How do I tell someone I think they're being abused? - Supporting Victims
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- Voicing any concerns you may have around a friend or family members relationship can be a difficult subject to approach. You may notice changes in their mental health or becoming more withdrawn, but fear pushing them away or making things worse. In this video Darren Magee discusses different approaches to consider before raising your concerns.
This video is for information purposes only.
Further information can be found below:
www.gov.uk/gui...
www.womensaid....
Mens Alliance NI
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You gave me huge clarification about my mother. What a nightmare to be the daughter of a narcissist mother.
I've looked for help but every option has always focused on sexual abuse.
Still living the nightmare....now the brothers and next generation children joined in the nightmare.
If you were raised by an abuser it seems our adult life repeats the pattern.
Sick of it.
I told my kids that and you are right.
@@Portia620 never ending nightmare..
@@Portia620 Ww attract them like magnets.
That's why it's so dangerous to "stay for the kids." You're either raising another abuser, or raising them to accept abuse. 😢
@@mollyg4980 Good point! Very good.
Thank you for this! Watching someone I care about be abused has been incredibly painful- especially because I was also abused in my youth in the same way…
Poop. I screwed this up. The abuser knows I am a threat. What can I do now?
One issues is, if you handle it wrong, you can seem to be the aggressor and then make things worse. But these things need to be out. Psychological abuse is hard to see for the victim, takes time. I was told I was crazy when I spoke about these things, for myself, when younger. But now these videos show that I was thinking right, that I was being mentally abused. The problem was that my abusers were the ones that told me that I reading into things, that I was crazy, that I was exaggerating. My abusers sent me for help. My first psychiatrist wasn't interested in abuse from my boss or parents, he was only there to fix me. But now I've recently shared all my historical abuse with my current psychologist, who is shocked but finally happy now that the full story is coming out. And now, for the first time in 20 years, I am actually really starting to heal. The medication was symptomatic, but now with the truth coming out, and a better dr and terminology (I never had the words for this stuff before), I can discuss and heal properly, and get away from those cruel idiots.
Thank god for you!!!!!!! I appreciate your work, thank you so much!!!!
~Their heart is probably breaking right in front of you in ways that you can not see~ 😞🙏🏼
Wow, great (and compassionate) ideas. Mine was a psychotherapist in a snall city, influential, no one would cross him. He pathologized me for anxiety and depression he caused and loss my baby (grieved alone), even had me in a 72hr hold for a suicide lie he made up. Unfortunately, I did it again (with another narc).
I've recommended this video multiple times in reddit groups (r/narcissisticparents and others), thanks.
Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful and thank you so much for your kind support
Cognitive dissonance is real. If someone is not ready to hear it don't go there
Incredibly wise words. What a tragedy that they are so needed in the world. You are spot on yet again, Darren.
Thank you. My partner just accepts his abusive mother. Tried different ways of helping him. In the end I think, I can just continue to love and support him. All from a distance from her for my own mental health.
These videos are very helpful 🙂👍
I would be interested in a video from you talking about why so many empaths seem to be drawn to narcissists. Why are sociopathic behaviors so alluring to people who end up becoming victim to it? Many people are very drawn to sociopathic behavior, including our general culture which often celebrates aspects of it. Can you explore this ?
Thank you for your suggestion yes I’ll cover it in a future video
I agree! Great suggestion 👌
Gréât question.
Personally, I am hesitant to believe that empaths exist. Highly sensitive people? Yes. Traumatized people? Yes.
I used to think of myself as an empath, but it was more that I was constantly triggered and pre-disposed to walking on eggshells to not upset people. I had to be hyper aware of the emotional state of the people around me growing up to stay safe and adapt. Turns out, it’s a self-preservation thing and not actual empathy.
Traumatized people tend to be drawn to/sucked into narcissistic traits because they tend to lack healthy boundaries and will put up with emotional abuse more often. It is harder to detect red flags if people you grew up with did not set a good example or give healthy emotional guidance.
Further, even healthy people can fall victim to narcissists because narcissists rely on empathy for their manipulation to work. Sometimes they create trauma bonds that trick your brain into wanting to be with them (I.e., love bombing then ghosting which makes you think they might be having an off day but they really like you).
Healthy people with a good support system can notice this pattern sooner and not want to be around that person.
A traumatized person might just think that is what love is.
@@mintyhippo8125 bingo.
My ex-girlfriend. A Woman with a teenage daughter. Now in the hands of narcissistic abuser.
I don't think that she understand what's going on.
Problem Is, that first what he did (after he split us as a couple and few months later started to live with her)- he separate her from me. It was a very first thing he did. I still love that woman, and I really care abut her and her daughter.
Sorry for bad english.
The domestic violence service here is horrendous and protect the abuser.
Excellent advice, thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and discussing this topic. Your information is very helpful. A person being abused finds it very difficult to imagine a safe environment so this video is very helpful.
How many people could spot how badly my husband tested me..? Oh I wanna bawl. I know it was bad. And I didn't see it and denial and the hoping he will get better...
It may be harder than you know to leave. My ex was army at the time. The army took his side on keeping our kids. If I wanted to keep raising them I had to stay. They could move him faster than I could get custody from a civilian court.
This info is something I've been looking for for a long time, super valuable and reasonable, so thank you! Sadly the abuser already knows I'm a threat and I'm already being isolated. I screwed this up not knowing any better and can only watch my best friend being abused from afar now basically and it's heartbreaking. Is there any way we can still approach our loved one or regain a loving contact if it has already come to this point of getting isolated?
Availability is the forgotten virtue of our times
Your videos are fabulous and have really helped me understand what I went through growing up and even today. But for this video I saw the Enterprise in the top left there and that made the video me! :)
Excellent advice. Thank you
How do you tell certain people that they are abusers? Not a narcissist, but so self involved with themselves that they don’t think twice on doing weird stuff or regularly being mean. I did figure out how to tell them but it’s so hard when other people are involved.
This is reassuring to hear. It was hard to hear it from my friends & therapist at first. I thought it was a two sided situation but it wasn’t. I was used to an even more erratic parent having tantrums which now I realize were abusive.
Thank you……
Such great advise. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for the great advice Darren.
Wise words. Thank you.
Can someone help, my friend told me that their parents pushed them down the stairs on purpose (they apologised) and slaps them with no apology…the worst part is their parents dislike emotions and they get hurt due to showing strong emotions, they have 5 siblings and im worried about those kids…they don’t understand it’s abuse so they just say “it’s fine” and “they aren’t abusing me!” It’s fucked up and I don’t know what to do…so far I’ve gotten them to send an email to a suicide hotline which is progress but idk what to do
A lot of time has passed since you posted, but I think one of Darren's ideas was to turn it around. Ask them if they think it would be okay for them to push the parents down the stairs. I'd think you were trolling except there's so much bizarrre behavior out there these days.
Thanks so much for this
.
Very important message, and much better sound quality. Thank you! (p.s. Is that NCC-1701 behind you? No wonder I resonate with you so much!)
It is yes. From Christmas 1977
@@DarrenFMagee live long and prosper, sir!
Thank you.
Thank you 😊
Then stop your monkeys remote control..DNA NOT HAPPY ETC ETC ETC..You hurt n Time wasn't all yours either..a bit what day..love u Not