ADHD Masking: Are you hiding your symptoms?
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- Опубликовано: 17 май 2024
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✨ Chapters:
0:00 Introduction
0:12 The truth about ADHD Masking
0:34 Masking ADHD in childhood
1:09 Common examples of ADHD Masking
1:49 Disadvantages of ADHD Masking
2:44 Unlearning Masking
3:38 Conclusion
Hi 👋 ! My Name is Alice, I created The Mini ADHD Coach in august 2020 when I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 29.
After years of questioning, therapy, burnout, and chaotic career path changes, I finally understood why I struggled with so many things.
So I decided to share what I learned to raise awareness around ADHD and help the ADHD community thrive.
💕 To learn more about ADHD visit www.theminiadhdcoach.com
⭐️Join me on Instagram @the_mini_adhd_coach
🔗 Interesting articles
ADHD & Feeling always tired: www.theminiadhdcoach.com/post...
ADHD & Impulsivity: www.theminiadhdcoach.com/post...
ADHD & Anxiety: www.theminiadhdcoach.com/post...
The truth about ADHD Masking.
People with ADHD don't always feel safe around others who don't have the disorder. We may feel judged and stigmatized by society, and as a coping mechanism, we hide or mask our ADHD symptoms to avoid feeling seen.
Masking doesn't always develop in adults. Sometimes it's learned during childhood. Parents and other grown-ups would sometimes tell us to: « stop fidgeting », « stop talking so much », and "pay attention." While they mean well, children with ADHD symptoms learn that being themselves isn't safe, so they adopt a mask as a survival tool.
Another reason for masking is that most people with ADHD are misunderstood. We can't always comfortably be ourselves around others because we may be labeled rude or weird. And what can ADHD masking look like in different situations? Here are some common examples.
There are times when someone is speaking, and we listen or focus too hard on their words, so we don't miss any details.
Hyperactivity is sometimes masked by trying to feign calmness. But in reality, our mind jumps from one thing to another, and we can't correctly process what's happening at the moment. At social gatherings, we may try to copy other people's behavior to fit in. This can mean suppressing leg bouncing or simply nodding at someone talking, so we don't interrupt. Masking our symptoms can be exhausting, and truthfully, its disadvantages far outweigh its benefits.
One of the pitfalls of masking is that it can end up delaying our ADHD diagnosis. We hide it so well that we may not even recognize that there's already a problem. Remember getting an official diagnosis can help get us a proper treatment plan from a psychologist.
Another risk of masking is developing anxiety and depression. Because we bottle up so much stress without expressing it, the feelings might surface as fear, worry, loneliness, or even anger.
Lastly, we're not able to live as our genuine selves and express what we truly feel. We may feel that we're becoming someone else entirely because of our mask.
🎬 Credits
Animation: John Norman Santos
📚 Sources
Cuncic, A. (2021). What Is ADHD Masking? Very Well Mind. [www.verywellmind.com/what-is-...](www.verywellmind.com/what-is-...)
Enright, J. (2021). I was Masking so Long, I Lost Myself. Medium. [ / i-was-masking-for-so-l... ]( / i-was-masking-for-so-l... )
Rogue Neuron (n.d.). ADHD Spotlight: 7 Things to Know About Masking. Rogue Neuron. [rogueneuron.com/7-things-to-k...](rogueneuron.com/7-things-to-k...)
Do you often hide your ADHD traits 👀?
Everyday. I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD Combined last year.
Yes, a lot. I’m almost 100% sure I have ADHD. However, I am smeared to tell my parents about it. My parents think therapy is for “the weak.” I really don’t know what to do.
@@fezhats_willhappen just talk to someone it can really help. You can always let your parents know whenever you are ready or not at all. It's about you getting the support or advice that you need.
I don't go out of my way to. I also don't go out of my way to make sure everyone knows I have ADHD.
If they figure it out, good for them. If they just think I'm an idiot, good for them. Not my problem either way.
Y'all heard the term "neurodivergent" and started planning a pride parade. smh
I hide my ADHD always, because otherwise people are bullying me. 😢
But they are bully me anyway.
This was my predicament. I masked my inattentive ADHD so well.. that when I finally got diagnosed a lot of people didn't believe that I had it. So, in my head I was like... "you dont think I have it? watch me NOT mask." So when I wouldn't mask, people thought I was faking it because I was now behaving normally without having to pretend. It was a vicious cycle. >_
Im going through this now my parents think im using adhd as an excuse for all my problems and i really need treatment
I had on person, a retired psychologist, tell me I didn't have ADHD the day we met. He then proceeded to point out my stimming and called it anxiety. I have anxiety too but I was stimming to pay attention.
People can be very strange about ADHD at every age but being diagnosed late definitely increases the weirdness. I was 32 when I was diagnosed but that doesn't mean I don't have ADHD, it means that I had to work on my trauma for many years to show that the overlapping symptoms weren't from my PTSD.
So true! ❤️👍
😢
@@emiliesarmiento4115 same, I was diagnosed at an early age but didn't get treatment, even now because they think I have a mild case, and whenever I pointed out my other symptoms they just think I'm lazy, but when I tell them otherwise, they would also think I'm using it as an excuse and thought that I was "proud" of having it.
for so many years i thought i was an introvert because i'd rather spend time alone at home. but then i realized how extroverted i am with people I'm comfortable with. through this, i discovered the reason why i seem introverted. it is because i have to mask to function in the real / professional world (school/work/some friends). i always blamed myself and wonder why i felt so fake even to myself. never really understood how since i knew i only had the best intentions. then i grew up, self assessed, and got clarity after my official ADHD diagnosis. i'd always thought i was strange and was guilty of how i acted.
That's exactly how it feels, " like being fake even to yourself ". Well put.
I relate to this a lot
Hi there, reading your comment feels like someone is describing me. Could you please share some activities that the psychiatrist recommended to you in order to overcome this ADHD?
Oh my god. I think i just figured myself out. I always thought I was an introvert but found that I get lonely easily. I think that I just "socialize" differently. When I'm masking I'm just pretending to socialize like neurotypicals, so it makes me tired instead of happy. But with close friends I can be free.
Introverts can be very social aroused those they enjoy being around too, just to be clear. Your experience is valid, of course, I just wanna make sure there's no confusion.
I am exhausted after too much time with those I love despite it normally being things like parallel play - things that take up very litter energy. I recharge alone regardless of masking or not.
That said I definitely agree that masking is MORE exhausting for me.
Masking almost ruined my life. I masked so well that I didn’t even know I had ADHD( diagnosed @25). I was so good at pretending to be “normal” that I deal with serious identity issues at times. This video helped a lot I will be watching a lot more of your content from now on.
Any tips on finding somewhere to get professionally assessed?
I'm not in school or anything but I don't know where to look.
I'm almost 20 and realized I have far too many symptoms especially now that I know what masking is.
Is there hope?
@@Twofirmfeet1024 there is, I've been working on it and I have made great progress in taking down the mask. I don't think I'll ever get rid of it completely (I don't think I want to either) but my mental state and quality of life has improved.
@@cyanpumawarriorofhope384 I had my primary doctor refer me for neuropsychological testing.
This is literally the exact same thing that happened to me (@27). This just got diagnosed so I am still trying to almost rationalize it? As if it may have been incorrectly diagnosed since I have gotten so used to being the normal "put together" person. Even though so many of those signs/symptoms hit so close to home lol.
When I'm talking to someone and they tell me a long story with lots of details, I find it incredibly difficult to pay attention. No matter how hard I try, I end up tuning out at some point, and then have to discretely get back on track without letting on that I'm lost. I do this to some extent every single day, even with the people I care about the most. I've learned how to look like I'm listening and interested. Every time it happens I feel selfish. Sometimes I feel stupid, too. It used to be absolute hell when I worked for employers who gave me a lot of verbal instructions at once. I've been hiding my struggles all my life. I did fine in school, so nobody noticed. I think it's time to get assessed, but on the outside it looks like I'm holding it together pretty well at this point in my life so I wonder if I could really be diagnosed.
wait this is literally me
When my mom tells me to do anything, I just tell her "send it to me on Whatsapp"
Then she's like "really? There's just one thing to do"
"Yes, I'll forget about it, send it on whatsapp"
Frankly just be open to people about not remembering stuff, it'll make your life easier
Looking like you’re holding up well doesn’t mean it should be looked past. I do the same exact thing and am pressing my parents to get me diagnosed because it has been a struggle my whole life. Your feelings are valid and it’s definitely worth a visit to a psychologist to get a diagnosis so you can get the help you need!
I have the same problem, and my (step) father always tells what happened in full detail, he takes forever to finish. ,,,
There should be a "meeting at the halfway point" there I think, people cannot expect other people to listen to enless stories about mundane events, or to remember a kilometre long list of instructions, even if the person they are talking to doesn't have ADHD
@@a_921 my bf and parents are prone to this. I have a “speed it up” hand gesture I use with them. It’s basically just to tell them that I’m invested in getting to the end/point of their story, but they need to speed it up because I’m losing interest.
All this ADHD masking behavior applies to me especially the part where you mimic someone's actions when they're talking to you..but deep inside you're thinking about that thing you're hyperfocused on. I have also started to cut off people who are toxic to my life and I feel better. Meds alone don't help.
Mimicking someone’s actions during a conversation is actually normal
@@ngonz89BUT not if you have ADHD!
I was evaluated multiple times when I was younger, and was told that I have ADD (at the time it wasn't generalized). My parents didn't want me to have to live with that diagnosis so they rejected it. Now I'm an adult and want to get diagnosed. Videos like this validate me. Thank you.
I had a teacher who had ADHD, she told my parents that I might also have it. My mom accused me of copying my teacher to be like her and it was never looked into again.
Also, she was my favorite teacher, because I felt like she was the only person besides my brother who understood me.
It is a shame your parents put their own issues with the stigma of the label above your right to educational adjustments.
@@jessehenderson2967 I wish I knew someone like that in my life, it could've been so much easier to tell everything to someone who also has it without worrying about repercussions. I know that I'm not alone but from where I live, I feel alone since there was no one there who also has it.
I had also been evaluated as a kid and diagnosed with ADD some time around when I was in middle school. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I could only sigh and shake my head at how the medical staff (be it doctor, nurse, database updating person, or whoever has the permissions to update someone's medical records) handled the change. Rather than adding an ADHD diagnosis to my medical record, they updated the original ADD diagnosis so it looks like I had been diagnosed with ADHD back a decade or so ago instead of just recently. I'm not really bothered by it, but it makes for a good question if you're seeking a diagnosis.
I can see both views of "don't let the label define you" and "find the label to know the why" of seeking a diagnosis. Overall, I would say that we all have something, as my mom would say. We all have something that we struggle with and have to bear as a burden. I love to push myself to see people just as they are - human. We have similar and different things we do, say, and look like. If it's not hurting or grieving anyone else, let's try to settle conflicts with compassion and some compromise. Can you imagine a teacher being willing to offer kids who are tactile learners to draw during class on a coloring page that relates to the lesson? People are often quiet fun and different and interesting, but I know they can be mean and heatless, too. I wish I could be the person to help restore your faith in humanity and the Creator. 🙂
But now I need to do homework that I've been putting off all day. 😅
I was diagnosed with an executive functioning disorder as a kid. I’m now seeking a diagnosis bc I’m pretty sure I have inattentive ADHD. Maybe the parameters have changed a lot since I was tested, but I also think I wasn’t diagnosed bc of under-diagnosis in girls.
I feel like i don't mask my symptoms because I want to but my anxiety is surpressing my ADHD symptoms. My anxiety is so bad that I still always manage to be on time and I prefer to hand in important documents earlier than too late. In addition, I notice how I am always restless and have a very poor attention span, but the fear of being noticed suppresses that and makes me fake attention and calmness to the outside. There are other examples too.
This makes it so hard to get a diagnosis because no doctor understand that anxiety can suppress ADHD symptoms.
Anxiety means you are in bad situation, a situation or atmosphere that is poisoning you, that means you are extremely low on vitamins (especially B vitamins) and minerals (especially potassium).
You have to change your situation to stop being poisoned by it and you have to support your body by eating only healthy: - no sugars/ carbohydrates, no artificial sweeteners / dyes / taste increasing stuff etc., no coffee, no coffein, no Alkohol. Eat lots of green vegetables especially crusifurous vegetables like cabbage, cale etc. Also due to stress it could be very helpful to supplement especially all b vitamins, potassium, magnesium, salt, zinc, copper, calcium , iron (Fe), also plenty vitamin c.
Also eat Sourkraut, Kimchi and Kefir every day, 2 to 3 times a day.
You have to stabilize your body and your central nervous system (thats what B vitamins and minerals are for)!
Also eat at least 4 or 5 eggs per day (only pasture raised organic eggs), wild caught salmon (due to omega 3), also red meat -> gras fed organic beef, also eat nuts and seeds.
Maybe Dr. Eric Berg can help with more information.
@@morio9284 thanks but healty nutrition didn't work for me. Actually I'm already eating healty and I'm taking supplements. But it doesn't change anything :(
I feel you, in lectures I'm always taking notes, but I do it because I know I can't listen otherwise and I'm scared to miss something, to others it just looks like I'm a good student
This is exactly what happened to me. I got treated for anxiety and once that was curbed ADHD popped up in full effect.
You know, if I do end up having adhd (if I ever get diagnosed (I’m speculating not self diagnosing!!)) I must have a pretty good mask. Literally the only people who have noticed the symptoms (not including me till literally a month or so ago) are other people with adhd; and now that I’ve started to notice them myself, I’m realizing I have a lot of them, and that I showed alot of them in elementary. Then once I hit middle school? Boom. Introvert.
I literally only made friends by other people talking to me first, and then feeling anxiety because I didn’t want to bother someone.
(My dad also so has it, and was diagnosed at 40.)
THANK YOU for not specifying masking 'in women'! As a male, I have been masking professionally my entire life, yet most media attention on adhd alwayyyyys says that is only women who mask / can mask
I have a daughter that may have ADHD and as a new parent I feel like I have failed her. These videos and your instagram are helping me more to understand her.
i'm really glad my parents showed me articles and told me about the science behind adhd and what's actually going on in my head from a young age, i know a lot of my friends grew up with their parents gaslighting them, it's really great that you're putting in an effort to understand her more, there is no way that's something a failure parent would do :)
You haven’t failed her if you’re actively learning and trying to better her life ♥️
The fact that you’re here says that you did not failed her. None of my family even knows what ADHD is.
Are you trying to get her a diagnosis? That's a positive step.
I know you haven’t failed your daughter. How? Because you are actively watching videos to find ways to support them in their struggles.
You are far from failing your child, you are doing great!
Your videos so far have been very well done and remind me a lot of Psych2Go (different mental health channel, covers a lot more but with less specifics). You have a very soothing voice and a soft art style that just makes me feel comfortable
Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 23. I didn’t know I had it until I starting seeing more people talk about their experience with it, and being diagnosed with it online. My own best friend has it and I didn’t realize I had it until someone else brought it up.
Once I got a new therapist, I didn’t disclose that I thought I had ADHD because I didn’t consider it to be a big deal, and didn’t want to self diagnose. From talking to me for a few hours over multiple sessions, my therapist brought up the possibility of me having ADHD. I never mentioned it, but said I had suspected I may have it after she brought it up. We discussed it over an entire session, then she sent me the diagnostic sheet. I filled it out, then at our next session we discussed why I chose those answers and what specific real-life examples I could provide for each thing and why I felt that way. She then diagnosed me with ADHD (and PTSD, which I had no idea I had, but made total sense once she explained why) and so now we’ve been focusing on how I can improve certain things in my life that I have trouble with due to ADHD.
I’m not on medication (though I do sometimes wish I was on because ADHD can be debilitating to have). It’s nice knowing I’m not so weird or strange for doing or saying the things I do, it was because I have had ADHD for so long. I thought it was just a normal part of me, that was weird to everyone else around me. Turns out, I have a lot of issues because of my ADHD and soooo many things make so much sense now!
I wish I can be diagnosed by your therapist, she must be a good doctor, where I live it's still a taboo to go to a therapist, and since I found out about ADHD in women and their late diagnosis, I am thinking that I have it, or may be something else, I always thought I'n different, introverted, gifted in art and other design hobbies like crocheting, photography,etc and the big fact that had me think I have ADHD was self sabotage, I do this a lot to myself, my brain voices can't stop telling me why I am procrastinating cleaning my room or deleting the snapshots on my phone, or organising my wardrobe, it gets worse if I blame myself for not making any art work😢 and I even cry and get easily tears in my eyes even over a cartoon romantic or sad scene! Can this still be considered ADHD? I don't know and I'm afraid of talking about it cause I know everyone will think I'm thirsty for attention or so cause in their eyes I am a successful woman ( got a management job, work under pressure, make art although never sold it and never had my own exhibition) etc etc
I'm 37, and I've started listening about ADHD since last October because I noticed my daughter (8 yo) is too distracted at school, never finishes copying what's on the blackboard, and has a rough time doing homework. A few months ago, my mom was at home and saw me dealing with her at home, and told me "you were the same at her age," and I remembered that my oldest son was the same too. I've been battling with depression, anxiety, and poor time management since I can remember, so I told my mum that maybe the three of us have undiagnosed ADHD. She's been a psicopedagogist for the last 16 years (or so), and she immediately laughed at me and said, "No way, you're just disorganized and lazy." Can she be in the wrong?
Yes, she can be wrong. The amount of times I see people with ADHD being called lazy and disorganized is insane. It is the adhd and I believe it can run in the family. Definitely get everyone checked by a health professional. It might just explain of things and help.
The same with me(( my mum is the best nwurologist in the city, always fight with me sience childhood that i can never make my bed, change my clothes , elementary routine things were problem for me, at school i had ver low academic points as well.... i was called always lazy an inacurate... now in my 40 ies im diagnosed with AHDH and mum says that my father was the same problenatic behaviors and so he had the same syndrom so, now my daugter the same((( she cant guess the clock 10 years, looses her books often, forgets homework, all the house in a mass and have no reaction, but can swim well
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 23 years old. It definitely was the masking that delayed my diagnosis
Oh, really. I was never diagnosed due to parent negligence and that doctors assuming that I just wanted medication and a disability paycheck. Must be easier for you as a woman. Being a minority male, having ADHD is a disadvantage not only in social life but also in work and school life because people assume that you are a drug addict, lazy, and just want ADHD to have a disability exemption.
The frustrating thing is many people just don't care, even if you try to inform them. There seems to be this belief ADHD isn't actually disabling, is just about being a little hyper, is something you outgrow, etc. It makes it feek pointless to try to explain it to others and stop masking in a society that obviously does not care.
I don't think I'm really masking, however, if I'm forced to engage in small talk, I do think like "what might interest _normal_ people?" Luckily for me, small talk is not such a menacing, widespread plague here in Northern Europe as it is in USA. I suspect ADHD makes me care too little about this to mask. XD
I don't mask very much, either. Yes, at work, or when first meeting a bunch of strangers. I certainly mask, or as I think of it, be on my best behaviour. It's possible that in Canada there's not so much small talk either, but I don't know about that. Once I realized that small talk is just a way to say "I recognize you as a fellow human. You are worthy of attention." I don't mind it at all. I'll gladly talk about the weather, why not?
But even when I try so very hard, I don't care enough to keep it up long term. I can do it for about 2 weeks at a job, or 3 days with friends. After that, it's too much effort, and I usually find that if I've made a good impression (actually, people see me as bland, intelligent, responsible, and utterly boring when I am masking, so I am not sure it's a good impression exactly, but it's not "incompetent idiot" so at least there's that) then my personality peeking out is celebrated and welcome.
And after that, I still manage my ADHD (ask for updates on friend before I start to talk to make sure I don't dominate the conversation, don't rattle the table by shaking my leg, watch out for signs I am annoying someone, etc) but that's just being considerate. I'm not hiding.
Actually, this might explain why I can't meet someone and make friends immediately. I always thought I had to "grow on people", like they'd gradually get used to me and then start to like me. But actually, I am masking when I meet someone new, so no wonder I don't make friends quickly! (All my friends come from friends of friends, or being thrown together for a period of time, like a class or long-term carpooling arrangement.)
So glad I’m able to learn all this. In my childhood I always felt like there was something ”wrong” with who I truly was, like I was some sort of monster. Now that I’ve learned more I’m angry at anyone who made me feel this way. Some things are just beyond my control and it’s unfair that I’ve been so judged even when it doesn’t affect anyone else. I like myself for who I am now, I’m glad I can keep learning instead of feeling misunderstood.
It wasn’t until I was 22 when I started thinking I had adhd (something I noticed only once I began a friendship with someone who has very hyperactive adhd and I realized I acted a lot like her when we were alone) and I didn’t get a diagnosis until two months ago, right before my 25th birthday. I never realized how much I masked until I didn’t need to anymore
I was diagnosed with ADHD @23, it was a shocker for me even tho my psychiatrist told me I was textbook ADHD, I was in denial for a while until I accepted it. As a female and A+ student, my whole life I have found ways to cope with ADHD even before I know I have it. But I was under so much pressure, because I felt something was off, I’ve always felt overwhelmed trying to fit in. Also, being naturally hyperactive all the time as an adult I always faced this question “are you always like that? At work, in uni, with friends …etc. That’s why I always loved being alone than around people, because I often find masking exhausting or I simply cannot deal with overstimulation or other things. Eventually, I made peace with the fact that I have ADHD, I’m still learning about it, and spreading awareness in my community to break the stigma associated with the diagnosis. In the end, it is truly a blessing and a curse.
I have Adhd and I struggled with that and still do. I will say I stopped caring that people got annoyed by my fidgeting. I either bounce my leg tap my fingers on my leg, or do both with scrolling through a phone lolol. Like choose your poison and deal with it. Also dealing with rude people who try to devalue you and act like your adhd isn't real. It caused me to stop holding back on no longer being a doormat. If someone doesn't like how I am and I annoy them or I feel that way about someone else. It's time to move on. I think learning to love myself and the things I can control has helped me not feel so scared of people anymore. I now have intense eye contact lol and don't tolerate rudeness.
Today is my 25th birthday and I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago. A lot of my symptoms are inattentive, and I did well in school so it took me a long time to realize what was going on. I also developed an anxiety disorder and mild depression from the years of masking. So much of this video is really relatable for me, and I’m glad content like this exists to educate people and hopefully help destigmatize ADHD so we don’t have to mask as much in the future 💖
My form of masking is studying and working late so I sleep 4-5 hours every day. Went to the psychologist, told her about all the ADHD symptoms I am experiencing. She said it's just a lack of organisation skills.
Yeah. As if I didn't already try and plan and organise as much as I can.
The more I am seeing these vids and reading the comments the more I think I might have ADHD too. So thank you for sharing your experiences!
this especially at school, masking gets so exhausting that by the time i get home, all i wanna do is hit the bed but cant since i have to do some assignments and stuff. sitting on the chair for hours is a torture even and its been like this for many years. sometimes id get so anxious and when the class hour is done and its time to get up and leave, its like i've been poured cold water and i feel intense relief that its over. then i'd hate myself for feeling so anxious for no reason.
I blame myself so much for hating to attend lectures and wanting good grades at the same time.
I just got diagnosed at 40. I didn’t know I had it. I didn’t know I was masking-I was just performing how you’re supposed to after a lifetime of being told I was wrong in some way. (Too loud, too direct, too emotional, too quiet, too passive, too serious-you seriously can’t win.)
Now that I’ve been diagnosed and the people around me I trust know, I’ve started controlling these small behaviors less and seeing myself for the first time. Like, if I’m just hanging with a friend and I seem kind of scattered, that’s ok! They get it. If I’m feeling chatty, I’m allowed to just BE chatty. I’m glad for all the coping skills I’ve learned along the way about how to be a person in the world, and now I get to try on some other behaviors that it turns out are not that bad after all.
This video made me cry. Thank you. That was literally most of my life until my late 20’s. I see now that I guess I stopped to actively hide it and started accepting myself more. And now in my early 30s I have been diagnosed and it has been helping me understand so many things about me and my life that I never did before and only brought me depression, anxiety, and anger. Constantly frustrated and overwhelmed.
I really did not even imagine how much “just” becoming aware that I have a condition and “just” learning about it could help. It’s life changing.
I find myself masking at certain times but I've never seen it as a negative thing since I don't think I mask "to much".
Some examples would be
-Making sure I don't interrupt at times where there's no reason too
-Noticing how fast I'm walking indoors and slowing down
-Noticing my racing thoughts and taking a second to breath and slow then down
-If I'm shaking my legs to intensely (when I mean intensely I mean rocking the car I'm in or when I'm about to break the sound barrier with how fast/hard I'm shaking) I'll slow it down or rest my foot on the floor flat for a second or two.
I've never really felt like I've forgotten who I was or that I wasn't being my real self because even while these things can be a little annoying to pay attention too I've always had my group of friends who are aware of my adhd and aren't judgemental of it.
Having an outlit with my friends to be 200% with helps. Sometimes if we can't hang out I'll even just stream and say whatever comes to mind when I'm playing games and release it that way.
It helps me, forgot what the point I was trying to make was. Good video.
That's awesome. I also grew up being about to vent to friends about what was in my head and my home life. It's really really helped. Literally don't know what would be happened without support. One of girls I still know from elementary and we both talk openly about our issues. It's nice to have an ear
Who else is supposed to be listening but reading and writing comments
Ive been masking since i was 6. Ive struggled with mental health my entire life. On and off antidepressents the last 20 years and been through multiple councellors. Broken relationships and friendships and no connection with my family as they were a huge part of my trauma. Diagnosed with CPTSD, BPD, Alcohol Abuse Disorder and spent a week in our local mental health ward. Ive never had any support yet ive spent my whole life supporting everyone else in hopes of being loved and accepted. My inner child is beyond broken but my current therapist is amazing and being diagnosed with ADHD this week has helped me understand the last 30yrs of my life 🥲 Im a solo mum of 2 children and never understood why they were different but its all making sense now and my 13yr old son is being assessed this week. Thank you for making these videos and raising awareness ❤️
This all sounds like me except I've never been to a pysch ward as a patient although I've though about it a time or few in my life 😅 I actually work in a pysch ward and actually learned what ADHD is and it is me to a T. Currently in the process of trying to get help and get an assessment. I'm 34 years old and all my life since a teen I was told I had depression, anxiety and OCD. And the meds I was on for it really never helped my anxiety. Now I'm learning that my anxiety is probably caused by the ADHD bc of how our brains work.
I masked so well that I didn't get diagnosed till 31 years old. Despite the fact that I didn't start talking till 4 years old (a huge red flag for neurodivergent conditions), struggled IMMENSELY in school (I was soooo "intelligent" that I couldn't be struggling, I was just "being lazy" and not "paying attention"), had a horrible and unreliable memory, and was late to everything no matter how many structures I tried to put in to deal with it (starting from 2nd grade). I even convinced myself so many times that I didn't have it until my current therapist took the initiative to investigate properly; and in finding old childhood report cards with teacher commentary, letters I wrote to my own teachers about what I was struggling, and jogging old painful memories relating to my symptoms, we were able to finally determine. I'll tell you what, I have never been more validated in my life, and I now have the means to deal with it and redesign my life and my environment to suit myself and my needs instead of constantly trying to shape it by "normal" standards that make sense for everyone else but me.
Thank you for sharing this! It feels good to know I’m not alone
i spent 35 years of my life, using my intuition, hyperfocus, hyper perception, anxiety and whatever the heck else to figure out how not to be myself.
i would mask so much in high school in order to fit in, and then i got home and the mask would come off but i'd be so exhausted from masking that i'd lash out at my parents and loved ones. On top of some raging hormones, high school wasn't a pleasant experience
I had been masking for a few years now and recently, I think I got tired of it or something. But I let out everything and it was not a good decision. Everyone is talking bad around me and now I'm struggling to see the goodness in the people around me
im so thankful i got my diagnosis early (13). my symptoms were so loud (executive function, grades, interrupting, etc) that i couldn’t really mask because i was unaware of the effect my ADHD and i had on my own life and others. but i felt very different from other people, “not knowing what’s wrong with me”, so thankfully my dad helped me with my diagnosis which cleared up a whole lot.
i mask more than ever to this day actually, because theres insecurity when it comes to my past mistakes and my (still) trouble focusing and shame with executive dysfunction among other symptoms. i dont want to put that into the air and feel the same troublesome cycle of: hey cool idea, impulsive action, reactions of others, guilt. rather spare that time and energy, and those good relationships.
its crazy they say ADHD goes away in adulthood… but its not like it actually moved out, it just got shoved into the social norms closet and bangs on the door till ya get home.
i hope everyone finds some sense of relief even if you dont have a diagnosis or got it late, just be you and live as much as you can now. doesnt matter how late. dont be ashamed of your brain cause you only got one ❤️ even when the world is against you you always have yourself. we as neurodivergents need to try to pass on erasing as much stigma as possible. so go do something weird or (safely) inappropriate to someone you trust today! dont worry i did it too ^_^ itll help!
I went to a center today to ask about the steps to obtain a diagnosis , I was so anxious because I went in without any appointment (litteraly I passed near by so I went in)
This is the first video about ADHD masking I’ve ever seen and I feel like it really validates me as I could have inattentive ADHD
I had just noticed that you bounce the little characters or make them pulse, I think this is an amazing way to make, or get a person who has ADHD, to focus on the screen, and you explain so well, you are amazing, thanks
Great informative video ! Nice art style and animation too 🤩
Can't wait to see more of these ♥️
masking for me is something i struggle with so much. i got diagnosed at 9, and masking is something i’ve done for so long. i’ve also been diagnosed with depression at like i think 13? and i feel like masking definitely played a big role in that. i havent felt quite like myself in so long
my brother also has adhd like me, my parents were pretty positive he had it when he started showing symptoms but weren’t concerned with me because i typically didn’t show as severe of signs as he did. i saw how much he was struggling and didn’t want to be in his place so i masked. it wasn’t until i started feeling more comfortable with myself and my mental health was improving when my parents noticed the symptoms so we got me tested and sure enough i had it. what i learned is that adhd is part of you, you shouldn’t need to mask who you are. adhd makes us unique and if it annoys people, they are just going to have to put up with it because it is who i am.
Your last statement is only true to a certain extent.
I knew a dude that had ADHD and I think might be autistic. Man was deadset on living true to himself, but it was sorta hard to join in on conversations he was dominating, and there were a few incidents (blowing up at some random father and his kid over basically nothing when me and the homies went airsofting) (transphobia to a trans member in the homie group chat and then doubling down on it) that were downright awful.
Being authentic to yourself is important and I respect it since I've only just started letting myself come out of my shell again after being conditioned to heavily mask my own ADHD and experiences with mental illness for so long, but there's no point ignoring reality. While I do think we can choose kind, thoughtful people to keep around us as friends, it do be true that society as a whole is still insanely ignorant about ADHD. God, ADHD meds is an entire other topic I could rant about because of people's ignorance. But I digress. We can't expect people to deal with our ADHD or just leave because it's important to make sure we're respecting other people as well. Sorry, I'm not saying you don't do that, but I guess I'm on guard for people who might be going down that track.
Thank you for posting this!! Yes, more of this please💖💖💖💖💖
Im diagnosed with adhd and
Yea its hard and tiring to mask this but i really dont believe that i can be myself ever in my life
But all these symphtoms and all the things im experiencing .. other people are also experiencing the same and im not alone..they all have an explanation now
Knowing all these things are making me feel sooo good im so happy now
Im so happy i even teared up a bit while watching the vid and reading the comments
Its like everything wrong with me suddenly has an explanation and its such a good feeling
All these years feeling like i dont fit to any where
And now im learning more about adhd and its like im getting to know about myself for real for the first time
(Im sorry for my English its not my mother language)
My doctor told me she's almost certain I have ADHD/ADD and this makes SO MUCH SENSE!!!
This is great on so many levels. The unlearning of the mask is something I've always longed for yet never really knew how. Only recently after many years am I starting to free myself of that burden. It is hard.
Thank you. Need this for my playlist of things i need to list down for when i actually build up the strength to get this checked out
I suspect I have ADHD, and I never really thought about the things I do to mask my behavior until it's spelled out. It's habits that become so ingrained that to me it's less masking and more integrating. It's hard to separate me from the mask.
I must have been pretty darn good at masking, because I wasn't diagnosed until I was 60 years old. By my therapist. Who I had been seeing twice a week for about 3 years for a couple of things I was going through. At one point he basically said, I'd like to give you a test. Sure enough, ADHD. He was pretty certain of it thanks to our sessions. But the test results confirmed it.
60 years of trying to act "neurotypical." I might have avoided (unwittingly) the diagnosis for all that time, but the failures that piled up..... The only times I felt like I was doing OK in life were those rare times when one or more of my more ADHD symptoms was actually wanted.
Anyway, masking.... I was pretty driven to conform, so yeah, I must have masked and masked and masked until I got so burned out that I needed to see a therapist.
The biggest issue with masking is that if you don't know you have something you're trying to mask and don't know what masking is, you just end up feeling totally unreal and fake (because all you are is a series of masks). Once you know what the problem is and what masking is you start to discover how many you have. From the outside this looks like - we get diagnosed and then we get worse, which opens us up to accusations of performing, playing up to the diagnosis, indulging, etc. When really all we're doing is laying down the masks.
a trigger for me is, what i didnt knew before and was surprised by it, is the sentence "you talk a lot, don't you?" or "you shouldn't talk so much or loud, its annoying"
i actually don't talk often, when i do then i am in a good mood or enjoy the situation i am in..
and i still get overheard a lot, always was.. so its hurtful to be told i am too loud..
it became a big insecurity
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child in the 80s. The only treatment for it at the time was Methylphenidate or Ritalin. I was on the Methylphenidate. it was also considered only in children at the time so once I hit jr high I was take off. Many of these masking things are definitely things I do.
BRUH these are so good m8 keep it up! Can't wait until you get a quadrillion subs cause you deserve it!
Awwwww thank you so much 🥺💕🙏 !!
I find it hard connecting as everyone i know literally thinks they have ADHD because of vids they have seen on tiktok and I'm finding it hard to express how i feel because whatever i am struggling with really affects my life
This was great! Thank you! ❤
I was diagnosed literally 3 days ago today and im really having trouble accepting the label of ADHD although I know that’s just my mask talking preventing me from accepting my true self. This is all so crazy to think about considering I didn’t even know what masking was before like 7 minutes ago (I rewinded a bit, probably a common symptom I know 😅).
Either way thank you ADHD coach, you’ve earned yourself another subscriber.
Today my psychology professor told the class that ADHD on adults get better and you don't need meds anymore. I wanted to die
I do this so much at school and extracurricular activities
My fear, now that I have gathered so many clues about my probable ADHD and have learned to behave well and mask the symptoms so effectively, trying to fit into a society that demands high performance at all costs, is that my condition will not be recognized and diagnosed. In two days, I will have the diagnostic testing session, and I'm truly worried that my true condition won't fully emerge. I have been battling against myself for 39 years to please others, but now I just want some justice for myself.
Excellent video, I love your style! X x x
Shoot, I’ve been diagnosed since the late 80s but didn’t really read about masking until recently. I feel like it’s basically my whole personality now (probably spend at least 80% of any interaction wondering if I’m acting normal enough).
omgggg i follow your instagram and just discovered that you have a youtube channel 😊 i love your content; instant subscribe 💜
I'm 48 now. When I was a child in my country and especially in my small town nobody heard of adhd or autism. I'm rather inattentive type but i could listen what teachers say so i have good grades in primary and have label of capable flax... i done most things at last moment so masking was not so hard but I knew I'm different and feel worse and guilty that I don't achieve more... in high school was much harder, grades were worse but I gone to technical school on thing that was my passion so from some subjects I excelled or ashamed teachers... college was a catastrophe... but with my skills i found a job where I was tolerated but with time it was harder and then I added family, kids and became very hard... as you said in film i developed depression wich I treat now but I'm still not properly diagnosed
Such a wholesome video, I wish more people get to see this video and learn a lot about ADHD
Share it on as many social media platforms as you can 🙂
i got diagnosed at age 29 cuz i've been masking my whole life
I feel losing my job because I learn to stop masking far outweigh the cons of masking. New job and I feel my new coworkers are not very receptive of the issue of someone having ADHD. Third day and was already pulled into the office by my manager due to a coworker complaining of me talking over them and constantly comparing the task they are teaching me to what I learned in past jobs.
I was shook on how I relate and realize I have almost every of these traits
i love this channel!!
I really think I have adhd and I asked my parents if I could get diagnosed but they just talked it off and said ,,even if you have adhd getting diagnosed is not gonna help you‘‘. I think because I have undiagnosed adhd I try to hide it and keep overthinking little things that are not even valuable, even my friends say that I’m overthinking way too much, but I just can’t help it.
Diagnosed at 17 (still too late I feel) and my whole school experience entirely inverted. Went from c- across the board to mostly A's and a couple B's. I wish I had been diagnosed around kindergarten and grade 1 or even as far back as preschool it was so obvious that I was having adhd problems. I have that 1-2 knockout punch combination type. (im pretty sure cause there was still add classification at the time i think)It upsets me greatly to think about where I could've been and what I could've done
I haven't been diagnosed yet, but my siblings and mother do have ADHD. I am at the point where I feel if I don't mask my inattentiveness, my grades will drop like a rock due to it being quite bad. I've only now noticed that I've even been masking around my close family. Never noticed until now.
Thank you❤!
does this lady’s voice prevent anyone else from being able to watch the video? i get that asmr vibe is soothing to some, but it makes my skin crawl…
I know the video means well, very useful information , but imma use it as ASMR to sleep as well.
This video just brought back a memory of my mom yelling at me because I was constantly snapping my fingers oder whistling. But I just couldn't help myself.
i got diagnosed 2-3 years ago at the age of 20. i was sure i don't have it.. but it made sense and i literally am so adhd.. never noticed it bcs of maskinf
still need autism diagnosis bcs i am sure i have both
I went to two doctirs already and they told me that because I'm a grown up (24yo) I should learn how to handle it and that "not everybody has to be a genius". But thats healthcare in Poland in a nutshell.
3:02 Are there help groups near my location? Southland, New Zealand 😮 My doctor doesn't know of any and he suggested I go online to seek help, kinda washing his hands of me once he'd prescribed my medicines schedule 😬😔
I think outside of business spaces (and maybe some new public spaces) I really don’t mask much and stopped when I was super young because I found it too hard to do
Thank you for it being only 4 minutes long. And I'm typing this 2 minutes in ^^
After all these years of masking I have 1 question: How can I go back when I don't know who I used to be? :)
I need one of those hats.
We as adults train children how to mask and not realize it:
"Get somewhere and sit down."
"Think before you speak/don't ask dumb questions."
"Stop stimming."
"What did I just say?"
"Find something to do quietly."
I think my 9yr old girl masks as she has very explosive moods sometimes & it's like pent up aggression. She even threatens to kill us over the slightest things when shes in this mood & her eyes totally change.
You’re probably raising a future serial killer
i believe i had inattentive adhd during my hs days (not diagnosed yet but i know i am weird).
i felt so restricted during elem days and at home that whenever im at school, i do anything i want. if i wanted to read a book, i go to the library. if i wanted to sit on a swing, i do that shit. if i want to draw, i stay at my seat and just draw.
i wasnt social but never had i felt lonely by myself, until my classmates didnt invite me to their swimming trip, or that they didnt gave me a lollipop when they were handing it. In time, i started to masked myself, coz i think ppl didnt like me at all. i thought to myself, ive already started this shit, might as well finish it. i masked myself but also kept my antisocial demeanor.
I've been told to pay attention to detail, but I've never been told to be quiet, stop talking, or I talk too much by parents but people outside of them.... definitely. I've masked, around judgemental people
That's why I've always enjoyed alone time as an aquarius
My therapist helped me navigate my ADHD after receiving back results of my official diagnosis
This is sadly so accurate…
In my country are not so many doctors, who specialises on adhd, and their appointments cost 2-3 times more, than the regular ones, so it's really hard to get the diagnosis and needed treatment...
This is a great video that also applies 1 to 1 for autistic people as well. Unmasking is so importand to life a healthy life.
I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time-
I’m sorry i just had to, the video is really good btw, I relate
Anybody else get horrible headaches from masking at school all day?
I’m so good at masking, not even a neuropsych evaluation could detect i have adhd
omg i used to do this all the time at school and only when I was with close friends, I would act so crazy
Minute you said talk to somebody you trust about it I've talked to my parents about what I've been feeling and they tell me that they would have seen the signs of ADHD when I was a kid but I'm also a girl and they probably wouldn't have and I also have two brothers that have ADHD and I really hope that they'll be able to help me get a diagnosis because I need something to explain the things that are wrong with me and I need something to help because I don't know what I'm doing I don't know what I'm going to do and I feel like I should know what I'm doing and what I'm going to do but I don't and it's awful
@King 🤴🏾 no. But here's to hoping.
@Rodrick da lion I can't drive 😅
@Rodrick yeah, I'll look into that
I feel like I have been masking since my childhood, and after 30 years it's starting to affect me.
Looking forward to get treatment in about 1½ years, have an appointment in october of 2024.
Gonna be nice to get some professional help.
I started making when I was young and didn't even realize it until I was in my twenties. By then, I was so used to masking that I even now I don't know how to NOT mask
I'm still having a hard time with stopping masking my thoughts and all that, so when I told my therapist I'm having random thoughts all the time and they go everywhere at once, he got really confused and prescribed me schizophrenia meds. They do seem to help tho, so I'm not complaining)
Is it masking when you are in social situations where you know it's best to pay attention and so you try your best to? I don't have a diagnosis yet but before realizing I could have ADHD, whenever I would play games, I didn't care about paying attention much if I was having fun and goofing off with everyone. However, now I'm in a friend group that takes gaming kind of seriously so I try to pay extra attention and try to focus really hard on my next moves so I'm not lost when it's my turn. I don't know if that would be considered masking.
I had to watch this video at double the normal speed. I get frustrated because i can't do that in real life.. I think that kinda proves why i was lead to this video lol.
although I can’t understand all of content cause of my English skill but when I first heard the words of this I was feeling like it meeee
There is really little content in my country
I always felt different but never knew how then I started seeing stuff about ADHD on my fyp and yk I did my research and stuff and after I was sure I had ADHD I went to a psychologist. He immediately said I don't have it and his only reason was that I wasn't running around the room and was actually able to hold a conversation and pay attention to him even though I checked most of the symptoms. Idk if I'm wrong maybe I don't have ADHD after all? I'm scared to open up to any therapist/psychologist again because he didn't even listen to me before giving me a diagnosis.
I’m so good at masking I guess that now I have an anxiety disorder and exercise, meditation help but aren’t enough :/
I just became someone else because who I was wasn't safe to be. I try to copy people but it is so exhausting and sometimes I'm not good at it. I'm too awkward and now at 40 have no friends except my husband.