Its extremely hard to live with. Especially when you also have anxiety and depression. Sometimes i wish my childhood was like everyone else's so that I can feel someone normal
I do you know everyone elses was any better, how do we define normal? I believe we all deal with shit. Ive been diggin for 3 years (since my seperation) to figure out why all my relationships turn to shit. Now ingvestigating this diagnosis. (confirmation bias is a bitch) ..not always as clear cut as it seems, but this one hits home... Im 49 and have just a couple peeps I can call friends (that arent family) and cant seem to connect to the woman whos crazy about me, which is pushing her away. Always seem to focus on their faults. I remember when my father died..I collapsed in my closet floor and as my then wife approached me to console me, i put my hands up to not alow her in my space...memory just came up as I was watching this video...I see its been 2 years since your post..has it gotten better for y9ou and if so how did you do it?
I wish there was more attention to RAD in adults. Sadly these folks end up with a Personality Disorder label most of the time which feels like blaming the person instead of blaming the lifelong damage from early and severe childhood trauma/neglect.
Adopted, taken out of the biological home at 14 months from severe abuse. Kept in a closet with very little contact with caregiver. Now late 50’s but have never had normal relationships. RAD yes.
33 here i finally found this out, neglect and abuse don't feel much toward anyone, never had good relationships with people,almost every contact with people is abnormal.
Same with the relationships. Taken from parents at 18mo and never had meaningful connection with anyone in the foster home. By the time I was adopted at 5yrs the damage was done and never caught. Also had abuse with adopted Mother after I already was stunted emotionally.
Rad syndrome will make you question everyone. You may have a hard time believing in yourself since you doubt others. I no longer feel hurt or pain because I can tell myself nothing matters. I learned to stop caring. I also tend to be selfish… When you experience pain and rejection early on. It’s a barrier that protects you from getting hurt, while hurting others💔it’s something I’m working on. You never fully believe or trust peoples interactions or intentions. Nothing feels genuine or real. I cannot receive affection or give affection. As a child this was something I would push away from. I cant stand being touched. I hate the simple words such as “I love you” I also hate talking to people, it feels like a waste of time. Every interaction or sweet word that comes out of someone’s mouth seems so fake. I see comments on these videos of people saying kids with rad have “demons” inside of them but refuse to acknowledge the abuse and trauma we experienced. Anger and rage was my cry for help. I tried everything as a little girl to get attention. My birth mother chose to stay with my father who SA’d us… she chose drugs over us. She chose to beat us and show us pain as an infant. I grew up with violence being normalized. Every foster parent I had was a bad experiment. Most of them were only in it for the money and would even tell it to me to my face. I also had selective mutism and I couldn’t talk or speak at certain moments. I couldn’t report the abuse or speak up. I was a little girl 💔 one of the family’s I was placed in took us to Disney with the money they received and purposely left me out. They stole my toys I received from the institution I was at. So I was Being abandoned and bounced around. This gave me trust issues. Then when I got adopted. My mother moved away from my birth family’s state. I felt distrust again. I had no one to contact. I was isolated and as I got older I discovered she used me and my sister for subsidy check. I was abused the mostly by her. I learned early that no one cares about you. From one horror house to another…
You can pray about this. I believe God is the only one who can heal you. Obviously therapy helps, but only in as much as it appeals to love and other Bibilical principles. Deliverance is what addresses the problem directly.
I was adopted and I remember as a child being diagnosed with "reactive attachment disorder" but I never really looked into it until right now. I'm 26. Thank you for posting this. Theirs really not much information that's not hard to understand. But I feel this. I really appreciate this video 💜
Living with RAD is debilitating. I was adopted from Russia as a toddler and had a very hard time growing up in the family I was put in with. I ended up suffering from more neglect and ritual abuse due to their rage because they were unable to understand what I had been suffering from and the doctors / psychiatrists and people who were studying me were not educated on this kind of diagnosis. I just remember as a child and now from reading medical and case records they said, I wasn't able to show love and bond with the adopters and I was completely in my own little world, i had strange behaviours and was quiet and behavioirs of self harm. My adopted parents were told one thing by the caretakers in the orphanage and then they received a 'broken child' and it caused them lots of anger and resentment towards me because i wasnt what they wanted or imagined. I had to suffer from that which caused more trauma. Living with RAD has always felt that something was taken from within me, even now with all the self healing and things I try to do to help myself. I feel detached from the outside world but I am able to feel heavily within myself. A lot of the trauma I went through was to try and keep me disassociated so I could be controlled. It's very strange. What I needed as a child was to feel safe, but I was grieving and in pain, I was scared and lost. I had gone through a lot of studies and tests. They labelled me as mentally delayed with severe learning disability and that i have RAD. A lot of the surveillance I was under by the people who were studying me had some similarities to the controversial testing that has been done on twins, which is interesting. Ive always been described as 'complex' . I know that the professionals were lost and they think medications will just 'fix' everything. And you're right it is difficult to find actual reputable case studies online .... To this day looking back, I was painted as someone who I'm not. They say that people with RAD are unable to love or that they are narcissistic liars or that the rage is insinuated as 'demon possesed' and that the self harm is for attention seeking, that is a huge stigma and sickening. There are MANY testimonials online that will say that about those with RAD. It breaks my heart. I know that deep in my heart thats not true, we arent 'bad'. I think a lot of the trauma is based on knowing whats real and not real and experiencing severe disassociation. I have lived in fear for most of my life but I am starting to see the truth and the reality I was living in. When I was 15, I was placed into the American childcare system which absolutely devastating me. I think most people who adopt children don't realize that these children need compassion and patience and love. We were never nurtured and even to this day I long and yearn for that. I long to feel safe. I am 25 now, and it's been hard but I've been trying to seek the meaning behind myself and why I am the way I am. I had been cast out and labelled as crazy, and even today, i am alone but it took me being heavily medicated and completely hitting the bottom where i was desperate for help and I gave my heart to Jesus. All my life, I felt like I don't belong in this world but God has me here for a reason. In scriptures it says that those who are neglected or do not have a mother or father, they are not alone in this world because we still have the Father, our Creator. He knows my mind and heart and my faith is in Him. Although I suffer from rad and depression and complex ptsd, I have a purpose and part of that is to seek healing. The world will not understand nor accept me and this is where I am now in life. The world will say I suffer from paranoia or other mental instabilities, multiple personality disorder, etc but i choose not to listen to the labels because healing is possible. I had been programmed to have masks and to hide in fear and I was walking on eggshells, the world isn't that much different ... you have to experience the hardships and if you really want to heal, you will do everything in your mental ability to... you are not completely lost even if you feel it. Understand this is part of your testimony. From the few people I've met so far, who also struggle with RAD, they are like angels in disguise. Those with RAD who want to heal will have an angelic aura to them, I was able to connect with them better. They understood me more than an average person. They understand things on a deeper level than most and although they can be closed off, they need space, suffering, and can come off as cold ... they are able to have and show empathy, compassion and understanding. I am the same way. I think we live and will always keep that child within us but with proper healing, we can really flourish and grow to understand our triggers. I am extremely protective of myself .... I have and know I always be. We have to protect our spirit without completely shutting out the world and shutting down our hearts. We must learn what love is and learn how to love. Just recently, What I have learned is that those with RAD are suffering from actual brain injury because due to our trauma, our vagus nerve is damaged which means we are desensitized. I have watched a couple of very insightful videos of testimonials of adopted children and actually being taken in nurturing, loving and carefully minded and patience people ... they focused on healing the child's senses and somatic and vagus nerve. Its about rewiring the brain and healing the nervous system.... Rad is not a chemical imbalance, it is an injury. I hope RAD will be studies more intently and will more compassion because i wish there was more help. I am trying to seek to understand and by the grace of God, I know I will ... I am praying for those who are also suffering.
I’m 44. Severely neglected by a stepmother from 18 months to 8. My mother wasn’t much better, father was the typical Boomer macho male who showed no emotion or love to his children. My life has been a living hell, especially before I met my wife. I am literally incapable of taking care of myself. I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but my therapist is confident that is one of my larger problems. EXTREME anxiety especially with any conflicts are involved, few friends, do not understand people, people don’t know how to take me, near incapable of taking up for myself unless I am highly upset, then I come off way more hostile than I intend to, don’t trust people even tho I tend to latch on far to easily. It’s nice to finally have a clue as to what is going on.
I just found out yesterday that I was diagnosed with it when I was 9 and it was confirmed when I was 12. I always knew something was wrong with me but never knew what it was. I am glad that I found your video. I am 23. I was in foster care for 10 years.
Interesting about the autism symptom similarities…. My mom tried to get me diagnosed she says. I’ve learned things like empathy, went to college, have a career, but yeah I can’t maintain relationships or attract healthy people. My therapist quit on me recently, said I “don’t want to get better”. I am getting comfortable with just being alone, I made progress but internally I still can’t relax around even my own siblings.
I’m sorry your therapist said that to you. Therapists should never accuse someone of not wanting to get better. Just know that if you want to try therapy again or not, there eventually will be someone there for you! You deserve to feel calm and stable in life! 💛
I have this along with bpd. I was abused neglected as a baby and growing up passed around like a football foster homes group homes hospitals in and out of family homes. This so fits me. My parents still rejected me till this day no relationship with them. I'm a follower of Jesus Christ this sickness hinders my relationship with Him and others my husband too. I'm Blessed to finally have a loving stable marriage. He is very supportive loving gentle kind understanding patient all the above because he has Jesus Christ in his life. I cant keep getting closer to Jesus God and my husband and others. I want to be whole and be healed and help others as well.
I've always found it highly dubious that the psychiatric establishment, and even psychology more broadly, has refused to properly acknowledge attachment theory for so long, and that when it does, it adopts an extremely myopic and narrow view that limits the discussion to children. The fact is, attachment theory and the relational and somatic therapeutic modalities it implies potentially complicate purely biological-based models of "mental illness" and their profitable drug-based treatment.
I have talked to older trauma therapists who have said that attachment theory WAS known about but insurance companies don't want to pay for the intense therapy that attachment disorders (including C-PTSD) require. Insurance companies only want to pay for 50 minutes of therapy once or twice a week. Now that neuroscientists have PET scans and MRIs, there is a lot more physical evidence for attachment disorders, but insurance companies still don't want to pay for it. You have to pay out of pocket, so only rich people can afford it.
To summarize, yes the evil fucks in Psychiatry would rather sell you a b.s. drug than work on the fact that you never got secure attachment with anyone as an infant/child.
My family took in a foster child like this. My cousin is a therapist, and she lived with my cousin. She lived with me in her last year of college, left the state for a year and is back in my home. I am now seeing all of this. Yesterday my cousin told me she was diagnosed with RAD years ago. I am now worried. she can't keep friends/relationships, drink A LOT, antisocial, bouts of worry, doubt,depression and anger. When we show her love, we get pushed away. When we leave her alone that upsets her. She admitted that she worries I will fall in love one day, and that means no time for her. I don't know what to do. I thought we were gonna come to blows 2 days ago. She needs to get herself a therapist. She knows she's not right.
i have this and im an adult im socially awkward so much im scared to meet new people.... emotions confuse me .... and i avoid people so much that my immune system is shit..... im scared of everybody..... when i am around people i dont act myself out of fear of not being liked i overthink what people think about me
i was given up at birth and raised by two people who would not be allowed to adopt a dog these days, i will see them in hell i guess, was adopted in the mid 60s and life has been a struggle. these kids need help asap., i am in my mid 50s and its to late but not for the kids being adopted now or recently. i doubt parents are even aware of this so they could seek help for the child before it hits the fan. where i grew up in wv there was no help beyond Xanax. the help was not there. most doctors had no experience in this or had not even heard of this. it has left me with little emotions besides a quick temper and a distrust of almost everyone. i still hate those two people who adopted me just as much as i did when they were alive and the same goes for most of their family.. dont be me, get help if you can before it is to late.
I think these kinds of things weren't as widely known in earlier years. I'm sure there were whole generations who were never diagnosed as children and suffered horribly.
I was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder when I was 11 and I'm 18 now but I found the right girl and we have been dating for a while so stay strong everyone there is someone for everybody
I am 21 years of age and I have found out by my own personal research that I have RAD , when I was younger both my parents was working and I would stay with my cousins family and move from house to house , with not much food to eat , I didn’t realise until now how much it affected me as an adult. I realise I struggle to stay focused and I am easily angered and also I have a lack of self esteem and have extreme anxiety , I feel so out of place with society , I feel like I inherited this from my mother as her mum died from childbirth but she was unaware of this condition and she has lived a normal working life as a nurse however now that I have this I realise I push everyone away I just feel empty but I’m starting to regain my relationship with my father and mother which helps me but I feel like I’m a physcopath and people around me must’ve been thinking the same for so many years it’s just awful to know
I believe I have this and my biological father (whom I never lived with did too.). You can't stay attached to any one. People just think you don't care. I dissociate and started having imaginary friends at 14.
I am a 51 yr old female with this along with ocd borderline personality disorder ptsd with my nervous system jacked my walk with Jesus is affected along with other people
I was fortunate enough to be treated by a very good psychologist for five years with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. The emotional symptoms of RADs are fear of being killed and eaten. If an adult doesn't have an attachment of the primary caregiver you have a strong feeling you don't belong. Meaning in the universe. Everywhere I went i had the horrible feeling I was going to be killed. The eaten part was if I got close to someone I'd be consumed in the relationship, as in a black wave curling over me and consuming me. A real mother forker. One can recover from it if one can find a competent psychologist, can afford it and have the determination to recover.
I’m partner has been diagnosed with R.A.D. and it has made him emotionally unavailable to me, uses acting out behavior to get my attention (lying, drinking, cheating) but professes his love for me. I asked him to leave because it was making me crazy...I want him to be healthy but I can’t help him if he refuses to help himself. I’m very sad and concerned about him...oh yes he was adopted as well and raised by a Nannie in the home of an emotionally unavailable and at time cruel mother.
Shane Montgomery I’m sorry. That’s rough, love your concern for him but that behavior is not healthy and you don’t deserve that treatment no matter what happened to him! It’s inexcusable
I don't agree. If you know he has RAD, then, if you love him, you have to accept that fact. The worst thing you can do is abandon him. That doesn't mean you should take abuse, but you could try maintaining a more distant contact so he knows you still care.
i have a screening next week for autism spectrum disorder, but i felt as if the descriptors of autistic traits felt vague as to what ive been experiencing throughout my life. i wasnt able to communicate i needed help until i was 14, but i felt it since i was 3. my mom and dad both came from broken homes, and found eachother at very vulnerable points in their life. their marriage was toxic and abusive, but not physically harmful. i was the youngest of 3 kids, two older brothers and i was the only girl. i cant remember alot of what life was like before my mother fell into her alcoholism and my dad was overly dependent on marijuana but it sure did not quell his internalized rage. i felt weak as early as i can remember back, not physically, but in a way noone could see, and the fact noone saw stunted my self worth and object permanence so severely that i was convinced i had borderline as a teenager. my mother got sober and divorced my father by the time i was 9, and promised she would do better, but i never felt that promise be fufilled. i was told what i was given was enough but i felt so starved of love that by the time i started highschool i had started lashing out at my mother and skipping school. i had paralyzing suicidal urges but they all fell short as i was too scared to commit to the unknown of the afterlife. i have been very unabashedly genderqueer and bisexual my whole life, but some part of me avoided traditional femininity as i was taught that was why i was weak. my brothers were listened to, and i was shunned as too young to understand why nobody loves her enough, or feel pain and resentment for feeling that way. it turns out i am a victim of narcissistic abuse from my mother who i suspect has reactive attatchment disorder, and her hatred of herself and lack of self worth bled into my mind aswell as her shame and guilt and denial of how badly i was hurting. my first and only committed relationship was grossly codependent on both ends in retrospect but i was convinced that he secretly didnt love me still :/ i projected the inadequacy and need for the connection and understanding i was starved of for so long that it started poisoning the relationship.
this describes the pure anguish and rage of just doing what feels right and that you think will earn you praise and being told that you are too eager, too needy. im realizing im not the one that was broken, im the product of my generational trauma and genetic vulnerability. if the screening i have planned ends in me being told its just moderate depression or anxiety AGAIN i think i will literally just throw up and pass out (not really but sorta)
I had to give up physical custody of my daughter at 2 yrs old. I had a newborn with no daddy and decided it would be best for all 3 of us if i just had her on the weekends. Then 2 months later, her dad and stepmom (her too) all moved to the opposite side of the country. She's 23 and moved back a year ago. She has bipolar and rad. Had I known how abusive her stepmother was and how emotionally unavoidable her dad was, I would have gotten her back. I'm trying to get to know her, but she pushes me away when I approach. She sometimes approaches me to talk about herself, but this is mostly at bad times like when I'm brushing my teeth. She just wants to say whatever is on her mind then goes on her way. There is rarely any back and forth "regular convos". This makes me frustrated and sometimes down right pissed. How do I connect with someone who just wants to be in their own world, cone out occasionally to talk about herself, and push others away when they try to include her? Then she gets upset that her younger sister and brother don't include her!! I see no win to this.
While I can't diagnose, it sounds like she is doing what is often seen in teen girls-- talking to their parents while their busy with something else. This makes the conversation less confrontation and requires less attention on them. I might have read that in Reviving Ophelia by Dr. Pipher. It sounds like all you can do is continue to ask if she wants to do something, be there to listen, and when she's ready, she'll accept. It's not a no-win situation. It sounds more of a "patience while she trusts" situation. There might be some specialists in your area who might be able to come up with some ways for you to help your daughter. There's a book made for parents of children (maybe 5 to 16 or so) called Taming the Spirited Child by Dr. Popkin. It might be worth a read, just to have an idea on how to be more productive in your interactions.
If she has any thing she's interested in-- some hobby she likes to do, she might like it if you show an interest in it. The activity serves as both a barrier but also a connection. So she feels like she's sharing something, but still feels safe.
@@jacobsabrina74any updates? I'm exactly like this and idk what was going through her mind, but for me it's like I'll approach my parents, say something I want to say, walk away and hope they'll emphasize on it later. I really want to be able to have a connection but I just feel so incapable yet I get these moments where I feel like I can do it, then I am in the situation and I only end up getting a few things out.
I don’t usually comment and you might not see this but I wanted to say thank you. I gained lots of value from this and if you could please include some sources or databases I could explore with good Information I would really greatly appreciate it
Unfortunately, there are not books specifically for reactive attachment disorder in adults. It's lumped in with trauma. It is recommended to make connections to others through the community (service org, taking classes, finding hobbies and others interested in those hobbies, etc) and to work through any strained relationships with former friends.
For me as a kid who was taken into care at the age of two and wasnt adopted until age five and was then abused by the adoptive parents both mentally emotionally and sexually I find it very hard sometimes to cope. I suffer from depression and I am very hypervigilant. It was not just one event that caused rad it was several major traumatic events. I also suffer from PTSD. Not only was my trust and care betrayed by those that were supposed to protect me as a child but no one knew about the abuse because of the fact that they were upstanding citizens of the community and I was considered just a troubled kid. Even as an adult it is really hard to get close and trust people. Even in an adult relationship its hard.
The first two years of my life was extremely violent, unloving, (so I've been told) and ended with the murder of my mother at the age of two. Immediately my father was arrested and I ended up in the foster care system. Went through multiple foster homes and as a 53-year-old adult, I have accepted the fact that I will never bond properly or attach to another person. I have two children and I'm never attached or bonded with them either. Still searching for answers maybe someday
Wow your story really spoke to me. I've developed attachment issues later in my life from trauma. I would have never seen this for myself because I was always the opposite. I hope this changes for you. It's never too late.
I have this and i still dont have a good relationship whit my mom when i was 1/2 years old she moved all the way to the other side of the Netherlands becose she was depressed she tought that was for the best, when i was 5 i moved Back and forth 5 times in that 5 times i lived for 7 years with Foster parents now i live Guided living with roommates and now at age 19 i get help with it
OMG THIS IS 100% ME!!!!!!!! I have some calls to make .... thanks mom :/ -my mom starved and beat me, tried tio kill me twice ect... -i almost died in a car crash and my mom wouldnt let me be treated and i had rocks in me and stuff for a while and back/ hip issues even now -only this year have a felt like i have a few friends, ITS SO HARD!!! everyone lies to me tiney lies are even to much for me to handle i take it to heart - i have rage and panic attacks. used to be every day but with years of love, dr's, meds its down to 1-2/ week -because i was starved i have sevear issues with food,, starving myself, stuffing my face,, hating my body, hiding food and water still now in my 30's - constently being alert and anxiety while out iin public... didnt help when i was attacked last week cuz now my brains justifing it -terrified when talking with people because sooner or later i will say something i think is fine but offends people so bad they hate me . My husband has refused to have kids due to my flipouts im so much better but not good enough, i dont know what do other than what ive already done.
I find what's helped me is to focus on an interest that takes me out of the thoughts and feelings I'm having. Like writing or art. Or really anything that you can focus on that doesn't have to directly include other people. Then if you feel safe enough, you could share what you've done with someone. It's a way to share your feelings one step removed.
Attachment theory is very much a Western concept, and has been used to justify the removal of hundreds of thousands of Indigenous children from their families worldwide. Indigenous children have multiple caregivers from birth, eg. Grandmothers, Aunties, cousins.. the mother is not always the primary caregiver
I'm enrolled. I just want to clear up that Attachment Theory couldn't have been used to justify any policy, as Bowlby first published anything related in 1948. That said, here's something from 'Universality claim of attachment theory: Children’s socioemotional development across cultures': "The common practice of large-scale interventions in rural subsistence-based contexts promoting Western-style parenting strategies without knowing the local culture positions a false understanding of scientific evidence against cultural knowledge. This practice is unethical. Diversity needs to be recognized as the human condition, and the recognition of diversity is an obligation for better science as well as for improving people’s lives." www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6233114/
It’s more about the continuity of the bonds not how many kids have. If they keep being disrupted by abuse, conflict or changing caregivers while breaking the bond with the previous one, that’s when you start to see issues. Hope it helps. My culture is very much the same and would probably argue that it’s healthy if the bonds are maintained throughout the childhood rather than being passed from on relative to another without seeing who raised you before for a long time
I got diagnosed with autism and borderline intellectual functioning and idk if I have that or this :/ and my mom the one who convinced the doctor to diagnose me with autism
People who have RAD live their lives in three distinct stages 1.) Hyper-vigilance this is a person with RAD baseline mental state which is like fight or flight for people without it 2.) Overreaction: sometimes called emotional “flooding”, this is a state in which the individual becomes emotionally flooded and they may get lost or stuck in this emotional state for a long period of time. The individual must ground and get their body in touch with their emotions to move from this state. 3.) Recalibrating: during this state the individual must rebound from this emotional state and will typically exhibit symptoms similar to depression and can be a state which leads back to overreaction. The key for reactive people to live moderately normal lives is to learn to bounce through the stages as quickly as possible and back to the first stage so that’s the damage to their lives and those around them is minimal.
Dialectal Behavior Therapy can help (DBT). Though it is not stated to treat RAD, since many young adults and adults that still experience RAD symptoms have their symptoms look like Borderline Personality Disorder, than DBT may be advantageous.
I was diagnosed in my early 20s. My mom went to prison when I was 3 for SA someone’s kids. Then foster care, then a father who was extremely abusive. It was hell. When she diagnosed me I ran. Now coming back 10 years later. I was into drugs for 10 of them. Now I’m clean and a mother. I want to make sure I’m as healthy as can be for him. Everytime I go for therapy I run. The emotions are always too much. I hate talking to random people about it. Then I start telling myself nothing is wrong with me. I’m acting like a victim. … blah blah and so on,
Im 20 years old and i was diagnosed with Rad at 4 years old. I feel like my case is very strange. So i was adopted at 9 months old and when i got into my family i instantly attached to my now adoptive mother. Although everything else was completely foreign to me, i didnt know how to hug, i didnt know kisses or anything like that. Ik i was such a young age but apparently before those 9 months i was given the bare minimum. As i got a bit older i had an unhealthy attachment with my parents. I couldnt go anywhere without them or id end up crying. Through the years i got better at this but once i got into school i never really told them about things that went on. What i mean are the social concerns i had, the fact that i only had one friend growing up, and wasjt really interested in making anymore. I kinda got better when i got to middle school, but even then i still wasnt able to form any meaningful relationships. Onto highschool and i started to get into a group that smoked weed. This was probably the worst thing that couldve happened, i started feeling like my family wouldnt accept me and i had to keep it a secret. Well they eventually found out and i didnt want to stop. It eventually made my mom start crying and i really couldnt understand why, i just told her its not even that bad for me. Through this time, i just hung with my friends smoked and chilled. Somewhere along the lines it got in my head that i was hanging with them to smoke and that made me feel so messed up, this is where i started realizing there was something wrong with me. I was about 17 or 18 and i just let it go on for a while. Eventually the friend group got into psychedelics and i did those like 10 times. When i went on psychedelics i felt normal for the first time in my life. I could actually care for my friends and feel like we were enjoying the time rather than just being high. It got to a point where i wanted to do them more often so i did them more and more because i felt normal. For once i felt like this is how everyone else feels for each other. It felt like so much love, just because of the talks we had and even talking about our families. One day as me and ky friends started taking them some of them were talking badly about others jn the group behind their backs. I was feeling sick from taking the psychs so i layed down and closed my eyes. As i hear them talking bad on each other it made me question who i was friends with and why i stayed with them for so long. After that i never did psychedelics again and almost never talked to anyone from that group again. From there i tried to branch out and make different friends but i never actually cared for them. I could tell they cared for me but i felt incapable of caring for them as much as they did me. Eventually that started making me feel bad, all i wanted was to have friends but i started realizing how messed up itd be if i let them care for me so much and leave that unreciprocated. So now i talk to no one, people look at me like i take everything for granted and no one asks how im doing anymore. I feel that i should just be alone rather than face the self hatred i have for myself when i try to bond with people.
I also struggle with thinking normally. Id also smoke because it actually made me think about things rather than having a blank mind. I don't smoke anymore, and I still struggle with a blank mind all the time. Usually when I think it's depressing thoughts or things I won't remember later
So I’ve done some research on RAD, specifically the Inhibited Type, and there just isn’t a lot of literature on the disorder; the number of hits on RUclips tells as much. I speculate that I may have had RAD, but most definitely fit the bill for CPTSD; is there a difference between the two in terms of symptoms? It’s confusing how I am both ‘empathetic’ in the sense of being able to recognize, analyze and predict the emotions/behaviours of others, yet I can’t really feel their feelings or even mine to the degree I believe ´normal’ people do. I don’t even have constant emotional states, feelings and mind states are situational and they always dissipate but then return periodically,as if they are on a conditional cycle. What do you make of the following observations?
CPTSD is not a diagnosis in the DSM 5. PTSD is in the DSM- and it's marker is witnessing violence or being in a life-threatening situation-- either real or perceived, which has triggers, avoidance or nightmares afterward. RAD is marked by lack of connection to others and not seeking emotional comfort in distress. They go hand in hand but PTSD can definitely exist without RAD. I can inform on here but I don't feel comfortable making diagnoses, giving advice or jumping to conclusions about people, their lives or their mental health, especially when they are not clients. If they were clients, I couldn't say anything in public because of HIPPA laws. I'm sorry I can't be of further assistance. Maybe a neurological or psychological battery test could help you to sort out some of the issues you're facing.
I have been in a poor orphanage in Seoul Korea malnourished got adopted at 7 or 8 months was physically emotionally mentally abused and both adopted parents were alcoholic I even got verbally abused put down yelled at I am now 43 my past two therapists told me I have reactive attachment disorder I know I have it now but before I thought I had something but did not know what I know I am a person and if have symptoms a disorder.I love affection when I feel like my man loves affection or when he is in a certain mood but when I don't i feel sad not wanted not loved isolated I don't want to give affection when he isn't or has an attitude I think I did something wrong.I know he says he is not affection but i know him I know why because he has been molested as a boy himself he is 50 it has to do with manhood etc that I have read or maybe it's me.But I do understand him I just don't think he understands me I think I know me or do I.Its my fault because I have reactive attachment disorder and the things I did imam not perfect.Its my fault why we argue no affection.We have an eleven year old daughter to.I am going to order me a workbook on reactive attachment disorder.
Or just repeated broken bonds before age of 4. Feeling like you can't relate and don't belong in society. Relationship beginnings intimate come ons trigger an instant shut down. Only to regret it later. Yearning for love but aggressively rejecting it when it comes. Pervading sense of "brokenness" stops us reaching out and trying in all areas of life. Actually scared of letting people in.
It depends on what you- you can read articles, books, watch videos, see a therapist or find a therapy group that concentrates on this. If you find a therapist, make sure they are aware of the neglect and the trauma and that you believe this might be an issue you're facing.
Hi.. I like your video.. I am 26 years old and I have RAD I was adopted and it’s very hard to deal with.. I am married but I am very attached to my husband I don’t like to be away from him he is my attachment figure...
I think it might be called DAD. Where you attach to anyone you can get your hands on. It stems from the same problem. It's just another way to try to work out the problem.
This is something I have to be cautious about with girls I engage with romantically. I've been with several hundred partners, all but 1 short term. Some if they fit the profile I have a propensity to "fall in love" almost immediately and will scare them away by informing them way to early in the relationship. The ones I know I'm engaging with purely for the physical aspects but don't meet my other criteria are also immediately informed of such so as not to elicit feelings that are eventually going to be hurt.
Can you develop this related to adult trauma neglect from other relationships but not from your parents? My parents were and still are loving and supportive, however after years of off and on trauma from relationships, friendships, and even co-workers. I'm gradually feeling major attachment issues and it's getting worse and worse. I have a husband and children but I'm feeling myself distancing myself from my husband at times children other family friends co workers. I do my responsibilities go through the motions of parenting and my wifely duties I just feel so withdrawn and a fake smile. I'm starting to not even like any sort of touch and just keeping to myself as much as possible. I pay attention to my kids because I love them but something just feels different over a few years now and getting worse. My husband is critical and negative and demands a lot of attention and I believe this is making this attachment issue worse for me and pushing me into a very dark hole.
My colleague Moses Farrow, the adopted son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen, is sharing about the abuse he experienced with his adopted mom. It might be worth it for you to check out his channel-- ruclips.net/channel/UCkOnoAwftO1KOK2LI7dLNaA
I have this I'm a adult 47 I was abused neglected as a baby moved around foster homes group homes hospitals and abuse as growing up as a adult. This illness causes me not to love and trust. I want help.
I honestly think this is what makes Trump behave the way he does. Mary Trump on her uncle Donald: "In the end, there would be no love for Donald at all, just his agonizing thirsting for it," Mary writes. "The rage, left to grow, would come to overshadow everything else." Dr. Lance Dodds On Trump: "He can only do what he does. And he is limited by the limited capacity of a person with early emotional development. He doesn't have much complexity to him. Truth means nothing to him and other people mean nothing to him. Once you get that concept that nothing matters, no conscience, no morality, than everything else falls into place." Signs Of Emotional Immaturity: 1. Lack of empathy. 2. Over reaction to life lessons. 3.Failing to take responsibility. Blaming somebody else. 4. Immediate gratification . Financially irresponsible. 5. Self centeredness. Can't see past their own desires 6. Hostility, personally attack other people if they don't agree. 7. Deception, criminality, manipulation. 8. Shallow 9. Difficulty setting boundaries. 10. Individual has no room for growth, they think they know it all. No room for personal development.
May I ask a question I would like to bring this up with my therapist. I was adopted at age 2 , neglected prior to that. Adopted by alcoholic parents, was the scape goat and peace maker. I also was held down at age 5 by two cousins and molested. I have been DX with Bipolar , ADD, OCD, and anxiety. My cognitive therapist thinks that my binge eating could have something to do with poor attachment and I have read on the 4 attachment theory and idk I think I could fit into maybe two or three of them. They don’t mention RAD is this something that I should ask her about? Due to the traumas I have dealt with? Are there things I should ask her about? I want to attach to ppl and I feel like I do with my kids, but and one friend but not anyone else. I am 45 btw. If you do not have any advise or do not feel comfortable with advise on this that is fine. Thank you for your time
You can bring it up to your therapist. The therapist might have lumped the possible RAD into possible PTSD. Sometimes, if you feel you've done all the work you can with one therapist, you can find another therapist to work with on other things. I wish you well on your healing journey.
This is weird... It sounds like I could have this but I don't know what my parents did to say that they caused this plausible disorder... How can anyone know if they were 9 months old?!
I hate being pushed aWay affection but need to feel affection from him i understand him but still think it's me not him maybe there is something wrong with me
I think it more so mimics cluster B tan morphs into cluster B and people are much more likely to receive a Cluster B diagnosis before being diagnosed with an adult that may or may not have been diagnosed with RAD in the younger years. Those with cluster B often are typically dramatic, emotional, and erratic. RAD can be as well. The difference is Cluster B does not often need a trigger to set off symptoms of dramatic, emotional, erratic, while RAD would typically need an external source to set off these symptoms.
Its extremely hard to live with. Especially when you also have anxiety and depression. Sometimes i wish my childhood was like everyone else's so that I can feel someone normal
Feel for ya hey. Hope things are going better
I imagine this level of disconnection would cause anxiety and depression...
I have total love and empathy..yes its roguh
Ohh the way I felt this entire comment
I do you know everyone elses was any better, how do we define normal? I believe we all deal with shit. Ive been diggin for 3 years (since my seperation) to figure out why all my relationships turn to shit. Now ingvestigating this diagnosis. (confirmation bias is a bitch) ..not always as clear cut as it seems, but this one hits home... Im 49 and have just a couple peeps I can call friends (that arent family) and cant seem to connect to the woman whos crazy about me, which is pushing her away. Always seem to focus on their faults. I remember when my father died..I collapsed in my closet floor and as my then wife approached me to console me, i put my hands up to not alow her in my space...memory just came up as I was watching this video...I see its been 2 years since your post..has it gotten better for y9ou and if so how did you do it?
I wish there was more attention to RAD in adults. Sadly these folks end up with a Personality Disorder label most of the time which feels like blaming the person instead of blaming the lifelong damage from early and severe childhood trauma/neglect.
Adopted, taken out of the biological home at 14 months from severe abuse. Kept in a closet with very little contact with caregiver. Now late 50’s but have never had normal relationships. RAD yes.
33 here i finally found this out, neglect and abuse don't feel much toward anyone, never had good relationships with people,almost every contact with people is abnormal.
Im sorry.
So sorry :(
Same with the relationships. Taken from parents at 18mo and never had meaningful connection with anyone in the foster home. By the time I was adopted at 5yrs the damage was done and never caught. Also had abuse with adopted Mother after I already was stunted emotionally.
Rad syndrome will make you question everyone. You may have a hard time believing in yourself since you doubt others. I no longer feel hurt or pain because I can tell myself nothing matters. I learned to stop caring. I also tend to be selfish… When you experience pain and rejection early on. It’s a barrier that protects you from getting hurt, while hurting others💔it’s something I’m working on. You never fully believe or trust peoples interactions or intentions. Nothing feels genuine or real. I cannot receive affection or give affection. As a child this was something I would push away from. I cant stand being touched. I hate the simple words such as “I love you” I also hate talking to people, it feels like a waste of time. Every interaction or sweet word that comes out of someone’s mouth seems so fake.
I see comments on these videos of people saying kids with rad have “demons” inside of them but refuse to acknowledge the abuse and trauma we experienced. Anger and rage was my cry for help. I tried everything as a little girl to get attention. My birth mother chose to stay with my father who SA’d us… she chose drugs over us. She chose to beat us and show us pain as an infant. I grew up with violence being normalized.
Every foster parent I had was a bad experiment. Most of them were only in it for the money and would even tell it to me to my face. I also had selective mutism and I couldn’t talk or speak at certain moments. I couldn’t report the abuse or speak up. I was a little girl 💔 one of the family’s I was placed in took us to Disney with the money they received and purposely left me out. They stole my toys I received from the institution I was at. So I was Being abandoned and bounced around. This gave me trust issues.
Then when I got adopted. My mother moved away from my birth family’s state. I felt distrust again. I had no one to contact. I was isolated and as I got older I discovered she used me and my sister for subsidy check. I was abused the mostly by her. I learned early that no one cares about you. From one horror house to another…
Did your adopting parents try to bond with you? If so how did that make you feel? And did they give up?
You can pray about this. I believe God is the only one who can heal you. Obviously therapy helps, but only in as much as it appeals to love and other Bibilical principles. Deliverance is what addresses the problem directly.
I was diagnosed with RAD. A therapist diagnosed me with it when I was in my early 30s. It’s such a struggle! And it explains a lot!
I was adopted and I remember as a child being diagnosed with "reactive attachment disorder" but I never really looked into it until right now. I'm 26. Thank you for posting this. Theirs really not much information that's not hard to understand. But I feel this. I really appreciate this video 💜
Living with RAD is debilitating. I was adopted from Russia as a toddler and had a very hard time growing up in the family I was put in with. I ended up suffering from more neglect and ritual abuse due to their rage because they were unable to understand what I had been suffering from and the doctors / psychiatrists and people who were studying me were not educated on this kind of diagnosis.
I just remember as a child and now from reading medical and case records they said, I wasn't able to show love and bond with the adopters and I was completely in my own little world, i had strange behaviours and was quiet and behavioirs of self harm. My adopted parents were told one thing by the caretakers in the orphanage and then they received a 'broken child' and it caused them lots of anger and resentment towards me because i wasnt what they wanted or imagined. I had to suffer from that which caused more trauma.
Living with RAD has always felt that something was taken from within me, even now with all the self healing and things I try to do to help myself. I feel detached from the outside world but I am able to feel heavily within myself. A lot of the trauma I went through was to try and keep me disassociated so I could be controlled. It's very strange. What I needed as a child was to feel safe, but I was grieving and in pain, I was scared and lost.
I had gone through a lot of studies and tests. They labelled me as mentally delayed with severe learning disability and that i have RAD. A lot of the surveillance I was under by the people who were studying me had some similarities to the controversial testing that has been done on twins, which is interesting. Ive always been described as 'complex' . I know that the professionals were lost and they think medications will just 'fix' everything. And you're right it is difficult to find actual reputable case studies online .... To this day looking back, I was painted as someone who I'm not. They say that people with RAD are unable to love or that they are narcissistic liars or that the rage is insinuated as 'demon possesed' and that the self harm is for attention seeking, that is a huge stigma and sickening. There are MANY testimonials online that will say that about those with RAD. It breaks my heart. I know that deep in my heart thats not true, we arent 'bad'. I think a lot of the trauma is based on knowing whats real and not real and experiencing severe disassociation. I have lived in fear for most of my life but I am starting to see the truth and the reality I was living in. When I was 15, I was placed into the American childcare system which absolutely devastating me. I think most people who adopt children don't realize that these children need compassion and patience and love. We were never nurtured and even to this day I long and yearn for that. I long to feel safe.
I am 25 now, and it's been hard but I've been trying to seek the meaning behind myself and why I am the way I am. I had been cast out and labelled as crazy, and even today, i am alone but it took me being heavily medicated and completely hitting the bottom where i was desperate for help and I gave my heart to Jesus. All my life, I felt like I don't belong in this world but God has me here for a reason. In scriptures it says that those who are neglected or do not have a mother or father, they are not alone in this world because we still have the Father, our Creator. He knows my mind and heart and my faith is in Him. Although I suffer from rad and depression and complex ptsd, I have a purpose and part of that is to seek healing. The world will not understand nor accept me and this is where I am now in life. The world will say I suffer from paranoia or other mental instabilities, multiple personality disorder, etc
but i choose not to listen to the labels because healing is possible.
I had been programmed to have masks and to hide in fear and I was walking on eggshells, the world isn't that much different ... you have to experience the hardships and if you really want to heal, you will do everything in your mental ability to... you are not completely lost even if you feel it. Understand this is part of your testimony.
From the few people I've met so far, who also struggle with RAD, they are like angels in disguise. Those with RAD who want to heal will have an angelic aura to them, I was able to connect with them better. They understood me more than an average person. They understand things on a deeper level than most and although they can be closed off, they need space, suffering, and can come off as cold ... they are able to have and show empathy, compassion and understanding. I am the same way. I think we live and will always keep that child within us but with proper healing, we can really flourish and grow to understand our triggers. I am extremely protective of myself .... I have and know I always be. We have to protect our spirit without completely shutting out the world and shutting down our hearts. We must learn what love is and learn how to love.
Just recently, What I have learned is that those with RAD are suffering from actual brain injury because due to our trauma, our vagus nerve is damaged which means we are desensitized. I have watched a couple of very insightful videos of testimonials of adopted children and actually being taken in nurturing, loving and carefully minded and patience people ... they focused on healing the child's senses and somatic and vagus nerve. Its about rewiring the brain and healing the nervous system.... Rad is not a chemical imbalance, it is an injury. I hope RAD will be studies more intently and will more compassion because i wish there was more help. I am trying to seek to understand and by the grace of God, I know I will ... I am praying for those who are also suffering.
Thank you
I can tell you in great detail what it’s like to have this as an adult.
Same here it sucks there arnt enough words to describe how messed up it is
Its hell
I’m 44. Severely neglected by a stepmother from 18 months to 8. My mother wasn’t much better, father was the typical Boomer macho male who showed no emotion or love to his children.
My life has been a living hell, especially before I met my wife.
I am literally incapable of taking care of myself.
I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but my therapist is confident that is one of my larger problems.
EXTREME anxiety especially with any conflicts are involved, few friends, do not understand people, people don’t know how to take me, near incapable of taking up for myself unless I am highly upset, then I come off way more hostile than I intend to, don’t trust people even tho I tend to latch on far to easily.
It’s nice to finally have a clue as to what is going on.
Sounds like BPD.
I just found out yesterday that I was diagnosed with it when I was 9 and it was confirmed when I was 12. I always knew something was wrong with me but never knew what it was. I am glad that I found your video. I am 23. I was in foster care for 10 years.
I hope you are able to find the love you seek
Interesting about the autism symptom similarities…. My mom tried to get me diagnosed she says. I’ve learned things like empathy, went to college, have a career, but yeah I can’t maintain relationships or attract healthy people. My therapist quit on me recently, said I “don’t want to get better”. I am getting comfortable with just being alone, I made progress but internally I still can’t relax around even my own siblings.
I’m sorry your therapist said that to you. Therapists should never accuse someone of not wanting to get better. Just know that if you want to try therapy again or not, there eventually will be someone there for you! You deserve to feel calm and stable in life! 💛
I have this along with bpd. I was abused neglected as a baby and growing up passed around like a football foster homes group homes hospitals in and out of family homes. This so fits me. My parents still rejected me till this day no relationship with them. I'm a follower of Jesus Christ this sickness hinders my relationship with Him and others my husband too. I'm Blessed to finally have a loving stable marriage. He is very supportive loving gentle kind understanding patient all the above because he has Jesus Christ in his life. I cant keep getting closer to Jesus God and my husband and others. I want to be whole and be healed and help others as well.
I have rap n bpd too:(
I’m learning more about my attachment stuff and it explains ALOT!
I've always found it highly dubious that the psychiatric establishment, and even psychology more broadly, has refused to properly acknowledge attachment theory for so long, and that when it does, it adopts an extremely myopic and narrow view that limits the discussion to children. The fact is, attachment theory and the relational and somatic therapeutic modalities it implies potentially complicate purely biological-based models of "mental illness" and their profitable drug-based treatment.
I have talked to older trauma therapists who have said that attachment theory WAS known about but insurance companies don't want to pay for the intense therapy that attachment disorders (including C-PTSD) require. Insurance companies only want to pay for 50 minutes of therapy once or twice a week. Now that neuroscientists have PET scans and MRIs, there is a lot more physical evidence for attachment disorders, but insurance companies still don't want to pay for it. You have to pay out of pocket, so only rich people can afford it.
To summarize, yes the evil fucks in Psychiatry would rather sell you a b.s. drug than work on the fact that you never got secure attachment with anyone as an infant/child.
My family took in a foster child like this. My cousin is a therapist, and she lived with my cousin. She lived with me in her last year of college, left the state for a year and is back in my home. I am now seeing all of this. Yesterday my cousin told me she was diagnosed with RAD years ago. I am now worried. she can't keep friends/relationships, drink A LOT, antisocial, bouts of worry, doubt,depression and anger. When we show her love, we get pushed away. When we leave her alone that upsets her. She admitted that she worries I will fall in love one day, and that means no time for her. I don't know what to do. I thought we were gonna come to blows 2 days ago. She needs to get herself a therapist. She knows she's not right.
i have this and im an adult im socially awkward so much im scared to meet new people.... emotions confuse me .... and i avoid people so much that my immune system is shit..... im scared of everybody..... when i am around people i dont act myself out of fear of not being liked i overthink what people think about me
I had it as adult if you have questions. I'm 58 now. It's been a huge journey. It's also not discussed about severe learning disabilities with RAD
I have R.A.D. and I'm an adult thank you for this video.
Thank you for sharing. A lot of this makes sense with an adolescent I have met recently.
i was given up at birth and raised by two people who would not be allowed to adopt a dog these days, i will see them in hell i guess, was adopted in the mid 60s and life has been a struggle. these kids need help asap., i am in my mid 50s and its to late but not for the kids being adopted now or recently. i doubt parents are even aware of this so they could seek help for the child before it hits the fan. where i grew up in wv there was no help beyond Xanax. the help was not there. most doctors had no experience in this or had not even heard of this. it has left me with little emotions besides a quick temper and a distrust of almost everyone. i still hate those two people who adopted me just as much as i did when they were alive and the same goes for most of their family.. dont be me, get help if you can before it is to late.
I think these kinds of things weren't as widely known in earlier years. I'm sure there were whole generations who were never diagnosed as children and suffered horribly.
I was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder when I was 11 and I'm 18 now but I found the right girl and we have been dating for a while so stay strong everyone there is someone for everybody
Friend-wise I have one and that's it so I am still socially dead
I am 21 years of age and I have found out by my own personal research that I have RAD , when I was younger both my parents was working and I would stay with my cousins family and move from house to house , with not much food to eat , I didn’t realise until now how much it affected me as an adult. I realise I struggle to stay focused and I am easily angered and also I have a lack of self esteem and have extreme anxiety , I feel so out of place with society , I feel like I inherited this from my mother as her mum died from childbirth but she was unaware of this condition and she has lived a normal working life as a nurse however now that I have this I realise I push everyone away I just feel empty but I’m starting to regain my relationship with my father and mother which helps me but I feel like I’m a physcopath and people around me must’ve been thinking the same for so many years it’s just awful to know
I believe I have this and my biological father (whom I never lived with did too.).
You can't stay attached to any one. People just think you don't care. I dissociate and started having imaginary friends at 14.
I am a 51 yr old female with this along with ocd borderline personality disorder ptsd with my nervous system jacked my walk with Jesus is affected along with other people
I was fortunate enough to be treated by a very good psychologist for five years with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. The emotional symptoms of RADs are fear of being killed and eaten. If an adult doesn't have an attachment of the primary caregiver you have a strong feeling you don't belong. Meaning in the universe. Everywhere I went i had the horrible feeling I was going to be killed. The eaten part was if I got close to someone I'd be consumed in the relationship, as in a black wave curling over me and consuming me. A real mother forker. One can recover from it if one can find a competent psychologist, can afford it and have the determination to recover.
I can so relate
That was well said. I'm glad you found a psychologist that could help you. I haven't had that luxury.
I’m partner has been diagnosed with R.A.D. and it has made him emotionally unavailable to me, uses acting out behavior to get my attention (lying, drinking, cheating) but professes his love for me. I asked him to leave because it was making me crazy...I want him to be healthy but I can’t help him if he refuses to help himself. I’m very sad and concerned about him...oh yes he was adopted as well and raised by a Nannie in the home of an emotionally unavailable and at time cruel mother.
Shane Montgomery I’m sorry. That’s rough, love your concern for him but that behavior is not healthy and you don’t deserve that treatment no matter what happened to him! It’s inexcusable
I don't agree. If you know he has RAD, then, if you love him, you have to accept that fact. The worst thing you can do is abandon him.
That doesn't mean you should take abuse, but you could try maintaining a more distant contact so he knows you still care.
i have a screening next week for autism spectrum disorder, but i felt as if the descriptors of autistic traits felt vague as to what ive been experiencing throughout my life. i wasnt able to communicate i needed help until i was 14, but i felt it since i was 3. my mom and dad both came from broken homes, and found eachother at very vulnerable points in their life. their marriage was toxic and abusive, but not physically harmful. i was the youngest of 3 kids, two older brothers and i was the only girl. i cant remember alot of what life was like before my mother fell into her alcoholism and my dad was overly dependent on marijuana but it sure did not quell his internalized rage. i felt weak as early as i can remember back, not physically, but in a way noone could see, and the fact noone saw stunted my self worth and object permanence so severely that i was convinced i had borderline as a teenager. my mother got sober and divorced my father by the time i was 9, and promised she would do better, but i never felt that promise be fufilled. i was told what i was given was enough but i felt so starved of love that by the time i started highschool i had started lashing out at my mother and skipping school. i had paralyzing suicidal urges but they all fell short as i was too scared to commit to the unknown of the afterlife. i have been very unabashedly genderqueer and bisexual my whole life, but some part of me avoided traditional femininity as i was taught that was why i was weak. my brothers were listened to, and i was shunned as too young to understand why nobody loves her enough, or feel pain and resentment for feeling that way. it turns out i am a victim of narcissistic abuse from my mother who i suspect has reactive attatchment disorder, and her hatred of herself and lack of self worth bled into my mind aswell as her shame and guilt and denial of how badly i was hurting. my first and only committed relationship was grossly codependent on both ends in retrospect but i was convinced that he secretly didnt love me still :/ i projected the inadequacy and need for the connection and understanding i was starved of for so long that it started poisoning the relationship.
this describes the pure anguish and rage of just doing what feels right and that you think will earn you praise and being told that you are too eager, too needy. im realizing im not the one that was broken, im the product of my generational trauma and genetic vulnerability. if the screening i have planned ends in me being told its just moderate depression or anxiety AGAIN i think i will literally just throw up and pass out (not really but sorta)
My spouse was just diagnosed with RAD as an adult. He also has BPD. There are a lot more of these people than we think. God bless you.
CON-CAN I got both too, and it is hard to deal with. more awareness is important
I had to give up physical custody of my daughter at 2 yrs old. I had a newborn with no daddy and decided it would be best for all 3 of us if i just had her on the weekends. Then 2 months later, her dad and stepmom (her too) all moved to the opposite side of the country. She's 23 and moved back a year ago. She has bipolar and rad. Had I known how abusive her stepmother was and how emotionally unavoidable her dad was, I would have gotten her back.
I'm trying to get to know her, but she pushes me away when I approach. She sometimes approaches me to talk about herself, but this is mostly at bad times like when I'm brushing my teeth. She just wants to say whatever is on her mind then goes on her way. There is rarely any back and forth "regular convos". This makes me frustrated and sometimes down right pissed. How do I connect with someone who just wants to be in their own world, cone out occasionally to talk about herself, and push others away when they try to include her? Then she gets upset that her younger sister and brother don't include her!! I see no win to this.
While I can't diagnose, it sounds like she is doing what is often seen in teen girls-- talking to their parents while their busy with something else. This makes the conversation less confrontation and requires less attention on them. I might have read that in Reviving Ophelia by Dr. Pipher. It sounds like all you can do is continue to ask if she wants to do something, be there to listen, and when she's ready, she'll accept. It's not a no-win situation. It sounds more of a "patience while she trusts" situation. There might be some specialists in your area who might be able to come up with some ways for you to help your daughter. There's a book made for parents of children (maybe 5 to 16 or so) called Taming the Spirited Child by Dr. Popkin. It might be worth a read, just to have an idea on how to be more productive in your interactions.
If she has any thing she's interested in-- some hobby she likes to do, she might like it if you show an interest in it. The activity serves as both a barrier but also a connection. So she feels like she's sharing something, but still feels safe.
@@jacobsabrina74any updates? I'm exactly like this and idk what was going through her mind, but for me it's like I'll approach my parents, say something I want to say, walk away and hope they'll emphasize on it later. I really want to be able to have a connection but I just feel so incapable yet I get these moments where I feel like I can do it, then I am in the situation and I only end up getting a few things out.
I don’t usually comment and you might not see this but I wanted to say thank you. I gained lots of value from this and if you could please include some sources or databases I could explore with good Information I would really greatly appreciate it
Unfortunately, there are not books specifically for reactive attachment disorder in adults. It's lumped in with trauma. It is recommended to make connections to others through the community (service org, taking classes, finding hobbies and others interested in those hobbies, etc) and to work through any strained relationships with former friends.
You have very cool glasses. :) and also remind me of Amy from Big Bang Theory
For me as a kid who was taken into care at the age of two and wasnt adopted until age five and was then abused by the adoptive parents both mentally emotionally and sexually I find it very hard sometimes to cope. I suffer from depression and I am very hypervigilant. It was not just one event that caused rad it was several major traumatic events. I also suffer from PTSD. Not only was my trust and care betrayed by those that were supposed to protect me as a child but no one knew about the abuse because of the fact that they were upstanding citizens of the community and I was considered just a troubled kid. Even as an adult it is really hard to get close and trust people. Even in an adult relationship its hard.
That's awful. I hope one day they get exposed .
I like where you're going with this. I'd like to discuss middle children.
Very needy siblings and a not wealthy caregiver can create these conditions
Thank you for the Perspective
The first two years of my life was extremely violent, unloving, (so I've been told) and ended with the murder of my mother at the age of two. Immediately my father was arrested and I ended up in the foster care system. Went through multiple foster homes and as a 53-year-old adult, I have accepted the fact that I will never bond properly or attach to another person. I have two children and I'm never attached or bonded with them either. Still searching for answers maybe someday
Wow your story really spoke to me. I've developed attachment issues later in my life from trauma. I would have never seen this for myself because I was always the opposite. I hope this changes for you. It's never too late.
I have this and i still dont have a good relationship whit my mom when i was 1/2 years old she moved all the way to the other side of the Netherlands becose she was depressed she tought that was for the best, when i was 5
i moved Back and forth 5 times in that 5 times i lived for 7 years with Foster parents now i live Guided living with roommates and now at age 19 i get help with it
OMG THIS IS 100% ME!!!!!!!! I have some calls to make .... thanks mom :/
-my mom starved and beat me, tried tio kill me twice ect...
-i almost died in a car crash and my mom wouldnt let me be treated and i had rocks in me and stuff for a while and back/ hip issues even now
-only this year have a felt like i have a few friends, ITS SO HARD!!! everyone lies to me tiney lies are even to much for me to handle i take it to heart
- i have rage and panic attacks. used to be every day but with years of love, dr's, meds its down to 1-2/ week
-because i was starved i have sevear issues with food,, starving myself, stuffing my face,, hating my body, hiding food and water still now in my 30's
- constently being alert and anxiety while out iin public... didnt help when i was attacked last week cuz now my brains justifing it
-terrified when talking with people because sooner or later i will say something i think is fine but offends people so bad they hate me .
My husband has refused to have kids due to my flipouts im so much better but not good enough, i dont know what do other than what ive already done.
I find what's helped me is to focus on an interest that takes me out of the thoughts and feelings I'm having. Like writing or art. Or really anything that you can focus on that doesn't have to directly include other people.
Then if you feel safe enough, you could share what you've done with someone. It's a way to share your feelings one step removed.
Attachment theory is very much a Western concept, and has been used to justify the removal of hundreds of thousands of Indigenous children from their families worldwide. Indigenous children have multiple caregivers from birth, eg. Grandmothers, Aunties, cousins.. the mother is not always the primary caregiver
I'm enrolled. I just want to clear up that Attachment Theory couldn't have been used to justify any policy, as Bowlby first published anything related in 1948. That said, here's something from 'Universality claim of attachment theory: Children’s socioemotional development across cultures':
"The common practice of large-scale interventions in rural subsistence-based contexts promoting Western-style parenting strategies without knowing the local culture positions a false understanding of scientific evidence against cultural knowledge. This practice is unethical. Diversity needs to be recognized as the human condition, and the recognition of diversity is an obligation for better science as well as for improving people’s lives."
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6233114/
It’s more about the continuity of the bonds not how many kids have. If they keep being disrupted by abuse, conflict or changing caregivers while breaking the bond with the previous one, that’s when you start to see issues. Hope it helps.
My culture is very much the same and would probably argue that it’s healthy if the bonds are maintained throughout the childhood rather than being passed from on relative to another without seeing who raised you before for a long time
Yeah but in that situation they're still having their emotional needs met... attachment issues are caused by not having that
I was interested in watching this, but the talk seems unfinished.
It did cut off at the end. There is a second part.
@@VanessaLoveCounselor you are right. Thanks for the the tip. I finished the talk and appreciated the info. =)
I got diagnosed with autism and borderline intellectual functioning and idk if I have that or this :/ and my mom the one who convinced the doctor to diagnose me with autism
People who have RAD live their lives in three distinct stages 1.) Hyper-vigilance this is a person with RAD baseline mental state which is like fight or flight for people without it 2.) Overreaction: sometimes called emotional “flooding”, this is a state in which the individual becomes emotionally flooded and they may get lost or stuck in this emotional state for a long period of time. The individual must ground and get their body in touch with their emotions to move from this state. 3.) Recalibrating: during this state the individual must rebound from this emotional state and will typically exhibit symptoms similar to depression and can be a state which leads back to overreaction. The key for reactive people to live moderately normal lives is to learn to bounce through the stages as quickly as possible and back to the first stage so that’s the damage to their lives and those around them is minimal.
Interesting theory. Have others been successful in using it?
How do I find a therapist for this??? My 17yo wants help, but so many don't understand it or say that its not a real thing at her age.
Dialectal Behavior Therapy can help (DBT). Though it is not stated to treat RAD, since many young adults and adults that still experience RAD symptoms have their symptoms look like Borderline Personality Disorder, than DBT may be advantageous.
I was diagnosed in my early 20s. My mom went to prison when I was 3 for SA someone’s kids. Then foster care, then a father who was extremely abusive. It was hell. When she diagnosed me I ran. Now coming back 10 years later. I was into drugs for 10 of them. Now I’m clean and a mother. I want to make sure I’m as healthy as can be for him. Everytime I go for therapy I run. The emotions are always too much. I hate talking to random people about it. Then I start telling myself nothing is wrong with me. I’m acting like a victim. … blah blah and so on,
Im 20 years old and i was diagnosed with Rad at 4 years old. I feel like my case is very strange. So i was adopted at 9 months old and when i got into my family i instantly attached to my now adoptive mother. Although everything else was completely foreign to me, i didnt know how to hug, i didnt know kisses or anything like that. Ik i was such a young age but apparently before those 9 months i was given the bare minimum. As i got a bit older i had an unhealthy attachment with my parents. I couldnt go anywhere without them or id end up crying. Through the years i got better at this but once i got into school i never really told them about things that went on. What i mean are the social concerns i had, the fact that i only had one friend growing up, and wasjt really interested in making anymore. I kinda got better when i got to middle school, but even then i still wasnt able to form any meaningful relationships. Onto highschool and i started to get into a group that smoked weed. This was probably the worst thing that couldve happened, i started feeling like my family wouldnt accept me and i had to keep it a secret. Well they eventually found out and i didnt want to stop. It eventually made my mom start crying and i really couldnt understand why, i just told her its not even that bad for me. Through this time, i just hung with my friends smoked and chilled. Somewhere along the lines it got in my head that i was hanging with them to smoke and that made me feel so messed up, this is where i started realizing there was something wrong with me. I was about 17 or 18 and i just let it go on for a while. Eventually the friend group got into psychedelics and i did those like 10 times. When i went on psychedelics i felt normal for the first time in my life. I could actually care for my friends and feel like we were enjoying the time rather than just being high. It got to a point where i wanted to do them more often so i did them more and more because i felt normal. For once i felt like this is how everyone else feels for each other. It felt like so much love, just because of the talks we had and even talking about our families. One day as me and ky friends started taking them some of them were talking badly about others jn the group behind their backs. I was feeling sick from taking the psychs so i layed down and closed my eyes. As i hear them talking bad on each other it made me question who i was friends with and why i stayed with them for so long. After that i never did psychedelics again and almost never talked to anyone from that group again. From there i tried to branch out and make different friends but i never actually cared for them. I could tell they cared for me but i felt incapable of caring for them as much as they did me. Eventually that started making me feel bad, all i wanted was to have friends but i started realizing how messed up itd be if i let them care for me so much and leave that unreciprocated. So now i talk to no one, people look at me like i take everything for granted and no one asks how im doing anymore. I feel that i should just be alone rather than face the self hatred i have for myself when i try to bond with people.
I also struggle with thinking normally. Id also smoke because it actually made me think about things rather than having a blank mind. I don't smoke anymore, and I still struggle with a blank mind all the time. Usually when I think it's depressing thoughts or things I won't remember later
I also think my rad got worse through the years because of my experiences
So I’ve done some research on RAD, specifically the Inhibited Type, and there just isn’t a lot of literature on the disorder; the number of hits on RUclips tells as much.
I speculate that I may have had RAD, but most definitely fit the bill for CPTSD; is there a difference between the two in terms of symptoms?
It’s confusing how I am both ‘empathetic’ in the sense of being able to recognize, analyze and predict the emotions/behaviours of others, yet I can’t really feel their feelings or even mine to the degree I believe ´normal’ people do.
I don’t even have constant emotional states, feelings and mind states are situational and they always dissipate but then return periodically,as if they are on a conditional cycle.
What do you make of the following observations?
CPTSD is not a diagnosis in the DSM 5. PTSD is in the DSM- and it's marker is witnessing violence or being in a life-threatening situation-- either real or perceived, which has triggers, avoidance or nightmares afterward.
RAD is marked by lack of connection to others and not seeking emotional comfort in distress.
They go hand in hand but PTSD can definitely exist without RAD.
I can inform on here but I don't feel comfortable making diagnoses, giving advice or jumping to conclusions about people, their lives or their mental health, especially when they are not clients. If they were clients, I couldn't say anything in public because of HIPPA laws. I'm sorry I can't be of further assistance. Maybe a neurological or psychological battery test could help you to sort out some of the issues you're facing.
Daddy’s girl here, prefer guy friends. Had a great grandma tho
How do you care for someone emotionally stunted/unavailable? How do we even talk?
I was taken away due to neglect and said i have rad and was never adopted
I’m a 22 year old male with RADS
I have been in a poor orphanage in Seoul Korea malnourished got adopted at 7 or 8 months was physically emotionally mentally abused and both adopted parents were alcoholic I even got verbally abused put down yelled at I am now 43 my past two therapists told me I have reactive attachment disorder I know I have it now but before I thought I had something but did not know what I know I am a person and if have symptoms a disorder.I love affection when I feel like my man loves affection or when he is in a certain mood but when I don't i feel sad not wanted not loved isolated I don't want to give affection when he isn't or has an attitude I think I did something wrong.I know he says he is not affection but i know him I know why because he has been molested as a boy himself he is 50 it has to do with manhood etc that I have read or maybe it's me.But I do understand him I just don't think he understands me I think I know me or do I.Its my fault because I have reactive attachment disorder and the things I did imam not perfect.Its my fault why we argue no affection.We have an eleven year old daughter to.I am going to order me a workbook on reactive attachment disorder.
Or just repeated broken bonds before age of 4. Feeling like you can't relate and don't belong in society. Relationship beginnings intimate come ons trigger an instant shut down. Only to regret it later. Yearning for love but aggressively rejecting it when it comes. Pervading sense of "brokenness" stops us reaching out and trying in all areas of life. Actually scared of letting people in.
I feel like I have this. What do I do?
It depends on what you- you can read articles, books, watch videos, see a therapist or find a therapy group that concentrates on this. If you find a therapist, make sure they are aware of the neglect and the trauma and that you believe this might be an issue you're facing.
Hi.. I like your video.. I am 26 years old and I have RAD I was adopted and it’s very hard to deal with.. I am married but I am very attached to my husband I don’t like to be away from him he is my attachment figure...
Same, but she ran away and told me I wasn't good enough. Try that one.
Some one plz help me i dont know how to cope with this
“Umm..um..umm” geeesh
Im disappointed that you dont cover that complete opposite reaction.... overly attached to strangers even as an adult.
My clients' experiences don't reflect that.
Have you looked into attachment theory?
I think it might be called DAD. Where you attach to anyone you can get your hands on. It stems from the same problem. It's just another way to try to work out the problem.
This is something I have to be cautious about with girls I engage with romantically. I've been with several hundred partners, all but 1 short term. Some if they fit the profile I have a propensity to "fall in love" almost immediately and will scare them away by informing them way to early in the relationship. The ones I know I'm engaging with purely for the physical aspects but don't meet my other criteria are also immediately informed of such so as not to elicit feelings that are eventually going to be hurt.
Damn...and here I thought I was just autistic.
Now that I know I have RAD...how do I fix it??
I'm guessing ask around or search for a therapist knowledgeable about childhood trauma and foster/adoption issues.
I also my adopted father molested me at 19 felt weak.I was affection before I don't understand me is it me help
Can you develop this related to adult trauma neglect from other relationships but not from your parents? My parents were and still are loving and supportive, however after years of off and on trauma from relationships, friendships, and even co-workers. I'm gradually feeling major attachment issues and it's getting worse and worse. I have a husband and children but I'm feeling myself distancing myself from my husband at times children other family friends co workers. I do my responsibilities go through the motions of parenting and my wifely duties I just feel so withdrawn and a fake smile. I'm starting to not even like any sort of touch and just keeping to myself as much as possible. I pay attention to my kids because I love them but something just feels different over a few years now and getting worse. My husband is critical and negative and demands a lot of attention and I believe this is making this attachment issue worse for me and pushing me into a very dark hole.
My colleague Moses Farrow, the adopted son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen, is sharing about the abuse he experienced with his adopted mom. It might be worth it for you to check out his channel-- ruclips.net/channel/UCkOnoAwftO1KOK2LI7dLNaA
I can help you..send me an message and I will tell you my story.
I have this I'm a adult 47 I was abused neglected as a baby moved around foster homes group homes hospitals and abuse as growing up as a adult. This illness causes me not to love and trust. I want help.
How can you help? I am willing to listen. Thank you
I honestly think this is what makes Trump behave the way he does.
Mary Trump on her uncle Donald:
"In the end, there would be no love for Donald at all, just his agonizing thirsting for it," Mary writes.
"The rage, left to grow, would come to overshadow everything else."
Dr. Lance Dodds On Trump:
"He can only do what he does.
And he is limited by the limited capacity of a person with early emotional development.
He doesn't have much complexity to him. Truth means nothing to him and other people mean nothing to him.
Once you get that concept that nothing matters, no conscience, no morality, than everything else falls into place."
Signs Of Emotional Immaturity:
1. Lack of empathy.
2. Over reaction to life lessons.
3.Failing to take responsibility. Blaming somebody else.
4. Immediate gratification . Financially irresponsible.
5. Self centeredness. Can't see past their own desires
6. Hostility, personally attack other people if they don't agree.
7. Deception, criminality, manipulation.
8. Shallow
9. Difficulty setting boundaries.
10. Individual has no room for growth, they think they know it all.
No room for personal development.
jeeze what a blowhard of a post
Do you believe that Trump has RAD? I never considered that.
May I ask a question I would like to bring this up with my therapist. I was adopted at age 2 , neglected prior to that. Adopted by alcoholic parents, was the scape goat and peace maker. I also was held down at age 5 by two cousins and molested. I have been DX with Bipolar , ADD, OCD, and anxiety. My cognitive therapist thinks that my binge eating could have something to do with poor attachment and I have read on the 4 attachment theory and idk I think I could fit into maybe two or three of them. They don’t mention RAD is this something that I should ask her about? Due to the traumas I have dealt with? Are there things I should ask her about? I want to attach to ppl and I feel like I do with my kids, but and one friend but not anyone else. I am 45 btw. If you do not have any advise or do not feel comfortable with advise on this that is fine. Thank you for your time
You can bring it up to your therapist. The therapist might have lumped the possible RAD into possible PTSD. Sometimes, if you feel you've done all the work you can with one therapist, you can find another therapist to work with on other things. I wish you well on your healing journey.
@@VanessaLoveCounselor thank you for your videos they are helpful
This is weird... It sounds like I could have this but I don't know what my parents did to say that they caused this plausible disorder... How can anyone know if they were 9 months old?!
While every theory and technique has its pros and cons, maybe hypnosis or emdr or meditation can assist...?
I hate being pushed aWay affection but need to feel affection from him i understand him but still think it's me not him maybe there is something wrong with me
👍👍❤️❤️‼️
You need a lapel mic, I can barely hear you
Rad if unresolved is generally a cluster B diagnosis later on.
Where's that from?
I can see that happening on some instances for sure.
yeah I was thinking antisocial personailty disorder
I don't think so. I've heard it can be a precursor to BPD but I disagree. If you have BPD you'll have BPD. RAD won't mutate.
I think it more so mimics cluster B tan morphs into cluster B and people are much more likely to receive a Cluster B diagnosis before being diagnosed with an adult that may or may not have been diagnosed with RAD in the younger years.
Those with cluster B often are typically dramatic, emotional, and erratic. RAD can be as well. The difference is Cluster B does not often need a trigger to set off symptoms of dramatic, emotional, erratic, while RAD would typically need an external source to set off these symptoms.
Um
Um.... What?
Shit....
Way too much of the "like" word when you speak ...
Yes, I do that often.
@@VanessaLoveCounselor and you’re doing just fine too!