How to Regulate Emotions with High Neuroticism/Low Agreeableness | Jordan B Peterson
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- Опубликовано: 3 май 2024
- From my 6th Patreon Q&A.
A Patron asked: "I have trouble regulating my emotions. It may be because of high openness/conscientiousness/neuroticism and low agreeableness/extraversion. Any tips on dealing with that?"
The full video:
( • Q & A 2017 10 October )
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"You tend to saw off the branch you are sitting on on a regular basis, and that can be pretty destabilizing."
Thanks for this
Sums up my life perfectly. It is soothing to hear that who does not know me. That I am not crazy
What does this mean, exactly?
Kevin It means that you're constantly coming up with new frameworks. Openness makes you attracted to new ideas and challenges the way you currently look at the world on a regular basis.
This is totally my problem, I conceive of very extreme ideas that could work but if I try them I risk destabilizing my life, and what has happened in the past for me is that I end up single-mindedly pursuing these ideas until I haven't even noticed that certain problems are encroaching on me and I need to make them my priority in order to keep myself on two feet.
Michael Muszynski such an accurate metaphor
I'm on the higher side of neuroticism and extremely high in openness. I have to regulate what I open myself up to and have had to eliminate watching headline news and politics which was extremely difficult.
@stephencarlsbad same here! It's such a constant contradiction of one's nature to NEED novelty but also be easily stressed out by it. Personally, I'm extremely high on Extroversion, as well so there's just another level of contradiction there for me haha
Same
Try 1440 daily digest for your news. They get straight to the point and don’t curate their content based on provoking people’s fear or outrage like every other news media does.
Another suggestion for news: Wikiepedias Current Events portal. Its what I use, and it lets me "drill down" to the topics I am more interested in
@@mksybr I think I'm open enough to this idea that I will completely abandon the RUclips rabbit hole I was already burrowing down. EDIT: I'm finding the "2021 in science" page radically uplifting in comparison to the typical news feed.
I am SO thankful for this man's knowledge. It has changed my entire life!
Yep
I'm an anxious med school student and he is not only helping with my anxiety but also improving my grades at college 😁😁😁
@@jagadeeshchenna6518 Hey man Im happy to hear that! I struggle myself with anxiety to a degree where I dont study and instead procrastinate so I get bad grades. Have you seen by any chance a video where Mr Peterson talks about the combination of hight neuroticism and low conscientiousness?
Im cant agree more on that with you! Im glad to hear that you feel the same. Still need to work on the way I handle exams and general projects at the univerity though. I get so anxious that I start to procasrionate. I belive I have a high neuroticism trait and low conscientiousnes. Do you know any video where he adressed a similar problem like that?
@@tiek6708 actually I don't remember bro, but If find one I'll paste the link here.
And by far the most help I got was not from internet, but from my bestie, who's also a med school student and has similar personality like me n we just talk Normally for the most part and it somehow changed my life.
I suggest u to get a bestie who's like you, your life will change I'm telling you.
Wow, this one really resonated with me, I have exactly this problem of high neuroticism and low agreeableness, these traits tend to Clash harshly with oneanother, it's like I'm not compatible with myself.
Oh my god exactly! ”It’s like I’m not compatible with myself.”😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Ditto, like a constant battle 😂
Oh my godness this is accurate on me too with those two traits. My competetivness puts myself in uncomfortable situations and my neurotism just have to deal with it
Lmao join the club
😂😂
High protein, fat. Sleep and eating regiment. Exercise. JP turning out intellectual muscle machines.
you woke too bro?
Im a ball of fucking anxiety and muscle
been doing that for years, doesn't help lol.
This just made me even more disagreeable because now I can deadlift 315lbs lol
Do you have any recommendations on 'healthy' breakfasts which include this?
I'm extremely high in Openess, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism; somewhat high in Conscientiousness; and very low in Extroversion. I've beat myself to death, sawed off so many branches I was on and opened so many Pandora's boxes. I've felt so lost at sea and I've had a really tough time understanding myself until I found Dr. Peterson whose lectures resonate deeply with me and opened my eyes. I'm a work in progress, but I can see the path ahead of me now. Thank you. I can't thank you enough.
Any progress?
I am same.
I'm dealing with this too, did you get a grip on this?
@@ngp9609 I just want to work on being less neurotic and leave the rest because they are amazing qualities .
If you have trauma holding you back I suggest you to work on it .
can you become neurotic without experiencing trauma ?
Me to….
Take some drugs
As a person who is open, neurotic, and conscientious, I’m going to watch this video every day
Don't listen to Peterson
The sleep and eating suggestion is wise. Have you tried that?
@@k0829don’t listen to Peterson but your here listening to Peterson 😂
Jordan gives good advice. I'm very low in agreeableness, so I try to do someone a favor on a regular basis. Each week I pick someone who definitely deserves to be shot in the head, and then I don't. Furthermore, I have noted that the deserving person is sometimes me.
We should be friends :D
Jesus dude🤣
Wow! Good for you! ♥️
😅😂❤
JP was right about everything. Eating well, sleeping, abstaining from overstimulating and negative things have been so important for my mental, emotional well-being. I already care too much, and seeing suffering in the world that I can’t do anything about makes me feel worse. It’s better I don’t see things that are upsetting that I can’t do anything about.
You can see how he carefully choses his word to not insult people by mistake. This is something we all need to learn to be more assertive.
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The hint at shielding from news is great! Add social media to that. Reduce social media use (outside work or education) to like an hour a day, focus on meaningful content and helpful, supportive groups and platforms while online.
I think I am high in Openess and Neuroticism, low in other 3. I have spent so much time sulking about my emotions and wasted so much of opportunity thinking I might feel good after sometime. Thank you so much for practical knowledge you are sharing Dr. JBP. Pls continue to do the same
In this case it's either resignation and adapting forcibly, or dying early after being wildly creative
I am so glad to see like minded people here who have over come neuroticism. We can make it !! We're not damaged.
God bless!
I want a return of these types of videos. Wishing you the best Jordan Peterson
Dude. This is a perfect description of the cycle I go through.
Thank you so much for this video
I felt like this man just gave advice directly to me. Truly crazy how accurate this was!
Cannot put in words how much this is appreciated, Dr Peterson! Thanks and wishing you all the best from 🇧🇷
Thank you so much for speaking on this topic. I am both high in neurotisism and low agreeableness etc. Your suggestions were on point with things I have learned about myself. My test results were not flattering so your gentleness in your response is so much appreciated. I want to do better so I'm grateful for your guidance.
These tips are so easy to apply. Refreshing!
Prof. Peterson- you are a treasure! I wish you great health so you can grace us with your presence. Thank you so much for your knowledge!!!God Bless you!
This was soo good i wanted to share, and then realised I am the only one in my circle who is this person. Truly low on agreeableness.
Love how articulate this man is
He is totally right. My late mother picked up on my sour attitude when I didn't eat. I MUST have a solid breakfast, or else I will be in trouble - headaches and fugue. Coffee picks up my attitude, and tea.
Excellent advice, thank you
This was very helpful for me. Thank you.
This was so helpful! I love Jordan Peterson
Thank you Jordan Peterson for helping so many people struggling, you are an absolute blessing to the world
Wow! that's like talking to me personally, and giving the best advise ever.
Avoid people that always try to make you sad about crazy shit that happens in the world. Or always tells you when somebody dies even though you have NO relationship with them.
😂😂That sounds like my grandmother.
Dr. J. Peterson deserves a hug and a kiss, every step of life, going...going...gone.
Very good advice mr peterson, i have just realized im very open minded and like to pick things apart to prove reality but im constantly overwhelmed by fear and extreme stress to the point i can't sit or lay still when my mind just keeps accelerating at a pase too fast for my bodily well being.
Deep.
Lots of learning.
Thank you.
Very helpful, thank you!
This advice is gold. I started having 85% 15% red meat in the morning and it made my volatility go down. I was really losing my temper at work and this took everything down a notch and made things a bit more manageable. Thank you for this advice Dr. Peterson. It helped me and those around me lol
What did you eat?
@@Siggi-Bear I literally eat a single patty of 85 15 beef. Just a hamburger in the morning on whole wheat bread. Avoid too much sugars. You can experiment a little too though
I have always liked to eat dinner leftovers for breakfast - a real meal.
Thanks a lot Dr.Peterson I needed this.
I'm the same except low conscientiousness, which really made me cry. I did not expect that.
This is incredible thankyou
I was in the same situation, I did what doctor Peterson said, and I have been feeling much better.
I wasn't the one that asked this question but I could have been. I'm happy to know or at least have reinforced the idea that the steps I've been taking should actually help. I certainly feel stronger, and others are beginning to open up to me more. Even those I've already spent considerable time around.
Nearly all, thanks to the good doctor.
Thank you, sir; friend.
One of the things that have work for me is diet, "GABA" boosting foods, high in folic acid, taurine, lithium etc. The key point is to lower cortisol levels by consuming this kind of foods, the other thing is to avoid stimulants like caffeine, nicotine or energy drinks you can substitute those with green tea (matcha) or deacaf coffee and as peterson said optimize ur circadian rhythm by sleeping every day at the same time and waking up to the same time make a routine, that will help to gain control in ur emotions.
I have those same traits....Best no bullshit advice ever.
Hey jordan, love you
After doing meditation, and many other spiritual practises (which didnt help) for years, being vegan and doing everything right I turned praying to Jesus going to church and reading the Bible which is one single thing that is helping the most to find ground. It also requires discipline which is a treatment. Peterson talks about it a lot - founding moral ground.
Yes Jesus is everything to me :) and I agree with you I feel so much at peace and well grounded.
I figured out all of these helpful tips on my own through trial and error. But it took me 18 years of my adult life to figure it out. Wish I knew about Peterson sooner. The stepfather I never had.
WONDERFUL, there is much to learn
This is helpful. My neuroticism is quite high. This makes sense re what I let in etc and knowing this is a good thing.
Short but very informative
I'm also pretty high in openness and neoroticism so thank you JP this is exactly what I needed.
That's why you probably watched the video
Me too man, it sucks, how do u cope.
@@artemisgruis1528 don't listen to Petersons suggestions. don't identify yourself with this bullshit, you'll only feel depressed and if you do gain any fulfillment from what he says it's usually never sustainable. How long have u been following him?
@@k0829 i respect him as a psychologist but not as anything else. He is a Hegelian gnostic and an idealist. I am a from the perennial school.
@@artemisgruis1528 I used to follow his advice surrounding psychology, the benefits and growth you make are never really sustainable as to why I would always have to go back and watch more of his vids to feel better about myself. And that's the same with other Internet gurus that are so prominent in the west's culture nowadays usually trapping young men and women with low self esteem and containing because they always retreat back and watch more to get feel better about oneself. Ask yourself,"do I gain true satisfaction from his lessons",if you continuely have to go back to feel satisfied your more so contained by him.
This really been like a great consultation to me
The Hangry concept makes sense at last!
These are very good practical advice!
im against eating breakfast if you are not hungry. it was the food companies who pushed the idea of "breakfast is the most important meal of the day".
👏🏼👏🏼 turn off the news. I don’t need constant negative debates and endless talks that I can’t do anything about.🙌
This was great.
Everytime I watch Jordan b.p. I learn something about myself . I look at myself . I grow up a little bit more every time
I believe I have the same personality traits but with high agreeableness. And I just realized that I developed a mechanism of rejecting the exposure to repetition, especially of things that trigger negative emotions. But unfortunately its sometimes inevitable especially if you care about people around you and they project a constant pattern of negative thinking or emotion.
Im 3% agreeable. Classified as exceptionally low on JPs test. Also very high in neuroticism. But also high on openness. Weird combo. This is helping. It resonates so much with me.
brilliant man
Thanks doc
This is me to a T. Interesting to see my type described and very helpful. I am also high in politeness and extroversion so that helps offset the extremely high levels of disagreeableness. As well as conscientiousness, which as Peterson describes does make one highly perfectionistic... I am very hard headed and stubborn (lowest percentile agreeableness) and this has actually saved me from wallowing in bleakness many many times
Don't listen to peterson
@@k0829 why?
@@bluecity3334 because he and his advice he gives contains you more than genuinely making you grow as a person. If you constantly have to watch his vids for advice or any other self help guru to gain fulfilment your more so contained by them and not truly growing as an individual from what they say, and yes some of the advice peterson says are inherently true he wouldn't be this influencial if he was giving out complete nonsense but that Is what contains you from truly developing is you think in what he's saying is all completely makes sense and should be followed but you end up depressed again and having to go back and watch more of his vids,and the cycle continues. Opinions?
Thanks dad.
Great video to prep for thanksgiving lol
Fuck me this is me. My sleep cycle is shit. I obsess over news and shit. I eat tons of carbs (though I'm in shape). I'm highly neurotic and anxious, but I'm extremely open (libertarian and creative).
I'm struggling with going from an unstructured lifestyle to a structured one, and I've learned Peterson's advice on a regular schedule is really valuable. Those habits like eating and sleeping, exercising may seem basic, but they are like the foundation of your life.
If I find myself depressed, it's probably because I let myself develop bad habits that led to that mental state. Some people may need medicine but I think a lot of people would be cured of depression/anxiety just by overhauling their lives.
chbrules that face on your profile though
How are you now?
@@jakeelsner2963 Better, but my sleep still isnt the greatest - though that's because I have two babies now lol. My wife helps keep me in line better. However, instead of going to bed really late and getting 8hrs, I get to bed at a more reasonable time, but only get 6hrs right now. You win some, you lose some. Not enough hours in a day to get everything you want done, I'm afraid.
@@chbrules good to hear man. My best wishes to your family. I'm sure you will be able to get a little more sleep once they get older. Thanks for the reply back.
I'm Highly Disagreable and Neurotic, this advice really resonates with me, thank you
Thank you
Good advice to shield from news.
I have a similar personality to the person who asked the question, although not as high in neuroticism, but still higher than average, especially for a male. I find the combination of high openness, high neuroticism and low agreeableness has it's advantages. The high openness/high neuroticism means you are constantly thinking of new things and constantly shooting them down, so that in the end you only put forward the best ideas, the ones that survived your internal attacks. Being low in agreeableness at the same time means once you've settled on the best idea, you can be aggressive in advocating for it. Although I find I have the best success when I work against my type, like Dr. Peterson said, going out of my way to consider others.
Exactly, I'm very creative and highly neurotic (79%) so I will create a lot of stuff and then throw most of it away because I don't think it's any good. Like Weerd Science said:
I write my rhymes in pencil so I can erase em,
The morning after I write them, I wake up, read em and hate em,
This helps so much. I can't stop crying now. Thank you.
Wow just took his Big 5 test, I’ll try this thanks Doc
JP have so much ending sentences with "so..." 😅 (As a good thing) Left me wanting more and more somewhat obvious advices but stated with clear and articulate style that feels like you're there in his therapy session..
I am mostly the same except 3rd percentile in agreeableness. This can also make your high neuroticism work since you need structure and stability which means often saying no.
This man genuinely cares so much. Far more than just politics, but cares deeply about the micro for people. What a lovely man.
7:57pm NZST
7 June 2022
You got it this is it..
Just in time ?A real leader for mankind steps forward.
Found out im in the 98th percentile for neuroticism but also high in agreeableness lol. I guess that means I'm extremely depressed but kindhearted
@ngoundo magassa me too, it really takes a toll on all my relationships around me. Do you have any tips on handling it better?
asia321999 man I’ve been struggling with this almost all my life, my mom’s side struggles with it too, being high in neuroticism but also high in agreeableness is literally being softhearted with other people like your family, but being very hard on yourself, you would torture yourself just so your family can be happy, for me it’s hard not to criticise my self, I often do it without realizing it, but I tried to control it but trying to “love myself” and the only reason I have friends is because I’m very agreeable to a point that my friends want to hangout with me more than I want to hangout with them.
asia321999 tips for handling your personality? Well listen to this video, and also try to change your thinking by always thinking of the bright side or just think of positive thoughts, if you do this consistently your neuroticism will gradually go down, but it won’t disappear and won’t go down a lot, but it will make a difference to where you will definitely feel more satisfied, and if you have bad memories you want to forget then either talk to a person about it or write it down, JP talks about this a lot too, but you do have an advantage, and that’s agreeableness, it’s very powerful for relationships and it will help you in life in general
@@franstammo3905 I’ve come to find that we all have our problems with our own personality types. Like JP said you want to expand on it, I’m 95thp neuroticism, 98thp in openness, and 2ndp agreeablenes. Look at the bright sides of your agreeableness, because as someone on the other end of the spectrum in agreeableness I have my own troubles. Acceptance and self love go a long way. Much love ✌🏾
Where did you get tested?
I wish I knew where to find psychologists like you Jordan in Vancouver. I don't know if anything is really wrong with me to be honest but just listening to you speak i think that it couldn't hurt to get a check up
1:29
holy shit is that why I can be depressed and suicidal, then go to sleep and wake up normal the next day?
sad nigga hours is a real phenomenon
@@marisa7976 lol
Take it with a pinch of salt. I have the same personality profile and I never eat breakfast - particularly not one heavy in fat.
I don't feel hungry in the morning. My lunch is just a salad with protein and dinners are bigger. My doctor is OK with it. Intermittent fasting philosophy is OK with it. Skipping food when I'm not hungry helps me keep the weight off and feel sharper/more productive during the day.
His second advice (lower news consumption) is on point and has helped me immensely.
@@abhijeetmulye2079 Breakfast doesn't have to be in the morning. Breakfast just means it's your first meal of the day; that's why it's called breakfast because you break your fast.
I also barely manage to fall asleep because of anxiety and in the morning when i wake up i feel so much better.
Thanks
I feel heard!
Wonderful
No one regulates emotions with high neuroticism better than Jordan .
I got rid of my tv several years ago, and I highly recommend it. Made a difference.
Please elaborate
Eating a breakfast that does not contain carbohydrates works extremely well if you are prone to stress or feel stressed even before you get to work. I obeyed this advice of Jordan and I am eternally grateful to him.
I have the same issue and I ve done these things intuitively.. I never thought they were related ..
Brilliance
I am very compassionate, polite and empathetic. At the same time if I don’t agree with someone I will not do what they ask or agree with them until I hear a good reason to do so. Because of this I have always been uncertain about my level of agreeableness.
That's more Extraversion and Contentiousness
I’m very high neuroticism (91st %) and very high in withdraw (93rd %), also high in volatility (84th %) and moderately in openness (63rd) I’m very low in politeness, compassion, conscientiousness and industriousness.
I am very high in neuroticism and basically low in every other trait. I take everything personally, I always have the impression people are out there to get me and to inflict as much pain and damage onto me. I live in a constant state of fear and panic, my fight or flight mode being almost constantly active. It is exhausting. Absolutely exhausting. I’m very high on negative emotions and a carry a ton of anger and frustration with me. I experience very little joy in life. I always see the negative side of things. I was severely bullied in school and women were never interested in me (I’m 31 and still a virgin). If anybody has any advice for me, please let me know.
Well, you cant blame the big five results or in other word your psychological state of mind for you misfortune. You must confront the things that give you extreme negative emotion. Is it your job which don't fulfil you, is it your body which is physically sick because of unhealthy lifestyle or your social life where you have challenges. You have to come up with solutions for these problems. You need a daily routine to stabilise, build discipline, confidence -->boost Conscientiousness. Bro I myself have Neuroticism 99%, Openness 2%, Extraversion 4%, Agreeableness 1%, but 41% Coscientiousness because Im hard working, implement plans, maintain order and structure.
99 percent neuroticism yep. I always felt like I I’ve had such a hard time getting along with other guys because I take jokes really personally and I get defensive. It all clicks now. As for a solution, it looks like for us it’s gonna be a constant grind where we try to overcome our own nature.
@@dodgeshadow099 Yes I’m also 99% neuroticism. And 1% agreeableness and 3% openness and extroversion. I can relate so much to what you said about taking jokes personally. Good luck bro… we’re really fighting against our own nature as you said
Practice sports! Jiu jit su, get into good energy podcast like Rogan or Lex, and create art (music, drawing, etc)
Hey Fred! I'm as well high in neuroticism to the point the event worldwide events like the war and everything and things out of my control, will get me to a very high negative emotion, we are the same age this is what's working for me so far, try to make a list of your daily tasks that focus on yourself and the future you want for you, begin with a calendar and schedule. its not going to happen overnight, its going to take effort and discipline you can begin with a walk in the park :) ;)
slay one dragon at the time :)
Thank you I use to o be like that more lost my way..
Mr. Peterson I would love to have a conversation with you or watch classes i was trying to find a way to send you an email. I sent another comment on another video but the more i listen to you the more my mind evolves in my life theres only 2 people in the world who changed my mind set and the other was my father but he has passed so listening to you gives me a lot of comfort you are a beautiful soul I'm sorry I'm rambling but are you coming to the Massachusetts area it would be life changing to see you speak I've never been so changed by someone who i don't know so much you are amazing to listen to and i just started your book you are amazing sir and thank you hopefully ill get to meet you one day because it would be a dream even for a minute because I don't have much left my father passed and sometimes its hard to love forward but by your words you have given me hope I hope you see this Mr. Peterson thank you so much and ill find someway to interview you or speak to you somehow because you are a prophet in a sense to me and your words are so powerful and meaningful well hopefully you see this sorry for the rambling thank you sir and thank you for helping me through a tough time
Yes
I am high in openness and neuroticism as well, and I used to cry sometimes watching the news, so I don't watch them anymore
Because of my neuroticsm and overall anxiety a get ful scale long term chronic insomnia which worst all of my neuroticsm and i get more or less back after 3 year, with most night sleep only 5 - 6 hours, sometimes less sometimes zero.
What help me most was finding a new job which pleasure me more, with more cooperative and nice people. After that my sleep improve, but its still not OK and i feell handcicapped. But what really helping me si thati am orderlike person. every time i eat and the same time, go to same hours to work, do my traing and activities more repeatly and as planned. But its double edge, because if sometings go off the plan, i get nervouse...
Decrease neuroticism:
- eat bigger breakfast (high fat & protein)
- wake up and go to bed at same time
- keep hunger down because insulin response etc
- decrease negative news because constant exposure to catastrophes of world is bad.
Can youtube algorithm help me by just recommending this man video?
I can't be alone in finding my own presence overcrowded.
Yep, it's like a meeting going on in here. I mean our hemispheres do operate pretty independently.
"What do you call it? Compassionate and polite" xD
You can be open An express how you feel But you also have to expect that other people have a difference of opinion and they have as much right to be as open as you.
There's a reason that we were given 2 ears and one mouth.
And always realize that if we are open with what we have to say, We may not always be right in our opinion. Nevertheless, it means you want to be heard, and you want to speak your truth, as far as you think is truth. There is always a reason why you want to be heard.
If there is a lot of emotion in those words when you are speaking, and if this is frustration and anxiety, then the past could hold secrets you need to look at.