What Is It Like Parenting A Child With Attachment Disorder?
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- Опубликовано: 16 сен 2024
- In this video, families open up and share what it has been like parenting a child with Trauma and Attachment Issues
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Our 3 adopted children are now adults. They are estranged from us. Its so disappointing. We poured years of love into them. We gave them every advantage in growing up. One is a drug addict like her birth mother. Both boys (brothers) are in 40s. Married badly and have now close relationships with birth family that rejected them. They've even lied to them about circumstances and told them we essentially bought them..omg.. I feel like we did all the hard work. ..working thru trying to raise them right and changing horrible behaviors. Now my husband and I are not important nor worth their time. We are late 60s. It really hurts. We are raising our daughters child we adopted her as well. Shes now 16 and a real joy. She is worth all the hurt the other 3 put us thru. We adopted 3 damaged kids thru foster system and were not warned of any psychatric problems we would face with abused children. People think we did such an act of kindness.. raising these kids. I sadly feel my life was changed for the worse. We just wanted to be parents after several miscarriages. Please pray for me.
My heart goes out to you. Nothing was in vain. Bible says to do everything unto the Lord. Seek healing gratitude and forgiveness. Seek Jesus he is your joy!! Glad you have your grandchild.
children estrange from foster parents for a reason, at 18 you need to let them be themselves. they go back to their old family because they dont judge. foster kids are kids until 24-26. they age slow. they dont want to stay around nagging therapist parents. unconditional love only.
More adoptive parents need training before adoption. They need skills to deal with the behaviors when they come up! We walked in blindly and fumbled our way through until we knew what we were dealing with.
Agreed. My dad was a social worker and had a degree in psychology but still lacked some literature on some of my needs. But he did his absolute best and was so loving!
No amount of training can help
No training makes any difference with rad.
I am an adult who has an attachment disorder because of negligent parents. I can only say that it is a struggle throughout your life. The only thing that saved me from self-destruction was therapy, my faith and the kindness of strangers, and arts/crafts. I believe that these children want to FEEL STRONG love and loyalty, someone or people who engage them because they feel far away, a parent figure who not just says they love them, but whom they feel will help them and not give up on them. It take a special kind of love to mend these wounds.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to open up about the challenges you've faced, and I appreciate your insights.
Another excellent video! We adopted our RAD son at age 6. There was a honeymoon period for a couple of months and then the nightmare began. The constant urination, destruction of property, betrayal, are all painful. If everything else isn't painful enough, the vicious attacks by CPS when your RAD makes those constant false accusations is expensive, painful, and in many ways destroys all hopes of reconciliation with our RAD son. I've written in my journal that it's like living with the enemy. After 8 years of his constant rejection and betrayal, we are in suvival mode. Thank you Dr. Apigian for your wonderful videos. They sum up best what parenting a RAD child is like. The two most accurate descriptions of parenting a RAD child are the journey is lonely and its exhausting. Our RAD is 14 and now we are just trying to make it until he graduates from high school and moves out so that we can start our healing.
I was adopted at age 5. I’m now a forty year old retired Marine. Would love to share my life’s journey sometime doc.
May God bless all of you. One day your kids will rise to their feet and find their purpose. On that day both of you (parents and child) will get the relationship you where meant to have.
I would love that. Let me know when you are ready and let's chat. The best way to reach me is through the traumahealingaccelerated.com website. Look forward to connecting.
Actually being the kid and going through this and you feel alone is painful 😢
The elephant in the room is that infants that do not receive the experience of a consistent, loving parent to bond with, fail to develop the critical brain structures necessary for human attachment and love. The brain misses a critical time to develop the anatomic centers and chemistry for attachment. It is a permanent disability, not merely a psychological reaction in the child. You can not "love" your child's brain damage away. My daughter was adopted at 8 mo. from Guatemala but had already missed essential time. Neurologists and pediatricians gave me false hope, which only handicapped me from making realistic plans for our future. By age twelve she viciously assaulted. She had numerous occasions of running away (over 3 days at a time). The police, courts and psychiatric units were a constant in my life. I locked myself in my own bedroom at night, because I was unsafe. And yes, the police and social services all blame you. She is gone now and the last 20 yrs of my life are saturated with pain. I am now damaged and struggle to live with the trauma I endured. I am happy for those who adopted a child and had a normal enough loving family life. Adoption of a child from unknown circumstances is a gamble of the gravest magnitude.
We are the punching bags for their displaced rage that was caused by the abuse they experienced before we came into their lives.
We have a RAD child and it is the biggest test of our lives. It is a terrible experience, but it has caused us to work on ourselves and seek a closer relationship with the Lord. This makes it worth it, but man, it is tough!
Thank you so much for sharing. Being the parent of a RAD child has been the single most difficult act in my life.
For me too, Herson. It nearly broke me. I am glad you are connecting and hope you get through this.
@@DrAimieApigian What causes RAD in kids?
One of my childhood friend's parents adopted three sisters from Poland when they were older kids and all three displayed signs of severe RAD and an assortment of mental illnesses, especially the eldest sister. According to my friend, she was anxious, had violent tendencies towards pretty much everyone, frequently suspended from school, and even told a school counselor that my friend's parents were physically abusing her and her sisters. The CPS came over and thankfully they did not buy her accusations. The last straw was when she cornered my friend with a knife when the parents weren't home and she threatened to murder him in cold blood. After that, his parents surrendered all of the sisters to the state except the middle sister, who was the only one who recovered from her RAD. In fact she protected my friend from her knife-wielding sister and called 911. I recently bumped into his mom and she told me that both kids are thriving with great careers and the middle sister recently got engaged. As for the other two sisters, they were placed in multiple homes and have sadly been living a life of crime.
My husband won sole custody of his four children and the youngest was disgnosed with conduct disorder and now they think she has RAD. This has been extremely hard for us as a family. Hearing these stories I feel like we aren't alone...
the background music is too loud, i struggle to hear what they're saying in certrain parts, can you please tune it down or off?
I agree, and I am sorry. The original file was no longer available for edit, and I decided to still share it for the content, despite the difficulty with the audio. My apologies.
@@DrAimieApigian instead of shifting blame, I would suggest next time you just take the constructive criticism on board and just improve next time. It is your video on your channel after all and I'm sure you watched the video before you uploaded it onto your channel? Just a suggestion. Thanks for this video!
@@mirandascoool please tell me who the blame was shifted to ???
She agreed and apologised with the comment made amount audio difficulties.
No one shifted blame.
@@useurnaame she edited the comment.
These parents stories are very familiar, and I think its great there talking about it....the more parents speak out...the more people will learn what RAD is...
trust me I know how you feel...I have court this morning for my daughter...she did try killing me, and my husband....Through all my videos this past 6 months..Ive been poisoned....I suspected, but didn't know it for sure....They always believe themselves the victim...:(
Oh, yes. That victim mentality can be very draining. The perspective and lies they can convince themselves of until healing occurs. I hope court went as well as possible.
The isolation needs to be broken! Thank you for all you do as well to connect and educate! I am a big fan!
She got 23 days in jail THATS IT! , and sent her home with birth mom (I got a protection order to make sure they didn't send her back here)..B mom is a heroin/meth addict....I worry, but glad she's not here.
Or, I don't know, we can listen to the kids, or the adults who grew up with RAD. I guess this stuff goes in cycles. 15 years ago all we heard about was how hard mothers of autistic kids had it. Boo hoo. Now we're finally listening to adults with autism and about how miserably horrible they were treated as kids -- the parents would have had it a lot easier if they had just shown a bit of empathy.
My late husband died when our son was 2 weeks old. After watching this, as I reflect back, this could explain what I have NEVER been able to figure out about my son's rage. He's an adult now. I barely survived. This will alleviate false responsibility that I have carried for decades. Thank you.
I have to twin boys, now eleven, go in and out of the recession of RADs. Unfortunately for every person that leaves their life the trauma for them starts all over. My two boys are now both also diagnosed with BPI and the other with Borderline Personality Disorder. We must all remember that in order for anyone to have a child and not love them, means the parent too has a whole host of mental health issues, typically untreated. Rocking for hours, while hugging is what works for us! I can not imagine that they will allow me to do this for much longer, but for now it is what gets us through to the next stage of calmness! Thank You for sharing!
Dear Joanne,
it is very true that until they heal, every loss they experience in the present moment is connected to all of the loss they have had over their lifetime, starting with the loss of attachment and security in early life.
It is also sad to see that at age 11 they already have those diagnoses, though I know that you are not stopping there, but understanding the root cause are pressing on for full healing still.
Rocking and hugging works very well with those with features of BPI and BPD. The movement and touch really helps regulate the nervous system and bring them back to calmness... until the next time!
Kudos to you for the hours spent rocking! ~ Dr. Aimie
I have just given up. My granddaughter is twenty. Eighteen years of hell. I'm sorry I kept trying for so long. I'm sorry I neglected my other three children trying to sort out one. One of them was her full biological brother but I guess he was caught at the right age. He was only one. She was two. I have endured years of false allegations, physical and mental abuse. I'm 58 now. She physically attacks me because she can. She threatens to burn the house down and smashes up my car. Her trigger is the word NO!. Social services blamed me for "Inconsistent parenting" After four parenting courses which taught me "praise the good behaviours" What good behaviours?. She took praise as a weakness and went in for the kill. She had a baby he was taken into care after two months. There were five possible fathers and all of them in jail. It's a lifelong condition. I must admit though I did gain a little pleasure when she smashed up the social services office and threatened the staff. Me bad :) Perhaps it was their inconsistent parenting skills?
Thank you for putting this out. I live this every day - with one bio and one adopted, I know it is not me. It is truly the hardest thing I have ever done, and will ever do.
Thank you for watching and sharing, Grace. It is still the hardest thing that I have ever done as well. Sending you a big hug of support.
My husband and I have adopted thirteen children, ten of which have RAD. This led me to write and publish PHOENIX BOUND. It's a life that others, especially professionals, need to begin to understand and take seriously. Parents shouldn't feel so lonely, isolated and scared. We should feel supported and understood, and be able to receive affordable services for our children. I have created several videos too. I think the more people who speak out, the better. Eventually, society will be forced to listen. Several of my children are now adults and their lives reflect the lack of support, services and therapeutic help we've gotten as a family. They are now wreaking havoc on society and in their own homes, rather than in my home, but it doesn't make me feel any better knowing that. The most moving statement in this video is when she says that their eyes change. I know that look. I know the beady, empty, angry eyes.
This is an excellent video and one that I've watched and shared several times. It sums up RAD in a brief 6-7 minutes in a very powerful way. We can attest to what these couples have shared and we continue to experience this pain as our RAD is only 13 years old but he's put us through hell since we adopted him at age 6. Thank you very much for making this.
New Book on RAD, an excellent resource: Raising A Thief by Paul Podolsky...
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@Brad Chew does it ever improve? We are debating on adopting an 8 year old currently placed with us.
I can relate while I typically avoid social media interactions. My mother wished to foster us for years as we were difficult children. She wished us to be perfect and we were in perpetual degeneration. In the background, I have one 15 yo severely autistic brother placed in group homes since 2009. My 12 year old twin sisters will be the last to be fostered in probably the following month, and I am in a group home for 12 and up, so I plan to convince our social worker to place them within me as I have a lot of self-responsibility. I am also followed by an independence achievement program in my own residence and since we are only two people we cope well. At this moment, I'm currently engaged in volunteering and finishing HS in an alternative program.
Thankfully my sisters are going to school. The day I have my own apartment, I'll fight to (slowly but surely) take their custody as they have once been fostered for 3 years and I do not wish to leave them alone without my presence, it's the last thing I'd do. I also have projects to build a residence for sensitives since months and I would never hesitate to let them in if that project builds up. I need to make them feel secure. None of us has RAD, but our family, personalities and societal dynamics severely disrupted our feeling of belonging, attachment, trust, and the mere concept of "home" since 8 years. So we are emotional orphans. I have at least recovered and they are just starting adolescence. I feel really disappointed in what our situation has become out of "speak of the devil" but I can understand. I'm certain it's karmic. Being fascinated with psychology and science has saved my life greater than I anticipated. I am also a Lightworker with years of experience with social services so it's tremendously more helpful. We have quite a stable level of responsibility each other as our problems were exclusive to the mother.
Preparation is key.
Thanks for the video. I really believe in IFS Therapy for these cases. I am trying it myself and with my kid with success. Thanks again!
Talk about what it's like to be parented by a person with attachment disorder. I just answered my own question. It's like not being parented.
Yes, a parent with Attachment Disorder who is active in their disease will not have the emotional regulation to be a parent, and will either be emotionally distant or emotionally enmeshed. Either way, I'm so sorry to hear that was your childhood experience.
The best part is when they're teenagers and get caught by the police, and then they start accusing you (the one that just sacrificed 10 years trying to help them) of extreme abuse to try and deflect blame away from their petty crime.
Our lives were destroyed when we called the police to help us find help when our daughter with RAD attacked and battered her disabled grandfather. She spun a tale of woe and abuse. My wife and I were arrested, our children were taken by CPS. However, after our reputation was destroyed and my business ruined by the media coverage, our daughter was placed in a lockdown mental institution for the past 2 1/2 years because she was such a danger to herself and others. The State dropped all of the felony charges, but gave a plea of guilty for not getting her State approved psychiatric care. Our other children were returned very quickly, within weeks, since there was no evidence of neglect or abuse to any of them, including our child with RAD. We have never had any apologies or reimbursement for the expenses and loss of business. Instead, the State said that the only reason they dropped all the charges was because a trial would be too hard on our daughter. God bless all of you parents of RAD children. We know your pain.
@@frizfarm This issue needs to be understood by all people looking to adopt. The state shouldn't allow adoption of children with RAD. Rad kids must be moved from placement to placement after no more than one month. They are happier that way.
@@probabletruth5511, Indiana passed a law last July that adopting parents are not allowed to have any background medical or mental records of the children they are adopting. This horrible law was passed because CPS doesn't have enough money to house all of the children they have taken. Our daughter is so violent that we couldn't find an institution that would have her. When CPS placed her in a foster home, she threatened to harm an infant while the parents were sleeping. She has been in a lockdown institution for 2 1/2 years, costing the State about one million dollars per year. I was told that she is going to be adopted. The family has no clue about her history. She is 17 now.
@@frizfarm Holy crap. That's outrageous.
@@frizfarm I think that kind of deception is abuse to the unknowing adoptive parents who will probably end up with cptsd like myself, a foster parent for 25yrs had taken a major toll on me.
Thank you for doing this video. Sadly I can relate.
My niece is just so inhuman and exhausting. I'm at my braking point and I've had it. I give up. Many would say since you was abused why you moving away? Why wouldn't you stay and help her? Well I'm not her parent and she was hurt less than I was and I'm tired of her following me, pushing me, hitting me, tossing out my coffee to be mean ect...mainly her hateful talk. She told me I'd be better of dead, that I'm not pretty no more, her mom said I got no propose, and her dad condones her behavior although sees what she's doing turns it on me. I have become hateful and fearful of her. I can't just go onto a room I want to sit in or sleep for work. She'll lock you outside if she can if you allow her to and she's out of control. She's seeing a counselor through CPS now. She's not my sisters birth child. Her birth moms in a state prison mental hospital part of it. She won't see her legally until she's 18 now if even than? Questionable because we found out she raped her and tried to drown her at age 2. I applied at LPD where she has a case closed at. She's not in prison for her. The mom stabbed someone else is why. This is to much for me. I'll get commits like she's only eight. No she's not only eight. By law yes mind wise she's like dealing with a jv offender. My sister's been scarred of her many times and three times now called law enforcement to the other department I applied with. Lost a good cop pal over her. Think she did something he's afraid of her? Very sure knowing her.
I can totally relate to their feelings. Been through similar situations, unfortunately for me, everyone said I was being step motherly and cold.
I'm sure your doing your best. Its not easy to raise children nonetheless children like me who don't know how to communicate well verbally or ultimately scare you with violence.
“The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” - an African proverb
It isn't all terrible - which this seems to be suggesting. We the parents have to learn a different parenting approach and when we resist that (or worse still - fight it)... we all suffer ( the parent and the child). When we learn how to parent theraptically we can get through to the children.
Thank you for the "game on" comment. That is so true.
❤️❤️❤️
My already ex boyfriend was adopted and he was full of hatred towards everybody. He even opened fire against other children in their neighbourhood at age of 19.
Up till this day he doesn’t regret it and still believe that he is the only one who can bring justice. But only HIS justice. I’ve seen that turning of the light in his eyes too! Then totally different person emerges. Full of hatred and vicious person. There was something quite abnormal and I could sense it right the way. Dealing with such person can cause you huge amount of stress and anxiety. Never again!
Imagine having a mother like this. She has mentally broken every person that she had come in contact with and is very resilient in a weird way now 23 years later am i releasing what she is. Very sad I've developed bad anxiety as I'm scared all people are like this. On the road to healing.
I adopted 2 kids wt rad. It was sooo hard to find a professional that just to get them diagnose. And no one knew how to help you or them. They start saying its you. The kids lie an manipulate. Its crazy !!! They are 16 an 17 now.
My daughter has just been recently diagnosed with RAD and no-one knows what it is when i mention it. The death threats and self harm threats are real! It is so mentally exhausting. I am losing myself each day trying to help her.
I need help from someone who has actually lived and dealt with a child/teen with RAD please?
I'm sorry to hear about that and thanks for sharing your story. Best to consult with a professional in this situation.
My wife and I are struggling so bad... it has destroyed so many things in our family... if you are in Indiana please reply and maybe we can help each other!
Im living this day by day this brought comfort to me as i can relate to what everyone as said in this video im doing this alone with no help or support i feel totally exhausted no one understands what its really like as they only see this sweet polite 9 year old i feel im going crazy some days the constant lieing manipulating controlling the smashing the house up ive had all the behaviour going to even trying to kill my dog to attacking me it is the hardest thing ive ever had to do in my life ive struggled for years to get some help they all say good luck and please take care of yourself i need some treatment CAMHS refuse to help me pediatrician just fob me off because she is so charming its constant battle day to day x
New Book on RAD, an excellent resource: Raising A Thief by Paul Podolsky...
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Wish the background music was not so loud. It was difficult to hear the people
Record them without knowing to bring to a therapist.
Meeting Hayter I started watching videos about RAD out of fascination then horror. This information doesn’t seem to get disseminated during adoption cases and potential parents have a right to know that this can be a likely possibility when adopting children.
How is RAD different from Oppositional Definant Disorder or Persistent Demand for Autonomy PDA otherwise known as Pathological Demand Avoidance? Are we all talking about the same symptoms? Reactive, violent, exhausting vigilance.
Why is the music so loud? I can hardly hear the people talking.
Will there be a follow-up video that actually describes HOW one can have hope and healing? It's EXTREMELY hard - being the parents, being the siblings, and of course the child with RAD is suffering. But...how do you get to the healing?
New Book on RAD, an excellent resource: Raising A Thief by Paul Podolsky...
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You could look up polyvagal theory and somatic experiencing.
Dr. Aimie Apigian I fell like it is hard for people with kids with RAD but not every kid with rad is like this yes they have issues with angry and communication but not every kid wants to kill people and have that type of anger with people and they will grow out of the bad anger will it take awhile yes but they will this just sounds like a kid with RAD is the worst and why I sine up for it it sucks I know but it dose get better and not all kids are like that I actually have it and I was having that anger and stuff but I would never say those things I’m just saying it sucks I know cus I put my parents though it but it gets better but I just don’t like the hole it’s hell that’s all it is we are people to and it’s not all hell i do like that it’s getting talked about and I can see how it is for parents and understand how mine were and what they felt I just wish they could see kids now that are past that phase and I want all these parents to know it gets better it just takes time
Thank you for sharing your experience, Mary! Attachment trauma, attachment disorder and what some call reactive attachment disorder is all on a spectrum. Not all kids or adults are the same! It depends on where they are in the spectrum and their unique biology and nervous system! In this video, parents are sharing on children who have a more severe form of Attachment Disorder, which in their experience and I have found, does not get better over time. I am very happy to hear that has not been your experience as it is a hard life for those with attachment trauma as well. Blessings~
I did not know attachment dissorder was differnt from unsecure attachment style. Symptoms sounds quite scary.
I like listening to you however the background music doesn’t let me concentrate. I wonder if it’s necessary to have music while you speak
Thank you for this sharing - but could you for next time, not put such a music with it which makes it so hard to understand? Thanks!
Dr. Apigian,
Is this about "Attachment Disorder" or the actual DSM-5 "Reactive" Attachment Disorder or the ICD F94.1 "Reactive" Attachment Disorder of Childhood? The parents in the video appear to be conflating and describing something other than the official diagnoses of the DSM or the ICD. It might accidentally leave viewers thinking that Reactive Attachment Disorder and Conduct Disorder (or the like) are one syndrome.
Thank you for sharing your concern, Dr. McCarthy.
From what families tell me and from my own personal experience, the DSM diagnoses have not been helpful in getting answers or solutions, and there has been a disconnect between providers and parents because of this.
DSM diagnoses seem to be more helpful for the professionals who are looking for which medications to use and need a diagnosis. It seems that parents who are living with these issues are usually looking to understand and solve the root problem, which is attachment trauma for many of these DSM diagnoses.
I hope that with time, the research of Allan Schore and Bessel Van der Kolk and many others will be integrated more into the DSM, but until then, we may be stuck with a disconnect between professionals and parents.
I hope this helps! Maybe some families can share their own experience with the DSM diagnoses! I think that would be very helpful to better answer your question!
All the Best ~ Dr. Aimie
Yes the disconnect is definately there. How easily it is forgotten that it's about the child, not how the new strangers to this child's life feel the child must adapt to suit them. It is the immediate forgotten but very important life history of the child that is discarded like trash. Changes of name, assault, peadophilia, foster care, multiple homes, orphanages, rejection, rape are the usual grizzly details of adoption and foster care. Very sad No counselling ever provided for these children their carers hold them down and inject them with a drug to calm them down.
Am I really being asked to feel sorry for these parents? The kids went through far worse. All my sympathy is with them.
My daughter has RAD she lived with her bi dad for her younger years and now that she’s out of that and in a safe place she’s snapped my wrist back she’s ripped my husband’s shirt gone after our four year old son and hurt our dogs when we ask her why she says just cuz she wants fun
Video starts at 1:30
cant hear well :(
I have attachment disorder
Not all children with RAD are adopted. Generational and marginalization in utero due to mental health and other obstacles / compromises can be at play for how child is affected with AD. The video narrative sounds like only adopted parents have moral fortitude than the biological family. Compassion for all parents and lessen the stigma. Blessings to you.
Is it possible for the adoptive parents to give a child RAD?
Usually Reactive Attachment Disorder is created in a very young child sometimes neurologically when that crucial attachment sadly does not form. Adoptive parents can make the RAD worse if they don't know what they're dealing with and therefore push the child away. Cementing in even more the child's belief that there is no one to trust or to form a relationship with. However, if the child when adopted has no previous issues with attachment problems and are sent to an abusive adoptive home then this certainly can create attachment issues (possibly but not specifically RAD) in their future.
Shit that was intense
"I learned what the word sacrifice really means" I'm sorry but this makes me so annoyed. Until you have been stripped of your original birth family, lost all community and kinship ties, potentially your mother tongue and home country (including your original citizenship rights to your country!), have your birth certificate falsified, last name changed etc etc you have no right to act like a martyr. The adoptees are the victims here. In a small way, so are these couples who were given a rosy view of adoption, who thought themselves as saviours. You are not this child's parent, you are lying to them and they resent you for it. That is normal and not a "disorder", children are smart and know when they are being deceived, they know the magnitude of what they have lost even if they don't yet have the words to tell you. You're being rejected by the child because they know you are not their parent. I know this is a bitter pill to swallow but that is the truth.
Stripped of your blood relatives, your people, your heritage. It sounds like the more difficult pill to swallow is that someone gave a damn about you. After all, your statement sounds like an accurate description of RAD. But, is this mother not permitted to struggle along side her adopted child?
Please I need help my adoptive daughter has made very serious allegations against me, currently there is an investigation open based on her allegations against me I might loose my 3 kids and my freedom, if somebody read these please reach out this ordeal is the worst experience in my whole life
Hi Alex, I am so sorry to hear that. If it helps to know that you are not alone, other families have experienced this as well. Watching this happen to families has been one of the hardest things for me to see. That definitely was one of the motivations to start publishing videos and making Attachment Disorder more understood. I truly wish you the best.
I am just seeing this now. Sending you cyber hugs and a neck rub. Been there,died daily and spent 30K still lost parental rights, took my bio son long time to get over it all. DD is now 20, was bounced around in foster care after being placed with my 21 yr estranged whacko bio brother she never met by state of TX because this was "relative placement". She is blaming me for everything despite finding out her mental health diagnosis and the fact idiot withheld treatment. If you see this I would say to read RISE magazine online. Find a good counselor for yourself who knows EMR and maybe skip the attorney as really don't help. Once the corruption latches onto you they will criminalize even a cup of hot tea on your kitchen table,groceries not put away yet... never looking at what was happening 2 min before. Hell is real and here now.
Holy cow this is my life I always say when my sons eyes gloss over it's like Dr Jekyll and Mr hide takes over what's scary is what's going to happen next you never know is he going to hurt me is he going to hurt his sister is he going to hurt other kids at school how do I prevent that from happening the stealing of food or hoarding food the lying about anything and everything I always considered myself like his Jimmy the cricket to his pinocio cause he doesn't really know right from wrong the hurting of animals all the different medications not being able to hold down a job because he won't let me rad is like a 20 year prison sentence and no one will ever know unless they have raised a child with rad I'm a single dad raising him and his sister because my ex wives couldn't handle him or his outbursts I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemies I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this living nightmare I would love to get in contact with others going through this so leave me a reply please and thanks
You are definitely not the only one dealing with this!
Yes, you are right that when the eyes gloss over that is the sign that he has dissociated due to overwhelming feelings, and his behaviors can be expected to be unpredictable and extreme at that point. Once they are in that place, it is really hard to pull them out, and healing Attachment Disorder focuses on building their capacity to attach to you and so have less need for dissociation.
There are online RAD communities, books, and other videos on youtube about RAD that you can get information and support!
Warmly ~ Dr. Aimie
I have a rad adult I need help I'm in a relationship with him
New Book on RAD, an excellent resource: Raising A Thief by Paul Podolsky
Sounds diabolical to me.
RAD doesn't just grow out of nowhere. You're looking at some of the worst caregivers, who are most likely to have neglected their children repeatedly and very likely to have abused them in some shape or form. If they think its hard on them, then they shouldn't have done it. A child is only responding to you and the lack of you thereof.
As one of the caregivers featured in this video and someone who knows all of the other caregivers featured in this video very well, all of us are parenting children that are adopted. Most of us, including myself, adopted from the Foster Care System. So, yes, you are right, "RAD doesn't just grow out of nowhere." It grew when our children were being abused and neglected by their birth parents and then grew further as many of them were in the Foster Care System.
Wow, you have no idea what you are talking about. These kids are adopted. They were traumatized in their early life before the adoption. I adopted my son from Russia. He has been diagnosed with RAD and it has nothing to do with my parenting skills. These people and other parents like myself give every once of love, time, money, and effort to help these kids. You should do your homework before you condem good people.
I wonder why a child would act like that.Hmmm
I had 13 pregnancies, seven live births. six of those children had this, the seventh one did two tours in Iraq and is now amongst them. I lost custody of them just before the oldest became of age. I lost custody to an abusive sociopath who had a better lawyer. Now, none of them consider me even a relative much more a parent. To drive this devastating experience home, my birth family participated in supporting the abusive sociolpath''s efforts to bury me legally resulting in total excommunication, and seperation from my children. My advice to all of you with this child rearing dilema, suck it up. It could be much worse. Be grateful and quit trying to get blood out of a turnip. whining about it is beneath your post. Find joy in it. For everyone.
Where does one find joy? With God's help, it is found in the morning light, the evening shade, the quiet breathing sounds of a damaged child, and the heated effort of your failures to make progress. The comfort of having done your very best will warm your heart all your days.
This is the most ignorant thing I've read recently. These kids try killing their adoptive parents and siblings, yet they should find joy in that? They should find joy in exchanging their balanced lives for complete and utter chaos? These parents are often diagnosed with PTSD from what they endure at the hands of children they love.
Suck it up? That was an ignorant choice of phrase. Certainly, these parents will need to endure if they wish to complete their task, but your last 2 sentences were utter nonsense. I can promise you that knowing I've done my very best is of NO comfort at all when the family is shattered. Go ahead and lie to yourself, but that tactic doesn't work for me and it CERTAINLY DOESN'T bring healing. "Warm your heart", indeed. Pure blather.
I disagree with these parents...
Thank you for your honesty! Do you mind sharing a little of your experience and why you disagree?
:56🥹🙏 looking for support, I'm so exhausted. Anyone in San Antonio?