TYSM for this!! I'm super late diagnosed woman at age 50, and for the majority of my life, I've been shamed for my autistic behavior I had no clue about. Especially the special interests, because they weren't "approved " by everyone else. I'm to the point now where I just don't want to be around people, at all. My whole life was about catering to everyone else, and now that I'm done with that, I'm really enjoying being alone with my cats, and taking care of me, for a change. I have a friend I go out dancing with sometimes, but that's it. And I'm happy about that. Your channel is incredibly validating, and enjoy your topics ❤🥂💃
It's so interesting to me the part of being overstimulated. I can wear my wedding ring (or small clothes) all day long at work, but as soon as I enter the privacy of my home, they NEED to come off. It's unbearable to not get the clothes or jewelry off as fast as possible and get into more comfortable attire. It's like the brain can hold off the signals when it has to, but not when it doesn't have to. No wonder I'm tired and just want to stay inside :)
You are just a rock star in my life. I just felt the needed to say that. I am someone who finds it very difficult to trust anyone really. But I was able to connect with you right away, and I knew that I can trust your info. I can feel your authenticity. Thank you for everything that you do, because for people like me who has Cptsd, depression, anxiety and maybe also ADHD/autism, my mind seems like a living hell at times. Thank you and you are so appreciated!
I’m in the same situation. I’ve been diagnosed with bpd but it just never sat right with me. High functioning or high masking autism seems more likely. When I was a child I was diagnosed with epilepsy after EEGs and a hospital stay (in the 60s) when a teacher noticed I stared off into space, like daydreaming. My family just rolls their eyes when I try to talk about this.
I also like Earplugs however I don't feel safe waring them in public. In public or potentially dangerous situations you always want to have your eyes up & generally appear alert. (it's a predator prey thing) I might be a little hypervigilant. 😊
I do the same soo much! Even going downstairs to put my laundry in. Also what helps is using my ear pods for getting me out of the house, same with laundry and grocery shopping - I only play calming music to help me. Earplugs & ear buds are life saving for us!! 🙌
@@1997Jeep they make some at an audiologist that allow you to hear a conversation close to you, but will block out some of the major stage noise. I got them for when I go to shows, but oddly enough. I always forget to put them in my purse.
I am AuDHD (autistic with ADHD) and I find it so frustrating that we (autistics) have to use the "If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person". Imagine if we said that about gay people. Or about POC. Or about women... Yet, here we are, in 2024 and we STILL have to say it. Again and again and again... 🙄
I had a customer at work verbally berate me the other day. I put her things on the counter instead of directly in her hand. She asked me why i didnt put it in her hand. I said I do not like touching people, I am autistic. Then she had a meltdown towards me because her son was autistic. Your child has nothing to do with me. 🤷♀️
This content is blowing my mind. I’m 48 and I would never in a million years consider autism for myself. I’ve known I was HSP for about 16 years, but I spent most of those years (and prior) trying to fix myself because of the deep seated belief that something was very wrong with me. To no avail, mind you. My parents, particularly my mother, used to mock and criticize children who she assumed were autistic and you know what that does to us when we hear that kind of thing from our mothers. Luckily my husband who is not in denial that he is probably on the spectrum (although he is not HSP, like at all) is very supportive. Im still wondering though if it’s autism or CPTSD. No one in my family has been diagnosed with anything, except my dad being put on depression meds. So I have no idea. I invested in noise cancelling head phones this year-total game changer. When I feel brave, I wear them in Costco. The grocery stores are the worst, but it’s very difficult to get up the nerve to wear them in public. I do have 3 pairs of Loop ear plugs with me at all times, though. My wardrobe has completely transformed over the last few years to be exactly what I want it to be, too, instead of having a closet full of clothes that I think other people expect me to wear, I now wear what I want and feel the most comfortable in.
The over lapping symptoms are difficult . It's like a ball of string , wound too tighly or knotted and loose . My adhd makes it difficult for a routine. I do have a strict bed routine and diet so it can take many forms . I ate the same dinner ( at my cafe) over and over , until my Chef came out and yelled at me !
Needing to know the why first as a kid was 100% me. Still is. I have been debate oriented in this way since before I could read. And to this day I still cull my potential activities based on outcomes. To me consequentialism is central to consciousness. If you're not thinking about the outcomes, or knowing pursuing desired outcomes, then you aren't even acting in a conscious way. You're just stimulus responding like a roach or mechanism. If life is a submarine, then why is the periscope and navigation gear and mission documents. My parents very quickly learned just to reason with me, but crucially they also seriously considered my points. I had a wonderful home life. It's school and this paper clip maximizer dystopia I can't handle now. Sidenote: In a sense the dystopia is comforting to me because it's a vindication. I told them something was wrong with the way we do things. That I was not the problem, this whole society is the problem. Clearly I was right.
You look so much happier now. I could be wrong but I feel you’ve probably spent a good portion of your life trying to figure yourself out which I can imagine (if I am right) was frustrating considering your career but it seems learning about your potential autism is really helping you to understand yourself and feel more free! Whatever the reason, 😂 you look fantastic!
I am in my 50s and just beginning to look at all of this. I been told I have ADD, some emotional neglect in my childhood, I am an introvert and I also have severe dyslexia. I think my dyslexia muddies the waters even more and makes figuring things out more complicated and is making things take longer. Could you explore how having a learning difference can affect all of this?
I am married to a covert narcissist. He does everything he can to aggravate me. To not understand me or care about my autism. He pushes all kinds of buttons. He doesn't give me any leadway, or any kind of understanding. He rolls his eyes when I try to tell him how I feel and any special needs I might have. I am completely alone and no one cares. Also any special interests I have he takes them over. He will not let me have alone time. He makes things 10 times more difficult.
Everyone is going to say, “just leave him”, like it’s just a simple thing to do. When you’re married and have built a life together, it can be extremely difficult to “just leave”. In this case, it sounds like you already know what you need to do and I just want to say that I see you and I hope you find the strength and courage to get yourself out of that toxic environment. I hope you have someone you can talk to who can support and encourage you in this difficult process and I wish you all of the peace and happiness once you’ve made it through. ❤❤❤
(I started writing a comment and while writing it realised it was a CPTSD reaction. But I decided to leave it because it's a good example of how trauma affects people's perception) Isn't saying "people with autism" trezting the condition as an automatic disorder, like "having malaria", as opposed to simply "being autistic" as a trait like blue eyes or... Ok I think this was my CPTSD reaction coming online. I wanted to compare it to saying "people with red hair", but that's clearly just a descriptive phrase. So... nix what I said above :p 🙏
About AuDHD, I do have what you say, having a plan then suddenly going for novelty. I do not appreciate it in me particularly in social contexts and I'm trying new things this year to smoothe the whole transition btw autistic functioning then more ADHD functioning. I'm teaching part-time and when I start an activity with my students, sometimes I am blind (happened to me a few days ago). If I sense the activity may be too difficult and students are pretty quiet to tell how they feel about it (Like I should be able to guess just by looking on their faces how they feel, uh? ^^'), I can all of a sudden, decide to change the instructions for the exercise and too fast. I heard one of my student sigh as I changed the instructions orally the other day and it got me wondering whether this was a problem at all or something pretty positive (others didn't sigh). Still emotionally for me, this is still something I struggle to handle. Having a plan and going step by step feels pleasant, reassuring, comforting. Then swtiching to whatever new thing so as "to adapt" (in hope to) can feel very stressful (full of "Am I truly doing something adaptative or just acting for the sake of doing different, basing my decision on hardly any proof a change i sneeded?"') I feel experience may help me. Also another thing is great: having a non autistic person observe you as you do your things, an honest benevolent person who can tell you how they see things. In my case, I am also part of a governmental program and I asked for some support in this respect, to get 2 agents of the programme to come and observe me and help me with my social skills. Also I have a common class with a colleague who is way older than me and also generous when it comes to giving pieces of advice and feedback. It is helpful to have people around who can help with social skills.
This, like all your other videos on high masking autism, has resonated so much. My special interest is definitely makeup/skincare/haircare... along with animals and human behavior (I am actually a therapist). All "normal girl things." Not formally diagnosed, but I have gone through a plethora of other diagnoses (mdd, gad, ocd, adhd, bipolar 2) and only mildly helpful medicine cocktails over the years only to never feel like I have the full picture. Until now. Thank you for your videos, it's unreal how it seems like you're just giving a detailed description of me personally in each of your high masking "female" autism videos. Sorry for the long comment!
I was diagnosed maybe five years ago and the term used was “non-Neurotypical”. Now all of a sudden everything is wrapped up in “diversity“ . How about using a medical term like non-Neurotypical, that’s what my doctor taught me. And let’s keep all the diversity to another channel.
Stunning!! New Hair style and color. Hollow Coves and Much love for Indie Music I'm definitely interested in hearing more. I've over done myself once again around the world and sample English I struggle with still yet. Armed Forces Day honoring my Great Grandfather and Late Uncle's and Younger Brothers in Active Duty's. Surprisingly I turned Forty Two Years Old on Wednesday which I forgot? I've increase the hours for my care taker which takes care of my daily routine of house hold cleaning cooking and caring for my pets. He's Here now and relaxing to a movie of his choice.
Dr. Sage, you've done more for me than anyone else. I don't know where I'd be without the information you've shared. You gave me a sense of connection I've always longed for. I'm finally not alone.
Dr Kim, I have watched so many of your videos, and they have been *so* helpful; I particularly liked the ones about attachment theory; I found them fascinating. I'm currently having some much-needed therapy because, a few years ago, I learnt that both of my parents had NPD, and I've spent the last several years unravelling the psychology behind my background. It seems as though my mother was an antagonistic narcissist and that my father may have been a malignant one. They weren't entirely bad, of course, but they were a combination of neglectful and controlling, and they were *very* abusive towards me. I was their scapegoat, and I scored four on the ACEs survey. I appear to have a disorganised attachment style, and I'm guessing that I have CPTSD. I do wonder whether I have autism and ADHD as well. Many of your videos have described how I am, and it feels *so* good to be finally understood and to realise what is wrong with me. You are so motherly and sensitive -- it's no wonder you're a psychologist. It must be wonderful to have a mother like you. Thank you so much!
TYSM for this!! I'm super late diagnosed woman at age 50, and for the majority of my life, I've been shamed for my autistic behavior I had no clue about. Especially the special interests, because they weren't "approved " by everyone else. I'm to the point now where I just don't want to be around people, at all. My whole life was about catering to everyone else, and now that I'm done with that, I'm really enjoying being alone with my cats, and taking care of me, for a change. I have a friend I go out dancing with sometimes, but that's it. And I'm happy about that. Your channel is incredibly validating, and enjoy your topics ❤🥂💃
It's so interesting to me the part of being overstimulated. I can wear my wedding ring (or small clothes) all day long at work, but as soon as I enter the privacy of my home, they NEED to come off. It's unbearable to not get the clothes or jewelry off as fast as possible and get into more comfortable attire.
It's like the brain can hold off the signals when it has to, but not when it doesn't have to.
No wonder I'm tired and just want to stay inside :)
You are just a rock star in my life. I just felt the needed to say that.
I am someone who finds it very difficult to trust anyone really. But I was able to connect with you right away, and I knew that I can trust your info. I can feel your authenticity. Thank you for everything that you do, because for people like me who has Cptsd, depression, anxiety and maybe also ADHD/autism, my mind seems like a living hell at times.
Thank you and you are so appreciated!
I just wore earplugs to the grocery store and was so much better for it. The more I watch these the more I wonder although I’ve not been diagnosed.
I’m in the same situation. I’ve been diagnosed with bpd but it just never sat right with me. High functioning or high masking autism seems more likely. When I was a child I was diagnosed with epilepsy after EEGs and a hospital stay (in the 60s) when a teacher noticed I stared off into space, like daydreaming. My family just rolls their eyes when I try to talk about this.
I also like Earplugs however I don't feel safe waring them in public.
In public or potentially dangerous situations you always want to have your eyes up & generally appear alert. (it's a predator prey thing)
I might be a little hypervigilant. 😊
I do the same soo much! Even going downstairs to put my laundry in.
Also what helps is using my ear pods for getting me out of the house, same with laundry and grocery shopping - I only play calming music to help me.
Earplugs & ear buds are life saving for us!! 🙌
@@1997Jeep they make some at an audiologist that allow you to hear a conversation close to you, but will block out some of the major stage noise. I got them for when I go to shows, but oddly enough. I always forget to put them in my purse.
@@carolboss6911 Personally dBuds are my favorite.
I am AuDHD (autistic with ADHD) and I find it so frustrating that we (autistics) have to use the "If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person". Imagine if we said that about gay people. Or about POC. Or about women...
Yet, here we are, in 2024 and we STILL have to say it. Again and again and again... 🙄
I had a customer at work verbally berate me the other day. I put her things on the counter instead of directly in her hand. She asked me why i didnt put it in her hand. I said I do not like touching people, I am autistic. Then she had a meltdown towards me because her son was autistic. Your child has nothing to do with me. 🤷♀️
@@EstellaLynn Ikr! It is mind boggling!
Thank you so much for this one. The hyper vigilance plan sounds very interesting, too!
This content is blowing my mind. I’m 48 and I would never in a million years consider autism for myself. I’ve known I was HSP for about 16 years, but I spent most of those years (and prior) trying to fix myself because of the deep seated belief that something was very wrong with me. To no avail, mind you. My parents, particularly my mother, used to mock and criticize children who she assumed were autistic and you know what that does to us when we hear that kind of thing from our mothers. Luckily my husband who is not in denial that he is probably on the spectrum (although he is not HSP, like at all) is very supportive. Im still wondering though if it’s autism or CPTSD. No one in my family has been diagnosed with anything, except my dad being put on depression meds. So I have no idea.
I invested in noise cancelling head phones this year-total game changer. When I feel brave, I wear them in Costco. The grocery stores are the worst, but it’s very difficult to get up the nerve to wear them in public. I do have 3 pairs of Loop ear plugs with me at all times, though. My wardrobe has completely transformed over the last few years to be exactly what I want it to be, too, instead of having a closet full of clothes that I think other people expect me to wear, I now wear what I want and feel the most comfortable in.
The over lapping symptoms are difficult . It's like a ball of string , wound too tighly or knotted and loose . My adhd makes it difficult for a routine. I do have a strict bed routine and diet so it can take many forms . I ate the same dinner ( at my cafe) over and over , until my Chef came out and yelled at me !
Needing to know the why first as a kid was 100% me. Still is. I have been debate oriented in this way since before I could read. And to this day I still cull my potential activities based on outcomes. To me consequentialism is central to consciousness. If you're not thinking about the outcomes, or knowing pursuing desired outcomes, then you aren't even acting in a conscious way. You're just stimulus responding like a roach or mechanism. If life is a submarine, then why is the periscope and navigation gear and mission documents. My parents very quickly learned just to reason with me, but crucially they also seriously considered my points. I had a wonderful home life. It's school and this paper clip maximizer dystopia I can't handle now. Sidenote: In a sense the dystopia is comforting to me because it's a vindication. I told them something was wrong with the way we do things. That I was not the problem, this whole society is the problem. Clearly I was right.
You look so much happier now. I could be wrong but I feel you’ve probably spent a good portion of your life trying to figure yourself out which I can imagine (if I am right) was frustrating considering your career but it seems learning about your potential autism is really helping you to understand yourself and feel more free! Whatever the reason, 😂 you look fantastic!
❤❤❤
hope you are ushering in a tsunami of health care pros discovering that they are autustic.
I can't thank you enough for sharing your insights... I relate to the high functioning autism you discuss
It’s high masking, not high functioning
You’re perfectly fine, Dr Sage 🤗. But, I understand about speaking fast & cramming too much into a day. Thank you for this content
I am in my 50s and just beginning to look at all of this. I been told I have ADD, some emotional neglect in my childhood, I am an introvert and I also have severe dyslexia. I think my dyslexia muddies the waters even more and makes figuring things out more complicated and is making things take longer. Could you explore how having a learning difference can affect all of this?
Most of us have comorbidities. I have dyslexia, discalculia, audio processing disorder and ADHD
I am married to a covert narcissist. He does everything he can to aggravate me. To not understand me or care about my autism. He pushes all kinds of buttons. He doesn't give me any leadway, or any kind of understanding. He rolls his eyes when I try to tell him how I feel and any special needs I might have. I am completely alone and no one cares. Also any special interests I have he takes them over. He will not let me have alone time. He makes things 10 times more difficult.
Run. You better of alone. Run. And then meet new people. good people. Please take care of yourself
Everyone is going to say, “just leave him”, like it’s just a simple thing to do. When you’re married and have built a life together, it can be extremely difficult to “just leave”. In this case, it sounds like you already know what you need to do and I just want to say that I see you and I hope you find the strength and courage to get yourself out of that toxic environment. I hope you have someone you can talk to who can support and encourage you in this difficult process and I wish you all of the peace and happiness once you’ve made it through. ❤❤❤
Honestly, lots of men cannot deal with other people’s pain.
This book is great, but start with CAT-Q (The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire)
(I started writing a comment and while writing it realised it was a CPTSD reaction. But I decided to leave it because it's a good example of how trauma affects people's perception)
Isn't saying "people with autism" trezting the condition as an automatic disorder, like "having malaria", as opposed to simply "being autistic" as a trait like blue eyes or...
Ok I think this was my CPTSD reaction coming online. I wanted to compare it to saying "people with red hair", but that's clearly just a descriptive phrase. So... nix what I said above :p 🙏
About AuDHD, I do have what you say, having a plan then suddenly going for novelty. I do not appreciate it in me particularly in social contexts and I'm trying new things this year to smoothe the whole transition btw autistic functioning then more ADHD functioning. I'm teaching part-time and when I start an activity with my students, sometimes I am blind (happened to me a few days ago). If I sense the activity may be too difficult and students are pretty quiet to tell how they feel about it (Like I should be able to guess just by looking on their faces how they feel, uh? ^^'), I can all of a sudden, decide to change the instructions for the exercise and too fast. I heard one of my student sigh as I changed the instructions orally the other day and it got me wondering whether this was a problem at all or something pretty positive (others didn't sigh).
Still emotionally for me, this is still something I struggle to handle. Having a plan and going step by step feels pleasant, reassuring, comforting. Then swtiching to whatever new thing so as "to adapt" (in hope to) can feel very stressful (full of "Am I truly doing something adaptative or just acting for the sake of doing different, basing my decision on hardly any proof a change i sneeded?"') I feel experience may help me.
Also another thing is great: having a non autistic person observe you as you do your things, an honest benevolent person who can tell you how they see things. In my case, I am also part of a governmental program and I asked for some support in this respect, to get 2 agents of the programme to come and observe me and help me with my social skills. Also I have a common class with a colleague who is way older than me and also generous when it comes to giving pieces of advice and feedback. It is helpful to have people around who can help with social skills.
🥅🏆
This, like all your other videos on high masking autism, has resonated so much. My special interest is definitely makeup/skincare/haircare... along with animals and human behavior (I am actually a therapist). All "normal girl things." Not formally diagnosed, but I have gone through a plethora of other diagnoses (mdd, gad, ocd, adhd, bipolar 2) and only mildly helpful medicine cocktails over the years only to never feel like I have the full picture. Until now. Thank you for your videos, it's unreal how it seems like you're just giving a detailed description of me personally in each of your high masking "female" autism videos. Sorry for the long comment!
❤❤❤
You do you, real good friends accept understand and do not be contrite. I’m still learning to be better
Wow. Super interesting. Thank you.
😍 Loved this positive spin
Yes about knowing not being about anxiety or control!
Is the need for sense autistic or does it have to do with high functioning autism?
I was diagnosed maybe five years ago and the term used was “non-Neurotypical”. Now all of a sudden everything is wrapped up in “diversity“ . How about using a medical term like non-Neurotypical, that’s what my doctor taught me. And let’s keep all the diversity to another channel.
Non-neurotypical?
In what country is that a medical term?
I’m looking for a great pair of noise cancelling earplugs to wear to help me
I’ve tried several different kinds and I think Loops are the best.
I understand sarcasm and appreciate humor so therefore I don't have autism despite me having two or three of the autistic traits in this list
Some autistic people understand humor and sarcasm as well.
You are describing me!
Stunning!! New Hair style and color. Hollow Coves and Much love for Indie Music I'm definitely interested in hearing more. I've over done myself once again around the world and sample English I struggle with still yet. Armed Forces Day honoring my Great Grandfather and Late Uncle's and Younger Brothers in Active Duty's. Surprisingly I turned Forty Two Years Old on Wednesday which I forgot? I've increase the hours for my care taker which takes care of my daily routine of house hold cleaning cooking and caring for my pets. He's Here now and relaxing to a movie of his choice.
Wonderful to find you. You have described my life in every way. Finally I know why I am so different, and always masking. Bit late but nice to know.
All of these are me
Dr. Sage, you've done more for me than anyone else. I don't know where I'd be without the information you've shared. You gave me a sense of connection I've always longed for. I'm finally not alone.
Your videos on this topic have been revolutionary for me! Thank you so much!!!
Comment for the algorithm
Dr Kim, I have watched so many of your videos, and they have been *so* helpful; I particularly liked the ones about attachment theory; I found them fascinating.
I'm currently having some much-needed therapy because, a few years ago, I learnt that both of my parents had NPD, and I've spent the last several years unravelling the psychology behind my background. It seems as though my mother was an antagonistic narcissist and that my father may have been a malignant one. They weren't entirely bad, of course, but they were a combination of neglectful and controlling, and they were *very* abusive towards me. I was their scapegoat, and I scored four on the ACEs survey. I appear to have a disorganised attachment style, and I'm guessing that I have CPTSD. I do wonder whether I have autism and ADHD as well.
Many of your videos have described how I am, and it feels *so* good to be finally understood and to realise what is wrong with me.
You are so motherly and sensitive -- it's no wonder you're a psychologist. It must be wonderful to have a mother like you.
Thank you so much!