greenAbbot - You're right. He's not ready to get married, or he's trying to marry the wrong person. And it sounds like she's not actually expressed that she's going to marry him. Sounds like he's chasing after her. Maybe he needs to step back and see if feelings are reciprocal.
He isn't afraid, he has talked to her about it and she's nervous/reluctant to move. He's asking how to handle a difficult conversation instead of acting like a man child and telling her in a controlling way how things are going to be. I think he's very ready to get married.
"I didnt know how to bring that up without upsetting her" your marriage has already failed if you have to walk on eggshells and your resorting to avoidance to handle issues
@@blackworldtraveler3711 not sure what you mean by "female emotions as an indicator". Are females not supposed to have emotions? And an "indicator" of what?
@@phillipmakris7345 The fact that she has "emotional issues" as indicated by his statement "I don't know how to bring that up without upsetting her." If she is so upset by something as simple as moving for her marriage, what happens when there is an issue like finances or child-rearing differences? Females (and Males) can have emotions, the key is NOT to let them rule you. Otherwise, you may have a bad time navigating life.
Yeah it's ridiculous he hasn't even proposed and he's having an imaginary stuggle with someone who hasn't even agreed to marry him yet! I'm surprised they didn't note that first.
Exactly. I can’t tell from the call if that’s because she actually is scary or he’s just scared, but they’ve got to be able to talk about stuff like this if they’re going to get married.
Yea that doesn’t make sense at all to marry someone in this condition. If you love him you’d move for goodness sake he has a WHOLE business built already. Girl bye
Sad thing is, he will be broke and broken. Everything that she loves about him, he is giving up. Once he gives all of it up, she will be turned off by him. He is in a lose lose situation
@@runningdebate2670 that's why men are lost in America why the divorce rate is so high men have lost their masculinity a man should focus 80% of his endeavors towards his purpose not a woman this man is the prize not her I love a feminine woman I hate feminist
Ridiculous never move for a woman, unless you’re working a regular job and can find one in her area before you move. This guy is self employed would be stupid for him To move.
@@fourdayhomestead2839 My thing is that his business is projected to make 250k she could quit her job and support his business. She ain't got her head on straight she only thinking about herself.
If she’s being selfish now and doesn’t want to make logical decisions and she wants her own way I wouldn’t marry someone like that. This shows you what you’re in for in the future
Yeah I agree she can be a teacher anywhere. It’s not fair to expect the guy to uproot his whole life & lose his whole business because she wants to live “close to mommy” as Dave put it. If she’s not ready to marry then he needs to move on.
Hes calling for advise on the financial side of it. If he had a massive income, it wouldnt matter if it took his partner years to find a teaching job. If she earned significantly more than him and his business was bringing home like 30k, then it would make more sense for him to move to the stable income and build up again.
Sam calling back Dave in 3 years: Well Dave, I gave up my business and moved for her. Now I'm divorced and broke in her town working at Walmart, what should I do next?
That's not true that you can be a teacher anywhere in a decent place with decent pay. Some school districts aren't safe and some pay practically nothing and some aren't safe and also pay practically nothing. Where does she live and where does he live?
Sounds like the wrong woman if you're scared to ask her to move... I moved 900 miles from my family with 2 toddlers so my husband could take his "dream job" which came with a 40% paycut. He wasn't scared to ask me bc he knows I love him and want him to succeed just as much as he wants to.
For many men, career is intertwined with who they are, their self-image and self-esteem. Giving that up is not an option. We need to own that and act accordingly. Don't compromise yourself for anyone.
@@rahh3602 - You called it! I do not sense that's she's really into him, and if she knew he was talking on national radio about marriage, she'd probably be livid.
Why was she even dating him in the first place if she doesn't like where he lives? You do not even start a relationship like this. I dated men in MY area when I was single because I was NOT moving ANYWHERE at that time. If she moves for him, she will resent him and if he moves for her, he will resent it. They need to part ways and find find someone in their own areas.
Since he hasn't even asked her yet he may be looking for an excuse to get out from under the responsibility of his business. He gets to quit and tell everybody he did it for her.
If you guys aren’t on the same page as far as work and living arrangements for your future why are you even considering marriage? The is a major 🚩. 🗣DONT DO IT‼️
@Grimmy Rippy Hes not talking about commuting that distance. Hes talking about living 2 hours away from your family and just driving the 2 hours whenever you wanna see them. Not that big of a deal.
I moved 2 + 1/2 hrs away from my parents and brothers + that was 38 yrs ago when I got married. You have to be very careful and thoughtful with the decisions you make at the beginning of your marriage. I do make the trip often to help my parents, but I am not there enough and I cannot help out as much as if I were living there in the same city
Being married is about compromise. Why don't you move half way? You drive to work 1 hour and she drives to work 1 hour. Problem solve!! If she says no, then this relationship might has a bigger problem than you think.
That's not realistic. He's got to be able to get to his business easily, it's HIS business, after all. Once they are married, it's their business. If she agrees to marry him, then she needs to put their relationship first. I moved cities for my husband. He is totally worth it!
The number one identified factor in having a successful relationship is proximity. You have to meet someone who is either willing to move or someone who lives near you. If this women expects him to give up everything.... shes not the one. I think he knows it.... deep down that she is not the one. But he so badly wants her to be the one that he would do anything to make it work. Those relationships end terribly.
It sounds like she runs the relationship in full. Communication is key and if you are afraid to communicate with her because you don’t want to upset her is crazy!
A wife that wouldnt make a sacrifice for you isnt worth your business that will fund your life/retirement imo... Seems like your business is less likely to leave you later on down the road
But shes not a wife. Or a fiance. Shes just a girlfriend. And what if they've been together for only 6 months? It literally changes everything. I'm not moving for my boyfriend of 6 months.
I adore Dave and Anthony-and-this needs a female perspective: I would like to know what his business is and why it is not portable...not saying as a woman I wouldn’t move, but I would need to understand the business more. Maybe she doesn’t understand it. She may also feel insecure in the relationship and doesn’t want to give up her support system and livelihood until she feels emotionally safe. Yes, teaching is portable but also a difficult career. It takes a lot to adjust to a new school culture, economic status of a district, differing state regulations and administrators. The only people who think teaching is easy have not been public school teachers. They’re is also new licensing that has to be done in a different state. How long has she been teaching? How much does she make. I have been for 20 years; so make about as much as the caller does now. Sure, he has good potential-and that’s wonderful. If he currently makes as much as she does, she might be doing math also and not wanting to abandons her pension, her tenure, etc. Either way, the caller is speaking hypothetically and needs more information first. Pre marital counseling would be helpful. -From a teacher who did move to the other side of the globe and had her heart broken anyway..
You might be the perfect person to ask then since you are an experienced teacher. Dave said just move and you will get another teaching job, but with this virus and no end in site, how are the prospects for teaching, and will be more kids home schooled in the future? Is this different state to state?
As a woman with a flexible career (nurse), I've dated a few guys who expected that I could and would follow them in their career paths. There is no one right answer and the couple needs to decide what is best for them.
She’ll probably have him move using her job as an excuse, but when she gets pregnant I bet she quits to stay home and tell him to get out there and build another business. Not everyone is a keeper if they aren’t willing to meet in the logical middle.
All these comments and no one has realized that this dude has literally not even had the conversation with his girlfriend. He's having imaginary issues that we aren't even sure are there.
Yeah, he’s got to approach her straight forward about his need to stay where he’s at, and the very logical reasoning behind it. Decades ago, I when I graduated from college, and secured a well-paying dream job, my boyfriend at the time told me that I needed to relocate closer to him and secure a different job (actually the same type job I had while I put myself through college) so that we “could start a life together.” We’d been dating about 2 years at that point, but there was no proposal - only talk every few months of “a life together”, children, etc. He was older than me, hadn’t attended college, but had worked and bought a house, which he was making mortgage payments on. When I was in school, I was earning more money than he was. After graduation, I made even more money, which - though I was proud of my income - I always downplayed and preferred not to discuss because he said it made him feel inadequate. He hated his job and the people he worked with, because they were being promoted over him. His suggestion of my quitting my dream job, moving from my apartment 60 miles from him, and taking a job that didn’t require my degree (remember, this was a job that helped advance me in life ALONG with the degree) just made me say, “Whoa!” I discovered that he expected me to move closer, pick up this ‘other’ job, and help him pay off his house. Somewhere along the way, we would be married, have a couple of kids (he already had a boy’s name selected), and I would continue working, and advancing in my career despite this initial ‘setback’, and support him after he eventually retired (he was 18 yrs older than me), and then care for him after the kids were out of the house. Nope! I moved on from that relationship very, very quickly.
Don't get married, problem solved. Way too much uncertainty and unwillingness to just talk to her about the issues. This marriage, if it happens, is doomed from the get go just due to the fact he's scared to talk to her.
Dave’s mistaken that there are jobs for teachers everywhere. I’m my area there are 3,000 applicants for 16 jobs. You’re wrong Dave and you should apologize to teachers!!!!
I am at work, can't give long answers, but Dave is right, listen to him. Stay with your business. She can apply by you. I am married for 20 years gave up aviation for my wife. You are the bread maker highest income right now. Priority is where you are then all other options on table
He obviously cannot talk to her, which kind of tells you everything. Also, she should be clamoring to go with him, for all the right reasons. If the table was turned, I would say the same about him. Marriage is sacrifice, for everyone. The logical step is for her to move. Sounds like he knows this and just wants someone to tell him so.
As you mentioned, he can't talk to her. He can't hire a manager for his business? And we know no reason why she feels the need to live near her parents. He's talking in so many hypotheticals without details and we have 0 idea what her side is. And he hasn't even asked her yet. I think that comes first. Then when she accepts the proposal and can't find a job in his city and she makes an ultimatum. THEN he can call in and complain.
If this woman had a tenured position at a university making somewhere near six figures, I can see where he might be ready to make some concessions, provide she's willing to be the main breadwinner (which, sorry ladies, does nothing good for family dynamics). He doesn't want to "make her mad" when it sounds as though he hasn't really sat down with her and TOGETHER look at the implications of the two scenarios. Don't be afraid to talk now - disagree, even, and think long & hard.
There are other ways to solve this than ending the relationship. 1) They move to an area halfway between their workplaces to even out their commutes. 2) They put the wedding on hold until she finds a job closer to his workplace.
I wondered if there were more to the town than the job. If you move away from everyone you know and love and start your family, sometimes its so isolating that it can become really hard. No family, friends, familiar places. Just a thought....
@@RC-rk2xs 2 hours is a big difference. I had family that moved only 2 hours away. They weren't seeing family/friends as often as they thought. Most people are not willing to drive that far to see you.
Heres the thing. If she moves with him away from family, they'll be calling when she starts having kids about how to move back so family can help her with the kids. Unless mom can move to them.
I moved away from family and had 1 child. It was the worst thing ever not having family around. I was miserable. I don't think men really understand that you need a lot of support when you have kids.
I am tired of "living below my means" my whole life. I would like three million dollars, a one-way ticket to Bahamas for tonight, a car with a driver outside of my front door in an hour , and a one-time-use phone to call my job and tell them what I really think of my boss.
Stop dreaming feminist, live in reality. I think you're looking for a man to live up to ur expectations. You will end old, single with ur cats and dogs. LoL
Just because she's a teacher does not mean she can work anywhere. That's kind of an ignorant thing to say. And I'm not even a teacher. But I have a lot of friends who are teachers and I know for a fact that certain districts are better to teach in than others. Also, certain loans can be forgiven if you work within the state you got your education in. So there's a lot of nuance to this argument. 🙄
That will upset her.... with this attitude you're on your way to a divorce/break up. Clear communication, no fear, and nothing held back is the recipe for a happy relationship. Also, unless you're providing for a family and there's an emergency to handle, nothing comes before your purpose.
I'm in a long distance relationship heading towards marriage and we agreed as soon as we starting seeing a lot of potential for marriage, that we would BOTH be *willing* to move and we would jointly decide what the best fit for us both. But neither of us would approach it as "convincing the other" to move to them. Ended up with both of us thinking we would move for the other, and have happily decided on a location that is hard but makes the most sense. No bitterness, resentment, just excitement to close the distance.
Those are the hard hitting questions that must be agreed upon before marriage and both parties must be fully on board. I just moved to TX for my husband although I had a Government job in my state because it seemed like the better choice for us and we both agreed on it. She should move because she has less to lose.
@Ashley Comeaux I'm currently searching for jobs and Texas is so massive compared to RI that I don't know where to begin. Any agencies or offices you recommend in Dallas-Ft Worth/Metroplex area? 😁
![Lil Uzi Vert - Chill Bae [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/D7F42F_JM3U/mqdefault.jpg)
Dude, if you’re afraid to talk to your girlfriend about this because you think it might upset her, you are NOT ready to get married.
Your right I need to fire off the simp flare 🤨 this guy needs to find his balls and fast or he will regret it for the rest of his life
greenAbbot - You're right. He's not ready to get married, or he's trying to marry the wrong person. And it sounds like she's not actually expressed that she's going to marry him. Sounds like he's chasing after her. Maybe he needs to step back and see if feelings are reciprocal.
He isn't afraid, he has talked to her about it and she's nervous/reluctant to move. He's asking how to handle a difficult conversation instead of acting like a man child and telling her in a controlling way how things are going to be. I think he's very ready to get married.
@@littleripper312 yup. i;ve had this same conversation with my fiance. its not as easy as it seems
YOURE MAKING A HUUUUGE MISTAKE! DO NOT DITCH THE BUSINESS FOR A HYPOTHETICAL WIFE
Don't do it.
Don’t do it brah 😂😂
Facts!!
Exactly. Don't do it!
Thank you bro
"I didnt know how to bring that up without upsetting her" your marriage has already failed if you have to walk on eggshells and your resorting to avoidance to handle issues
I see female emotions as an indicator especially in this situation.
He had better pay attention.
You are 100% correct!!
@@blackworldtraveler3711 not sure what you mean by "female emotions as an indicator". Are females not supposed to have emotions? And an "indicator" of what?
@@phillipmakris7345 The fact that she has "emotional issues" as indicated by his statement "I don't know how to bring that up without upsetting her." If she is so upset by something as simple as moving for her marriage, what happens when there is an issue like finances or child-rearing differences? Females (and Males) can have emotions, the key is NOT to let them rule you. Otherwise, you may have a bad time navigating life.
@@phillipmakris7345
Just say something a woman don't agree with and observe.
Or record the conversation and listen to it later.
I'm a woman, and I agree with Dave. Her job change is more flexible.
This guy is being extreme. Having all these conversations in his head just go talk to the woman
He's too nice of a guy. He needs to learn how to stand his ground.
Yeah it's ridiculous he hasn't even proposed and he's having an imaginary stuggle with someone who hasn't even agreed to marry him yet! I'm surprised they didn't note that first.
candirockstar135 I like the “imaginary struggle” expression, it applies to most life situations.
He's a Simp.
Agree
He is afraid of the person he wants to marry? He should just end this relationship now because it's not going to work long-term.
Exactly. I can’t tell from the call if that’s because she actually is scary or he’s just scared, but they’ve got to be able to talk about stuff like this if they’re going to get married.
@@greenAbbot Right. This could just be his issue and is afraid of communication in general, making this aj issue with anyone.
True story...
Yea that doesn’t make sense at all to marry someone in this condition. If you love him you’d move for goodness sake he has a WHOLE business built already. Girl bye
DO NOT MARRY HER.
More red flags in this phone call than a Chinese national parade...
LOL
😂
😄
Communist party and sh!t 😂
🇨🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇳
if he gives up his business for her she will leave him.
Yes, he won't have sufficient income.
Please stop!
@@twincherry4958 No.
How do you come to this conclusion?
@@chada75 😂😂🤣🤣🤣
She's just not that into you.
You don't know that.
@ransom182, Nice play on the movie title.
@@ceciliajohnson8812 He knows, deep down, or he wouldn't be so insecure.
E Dennis it’s sad seeing guys being delusional
He is just not that into her
He will most likely regret giving up his business.
For sure : D
Yep
💯
He can't give it up....just no!
Like he will regrets it even in his grave
Divorce is expensive
We’ll hear from him again
Expirience
Sad thing is, he will be broke and broken.
Everything that she loves about him, he is giving up. Once he gives all of it up, she will be turned off by him. He is in a lose lose situation
Marriage is grand but divorce is a 100 grand
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry
For sho'😂
If a woman isn't willing to make the same kind of sacrifices you are then you're getting married to the wrong person.
Your her husband she's not your wife
If a man is not willing to do more than the woman in a relationship, then the relationship is going to fail.
Here come the feminist that state a man should have to give 110% to a relationship and a woman only 50% see above.
@@runningdebate2670 that's why men are lost in America why the divorce rate is so high men have lost their masculinity a man should focus 80% of his endeavors towards his purpose not a woman this man is the prize not her
I love a feminine woman I hate feminist
@The Cat Next Door @ben Dover Make that two sandwiches
Well then she’s not your fiancé is she?
He doesn't want to buy her a ring until he knows whether or not she'll move.
Oh so he was afraid to tell her the truth in fear of upsetting her🤔🤔 are you really ready for marriage sir?
Riiiiiiight
Ridiculous never move for a woman, unless you’re working a regular job and can find one in her area before you move. This guy is self employed would be stupid for him
To move.
Teachers can work anywhere, I know, I am a teacher myself. They need to be on the same page....communication is key.
Teachers can’t work everywhere. It took me 2 years to get a teacher job in my area.
People forget that teacher licenses are different per state and getting a teacher license in general is a long process
🤦♂️ this guy isn't thinking straight at all
He could use a good dose of red pills.
This is what they call a “Simp.” I’m a woman and even I’m over head listening to this call like 😳🤦🏽♀️ you fool, smh.
BlackWorldTraveler definitely needs a few red pills, 😂 this is ridiculous.
It's entirely possible that he's in love. All the signs are there -- for example, he's proposing marriage. Big hint.
Incoming "simp" comments. Get a spine buddy
And grow a pair.
When courting for marriage, be open and transparent upfront about expectations before feelings get involved.
Sometimes people just can't see the writing on the wall 🤷♀️ SMH
More red flags than Tiananmen Square
He sounds as soft as Charmin ultra soft toilet paper.
😂😂😂😂
Lol
He's already terrified of her and they're not even engaged run away and grow up
This guy needs to not just be 'sensitive to her desires' but be an actual leader (a grown up man) that she wants to follow.
School teachers are needed everywhere. She can definitely find a job.
@@AquaticPrayer Hahaha WHAT?!
@@AquaticPrayer Check yours.
She sounds lazy and too dependent on her family
Forget that...no offense ladies, but my business is my livelihood.
Indeed.
Life is too short.
I'm old fashioned, she shouldn't expect him to give up what he's worked for.
@@fourdayhomestead2839 My thing is that his business is projected to make 250k she could quit her job and support his business. She ain't got her head on straight she only thinking about herself.
@@blackonblack...9244 shes thinking about that state retirement and student loan forgiveness.
Alpha Male!
If she’s being selfish now and doesn’t want to make logical decisions and she wants her own way I wouldn’t marry someone like that. This shows you what you’re in for in the future
Don't marry her. Huge mistake.
She doesn’t love you enough
Good for her. She is not supposed to.
@@thecatnextdoor12 huh interesting. You hear that buddy protect your assets and get a prenup
If that lady was not willing to move under those circumstances I think it would be a red flag.
"If she says yes," so does that mean he didn't propose to her yet🤔
Edit: so he hasn't, 🤔
Basically his future ex girlfriend
He hasn't because of her choice of not willing to relocate.
And he should keep that way. Don't do it.
Why relocate for a boyfriend? He didn’t even propose to her.
@@youareenough4978 - So true, and I'd surely get that ring on it before making that move.
It‘s more a relationship problem than a financial problem 😂, but yeah she has to compromise, because he can not easily move like her.
But shes his girlfriend lol. Shes not even his fiance. I'm not up and moving for a boyfriend.
Why should she uproot her life? They aren’t even married
Grow a pair. She ain't worth it.
Yeah I agree she can be a teacher anywhere. It’s not fair to expect the guy to uproot his whole life & lose his whole business because she wants to live “close to mommy” as Dave put it. If she’s not ready to marry then he needs to move on.
Caller I love her and think she’s worth it.
Dave “how much do you make?”
Dave always get to the numbers lol
250k > 30k Reality check.
😂😂😂
Hes calling for advise on the financial side of it. If he had a massive income, it wouldnt matter if it took his partner years to find a teaching job. If she earned significantly more than him and his business was bringing home like 30k, then it would make more sense for him to move to the stable income and build up again.
Seems like a better group decision to make more money as a couple.
Sam calling back Dave in 3 years: Well Dave, I gave up my business and moved for her. Now I'm divorced and broke in her town working at Walmart, what should I do next?
exactly what happened to my friend. moved back to his home country for a girlfriend and she dumped him couple months in.
That's not true that you can be a teacher anywhere in a decent place with decent pay. Some school districts aren't safe and some pay practically nothing and some aren't safe and also pay practically nothing. Where does she live and where does he live?
Sounds like the wrong woman if you're scared to ask her to move... I moved 900 miles from my family with 2 toddlers so my husband could take his "dream job" which came with a 40% paycut. He wasn't scared to ask me bc he knows I love him and want him to succeed just as much as he wants to.
For many men, career is intertwined with who they are, their self-image and self-esteem. Giving that up is not an option. We need to own that and act accordingly. Don't compromise yourself for anyone.
Dang... Dave keeps it real! I love how direct how he is.
I am confused as to why she would not consider moving to where he has established his business
Because she doesn't actually like him. You can tell how weak he is on the phone. Women do not like weak men.
She didn’t actually say that. He’s just scared to ask her. Don’t blame her for that
@@rahh3602 - You called it! I do not sense that's she's really into him, and if she knew he was talking on national radio about marriage, she'd probably be livid.
She didnt say that though. She said she'd look for jobs.
@@rahh3602 I agree, she's the man in this relationship and not in a good way.
I’m doing a long distance relationship with my boyfriend too. Moving is a big step. It takes a lot of sacrifice of one person. It is tough.
Why was she even dating him in the first place if she doesn't like where he lives? You do not even start a relationship like this. I dated men in MY area when I was single because I was NOT moving ANYWHERE at that time. If she moves for him, she will resent him and if he moves for her, he will resent it. They need to part ways and find find someone in their own areas.
Since he hasn't even asked her yet he may be looking for an excuse to get out from under the responsibility of his business. He gets to quit and tell everybody he did it for her.
No, don't think so. He wants his business and he wants her. I hope it works out.
So many red flags.... He should absolutely not give up his business. They're not even married yet.
If you guys aren’t on the same page as far as work and living arrangements for your future why are you even considering marriage? The is a major 🚩. 🗣DONT DO IT‼️
2 hours is not that far away from home.
Grimmy Rippy I think Sherry is saying that 2 hours isn’t that far away for her to move to be with him.
@Grimmy Rippy Hes not talking about commuting that distance. Hes talking about living 2 hours away from your family and just driving the 2 hours whenever you wanna see them. Not that big of a deal.
Right she can go home every weekend if she wanted
30mins kills me...lol
I moved 2 + 1/2 hrs away from my parents and brothers + that was 38 yrs ago when I got married. You have to be very careful and thoughtful with the decisions you make at the beginning of your marriage. I do make the trip often to help my parents, but I am not there enough and I cannot help out as much as if I were living there in the same city
"If she wants to live next to mommy she dont need to marry anyone" lol
Being married is about compromise. Why don't you move half way? You drive to work 1 hour and she drives to work 1 hour. Problem solve!! If she says no, then this relationship might has a bigger problem than you think.
Exactly what I was thinking. They should both equally compromise if they are trying to create something together.
Thats just not a financially viable idea. 2 hour commute every day that's a lot of wasted money.
That's not realistic. He's got to be able to get to his business easily, it's HIS business, after all. Once they are married, it's their business.
If she agrees to marry him, then she needs to put their relationship first. I moved cities for my husband. He is totally worth it!
Time wasted, you’ll never get back
The number one identified factor in having a successful relationship is proximity. You have to meet someone who is either willing to move or someone who lives near you. If this women expects him to give up everything.... shes not the one. I think he knows it.... deep down that she is not the one. But he so badly wants her to be the one that he would do anything to make it work.
Those relationships end terribly.
It sounds like she runs the relationship in full. Communication is key and if you are afraid to communicate with her because you don’t want to upset her is crazy!
A wife that wouldnt make a sacrifice for you isnt worth your business that will fund your life/retirement imo... Seems like your business is less likely to leave you later on down the road
Very reasonable explanation.
But shes not a wife. Or a fiance. Shes just a girlfriend. And what if they've been together for only 6 months? It literally changes everything. I'm not moving for my boyfriend of 6 months.
@@shayslay3416 hee asking her to marry him.
I adore Dave and Anthony-and-this needs a female perspective:
I would like to know what his business is and why it is not portable...not saying as a woman I wouldn’t move, but I would need to understand the business more. Maybe she doesn’t understand it.
She may also feel insecure in the relationship and doesn’t want to give up her support system and livelihood until she feels emotionally safe. Yes, teaching is portable but also a difficult career. It takes a lot to adjust to a new school culture, economic status of a district, differing state regulations and administrators. The only people who think teaching is easy have not been public school teachers.
They’re is also new licensing that has to be done in a different state.
How long has she been teaching? How much does she make. I have been for 20 years; so make about as much as the caller does now. Sure, he has good potential-and that’s wonderful. If he currently makes as much as she does, she might be doing math also and not wanting to abandons her pension, her tenure, etc.
Either way, the caller is speaking hypothetically and needs more information first. Pre marital counseling would be helpful.
-From a teacher who did move to the other side of the globe and had her heart broken anyway..
You might be the perfect person to ask then since you are an experienced teacher. Dave said just move and you will get another teaching job, but with this virus and no end in site, how are the prospects for teaching, and will be more kids home schooled in the future? Is this different state to state?
Thanks for sharing this
Needs a perspective of a woman who talks less too. Too long to even read.
The Cat Next Door Too long to read but not too long to comment? Maybe u just don’t like women ?
Exactly! That's a huge decision to make on such little information.
This is something to talk through BEFORE getting engaged. If you aren't on the same page after talking about it then maybe you aren't meant to be.
He shouldn't compromise. She's being unreasonable. It's a sign for him to seek a supportive partner! Bye, Felicia!
I told my wife I'm moving to Houston are you coming or staying best decision she ever made quit being wussy
As a woman with a flexible career (nurse), I've dated a few guys who expected that I could and would follow them in their career paths. There is no one right answer and the couple needs to decide what is best for them.
Woman is way easier to replace than the business
Let’s be honest. He moved.
Due, the fact that you called David about this is problematic.
Dave's on point with this one
She’ll probably have him move using her job as an excuse, but when she gets pregnant I bet she quits to stay home and tell him to get out there and build another business. Not everyone is a keeper if they aren’t willing to meet in the logical middle.
Just because she likes where she's at (he's not her fiancé and hasn't yet ask her to move), that's a lot of assumptions about her character...
Dave said, "Follow the food." I agree.
This sounds like a future regret in the making
He's got every scenario in his head going and ignoring every red flag we're all seeing.
Don't marry her.
He needs to read a book 3% man. Life changing.
Yeppp. Coach Corey Wayne
@@hurt1704 boom
All these comments and no one has realized that this dude has literally not even had the conversation with his girlfriend. He's having imaginary issues that we aren't even sure are there.
Yeah, he’s got to approach her straight forward about his need to stay where he’s at, and the very logical reasoning behind it. Decades ago, I when I graduated from college, and secured a well-paying dream job, my boyfriend at the time told me that I needed to relocate closer to him and secure a different job (actually the same type job I had while I put myself through college) so that we “could start a life together.” We’d been dating about 2 years at that point, but there was no proposal - only talk every few months of “a life together”, children, etc. He was older than me, hadn’t attended college, but had worked and bought a house, which he was making mortgage payments on. When I was in school, I was earning more money than he was. After graduation, I made even more money, which - though I was proud of my income - I always downplayed and preferred not to discuss because he said it made him feel inadequate. He hated his job and the people he worked with, because they were being promoted over him. His suggestion of my quitting my dream job, moving from my apartment 60 miles from him, and taking a job that didn’t require my degree (remember, this was a job that helped advance me in life ALONG with the degree) just made me say, “Whoa!” I discovered that he expected me to move closer, pick up this ‘other’ job, and help him pay off his house. Somewhere along the way, we would be married, have a couple of kids (he already had a boy’s name selected), and I would continue working, and advancing in my career despite this initial ‘setback’, and support him after he eventually retired (he was 18 yrs older than me), and then care for him after the kids were out of the house. Nope! I moved on from that relationship very, very quickly.
I'm so glad you did! No, no and just no! 😄🙌
Get a new semi-fiance.
Dave said F all the nice guy BS
I hope he finds someone who actually likes him
Dave's right!
Anthony’s from Jacksonville Florida well that shows me is 904 boys can really do anything
Don't get married, problem solved. Way too much uncertainty and unwillingness to just talk to her about the issues. This marriage, if it happens, is doomed from the get go just due to the fact he's scared to talk to her.
Preach !!!
I can't listen to this it's too painful
Young Man, be a man and tell her straight out what it is that you want. If you can't work this out together then marriage is not a good idea.
He's not a man though, he's a little insecure boy.
Nothing to do with he/she or giving up anything. It is about what makes sense. Once again, Dave nailed it.
Dave’s mistaken that there are jobs for teachers everywhere. I’m my area there are 3,000 applicants for 16 jobs. You’re wrong Dave and you should apologize to teachers!!!!
Dave said as a teacher she can go anywhere
She will not respect you if you’re afraid to talk to her about important topics.
I am at work, can't give long answers, but Dave is right, listen to him. Stay with your business. She can apply by you. I am married for 20 years gave up aviation for my wife. You are the bread maker highest income right now. Priority is where you are then all other options on table
He obviously cannot talk to her, which kind of tells you everything. Also, she should be clamoring to go with him, for all the right reasons. If the table was turned, I would say the same about him. Marriage is sacrifice, for everyone. The logical step is for her to move. Sounds like he knows this and just wants someone to tell him so.
As you mentioned, he can't talk to her. He can't hire a manager for his business? And we know no reason why she feels the need to live near her parents. He's talking in so many hypotheticals without details and we have 0 idea what her side is.
And he hasn't even asked her yet. I think that comes first. Then when she accepts the proposal and can't find a job in his city and she makes an ultimatum. THEN he can call in and complain.
@Anne Day Agree.
If this woman had a tenured position at a university making somewhere near six figures, I can see where he might be ready to make some concessions, provide she's willing to be the main breadwinner (which, sorry ladies, does nothing good for family dynamics). He doesn't want to "make her mad" when it sounds as though he hasn't really sat down with her and TOGETHER look at the implications of the two scenarios. Don't be afraid to talk now - disagree, even, and think long & hard.
There are other ways to solve this than ending the relationship. 1) They move to an area halfway between their workplaces to even out their commutes. 2) They put the wedding on hold until she finds a job closer to his workplace.
Red Pill Dave at 2:52
From a business standpoint think of it this way.... What is easier to replace? A stable business or a woman. The answer is simple. Ditch the chick.
I wondered if there were more to the town than the job. If you move away from everyone you know and love and start your family, sometimes its so isolating that it can become really hard. No family, friends, familiar places. Just a thought....
@@RC-rk2xs 2 hours is a big difference. I had family that moved only 2 hours away. They weren't seeing family/friends as often as they thought. Most people are not willing to drive that far to see you.
Heres the thing. If she moves with him away from family, they'll be calling when she starts having kids about how to move back so family can help her with the kids. Unless mom can move to them.
I moved away from family and had 1 child. It was the worst thing ever not having family around. I was miserable. I don't think men really understand that you need a lot of support when you have kids.
This was very helpful.
Scrolling for simp comments ....
I am tired of "living below my means" my whole life. I would like three million dollars, a one-way ticket to Bahamas for tonight, a car with a driver outside of my front door in an hour , and a one-time-use phone to call my job and tell them what I really think of my boss.
I'm with you, and I'm making money moves towards a better career
Stop dreaming feminist, live in reality. I think you're looking for a man to live up to ur expectations. You will end old, single with ur cats and dogs. LoL
Red Spark For sure :)
Just because she's a teacher does not mean she can work anywhere. That's kind of an ignorant thing to say. And I'm not even a teacher. But I have a lot of friends who are teachers and I know for a fact that certain districts are better to teach in than others. Also, certain loans can be forgiven if you work within the state you got your education in. So there's a lot of nuance to this argument. 🙄
That will upset her.... with this attitude you're on your way to a divorce/break up. Clear communication, no fear, and nothing held back is the recipe for a happy relationship. Also, unless you're providing for a family and there's an emergency to handle, nothing comes before your purpose.
I'd say no. He's sacrificing too much for someone who isn't promised to him. She has less to lose moving around.
I'm in a long distance relationship heading towards marriage and we agreed as soon as we starting seeing a lot of potential for marriage, that we would BOTH be *willing* to move and we would jointly decide what the best fit for us both. But neither of us would approach it as "convincing the other" to move to them. Ended up with both of us thinking we would move for the other, and have happily decided on a location that is hard but makes the most sense. No bitterness, resentment, just excitement to close the distance.
Those are the hard hitting questions that must be agreed upon before marriage and both parties must be fully on board. I just moved to TX for my husband although I had a Government job in my state because it seemed like the better choice for us and we both agreed on it. She should move because she has less to lose.
Totally agree with this comment.
@Ashley Comeaux I'm currently searching for jobs and Texas is so massive compared to RI that I don't know where to begin. Any agencies or offices you recommend in Dallas-Ft Worth/Metroplex area? 😁
This is an awesome conversation to read for those of us who are on the hook to pay for that great pay and lifetime pension! What a sweet deal.
@@NoRecourse1785 Also, we pay taxes out of our checks too. We all give uncle Sam our cut and that's just the way it is.
Don’t do it. Your business is not gonna stop loving you one day.
She needs to see your side.