3 Reasons You Can’t Level Up - Soft Skills Needed to Move Up in Class | Social Strategy
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2024
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#LevelUp #SocialStrategy
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I’m an introvert with a friendly face so people always want to say something to me. I always want to shut it down ASAP but now I realise it’s how you meet people
Talk to people, please. I've had such great opportunities from just letting people talk to me and invite me to things.
Do you think it is a trauma response! I only ask because if you are a Black woman, you may have experienced being attacked early on (perhaps childhood) and now are self-protective even when there is no threat. 🤷🏽♀️
@jayscott5618 I had rough siblings growing up and we ended up teasing each other, so I don't take any mean comments to heart, they go over my head, and I want to engage more than I want to isolate. I find isolation useless even if it's driven by an urge to self protect.
I'm also good at knowing who genuinely wants to know me and those are the people I gravitate towards and I'm good at fading away from associations that turn sour and I don't feel traumatised by it.
I think I was good at putting myself out there as a middle child with very talented and domineering older siblings so I'm good at holding my own. I don't expect things to come very easy to me but I'm determined to have fun while trying. This is my philosophy.
I don't cling to my blackness too much and most people can sense when you are not too hung up on your racial identity.
@@tinachristine4573 it sounds like you were already self-aware and learned quickly how to move in this life.
When it comes to your last statement, I agree that us melanated people tend to hold on tightly to our racial identity as if our lives depends on. Trauma response perhaps?🤷🏽♀️Nonetheless if I move in my identity of being a free-spirit who is a lover whom just happens to be Black, then I get more positive results.
@jayscott5618 I was raised with boys only in a very patriarchal/ military country and I was a massive tomboy, even played football and did acrobatics. So I think I move in the world with the audacity of a black man. Lol! But with fabulous hair, clothes and a feminine veneer. I think I'm a bit divorced from black woman struggle coz I never resonated with that feeling that I wasn't good enough. I take on male privilege and I don't make excuses for myself or for others. Navigating life this way as a woman can isolate one from both men and women but it has allowed me lots of career and financial success. I hope this makes sense.
One of my soft skills that have helped me level up is to learn how to be patient. This can be applied to all situations. I don't react first, I take my time on projects and when I get a bad vibe from people or a situation I wait and listen to what my gut tells me to do next.
This is very important. Helped me secure a contract with a business who at first weren't as communicative as I would like. I left it for a bit and they came back to me and are now pushing things themselves. If I had become inpatient I might have unknowingly done something to jeopardise the deal. Honestly we have to try and be patient because we have no idea what workload and situations people are dealing with.
This is an EXCELLENT topic to cover. It's essential for all people, but black women aren't always taught these subtle nuances. Also, black women, let go of perfectionism and put yourself out there. I was so afraid of messing up or being imperfect because of the standards the black community puts on us. When I let it go and got outside, I wasn't perfect, but the strategies Chrissie is talking about works. To be honest, I am an empath and I have a tendency to draw many people to me. I am not afraid to make mistakes, I think of them as lessons. That mindset has taken me much farther than the perfectionism the black community places on us. Good luck ladies :)
Yes! I also let the perfectionism go and my life opened up BIG TIME.
Agreed!
Omg I LOVE the image of the dark skinned black girl! Love that she’s slim with long natural hair! she looks like me! ❤️❤️❤️❤️🤣
Then you’re beautiful.
😂😂😂😂😂❤"she looks like me" 😂❤❤❤
Me too! I love seeing my fellow black sisters looking soft and sweet and humble and beautiful🥰
That’s my weakness I hate small talk !
Presenting yourself as approachable, in the right setting, can really help.
💯💯
I agree. We must present ourselves as approachable, but not weak. We must be the beautiful sweet smelling rose with tiny little thorns🌹
I just want to add to the social awareness point.
1. Keep in mind that social awareness can be hindered by cultural differences. So you might notice that the communication issues always arise with a specific group/type of people.
2. It might just be your environment so try to find like-minded people and be careful not to let yourself be gaslit by certain groups. Sometimes you might just be surrounded by racism or sexism and when you bring up an issue, they band together to manipulate you and make you feel guilty.
You are not wrong
FACTS! I moved to Ghana 15 years ago and struggled severely in the beginning. They’re easily offended and just not as vocal, publicly opinionated or as assertive as Western women.
Putting oneself out there is very important, even if you make mistakes in the beginning.
Heavy on the “even if you make mistakes” part 🌸
Also loveeee these AI images…proves how much more top tier black women look with natural hair
Amen to the small talk. I do it with everyone at my company, even our CEO who is easygoing.
Excellent video Chrissie! Becoming more emotionally intelligent/more emotionally regulated helped me get promoted at work! I spent many years stagnant in my profession. Having issues with coworkers and managers. Had to realize the problem was me. My manager positively commented on my interpersonal skills when promoting me, even though most of my work is done independently. Doing the inner work transformed my life🎉🎉🎉
I’m good at small talk, but unfortunately I don’t know when to stop. It goes from small talk to telling them my personal business and that’s not good.
You have to have a story already ready, but not your personal business.
Try talking about things you like or your hobbies. But nothing personal. Like if you start talking about your love life, finances, etc, can it. Know when to excuse yourself from a conversation. Like “Well let me get back to work/home” or “It was good to see you” or something like that if you can feel yourself ready to tell them everything. Just take your time, it’s not a race to talk. Be calm and cool about it.
@@BlaquebarbgamerI second this! Albeit this strategic plan only works for people who are more open to 1) initiating the convo 2) shows interest in keeping the convo going
@@whoome1638 Not necessarily, I’m shy but this has worked for me. I have social anxiety too. I work in Admin, so I have to speak to people. Just be pleasant and know when to excuse yourself. Keep convos surface level.
Being intuitive with a baby face is quite helpful for these situations 😂 but I would admit, having the ability to sense emotions can get overwhelming at times. The energy transfer is so real and it’s not always fun 😭
The photos look amazing
I agree. I know it’s AI, but this black queen MUST be real. She somewhere out there being beautiful and unbothered 😂❤
I used to be quite shy in my twenties and thirties. As I approach forty I would still say I’m an introvert but have gradually gotten more comfortable with small talk and asking questions to continue conversations. I used to loathe small talk! In addition to practice sometimes time is just as necessary a factor.
Thanks for covering this topic, Chrissie. This hit home for me as a person who was very socially awkward as a child and young adult. I had trouble understanding social cues and it resulted in a lot of mishaps. It took a lot of self-assessment and inner work to properly socialize and not say the wrong thing. It's important to establish goodwill and get along with people at work if you want to move up.
I’m more confident than I’ve ever been but still feel a bit anxious and a tad bit socially awkward sometimes. That’s when the doubt creeps in. But I usually do just fine. Just never felt like I truly “fit in”
I can so relate as an extremely quiet, introverted black woman
Same. It sucks, honestly. But we'll get better.💖💝
@@tiredoftheworld4834Same here. The older I get though, the better I’m getting. My fashion and hair game has improved, so I feel more confident now. I’ve lost a lot of weight too, so I feel like I’m the baddest bish in the room 🤣. You have to have that mindset about yourself.
When I smile, people look at me like I'm crazy and I feel like my face turns into a creepy wince, like Fred from courage the cowardly dog. So basically, I need to work on my smile lol.
Instead of a smile, try pleasantly surprised. It combines mild alertness and openness.
smile more with ur eyes than ur mouth!
I need this as a fellow introvert 😅
SOFT SKILLS (Interpersonal People)for the WIN! 🏆
#Underrated
I appreciate your videos. One soft skill I recently grew was to be a helpful person at work and to be empathetic with people I serve.
The way I clicked so fast 💖💖
That's definitely my shortcomings. I think that's why i rely on my hard skills so hard😢
Exactly. I’m not a people person. People respond positively to me when I care to engage but it’s just so hard for me to want to. So I focus on making myself useful to the point that they would be crazy to pass me up, rather than being likable. Sure, being likable would be the short cut but……alas.
@pariscarla822 As an introvert who is happy with her own company, I can definitely relate.
I'm just entering the workforce again as a newly degree holding teacher and I appreciate these videos.❤
Your videos never disappoint. ❤💜💕
This was very helpful. The information in this video will be useful to so many ❤.
I love the pictures!
I don’t really know what to do. It seems like no matter how much I try or try to adjust, people just don’t find me warm or someone they gravitate towards . They love me at first because I’m attractive but as time goes on, they lose interest. I smile, I’m nice and kind, im responsive, I ask questions. Everything. I laugh at their jokes. Still , I’m not the first person they seek out. I really don’t know what to do and it’s really hurtful. I’ve tried changing myself and everything. I just don’t know.
I just feel like an alien all the time. Even when I try to be playful it’s not received the same way it is from others. It seems like other people never really have to try as hard . They just naturally are good in social settings. I think I’m better one on one but it seems to bite me in the ass because everything is dependent on how charismatic you can be in group settings.
Work on your confidence. Focus on the other person. If your constantly stressing about what you’re saying or doing, that means you aren’t focused on them! People like others who make them feel important. Ask the other person questions, put them in the spotlight! Get to know them.
1) There's nothing wrong with you. You are fine.
2) You are probably with the wrong people for your energy/vibe (that's why they leave).
3) Develop self-confidence so you can be comfortable in your own skin regardless of the situation.
4) Don't give into fear by trying too hard.
You’re not alone. Sometimes you can do everything right but ppl may feel intimidated, or jealous of you for their own insecurity. Usually ppl gravitate towards those who don’t make them feel insecure so it’s hard for attractive ppl to make friends bc ppl always feel threatened by them. Not much you can do but continue being yourself and love who you are.
Find your tribe, love. A lot of these videos are selling game. The issue is deeper than a giggle and wearing pink clothes. Find those who give information on how to heal and grow the INNER you. Not just copy/paste nonsense that others can read right through
The black woman in minute 2:10 is soooo gorgeous
It’s AI
@@KNt820original comment still stands 😂
@@KNt820I know. I watched her video about using AI to protect real black women from trolls who stalk her channel
@KNt820 I know I watched her vid on using AI
Right this is the type of imagery we need
Thanks Chrissie for sharing on this topi. As an introvert it also resonates with me mainly because I avoid networking due to not knowing how to approach small talk. It happens in most settings but more so in work environments when I am usually the only minority in attendance. Thanks for sharing some practical tips to help improve.
Yeah. I don’t like networking events unless I go bring a friend
I notice my 2nd biggest issue with social interactions (the first is simply being too reserved and withdrawn) is that I have social awareness and notice social cues, but I do not know what to do with those cues. Like I'll notice someone is presenting sadness, but I have awkward with how to support them. Or something makes a joke and I don't know how to response (if I don't find the joke funny...though I have become better at faking laughter)
Thank you Chrissie for sharing- you are awesome 😊
Great Video! Thank you!
I ❤ your videos. Always excellent content
Great video!
I ❤ your videos. Always excellent content Love the art ❤
Great video.
Yo! Just woke up from a Nap
Loving the AI images Chrissie 💞
Love the imagery ❤
Some years ago, I took one on one conversation coaching lessons. That was one of the best decisions I made. It helps with the small talk, as well as gaining and retaining clients.
I had a black female professor in college tell me back in the day , your charm keeps you in peoples minds , she mentioned smiling at people, laughing at jokes , there is a clinical director position open at my job I have definitely turned my charm up a notch since the big boss is a man 😂I’m using that to my advantage 😂
Remember this is supposed to be an EVEN exchange.
Know the difference between someone socially in your face to TAKE (energy drain) and someone in your face to evenly exchange energies, so that you’re able to socially move forward.
For the longest I didn’t know I was rubbing people the wrong way. For instance people would asked me for advice or seemed to need advice, then I would give it. Next thing I knew I was having problems with people or being avoided.
What I’ve learned people don’t want ugly truths but instead beautiful lies (I.e. charming). They want to hear that others are the problem not them. 🤷🏽♀️Once I took this approach of being charming things got better for me but I must admit it still is a challenge. 😊
Same too I was giving unsolicited advices
It might sounds corny, but the book How to Win Friends & Influence People is still a great book on socializing. And maybe it’s the libra rising in me but I actually love small talk haha. I think the key to tolerating and even getting to enjoy it is realizing that it’s supposed to be low commitment/quick, surface level and pleasant. I’ve had several small talk conversations with the same person and never even exchanged names it just doesn’t have to be that deep and knowing that takes the pressure off.
Great message!!
#GreatTipsChrissy! 💫
I’m becoming more open to being “fake” and Machiavellian because people don’t appreciate sweet and genuine people.
And I don’t mean, “oh, I want a bunch of praise everytime I do a good deed!” I mean quite literally being kind seems to make people aggressive towards you.
Cant staaand Amanda 🙄
Personally, I love Amanda, she’s beautiful she speaks her mind, and she’s a hard worker.
Nevertheless, she doesn’t know how to read the room. She come across as really aggressive when she’s just as sensible, and she doesn’t know how to show her vulnerability in a healthy way. Like her, I had to learn how to deal with my anger and be less reactive.
FIRST
So helpful; great reminders!!!
Excellent video! A rewatch rewatch rewatch!
👏👏👏
Love this type of content, lots of good points to reflect on. Lovely pictures too! 💕
I had to listen to this again and realized my own errors in oversharing. My past oversharing has caused jealousy as well as invoked competition.
Thank you, Chrissie💗💗.
I loves these videos. I feel like a lot of us didn’t get these lessons from home or the outside world during our upbringing. It’s never too late to learn how to become better versions of ourselves. Thanks Chrissie!
Love this ❤ thank you ❤
First
When you go out, go out with only 1 or 2 friends. Don't go in a large group. Many people will approach you and you can make new friends that way. Also just emit radiant, happy fun energy. It is so magnetic to people
Chrissie. I was listening to your video earlier today and as soon as you talked about making small talk, I paused the video and made small talk with an older lady in Walmart. I DO NOT LIKE SMALL TALK AT ALL. But I did it. At first I felt good about it. But now I’m in my head and I feel like I invaded her space and inserted myself into her bubble (because that’s how I feel when people do it to me). Idk how to get over it.
Great job making the effort! Like I said in the vid, the more you make small talk, the easier it usually becomes. It wont always go smoothly and you may not ever feel 100% comfortable but that’s okay. It’s similar to a job; not always easy and enjoyable, but necessary to network and potentially make connections. You don’t have to completely get over your dislike of small talk, you just have to do it and accept it for what it is.
This is good chrissie 👏
Great video very needed! Thanks for reinforcing some of the things that I knew but need to pay more attention to. Your videos and advice is top tier ❤
Love this content….highly recommend
I hope you are well Chrissie! I love the AI images you add to your videos.
I was outside this morning, my neighbor stopped by to chat and I immediately thought of this video!
His social awareness is zilch. He's always bringing up too personal topics, when we're not well acquainted like that. He also feels the need to tell me he disagrees with me about small things that don't matter, and I hate to see him coming.
To be fair, I believe he has some sort of mental disability but listening to him really made me think, this is the exact person Chrissie discussed yesterday 😒
lol my mom talks to everyone everywhere we go lol she giving me a master class on it our last vacation
Thank you for highlighting these great level up tips. I'm an introverted, extrovert so I'll definitely try asking people questions and allowing them to talk to take the pressure off, during small talk. I'm ALWAYS kind and engaging to anyone who is providing me a service. Reading the room is a critical life skill!!
This is great practical, and useful advice! I love your work. Keep it up! 💜💜💜💜
I definitely hate small talk but I’m work on it
thanks for this!
I was in Stockholm participating in a meeting with the head of a regulatory agency. I complimented him that the decor of their office building looked like IKEA furniture. I think that was actually an insult. 😬😖
When I travel to a city abroad for work or personal, I'm naturally very curious to know the history, culture, customs, food, language, must-see tourist attractions/hidden gems, how to get around, do's/don'ts, etc. I'll watch a lot of youtube videos and movies/TV shows. This turns out to be very useful for small talk. People will be surprised & flattered that you're familiar with obscure topics regarding their city/country. I also learn to at least say "hello" and "thank you." This wins a lot of favor. I'm shocked that my colleagues, who travel internationally more often than I, do absolutely none of these things.
Excellent video! Thx
I really enjoyed and appreciated this video, thanks so much for sharing. I’m a total extrovert and recently realized that I need to work on self-awareness a bit more. Being an extroverted, confident woman in a world full of introverted people is rough at times and I find myself talking too much.
I appreciate you showing the images towards the end and reminding me to remember that not everyone thinks as I do, shares my opinion nor will they want to have extensive conversations. 🤷🏽♀️👌🏾
I'm the type that doesn't have friends. Up until recently.
This is a good video. Especially the part of starting small talk about something you are genuinely interested in.
There are autistic content creators here on youtube that give useable advice on how to start small talk even as an autistic person. This has helped me a lot both privately and otherwise. The people I call my friends now are genuinely interested in me as I am genuinely interested in them and what they have to say.
Also if you have a suspicion you might be autistic: make effort into getting a proper diagnosis by both a psychologist and psychiatrist. Based on my own experience life will become a bit easier after that.
This is good information.
Chrissie I watched you in years but it’s so refreshing to have found your page again. I’m really about to level up!
Thanks you for the video
Excellent subject matter. Much needed refresher and pointers.❤
Chrissy, I am so happy you touched onto these points. Thank you for sharing your gems with us! ❤
This is going to be hard for me. I hate small talk. But I’m going to try
I really enjoyed the aesthetic of this video. Well done 💐
Chrissie can you recommend some RUclipsrs who specialize in this topic? I know you mentioned some were on here, but I wonder if you have some you recommend.
I’m having a hard time moving up as an introverted black woman with past workplace trauma. I been working in Corporate America since 2018 and I have worked at multiple companies and I still can’t move up. Im a top performer and I noticed that I always dealt with coworkers and managers bullying me and making micro aggression comments towards me just because I exceeded expectations and kept to myself. I admit that I’m not a people person and I have a hard time making small talk so I have ran into issues because of that. I also have a lack of social awareness so I had a hard time keeping friends. I only have a boyfriend and family now and I really want to make new friends now. I definitely needed to see this video.
OK I can see your problem, the thing is when you’re not talkative enough people feel like you think you better than they are, and it can creat some animosity with the jealous type. like they are not in your level.
I learn somewhere that you are Lift into power , you don’t get there by accident. People have to want to see you at the top other than that you won’t be there.
You really have to be more more talkative.. asking them if they have a dog? how was their weekend? How was their day ? If they need help for something ? recommend them like a coffee shop that you tried with a smile . Therefore you don’t come as somebody who people cannot have a discussion with and is weird.
I hope that helps😊. In general , people recommend me and have all good things to say about me and that’s because of the way I behave. Learn to care about people :)
Sorry for that paragraph.. 😅
Chrissie, you are God's gift to the modern black woman who is moving up in society. We are the new "IT GIRLS" and many of us who are working on ourselves and building our brand as the New Age Modern Black Woman are listening to you. Thank you so much for being the symbol of what I call the 21st Century Black Lady. 💖☺
❤️🔥❤️🔥🌟🔥👸🏿💜❤️🔥❤️🔥Love this video Chrissie you really literally always nailing it when it comes to level up skills!!!!!💜💜❤️🔥❤️🔥🌟👸🏿🔥🔥❤️🔥💜
Firstttt
You shared a lot of actionable steps in this video that I will be trying out myself as an ambiverted woman.
❤ crissie you dropped a wisdom. And ❤. I appreciate you leaving this vedio public. Always love from East Africa.
I saw this video afternoon, Ghana time but decided to listen first thing in the morning today only for me to come across an article on characteristics of people with low EI. Listening to the video I immediately went to download as many books I can get on EI. I will get my EI geared up for sure. I really needed this and so many light are on for me. Thanks Chrissie🎉
Great topic to cover. I really appreciate the direct honesty about being able to read the room and understand that you might be the problem. I used to be very stubborn and really hated criticism but would get very annoyed and agitated with other people who also lacked self-awareness. I realized how I look to others. I started working on myself and trying not to give into my own impulses so much in order to be warmer, patient, and more tolerable to others. Now whenever I do or say something that I am trying to fix, I will jokingly say "bear with me, I'm working on myself." I am slo working on my small talk. I really am a nice person, but it doesn't always appear that way because I don't generally speak unless I'm spoken to. I tend to give RBF a lot without trying.
I’m an introvert, I like to believe I’m emotionally intelligent and I’m rarely wrong about people. I can make friends easily but what’s holding me back is fear”. I don’t want to do too much and being pushy and I also don’t want anybody to interfere with my peace of mind. Also finding free time to go out and meet people can be challenging when you have to work a lot like me and take care of small kids. I think fear is what’s holding people back.
So out of topic, but, i have been feeling the pressure to wear my hair very manipulated. Like i could tell people around me like that. Even though i really want to just wear my hair in its much natural form, no blowdrying or straightening, just twist outs. And watching these AI images, they are so beautiful and im even more convinced to continue with my plan of nonlonger heat manipulating my hair. You are and have always been soo righy. We really need to watch images of us put correctly in a positive light, and you do that perfectly. Im just smiling looking at these beautiful women. 😍 Thank you
I really don't like small talk but i know it is beneficial, so i need to do it
I just got told I need to be more warm and that sometimes I look so drained.
Smile
Small talk
Read the room, be self aware
Be approachable
Seek therapy
Don't be surprised
Observe others, face, voice, body language, etc.
Active listening
Carefully speak
Be open to feedback
Learn your Triggers
Emotional intelligence and awareness
Know yourself first to learn more about others
Fully black little girls began getting social isolated and bullied by baby Gloctavious and his preference at 5yrs old.
My ability to read a room has been my super power. I went on a date with a Brad who took me to a party introduced me to a group of friends. At that party I was asked out on a date by another Brad so broke up with my original Brad.
I became besties with 2nd Brads sister and after he paid for my Spring Break trip broke up with him too.
Hanging with his sister and her friends I met my husband ( fully black). It’s the art of the social climb.
I know who to make small talk with and who to pretend I don’t speak English. Que?? No hablo English… (I’m fully black Afro Latina). Like if Ciara from Summer House (me) or Naomi Campbell (mi madre) spoke only Spanish.
I struggle with eye contact. When I'm in a familiar environment, I can manage but when I'm out in the world I shut down.
I'm putting myself out there. I know it's going to be better.
I’m autistic and the examples you gave have about lacking social awareness are not detailed and specific enough.
Everything on this video is true... but for the Amanda Seales and Monique, sometimes you have to fight. If you can't be authentic and must always engage in soft skills to get by, then you are in the wrong group. Find your tribe where you can be authentic.
yea that’s so on point, Amanda don’t get it unfortunately ..