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Why Some People Love Drama and Conflict?/ What Can We Do About it?
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- Опубликовано: 8 дек 2020
- Why Some People Love Drama and Conflict?
What Can We Do About it?
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When I was working, I was drawn in to a lot of drama, being a willing participant. Now that I'm not working, I live a pretty drama free life. It's wonderful.
That's wonderful
Narcissists thrive on Drama. Stay away from them and drama if you want peace in your life
I left a LOT of drama behind when I stopped watching cable news programs. I felt like the language and voice tones were causing me stress. It carried over onto social media. I want to be informed, so at first l muted the sound and read the descriptions of the talking points. Finally, I just gave it up. I check news headlines to see if there is something important I want to be aware of. Otherwise, I am news drama free.
🎄💜🌟💜🎄
I agree! The main thing I try to do is to pause before I react, especially when I am upset. It's hard to do, but it can help a lot!
It sure can help
I can’t handle drama. I had a friend who was always in conflict and starting drama. I really liked her but I had to stop our friendship. I could feel drama draining my energy when I was around her. I tried to talk to her about this but she was not going to change. I’m at peace now and do not allow drama queens into my life.
It has a lot of stress
I had one of those and did not even realize the effect it was having on me until I said something she did not like (the truth) and she walked away from me. I felt like a weight was lifted and I even found it easier to lose pounds because I was not eating to cope with HER stress.
I had a friend like that too. It's unfortunate but I had to end the relationship for my own sanity.
Best way to stay out of the drama zone...If someone says "Can I tell you a secret", tell them NO. The look on their face is priceless, and it nips the drama in the bud.
I use the word No a lot these days...it really shocks some people...No to drama is a powerful tool.
@@carlaries4240 I agree 100%, Carla.
I love secrets
I think a lot of drama is rooted in jealousy, envy, and insecurity. If someone is feeling those emotions it helps them feel better to create obstacles and problems for others. When I found myself doing this, I had to be very honest with myself and it almost always came back to me. The other person was just living their life and I was the problem. Thank goodness I matured. I am far from perfect, but I really try to stay away from negative talk. It never makes me feel good.
That makes sense
I agree 100%. What a sad existence. 😳😢
Accidental gossiping/bullying; comparing ourselves as you said.
Boredom/loneliness.
Blessings, love and prayers to all, from Israel 🇮🇱
So very true
Shalom
Great content!!! Enjoy this beautiful day!
Thank you! You too!
People that thrive on spreading negativity and revving others up do NOT have the ability TO FEEL normal feelings. They do not feel alive unless they are causing friction with others.
No time for drama now. 💜
That makes sense
I like peace ✌🏻This was really helpful to me. Thanks for posting
Thank you Donna
We are drawn to people's struggles due to innate "survival of the fittest". We, as a species, need to survive and subconsciously are drawn to other members that "aren't surviving" or having life struggles. Basically, it means our survival rates are better.
Sad truth... but I love to look for the people that are HELPING those that struggle and trying to make life more fair.
This was so well explained
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom I'm a social worker and this was one of the things we studied in our Human Behavior and Sociology classes. Super interesting stuff!
I once was called a drama queen, by a drama queen, in front of other drama queens. It was many years ago in my 20's. I know now of course, if you're not careful it rubs off onto you, you can catch their fleas too. After all these years they haven't changed a bit. Occasionally, I'll bump into these people from my past when out in public, and within 3 minutes of polite chatting, they'll drop a sly put down, gossip about somebody, and I realise they are older, but still none the wiser. I laugh it off because chances are I won't see them again for years anyway. It's just a good reminder as to why I should continue saying no to drama
That does make a lot of sense. It is so important who we hang around with
Never was drawn to drama. When someone use to start talking to me and say I shouldn't tell you this about so and so I would say DON"T THEN which stopped them before they could get started. Didn't take long for people to figure out that I wanted no part of their gossip and drama.Still works. I am way too busy just doing what needs to be done daily to have any part in people's nonsense.
Very relaxing and inspiring video, and thank you so much for sharing this message. 💞
Thank you Granny sparkles
Our children are being raised to believe that good is boring and feeding passion is more interesting than overcoming it. God is not taken seriously and we have forgotten how important silence is. We are also weak and prone to fall and don't like to embrace discipline or suffering in any shape or form even when we know it is necessary for our salvation. Look at Christ on the cross and you see what we each deserve: scourging, humiliation, beatings, stripping, crucifixion, anguish for the love and honor we DON'T give to God and neighbor. Sobering.
Smart and beautiful lady😁
You are appreciated👍
Wow, thanks!
Oh my Gosh! This is why I wish you were my mother because of this video! Why have drama when you can have Money Mom!
I will adopt you
I actually don’t like it. Especially on youtube. I try to have a channel and have had people try to cause drama. I don’t like it and it’s immature. You said it exactly right,
I cut off a friendship because she was so negative, bossy, talking about politics and I think she was starting to lose her mind. I would ask her did she still go to her counselor, she didn't say anything. She got me so upset calling 3-4 times, filling the voicemail up, I would tell her just leave one message. I quit talking to her. She gave me migraines! 😣
That must have been so tough
Interesting and True facts! 👍👍 Thank You
Thanks for watching!
I am like you I want less drama and more peace.
What an excellent video! Lots of food for thoughts in this video.
Thank you so much
Extremely powerful video. I really enjoyed hearing this. I have some work to do!
I can improve myself
Val, Don't we all! ~ Linda 🦋
Very wise words! No drama allowed here😘
Exactly!!
2020 was the most dramatic year with both virus fear & isolation, and politics--and the plot thickens! Thank you for this timely video. We love you. Bunny in Phx.
love you too
I agree with you - I want to be the best version of me that I can be. In fact, coincidentally, I am making a list of some of the things I've been slacking on, and I want to improve. Such as running late, which is stressful. And being too generous and helpful - I need to find the happy medium.
As far as drama people, now that I am old and wise, as I look back, I realize a couple of reasons why they love drama:
1) It gives an emotional high. SOLUTION: They need to ride roller coasters more often; that would give them emotional highs.
2) They are insecure. SOLUTION: They need to focus on and appreciate their strengths and talents, and realize that they are just fine as they are, and there's no reason to be insecure.
3) They are empty. SOLUTION: They need to pursue their bobbies, talents, and strengths. They also need to pursue and nurture friendships and relationships with family members.
4) The drama gets the focus off their shortcomings and on somebody else. SOLUTION: They need to work on their own shortcomings instead of covering them up with drama of other people.
5) People hate other people for no reason, so they have the need to manifest that hate through drama, and maybe it'll make other people hate them, also. SOLUTION: People need to quit hating others, and realize we are all in this together, we all have the same needs, dreams, passions, and yearnings.
6) People love putting others on the spot, proving them wrong, making them look/feel bad; they want blood. SOLUTION: They should realize that those people bleed red, too.
7) People want control. They are in control of the drama they start, the pain they cause. SOLUTION: They should realize that they can be in control of their own life; a life can actually be fun & challenging to control. They need to be the CEO of their life, and NOT the CEO of the drama.
8) People are jealous of others and are afraid other people's future is better than their own. Other people might even become friends with a certain person. So let's mess up that possibility and cause drama that could decrease the chances. SOLUTION: Be happy for other people's successes, because we have so many blessings in our own life. Maybe a gratitude journal would work wonders.
9) People are arrogant and think others aren't as good as they are. So they set out to influence other people's thinking by causing drama; hopefully the whole world will soon know how low life this person is. SOLUTION: The arrogant person needs to know that although they are good and successful at "A", this so-called low life person is good and successful at "B" or "C" or "D".
10) Causing drama, revealing information, telling secrets, getting people in trouble, makes the informer feel like he/she has gotten an award, a nobel anti-peace price. SOLUTION: They need to be kind to others and they will get their reward and satisfaction.
This is one of the best comments I've ever received thank you for taking such a long time to write it and everything you said is so very true guess what I tend to run late sometimes myself
There’s a woman at my job who is exactly like that; mean, spiteful, always trying to get other people into trouble. She just thrives on the attention all the drama brings her. It’s always amazing to me, that people like that always seem to have friends who know what they’re like, yet still want to be friends with someone like that...Me, l stay far away from people like that, because l like my life quiet and drama free!
@Bri A Thank you so much for your kind and sweet words!
@@cherylT321 I've had people like that in my work places. And the sad thing is when the supervisor takes up for them. It just gives them more fuel to keep on doing it.
@@HaveWhatBringsMeJoy That’s exactly how it is at my job; the supervisor does stick up for her so just like you said, encouraging the drama to continue!
I think you hit the locus of the theme when you said, "people want to take the focus off themselves" bingo! I agree 100% in the negative thought issue, and from some of the things that I have read about it, it is part of our primal formation. We evolved to entertain the worst case scenario in order to be able to plan for its eventuality, but it rarely becomes the outcome. Here's an example: that cave is dark and foreboding, but my highly prized boomerang landed in there. I want to retrieve it, but there could be a huge bear in there (and there really could be.) Then you wander in and pick up your boomerang and leave. Nothing happened, but it could have. We have modified this behavior to worry endlessly about everything, and it is very much a waste of energy. I am not suggesting we be Pollyannaish, only that we stop the constant barrage of negative thoughts. Here's how it plays out in real life: I'm trying to call my girlfriend. She's not answering. That guy at her office gave her a pen. I bet she's got something for that guy. I bet right now she's with that guy and they are listening to Bublé and slow dancing in candlelight at his place. She finally answers and tells you what really happened, she was swiping her debit card at the grocery store buying lady things and it fell between the cracks of the self-checkout and some 350 lbs. guy tending the area came over, pulled the whole thing apart, stepped on her foot, commented on her purchase, and offered her a half-eaten Slim Jim. She couldn't hear her phone it was in her purse. Constant worry and overthinking stuff is a thing, and a lot of times, not a good thing. Sorry so long.
I NEED to know if that really happened! 😂😂😂
@@jeanne8507 let's just call that an analog ;)
@@MJA5 - 👍🏼 Gotcha!
😂😂😂
You can write as long a comments as you want that was a very interesting story
Rarely do I want to be in a drama situation. It's got to be an incredibly important issue. I do have a couple girlfriends that nearly always have drama going on, but I don't "feed the fire" so to speak, and I do my best to change the conversations.
That sounds smart
Money Mom, I always love hearing your perspective. 💛 I have a few “drama queen” family members and love talks like this.
you are so sweet
Good afternoon I just wanted to say I really enjoy your videos may God bless you and love you you have a very good advice
Thanks so much
I think you can read my mind ha, ha,Santa was listening to every word,! 💙 Row
I try to remember to say a little prayer before I open my mouth and speak. I feel like that keeps me from a lot of blunders.
If someone starts gossiping around me, or complaining that so-n-so did such-n-such, I'll admit that I do it too, sometimes. Usually a gossiper won't say derogatory things to someone's face, so if I claim to do the same thing, they won't say something to me about it and they'll stop complaining about someone else's doing it. I do keep it honest. If it's something I haven't done, I might say it's something I seriously considered, because.... If I put a reason for it, that might help the other person think about maybe the person they're complaining about had a reason, too. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. If not, I excuse myself.
When I was young, I had a great deal of trauma and conflict. I didn't want it but it seemed to find me where ever I went. I didn't know why, but now I have a pretty good understanding of it. I used to say that by the age of 24, I'd lived through more than most people go through in their lives if they live to be 94...and it was true. But I wanted and longed for a peaceful, calm life. Seek and ye shall find. I certainly have one now. I still have problems to solve but I've lived a very peaceful life for a very long time now.
When I was in college the first time, I studied counseling and rehabilitation. As part of that I was taught conflict resolution. There are several techniques to use, or try. The thing is, it has to have judicious application. It's productive to use it with someone who has come to you as a client to learn how to help or improve themselves. With others, it's hit or miss. Some may listen and respond positively. Some may not want to hear it and create even more conflict. It can be polarizing. Now I ask if somebody wants to hear a possible way to find a solution...or whatever it is that's causing the conflict. Now, I might try once or twice to help resolve a conflict, but if it doesn't go smoothly, I'll bow out and go on about my way. It could just be that the person involved just wants or needs to stir up conflict. They get to do them but I get to do me as well. I walk away. They can find conflict with someone else.
If it's conflict directly with me,after I've gone through all the communication techniques I've learned...I'll start out gently and politely. If that doesn't work, I become more firm and direct while still being pleasant. If that doesn't work, I get so much more than firm and direct; I get downright blunt. There's nothing nice about it. I don't scream or yell. I stay solidly blunt but not loud or shouting. Shouting is a trap that means no conflict resolution will happen; it only exacerbates. So I stay calm and quietly toned while speaking very bluntly. If that doesn't work, I'll take it above their heads. If that doesn't work, I only know one other option. I take it to the top "Guy." I pray to God they it hurts me, or troubles me...or whatever it does to me that so-n-so is doing or saying such-n-such. God will either make it perfectly clear to me that I was wrong, whereupon I go apologize immediately. Or, I see that God makes it perfectly clear to them that they were wrong. I'll see that and know it whether they come and acknowledge that to me or not. In any case the conflict is resolved.
Love you, Jonna
That is so smart
Dawn, this is so true. I notice this on a regular basis. When I have staff in the office to talk with them many times they deflect and bring up the drama which really has no place at work. It happens, usually people need to be heard and "reeled back in" at times... Lori. Eden Prairie, MN
I am from Woodbury, MN
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom 😊
Dear Dawn Great video, important ideas. Thank you from Debbie and Dexter-Dog in S. California. 🙋🐾💕😷😷🙏🙏🏥
Thank you Debbie
Dawn, Excellent video. I try to keep drama out of my life. Even when my life felt as though it was on a rollercoaster, I tried not to share what was happening. I learned the hard way that even asking for prayer sometimes opens the door to gossip. It's such a pleasure to be able to see and hear you each day. Thank you for another great video. Love to all, Linda 💕
Well said!
💕👍
In my experience most people that love drama for 1 or 2 reasons. First thing is immaturity that's why when you are a teenager everything seems very dramatic. If you don't have growth experiences you get stuck in that temperament. Second when people are under a lot of stress either financial or personal or health stress they tend to overreact. I have lived through all these stages myself so I am not speaking down to others. It's just that now as an older person who has come to terms with my stress triggers I can see it coming and shut it down better.
That makes sense
Hubby was at one time friends with a guy.huge drama queen.I find these types exhausting to deal with. My best advice,walk away.put on headphones.totally ignore.if all other options fail.or simply.say ,and this has,what,to do with you?so,why are you airing other people's business?call them on it.if its work,ask and this has what to do with your job?does it have anything to do with your job?no?then focus on work.
I love the headphone idea
Human nature...why reality shows are popular (I don’t watch but have been guilty of being mosey and am working on)...you are so right about the cute girl being friends with the not so attractive (have had pretty “friends” that had nothing in common with but hung out with...no longer friends with) your spot on all...I have been rereading “how to win friends and influence people”...so good for life in general...self talk is great...I have a card I keep in my pocket with the THINK method...is it TRUE, is it HELPFUL, is it INSPIRING, is it NECESSARY, is it KIND...look forward to the book review...yes to like minded people (still keeping negative friends who are true friends, but putting distance to not get sucked in. Love how you and your walking friend agree to disagree but not talk about...people are more than the 1 or 2 things we don’t see eye to eye with and better to embrace the entire person...true friend. Thank you for talking about...relevant to me now...people only want drama
I only like reality shows that actually help people. I enjoy watching “Bar Rescue” because people go in to help owners who are about to lose everything; then the bar is completely renovated, and the owners usually succeed afterwards!
You are so welcome. I love The How To Win Friends and Influence People
My first guess was before I even start watching, the people are too bored and have too much free time. Lol. I watch videos on the go, so I don’t always leave a comment. I also try to switch annoying people’s attention on someone else, so they don’t ask me too much about my stuff, but it’s better to ask them questions about themselves. Great points.
I know you are never bored
Thats why i stay off facebook. There is so much drama i have a big mouth and have to add my 2 cents. So its better for me to just stay off it.
You are 100 percent right! People Ike that need to get s life lol 😃 love ya! Great content as always 🙂
Thank you so much
Hello oh my yes that is so true about trying to change others, we need to focus on what we want to change and ask the Lord to help. I have stopped thinking about what other things and life is so much better. YOu got that Dawn we need to work on being the best me we can be. Love you friend. GOd bless stay safe and have a wonderful day
That is so well said
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom amen, i am learning everyday and still learning to let God take care of all things. 🎅🌲🌸🤩🙌⛄🌻🌱👍🤶☃️💙🍒🍠
Kind Mind Kind Heart..... is a quiet little mantra I use. Love and compassion for myself and others. Thank You ❣️
You are so welcome
I describe drama queens or kings as people who love to make a mountain out of a molehill.
I really admire you Dawn...very insightful!
Glad it was helpful!
I m too ill to deal with other peoples drama and negativity. I lost my husband and had a kidney transplant within 5 weeks and people were still crying on my shoulder. I finally woke up that I was allowing it and had to cut those people out. You’d probably enjoy the Untethered Soul by Singer
You have gone though so much
Try 7 habits of highly effective people.
Or try one on boundaries.might prove useful.happy holidays to all.remember,we are in.a pandemic,no wandering around.especially now.crowds
I love that book
Excellent video today, Dawn!
Thanks so much!
Thank you Dawn for this video.
Glad it was helpful!
Very good learning lesson. Am trying to be kind to everyone I meet.
Very good! love this
Girl, drama thrives in the south! 😂 Bless your heart; lower your head down and shake slowly; you don’t say; mmh mmh mmh, oh heck no...all appropriate responses to any number of conversations I have on any given day. 😂 I often dream of moving to Canada. 😂💞
I know!!
LOVED this! Thank you
So glad! Thank you
Hi Dawn,
I’m like you I like to stay away from drama. I really try not to talk about others it’s not always easy but I know I don’t like people talking about me so I try to think of that. One thing I really dislike is when some people talk negatively about how others look. The courses you’re doing sound interesting. Hope they go Well for You😊Thanks for sharing Dawn🙏❤️
Your videos are always Great😊
I am so with you on this
The term Drama Queen and Drama King.
I am not sure where heard this but I LOVE IT: It is none of your business what other people think about you. Years ago I worked in a gossipy office. Something I said honestly about someone got back to her (this is when I realized it was a gossipy office) and she confronted me. I told her point blank that indeed I had said it and I meant it (I will admit that it was not kindly said). She wanted to argue with me about it, but just days earlier our company president (only 17 total employees in our office) had held an impromptu meeting where he said he wanted all of this back-stabbing talk to stop (I had said what I said BEFORE the meeting occurred) and if something needed to be hashed out to come to him. So I said to her that I was sorry that she had been told (I did not address that fact that I still thought it was true). I asked her if she wanted to go into the president's office and talk with him about it, and I was sincere - I had to work feet away from her and I did not want open hostility between us. I honestly wanted to work it out, though in hindsight, after working with her longer I realized she was one of those drama queens with a huge chip on her shoulder so she would never work anything out in a reasonable manner. When the words, 'Do you want to meet with Ray (the president) about it?' left my lips, her eyes got huge with fright she stammered NO and ran away. She wanted a fight with me to keep herself focused on someone else. I also realized later that the person who told her probably only did so to draw her attention to someone else!
I really hate confrontation
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom Me too, but was not ABOUT to be bullied!
I think for me It was I would get in the Middle to always try to Bring Peace to a situation and every time it would backfire on me and then I was attacked Sadly Now I just walk away .I have made this mistake so many times over channels who were upset with each other .I always wanted to help But It seldom worked out that way Most times the channels thrived on the drama .
I can tell you have been so much more peaceful. I am loving your videos.
Love you Tessie. I remember a situation that you tried to bring peace and you were treated very unkindly by another youtube creator. Unfortunately, that person lives for the drama.
Two days later and you jumped right back into it with your gossip about Glenda Sully. That is NOT walking away.
@@slendagully8843 I Have nothing to do with GS I do not watch her I do not follow her drama,I enjoyed a chat with other women on Various topics on the Bible ect as to the conversation That is with them, You should Not even be on such a kind channel here I am not the same child-like girl you once bullied
@@HomesteadTessie Various topics such as Glenda Sully where you talked about Warning Dawn about Glenda. Don't lie. I have screen prints. You bully Glenda by sharing emails and you were fully neck deep in the drama last night.
I am glad to be retired from working.I, for one can't be bothered with Drama Queens!
When, I was working there will Drama Queens spreading gossip about who's going with another person.Then, you would be doing something that you don't know about.Or, you could be living somewhere you don't even know about.Someone, a co-worker had said that you had passed away.I,said that had to been some funeral, because I'm still alive.It, was someone spreading gossip about me.
P.S., And, I am still alive to tell you about my funeral at work.
that sounds stressful
I have a friend who has a lot of chaos and drama in her life but apparently, she herself was raised in that environment and so to her it's normal. I'm just the opposite and prefer peace and quiet.
That sounds tough
I agree with everything you touched on. I have known a pair of real "gossipers" and found them to be very mean spirited and cruel. A junior high mean girl mentality their whole lives. I ran and never looked back.
You said it so right Judy
Drama and conflict... I go the other way from it.
My best friend of 50 years knows we have opposite opinions on political issues. She would work her beliefs and try to debate me on them.
I had to put a stop to it and say we can no longer speak politically to each other.
We have a wonderful friendship I want to keep.
That makes sense
I was a drama person in highschool. I learned not to do that
Scott, You are a nice, caring young man. I like to hear what movies you've watched and enjoyed. Anything new? Thanks, Linda 😊
@@3TXSisters I wanted the blu ray of Tenet but decided to wait for the vudu copy on next week Tuesday. Today I watched Man Of Steel, The first Wonderwon, and Batman Vs Superman. Whats new that I watched is a film by John Campea called Movie Trailirs: A Love Story. Its on Amazon. Its a great film that explains the history and undusrry and dos and donts of a Movie Trailer. I ordered HBOMAX this month to watch Wobder Woman 1984, and ordered Disny Plys for the month to watch Puxars Soul. Those 2 films don't come out till Christmas.
@@smartypants1980 Scott, I want to see Tenet, too. Will have to wait until it comes to Prime I guess. There's so much to watch right now that I'm willing to wait if I have to. Soul looked really good too. Hope you enjoy it and the other movies. ~ Linda 🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄
@@3TXSisters Thank you. Tenet will be avalible to biy on Amazon Prime on Tuesday December 15th. I think it will be for rent 3 weeks after
@@smartypants1980 Scott, Good to know, thank you! 😊
I leave drama in the theater-- where it belongs!! Lol J
I love being in a play
My exboss Elizabeth Sparks is a drama queen 👑 from he-double hocky sticks ! Omg, she was a nightmare.
Off-topic I love your name if I would have had a second daughter her name would have been Vivian I wasn't sure what I had for a middle name though but guess what I bet you are wonderful employee and a lot of
I will be looking forward to that book review:). How did you go about the course on "Happiness"? Great topic Dawn!
I liked the course
Is it a fres course? Do you have a link or something that we could use to do it?
i stay to myself for a reason
I totally understand
I would like to shout out Somers in Alaska! It is a family of very happy people! They have a You Tube Channel! You will enjoy them! They are upbeat!
Thank you for telling me
Brilliant video.
Glad you think so!
How should we comunicate if we are like that and its a negitive thing
I think we are all works in progress and we can improve a little bit at a time
One way is by getting a hobby that keeps you so busy you don't have time for anything negative
I have to think about things from the other perspective. Is there something in their life that causes them to be the way they are. I had an alcoholic father who often was too heavy handed. I didn't want him in my life at all. When I matured, I was able to learn what drove him to that dark place. Although he passed before I matured, I was able to forgive the person he became.
Scott, If I find myself feeling negative, I think about what has put me in that mood. Is it talking to a negative person, listening to the news, or reading or seeing something negative and try to eliminate it from my life. Now, if it's a family member, that's a different circumstance. We need to respect each other but don't feed the negative atmosphere. Just by saying you're sorry that happened to them, if they are telling you about something crummy that happened to them, lets them know that you're listening and care about them but you don't add to the conversation. Not engaging is sometimes enough to stop the negative flow. Hope this helps. Take care, Linda 🎄⛄❄🎅
I have one very close relative that is always so negative about everything. She never talks about happy or funny things. So depressing.
Maybe I can visit her in my Mrs. Santa outfit
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom she wouldn’t even get a smile. She’s that negative. I have t see. Much to amuse her.