AITA for telling my wife she’s gatekeeping my time when it comes to our kids and her emotions?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
- Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @dustythunder
Dusty Thunder narrates stories from Reddit, follower submissions, and other sources and provides reactions.
AITA for telling my wife she’s gatekeeping my time when it comes to our kids and her emotions?
bit.ly/4bUs8gk
Website - www.dusty-thunder.com/
All the Links - linktr.ee/dustythunder
Swag - dusty-thunders-swag-shop.mysp...
Spotify - open.spotify.com/show/7JrhzQr...
Jot Coffee - SAVE 20% with code DUSTY20 - jot.co/
Submit Your Story - www.dusty-thunder.com/submit-...
Dusty's Subreddit - / dustythunder
#storytime #redditstories #storyreaction #voiceover #asconscale #aita 
Развлечения
I have severe ADHD. I get overstimulated. Even at my worst, I can put my pets first. This lady can't put an upset child first? No, lady. This child wasn't trying to take advantage of anything.
My daughter did this until she realized that my ex would back me up. So that makes me wonder about how he handles the calls he does get
The daughter did nothing wrong though. She had a bad day and her brother’s fighting made it worse so she wanted to talk to her dad. The mother seems to put her feelings first a lot considering this has happened multiple times
@AJAX31597 I agree with that part however if he's not supporting her parenting style, she may be refusing to let then call him due to the way he would handle it or if it would make the situation harder to handle.
My issue is how old are the kids? Because the words "bad day" change with age. I'll use myself as an example. Up to 5 or 6, I would have temper tantrums. 7 to 11, I obviously tried to push boundaries. Then 12 to 18, I knew what was right and what was wrong. Throughout those stages, my parents did the best that they could considering their careers. Sure, dad went out of town for work sometimes, but my mother NEVER stopped me from calling him. She first would tell him what happened before I talked to him so that he knew what was going on.
This situation is tricky because I feel like we are missing some information here.
I've known too many crappy mothers for moms to get the default free pass so many people seem to give them (even though I was lucky enough to have an amazing one). This man knows his wife's love language and called her to help her calm down. He doesn't sound like a bad dude. He didn't even bring up the daughter, SHE did. *She* probably felt guilty about it, which is probably why she asked if he was mad about it. And when he said he wasn't mad, but it did bother him, what she *heard* was "You're a terrible mother!" But the call was coming from inside the brain. He didn't say or imply that, if his account is accurate. She probably isn't gatekeeping the kids, but she's gatekeeping his emotions by basically saying he isn't allowed to be upset knowing his daughter was crying for him and didn't get to talk to him.
I feel like you missed a critical piece of info in your analysis. The daughter wasn't acting up and wanted to call dad to get a round mom, mom was "overstimulated" and used that as an excuse to cancel daughter's scheduled nightly call with dad.
Exactly! Being overstimulated is not a valid excuse for this. Selfish!
Exactly, she isn’t required to be on the phone too just cause the daughter is speaking to dad. She could have let her call and made sure she went right to bed afterwards. That was a weird move by mom, I think.
Daughter can and should be allowed to calll; however both parents need to be in agreement on how he addresses daughter’s issues. The parents know her and how she operates. Decide on a set of behaviors and wants you AGREE on and enforce the parental decisions TOGETHER.
It’s kinda weird how she brought it up. It’s like she expected him to be mad.
I think you nailed it here, Dusty. There's nothing wrong with creating, and enforcing, the boundary of "I know you're upset and want to talk to Dad/Mom, so let's do that tomorrow. Right now it's bedtime." especially when it's generic sibling disagreements. The issue here is OP being deep in the Dad Guilt and not trusting his wife to differentiate between something that the child *NEEDS* his comfort and reassurance for, and something that's a stall technique at bedtime. And Mom's already frustrated and tired of breaking up the sibling squabble, she's solo parebting while OP is working, and he's criticizing her parenting. Overstumulated feels like the wrong word here - Mom sounds fried. She at least made sure OP knew about the situation, made the promise to daughter to make sure Dad knew and to ask him to call the next day - and she followed through. That's appropriate parenting in my book. I think if OP and his wife can both take a step back and discuss this when they're both calm they will be able to come to an agreement on how to handle these situations.
Communication is KEY! From ages 2-5 my dad worked during the week in another city and I only saw him on weekends. Apparently as a 2 year old I learned how to play one parent against the other and at night on the phone I was asking dad for all the things Mom said no to and he would say yes, (ie trips to the zoo). They learned they needed to discuss all the things I asked for before letting me on the phone 😂
If the wife is over-stimulated that’s her issue she needs to deal with. What does allowing the daughter to call her dad have anything to do with her issues? NTA. But the wife is TA.
NTA, but... I'm a retired over-the-road truck driver with four (now adult) children. I know exactly what you mean and what you often have to miss in order to earn a living for yourself and your family. Make that call, but the next time you get home reassure your kids that you want to hear from them ANY time they have a problem or just need to hear your voice. But your wife needs to learn she could damage her relationship not only with you, but with your children if she doesn't let the talk to you when they really feel the need. But it also sounds like there may be issues with parenting, i.e., good cop, bad cop situation that needs to be worked out.
the daughter wasn't in trouble...she should have been allowed to talk to her daddy. She was upset...if she had been in trouble then it would be different.
very true. Totally agree.
I’m sorry what? The daughter was upset and wanted to talk to her dad but because mom was overstimulated, she couldn’t. Huh? Mom’s feelings has no bearing on father speaking to his child. Op wife needs to be checked. I am worried for those kids. Op should prioritize his kids feelings, they are kids. They do not have the tools to regulate their emotions but your wife is a grown adult. There is something really wrong going on in that house, maybe mom needs more help with the kids. Idk, but something doesn’t seem right.
NTA. Daughter should have been allowed to call her dad. He's her parent too. He had a right to be upset. Wife is saying he's not considering her feelings, yet it's ok for her to not consider his. Not right right at all. I'm the mom of 4, and if they wanted their dad they would have been able to call him. He should not be used as a punishment. Wife isn't the AH either, but she's 100% wrong
The mom did not say that she thought that the daughter was trying to weasel out of something by calling OP. What was happening was the boys were harassing the daughter, the daughter was trying to tell her about it, the mom did not care, and she just wanted them all to be quiet. Honestly, giving the daughter the phone so she can talk to OP while putting the boys to sleep does not seem like it should have been such a big issue. It is also very weird that the wife wants her feelings to be validated, but she is refusing to validate her daughter's feelings.
What really worries me is the wife feeling "overstimulated." It makes me worried that it might get to the point she may verbally, or physically, lash out at the kids (if she has not done it already). Saying stuff like she did could be her way of warning OP that she is to the point where she is having a hard time controlling herself. She needs to find better copping skills, and a better way to handle putting the kids to sleep. Perhaps a more staggered curfew? Giving herself a five minute time out with headphones? Speaking to a specialist will definitely help.
I don’t agree. The child wasn’t fighting with mom, she just wanted to talk to dad. It honestly seems like the mom projecting her guilt onto OP. It seems like she may have subconsciously used the “no you can’t call your father.” As a form of punishment. Punishment for what? I couldn’t say. But I have known people who lash out when they are feeling overstimulated. This could’ve happened.
He’s NTA, she’s ASCON 2. Speaking as someone who DOES get overstimulated from handling my three kids alone while my wife is seeing the doctor, it’s bet easy to say something you don’t/shouldn’t mean. Apologizing afterwards when you cool down is the right move. Doubling down and being upset when your spouse calls out your behavior is not the way. I’d say the same thing in his shoes.
That is BS . Compering not even 1 whole day to days doing everything while working full time. That is not the same. The words are overworked. She works full time and is a basically a single mom. She dose everything. Op is a fun time dad at best. It was thier bed time, AND SHE HAD TO GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING. Op's wife " what the f do you do? Oh more work for ME. She wants to call you because she can't sleep. Instead you making her GO TO SLEEP,. you want her to stay up longer. When you have to deal with the consequences, shut up.". Op' dose nothing for his wife. KIDS HAVE TO SCHOOL.
I bet you get told that you're a good dad for bringing the kids to the park and letting your wife go grocery shopping without the kids
@@nancyyorkgreenwood1030 No ones calling out the BS. Op i tell her she doing a good job, DOING EVERYTHING. She should've told Op " then do some parenting other than talk". She is one that takes care of them. Op has the nerve to say " i don't care that it was her bad. i don't care if have to to wake and her ready for school, while dealing with two other kids ALONE . while having to work". No noticed That Op gets down time. Op "she's not getting burnt out. She just feels like doing everything is bad when it's not.". She is Op's soon to be Ex wife. Op's soon to be Ex wife" I'm not taking care of your child anymore . i will take care of my childern. I'm going for full custody of the twins . you will be paying child support and alimony. There will be no late night phone calls with me . Your going to need a nanny for your daughter.".
@@k70freemanyou’re making up so much in your own head. Sthu 😂😂
@@AJAX31597 no, saying just leave. When moment you have to threaten divorce more than two time. JUST LEAVE . Here is a smart solution, They should've talked to a financial consultant. Show her the hard numbers. Op should ask her " why this house?'. They don't need that house to have and raise kids. Truth time - They're just not compatible.
I have one child because I have neurological issues and that's all I can handle. Close up the bakery if you're "overstimulated" by children.
Absolutely not. You dropped the ball on this one. Dad is 100% in the right. Mom IS gatekeeping access to dad, who isn’t just able to see them in a couple hours; it could be WEEKS. When the kid wants to talk to dad, they need to talk to dad. That’s alienating the kids from dad and makes her an ASCON 1.
NTA, imagine priotizing yourself over your child's mental and emotional wellbeing/growth and using that as an excuse to gatekeep another parent. The analysis was that the system of the daughter being able to call the dad to snitch might get abused is biased as the dad already talks to them every night.
So, if there was any chance to abuse the system that one parent not being there, there were a lot and it didn't happen so that analysis is just giving the wife a pass for shitty behavior.
What is with the “over stimulated”?
🤣🤣🤣
This couple are unhappy together as parents.
Why TF did they have 3 🤦🏼♀️
It will he easier when thry are older and they have there oun cell phones
🤍
Is the wife on the spectrum?
I'm on the spectrum as was my mother this woman is a bad mother spectrum or not she doesn't care about her children's feelings only her own. That's not spectrum behavior that's brat who should never have reproduced behavior
I disagree this time, Dusty. Why is mom being over stimulated prevent her child calling her dad? 100% BS. The child wasn't fighting with mom. She was upset about her brothers & mom decided her own upset AKA 'over stimulation' is more important than the child's stress? There was no mention of the kid being mad because she didn't want to mind mom. You have fabricated a great excuse for mom's selfish behavior, 'maybe', if it were a factor in THIS scenario, but it's not. I get that mom could be overwhelmed with being a stay-at-home mom & needs to get a job or a vacation or maybe dad needs to find a new job. All I know is in THIS story, mom was a bully refusing to let her child talk to her daddy because mom was having a bad day. Total hypocrite. Hangs up on dad when she is in the wrong. Pisses me off & I am a mom of 3, grandmother of 7 & great grandmother of 3 more. Mom needs to admit she needs a break AND that she was wrong. She owes her daughter an apology.
What is this “I’m over stimulated “ thing? If anyone thinks raising kids is easy, think again. You don’t get to whine that your safe space wasn’t what you wanted it to be. You brought children into the world, now you have to deal with them. What I’m hearing is that your kid wants to talk to their dad, who is gone a lot, and you just can’t be bothered. I think that sucks.
Op's wife " you're right she not, my child. Who's raising her, that would be me. Who's the one that dose all of the work while working full time, that's me again. I sending your daughter to you with divorce papers. I'm getting full custody of my boys. Being with you is like being a single parent already".
NTA. Honestly I get it. She didn’t even say the kid couldn’t call at all just that the kid could call tomorrow. Honestly I think this is just a communication thing that they can work through. I think they might be being overly sensitive to each other’s reactions to the situation.
this "woman" sounds way too immature to try and parent anyone