Thank you for your work. It's helped me understand my mother, and helped me understand that I'm not crazy. I can't call her a narcissist, but she has so many traits and behaviors described. All my life I've been an invisible child while she cavorts from one go-nowhere project, pipe dream, ponzi scheme over and over. A "normal" job was always beneath her. All of her hustles ended in losing money and her hating the people she was "working" with. Either they tricked her, they were stupid, or they didn't deserve her immense value and talents. I barely existed in all the chaos. I have built a semi successful life for myself. At least I'm gainfully employed, and can look after myself and my cat. The scary thing is my mother is in her 70s now and is still trying a new "business venture!" Her behavior is getting worse and more transparent. She alienates anyone who doesn't "worship" her! She is basically destitute and delusional. I refuse to bail her out as painful as it is to watch her spiral. I have to save myself.. now that I'm finally knowing myself as a real person in this world. I'm not invisible. I'm not her prop, servant, or #1 fan. I am separate and determined to find some joy. Thank you again for your work.
Hi Sam, before you delete this comment… have you thought about doing a bookshelf tour? It would be interesting to see you talk about your books, your favorites, least favorites, what you plan to read, what books you keep re-reading. Thank you, hope your flu passes by quickly. Comment is ready for disposal now.
Imagine getting attention even in death, right? Thank you for your teachings. I've learnt so much from you. I've began my own NGO raising awareness about narcissistic abuse. Many victims are benefitting from your work/teachings.
Get well soon Sam! As self handicapping is a key feature of pathological narcissists, does it reside also in somehow healthy people or other personality disorders or organizations? What does it tell about people who engage usually in self handicapping?
Self-handicapping is not a behavior exclusive to narcissist. Anyone who is afraid of failure or afraid of success or is a perfectionist would tend to engage in it.
Summary of the video (Powered by NEX, an AI tool which summarizes RUclips videos) Key Points： 1. [Key Point 1]: Self-handicapping is a strategy used by narcissists to avoid perceived failure. 2. [Key Point 2]: Narcissists fear failure, leading them to self-sabotage to maintain a grandiose self-image. 3. [Key Point 3]: Self-handicapping can be self-enhancing, offering a win-win scenario for narcissists. Important Details: Here's the timeline 00:00:02 Introduction to Self-Handicapping • Speaker introduces the concept of self-handicapping. • Self-handicapping is a strategy used by narcissists. 00:01:44 Examples of Self-Handicapping • Examples include exams, medical tests, job interviews, and dates. • Self-handicapping undermines test credibility and validity. 00:03:12 Narcissist's Fear of Failure • Narcissists are terrified of failure due to internalized bad objects. • Failure enhances the internalized bad object's power. 00:05:22 Strategies to Minimize Failure • Preparation and commitment are the first strategies. • Self-handicapping guarantees failure won't be perceived as such. 00:06:08 Preference for Ambiguity • Narcissists prefer ambiguous environments for grandiosity. • Reality's clarity makes it harder for narcissists to self-deceive. 00:07:52 Self-Handicapping as Ego-Syntonic • Self-handicapping maintains the narcissist's self-perception. • It is a form of control and mastery over failure. 00:10:09 Self-Handicapping in Moderate Tasks • Self-handicapping is more likely in moderately difficult tasks. • Narcissists can claim control over failure or success. 00:12:37 Self-Aggrandizing Attribution • Success or failure is attributed to the narcissist's superiority. • Self-handicapping leads to self-aggrandizing attribution. 00:15:39 Self-Presentation and Communication • Narcissists rarely share self-handicapping stories with others. • Studies show narcissists only explain when challenged. 00:18:28 Conclusion and Literature Review • Self-handicapping leads to more task-related problems. • Narcissism disrupts interpersonal relationships more.
Dear Sam, do I make my covert narcissist’s life miserable when I misinterpret self handicapping as a subtle way to obtain assistance ? Like a bad mother who does things instead of his child? But watching these actions make me really scared and I take them as useless risk taking and I begin to take over in a way.
Actually pondered technology in Heaven. Can Millenials survive without their gadgets? If they can't get the next iPad release-would they rather go into the potter's ground? I've seen iPhone fanatics that I think would struggle if & when faced with that scenario.
A person has an avoidant attechment style has to be a borderline or a narcissist? Can’t a person has an avoidant attecment without any personality disorder? Can you talk about a man who says I’m not ready for a relationship but I like you so much I don’t know what to do all the time. He ended our relationship suddenly for another woman and blocked me from everywhere. He just keeps saying sorry all the time
@@samvaknin Doctor there are so many videos about narcissists but only a few about avoidant males. Please make a video about avoidant males and their ghost exes I wanna know how he could come back. He said I never had a relationship to this day and abandoned me. I had a relationship with a covert narcissist before and he had affairs with other girls and told me he loved me the most. Unlike him avoidant man did not cheat me and kept his promisses and did not talk with other girls while we were dating but told me that he’s thinking about an ex girl. I think he wasn’t a covert narcissist but he also said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Once we were close enough for that he just disseppeared. How he come back to me
😂 No worries at all 😂 . Self handicapping & life long failures , are their own life's chosen path . 😂 Not even the almighty can do anything to such a person . 😂
I love how you really explain what’s going on inside the narcissist instead of labeling them as evil.
So there's no end to the mental gymnastics they use in order to shore up their grandiosity. Thank you, Professor, and I hope you feel better soon.
Best channel on RUclips ❤
Thank you for your work. It's helped me understand my mother, and helped me understand that I'm not crazy. I can't call her a narcissist, but she has so many traits and behaviors described. All my life I've been an invisible child while she cavorts from one go-nowhere project, pipe dream, ponzi scheme over and over. A "normal" job was always beneath her. All of her hustles ended in losing money and her hating the people she was "working" with. Either they tricked her, they were stupid, or they didn't deserve her immense value and talents. I barely existed in all the chaos. I have built a semi successful life for myself. At least I'm gainfully employed, and can look after myself and my cat. The scary thing is my mother is in her 70s now and is still trying a new "business venture!" Her behavior is getting worse and more transparent. She alienates anyone who doesn't "worship" her! She is basically destitute and delusional. I refuse to bail her out as painful as it is to watch her spiral. I have to save myself.. now that I'm finally knowing myself as a real person in this world. I'm not invisible. I'm not her prop, servant, or #1 fan. I am separate and determined to find some joy. Thank you again for your work.
Greetings doctor Vaknin, hope you get a prompto recovery and get well soon. Gillo from Quebec, Chinada 😎
Deeply appreciative of your videos… thank you Sam 🎉
Hope you feel better! Thanks for still making this video for all of us!
Hi Sam, before you delete this comment… have you thought about doing a bookshelf tour? It would be interesting to see you talk about your books, your favorites, least favorites, what you plan to read, what books you keep re-reading. Thank you, hope your flu passes by quickly. Comment is ready for disposal now.
I want that video too😊
i’ve been waiting for this !! when he mentions a book i write it down so fast
Thanks for explaining self handicapping.resolve my nameless dread.
Awe. Hope you feel better, and thanks for the videos!
Get well soon!
Thankyou for your commitment sam.
Question: is overeating and maintaining an ( avoidably) unfit physical body, self sabotage?
Yes.
@@samvaknin thanks Sam
Imagine getting attention even in death, right? Thank you for your teachings. I've learnt so much from you. I've began my own NGO raising awareness about narcissistic abuse. Many victims are benefitting from your work/teachings.
😂AGreat morning Sir.Always try to watch n rewatch your videos.Always like new to me thank you always Sir❤.
Is this really just a narcissism thing? Aren't there all kind of other reasons why people do this, who aren't narcissist?
No, this behavior is not limited to narcissists.
Sitting! Get well soon 💜📚
Dear Sam, I believe you, even though it is basically unbelievable. It's crazy
Thank you very much, dear Professor☺️❤️
your introductions are getting better and funnier
Get well soon!
this format really suits me
Get well soon Sam! As self handicapping is a key feature of pathological narcissists, does it reside also in somehow healthy people or other personality disorders or organizations? What does it tell about people who engage usually in self handicapping?
Self-handicapping is not a behavior exclusive to narcissist. Anyone who is afraid of failure or afraid of success or is a perfectionist would tend to engage in it.
@@samvaknin okay great! Thank you, is the prognosis in therapy for self handicapping is good?
Self-sabotage
Summary of the video (Powered by NEX, an AI tool which summarizes RUclips videos)
Key Points：
1. [Key Point 1]: Self-handicapping is a strategy used by narcissists to avoid perceived failure.
2. [Key Point 2]: Narcissists fear failure, leading them to self-sabotage to maintain a grandiose self-image.
3. [Key Point 3]: Self-handicapping can be self-enhancing, offering a win-win scenario for narcissists.
Important Details:
Here's the timeline
00:00:02 Introduction to Self-Handicapping
• Speaker introduces the concept of self-handicapping.
• Self-handicapping is a strategy used by narcissists.
00:01:44 Examples of Self-Handicapping
• Examples include exams, medical tests, job interviews, and dates.
• Self-handicapping undermines test credibility and validity.
00:03:12 Narcissist's Fear of Failure
• Narcissists are terrified of failure due to internalized bad objects.
• Failure enhances the internalized bad object's power.
00:05:22 Strategies to Minimize Failure
• Preparation and commitment are the first strategies.
• Self-handicapping guarantees failure won't be perceived as such.
00:06:08 Preference for Ambiguity
• Narcissists prefer ambiguous environments for grandiosity.
• Reality's clarity makes it harder for narcissists to self-deceive.
00:07:52 Self-Handicapping as Ego-Syntonic
• Self-handicapping maintains the narcissist's self-perception.
• It is a form of control and mastery over failure.
00:10:09 Self-Handicapping in Moderate Tasks
• Self-handicapping is more likely in moderately difficult tasks.
• Narcissists can claim control over failure or success.
00:12:37 Self-Aggrandizing Attribution
• Success or failure is attributed to the narcissist's superiority.
• Self-handicapping leads to self-aggrandizing attribution.
00:15:39 Self-Presentation and Communication
• Narcissists rarely share self-handicapping stories with others.
• Studies show narcissists only explain when challenged.
00:18:28 Conclusion and Literature Review
• Self-handicapping leads to more task-related problems.
• Narcissism disrupts interpersonal relationships more.
🎉🎉amazing 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
you got a new sub!
really liked this video
Dear Sam, do I make my covert narcissist’s life miserable when I misinterpret self handicapping as a subtle way to obtain assistance ? Like a bad mother who does things instead of his child? But watching these actions make me really scared and I take them as useless risk taking and I begin to take over in a way.
Search the channel for “mothership”.
Weaponized incompetence
@@samvaknin Thank you. I will follow the track. It seems to me now that our own reaction leads us to the next step of abuse.
Brilliant
awesome video
best!!!
Actually pondered technology in Heaven. Can Millenials survive without their gadgets? If they can't get the next iPad release-would they rather go into the potter's ground? I've seen iPhone fanatics that I think would struggle if & when faced with that scenario.
A person has an avoidant attechment style has to be a borderline or a narcissist? Can’t a person has an avoidant attecment without any personality disorder? Can you talk about a man who says I’m not ready for a relationship but I like you so much I don’t know what to do all the time. He ended our relationship suddenly for another woman and blocked me from everywhere. He just keeps saying sorry all the time
Search the channel.
@@samvaknin Doctor there are so many videos about narcissists but only a few about avoidant males. Please make a video about avoidant males and their ghost exes I wanna know how he could come back. He said I never had a relationship to this day and abandoned me. I had a relationship with a covert narcissist before and he had affairs with other girls and told me he loved me the most. Unlike him avoidant man did not cheat me and kept his promisses and did not talk with other girls while we were dating but told me that he’s thinking about an ex girl. I think he wasn’t a covert narcissist but he also said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Once we were close enough for that he just disseppeared. How he come back to me
Aren’t these self-sabotaging examples, too?
No. They amount to the construction of alibis in case of failure.
😂 No worries at all 😂 .
Self handicapping & life long failures ,
are their own life's chosen path .
😂 Not even the almighty can do
anything to such a person . 😂