining (9.2%), and 5.85 tonnes for electrical applications such as hard disk drives (2.7%). The remaining 28.9 tonnes went to various other minor applications, such as medicine and biomedicine, glassmaking equipment, investment, electrodes, anticancer drugs, oxygen sensors, spark plugs and turbine engines"
As we all know, the Spanish Empire was a major consumer of automobiles, petroleum, computers, and cancer treatments. sarcasm
The only use on this list they would have for Platinum is jewelry- which, hey, is based on the same totally subjective value people give to gold because it is yellow and shiny. So put yourself in the mind of a Spanish person c. 1600 AD- you don't know what a catalytic converter is, you have no idea how valuable Platinum will be to people 400 years after you die, indeed, you don't even know what it is. Furthermore, the native Platinum they were coming across in the Americas was not pure Platinum- it was mixed with silver, gold, and the other undiscovered Platinum group elements- so it didn't even show any of the unique properties of Platinum, and really wasn't "Platinum" anyway. That is why took so long to identify Platinum- Spanish chemists had to take great pains to actually isolate the pure metal itself, and note that they had to do this without any knowledge of what the pure form would be like, so it was a very difficult undertaking.
Platinum was utterly worthless to the Spanish- as you can see, they didn't even have pure Platinum, and didn't have any use for it. The Platinum alloy they were finding was a brittle pale metal contaminated with Silver. Guess what? The banks of Europe in the 17th century did not accept that as a currency! And since arbitrary shiny value is the only possible use for elemental Platinum in the 17th century besides maybe as an alchemist or chemist's plaything, Platinum was pretty much worthless to the Spanish for good reason- especially when compared to GOLD- it was gold that filled the coffers of the Spanish king to defend his new empire from constant attack from the English, Dutch, and others, Gold that financed the constant wars Spain was embroiled in in Germany and the Low Countries, Gold that everybody else in Europe was using as a currency to pay for everything they needed- in this situation how are the Spanish ignorant or stupid for discarding an impure silvery metal that could easily be used on account of its heavy weight to counterfeit and invalidate gold currency and pursuing Gold, the actual thing that was necessary for their situation?
Unfortunate that in reality, Spain spent most of this wealth in fighting endless wars against a pretty much united European front intent on preventing Hapsburg supremacy - Yes I still blame the Habsburg for the decline of Spain.
@@pseudonym1337, but unripe silver should eventually become ripe. Wasn't alchemy a thing back then as well
What’s funny is there probably were cities of metaphorical gold (cool ass ancient shit) that were just buried deep in the jungle. What’s even funnier is that maybe some of these sites were skipped over by certain treasure hunters because they weren’t shiny.
@@pseudonym1337 Tienes la boca llena de razón pero bueno es normal que se crean estás propagandas.
"It's such a perfect metaphor for the failure of colonialism that if I'd read it in a book, I'd have called the writer a hack"
Ngl this statement's holding up true for a lot of things these days.
Truth truly is stranger than fiction.
Sometimes I think we fail as a species
@@dante_0962, we often do, but many other things make up for that.
"Think about how stupid the average person is, and remember that half of them are stupider than that." - George Carlin
Yeah, simply never assume anyone is smarter than you until they prove it to you to your face, and never assume they can't possibly be that dumb until they prove it either. It's difficult to understand, but you'll eventually get it.
If 10 years ago somebody told me an idiot rich-kid actor would make PRESIDENT, I'd have sincerely doubted it.
Conquistadors: “GOLD!!!”
Platinum: “Am I a joke to you?”
@@Chad_Eldridge : No. Please. Stop. No. Please. Stop. Overused. Joke. Me. No. Likey.
Joke: Am a joke to y... oh wait, yeah.
@@Chad_Eldridge
That while only using 1% of my power...
i.pinimg.com/originals/f1/b5/94/f1b59472578e26f81dc42b8586b3c598.jpg
Conquistadors: FUCK IS THIS UNCOOKED SILVER?!?
Me: please say sike
Star Platinum: "You wanna get ora'd? Because this how you get ora'd."
Carter Kinoy apparently!
Conquistadors: “The real treasure was the friends we made along the way”
Local: “you burned down a house filled with children and ripped the necklaces off their corpses”
Conquistadors: “oh yeah, and the gold.”
things that never happened
@@seanp3302 Instead they were enslaved and forced to work in mines in search of gold, yay!
Sean P that’s the point
@@harumiwashere4733 and this is different from the former state of things how?
@@harumiwashere4733 given the alternative was having there villages and cities sacked in flower wars and there friends and loved ones getting carved up in ritualistic sacrifices to the Aztec gods id say forced labor is a step up not a big one but still progress unless you were the Aztecs themselves or got small pox than you really just traded one massive dick for a slightly smaller one.
"Desperate to get rid of (the conquistadors) and sending them off on a wild goose chase."
The most hilarious reference to this is in the original DuckTales, where one obsessive conquistador named Joaquin Slowly (yes, it's a terrible pun) was so convinced that El Dorado was real that he kept on searching after everyone else gave up. The natives kept telling him it was somewhere to the north until he eventually ended up at the North Pole, where he conquered and enslaved a tribe of penguins to help him continue the search, because IT HAD TO BE SOMEWHERE, DAMMIT!
Okay, I'm sorry, but you got a WHOLE lot of things wrong.
1. It was called the Valley of the Golden Suns, not El Dorado.
2. It wasn't Joaquin; it was his ancestor, Marcheen Slowly.
3. Marcheen was part of a crew that FOUND and stole a bunch of gold from the Valley of the Golden Suns but was left behind with only a single Sun Coin and his shipmate, Juan Tanamera. They then drew up a map to where the valley was, tore it in two, and each took a half before parting ways.
4. Marcheen enslaved a cliff dwelling sun worshiping tribe of natives somewhere in South America, who revered him because he had the Sun Coin.
5. It was Juan who managed to leave South America; and he ended up lost at sea near the SOUTH pole, not the North. Penguins don't live at the North Pole.
6. The Penguins only found Juan's half of the map and kept it in their museum of colors, which they value because there's not that much color in the desolate white expanse of Antartica.
7. It was El Capitan, the captain of the crew that stole the treasure from the valley, who was obsessed with, at first, finding his ship, which had the treasure and was lost in Ronguay. In the modern day, after he and Glomgold confronted Scrooge over the ship only for it to be sunk over a deep trench, El Capitan sought to return to the Valley of the Golden Suns for the rest of the gold. How did he stay alive for more than four centuries? He claims that it was sheer willpower (yeah, it's a load of shlock explanation even by the standards of fiction).
8. Joaquin seemed more so interested in ruling over the natives whose ancestors were enslaved by his ancestor, although he DID double-cross Scrooge after trading his half of the map for a Sun Coin that Scrooge obtained from the ship by sending the natives after Scrooge.
@@videogollumer The pieces were all there, but they shifted in storage a bit.
@@cheezemonkeyeater Yeah, I think we all know that feeling.
🤓🤓🤓
@@ravensflockmatelukewarm IQ
"El Dorado is the kind of ancient city with zero drawbacks!"
Economists would disagree
Do I hear the sound of rampant inflation and a crumbling economy?
They didn't even need El Dorado to ruin their economy, just the gold and silver they found in South America through regular mining was enough to cause an economic downturn
@@nmmeswey3584 USA: *Nervous sweating*
If you're Careful it has no drawbacks.
If you don't give two shits about gold, there really is no drawback
Other than, you know, fabulous but hellishly unsound structures
The real treasure was the animated movie we got out of it.
Amen to that
THE ROAD TO EL DORADO~!
The songs were just golden
I low-key still remember almost all the words to "It's Tough to be a God."
@@em5522 the EVERYTHING was golden :D
Moral of the story: The real treasure was the friends they made (and maimed) along the way.
...That, and the platinum they dumped into the ocean.
lol
To me it’s really painful but funny at the same time
I wonder if anyone has colected it
Star Platinum- I'm sorry I had to
Sadly we don’t even know where they dumped that platinum. Fucking colonial Spain...
@@Lh0000 to be fair, even if we knew, getting it back would be next to impossible
Alternate title: Red Takes Over Blue’s Job For A While
REALLY underrated comment
Blue kept falling for the Amontillado Gambit
@@karanrime8948 You'd think he'd have learned after the third time.
I heard somewhere that the reason succession passed to the nephew was because, before the days of genetic testing, a man couldn't be sure your son was really his son, but he knew his nephew (by his sister) was really related to him.
No but that’s actually really smart tho… I never thought about it like that before
That... has a weird twisted logic to it, but it sort of makes sense.
oh sh*t that's actually genius
I’ve never heard this and it stupid lol
This whole story proves one thing.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large number.
@Ms.Elecitra Sky Exactly.
This is a very important fact
It can move mountains
While killing millions in the process.
@@alexandraluster284 It can also build and topple whole civilizations.
In the words of Mark Twain, one man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain’t nothing can beat teamwork.
"While Atlantis has the narrative downside of being, at minimum, under five million tons of freezing saltwater, El Dorado is the kind of ancient lost city that has _zero_ drawbacks."
Aside from being in the middle of a sweltering jungle full of jaguars, snakes, and imported malaria.
Timothy McLean maybe you’d have skilled, cooperative guides to help you if you hadn’t already gone and murdered everyone
Well, I'd always heard the version that puts it somewhere in the most treacherous mountains in the New World, which isn't particularly better. Aside from less malaria, I guess.
Boo Bah A) point still applies, partly even more so bc you’d need better guides in a more remote place. B) it only started being in the most remote place to explain why they hadn’t found it after pillaging all the accessible places
And parasitic flies.
Starman Gaming you’d probably have doctors who knew how to remove and/or repel them safely if you hadn’t already gone and murdered everyone
As a student of Chemistry, I'm just weeping at the loss of all of that beautiful platinum... and the bloody slaughter. That as well.
Is platinum actually useful for something other than currency?
@@tavernburner3066 It's used for catalytic converters in cars, but more importantly, it's also used in the Ostwald process as a catalyst for producing nitric acid, which is used in everything from fertilizer to explosives (to say nothing of its status as a rather potent acid).
So yeah, it's pretty important stuff.
Spain: *Makes any kind of statement about its coolness ever.*
Anyone who’s studied history: “Didn’t you dump your entire stockpile of platinum into the ocean that one time?”
Spain: “I knew you’d bring that up! You always bring that up!”
Good to know that spain has its own version of Emu war
"GEE IT'S ALMOST LIKE THIS PLACE IS DEEPLY SACRED SOMEHOW AND F*KING WITH IT IS ASKING FOR TROUBLE"
I mean not real you could have done a lot with it for like scholarship
That just means we have to try harder.... The 'Murica Way!
Just superstition.
@@VineFynn Wow, you must be fucking fun to be friends with.
The gods smite you for hiring a sapper to drain your lake instead of an engineer.
"Anyway its been a protected site since 1965 so don't go getting any ideas."
*Puts down maps and diving equipment.*
*picks it up dressed like a robber*
@Leviathan ORRRRRRRRR ITS SO CRAZY IT JUST MIGHT WORK
@Leviathan just put a bucket on the guards head and they won't stop you trust me I learned it from skyrim
The gold is a gold as mine
Don't put it down yet! The platinum the conquistadors threw into the ocean is still down there somewhere!
My takeaway from this is that even if they had found El Dorado they would have said 'sure it is a city made of gold, but it isn't a very big city is it?' and immediately begun the search for El Dorado Grande.
The city where I live, Durango, Mexico, was founded when a bunch of spaniards went looking for a mountain made of silver according to the tales of some indigenous people. The mountain kinda existed, but it was actually a hill made almost entirely of iron
A hill made mostly of iron? That’s… metal
El Metalico!!!
I’m from Tucson, and I wish our origin story was that fucking funny. Instead, we get a stupid priest founding a stupid mission that is now a holy site of pilgrimage for hundreds of thousands. Goddammit.
The conquistadors were literally
"Perhaps the true reward is our found friendship?"
"NO I WANT MY GOLD GOD DAMNIT"
I REQUIRE THE STAR METAL
@@strangent404a7 G I V E M E T H E B U T T E R Y S T O N E
Platuim
"Yeah, well it better not be a conceptual treasure at the end of this. 'Friendship' or some shit."
"No way, I can honestly say I've always hated you guys"
That I can think of, the only region we went in search of gold, and left with friendship, is the Phillipines. The rest of countries that were Spanish colonies hated our guts for a time, and some even still do today. But in the Phillipines, they seem to like us alright.
Maybe the fact that just after us the United Statians came has something to do with it. "Luego vendrá, el que bueno me hará."
History has some of the worst writers... so many tropes, predictable “twists” and random deus ex machina nonsense.
@@alexross1816
The 2019 plot twist was so obvious, I can't believe it isn't over yet.
@@kaicreech7336 i know one of the writters, they say in 2 or 3 seasons they're kicking off another world war arc, but i doubt this will breath new life into the series.
Winter Weasel All I heard is that this is supposed to lead into a “subtle” genre change into Post-Apocalyptic
Nobody tell Blue.
Not to mention all of the obvious retreads and reboots of the exact same stories, but with different names? Come on.
“I’ve never heard anything more legit in my entire life. Let’s go!” makes me laugh every time I watch this video
It's the double zoom that really makes the moment for me. I woke my kid up laughing last time I watched this.
These days, we have companies seeking a different kind of El Dorado: *infinite growth.* And it is just as illusory and destructive as the hunt for El Dorado ever was.
"The real gold was the -slaves- friends we made along the way"
- Conquistadors
And 17th century American landowners, and Greeks, and modern Chinese factories, and the Wise Masters from GoT... Really, what society hasn't said this?
@@Chad_Eldridge the dutch we just sell them
And the arabs do the same but the cut off balls and that isnt cool
@@timvanrijn8239
The Dutch? I thought most of Europe had given up slavery before the American Civil War.
@@Chad_Eldridge well i was meaning in general. But no. The british did.
And the french just had the hatian revolution comit genoside on there country men left there so they just aboliahed ot durring there own revolution.
Also slave trade and slavery are not banned at the same time.
@@Chad_Eldridge I believe Dutch slavery lasted a century or so longer than the other countries in Europe on paper because the law didn't change. Seeing as everyone else stopped doing it they did as well though.
"Why did Spain decline as an empire"
This video:
at least it was not them conquering 90% of the world but going bankrupt so you needed to start a war with china over drugs
Eh...the house of Bourbon, Napoleón and the hand of the british freemasons on America...
Just saying, i love how you take everything of the spanish black legend as truth.
Colonial Spain has a special hate-filled place in my heart for being from one of they places they colonized for their empire, but in general, I just hate the colonizers in history. Conquering lands because of some idealistic belief or half-assed arbitrarily-decided and culture-based reason that supposedly justifies all their wrongdoing -that's all some retarded ass bullshit, but hey, hindsight is 20/20.
to be fair spanish conquistadores weren't as bad as the english and french
@@jauume to be fair thats as low of a bar as it gets
"It's all a bit Don Quixote" is imperialism in a nutshell.
Hearing that they dumped platinum into the ocean makes me feel physically ill
"Congratulations, you played yourself." - South America to Spain.
Spaniards: Tell us where the gold is!!!!
South Americans: Here´s a little lesson in trickery
"Nothing owns colonial Spain harder than it owned itself."
Especially when you consider that, before colonialism, Spain was one of the premier great powers of Europe, wealthy and militarily powerful. Then they wrecked their economy with their greed for gold and silver because they didn't understand inflation, depleted their manpower and resources conquering and trying to hold onto South America until they could no longer sustain their military preeminence, and collapsed into a minor kingdom on the fringe of Europe while the British and French stole the show. I swear, a thousand years from now, I'm sure historians will assume that stories of the Spanish Empire were just allegories to warn of the dangers of shortsighted greed, and refuse to believe that all this shit _actually happened._
Please google "Dutch Golden Age"
@@AudieHolland
To be fair they also got shafted pretty hard by stuff outside their control. Spain just straight shafted itself.
@@clayxros576 No doubt but trying to subdue the Dutch was the final straw, proving too big a bite for them to swallow. Can you imagine it? On land, they were rampaging and driving our forces back but on sea, we were raiding their colonies, capturing treasure which funded our war against them. True: we got so cocky and 'all for a profit' that at one point we were even *selling* cannon to the Spanish...
The Conquistadores left a pretty serious cultural and archaeological mark on a continent and change, and 16th-century Europeans wrote way more things down than people living a thousand years before them did. Even without getting into how modern technology can theoretically preserve evidence of veracity indefinitely, it's unlikely that any serious historian would have reason to believe the conquistadores were a myth for several millennia.
Holy shit, Spain almost became Atlantis.
Fun Fact/Story: Guyana, the country that was I born in and am currently living, was one of the speculated locations of El Dorado, to clarify; Guyana does have a lot of gold and the natives used it as decoration nothing more nothing less. When the sailors anchored in Guyana they started trading with the natives. Long story short they did not find El Dorado but instead found land suitable for cultivation of sugar, coffee and tobacco and later also cotton. And yes they enslaved the natives as labour and when they fled the Africans were brought in as slaves. When slavery was abolished, they used indentured labourers: Portuguese, Chinese, East Indians. Making Guyana a very, very vast culturally based country. And even better Amerindians are still here living on reservations in the interior highland and savannahs of our country.
"I've never heard anything more legit in my entire life! Let's go!"
I love how the natives are pranking them to their deaths
They deserved it. If throwing some shiny metal all the way to Peru is a way to get the slavers focus off your village... then go fetch assholes.
Same 😂
samiam2088
Boi im wHEEZiNg-
If I were the natives I would find any way to get back at the Spaniards and clowning them on gold would be great payback
It's just a prank, bro.
>Conquistadors find city entirely made of platinum.
>Also conquistadors: "MEEEEH"
Star Platinum is not amused.
@@fernandozavaletabustos205 I am now picturing a city of colorful buff dudes who only communicate by punching each other and yelling ORA ORA ORA.
@@ChimeraMK you literally described the pillar men
@@AlL-tk6kw Nah, the Pillar Men communicate through poses. Star Platinum communicates with punches.
@@ChimeraMK MENACIMG POSES
I showed it to my professor of Latin American art and she said that she loved it and explained it much better compared to another video she showed us before about El dorado
I really like Clockwork Angel's treatment of the 7 cities of gold. In those books, the cities are real pueblos in the desert, but they aren't made up of actual gold. They just have a golden windows thing going on when the light hits them a certain way. It shows how stories change over time to become really inaccurate, and is an interesting twist
The platinum thing broke me. That's where I laughed out loud.
Its hilarious!
seriously, can't believe all that happened.
Hearing how much was dumped made my soul hurt...
I facepalmed a bit too hard now my face hurt.
I simultaneously laughed and screamed “No!”
The stars are not in position for this tribute.
Stars.
Can't do it.
Not today.
I freaking LOVE that scene!
Guys, you’re broke. You have nothing to bet with!
*One more roll!*
Love it
As a Colombian who has lived near la laguna de guatavita this is amazing and thank you for going through our history.
"El Dorado" means something closer to "The Golden", rather than "The Gold". That's why "El Hombre Dorado" means "The Golden Man" rather than the "The Gold Man". The Gold in spanish would be "El Oro"
Conquistadors: Where is El Dorado?!
El Hombre Dorado: Yo.
Conquistadors: No! The real El Dorado! The City of Gold!
El Hombre Dorado: Why would we make a city of gold? That seems like it wouldn’t be very structurally sound.
Conquistadors:GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD
Conquistador: THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SOMEONE HIDING A CITY OF GOLD WOULD SAY!!!
@@1003JustinLaw 😂😂😂
Also I love how when El hombre dorado says 'yo' he's also saying 'me' in Spanish. I am el hombre dorado
in /this/ weather?
y’all’re sleeping on the part where there’s a GIANT STORE OF PLATINUM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!! GOOOOO!!
Let's form a bucket chain, we can do this!
@@schuegrafma I don't think we can drain the ocean
Mizutsune509 That’s quitters talk
@@mizutsune5097 Hey, it worked for the Spaniards! Briefly.
just do it minecraft style and build a wall around it, effectively building a damn, then just drain the smaller interior.
I am a HUGE fan of yours. Thank you for being so informative and SO entertaining. This is what teaching should be.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote a short poem about El Dorado:
… But he grew old-
This knight so bold-
And o’er his heart a shadow-
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.
And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow-
‘Shadow,’ said he,
‘Where can it be-
This land of Eldorado?’
‘Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,’
The shade replied,-
‘If you seek for Eldorado!’
Fond greetings from Italy (under lockdown!!)
Thank you for posting this! I love that poem sooooo much! It’s my childhood!
As the Spaniards might say:
¡Pero el verdadero dorado fueron los amigos que hicimos en el camino!
King minos wrote this
“Señor, we’ve pillaged the entire continent and there’s still no sign of this gold.”
“No problemo, the real treasure is the friends we... ah, right, I see the problem.”
GOLD
"We probably shouldn't have killed everyone who knows about this place."
"I KNOW THAT, GREG!"
Albert Nave to paraphrase Yzma, “Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you became Colonisers!”
"All we get is these hundreds of thousands of tons of crappy dark silverish metal! No gold!"
How to get rid of Spanish Conquistadors:
Step 1. Show them some gold
Step 2. Tell them there is more gold far away from your city-state
Step 3. Watch the idiots leave. They will most likely die along the way.
Step 4. Profit
You forgot step 1.5
Watch in horror as they loot your city/village.
@@apotato6278 No, that's step 0.5
There's also forcing your people into servitude for the rest of their lives but I think that's step 2.5...
@@Healermain15 Showing gold to a Conquistador is like showing fear to a goose. Stand your ground, look impoverished and you should be able to fly under their radar.
@@apotato6278 Not before they kill half your people and enslave the rest into murderous labour camps.
7:10 - 7:56 : Kinda reminds me of Antman’s best friend 😂 "I know a guy, who knew this guy, who know this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy..."
You just reminded me of the first episode of Power Rangers Jungle Fury. When RJ is explaining how he built the morphers for the team, he says “I know a guy, who knows a guy, who has an uncle…”
_Patrick's right, Squidward. Sea bears are no laughing matter. Why, once I met this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin..._
The way Red puts the cautionary tale of El Dorado is amazing. It's so elegant and poetic
What I love about the Juan Martinez name is that in Spain it is a combination of the most common names in Spanish, like a “John Smith”. So they literally made a justification of a false legend and they put the most fake name on it.
Guy "John Johnson" Fawkes would be proud of that inventiveness
@@misteraskman3668 Ah yes, proprietor of 'place', 'city'
@@gratuitouslurking8610Doer of ‘job’ at ‘place’
I had a classmate named Juan Martinez a few semesters ago. I almost asked him if that was his real name.
“Juan” is also literally the Spanish version of “John” so that checks out.
Spain: dumps their entire national supply of platinum into the ocean
me, broke and suffering from poverty: _aaron paul screaming meme_
Me, an artist with jeweler friends: (Darth Vader NOOOO gif)
@@lilylopnco Start a bucket brigade!
Wait, maybe that's what the Atlanteans used to fund their empire.
Dang, thats sucks that you're suffering through poverty, or at least was
People who make catalysts for a living: Well it's been fun, but I'm now going to strangle myself to death
I sincerely hope there is a distinct moment in time where platinum is getting big and the Spanish governements checks the books and finds out they screwed themselves out of the dream of being a European Wakanda.
I absolutely love stories like this where you actually get to see the natives kind of win by pulling these sorts of tricks on the invaders 😆
That is actually how Magellan died, a Filipino chieftain basically tricked him into attacking another tribe he didn’t like and the crew promptly got their asses kicked
Francisco: *gets beaten up by warrior women*
Also Francisco: *names a river after them*
Me: Ah, I see you're a man of culture
Fuck thats hot
first last wut
Shouldve been SnuSnu River.
“Who doesn’t love a city filled with more gold than you could ever possibly spend?” - well, the Spanish economy springs to mind
@@dimapez The principle stands: Flooding an economy with money in any form will inevitably destroy said economy.
West Africa too, where Europe had previously been getting their gold, and got absolutely wrecked... so they started exporting people.
@Zu yeah, they were more blind on the idea of becoming filthy rich and powerful that they didn't realize they were destroying their economy and therefore making products more expensive to try compensate it
Opium should be called Eldorado.
To be fair, a proper theory of economics about pricing and money supply was still a couple of centuries into the future. And even with that now in our hands, to this day there's people out there saying "BUY GOLD!!!!" as the solution in case the economy tanks.
Spain : I wonder if the natives just started these rumours because of how funny it would be to see us die looking for a city of gold?
Also Spain : Pfft nah it’s *totally real*
Blue: "well Ireland's agriculture was dangerously precious"
Me, a little Irish boi that likes history: wait a minute. Uh oh, UH OH,
*U H O H*
Actually, the Muisca people were great at growing potatoes, and some of the first potatoes brought to Europe, were from their land. Currently, the northern part of the former Muisca region has the biggest potato production of Colombia.
Lake Guatavita, 1545: “Remember, don’t play yourself.”
Lake Guatavita, 1580: “Don’t play yourself.”
Lake Guatavita, 1898: “Congratulations, you played yourself.”
“Nothing owns colonial Spain harder than it owned itself”
As a full blooded Mexican Hispanic this makes me feel insufferably smug
lol mexico was more prosperous than most of the old world because of spain, now mexico is nothing.
@@seanp3302 Because using up a land and enslaving its people makes it prosperous lol
Moctezuma's revenge: inflation
@@seanp3302 also, how incredibly rude and arrogant. And stupid. Temperate climate, biological diversity, history, culture, art... as well as being the 15th economy in the world. How did you wandered off to this comment section?
if youre full blooded mexican doesnt that mean you're not hispanic at all? Cus that would imply you're part spanish.
For the French and German speaking viewers: There is a recent graphic novel about the conquest of the Americas by the Spanish in the form of a picaresque. It's called "Der Große Indienschwindel" alias "Les Indes Fourbes" by Alain Ayroles and Juanjo Guarnido. If you want to have a good time and simultaniously have your heart broken by the banality of evil, it's a good read. Also it's beautiful.
“IVE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE LEGIT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, LETS GO”
I’m dying bro
This sounds like a DND campaign that went off the rails the second the DM mentioned the word "gold.
"Searching for el dorado" is the perfect DND setting
Dm:so you're searching for a city of gold
Party (especially the rouge):GOLD!...I CALL DIBS
Dm: . . .
Conquistadores: the og murder hobos
@@thehermit8618 OMG that's so accurate.
Ugh...I've been in one of those. Completely ruined the campaign for me. The tank was all about the treasure, would split off from the group, then expect the rest of us to haul his greedy ass out of trouble. Wouldn't share either.
"I feel like the third time I got bricked into my own basement I would stop falling for the amontillado gambit."
-Red, 2019
You absolute goddess
Probably one of the greatest references I've ever heard.
One of my favorite tales.
I TICKED IT TO 666 LIKES! FEAR ME OR I'LL KILL YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMNED EYE!
dont like its at 669
Yeah, could someone please clarify that reference for us ignorami who have no idea what she’s talking about?
In France we had a wonderful animated serie called "the mysterious cities of gold", totaly based on the Eldorado legends, even taking names from real places and historical characters but with a bunch of sci-fi in the last episodes. It was the absolute best!
I love how Red used the cha-Ching noise as a bleep. Just perfect. Could anyone else listen to this woman talk all da could anyone else listen to this woman talk all day?
To quote Jim Sterling; “They don’t want to make money, they want to make ALL of the money!”
Thank god for him.
Not fond of him, but I like the quote.
I hate that guy but accurate
@@timvanrijn8239 that's literally Jim Sterling's entire being summed up on one sentence
AndYetNoBananas like you should
The funnier thing about it all is they ended up finding the cerro de potosi: a mountain covered entitely in silver. They mined the whole thing and sent it back to Spain which destroyed the Spanish economy and caused the collapse of the Spanish empire and has basically been the blunder they never came back from.
interesting
Cool
The spanish empire didn't collapse because of hyperinflation
It was more or less like Mordor but with funny hats...
@@VineFynn No but it got pretty bankrupt due to it
Red: There are no mysterious cities of gold
Esteban, Tau & Zia: Clearly you are not a child of the eighties
and now Yu-Gi-Oh! has Eldlich, Eldlixir, and Golden Land cards. A three part archetype based on El Dorado.
Red, thanks for memeing this into existence.
*_And let's not forget that Road To El Dorado is actually "kids film" until Chel is trying to seduce the two protagonists._*
Big oof
I’m amazed it went over my head as a kid
*And* let's not forget the Road to El Dorado is actually just The Man Who Would be King but animated and with less death.
As a kid Chel was a big reason why I enjoyed that movie at all.
99.999% sure she gave the black haired one a bj at some point. (or atleast was laying on him with with her head comeing up at a angle one would think thats what she was doing.)
I believe this is called “Dragon’s Sickness”
LotR?
@@z2yn TH
I thought it was called "Gold Fever".
Isn't that what happened to Edmond and Lucy's cousin?
The Conquistadors shoukd have stopped spending all their time pillaging raping and enslaving to go *CLEAN THEIR ROOMS.*
There are pieces of gold collected from the bottom of the Guatavita lagoon, which are currently excised at the Gold Museum in Bogota Colombia 🇨🇴
"It's entirely the Conquistadors' fault!" sums up a lot of early American colonization.
"I swear, nothing owns Colonial Spain harder than it owns itself."
Having read up on the history, eyah.... Spain's quest for conquest was an unmitigated disaster that sadly took a couple of centuries to finally run Spain into the dirt so it still created that most dangerous of historical constructions: a precedent.
They Hyperinflated and therefore crashed their own economy it is glorious. And when the Netherlands were rebelling against them they had to take loans from Dutch Bankers to finance the war effort. The money said Bankers got from that was turned into funding for the rebels. It is kind of ridiculous.
@zorbas091 iirc no one else was willing to do business with them
Spain's History legit reads like a Monty Python skit and as a Spaniard I don't know wether to be proud or sad.
@@diegogonzalez9877 I'd be proud.
@@diegogonzalez9877 Why not both?
The whole time I was thinking: "If I - as a fantasy-author - write such a story, everyone would say it's completely over the top and implausible." Then Red said it. Thank you. There are just so much things in the world and our history that you just can't make up.
True, I feel the same as a reader with those stories that have such ridiculously incompetent figures of authority. But then history will tell me that yeah, this is plausible.
The Conquistadors themselves are rather implausible to be honest. They're like lightning in a bottle. Just a few hundred greedy guys managed to bring down two empires! They just casually walked in bringing disease, unrest, rebellion and even all out civil war. Hernán Cortés and Fransisco Pizarro are both on the level of a badly written villain mixed with an edgy 14 year old boy's crappy self insert. If it wasn't widespread knowledge i wouldn't think such people could even exist.
@@em5522 As Thomas Paine himself wrote in common sense. If it were natural for there to be a puny race of men to rule over everybody else (aka kings and nobles ruling over everybody else) why does Nature give us Asses for Lions. Heck, even in the book of Samuel when Israel asked for a king God is like "Are you sure? You do know that they are going to relentlessly tax you and be complete douches right?" That is my paraphrasing of it, but when I read that passage I just chuckle.
I beleive Mark Twain once said something along the lines of truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to actually make sense.
@@tempestvenator9809 Damn, I must reread that, totally miss that.
5:28 damn it, she read my mind
"Juan Martinez" is the absolute epitome of the "source: dude, trust me" meme.
Playing DnD I know Platinum is worth 10 coins of gold so they're fools
Ah, a lady of culture I see
Or 100 gold if you are a terraria player like me
or 100 x 10 if you play both
Atlantis: Plato told a story about how man's hubris doomed an otherwise ideal city
El Dorado: Belief in an ideal city and hubris drove people mad...
why is it always hubris that gets all the stories? where my greed, sloth, lust [Zeus exists, but never gets real problems], and other flaws of humanity.
@@wickederebus Well, for lust you have the story of Aphrodite's affair with Ares, where they are both caught while making love in a golden net and laughed at by the other gods. For greed there's King Midas. There's not many for sloth. I guess the ant and the grasshopper?
@@naomistarlight6178 now I'm tempted to comb through all of Reds myth videos and build a counter for each moral and what it boils down to.
9:10 I died everytime seeing this
Fun fact: all those gold pieces from the Muisca are displayed at the Museo de Oro (Museum of Gold) in Bogota, Colombia
I've been there and its beautiful
So basically wives of these crazy conquistadors were just:
Sofia: *over a relaxing lunch* So Luis is going to this new land across the sea to get gold.
Isabella: *groans* Deigo was telling me about that and about the legend. He's determined its real.
Sofia: You do realize most conquistadors kill each other out of greed right?
Isabella: . . . Is it time to look for a new husband? Anna across the way went through 4 husbands before she finally married a sensible man.
Sofia: let's give it about a year and if they don't come back then let's look.
Serial widows!
Went through 4 husbands, huh? You know, I never really thought about it, but if you pick 'em right you can get the benefits of being a black widow bride without having to kill people. Well now I have some planning to do.
A truly hilarious series of stories, except the part where the natives got screwed over. That part's not so fun.
You just summarized world history, well done
I mean it was for the conquistadors
At least the natives got the occasional Bugs Bunny moment between the slaughter and desecration of their sacred artifacts.
@@timothymclean The fact that the Natives kept pranking people to their deaths while searching for El Dorado is kind of ironic and also funny
just enjoy mental image of when the british drained the lake and it turned to concrete, there's a a load of engineers and scientists staring hopelessly at a gigantic slab of concrete and one native guy laughing hysterically.
So I was listening to this (I've watched it multiple times) on my laptop in my living room while my brother sat nearby on his phone. I was playing a game on my switch and happened to look up at him just as Red said "Dumping their entire national platinum supply into the ocean!" I watched him look up from his phone, frown, frown harder, then he went "WHAT?" and started ranting on how absolutely stupid of a move that was. I honestly didn't know he knew so much about platinum but it was funny to watch him go completely bananas about it. LOL
After Jibaro, with its message and mention of the lake of gold in it, this gets even more ironic
"I swear, nothing owns colonial Spain harder than it own itself."
Nothing owns Spain harder than Spain itself. And we are bad at finances, basically.
Except sir Francis Drake. He owned the Spanish pretty damn hard.
@@lucaswinsor4469 Didn't singlehandedly ruin the Spanish economy though.
@@Healermain15 Nah, only their most expensive project ever.
and stealing a metric shitton of gold from them.
@@lucaswinsor4469 See, not nearly as bad as what the Spanish did!
@@lucaswinsor4469 You mean right before he owned himself destroying the totality of the English fleet trying to invade Spain? Basically making England lose the war because at the end of the day, part of the Spanish fleet survived, but the English didn't.
Seriously. Why does everyone remember the Spanish Armada, but not the Counter Armada?
The greedy part of me nearly had a stroke thinking of all the platinum that the Spanish just threw away, completely ignorant of how valuable it would become. The irony loving part of me was laughing his ass at the cosmic "wa-wa-waaaaah" that must have played when they figured it out.
Cheshirefiend imagine throwing away a free anti any cancer because you don’t need it, and then getting cancer after you can’t get it anymore.
When the saying "blinded by greed" is no longer a metaphor.
Natives: "You want our treasure? You can have it. We left everything gathered together in one place, now you just have to find it."
"They found El Hombre Dorado and claimed all the gold, happy ending, right?
_ehhhhhhhh_ ....depending on who you ask?
The Spanish at least.
i mean, if they stopped fucking over the natives there, were satisfied in there greed and went home it would kind of be?
@@merrittanimation7721 the silver did fuck over their economy tho
Eeeeeehhh....
I mean, given the inflation thing Red mentioned at the end, the only real benefit is very short term, because at first the conquistadors would be filthy rich, but it wouldn't be that valuable after a few years.
*”On one hand, GOLD”*
*”On the other hand, MORE GOLD.”*
3:03 gold means power, gold means fame, and a hero’s welcome back in Spain
It flows too well
Conquistadors are like Aliens invading Earth *only* for the small pebbles on the beach.