Wholeheartedly agree with speaking grownup words out loud instead of inventing stories in the mind. I recently reached out to folks I hadn't heard from in a while; turns out someone lost a parent to cancer, another lost their job suddenly, another's dog was run over and killed, list went on. Most people are just caught up in their own struggles too.
Absolutely. After Covid I do believe our bodies have been worn out by this thing depleting our physical health also. The nervous system in us has been hacked. Many capable humans can not function anymore ….as we are gaslit that isolation was what took us down and not the body knowing it’s under attack with the heart palpitations, the inflammation, the feeling great one day then a week of low energy (it’s like Lyme disease) feelings of anxiety from the body fighting this invisible infection while doctors treat the mental aspects without even looking into the body problems caused by this attack. I have seen more “together” and previously functional humans become absolutely anxious to the point of constant anger then ever and are in the doctors office with problem after problem without any healing but a pile of meds. We are not doing well as a whole. Grace needs to be given first. Treating people like they are doing their absolute best is necessary until they prove that they are just phoning it in….then we need to believe they are those people and cut ties.
Im an American but I was stuck in a foreign country for 3 months due to massive political unrest. Only 3 of my friends and a couple of my family members reached out to me periodically for updates. Most people just plain suck. It was a blessing in disguise though. I thinned out my social circle only to those who care. I actually rewrote my will and estate, leaving out the people who didn’t reach out
I mean, I had a fire and everyone I know plus people I didn't reached out to help me. More than I could ever imagine. People created a go fund me, donated furniture, time, etc. Maybe time to evaluate how you evaluate people. But then again, people who have the attitude that "people suck" tend to put out a certain vibe. I love people, tons of people like to help. But I tend to stay away from people with a negative attitude. If you look for people to suck, you're gonna find it.
In 2015 I sustained a serious but rare injury to my vestibular system. I live in Norway and was getting nowhere with a diagnosis. My husband encouraged me to start a gofundme to raise money for testing and a possible treatment in the US. I was so embarassed to publicly anounce my condition and ask for help...but I did it. Shockingly, the people I counted on the most didn't even bother donating $5, while at the same time, they were posting photos of their margaritas and fancy dinners. I cried a lot. I felt betrayed. I felt ashamed to have believed that these people felt about me the way I felt about them. Once my bitterness was gone, I felt free. My time of need proved itself to be the best friend filter I could have asked for. And I've gained many new friends along.
There was a time when I made a point of recognizing my friend's birthdays and sending a remembrance of some sort, but eventually realized that they never asked mine. While that stung a little, I decided that maybe I was making too much of it and let it go. We as humans are an imperfect species; we make mistakes and often fail to meet other's expectations. There's no escaping that, but we do have a powerful tool to absolve such shortcomings: FORGIVENESS. Focus outwards, not inwards.
Exactly. These days, I make it a priority to maintain communication only with those who also check in on me. If I notice that I’m always the one initiating WhatsApp conversations, I stop reaching out. Relationships should be mutual, and I can’t always be the one taking the first step. "Don’t prioritize those who don’t prioritize you."
i'm with you brother. i live just west of asheville (canton) - and nobody has checked in (except the locals). makes me rethink some of the relationships i have with friends and family.
I agree with your points. I just want to give a little bit of the benefit of the doubt. In 2012 when hurricane Sandy devastated parts of NJ, I was not aware of this hurricane until 2 days later. As soon as I became aware, I reached out to my siblings who live out there. I know one of them was a bit irate with me so I explained i truly wasn't aware of the hurricane coming through😢
I am really sorry for what happened. Hopefully, everything will ultimately work out. Though I haven't dealt with a storm, there were some things that occurred over a year ago where I realized my grandfather and a cousin do not care about me. I had put effort and energy into the relationships. Finally, I had an epiphany that I needed to take a giant step back. My grandfather was in my state recently without as much as a text, call, or f-you. Now, I can say that I honestly no longer give a crap about these people.
I live in Asheville and Helene was BAD … we were underwater to the second floor . No power for over 2 weeks and cell service was bad for a while and felt “fortunate” to have power when we did as soon as many waited longer and had zero way to communicate with the rest of the world or even get help . He is 100% correct … the locals have helped each other out and stepped up & many other amazing organizations have offered support , supplies and just anything they can . I hate that friends and family did not check in on you . Honestly , that breaks my heart - there are still so many missing - my heart hurt that they are not making sure that you are okay and well ! 😢
Calling them is a good idea. Ubiquitous social media has wrecked everyone's relationship building and maintenance skills, BUT it's a fixable problem. The solution is to constantly be expanding your IRL social circle.
Im so sorry and my heart is broken for the people of ashville its my favourite place in the world and i live over 5000 miles away. In hard times you see who the best people are in your life
Wow. When I estranged myself from my mother, everyone stopped checking on me. I am so alone and am my family’s scapegoat. People are so uncaring with our trauma and it’s mind boggling
This is crazy. I can't seem to process this. Like, who leaves when someone is sick? Cancer is running rampant, so when they are caught🤔. Hope you're recovering well.
Unfortunately, that's not unusual with a cancer diagnosis. Saw it with my late mother, people would ghost, including the woman who was her business partner and cleared out their shared bank account.
I'm sorry for your troubles, but are we holding others to rules and standards we've created for ourselves without benefit of their input? I think of people often and pray daily for many whom I've not seen in ages. It's life. We're all busy and inaction doesn't equal a harmful action. Reach out. Send a card. Shoot a text to say, "Hi!"
My own grandfather left his wife, who was dying of cancer, alone in the hospital. I received a phone call from my grandmother's sister out of state, leading me to call my grandfather who was home, in bed, and became aggravated with me for calling him. It was the first in a series of events with him where I saw his true colors.
True, but Katrina was pretty horrific. Over a 1,000 people died. There have unfortunately been a lot of people who have died in Helene, I don’t mean to minimize that, but the numbers are no where near what Katrina was.
@@whitneyparis24 to piggie-back off of what you said, it was also a big deal because the amount of deaths and damage could have been decreased had the flood walls been checked and fixed prior to the hurricane.
Everyone is going through their own struggles and stresses, just because someone hasn’t “checked in” on you, doesn’t mean they don’t care for you!! We are all living through hard times, maybe show some grace to others too instead of thinking negatively about why they haven’t called you.
1. People aren't perfect, So have lower expectations of people to do what you would do. 2. It's always a hard moment in life when you realize that you thought a friendship was stronger than it actually was. 3. Part of this could also be disaster fatigue where people are just constantly seeing horrible things on their news feed so they just don't react to things like they would have 20 years ago
I sorta agree but its simple if thats your friend and you love them your going to call or atleast text and thats just comes natural when you really care for someone, but if you cant send a text to check up on a friend you shouldnt expect that same energy back.
East Tennessee was hit just as bad. We USED to be roughly an hour away from Asheville (many of our roads and bridges are gone) and we are right along the connecting river to the French Broad (Nolichuckey). Many people don’t know that. My heart goes out to Felix because indeed, it is very hard to go through this. The percentage of people hair experience PTSD from natural disasters is very very high, so hopefully this guy either see this or the message can be passed along to him because if he is able to afford it, I really hope he gets some therapy and if he can’t afford it, I hope he has people that he can lean on right now. That has been imperative for me.
I’m in central Florida. Hurricane Helene just passed by our coast. It didn’t hit us directly but the floods were horrible. I went outside when the storm was coming through. It was a growling like I have never heard before. Helene was a different kind of monster I don’t think the meteorologist even realize.
People suck. Just how it is. I broke my leg once on ice. I’m single w 2 dogs, in 60’s. Couldn’t get to my mailbox, to grocery store, up and down stairs. One non neighbor helped. Most ignored it.
I hear you. I remember some time ago I had a concussion and couldn't even take a shower on my own for a week or so (just had trouble standing and coordinating movements). Some of my close relatives living nearby knew I had a concussion, wrote me a message, but no one came to actually help. It was very challenging to walk, buy groceries, prepare food. Had to do everything alone, but couldn't barely move. For a first few days didn't eat much because couldn't prepare or buy any food. So yeah, I hear what you're saying. Not the nicest situation. And it's not even the fact of being injured kr sick, but being left alone and without help, that feeling of loneliness and abandonment. Life, I guess.
@ instead of loneliness and abandonment, I call it independence. From laying on ice in my driveway, I made it upstairs to get my phone, keys and my purse. Drove to hospital, luckily it was my left leg. Drove home after they put it in a cast. Had to get gas at midnight on way home. Had the hardest time getting left leg casted out straight out the damn suv door. Of course, no one pulled up at the same time or I certainly would have asked them to pump it for me. Got home, back up the stairs with drive thru dinner, with left shoe, with hosp instructions, with crutches, with purse. Spent next 6 weeks on an office chair wheeling around my first floor. Got thru it!
@ one is married w full time job 2 hours away, one is in CA I’m in NH, and third is an hr away w full time job. I think they assumed crutches work for everyone. I didn’t have arm muscles needed to use them.
Maybe I am jaded by life. With 24 hour news I think many people have simply experienced disaster fatigue and maybe the people in his life simply have a lot more going on. The last 10 years of our lives have been occupied with four children struggling dramatically to become adults and the older adults in our lives dying, and on and on.
Thats true but that is life after 18 its never gonna be sunshine and rainbows, if you care for someone you can take 2 seconds to shoot a text, personally i have a ton going on too but if that was my friend id give him w call, everyone can make time for a few minutes to call or text, your really just a selfish person if you cant do that to someone you call a friend
Wow to all the commenters basically saying the caller expects too much from their closest relationships bcu "people have disaster fatigue", "people have their own stuff going on", etc whatever other lame excuse ... y'all realise YOU are those awful friends and family right?
My home flooded 12 years ago. My neighbors called me, some also flooded, some didn't. Our area's flood was on the national news but less than 5 family members called. Some said, that they didn't want to burden me when I was dealing with things and thought that I'd call if I needed them. That seemed odd to me at the time but in the last year my SIL had damage from a hurricane and she asked my FIL to call all the family and to tell them to stop calling her and that she'd give him a status update when she could to share with the rest of us. She couldn't deal with the emergency and the calls. From 1,000 miles away, I couldn't do very much for her but I had to respect her wishes and trust that things were as good as they could be unless I heard otherwise. You don't know why unless you ask.
Enmeshment doesn’t mean care.. sometimes it’s about control and a narrative of a relationship.. you never know what the other is going through in a world that overwhelms..
I love how he said “us mountain folk are very resilient” because that’s exactly the verbiage that I use! I’ve said that exact sentence many times since this all went down. And that is so true about how it shows us that we’re not as divided as we thought we were. That’s definitely something we’ve seen here in East Tennessee.
Honestly, the majority of my friends suck. I do have a few amazing friends and I put my energy into those relationships. That's helped me tremendously.
I go right to the source. “The story I am telling myself is …and following it up with “what is the real story as sometimes i have insane thoughts and I want to get some clarity. You are my friend and I know you but my story about this is convincing me to be angry instead of curious” is a old therapist technique that brene brown brought back but is effective.
I had a similar experience when i had a sudden health crisis. I reached out for help from close friends and family. I let go of the friendships i thought were real. I called out my family though. It was hard but I'm glad i did. I feel like it has changed my relationship with my family though and that sucks.
Unfortunately, they aren't thinking about you (much). Most people are self-centered and selfish. They won't tell you they are. They might even tell you they are the most compassionate loving wonderful people on the world. Maybe in their own mind. Not.
There are two sides to this coin. I reached out to a “friend” who lives in Asheville to ask how he was doing and if he needed help and he mostly ignored my texts and phone calls. Friendship goes both ways. If you want a friend then be a friend.
Sadly, and not defending the people that didn't reach out, but our news propanada didn't cover this monster storm during the election Also, people just didn't process Asheville getting so devasted because there's no history there like a carribean island or the coastal communities.
I think that what he said about ppl in those areas being “resilient” is also a bit of a catch 22. When others perceive a person or group of ppl to be “strong”, they tend to not check in on them as often as they would others. Not saying it’s right or wrong, it’s just human nature. You also have a great point about the stupid legacy media. If I didn’t seek out alternative news, I don’t think I would’ve heard much about it, and I’m saying that as someone who lives in GA. NO ONE was talking about it after day 1
@@rhondaa5191 I don't disagree with you, but even Dr John got to this toward the end where he said call and just go "bro you didn't show up." Not all "shaming" is bad, if that is what you want to call it, and sometimes confrontations like this are productive and necessary in your relationships. Caller probably needs to burn off the steam about this first, like by writing the letters (and then reaching out after). But if the friends don't act like they care or have a good excuse, like life happening to them too, then it isn't a bad idea to drop him, cause he might not actually be your friend.
@@yourneighborhoodxenos I understand the feeling but personally, I am more grateful for that one friend who reached out than the multitude that didn’t. People move on unfortunately; memories become the fabric of who we are. 🕊️
I didn’t go through this tragedy, but I am familiar with friends not connecting while they knew I wasn’t in a good place due to events. I still grapple with our friendship some time later, still hold resentment, and I don’t know how to move past it. It’s like they are forever degraded from best friend to friend
Friends like that want a low emotional impact friendship. In other words, they just want friends to have a good time with. They don't want the deep 'let me help with all your troubles' kind of friendships. If you choose to stay friends with them, accept that you will only be sharing surface level feelings with them. Don't expect loyalty or sacrifice, they won't give it.
I think as a society, we have a huge problem getting wrapped up in our own lives and our own problems and for some reason , don't place as much importance on real relationships anymore. I am definitely guilty of this and am trying to do better. This is not meant to be an excuse, but I also think a lot of people don't know how bad it actually is there.
These days, I make it a priority to maintain communication only with those who also check in on me. If I notice that I’m always the one initiating WhatsApp conversations, I stop reaching out. Relationships should be mutual, and I can’t always be the one taking the first step.
I get that we are supposed to keep the ones we love in mind... but he sounds a bit self centered to want EVERY human being he knows to call and check on him. Siblings, best friend, direct family, and of course boyfriens/girlfriends/husbands/wives... but your upset old college roommates didn't call?
6:00 Write a letter”. After my divorce was final, I wrote my ex wife a letter pouring out feelings. 30 years later, I’m so glad I never sent it. She would have just laughed.
I’m going through something similar. Recently been dealing with some pretty serious health stuff. Been in and out of the hospital. Had numerous friends reach out to me and my core group of friends are even making a trip to come see me, which I’m extremely grateful for. But, on the other end, I have a friend that I know from church (who knew that I was admitted to the hospital). She hasn’t reached out to me since… I find it odd, not just because I would expect better from her given that she’s the only one of my friends who is religious, but also because she has the least going on in her life in comparison to my other friends who are all very busy with high powered careers, husbands and kids. I’m the type of person who would check in on my friends no matter what I’m dealing with. I’m wondering now if the friendship with my church friend has just run it’s course.
@@shannalee80 Yeah, it’s honestly a shame. I’ve known her for so long and I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but it would take one second of her time to just send me a text asking how I am…
I don’t want to be mean but if people doesn’t reach out to you,you should question also your past behavior towards this people. In my language we say : You harvest what you planted!
Maybe, he said said he's in recovery. But, he also said he's the type to always call in and check in on others. That reminds me of a person in my family, who always remembered others birthday's and anniversaries, and was often reminding that to others so that they wouldn't forget and call e.g. the grandma, uncle, or whoever. Guess how many people in turn remembered of his birthday... Much less. He was the one to keep an eye on the calendar, but others didn't that much.
@@joane24we don’t know that . And we don’t know how true is what’s he is saying . I used to have a friend that was terrible to all of us friends … We started to keep distance and she would say to other people that she was so nice to all of us but we was not 😂. Usually when the majority of the people start keeping distance is because that person is doing something wrong and don’t want to acknowledge the fact that people is tired to put up with all the bullshit.
@@fsimonab.2068 "we don't know that" I don't understand what part of my post you're referring to? We don't know what? 🤔 I also used the words "maybe" and "he said". The second paragraph was just my speculation and an example of a familiar scenario (in relation to the second sentence in the previous paragraph). Never claimed it's anything for sure. 🤔
@@fsimonab.2068 Well, no, but is that your usual attitude to automatically distrust and doubt whenever one is saying something? Honestly, that must be quite a difficult or unpleasant life, having that attitude.
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Men have no real friends, and they don't understand it. Have you ever seen men interacting with each other? They are focused on just having a good time, when they discuss their issues, they only do it on a very surface level, and then change topic very quickly etc. Men underestimate women's connections, they believe women have petty, highschool drama kind of friendships. When they are the loniest out of the bunch... with only superficial friendships lul
I call BS on your answer to this man. My family including my children,with one exception, made no attempt to even call. I reached out to let them know where I was when I had to evac. No reply or checking on me. Like your caller I was without power, wifi, phone and competely alone, Getting food, water, a bath, dealing with damage, insurance, etc. Overwhelming! Sorry, but no excuse for that behavior. You were wrong to make excuses for these people who are too self involved. The grief of losing everything, them included , was trivialized by you. I thought you were smarter than this bcs you actually blamed the victim.
@rhondaa5191 Sometimes, it's the truth. After realizing that my grandfather has a favorite grandchild and doesn't give a crap about me, I want nothing to do with him. He's fickle, two-faced, shady, fake, unreliable, and untrustworthy. My stepping back isn't punitive. It's self-preservation.
How does that help anyone?? You can sit there and be mad and resentful or put your energy into people that care about you. Also, you don’t know anyone else’s circumstances or mental condition.
@@texan903 How about just being the best YOU that you can be? Maybe he has a problem. Maybe your perception is a problem. Either way, please don't discount someone simply because they haven't lived up to your expectations; that can all too readily work in reverse. :)
Dude, like has he never been through anything hard before? Grow up - other people dont revolve around YOU - and you also don't know what others are going through either. Maybe there was a reason they didn't reach out. Get outside of your head, grow a thicker skin, and just be lucky that you're still here and that this was the worst thing that ever happened to you, because it could be way worse, and NOBODY could care about you.
Asheville DOES exist and has reopened for business. The entire city is not gone, and the city has not washed away. It's only Biltmore Village and the River Arts District - the areas along the Swannanoa and French Broad Rivers - that were devastated. I live here. Get over it dude. I have friends who haven't reached out because they were trying to be considerate of using phone data. Man, you are being self-centered. Stop wallowing in self-pity. I went through a tornado in KY 3 years ago, and now Helene. My friends and family know I will contact them if I need them. There were days they couldn't connect with me - no power or cell service. I live alone. I had no cell service, power or water for 15 days. I made it happen. This guy is a wimp.
The title a giving lonely bored and nothing else to do with life. Like dude everyone endures life and if you cared that much reach out to them. He himself aids in his own attitude. I would drop him as a friend lmao
If your home flooded during a hurricane YOU NEED YOUR FRIENDS/Family to rally around and help you to move all the damaged furniture, dry wall etc out of your home because you simply cant do it all by yourself. For instance a couch is heavy even heavier when wet and all of the other furniture you need help moving it out to the street where the county will pick it up. You only have a few days before the mold will take over the furniture & dry wall. SO this man is speaking from his heart. He needed help not only physical help to move things out of the home but, also to help him over come the shock of having to live thru a hurricane and losing ALL of your personal belongings and home damage that is emotionally & mentally heavy on the heart & mind. BE KIND. People in Florida, Georgia, North & South Caroline have been thru hell. This man is sad that some of his friends did not step up on his worse day. Cant blame him for feeling this way. Give him credit for calling in to forgive his friends so he can still have a healthy relationship with them. Call your friends when they are going thru tough times not just the good times. ☎☎☎
Misery is misery and we as humans must respond to those in great need. Yet what I can't process is why every state affected by hurricanes voted for a presidential candidate who vowed to eliminate NOAA -- the US governmental body whose mission is to track hurricanes. Humbly speaking, can someone explain this to me?
Wholeheartedly agree with speaking grownup words out loud instead of inventing stories in the mind. I recently reached out to folks I hadn't heard from in a while; turns out someone lost a parent to cancer, another lost their job suddenly, another's dog was run over and killed, list went on. Most people are just caught up in their own struggles too.
Absolutely. After Covid I do believe our bodies have been worn out by this thing depleting our physical health also. The nervous system in us has been hacked.
Many capable humans can not function anymore ….as we are gaslit that isolation was what took us down and not the body knowing it’s under attack with the heart palpitations, the inflammation, the feeling great one day then a week of low energy (it’s like Lyme disease) feelings of anxiety from the body fighting this invisible infection while doctors treat the mental aspects without even looking into the body problems caused by this attack.
I have seen more “together” and previously functional humans become absolutely anxious to the point of constant anger then ever and are in the doctors office with problem after problem without any healing but a pile of meds.
We are not doing well as a whole. Grace needs to be given first. Treating people like they are doing their absolute best is necessary until they prove that they are just phoning it in….then we need to believe they are those people and cut ties.
Im an American but I was stuck in a foreign country for 3 months due to massive political unrest. Only 3 of my friends and a couple of my family members reached out to me periodically for updates. Most people just plain suck. It was a blessing in disguise though. I thinned out my social circle only to those who care. I actually rewrote my will and estate, leaving out the people who didn’t reach out
I mean, I had a fire and everyone I know plus people I didn't reached out to help me. More than I could ever imagine.
People created a go fund me, donated furniture, time, etc.
Maybe time to evaluate how you evaluate people.
But then again, people who have the attitude that "people suck" tend to put out a certain vibe.
I love people, tons of people like to help. But I tend to stay away from people with a negative attitude. If you look for people to suck, you're gonna find it.
I don't blame you for rewriting your will. Anything could have happened to you, including death....and they couldn't be bothered?
So? Does everyone know where you are at all times? That will part sounds made up, and if it's true you SUCK at closing friends
You get back what you put out in the world. I would be doing some serious self-evaluation on what kind of person I am if this happened to me.
Are you the kind of person to periodically reach out to others, just to check in? Do you require it of yourself or only others to you?
Times like this sadly is when you find out who truly loves you cares for you who your friends are.
Yes, when you're in crisis you truly find out who your support system is.
In 2015 I sustained a serious but rare injury to my vestibular system. I live in Norway and was getting nowhere with a diagnosis. My husband encouraged me to start a gofundme to raise money for testing and a possible treatment in the US. I was so embarassed to publicly anounce my condition and ask for help...but I did it. Shockingly, the people I counted on the most didn't even bother donating $5, while at the same time, they were posting photos of their margaritas and fancy dinners. I cried a lot. I felt betrayed. I felt ashamed to have believed that these people felt about me the way I felt about them. Once my bitterness was gone, I felt free. My time of need proved itself to be the best friend filter I could have asked for. And I've gained many new friends along.
There was a time when I made a point of recognizing my friend's birthdays and sending a remembrance of some sort, but eventually realized that they never asked mine. While that stung a little, I decided that maybe I was making too much of it and let it go. We as humans are an imperfect species; we make mistakes and often fail to meet other's expectations. There's no escaping that, but we do have a powerful tool to absolve such shortcomings: FORGIVENESS. Focus outwards, not inwards.
Exactly. These days, I make it a priority to maintain communication only with those who also check in on me. If I notice that I’m always the one initiating WhatsApp conversations, I stop reaching out. Relationships should be mutual, and I can’t always be the one taking the first step.
"Don’t prioritize those who don’t prioritize you."
I have ADHD. My brain is incapable of comprehending sending greeting cards and thank you notes. I will text you!
i'm with you brother. i live just west of asheville (canton) - and nobody has checked in (except the locals).
makes me rethink some of the relationships i have with friends and family.
I agree with your points. I just want to give a little bit of the benefit of the doubt. In 2012 when hurricane Sandy devastated parts of NJ, I was not aware of this hurricane until 2 days later. As soon as I became aware, I reached out to my siblings who live out there. I know one of them was a bit irate with me so I explained i truly wasn't aware of the hurricane coming through😢
I am really sorry for what happened. Hopefully, everything will ultimately work out.
Though I haven't dealt with a storm, there were some things that occurred over a year ago where I realized my grandfather and a cousin do not care about me. I had put effort and energy into the relationships. Finally, I had an epiphany that I needed to take a giant step back. My grandfather was in my state recently without as much as a text, call, or f-you. Now, I can say that I honestly no longer give a crap about these people.
The same thing happened to me when I got cancer.
I live in Asheville and Helene was BAD … we were underwater to the second floor . No power for over 2 weeks and cell service was bad for a while and felt “fortunate” to have power when we did as soon as many waited longer and had zero way to communicate with the rest of the world or even get help .
He is 100% correct … the locals have helped each other out and stepped up & many other amazing organizations have offered support , supplies and just anything they can .
I hate that friends and family did not check in on you . Honestly , that breaks my heart - there are still so many missing - my heart hurt that they are not making sure that you are okay and well ! 😢
Calling them is a good idea. Ubiquitous social media has wrecked everyone's relationship building and maintenance skills, BUT it's a fixable problem. The solution is to constantly be expanding your IRL social circle.
Truth be told social media made friends so replaceable easily
Real relationships are in real life. I got rid of Fakebook years ago.
Im so sorry and my heart is broken for the people of ashville its my favourite place in the world and i live over 5000 miles away. In hard times you see who the best people are in your life
Wow. When I estranged myself from my mother, everyone stopped checking on me. I am so alone and am my family’s scapegoat. People are so uncaring with our trauma and it’s mind boggling
❤️🙏🏻
It was the same with me when I was going through cancer treatment. I lost friends because of it.
So sorry you went through that. :(
This is crazy. I can't seem to process this. Like, who leaves when someone is sick? Cancer is running rampant, so when they are caught🤔. Hope you're recovering well.
Unfortunately, that's not unusual with a cancer diagnosis. Saw it with my late mother, people would ghost, including the woman who was her business partner and cleared out their shared bank account.
I'm sorry for your troubles, but are we holding others to rules and standards we've created for ourselves without benefit of their input? I think of people often and pray daily for many whom I've not seen in ages. It's life. We're all busy and inaction doesn't equal a harmful action. Reach out. Send a card. Shoot a text to say, "Hi!"
My own grandfather left his wife, who was dying of cancer, alone in the hospital. I received a phone call from my grandmother's sister out of state, leading me to call my grandfather who was home, in bed, and became aggravated with me for calling him. It was the first in a series of events with him where I saw his true colors.
When I was little Katrina got months of coverage Helene got like three days
Yes, because a republican was president and the media wanted to make him the villain. Sorry to bring politics into it, but it is a fact.
True, but part of that was the election. People can make noise to the media too….
True, but Katrina was pretty horrific. Over a 1,000 people died. There have unfortunately been a lot of people who have died in Helene, I don’t mean to minimize that, but the numbers are no where near what Katrina was.
@@whitneyparis24there are A Lot more deceased than what is being “officially” reported!! Wake up! It’s Much more!!!!
@@whitneyparis24 to piggie-back off of what you said, it was also a big deal because the amount of deaths and damage could have been decreased had the flood walls been checked and fixed prior to the hurricane.
Real friends have your back.
Everyone is going through their own struggles and stresses, just because someone hasn’t “checked in” on you, doesn’t mean they don’t care for you!! We are all living through hard times, maybe show some grace to others too instead of thinking negatively about why they haven’t called you.
1. People aren't perfect, So have lower expectations of people to do what you would do.
2. It's always a hard moment in life when you realize that you thought a friendship was stronger than it actually was.
3. Part of this could also be disaster fatigue where people are just constantly seeing horrible things on their news feed so they just don't react to things like they would have 20 years ago
Very well said!
All of this is so true and important for all of us to consider, on both sides of a disaster. ❤
I sorta agree but its simple if thats your friend and you love them your going to call or atleast text and thats just comes natural when you really care for someone, but if you cant send a text to check up on a friend you shouldnt expect that same energy back.
East Tennessee was hit just as bad. We USED to be roughly an hour away from Asheville (many of our roads and bridges are gone) and we are right along the connecting river to the French Broad (Nolichuckey). Many people don’t know that. My heart goes out to Felix because indeed, it is very hard to go through this. The percentage of people hair experience PTSD from natural disasters is very very high, so hopefully this guy either see this or the message can be passed along to him because if he is able to afford it, I really hope he gets some therapy and if he can’t afford it, I hope he has people that he can lean on right now. That has been imperative for me.
I was in the same boat with Hurricane Berly with my Dads side of the family. I feel for this guy completely.
This is very relatable as a fellow Ashvillian. We'll get through this 💚
I’m in central Florida. Hurricane Helene just passed by our coast. It didn’t hit us directly but the floods were horrible. I went outside when the storm was coming through. It was a growling like I have never heard before. Helene was a different kind of monster I don’t think the meteorologist even realize.
People suck. Just how it is. I broke my leg once on ice. I’m single w 2 dogs, in 60’s. Couldn’t get to my mailbox, to grocery store, up and down stairs. One non neighbor helped. Most ignored it.
I hear you. I remember some time ago I had a concussion and couldn't even take a shower on my own for a week or so (just had trouble standing and coordinating movements). Some of my close relatives living nearby knew I had a concussion, wrote me a message, but no one came to actually help. It was very challenging to walk, buy groceries, prepare food. Had to do everything alone, but couldn't barely move. For a first few days didn't eat much because couldn't prepare or buy any food. So yeah, I hear what you're saying. Not the nicest situation. And it's not even the fact of being injured kr sick, but being left alone and without help, that feeling of loneliness and abandonment. Life, I guess.
@ instead of loneliness and abandonment, I call it independence. From laying on ice in my driveway, I made it upstairs to get my phone, keys and my purse. Drove to hospital, luckily it was my left leg. Drove home after they put it in a cast. Had to get gas at midnight on way home. Had the hardest time getting left leg casted out straight out the damn suv door. Of course, no one pulled up at the same time or I certainly would have asked them to pump it for me. Got home, back up the stairs with drive thru dinner, with left shoe, with hosp instructions, with crutches, with purse. Spent next 6 weeks on an office chair wheeling around my first floor. Got thru it!
Why didn’t your kids help you out?
@ one is married w full time job 2 hours away, one is in CA I’m in NH, and third is an hr away w full time job. I think they assumed crutches work for everyone. I didn’t have arm muscles needed to use them.
Maybe I am jaded by life. With 24 hour news I think many people have simply experienced disaster fatigue and maybe the people in his life simply have a lot more going on. The last 10 years of our lives have been occupied with four children struggling dramatically to become adults and the older adults in our lives dying, and on and on.
Not good enough
Thats true but that is life after 18 its never gonna be sunshine and rainbows, if you care for someone you can take 2 seconds to shoot a text, personally i have a ton going on too but if that was my friend id give him w call, everyone can make time for a few minutes to call or text, your really just a selfish person if you cant do that to someone you call a friend
Big part is those people probably assumed he was going to ask for financial help
If a good friend or family member lost everything I would do my best to give them some money Or offer some kind of assistance.
Wow to all the commenters basically saying the caller expects too much from their closest relationships bcu "people have disaster fatigue", "people have their own stuff going on", etc whatever other lame excuse ... y'all realise YOU are those awful friends and family right?
My home flooded 12 years ago. My neighbors called me, some also flooded, some didn't. Our area's flood was on the national news but less than 5 family members called. Some said, that they didn't want to burden me when I was dealing with things and thought that I'd call if I needed them. That seemed odd to me at the time but in the last year my SIL had damage from a hurricane and she asked my FIL to call all the family and to tell them to stop calling her and that she'd give him a status update when she could to share with the rest of us. She couldn't deal with the emergency and the calls. From 1,000 miles away, I couldn't do very much for her but I had to respect her wishes and trust that things were as good as they could be unless I heard otherwise. You don't know why unless you ask.
Enmeshment doesn’t mean care.. sometimes it’s about control and a narrative of a relationship.. you never know what the other is going through in a world that overwhelms..
Very true indeed
Goes both ways, and also, friendship is not transactional.
Sir, that´s a very good advice. i love your show and wanted to thank you
I love how he said “us mountain folk are very resilient” because that’s exactly the verbiage that I use! I’ve said that exact sentence many times since this all went down. And that is so true about how it shows us that we’re not as divided as we thought we were. That’s definitely something we’ve seen here in East Tennessee.
Honestly, the majority of my friends suck. I do have a few amazing friends and I put my energy into those relationships. That's helped me tremendously.
I go right to the source. “The story I am telling myself is …and following it up with “what is the real story as sometimes i have insane thoughts and I want to get some clarity. You are my friend and I know you but my story about this is convincing me to be angry instead of curious”
is a old therapist technique that brene brown brought back but is effective.
I had a similar experience when i had a sudden health crisis. I reached out for help from close friends and family. I let go of the friendships i thought were real. I called out my family though. It was hard but I'm glad i did. I feel like it has changed my relationship with my family though and that sucks.
Healing through Work
Unfortunately, they aren't thinking about you (much). Most people are self-centered and selfish. They won't tell you they are. They might even tell you they are the most compassionate loving wonderful people on the world. Maybe in their own mind. Not.
i would've checked on you bro 🍻
There are two sides to this coin. I reached out to a “friend” who lives in Asheville to ask how he was doing and if he needed help and he mostly ignored my texts and phone calls. Friendship goes both ways. If you want a friend then be a friend.
Cell towers were all down for days.
@@asadianbelifont3875This person was receiving my calls and texts. He just wasn’t answering them.
Sadly, and not defending the people that didn't reach out, but our news propanada didn't cover this monster storm during the election Also, people just didn't process Asheville getting so devasted because there's no history there like a carribean island or the coastal communities.
I think that what he said about ppl in those areas being “resilient” is also a bit of a catch 22. When others perceive a person or group of ppl to be “strong”, they tend to not check in on them as often as they would others. Not saying it’s right or wrong, it’s just human nature. You also have a great point about the stupid legacy media. If I didn’t seek out alternative news, I don’t think I would’ve heard much about it, and I’m saying that as someone who lives in GA. NO ONE was talking about it after day 1
But why not let those people know how you feel and hold them accountable in your friendship?
Somehow shaming doesn't seem a positive way to grow or strengthen friendships.
@@rhondaa5191 I don't disagree with you, but even Dr John got to this toward the end where he said call and just go "bro you didn't show up." Not all "shaming" is bad, if that is what you want to call it, and sometimes confrontations like this are productive and necessary in your relationships.
Caller probably needs to burn off the steam about this first, like by writing the letters (and then reaching out after). But if the friends don't act like they care or have a good excuse, like life happening to them too, then it isn't a bad idea to drop him, cause he might not actually be your friend.
@@yourneighborhoodxenos I understand the feeling but personally, I am more grateful for that one friend who reached out than the multitude that didn’t. People move on unfortunately; memories become the fabric of who we are. 🕊️
I didn’t go through this tragedy, but I am familiar with friends not connecting while they knew I wasn’t in a good place due to events. I still grapple with our friendship some time later, still hold resentment, and I don’t know how to move past it. It’s like they are forever degraded from best friend to friend
Friends like that want a low emotional impact friendship. In other words, they just want friends to have a good time with. They don't want the deep 'let me help with all your troubles' kind of friendships. If you choose to stay friends with them, accept that you will only be sharing surface level feelings with them. Don't expect loyalty or sacrifice, they won't give it.
I think as a society, we have a huge problem getting wrapped up in our own lives and our own problems and for some reason , don't place as much importance on real relationships anymore. I am definitely guilty of this and am trying to do better. This is not meant to be an excuse, but I also think a lot of people don't know how bad it actually is there.
These days, I make it a priority to maintain communication only with those who also check in on me. If I notice that I’m always the one initiating WhatsApp conversations, I stop reaching out. Relationships should be mutual, and I can’t always be the one taking the first step.
I get that we are supposed to keep the ones we love in mind... but he sounds a bit self centered to want EVERY human being he knows to call and check on him.
Siblings, best friend, direct family, and of course boyfriens/girlfriends/husbands/wives... but your upset old college roommates didn't call?
Yeah... The people he said didn't call didn't sound like close friends in the first place.
6:00 Write a letter”. After my divorce was final, I wrote my ex wife a letter pouring out feelings. 30 years later, I’m so glad I never sent it. She would have just laughed.
I’m going through something similar. Recently been dealing with some pretty serious health stuff. Been in and out of the hospital. Had numerous friends reach out to me and my core group of friends are even making a trip to come see me, which I’m extremely grateful for. But, on the other end, I have a friend that I know from church (who knew that I was admitted to the hospital). She hasn’t reached out to me since… I find it odd, not just because I would expect better from her given that she’s the only one of my friends who is religious, but also because she has the least going on in her life in comparison to my other friends who are all very busy with high powered careers, husbands and kids. I’m the type of person who would check in on my friends no matter what I’m dealing with. I’m wondering now if the friendship with my church friend has just run it’s course.
I’ve learned this the hard way: Most of the relationships that you will make in church circles are usually surface level and fake.
@@shannalee80 Yeah, it’s honestly a shame. I’ve known her for so long and I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but it would take one second of her time to just send me a text asking how I am…
@ YEP. My adult life got a lot easier when I stopped making a priority anyone who proves that I’m optional. 😉 Hope everything goes well for you.
Also...... God may isolate you so you depend more on him so he can prove his love for you.
It’s something I’m going through
These people are NOT your friends.
Dr. Delony, you really should do something against the armada of tit bots in this comment section!
Huh? What's a tit not?
Tit bots 😂…. You can tell which ones they are because they always have three random emojis at the end of their comment. Also, their tits are out. Loll
Sack up. We are all dealing with crap.
Yeah we should all resent them, we should all be pissed.
I figured he was mad 'cause FEMA didn't like his lawn sign.
I don’t want to be mean but if people doesn’t reach out to you,you should question also your past behavior towards this people. In my language we say : You harvest what you planted!
Maybe, he said said he's in recovery. But, he also said he's the type to always call in and check in on others.
That reminds me of a person in my family, who always remembered others birthday's and anniversaries, and was often reminding that to others so that they wouldn't forget and call e.g. the grandma, uncle, or whoever. Guess how many people in turn remembered of his birthday... Much less. He was the one to keep an eye on the calendar, but others didn't that much.
@@joane24we don’t know that . And we don’t know how true is what’s he is saying . I used to have a friend that was terrible to all of us friends … We started to keep distance and she would say to other people that she was so nice to all of us but we was not 😂. Usually when the majority of the people start keeping distance is because that person is doing something wrong and don’t want to acknowledge the fact that people is tired to put up with all the bullshit.
@@fsimonab.2068 "we don't know that"
I don't understand what part of my post you're referring to? We don't know what? 🤔 I also used the words "maybe" and "he said".
The second paragraph was just my speculation and an example of a familiar scenario (in relation to the second sentence in the previous paragraph). Never claimed it's anything for sure. 🤔
@ I meant whatever he said we can’t factcheck
@@fsimonab.2068 Well, no, but is that your usual attitude to automatically distrust and doubt whenever one is saying something? Honestly, that must be quite a difficult or unpleasant life, having that attitude.
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People making fun of this man are cold hearted. A woman wouldn’t wait 3 seconds before someone called her.
I completely agree! It’s NOT normal for people not to reach out even with 1 min of news coverage.
Women create community and have higher standards for friendships than men.
Men have no real friends, and they don't understand it. Have you ever seen men interacting with each other? They are focused on just having a good time, when they discuss their issues, they only do it on a very surface level, and then change topic very quickly etc. Men underestimate women's connections, they believe women have petty, highschool drama kind of friendships. When they are the loniest out of the bunch... with only superficial friendships lul
People who are making fun of other peoples emotions are MEAN. I tend to avoid such people.
No. Being a woman doesn't automatically have someone next to you to help. It's the opposite now. Men laugh if they see you struggling.
I call BS on your answer to this man. My family including my children,with one exception, made no attempt to even call. I reached out to let them know where I was when I had to evac. No reply or checking on me. Like your caller I was without power, wifi, phone and competely alone, Getting food, water, a bath, dealing with damage, insurance, etc. Overwhelming! Sorry, but no excuse for that behavior. You were wrong to make excuses for these people who are too self involved. The grief of losing everything, them included , was trivialized by you. I thought you were smarter than this bcs you actually blamed the victim.
Doesn't Dr. John always say "Behavior is language?" Why blame this guy and not those he thought cared about him?
I call BS on the statement, "I now know where my energy is going, moving forward". That sounds punitive. We can't better the world, only ourselves.
@rhondaa5191 Sometimes, it's the truth. After realizing that my grandfather has a favorite grandchild and doesn't give a crap about me, I want nothing to do with him. He's fickle, two-faced, shady, fake, unreliable, and untrustworthy. My stepping back isn't punitive. It's self-preservation.
How does that help anyone?? You can sit there and be mad and resentful or put your energy into people that care about you. Also, you don’t know anyone else’s circumstances or mental condition.
@@texan903 How about just being the best YOU that you can be? Maybe he has a problem. Maybe your perception is a problem. Either way, please don't discount someone simply because they haven't lived up to your expectations; that can all too readily work in reverse. :)
Dude, like has he never been through anything hard before? Grow up - other people dont revolve around YOU - and you also don't know what others are going through either. Maybe there was a reason they didn't reach out. Get outside of your head, grow a thicker skin, and just be lucky that you're still here and that this was the worst thing that ever happened to you, because it could be way worse, and NOBODY could care about you.
Asheville DOES exist and has reopened for business. The entire city is not gone, and the city has not washed away. It's only Biltmore Village and the River Arts District - the areas along the Swannanoa and French Broad Rivers - that were devastated. I live here.
Get over it dude. I have friends who haven't reached out because they were trying to be considerate of using phone data. Man, you are being self-centered. Stop wallowing in self-pity. I went through a tornado in KY 3 years ago, and now Helene. My friends and family know I will contact them if I need them. There were days they couldn't connect with me - no power or cell service. I live alone. I had no cell service, power or water for 15 days. I made it happen. This guy is a wimp.
Believing in climate science is key to survival.
This dude is dealing with a huricanne and hes worried about who (people who dont know what's going on) checked in on him? Get a grip dude
the excuses he is giving for them are crazy. this e-isode was weak as hell
The title a giving lonely bored and nothing else to do with life. Like dude everyone endures life and if you cared that much reach out to them. He himself aids in his own attitude. I would drop him as a friend lmao
FIRST!!!
Whine whine whine
What an asshole comment. Go to therapy
Seriously? Hope you never have to go thru a hurricane
If your home flooded during a hurricane YOU NEED YOUR FRIENDS/Family to rally around and help you to move all the damaged furniture, dry wall etc out of your home because you simply cant do it all by yourself. For instance a couch is heavy even heavier when wet and all of the other furniture you need help moving it out to the street where the county will pick it up. You only have a few days before the mold will take over the furniture & dry wall.
SO this man is speaking from his heart. He needed help not only physical help to move things out of the home but, also to help him over come the shock of having to live thru a hurricane and losing ALL of your personal belongings and home damage that is emotionally & mentally heavy on the heart & mind.
BE KIND. People in Florida, Georgia, North & South Caroline have been thru hell.
This man is sad that some of his friends did not step up on his worse day. Cant blame him for feeling this way.
Give him credit for calling in to forgive his friends so he can still have a healthy relationship with them.
Call your friends when they are going thru tough times not just the good times. ☎☎☎
Misery is misery and we as humans must respond to those in great need. Yet what I can't process is why every state affected by hurricanes voted for a presidential candidate who vowed to eliminate NOAA -- the US governmental body whose mission is to track hurricanes. Humbly speaking, can someone explain this to me?
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