Great video. I love the part when you discussed working on yourself. Don’t get consumed with your mate and what he/she had done. I am a witness that it will consume you with negativity. And the more you think about it, the more upset you will get.
My wife cheated several times over the years so I learned a lot. You're not even really a couple anymore if you're being cheated on. They're pretty much telling you they're not committed to the relationship and/or marriage, they don't want to be with you only, or maybe not at all anymore. Yes it hurts but you have to accept this reality and move on away from them.
I am sorry but I am a licensed therapist and there is no way I would tell someone that I could not see them or help them until the affair is over. To all those watching this video do not let this sway you from seeking out one on one support and guidance as you go through this life experience. ❤️
This was great, thanks, been searching for "can a relationship work after being cheated on" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you ever come across - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? Ive heard some interesting things about it and my partner got cool success with it.
Ladies, you gotta leave if he has an affair. In a monogamous relationship, he promises to be faithful. If he is unhappy, he has many options: counseling, divorce, etc. There is simply no need to have an affair - and no excuse. If he responds this way to an issue, that is a lack of character. You shouldn't be with a man who lacks character. Period.
Caught him cheating on me but instead of repenting, he just switched the blame on me and talk shit on me, even threatened me for separation. I want to save our marriage I do.
@@summerseason9713 My advice is to love yourself more than you love him or your marriage. You'll find someone better when you start believing you deserve better.
Ok so I'm a guy who's wife cheated. It's not if it was a man or woman, its if they cheated I tried to be the perfect spouse and all she did was take advantage of that
Sometimes you just have to walk away, the more you forgive the more they think you are never going to go and they keep doing the same bad things. In the end you have to divorce and start again when the trust is gone it’s DEFINITELY DEAD ☹️
I already did a bunch of of things you said NOT to do; Begging, reasoning, explaining how the affaire is not real love but an illusion, made him read about depression, telling him the woman is not attractive, told my friends, etc. I'm not doing it anymore, of course. I hope I didn't hurt my chances too negatively. We do get along still.But he's moving out.
Thank you so much @michaelmoran6405. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on RUclips. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ Blessings,
Some people learn from their f ups. Some people won't do it again. Getting a divorce shouldn't happen. There are plenty of married people(man and woman)that has stepped out on their spouse. The problem is,if you're still in contact with that person,or if you're still sneaking around with that person. You can break up or divorce and end up with someone that's even worst. WORK IT OUT
I've changed so bad The depression, thoughts, anxiety is overwhelming. The unknown is killing me, I dont trust her and our relationship was built on trust Now I'm lost
An affair is often a symptom of a bigger problem. Yes, it is a problem, but not always the actual problem. There could be problems in a marriage/relationship that contributed to an affair. Why do I say contribute? Because we're all responsible for our actions and choices. But problems in the marriage can be one of several factors that lead to one of the parts going that route.
No no no! Even if a relationship is TERRIBLE and the cheater is miserable, he has many healthy, respectful options: counseling, talking to you or even separation and divorce. No one should stay in a bad relationship. But if he chooses to cheat - despite these options and after promising to be faithful - this is a reflection of poor integrity. LEAVE!
Relationships will always have some problems. Even if you seek counseling and "fix" problems that "caused" the affair, you are going to still have some issues because we are human. The problem is the person responded to issues within the marriage with infidelity. That remains the issue.
Why would you ask such a simple question about such a complicated issue with so many variables? Why are you judging those who want to repair their marriages? You call yourself "Think Forurself" but apparently you don't want anyone else to think for THEMselves. You want them to think like you. Hypocritical to say the least.
So many variables. For some people it's the end, others maybe see reasons a thing happened or reasons a person was vulnerable to the third party exploiting them into the affair. Relationships are so different and all that matters is what makes those people happy.
@@ChoppingtonOtter This is even more true when you've been married for decades. It also depends on what kind of affair it was...emotional? Totally sexual? Somewhat sexual? Has the person cheated before or is this the first time? One night stand? Long term? As you and I have both stated, there are too many variables for anyone to say that the solution to all of them is "just leave."
@@velvetbrown74 Every relationship has problems. An affair is never the right thing to do. Try to work it out. If you can't and are still miserable then divorce. Once trust is broken, good luck. Value yourself.
@@mljrotag6343 I have always valued myself and have never blamed myself for this. Sometimes it takes an affair with a sociopath to make the betrayer aware of his wounds and selfishness. In our case, it has. Trust is being rebuilt and my husband is truly morphing into the person he was always meant to be. We finally have true intimacy. We aren't all the way there yet but we are on our way.
I agree, the courts are biased towards the mother. I believe this comes from some false holdover 1950’s view of marriage. Where the father works and the mother stays home with the kids. For some sad reason men are seen as providers and not nurturers.
Yep once the behaviour is enabled and theres no consequences for them they will do it again. But in reality for the man thats been cheated on its a blessing in disguise as they have seen there tru colours so that when the red card comes out. Gone see u bye
Yup, and the trust will never be the same. My ex cheated on me with some loser, and trust me. I ended up dumping her. It's hard to even let them out the door and trust that they're really doing what they say.
@@kegler27 90% sounds accurate to me. After an affair the trust is gone, from now on you'll always wonder what they're up to out there, so yes, even if you stay together the relationship in many ways has ended because it'll never be the same again.
So this helped your troubled marriage a lot? Did it fix everything that was wrong with it? It helped you get your ex back? Or is this just a bullshit comment? Otherwise, how do you know that the advices (misspelled) is "really good". And this is "really wise"?
This is so funny. Actually, yes. If someone cheats on you, they are a bad person. 1st Step to Do Before You Do Any of This Get to a lawyer!!!!!!!! Get the evidence together!!!!!!!!!! Protect your assets!!!!!! Then, feel free to dance with Pollyanna up here.
Wtf?????? You are clearly a woman who has never experienced infidelity!!! How can you be a marriage 'helper' when you have absolutely zero idea how it feels??? Stop talking crap! Help people to get out of this kind of toxic relationship not be submissive to the adulterer!! Infidelity is wrong........end of!!!!
Hi Ra Ra, we know that infidelity is extremely painful. The Marriage Helper staff is actually very familiar with the pain of infidelity. Our founder's story is one of reconciliation after an affair, along with many on our staff. We've also worked with over 250,000 people, and many of these marriages have been affected by the pain of infidelity. And yet, we have still seen these marriages saved and made better! Because of this, we have hope and know that a marriage can still be saved, even after an affair. Additionally, we never advocate for people to stay in an abusive marriage. If a person is abusing his or her spouse or children, remaining in that marriage is unwise. Abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, or a combination thereof. We have seen marriages reconcile after the abuser got proper help, but even then strict boundaries were put in place to ensure that no more abuse could occur. If the abuser does not seek or accept the help he or she needs so that their bad behavior is corrected, living with them is not a viable option.
If you are happily married with NO relationship problems, why are you watching these types of video clips (about getting your ex back) and WHY are you commenting on them?
If a married person is in love with someone else and is willing to destroy their family unit for that person, they should then stay with their lover and let the victimized family be. They are not a good person, no amount of rationalization will make them good.
Hey @louismrtnz, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
This video literally says not to bring up the chick your guy is sleeping with because it might be a sensitive topic for your husband if they just broke up.
Yep. Always work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Don't be scared to be alone. When you are there, then you can find someone that values you as well.
Should I at least reach out to him to apologize for pushing him away into another woman arms, just so I can make him know I’m sorry I did not show him appreciation when I had the chance to turn our relationship around before he left to be with another.?
Me and husband married a 2nd married we both r divorced but he is having affair what to do he is,hating me,he blocked everywhere what to he is telling that he wants that lady bez she is widow he is going with my husband to everywhere like church and out of station he totally washed me and he talking about bible that divorce and 2nd marriage is Sin pls advice me what I have to do
Hubby got tired of being ignored with the wife having her nose in her phone... Then some nice women came walking along and smiled at him, and it was all over from there.. So married women keep ignoring him and snapping at him.. He will find someone else.
He will have the same problem eventually with the other woman. There is probably a reason why the wife has her nose in the phone. Either way, an affair is the coward's way out of marriage trouble.
There is some truth to this. I pushed my hubby away because I was overwhelmed by caring for young kids, and was angry and bitter at him for not helping more. I've since learned how destructive withholding emotional and sexual connections were to my marriage and sadly I completely understand why my husband got involved with someone else who was willing to meet those needs.
@@missbluerain While it is totally true that both spouses contribute to marital unhappiness, I hope you aren't taking any responsibility for the affair. It is the unfaithful person's lack of ability to confront the problem in a healthy way that caused the affair. An affair solves nothing. Either go to counseling or ask for a divorce. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Your needs were not being met either. You could have chosen to cheat but you didn't. I am in that situation also and we are trying to put our marriage back together but it was he who decided to go outside the marriage.....not me. My needs had gone unmet for years but I did my best to put his needs first. It was never enough because he was wounded inside from childhood trauma. That had nothing to do with me. Your husband's affair has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. Yes, you contributed to the breakdown of your marriage but HE made the choice to cheat. There were other choices. I hope for your marriage's sake that he's owning it and not blaming you.
@@velvetbrown74 You are wise Karen. Its amazing how these sort of counselors always seem to "coddle" the guilty man or woman who have had the affair. At the end of the day it's all about integrity. Of course some marriages fail and divorce is necessary. However, anybody who is married has choices, if you are unhappy and your needs are supposedly "unmet", you can either leave, stay and put up, or tell your partner and work on it. If your partner working on it doesn't change the situation, feel free to divorce. Then you can run around with other men/women. It's not rocket science. People don't have to be devious and sly and have affairs, that's basically having your cake and more!
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
Affair is no excuse
Great video. I love the part when you discussed working on yourself. Don’t get consumed with your mate and what he/she had done. I am a witness that it will consume you with negativity. And the more you think about it, the more upset you will get.
Instablaster
My wife cheated several times over the years so I learned a lot. You're not even really a couple anymore if you're being cheated on. They're pretty much telling you they're not committed to the relationship and/or marriage, they don't want to be with you only, or maybe not at all anymore. Yes it hurts but you have to accept this reality and move on away from them.
I am sorry but I am a licensed therapist and there is no way I would tell someone that I could not see them or help them until the affair is over. To all those watching this video do not let this sway you from seeking out one on one support and guidance as you go through this life experience. ❤️
After cheating, a relationship never goes back to normal.
before, you got judged if you separated, now, you get judged for staying
This was great, thanks, been searching for "can a relationship work after being cheated on" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Have you ever come across - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? Ive heard some interesting things about it and my partner got cool success with it.
Ladies, you gotta leave if he has an affair. In a monogamous relationship, he promises to be faithful. If he is unhappy, he has many options: counseling, divorce, etc. There is simply no need to have an affair - and no excuse. If he responds this way to an issue, that is a lack of character. You shouldn't be with a man who lacks character. Period.
Caught him cheating on me but instead of repenting, he just switched the blame on me and talk shit on me, even threatened me for separation. I want to save our marriage I do.
@@summerseason9713 My advice is to love yourself more than you love him or your marriage. You'll find someone better when you start believing you deserve better.
Ok so I'm a guy who's wife cheated. It's not if it was a man or woman, its if they cheated
I tried to be the perfect spouse and all she did was take advantage of that
Trust is lost...
Sometimes you just have to walk away, the more you forgive the more they think you are never going to go and they keep doing the same bad things. In the end you have to divorce and start again when the trust is gone it’s DEFINITELY DEAD ☹️
I already did a bunch of of things you said NOT to do; Begging, reasoning, explaining how the affaire is not real love but an illusion, made him read about depression, telling him the woman is not attractive, told my friends, etc. I'm not doing it anymore, of course. I hope I didn't hurt my chances too negatively. We do get along still.But he's moving out.
what happened at last?
This should really be retitled "How to be a doormat".
You give me hope Thank You!
Thank you so much @michaelmoran6405. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on RUclips. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
Blessings,
Some people learn from their f ups. Some people won't do it again. Getting a divorce shouldn't happen. There are plenty of married people(man and woman)that has stepped out on their spouse. The problem is,if you're still in contact with that person,or if you're still sneaking around with that person. You can break up or divorce and end up with someone that's even worst. WORK IT OUT
I agree
I've changed so bad
The depression, thoughts, anxiety is overwhelming. The unknown is killing me, I dont trust her and our relationship was built on trust
Now I'm lost
Sure he can help you
Jat B i knowl o f a poweful man whol helped me get my husband backl
i f youl needl help tryl mess..age himl nowl
What's Appi
+ 2 3 4 8 1 6 0 3 6 6 9 4 9
you are the best, i
Once a cheater always a cheater. My wife had five in 30 years. Realizing that I am the second choice until she finds something better.
Dont cheat. Just dont.
Everything you said at the end is what wife is saying about me
An affair is often a symptom of a bigger problem. Yes, it is a problem, but not always the actual problem. There could be problems in a marriage/relationship that contributed to an affair. Why do I say contribute? Because we're all responsible for our actions and choices. But problems in the marriage can be one of several factors that lead to one of the parts going that route.
Route. Not "rout"
No no no! Even if a relationship is TERRIBLE and the cheater is miserable, he has many healthy, respectful options: counseling, talking to you or even separation and divorce. No one should stay in a bad relationship. But if he chooses to cheat - despite these options and after promising to be faithful - this is a reflection of poor integrity. LEAVE!
Relationships will always have some problems. Even if you seek counseling and "fix" problems that "caused" the affair, you are going to still have some issues because we are human. The problem is the person responded to issues within the marriage with infidelity. That remains the issue.
Why though wld you want to stay? They broke your heart and lost your trust.
Why would you ask such a simple question about such a complicated issue with so many variables? Why are you judging those who want to repair their marriages? You call yourself "Think Forurself" but apparently you don't want anyone else to think for THEMselves. You want them to think like you. Hypocritical to say the least.
So many variables. For some people it's the end, others maybe see reasons a thing happened or reasons a person was vulnerable to the third party exploiting them into the affair. Relationships are so different and all that matters is what makes those people happy.
@@ChoppingtonOtter This is even more true when you've been married for decades. It also depends on what kind of affair it was...emotional? Totally sexual? Somewhat sexual? Has the person cheated before or is this the first time? One night stand? Long term? As you and I have both stated, there are too many variables for anyone to say that the solution to all of them is "just leave."
@@velvetbrown74 Every relationship has problems. An affair is never the right thing to do. Try to work it out. If you can't and are still miserable then divorce. Once trust is broken, good luck. Value yourself.
@@mljrotag6343 I have always valued myself and have never blamed myself for this. Sometimes it takes an affair with a sociopath to make the betrayer aware of his wounds and selfishness. In our case, it has. Trust is being rebuilt and my husband is truly morphing into the person he was always meant to be. We finally have true intimacy. We aren't all the way there yet but we are on our way.
If he hates you a little after cheating
Thanks I need to get married
Thanks...i let him go!
U r too good
I agree, the courts are biased towards the mother. I believe this comes from some false holdover 1950’s view of marriage. Where the father works and the mother stays home with the kids. For some sad reason men are seen as providers and not nurturers.
I was a cheater and even after they forgave I still cheated. Why? Because I got away with it.
Thank you for your honesty. That is very brave of you.
You admit that bc you’re a woman. No male cheater would ever make that statement.
Yep once the behaviour is enabled and theres no consequences for them they will do it again. But in reality for the man thats been cheated on its a blessing in disguise as they have seen there tru colours so that when the red card comes out. Gone see u bye
How
After an affair, 90 percent of these relationships end, whether they stay married or not.
Yup, and the trust will never be the same. My ex cheated on me with some loser, and trust me. I ended up dumping her. It's hard to even let them out the door and trust that they're really doing what they say.
this is not true. where did your stats come from?
@@MrQuagmire26 so true, the trust is gone.
@@kegler27 90% sounds accurate to me. After an affair the trust is gone, from now on you'll always wonder what they're up to out there, so yes, even if you stay together the relationship in many ways has ended because it'll never be the same again.
Great video. Really good advices, really wise.
So this helped your troubled marriage a lot? Did it fix everything that was wrong with it? It helped you get your ex back? Or is this just a bullshit comment? Otherwise, how do you know that the advices (misspelled) is "really good". And this is "really wise"?
How do you prolong the divorce?
Lori Whalen do you need help ?
This is so funny. Actually, yes. If someone cheats on you, they are a bad person.
1st Step to Do Before You Do Any of This
Get to a lawyer!!!!!!!!
Get the evidence together!!!!!!!!!!
Protect your assets!!!!!!
Then, feel free to dance with Pollyanna up here.
Wtf?????? You are clearly a woman who has never experienced infidelity!!! How can you be a marriage 'helper' when you have absolutely zero idea how it feels??? Stop talking crap! Help people to get out of this kind of toxic relationship not be submissive to the adulterer!! Infidelity is wrong........end of!!!!
Hi Ra Ra, we know that infidelity is extremely painful. The Marriage Helper staff is actually very familiar with the pain of infidelity. Our founder's story is one of reconciliation after an affair, along with many on our staff.
We've also worked with over 250,000 people, and many of these marriages have been affected by the pain of infidelity. And yet, we have still seen these marriages saved and made better! Because of this, we have hope and know that a marriage can still be saved, even after an affair.
Additionally, we never advocate for people to stay in an abusive marriage. If a person is abusing his or her spouse or children, remaining in that marriage is unwise. Abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, or a combination thereof. We have seen marriages reconcile after the abuser got proper help, but even then strict boundaries were put in place to ensure that no more abuse could occur. If the abuser does not seek or accept the help he or she needs so that their bad behavior is corrected, living with them is not a viable option.
@@MarriageHelper Better after an affair? Really? If one is better can you imagine after 10? It can be nearly perfect!!!
hey i agrree lady Iam married happily Iam reaalyy really happy with my wife and what you said in this video is absolutely truth thiums up kimberly
If you are happily married with NO relationship problems, why are you watching these types of video clips (about getting your ex back) and WHY are you commenting on them?
Love this RUclips
Why? Is it helping your troubled marriage?
Wished i watched this earlier. I cried, begged and bad talk about her.
If a married person is in love with someone else and is willing to destroy their family unit for that person, they should then stay with their lover and let the victimized family be. They are not a good person, no amount of rationalization will make them good.
Hey @louismrtnz, thank you for your comment. However, we disagree. We believe there is ALWAYS hope for a marriage no matter what. If you have had a bad experience in the past that has caused you to feel this way, we understand wholeheartedly. But there is always hope. If you change your mind and decide you would like to seek help for your marriage, we would love to talk to you and will always remain a safe place for you. You can call us directly at 1 866 903 0990 if you'd like to chat. Blessings,
This video literally says not to bring up the chick your guy is sleeping with because it might be a sensitive topic for your husband if they just broke up.
Just don't get married. It's an outdated idea in times trying to reduce std's
It will never happened again.last time
If i start divorce, i will have to pay for all lawyers fees, i dont have money to pay for that. I live under the poverty line
This is insane...you are treating the cheater like a 2 year old...omg!
If you are a man, & your wife cheated on you forgive her, & move on... with another woman. Get engaged with this new woman & park it.
Yep. Always work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Don't be scared to be alone. When you are there, then you can find someone that values you as well.
She has told the entire town lies about me and they believe her
What about 2nd marriage
Till death do us part
😔😔😔😔😔😔😔
Yo this woman is a fucking spot on
Should I at least reach out to him to apologize for pushing him away into another woman arms, just so I can make him know I’m sorry I did not show him appreciation when I had the chance to turn our relationship around before he left to be with another.?
😒😕😕😕😕😒😒😒
Aint no F way!
I know your husband has not mine. He uses you
“Don’t try to convince them their affair is bad for them” oops... I called him a silver tongued harpy that’s manipulating her...
You were right, though. It's what they do
Me and husband married a 2nd married we both r divorced but he is having affair what to do he is,hating me,he blocked everywhere what to he is telling that he wants that lady bez she is widow he is going with my husband to everywhere like church and out of station he totally washed me and he talking about bible that divorce and 2nd marriage is Sin pls advice me what I have to do
Hi, please call us at 866-903-0990 so we can help!
How did help from Marriage Helper work out?
Please work on your self esteem, and find a safe place to heal and a good divorce lawyer.
Hubby got tired of being ignored with the wife having her nose in her phone... Then some nice women came walking along and smiled at him, and it was all over from there.. So married women keep ignoring him and snapping at him.. He will find someone else.
He will have the same problem eventually with the other woman. There is probably a reason why the wife has her nose in the phone. Either way, an affair is the coward's way out of marriage trouble.
There is some truth to this. I pushed my hubby away because I was overwhelmed by caring for young kids, and was angry and bitter at him for not helping more. I've since learned how destructive withholding emotional and sexual connections were to my marriage and sadly I completely understand why my husband got involved with someone else who was willing to meet those needs.
@@missbluerain While it is totally true that both spouses contribute to marital unhappiness, I hope you aren't taking any responsibility for the affair. It is the unfaithful person's lack of ability to confront the problem in a healthy way that caused the affair. An affair solves nothing. Either go to counseling or ask for a divorce. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Your needs were not being met either. You could have chosen to cheat but you didn't. I am in that situation also and we are trying to put our marriage back together but it was he who decided to go outside the marriage.....not me. My needs had gone unmet for years but I did my best to put his needs first. It was never enough because he was wounded inside from childhood trauma. That had nothing to do with me. Your husband's affair has everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. Yes, you contributed to the breakdown of your marriage but HE made the choice to cheat. There were other choices. I hope for your marriage's sake that he's owning it and not blaming you.
Thanks Karen P. I don't take responsibility for his actions. But I accept my part in how he became vulnerable to make that decision.
@@velvetbrown74
You are wise Karen. Its amazing how these sort of counselors always seem to "coddle" the guilty man or woman who have had the affair. At the end of the day it's all about integrity. Of course some marriages fail and divorce is necessary. However, anybody who is married has choices, if you are unhappy and your needs are supposedly "unmet", you can either leave, stay and put up, or tell your partner and work on it. If your partner working on it doesn't change the situation, feel free to divorce. Then you can run around with other men/women. It's not rocket science. People don't have to be devious and sly and have affairs, that's basically having your cake and more!
Why the he'll should I pay for pies.much easier to leave
She cheats new change of locks and her stuff outside no cryin or begging trust out the door my mind made up
Get a divorce and move on