Listen to This Before Starting Couples Therapy for Relationship Crisis

Kristin Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF is a licensed therapist and coach that specializes in helping individuals and couples in crisis after infidelity, emotional abuse, and/or uncovering addiction issues. Kristin discusses the important protocols and procedures that should be followed after uncovering infidelity, addiction, or other high-crisis relationship issues. Careful to not approach infidelity and addiction recovery similar to other personal or relationship crises. In crisis moments like these-the days, weeks, and months that follow uncovering an affair, porn addiction, sexual-acting-out behaviors, and the subterfuge that’s often involved-there are a lot of messy emotions coming out at different times, threats being made, decisions and choices changing every minute or hour, defense mechanisms running wild, and overwhelmed survival systems firing off. Your life can fall into chaos. You need professional help and a support system immediately but some of your help and support needs to be to be trained in how to respond appropriately and productively to the chaos that ensues (and avoid blaming and shaming).
Kristin has spent over a decade in the field of infidelity and addiction recovery and has seen instances where “general” couples therapists unable to identify the nuances, traumas, emotional manipulation, or emotional dysregulation that occur in high crisis. An untrained therapist may not know the right time for the couple to seek their own individual work vs the right time to engage in couples repair work.
Finding a therapist who specializes in addiction recovery, betrayal trauma, intimacy disorders, infidelity recovery, etc. is important. There are unique protocols and order of operations that addiction and intimacy disorder specialists follow to prevent further trauma, improve recovery outcomes, and above all else, ensure safety for all parties involved.
(This is educational, NOT THERAPY)
www.kristinsnowden.com | [e-mail]
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Timestamps:
0:20 Important things to know before seeking couples therapy after uncovering betrayal or addiction
2:10 Infidelity and addiction issues should not be approached (initially) as a couples issue
2:30 How and why infidelity and addiction are different than typical couples issues
4:40 What to do and NOT to do immediately after discovering betrayal or what you think might be addiction
5:50 What to look for when finding the right help/support
7:00 How a specialist in the field approaches the crisis, the questions they ask, and the questions your therapist should be asking
14:41 The importance of assessing if its an "isolated crisis" (one time event) or more of a chronic problematic pattern that might be addiction
15:44 Big mistakes made when going to couples therapy to soon
16:15 A deeper explanation about why infidelity, trauma, and addiction have to be dealt with separately
18:00 Circumstances when couples therapy can cause harm and when its helpful
22:23 What needs to happen before starting couples therapy:
1) lying, acting out, substance use, manipulation must end or drastically improve
2) An accountability structure has to be developed to help the betrayer stay "honest" and the betrayed partner to feel safer
3) Group work/support should be established to help with empathy and shame resiliency
4) The home environment must stabilize from constant crisis with improved coping skills
28:04 Normalizing (don't stigmatize) the need to work toward stabilization
Upload my FREE eBook: A Guide to Navigating Relationship Crisis: bit.ly/RelationshipCrisis to set you down a path toward healing and clarity. A collection of education, important first steps, and resources to get you through the initial crisis period.
Get Kristin's Relationship Masterclass: Resiliency & Recovery Access her full online library of eye-opening content, helpful tools, comprehensive workbook, and much more. Options for one-on-one LIVE COACHING with Kristin bit.ly/RRROnlineProgram
**Kristin's LIVE (zoom) WORKSHOPS for betrayed partners and beyond. New sessions posted! bit.ly/KristinsWorkshops
Meditation Made Easy with Muse! Get 20% off with code KRISTINSNOWDEN for Muse biofeedback system and app to help with consistency, motivation, tracking,and accountability. choosemuse.com/kristinsnowden (I receive a small commission)
**Connect: / kristinmsnowden for announcements and discounts
KRISTIN'S FREE LIVE WEBINARS EVERY ODD MONTH, 2nd WED. OF MONTH AT 9:30 AM PT through Seeking Integrity. Zoom link: zoom.us/j/244109360
#betrayaltraumarecovery #couplesincrisis #couplestherapy #addictionrecovery #Infidelity #crisismanagement #healthyrelationships
Kristin ‘s book: Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal & Transform Your Life bit.ly/LifeAnonymousBook

[@lenavoyles526]

“The infidelity or addiction part is not a marital issue.” We need signs sent out with this in neon lettering. It seems that even some very good couples therapists still don’t understand this.

[@ralphmiranda2077]

Thank you for caring enough to make this video.

[@dl6043]

No wonder couples therapy didn’t do a damn thing for me and my ex she was a drunk who cheated on me

[@haPPySundAy970]

♥️

[@andymessman8726]

Im not allowed to be in pain or be angry for all the lies and hiding. Porn was more important and I am just a nut job. There had been NO therapeutic disclosure, NO addressing of an addiction! NO discussion of his lack of empathy and his needs are still his focus. I am alone! I am sooooo alone! And I am sure there are more lies. I hate it!!!

[@oambitiousone7100]

Ick-etera .
Please .
It’s Et-cetera

[@tmking7483]

Dude your confused

[@dori.32]

In crisis ❤️‍🩹 I appreciate sources like this to help navigate through this storm.

[@mi8345]

You are not alone 💔🫂

[@ms.kbrown]

ditto

[@pomdigz9893]

Me too