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Honestly, it feels like you're the only reasonable woman on RUclips who keeps it real and calls out the truth. I've been following you since my late teens, and I credit you with helping me become aware of this type of attention seeking/victim mentality bs.
Same, I've been watching her since I was in university and I learned so much from her about navigating life, toxic people, how to be confident and move on when a relationship doesn't serve me, I'm so grateful for Shallon and her videos, she's amazing!
I feel like she (and her agents) want to come across as “relatable” because that sells more, and the only thing “relatable” about her is her anxiety, so she constantly pushes that
That’s probably true. I think that’s pretty gross and pandering and just… Unappealing? If that’s the only way you can relate to other people, please get a life KJ!
As someone who actually has diagnosed anxiety, kendall gives me the impression that she uses it as an excuse and a crutch to do whatever mean stuff she wants.
Yes. Ive thought about it too. And maybe she also uses it as an excuse not to go out as much or do so much (she's an introvert) and is constantly compared to her siblings. Even if she really had anxiety is she going to therapy and taking meds if it's so bad? Like is she doing something about it other than complaining?
They most likely need therapy and they won't go and/or don't believe in it...I know ppl like that. Can't really do anything for them but try and be ok yourself
great comment! very informative and interesting, i wanted to know more and just bought his book on self efficacy translated in my language 🎉, i hope to learn from the book. i wish you all the best 😊
I 100% believe this too. I struggle with health anxiety and I think the root cause it a lack of „trust“ in myself that I can handle things and circumstances
I’m someone who struggles severely with anxiety. However, when I see people struggle with it, It makes me think to myself “I need to chill.” Sometimes Seeing other people do what you do is kind of a little wake up call to stop a behavior.
Omg yeah. I have a few family members that suffer from the same issues and it makes me realize how I much I don't want to define myself by my "illness". It's a trap you built yourself! It can be exhausting to be around those family members.
I have chronic anxiety too. The only difference between me and her is that I don't have all the money and resources to get the therapy and medication I need. I get to clock in and clock out everyday and somehow manage all of it. Let her spend one day living as an average American and then see how she feels about her anxiety
Kylie is obviously on Xanax a lot of the times. They are lucky they can get it. I don’t have anxiety but random panic attacks and I hate I’m looked at like a junkie if I try to get it.
I wouldn't mind it as much at this point if she would talk about it with a purpose. At this point we all know she has it I feel for her because I do too. If I was her at this point I'd share about resources or have a mental health podcast or foundation Idk! have to say I really felt the being little with panic attacks and not knowing it . Also the planes. I love to travel but hate flying. It gets annoying yes because it feels like it is the only interesting thing she talks about.
I had pretty severe anxiety in my late teens, but I had an epiphany after my second therapy session. My psychologist said that I need to keep reminding myself that my fears aren't reasonable and I'm thinking, "wow, yeah, never tried *that* before" but then I was like, wait. If *anyone* is in control of my brain, it's me. I'm going to make my brain do what I want it to do from now on. My anxiety got a lot better after that when I stopped acting powerless and started refusing to tolerate intrusive thoughts.
Good for you!!! I think a lot of people on some level enjoy feeling powerless. Because then they don’t have to be responsible for anything. No one blames the passenger when a car crashes you know what I mean? It’s less of a burden and people also get the bonus payout of pity. Win win.
I tried therapy years ago for my anxiety, but noticed I felt worse after every session. I finally started feeling better when I learned to just control my thoughts...I think of it like switching gears in a car, but with my brain lol.
I’ve screenshot your comment because it’s super helpful to think of anxiety that way. I work at the VA and a lot of veterans well into their 60s still claim PTSD from being in Vietnam at age of 19. At some point, I think it’s more so because they get financially-compensated by the government with a monthly check if they still claim to have that diagnosis. But the downside is, they always have to admit to it and talk about it in visits and that probably makes it harder to get over.
The new culture embraces anxiety, puts in a stage, and applauds it. A mild to moderate amount of anxiety is healthy to propel you into action and makes you develop new coping mechanisms for survival.
Girl, this is one of your top messages of all time!!!! I am absolutely cheering from my couch. I admittedly have addressed clinical depression and anxiety since 1990. I am in EMDR therapy and I have a psychiatrist. However!!!! When you brought up volunteering in the community you hit the nail on the head!!! Get out of yourself and you get a new pair of glasses. Being of service is the best antidepressant I’ve ever tried! Love you 😘
I'd argue it's completly possible that Kendall does have a anxiety dissorder which would make her brain chemistry different from that of a neurotypical person. That said, she is a MILLIONAIRE, she has access to every possible treatment available and she doesn't have the need to keep exposing herself to scenarios that make her feel more anxious. Long story short, girl, go get some ketamine infussions, get therapy, be happy with your horses and stop being a public person.
I literally killed my anxiety when I was a teenager by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. It’s a healing Buddhist chant. I also get a lot of relief by meditation & clearing the thoughts from my mind! I hope this information can help. I pray no one suffers, especially unnecessarily ❤
I truly believe that anxiety is a spiritual issue. I used to be riddled with it until I started trusting God and took ownership of my thoughts. Also, realizing that we manifest our own reality. I haven’t had anxiety in years.
@@Xanadu92 thanks for the comment. I learned about the Buddhist chant reading the autobiography Tina published in the eighties. It's titled "I, Tina." So good! I have read it more than once.
Yeah, I just want to clear this one thing up: everyone can get anxious about things, it's common and pretty normal. But anxiety (GAD) is a mental illness, not a narcissistic trait, or "self-absorption". You just can't "overcome" ruminations with just the will power. In many cases you need to see a doctor and get on the meds, then go to therapy. It's just how your brain is wired, so please don't be ashamed. Don't feel bad about yourself. Seek help. Thinking that you will overcome anxiety all by yourself is a toxic trait. You don't have to be "strong" like that.
I actually overcame a 3 years long depression that way. I'm absolutely not disagreeing with your comment but there is nuance. Gaslighting yourself into thinking you're not depressed or you don't have anxiety is certainly not the solution, but facing the issue and actually get into action is - whether that's seeking professional help, meditate, give back, adopting a new spiritual beliefs that's up to every individual. But it is a call for action in some way or another & there needs to be a mental switch about what you want for yourself.
That "slush fund of pity" part was some deep insight from Shallon and a lightbulb moment for me. Damn. Ive fallen for this quite a bit from a lot of people. Thank you Shallon for...Shalloning. And 15:40-16:00 is gold too.
Thank you!!! Some people keep their grievances like a bank account to withdraw from. It’s very easy to fall for it if you’re even remotely empathetic as a person, and honestly fuck those people for praying on our best qualities and turning them into a target on our backs.
I used to work a soul crushing job 72 hours a week and the ex basically said "you leave that job, you can get out of this house" so I felt trapped in that job through the fear of being made homeless. I started a sideline in writing short stories and HE HATED IT, he saw it as a waste of HIS time, because he was threatened by me having something that was just mine. I could have gone the victim route and quit writing and played the meek little mouse but I didn't. Post break up, I quit that nightmare job and threw myself into writing. I didn't want to stand still in a job I hated that was giving me a breakdown, I wanted to live, achieve and GROW. Who the hell wants to live as their weakest self?!
You needed a jobectomy and man-ectomy! I was in a horrible relationship for 10 yrs that I got out of in 2020. I’m still at my job but my choices are slim for another one but I know my job created a lot of my anxiety!
My new thought process is if I’m not in the hospital, and I still have my family around, & if I have a roof over my head with a job, then everyday is a good day.
This is so true. There are so many things we can all do to help that not only helps others, but stops the self obsession we’re all encouraged to have. The chronic naval gazing is so annoying
When I was going throught bad stuff and had a very anxious period avoiding me to sleep the only thing that came to my mind is how do I get rid of this disgusting feeling and now I never want to go back so I worked soo hard on my health and mindset so I can move forward stronger. Kendall is glamorizing being a victim.
Saying you’re a cancer warrior doesn’t mean you’re milking victimhood, it means you have pride in what you overcame. The video took a dark turn. Of course things you go through become a part of you. Doesn’t mean you’re living in it, means you’re living with it.
My social anxiety is more so believing that most people, especially men, are walking threats that could hurt me (physically, mentally, emotionally.etc). I’m not trying to sound self centered, but being a woman in todays world, I feel that my fears are justified.
Then please listen to what she said. Empower yourself, take self defence, get a whistle or spray, talk yourself through your worst case scenario. The threats were always real for women, and only worse in the past. Get a small pocket knife and so on. They made it through strengthening themselves.m
It comes from somewhere in your life history that you have formed this opinion of what you wrote and probably formed behavior to reinforce that. Taking a healthy look at it little by little, it can reshaped to something more realistic for you. That is if only you think it needs an inner renovation or hindering your life in anyway, thanks for sharing with us all ❤🙌
@@cecee3480 yes but we perpetuate it constantly. What you think of you attract. What you fear you attract. Instead of building us up mentally and physically we just talk about it and the fear grows
Symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder is literally being worried about anything and everything. If this is something you can switch off or not talk about or make your personality, chances are it is not so debilitating and chances are you are not diagnosed with it. I think it’s important to note the difference between feeling anxious and being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and the latter can be debilitating. Whether Kendal has this diagnosis is not the point, but it’s important to note to have the ability to come out of victim mentality you have to have the right neuro chemistry in your brain to make that decision and people with mental disorders can often times lack that and we don’t have medications that can target what is missing or not in medicine now, unlike cancer or hypertension, or hyperlipidemia.
THEY COULD NEVER CANCEL YOU SHALLON 👑 & I love how when they tried to “cancel” you, everything you said WAS TRUE and they had to eat their words… remember the Ellen Degeneres situation? Yup, Shallon was right 💯
I’d have anxiety if I grew up on that show too lmao but I think she’s beautiful she def has way more connections than the regular person. Come on Kenny we’re rooting for you
I hate this „anxiety for relatability“ thing. Anxiety is not quirky, it’s not fun. And now I am going to crawl back to therapy because anxiety is currently destroying my life.
Loving your energy in this video!!! As someone who studies political science and international relations, you should deffo gather all your research on social & economic progression because you are ON POINT with these celebs and their whinging! Like hi, we're human :) Anxiety is only part of our reality.
I have struggled with GAD for as long as I can remember and the idea that anxiety contains gifts is absolutely critical. At its most subtle level, it makes me highly self-motivated and helps me take opportunities seriously. And yes, it forces me to work on regulating my emotions and accept that actually, not all my feelings are *~ValiD~*. The problem isn’t anxiety, it’s that we are taught that feeling anxious is pathological and means that there’s something really wrong with us. We are encouraged to internalize our worst fears about ourselves, to always trust our feelings, and to not try to overcome negative emotions because it might hurt us rather than make us stronger.
The birthday cake for a lost child reminded me of "The Shroud" (also known as "The Burial Shirt") from the Grimm Brothers' collection. In this story, a grieving mother mourns the death of her young son. She weeps constantly, and her tears prevent the boy's spirit from finding peace. One night, the boy appears to her in his burial shroud, which is soaking wet. He tells her that his shroud is wet because of her endless tears, and he cannot rest until she stops crying. Understanding his plea, the mother finally controls her grief, allowing her son's spirit to find peace. It encourages finding balance, remembering that while it’s essential to honor lost loved ones, prolonged sorrow can hinder healing. Ultimately, it reminds us to integrate loss into our lives and continue living fully, ensuring peace for ourselves and the memory of those we've lost. Thank you for another amazing video Shallon! ❤
This is my favorite “rant” Of yours, i wish every one could listen to this! I also love it because it’s one of your more inspiring videos. Thanks girl!
I suffered/ sometimes still do with anxiety but you are so right. I feel called out in the best way possible. I'm just thinking about all the convos I had expressing how anxiety held me back but when in reality, I was holding my own-self back because I couldn't get over the sympathy I was giving myself. It wasn't like I craved/crave the attention from others about anything or anxiety related things, but I keep/kept myself too comfortable by always saying "my anxiety this, my anxiety that." Shallons words and thoughts are so precise and honestly people really need a friend like Shallon! Someone who cares enough to point out your flaws but let's you know, you're still flawless if you just act like it. Thank you! 😃
Exactly this approach, listing to it over and over again, is what got me out of years and years of depression. It‘s like you said, you get something out of this victim mindest - attention, drama, not having to do the hard work. When I chose to not want that anymore, I changed my approach to life. And I am glad about it cause you where the first person who introduced this concept to me.
Hi Shallon! This is one of my all-time favorite videos you’ve ever done. Excellent deep dive on anxiety from all angles and this is the tough love that all of us needs at some point. Thank you 🙏🏻
Sometimes these words are well needed, Shallon. I was taught growing up that I should volunteer to learn what I could potentially want to do for a career. Today I do it because of all the reasons you listed. My advice is to google what’s in your area and align your volunteer time with a cause you believe in!
The funny thing is Shallon is like “aren’t you glad I’m not a therapist,” and it’s like no we actually need more people like you to become therapists. Abigail Shrier's book "Bad Therapy" critiques modern psychotherapy, particularly its application to adolescents, arguing that it often exacerbates the problems it aims to solve. Shrier asserts that the focus on therapeutic interventions, particularly for normal adolescent issues, has led to an overmedicalization of young people's natural developmental processes. She distinguishes between those with profound mental illnesses and a larger group of young people who are merely anxious or unhappy, arguing that the latter group does not benefit from psychotherapy. Instead, she suggests that such therapy can make them worse by encouraging an unhealthy focus on personal distress and pathology rather than making them develop interests face fears and work to overcome normal developmental problems. Such a great video Shallon!
Well. First of all you need to learn compassion, selflove and selfforgiveness. Then you learn when you love yourself, you want better for yourself. You dont want to be a victim anymore
I agree with you. I feel anxious when i don't trust myself or lack confidence in myself. Once I have faith in myself and trust I can do anything then it goes away. In regards to Kendall, I think she's bored and lacks purpose. If she was busy working towards a goal or found something that gave her joy, maybe she wouldn't focus on her anxiety so much
I think Kendall may have imposter syndrome and her anxiety is induced by her not having much to offer to the industry. She is in it because of her family, but really doesn't want to be there, and doesn't feel like she belongs. It's like a weird performance anxiety.
I’ll never understand how someone who suffers from so much anxiety can function in such a shallow, backstabbing, scrutinizing industry as is the modeling industry. One would think she’d run away from show media all together.
I thought I was the only one who HATED when people made their mental health their identity! It's so frustrating to me and sometimes I feel bad for basically invalidating peoples feelings (in my head ofc) but I really find it toxic to keep that "im going through it" mentality because it can be addicting!!
I love your videos, and I’ve been watching your channel for 3-4 years. I always get a lot from your videos, but honestly this video hit home so hard and I really needed this. I started a business a year ago and I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with keeping my schedule on track, and anxiety has been the product of feeling overwhelmed. I needed this video and this is one of my favourites you’ve posted this year. Thank you, this is a video I’ll be coming back to when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I dont understand why they keep giving her things like Vogue covers because you know how many talented models would die for that? Literally its not that deep just practice gratitude.
If you deal with depression or anxiety, fix your gut & hormones. Bring inflammation down by keto diet. Eat enough animal protein. Cold showers, breathing techniques, set sleeping hours, digital sunset. Walk everywhere and do exercise. So much of our mental health lives in the gut and/or in our hormonal system.
@@joannawinters6592 Foods rich in protein contain amino acids to help produce key neurotransmitters in preventing and treating depression and anxiety. A simple google search will give you this information.
Kind of weird to push keto as an inflammatory cure when for many people it can cause inflammation. I’m a fit person but when I tried keto I passed out doing cardio and my doctor told me immediately to stop keto and that it was damaging my body. Why not just tell people to focus on getting the appropriate amount of macro nutrients and vitamins?
This was such a thoughtful analysis of anxiety. I appreciate your sharing and that you did not sugarcoat the topic. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you mentioned!
No. Anxiety is not self absorption. An anxiety disorder for example is complex and the person will likely need long term help. So many misinformed comments. Johann Harri’s throughly researched and evidenced: Lost connections is a very good book on both anxiety and depression.
Shallon when I tell you your Channel is like stand up comedy for me, I have a Friend who's Always trying to get me into stand up comedy and I'm like I have shallon lester's channel for that, I literally exploded with laughter in the first 11 seconds
Ooof the IVF thing + cancer survivor thing omg YES. I know someone who successfully had IVF & became a mother like she always wanted, but all she can focus on are the million rounds of IVF that aren't working, trying for baby #2. Today is Mother's Day in Australia & it's all about her (failing) IVF journey for the second baby she's desperate to have, without a mention of the child that made her a mother & who is right there! I truly think it's about the 'IVF struggle' & not about being a mother at all. She's getting more emotional payout from that... squandering all their money, putting the family into debt & depriving the child she has of normal childhood activities so that she can post on social media about her quest for another kid. Insane. And re: cancer, Clea from The Home Edit has made it her whole personality. She's fine now but her whole personality is 'cancer survivor.' Every beautiful new memory is tinged with 'when I had cancer', 'as a cancer survivor' etc. Meanwhile she has a hubby & kids & thriving career. She won't dye her hair after it grew back grey because it's part of her cancer journey... and she can forever bring it up & remind people of what she's been through. It's a whole different kind of sickness.
wow! the IVF thing! I've been trying for years and it sucks and gets me down! but if I had a kid already I would love that kid and accept it! why so fixated on getting two? crazy!
@@MerryB621 if something does not work. Just stop trying. Either it will happen without stress or it is not meant for you. Adopt. Or focus on different life goals. You can benefit this worldin milion other ways than bringing another humam in this world.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 yeah I mean right now I have tried insemination but not IVFm Infeel bad forcing it and spending all that money on IVF when other kids need at home. I get sad to think horrible people are blessed with kids and I'm not, but taking it right now as if it's meant to be and meant to be.
Has she tried gardening?? Cannot imagine how that could make anyone stressed out. Then get into landscaping gardens for the girlies and film it….that’s something to watch. 🍿 🎥 Still rooting for ya We are what we focus on, anxiety shouldn’t be your safety blanket topic. Let’s grow and not keep ourselves a victim.
tbh i had really bad "anxiety" my whole teens and early 20's. I cured it by self reflecting, cutting off toxic people , moved out my parent's house, changed my job, city, food choices, relationships etc. CURED and HAPPY in my mid 20s. You cannot blame everything on anxiety as an adult. Kendall is too coddled and bored
Her sister's got attention as they we're older and the Kardashians got super famous.. so she started to say she has anxiety to get attention from her mum and family and friends.
I have anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and ima tell you right now that most of the time I get anxious when I'm BOREEEED but have tons of energy. thats it. I get anxious and super horny. My advice? Work out. Drive and blast music. Play a video game. Call a friend and chat them up. Go to a store and you will find strangers who want to make small talk, even the cashier. CLEAN YOUR HOME WITH FUN MUSIC. Get a hobby and put your ALL into it. Go to a random event in your area! Do all of that in a day and I swear you will feel mentally and physically exhausted + fulfilled. Some of us just have so much energy to burn. COUNT IT AS A BLESSING!!!! I am capable of so much its kind of ridiculous!!! But it manifests into anxiety when i don't use it! USE IT, its your destiny!!! ❤️
That depends on why you have anxiety. I did all this and it backfired because pushing anxiety into the subconscious mind, if it already originates from there is just asking for a disaster. If you get anxious sitting with yourself without anything stimulating you, it's not that you aren't anxious otherwise. It's that you are able to suppress it. Or it would not come up when you are bored.
100%!!! I was diagnosed with GAD. I run like 5x times a week, and I’d do it more if I didn’t need to recover physically. Granted, multiple stressors have been eliminated from my life which have help with general anxious feelings.
@@joannawinters6592 generalized anxiety disorder doesn't really have an origin(this is often the case) except in the way your mind and body operates, but I agree that many people could be getting anxiety from a situation in their lives. I would definitely agree that making lifestyle changes or addressing certain stressors can help and maybe even eliminate anxiety for a lot of people.
I feel in a way for someone like Kendall because although she has SO MUCH but is still anxious and unhappy. I think her family with all of their dysfunction hasn’t helped but she has the resources to get help when so many people do not. As nurse I have taken care of some very sick people and what it has shown me is we often take so much for granted in life and if we only could stop, reflect, and develop gratitude for our innumerable blessings we would be much more content. Happiness should be the goal but contentment. I’ll never forget the sweet woman who was homeless and in the hospital and she had a baseball size tumors in her neck and the only reason it got to that point was because she was homeless and had no healthcare. But she was so upbeat and kind despite her situation.
It's very dangerous to publicly tell people that anxiety is synonymous with "self-absorption". It's also important to know that there's different types of anxiety. Yes, there are the types of anxiety where people excessively ruminate on what others think of them. The anxiety I experience is a sinking, drowning feeling of deep existential dread. The physical symptoms of my heart racing, panic, uncontrollable sweating, and intense fight or flight mode is crippling. My brain is overstimulated 24/7 and I don't feel basic joys because of these feelings. I don't think you understand what it's like to literally never feel happiness because of such severe anxiety. I think about ending my life on a daily basis because if all I ever feel is panic, dread, and misery, then what's the point? It's not a lack of self-esteem or self-obsession, it's a chemical imbalance in my brain that's telling me every day that something terrible is about to happen and I can't escape it. Years of SSRIs, medical treatment, and holistic methods haven't helped. I'm not saying this because I'm a "victim", I'm saying this because you're overgeneralizing what anxiety is and that's really harmful to the millions of people who struggle with this every day. People kill themselves every day to escape this horrible mental illness and you're telling us that we're basically narcissists for saying we have anxiety when that's not what it is. This message is going to decrease people's motivation to seek mental help out of shame and embarrassment. That's great that you haven't experienced what I've talked about, because if you did you wouldn't be making such misinformed statements. But not everyone has been lucky enough to have a neurotypical brain like you. This video really missed the mark Shallon.
This is gonna come from a place of love but since you said you have holes in your empathy I thought I could try to help you understand. Anxiety doesn't need to have a specific reason that's why it's awful most people who suffer from it are aware they don't have a clear reason it just adds feelings of guilt and shame. It triggers that prehistoric fight or flight and causes real physical symptoms, it's like walking with your own personal Shallon in your head telling you you're trash 24/7 😂❤️ the problem when you say "just do it" is I think you're projecting your own facility to do it because you've never experienced the struggles of doing something when you have anxiety, it's like having two working legs and asking a crippled person to "just run". I the example of kendall her anxiety probably comes from everyone online criticising her every move, it's a bit ironic you make a video joining in on the hate while saying you don't know why she has it. Not coming for you just hoping it helps see the other side ❤️
*Shallon* I was so excited to leave high school and have a fresh start from those labels only to have them continue into college. I am now in my 20’s and I have received these labels at my workplace. These labels have affected my income. I was fired from a bar because the girls thought I was too awkward. I am now at a place of work with co workers who accept my personality. I do not seek attention with a victim narrative because I am terrified of convincing my co workers I am weird. I don’t want to be here. It does not work for me. I don’t want to continue the job of the past shaming myself everyday for my looks, personality, my short comings. I am convinced I am all these things. I have been so resilient through it all with too many examples to type, but I can’t fight the feeling I’m better off being a hermit the rest of my life because exposing myself to the world has only brought heartbreak. I feel like the hunchback from Norte Dame. I want to be amongst people, but I’m not what people want around. I guess what I’m trying to say is how do I become a different person so I can finally be accepted and move on from this heartbreak
PS: I let go of my therapist because it was all talk. Zero advice given that truly helped me. With my insurance, I am limited in my resources. I want to seek a life coach.
That is WILD. I just started volunteering at St. Jude’s food bank in Arizona!! 💕 I also cannooot with the whole “my anxietyyy waah” bs. It’s a lame excuse Kendall! 😆 Anyways, thank you so much for this video, it hit the spot! 👌
One major key to dealing with anxiety-Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true! We have thousands of thoughts a day and don’t have to give the automatic negative thoughts legs. One thing about staying in that problem centered mindset is what are the secondary gains of it? And it sounds like for her it’s to be relatable and poor her. And if she gets better then what is she and what will change?
Btw. Shallon, You are very beautiful. My father is Italian, Italians are tough, they really have a winner mentality. I would so like to come along to this trip, but I live in Europa, so maybe we all see there, heh ! I wish you all the best, you really have deserve it, with this amount of work that you do. Thank you for your content, for your words, these really have been helpful ! I hope that all you young people would appreciate with what you got now, because you`ll never know what tomorrow brings. And I want to add that maybe some things are permanent in your life, but you can change your life by changing the perspective, the way how you look at it, look at things, and think about things, you can change all these, and your life will change to be whatever you want it to be. Much Love!
Shallon, your delivery might be a bit harsh, but at the end of the day you’re right. I have BPD and it wasn’t until I stopped seeing myself as a victim of the universe that I started getting better. I go to group therapy and I see so many people stuck in the comfort of being a victim because unfortunately it WORKS to communicate to the people closer to us that we’re suffering. Sometimes it’s the only way we feel like we can get validation. It’s extremely hard to accept it and even harder to change it.
Hi Shallon! I’ve been watching your videos for about 3-4 years now and I’ve noticed that you frequently bring up a concept about freezing at a certain age from trauma. For example, celebrities freezing at the age they became famous and acting like teenagers in their late twenties or thirties. And I was just wondering…How can someone move on from that kind of “freezing” trauma? Maybe some people don’t move on because they “freeze” their anxiety/depression when they get it. And thank you for all your videos! They are my guilty pleasure when I get home from work hahahaha
Oouuu, Shallon, Bull’s Eye!!! Thanks for telling it like it is. It cuts harsh and painful-which is exactly what we need!! 🙈 You are correct-NOBODY’s going to tell us this. I admire you for being willing to take the Dislikes but to still speak the Truth.
Kendall must be the new face of some new anxiety medicine coming out soon 🥱🙄 I don’t put anything past them! If I were Kendall and had her money and freedom I would hunker down and isolate myself for a year except for being around non toxic friends and a therapist. Most of us don’t have that luxury to quit our jobs and get our mental health under control!
I started laughing before you even started lmao . So the girl who can’t even cut a cucumber is gonna give us advice on anxiety. I really I just don’t want to know. If I didn’t learn how to cut a cucumber till I was 24, I’d be nervous to. 😂😂😂 writing this made me laugh so hard . So much more I could say lmao gods gift
„Human beings don’t stay somewhere if that doesn’t work” 🤯 I’m in totally different situation then spoken but you just changed my view. Now at least I know why I stayed in that 💩 and that I have to go out
Yes its a personality trait when you are very sensitive, timid and worrying a lot. what can people like this do about it? nothing instead of being open about it
Thank you for this video - it’s definitely worth coming back to for future reference. I especially loved the part about things we overcome that, no, didn’t make us “stronger” but rather f*cked us up in the aftermath. I recently have gotten to the other side of a pretty abusive situation. While in the midst of it I survived with toxic positivity - reveling in my ability to forgive, how strong I was being, how things would work out in the end. Well, fast forward, things DID work out in the end, but guess what - now that it’s all said and done, it’s like this ugly monster crawled out from hiding. I look at myself and cannot recognize who I am. No, right now I cannot “see” the blessing in disguise nor how much better I am for it - I see a fucked up, broken person staring at me back in the mirror. As a result lately I’ve been so low, admittedly making MYSELF and others miserable because of what I had to go through. Victim narrative at its finest. It helped immensely to hear you say that thing along the lines of - well did it kill you? No, even if it may have scarred you and left you wounded. Not being killed by something is definitely a plus regardless of how it left me. That gave me lots of hope - thanks, Shallon.
Woop, this is coming from a person who’s been there! I left because I knew things were so violent one of us would end up dead ☠️ Dropping toxic positivity is not monstruos!! It’s healthy!! Toxic positivity is not real. But neither is the perception of monstrosity or being irreversibly broken. I leisured in victim mentality for yeeeeeears and you know what? It’s a dead end road. You. Do. Not. Grow. Instead-just rest, talk to friends in person, put your phone on airplane mode for a few hours, go out to nature, take some pics of everything budding and blooming and moving forward, journal, volunteer, help a Grandma. You are absolutely correct that you are scarred and wounded right now, and that it will take time to heal, so don’t gaslight yourself that all is well. Objectively, you are effed up right now. Objectively, if you take the steps you know you have to take, you will end up just fine, and very soon. You have already walked like 90% of the path by leaving the situation, now just push through those 10% as a strong/wild/decisive person I know and you know: you ARE.
This has nothing to do with the video but Shallon you are looking incredible these past couple of months. I swear it’s like you’re aging backwards. Please make a video on your glowup to help a fellow Shallogator out 💕
Along with other commenters, the secret I discovered was 'mind over matter' when it came to using anxiety to improve performance, rather than let it be a debilitating/crushing force. I had an epiphany after reading The Lord of the Rings the summer before I starter college. It took a while to put in practice (bad bfs, family issues while in college, working etc), but controling the tone and narrative of my inner voice/ conscience has made me so much happier and feeling fulfilled by my lust for knowledge and skills, rather than letting my inner voice consume me with negative contructs
Thanks to Nurx for sponsoring this video! Head to nurx.com/shallonlester to get started. Results may vary. Not offered in every state. Medications prescribed only if clinically appropriate, consultation required. The information provided here is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. You should not rely upon the content provided here for specific medical advice. If you have any questions or concerns, please talk to your provider.
“Don’t ask a clown why they are a clown. Ask yourself why you’re at the circus.” -Shallon you always have the most clever way of making a point! 😂
😂😂😂😂😂 LOVE this. Using this.
Honestly, it feels like you're the only reasonable woman on RUclips who keeps it real and calls out the truth. I've been following you since my late teens, and I credit you with helping me become aware of this type of attention seeking/victim mentality bs.
Same, I've been watching her since I was in university and I learned so much from her about navigating life, toxic people, how to be confident and move on when a relationship doesn't serve me, I'm so grateful for Shallon and her videos, she's amazing!
If only she was about when I was a teenager. Love you shallon
Check out lovelyti2002 she’s also real af and unbiased
SAME so blessed to have found her
Facts everyone else fake af full of shit
I feel like she (and her agents) want to come across as “relatable” because that sells more, and the only thing “relatable” about her is her anxiety, so she constantly pushes that
That’s probably true. I think that’s pretty gross and pandering and just… Unappealing? If that’s the only way you can relate to other people, please get a life KJ!
The definition of money doesn't buy happiness.... but damn it sure makes life easier!!!!
Exactly!
As someone who actually has diagnosed anxiety, kendall gives me the impression that she uses it as an excuse and a crutch to do whatever mean stuff she wants.
This. Lots of reports about how mean she is so she is excuse building.
Yes. Ive thought about it too. And maybe she also uses it as an excuse not to go out as much or do so much (she's an introvert) and is constantly compared to her siblings. Even if she really had anxiety is she going to therapy and taking meds if it's so bad? Like is she doing something about it other than complaining?
Half my co workers are these ppl. Experienced a minor trauma in 1927 and it’s still their personality.
They most likely need therapy and they won't go and/or don't believe in it...I know ppl like that. Can't really do anything for them but try and be ok yourself
A great psychologist, Albert Bandura, said that the root of anxiety is a lack of self-efficacy, a lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities
great comment! very informative and interesting, i wanted to know more and just bought his book on self efficacy translated in my language 🎉, i hope to learn from the book. i wish you all the best 😊
I 100% believe this too. I struggle with health anxiety and I think the root cause it a lack of „trust“ in myself that I can handle things and circumstances
The way girl cut a cucumber id lack confidence in my abilities too lol
Does this go for obsessive-compulsive disorder as well?Because that is also an anxiety disorder.
@@combs4341 lol 😂
I’m someone who struggles severely with anxiety. However, when I see people struggle with it,
It makes me think to myself “I need to chill.” Sometimes
Seeing other people do what you do is kind of a little wake up call to stop a behavior.
Omg yeah. I have a few family members that suffer from the same issues and it makes me realize how I much I don't want to define myself by my "illness". It's a trap you built yourself! It can be exhausting to be around those family members.
My anxiety diminished when i started taking magnesium citrate every morning
Admitting this took a lot of humility and self-awareness. Proud of you ❤
I have chronic anxiety too. The only difference between me and her is that I don't have all the money and resources to get the therapy and medication I need. I get to clock in and clock out everyday and somehow manage all of it. Let her spend one day living as an average American and then see how she feels about her anxiety
Therapy is covered by insurance. There's also free therapy at hospitals and other government programs.
Thérapie is covered by assurance 🤣🤣🤣🤣 what a good joke.yea good luck for the free program waiting list is lounger than a life time😂😂😂@@kinndah2519
Kylie is obviously on Xanax a lot of the times. They are lucky they can get it. I don’t have anxiety but random panic attacks and I hate I’m looked at like a junkie if I try to get it.
@@kinndah2519They will just throw antidepressants at you if you go through the hospital. They make things worse in my opinion.
I wouldn't mind it as much at this point if she would talk about it with a purpose. At this point we all know she has it I feel for her because I do too. If I was her at this point I'd share about resources or have a mental health podcast or foundation Idk!
have to say I really felt the being little with panic attacks and not knowing it . Also the planes. I love to travel but hate flying. It gets annoying yes because it feels like it is the only interesting thing she talks about.
I had pretty severe anxiety in my late teens, but I had an epiphany after my second therapy session. My psychologist said that I need to keep reminding myself that my fears aren't reasonable and I'm thinking, "wow, yeah, never tried *that* before" but then I was like, wait. If *anyone* is in control of my brain, it's me. I'm going to make my brain do what I want it to do from now on. My anxiety got a lot better after that when I stopped acting powerless and started refusing to tolerate intrusive thoughts.
Good for you!!! I think a lot of people on some level enjoy feeling powerless. Because then they don’t have to be responsible for anything. No one blames the passenger when a car crashes you know what I mean? It’s less of a burden and people also get the bonus payout of pity. Win win.
@@shallonlesterits easier to not be responsible because you’re not accountable of your misfortune… I felt embarrassed after I processed this.
I tried therapy years ago for my anxiety, but noticed I felt worse after every session. I finally started feeling better when I learned to just control my thoughts...I think of it like switching gears in a car, but with my brain lol.
@@blueviolets52that’s very cognitive behavior therapy! I tell ppl change the channel in your brain. And think about something neutral
I’ve screenshot your comment because it’s super helpful to think of anxiety that way. I work at the VA and a lot of veterans well into their 60s still claim PTSD from being in Vietnam at age of 19. At some point, I think it’s more so because they get financially-compensated by the government with a monthly check if they still claim to have that diagnosis. But the downside is, they always have to admit to it and talk about it in visits and that probably makes it harder to get over.
The new culture embraces anxiety, puts in a stage, and applauds it. A mild to moderate amount of anxiety is healthy to propel you into action and makes you develop new coping mechanisms for survival.
Well said.
Girl, this is one of your top messages of all time!!!! I am absolutely cheering from my couch. I admittedly have addressed clinical depression and anxiety since 1990. I am in EMDR therapy and I have a psychiatrist. However!!!! When you brought up volunteering in the community you hit the nail on the head!!! Get out of yourself and you get a new pair of glasses. Being of service is the best antidepressant I’ve ever tried! Love you 😘
Yasssss we love emdr! Also accelerated resolution therapy! It’s like emdr but faster lol
I'll say it. It's better to be RICH with ANXIETY than to be poor, homeless with ANXIETY.🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I completely agree!
Two kitties in your picture
I'd argue it's completly possible that Kendall does have a anxiety dissorder which would make her brain chemistry different from that of a neurotypical person. That said, she is a MILLIONAIRE, she has access to every possible treatment available and she doesn't have the need to keep exposing herself to scenarios that make her feel more anxious. Long story short, girl, go get some ketamine infussions, get therapy, be happy with your horses and stop being a public person.
I literally killed my anxiety when I was a teenager by chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. It’s a healing Buddhist chant. I also get a lot of relief by meditation & clearing the thoughts from my mind! I hope this information can help. I pray no one suffers, especially unnecessarily ❤
Tina Turner used that.
I truly believe that anxiety is a spiritual issue. I used to be riddled with it until I started trusting God and took ownership of my thoughts. Also, realizing that we manifest our own reality. I haven’t had anxiety in years.
@@bluecollarlitI was just about to say that
Bs
@@Xanadu92 thanks for the comment. I learned about the Buddhist chant reading the autobiography Tina published in the eighties. It's titled "I, Tina." So good! I have read it more than once.
Kendall would rival a man at incompetence. She would fail the airport test without 50 staff members guiding her through it.
Rival a man at incompetence!!!! They truly do endlessly win the Olympics of Incompetence
This is so poignant because maybe she’d feel more assured of her ability to withstand discomfort if she had some basic life skills.
True, girl can't even cut a cucumber. And if she can, she was dumb enough to think it would be funny for views.
I think you can make your point without being sexist though
@@jaredsmith112 Sit down, Jared.
Shallon I'm from Zimbabwe and you made my day just by mentioning it. Love ya ❤
Mwanawevhu 😂❤
@@MwanaWevhu right back at ya❤️
Does it have jungles right?
Yeah, I just want to clear this one thing up: everyone can get anxious about things, it's common and pretty normal. But anxiety (GAD) is a mental illness, not a narcissistic trait, or "self-absorption". You just can't "overcome" ruminations with just the will power. In many cases you need to see a doctor and get on the meds, then go to therapy. It's just how your brain is wired, so please don't be ashamed. Don't feel bad about yourself. Seek help. Thinking that you will overcome anxiety all by yourself is a toxic trait. You don't have to be "strong" like that.
I actually overcame a 3 years long depression that way. I'm absolutely not disagreeing with your comment but there is nuance. Gaslighting yourself into thinking you're not depressed or you don't have anxiety is certainly not the solution, but facing the issue and actually get into action is - whether that's seeking professional help, meditate, give back, adopting a new spiritual beliefs that's up to every individual. But it is a call for action in some way or another & there needs to be a mental switch about what you want for yourself.
girl I needed this because i have been a little bit of a victim lately for attention i realized and its so gross. Thank youuuu
That "slush fund of pity" part was some deep insight from Shallon and a lightbulb moment for me. Damn. Ive fallen for this quite a bit from a lot of people. Thank you Shallon for...Shalloning. And 15:40-16:00 is gold too.
Thank you!!! Some people keep their grievances like a bank account to withdraw from. It’s very easy to fall for it if you’re even remotely empathetic as a person, and honestly fuck those people for praying on our best qualities and turning them into a target on our backs.
I used to work a soul crushing job 72 hours a week and the ex basically said "you leave that job, you can get out of this house" so I felt trapped in that job through the fear of being made homeless.
I started a sideline in writing short stories and HE HATED IT, he saw it as a waste of HIS time, because he was threatened by me having something that was just mine.
I could have gone the victim route and quit writing and played the meek little mouse but I didn't.
Post break up, I quit that nightmare job and threw myself into writing. I didn't want to stand still in a job I hated that was giving me a breakdown, I wanted to live, achieve and GROW.
Who the hell wants to live as their weakest self?!
Well done. NO BO DY sane and aware wants such life. Just people who were broken and are still broken.
You needed a jobectomy and man-ectomy! I was in a horrible relationship for 10 yrs that I got out of in 2020. I’m still at my job but my choices are slim for another one but I know my job created a lot of my anxiety!
My new thought process is if I’m not in the hospital, and I still have my family around, & if I have a roof over my head with a job, then everyday is a good day.
This is so true. There are so many things we can all do to help that not only helps others, but stops the self obsession we’re all encouraged to have. The chronic naval gazing is so annoying
When I was going throught bad stuff and had a very anxious period avoiding me to sleep the only thing that came to my mind is how do I get rid of this disgusting feeling and now I never want to go back so I worked soo hard on my health and mindset so I can move forward stronger. Kendall is glamorizing being a victim.
Saying you’re a cancer warrior doesn’t mean you’re milking victimhood, it means you have pride in what you overcame. The video took a dark turn. Of course things you go through become a part of you. Doesn’t mean you’re living in it, means you’re living with it.
I totally agree with this
My social anxiety is more so believing that most people, especially men, are walking threats that could hurt me (physically, mentally, emotionally.etc). I’m not trying to sound self centered, but being a woman in todays world, I feel that my fears are justified.
That is being a woman and self aware. I think like that but don’t consider it anxiety.
Then please listen to what she said. Empower yourself, take self defence, get a whistle or spray, talk yourself through your worst case scenario. The threats were always real for women, and only worse in the past. Get a small pocket knife and so on. They made it through strengthening themselves.m
It comes from somewhere in your life history that you have formed this opinion of what you wrote and probably formed behavior to reinforce that. Taking a healthy look at it little by little, it can reshaped to something more realistic for you. That is if only you think it needs an inner renovation or hindering your life in anyway, thanks for sharing with us all ❤🙌
Well the likelihood is high. Men are the worst.
@@cecee3480 yes but we perpetuate it constantly. What you think of you attract. What you fear you attract. Instead of building us up mentally and physically we just talk about it and the fear grows
Symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder is literally being worried about anything and everything. If this is something you can switch off or not talk about or make your personality, chances are it is not so debilitating and chances are you are not diagnosed with it. I think it’s important to note the difference between feeling anxious and being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and the latter can be debilitating. Whether Kendal has this diagnosis is not the point, but it’s important to note to have the ability to come out of victim mentality you have to have the right neuro chemistry in your brain to make that decision and people with mental disorders can often times lack that and we don’t have medications that can target what is missing or not in medicine now, unlike cancer or hypertension, or hyperlipidemia.
You're the best Shallon. You saved my life. I love you.
THEY COULD NEVER CANCEL YOU SHALLON 👑 & I love how when they tried to “cancel” you, everything you said WAS TRUE and they had to eat their words… remember the Ellen Degeneres situation? Yup, Shallon was right 💯
Sometimes, people who claim to have depression or anxiety need to gain a different perspective and practice gratitude.
I agree. A LOT of anxious people are so bc they’re self involved. They don’t need a pill they need to drive to a soup kitchen and volunteer.
I’d have anxiety if I grew up on that show too lmao but I think she’s beautiful she def has way more connections than the regular person. Come on Kenny we’re rooting for you
I hate this „anxiety for relatability“ thing. Anxiety is not quirky, it’s not fun. And now I am going to crawl back to therapy because anxiety is currently destroying my life.
This is golden advice, Shallon. Everything you said about confronting your own BS, feeling the shame and doing something about it is spot on.
It's almost like anxiety is nature's punishment for self absorption.
Loving your energy in this video!!! As someone who studies political science and international relations, you should deffo gather all your research on social & economic progression because you are ON POINT with these celebs and their whinging! Like hi, we're human :) Anxiety is only part of our reality.
I have struggled with GAD for as long as I can remember and the idea that anxiety contains gifts is absolutely critical. At its most subtle level, it makes me highly self-motivated and helps me take opportunities seriously. And yes, it forces me to work on regulating my emotions and accept that actually, not all my feelings are *~ValiD~*.
The problem isn’t anxiety, it’s that we are taught that feeling anxious is pathological and means that there’s something really wrong with us. We are encouraged to internalize our worst fears about ourselves, to always trust our feelings, and to not try to overcome negative emotions because it might hurt us rather than make us stronger.
I think this is brilliant, and I needed to hear it. Thank you.
@@revenge0lobster My pleasure! Hope everything is okay with you and that you know it’s cool to also accept any help you might need ❤
The birthday cake for a lost child reminded me of "The Shroud" (also known as "The Burial Shirt") from the Grimm Brothers' collection.
In this story, a grieving mother mourns the death of her young son. She weeps constantly, and her tears prevent the boy's spirit from finding peace. One night, the boy appears to her in his burial shroud, which is soaking wet. He tells her that his shroud is wet because of her endless tears, and he cannot rest until she stops crying. Understanding his plea, the mother finally controls her grief, allowing her son's spirit to find peace.
It encourages finding balance, remembering that while it’s essential to honor lost loved ones, prolonged sorrow can hinder healing. Ultimately, it reminds us to integrate loss into our lives and continue living fully, ensuring peace for ourselves and the memory of those we've lost.
Thank you for another amazing video Shallon! ❤
This is my favorite “rant” Of yours, i wish every one could listen to this! I also love it because it’s one of your more inspiring videos. Thanks girl!
I suffered/ sometimes still do with anxiety but you are so right. I feel called out in the best way possible. I'm just thinking about all the convos I had expressing how anxiety held me back but when in reality, I was holding my own-self back because I couldn't get over the sympathy I was giving myself. It wasn't like I craved/crave the attention from others about anything or anxiety related things, but I keep/kept myself too comfortable by always saying "my anxiety this, my anxiety that."
Shallons words and thoughts are so precise and honestly people really need a friend like Shallon! Someone who cares enough to point out your flaws but let's you know, you're still flawless if you just act like it.
Thank you! 😃
Exactly this approach, listing to it over and over again, is what got me out of years and years of depression. It‘s like you said, you get something out of this victim mindest - attention, drama, not having to do the hard work. When I chose to not want that anymore, I changed my approach to life. And I am glad about it cause you where the first person who introduced this concept to me.
Hi Shallon! This is one of my all-time favorite videos you’ve ever done. Excellent deep dive on anxiety from all angles and this is the tough love that all of us needs at some point. Thank you 🙏🏻
Sometimes these words are well needed, Shallon. I was taught growing up that I should volunteer to learn what I could potentially want to do for a career. Today I do it because of all the reasons you listed. My advice is to google what’s in your area and align your volunteer time with a cause you believe in!
The funny thing is Shallon is like “aren’t you glad I’m not a therapist,” and it’s like no we actually need more people like you to become therapists. Abigail Shrier's book "Bad Therapy" critiques modern psychotherapy, particularly its application to adolescents, arguing that it often exacerbates the problems it aims to solve. Shrier asserts that the focus on therapeutic interventions, particularly for normal adolescent issues, has led to an overmedicalization of young people's natural developmental processes. She distinguishes between those with profound mental illnesses and a larger group of young people who are merely anxious or unhappy, arguing that the latter group does not benefit from psychotherapy. Instead, she suggests that such therapy can make them worse by encouraging an unhealthy focus on personal distress and pathology rather than making them develop interests face fears and work to overcome normal developmental problems. Such a great video Shallon!
Well. First of all you need to learn compassion, selflove and selfforgiveness. Then you learn when you love yourself, you want better for yourself. You dont want to be a victim anymore
I agree with you. I feel anxious when i don't trust myself or lack confidence in myself. Once I have faith in myself and trust I can do anything then it goes away. In regards to Kendall, I think she's bored and lacks purpose. If she was busy working towards a goal or found something that gave her joy, maybe she wouldn't focus on her anxiety so much
I think Kendall may have imposter syndrome and her anxiety is induced by her not having much to offer to the industry. She is in it because of her family, but really doesn't want to be there, and doesn't feel like she belongs. It's like a weird performance anxiety.
I’ll never understand how someone who suffers from so much anxiety can function in such a shallow, backstabbing, scrutinizing industry as is the modeling industry. One would think she’d run away from show media all together.
I thought I was the only one who HATED when people made their mental health their identity! It's so frustrating to me and sometimes I feel bad for basically invalidating peoples feelings (in my head ofc) but I really find it toxic to keep that "im going through it" mentality because it can be addicting!!
I love your videos, and I’ve been watching your channel for 3-4 years. I always get a lot from your videos, but honestly this video hit home so hard and I really needed this. I started a business a year ago and I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with keeping my schedule on track, and anxiety has been the product of feeling overwhelmed. I needed this video and this is one of my favourites you’ve posted this year. Thank you, this is a video I’ll be coming back to when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I dont understand why they keep giving her things like Vogue covers because you know how many talented models would die for that? Literally its not that deep just practice gratitude.
If you deal with depression or anxiety, fix your gut & hormones. Bring inflammation down by keto diet. Eat enough animal protein. Cold showers, breathing techniques, set sleeping hours, digital sunset. Walk everywhere and do exercise. So much of our mental health lives in the gut and/or in our hormonal system.
There is no need for animal protein and keto nonsense.
Just take magnesium and go to therapy to solve the real problem.
@@joannawinters6592 Foods rich in protein contain amino acids to help produce key neurotransmitters in preventing and treating depression and anxiety. A simple google search will give you this information.
stop with the keto nonsense….you don’t need keto or animal protein to be healthy.
Kind of weird to push keto as an inflammatory cure when for many people it can cause inflammation. I’m a fit person but when I tried keto I passed out doing cardio and my doctor told me immediately to stop keto and that it was damaging my body. Why not just tell people to focus on getting the appropriate amount of macro nutrients and vitamins?
I felt great not eating animal products or milk but it got boring and hard to figure out different meals.
“Read.The room.” Iconic moment, should be written on my shirt, bottle, yoga mat and plastered across my room.
This was such a thoughtful analysis of anxiety. I appreciate your sharing and that you did not sugarcoat the topic. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you mentioned!
why has this video helped me more than years of therapy
No. Anxiety is not self absorption.
An anxiety disorder for example is complex and the person will likely need long term help.
So many misinformed comments.
Johann Harri’s throughly researched and evidenced: Lost connections is a very good book on both anxiety and depression.
She did say anxiety is a real thing. I think the point is to MOVE ON. Feel your feelings and then make them mean something.
Love you Shallon, been watching you since 2018!!
Shallon when I tell you your Channel is like stand up comedy for me, I have a Friend who's Always trying to get me into stand up comedy and I'm like I have shallon lester's channel for that, I literally exploded with laughter in the first 11 seconds
Your advice is Amazingly helpful and we appreciate your WISDOM! God Bless You
This is the old shallon i miss so much someone i looked up always as my elder sister i guess i will listen to this one again n again.
Ooof the IVF thing + cancer survivor thing omg YES.
I know someone who successfully had IVF & became a mother like she always wanted, but all she can focus on are the million rounds of IVF that aren't working, trying for baby #2. Today is Mother's Day in Australia & it's all about her (failing) IVF journey for the second baby she's desperate to have, without a mention of the child that made her a mother & who is right there! I truly think it's about the 'IVF struggle' & not about being a mother at all. She's getting more emotional payout from that... squandering all their money, putting the family into debt & depriving the child she has of normal childhood activities so that she can post on social media about her quest for another kid. Insane.
And re: cancer, Clea from The Home Edit has made it her whole personality. She's fine now but her whole personality is 'cancer survivor.' Every beautiful new memory is tinged with 'when I had cancer', 'as a cancer survivor' etc. Meanwhile she has a hubby & kids & thriving career. She won't dye her hair after it grew back grey because it's part of her cancer journey... and she can forever bring it up & remind people of what she's been through. It's a whole different kind of sickness.
wow! the IVF thing! I've been trying for years and it sucks and gets me down! but if I had a kid already I would love that kid and accept it! why so fixated on getting two? crazy!
@@MerryB621 if something does not work. Just stop trying. Either it will happen without stress or it is not meant for you. Adopt. Or focus on different life goals. You can benefit this worldin milion other ways than bringing another humam in this world.
@@jarkachalmovianska7812 yeah I mean right now I have tried insemination but not IVFm Infeel bad forcing it and spending all that money on IVF when other kids need at home. I get sad to think horrible people are blessed with kids and I'm not, but taking it right now as if it's meant to be and meant to be.
Has she tried gardening?? Cannot imagine how that could make anyone stressed out.
Then get into landscaping gardens for the girlies and film it….that’s something to watch. 🍿 🎥
Still rooting for ya
We are what we focus on, anxiety shouldn’t be your safety blanket topic. Let’s grow and not keep ourselves a victim.
This is your best look ever, that blue is your colour and you look STUNNING
tbh i had really bad "anxiety" my whole teens and early 20's. I cured it by self reflecting, cutting off toxic people , moved out my parent's house, changed my job, city, food choices, relationships etc. CURED and HAPPY in my mid 20s. You cannot blame everything on anxiety as an adult. Kendall is too coddled and bored
Time for bed… shallon posted nvm
"Somebody's gonna have to eat the cigarettes off the ground."
OMG, I'm dying over here 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Her sister's got attention as they we're older and the Kardashians got super famous.. so she started to say she has anxiety to get attention from her mum and family and friends.
I have anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and ima tell you right now that most of the time I get anxious when I'm BOREEEED but have tons of energy. thats it. I get anxious and super horny. My advice? Work out. Drive and blast music. Play a video game. Call a friend and chat them up. Go to a store and you will find strangers who want to make small talk, even the cashier. CLEAN YOUR HOME WITH FUN MUSIC. Get a hobby and put your ALL into it. Go to a random event in your area! Do all of that in a day and I swear you will feel mentally and physically exhausted + fulfilled. Some of us just have so much energy to burn. COUNT IT AS A BLESSING!!!! I am capable of so much its kind of ridiculous!!! But it manifests into anxiety when i don't use it! USE IT, its your destiny!!! ❤️
That depends on why you have anxiety. I did all this and it backfired because pushing anxiety into the subconscious mind, if it already originates from there is just asking for a disaster.
If you get anxious sitting with yourself without anything stimulating you, it's not that you aren't anxious otherwise. It's that you are able to suppress it. Or it would not come up when you are bored.
100%!!! I was diagnosed with GAD. I run like 5x times a week, and I’d do it more if I didn’t need to recover physically.
Granted, multiple stressors have been eliminated from my life which have help with general anxious feelings.
@@joannawinters6592 generalized anxiety disorder doesn't really have an origin(this is often the case) except in the way your mind and body operates, but I agree that many people could be getting anxiety from a situation in their lives. I would definitely agree that making lifestyle changes or addressing certain stressors can help and maybe even eliminate anxiety for a lot of people.
@@user-br3eo6xs8v good to hear that you found something that works for you!!
I feel in a way for someone like Kendall because although she has SO MUCH but is still anxious and unhappy. I think her family with all of their dysfunction hasn’t helped but she has the resources to get help when so many people do not. As nurse I have taken care of some very sick people and what it has shown me is we often take so much for granted in life and if we only could stop, reflect, and develop gratitude for our innumerable blessings we would be much more content. Happiness should be the goal but contentment. I’ll never forget the sweet woman who was homeless and in the hospital and she had a baseball size tumors in her neck and the only reason it got to that point was because she was homeless and had no healthcare. But she was so upbeat and kind despite her situation.
It's very dangerous to publicly tell people that anxiety is synonymous with "self-absorption". It's also important to know that there's different types of anxiety. Yes, there are the types of anxiety where people excessively ruminate on what others think of them. The anxiety I experience is a sinking, drowning feeling of deep existential dread. The physical symptoms of my heart racing, panic, uncontrollable sweating, and intense fight or flight mode is crippling. My brain is overstimulated 24/7 and I don't feel basic joys because of these feelings. I don't think you understand what it's like to literally never feel happiness because of such severe anxiety. I think about ending my life on a daily basis because if all I ever feel is panic, dread, and misery, then what's the point? It's not a lack of self-esteem or self-obsession, it's a chemical imbalance in my brain that's telling me every day that something terrible is about to happen and I can't escape it. Years of SSRIs, medical treatment, and holistic methods haven't helped. I'm not saying this because I'm a "victim", I'm saying this because you're overgeneralizing what anxiety is and that's really harmful to the millions of people who struggle with this every day. People kill themselves every day to escape this horrible mental illness and you're telling us that we're basically narcissists for saying we have anxiety when that's not what it is. This message is going to decrease people's motivation to seek mental help out of shame and embarrassment. That's great that you haven't experienced what I've talked about, because if you did you wouldn't be making such misinformed statements. But not everyone has been lucky enough to have a neurotypical brain like you. This video really missed the mark Shallon.
go volunteer
This is gonna come from a place of love but since you said you have holes in your empathy I thought I could try to help you understand. Anxiety doesn't need to have a specific reason that's why it's awful most people who suffer from it are aware they don't have a clear reason it just adds feelings of guilt and shame. It triggers that prehistoric fight or flight and causes real physical symptoms, it's like walking with your own personal Shallon in your head telling you you're trash 24/7 😂❤️ the problem when you say "just do it" is I think you're projecting your own facility to do it because you've never experienced the struggles of doing something when you have anxiety, it's like having two working legs and asking a crippled person to "just run". I the example of kendall her anxiety probably comes from everyone online criticising her every move, it's a bit ironic you make a video joining in on the hate while saying you don't know why she has it. Not coming for you just hoping it helps see the other side ❤️
*Shallon*
I was so excited to leave high school and have a fresh start from those labels only to have them continue into college. I am now in my 20’s and I have received these labels at my workplace. These labels have affected my income. I was fired from a bar because the girls thought I was too awkward.
I am now at a place of work with co workers who accept my personality.
I do not seek attention with a victim narrative because I am terrified of convincing my co workers I am weird. I don’t want to be here. It does not work for me. I don’t want to continue the job of the past shaming myself everyday for my looks, personality, my short comings. I am convinced I am all these things. I have been so resilient through it all with too many examples to type, but I can’t fight the feeling I’m better off being a hermit the rest of my life because exposing myself to the world has only brought heartbreak. I feel like the hunchback from Norte Dame. I want to be amongst people, but I’m not what people want around.
I guess what I’m trying to say is how do I become a different person so I can finally be accepted and move on from this heartbreak
PS: I let go of my therapist because it was all talk. Zero advice given that truly helped me. With my insurance, I am limited in my resources. I want to seek a life coach.
That is WILD. I just started volunteering at St. Jude’s food bank in Arizona!! 💕
I also cannooot with the whole “my anxietyyy waah” bs. It’s a lame excuse Kendall! 😆
Anyways, thank you so much for this video, it hit the spot! 👌
Wow, so proud of you!!
One major key to dealing with anxiety-Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true! We have thousands of thoughts a day and don’t have to give the automatic negative thoughts legs.
One thing about staying in that problem centered mindset is what are the secondary gains of it? And it sounds like for her it’s to be relatable and poor her. And if she gets better then what is she and what will change?
Couldn’t love this more Shallon.
Btw. Shallon, You are very beautiful. My father is Italian, Italians are tough, they really have a winner mentality. I would so like to come along to this trip, but I live in Europa, so maybe we all see there, heh ! I wish you all the best, you really have deserve it, with this amount of work that you do. Thank you for your content, for your words, these really have been helpful ! I hope that all you young people would appreciate with what you got now, because you`ll never know what tomorrow brings. And I want to add that maybe some things are permanent in your life, but you can change your life by changing the perspective, the way how you look at it, look at things, and think about things, you can change all these, and your life will change to be whatever you want it to be. Much Love!
She is exactly like her father. You will see 👀
If she has anxiety. I'm not surprised. If my father decided he wanted to be a woman now, my anxiety would get worse too, probably.
I've found that even though some things haven't made me stronger they have at least made me more empathic and that's enough of a silver lining for me
Shallon, your delivery might be a bit harsh, but at the end of the day you’re right. I have BPD and it wasn’t until I stopped seeing myself as a victim of the universe that I started getting better. I go to group therapy and I see so many people stuck in the comfort of being a victim because unfortunately it WORKS to communicate to the people closer to us that we’re suffering. Sometimes it’s the only way we feel like we can get validation. It’s extremely hard to accept it and even harder to change it.
lol. The title. “Girl enough already”. I had to watch.
Hi Shallon!
I’ve been watching your videos for about 3-4 years now and I’ve noticed that you frequently bring up a concept about freezing at a certain age from trauma.
For example, celebrities freezing at the age they became famous and acting like teenagers in their late twenties or thirties.
And I was just wondering…How can someone move on from that kind of “freezing” trauma?
Maybe some people don’t move on because they “freeze” their anxiety/depression when they get it.
And thank you for all your videos! They are my guilty pleasure when I get home from work hahahaha
Oouuu, Shallon, Bull’s Eye!!!
Thanks for telling it like it is. It cuts harsh and painful-which is exactly what we need!! 🙈
You are correct-NOBODY’s going to tell us this.
I admire you for being willing to take the Dislikes but to still speak the Truth.
Doesn’t alcohol use cause anxiety?
Kendall must be the new face of some new anxiety medicine coming out soon 🥱🙄 I don’t put anything past them!
If I were Kendall and had her money and freedom I would hunker down and isolate myself for a year except for being around non toxic friends and a therapist. Most of us don’t have that luxury to quit our jobs and get our mental health under control!
“uh oh, Kendall. are you Kendalling?” literally since the day i was born🤔😂
I'm definitely in the "read the room" crowd. And I feel like anxiety is the most overused term maybe ever :p
I actually really like this advice. Some of the best advice I've heard for anxiety
I started laughing before you even started lmao . So the girl who can’t even cut a cucumber is gonna give us advice on anxiety. I really I just don’t want to know. If I didn’t learn how to cut a cucumber till I was 24, I’d be nervous to. 😂😂😂 writing this made me laugh so hard . So much more I could say lmao gods gift
Aww, I haven’t watched your channel in so long but you were preaching in this 👏🏽👏🏽 Glad to see your face back on my feed queen❤
„Human beings don’t stay somewhere if that doesn’t work” 🤯 I’m in totally different situation then spoken but you just changed my view. Now at least I know why I stayed in that 💩 and that I have to go out
YES, highly recommend working with people with REAL problems to fix anxiety problems. Great advice!
Yes its a personality trait when you are very sensitive, timid and worrying a lot. what can people like this do about it? nothing instead of being open about it
Ok not sure if you have done a hair tutorial or not yet but if not please do as it looks fabulous!! Taking your color to my colorist immediately 😊❤
I actually love this take on anxiety, thank you!
“You look cute!”
“Thanks, but I used to poop my pants” 🤣
You are hilarious & humbling. Thank you for this video, much appreciated right now 🙈🕊️
Thank you for this video - it’s definitely worth coming back to for future reference. I especially loved the part about things we overcome that, no, didn’t make us “stronger” but rather f*cked us up in the aftermath.
I recently have gotten to the other side of a pretty abusive situation. While in the midst of it I survived with toxic positivity - reveling in my ability to forgive, how strong I was being, how things would work out in the end. Well, fast forward, things DID work out in the end, but guess what - now that it’s all said and done, it’s like this ugly monster crawled out from hiding. I look at myself and cannot recognize who I am. No, right now I cannot “see” the blessing in disguise nor how much better I am for it - I see a fucked up, broken person staring at me back in the mirror. As a result lately I’ve been so low, admittedly making MYSELF and others miserable because of what I had to go through. Victim narrative at its finest.
It helped immensely to hear you say that thing along the lines of - well did it kill you? No, even if it may have scarred you and left you wounded. Not being killed by something is definitely a plus regardless of how it left me. That gave me lots of hope - thanks, Shallon.
Woop, this is coming from a person who’s been there! I left because I knew things were so violent one of us would end up dead ☠️ Dropping toxic positivity is not monstruos!! It’s healthy!! Toxic positivity is not real. But neither is the perception of monstrosity or being irreversibly broken. I leisured in victim mentality for yeeeeeears and you know what? It’s a dead end road. You. Do. Not. Grow. Instead-just rest, talk to friends in person, put your phone on airplane mode for a few hours, go out to nature, take some pics of everything budding and blooming and moving forward, journal, volunteer, help a Grandma. You are absolutely correct that you are scarred and wounded right now, and that it will take time to heal, so don’t gaslight yourself that all is well. Objectively, you are effed up right now. Objectively, if you take the steps you know you have to take, you will end up just fine, and very soon. You have already walked like 90% of the path by leaving the situation, now just push through those 10% as a strong/wild/decisive person I know and you know: you ARE.
@@KasThinksyour comment was sweet and incredibly helpful. Thank you for the practical tips ❤
Love your straight to the point, no bullshit approach 😂😂
New modern day illness 🫣
Kendall is the new Demi lovato
She’s like an elevated version
Shallon always delivers 🤌🏻✨✨
This has nothing to do with the video but Shallon you are looking incredible these past couple of months. I swear it’s like you’re aging backwards. Please make a video on your glowup to help a fellow Shallogator out 💕
"Sit back down where you belong" LOL Shallon you are so funny and I love it!
Along with other commenters, the secret I discovered was 'mind over matter' when it came to using anxiety to improve performance, rather than let it be a debilitating/crushing force. I had an epiphany after reading The Lord of the Rings the summer before I starter college. It took a while to put in practice (bad bfs, family issues while in college, working etc), but controling the tone and narrative of my inner voice/ conscience has made me so much happier and feeling fulfilled by my lust for knowledge and skills, rather than letting my inner voice consume me with negative contructs
Zimbabwean present 👋🏾 … I got so excited when you said Zimbabwe 😂🤷🏽♀️