Jordan Peterson - How To Know If You Are Agreeable
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
- Jordan Peterson - How To Know If You Are Agreeable
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• 2014 Personality Lectu...
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I'm becoming more disagreeable as I age. I'm 55 now, I'll be in prison by 70.
If you're female there's some evidence that women become less agreeable after the menopause because in part prolactin levels lower. Which I think is a good thing. I'm definitely less agreeable now than I wss at 45, I'm 55. I want things for myself now.
OrganisedPauper Yes, I've heard that, too. All part of 'The change '! 😀
@@OrganisedPauper being less agreeable is good to a point but if you become an angry old granny who repulses all relatives away because of constant judgement and whining it's not good. That's my grandmom, she was a nice person before but became an old witch the older she got.
@@thegoodpilgrim1327 Thanks I don't think that'll be a problem for me. I'm just able to prioritise my own needs more now and do what I want.
@@thegoodpilgrim1327 Guv, is it possible she was run over and used for years? Mine EXPECTED that if she put in years of sacrificial giving and peace-making then the pay off would come in her old age and appreciation and honor would come in support, time and service from her family. Instead, a group of selfish entitled buzzards were created and a disenchanted and grouchy granny responded. Sad, but an example of what JP included in this lecture.
I'm not agreeable! Yes you are. Ok...
😁
Haha nice one :D
Lol
Lol!
Arguments i have in my head
“If you ask how people are doing,”
‘Oh-‘
“-And actually care.”
‘…Point taken.’
Well, I think when you say Giw are you doing? it is an automatic greeting , like "Hello".
Most people know this is not the time to list all your cares. But if they are really troubled, they might state a difference response and continue to speak. Or they might just say, " I will tell you later". It was never meant to spill out every care, it was just always a greeting, The Bible speaks of greetings. Otherwise, we are as low as animals and ignored. No one should be that busy. If you are it may be good to slow down. Now if you are in the middle of working on a machine or on the phone or deep in work, of course you do not need to say, Hello to every person. This is normal etiquette. We are not cavemen anymore either where we grunt. Just as you would greet picking up a phone. It is normal for someone to know you are on the other end. Usually, older people get grumpy and stop greeting. Use your better judgement, do not bother someone when they are working or if they are busy. Kind of like a library, that is how most work places operate. But you can wave or nod. If you do not like greeting than don't. It is really quite simple, use your judgement. I worked with social workers and that is what they do engage people to talk same as teachers. Men I find to be less with verbal interaction and that is okay, because it may be construed as a pass. Or being too friendly.
I don't ask because I'd actually care if they opened up to me, can't have that.
He’s just on another level! What a privilege for his students to take lessons from him!
We are all his students. We are all lucky to have him tell us the truth. I certanly am lucky. He helped me quit drugs, alcohol and cigarretes. There a lot of work for me to do, but I am already better.
@@santiagoferrari1973 how are things now?
@@djordjerasic7482 better than ever. Thanks for asking
@@santiagoferrari1973 with love :D
Aika Papa he backs his simple knowledge with depth which is the approach some people need, maybe not you, but clearly a lot
I used to be. "The reason people finally awaken is they stop agreeing to things that insult their soul" Walt Whitman
Same here, nice quote ^^
In short have some integrity
Heisenberg is it just a coincidence your name is heisenberg and Anna is reciting a Walt Whitman quote?
@@assistanttotheregionalmana3002 I don't think it's a coincidence, I see the connection as well
I'm going to stop to be agreeable!!
That's okay with you?
I know wt u did here.. 😀
You should!
I mean, if you want, do whatever makes you more comfortable
I-
People need to stop acting as if an agreeable personality is some kind of bad trait.
It's the reasonably agreeable people who generally come off as polite, sympathetic and cooperative, which are OBVIOUSLY highly positive traits.
@@praisejesus6750
You must be talking about something else.
Because the traits that I mentioned are traits that all sensible humans beings possess, otherwise they would be psychopaths.
But some people seem to think that that's "edgy" or something.
I feel like whether I'm agreeable strongly depends on the people I'm around
supermarc45 yeah, especially when I can get a word in. Some of my friends are very extroverted and dominate every conversation.Whereas when the people I’m around are agreeable I switch nearly, very strange.
You may agreeable, but you are definitely not silly. You are simply adapting unconsciously your behavior to the situation and the people you interact with ! :)
Fr. Some people are so disagreeable I'd rather fake agree with them so that they think they won even though inside I think different. But I just don't want to spend my time arguing
Plus disagreeable people are more competitive so if they think they won at the cost of me fake "losing", I don't mind ahaha. that doesn't make me feel differently inside
@@katedemenok That's going into rough territory. Sometimes your choice of action may be genuinely correct through and through, but at other times, it may simply be easier to tell yourself you don't care than it would be to disagree. In which case you'd be taking the easy way out, which makes it harder to disagree when you need to in the future, and that leads to the dark side.
Clicking on this video already knowing I'm very agreeable
I’m definitely agreement. I came here knowing this, which sucks because I often find myself feeling resentful from doing too much for ppl who don’t give two ish about me. Being polite, compliant at work to respect ppl in their positions and those same ppl turn out to be hostile towards me for no reason. I’m empathetic, too compassionate for my own good. Smile too much and is afraid to rub ppl the wrong way or impose my way upon ppl so I tend to be the ‘okay’ nod type of gal. It really sucks bc I’ve experienced worse betrayals from ppl I thought were friends and even colleagues in the past as a result of my ‘nice’ good person behaviors. Definitely time for a change
Jordan "agreeableness conscientiousness extraversion neuroticism openness to experience" Peterson
This is my results I got
Jordan “you’re a human being” Peterson
So those are the big 5... thanks man!
Jordan "Hierarchy" Peterson
Jordan “Lobster” Peterson
I've been agreeable most of my life. What he says is right on. I find myself now becoming more and more disagreeable as I age. I'll be 50 this year. I kinda like being disagreeable now.
That's cool. I just turned 65. And decided not to be agreeable anymore. Being agreeable has cost me dearly in life. But I will still be nice, a little bit.
Same here, but younger. Learning to enjoy being disagreeable.
I'm trying to find the balance. I like being agreeable, and the chances to be genuinely agreeable to me are few and far between. At the same time I'm learning to tell people to fuck off if they are being douche bags.
@@cbalan777 indeed...i enjoy helping, caring about/for my fellow humans. I like to get along but will/do not tolerate crap and less so as i.ve aged. {perhaps a wee bit of rebellion to an authoritarian upbringing} l'm more likely to speak frankly and worry less about whomever becomes triggered/offended when speaking an opinion. In general an effort is made not to hurt/offend unless required by/in context... All men have 'belief systems" {henceforth abbreviated B.S.}, question an other"s B.S.'s, be skeptic, doubt, learn/think, ask someone, review the experts in the field. Remember to first reflect that light of reason upon your precious B.S.'s.....
@@charlesparadis5716 Interesting. Yeah, I've learned it's rare for people to be open minded. When you say XYZ, and someone replies "Tell me more" or "What led you to think that" or even just "Hmmm." then you know it could go well. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I'm not obligated to prove anything to anyone who isn't showing me that they are willing to listen AND consider what I'm saying. So I think you've got the right approach in not being too concerned when people get upset. Concern should be saved for reasonable and compassionate people willing to consider the world around them and not wasted on dummies only interested in selfish pursuits.
Watch this 9 minute video to figure out if you’re agreeable.
Me: No.
You may end up in prison.
Bengo Bongo that killed me off 😂😂😂
😂
I found my wife’s agreeableness at the root of the destructive of our relationship. In hindsight, she was very selective with the truths she told, guiding communications to whatever comfortable, in that moment. Outsiders saw her agreeableness as a virtue, and my efforts at getting to the truth as a problem. I simply could not make intelligent decisions based on her input; very deceptive but pleasant.
As I continued to make decisions, based on these un-truths, and act on them, she gradually came to resent me, like I was somehow victimizing her. I had no clue that I was navigating away from her true personality and needs. She turned to some feminist friends who helped her get away from evil-old-me. I only found out (some of) what she really felt thru 3rd parties, and decades later figured out what the actual facts and behaviors were. If we had had children, this would have been devastating for them as well.
So, I find it shallow, intellectually lazy, and careless to presume that agreeableness by default, is virtuous.
Bad friends dont help
Yeah. Agreeableness can be perceived as being other-focussed and not selfish. But if meanwhile you're building up resentments that will eventually find their way out, or making it difficult for those who care about you to participate in creating the circumstances that will make you happy, it's actually pretty selfish in the sense that it allows you to avoid moderately anxiety-producing moments of conflict in the short term, at the expense of the longterm health of the relationship. Everybody's got to do their part and communicate!
Yeah being too agreeable seems terrible for relationships, mostly because those types will put everyone else first including their partner at the expense of themselves. When you want to know how they really feel, and if something is bothering them they won't always be honest or tell you about it. Well if that goes on for too long they will resent you like it's your fault. I try to encourage them to speak up about what they really want and to also make sure to care for themselves.
This is very true . Agreeable people are not virtuous. You should be assertive in all relationships for healthy communication and to resolve conflict effectively. but at the same time you need to be polite is expressing your disagreements and compassionate enough to compromise and put others first. AFTER you have both spoke up, put uour cards on the table and negotiated the best common ground to mvoe forward with in the relationship
Interesting take
So, basically Jordon has read all my inner thoughts.... I’m definitely an agreeable person.... lol
What’s funny is that, agreeable people seems like such nice people… But on the inside they have such resentment for being so nice🤣
You’re right. I used to be very agreeable and I’ve now gone down the scale to agreeable and working on it. It is very hard to strike the right balance because I don’t want to be aggressive. I can definitely identify with resentment and passive aggressiveness. I have got myself into sticky situations in the past because of my agreeableness (laissez-faire) and I’ve attracted my fair share of difficult, narcissists. It’s very complex.
sophlinker I think a lot of people blindly help others, assuming that’s what everyone would do! WRONG!
I think agreeable people don't want to be used, which is what ends up happening. When you just take the abuse, you tell your abuser that you are okay with it.
The thing is I've got enough in being disregarded because they think that I'm Soo nice so I won't get angry or taken advantage off. I am nice but I'm not a saint or a budist monk, sorry.
The thing is that when I help I'll do it wholeheartedly soo when I hear for the second time commenting something like "that's ok, they can use me without me knowing it because I'm nice and stupid" I feel trampled and I start being resentful.
Hahaha..
I remember scoring low in agreeableness in some online Big5 test. On the other hand, I am socially anxious so I most often don't speak my mind. The resentment it breeds is strong, Jordan is totally right. Thanks to him I became mindful of that.
I'm for sure agreeable. All of the traits just portrait my character. And I'm very happy to realize that.
I wouldn't bring him coffee just because I wouldn't know if he wanted coffee.
What if you know and didn't bring anyway 😂
It's not about whether or not he wants it. It's about the offering.
@@ashwajeetprasad6101 I guess that would mean I'm not that agreeable 😂
@@pedlpower Well I don't quite get it. Like, a person buys two coffees just in case? One for themselves and one for Mr. Peterson just in case he wants it? And if he doesn't, then have the two coffees? Hmm.
That flew right over your head
I took a decent personality test and got 4th percentile in agreeableness. I honestly thought I was too agreeable. After the test, I realized why I couldn't land a job for a long time - I can remember in one of my many interviews, the interviewer asked me if I had any kids and I answered with "What does that have to do with the job?"
I guess there's many of that instances in my 30+ interviews.
I think it’s powerful to be agreeable but to also have the power to disagree and explain your reasons for disagreeing in an authentic way!
I used to be "agreeable" and got used and pushed around by people. Now I'm very "disagreeable" and seen as a "jerk" if I don't comply.
Right
Get used to it, don't be like the useful idiots and live like a puppet.
Take responsibility for your own destiny.
The Jawesome One just find yourself and be yourself. You know when you are yourself because there is no label hanging over you.
@@lucycallaghan8435 exactly
Depends on the people or person you are interacting with which one to be.
If they are "predatory" but you are not muster up the courage and mirror it back to them.
This normally cools the rowdy ones down.
I’m a poor negotiator and I tend to give my unneeded valuables away to bring joy to others rather than liquidate them. However, I do believe that I can still learn to be more assertive.
The basic difference between agreeable and disagreeable people is that agreeable people want to get along with other people and take care of them, whereas disagreeable people are more focused on self-interests and aren't that concerned about other people.
A disagreeable person is more "wild" and "untamed", whereas an agreeable person is easier to get along with and more likely to show sympathy.
I agree 100%
This is me, and I am very resentful because of it. Often I think that by being too empathic and too understanding of others I deliberately forego opportunities of maximum profit because I don't want to disadvantage others.
F em bro. Go for it
I had a lot of issues with this. I would always be there for friends, employers, hell even strangers. But when bad things happened to me I had to figure things out on my own. I got engaged to a pretty disagreeable woman(disagreeable but like me would often help people even when getting nothing in return) and she gave me hard reality check. She made me able to see how people were taking advantage of me and after a couple years a lot of those old friends occasionally contact me talking about how much they miss me. I also make a lot more money because I negotiate much better. I understand now that they're buttering me up and are about try and get something from me these days.
You seems to have the rules that people must help you if helped them. Such rules doesn’t exist.
This is how I interpreted it. So basically agreeable people change who they are so that other people will like them. The underlying cause is they're immensely afraid of rejection or are under the illusion that they need to be agreeable to get what they want. The nice guy is basically an agreeable person. I am very much an agreeable person. I sell out who I actually am to avoid rejection. You know "Be a good boy". When you're nice and polite your parents give you what you want. You grow up thinking that's how you get what you want. Your afraid of rejection by people when you're your actual true authentic self. When in reality people appreciate you much more when you're neither agreeable or disagreeable but actually just being authentic. Be more selfish if you're an agreeable person. It's okay to be selfish.
Being agreeable to me is being empathetic to the point it damages you. I would've say we agreeable people pretend too much, maybe I know when to tell bullshit off, but still we have to learn to be more selfish, it's not necessarily bad.
So,while having children,treat them different because of their differences?
That's mind blowing!!
what a fuckin concept, right?
I laughed out loud because it's so true. "What the fuck Dr Peterson, if you wanted coffee you should have told me!"
The end about parenting is spot on lol. My parents sucked
this was very informative. thanks
Wow. That cup of coffee line hit me hard. I’m always bringing some sort of food or drink before I go to visit almost anyone.
The problem with agreeable people is that they also have a very strong in-group/out-group distinction and don't see individuals but rather groups that they either belong to or don't.
DIS-agreeable people value achievement and reasoned opinions, therefore they don't take strong in-group/out-group stances and see the individual more instead of groups.
This is very important.
@P C
You might have misunderstood, but I also forgot one more point to make this more specific.
Outgroup anxiety, i.e., the amount of fear you have towards an outgroup is a modulator on this relationship.
If you are very agreeable and you are in a group that shares a high outgroup anxiety towards another group then you are much much more likely to make distinctions regarding the treatment of this outgroup and people who are low in agreeableness will not be as likely to share this quality.
If people are highly DISagreeable then they will also not share this quality of distinguishing treatment for ingroup and outgroup, because they are mainly focused on competition and competitiveness.
Here is one study that looked at this: doi.org/10.1002/per.1927
One more important point:
For each personality factor there are positive and negative characteristics associated with these and modulators that are context-dependent.
In my opinion this might be the reason why evolution has not removed more of the variance in personality types, i.e., because the advantages and disadvantages depend on the context and a mix of personalities benefits the group performance. In other words for each context there are people (different people in each context) who have advantages in that context and that benefits the group because there are always some high performers (not always the same but there are some).
@@SelfishNeuron@ I'm afraid you are confusing the whole original topic with your theory...
@@babajamiaco no I think you don't understand what "disagreeable" or "agreeable" mean in relation to measuring personality parameters and how these relate to attitudes towards others.
See the study that I cited above.
@P C Exactly! This whole theory by SelfishNeuron goes out through the chimney...
I agree
i’m 18 and took the test and it turns out i’m very low in agreeableness… Watching Jordans videos has helped me dive deeper into understanding myself, thank you :)
As an INFP though I find myself highly agreeable by default and selectively highly disagreeable. There's lots of contexts and factors that the brain subconsciously processes, so I think it's more important to be aware of the moments you are steering far to one or the another, and consider if it might have been better to take a different approach.
I like what you said about being “ selectively “ agreeable.
That’s where I am at after being drug through the mud.
Growing a backbone and having a boundary, being able to stand up and draw a line and keep it, has saved my life. Thankyou Jesus!
It does make sense but my goodness does my head hurt learning and knowing this.
If you are generally agreeable then when you are not, people tend to over react. It's not so much what you said or the way that you said it. It's more that you violated their expectations. Be careful about what people come to expect from you. Violated expectations seem to be somewhat unforgivable.
My husband is the opposite of agreeable and I"m too agreeable..i"ve learned to be disagreeable and He is Now agreeable..people change, switch places with time
I got sick of being nice to a rude inconsiderate person so l treated him How he treated ME..He didn't like it.
No One can be always one thing.
coffee Enema Exactly. Ppl learned
Like what are the stuff that he disagree on and what are the stuff that you disagree on im curious to know so i can probably learn a thing or two
That’s impressive that you were able to make those changes and stay together.
I used to be pretty disagreeable
Now I hate that, specially when I see other people being like that
I guess now I’m a balance of both
Im somewhere in between but what ive found is many times when circumstances come my way and i act out in agreeable manner I later wish i acted the opposite and vice versa.
I'm 41. I was a people pleaser my whole life and abusers took advantage hundreds of times. Today I dont associate with people like that because i know myself and eventually i'll tell them the truth. Never tell an abuser the truth without a counselor's help if you're not already out of the home. They will increase the abuse and many will become physically violent.
I hate being agreeable. I've dedicated myself to developing disagreeability. Now I got people calling me resistant or masculine (as if it's toxic to not be a sheep and speak your own mind), lol I actually love it! Confirmation to me that I'm in the right direction.
It's funny when those in my life who has always been disagreeable or more so a dictator towards me, are now met with "resistance", they want to get upset that I no longer give a fuck, just like them.
Dude, people hate disagreeable people. I'm a disagreeable person. People don't think positively about you. Keep the easy road.
@@Jenni-bx1qu they're not liked but they still get promoted at the of the day.
5:30 Virtues are as a pendulum, they are found most in the middle, or at the perfect ends where there is moderation all things considered.
What you say about this sector of society and people who populate it is so alien Dr. Peterson, that I have to just wonder or presume that you don't really know what goes on in the working corporate world.
Just a heads- up. I thumbs-upped this video then decided to go back and listen to a portion again and my thumbs-up was missing. I redid the 👍 but not sure why RUclips decided to remove my first one. Might want to check to make sure yours ‘sticks’ as well.
CS Lewis wrote that as good develops further, it becomes more different not only from evil but also from other good.
I'm pretty agreeable and have learned how to be disagreeable. Though my default is agreeable.
I tend to care a lot about people but pretty much always stand up for myself especially when challenged so I don't know tbh lol
me too actually. that just mean you are mature i think. ill always stand up for myself, and speak out against lies. i was accused of arguing too much at work by coworker actually lol being compassionate, and knowing when to be assertive when necessary is just the way to live
That seems like a pretty good deal.
I have the worst deal. I'm compliant (and resentful) but not at all compassionate. I'm whatever that's opposite of compassionate.
Bare_Foot Kid interesting self observation
@@bare_footkid633 an asshole?
You do know. You are a good balance of both. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
I think I’m mid to low in agreeableness. I show a lot of traits of a disagreeable person through my social interactions and other actions (antisocial, irritable, rebellious, I dislike being told what to do). But I have trouble voicing my disagreement to others, particularly to people who are in higher positions than me. Could this be that I am just too afraid to voice my disagreement to others?
Everyone has issues being disagreeable to person higher in authority than u because it comes with the risk of some sort of punishment
Are you emotionally fearful of saying something, or are you calculating the cost and benefit? I don’t give a damn, but at the same time I’m rational so I’ll calculate to get the best out of the situation.
I miss this version of Peterson!
Gosh, not long enough!! Where is the full lesson? So interesting
I find myself to be extremely compassionate (empathetic to a fault), yet also not polite (I am frank, critical, not afraid to impose). Is this possible? Or do I just not understand these traits.
Loool I'm completely the opposite. According to his powerpoint I'm a heartless uncompassionate bastard...yet i'm super polite about it?
Totally possible.
Same here.
Me: I'm disagreeable
This video: no you aren't
Me: ok .... *Wait*
Stole the comment from someone above you. Nasty
@@erikpoephoofd not really maybe we thought of the same thing that's just my experience but I'm happy that u took a minute out of your day to voice your diapproval of something even if u misunderstood
Have a happy day I'm not sure why but I'm feeling really nice today (flowers and puppies)
@@myaccount0307 sorry for falsely accusing you. You have a nice day as well fellow human!
I hope your life is going well and you do things that make you happy. Peace
@@erikpoephoofd what a sweet person keep working hard lots of love from heaven;)
How to know if you're a true human predator: you desire to go into politics.
Cough I mean JP is entertaining that idea.
yes
If you're agreeable you're much more likely to avoid a life threatening conflict.
Not really, I'm quite an agreeable person, I think so, but that only gets me into fights and makes people have little respect for me.
Think pushing agreeable people too far is very dangerous.
Actually, I think the very opposite is true. "Bad" people noticing that will see you as an easy target, because you can't stand up for yourself. They have no respect for you. If 2 disagreeable people get into a fight/argument, this respect plays a huge role in how it ends
@@Heisenberg355 no, you're talking about the exception to the rule. If you go looking for trouble you'll find it.
@@Stringwar I don't get why you wrote that last sentence - being disagreeable doesn't mean you are looking for trouble. It means you would more like get into a clash with someone else that is looking for trouble, because you don't let him do that to you. But as I said in my first comment, people looking for trouble will pick out the agreeable Beta-Cucks, because they are easy targets
just like consciously and don't categories your self
Thank god im learning this at 24 and not 50... good on u all whos learning at 50 tho.
So doctor Peterson says "Match your environment to your personality", how about trying to match your personality and alight it with your goals and your aspirations? for example trying to be a more competitive person, for a more competitive driven job.
I would love to have the chance to talk to JP. So far I think I have average neuroticism, I'm highly disagreeable, kind of average in openness, highly conscientious and somewhat an extrovert. I have always being like that for as long as I can remeber, I'm 55 now and pretty much the same. I wish young people would take the time to figure themselves out early in life...that would be very helpful to them and avoid unnecessary troubles.
perfect explanation with cup of coffee. majority of people are like that always look to offer something to get agree over things. its like i give you this and you give me that. im kinda disagreeable and agreeable at the same time. its like i give you nothing and i ask for nothing. if you can manage that way than i agree with the things you say. majority of people are always in the mood of giving you something so i can make you agree with me.
I'm agreeable.
agree
This like the concept of being a Mr Nice Guy, but this time Mr Agreeable Guy
I'm only agreeable when I believe what's being said to be true, otherwise I must question.
Then your agreeing with yourself... What's your point
Jordan....Peterson
he is spot on about non agreeable people. Im very antagonistic and do well professionaly but im void to care or empathize about others.
In that case that's something that you should develop, because humans are social animals and need to be able to care for each other - if you are totally uncaring then you will probably come off as a prick to some people.
@@Peter_1986 i might and i am, but i do not care enough.
Just letting you know i do care about my wife and my family, but about anything else im indifferent. Clearing it up because vague empty people think they know what they aare saying
It's all about finding whatever balance is authentically you and most happy. The movements left or right in this scale of agreeableness isn't inherently meaningful
Christ, what am I then? I've got a lot of empathy for other people. I love making my friends happy. I love giving Christmas gifts. But I'm also assertive, provocative, irreverent, and I respect authority only to the extent I decide they deserve it. I guess I can turn on or off whatever the situation calls for. But that makes me wonder; am I naturally agreeable, and learned how to be antagonistic? Or am I naturally antagonistic and learned how to be agreeable?
You're an individual, not a statistic, that's what you are.
Thanks. That actually makes me feel pretty good. :)
Why not the other way around? That researchers are just observing a trait that is common to a majority of women? I mean, evolution built us this way for a reason. We are giant meat mechsuits for our genes so they can reproduce themselves, and we happened to get sentient by chance a few millennia ago. A gigantic portion of what we _are_ is unexamined instinct, and of course reproductive instinct would top the list in priority. Certainly not saying any of this is good or unchangeable. We have never really looked at the natural forces that compel our behavior, because it's too scary a thought that we're not really the ones in control of our actions. But the catch is, the more aware we are of this caveman software, the more ability we have to choose to disobey.
Also, it's possible that I don't fit into easy categories because I'm a statistical outlier. Pretty much every interaction I have with other people suggests this anyway. For better or worse, I'm something way at the end of the bell curve.
Patricia E I don’t think empathy is responsible for agreeableness or disagreeableness.
You are in the middle since it`s on a spectrum like everything he talks about.
Across years my compassion developed and politeness got reduced. In result my agreeablness went down.
Whats the answer to that?!
I am agreeable but I can't afford to allow that
A minor point from a food scientist - cooking is used to kill pathogenic microorganisms in meat and to increase its non-refrigerated storage life, not to make meat more digestible. Both raw and cooked meat are equally digestible, but properly cooked meat is bacteria free, and thus safe to eat and doesn’t immediately spoil.
This tells me that I'm a heartless uncompassionate bastard...yet i'm super polite about it?
"One of the ways to think about how to maximize your success in life is to attempt match your personality to the evironment"
I would say, how to maximize your success relative to others, not in life. Unless your idea of success in life is relative to others.
"Unless your idea of success in life is relative to others". Of course it is. Humans always measure themselves against other humans because we are a social species. What else are you going to compare yourself to? A chimpanzee?
There's one important piece missing to this, that is disagreeable people also often respect authority. They respect it and comply, but then dish it back out to someone whenever they have the chance. What would you call them?
That’s being disagreeable. It just means you have an opportunity to gain something from compliance, but you do not comply when what you have to gain is not at stake.
I wouldn't say I'm empathetic and compassionate . But I'm really bad at negotiating and always try to avoid conflict and unfriendly situations. That means I'm agreeable?
Juan Torres yes you are
Well, that is what he just said. So yes.
It does
And you already knew that
Agreeableness is broken down to compassion and politeness. Maybe you're low in compassion but high in politeness?
You need to know what to do there, because you will be there. Order flips into chaos, and chaos into order like boom, instantly.
Love how all the comments on these videos are positive I could count maybe 3 negative ones i'v seen
And ive seen only 3 positive ones ... the rest is negative
I like social harmony
If you're agreeable and try to be more assertive, you run the risk of increasing neuroticism because it is difficult to balance agreeableness and disagreeableness. You will over step and get guilty, etc.
I'm a male and I honestly consider myself a highly empathetic person, as in very caring and listening to people's troubles since everyone, including total strangers always seem to want to open up to me about their most deepest thoughts and feelings. On the other hand I'm very confronting person as in I always say no when I feel that it needs to be said. I honestly think I'm one of the most assertive people I know. What I mean to say that I'm highly confused about my personality, somehow being extremely agreeable and disagreeable at the same time atleast according to big five theory and I'd hope to speak to someone who knows about it better.
Guv your just like me. I think how we act is the healthiest bc we have compassion AND we stand up for what we think is true
@@conradgahjwkje8447 I've been thinking the same thing. That it's the best way I can imagine someone can act in, but after that I get instantly self judgemental thinking that I'm propably thinking that I'm better than others or something on those lines. I think was 98th percentile on compassion and 2nd percentile in politeness in the big five personality test thing.
From my understanding the agreeableness traits is made up from two subtraits, politness and compassion. You're high in empathy but low in politness
I feel like I'm by nature very low in agreeableness but have learned/trained myself to be much more agreeable over time, at least in some categories. I still don't have respect for authority, don't value social relationships much outside a couple of people, but I do genuinely care about people and can be very empathetic. I am definitely not predatory, though I have no problem destroying someone IF they deserve it and brought it upon themselves. I never initiate this kind of conflict though; it's only ever retaliation for THEIR malicious behavior.
Dude I feel the exact same way except I don’t care about anyone except for close relationships, but that doesn’t mean I would kill others I still care about human lives.
WHat is a person who is very agreeable around agreeable people and very disagreeable around disagreeable people? Because that's what I am. I typically just reflect the attitude people give towards me.
Agreeableness also has the politeness factor. I am at 88th percentile for agreeableness but only 23rd in politeness, it turns out exactly as you have written it: agreeable with agreeable people, tough with wankers. You are probably low in politeness and also assertive enough (extraversion).
smart
I personally love philosophy and having discussions, but so much of the time in class discussions I'll present an objection to someone else's point as more of a question than a statement. Like ' ____ said that ____ means ____, right? So doesn't that maybe mean ____?' and then I'll often look to the teacher or person opposing me for confirmation. It's very ineffective because obviously the opposition isn't going to support my point in most cases. I just don't know how to oppose someone without coming across as rude or entitled or something.
You recognized your problem, so you're halfway there. I'd advise you to stop posing your argument as a question. If you want to be cautious, say something like "I might be wrong, but here is what I think", "You're welcome to disagree with me, but this is the way I think it is", "Here are my two cents, I'm curious what you think about the matter". If you face opposition, be open-minded towards it, but if you find yourself disagreeing, try to politely explain or defend your point.
Punch em in the face
we are all agreeable to what extent is individual
i only agree to people so i dont have to explain things. its easier to agree rather than sit down and explain things. no matter how much you explain your behavior people only going to see things from their own perspective. you absolutely right human beings are predators and always look for pray to hunt. like the say, society is like a jungle and people pick a character of a animal. some are wolves and some are sheep.
You should never have to explain your behaviour to anyone, it is weak!
There is may be similar approach on this subject in the book "Give and take"...
And I can name "Takers" also "not agreeable" people. Thank you)
How to be in an enviroment that reflects your personality?
he meant that for instance a very agreeable person would be more suited for a job as a nurse rather than a lawyer. a disagreeable person would not be good as a nurse because a nurse should put the patients needs first and be comforting. generally agreeable people should not be in competitive work environments and disagreeable people should not be in work environments that necessitates them putting other people before them.
@@linusyootasteisking Good answer. And if you hate being around other people, then long distance haulage might be the career for you...
@@jrd33 haha yeah, just you and the good ol' radio.
I think agreeableness is a personality trait, and standing up for yourself is a skill. I think it's easy to assume that since I'm not at all agreeable, I probably must know how to stand up for myself. Noooope.
Yeah I feel that way too. I think it's mostly my timidity that makes me that way I'm not so sure
Me and my brother are different but had neglectful childhoods I was always a far more quieter person though were he was alot more out going but I am alot smarter
Jordan Peterson, I've been trying to figure out what attitude to have.....I am a new middle school teacher. For the difficulty of the job, should I consider the relatively low salary a reflection of 1. teachers being agreeable, 2. being a teacher does not actually provide value to society, 3. I should consider it high even it feels like terrible pay. The info is: the pay is 43000 a year and my family could not live on that very well if I wasn't married.
Because if it's my poor attitude I want to change it. But how do you demand and obtain better pay? You seem to suggest elsewhere that disagreeable people know how to demand it or go elsewhere.
LOL! makes you question free will. The coffee part
In a sense I see your point. Though I think its more like the idea is not very oringal though it has the same meaning no matter how many times its done. Someone who might be creative might instead bring something to munch on instead of a drink. Just because you are inclined does not mean you don't choose to follow the inclination. At least that's how I see it and I may be wrong but I do believe in free will.
I would also say because you can train yourself in traits that oppose your determined traits that's would be free will.
Being agreeable and conscientious because you think everyone is agreeable and conscientious, so noone loses out. Finding out that this is not the case.
I've got low compassion and moderate politeness and I still haven't gone to prison yet. Then again, having low compassion is nothing when you are extremely introverted and non-neurotic. I have no reason to commit crime.
So ur just chillin
Canadians might get him but I don’t always find him the most articulate teacher. People are a mix of both. Some people are more disagreeable, but everyone I know has a mix of the two. Maybe some in the Gurdjieff circles would describe this as the machine being the disagreeable side and vice versa. The machine for many of us becomes 51% and the other 49, human. He described people as machines. I have learned in he last few years to be less agreeable. Gurdjieff also said when we consider certain types of people, for example, getting them a coffee, they will lose respect for us, the feeling of obligation as a result of receiving the gift, makes them feel they have to make an effort.
Could it be that as we become older we are more fixated with our old ways, we want things our way, and also probably due to decrease in ability and willingness to learn new technology and skills, that we become more disagreeable with age.
I feel like being agreeable helps you get by. I mean, I almost disagree with like 90% of what my friends talk about and they seem pretty dumb to me in so many ways. But in the back of my mind, I'm like disagreeing 9 out of 10 times. At work, I wonder why spend so much time in meetings talking about the smallest things when they could be resolved in a matter of minutes. But instead of yawning through the meeting, I just play their game so I can get along. I mean it helped me get my promotion lol. Can't complain. What I can say is that most people become agreeable when facing a higher "power" in a social context, which is a bit sad tbh. I wish people could be more like hippopotamus. They are fierce when faced with predators near water, but they're nice when they meet other herbivores.
I fight a lot but im super modest and altruistic low competitive, does that make me agreeable?
I'm pretty agreeable but not thoughtful enough to bring you coffee. Especially if I'm paying to be there.
I came across lots of dissagreable people that inhibit some agreable characteristics like sympathy, so im not sure if agreableness and dissagreableness cant cross paths in someones personality.
We are all both to some degree.
I am reasonable (if that’s similar to agreeable) person but if the other person is being very unreasonable without any give then my demeanour quickly changes and this can translate to being distant from that person. Or absorb his energy and reverse it on them If that makes sensey which in turn may lead to a confrontation unless the ungreeable person gives a little and the issue is settled. You need to strike the right balance otherwise either way you will be in trouble. I also think if a agreeable person is pushed too much they will lash out physically not because they are violent; like as in counter rallies and marches and end up clashing with police.
Agreeable doesn’t mean being nice it just means you consider or respect the other persons opinions like they should respect yours.