I completely agree with Ava. I can't imagine caring so little about a stranger's child, much less my baby sibling. I'm an only child, and I would've loved to have had a sibling.
If I was the wife I would have kicked that girl out of the car, gave her some money for the bus, and let her find her way home. She is old enough to be on her own in public. Then I would do nothing for her till she apologized, and starts to help out. OP said that his main concern was his daughter so he can take care of her. I would also not trust the girl to be alone with the baby either, as I have heard too many real life horror stories that start off like this.
Why is a 14 y/o obligated to help out with the baby they decided to adopt that’s not her responsibility. That’s those of the parents. Forcing adult responsibilities on kids but still expecting them to be treated like kids is wild.
@@abubarrie88it was for a MINUTE so she could use the bathroom…. Not like having to babysit! Literally all she was asked to do was partake in HUMAN DECENCY!!!
@@MaraRenee she’s a kids doesn’t matter how long it was she’s not responsible for looking after anyone’s kids even her adopted brother. She said no. Also if it was for two minutes the mom could have just sucked it up and taken the baby with her. If the daughter hadn’t been there what would she have done if she had to use the bathroom I bet you she would have take the baby into the bathroom like many moms do and called it a day. Daughter was immature the step mom was reckless, it’s reckless to leave a baby with a sibling who has already shown no desire or interest in said baby and wants nothing to do with the baby and said they’d leave. Step mom played a stupid game and now wants to cry about it.
@@abubarrie88 how old are you? This teenager gets all her food, clothes and home from the people who care for her. All that hard work can't be met by 2 minutes standing near a baby? Even if a stranger asked me to just keep an eye on the carriage while I'm just choosing a cereal and they're peeing in the bathroom, it's not a big deal. But for the "daughter" to be brought to the shop by the step mom and having her purchases paid by the step mom... and still not to empathize with a woman who needs to use a bathroom?? Ungrateful, indecent pos. Ps: the op is the father who puts his daughter above all and if he had any valid excuse for the daughter he'd surely use it to make her look better, but he didn't, so it's clear the daughter doesn't have an excuse except being a spoiled brat who thinks she can control the whole family dynamics.
He clearly doesnt care about this child either. She needs to divorce his butt now. They deserve better than these two. I would fight for full custody because he clearly doesnt want that baby.
My oldest sister was watching after 4 younger siblings by age 11 and while resentful at times, she would have NEVER left one of them unattended as an infant! That 14 year old is dangerous like Dusty said she should not be left alone with the baby!
Eva… great comment! You are a lovely teen! Dusty and Candy have so much to be proud of for sure! That marriage is over and no way in hell would my baby be with the sister and Dad unsupervised.
No no OP is an AH. She’s 14 and it was a few minutes. The daughter needs therapy and the wife needs to get out of there before something worse happens to that baby.
Wife isn't innocent in this. She left a baby with someone who clearly stated they wouldn't watch him. Don't get me wrong, the daughter and father are hot garbage.
The dad is most definitely an AH but I do agree with him that the mom shouldn't have left the baby alone with the 14-year-old after she said what she said.
As a neglected child that was forced to take care of a 1 year old at the age of 8 and having mental breakdowns because of it. I hate parents who try to force watching THEIR kids onto another of THEIR children. After my mother had a 3rd child, I flat out to her face told her I won't get near the baby or take care of it and if she tries to hand it to me, she will lose me from her life. I haven't spoken to my youngest sibling even once so far and I'm perfectly content not interacting with children or parents. Parents should treat every child like it's a single child, not a tiny adult there to take care of babies and toddlers for free because the parents want 'a break' or can't figure their shit out... And to note; Yes. Having to take care of a baby as a child did leave deeply seeded trauma on top of other traumatic things I experienced growing up lol and my mother did lose custody of both me and the baby after I walked out of the house with the baby, crying while pushing his stroller to my grandmother's house because my mother and her boyfriend were at a club getting absolutely hammered. Even now I still regret letting her back in my life and have recently cut contact entirely with her because she called me selfish.🙃
NTA. I agree with the husband. If someone tells they will not look after your child and you still leave your kid expecting that person to look after them, you’re the A-hole. And how is the daughter doing whatever she wants. This is one thing that she’s made explicitly clear she won’t do. She doesn’t like the kid and doesn’t want to take responsibility for him. The parents might not like it, but she has every right to feel that way. And they adopted this kid, not her. It’s not right or fair to force her to take responsibility for a kid that’s not hers and she never agreed to look after.
The DAD is an absolute POS. mum needs to leave, and fast. Mum needs, to keep that baby safe. Call cps, if the dad thinks of applying for any sort of custody. He has shown, who he is believe him. The daughter has shown who she is. Can't wait until the daughter is an adult, and finds out what the real world is like.
YTA and so it your daughter! Okay, I can understand that the 14 year old daughter does not want to become an unpaid babysitter, that's totally cool. But to absolutely refuse to watch a 1 year old for just a few minutes so mom can get a bathroom break and leave the child unattended is ridiculous. And you, OP, have the absolute gall to back your daughter and blame your wife for this is sickening! Your daughter absolutely deserves some punishment for this as do YOU. Jerk!
I agree kids are responsible for caring for a kid they didn’t birth BUT this is literally a 2 minute watch not forcing to babysitting all the time ! Daughter is a brat !
Nope... As a mom I would never leave my baby with a resentful teen who explicitly says she will leave the baby. Yes, the teen is absolutely responsible for leaving but the mom risked way too much, counting on threatening the daughter not to leave. Sorry but both are responsible. I would have told the teen, ok next time you can't come shopping with me if I can't count on your support. Not risk leaving my baby unattended in public! Come on...
ETA. Yes, the mother messed up. She shouldn’t have the baby with the stepdaughter after she refused to watch the baby. If a stranger refuses you don’t then still leave the baby with them. She used her own baby to “teach” her stepdaughter a lesson about families pulling together. Teach that lesson at home as opposed to a very public, dangerous setting. ETA.
@@pinkyblessed2218 she wasn’t teaching her step daughter about families pulling together. She’s was trying to force her daughter to obey her by saying it wasn’t a request you’re going to do what I tell you to do. If that’s what needs to be done to pull a family together you really don’t have a family bond.
OP A1 14 yr old A1 Wife A4 Dont leave ur child with someone who says they gonna do something u dont like/want them to do. Yes the wife was probably thinking, "What monster would leave a defenseless new baby alone? " ... guess what, she found out. Divorce, move on. That kid has some serious issues that unless they get addressed, won't fix themselves. They are at just the beginning of their terrible teens.
Everybody sucks. OP is straight useless. Daughter has some really bad issues that need worked out. But the wife gives me some red flags tbh. They only adopted this child because she demanded it; the rest of the family clearly doesn't want the child. And the adopted child is a newborn (i.e. moldable) rather than an older child in the system who needs help. She was also willing to leave the baby in a potentially dangerous situation with the 14-year-old who has clearly stated she hates the kid. This family is so goddamn toxic.
I would have ruled ESH. Yes, the kid is an IHB, for sure, and the dad should have already dealt with that. But as a dad, I tell someone to look over my kid and that person gives me the slightest hint they won't be a 100% safe person while I am away, my kid will not stay there. I do think that, regardless of how F-d up everything else is, step mom should have never left little boy with piece of 💩 sister. And he was not refusing to hold her accountable, he said he would talk to her and punish her (and if it was me, punishing her would be severe), but stepmom was the adult.
Wife isn't innocent in this. She left the baby with someone who CLEARLY stated they wouldn't watch him. That's a very foolish and dangerous thing. Don't get me wrong, the daughter and father are hot garbage. NONE of them should be left alone with a baby.
I absolutely agree. What if the daughter didn't go with her ? She would take the baby with her into the bathroom to use it? The daughter said I'm not going to look after this child and she was trying to force the agenda... ESH. The whole not being able to drown her or do anything to his "baby girl". Ewwww
I disagree partially. The 14 year old did say she was not going to look after the child while she was gone. How much more of a warning do you need ? You don't leave your children with somebody that don't like your children. You know she doesn't like the child and you're still trying to push like the child. You don't abandon babies. I don't care if you like them or not but still she had warning.... If she said she was going to look after the baby and then disappeared to the car. Yes I would be severely angry. But this young girl said no.... I have a feeling mama bear likes to push boundaries.. Everybody sucks here equally
14 year old needs some discipline here.That was NOT on. The wife was doing her a favour and she could have looked after the baby for 5 minutes while your wife went to the toilet. Yes,you are a AH.The level of selfishness your daughter is showing needs checking.
The wife needs to divorce him. Luckily he didn't even want the child. She should take the child and go. That 14 year old needs to go see a psychologist. She's exhibiting sociopathic tendencies. She'd definitely harm that child or the wife. My sister was 10 years older than me & hated me. I'm 33 now and that carried into adulthood. We haven't talked in two years. Wife and adopted child need to leave before her dangerous behavior escalates.
ESH. The daughter is AH for her negligence, the father is an AH for his enabling, but the mother doesn't just get off scot-free. The mother adopted a child knowing no one else in the family wanted him, thus willingly bringing him into a toxic environment. And then forced the responsibility of the baby SHE wanted onto an openly hostile child threatening harm to her baby. As the parent YOU are responsible for caring for your children, it is not the responsibility of your other children to be the third parent/free babysitter.
😮 OP needs to do his wife a favor and grant her a divorce. This dude has some serious blinders on when it comes to what it takes to be a parent or a husband. DFHB denied.
Just think this huy js going to be on dating signts soon and we wont wven knkw who he is and the next woman is going to suffer because he raised a brat.
Nta both the daughter and the dad. The daughter set a boundary that she would not watch the baby. She does not like the baby. Step mom knew she was not a safe person to leave the baby with but wanted to force the relationship. Leaving the baby with her was a manipulative move. Yeah public bathrooms aren’t the cleanest, but he was likely brought in with a stroller or car seat. They would be in there 5 minutes tops. She also left the 14 year old alone. Also Dusty how dare you comment about who is paying for the things she needs! She is a minor and it is her Parents Obligation to Provide For Her Needs Until She Is An Adult! She owes them Nothing!!!!! Dad is right Mom is at fault. She FAFO’d with the teen and the baby. She likely has a bad relationship with the daughter that is causing animosity between the siblings. They need family therapy. Seriously though, that’s parentification (or the beginnings of it). No child is obligated to ever watch another child. (Apologies for misspelling and bad grammar I’m not editing 😅)
@@myaragorn41 thank you everyone is in the comments in ridiculous thinking step mom is the victim in this. Kids don’t owe their parents nothing. Your job is to provide for them. They don’t owe you for doing what’s your supposed to but many treat giving birth to kids comes with an IOU that parents get to cash in whenever they want
Why would wife leave the baby with someone who wasn't safe for them? Daughter said she'd leave the baby so why did wife risk it? Especially knowing that daughter does exactly what she says she will? If something actually did happen wife would be responsible in court for neglect and leaving baby with a minor/someone that wasn't safe for them to be left with. Yes, OP has every right to be upset with wife for choosing to put the baby in undue danger. He also said he'd talk to daughter about it and punish her, he's going to hold her accountable. There's nothing in this story to say that daughter doesn't contribute to the household which Dusty just assumed based on nothing that she doesn't. He also assumed that wife bought her thing/s she needed when it's a very real possibility that she was using her own money. 14 is a great age to parentify a child and daughter realizes it. So she's set her boundary. It seems wife expects a built in babysitter/third parent with her step daughter so daughter set a boundary and her dad recognizes and respects that she's a child and not a built in babysitter/third parent. I wouldn't be surprised if wife is the type of person who if given an inch will take a mile and daughter knows it from previous situations so refuses to do something as simple as watch baby for two minutes because she knows wife will then be making her babysit using that as justification.
Asking her to watch a kid for 1-2 minutes while you pee is not parentifying a child. The kid shouldn’t be such a shithead. Edit: also, you put so many assumptions in here that aren’t in the story at all it sounds like you’re projecting personal issues. And btw, my mom tired to parenting me and make me watch my little brother as a primary care giver starting at 14. This doesn’t sound like that at all, also I escaped that house. So I’m very familiar with parents who make their kids into free childcare
@GwenApMannanan You missed part of my comment. I wouldn't be surprised if the wife takes a mile when given an inch, so daughter won't give her an inch even if it's something as simple watching baby for two minutes because it'll lead to wife using her as a built in babysitter/third parent. I had no more assumptions than Dusty did. Dusty can make wild assumptions that have no basis in the story, and I can't bring to the table other possible things that may be at play? There's not enough context here to know the relationships, what anything is like outside this incident, or how these people are. We don't know anything outside this incident. I have no personal issues to project, I'm an only child. But I have been on this channel a long time, have heard many stories about parentification here, from friends, etc, and know that a lot of parents expect siblings to be built in babysitters/third parents, especially with a large age gap. I also like playing devil's advocate and looking at all sides of a situation and putting myself in each party's shoes. Dusty's take was incredibly one-sided to the extreme, so I brought the other side or other possibilities of what's going on here.
OMG my daughter would have been in so much doodoo for leaving my baby alone what would he have done if baby would have been taken. Damn my kid would have been grounded for life.
I have mixed feelings about this. I definitely think op is an ahole for it holding the daughter accountable. But also the daughter is in no way responsible for taking care of that child and she has made her intentions to not be parentified clear. I feel like this whole family needs therapy.
@@minohki are you serious??? Standing 2 minutes next to a baby (not even holding him, just being near) is parentification??? It's evident this 14 yo doesn't do anything for the baby at home, but to just keep an eye for a couple of minutes? Wow, gen z are going to end this world. Even a 7 yo can do that, like letting the mom have a proper shower while they PLAY with a younger sibling, nobody asks to change a diaper or take them to school, just be in the same space for a minute = parentification?
@@tatyanicktheone7387 I am not saying that what she did was right. Of course she should have watched the child and of course she should be held accountable for leaving him alone. What I’m saying is that everyone is in the wrong here. OP for being an unequal father. The daughter for being irresponsible with a child’s life. And the mother for, from the comments, bringing another child into a situation that it seems like no one else wanted and then being surprised when a clearly stated boundary was upheld.
Uhh if they 14 year said no they said no, why couldn’t mom take the kid to the bathroom with her. If the daughter wasn’t there she would have had to anyway, it’s something all moms do at some point. Also why risk it if she’s actually threatening to leave said baby there. It sucks she did it but ultimately that baby isn’t her responsibility it’s her mom’s and if she doesn’t want to babysit she doesn’t have to she’s not required nor does she ever have to babysit if she doesn’t want to. Don’t give kids adult responsibilities but then still expect to treat them as a child
For me ETA for this one and the teen might be the less asshole of all of them. What she did really wasnt ok, but she is 14 (not the most responsable age) and gave a clear indication of what she would do and then followed it. Dad is an absolute AH for is response, but step mom is also a bit AH. If you call someone bluff, you need to consider they will do what they said and be able to live with the consequence. Step-mom basically said ok, there is a high chance my baby will be left alone (based on daughter previous actions) and that is ok, to teach daughter a lesson. The store with baby wasnt the place to try and prove her authority. Children need consistent parenting and to feel heard and respected. Clearly, she as neither so you can't expect her to start beaving all of the sudden. This family need counseling , there are deeper issues on all side to be resolved.
I think before this incident the mom had no idea what a POS her step-daughter was. Like, any person with an iota of empathy could wait for 2 minutes standing next to the baby, not even holding him. And the mom evidently had no idea what a monster that gal was, like: I drove you here, I pay for your food and I keep the house you live in... I'd leave her walk all the way home. But the husband is the biggest AH, he can't recognize all that and doesn't allow to treat the daughter the way she actually deserves
@@tatyanicktheone7387 Treating a teenage girl a POS and a monster for a 2 minutes mistake isn't really fair in my view. We don't know a lot of information about what she is like other than this one post. Being a teenager is really difficult and I think if we are honest we all did mean and irresponsible things out of anger when we were young and did not have developed impulse control and copping mechanisms for big emotions. Words matter and kids might read this. She might have been overwhelmed and scarred to take care of a baby alone in a public space (it seems simple for adult but not for a lot of 14 year old) and when she tried to communicate that she wasn't heard and respected, so she walked away. It doesn't make it right, but compassion is important. Let's not hold children to adult level responsibilities they are not comfortable with and then call them monster when they fail.
@@MonaUQUIS1873 I was 14 too, I have a daughter who I hope will never grow up into a such unempathetic person. And if she does, I'll be ashamed as a mother and will blame myself first. You forgot that the op is th father of the girl, not the stepmother, so I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to paint his wife black to justify the daughter's actions. But even the father can't hide it in his post. And we know that he said to his wife that if she really takes some action against such behavior of the daughter, he'll divorce her. So the daughter knows she comes first above anyone else. And it's totally wrong. The father is the biggest AH who raised an entitled selfish brat. The lack of empathy says it louder than anything else. There's no additional information needed.
Disagree with you again Dusty. You’ve made the assumption that the daughter ALWAYS does whatever she wants and that may be true but it also might not be. Perhaps she only does so with regard to her brother. Maybe she’s already clued in to the fact that she’s the perfect babysitter if she allows it and has taken steps to ensure that responsibility doesn’t fall on her shoulders. Even if you’re right and she’s a sociopath, why TF would the mother leave her baby with her?????? The kid didn’t breed this baby and has made her position very clear. Yet the mother chose to not take her at her word. In fact, why insist on bringing another kid into that family? The mother is the AH. The family need to split.
Hopefully you listened to the feedback that our 15 year old daughter gave to this story. No where in this story does it say that his daughter was forced to babysit, ever. Based on how he presented this story, he would have mentioned it. She was asked to stand next to a cart so a mom didn't have to take a baby in a public bathroom. That is not parentification, that is helping another human.
@@dustythunder I did listen to your daughter’s feedback yes. I just didn’t find it relevant. One teenager in one particular familial situation does not speak for all teenagers. I understand that the 14yr old wasn’t being asked to do much obviously, I’m putting forward a hypothesis that she’s going to extremes to ensure she doesn’t become parentified. Based on the information given in this story I find it very odd that the child has such an aversion to her brother and feel there must be something more going on. But what’s even more weird is the mother’s behaviour in a situation that could so easily have been avoided had she simply taken her baby with her. Why did she insist on leaving it with the kid after what had been said? Whether the child is behaving like a brat or not is irrelevant to the larger issue. Which is that the mother would deliberately leave her baby with a person who hates it!
No one believes the mother should have left the child with the teen. That's a given. BUT she should have been able to - that's the point. You didn't find what myself or my daughter had to say "relevant" because it didn't fit the narrative of parentification that doesn't seem to be happening in this story. But you are entitled to your opinion. Have a wonderful day!
If the 14 y/o is willing to do that, I'd hate to see what else she would be willing to do. I hope the wife leaves bf the 14 does something even worse.
In my days we were babysitting at 14!
OP absolutely the AH. Wife needs to leave and take the baby with her. Run don't look back
Sounds like both the daughter and the dad don't like the baby.
This man needs to be alone. But not with his daughter cuz it’s got weird vibes all over it.
I completely agree with Ava. I can't imagine caring so little about a stranger's child, much less my baby sibling. I'm an only child, and I would've loved to have had a sibling.
WOW! Just WOW!
There is no coming back from this. This couple needs to divorce ASAP!!!
Responsibility for your own actions instead of trying to get the 14-year-old to take accountability for her actions 0:05
The teenager should have gone to the car BEFORE the baby was "transferred" to her custody by its Mom.
The wrong title coupled with the daughter being 14 had me like 'what in the Alabama'
If I was the wife I would have kicked that girl out of the car, gave her some money for the bus, and let her find her way home. She is old enough to be on her own in public. Then I would do nothing for her till she apologized, and starts to help out. OP said that his main concern was his daughter so he can take care of her. I would also not trust the girl to be alone with the baby either, as I have heard too many real life horror stories that start off like this.
Why is a 14 y/o obligated to help out with the baby they decided to adopt that’s not her responsibility. That’s those of the parents. Forcing adult responsibilities on kids but still expecting them to be treated like kids is wild.
@@abubarrie88it was for a MINUTE so she could use the bathroom…. Not like having to babysit! Literally all she was asked to do was partake in HUMAN DECENCY!!!
@@abubarrie88it was literally just standing there for like, two minutes. Hardly forcing adult responsibilities on her.
@@MaraRenee she’s a kids doesn’t matter how long it was she’s not responsible for looking after anyone’s kids even her adopted brother. She said no. Also if it was for two minutes the mom could have just sucked it up and taken the baby with her. If the daughter hadn’t been there what would she have done if she had to use the bathroom I bet you she would have take the baby into the bathroom like many moms do and called it a day. Daughter was immature the step mom was reckless, it’s reckless to leave a baby with a sibling who has already shown no desire or interest in said baby and wants nothing to do with the baby and said they’d leave. Step mom played a stupid game and now wants to cry about it.
@@abubarrie88 how old are you? This teenager gets all her food, clothes and home from the people who care for her. All that hard work can't be met by 2 minutes standing near a baby? Even if a stranger asked me to just keep an eye on the carriage while I'm just choosing a cereal and they're peeing in the bathroom, it's not a big deal. But for the "daughter" to be brought to the shop by the step mom and having her purchases paid by the step mom... and still not to empathize with a woman who needs to use a bathroom?? Ungrateful, indecent pos. Ps: the op is the father who puts his daughter above all and if he had any valid excuse for the daughter he'd surely use it to make her look better, but he didn't, so it's clear the daughter doesn't have an excuse except being a spoiled brat who thinks she can control the whole family dynamics.
Label is wrong on this one guys
He clearly doesnt care about this child either. She needs to divorce his butt now. They deserve better than these two. I would fight for full custody because he clearly doesnt want that baby.
My oldest sister was watching after 4 younger siblings by age 11 and while resentful at times, she would have NEVER left one of them unattended as an infant! That 14 year old is dangerous like Dusty said she should not be left alone with the baby!
that 14 year old would have had to call her dad to pick her up because she would have been left there
That 14yo would have been walking home from the store
Without whatever she thought she needed!
Eva… great comment! You are a lovely teen! Dusty and Candy have so much to be proud of for sure!
That marriage is over and no way in hell would my baby be with the sister and Dad unsupervised.
Kadin, wrong story for the title.. 😂😂😂😂
Dad is a POS. Mom needs to get away from monster step daughter. If she will walk away from a baby, what else will she do?
He is ascon 1 plus. Ava rocks!
No no OP is an AH. She’s 14 and it was a few minutes. The daughter needs therapy and the wife needs to get out of there before something worse happens to that baby.
U think OP, the wife/mom of the baby/stepmom is the AH?
@@LLynneM no the post was written by the husband and he is the asshole.
@@LLynneM OP is the husband.
What if someone took the kid? I hope wife leaves, this has evil written all over it
Wife isn't innocent in this. She left a baby with someone who clearly stated they wouldn't watch him. Don't get me wrong, the daughter and father are hot garbage.
@@fenomfangx ok OP
Lmao “hope you end up with neighbors that paint your house”
The dad is most definitely an AH but I do agree with him that the mom shouldn't have left the baby alone with the 14-year-old after she said what she said.
As a neglected child that was forced to take care of a 1 year old at the age of 8 and having mental breakdowns because of it. I hate parents who try to force watching THEIR kids onto another of THEIR children. After my mother had a 3rd child, I flat out to her face told her I won't get near the baby or take care of it and if she tries to hand it to me, she will lose me from her life. I haven't spoken to my youngest sibling even once so far and I'm perfectly content not interacting with children or parents.
Parents should treat every child like it's a single child, not a tiny adult there to take care of babies and toddlers for free because the parents want 'a break' or can't figure their shit out...
And to note; Yes. Having to take care of a baby as a child did leave deeply seeded trauma on top of other traumatic things I experienced growing up lol and my mother did lose custody of both me and the baby after I walked out of the house with the baby, crying while pushing his stroller to my grandmother's house because my mother and her boyfriend were at a club getting absolutely hammered. Even now I still regret letting her back in my life and have recently cut contact entirely with her because she called me selfish.🙃
NTA. I agree with the husband. If someone tells they will not look after your child and you still leave your kid expecting that person to look after them, you’re the A-hole. And how is the daughter doing whatever she wants. This is one thing that she’s made explicitly clear she won’t do. She doesn’t like the kid and doesn’t want to take responsibility for him. The parents might not like it, but she has every right to feel that way. And they adopted this kid, not her. It’s not right or fair to force her to take responsibility for a kid that’s not hers and she never agreed to look after.
The DAD is an absolute POS. mum needs to leave, and fast. Mum needs, to keep that baby safe. Call cps, if the dad thinks of applying for any sort of custody. He has shown, who he is believe him. The daughter has shown who she is. Can't wait until the daughter is an adult, and finds out what the real world is like.
The mom left a baby with someone who CLEARLY said they wouldn't watch him. CPS should be called as NONE of them are fit to be lone around children.
YTA and so it your daughter! Okay, I can understand that the 14 year old daughter does not want to become an unpaid babysitter, that's totally cool. But to absolutely refuse to watch a 1 year old for just a few minutes so mom can get a bathroom break and leave the child unattended is ridiculous. And you, OP, have the absolute gall to back your daughter and blame your wife for this is sickening! Your daughter absolutely deserves some punishment for this as do YOU. Jerk!
It was the paint ypur house comment for me. Lol!
Dad is definitely about to reap what he sows with that daughter of his. He IS the AH
I agree kids are responsible for caring for a kid they didn’t birth BUT this is literally a 2 minute watch not forcing to babysitting all the time ! Daughter is a brat !
My half sister tried to kill me at least a half a dozen times.
Nope... As a mom I would never leave my baby with a resentful teen who explicitly says she will leave the baby. Yes, the teen is absolutely responsible for leaving but the mom risked way too much, counting on threatening the daughter not to leave. Sorry but both are responsible.
I would have told the teen, ok next time you can't come shopping with me if I can't count on your support. Not risk leaving my baby unattended in public! Come on...
Is this Mr Krabs????
ETA.
Yes, the mother messed up. She shouldn’t have the baby with the stepdaughter after she refused to watch the baby. If a stranger refuses you don’t then still leave the baby with them. She used her own baby to “teach” her stepdaughter a lesson about families pulling together. Teach that lesson at home as opposed to a very public, dangerous setting. ETA.
@@pinkyblessed2218 she wasn’t teaching her step daughter about families pulling together. She’s was trying to force her daughter to obey her by saying it wasn’t a request you’re going to do what I tell you to do. If that’s what needs to be done to pull a family together you really don’t have a family bond.
@@abubarrie88 Dusty stated the stepmother was teaching her a lesson.
OP A1
14 yr old A1
Wife A4
Dont leave ur child with someone who says they gonna do something u dont like/want them to do.
Yes the wife was probably thinking, "What monster would leave a defenseless new baby alone? " ... guess what, she found out.
Divorce, move on. That kid has some serious issues that unless they get addressed, won't fix themselves. They are at just the beginning of their terrible teens.
Everybody sucks. OP is straight useless. Daughter has some really bad issues that need worked out. But the wife gives me some red flags tbh. They only adopted this child because she demanded it; the rest of the family clearly doesn't want the child. And the adopted child is a newborn (i.e. moldable) rather than an older child in the system who needs help. She was also willing to leave the baby in a potentially dangerous situation with the 14-year-old who has clearly stated she hates the kid.
This family is so goddamn toxic.
I would have ruled ESH. Yes, the kid is an IHB, for sure, and the dad should have already dealt with that. But as a dad, I tell someone to look over my kid and that person gives me the slightest hint they won't be a 100% safe person while I am away, my kid will not stay there. I do think that, regardless of how F-d up everything else is, step mom should have never left little boy with piece of 💩 sister.
And he was not refusing to hold her accountable, he said he would talk to her and punish her (and if it was me, punishing her would be severe), but stepmom was the adult.
Wife isn't innocent in this. She left the baby with someone who CLEARLY stated they wouldn't watch him. That's a very foolish and dangerous thing. Don't get me wrong, the daughter and father are hot garbage. NONE of them should be left alone with a baby.
I absolutely agree. What if the daughter didn't go with her ? She would take the baby with her into the bathroom to use it?
The daughter said I'm not going to look after this child and she was trying to force the agenda...
ESH.
The whole not being able to drown her or do anything to his "baby girl". Ewwww
I disagree partially. The 14 year old did say she was not going to look after the child while she was gone. How much more of a warning do you need ? You don't leave your children with somebody that don't like your children. You know she doesn't like the child and you're still trying to push like the child. You don't abandon babies. I don't care if you like them or not but still she had warning....
If she said she was going to look after the baby and then disappeared to the car. Yes I would be severely angry. But this young girl said no....
I have a feeling mama bear likes to push boundaries..
Everybody sucks here equally
14 year old needs some discipline here.That was NOT on. The wife was doing her a favour and she could have looked after the baby for 5 minutes while your wife went to the toilet. Yes,you are a AH.The level of selfishness your daughter is showing needs checking.
The wife needs to divorce him. Luckily he didn't even want the child. She should take the child and go. That 14 year old needs to go see a psychologist. She's exhibiting sociopathic tendencies. She'd definitely harm that child or the wife. My sister was 10 years older than me & hated me. I'm 33 now and that carried into adulthood. We haven't talked in two years. Wife and adopted child need to leave before her dangerous behavior escalates.
ESH. The daughter is AH for her negligence, the father is an AH for his enabling, but the mother doesn't just get off scot-free. The mother adopted a child knowing no one else in the family wanted him, thus willingly bringing him into a toxic environment. And then forced the responsibility of the baby SHE wanted onto an openly hostile child threatening harm to her baby. As the parent YOU are responsible for caring for your children, it is not the responsibility of your other children to be the third parent/free babysitter.
💙
😮 OP needs to do his wife a favor and grant her a divorce. This dude has some serious blinders on when it comes to what it takes to be a parent or a husband. DFHB denied.
Just think this huy js going to be on dating signts soon and we wont wven knkw who he is and the next woman is going to suffer because he raised a brat.
Nta both the daughter and the dad.
The daughter set a boundary that she would not watch the baby. She does not like the baby. Step mom knew she was not a safe person to leave the baby with but wanted to force the relationship. Leaving the baby with her was a manipulative move. Yeah public bathrooms aren’t the cleanest, but he was likely brought in with a stroller or car seat. They would be in there 5 minutes tops. She also left the 14 year old alone.
Also Dusty how dare you comment about who is paying for the things she needs! She is a minor and it is her Parents Obligation to Provide For Her Needs Until She Is An Adult! She owes them Nothing!!!!!
Dad is right Mom is at fault. She FAFO’d with the teen and the baby. She likely has a bad relationship with the daughter that is causing animosity between the siblings. They need family therapy.
Seriously though, that’s parentification (or the beginnings of it). No child is obligated to ever watch another child.
(Apologies for misspelling and bad grammar I’m not editing 😅)
@@myaragorn41 thank you everyone is in the comments in ridiculous thinking step mom is the victim in this. Kids don’t owe their parents nothing. Your job is to provide for them. They don’t owe you for doing what’s your supposed to but many treat giving birth to kids comes with an IOU that parents get to cash in whenever they want
Ops daughter is a narcissist and might try and hurt the baby
What's a DFAB?
Its DFHB. "Decent Fucking Human Being" basically a good person.
DFHB is Decent F*ing Human Being
Why would wife leave the baby with someone who wasn't safe for them? Daughter said she'd leave the baby so why did wife risk it? Especially knowing that daughter does exactly what she says she will? If something actually did happen wife would be responsible in court for neglect and leaving baby with a minor/someone that wasn't safe for them to be left with. Yes, OP has every right to be upset with wife for choosing to put the baby in undue danger. He also said he'd talk to daughter about it and punish her, he's going to hold her accountable. There's nothing in this story to say that daughter doesn't contribute to the household which Dusty just assumed based on nothing that she doesn't. He also assumed that wife bought her thing/s she needed when it's a very real possibility that she was using her own money.
14 is a great age to parentify a child and daughter realizes it. So she's set her boundary. It seems wife expects a built in babysitter/third parent with her step daughter so daughter set a boundary and her dad recognizes and respects that she's a child and not a built in babysitter/third parent. I wouldn't be surprised if wife is the type of person who if given an inch will take a mile and daughter knows it from previous situations so refuses to do something as simple as watch baby for two minutes because she knows wife will then be making her babysit using that as justification.
Asking her to watch a kid for 1-2 minutes while you pee is not parentifying a child. The kid shouldn’t be such a shithead.
Edit: also, you put so many assumptions in here that aren’t in the story at all it sounds like you’re projecting personal issues. And btw, my mom tired to parenting me and make me watch my little brother as a primary care giver starting at 14. This doesn’t sound like that at all, also I escaped that house. So I’m very familiar with parents who make their kids into free childcare
@GwenApMannanan You missed part of my comment. I wouldn't be surprised if the wife takes a mile when given an inch, so daughter won't give her an inch even if it's something as simple watching baby for two minutes because it'll lead to wife using her as a built in babysitter/third parent. I had no more assumptions than Dusty did. Dusty can make wild assumptions that have no basis in the story, and I can't bring to the table other possible things that may be at play? There's not enough context here to know the relationships, what anything is like outside this incident, or how these people are. We don't know anything outside this incident.
I have no personal issues to project, I'm an only child. But I have been on this channel a long time, have heard many stories about parentification here, from friends, etc, and know that a lot of parents expect siblings to be built in babysitters/third parents, especially with a large age gap. I also like playing devil's advocate and looking at all sides of a situation and putting myself in each party's shoes. Dusty's take was incredibly one-sided to the extreme, so I brought the other side or other possibilities of what's going on here.
OMG my daughter would have been in so much doodoo for leaving my baby alone what would he have done if baby would have been taken. Damn my kid would have been grounded for life.
I have mixed feelings about this. I definitely think op is an ahole for it holding the daughter accountable. But also the daughter is in no way responsible for taking care of that child and she has made her intentions to not be parentified clear. I feel like this whole family needs therapy.
@@minohki are you serious??? Standing 2 minutes next to a baby (not even holding him, just being near) is parentification??? It's evident this 14 yo doesn't do anything for the baby at home, but to just keep an eye for a couple of minutes? Wow, gen z are going to end this world. Even a 7 yo can do that, like letting the mom have a proper shower while they PLAY with a younger sibling, nobody asks to change a diaper or take them to school, just be in the same space for a minute = parentification?
@@tatyanicktheone7387 I am not saying that what she did was right. Of course she should have watched the child and of course she should be held accountable for leaving him alone. What I’m saying is that everyone is in the wrong here. OP for being an unequal father. The daughter for being irresponsible with a child’s life. And the mother for, from the comments, bringing another child into a situation that it seems like no one else wanted and then being surprised when a clearly stated boundary was upheld.
@@tatyanicktheone7387 also I think we’re both making some assumptions on what else the 14 year old is being asked to do outside of this situation.
I get that some parents do make their kids parents but this is far from it. Sometimes family has to be a team
@@funnyfoxbird I don’t disagree. And I don’t think this family is a team. Hence needing therapy all around.
Wrong story for the title
Uhh if they 14 year said no they said no, why couldn’t mom take the kid to the bathroom with her. If the daughter wasn’t there she would have had to anyway, it’s something all moms do at some point. Also why risk it if she’s actually threatening to leave said baby there. It sucks she did it but ultimately that baby isn’t her responsibility it’s her mom’s and if she doesn’t want to babysit she doesn’t have to she’s not required nor does she ever have to babysit if she doesn’t want to. Don’t give kids adult responsibilities but then still expect to treat them as a child
For me ETA for this one and the teen might be the less asshole of all of them. What she did really wasnt ok, but she is 14 (not the most responsable age) and gave a clear indication of what she would do and then followed it. Dad is an absolute AH for is response, but step mom is also a bit AH. If you call someone bluff, you need to consider they will do what they said and be able to live with the consequence. Step-mom basically said ok, there is a high chance my baby will be left alone (based on daughter previous actions) and that is ok, to teach daughter a lesson. The store with baby wasnt the place to try and prove her authority. Children need consistent parenting and to feel heard and respected. Clearly, she as neither so you can't expect her to start beaving all of the sudden. This family need counseling
, there are deeper issues on all side to be resolved.
I think before this incident the mom had no idea what a POS her step-daughter was. Like, any person with an iota of empathy could wait for 2 minutes standing next to the baby, not even holding him. And the mom evidently had no idea what a monster that gal was, like: I drove you here, I pay for your food and I keep the house you live in... I'd leave her walk all the way home. But the husband is the biggest AH, he can't recognize all that and doesn't allow to treat the daughter the way she actually deserves
@@tatyanicktheone7387 Treating a teenage girl a POS and a monster for a 2 minutes mistake isn't really fair in my view. We don't know a lot of information about what she is like other than this one post. Being a teenager is really difficult and I think if we are honest we all did mean and irresponsible things out of anger when we were young and did not have developed impulse control and copping mechanisms for big emotions. Words matter and kids might read this. She might have been overwhelmed and scarred to take care of a baby alone in a public space (it seems simple for adult but not for a lot of 14 year old) and when she tried to communicate that she wasn't heard and respected, so she walked away. It doesn't make it right, but compassion is important. Let's not hold children to adult level responsibilities they are not comfortable with and then call them monster when they fail.
@@MonaUQUIS1873 I was 14 too, I have a daughter who I hope will never grow up into a such unempathetic person. And if she does, I'll be ashamed as a mother and will blame myself first. You forgot that the op is th father of the girl, not the stepmother, so I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to paint his wife black to justify the daughter's actions. But even the father can't hide it in his post. And we know that he said to his wife that if she really takes some action against such behavior of the daughter, he'll divorce her. So the daughter knows she comes first above anyone else. And it's totally wrong. The father is the biggest AH who raised an entitled selfish brat. The lack of empathy says it louder than anything else. There's no additional information needed.
Disagree with you again Dusty.
You’ve made the assumption that the daughter ALWAYS does whatever she wants and that may be true but it also might not be.
Perhaps she only does so with regard to her brother. Maybe she’s already clued in to the fact that she’s the perfect babysitter if she allows it and has taken steps to ensure that responsibility doesn’t fall on her shoulders.
Even if you’re right and she’s a sociopath, why TF would the mother leave her baby with her??????
The kid didn’t breed this baby and has made her position very clear. Yet the mother chose to not take her at her word.
In fact, why insist on bringing another kid into that family?
The mother is the AH.
The family need to split.
One more AH detected. Are you sure you aren't a sociopath yourself?
Hopefully you listened to the feedback that our 15 year old daughter gave to this story. No where in this story does it say that his daughter was forced to babysit, ever. Based on how he presented this story, he would have mentioned it. She was asked to stand next to a cart so a mom didn't have to take a baby in a public bathroom. That is not parentification, that is helping another human.
@@tatyanicktheone7387
Oh dear, you call everyone an AH who disagrees with you?
I’m afraid you’re the one displaying sociopathic tendencies my dear.
@@dustythunder
I did listen to your daughter’s feedback yes. I just didn’t find it relevant. One teenager in one particular familial situation does not speak for all teenagers.
I understand that the 14yr old wasn’t being asked to do much obviously, I’m putting forward a hypothesis that she’s going to extremes to ensure she doesn’t become parentified.
Based on the information given in this story I find it very odd that the child has such an aversion to her brother and feel there must be something more going on.
But what’s even more weird is the mother’s behaviour in a situation that could so easily have been avoided had she simply taken her baby with her.
Why did she insist on leaving it with the kid after what had been said?
Whether the child is behaving like a brat or not is irrelevant to the larger issue. Which is that the mother would deliberately leave her baby with a person who hates it!
No one believes the mother should have left the child with the teen. That's a given. BUT she should have been able to - that's the point.
You didn't find what myself or my daughter had to say "relevant" because it didn't fit the narrative of parentification that doesn't seem to be happening in this story. But you are entitled to your opinion. Have a wonderful day!
Title story and video story are mixed up 😂
Wrong title for the story!
Wrong title for the story