Real Couples Counseling Session
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- Опубликовано: 3 дек 2018
- Real Couples Counseling Session
www.UnderstandEachOther.com
Hi, I'm Derek Hart and I am located in San Anselmo, Marin County... near San Francisco, California if you would like private couple's counseling.
My phone number is 415-444-6743
I am the creator of Understand Each Other, a system used to rebuild and transform couples into having more fulfilling, deeper intimacy.
Make sure not to miss a single video from Derek!
Click here to Subscribe:
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Derek Hart
Couples Rebuilder
Relationship Coach, Speaker, Writer
Facebook: / understandeachothercou...
Real Couples Counseling Session
• Real Couples Counselin...
I love Tom Hanks in this movie, his performance is spectacular playing a couples therapist who helps many couples but struggling with his own marriage. The ending is a tearjerker!
🤣🤣🤣 Took a while to get it.
Couples therapy with Tom Hanks
😂
Tom Hanks side gig
Thank you Derek. Really appreciate you putting this online. Brilliant.
This therapist is a genius! I would love to be able to read people like this though body language and listening skills. This couple is adorable. The way the wife affirmed her husband's effort to connect with her in the beginning of the session was beautiful; and the husband's receptiveness to her needs through listening and trying to understand her needs made me cry like a baby. Great session... p.s I'm just on here trying to learn how to have a healthy relationship and what qualities to look for in a man. Thanks for sharing
I got cried a little too lol
I'm here because honestly. Me and my fiancée are on our last leg and trying to make things work out you know? It just hurts a lot when we have so many little fights
Hope you found it.
I’m a woman and crying on behalf of this woman. This therapist is absolutely correct, except we’re not odd. 😉 We just want connection and not fixing. We are smart enough to fix our own problems most of the time.
Brilliant, though would have liked Derek to have stayed with why the guy was taking so much responsibility for the feeling of failure in the marriage. I think it would have been good to have sat with that for a bit because. It felt so painful for him and I sensed that he needed to process some of that and make sense of it. He is defended when she says she is depressed or in pain because he feels like it's his fault. So he is in fight flight or freeze. So inorder for him to be curious to be able to stand back from it and not be overwhelmed with his own feelings of failure. To be able to stay with her and say tell me more I want to understand, he has to process some of his own pain.
I found this very helpful. I appreciate you sharing and them being willing to share this.
Great Job highlighting the positives. I liked when the therapist pointed out that the husband feels concern about his wife crying. I also like him digging deeper to figure out why he feels upset about her crying to her therapist about him.
Beautiful couple, thank you for sharing this very personal moment with us. There's so much to learn from this.
i realize Im kind of randomly asking but do anyone know of a good place to stream new tv shows online ?
This woman is miles ahead of him in terms of personal growth. This dude hasn't even noticed the alarm bells... and it sounds like they've gone off for a while. Marriage is a people growing machine.
She would be ahead of him if she was able to understand why she was upset and explain it to her man. Assuming he should be a mind reader is a sign if immaturity.
@@GokuBlack-et1td I agree. I think we've reached a point in society where there's enough talk about how men and women communicate differently that 1) men should not be surprised that women want to feel heard and known and safe and 2) that women should know that what seems "obvious" to them is not in fact obvious to the man. He's going to have to learn to listen and feel with her, but she also needs to be get to a point where she can say, "I just want you to sit and listen and be with me." I understand that as a woman, having to ask for that makes it feel less real, but she'll have to get over it. Just as he's being asked to get over the fact that he needs to take seriously things that don't make sense to him and that she can't explain.
What's interesting is that people say men want to be "fixers," but men may not realize how much they can fix by going first... by being the first one to take the step of accommodating the other person. It may not be fair, or it may not feel fair, but a zillion walls come down in a woman when a man takes that step.
I'd be curious to hear what a man thinks about my comment. It would be an interesting learning moment for me. I wonder if a man feels the woman should "go first" and I wonder what that looks like in a man's opinion.
@@talithasuya8908
I agree with your comment. I think men should be more communicative with women about their issues and emotions. On the other hand, women should also remember that men tend to tackle problems more in a logical way than emotional. These aren’t defects in neither of them, just different views and each one of the partners should know and respect each other’s view on subjects. I think this is a responsibility for both of them, so at least if one failed the other one can understand the situation.
@@abdulazeez.98 Yep. Ideally both are taking responsibility to understand the other.
@@abdulazeez.98 Men have feelings too, It's just that women can't understand them. The same way we don't understand women's feelings. Men should seek help of other men.
This counselor is the one failing, for not making her tell him exactly what makes her cry. He is just stating the general platitudes, he should make them talk about the concrete reason starting with one specific thing that made her cry and how exactly he in her opinion is responsible for that. But not acusing but rewarding each other for openly sharing the perceived problem. Simple as that
Absolutely agree.
And when this guy said she was protecting her husband’s feelings and not wanting him to feel like he did something wrong - she said yes but she didn’t seem sure. That’s just one sliver of this scenario. Especially since he mentioned the boat having holes and taking on water, etc… nothing is really being addressed. Platitudes like you said.
This whole thing was hard to watch.
He is using psycho-education and teaching them communication skills to help them connect.
I had no clue about why they are in therapy and I respect the therapist because I could not understand either of the ways of what they were saying or the style of their communication. I’ve been a therapist for 10 years but I admit I would fail with this couple. I put my hands up. I wish them well as a couple though.
He’s probably had multiple appointments with them and a good understanding of the issues prior to the session. Don’t cut yourself short you wouldn’t fail.
Brilliant moment at 13.00ish where you break through their regular shields and way of relating with each other.
The husband is more concerned about ‘being a failure’ than helping her. He can’t have empathy for her bc his shame is triggered. Now, she’s gotta try and him feel better. 🙄🙄 good grief.
It's blame the victim mentality, a trick the communist use as a controlling mechanism.
@@dyfnwalmoelmud8362 that escalated quickly lol
He needs more help than she does it seems. He has to overcome his challenges before he can help her with hers.
@@KnicksNYanks84 Exactly
🤣🤣🤣🤣 love it
Ah I love that he comes up with business ideas. I’m the same. I love people that do this!
great insight of the communication dialog on the couple.
This was very difficult to watch. She laughing nervously the entire time was very awkward. He seems like he doesn’t want to be in the same room. This relationship is def interesting, maybe they’re not a good match. Maybe they’re both emotionally immature
It's very useful
This was an engaging session. I feel it brought great awareness to the couple. I feel incorporating the gender stereotypes into the picture, however, was the one part I disagreed with. I wonder if the therapist could have helped Katherine notice that apologizing and saying her stuff is irrational is in fact not. It would make it easier for her to open up and feel less shame or embarrassment. And it would help them think outside of labeling how differently they process feelings in the future. What she’s feeling is completely valid although unexpected, regardless of gender, and Kevin must be open to hearing it. But everything else was spot on. I love how he was able to engage Kevin near the end.
@aba r The genders in terms of thinking are from different constellations and you are deluded to think otherwise, men are far more logical thinkers for example and that is why the therapist reassured the man that her feelings would be irrational
I can see this couple will still have the same problems in the future. Not sure if this therapy sessions is working out.
Wow Dan that coffee cup's nearly empty though.
The therapist is assuming so much instead of asking Katherine how does she feel, what does she think?
It's so strange to think that they had this session 10 days before my 19th birthday. This is one of the millions of things that was happening in the world while I was probably in a new job or something. Absolutely wild to think about
Lol
you high?
No, the therapist understands women; he is really insightful.
It kinda did feel like the husband is supposed to be her therapist. Why? Essentially she just feels unhappy, depressed and goes to therapy for that. Now also her husband needs to become her therapist and listen to everything that bothers her? It’s feels like questionable advice for some reason
Shouldn't you be okay with listening to your partner or friend when they feel sad? That's what we do for our friends and loved ones.
@@Jadenmic It can get overwhelming if it's persistent.
Hi I read Don't kill the man's dream but sometimes dreaming does not become reality sucks as no plan is executed just complaints Don't disengage Kevin and pass the buck to her For a women to cry like that the pain is enough.Jevin to man up and take resonsubiry
If he appreciates what she does would not have to cry so much
The therapist insight on understanding Women is phenomenal!
I would give anything if my husband offered to build me a dance studio.
It seems like Kevin maybe had a distant, workaholic parent, and now identifies relationships as something which would need to be triangulated with a work orientation. The work is a protection barrier.
Why won’t her husband look at her when she speaks to him? 🙁
Because He is unhappy, feels stuck and lost. And no one will help him. The wife doesn't know how to help him, neither the therapist because they don't understand men. Modern society has failed him.
@@renasouza8261 exactly. she is all about her... she dosent cares about him
@@manumaster1990 she just doesn’t know he’s more complex she’s simple
Woww
Communication is key and each person within a couple, as well as marriage, communicates differently but both ways can contribute to the union.
Future..... Dr. Tirrrick Obadiah Smith
This guy feels so ashamed
I still don’t understand what he did
PSA his title is "Couples Rebuilder" and "Relationship Coach" this means he is not a licensed professional therfore he is not a therapist and did not get a degree to allow him to do so. No offense, but just wanted to bring this to attention. As a graduate student studying to be a therapist we are learning all about the negative sides of "life coaches" and how they take jobs from licensed professionals and do not have all the proper training we go through to help others.
maybe if therapists didnt charge 150-200/hr there wouldnt be a market for life coaches
@@juliusya7069if only a therapist could charge that we would all be rich.
Thank you for pointing this out - I am 20 minutes in and he is clearly not a trained therapist. His comments sound so condescending - not emotionally connecting with either one of them. ugh.
Thank you so much Dr okomah the great Spell caster for helping get back my wife after 3 years of separation
I feel sorry for the husband.
u can see it all in his face.
Poor guy, nobody will save him
he didn't talk until 5 minutes in this session. That's not acceptable
This should be a bubble above that guy's head that says I don't give a f*** anymore.
It's a trend for every husbands now a days to look like Johnny Depp after He won His Case against Amber Heard. For every husband it makes them feel confident and a win win situation in such condition.😉😁
Katherine lacks some self respect and self esteem. There are some layers of anxious attachment / codependency in her communication style. She unconsciously uses her language and emotions (like crying fits) in an attempt to get her intimacy needs met. This confuses the dynamic because her partner is unsure how to get at what the real problem is, he senses that in some way he is being manipulated. Not in a malicious way, but manipulated nonetheless. This inability to get at the clear problem and the sense that he has not been accepted for who he is (i.e. she wants him to "change" so she can feel better) has caused him to turn inward to self protect from being a "failure" as a partner which he seems to value. There is a sense that she is "chasing" him which on the surface seems cute but actually is slightly disrespectful.
The good thing is that these people clearly love each other. But there is a fear that permeates the interaction that feels like a wall between them. The fear being of hurting the other with what might actually be true.
For her the therapy might be to build her self esteem and let go completely of the hope that her husband will ever change and the fantasy that her needs will ever be truly met by him, or anyone for that matter. That instead of stating an issue and then immediately laughing right after to try and "protect his feelings", she states her feelings, lets it hit him however it does, and lets go of trying to control or preserve the sense of Okayness between them.
For him, the work may be learning to express his fear of failure, feelings, weak sides, or even dissatisfaction with her as a partner out loud instead of sublimating internally in the form of shame.
That's my take, would love to hear anyone else's thoughts.
I find these men condescending. Kevin: “Ok. Let me understand this. I’m supposed to do this incredibly stupid and ineffectual thing to make her stop crying?” Therapist: right! Aren’t women just the nuttiest?
Exactly.
Excellent video content! Forgive me for the intrusion, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you heard the talk about - Taparton Saving Family Takeover (should be on google have a look)? It is a smashing one of a kind guide for helping a troubled marriage minus the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my best friend Jordan got astronomical success with it.
I disagree, I'm interested if you think Im on the right track or not. I think it has the instruction to show care to each of her concerns, irrelevant of the merit. And care for the sake of caring. Calling that 'nutty' is adding a humorous element which pokes fun at the unpredictable and irrational emotions that surround each marriage.
@@zaiharris8509 Emotions are inherently irrational. I understand injecting some good-intentioned humor but be careful about how a client might perceive a therapist calling their needs nutty or bizarre, even in jest.
Kevin - run for the hills. As fast as you can. She's nuts and will find things to complain about even (and especially) when things are stable.
This was kinda painful to watch, he was assuming SO much about her and being totally condescending, oh she is irrational oh I know women's problems are silly and dumb but they experience them so we should be understanding! In her place I'd feel invalidated and cornered
Why no one here talks about helping the husband? This is so sad. Modern psychology has failed men...
well if men are so good at fixing things, they can fix it
Down the road, she'll be explaining how her affair partner gets where she's coming from and how they formed a bond in a way she couldn't do with her husband. That at first it was just an emotional connection, but after they kissed things got out of hand and she just made a mistake.
I think the way the wife laughs every time there is a lot of layers she is hiding. Her demeanour is totally fake.
I think she is nervous and trying not to say anything wrong... as she looks for his response.
Why do non-professionals feel entitled to cast judgment on these people who are gracious enough to lay it all out and be incredibly venerable. I'll never understand how you get the nerve to put out this energy into the world. You have no idea ...
Some people laugh when they’re uncomfortable or being vulnerable. It’s pretty common actually.
YESSS
she doesn’t want to cry because he freaks out when she cries that he has failed at life when really it’s not that deep.
Going from his lack of communication. He's turned out. And I would bet that he's cheating on her. And I couldn't blame him.
Maybe he just needs to take a shit. It could be anything.
Lol what
Pants down, stick it in. She won't tell you because she doesn't even realise it. But she will after. Pants down, stick it in.
This woman sounds a bit immature. Maybe she is more outgoing, but she sounds crazy.
I think she's lonely. He seems introverted and quiet and maybe can't reach her? (I've been there😔😔) Best of luck to them 💙💜🤎