living with Quiet BDP is hell, we internalise instead of acting out. We learnt early on that our core being means nothing and so feel incredibly invalidated by the people we are suppose to count on to build us up as children. So we have an unstable sense of self and become very alert and protective over ourselves...any rejection causes intense internal reactions which people don't see or understand...misunderstood? Totally.
For a long time I had quiet BDP as well, but just FYI, when I met a girl, who happened to be a narcissist, who pretty much stressed me to death- everything else came out. It just hadn't really been triggered yet. She's only just out of my life so I have no idea if those symptoms will go quiet again but it's food for thought. She specifically played on the abandonment factor.
i can relate - it’s been a relief to be diagnosed with quiet bpd, but it’s also so sad gaining the awareness of how hard i have been on myself and almost unaware of it
Yip I hear these things a lot...Diagnosed this week after 20 odd years of getting nowhere with so called therapists. I’m scared I’m not going to get better
You are all these ways.All us BPD people are.If these same people suddenly lost their identity and were only left with their data learned and lived after birth. They would act and react the same.We do not form an Identity we can only cultivate the one we are born with.We were not born with this.We are just plants that grow like everyone around us but there is no unique root to guide our own emotional self.we are sensitive,serious and bewildered to the fact that we do not have the capacity to logically react because of this congenitally missing vital trait.
I have it and I find that toxic people are attracted to me for the pleasure of abusing and using me. I keep to myself and I live alone in order to stay calm and away from people.
That’s where I am at. I feel like I was emotionally and financially used. I went from having a savings, and only $400 in credit card debt and a car that was almost paid off. Now I am completely broke, credit cards maxed out and a truck that I bought to make him happy. So now I have a truck payment I can’t afford along with all my bills. When I wanted to pay my bills he would get mad at me bc I wasn’t giving him money to fix his house and paid his past due water sewer and electric bill. He wanted me to move into his place, but I was to scared. I felt like he was to controlling. I started seeing a counselor and he got upset with me bc he thinks he can fix me. He doesn’t think I need a counselor and doesn’t think I need meds. He says he wants me to get better but doesn’t want me to do the things to get better. He would tell me all the time if I just listen to him I would be ok bc he knows what’s best. But I didn’t feel like he did and would be mad at me and would feel insulted if I didn’t follow along.
I find that in a lot of instances that it is the other way around. That the wayvthe brain works in someone who has BPD is that they choose those who are, as labeled "toxic". They are not conciously aware and they repeatedly make bad relationship decisions which do even more damage. When you see all the other impulsive decisions in other areas from bpd you can see those similar decision making errors in relationships. There is also the fact that the bad apples, the toxic, those who have disorders themselves or a violent history they and those with BPD attract each other. I don't live with this disorder, my son's mother does. I'm not a counselor or psychiatrist, but I'm on a journey to be a father that can prepare myself and my son for the issues that might come up when it comes to his mom's BPD.
@ 20:33. “Because if I’m pretending to be everything that you want me to be” In the back of that is “cuz you wouldn’t like me if you knew what I was really like, so even if you say you really like me, I can dismiss that because YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME.” her demeanor when she was saying this changed and it is so me. It was very accurate and scary for sure.
One of my new friend said exactly same thing. "You don't know me " everything was just fine but suddenly my friend told me that line with a hidden pain. I'm an empath and I felt that
I am not manipulative but I do have harsh internal criticism of myself and everyone around me (not by choice, I hate viewing the world as so suspicious and distrustworthy)
@Brian Hudousky Borderline in my opinion obviously Stems from Childhood Abuse...Youve got to be Fluid and Flexible and ready to People Please to keep "Peace." That's bound to eventually make a Person Confused. Frustrated and have Anger issues. But we All have Something! ;)
@@marknardone6017 Omg!!! This sparked a revolution of sudden revelations in my head. Thank you! I had never heard of such a term, I relate to it incredibly. I will definitely be researching this now! (I was raised by narcs, and have been TERRIFIED of becoming one!!) But I am 26 years old now and still have empathy... This narcissistic "super ego" inner voice thing you mention sounds like a new key to my BPD life puzzle. =) Thank you.
From my observations, expirience and logical deduction I can tell that highly sensitive people are likely to develop bpd especially when they are not raised, cared for, understood, validated and taught properly how to cope with their emotions and thoughts in childhood. You don't need to have big trauma to become highly sensitive, some are just born highly sensitive and, well, more respoding to environment and through that likely to develop bpd. That's pretty logical. Much love for you all striving and facing bpd, it is fucking hard, long and lonely road, a fight for ourselves, for better life for us and people around us, for surviving, for good life. We are struggling, we all have the good and the worse in us and we need to face that and fight for ourselves. Keep going, I am on that road for years now and I have finally started to believe in myself . And I believe in you all. Keep going. With courage. Don't feel it, it is ok, courage is learned, like most things. Cannot courage? No need to worry, courage cannot exsist without fear. Do it anyway, with fear, but do. That's courage. Keep going. Do good for yourself. And keep going.
I just found out I am bpd. And I definitely am highly sensitive. I was thinking abt how that was connected. I feel like finally I have some answers abt why I am how I am . Never knew it.
So true, well said. I say "fake it until you make it". Meaning act courageous even though your not. Be strong even though your not. Be loved and loving even when you don't see it or can't feel it. Remember we have a plastic brain and we have the compete ability to restructure the brain forming new neuron pathways, creating a different chemical balance. This is 100% factual scientifically proven. That's the only reason treatment would or could ever work. Change happens now, not tomorrow or yesterday, NOW, RIGHT NOW. With persistent action, not perfect actions you can do it. If someone has stuck by you through your highs and lows please don't doubt they love you. They love you even when you can't love your self. They see your potential and will ALWAYS support you with unconditional love. Sincerely the husband of wonderful beautiful women with BPD, married 10 years on 6-1-19. With a life of ups and downs but diffinetly more ups then downs as we learn and grow together. Sharring positive affirmations ever morning and night.
Research over the last 12 years suggests BPD is a heritable brain disease...www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/81185/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-heritable-brain (if the link doesn't work, just Google the phrase before the link).
I knew someone with this disorder, and I agree that it is very destructive. It almost seem impossible to deal with when you're the partner of someone with it.
Positive affirmations every day can start to help. It was one of the first things my therapist told me to work on and say out loud every day. Remind myself I am worthy of everything anyone else is.
Hearing that what others perceive as 'manipulation' being explained like this by a mental health professionals almost had me in tears. When I first got diagnosed the psychiatrist in the hospital told my parents I am manipulating them to get attention and I was standing right there. The nurses also treated me like shit sayin 'oh another one of these borderlines, they should try going to the ward 5 (psychosis) and see what being ill really means. They're just spoiled brats.' Years after that I really thought I was manipulative so I moved away and lived on my own so my family would not see me cry, cutting myself or being depressed because I was scared that it would be 'manipulative'. The fact that anything I did was perceived as manipulative damaged me so much, I started doing drugs to deal with my problems. I fortunately never fell into it and now I am recovering. God bless these women who speak for us who are so misunderstood by the system!
Wow, the nurses who told you that are the living example of unprofessionalism at its worst. As far as I'm concerned, a person who treats a patient like that should absolutely not be working in a hospital. I might be a little radical about it, but I really can't stand it when things like that happen, especially when they happen to people who are already experiencing tremendous emotional pain on a daily basis. I'm really sorry for what you have been through, and I'm glad that you are well on your way to recovering. I'm sending you a big hug :)
@@youreallygotmenow4855 Thank you. My country is not yet very open to mental health struggles, most people tend to look at it as something embarrassing or a way to drag attention to yourself. I was unlucky to end up in a rural old mental hospital where everything was pretty much stuck back in communistic era. The nurses were quite old so they were also stuck in that mindset. It's sad, but that's how mental health institutions in rural areas still work in my country. They talk about you in front of you, treat you like you didn't understand what's going on around you. It's sad.
I've just recently been diagnosed with BPD and I'm so happy I came across this. I can't make excuses for my behaviour, but this makes me feel less of a "bad" person. Thank you.
Hi maria. This is it to a T. Its nice to know that we are not just horrible people. Seeing my daughter being very emotional has me concerned. She is only 2 so time will tell. Im sure my mum has it too
Hey there ☺️ I was recently diagnosed myself and I can see your comment was left 4 years ago, I'm wondering if you're doing okay now? It's been weird for me, I'm lucky to have a supportive mum and boyfriend. I hope you've had support as well
I’ve was diagnosed with BPD/Bipolar 41 years ago. This life has been nothing but a daily struggle. I can’t even count how often I think of ending it. But the Lord has me here for a reason. I’m still trying to understand. I just lost my 3rd job in two years due to covid and my misunderstood “behavior.” I’m getting too old for this. I’m thankful there are others who understand, though I’ve never met another person with BPD... I still feel so alone. Thanks for your helpful comments.
I hope that you are on a path of finding some relief. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I can relate to all of the cause-and-effect outcomes that you're describing within your life. And the feelings of being abandonment and isolation are real and valid. For because most people grasp what you are dealing with in their minds. Especially if you grew up in an environment similar to mine mental illness is so stigmatized and frowned upon. That you can't even broach subject with friends or family members. So, for what it's worth I hope this message reaches you! Just to let you know that you know me now! lol🤗 Even if it's just virtually and through a response message.
Very wise women here. I don't know if I should say this, but... I was extremely abused and neglected as a child. I need validation because I often don't even know what's real or who I am. NOT because I'm egotistical. I don't even know if I have an ego.
General Lee, I'm so sorry for your suffering. And thank you for the courage you had to be vulnerable and say what you did in your honesty. Your words touched me. Maybe you could show a loved one or a friend or trusted coworker this video and help them to be more kind and understanding. I think most people would be receptive to this. I wish you well and please take good care of yourself. You are worthy of love and happiness.
I think part of the reason for looking for outside validation comes from the fact that abusers train their victims not to trust themselves so the abuser can have 100% control. Saying positive affirmations can help with this but it is something you have to do daily, maybe even intensely in the beginning.
I have bpd and have had bpd for as long as I can remember. I remember feeling overwhelmingly sad when I dissapointed my mom at age 11 and wanting to die because of it . I've never been the mean or angry type frankly I rarely feel those emotions . I often feel overwhelmed with sadness or feelings of emptiness . I'm extremely empathetic and if someone is hurting it makes my heart hurt too. I wish people tried to understand this disorder more because it's not very pleasant to live with. I'm constantly fighting with my own thoughts that are telling me I'm not worthy of being loved because of the way I am. It makes me ask for constant reassurance feeling like the ones I love are going to leave because of my constant intense emotions . I go out of my way for the people I love and rarely put myself first . I love helping others . BPD doesn't make us mean or evil we are just people who are constantly at war with out thoughts and feelings . We feel hopeless and misunderstood. We feel alone because"normal people " don't feel things as intensly as we do so how could they understand. I wish people who lack in understanding would offer more compassion and maybe try to read up on the disorder .or ask the person what's on their mind .
you perfectly described me. It's so to good to be able to read exactly how I've felt through life, but at the same time I feel sad to be in that situation.
wow.....words,,, can really block the spirit,, being at one event, with the mind and body, through yoga tia chi. dance walking art theory,, over mentalizing, does what,, for bereaved,, what happened to women's lib the allowances of emotions,though tenage life birth careloss and menpause etc
working in a therapy clinic with lots of people we have found that unspiritual people judge and wrongly judge. sorts of peoples dreaming this prove you have judmetislms, that are dangerous for your clients and so using such words as you have,lost. holistic approach is far better so id retrain in spiritual awareness and healing and go sit with some shamanism watch film crazy wise,, using the word retarded proves you need retraining misjudgments,,good luck,,fear of the spirt is amodernism not a,,,foreign user,,,,,,havnt heard that word sens the ealry 70s ,,so old tech,,
I would describe it as having emotions with a 3rd degree burn, where every emotion is just excruciating. So much so that you will avoid relationships for that reason. Anything can set you off. It could be as simple as not responding immediately to a text.
I was just diagnosed with BPD. This video has helped me understand so much about myself. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and shook from this video. Thank you so much.
Such an important discussion. I especially appreciated the part explaining about how they are not being manipulative. My heart goes out to people suffering from BPD. Thank you for putting this video out to help people.
But someones intent or not to be manipulative doesn't change the fact that they are attempting shrouded maneuvers instead of genuine and authentic communication to get their needs met. Unfortunately it's still manipulative and i also agree it's damaging to tell them in any kind of villifying tones. I was hurt and disgusted with myself when people first pointed out that I was being manipulative but i am thankful for their honesty because without it, I would always have 'manipulated" and been cast out of all social norms, because for me it would have always been justified as it was from my own subjective reality. My point is, Borderlines live in and want love and acceptance from a world where the rules are majority non borderline. Those who are neuro-typical (non disordered), will hold them to that standard. It's uncomfortable and it's unfortunate but i feel that with tact and care, what they NEED for the sake of the belonging and validation they so badly crave IS TO BE GIVEN a gentle dose of honesty or they may never learn to heal and gift themselves validation and belonging they desperately need.
But someones intent or not to be manipulative doesn't change the fact that they are attempting shrouded maneuvers instead of genuine and authentic communication to get their needs met. Unfortunately it's still manipulative and i also agree it's damaging to tell them in any kind of villifying tones. I was hurt and disgusted with myself when people first pointed out that I was being manipulative but i am thankful for their honesty because without it, I would always have 'manipulated" and been cast out of all social norms, because for me it would have always been justified as it was from my own subjective reality. My point is, Borderlines live in and want love and acceptance from a world where the rules are majority non borderline. Those who are neuro-typical (non disordered), will hold them to that standard. It's uncomfortable and it's unfortunate but i feel that with tact and care, what they NEED for the sake of the belonging and validation they so badly crave IS TO BE GIVEN a gentle dose of honesty or they may never learn to heal and gift themselves validation and belonging they desperately need.
You dont understand what is happening to you and with you, nobody can or will help you, you are loosing ground under your feet and you know all of this. So you are crying for help, and it comes off as manipulation/blackmailing...
I have BPD and I found these women really understanding and knowledgeable in the sense that they really feel out and care about how it feels to have symptoms of this.
This video gave me so much hope. I never knew what my disorder was, but EVERYTHING they stated struck a chord with me and brought me to tears because I never understood why I was the way I was and no one else really could either. I'm so grateful that I have a starting point now so I can look for and find the solution.
I never understood myself either. Didn't know why there seemed to be a big difference bw me and others. And was made ashamed by family for being like this. I kept blaming myself and environmental conditions for my stress. But its also how I react bcoz of the bpd. Finally it makes sense.
High sensitivity can be a distinct advantage to creative people. I turned to writing, and found a great deal of satisfaction through it. It’s not necessarily a weakness. Properly harnessed it can be a great blessing. I would not want to cure it. Also some great actors and poets struggled with depression or bpd. The legacy they left was priceless. I’m glad they didn’t get “cured”.
When dealing with highly emotional people, especially those we care for, one can often feel like they spend most of their time reacting to what seem to be over-reactions. This feeling of loss of control, i.e. I can't say or do what I want, but have to say or do what I hope will deescalate the situation, can feel the same as deliberate manipulation. I'm not saying you are being manipulative, just that the effect on the other person may be very similar and, depending upon the other person's experience and knowledge of BPD, this similarity is the only way they can describe the effect. To a man who knows of horses but has never seen a camel, it is natural that the new animal will be described in terms with which the observer is familiar.
Not all BPDs are sadistic, at least not until they get mad. Then, they want to hurt and they are experts at going for the jugular (oh, and also feeling sorry for themselves).
Back in 2013, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was so distraught and so ashamed, I convinced myself that my therapist at the time was stupid and had no idea what she was talking about. I went home that day and watched so many videos on BPD. I was so angry that my therapist thought I had this disorder. I never went back. Five and a half years later, one failed relationship, I really wish I had had this video to see the day I was diagnosed, because I wouldn't have felt so ashamed or like I was broken. I wouldn't have been so scared to get help. The stigma is so real and it is so sad. Thank you for making this video.
Notes 8:20 appears to shut down on the outside, but in the inside everything is imploding 12:20 attempt to regulate themselves. Need a validation 15:18 to shut it down. To bring the intensity down. Immediate relief from WHATEVER it is that you did. Backlash: - other people's reaction to what you did - your own sense of helplessness (feeding the cycle) 17:51 3 characteristic of a highly emotionally sensitive person - a very sudden reaction to an emotional stimulus - a very intense reaction - slow return to baseline Watch: Back on the edge. Not manipulative
18:55 If you can't regulate your emotions you can't have a relationship. And if you can't have a relationship, it's hard to bounce around and figure out who you are. Chameleon.
@@annaliseh9727 Everything you list sounds like complex/childhood PTSD. Born like that! It's a crock. Kids need attention and most people with BPD I'd be willing to bet were very much emotionally neglected and also likely abused in other ways when they were a child. As children, we need to be taught to regulate. We need to be helped to understand our emotions and we need help by our caregivers (in most cases our parents) to reregulate. Do any of these "mental" health care people EVER look at childhood and what their parents were like? Because they need to.
11:10 I watched that documentary. I learned a lot. I’m a BPD recovery patient, and was raised by an untreated BPD mother. The interpretation is accurate in the way that the behavior itself is manipulative. However, we are actually suffering because it feels like the worst has happened. We are aware that dysregulation is on because you get physically symptoms like palpitations and sweating. Triggers everywhere. At the beginning we react in the most inadequate and destructive ways. Yes, that causes pain to ourselves and our loved ones. Then, when we are recovering we can do better because we know and we have learned tools to live a better life. Far from being perfect, we are thankful with those few people who have loved us along the way. And thank you for creating these contents on mental health to help break the stigma.
I just need to say, as someone with BPD, thank you. This explains exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm always trying to get people to understand me, but I'm always coming up against this idea that I'm 'too sensitive'. This video is such a relief and I'm sharing it with my loved ones.
It's really sad that people with BPD get such a bad rap. Yes, there are those with BPD that should be locked away. But the majority of people that have this mental illness, such as myself, don't go around wrecking havoc on other people lives. Like many BPD I had a troubled childhood, and managed to hold it together, until I had a breakdown during my middle age. I was stunned with the diagnosis, because I knew something was wrong. Yet, during my life I kept a job, stayed away from drugs and alcohol and I continue to contribute to society in a positive. For those who think it's the person's fault that they have this mental illness is stupid. No one ask for this mental illness it was brought to me, through child abuse, and a family with a history of mental illness.
My mother had BPD and I never saw anyone suffer so bad in my whole life. Even though she messed my brothers and me up terribly, I have compassion for her suffering. I understand the anger some of the comments are expressing and I understand it's probably a protective behavior but I still feel terribly sorry for my mom. Even so, I maintained my boundaries. You can maintain boundaries, have sadness for your past, be very clear about how you were hurt, and still have compassion for the BPD sufferer because it's quite obvious they are suffering a lot.
I'm just like you, I managed to have a job and be a good citizen until I have a breakdown. I didn't have a hard childhood but my mother has mental illness not yet diagnose. People with BPD get a bad rap but not all of them are reckless. I try to hold it together or god knows what would happen. God bless everyone.
The thing is ..people with bdp should acknowledge it and find help. Not destroy many others and trying to fill that emptyness by being a wrecking tourist or doing sick safari in other people lives. Not all bdp people do this but most. I hate people that carry a poison and instead of trying to be honest to themselves and fight for the antidote (therapies) they poison others with it. A lot of kind and good people have been destroyed this way. True humaneness is being sincere and real, and not breaking the mirror when you see the 'ugly' in it. No..work for it. And this goes for any human being.
I also have bpd-or cptsd(I’ve been told two different things from therapists), but they are so similar that some people think they are the same. People with bpd are almost always trauma victims. My bpd has only affect my incredibly cruel narcissistic husband and even then the only affect on him was when I would get incredibly sad and feel suicidal. He was the one that said cruel things, not myself. He even says that I don’t hurt him, I’m just annoying. If people with bpd are all bad, then even in a toxic situation like mine I should be the one hurting him. I recently found out one of my closest friends of 15 years has bpd. She has always been someone I looked up to because she is one of the kindest, least judgmental, altruistic, and successful people I’ve ever known. She has many friends and people who love her and has been one of the only friends who has never hurt me, or done anything selfish. I was shocked when she said she had bpd, and she told me “I think many more women have it(due to trauma that can occur as a consequence in a patriarchal society), but most aren’t diagnosed.” The stigma around it has to stop because it damages the person with bpd even more.
Thank you ladies. My motto for over 20 years has been: "Love is the answer regardless of the question (except maybe chocolate)!" (I'm a "quite" BPD and I think, if they saw this, my friends and family would be VERY surprised to know what I experience on the inside). I'm someone who was BORN overly sensitive (possibly damage to the amidala by longterm cortisol exposure through pre-birth stress whilst my mother was in an insane asylum (as they were still called in the 70's)...who knows). I think if it were to boil down to one word I'd probably choose: Lost (I have 8/9 elements, I killed the "Jealousy/I hate you, don't leave me" thing when I was 17/18 years old after dumping someone lovely and wonderful for no reason at all than she'd had a chat with someone at a party). Thankfully I realised that was an unrealistic reaction and "decided" to never do it again and I'm pleased to say I haven't. So you CAN overcome (at least some of) these elements you don't want and keep what you feel is fundamentally you. I've got a loooooong road ahead, but someone who loves me unconditionally (along 7 various fluffies) and they keep me going, saving my life every single day. Good luck those of you who have it (you CAN do it) and just a little "Patience" (ok, probably a lot!) to those who love someone with BPD. Love - From someone who wears their heart on their sleeve ;)
BPD is a totally horrible place in life to be,everyday is a struggle,I have really intense abandonment issues,intense quilt intense feeling empty,misunderstood,to the stage of feeling I don’t belong,I’m always feeling I’m having to explain myself and I really can’t help how I am,I have multiple moods hour by hour,overly a people pleaser,and constantly trying to fit in ,rejection is a trigger for me, I self loathe myself,all because of my childhood,I was abused by one parent,and neglected by the other ,life is a struggle.
I got diagnosed 3yrs ago.. I'm so very sorry for your childhood 😢 My mother had the same situation as you. I wish you healing and send you love 💜✨ I am trying to heal with Psilocybin and MDMA therapy. Maybe consider looking into it if you haven't? Please know we are the most resiliant people on the planet, if anyone can overcome, it is us. We are warriors in the truest sense.. and our good sides are exceptional 🌟✨
The "'Back from the edge" documentary, mentioned at 10:45 is really good indeed. It gave me so much relief, watching it, to hear and see BPD people talking about their innermost feelings and distress, their self harm, etc. I really felt surrounded, watching it.
Nurture and nature play a role in BPD. Untreated and unsupported BPD survivers are at war with themselves not the world. Have you ever been alone in a room full of people? Thank you ladies for this video
I LOVE my friend who has BPD. she’s a co worker and she’s a joy in my life…not always. Ha ha. I understand her struggle. I know she plans to do better. Sometimes she just can’t. She’s worth the ride. She’s worth my friendship. I’m glad she’s in my life…not always..lol ❤️. She’d agree.
It's not just that the entourage doesn't understand, the entourage are often subjected to abuse by the borderline if the borderline is trying to wedge them into their black and white thinking. My mother had these symptoms and she had terrible boundary issues, huge anger, paranoia and various types of aggression.
This made me cry I've kept denying to myself I have this but everhtime I watch videos I just ball up that someone understand and is speaking how I feel when I could never put it into words myself
What's painful is the love I got from someone with borderline personality disorder was everything I was ever looking for, but it came with the grave price of abuse, rage and emotional scars. Sad, because I am a woman of intensity and enjoy deep romance. It's a shame that the only place I've found it was from a place that prolifically gave it due to desperation and illness. My heart goes out to those with this disorder, and those scarred by those with this disorder.
I found out I had a diagnosis of BPD when i was leaving my monthly psychology appointment. The diagnosis was written on my discharge sheet. So much for respecting me as a person. The Dr had never spoke of this or hinted at this difficulty in 3 month visits in the seven years of therapy. Trust is something the profession is losing. I am very unhappy with the treatment, but that is the only place in town to go. So I have a very good psychologist. I am thankful for that. Your program was very helpful to me. Thank you all
Ive been told im untreatable left me so suicidal. My only hope is they are wrong or i can atleast adjust a bit by myself because its horrible to live with. Not just me but my family more so. I get so upset when i cant cope and they have to deal with fallout of my immense emotional responses
What a kind and empathic way to look at BPD. It's wonderful to watch them talk with respect and kindness. People who have this are in intense pain and unless there are traits of disorders like NPD involved, don't think the sufferer intends to cause another pain or harm, wish people could understand the sensitivity involved here.
I have BPD and feel as though I have it really really really bad. Finally just have shut the world off because I’m tired of self sabotaging myself and relationships blowing up in my face. My emotions are all over the place. I feel joy and then a moment later I feel intense sadness and hopelessness. I don’t feel very close to anybody in my life who are my friends and my family. I don’t feel we have a very good relationship. Except my daughter who is four years old but I’m afraid that when she gets older I will lose her too. And then I’ll have nothing
Yoga, breathing exercises, having a self-care routine, cutting down on work to replace with self-care time (meditation), guided relaxations, art etc... these really help me. I still get crazy when faced with overwhelmingly challenging experiences - crises in life etc, but these tools have brought me very far from where I was 10 years ago. But i must say, it's a constant cycle of picking up the pieces after the storm.
For those who do not know what this disorder is, the films "Girl, Interrupted" and "Black Swan" feature a character with Borderline Personality Disorder. Both were very therapeutic for me when I had my worst struggle with this about ten years ago. You can get better.
My psychiatrist recommended this video for me to watch. This was my second visit and she explained why I may have slipped through the radar with the diagnosis during the first meeting. I made many notes and had a few aha moments, like I hurt so badly sometimes like enough for a few people. Thank you for making this available.
What irritates me most as someone with BPD is that yes, it is emotional hell and it's not like we're sitting over here acting like freaking morons on purpose. I would give anything to NOT have this disorder but I can't find a therapist willing to walk through this with me and STICK WITH ME when I am mentally unstable. The second there is instability, despite promises to be there, I get dumped EVERY TIME. I am over it and have removed myself from therapy. Well, guess what? I am doing BETTER than I have in 10 years because I quit therapy that doesn't work. It's a money pit of hell.
Addison Brooke I feel ya. They've all bailed on me too and I'm tired of jumping from therapist to therapist and having them ignore me. You say you're doing better? Any advice you could give others? I could sure use it
Tiffany Lynn, I am sorry you're experiencing this hell too. Honestly, I got better for a couple of reasons. One, I found someone who I am now married to who truly loves me as does his family. I really believe, deep down, that is all we are craving...love and acceptance. The other is that I just took myself out of therapy where I became too dependent and kept seeing my therapist in a mother role instead of a therapist role. Then I expect her to be my mother and when that doesn't happen, I react badly and spiral. I am MUCH better not going to therapy because therapy is a joke. It made me broke and dependent. And for whatever reason, I ran into not one, but three unethical therapists who made promises they never kept.
I hear ya.. I had a therapist who told me that I was too much for her and to see a psychiatrist, I knew there was something going on, just didn't know what since I had chose to drop therapists often because i wasn't getting anywhere. Started Celexa which helps the anxiety and sought out further help.. After my diagnosis from the psychiatrist he prescribed Yoga and a Stepp class (which i am on the list for) I am also about to start a 8 week Mindfulness class to help me stay in control. The DBT therapy is daunting, but i am getting there. Although the "I will forever be in recovery" scares me, can i really do this.? .
Jennifer Carpenter when your therapists "you're too much for me" (first of all, WTF? Isn't this what a therapist is trained to do?), what is it you do that makes them think that? Like, crying meltdowns or have you yelled at them? I'm just trying to process this...I've given my therapist a chronic headache, I'm sure, but I can't see her saying that to me. I'm simply asking to understand. I'm not judging and I'm happy to hear that you are in yoga and doing healthy things, coping skills, to decrease anxiety and all the hell that we experience. I'm almost to that point, and can't wait to start working on myself using these techniques. They are natural, releasing the good kinds of neurotransmitters from the brain, and give you complete control over your body and mind. I love the thought of that. Even better would be to find somewhere (private) in nature to be able to practice yoga and other exercises.
Well, she was assigned through my EAP. I was having problems at work and I was really upset. When I get emotional, my emotions can get exaggerated. Yes I was crying and I tend to swear to get my point across and she took offence to that. I said that I am now comfortable in her office and thought I could express myself. I never went off on her, just full of tears and anger. sobbing, using language and just terribly broken.
@@philipjohnkaye8890all garbage i was almost destroyed by a my ex she f@cking tried to obliterate me financially , emotionally , spiritually she tried it all … cheating on me with multiple men , she said she was diagnosed with bpd and she got help and was all better , bullshit …. Don’t let these hags down play what a bpd can do , they can literally put you in a mental ward for years
The most insightful discussion of BPD. Never even knew how real this emotional disorder is. Learned things that I never thought I would. As if a door opened to a secret room, where the answers to questions I have had for so long would begin to fall in place.
I didn’t get my BPD diagnosis until I was 36 years old and I felt relief. My life and behaviors started to make sense and it was like a light bulb coming on. Ever since then I’ve worked hard to understand myself. Why I am the way I am, and to become minutely self aware of my actions. I work on myself everyday and I’m finally feeling seen and understood when I look in the mirror.
5 лет назад+3
As a BPD person, if I get emotional and someone tells me to calm down, it's not big deal, will get me even more angry and possible go into a rage!
Thank you so much for this, it's difficult for me - someone with bpd- to explain my disorder to people, they never seem to understand, take it seriously or care
Because they are not victims of people with bdp that arent getting any help. That arent doing the work..those are the ones that destroy people. Its easy to be accepting from that safe sideline. If you respond, than read well..Read the nuance.
Jonah No offense but I always see really bitter people who are victims of borderline and wonder why you didn’t just leave if you hated the borderline so much? You did choose to stay there with her. Likely because, as awful as borderlines can be, they are just as loving and can make you feel like the most special person in the world. They are addictive people and it’s hard to accept that you went back on your own accord. Hopefully you are doing better and are able to move on.
Ryan Kerns you obviously didn't get the memo about idolization, devaluation, discard or the threats. It's hard to leave a person who is manipulating you by threatening to commit suicide. You also don't have a clue about the false person they pretend to be as a start whom you hope to get back one day.
@@DonnaChamberson Thank you. Well said. I'm tired of people playing victim when they are grown adults who can leave. And I'm tired of people with BPD being demonized. There are good aspects that come along with it, too. Plus, many people with BPD are victims of some type of trauma. Also, I hate to say it, but a lot of people Borderlines end up with romantically tend to have their own mental illness. People with BPD tend to bond more with others with mental illnesses. So, look at yourself, too, and stop blaming just the other person (I mean to the people who do that).
20:33.... omg pretty much my exact words I’ve used numerous times to describe how I feel . You ladies are amazing. You made me feel validated and not so much like a broken piece pretending to be whole so no one sees the truth of how I’m not the same.
Katrena Shields idealisation of disagreeable people. We seek validation of those with perceived power, hierarchal dominance, assertiveness. Quite the opposite of us, with high agreeableness and submissiveness. From what I can tell.
Katrena Shields, it's more accurate to say that BODs are drawn to co-dependents. It's also accurate to sat that when BPDs don't get their way they call the person sticking up for themselves "narcissists."
@@9879SigmundS Sorry, but that's a very shallow answer. And narcissism is so beyond sticking up for oneself that you obviously don't know much about it.
Debra Tandy, my post states that borderlines accuse people who stick up for themselves of being narcissistic. I didn’t say people who stick up for themselves are narcissistic. In fact, I implied the opposite.
If you know someone with BPD or are in a relationship with one, ENCOURAGE them to see a therapist, but explain that they are not broken. Instead let them know that it is to help them cope with their disorder.
This is the best brief discussion on BPD I came across on youtube. It should come up as the firsg result when you search for BPD instead videos of disturbed patients sharing misinformation.
Of course we're not all the same. But also there are different stages. For example I am one of those who should be avoided and I'm paying for my bad deeds. I've harmed a lot of people but in my defence, those were only ones who abandoned me. In such cases I cannot control my reactions and I become highly revengeful, which leads to manipulation and distruction plans. But this is not permanent state of mind, it comes occasionaly and most of time I am trully epathic and compationate. So I try to believe I am still a good person with occasional tendency to harm others in emotional way in order to show them how it looks like and how painfull it is. So my biggest problem is when it comes to splitting.
@ janefromtennessee: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy: One of the talking therapies (a bit like CBT: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that can be quite effective with BPD sufferers in dealing with their emotions, how interpret them appropriately in the given situation and to reduce the effect of "black & white" thinking :)
Thank you to the three beautiful women in this video for breathing light and hope into the lives of those who suffer from or live with someone with BPD in their lives
I have spent years trying to understand Borderline people. I thought I had watched every youtube video on the subject. Then RUclips's all knowing search algorithm finally got it right by showing me this video.
My goodness. One of the reasons a person with bpd might feel misunderstood is how others react when blasted with hatred and vitriol on the turn of a dime without any warning. Not many people want to experience that from the bpd person repeatedly.
I don’t even know what the word manipulative means. It seems as if you reach out for help, attempt to communicate how you think/feel or make the mistake of telling someone you feel suicidal they think you’re being manipulative & then proceed to abuse you even more. Then they wonder why you lash out & disassociate 🙄.
Same here.. it feels like a constant war in my mind between telling people how I really feel or bottling those emotions because they may be perceived as manipulation. I have too much empathy and love for my people in my relationships to consciously manipulate them though. Its feels unwinnable.
When you're down and try to communicate honest feelings you will be accused of "playing a victim" to manipulate, or being "immature, arrested development". So you can't be honest. Now you're just a big fake. Can't win. Can't be authentic .
Such a compassionate view of this disorder. Ive heard alot of terrible stuff about us being untreatable and just basically toxic people. Its only helped me suppress my shadow even more and not want to admit whats really the problem to anyone esp psychologists ect. Really helpful and probably life saving video for many of us thankyou so much
All I can say is that my family member who has low spectrum BPD wasn't born with it. His relationship with his cold and manipulative mother created it.
There is a suspected predisposition to it. I think that given the right conditions, it can exacerbate someone's BPD. In a safe home the person's BPD is probably well managed and you would never know they had it, not because they were cured, but because they were taught emotional regulation as a child, vs the home that is invalidating.
Thank you for this. It is the first time someone effectively explained in a logical way how the disorder influences the individual's response to triggers and and the chronic cycle of intensity which can be extremely painful and leave many desperate to get any relief, even for a few minutes. This should be in every MH practitioner's back pocket!
I was diagnosed with BPD years ago but just recently I was 'counter' or differentially diagnosed by a famous professor of psychiatry as having a childhood trauma explaining my symptoms.This discussion is a great help and I thank you very much for putting it online. The smoke alarm analogy is great. I am taking that it doesn't really matter exactly what diagnostic category one is placed in within certain limits (if you have a personality disorder but are diagnosed as having a psychosis or being bipolar then the ramifications could be serious just in terms of the medication that would be prescribed...not to mention the stigmatization) because it is by analogy like botanical labels. What counts is what one can do to make the best of things....to not consider oneself as a victim because even if one was dealt some challenging cards what counts is making the best of things....if there are genetically based weaknesses then of course it exponentially increases the load but even then it is up to us to find the best ways to manage them.
I’ve done every NHS program over 15 years. Upping meds isn’t a solution. I’m 25 and I take 9 pills a day. This is absolutely on point! My left arm is only scar tissue 🤷♀️I can’t afford these ladies, your not allowed to heal unless your rich.
jessica blackaller-kidd try not to be bitter. You’re an attractive young woman and that should help in human relations. ...The new medical insurances provide better coverage for mental problems, maybe even parity. I have my own problems,
True. I was told that I had to pay upfront $2500 and then 80% after that. I later found a therapist that will do it for $50/ visit. This is long term, intense therapy, so it’s still very expensive.
What about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I had been taking the wrong therapy all these years until discovered this. Please look into it, they have workbooks if you cannot afford therapy
I have had this issue for years and didn't know what was wrong with me after different therapies, medications etc. I am now doing DBT and it is very helpful. If you read this, I hope that you can look into that. It has helped me and I hope that it can help you too.
They know each other? Or was that a name you provided and they repeated to fulfill the projection to label yourself before they do.. “fatal attraction” sounds good.. rather than monster. Either way, don’t stop growing. Hope all is well. Cheers
I have BPD and I never tell anyone. Its horrible to live like this. At the age of 55 I now never leave my apt. and have no friends or family because of my behavior. I hate this disorder.
OMG that is me !!!! I wished I could get help from these women ! Where i'm from I feel like know one cares. I live in a small place where they don't want to treat BPD patients. Thank god it's more talked about but still a huge STIGMA ..therapist are scared of treating BPD patients.
@Nathalie Girl I suspect the reason BPD patients are refused treatment is because the doctor cannot hide their inward negative opinions, emotional distaste and unprofessional judgments from the Borderline. Sadly, the Borderline cannot unsee these things and cannot help but have intense emotional reactions towards the doctor, which naturally is rage. The Borderline becomes overwhelmed, bolts out of the doctor's office, maybe flips the folks working for the doctor off on their way out.
I understand these people are suffering but I’m not really sure they’re deserving of more compassion or empathy as they really lack those things when it comes to their victims. Maybe this sounds a bit controversial, but I think some people need to hear it. Raising empathy for people that hurt people is not OK and often times these people will hurt you relentlessly and not feel bad about it; its their pain not yours. I think empathizing with them and humanizing them to the degree that it seems to be a trend, only enables them further to hurt more people and cause illness in them by subjecting them to trauma that is hard at times to fix, let alone recover. I am a disabled person and I’m also autistic. My kind authentic heart did not deserve to get hurt by you. I struggle every day now by the dysregulation and gaslighting behavior I was subjected to. I struggle with the willingness to live and feel safe from all the emotional, physical and verbal abuse subjected me to. You took everything beautiful and vulnerable I gave, and made it into a weapon against me. I was not like this before I met you. I was actually a lot better. I struggled to smile now and just be okay. You turned people against me and inspired them to violate me as well, as if I was not human. All for loving you and caring for you.
It's nature and nurture, I'm the 10th child and the 4 oldest are 'perfect', they don't understand me at all. The 3 of the 4 youngest have great difficulty. My brother 1 yr younger had a mentor from the age of 12 and he seems better able to manage life.
This just popped up on my RUclips and I’m so glad I watched it I’m on my walk I walk every day now I’m 36 and I have BPD and I feel like these two ladies are the only people that ever understood me and I just Described out of my life Have a relationship have been in my family has three my parents my own children up on top of all the BPD I had a open TBI At age 11 and the left or the light was dead it is affecting me more than I get older but how are you been treated so bad and I was me in a blame and nobody understands and I’ve not been treated properly for it but this video did so much for me thank you
I appreciate this discussion but I have a family member who has low spectrum BPD and he has never ever not known who he is. He has never had a problem with his identity or with knowing what is important to him. Please mention that it is a spectrum Disorder. Also, there are a lot of BPDs who are empaths. But overall you were compassionate and you treated BPDs humanely. I have gone to the hospital with my family member because he was very depressed and he wanted and needed help and when the ER psych or the general ER doctor found out he had BPD their comments were: " you are here because you have BPD and you want attention!". I kid you not!!! He wanted help not their freaking attention for the sake of whatever!!! He was mentally abused at their hands. He cried when he heard them say that. He didn't lash out at them. But it made him feel like others see him as a demon! I tried to comfort him. Eventually, he just accepted it and said that it's those doctors' loss not getting to know a BPD person who would show them that he isn't manipulative and all about chaos.
Thank you for making this video. I have shared it with a few important people to me.. with hope they will understand me better. It is truly so hard to live with this. Everyday is a struggle.
I am so happy that I have been so open to learn more about myself. All this info online is helping me to put things into perspective. 🤔Never quite understood why my friends and colleagues weren't as sensitive to what was happening around us. I thought "what kind of humans are these"🙈. But ..... I am now learning otherwise🙂. It's so hard though, just to ride out some thoughts. Just let them move through my mind. Because they are not real. And accept that they can affect my perception of people and circumstances. So I have some really objective friends (i love and trust dearly who know and accept me as being different) who I'll bounce/discuss stuff and they help me work through. It's in a normal conversation. I just surmised awhile back that some of my thoughts were/are a tad warped and I needed a rational/less emotional being to hold a discussion. Work in progress. If a day starts so bad. I work to end it well. When that doesnt happen when I wake I try to treat that as a new and fresh start. Constant work. It can be lonely too because some of this stuff is cyclical (n u know u've already gone thru this with some friends already). N e ways I genuinely cannot allow/afford an emotional downtime for too long. Yea. I know someone out there will know what I'm talking about.
I was diagnosed in my 20s with BPD. I'm now in my 40s and no longer qualify for the diagnosis. However, my emotions are still very intense, and I have worked very hard to get to the place I am now. Being medicated made me feel subhuman because of the severe blunting of my feelings. I HATED it. So I work hard to manage myself so I never have to go back on any meds. I've made multiple suicide attempts and had a serious substance abuse problem. I no longer drink, ever; I just can't afford to risk that slippery slope. I always feel a separation between me and everyone else around me, except my own children who all also have mental illness or other issues that mean we are able to relate on a much more intimate level emotionally and intellectually. So it is very isolating. It takes a lot of practice over and over to not act on the big emotions when they come. It looks like impulsiveness but it's actually an attempts to solve the problem of the overwhelming sense of an avalanche wall of emotion that is crushing me.
I'm sick of being compared to narcs and sociopaths. People with Bpd have a wide range of emotions including love and empathy, we're just fucked up. We're not dead or cold inside, we're just unstable.
I was with a diagnosed borderline man. It was a nightmare. If I didn’t answer his text in a quick enough manner he perceived it as total abandonment and set out to make me pay. It was always my fault, when no fault was there. He was malignant. Always telling me about women that wanted him and how much better they were. I wondered if histrionic was baked into the cake. It was painful because I never knew his true self. His attacks were relentless and harsh. I had to just go no contact.
Thank you. Finally I don't feel alone, and finally I see that there are good therapists out there. But where are you? ...........Thank you for the video. Very bright, caring ladies.
Here it is, in a nutshell, all based in childhood experiences: if you reject or invalidate me AND MAKE ME HATE MYSELF, then YOU are bad and I hate YOU. Conversely, if you accept and validate me, then you are GOOD and I “love” you. If you alternate regularly between accepting and rejecting me, my maladaptive response to your treatment of me becomes ingrained and second nature, and I come to see everything through a distorted lens of all or nothing, good or bad, black or white, failing to see the truth that someone or something who is less than perfect is not ALL bad. These dynamics play out in childhood when we are building our identity and self esteem, or lack thereof, through internalizing how others treat us. We become divided against ourselves.
Well said! We often treat ourselves the way we have been treated during our most informative years. I feel the way to overcome this is to slowly uncondition the dysfunctional behaviors we unknowingly taught ourselves and resorted to. It served us back then to survive in a dysfunctional environment. We now have to replace old behaviors with new ones that serve and empower us.
One thing that helps me is awareness. It sounds strange but with BPD, I assume that everything I feel is real because I'm feeling it. But if I sit back and question if I really feel that way & why, then sometimes I can talk myself out of a negative emotion. Maybe this will help someone out there. This is so hard sometimes and I really want to give up, but I thank God every day for the strong relationship I have with the people in my life who support me and try to understand me. That keeps me going.
Its so ironic I dated a person with this disorder for 5 years. I knew somthing was wrong but didn't know what it was. I have been practising Mindfullness Meditation and took the MBCT course. I always treated him kindly through some bad episodes of him acting out, and one rage incident. In the end after taking him back after a breakup, he again became overwhelmed and broke up with me. I sent him two loving texts which he thanked me for and he moved on quickly to another partner, which is quite common from what I have learned. A very very tortured soul.
My memoir Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother examines my childhood and young adulthood with a mom who suffered from BPD. When I learned about the disorder later in life, I was able to describe and understand her mystifying behavior in a new and forgiving way. I want my book to help others who are struggling to understand their upbringing with a difficult parent who, as these therapists say, was doing the best she could.
I just got dumped by my therapist.. she told me to journal and said she was there for me then she gave up on me right when I needed her most!! I have no idea what to do next, she's transferring me to someone else, how do I or any of you move on and trust? I can't get over it and just want to cut the hell out myself but I feel bad afterward and.... Im just lost any ideas
It's not you - this therapist was probably experiencing something like countertransference, and - ethically - had to withdraw from treating you because they were 'catching feels' - which is normal and human, but not recommended if your therapist cannot maintain objectivity within the context of this relationship. Please do not blame yourself and do not give up. Give the other person a chance and do continue to journal (it can become very useful in recalling your triggers to behaviors you may or may not even remember later if you act them out). Hopefully, by practicing dialectical techniques with your therapist as well as on your own, you may eventually be able to convince yourself not to self-harm every time your emotions become overwhelming, because you do have other alternatives & are strong enough not to harm yourself any further than you have already been. Please give yourself a break and lean on your brothers and sisters in recovery from BPD. I wish you the best of luck, my dear!
Tone of voice and certain looks or sarcastic statements will flip my switch every time. Then they look at me crazy like I can’t hear/see/feel the judgement. And then I realize what’s going on and feel so fucking stupid. And then I internalize it and beat myself up and feel like I’m gonna be like this forever. All I want is happiness. And then I feel shame bc I have two daughters and still feel empty. It’s a duality- your brain is constantly telling you opposing things at the same time and the self-critic inner voice always wins.
It has indeed been linked with early childhood neglect in the past. Also, some people consider some of their actions maybe because some people with BPD have NPD comorbidity which leads the person to actually indeed be manipulative as well as reactive in "crisis episodes"
i hate when studies say "not all people who have bpd experience trauma". I want to know what they define trauma as. Emotional neglect causes trauma. You can have an otherwise safe home but experience emotional neglect. it is insidious. No, not everyone is physically or sexually abused. Not everyone experiences a traumatic loss. But living with parents or caregivers that consistently invalidate your emotions doesn't help. Especially if they don't understand or accept mental illness. There is a genetic factor, and studies have found people who have that genetic factor but don't express it. I wonder if those people grew up in homes that taught emotional regulation and were validating. Also, living with BPD is traumatic. Imagine living in fear that you are going to be abandoned by everyone, and tell me you don't eventually exhibit symptoms of BPD.
@@christademarco5602 Yeah I can't stand the dismissiveness of childhood trauma, particularly emotional neglect. I mean if the psychiatric community doesn't understand that people with BPD aren't 'born that way' then of course they can't help.
Thank you. Min 9:00 is poignant. Can't figure stuff out socially, always draw the wrong, and abusive people to me. I live recluse and a-social. My GP diagnosed me the BPD... Helped me understand a bit better.
16:44 Comparing the feeling of emptiness to a clanging bell is such a try hard metaphor they’re pulling out for the show. Keep it simple. People don’t relate to inanimate objects. Having no values so you jump from job to job, changing educational paths because you have no passion, self sabotaging even when you thought you were happy last week etc. You can use “a clanging bell” to describe depression, anxiety, paranoia, it’s not descriptive.
living with Quiet BDP is hell, we internalise instead of acting out. We learnt early on that our core being means nothing and so feel incredibly invalidated by the people we are suppose to count on to build us up as children. So we have an unstable sense of self and become very alert and protective over ourselves...any rejection causes intense internal reactions which people don't see or understand...misunderstood? Totally.
Yes! So we'll said. ❤️
Same
For a long time I had quiet BDP as well, but just FYI, when I met a girl, who happened to be a narcissist, who pretty much stressed me to death- everything else came out. It just hadn't really been triggered yet. She's only just out of my life so I have no idea if those symptoms will go quiet again but it's food for thought. She specifically played on the abandonment factor.
same here :/
i can relate - it’s been a relief to be diagnosed with quiet bpd, but it’s also so sad gaining the awareness of how hard i have been on myself and almost unaware of it
I've often been told, "You're too sensitive" ,and " You're too serious", and "You think too much."
Yip I hear these things a lot...Diagnosed this week after 20 odd years of getting nowhere with so called therapists. I’m scared I’m not going to get better
You are all these ways.All us BPD people are.If these same people suddenly lost their identity and were only left with their data learned and lived after birth. They would act and react the same.We do not form an Identity we can only cultivate the one we are born with.We were not born with this.We are just plants that grow like everyone around us but there is no unique root to guide our own emotional self.we are sensitive,serious and bewildered to the fact that we do not have the capacity to logically react because of this congenitally missing vital trait.
...word. Same here.
look into the philosophies of existentialism and Taosim
Me too. My whole life.
I have it and I find that toxic people are attracted to me for the pleasure of abusing and using me. I keep to myself and I live alone in order to stay calm and away from people.
That’s where I am at. I feel like I was emotionally and financially used. I went from having a savings, and only $400 in credit card debt and a car that was almost paid off. Now I am completely broke, credit cards maxed out and a truck that I bought to make him happy. So now I have a truck payment I can’t afford along with all my bills. When I wanted to pay my bills he would get mad at me bc I wasn’t giving him money to fix his house and paid his past due water sewer and electric bill. He wanted me to move into his place, but I was to scared. I felt like he was to controlling. I started seeing a counselor and he got upset with me bc he thinks he can fix me. He doesn’t think I need a counselor and doesn’t think I need meds. He says he wants me to get better but doesn’t want me to do the things to get better. He would tell me all the time if I just listen to him I would be ok bc he knows what’s best. But I didn’t feel like he did and would be mad at me and would feel insulted if I didn’t follow along.
I had to do the same.
Before I trusted on some people. These people abused and took an advantage.
This. Is exactly what has happened with my daughter...my son in law...piece of work. Heartbreaking to watch.
Same here:(
I find that in a lot of instances that it is the other way around. That the wayvthe brain works in someone who has BPD is that they choose those who are, as labeled "toxic". They are not conciously aware and they repeatedly make bad relationship decisions which do even more damage. When you see all the other impulsive decisions in other areas from bpd you can see those similar decision making errors in relationships. There is also the fact that the bad apples, the toxic, those who have disorders themselves or a violent history they and those with BPD attract each other.
I don't live with this disorder, my son's mother does. I'm not a counselor or psychiatrist, but I'm on a journey to be a father that can prepare myself and my son for the issues that might come up when it comes to his mom's BPD.
@ 20:33. “Because if I’m pretending to be everything that you want me to be” In the back of that is “cuz you wouldn’t like me if you knew what I was really like, so even if you say you really like me, I can dismiss that because YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME.”
her demeanor when she was saying this changed and it is so me. It was very accurate and scary for sure.
I fit this to the T
completely accurate way to describe it :-(
One of my new friend said exactly same thing. "You don't know me " everything was just fine but suddenly my friend told me that line with a hidden pain. I'm an empath and I felt that
I lived 35 years that way...
It makes me sad. There is nothing to know because its just an empty vessel
I am not manipulative but I do have harsh internal criticism of myself and everyone around me (not by choice, I hate viewing the world as so suspicious and distrustworthy)
Half Stack i commiserate
But Unfortunately it often is and that's just Self Preservation and Wisdom!
@Brian Hudousky Borderline in my opinion obviously Stems from Childhood Abuse...Youve got to be Fluid and Flexible and ready to People Please to keep "Peace." That's bound to eventually make a Person Confused. Frustrated and have Anger issues. But we All have Something! ;)
It could be the narcissistic Super-Ego (Inner Voice) you adopted from your (most likely) narcissistic parents.
@@marknardone6017 Omg!!! This sparked a revolution of sudden revelations in my head. Thank you! I had never heard of such a term, I relate to it incredibly. I will definitely be researching this now! (I was raised by narcs, and have been TERRIFIED of becoming one!!) But I am 26 years old now and still have empathy... This narcissistic "super ego" inner voice thing you mention sounds like a new key to my BPD life puzzle. =) Thank you.
These women deserve more recognition. For me, they really understand BPD and the despair that it causes.
From my observations, expirience and logical deduction I can tell that highly sensitive people are likely to develop bpd especially when they are not raised, cared for, understood, validated and taught properly how to cope with their emotions and thoughts in childhood. You don't need to have big trauma to become highly sensitive, some are just born highly sensitive and, well, more respoding to environment and through that likely to develop bpd. That's pretty logical.
Much love for you all striving and facing bpd, it is fucking hard, long and lonely road, a fight for ourselves, for better life for us and people around us, for surviving, for good life.
We are struggling, we all have the good and the worse in us and we need to face that and fight for ourselves.
Keep going, I am on that road for years now and I have finally started to believe in myself
. And I believe in you all. Keep going. With courage. Don't feel it, it is ok, courage is learned, like most things. Cannot courage? No need to worry, courage cannot exsist without fear. Do it anyway, with fear, but do. That's courage. Keep going. Do good for yourself. And keep going.
I just found out I am bpd. And I definitely am highly sensitive. I was thinking abt how that was connected. I feel like finally I have some answers abt why I am how I am . Never knew it.
Thank you for your words. They help.
So true, well said. I say "fake it until you make it". Meaning act courageous even though your not. Be strong even though your not. Be loved and loving even when you don't see it or can't feel it.
Remember we have a plastic brain and we have the compete ability to restructure the brain forming new neuron pathways, creating a different chemical balance. This is 100% factual scientifically proven. That's the only reason treatment would or could ever work. Change happens now, not tomorrow or yesterday, NOW, RIGHT NOW. With persistent action, not perfect actions you can do it. If someone has stuck by you through your highs and lows please don't doubt they love you. They love you even when you can't love your self. They see your potential and will ALWAYS support you with unconditional love.
Sincerely the husband of wonderful beautiful women with BPD, married 10 years on 6-1-19. With a life of ups and downs but diffinetly more ups then downs as we learn and grow together. Sharring positive affirmations ever morning and night.
Satisfy Helter-Skelter a beautiful message!
Research over the last 12 years suggests BPD is a heritable brain disease...www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/81185/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-heritable-brain (if the link doesn't work, just Google the phrase before the link).
The most painful self destructive disorder
Yes, it is
It really is
Yes! Since I was a teen my cousin would tell me I'm my own worst enemy
I knew someone with this disorder, and I agree that it is very destructive.
It almost seem impossible to deal with when you're the partner of someone with it.
Positive affirmations every day can start to help. It was one of the first things my therapist told me to work on and say out loud every day. Remind myself I am worthy of everything anyone else is.
Hearing that what others perceive as 'manipulation' being explained like this by a mental health professionals almost had me in tears. When I first got diagnosed the psychiatrist in the hospital told my parents I am manipulating them to get attention and I was standing right there. The nurses also treated me like shit sayin 'oh another one of these borderlines, they should try going to the ward 5 (psychosis) and see what being ill really means. They're just spoiled brats.' Years after that I really thought I was manipulative so I moved away and lived on my own so my family would not see me cry, cutting myself or being depressed because I was scared that it would be 'manipulative'. The fact that anything I did was perceived as manipulative damaged me so much, I started doing drugs to deal with my problems. I fortunately never fell into it and now I am recovering. God bless these women who speak for us who are so misunderstood by the system!
Oh I am do sorry you were treated so badly xx
Wow, the nurses who told you that are the living example of unprofessionalism at its worst.
As far as I'm concerned, a person who treats a patient like that should absolutely not be working in a hospital.
I might be a little radical about it, but I really can't stand it when things like that happen, especially when they happen to people who are already experiencing tremendous emotional pain on a daily basis.
I'm really sorry for what you have been through, and I'm glad that you are well on your way to recovering.
I'm sending you a big hug :)
@@youreallygotmenow4855 Thank you. My country is not yet very open to mental health struggles, most people tend to look at it as something embarrassing or a way to drag attention to yourself. I was unlucky to end up in a rural old mental hospital where everything was pretty much stuck back in communistic era. The nurses were quite old so they were also stuck in that mindset. It's sad, but that's how mental health institutions in rural areas still work in my country. They talk about you in front of you, treat you like you didn't understand what's going on around you. It's sad.
@@TP-nx7uf I totally understand.
Where do you live? (if you don't mind me asking).
Poland? Ukraine?
@@youreallygotmenow4855 Czech Republic.
This is one of the best discussion about Borderline Personality Disorder out there! I dont understand why this doesnt have more views!
Ingi Stefans your right I have bpd this definitely speaks to me
Because it doesnt portray the devastative effects many with UNTREATED bdp have had on other people's lives right?
Oh, that is very easy to answer...it's a group of black homosexual vampires with long nails and fangs looking to feed on fresh Arthur Ave bread.
BPD gets a bad rap because it can become malignant, leading to abusive relationships. BPD is a spectrum, with a benign end and a malignant end.
@wheels turn yep
I've just recently been diagnosed with BPD and I'm so happy I came across this. I can't make excuses for my behaviour, but this makes me feel less of a "bad" person. Thank you.
God bless you
Hi maria. This is it to a T. Its nice to know that we are not just horrible people. Seeing my daughter being very emotional has me concerned. She is only 2 so time will tell. Im sure my mum has it too
This is a disability don't feel bad there's ssdi assistance for bpd it's a lifetime disability
SAME
Hey there ☺️
I was recently diagnosed myself and I can see your comment was left 4 years ago, I'm wondering if you're doing okay now? It's been weird for me, I'm lucky to have a supportive mum and boyfriend. I hope you've had support as well
I’ve was diagnosed with BPD/Bipolar 41 years ago. This life has been nothing but a daily struggle. I can’t even count how often I think of ending it. But the Lord has me here for a reason. I’m still trying to understand. I just lost my 3rd job in two years due to covid and my misunderstood “behavior.” I’m getting too old for this. I’m thankful there are others who understand, though I’ve never met another person with BPD... I still feel so alone. Thanks for your helpful comments.
I hope that you are on a path of finding some relief. I was recently diagnosed with BPD. I can relate to all of the cause-and-effect outcomes that you're describing within your life. And the feelings of being abandonment and isolation are real and valid. For because most people grasp what you are dealing with in their minds. Especially if you grew up in an environment similar to mine mental illness is so stigmatized and frowned upon. That you can't even broach subject with friends or family members. So, for what it's worth I hope this message reaches you! Just to let you know that you know me now! lol🤗 Even if it's just virtually and through a response message.
I would like to meet you. There really are not many support groups
Do you need money for financial help?
Very wise women here.
I don't know if I should say this, but...
I was extremely abused and neglected as a child. I need validation because I often don't even know what's real or who I am. NOT because I'm egotistical.
I don't even know if I have an ego.
That's very hard. Many feel like you do.
General Lee, I'm so sorry for your suffering. And thank you for the courage you had to be vulnerable and say what you did in your honesty. Your words touched me. Maybe you could show a loved one or a friend or trusted coworker this video and help them to be more kind and understanding. I think most people would be receptive to this. I wish you well and please take good care of yourself. You are worthy of love and happiness.
Me too.
I think part of the reason for looking for outside validation comes from the fact that abusers train their victims not to trust themselves so the abuser can have 100% control. Saying positive affirmations can help with this but it is something you have to do daily, maybe even intensely in the beginning.
Also, don’t ever wonder if you “should say this” - of course you should. Best of luck!
I have bpd and have had bpd for as long as I can remember. I remember feeling overwhelmingly sad when I dissapointed my mom at age 11 and wanting to die because of it . I've never been the mean or angry type frankly I rarely feel those emotions . I often feel overwhelmed with sadness or feelings of emptiness . I'm extremely empathetic and if someone is hurting it makes my heart hurt too. I wish people tried to understand this disorder more because it's not very pleasant to live with. I'm constantly fighting with my own thoughts that are telling me I'm not worthy of being loved because of the way I am. It makes me ask for constant reassurance feeling like the ones I love are going to leave because of my constant intense emotions . I go out of my way for the people I love and rarely put myself first . I love helping others . BPD doesn't make us mean or evil we are just people who are constantly at war with out thoughts and feelings . We feel hopeless and misunderstood. We feel alone because"normal people " don't feel things as intensly as we do so how could they understand. I wish people who lack in understanding would offer more compassion and maybe try to read up on the disorder .or ask the person what's on their mind .
you perfectly described me. It's so to good to be able to read exactly how I've felt through life, but at the same time I feel sad to be in that situation.
The stimga that it's a female disorder is offensive and also invalidating to males who have the disorder
Jennifer Maxine thank you! Srsly
I agree 100%
wow.....words,,, can really block the spirit,, being at one event, with the mind and body, through yoga tia chi. dance walking art theory,, over mentalizing, does what,, for bereaved,, what happened to women's lib the allowances of emotions,though tenage life birth careloss and menpause etc
@plain jane so you know one man and one woman and you have observed their behavior and confirmed a diagnostic stigma? you're not a smart person
working in a therapy clinic with lots of people we have found that unspiritual people judge and wrongly judge. sorts of peoples dreaming this prove you have judmetislms, that are dangerous for your clients and so using such words as you have,lost. holistic approach is far better so id retrain in spiritual awareness and healing and go sit with some shamanism watch film crazy wise,, using the word retarded proves you need retraining misjudgments,,good luck,,fear of the spirt is amodernism not a,,,foreign user,,,,,,havnt heard that word sens the ealry 70s ,,so old tech,,
I would describe it as having emotions with a 3rd degree burn, where every emotion is just excruciating. So much so that you will avoid relationships for that reason. Anything can set you off. It could be as simple as not responding immediately to a text.
I was just diagnosed with BPD. This video has helped me understand so much about myself. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and shook from this video. Thank you so much.
Ginger Troy I am diagnosed as well and if you ever would like someone to talk to about it feel free to message me 🖤
Such an important discussion. I especially appreciated the part explaining about how they are not being manipulative. My heart goes out to people suffering from BPD. Thank you for putting this video out to help people.
Thank you for your empathy.
But someones intent or not to be manipulative doesn't change the fact that they are attempting shrouded maneuvers instead of genuine and authentic communication to get their needs met. Unfortunately it's still manipulative and i also agree it's damaging to tell them in any kind of villifying tones. I was hurt and disgusted with myself when people first pointed out that I was being manipulative but i am thankful for their honesty because without it, I would always have 'manipulated" and been cast out of all social norms, because for me it would have always been justified as it was from my own subjective reality. My point is, Borderlines live in and want love and acceptance from a world where the rules are majority non borderline. Those who are neuro-typical (non disordered), will hold them to that standard. It's uncomfortable and it's unfortunate but i feel that with tact and care, what they NEED for the sake of the belonging and validation they so badly crave IS TO BE GIVEN a gentle dose of honesty or they may never learn to heal and gift themselves validation and belonging they desperately need.
But someones intent or not to be manipulative doesn't change the fact that they are attempting shrouded maneuvers instead of genuine and authentic communication to get their needs met. Unfortunately it's still manipulative and i also agree it's damaging to tell them in any kind of villifying tones. I was hurt and disgusted with myself when people first pointed out that I was being manipulative but i am thankful for their honesty because without it, I would always have 'manipulated" and been cast out of all social norms, because for me it would have always been justified as it was from my own subjective reality. My point is, Borderlines live in and want love and acceptance from a world where the rules are majority non borderline. Those who are neuro-typical (non disordered), will hold them to that standard. It's uncomfortable and it's unfortunate but i feel that with tact and care, what they NEED for the sake of the belonging and validation they so badly crave IS TO BE GIVEN a gentle dose of honesty or they may never learn to heal and gift themselves validation and belonging they desperately need.
Well, I was manipulated and it was quite obvious.
You dont understand what is happening to you and with you, nobody can or will help you, you are loosing ground under your feet and you know all of this. So you are crying for help, and it comes off as manipulation/blackmailing...
I have BPD and I found these women really understanding and knowledgeable in the sense that they really feel out and care about how it feels to have symptoms of this.
This video gave me so much hope. I never knew what my disorder was, but EVERYTHING they stated struck a chord with me and brought me to tears because I never understood why I was the way I was and no one else really could either. I'm so grateful that I have a starting point now so I can look for and find the solution.
I never understood myself either. Didn't know why there seemed to be a big difference bw me and others. And was made ashamed by family for being like this. I kept blaming myself and environmental conditions for my stress. But its also how I react bcoz of the bpd. Finally it makes sense.
I feel you... I recently started acting in a weird way and I felt so out of place..
High sensitivity can be a distinct advantage to creative people. I turned to writing, and found a great deal of satisfaction through it. It’s not necessarily a weakness. Properly harnessed it can be a great blessing. I would not want to cure it. Also some great actors and poets struggled with depression or bpd. The legacy they left was priceless. I’m glad they didn’t get “cured”.
I have BPD, and I am not manipulative. I cannot think or plan ahead in order to be manipulative.
When dealing with highly emotional people, especially those we care for, one can often feel like they spend most of their time reacting to what seem to be over-reactions. This feeling of loss of control, i.e. I can't say or do what I want, but have to say or do what I hope will deescalate the situation, can feel the same as deliberate manipulation. I'm not saying you are being manipulative, just that the effect on the other person may be very similar and, depending upon the other person's experience and knowledge of BPD, this similarity is the only way they can describe the effect.
To a man who knows of horses but has never seen a camel, it is natural that the new animal will be described in terms with which the observer is familiar.
@@submandave1125 Wow! Truly insightful.
Not all BPDs are sadistic, at least not until they get mad. Then, they want to hurt and they are experts at going for the jugular (oh, and also feeling sorry for themselves).
You are probably an artist and your just creative.
Controlling, bullying, throwing tantrums in a morbid manner, yelling at the tops of your lungs, with threats! Lives get destroyed! Hard to love!
Back in 2013, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was so distraught and so ashamed, I convinced myself that my therapist at the time was stupid and had no idea what she was talking about. I went home that day and watched so many videos on BPD. I was so angry that my therapist thought I had this disorder. I never went back. Five and a half years later, one failed relationship, I really wish I had had this video to see the day I was diagnosed, because I wouldn't have felt so ashamed or like I was broken. I wouldn't have been so scared to get help. The stigma is so real and it is so sad. Thank you for making this video.
Sage Isabella I hope things are going better and you have a better handle on a persona.
How are you sweetheart? I got diagnosed 3yrs ago. I'm fighting hard to heal.. Sending you love from England 💜✨
Notes
8:20 appears to shut down on the outside, but in the inside everything is imploding
12:20 attempt to regulate themselves. Need a validation
15:18 to shut it down. To bring the intensity down. Immediate relief from WHATEVER it is that you did. Backlash:
- other people's reaction to what you did
- your own sense of helplessness (feeding the cycle)
17:51 3 characteristic of a highly emotionally sensitive person
- a very sudden reaction to an emotional stimulus
- a very intense reaction
- slow return to baseline
Watch:
Back on the edge. Not manipulative
18:55 If you can't regulate your emotions you can't have a relationship. And if you can't have a relationship, it's hard to bounce around and figure out who you are. Chameleon.
@@annaliseh9727 Everything you list sounds like complex/childhood PTSD. Born like that! It's a crock. Kids need attention and most people with BPD I'd be willing to bet were very much emotionally neglected and also likely abused in other ways when they were a child. As children, we need to be taught to regulate. We need to be helped to understand our emotions and we need help by our caregivers (in most cases our parents) to reregulate. Do any of these "mental" health care people EVER look at childhood and what their parents were like? Because they need to.
“Intense emotionality” is NORMAL in childhood when borderlines are “made” and calibrated by abuse, invalidation, and/or neglect.
Not everyone with bpd has been abused xx
There are different types of abuse
@@avabea333 Neglect is a form of abuse.
@@theclanofone I know. But not everyone with bpd was abused !!
@@JaneSmith0709 I know. But not everyone with bpd was abused !!
11:10 I watched that documentary. I learned a lot. I’m a BPD recovery patient, and was raised by an untreated BPD mother. The interpretation is accurate in the way that the behavior itself is manipulative. However, we are actually suffering because it feels like the worst has happened. We are aware that dysregulation is on because you get physically symptoms like palpitations and sweating. Triggers everywhere. At the beginning we react in the most inadequate and destructive ways. Yes, that causes pain to ourselves and our loved ones. Then, when we are recovering we can do better because we know and we have learned tools to live a better life. Far from being perfect, we are thankful with those few people who have loved us along the way. And thank you for creating these contents on mental health to help break the stigma.
I just need to say, as someone with BPD, thank you. This explains exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm always trying to get people to understand me, but I'm always coming up against this idea that I'm 'too sensitive'. This video is such a relief and I'm sharing it with my loved ones.
Rebecca Schafer the doctor didn’t label me with BPD but he did say I was too sensitive. That was many years ago and life has not been easy with ptsd.
It's really sad that people with BPD get such a bad rap. Yes, there are those with BPD that should be locked away. But the majority of people that have this mental illness, such as myself, don't go around wrecking havoc on other people lives. Like many BPD I had a troubled childhood, and managed to hold it together, until I had a breakdown during my middle age. I was stunned with the diagnosis, because I knew something was wrong. Yet, during my life I kept a job, stayed away from drugs and alcohol and I continue to contribute to society in a positive. For those who think it's the person's fault that they have this mental illness is stupid. No one ask for this mental illness it was brought to me, through child abuse, and a family with a history of mental illness.
Tracey Hamilton I find my biggest amounts of anger go towards myself and creating my emotions for attention and validation.
My mother had BPD and I never saw anyone suffer so bad in my whole life. Even though she messed my brothers and me up terribly, I have compassion for her suffering. I understand the anger some of the comments are expressing and I understand it's probably a protective behavior but I still feel terribly sorry for my mom. Even so, I maintained my boundaries. You can maintain boundaries, have sadness for your past, be very clear about how you were hurt, and still have compassion for the BPD sufferer because it's quite obvious they are suffering a lot.
I'm just like you, I managed to have a job and be a good citizen until I have a breakdown. I didn't have a hard childhood but my mother has mental illness not yet diagnose. People with BPD get a bad rap but not all of them are reckless. I try to hold it together or god knows what would happen. God bless everyone.
The thing is ..people with bdp should acknowledge it and find help. Not destroy many others and trying to fill that emptyness by being a wrecking tourist or doing sick safari in other people lives. Not all bdp people do this but most. I hate people that carry a poison and instead of trying to be honest to themselves and fight for the antidote (therapies) they poison others with it. A lot of kind and good people have been destroyed this way. True humaneness is being sincere and real, and not breaking the mirror when you see the 'ugly' in it. No..work for it. And this goes for any human being.
I also have bpd-or cptsd(I’ve been told two different things from therapists), but they are so similar that some people think they are the same. People with bpd are almost always trauma victims. My bpd has only affect my incredibly cruel narcissistic husband and even then the only affect on him was when I would get incredibly sad and feel suicidal. He was the one that said cruel things, not myself. He even says that I don’t hurt him, I’m just annoying. If people with bpd are all bad, then even in a toxic situation like mine I should be the one hurting him. I recently found out one of my closest friends of 15 years has bpd. She has always been someone I looked up to because she is one of the kindest, least judgmental, altruistic, and successful people I’ve ever known. She has many friends and people who love her and has been one of the only friends who has never hurt me, or done anything selfish. I was shocked when she said she had bpd, and she told me “I think many more women have it(due to trauma that can occur as a consequence in a patriarchal society), but most aren’t diagnosed.” The stigma around it has to stop because it damages the person with bpd even more.
Thank you ladies. My motto for over 20 years has been: "Love is the answer regardless of the question (except maybe chocolate)!" (I'm a "quite" BPD and I think, if they saw this, my friends and family would be VERY surprised to know what I experience on the inside). I'm someone who was BORN overly sensitive (possibly damage to the amidala by longterm cortisol exposure through pre-birth stress whilst my mother was in an insane asylum (as they were still called in the 70's)...who knows).
I think if it were to boil down to one word I'd probably choose: Lost (I have 8/9 elements, I killed the "Jealousy/I hate you, don't leave me" thing when I was 17/18 years old after dumping someone lovely and wonderful for no reason at all than she'd had a chat with someone at a party). Thankfully I realised that was an unrealistic reaction and "decided" to never do it again and I'm pleased to say I haven't. So you CAN overcome (at least some of) these elements you don't want and keep what you feel is fundamentally you. I've got a loooooong road ahead, but someone who loves me unconditionally (along 7 various fluffies) and they keep me going, saving my life every single day. Good luck those of you who have it (you CAN do it) and just a little "Patience" (ok, probably a lot!) to those who love someone with BPD. Love - From someone who wears their heart on their sleeve ;)
BPD is a totally horrible place in life to be,everyday is a struggle,I have really intense abandonment issues,intense quilt intense feeling empty,misunderstood,to the stage of feeling I don’t belong,I’m always feeling I’m having to explain myself and I really can’t help how I am,I have multiple moods hour by hour,overly a people pleaser,and constantly trying to fit in ,rejection is a trigger for me, I self loathe myself,all because of my childhood,I was abused by one parent,and neglected by the other ,life is a struggle.
I got diagnosed 3yrs ago.. I'm so very sorry for your childhood 😢
My mother had the same situation as you. I wish you healing and send you love 💜✨ I am trying to heal with Psilocybin and MDMA therapy. Maybe consider looking into it if you haven't? Please know we are the most resiliant people on the planet, if anyone can overcome, it is us. We are warriors in the truest sense.. and our good sides are exceptional 🌟✨
The "'Back from the edge" documentary, mentioned at 10:45 is really good indeed. It gave me so much relief, watching it, to hear and see BPD people talking about their innermost feelings and distress, their self harm, etc. I really felt surrounded, watching it.
Best programme I have ever watched about BPD. So brilliantly explained.
Nurture and nature play a role in BPD. Untreated and unsupported BPD survivers are at war with themselves not the world. Have you ever been alone in a room full of people? Thank you ladies for this video
I LOVE my friend who has BPD. she’s a co worker and she’s a joy in my life…not always. Ha ha. I understand her struggle. I know she plans to do better. Sometimes she just can’t. She’s worth the ride. She’s worth my friendship. I’m glad she’s in my life…not always..lol ❤️. She’d agree.
I'll tell you exactly what it is like..I'm a giant walking raw nerve...
Brilliant description. Actually made me chuckle. Same.
You made me lol 😂😂😂 I got diagnosed 3yrs ago, its fucking hell. It's excruciating.. I'm fighting hard to heal.. Sending you love from England 💜✨
What a great example the too sensitive smoke detector is! Super way to describe it!
It's not just that the entourage doesn't understand, the entourage are often subjected to abuse by the borderline if the borderline is trying to wedge them into their black and white thinking. My mother had these symptoms and she had terrible boundary issues, huge anger, paranoia and various types of aggression.
This made me cry I've kept denying to myself I have this but everhtime I watch videos I just ball up that someone understand and is speaking how I feel when I could never put it into words myself
It’s comforting to have answers
Me too!
What's painful is the love I got from someone with borderline personality disorder was everything I was ever looking for, but it came with the grave price of abuse, rage and emotional scars. Sad, because I am a woman of intensity and enjoy deep romance. It's a shame that the only place I've found it was from a place that prolifically gave it due to desperation and illness.
My heart goes out to those with this disorder, and those scarred by those with this disorder.
Thank you for this comment.
And I hope you're doing better from the scars you got.
The depth of our love doesn't come from desperation or illness. The negative things you mentioned do. But the love part is real.
@@saraemily7397 Well said!!!
@@JoyT01 Thank you!
The love we feel Is resl. It does not come from desperation or the illness .
I found out I had a diagnosis of BPD when i was leaving my monthly psychology appointment. The diagnosis was written on my discharge sheet. So much for respecting me as a person. The Dr had never spoke of this or hinted at this difficulty in 3 month visits in the seven years of therapy. Trust is something the profession is losing. I am very unhappy with the treatment, but that is the only place in town to go. So I have a very good psychologist. I am thankful for that. Your program was very helpful to me. Thank you all
Agencies and therapists that preemptively turn down someone with BPD obviously aren't very good at their job, are they?
Ive been told im untreatable left me so suicidal. My only hope is they are wrong or i can atleast adjust a bit by myself because its horrible to live with. Not just me but my family more so. I get so upset when i cant cope and they have to deal with fallout of my immense emotional responses
What a kind and empathic way to look at BPD. It's wonderful to watch them talk with respect and kindness. People who have this are in intense pain and unless there are traits of disorders like NPD involved, don't think the sufferer intends to cause another pain or harm, wish people could understand the sensitivity involved here.
I have BPD and feel as though I have it really really really bad. Finally just have shut the world off because I’m tired of self sabotaging myself and relationships blowing up in my face. My emotions are all over the place. I feel joy and then a moment later I feel intense sadness and hopelessness. I don’t feel very close to anybody in my life who are my friends and my family. I don’t feel we have a very good relationship. Except my daughter who is four years old but I’m afraid that when she gets older I will lose her too. And then I’ll have nothing
Yoga, breathing exercises, having a self-care routine, cutting down on work to replace with self-care time (meditation), guided relaxations, art etc... these really help me.
I still get crazy when faced with overwhelmingly challenging experiences - crises in life etc, but these tools have brought me very far from where I was 10 years ago. But i must say, it's a constant cycle of picking up the pieces after the storm.
I have lost it all😢! I’m scared to get close to anyone
As a person with BPD I am greatful for you guys! You have validated and you see me.
For those who do not know what this disorder is, the films "Girl, Interrupted" and "Black Swan" feature a character with Borderline Personality Disorder. Both were very therapeutic for me when I had my worst struggle with this about ten years ago. You can get better.
Tiffany from Silver Linings Playbook. Man it gets crazy like that.
My psychiatrist recommended this video for me to watch. This was my second visit and she explained why I may have slipped through the radar with the diagnosis during the first meeting. I made many notes and had a few aha moments, like I hurt so badly sometimes like enough for a few people. Thank you for making this available.
What irritates me most as someone with BPD is that yes, it is emotional hell and it's not like we're sitting over here acting like freaking morons on purpose. I would give anything to NOT have this disorder but I can't find a therapist willing to walk through this with me and STICK WITH ME when I am mentally unstable. The second there is instability, despite promises to be there, I get dumped EVERY TIME. I am over it and have removed myself from therapy. Well, guess what? I am doing BETTER than I have in 10 years because I quit therapy that doesn't work. It's a money pit of hell.
Addison Brooke I feel ya. They've all bailed on me too and I'm tired of jumping from therapist to therapist and having them ignore me. You say you're doing better? Any advice you could give others? I could sure use it
Tiffany Lynn, I am sorry you're experiencing this hell too. Honestly, I got better for a couple of reasons. One, I found someone who I am now married to who truly loves me as does his family. I really believe, deep down, that is all we are craving...love and acceptance. The other is that I just took myself out of therapy where I became too dependent and kept seeing my therapist in a mother role instead of a therapist role. Then I expect her to be my mother and when that doesn't happen, I react badly and spiral. I am MUCH better not going to therapy because therapy is a joke. It made me broke and dependent. And for whatever reason, I ran into not one, but three unethical therapists who made promises they never kept.
I hear ya.. I had a therapist who told me that I was too much for her and to see a psychiatrist, I knew there was something going on, just didn't know what since I had chose to drop therapists often because i wasn't getting anywhere. Started Celexa which helps the anxiety and sought out further help.. After my diagnosis from the psychiatrist he prescribed Yoga and a Stepp class (which i am on the list for) I am also about to start a 8 week Mindfulness class to help me stay in control. The DBT therapy is daunting, but i am getting there. Although the "I will forever be in recovery" scares me, can i really do this.?
.
Jennifer Carpenter when your therapists "you're too much for me" (first of all, WTF? Isn't this what a therapist is trained to do?), what is it you do that makes them think that? Like, crying meltdowns or have you yelled at them? I'm just trying to process this...I've given my therapist a chronic headache, I'm sure, but I can't see her saying that to me. I'm simply asking to understand. I'm not judging and I'm happy to hear that you are in yoga and doing healthy things, coping skills, to decrease anxiety and all the hell that we experience. I'm almost to that point, and can't wait to start working on myself using these techniques. They are natural, releasing the good kinds of neurotransmitters from the brain, and give you complete control over your body and mind. I love the thought of that. Even better would be to find somewhere (private) in nature to be able to practice yoga and other exercises.
Well, she was assigned through my EAP. I was having problems at work and I was really upset. When I get emotional, my emotions can get exaggerated. Yes I was crying and I tend to swear to get my point across and she took offence to that. I said that I am now comfortable in her office and thought I could express myself. I never went off on her, just full of tears and anger. sobbing, using language and just terribly broken.
This is incredible. Everyone should watch this because it exactly how bpd is. There is way too much misinformation out there.
Ps my aunt would tell me that my cousin would burn herself and her child purposely with cigarettes. If that's not evil, I don't know what is.
This is one of the only neutral discussions I've seen on the topic and I'm really appreciative
I'm not MISUNDERTANDING the destruction my mother causes on the daily.
No miss information, bpd is toxic and manipulative.
@@philipjohnkaye8890all garbage i was almost destroyed by a my ex she f@cking tried to obliterate me financially , emotionally , spiritually she tried it all … cheating on me with multiple men , she said she was diagnosed with bpd and she got help and was all better , bullshit …. Don’t let these hags down play what a bpd can do , they can literally put you in a mental ward for years
The most insightful discussion of BPD. Never even knew how real this emotional disorder is. Learned things that I never thought I would. As if a door opened to a secret room, where the answers to questions I have had for so long would begin to fall in place.
I didn’t get my BPD diagnosis until I was 36 years old and I felt relief. My life and behaviors started to make sense and it was like a light bulb coming on. Ever since then I’ve worked hard to understand myself. Why I am the way I am, and to become minutely self aware of my actions. I work on myself everyday and I’m finally feeling seen and understood when I look in the mirror.
As a BPD person, if I get emotional and someone tells me to calm down, it's not big deal,
will get me even more angry and possible go into a rage!
Best video on bpd I have ever seen.
Like I say to people if you don't understand bpd you won't understand me.
Thank you so much for this, it's difficult for me - someone with bpd- to explain my disorder to people, they never seem to understand, take it seriously or care
we need to reduce the stigma of BPD massively x
Stop being so terrible, then.
@@JusticeForNicholeAlloway excuse me try dealing with such a debilitating mental illness then try and talk shit
Holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.... This discussion was mind blowing. These ladies have got the facts straight
Because they are not victims of people with bdp that arent getting any help. That arent doing the work..those are the ones that destroy people. Its easy to be accepting from that safe sideline. If you respond, than read well..Read the nuance.
Jonah No offense but I always see really bitter people who are victims of borderline and wonder why you didn’t just leave if you hated the borderline so much? You did choose to stay there with her. Likely because, as awful as borderlines can be, they are just as loving and can make you feel like the most special person in the world. They are addictive people and it’s hard to accept that you went back on your own accord. Hopefully you are doing better and are able to move on.
Ryan Kerns you obviously didn't get the memo about idolization, devaluation, discard or the threats. It's hard to leave a person who is manipulating you by threatening to commit suicide. You also don't have a clue about the false person they pretend to be as a start whom you hope to get back one day.
It’s because they aren’t interacting with a person with BPD. They know how to spot and react to one because they’ve been BURNED by one.
@@DonnaChamberson Thank you. Well said. I'm tired of people playing victim when they are grown adults who can leave. And I'm tired of people with BPD being demonized. There are good aspects that come along with it, too. Plus, many people with BPD are victims of some type of trauma.
Also, I hate to say it, but a lot of people Borderlines end up with romantically tend to have their own mental illness. People with BPD tend to bond more with others with mental illnesses. So, look at yourself, too, and stop blaming just the other person (I mean to the people who do that).
20:33.... omg pretty much my exact words I’ve used numerous times to describe how I feel . You ladies are amazing. You made me feel validated and not so much like a broken piece pretending to be whole so no one sees the truth of how I’m not the same.
I have BPD and was with a narcissist. Why are we drawn to those types of people?
Katrena Shields idealisation of disagreeable people. We seek validation of those with perceived power, hierarchal dominance, assertiveness. Quite the opposite of us, with high agreeableness and submissiveness. From what I can tell.
Katrena Shields, it's more accurate to say that BODs are drawn to co-dependents. It's also accurate to sat that when BPDs don't get their way they call the person sticking up for themselves "narcissists."
Narcissists are charming and great at pulling you in so we put them up on that pedestal of worship. Then we see their dark side and down they fall!
@@9879SigmundS Sorry, but that's a very shallow answer. And narcissism is so beyond sticking up for oneself that you obviously don't know much about it.
Debra Tandy, my post states that borderlines accuse people who stick up for themselves of being narcissistic. I didn’t say people who stick up for themselves are narcissistic. In fact, I implied the opposite.
If you know someone with BPD or are in a relationship with one, ENCOURAGE them to see a therapist, but explain that they are not broken. Instead let them know that it is to help them cope with their disorder.
This is the best brief discussion on BPD I came across on youtube. It should come up as the firsg result when you search for BPD instead videos of disturbed patients sharing misinformation.
Not all BPD are the same, and not all BPD's ruin lives. AND a lot of us go to therapy and go to DBT
Yes, I'm sure therapy helps. T hats good. God bless you!
What is DBT?
Of course we're not all the same. But also there are different stages. For example I am one of those who should be avoided and I'm paying for my bad deeds. I've harmed a lot of people but in my defence, those were only ones who abandoned me. In such cases I cannot control my reactions and I become highly revengeful, which leads to manipulation and distruction plans. But this is not permanent state of mind, it comes occasionaly and most of time I am trully epathic and compationate. So I try to believe I am still a good person with occasional tendency to harm others in emotional way in order to show them how it looks like and how painfull it is. So my biggest problem is when it comes to splitting.
@ janefromtennessee: Dialectical Behavioural Therapy: One of the talking therapies (a bit like CBT: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that can be quite effective with BPD sufferers in dealing with their emotions, how interpret them appropriately in the given situation and to reduce the effect of "black & white" thinking :)
@@sandrita8207 Right there with you Sandra (hug)
Thank you to the three beautiful women in this video for breathing light and hope into the lives of those who suffer from or live with someone with BPD in their lives
This has helped come to terms that I’ll be alone the rest of my life and it’s for the better. My family doesn’t even try to understand.
I have spent years trying to understand Borderline people. I thought I had watched every youtube video on the subject. Then RUclips's all knowing search algorithm finally got it right by showing me this video.
My goodness. One of the reasons a person with bpd might feel misunderstood is how others react when blasted with hatred and vitriol on the turn of a dime without any warning. Not many people want to experience that from the bpd person repeatedly.
I don’t even know what the word manipulative means. It seems as if you reach out for help, attempt to communicate how you think/feel or make the mistake of telling someone you feel suicidal they think you’re being manipulative & then proceed to abuse you even more. Then they wonder why you lash out & disassociate 🙄.
Live Life or they just cut you off completely/ghost you, which is the worst thing you can do to someone with BPD, which I know as someone with BPD.
Same here.. it feels like a constant war in my mind between telling people how I really feel or bottling those emotions because they may be perceived as manipulation. I have too much empathy and love for my people in my relationships to consciously manipulate them though. Its feels unwinnable.
When you're down and try to communicate honest feelings you will be accused of "playing a victim" to manipulate, or being "immature, arrested development". So you can't be honest. Now you're just a big fake. Can't win. Can't be authentic .
Such a compassionate view of this disorder. Ive heard alot of terrible stuff about us being untreatable and just basically toxic people. Its only helped me suppress my shadow even more and not want to admit whats really the problem to anyone esp psychologists ect. Really helpful and probably life saving video for many of us thankyou so much
I have BPD and this is spot on!! Thank you so so much for this!!
Can’t help but be cynical that people put thumbs down when this is so direct & on point lol cmon people.
All I can say is that my family member who has low spectrum BPD wasn't born with it. His relationship with his cold and manipulative mother created it.
There is a suspected predisposition to it. I think that given the right conditions, it can exacerbate someone's BPD. In a safe home the person's BPD is probably well managed and you would never know they had it, not because they were cured, but because they were taught emotional regulation as a child, vs the home that is invalidating.
This is the first time that I watch a video about BPD till the END! Good talk relatable examples and wonderful metaphors!!!
Thank you for this. It is the first time someone effectively explained in a logical way how the disorder influences the individual's response to triggers and and the chronic cycle of intensity which can be extremely painful and leave many desperate to get any relief, even for a few minutes. This should be in every MH practitioner's back pocket!
Thank you all 3 of you are helping me understand my self xo
kennith rogers Ppl with BPD didn't ask to have BPD. It's a neurological disorder, not a spiritual one. Your comment is foolish, and immature.
kennith rogers You're the evil demon. Go back to the pit of he'll where you came from.
I was diagnosed with BPD years ago but just recently I was 'counter' or differentially diagnosed by a famous professor of psychiatry as having a childhood trauma explaining my symptoms.This discussion is a great help and I thank you very much for putting it online. The smoke alarm analogy is great. I am taking that it doesn't really matter exactly what diagnostic category one is placed in within certain limits (if you have a personality disorder but are diagnosed as having a psychosis or being bipolar then the ramifications could be serious just in terms of the medication that would be prescribed...not to mention the stigmatization) because it is by analogy like botanical labels. What counts is what one can do to make the best of things....to not consider oneself as a victim because even if one was dealt some challenging cards what counts is making the best of things....if there are genetically based weaknesses then of course it exponentially increases the load but even then it is up to us to find the best ways to manage them.
I’ve done every NHS program over 15 years. Upping meds isn’t a solution. I’m 25 and I take 9 pills a day. This is absolutely on point! My left arm is only scar tissue 🤷♀️I can’t afford these ladies, your not allowed to heal unless your rich.
jessica blackaller-kidd try not to be bitter. You’re an attractive young woman and that should help in human relations. ...The new medical insurances provide better coverage for mental problems, maybe even parity. I have my own problems,
True. I was told that I had to pay upfront $2500 and then 80% after that. I later found a therapist that will do it for $50/ visit. This is long term, intense therapy, so it’s still very expensive.
@@stevepowsinger733 attractiveness shouldn't help with human relations...that's such a weird things to say
What about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. I had been taking the wrong therapy all these years until discovered this. Please look into it, they have workbooks if you cannot afford therapy
I have had this issue for years and didn't know what was wrong with me after different therapies, medications etc. I am now doing DBT and it is very helpful. If you read this, I hope that you can look into that. It has helped me and I hope that it can help you too.
I can't thank you enough for advocating for this illness
My exes all call me "Fatal Attraction Jackson"...yeah I can laugh about it finally at 55.
Denise Stout glad you can laugh. You look cute in the pic so you probably attracted men. I hope your current relationships are smoother.
They know each other? Or was that a name you provided and they repeated to fulfill the projection to label yourself before they do.. “fatal attraction” sounds good.. rather than monster. Either way, don’t stop growing. Hope all is well. Cheers
I have BPD and I never tell anyone. Its horrible to live like this. At the age of 55 I now never leave my apt. and have no friends or family because of my behavior. I hate this disorder.
OMG that is me !!!! I wished I could get help from these women ! Where i'm from I feel like know one cares. I live in a small place where they don't want to treat BPD patients. Thank god it's more talked about but still a huge STIGMA ..therapist are scared of treating BPD patients.
@Nathalie Girl I suspect the reason BPD patients are refused treatment is because the doctor cannot hide their inward negative opinions, emotional distaste and unprofessional judgments from the Borderline. Sadly, the Borderline cannot unsee these things and cannot help but have intense emotional reactions towards the doctor, which naturally is rage. The Borderline becomes overwhelmed, bolts out of the doctor's office, maybe flips the folks working for the doctor off on their way out.
I understand these people are suffering but I’m not really sure they’re deserving of more compassion or empathy as they really lack those things when it comes to their victims. Maybe this sounds a bit controversial, but I think some people need to hear it. Raising empathy for people that hurt people is not OK and often times these people will hurt you relentlessly and not feel bad about it; its their pain not yours. I think empathizing with them and humanizing them to the degree that it seems to be a trend, only enables them further to hurt more people and cause illness in them by subjecting them to trauma that is hard at times to fix, let alone recover.
I am a disabled person and I’m also autistic. My kind authentic heart did not deserve to get hurt by you. I struggle every day now by the dysregulation and gaslighting behavior I was subjected to. I struggle with the willingness to live and feel safe from all the emotional, physical and verbal abuse subjected me to. You took everything beautiful and vulnerable I gave, and made it into a weapon against me. I was not like this before I met you. I was actually a lot better. I struggled to smile now and just be okay. You turned people against me and inspired them to violate me as well, as if I was not human. All for loving you and caring for you.
It's nature and nurture, I'm the 10th child and the 4 oldest are 'perfect', they don't understand me at all. The 3 of the 4 youngest have great difficulty. My brother 1 yr younger had a mentor from the age of 12 and he seems better able to manage life.
This just popped up on my RUclips and I’m so glad I watched it I’m on my walk I walk every day now I’m 36 and I have BPD and I feel like these two ladies are the only people that ever understood me and I just Described out of my life Have a relationship have been in my family has three my parents my own children up on top of all the BPD I had a open TBI At age 11 and the left or the light was dead it is affecting me more than I get older but how are you been treated so bad and I was me in a blame and nobody understands and I’ve not been treated properly for it but this video did so much for me thank you
I understand you, Jessie ❤️
I appreciate this discussion but I have a family member who has low spectrum BPD and he has never ever not known who he is. He has never had a problem with his identity or with knowing what is important to him. Please mention that it is a spectrum Disorder. Also, there are a lot of BPDs who are empaths. But overall you were compassionate and you treated BPDs humanely. I have gone to the hospital with my family member because he was very depressed and he wanted and needed help and when the ER psych or the general ER doctor found out he had BPD their comments were: " you are here because you have BPD and you want attention!". I kid you not!!! He wanted help not their freaking attention for the sake of whatever!!! He was mentally abused at their hands. He cried when he heard them say that. He didn't lash out at them. But it made him feel like others see him as a demon! I tried to comfort him. Eventually, he just accepted it and said that it's those doctors' loss not getting to know a BPD person who would show them that he isn't manipulative and all about chaos.
Thank you for making this video. I have shared it with a few important people to me.. with hope they will understand me better. It is truly so hard to live with this. Everyday is a struggle.
Tonya, sharing takes courage!
You’re courageous
I am so happy that I have been so open to learn more about myself. All this info online is helping me to put things into perspective. 🤔Never quite understood why my friends and colleagues weren't as sensitive to what was happening around us. I thought "what kind of humans are these"🙈. But ..... I am now learning otherwise🙂. It's so hard though, just to ride out some thoughts. Just let them move through my mind. Because they are not real. And accept that they can affect my perception of people and circumstances. So I have some really objective friends (i love and trust dearly who know and accept me as being different) who I'll bounce/discuss stuff and they help me work through. It's in a normal conversation. I just surmised awhile back that some of my thoughts were/are a tad warped and I needed a rational/less emotional being to hold a discussion. Work in progress. If a day starts so bad. I work to end it well. When that doesnt happen when I wake I try to treat that as a new and fresh start. Constant work. It can be lonely too because some of this stuff is cyclical (n u know u've already gone thru this with some friends already). N e ways I genuinely cannot allow/afford an emotional downtime for too long. Yea. I know someone out there will know what I'm talking about.
I’m proud of you for doing work on yourself
I was diagnosed in my 20s with BPD. I'm now in my 40s and no longer qualify for the diagnosis.
However, my emotions are still very intense, and I have worked very hard to get to the place I am now.
Being medicated made me feel subhuman because of the severe blunting of my feelings. I HATED it. So I work hard to manage myself so I never have to go back on any meds.
I've made multiple suicide attempts and had a serious substance abuse problem. I no longer drink, ever; I just can't afford to risk that slippery slope.
I always feel a separation between me and everyone else around me, except my own children who all also have mental illness or other issues that mean we are able to relate on a much more intimate level emotionally and intellectually. So it is very isolating.
It takes a lot of practice over and over to not act on the big emotions when they come. It looks like impulsiveness but it's actually an attempts to solve the problem of the overwhelming sense of an avalanche wall of emotion that is crushing me.
The anger comes from sexual abuse, as well as other abuse
I'm sick of being compared to narcs and sociopaths. People with Bpd have a wide range of emotions including love and empathy, we're just fucked up. We're not dead or cold inside, we're just unstable.
I was with a diagnosed borderline man. It was a nightmare. If I didn’t answer his text in a quick enough manner he perceived it as total abandonment and set out to make me pay. It was always my fault, when no fault was there. He was malignant. Always telling me about women that wanted him and how much better they were. I wondered if histrionic was baked into the cake. It was painful because I never knew his true self. His attacks were relentless and harsh. I had to just go no contact.
Thank you. Finally I don't feel alone, and finally I see that there are good therapists out there. But where are you? ...........Thank you for the video. Very bright, caring ladies.
I struggle so much with this illness
Here it is, in a nutshell, all based in childhood experiences: if you reject or invalidate me AND MAKE ME HATE MYSELF, then YOU are bad and I hate YOU. Conversely, if you accept and validate me, then you are GOOD and I “love” you. If you alternate regularly between accepting and rejecting me, my maladaptive response to your treatment of me becomes ingrained and second nature, and I come to see everything through a distorted lens of all or nothing, good or bad, black or white, failing to see the truth that someone or something who is less than perfect is not ALL bad. These dynamics play out in childhood when we are building our identity and self esteem, or lack thereof, through internalizing how others treat us. We become divided against ourselves.
Well said! We often treat ourselves the way we have been treated during our most informative years. I feel the way to overcome this is to slowly uncondition the dysfunctional behaviors we unknowingly taught ourselves and resorted to. It served us back then to survive in a dysfunctional environment. We now have to replace old behaviors with new ones that serve and empower us.
@@PreYeah: Exactly....it is tough work with some backsliding but we can make progress.
One thing that helps me is awareness. It sounds strange but with BPD, I assume that everything I feel is real because I'm feeling it. But if I sit back and question if I really feel that way & why, then sometimes I can talk myself out of a negative emotion. Maybe this will help someone out there. This is so hard sometimes and I really want to give up, but I thank God every day for the strong relationship I have with the people in my life who support me and try to understand me. That keeps me going.
Must be nice to have support.
Christy, your description of mindfulness is very helpful and practical. I enjoyed reading your testimony
Its so ironic I dated a person with this disorder for 5 years. I knew somthing was wrong but didn't know what it was. I have been practising Mindfullness Meditation and took the MBCT course. I always treated him kindly through some bad episodes of him acting out, and one rage incident. In the end after taking him back after a breakup, he again became overwhelmed and broke up with me. I sent him two loving texts which he thanked me for and he moved on quickly to another partner, which is quite common from what I have learned. A very very tortured soul.
How to fix when they get mad and shut down? I'm trying to understand my loved one... an amazing human being.
Can't fix. Just be patient
Give space and patience
@@Toughcookiebabe1 LOts of space. Separate lives.
Space most definitely
A little space but not too much. Also I wish I had someone who cared about me like you do your loved one
My memoir Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother examines my childhood and young adulthood with a mom who suffered from BPD. When I learned about the disorder later in life, I was able to describe and understand her mystifying behavior in a new and forgiving way. I want my book to help others who are struggling to understand their upbringing with a difficult parent who, as these therapists say, was doing the best she could.
I just got dumped by my therapist.. she told me to journal and said she was there for me then she gave up on me right when I needed her most!! I have no idea what to do next, she's transferring me to someone else, how do I or any of you move on and trust? I can't get over it and just want to cut the hell out myself but I feel bad afterward and.... Im just lost
any ideas
ajoyhall thats a shitty therapist, i hope you get the support you need ! Keep writing
Keep trying. Get a new therapist
It's not you - this therapist was probably experiencing something like countertransference, and - ethically - had to withdraw from treating you because they were 'catching feels' - which is normal and human, but not recommended if your therapist cannot maintain objectivity within the context of this relationship. Please do not blame yourself and do not give up. Give the other person a chance and do continue to journal (it can become very useful in recalling your triggers to behaviors you may or may not even remember later if you act them out). Hopefully, by practicing dialectical techniques with your therapist as well as on your own, you may eventually be able to convince yourself not to self-harm every time your emotions become overwhelming, because you do have other alternatives & are strong enough not to harm yourself any further than you have already been. Please give yourself a break and lean on your brothers and sisters in recovery from BPD. I wish you the best of luck, my dear!
It might not have been personal. At any rate, you don’t want to see someone who doesn’t want to see you.
Tone of voice and certain looks or sarcastic statements will flip my switch every time. Then they look at me crazy like I can’t hear/see/feel the judgement. And then I realize what’s going on and feel so fucking stupid. And then I internalize it and beat myself up and feel like I’m gonna be like this forever. All I want is happiness. And then I feel shame bc I have two daughters and still feel empty. It’s a duality- your brain is constantly telling you opposing things at the same time and the self-critic inner voice always wins.
Did I write this?? My goodness. Exactly the same. Feel you.
It has indeed been linked with early childhood neglect in the past.
Also, some people consider some of their actions maybe because some people with BPD have NPD comorbidity which leads the person to actually indeed be manipulative as well as reactive in "crisis episodes"
i hate when studies say "not all people who have bpd experience trauma". I want to know what they define trauma as. Emotional neglect causes trauma. You can have an otherwise safe home but experience emotional neglect. it is insidious. No, not everyone is physically or sexually abused. Not everyone experiences a traumatic loss. But living with parents or caregivers that consistently invalidate your emotions doesn't help. Especially if they don't understand or accept mental illness. There is a genetic factor, and studies have found people who have that genetic factor but don't express it. I wonder if those people grew up in homes that taught emotional regulation and were validating.
Also, living with BPD is traumatic. Imagine living in fear that you are going to be abandoned by everyone, and tell me you don't eventually exhibit symptoms of BPD.
@@christademarco5602 Yeah I can't stand the dismissiveness of childhood trauma, particularly emotional neglect. I mean if the psychiatric community doesn't understand that people with BPD aren't 'born that way' then of course they can't help.
Thank you. Min 9:00 is poignant. Can't figure stuff out socially, always draw the wrong, and abusive people to me. I live recluse and a-social. My GP diagnosed me the BPD... Helped me understand a bit better.
16:44 Comparing the feeling of emptiness to a clanging bell is such a try hard metaphor they’re pulling out for the show. Keep it simple. People don’t relate to inanimate objects. Having no values so you jump from job to job, changing educational paths because you have no passion, self sabotaging even when you thought you were happy last week etc. You can use “a clanging bell” to describe depression, anxiety, paranoia, it’s not descriptive.