I think one of the things that can make a narcissist less obvious is that they might be clever and use loads of false modesty and humility to get supply and look the opposite of narcissistic
This podcast was hard to listen to because I realize so many of those characteristics in myself. I've known that I have borderline tendencies for the past few years and have been doing as much wounded inner child work as possible. I think the hardest thing for me to come to terms with is realizing the way that my energy makes other people feel, like when you say "does this person give you a scared or uneasy feeling?" It makes me realize that it was probably harder to find meaningful connection when I was younger due to the way my energy makes others feel. Thats the biggest thing I am working on in my path to healing is figuring out how to fix my internal energy so that my external energy matches it.
Just to summarize some of the points Dr. Honda makes, for quick reference: 1. Everything they do, they describe as 'awesome'. They always had the 'best' time, the 'best' holiday or met the 'most awesome' person. 2. They might appear to 'love' you and seem unusually attached to you, especially if you are giving them what they crave - attention and admiration. 3. You might feel apprehensive or uneasy around them, and you can't explain why. This is because you have been the victim of their cunning, subtle narcissistic abuse. 4. They will appear very emotionally strong and independent. 5. They make you feel worried that they might reject you. They seem to have a history of rejecting people in their social lives. 6. They don't seem to care about the details of your life. They ask questions of you that can refer back to their own lives. 7. They might try to make you feel like you are lucky to know them. They imply that they are something special. 8. They can't take criticism well. 9. They may try to make you feel inadequate, unintelligent, ignorant, unfashionable or not quite good enough. 10. When something in their lives goes wrong, they always blame someone else. 11. They almost never apologize. 12. They compare themselves to rich and/or famous people and are very envious. 13. They might ask a lot of overly personal, invasive questions.
You both talk about your percentage on the narcissist scale... is there an online test or something? I saw one but the first question was "Do you have an exaggerated sense of self-importance?" and I'm wondering how an individual know if their view of themselves was exaggerated?
Oh! I relate to the 'scared' feeling. Also, I'll add I also get a confused feeling over something they said or did, and that follows an irrational fear! I'm glad this is not an isolated feeling.
Love these podcasts! It’s enjoyable to listen to and a great learning experience. Thank you for educating people on these types of personality disorders. Sometimes it feels like a witch hunt via the internet, and people forget that they are human beings who were traumatized early in their life. Yes, the abused becomes abusive, and it’s like they are vampires who suck the life out of those who they encounter, but they need help too. By helping them, we improve the well-being of others in society as well! I’ve encountered only a few of people with these traits...and that’s enough! 😖
I'm very tempted to share this with "my" narcissist, because I know it isn't fun for them to be that way, and that they probably have more childhood trauma than they care to admit. But is that a bad idea? Haha, probably
One interesting idea I encountered was that there is a middle way between the idea of entitlement or spoiling or deprivation or abuse creating narcissism viz. That spoiled or entitled kids are indulged or praised as projections or ideals by their parents rather than being recognised and loved as imperfect, which registers with the child as not being good enough in their authentic self.
This really describes someone I was best friends with for a long time, I was super dooper vulnerable and they walked all over me. They never took an interest in me at all but leaned heavily on me for support and I was always exhausted. And yeah, when things came to a head and we parted ways, it was like I stopped existing to them at all. Years of closeness totally down the drain. It took me a long time to get over that.
I realise this makes me sound like a total pushover and I totally was. The reason things came to a head was because they got into their first ever relationship and their partner said they didn't like me, so they just stopped talking to me. Then they showed up in my inbox months later when the partner kicked them out for being the biggest leach as though nothing was wrong. Never apologised. I was agitated about it for a while and eventually just blew up over nothing and blocked them. By then I had realised that the friendship was abusive in many ways. To this day I hear they have trouble holding down a job and a place to live and run through relationships pretty quickly, using partners for accommodation. Dumpsterfire.
Thank you for this podcast. I became very interested in the study of narcissistic traits after realizing the man I married displayed many of the signs of extreme narcissism. He has all the traits on your list with the exception of two of them. I don’t feel he ever loved me (I have in time learned to accept this) though he did love the supply I provided him, also, I don’t recall him asking overly personal or invading questions. I have been deeply concerned that my son, whom he is the father of would be at risk for inheriting these traits, and am glad to learn if I am understanding correctly that these traits are not hereditary but developed due to childhood trauma. As part of my own recovery from the effects of my relationship with him I am trying to understand why he is the way he is. Your podcasts have been a great help in this journey, thank you.
What is your take on the growing awareness of narcissism and how there are a lot of people that claim they had negative romantic relationships with a narcissist? How could one heal after falling victim exactly, and what is your take on overcoming that particular trauma? Is it just narcissism that's the issue in this context? Could there be individuals that were victims of being with a partner that was callous, selfish, egotistical, manipulative, or other particular traits? What would be crucial differences or similarities for someone to understand healing from a narcissist vs. healing from someone because they got hurt from the person being hurtful and inconsiderate?
How to detect and narcissist: 1) are they a celebrity or politician? 2) do you find them disagreeable? If the answer is yes for both, you have yourself a narcissist.
How does medical anxiety fit into narcissism??? Cause I'm pretty sure I have that problem to the degree that I spent thousands of dollars just to find out nothing was wrong with me
i would find it so interesting if you did a podcast on the new shane dawson series. you're view seems like it would be more unbiased and an interesting take from an expert on someone who knows nothing about psych doing this type of superficial deep dive and try to "diagnose" another.
Histrionic is just someone who is attention-seeking and dramatic, regardless of gender, so there's nothing misogynistic about it as such. It is also a recognised psychiatric diagnosis. Is it possible that the word you were thinking of was "hysterical"? (derived from the Greek word for "uterus", and indeed antiquated in the medical sense)
They sure are very sneaky when they do their narcissistic habits. One guy told me, "You know EmeraldPilgrim, you are way smarter than 'YOU THINK YOU ARE'." ?????? Very strange way of saying something. But ya, convoluted contortionist talk. Never anything straightforward.
I think one of the things that can make a narcissist less obvious is that they might be clever and use loads of false modesty and humility to get supply and look the opposite of narcissistic
This podcast was hard to listen to because I realize so many of those characteristics in myself. I've known that I have borderline tendencies for the past few years and have been doing as much wounded inner child work as possible. I think the hardest thing for me to come to terms with is realizing the way that my energy makes other people feel, like when you say "does this person give you a scared or uneasy feeling?" It makes me realize that it was probably harder to find meaningful connection when I was younger due to the way my energy makes others feel. Thats the biggest thing I am working on in my path to healing is figuring out how to fix my internal energy so that my external energy matches it.
Just to summarize some of the points Dr. Honda makes, for quick reference:
1. Everything they do, they describe as 'awesome'. They always had the 'best' time, the 'best' holiday or met the 'most awesome' person.
2. They might appear to 'love' you and seem unusually attached to you, especially if you are giving them what they crave - attention and admiration.
3. You might feel apprehensive or uneasy around them, and you can't explain why. This is because you have been the victim of their cunning, subtle narcissistic abuse.
4. They will appear very emotionally strong and independent.
5. They make you feel worried that they might reject you. They seem to have a history of rejecting people in their social lives.
6. They don't seem to care about the details of your life. They ask questions of you that can refer back to their own lives.
7. They might try to make you feel like you are lucky to know them. They imply that they are something special.
8. They can't take criticism well.
9. They may try to make you feel inadequate, unintelligent, ignorant, unfashionable or not quite good enough.
10. When something in their lives goes wrong, they always blame someone else.
11. They almost never apologize.
12. They compare themselves to rich and/or famous people and are very envious.
13. They might ask a lot of overly personal, invasive questions.
Sahara Alberto thank you so much for doing this!
I know three people who fit this perfectly and all three I already suspected of pretty heavy narcissism...
This reminds me of Shane Dawson
Sahara Alberto and your formal Psychological training-degree lies where……………? Lets leave diagnosis to professionals…
@@joniangelsrreal6262 I just wrote down the points that Dr. Honda made in his video. I will make that fact clearer in my post. Thanks.
You both talk about your percentage on the narcissist scale... is there an online test or something? I saw one but the first question was "Do you have an exaggerated sense of self-importance?" and I'm wondering how an individual know if their view of themselves was exaggerated?
Oh! I relate to the 'scared' feeling. Also, I'll add I also get a confused feeling over something they said or did, and that follows an irrational fear! I'm glad this is not an isolated feeling.
You two are so fun together! Thank you.
Love these podcasts! It’s enjoyable to listen to and a great learning experience. Thank you for educating people on these types of personality disorders. Sometimes it feels like a witch hunt via the internet, and people forget that they are human beings who were traumatized early in their life. Yes, the abused becomes abusive, and it’s like they are vampires who suck the life out of those who they encounter, but they need help too. By helping them, we improve the well-being of others in society as well! I’ve encountered only a few of people with these traits...and that’s enough! 😖
You're welcome! Yeah, interesting topic!
I'm very tempted to share this with "my" narcissist, because I know it isn't fun for them to be that way, and that they probably have more childhood trauma than they care to admit. But is that a bad idea? Haha, probably
Sometimes helping them could be a detriment to yourself. We could help them from afar by not getting sucked into their void.
One interesting idea I encountered was that there is a middle way between the idea of entitlement or spoiling or deprivation or abuse creating narcissism viz. That spoiled or entitled kids are indulged or praised as projections or ideals by their parents rather than being recognised and loved as imperfect, which registers with the child as not being good enough in their authentic self.
This really describes someone I was best friends with for a long time, I was super dooper vulnerable and they walked all over me. They never took an interest in me at all but leaned heavily on me for support and I was always exhausted. And yeah, when things came to a head and we parted ways, it was like I stopped existing to them at all. Years of closeness totally down the drain. It took me a long time to get over that.
I realise this makes me sound like a total pushover and I totally was. The reason things came to a head was because they got into their first ever relationship and their partner said they didn't like me, so they just stopped talking to me. Then they showed up in my inbox months later when the partner kicked them out for being the biggest leach as though nothing was wrong. Never apologised. I was agitated about it for a while and eventually just blew up over nothing and blocked them. By then I had realised that the friendship was abusive in many ways. To this day I hear they have trouble holding down a job and a place to live and run through relationships pretty quickly, using partners for accommodation. Dumpsterfire.
Thank you for this podcast. I became very interested in the study of narcissistic traits after realizing the man I married displayed many of the signs of extreme narcissism. He has all the traits on your list with the exception of two of them. I don’t feel he ever loved me (I have in time learned to accept this) though he did love the supply I provided him, also, I don’t recall him asking overly personal or invading questions. I have been deeply concerned that my son, whom he is the father of would be at risk for inheriting these traits, and am glad to learn if I am understanding correctly that these traits are not hereditary but developed due to childhood trauma. As part of my own recovery from the effects of my relationship with him I am trying to understand why he is the way he is. Your podcasts have been a great help in this journey, thank you.
13:23 very very true!! Sometimes it's also a feeling of desperation..
What is your take on the growing awareness of narcissism and how there are a lot of people that claim they had negative romantic relationships with a narcissist?
How could one heal after falling victim exactly, and what is your take on overcoming that particular trauma? Is it just narcissism that's the issue in this context?
Could there be individuals that were victims of being with a partner that was callous, selfish, egotistical, manipulative, or other particular traits?
What would be crucial differences or similarities for someone to understand healing from a narcissist vs. healing from someone because they got hurt from the person being hurtful and inconsiderate?
I blame misinformation on the internet, and some people are actually gaining awareness of their situation.
Shit. I might be a narcissist!
How to detect and narcissist:
1) are they a celebrity or politician?
2) do you find them disagreeable?
If the answer is yes for both, you have yourself a narcissist.
Is there a way to help a narcissist become less narcissistic?
Oh, this is so my dad.
My ex husband. We share custody of our kids, so I could never move on. Everything said in this video!
Hm I sound like some of these things. Is there a way to improve?
How does medical anxiety fit into narcissism??? Cause I'm pretty sure I have that problem to the degree that I spent thousands of dollars just to find out nothing was wrong with me
Interesting... I fit the whole list.
Thanks for this video!
Do you have any plans to do an episode or maybe even a deep dive that deals with a different personality disorder?
We have a number of deep dives on several personality disorders.
Where do you draw the line between being narcissistic and very enthusiastic about things? Or is very enthusiastic a red flag?
i would find it so interesting if you did a podcast on the new shane dawson series. you're view seems like it would be more unbiased and an interesting take from an expert on someone who knows nothing about psych doing this type of superficial deep dive and try to "diagnose" another.
your* i'm done with myself
Agreed. That "therapist" was full of shit and completely violated ethical code.
Kirk, did you post a link to this Narcissistic Personality spectrum test that you guys took?
There are some measures, but I think we're referring to a rough estimate based on our understanding of NP.
I was very surprised to hear you use the term histrionic. Isn’t that term antiquated and really misogynistic? Please clarify. Thanks!
Histrionic is just someone who is attention-seeking and dramatic, regardless of gender, so there's nothing misogynistic about it as such. It is also a recognised psychiatric diagnosis. Is it possible that the word you were thinking of was "hysterical"? (derived from the Greek word for "uterus", and indeed antiquated in the medical sense)
I am here to evaluate if my mom a narcissist then turned out that I am the narcissist adult child:D
How interesting would it be if Bert was talking about you lol
Maybe he was? :)
They sure are very sneaky when they do their narcissistic habits. One guy told me, "You know EmeraldPilgrim, you are way smarter than 'YOU THINK YOU ARE'."
?????? Very strange way of saying something. But ya, convoluted contortionist talk. Never anything straightforward.