I’m anti-snooze. Laying awake in bed for 15 min feels better than trying to fall asleep and being woken up again. But if it’s not mandatory, I sometimes set two alarms spaced by 1:45 to fit in another REM cycle.
I have an actual alarm clock radio and the snooze is only for silencing it after testing the volume with the sleep button. If you need to set and alarm to wake up at a certain time, either wake up and go do your things or shut off the alarm and keep sleeping.
First of all, Alison at the beginning of this is my spirit animal lol. Also, your lashes are gorgeous! Gaby, your hair color is so cute! I really love it! Igor, I'm so glad you're in a good relationship! And I think we all need more info. on your enemy because like....I have a lot of questions. Secondly, This show is amazing! Without going into too many details, life has been weird and rough lately and I think you guys help a lot of people whether you know it or not. The topics you talk about really hit home and I think you all give really good, rational advice. Keep it up ❤
I have been in bed for about three days. I got dumped and fired two days in a row, and this video honestly had me laughing. These past few days, whenever the thought of the relationship (or whatever it was) came into my mind I just told my brain to please stop thinking about it, but this made me think about it. In a healthy way. Thank you, guys. So, so much.
Jackie Pearce I’m so glad that there’s at least one more person out there that has wondered if they’re interesting enough or noticed that’s such a huge thing these days 😭
Not only the pressure to be interesting but also the pressure to be entertaining/ funny? Am I the only one who feels the constant need to make my friends laugh or else I feel like I am not doing my job?
When I have a serious problem I wanna talk about I usually ask people if they are okay hearing about it... I really relate to the feeling of burdening people with your problems, whether they are friends or partners
I had a situation with a friend who would constantly complain to me about everything in their life everyday and would tell me that they wanted to kill themselves as a "joke" all day while never making an effort to change things in their life or get help and I would try to help them while dealing with my own stuff but it was just so exhausting to constantly be around that negativity and I realized how much of an effect it was having on me and my own mental health so I just had to slowly cut them off because after over a year of someone telling you everyday how much they wanna die and how horrible life is and kinda loving being in their own misery it just gets to be too much. you have to have boundaries
I think it's a problem to not be 100% with a significant other. The specific question was " if you have a bad day, how much should you unload". My girlfriend and I were Gaby once, where we unload all day and it was "too much". After we sat down and talk, we realized when we unload, it's more of venting or shit talking and needing someone to just say "Damn that sucks". We don't expect eachother to fix the bad day, just be there for eachother. It never gets to a place of unload a burden when we listen to the other vent and shit talk with them. But what do I know, I'm only 20 lol
just had a breakup with my long distance boyfriend...thought I should unload that to a bunch of strangers because my family is tired of hearing it lmao
Just broke up with my long distance girlfriend, so I can kinda relate. Well, we lived near each other, but she was so busy, we saw each other maybe once a week, and we hardly talked any other day. It's tough to break up with someone you still love, simply because you felt you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship, and attempts to talk to them about it didn't help, if you could reach them.
This video hit so insanely close to home and unleashed some insecurities I thought I’d dealt with - so here’s me posting instead of overburdening another human with these realizations!
I can relate to this with my best friend right now. I love her so much and I know she's not in a happy place in life right now and I want to be there for her, but it's getting to be too much. I am great at being her main person, but I can't keep being her only person. You can't put all of your emotional needs on one person. I feel bad about it because I know she needs to vent and me calling this out could make things worse; but I don't want to start resenting her or end up damaging our friendship because she was relying on me too much and I didn't say anything.
This might be a bold statement but I really don't think it's healthy to text your significant other all day long. That constant availability isn't natural. Like before texting became the norm, if you were dating someone you wouldn't check in with them every hour or whatever. You would never call someone just to check in as much as people text. I think it's way overkill. And I think it can create a superficial bond where you're constantly "talking" but not getting deep about anything and really connecting. Obviously, it's different once you're in a really committed relationship...living together or otherwise. But until then, make actual plans with me and we'll talk then 😂
You DO deserve the extra 10 minutes of sleep. That's the point. If you don't need to get up when the alarm first goes, set it for 10 minutes later to begin with. Then you have an extra 10 minutes of proper sleep, rather than 10 minutes of groggy half-awake sleep.
mansi xavier But if the alarm is loud, then it’s better to have it go off once than twice. Or three times. Or five. What people should actually do is wake themselves up with LIGHT, rather than sound. You can buy a cheap plastic timer to turn all your lights on 30 minutes before you have to wake up, or, better, sleep in a bedroom facing east so the morning sun slowly lights up the room. Sleeping in a room facing east (towards the morning sun) is the reason that people who stay for a few days in some “cute bed and breakfast” or some “house in the country” often report having the best sleep they’ve ever had. It’s just all that natural light flooding in.
Cassady 34 thanks for the light alarm advice. my bedroom already faces east, and the is usually not out when we wake up; so i might actually look into the light switch option. :)
Pffft my last relationship was me unloading a lot in an attempt to create intimacy because they unloaded very rarely/wasn't genuinely open about feelings and also because I have just SO MANY emotions ALL THE TIME, I think it depends on what you want from a relationship - I wouldn't want anyone to consciously regulate how much they tell me, because for me emotional intimacy is the whole point and I just want to genuinely know a person as well as possible. My partner's lack of emotional communication was actually a bigger problem for me than my over-sharing was for them, in the end I stunted my behavior and constantly beat myself up and they felt hyper-pressurised to open up in a way that didn't come naturally! Neither of us was being 100% emotionally honest and tbh that's what killed the relationship and made it into labour. It didn't matter so much how much we were or weren't communicating it was the *quality* of the communication that mattered, and the emotional honestly of our interactions. I'd say the same goes for platonic relationships, you don't have to tell someone everything but you do have to be emotionally honest to maintain intimacy - about good and bad stuff, exaggerating either way idk doesn't seem sustainable although exaggerating the bad stuff is a more tempting trap because it can get you more attention and that's definitely something to try and not do
Same. I'm really emotionally honest in relationships, and I find it fulfilling when my partner is emotionally honest and forthcoming right back to me. My last partner wasn't as emotionally forthcoming as I was, but I was fine with it, because they didn't mind being emotionally honest. They just had bad past relationships, and all I really had to do was to let them know that they could trust me, and they naturally opened up more.
It's also good to check in with your friends/lovers and just ask them straight up of they have the emotional energy to bare the weight of your stress today. Then you can unload and know you aren't burdening them in any way. And they will be able to validate and support you when they truely have the mental capacity to do so. Love you guys. I've really been enjoying this new style of JBU!
I really want a snooze button episode I sometimes press it like eight times consecutively and I'm single and nineteen so that's literally one of the biggest problems I have.
I've been binge watching JBU for the last 2 days because I've been having some serious issues in my relationship, and I genuinely feel like I'm in a far better place to make decisions regarding it now. You guys are the best ❤
I relate to this video a lot, all Gabi said about oversharing, being bad at texting and not knowing what to say and how to say. It's not a bad thing in general, but it feels kinda wrong to say things you've worked through on your day that your okay with and have them be worried because it wasn't the natural good time. Shit happens, that's life and you've got to take it with your head held high, talking about things doesn't make you a bad partner, but having them treat you like you're fragile or wrong for all the things happening can leave a sour taste. Thanks girls you're amazing I love JBU Greetings from Brazil
I think for me it's best when I'm talking to a friend or partner about something to be very clear about what's going on regarding how I deal with things. Like saying I'm going to wallow for x amount of time and then I'm going to start moving on. Example: I got bad news about my job and it's no longer going to work for me so I need to find a new job. I am going to be sad for an hour, and then I'm going to talk about what I'm going to do about it. And then I'm going to do it. It's okay to be sad and wallow for a little bit but it's important to actually try and get over it.
Bless this, I feel like I overshare and it's something I want to work on, but I'm coming from a judgemental, mean place to myself. Hearing people just work through this without personal criticism is nice. And I just love the way you three talk to one another it makes me so happy
I think it depends on what stage you're at within your relationship. If it is a relatively new relationship, then sure you don't want to be unloading. But if it's long term, I feel like you get to a point where you know each other well enough to know what upsets the other and what is just an inconvenience or annoyance. Like after four years, I know when my girlfriend is just in a negative mood and she's letting things bother her more than they should, so I'll let her vent if I'm up for it, or I'll let the texts sit unanswered for a bit if I'm feeling drained by it. I feel like you get to a point where you can tell when your partner needs immediate support vs. when they're just frustrated. And if they are constantly needing immediate support, that's a different conversation.
I'm loving this episode! Throughout my relationships (including friendships) I've learned to ask if the other person has the emotional mental capacity before I vent. This way the other person does not feel overwhelmed and this opens up to a more active listening when available. Such a great topic and loving Igor in the mix!
Love love love love these real talks. I have different friends I talk to about different things, and some issues I still solve on my own. It is important to not expect too much emotional labor out of anybody. No one person can be someone's everything.
I too feel there is no reason to press snooze under any circumstances. It’s not interesting enough as a topic, but is good to know other people feel the same 💁🏻♀️
This, honestly, helped me. I have out of it for a few months and I was getting so negative, and it took a huge fight with my SO and then my teacher to snap me out of it, just the past few days. I feel better, and this video is just a reminder that, yeah, it happens to everyone.
funny, insightful chats as always, but can i just say everyone in this video looks amazing? idk if it's the matching gray or the hairstyles or just an aura of happiness, but keep doing what you're doing
I think Allison’s comment about it being only your partner as your support hit the nail on the head! I have had past experiences where it can definitely be too much (for me or the other person) and finding a good balance is hard. Also this is not exclusive to romantic relationships. If any one person is getting all of your emotional expulsions, it’s too much. A support system should be just that- a system! :)
For me, it's more a question of are our only interactions about how we're feeling down or bad or whatever. I was in a longterm relationship (9 years) and the last two years it seemed that nothing we did was really on the positive side of things. It was mainly routine and how bad our lives were as in job stuff... a lot of job stuff that came to haunt our relationship
I have chronic pain and sometimes fighting everyday yo be strong enough to live a normal life is just too much. Sometimes it's too heavy to carry that myself. I tried to talk to friends but how my partner reacts to this is so important. My ex used to tell me to stop complaining about it and that she was fed up of it. When you're having a mental breakdown and you don't feel the strength anymore it destroys you to hear that. I understand that you shouldn't rely too much. This is why I need my partner to remind me how strong I am and that I'll be able to go through this. It actually helps not relying.
@@gabesdunn thank you :) My new partner is the perfect match between letting me feel confident enough not to rely too much on him and helping me when I need it. It's just a matter of understanding what is not normal and that's not always easy.
Had a super unhealthy relationship where I was dating a girl and she at some point in the relationship suggested that we no longer talk about our days at all. But more specifically, that I never talked about my day to her, but she would talk about hers to me. Ran as fast as I could from that nonsense!!! Current fiancee and I check in with each other about how we are feeling/can we handle a vent session/will anything the other one says be triggering. Most of the time the answer is "i'm good, please vent to me!" but it's always nice to know that one of us can say no if it's too much. And we do try to spread it around-- we have at least 1 other friend we can run to in a crisis.
Yeah i was with someone who didn't like all my updates, but then insteadnof changing or getting happy, I accidentally found someone who actually liked me. They enjoy my updates and either responds appropriately or if not I just say "oh no it isn't a big deal" or like "no i an sad about it" and then everything is okay
While I think emotional boundaries are important and it's important to consider whether or not the person you're talking to is in a "good place" and can handle bad news, I don't think it's a bad thing to tell a partner or a friend about annoying or unfortunate parts of your day. All that said, there should be a shared intention, whether it's just to hear each other out or not, and communication on whether or not you need help later or in the moment. My best friend and I have been living together for 3 years and we do this with each other all the time. I tell my partner, too. It's not with the intention of "please pity me", "I need help", or "I can't continue with my day". For context, all my friends are neuro-divergent (autistic, depressed, ADHD, etc) and this is therapeutic for us. We don't expect the other person to fix everything, we just want to be heard. I obviously don't know you or your friends, but as an outsider, I think you might just need better people. As a friend, you should be able to listen, maybe not all the time, or when you're busy or stressed, but enough to let your friend know you're there for them for the big and small stuff.
0:40, i love that as Gabe tried to empathize the lady, Allison immediately rejects it entirely with the “I hate her.” at the first moment of her possible backstory.
these are so helpful! As a young 20 something hearing your experiences and advice and options is so helpful for someone who is still trying to figure out almost everything. THANK YOU.
My fix to the "potentially a burden" issue is I ask first. "I had a bad day. Can I vent about it to you?" "My anxiety is really high. Do you have the mental energy to talk about it (right now/later)?" "I had a situation with a (friend/coworker/family member/etc) and I want to hear your advice on it. Is now okay?" I always respect if they say no and don't hold it against them. It's led to a really healthy boundary in a lot of my relationships.
I respectfully disagree, i have high expectations for my relationship, i want the big love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, partner ... I want him to see every aspect of me and love me. And I love him just the same. (I’m talking about my real current boyfriend btw)
Hi I'm very much like Gaby in the way I share things and am often misunderstood and I feel like it takes a toll on my boyfriend but also I don't want to have to be happy all the time! And I feel like if I talk to my friends too much they'll get tired too. Idk what to do pls help
Practice depending on yourself. Trust your own opinions and feelings and eventually you won't need to rely on others so much. Confidence in yourself is key 🍀🍀🍀
@@beecy3893 I agree, try to find a balance between unloading on friends and being able to deal with things on your own (and I'm saying this as someone who feels like I'm burdening everyone by sharing with my friends)
Try journaling. It's good to get how you feel out to other people but journaling helps you reflect on your own thoughts, and it'll help you organize any thoughts you do want to share. You don't need to keep a physical journey, notes on your phone work too :)
I do this too and most of the time, he's fine with it but when he's having a bad day too and I don't want to bother him, I just write it down somewhere else like notes on my phone or in a book
To me it's important. Sometimes all you need to feel better is to be listened to and for someone to give a shit. Firstly, it's easier to handle things together, you feel better with support and also your partner might have advice or be able to help. My partner doesn't always tell me every detail of his day and all that, but he knows that if he needs to vent or talk to someone I'm here, I'll listen and I give a shit. And when I am upset or something, I can tell him and just the fact he supports me and listens to me is often enough to make things better. And if I'm properly upset we'll watch some Jenna Marbles videos together, or some cat videos. And we'll start laughing, and then that's it, I'm good. I feel like if your partner tells you how they're doing and feeling and you don't give a shit and are like "ugh, enough is enough, I don't want to listen to this", you probably don't care about them as much as you say you do. I've never had an issue of a partner misunderstanding how serious something is or isn't so I don't quite know how that would happen. I mean, how exactly do you have to text for the person on the other end to think "omg, shit has hit the fan" when it hasn't? And I mean, I'm the kind of person that will go "ugh, this happened just now and I'm so pissed off at this person" to my bf and then in minutes I'll be talking about something else. At the end of the day he'll ask me how I am, I'l say I'm ok, we'll watch some stuff together or play some games. If after some time you don't know that your partner is not freaking out of their mind because someone said something to someone else, you don't quite understand them I would think. And if I'm on the receiving end of it, I won't just be depressed all day because my bf is having a bad day. I mean, yes, I care and I hope it gets better, I'll send him something cute or send him hugs, show him that I am thinking of him. But at the end of the day if it's nothing life changing or anything, he'll manage and he'l be fine. Ok, maybe he will get home annoyed or something, that's fine, he'll relax, eat some good food and he'll be alright again. If it is actually something serious, that's a different thing and we'll deal with it together, and we will both be upset about it. But if it's some nonsense, it's ok, and I don't expect him to break his brain over my nonsense either.
Exactly what I felt. I think by oversharing Gaby meant something like texting the very instance it happened to give her partner a feel that it had to be solved right then. Being the sensible one at the receiving end is tough and right now I'm struggling with that.
The best advice I ever got was tell all your secrets to your dog and if you don’t have a dog then find a dog. So do that instead of telling your partner
Ugh! I needed to hear this.. Last night my bf and i got in a argument over something stupid and we both just went to bed angry.. and i blame myself cause i over share things sometimes and rely on him to much to be my support .. Need to take notes from this video.
i think it's more about like, emotional consent. and letting ppl know what kind of texter you are. like if your partner knows you just text as a stream-of-conscious, here's what's going on in my day, it's not actually that bad i just wanna talk to you, and they're ok with you sending them messages all day and you tell them that you'll let them know if something actually bad or upsetting is bad or upsetting, then i think that's something that can be worked out. i think if you're unhappy and you need a therapist and you're relying on your partner as a therapist then that's unfair but is less about how much is too much in a relationship and more about, you need a therapist. same with entire support systems, if you are trying to get an entire village worth of support and socializing out of one person, that's too much. but again that's more about recognizing your needs, that you need more support systems. but i think a partner that says "you're bumming me out with your feelings" and you start swallowing down talking about yourself and how you feel, i think that's shitty. i think if a partner thinks you're having issues outside of what they can help you with, they should just tell you that and that they think you should find professional help and support you in finding that, instead of telling you they don't wanna hear it and that you should jst shut up about it.
I also had a bad relationship with someone who complained that I said too much negative stuff and now I feel bad telling anyone when bad things are going on now :( Not a good time.
I don't have a partner but i have friends I dont want to burden so Im gonna unload here - - I am insanely negative and I honestly DO. NOT. KNOW how to change my perspective on life. People say count your blessings or look for things you are appreciative of in your day and I can pinpoint those things but I just cannot stop being negative and its taking a toll on my life. How i communicate with people, what i think of myself, negativity is the bane of my existence and I do not know what to do
Too many good points just too many damn this episode was on fire from start to end will have to watch a few more times to set it in sequence, I am so overwhelmed!!! Damn it !!! You guys 😯
I think this might be one of my favourite JBU episodes till now. Thank you for the amazing advice. This channel is like a synonym for relationship nirvana.😍
I think how much you tell your partner depends on how far along you are in the relationship. If you're married you should be telling each other everything. They dont necessarily have to help you work through everything but you should tell them at least how you're feeling and why. If you're at the very beginning of your relationship then I think you guys are spot on.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
you guys should make a video on if there's any old advice you gave that you don't agree with anymore
this would be dope
that’s a really great idea, especially since the channel has been around for a few years now.
Yes do this !!
Great idea, with all that's changed for all of them.
yes!!!!! ++++++
This channel has great advice for my nonexistent dating life.
I feel this comment😂😂
@@thinkofthebest319 Ironically I just got in one
Same hahaha
Mood.
Lol this is too real
Igor's enemy story is like he filled out a mad libs prompt and read it out loud.
"I haven't been interesting in a few years" mood
I like Igor as a regular
Same!!!!
I like him as a large
jhubeJELLO he’s not though...😢
This took a real turn with Igor’s enemy. Like wtf is that life story 🤯
You can't make that shit up 😂
I read this comment and was waiting for the story wow that last minute was a whirlwind. o_o
she is real!!
The whole story is on Gossip
It's Starr with two rrs.
i'm curious... about.... the no snooze idea.....
I’m anti-snooze. Laying awake in bed for 15 min feels better than trying to fall asleep and being woken up again. But if it’s not mandatory, I sometimes set two alarms spaced by 1:45 to fit in another REM cycle.
i NEED to hear it.
I have an actual alarm clock radio and the snooze is only for silencing it after testing the volume with the sleep button.
If you need to set and alarm to wake up at a certain time, either wake up and go do your things or shut off the alarm and keep sleeping.
First of all,
Alison at the beginning of this is my spirit animal lol. Also, your lashes are gorgeous!
Gaby, your hair color is so cute! I really love it!
Igor, I'm so glad you're in a good relationship! And I think we all need more info. on your enemy because like....I have a lot of questions.
Secondly,
This show is amazing! Without going into too many details, life has been weird and rough lately and I think you guys help a lot of people whether you know it or not. The topics you talk about really hit home and I think you all give really good, rational advice.
Keep it up ❤
@@karlmuster263 , how did you calculate how long your REM cycle is?? I'm struggling with mine..
I have been in bed for about three days. I got dumped and fired two days in a row, and this video honestly had me laughing. These past few days, whenever the thought of the relationship (or whatever it was) came into my mind I just told my brain to please stop thinking about it, but this made me think about it. In a healthy way. Thank you, guys. So, so much.
Sending love and revenge! xox
Aww I hope things start looking up for you soon :) Glad their videos have made you feel a little better :)
Been in the same situation before! You're gonna become stronger for it! You got this! 💪💪💪
Best of luck to you! You’re gonna get through this and come out even better.
Sub to my channel it will cheer you right up.
Gaby fleeing over the couch was the highlight of the episode. I know physical comedy is more allison's thing but gaby does it very well.
that one dislike is from starspangler
i.pinimg.com/originals/64/b3/29/64b329f7c419b785889f84e00fb95933.jpg
Those are the eyes... OF EVIL. @@SarahSimpson
the colour palette is very calming
Lovingggggg these deeper, fun chats. The pressure to be interesting would be a next great topic!
Jackie Pearce I’m so glad that there’s at least one more person out there that has wondered if they’re interesting enough or noticed that’s such a huge thing these days 😭
Not only the pressure to be interesting but also the pressure to be entertaining/ funny? Am I the only one who feels the constant need to make my friends laugh or else I feel like I am not doing my job?
yessss
Yes yes yes yes
Sorry unrelated to the topic but Allison this is a CUTE length of hair!!
PS I want the alarm clock episode......
Allison is always cute!
I agree, I know Igor’s right about the snooze button.
Also have you seen her lashes?
++
At 10:45 Igor notices the glass perfectly perched on Allison's leg and says "wow" very softly
When I have a serious problem I wanna talk about I usually ask people if they are okay hearing about it... I really relate to the feeling of burdening people with your problems, whether they are friends or partners
Poli Flowers
Excellent.
Ugh I love Igor I’m so happy he’s back!
I had a situation with a friend who would constantly complain to me about everything in their life everyday and would tell me that they wanted to kill themselves as a "joke" all day while never making an effort to change things in their life or get help and I would try to help them while dealing with my own stuff but it was just so exhausting to constantly be around that negativity and I realized how much of an effect it was having on me and my own mental health so I just had to slowly cut them off because after over a year of someone telling you everyday how much they wanna die and how horrible life is and kinda loving being in their own misery it just gets to be too much. you have to have boundaries
I think it's a problem to not be 100% with a significant other. The specific question was " if you have a bad day, how much should you unload". My girlfriend and I were Gaby once, where we unload all day and it was "too much". After we sat down and talk, we realized when we unload, it's more of venting or shit talking and needing someone to just say "Damn that sucks". We don't expect eachother to fix the bad day, just be there for eachother. It never gets to a place of unload a burden when we listen to the other vent and shit talk with them. But what do I know, I'm only 20 lol
just had a breakup with my long distance boyfriend...thought I should unload that to a bunch of strangers because my family is tired of hearing it lmao
Just broke up with my long distance girlfriend, so I can kinda relate. Well, we lived near each other, but she was so busy, we saw each other maybe once a week, and we hardly talked any other day. It's tough to break up with someone you still love, simply because you felt you weren't getting what you needed out of the relationship, and attempts to talk to them about it didn't help, if you could reach them.
This video hit so insanely close to home and unleashed some insecurities I thought I’d dealt with - so here’s me posting instead of overburdening another human with these realizations!
I can relate to this with my best friend right now. I love her so much and I know she's not in a happy place in life right now and I want to be there for her, but it's getting to be too much. I am great at being her main person, but I can't keep being her only person. You can't put all of your emotional needs on one person. I feel bad about it because I know she needs to vent and me calling this out could make things worse; but I don't want to start resenting her or end up damaging our friendship because she was relying on me too much and I didn't say anything.
This might be a bold statement but I really don't think it's healthy to text your significant other all day long. That constant availability isn't natural. Like before texting became the norm, if you were dating someone you wouldn't check in with them every hour or whatever. You would never call someone just to check in as much as people text. I think it's way overkill. And I think it can create a superficial bond where you're constantly "talking" but not getting deep about anything and really connecting. Obviously, it's different once you're in a really committed relationship...living together or otherwise. But until then, make actual plans with me and we'll talk then 😂
"You can not expect one person to give you what a whole village would."
wow this was very adult AND educational
It's so interesting because when this channel started, it was joke advice and now its real advice but still funny
Go on Igor, explain to me why I don't deserve the extra 10 mins of sleep?!
You DO deserve the extra 10 minutes of sleep. That's the point. If you don't need to get up when the alarm first goes, set it for 10 minutes later to begin with. Then you have an extra 10 minutes of proper sleep, rather than 10 minutes of groggy half-awake sleep.
AngletarnPikes Fair enough... -my mom would kill me for setting an alarm late, cos my alarm is loud enough to wake up everyone, but ok-
mansi xavier
But
if the alarm is loud,
then it’s better to have it go off once
than twice. Or three times. Or five.
What people should actually do
is wake themselves up with LIGHT, rather than sound. You can buy a cheap plastic timer to turn all your lights on 30 minutes before you have to wake up, or, better, sleep in a bedroom facing east so the morning sun slowly lights up the room.
Sleeping in a room facing east (towards the morning sun) is the reason that people who stay for a few days in some “cute bed and breakfast” or some “house in the country” often report having the best sleep they’ve ever had. It’s just all that natural light flooding in.
Cassady 34 thanks for the light alarm advice. my bedroom already faces east, and the is usually not out when we wake up; so i might actually look into the light switch option. :)
I've started watching this show with my partner and it is just a series of us looking at each other meaningfully whilst the episode plays
Pffft my last relationship was me unloading a lot in an attempt to create intimacy because they unloaded very rarely/wasn't genuinely open about feelings and also because I have just SO MANY emotions ALL THE TIME, I think it depends on what you want from a relationship - I wouldn't want anyone to consciously regulate how much they tell me, because for me emotional intimacy is the whole point and I just want to genuinely know a person as well as possible. My partner's lack of emotional communication was actually a bigger problem for me than my over-sharing was for them, in the end I stunted my behavior and constantly beat myself up and they felt hyper-pressurised to open up in a way that didn't come naturally! Neither of us was being 100% emotionally honest and tbh that's what killed the relationship and made it into labour. It didn't matter so much how much we were or weren't communicating it was the *quality* of the communication that mattered, and the emotional honestly of our interactions. I'd say the same goes for platonic relationships, you don't have to tell someone everything but you do have to be emotionally honest to maintain intimacy - about good and bad stuff, exaggerating either way idk doesn't seem sustainable although exaggerating the bad stuff is a more tempting trap because it can get you more attention and that's definitely something to try and not do
Same. I'm really emotionally honest in relationships, and I find it fulfilling when my partner is emotionally honest and forthcoming right back to me. My last partner wasn't as emotionally forthcoming as I was, but I was fine with it, because they didn't mind being emotionally honest. They just had bad past relationships, and all I really had to do was to let them know that they could trust me, and they naturally opened up more.
It seems like you just value intimacy and that is s need. Xx
It's also good to check in with your friends/lovers and just ask them straight up of they have the emotional energy to bare the weight of your stress today. Then you can unload and know you aren't burdening them in any way. And they will be able to validate and support you when they truely have the mental capacity to do so.
Love you guys. I've really been enjoying this new style of JBU!
Ooh, sidebar but the color grading and lighting on this video looks pristine.
Wanna see Allison get protective of Gabby? 4:40 😂
THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO CUUTE
I love these weekly group therapy sessions
I really want a snooze button episode I sometimes press it like eight times consecutively and I'm single and nineteen so that's literally one of the biggest problems I have.
Code Red
You need more bright light in your bedroom. The sun, or, if necessary, bright lights on a timer that mimic the morning sun.
I was like "wait, why does his story sound so familiar?"
he talked about it in Gossip! right? am I crazy? was it a fever dream?
Are you using a new camera or did you get even more atractive? You looking great guys
I've been binge watching JBU for the last 2 days because I've been having some serious issues in my relationship, and I genuinely feel like I'm in a far better place to make decisions regarding it now. You guys are the best ❤
Omg this happened to me as well a few years ago. Their advice is excellent.
Dana Marie TV right!! Hope you're doing better now 😊
I relate to this video a lot, all Gabi said about oversharing, being bad at texting and not knowing what to say and how to say. It's not a bad thing in general, but it feels kinda wrong to say things you've worked through on your day that your okay with and have them be worried because it wasn't the natural good time. Shit happens, that's life and you've got to take it with your head held high, talking about things doesn't make you a bad partner, but having them treat you like you're fragile or wrong for all the things happening can leave a sour taste.
Thanks girls you're amazing I love JBU
Greetings from Brazil
I think for me it's best when I'm talking to a friend or partner about something to be very clear about what's going on regarding how I deal with things. Like saying I'm going to wallow for x amount of time and then I'm going to start moving on.
Example: I got bad news about my job and it's no longer going to work for me so I need to find a new job. I am going to be sad for an hour, and then I'm going to talk about what I'm going to do about it. And then I'm going to do it.
It's okay to be sad and wallow for a little bit but it's important to actually try and get over it.
Bless this, I feel like I overshare and it's something I want to work on, but I'm coming from a judgemental, mean place to myself. Hearing people just work through this without personal criticism is nice. And I just love the way you three talk to one another it makes me so happy
I think it depends on what stage you're at within your relationship. If it is a relatively new relationship, then sure you don't want to be unloading. But if it's long term, I feel like you get to a point where you know each other well enough to know what upsets the other and what is just an inconvenience or annoyance. Like after four years, I know when my girlfriend is just in a negative mood and she's letting things bother her more than they should, so I'll let her vent if I'm up for it, or I'll let the texts sit unanswered for a bit if I'm feeling drained by it. I feel like you get to a point where you can tell when your partner needs immediate support vs. when they're just frustrated. And if they are constantly needing immediate support, that's a different conversation.
Also, Igor's argument is interesting. I don't know that I think romance can only exist in the absence of any real life problems...
When you meet the right person that really gets you, you can and will want to tell them everything.
I'm loving this episode! Throughout my relationships (including friendships) I've learned to ask if the other person has the emotional mental capacity before I vent. This way the other person does not feel overwhelmed and this opens up to a more active listening when available. Such a great topic and loving Igor in the mix!
Love love love love these real talks. I have different friends I talk to about different things, and some issues I still solve on my own. It is important to not expect too much emotional labor out of anybody. No one person can be someone's everything.
I too feel there is no reason to press snooze under any circumstances. It’s not interesting enough as a topic, but is good to know other people feel the same 💁🏻♀️
Loved the whole discussion and chemistry between you guys. So relatable right now in my life so thank you! Keep up the good work!
This, honestly, helped me. I have out of it for a few months and I was getting so negative, and it took a huge fight with my SO and then my teacher to snap me out of it, just the past few days. I feel better, and this video is just a reminder that, yeah, it happens to everyone.
Allison inspires me to get better. Love u queen!
Gaby hiding behind de couch is a mood
that is the most amazing story at the end
Allison’s bangs look so good!
"You guys can tell me all about it and I won't feel burdened" - that is just beautiful. I can't say why but this really touched my heart.
I think this is the most genuine channel on youtube. I always feel like sitting there with you.
There are some major cozy and comfy vibes here. I needed a blanket and some tea in order to watch this.
I shared every single bad thing to my ex and he eventually got tired of it. Took me a breakup to realize I cant depend in someone THAT much
funny, insightful chats as always, but can i just say everyone in this video looks amazing? idk if it's the matching gray or the hairstyles or just an aura of happiness, but keep doing what you're doing
Gaby flopping off the couch had me dead 😂
this is incredibly pertinent to MY life TODAY, guys. great work. (I assume your goal is always being relatable to me so, congrats)
I think Allison’s comment about it being only your partner as your support hit the nail on the head! I have had past experiences where it can definitely be too much (for me or the other person) and finding a good balance is hard. Also this is not exclusive to romantic relationships. If any one person is getting all of your emotional expulsions, it’s too much. A support system should be just that- a system! :)
I'm with Gaby, I vote Timothee Chalamet episode next
I love him so much
@@gabesdunn guess we have to blow up his DMs until he agrees to a JBU appearance 🙃
For me, it's more a question of are our only interactions about how we're feeling down or bad or whatever. I was in a longterm relationship (9 years) and the last two years it seemed that nothing we did was really on the positive side of things. It was mainly routine and how bad our lives were as in job stuff... a lot of job stuff that came to haunt our relationship
I am actually genuinely interested about Igor's first idea about the snooze button
Gaby's hoops are on point. Great episode discussion, too.
I was not ready for how great this episode would be.
I have chronic pain and sometimes fighting everyday yo be strong enough to live a normal life is just too much. Sometimes it's too heavy to carry that myself. I tried to talk to friends but how my partner reacts to this is so important. My ex used to tell me to stop complaining about it and that she was fed up of it. When you're having a mental breakdown and you don't feel the strength anymore it destroys you to hear that. I understand that you shouldn't rely too much. This is why I need my partner to remind me how strong I am and that I'll be able to go through this. It actually helps not relying.
Oof but that's ableist of your ex. You deserve better!
@@gabesdunn thank you :)
My new partner is the perfect match between letting me feel confident enough not to rely too much on him and helping me when I need it. It's just a matter of understanding what is not normal and that's not always easy.
these videos are like one of my favourite things to watch. I just love candid convos, especially with these guys.
Had a super unhealthy relationship where I was dating a girl and she at some point in the relationship suggested that we no longer talk about our days at all. But more specifically, that I never talked about my day to her, but she would talk about hers to me. Ran as fast as I could from that nonsense!!! Current fiancee and I check in with each other about how we are feeling/can we handle a vent session/will anything the other one says be triggering. Most of the time the answer is "i'm good, please vent to me!" but it's always nice to know that one of us can say no if it's too much. And we do try to spread it around-- we have at least 1 other friend we can run to in a crisis.
Yeah i was with someone who didn't like all my updates, but then insteadnof changing or getting happy, I accidentally found someone who actually liked me. They enjoy my updates and either responds appropriately or if not I just say "oh no it isn't a big deal" or like "no i an sad about it" and then everything is okay
I watched the ending like 3 times. That starr spangler story had me laughing so hard I was crying. What a roller coaster xD
While I think emotional boundaries are important and it's important to consider whether or not the person you're talking to is in a "good place" and can handle bad news, I don't think it's a bad thing to tell a partner or a friend about annoying or unfortunate parts of your day. All that said, there should be a shared intention, whether it's just to hear each other out or not, and communication on whether or not you need help later or in the moment. My best friend and I have been living together for 3 years and we do this with each other all the time. I tell my partner, too. It's not with the intention of "please pity me", "I need help", or "I can't continue with my day". For context, all my friends are neuro-divergent (autistic, depressed, ADHD, etc) and this is therapeutic for us. We don't expect the other person to fix everything, we just want to be heard. I obviously don't know you or your friends, but as an outsider, I think you might just need better people. As a friend, you should be able to listen, maybe not all the time, or when you're busy or stressed, but enough to let your friend know you're there for them for the big and small stuff.
I too have to put an lol at the end of every message lol
0:40, i love that as Gabe tried to empathize the lady, Allison immediately rejects it entirely with the “I hate her.” at the first moment of her possible backstory.
these are so helpful! As a young 20 something hearing your experiences and advice and options is so helpful for someone who is still trying to figure out almost everything. THANK YOU.
AGREED!! Snooze options are stupid, I disabled the button on my regular alarm clock.
Also can I just say that Alison seems like the best friend ever and we all need one?!
The best part was Igor’s story at the end 😂😂
I would love an episode on each of your enemies
This is so interesting and is helping change my views on my current relationship. Thank you!
The idea of a "romantic relationship" being its own thing (which should be obvious...) is really interesting to me particularly.
Igor!! Totally agree with the snooze thing xx
Gaby dramatically crawling over the back of the couch to get away from a topic was excellent. Definitely something I would do.
My fix to the "potentially a burden" issue is I ask first.
"I had a bad day. Can I vent about it to you?"
"My anxiety is really high. Do you have the mental energy to talk about it (right now/later)?"
"I had a situation with a (friend/coworker/family member/etc) and I want to hear your advice on it. Is now okay?"
I always respect if they say no and don't hold it against them. It's led to a really healthy boundary in a lot of my relationships.
I respectfully disagree, i have high expectations for my relationship, i want the big love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, partner ... I want him to see every aspect of me and love me. And I love him just the same.
(I’m talking about my real current boyfriend btw)
I want to hear more about this snooze debate. Circle back please!
Hi I'm very much like Gaby in the way I share things and am often misunderstood and I feel like it takes a toll on my boyfriend but also I don't want to have to be happy all the time! And I feel like if I talk to my friends too much they'll get tired too. Idk what to do pls help
Practice depending on yourself. Trust your own opinions and feelings and eventually you won't need to rely on others so much. Confidence in yourself is key 🍀🍀🍀
@@beecy3893 I agree, try to find a balance between unloading on friends and being able to deal with things on your own (and I'm saying this as someone who feels like I'm burdening everyone by sharing with my friends)
Try journaling. It's good to get how you feel out to other people but journaling helps you reflect on your own thoughts, and it'll help you organize any thoughts you do want to share. You don't need to keep a physical journey, notes on your phone work too :)
I do this too and most of the time, he's fine with it but when he's having a bad day too and I don't want to bother him, I just write it down somewhere else like notes on my phone or in a book
To me it's important. Sometimes all you need to feel better is to be listened to and for someone to give a shit. Firstly, it's easier to handle things together, you feel better with support and also your partner might have advice or be able to help. My partner doesn't always tell me every detail of his day and all that, but he knows that if he needs to vent or talk to someone I'm here, I'll listen and I give a shit. And when I am upset or something, I can tell him and just the fact he supports me and listens to me is often enough to make things better. And if I'm properly upset we'll watch some Jenna Marbles videos together, or some cat videos. And we'll start laughing, and then that's it, I'm good.
I feel like if your partner tells you how they're doing and feeling and you don't give a shit and are like "ugh, enough is enough, I don't want to listen to this", you probably don't care about them as much as you say you do. I've never had an issue of a partner misunderstanding how serious something is or isn't so I don't quite know how that would happen. I mean, how exactly do you have to text for the person on the other end to think "omg, shit has hit the fan" when it hasn't? And I mean, I'm the kind of person that will go "ugh, this happened just now and I'm so pissed off at this person" to my bf and then in minutes I'll be talking about something else. At the end of the day he'll ask me how I am, I'l say I'm ok, we'll watch some stuff together or play some games. If after some time you don't know that your partner is not freaking out of their mind because someone said something to someone else, you don't quite understand them I would think.
And if I'm on the receiving end of it, I won't just be depressed all day because my bf is having a bad day. I mean, yes, I care and I hope it gets better, I'll send him something cute or send him hugs, show him that I am thinking of him. But at the end of the day if it's nothing life changing or anything, he'll manage and he'l be fine. Ok, maybe he will get home annoyed or something, that's fine, he'll relax, eat some good food and he'll be alright again. If it is actually something serious, that's a different thing and we'll deal with it together, and we will both be upset about it. But if it's some nonsense, it's ok, and I don't expect him to break his brain over my nonsense either.
Exactly what I felt. I think by oversharing Gaby meant something like texting the very instance it happened to give her partner a feel that it had to be solved right then. Being the sensible one at the receiving end is tough and right now I'm struggling with that.
This really just helped a little patch in my relationship! I love JBU ft Igor!
u have no idea how happy i get when y’all upload !!! u guys make great stuff and i looove when igor is on. also im like in love with allison.
The best advice I ever got was tell all your secrets to your dog and if you don’t have a dog then find a dog.
So do that instead of telling your partner
Ugh! I needed to hear this.. Last night my bf and i got in a argument over something stupid and we both just went to bed angry.. and i blame myself cause i over share things sometimes and rely on him to much to be my support .. Need to take notes from this video.
i think it's more about like, emotional consent. and letting ppl know what kind of texter you are. like if your partner knows you just text as a stream-of-conscious, here's what's going on in my day, it's not actually that bad i just wanna talk to you, and they're ok with you sending them messages all day and you tell them that you'll let them know if something actually bad or upsetting is bad or upsetting, then i think that's something that can be worked out. i think if you're unhappy and you need a therapist and you're relying on your partner as a therapist then that's unfair but is less about how much is too much in a relationship and more about, you need a therapist. same with entire support systems, if you are trying to get an entire village worth of support and socializing out of one person, that's too much. but again that's more about recognizing your needs, that you need more support systems. but i think a partner that says "you're bumming me out with your feelings" and you start swallowing down talking about yourself and how you feel, i think that's shitty. i think if a partner thinks you're having issues outside of what they can help you with, they should just tell you that and that they think you should find professional help and support you in finding that, instead of telling you they don't wanna hear it and that you should jst shut up about it.
I also had a bad relationship with someone who complained that I said too much negative stuff and now I feel bad telling anyone when bad things are going on now :( Not a good time.
I don't have a partner but i have friends I dont want to burden so Im gonna unload here - - I am insanely negative and I honestly DO. NOT. KNOW how to change my perspective on life. People say count your blessings or look for things you are appreciative of in your day and I can pinpoint those things but I just cannot stop being negative and its taking a toll on my life. How i communicate with people, what i think of myself, negativity is the bane of my existence and I do not know what to do
Too many good points just too many damn this episode was on fire from start to end will have to watch a few more times to set it in sequence, I am so overwhelmed!!! Damn it !!! You guys 😯
This was seriously eye opening.
this video could not come at a better time for me lol
Going through a tough week at school right now and really enjoyed this video! Thanks you guys for always being a great source of entertainment.
6:06 - 6:44 is gold.
I need to go put some work into my relationship. Just in time for Valentines day as well.
Alison, you look so happy in this video! I love it!!!
Allison hated Ellen and was completely right. Gaby seems so down here.... she seems happier now!
That story in the end is so weird i love it
I think this might be one of my favourite JBU episodes till now.
Thank you for the amazing advice. This channel is like a synonym for relationship nirvana.😍
I think how much you tell your partner depends on how far along you are in the relationship. If you're married you should be telling each other everything. They dont necessarily have to help you work through everything but you should tell them at least how you're feeling and why. If you're at the very beginning of your relationship then I think you guys are spot on.