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Lyrics: So I was at the Scrappy Mudcrab the other day, only my favorite bistro, and I ordered myself a nice hot cup of joe. Nothing fancy, a Colovian joe, the joe that really makes your heart sing. I ordered it flat, straight dark, no cream or sugar. But what do I get, a macchiato. How in Oblivion the bartender mixed up my simple order puzzled me until I realized I wasn't in fact standing in the Scrappy Mudcrab, no, the Scrappy Mudcrab had closed down years ago and been replaced with a two-bit speed demon dime-store that only sold room temperature macchiatos. What had compelled me to come here when I already knew the Scrappy Mudcrab had closed all those years ago? Was it nostalgia? Was it a sense of foreboding that the crisp, rustic taste of a Colovian coffee was gone forever and I just hadn't realized it? To this day I wonder why, why was I so strongly compelled to that store all those years later. I knew the Scrappy Mudcrab had closed, I felt the pain of its closing as deeply as the owner. It was the only place in town-nay- all of Nirn that I could get a freshly brewed Colovian without having to ask for one without cream and sugar. It wasn't just the taste of the drink, it was the reverence the old managers and servers had for my desired beverage that inspired me in other facets of my life. In so many situations, Men and Mer wish to add all kinds of fancy gizmos and other trappings of vanity to otherwise wholesome and joyful things that honestly don't need it. But here was one precious store that understood, they understood that a good crisp and rustic cup Colovian coffee didn't need cream, because the brewing process already aerated the beans. They understood that sugar would be a waste of one's palate, and would only serve to dull the savory wonder of the brew. This other bistro simply couldn't grasp and it was entirely the reason that I avoided them in favor of the Scrappy Mudcrab. Each morning when I awoke, I knew that if I didn't clasp in my hand that reverent mug of dark roasted wonder, then there wasn't going to be any point in working on Akulakhan at all. It took me a long time to adjust to when the business finally went under, and there were weeks when I simply wondered if it was worth trampling the mongrel dogs of the Empire underfoot after all. What was I trying to awaken the Dreamers to? A world without crisp and hearty roasts? A Tamriel without its morning perk would simply be no Tamriel at all. I remember the long, sorry gaze of the manager. Tino, I think his name was. How could I forget? I was on my way there one morning and there was Tino, coming down the ladder after just having removed the sign. It was the most baleful and haunting visage my spirit has ever had the misfortune of seeing. His sullen eyes told my soul that he was not only disappointed in himself, but carried a deep and quiet guilt for having failed me as well. I wanted to tell him it was alright, that it wasn't his fault; it was the economic imbalance that poisoned every facet of the Empire that was to blame. But my throat was hoarse with sadness and all I could muster was, "Is this how you honor the sixth house and the Tribe Unmourned?" That was the last I ever saw of Tino, and the last I ever sipped of Colovian coffee. It took many years for me to overcome my grief. Even still, I feel its haunting echoes upon me like a shroud. To come again to joy and mirth without my beloved morning perk-up took so long that I forgot I was even overcoming anything at all. There. That's why, that's why I finally come upon this place after so long, I have finally overcome. I can finally move forward, finally set foot in this place again without fear or sadness. Finally, I am now ready to move on and try a macchiato without judgement or remorse. I am ready to sip once more.

How is Dagoth so racist towards everyone but Dunmer.. He hasn’t been outside since chimers were turned to dunmer anyways..?

He realy look sad...At least he is on the mages guild.

I predict him placing jenassa in S tier

What did you use to get the AI voice for M'aiq? I've been looking for a while now and I can't find any M'aiq AI

I think the heat is getting to Lord Dagoth

I like how Eric us actually a pretty good follower.

Man didn't even hold back 😭😭

bro did Eric so dirty

bro said "the dark elfest elf to ever dummer" naah bro 😂

Dagoth Ur is a boobs guy confirmed

The writing in this video is some of the best I have ever heard. Even jokes that I don’t fully understand make me laugh hahaha

Perfection

Someone should mod "The Scrappy Mudcrab" into Morrowind

Who would think the last 30 seconds held the one of the best jokes.

U good fam?

I love you, I miss you, I hope you come back!!

F teir for flithy out lander.

"F Tire, for filthy out lander." What?

Him rating Uthgerd was the best part.

This is easily the funniest waifu tier list on RUclips, I love this version of Dagoth.

Mjoll coming with aryn in a plus ngl, because if you marry her and put her in a hearth fire house, aryn will work for you as a trader iirc

coffe, ew

Dagoth Ur falls for a NEET

COME BACK

This one is my favorite

Waif there's other companions than lidia?

DATES😋

the greatest waifu dagoth tier list

no intro just straight to it

I love how consistent the different channels are with using “dagoth” as a noun, verb and adjective. Saw one where he spoke about nocturnal and her amazing “double dagoths” 😂

Priceless.

Shavi make me laugh so hard when he told me straighten out my priorities 😂😂😂

Lixo!

0:17 I think he forgot to mention the fact that if you're a werewolf and you marry Aela, it's technically incest because she's your forebear....

Something tells me, dagoth ur doesn't like outlanders.

If you give an argonian a water walking potion, they can’t swim away….

filthy N'wah...

What a fool you are. I'm a god! How can you close the favorite coffee shop of a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How can you be so naive? There is no escape! No macchiato or frappe can work in this place! Come, lay down your weapons. It is not too late for my mercy.

Sofia. F me tier.

I love how passionate he sounds for Uthgerd when he wishes she was a Dunmer.

0:13 i thought he was going to say furry but outlander works too

Ria is the GOAT.

What about Ysolda?

“Only to show my prejudice extends far past the main game” is ludicrously funny to me. MY RACISM SPANS FAR OUT OF THIS MATERIAL PLANE

Where do i sign up? I'm in.

This is a better storyline than the actual game has.

ALLOW THIS MAN! High and low he did search! SOMEBODY! give this man a chair.

A wonderful tale of a daring demi gods quest for derier comforting accommodation.

bravo todd