Staying…because one knows if we leave we will feel obligated or just out of friendship, of necessity tell others why we are leaving, separating or divorcing. How do we tell the adult” children”? How much do we tell anyone? As an older spouse, how will we possibly survive without a duel income source? Leaving a betrayer is not always as simple as I sounds.
Leaving is never simple and financial issues are often an impediment. Even if you stay, I’d encourage you to find a group to continue your own healing and support system.
Yeah all of your videos and content is so valuable to me. I really appreciate it. This video however is absolute gold as you are hitting the nail on the head once again. And I am trying to get into one of your groups btw. But I am the betrayed spouse as I discovered my wife cheating on my over three years ago and while she has been doing most things right in this past year for us (me), it is me now who just feels like the relationship/marriage has been destroyed. Clearly when I look at her I am not looking at the girl I thought I was looking at before any of this happened. I just feel so lost. I have mostly been staying and trying to work this out for our three kids. But seeing your video here helps. Thanks again!
Been married for 20 years have three kids and husband cheated with a coworker and is so defensive towards the topic. I kicked him out and not sure if I made the right decision or not. Caught me off guard because there were no signs until I discovered it. I was invested but apparently he was done. It seems like he think he didn’t do anything wrong by the way he’s behaving. So this video is great and I totally understand.
@@tanyah4091 you did the right decision. No sense living with a narcissist. They can t change. Pedophiles are all narcissists. They can never change also.
People who don’t abide in Christ’s Spirit can be possessed by other Spirits. I’ve even seen it with people who went to seminary for wonky denominations. The problem is the CHURCH won’t admit that people who aren’t with Christ are vessels for demons, even intermittently. So, if they won’t ask Christ’s Spirit to save them, they are LOST. Mine was only not lost when he wasn’t pitching for the Yankees, if you get my drift. THEY ARE LOST!
Thank you. I've been struggling with this. Partner betrayed our marriage 6 years ago, her infidelity lasted 2 years on and off with a much younger man. My struggle, she promised to do anything for me to stay in the marriage. When I committed to stay and give her a chance, she simply started acting like nothing ever happened. If I bring it up, I'm ruining our day. 6 years, no response. Nothing. Makes me feel like I'm the crazy one for hurting. She just goes about life like it never happened and absolutely refuses to discuss this. Feeling trapped as I earn substantially more than her and can't imagine not being a full-time father. Makes your head spin.
I hear you and understand your struggle. Is she not willing to do couples therapy with someone who specializes in betrayal trauma? Also I have a co-ed betrayed partners group starting soon that might help you.
Have you ever asked her to write you a detailed apology letter ?? I need to know how my H feels about his betrayal before I can consider forgiving plus counselling is non-negotiable … make sure you are expressing your wants and needs
Almost 40 years but I think I’m about ready to leave. I gave him an award for the greatest stonewaller in history. No empathy, no apologies, NOTHING, just sits and stares when this comes up. Blank look, lays back on the couch eyes shut, like he’s trying to sleep. Maybe he is brain dead, ya think?
I stayed in our marriage (still married) for our small children. Living with the daily intrusive thoughts is Not worth staying in the marriage. However, my counselor has suggested that the thoughts would still be there because I would have had to interact with her for many years, considering the kids were so young.
Almost 2 yrs still struggling because we don't live together because of his job. I insist he looks for a job where we can live together so that i can start trusting again but he's More focused on his career than the marriage he has messed-up. The betrayal happened when we lived separately. Hes still living in that country where he messed-up. I feel like giving up on us because to me this is not marriage anymore. Am worried for my kids
I’m so sorry. I really hope you can find a betrayed partners group that you can lean into, share your story and receive support from…I have groups on my website, there are groups on WeTonglen.com and sexandrelarionshiphealing.com
My D-day is just a couple of days away. Nineteen years later it still turns my stomach. I didn't want to stay but I did, not for me but for her. It seemed she gotten herself mixed up with a dangerous character, a background check confirmed that. I was afraid if I kicked her to the curb she would have went back to him, and either ended up badly abused or dead. So we stayed together, and it was the right move for us, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's very hard to move past the trauma and pain when you are still with that person. I don't know if my life would have been better or worse moving on, but this wouldn't still be plaguing me... Move on if you can is my advice, but you have to make this decision yourself.
@@janmillis3267 on my 36th year of still being married but continually reminded of all the embarrassing situations my wife put me through, reminders of her and her “boss”, - I make the best of each day and make every effort to cast out the thoughts as they pop into my mind. I finally started seeing a therapist several years ago and that has helped a lot.
A great way to help you move throw feeling stuck and confused is attending a small safe betrayed partners group. I have some. WeTonglen has some options. Sex and relationship healing has some. That might help
@@KristinSnowden thanks for all your content and resources! How can I find the free 12 step program you mentioned on this webinar? Thank you in advance!
My gf just broke my trust when i went through her phone and saw that she was talking to her childs father after i went to sleep with the excuse that he works overnight and they only discuss coparenting schedules. But i recovered deleted text and she would text him about how she was sorry she got upset with him and how the banana milkshake just came out at checkers. Things that arent too bad but mothing to do with their child. My stomach is in knots and this doesnt feel right but she lives an hour away. I dont know what to do to find out for sure 😢
I did see the entire "signs of cheating" video and it was helpful. She has a little over half of those signs but she was very remorseful about it and chose to go to therapy but she isn't willing to ensure that I no longer have an insecurity or what if anymore about it. I'm supposed to forgive and forget
What about the “betrayer??!” I have been the betrayer in the family. I had the addiction! I went to rehab…I got better. I have been clean since!But I then I had and experience where I coped poorly and started compulsively shopping. I got us into debt. Yes, to was another betrayal. But my parter keeps telling me that I never did get clean. I was just the same person, and im hurting the family. Turn he starts “gaslighting” (for lack of a better word) about how he had seen these “behaviors” in the past, and he wasn’t sure if he loved me or not, but he thought he would tell me he did because our daughter tried to kill herself and he was “trying.” First off, I know he has been hurt. I have been so deeply sorry for that. But I have been clean for the past 8 years. But I do love him. He is almost displaying similar behaviors as a person who is betraying someone. Is is a ting rude, and distant and saying the most horrible things! Is that behaviors acceptable? I guess what im getting at is that don’t we as the ones who have done the betrayal (past tense) and are working in it have and value? What if we are contemplating staying or going?? At least I want to work in it. So I have any value?
It’s a fucking ROLLERCOASTER!!! 😢🫠😢😩 I can’t even BE MYSELF or think straight day to day to day… and it’s been like this since 2022, and then more discoveries of more betrayals thru 2023, and now it’s 2024?!! Jesus Christ: PLEASE HELP!🥺🙏🏻
Damn my exact situation. Betrayels thru 22, 23 and now we are in 24. Nothing so far that ik of but at this point I am done.. I don't feel the same towards him anymore.
![Is it Because of Me? [Healing From Betrayal Trauma]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/g_vvxaHHDVw/mqdefault.jpg)
Staying…because one knows if we leave we will feel obligated or just out of friendship, of necessity tell others why we are leaving, separating or divorcing. How do we tell the adult” children”? How much do we tell anyone? As an older spouse, how will we possibly survive without a duel income source? Leaving a betrayer is not always as simple as I sounds.
Leaving is never simple and financial issues are often an impediment. Even if you stay, I’d encourage you to find a group to continue your own healing and support system.
But it sounds so nice. I know it's not always the case but the hurt feels less when you get to imagine that's an option. 😢
Yeah all of your videos and content is so valuable to me. I really appreciate it. This video however is absolute gold as you are hitting the nail on the head once again. And I am trying to get into one of your groups btw. But I am the betrayed spouse as I discovered my wife cheating on my over three years ago and while she has been doing most things right in this past year for us (me), it is me now who just feels like the relationship/marriage has been destroyed. Clearly when I look at her I am not looking at the girl I thought I was looking at before any of this happened. I just feel so lost. I have mostly been staying and trying to work this out for our three kids. But seeing your video here helps. Thanks again!
Been married for 20 years have three kids and husband cheated with a coworker and is so defensive towards the topic. I kicked him out and not sure if I made the right decision or not. Caught me off guard because there were no signs until I discovered it. I was invested but apparently he was done. It seems like he think he didn’t do anything wrong by the way he’s behaving. So this video is great and I totally understand.
@@tanyah4091 you did the right decision. No sense living with a narcissist. They can t change. Pedophiles are all narcissists. They can never change also.
What possible excuse does he have for thinking cheating is ok. Or does he deny it?
Well first I'm gay
So being w a guy yuck. @@rachelrieger6503
People who don’t abide in Christ’s Spirit can be possessed by other Spirits. I’ve even seen it with people who went to seminary for wonky denominations. The problem is the CHURCH won’t admit that people who aren’t with Christ are vessels for demons, even intermittently. So, if they won’t ask Christ’s Spirit to save them, they are LOST. Mine was only not lost when he wasn’t pitching for the Yankees, if you get my drift. THEY ARE LOST!
This is incredible and just what I need right now.. standing in the cross roads or my life and need to put myself first for once.
Thank you. I've been struggling with this. Partner betrayed our marriage 6 years ago, her infidelity lasted 2 years on and off with a much younger man. My struggle, she promised to do anything for me to stay in the marriage. When I committed to stay and give her a chance, she simply started acting like nothing ever happened. If I bring it up, I'm ruining our day. 6 years, no response. Nothing. Makes me feel like I'm the crazy one for hurting. She just goes about life like it never happened and absolutely refuses to discuss this. Feeling trapped as I earn substantially more than her and can't imagine not being a full-time father. Makes your head spin.
I hear you and understand your struggle. Is she not willing to do couples therapy with someone who specializes in betrayal trauma? Also I have a co-ed betrayed partners group starting soon that might help you.
@@KristinSnowden We did that, and she just sat zip lipped. After 9 sessions I gave up. The therapist was equally frustrated.
Have you ever asked her to write you a detailed apology letter ?? I need to know how my H feels about his betrayal before I can consider forgiving plus counselling is non-negotiable … make sure you are expressing your wants and needs
I’m leaving. 💔💔💔💔💔
40 years for nothing
Almost 40 years but I think I’m about ready to leave. I gave him an award for the greatest stonewaller in history. No empathy, no apologies, NOTHING, just sits and stares when this comes up. Blank look, lays back on the couch eyes shut, like he’s trying to sleep. Maybe he is brain dead, ya think?
@@UnderstandingLimerence
At least you can now finish your life on earth being free. You will have your freedom back.
@@UnderstandingLimerenceI've looked into attachment avoidant ..its a real thing. Look it up.
@@christinediguistini8629I have experienced this for 38 years now.
I stayed in our marriage (still married) for our small children. Living with the daily intrusive thoughts is Not worth staying in the marriage. However, my counselor has suggested that the thoughts would still be there because I would have had to interact with her for many years, considering the kids were so young.
😢 he did it all and after 34 years I'm between staying and going
I’m blessed you make these webinars.
So glad you find them helpful
Thank you great resources! All of your videos are such great resources and give a name/tools to the the feelings these kinds of situations bring.
These are all really great questions to ask yourself when deciding to stay or go. Thank you so much for sharing.
Even better questions to ponder in a safe small group with other betrayed partners….
Thank you. Great questions. I still feel pretty confused, so I'll have try asking myself these questions again in a few days.
Who else kind of actually hates the “Best Boy Behavior”? I don’t want him to be a “box-checker”??! Can’t he just be REAL/HONEST?! 🤦🏻♀️
Almost 2 yrs still struggling because we don't live together because of his job. I insist he looks for a job where we can live together so that i can start trusting again but he's More focused on his career than the marriage he has messed-up. The betrayal happened when we lived separately. Hes still living in that country where he messed-up. I feel like giving up on us because to me this is not marriage anymore. Am worried for my kids
I’m so sorry. I really hope you can find a betrayed partners group that you can lean into, share your story and receive support from…I have groups on my website, there are groups on WeTonglen.com and sexandrelarionshiphealing.com
My D-day is just a couple of days away. Nineteen years later it still turns my stomach. I didn't want to stay but I did, not for me but for her. It seemed she gotten herself mixed up with a dangerous character, a background check confirmed that. I was afraid if I kicked her to the curb she would have went back to him, and either ended up badly abused or dead. So we stayed together, and it was the right move for us, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's very hard to move past the trauma and pain when you are still with that person. I don't know if my life would have been better or worse moving on, but this wouldn't still be plaguing me... Move on if you can is my advice, but you have to make this decision yourself.
35 years....
@@janmillis3267 on my 36th year of still being married but continually reminded of all the embarrassing situations my wife put me through, reminders of her and her “boss”, - I make the best of each day and make every effort to cast out the thoughts as they pop into my mind. I finally started seeing a therapist several years ago and that has helped a lot.
I need this webinar
But also been made to feel so many things
That
I don't know anymore
At times I do.
I'm so confused
A great way to help you move throw feeling stuck and confused is attending a small safe betrayed partners group. I have some. WeTonglen has some options. Sex and relationship healing has some. That might help
@@KristinSnowden thanks for all your content and resources! How can I find the free 12 step program you mentioned on this webinar? Thank you in advance!
@estebanguzman3784 here’s a general list of 12 step fellowships d.12step.org/directory-directory/categories/12-step-fellowship/
@estebanguzman3784 I often encourage betrayed partners to explore SANON, Alanon, Prodependence anonymous or something ACA
Thank you❤
My gf just broke my trust when i went through her phone and saw that she was talking to her childs father after i went to sleep with the excuse that he works overnight and they only discuss coparenting schedules. But i recovered deleted text and she would text him about how she was sorry she got upset with him and how the banana milkshake just came out at checkers. Things that arent too bad but mothing to do with their child. My stomach is in knots and this doesnt feel right but she lives an hour away. I dont know what to do to find out for sure 😢
I did see the entire "signs of cheating" video and it was helpful. She has a little over half of those signs but she was very remorseful about it and chose to go to therapy but she isn't willing to ensure that I no longer have an insecurity or what if anymore about it. I'm supposed to forgive and forget
What about the “betrayer??!” I have been the betrayer in the family. I had the addiction! I went to rehab…I got better. I have been clean since!But I then I had and experience where I coped poorly and started compulsively shopping. I got us into debt. Yes, to was another betrayal. But my parter keeps telling me that I never did get clean. I was just the same person, and im hurting the family. Turn he starts “gaslighting” (for lack of a better word) about how he had seen these “behaviors” in the past, and he wasn’t sure if he loved me or not, but he thought he would tell me he did because our daughter tried to kill herself and he was “trying.” First off, I know he has been hurt. I have been so deeply sorry for that. But I have been clean for the past 8 years. But I do love him. He is almost displaying similar behaviors as a person who is betraying someone. Is is a ting rude, and distant and saying the most horrible things! Is that behaviors acceptable? I guess what im getting at is that don’t we as the ones who have done the betrayal (past tense) and are working in it have and value? What if we are contemplating staying or going?? At least I want to work in it. So I have any value?
It’s a fucking ROLLERCOASTER!!! 😢🫠😢😩 I can’t even BE MYSELF or think straight day to day to day… and it’s been like this since 2022, and then more discoveries of more betrayals thru 2023, and now it’s 2024?!! Jesus Christ: PLEASE HELP!🥺🙏🏻
I am sorry for your situation. If he is continuing to cheat, maybe you should divorce and more on with your life. You can then heal.
My heart goes out to you. 💔
It's so much to carry mentally, I so feel your pain!
Damn my exact situation. Betrayels thru 22, 23 and now we are in 24. Nothing so far that ik of but at this point I am done.. I don't feel the same towards him anymore.