I need a miracle. My husband refuses to do any recovery work, is still stuck on blameshifting mode, and says he doesn't care if I file for divorce. But, he knows I have nowhere to go, I've exhausted my savings, and rental prices all around us are completely unaffordable for me on my income alone. He's calling my bluff because he knows he can. It's debilitating and makes me question my faith and all that I believe in. I can't believe this is my life.
1) Smell the smoke: do research, find help 2) Recruit change agents to help you 3) or re-evaluate if you need a new counselor 4) Stop lying to ourselves, ask where have I contributed to this mess 5) Express your needs to your partner. If not being met, make a new plan
I did my 12 steps here. I did therapy on this. Yes he triggers, me. I have ways of working through the triggers. I am now spending my money on therapy and classes for him, yet he is stalled. Since January 18th he has done some but hardly any work on his 9th step, ( he did his work on the 9th step for everyone but me) he has a few thoughts typed out for me. But he uses everything as an excuse for not working on it. Yes I asked him where he sees us later, he says in this marriage. ME: Guess what, we are not sleeping together now, you don't make me feel safe, you don't make me want to trust you. I don't see us together even 12 months from now. I don't know the real you. I don't know who you will be after you do your step work. I don't love the person you are right now, the man I married is not the real you. I need a partner, not a man stuck in his addiction, childhood pain. Work on your past, and your addiction, then ask me, if I want to be with you. Thanks for this video, I hope it kicks him into working on his recovery.
I have failed miserably and it opened the door or paved the way to my wife cheating on me. I had to 2 emotional affairs and have struggled with a shopping addiction for several years. I am now doing my work and doing everything I can to fix what’s wrong with my brain space, but I don’t see that effort from her. She has been gracious and owns her mistakes and shown remorse, but she has not even taken the time to get an STI or call a counselor and I feel like I’m handling it all alone.
The pain continues for me everyday, my wife is moved in with her partner and my kids 2 years ago. I need to face up to the pain but when I do there is another painful event. I have to forgive everyday. I'm trying to work on myself reading a terrific book the Life of Saint Joseph by Maria Cecilia Baij.
It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve found out about my husband’s affair. I want to forgive, but it’s so much. I feel like fool and I feel weak if I take him back so fast. This is his second time in 4 years of marriage. I feel stuck.
My wife has had multiple affairs over the last 18 years and I can be a very cold person when someone offends me in any way. Believe it or not, I'm still trying to forgive her and it's been a year since the last D day.
Sharon Miller: 2 weeks isn’t enough time for you to process what he’s done to you. Don’t be in any hurry to forgive him until he’s had some consequences and shows a real understanding of what his actions are costing you! Real remorse and compassion must be displayed to you before you even consider forgiveness! He has to work on being “safe” for you before you can even begin to start trusting him again. I’ve been at this for almost 5 years! So, I know what stuck feels like! He’s not making the changes I need to see in order to feel safe enough to move forward. Good luck to you but please stand up for yourself.
will it be impossible to heal from my husband's infidelity after he gave me an incurable std ? I'll live with this forever always reminded i do love him & he loves me it's been 3 years
I need a miracle. My husband refuses to do any recovery work, is still stuck on blameshifting mode, and says he doesn't care if I file for divorce. But, he knows I have nowhere to go, I've exhausted my savings, and rental prices all around us are completely unaffordable for me on my income alone. He's calling my bluff because he knows he can. It's debilitating and makes me question my faith and all that I believe in. I can't believe this is my life.
1) Smell the smoke: do research, find help
2) Recruit change agents to help you
3) or re-evaluate if you need a new counselor
4) Stop lying to ourselves, ask where have I contributed to this mess
5) Express your needs to your partner. If not being met, make a new plan
I did my 12 steps here. I did therapy on this. Yes he triggers, me. I have ways of working through the triggers. I am now spending my money on therapy and classes for him, yet he is stalled. Since January 18th he has done some but hardly any work on his 9th step, ( he did his work on the 9th step for everyone but me) he has a few thoughts typed out for me. But he uses everything as an excuse for not working on it. Yes I asked him where he sees us later, he says in this marriage. ME: Guess what, we are not sleeping together now, you don't make me feel safe, you don't make me want to trust you. I don't see us together even 12 months from now. I don't know the real you. I don't know who you will be after you do your step work. I don't love the person you are right now, the man I married is not the real you. I need a partner, not a man stuck in his addiction, childhood pain. Work on your past, and your addiction, then ask me, if I want to be with you. Thanks for this video, I hope it kicks him into working on his recovery.
Ruminating is a profound challenge for many. Great info here!
Hits home as always, thank you.
thank you
I have failed miserably and it opened the door or paved the way to my wife cheating on me. I had to 2 emotional affairs and have struggled with a shopping addiction for several years. I am now doing my work and doing everything I can to fix what’s wrong with my brain space, but I don’t see that effort from her. She has been gracious and owns her mistakes and shown remorse, but she has not even taken the time to get an STI or call a counselor and I feel like I’m handling it all alone.
The pain continues for me everyday, my wife is moved in with her partner and my kids 2 years ago. I need to face up to the pain but when I do there is another painful event. I have to forgive everyday. I'm trying to work on myself reading a terrific book the Life of Saint Joseph by Maria Cecilia Baij.
Godsend at this time
It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve found out about my husband’s affair. I want to forgive, but it’s so much. I feel like fool and I feel weak if I take him back so fast. This is his second time in 4 years of marriage. I feel stuck.
I just found out about my wife I know the pain stay strong
My wife has had multiple affairs over the last 18 years and I can be a very cold person when someone offends me in any way. Believe it or not, I'm still trying to forgive her and it's been a year since the last D day.
You’re not alone. This is also my second time going through this in 4 years.
i am too... :( i just found out last month
Sharon Miller: 2 weeks isn’t enough time for you to process what he’s done to you. Don’t be in any hurry to forgive him until he’s had some consequences and shows a real understanding of what his actions are costing you! Real remorse and compassion must be displayed to you before you even consider forgiveness! He has to work on being “safe” for you before you can even begin to start trusting him again. I’ve been at this for almost 5 years! So, I know what stuck feels like! He’s not making the changes I need to see in order to feel safe enough to move forward. Good luck to you but please stand up for yourself.
You and the team are awesome 👌
thank you for watching and commenting.
will it be impossible to heal from my husband's infidelity after he gave me an incurable std ? I'll live with this forever always reminded i do love him & he loves me it's been 3 years
Thank you!!
Man, hits home.
Sam how do I not give up? I feel like giving up, I feel like no longer fighting, how were you able to not give up?
Where can I find a support group of people like me going through this?
How can I find a certified and reliable therapist in regards to infidelity? All of their bios say infidelity but how do I really know?
Can you please reach out to me I am having a very hard time my wife cheated on me I really need to talk to you I have a lot of questions thank you