FUMBLING THE INFJ - BIGGEST REGRET EVER?!
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- Опубликовано: 15 июн 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: Today we're discussing the concept of "fumbling the INFJ" - could it be the biggest regret for the other person? If you're unfamiliar with this term, it refers to losing out on the best thing that ever happened to you. INFJs often find themselves in situations where they believe others will eventually regret letting them go. Do they feel they may have lost a valuable friend or partner? Reflecting on our relationships, we often wonder if the other person truly understands what they've missed out on.
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Why weren't you around 30 years ago! This is probably the best time to be an INFJ but speaking from a Gen X standpoint, it was torture as a youngster!
true ! Gen X also
Gen X here, agreed! I’m so glad she’s around now though. It’s helped me in so many ways.
Agreed, same. But at least looking back life makes sense. 😢
Asleep we where asleep until we where waked up ‼️you see everything in life find his purpose and his reason ‼️😊
i am Gen z and very grateful
Always remember Carl Jung's words, "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
To recognize that 6:45 that person really didn’t reciprocate what I did. Sometimes what we do is hidden, such as caring, holding space, checking in, going out of our way to serve, without malice naturally. This is OFTEN taken for granted and develops dependent relationships. I used to go after things to repair and recover people who fumbled and thought it was my fault. No more. Spare your energy. Most people in my life now are other INFJs or HSPs. Budgeting emotional energy is a big lesson to learn.
I have never thought that if people lose me, they won’t find someone better than me. The truth is, maybe they will or who knows? We all move on and find new goals if we truly decide to and as long as we want, we’ll always find something or someone better than the past ones. I'm a unique me, but not that special. I know this and I accept.
They always regret it later.. Usually when it's too late...
When it comes to this particular subject, my only regret is the time spent wasted on someone who is unwilling to grow or adapt. Not just my time, but theirs as well. I hate door slamming someone I love. It hurts us both and is only productive in the sense of me being able to better manage my internal resources and redirect my energy. Having said that, every loss or failure is simply an opportunity to learn and grow. This video and comments are particularly key for me at this point in my life. Thanks as always for the focus and insight.
Wenzes: "create a narrative that is never up for debate of what another person thinks of us"
Me: Ah, so *certainly*, my exes fumbled me and who I could've been for them
Wenzes: 🤦🏽♀️
On a (more) serious note, "you're only human" is a very real benchmark, very helpful to have the words to articulate that!
💯on this. These past two years, you have helped me to grow as far as setting boundaries. Thank you so much, Wenzes. Related to the topic of the video, if someone still worries about what a past person thinks about them, there is still some self healing to do. I finally learned to think of my own feelings first and I feel so free.
Sigh...people who expect and rely on us being there when they want us but are never available for us unless it is convenient for them and doesn't cost them anything. Time to move on, ignore the calls/messages and just be "nice" when paths cross, no drama. Yup, that old me is gone for them. So true, love from afar.
One of the things INFJs do is they idealize a lot, and in relationships they will fall in love with the ideal, not the actual person. Jordan Peterson addresses this in this video at this time stamp - ruclips.net/video/8TC_bj27R58/видео.html So when they love and give to this idealized person, and then they realize that the person does not match their idealized view, it can be very jarring. You will never be able to go back and love / give to that person like you did before, because you see the real person, not the ideal. So the key is, see the real person to begin with, and love/give to that person, and see where that goes.
Me personally, idc "at all"... I don't look back once I cut ties with another person. If I am doing a door slam, it's over for them, I couldn't care less if they are breathing. Even if I walk away to prove a point, the intent is more complex than simply caring how they take me walking away. It more so, I've tried to get to a even ground where we could understand each other and if they don't seem to get it. It's worthless in my opinion. So, how ever they feel about it doesn't concern me. People have audacity tbh and it's not my problem once I walk away. Sometimes if I am trying to help someone who has an extreme deficit, I'll give them plenty chances because I'm learning I was codependent on the narcissistic, empathy relationship. Since I am now aware of that, that's buried as well. I feel like people don't understand English and they try to deduce whatever they think I'm saying, like it's something hidden and since I'm an autistic INFJ, I mean "precisely" what I say. It actually brings me extreme irritation dealing with these kind of people because it's really simple in my opinion.🤷♀️. I actually tell people exactly what I mean and they don't listen, so 🤷 toodles! 🎉🎉🎉(to them)
I hear you! I'm also autistic infj sigma, and I seem to have spent my entire life walking away from people who deliberately misunderstand me, beginning with my own blood relatives (which I very specifically refuse to call family).
I know my own worth, and I always have. I'm willing to share with others, but I won't be manipulated, used, or scorned by anyone.
@ChelleLlewes for what it's worth, "I am proud of you ❤️ for knowing your worth and having boundaries." I'm just realizing my true value and understanding the value of boundaries. Thanks for sharing.
I got rid of my "family" too. Trust me, I get it.
Sounds like me in a nutshell!
@@mikkinordman5376 💞
Very well said. We're selfless and at times don't know when to stop being that way. It's a part of our nature. Maybe we are a suprise to those who don't expect anyone like us to magically appear. Yet we go on trying to show them the great person they are, and by some miracle they see the great person we are.
I had three long-term relationships inlcuding one marriage and in every case I gave 110% and ended up being completely taken for granted. In every case I let things slide and was forgiving …but I never forget. I’m cursed with a great memory and in each instance the last straw would flood my brain with all of the past offenses and suddenly I’M DONE. NOTHING can change my mind, and they all begged me to take them back to a ridiculous degree including offering to pay off my mortgage. (WTH?!) Hindsight is 20/20 and I’m never attracted to them ever again. It’s sad but there’s no going back.
I think this is one coping mechanism we should keep at times. If we're the rarest personality with all this awareness, we experience tons of rejection and misunderstanding from the world... I think if an INFJ has super supportive people in their lives, then yes transform this trait because the needs of connection and care are being met elsewhere...
However I think it's really dangerous to tell an INFJ who is still looking for an empirical support system to give up feeling like they've been fumbled. It harms no one, but it allows the INFJ to build a protective battle against the constant criticism and rejection, something no human can withstand. Without this defense, the INFJ is left vulnerable, bare, and feeling excruciating loneliness and self contempt, and feeling like an idiot for even considering that some people may regret not having them. It gives "no one wants me, they never did, they never will, I'm completely worthless". Very dangerous territory psychologically.
I think it's really important in videos like these to specify how healed an INFJ must be from their intense trauma to be ready to transform some of these unique ways we must cope with constant rejection.
I was JUST this morning trying to find the words to talk to my partner about this.
Thank the universe for you Wenzes. I appreciate your content so much.
Stay amazing, stay blessed 🙏
Lol, I fumbled another INFJ and vice versa. I hate when that happens. 😂
It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Well im going to get my INFJ back and spoil her.
Wenzes is certainly driving this point hard and it is for hard heads that need it.
Feeling too passive in taking the necessary steps to finding the romantic love of my life, because I'm too concerned with hoping others will find that in their life neglecting myself
If we are healthy and mature as INFJs I think that no one who is able to fumble on us can pass our loyalty checks in the beginning. The exits from our loyalty check are two - that person ghosts us almost immediately or he knows how to seem passing the check, but we feel that the words he says are not based on genuineness so we don't let that person in even if we have all the reasons for that at first glance. We also know how to reflect the change in someones behavior, because we know people can change without any rational reasons behind it, we have the intuition to feel it and in result we have no problem to turn cold and distant, but not emotionally resentful, just cold and distant. Probably many people here will ask what you are talking about, how can it be possible for someone who have deep involvement with someone else to just turn cold. That's the magic of the Ni. Average people have no idea of the scale of our adaptive abilities. Red flags in people are always around and we see them all as well as we know that there will be red flags, because every man has a red flags and so in result there will be compromises for example in a romantic relationship, but romantic relationships should be taken as a contract - I'll take you for what you are, but if you go overboard, if you change too much, if you begin to violate the 50-50 rule, I'll turn distant and cold no matter how close we ware. It's not so hard for us to act that way and of course the person in front will regret losing us after some time if we make things clear to him from what point on we can't take certain negative sides of him.
You've helped me so much. Thank you.
I never considered that my tendency to overextend myself with family/friends/co-workers/employer is an INFJ trait. It's something for me to ponder though. I'm big on ghosting people after I've worked so hard to cultivate a relationship and it's a trait I'm not proud of but I have been taught it's a very INFJ thing to do over and over.
This video is perfectly timed. I decided last week to finally let my best friend go. We known each other for over 40 yrs, and the relationship was largely based on me being small and allowing her to use and manipulate me. This past two years it really highlighted the constant dynamic of, her not being there for me when I go through tough times or envy and dismissal when I accomplish something. I finally reached the point of where there really is no point to this any longer. Sadly I really think she laid the foundation for most of my friendship dynamics later on in life.
I have a question, is it a INFJ trait to 'comb over' toxic traits in other people? I knew for years (yeah, we see everything) that she was manipulative, opportunist and self centered, but somehow I always forgave/compartmentalised that and didn't think any less of her. It wasn't until I saw how much enjoyment she got out of being able to manipulate people that everything changed. I would love to hear from other INFJs on this.
I've gotten to the point that if Im dating I ask them to read 8 Rules of Love and if they don't participate I move on. I am just about 58 and I can not do this anymore. I'm a very spiritual person and want to have a healthy relationship in this lifetime. I want a partner that contributes. I'm exhausted. I am honestly happy single but prefer a loving relationship. I wont settle anymore or get wrapped up in their world unless its on the path I am on. Im not saying Im demanding, Im just finally understanding my lack of boundaries and what type of person that attracts. And yes, if there is a break up and no reconciliation within a reasonable amount of time I still love them but loose physical attraction. I love expressing the gratitude when moving on.
I just had this experience 15 days ago and it was disastrous. I never had a lack of self control in my life (54 years old here) I was shocked.
About the other person I could not believe how easy was to him adjust his narrative so easy to fit was was right for him, never recognizing my humanity (my mistakes), sticking to his only narrative.
Obviously there was a nasty blow out of my part and I told him that his lack of honesty and my lack boundaries were reason that we were at this stage
Now I look it on the way Wenzel says: I am grateful for this experience and now I take my power back.
Once if I had doubts about my attitude and on who I presented on
Life … I have absolute certitudes that I am an amazing person only need to refocus on my cup !!! Thank you
Such good advice ❤
Beautiful. Thanks.
Thank you ❤
Ahh you make us feel so valuable
I’m always amazed how spot on your videos are ..
🌸💓🎉
Thank you Wenzes
💓
I do recognize the point of the logic, but harsh truth is that I'm tired of letting go as well. As an INFJ, my whole life is a big "letting go". Last time it was even another INFJ who let me down. I'm just growing apathy and hopelessness.
This video is so high quality
Wenzes this is incredible
Thank you so much
You are giving me so much strength to be able to do this! It used to hurt so much to have to reject a friend that had 'turned' and was starting to exploit the amount I was giving.
I just never knew how to combine the "love" I felt.for everyone yet keep them at a safe distance, now I do, thanks to you!
I am a completely different person now my energy levels are much higher and I am not afraid to show up as my authentic self
Thank you
I am better for me and for them too. ❤
co dependency is proper term for issue discussed.
You should always control your social media presence. The whole situation was silly in that I never saw anything that was said or posted.., maybe I heard it fourth hand. It was a a one in a million lightning strike… there will never be the perfect storm of not being face to face and all the theatrics. Working through many people and not 1 on 1, where I shine.
Personally I have know doubt I’m a good person in my eyes and that’s all that matters for me. Not too concerned if they recognize what I did or did not do for them. My life is moving on and I assume their life is too. Don’t think self sacrifice is super noble, no one is more important than anyone else. Have no idea what “this person” is up to by design. That is OK. We were working toward a common goal and it turned out, there was no common goal.
Yeah he fumbled me I miss him
Can i know how you reach this level of understanding and how you gained this knowledge?
It's a combination of curiosity of existing systems, personal experiences and and internal conclusions.
No no Thad are manipulating games ‼️ 6:22
I disagree. INFJ's always appreciate anything genuine. From any and everyone.
You have wrong, INFJ is not so special,they WILL finde somebody "beter ", not everybody need 24/7 nurse or "human mirror ".we must leting them go whitout "gilt" feelings!
So, let's here your flying monkeys come at me. Hey Wenzes, I can hear your voice is slightly lower. Are you feeling a bit under the weather? Remember, it's okay to ask questions. She's not a god just like me. We all bleed, the same colour blood.
What?
@@Meenaia You heard.
Unfortunately I am quite often ‚under the weather‘ because my toddlers bring another cold in like every other week 🥴 but this one wasn‘t that bad 😉
@@Wenzes See told you all. For shame.
Heard but didn't understand everything you were saying. Very unique though!
Thanks Miss Wenzes for this beautiful guidance of the INFJ's & take great care of you also, oxxo!