Rethinking Challenging Kids-Where There's a Skill There's a Way | J. Stuart Ablon | TEDxBeaconStreet
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2024
- Note: In this video, Dr. Stuart Ablon, Director of the Think:Kids program in the Department of Psychiatry at MGH, describes the general tenets of a model of care called Collaborative Problem Solving, which was originated by Dr. Ross Greene in his book The Explosive Child. In 2008, Dr. Greene was forced to end his tenure as the original Director of the Think:Kids program when the Chief of Psychiatry at MGH, Dr. Jerrold Rosenbaum, demanded that he relinquish his intellectual property to MGH. Dr. Greene refused to do so. Since that time, Dr. Ablon and the Think:Kids program have disseminated a variant of Dr. Greene’s work. In 2013, MGH took successful legal action to prohibit Dr. Greene from referring to the model he originated by the name Collaborative Problem Solving. Dr. Greene now refers to his work as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, and his new non-profit, Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org) provides a vast array of free, web-based resources on his model.
Dr. Stuart Ablon is a child psychologist who specializes in working with challenging children and their families, teachers and helpers.
He serves as the Director of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School.
Challenging behavior exhibited by children and adolescents is a common concern and frustration for parents, teachers, and other helpers. In this talk, Dr. Stuart Ablon of Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School will challenge the conventional wisdom about what causes challenging behavior and as a result what we should do to help. Drawing from research in the neurosciences, Dr. Ablon will suggest a revolutionary way of thinking about challenging behavior and a corresponding process by which kids of all kinds can be taught skills of flexibility, frustration tolerance and problem solving.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I am a 38 year old mother of a 12 year old girl.
I was raised by a mother who has narcissistic personality disorder, (which I did not find out until only 2 years ago) and so I was never taught these skills myself. I was kicked out of the house to become homeless living on the streets at 14 and was until almost 16 years old, and I have been on my own ever since. Fed to the wolves so young with NO skills whatsoever in life. I had to learn EVERYTHING the hard way with absolutely NO guidance or skills whatsoever from my mother or any of my toxic family. It's only been the last 2 years that I finally realized and accepted, through many programs and therapies, that this was not my fault and I wasnt 'just born faulty, broken and unlovable'.
I want so much better for my daughter but I feel like I have somewhat learned, to the best of my own ability, the 3 skills you speak of, only I have subconsciously learned them through fight or flight and/or emergency, life threatening/life sustaining situations. So although I may posses a portion of each of these important and necessary skills, I was never actually taught them, so I lack the skills to properly teach them. I'm finding it extremely difficult to figure out how to teach my daughter these skills, properly, in non life threatening/sustaining daily life.
I feel my skills are for basic survival, and so when I try to explain/teach her the skills I have learned, she takes them as drastic and/or unnecessary for her since she is living a 'normal life' with normal problems, her needs are met, and shes not in constant fight or flight for survival and is not lacking love and/or support.
My question is, how do you teach these skills when you as a parent lack those skills yourself in a proper and healthy way??
Thank you for expressing what I'm feeling so well. I'm having a very similar problem. How do I teach with love when I only understand fear? I can only hope that intention counts for something. I hope things are going well for you and your daughter.
Get the book “how to talk so kids listen and listen do kids talk” it really breaks down a lot of these skills - the authors have another for teens and sibling rivalry -it’s this philosophy and it works !
Great questions. I too was left to fend for myself in many ways and solve problems for myself as a child and adolescent. An absent mother (she was physically present however severely emotionally disconnected and neglectful) also drug addicted father figures left me struggling for support and answers. In such a situation you develop skills to cope some not so healthy. Hopefully in you learn healthier ways of coping and solving problems sooner than later in that situation. Some do and many do not. I'd suggest reading/viewing all the material on the subjects that you possibly can as well as taking a deep dive into psychology (at a pace you can handle of course) healthy spirituality doesnt hurt either. That is whatever YOUR spirit considers to be healthy spirituality (at least its helped in my case). Good luck momma! we have some things in common and I'm sincerely wishing you the very best of luck! You can do it.
Your story sounds like mine
I am raising two four year olds. They are 8 months apart. I am struggling to work with them. They have issues due to trauma and prenatal exposure. I have adopted one and the other is my nephew. Mind you my oldest child is 19 and this is not my first rodeo. I have tried different parenting styles to help them and nothing is working. It always ends in frustration. So I am on here at almost 2a.m seeking different ways to approach these behaviors. This has made the most sense so far. Praying it will work. Thank you so much.
I recommend a book called “how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk” it follows this philosophy and it is written in a way that helps you put it to work quickly
Progress is slow and imperceptible at times, I'm curious how your little ones are doing now, more than 2 years later
I hope you're still working with them ❤ you are trying new things when the things you know don't work! Kudos to you!!!! 🎉
If you're watching this and are struggling with behavioral issues I HIGHLY recommend Dr. Greene's book "The Explosive Child"
Thank you
Thanks! Will take a look at that!
As an Alt. Ed. educator, that book is a GO TO book, and the CPS model he presents is some pure gold stuff.
Lost at School is SUPERB as well.
John Brewer : Wow good to know ! Thanks very much John.
MyMommyDays: Thanks very much! Hunting this book down right away!
J. Stuart Ablon I’m with you on this! I am a teacher and was trained to rear children this way in my child development course as an undergrad. Schools are now implementing Social Emotional Learning and addressing executive functioning deficits. As you stated, some parents / care givers / educators are reluctant to get on board but we ARE making progress. Excellent presentation!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I've found that it can be the other way too. It has been so hard to get the school understand that there's something called highly sensitive children. Some of them (like my son) are quite challenging because the teacher is not able to understand how HS works. They fight with the kid, trying to impose the same rules for everyone. I'm so disappointed! I'm in Canada by the way..I thought that the educational system would be way better than a developing country and its not. :( I hope we had more teachers like you, keep up with your hard work. You'll find parents that they want and need your preparation.
@@idanaveassantander9696 .... We are in Denmark ...and have the same problem here. Lots of suffering HS children 😢
Such a great video! My son is a prime example of the wisdom Stuart is teaching! I figured it out for myself by the grace of God 25 years ago and my son changed overnight when I grasped that he just needed to be taught problem solving skills! His confidence and behavior changed over night! He has since graduated college with a criminal justice degree and works for homeland security!
Wow that’s sure is a testimony. My son is now 26 and is now starting how to learn how to problem solve and it is still difficult for him but every day he is doing better. I didn’t know how to help him when he was young but now I am able to help with effective strategies. It’s never too late thank God
🎶 to thy 👂s the "problem solving skills" of your share.
🙌 Kudos to you and your son!
Every single teacher should be required to watch this video and take a course on this!!
Alchemy IQ it’s being taught to teachers. We are implementing Social Emotional Learning. It’s in its infancy but we are on our way!
So should parents
I’m in grad school for teaching, we’re required to watch this!
@@bryantparadine641 true.
Hiya! Teacher-in-training here, we are required to teach socio-emotional learning; as a substitute, I've actually had to go over these topics with kids in special socio-emotional topics.
I've been reading his book (Changeable) and it's so good. I'm currently in school to be a teacher, and I work in a classroom as a teacher's aide, and I've seen the benefits of teaching children with the mindset of behavior as a skill, not malicious intent. This concept gives me hope for the future of education as we try to create a world with more empathy, understanding, and focus on learning.
❤ the "teaching children with the mindset of behavior as a skill" part of your share
Bless you! I dropped a tear. Thanks so much. I will share this a ton.
This is one of the absolute best approaches I’ve heard period on challenging children!
Awesome video. Kindness, compassion and understanding of not forcing a child to be a certain way. Matching there energy and then working through the issue allowing them to take control of their growth. Truly beautifull
This mentality with complete consistency...easier said than done, but every life is worth the effort.
So So difficult
This applies to adults, too. The best approaches for rehabilitating inmates to integrate into society all involve giving them chances at doing things. Think of Delancy Street. Not only that, but the biggest factor in determining recidivism rates is education and training. Prisoners who got education or training in prison have the lowest recidivism rates. Lastly, we know that prisoners have an extremely high rate of mental illness and other disabilities. Gather all this together, and what does it mean? The dreges of society are really just people who didn't get the help they needed.
Not just help but connection!
We withdraw, avoid, attack others, or self because we don't believe we are worthy enough. Trusting, supportive, structured and consistent connection from mentors allows all humans to work through feelings of shame.
The education is the theoretical component but we need to feel safe and supported in relationships to be vulnerable. It is then that we learn emotionally!
True point about mental health, our criminal justice system house the most traumatised people in society.
That is why here in Australia (Northern Territory) 95% of the juvenile justice system are first nations people.
I just got back from Collaborative Problem Solving Tier 1 Training and let me just say that EVERYONE needs to attend because it is truly a life altering experience.
Where are you getting this training?
I think the most difficult thing is to slow down and recognize these opportunities. Often times as teachers and parents we are keeping a million dishes spinning in the air at once and feel like if we take a second to breathe all the dishes will fall. Let the dishes fall. This is the most important thing and will make everything else easier in the long run. Of course overcrowded classrooms and micromanagement from admin are definitely not making it any easier!!
Yes! I agree. Most of the time we are reacting to each problem as they are happening, like constantly putting out fires. A new fire starting as soon as we put one out and rushing to the next one instead of taking a step back and recognizing patterns and getting organized and preventing some of these problems we inadvertently create. I think most of these problems are created because we don't know how to teach skills we haven't been taught. 99% of us haven't been taught "soft skills" like management, communication, social/emotional skills as "hard skills" which is what we need in order to know how to use these opportunities. But also I've noticed that some teachers have implemented these things into their classrooms but other adults in students' lives aren't on the same page (other adults in the school, at home), so it's hard to see progress. Yes, micromanagement from admin limits the freedom to see these opportunities and also high turnover rates in the district at all levels (admin, teacher, aides, lunch/recess supervisors) all make it difficult. I think the only thing we can do is to keep it mind and continue to focus on the little we can control and realize that even small steps can lead to miles of improvements if we can direct our compass in the right direction.
The irony of teachers and parents keeping the dishes spinning is that ultimately, that is the behavior being modeled to the children. That will end in a very predictable way...
I am a foster parent and found this information to be so helpful and encouraging
My son turned 8 yrs old today and was kicked outta his first school this past Monday. The school had no experience with a kid like him. I have over the last year finally realized the mistakes I’ve made raising my children and have been trying to reverse the damage I have done. In such a short time there have been major progress in my sons behavior but at school he refused to behave well they didn’t respect his needs so he refused to respect them. They claim they tried many thing but with him only spending 50hrs all together and the many people they had working with him hiss behavior was getting worse not better. But was perfectly well behaved at home because I respect him his feelings and his needs.
A program called "Creating Champions for Life" has been THE answer for my family after years of desperation.... I thank the universe everyday that it crossed my path...
Thank you Dr. Stuart Ablon! This was an exceptional presentation 🙂
Amazing content and brilliantly delivered. A great speaker and mind.
GOD SENT ME HERE TODAY. I'M AT BREAKING POINT. My son, aged almost 6, pulled kitchen knives (35cm in length) on us. He ripped the landline telephone out of hte socket (there is no phone socket) and threatened to destroy all my jewelry. This is REALLY GOOD information. I am sending the link of this to my mother, whom we live with, so she can stop having panic attacks persistently and daily like I have been having. This is GOLD. THANKYOU SO MUCH
Good luck... God bless you and keep you and your little son.... may you overcome the tough times together.
Praying for you ad your household now. Hope things have improved since you posted this.
Surrender urself & ur son to Jesus....I found that the best remedy. I tried my best but to no avail. I Surrendered to JESUS & HIS WORD 'CAST UR BURDEN UPON ME....I CARE....U REST' & it Worked as I waited Patiently.......Saw HIM
Refining me, Moulding me... into a better, patient person.
Many of our kid's actions trace back to faulty parenting or broken families or our own short tempered nature....& if we search inward..... we'll be able to see that their tantrums....are just the Symptoms of a deeper Problem.....Both KID & PARENT...Need to Delearn negative Responses & ReLearn Positive Responses 🌈🌈
I hope things are improving for you now. I went through this with my daughter when she was a young child like your son. This approach worked when nothing else did - that and getting a diagnosis of autism and being able to then push for proper support for her at school. (This turned out to be the source of most of her problems, she wasn't coping with the school environment, but was holding it all in and coming home completely overwhelmed to unleash it all. Due to her autism, she wasn't able to express what she was going through in an appropriate way)
She is 17 now and hasn't had a 'meltdown' in years.
This style of parenting gave her the emotional space she needed to be able to learn those skills better without becoming overwhelmed and drowning under the pressure of expectations) Now she understands and can recognise her own limits and express it or remove herself from situations before it gets too much.
She can now ask for what she needs and is in a much healthier place.
I am thinking of you as I know what a hellish situation you are in and the toll it must be taking on you. ❤
@@gemlouise1260 Wow, your daughter is 17 and you got her through it all. Look what you did!!!!!! You amazing Mumma, you!! Oh, she's SO lucky to have had you raise her. I was so happy reading your story, you sound like such a good Mum.
Fortunately things are great with my son. I have stopped telling him off (most of the time! Heheh, I'm still human!) and instead I just calmly, gently explain why things are not ok or not a good idea. I don't view his behaviour as bad or good anymore, I view it as a child who doesn't know and needs guidance and nurturing. I'm a very feisty woman as I have C-PTSD, but when I growl at him I always follow up with an apology and explain why I behaved like that (eg. I was hungry, tired, etc.) and I've been reassured by his therapist that that is good modelling bc it teaches him he doesn't have to be perfect.
The content in this video was like a magic elixir, but I also watched a lot of other YT videos and we had that therapist as well. It was surprising to read my words, actually, as I think I've blocked a lot of that stuff out now. I'm so pleased to share our happy ending with you and to read yours too. Blessings to you and your daughter.
Excellent! Thank you for sharing!
wow... I just watched a great TED talk on Rethinking Challenging kids... it is a must see.
That is actually mindblowing.
Very true.
Eye opening..
Thought provoking.
No wonder we suffer from a grave loss of problem solving skills .
Thanks , Dr.
Problem solving and reasoning is not prevelant today
I bought the book "The Explosive Child". Now I need to start reading it.
Very eye opening. I had a lot to reflect on and adjust. Thank you
Nice video content! Apologies for butting in, I would love your opinion. Have you ever tried - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (do a google search)? It is an awesome one off guide for becoming an excellent parent minus the normal expense. Ive heard some decent things about it and my cousin finally got amazing results with it.
Best TEDx Talk ever!
I wish it were that easy. What do you do with a child who won't communicate about problem behaviors? If I try to discuss problems and ask questions (no, I'm not yelling or threatening), my daughter shuts down. She'll pull a blanket over her head or glare at me and say nothing. She'll often turn her back and walk away. If I resort to anger it just makes it worse. It's not as easy as he's making it out to be.
Wait for her to open up but keep being inviting that she can talk if she wants but isn't required
Suggest she write things down in a letter or even draw her feelings.
Well said. Powerful.
Thank you so much. Found it very enlightening. God bless u
I love this.... thank you!
Awesome perspective. well done
Wonderfully talk. Thank you for sharing
Love this! It's also being able to communicate very well! I've tried the win/win with my daughter and it does work!
It seems we should bring the same approach to adults as well.
absolutely brilliant - thank you!!
Great interesting talk. Belief they can do Thank you, bless you . All your dreams come true .
Such a important talk. Great information and so accurate.
Thank you
Mind opening, great presentation and delivery.
Thank you x
Can’t stop crying …. Is this ! Is this ! You potential change my child life . I will take this talk to his school 🙏
Thanks bro I really needed this.
I agree with this to a point. Some students want to do well and have not been given the tools to be successful. However, some other students simply have no desire or motivation to improve themselves. Each person is unique and has their own story.
Could this be that they're held back by a low sense of self worth? Perhaps this is an opportunity for self love intervention... something I'm considering for children in my class
I would ask what has happened to a child to make them lose their motivation and hope. They probably need connection.
Fantastic talk!
...very, very groovy! Thank you!!!
Thank you!
Wisdom. Thank you.
Thank you so much you too.
Good stuff...social and emotional development is the foundation of cognitive learning...I hope preschools are focusing on these skills before elementary to give kids a foundation and progress on things they haven't learned. Early care/Preschools still seem to focus on academics and this video was 7 years ago. It is coming along...I think young parents need more awareness of this. Thanks Dr. Ablon
BEST TED TALK EVER!!!!!
Amazing insight! Thank you so much 🙂 My 5year old shows frustration often & I'm going to use your technique to help. God Bless you 👼
Please do don’t waste any time
Amazing man 🙌 great insight.
Excellent!!! I´m from Brazil, and there are so few good material about this issue for us, parents... My boy, 8, TDAH with TOD. But I also ask how exercise him if the hipercinetic problem blocked the listen, the asking questions, how you exemplified.
And.. if you has a kind of course for daily issues that we have with challenge kids
This video hit home because kids give up after trying so hard and not getting the help so school causes them pain and they that leads to avoiding anything in the future having to do with education because of the way the education system is build.
thank you so much
Brilliant!
Great talk
You. Are. My. Hero.
Lost for words ♥️ only an inner child that feels seen and a mom that feels better equip
Nice to hear this topic in explanation of the challenging child. So nice for the understanding and looking "beyond" the behavior.
Parent beyond the behaviour
Loved it! Makes se much sense
My heart aches while listening to this. My son is undiagnosed but we have tried everything we can. I hope there is an answer for him.
In not saying this will work but it may help some. Try putting him on a very healthy diet. Yes, not easy but worth a try. There is much evidence today that points toward awful diets actually damaging the brain.
Yes there are answers you need to find it and use it
This was a great video! Thank you. Children with specific learning disabilities especially need the executive functioning skills at an early stage . That would help to cope plan and strategize with the daily and academic tasks they are required to do.
THESE KIDS' GAME IS OVER WHEN THEY REACH COLLEGE.
See Gordon Neufeld. Hold onto your kids. It's about getting your children to do what you want through CONNECTION.
Yeah but some kids push you away no matter how hard you try and end up yelling at each other. What's the solution to that?
@@H_K. Then you haven't found the connection YET
@@reneegadelove1130 So what is your solution or ideas to connect?
@@MyMagnumOpus That's exactly what I want to know.
@@reneegadelove1130 what is your solution or ideas to connect? Thanks!
This thought-provoking video challenges our traditional notions of discipline and provides a new framework for supporting children who face difficulties, ultimately promoting their growth and development.
It is an amazing way of presentation
AWESOME
it is powerful and useful though to apply in our life as good parents
.
Excellent
Love this idea of collaborative problem solving! ‘Kids do as well if they can.’, hmmm!
Very helpful
Problem solving, Flexibility, frustration tolerance
A good book with similar information is “How to Talk to Little Kids So They Will Listen,” there are also ones for elementary and teens
3:47 I agree and to state my summary so far someone else's wants don't influence the abilities. What we want leads to emotional damage what we can do is 'vanity' evidence and truth.
I've always had the thought that kids can do well if they think they can. If they don’t think they can do it, then they'll ask themselves ‘What's the point. If I can't do it, then why am I even trying?’ Kids will only think that if they are told, that they aren't smart enough, not strong enough, or that they don't have the right background to be able to succeed. Then it's our job (ours being teachers, parents, doctors, anyone that a child knows well and they can trust) to tell them that they can, they might just have to work a little bit harder than everyone else.
I love this message! I do think Dr Ablon should give credit to Dr Greene who originated this material. How is this not plagiarism if he is not acknowledged? It is Dr Greene verbatim.
Isn't that covered in the notes?
Pull down the arrow under the title and you will see he does give credit to Dr. Green as his mentor
He plagiarized Dr. Greene’s material. They used to work together. You can look it up. Very sad… would never follow this guy.
@@janetfox-petersen2790 Plagiarized or taught/inspired by?
A must watch!
Very inspiring! Children need training
Sometimes the hardest part is to recognize the what actual concern is(e.g. the child doesn't like to be alone upstairs)
And it's tiring for the child to try to understand what bothers too
It is not easy, but it is essential we practice and work on helping them. If I kid doesn't know in the moment, tell him to think about it. Kids need to be heard, and they need to trust they will be heard. It takes time, but it works better than any intervention I've ever tried...and I have tried them all.
I would love to have your answers to all of these questions and problems as well as the million others that come up.
I agree with some of this. In theory. When dealing with more than one child at a time, especially if they ARE hyperactive or otherwise challenged.
Everything isn't aimed at making people WANT to do well. Rules and Laws are in place with lists of consequences to encourage people to NOT want to break the rules. Do you think we all drive the exact speed limit because we CAN? OR because we WANT to? I'd say more often than not (by a huge margin) people don't speed because they don't want to experience the consequences.
OMG I could write for hours on this subject matter.
I agree
Yes there’s some balance between using empathy to problem solve and using clear and consistent discipline to make the trains run on time
I guess you could say some people lack time management, planning, problem solving skills to arrive at a place on time without speeding or they don't have the skill to think ahead to weigh future consequences or prioritize potential consequences appropriately. What is a better teacher? Speeding fine, pictures of car wrecks, stories of people who have been in car wrecks? Thinking "oh those things won't happen to me" or not thinking about them at all is the result of what? Thinking patterns/habits. How much are we in control of our thoughts? I have seen scholars and experts explain both sides of this several times.
he needs to go to schools and help the teachers, counselors and Principals understand this behavior more. Because the teachers, counselors and Principals are making things worse, to the point where kids don't want to in school anymore. I have child like this and its not his fault, all the school he has been in, make him feel like it all his fault.
EXACTLY
Same experience here. My daughter was put on pointless sticker charts, denied recess, at and music for not doing math sheets, running in the halls, etc. From my point of view, she was punished more harshly than other kids because she was identified as having behavioral problems in kindergarten. Her behavioral issue? She wouldn't sit still in class and would run out of the classroom when she didn't know how to handle a situation. She turned 5 2 weeks before kindergarten started. As soon as she was put on the iep for those behaviors, the charting and punishments began, causing her worse and worse problems. They put her in therapy one day a week, as if an hour of therapy a week that isn't even designed to address the specific problematic situations she's struggling with is going to teach a 5 year old how to problem solve "in the moment." And the sad part is, the faculty as teachers were well meaning but very short sighted.
YES! Our family is struggling with this issue today!
I'm with you. I am home schooling for the last few months of this school year to ensure we are protected from the dysfunction within the schools we've experienced. i am convinced and hold huge faith that more non-conventional wisdom is spreading. All i can do is continue to practice the strategies that are effective ---no matter the naysayers.
I simply need to keep dodging the conventional tactics.
And celebrate when I connect with the grown-ups who are willing to flex :)
And willing to see beyond my daughrer's raging moments..........catch the earlier flickering signs that signal....."I need your help!"
Totally agree! Teachers, principals, school social workers, all need to see and learn this. Grateful to have found this!!
Dr. Ablon's books: Change-able, The School Discipline Fix, and Treating Explosive Kids, and Collaborative Problem Solving.
Which book do you recommend I read first?
@@freshlifecounseling Change-able first, then Collaborative Problem Solving.They talk about the fundamental idea in depth. The other two is more specific, if you're interested.
@@kiilcancer thank you friend. Yes I want to use this to help parents with their children:)
It was settled in court. You can find the information online.
i love this and would love more trial and problem solving situational ideas. My 2E child needs lots of this
This is what Occupational therapists specialize in!
thoughts contrary to this are antiquated; don't let them go uncorrected
@15.09. If the parents do all the preprep getting out the house on time is doable. The girls are adults now but when younger I got them in the habit of doing things H/W Kits/Lunches/Uniform the night before meaning we had a pleasant slow stroll across the Park observing Nature and getting to know each other in plenty of time before the School Bell. We are 61/ 56 their both 18.
My only thought to this is how do you address the problem of fear that the child has in the example. The solution in the example will keep the child always fearful of being alone. You'll get out of the house on time, but the real problem is deeper (fear) and is now enabled just so we can get out of the house on time. This is a different problem that is in development but still no solution. Im not a behaviorial expert, Just a thought i had while listening. I do work in urban communities and many of the children we encounter have deeper issues that you will never know unless you go deeper with them. Fear, doubt, low confidence, low self esteem, etc, stem from several variables, not just one problem. The effects of these variables affect academics and behaviors majorly. It would take a collaborative effort to truly overcome some of the deeper issues many of today's youth are dealing with. Not criticizing the talk, only expanding in thought from the subject matter. Very Good and thought provoking subject to further explore.
fear isn't a problem that can be solved any more than stress or sadness are, you teach them tools to work around and live through these very human and natural emotions.
In one skills class I took they talked about fear or anger being feelings that stem from some unmet core needs. The fear or anger or anxiety then manifest in other problematic behaviors, such as this example with getting dressed. If we can listen intuitively (and for those of faith, listen with God's help,) with some time and communication we can sometimes figure out what is causing the fear. For example, perhaps at a later time you can continue the discussion and compliment them on their solution of getting dressed downstairs and talk about why they think they are afraid to be alone upstairs. Using his same strategies, perhaps ask, "Why do you think you feel afraid to be alone upstairs? Do you feel like you will be left behind or something like that?" etc. Some core needs are acceptance, being valued, autonomy, etc. so perhaps the child is not feeling valued and has a related fear of being left behind. Perhaps in talking you discover it comes from an event that happened one day and caused some misunderstanding such as going out to the car to go somewhere and forgetting to tell them you were going and the older sister was to watch on the siblings. Then if the sister was in her room a lot, the younger child may have thought they were alone at first and misunderstood that the mom left and didn't say why and could do so again at any time. Sorry for the length, hope that gives some helpful ideas. I am not a therapist, I'm a mom just to be clear.... :)
@@moniquehale2723 thanks for responding! I agree with your comment!
Work on the fear. Fear can be an emotional response to a problem
It's not how big your sword is it's how you use leverage that enables the sharpness to take effect.
A lot of good theory here. I think the mind shift to kids do well when they can could be very beneficial for many fathers.
I'm going to consider this information and make sure to share this will all the awesome dads in the Actidad family! Dads rock!
Briefly,kids have to be taught every little single detail in life
Yep, that's the secret. It is hard work.
ANother subject to consider would be Showing gratification in changing / expectations not met and understanding the underlying behavior patterns & what to do again (problem solving if needs are not met)/wills can change but should only do so for the better & good of others/ for purpose of compare/compromise in better eqquality of life for all individuals but not in such a way that impinges its right on another
Definitely on point. However many of my students improve when I threaten to call their parents or to have them work during lunch. So it’s a difficult mixture.
I think that this kind of consequence only “stops the behavior in the moment” but does not teach the student the skills needed for a lifetime. There must be an opportunity to teach!!
💚 useful 💚
My brother needs to work on his collaborative problem solving...
Everyone needs to work on CPS its not just children that have lagging skills.
Ross Greene Said this EXACT SPEECH way BEFORE YOU! CRAZY TOWN
seriously, we don't know our own priorities and we try setting kids priorities :) ..