Coach Craig Kenneth hi. I went through the same thing like the 1st email with my 2nd ex bf(12yr relationship). And my current ex (4yrs) was being manipulative, insecure, lashing out, anxious, playing the victim, to then leave and moved in with someone new 1 month after our breakup to her house...smh. i found out he was talkin with her 2weeks b4 the breakup. She doesnt know what shes gottin into, she is so screwed.
If you sit back and let them have that time they go out getting banged by tons of guys n then you don’t want them back the whole relationship is over for good !that’s why guys have that intense anxiety .
Actually that reminds me of a joke I once told my ex (while we were still dating) - the reason I put you on a pedestal is so that way, we look at each other from the same height.
Same. When he mentioned the sleep playlist my heart jumped for joy because the "waking up in horror/sadness" thing is still happening to me and im always desperate to put something on. THANK YOU Craig!!!!! This is getting me through such a dark painful time... Ill be looking for that playlist tonight for sure
It's also confusing when they say they miss you, spend time with you, but don't want to recommit to working on the relationship. Your teachings are helping Craig!
Sandra V... because it’s all about them. Selfish & self centred women just want what they want and don’t really give a fuck about what he wants. I have just been through this same bull shit with my wife. She discarded me because she didn’t want to work any problems out, then a week later she contacted me then I found myself in friend zone (with benefits) I have since told her that I’m not interested in her new terms and conditions and if she ever becomes willing to work out the problems like committed, married people should, she should let me know. Otherwise I’m moving on.
YEP! this is the Worst! sometimes, I wonder if she is still contemplating...or just want to keep in my good graces because of our son...maybe a combination of both from week to week. So Frustrating!!!!
That's because those kind of females want their cake and eat it too. Women like that have no idea what they want. By the time they make a decision on what they want, it will be too late and they will lose what they truly wanted in the process and no chance of getting back what they lost.
I think I’ve binged so hard on your videos they’ve been played nonstop day and night for the past 2 months lol I’ve probably heard all of them about 3 times by now or More lol
I have the courage to tell my ex I miss her, only 1 problem, I am in the wrong position to do so ... I'm generally not scared at all to show someone I am interested, but since I'm the one that got broken up with I really can't be the one to say I miss her. It'll just push her away sadly, I wish humans were a little less stupid. People can want something, but when they get it push it away
This video is awesome! Managing your relationship with an avoidant ex, and working on yourself to the point where you no longer blame yourself and are at peace with how things are now and how well you're doing as you grow ... golden, Craig. Thank-you.
12 days no contact. I’ve been asked out by this really nice guy but my heart is with my ex still. It’s been tough and confusing but I’m staying strong and following through with no contact. Thank you so much for the videos you’re awesome. I’m watching them every day. I’m sure it will get better. Good luck to everyone here.❤️
I had a girl friend cheat on me. We broke up and went our own separate ways. 10 years later I ran into her best friend. The conversation was lite. As. I was saying goodbye and take care she suddenly says “ She wished she hadn’t cheated on you”. I said, “ But she did”…
Thanks Craig!!!! After being with my ex for a year and half he broke things off stating he needs space after alot of arguing. I started no contact for 2 months....well....he just text me last night asking how i was!!! I thanku SO much for yr videos. I stumbled upon them and your my Fav!!! TY again😊
14:50 I went thru the same. However, experience and education has made me wiser...I did NOT respond to the Bday messages cuz the ex "taught" me thru repetitive pattern that she would vanish on me if I started a friendly convo. So based on the historical data, I chose not to and to this day I know it was the right decision. Indirect directs are DANGEROUS, especially is the ex is an avoidant, and worse, a narcissistic personality. There is a SOLID 50% chance that they do NOT want to get back with you and that's the reality... and if they DO, there is also the chance that they just don't have it in their psychological makeup to come out and do/say what is needed to create the reality of a reconciliation towards a healthier relationship.
I swear our ex is the same person! Lol! Yep ... when I didn’t respond to her last “indirect” text a month ago she blew up my phone in a jealous rage saying “fine, go on dates, I don’t care” then the next day she said “she can’t do this anymore!” 28 days NC ... psycho!!
I agree. My ex has reached out twice and I’ve responded waiting a few hours and a very calm neutral friendly response. Both times that was as far as it went. Drove me crazy but I kept my cool and didn’t text anymore. A few weeks ago was his birthday and I didn’t reach out. I feel so proud of myself!!
I sent a happy birthday to get answer saying how sorry he was and could I ever forgive him....I said yes life was too short to fill with hurt and anger, he then replied that meant a lot to him and i was really special, i didnt respond..............hate games
I wish my ex girlfriend would skip the indirect/direct approach and comes to her senses and tells me that she misses me already; we’ve been together for over 5 years and I have separation anxiety, with an attachment style
Wow you have helped unlike ANY other person or channel before. It's like a human behavior college here haha, and I absolutely love to learn all that! I could connect the dots even in my previous relatioship and finally realized the "how" and "why" behind all the actions and circumstances. I feel I never understood myself and other people like I do now. You have a no BS approach and talking PRACTICALLY about this stuff which is the most important. Some coaches just share what they hear from other teachers or what they THINK could be a reason for something, but you, Margaret and Victoria are truly the G.O.A.T.s in this field:) I feel like I have gained a sense for stability through simply watching your content and reflecting. My perspective has done a complete shift and I'm a different person now. It all makes SUCH a massive sense with the golden attachement styles theory! I love it and your videos, please never stop, keep doing this amazing thing!!
I think I blew my chances of being with my ex from not accepting "casual", I have heightened my standards of what I want in relationships, but I'm still left feeling miserable over it...
That is amazing! I see similarities with the last email and my personal situation too. I feel more centered than I was when the breakup occurred. The clarity is coming through. Thank you for the great work you do, Coach!
Some people will learn how to appreciate you by losing you, if people treat you like an option. Leave them like a choice. & Damn lovers can be so cruel 😔
You are my fave now..Ive been watching videos bout breakup then came across to your channel, I was down and devastated but after seeing your videos, I felt relieved and inspired...😍..plus you're funny, you made me smile again despite what im going through right now..God bless😊
Do people sometimes reach out due to boredom though? Or wanting to see if they still have control over the situation? I get the feeling my ex doesn’t want me, but also doesn’t want me to move on. She even said she’s being selfish by saying she needs time to work through her depression but thinks she’d like to pick this up again when she’s better. But she can’t commit to anything and I said I can’t wait around as it isn’t fair on me. I just don’t think that’s good enough for me
Hey guys. Im a little confused. Im an Anxious type and Ive been watching Coachs videos for months now . But I do see an odd theme that I dont understand. It seems anxious types have to fix themselves and work on that anxiety and their emotional control. But it seems Avoidants, well you just have to work with them and drop your level of interest to match theirs, because they just cant do a healthy relationship in lot cases they pick you up and put you down again. How is this fair? We do we have to fix ourselves but they dont?
Margaret mentions "cost/benefit analysis in a few videos. This hit me hard. Is it worth me doing all the work, and then going back on the rollercoaster with the avoidant. Definitely had me questioning if it was worth being with them. Or if I deserved better ❤
It does stink that Anxious people are the ones who feel like they have to work more, but ultimately, losing emotional self control and doing things to relieve your anxiety causes active relationship issues. Avoidant people are, by their nature, fully in control of keep their anxiety internalized (often and usually subconsciously, and keep control of their emotions to an unhealthy level, refusing to be vulnerable in any way). So, while an anxious person doesn't mean to, their emotional lack of control comes out affecting others - whereas the idea is, with an avoidant person, their hyper vigilance of keeping control at all times is less of an 'outburst' reaction (aka they were predictable because they're like that all the time, you just lost control unpredictability)
I am an Avoidant who has been broken up with by an Anxious. Believe me, I have spent the last two months working non-stop on my attachment issues. Not just for my relationship but for myself too, cause I know it’s hard to believe but being an Avoidant sucks. You are a victim to yourself, and end up hurting people you actually love because of it. I think the issue I’ve seen with myself and which possibly happens to a lot other Avoidants out there, is that you have no awareness of this until ‘something’ happens to make you realise how misguided you’ve been. I have been working with a therapist the last two months and consuming all the content I can on the topic. Maybe I’m just an unusual case? But I believe that Avoidants absolutely have to do the work too to become Secure, they do need a really strong motivation or to hit a wall very hard first (like it happened to me), but once you are exposed to how that is also damaging yourself even before damaging your partner it becomes totally obvious that you need to change. I would plead to give Avoidants a chance to change, but also not to just accept them as they are if they really refuse to. Because you’d be hurting yourself and also enabling something that they need to change for their own good to.
Coach Craig and Margaret: i LOOOOVE your videos, I have listened to a dozen of them and I am still exploring. I would like you to address a topic: What if your ex finally contacts you and she only wants to be friends...it seems rude to say right away: "I'm only interested in being your lover! " In other words, how do you nudge her along in the direction of being more than friends and not ruin her outreach by being impatient...?BTW I think people make too much of this "friend zone" thing.
she met another guy.. we been together for 6 years. Its been 2 years since the break up and she still with the same guy , i did nc since , been working out, having a high status circle friends and having a better job. We lived together she was such a big part of my life But I never bothered her she looks happy with the new guy, she reaches out here and there but not to reconcile. we had 2 dogs that is staying with me , I still have dreams/nightmares about her. I miss her so much but i can never tell her that
Video Idea: Hi Craig, many of us are doing the work and have become better versions of ourselves yet we may be experiencing rejection as we approach new potential partners in person or through online dating. I was wondering if you could do a video that addresses how to keep our self-esteem high if there is continual rejection and perhaps how to respond to that rejection. Especially online - so many people seem to be so callously dismissive these days (i.e. ghost them or they'll say they're no longer interested for seemingly no reason). Thank you.
I kind of feel bad because I honestly like the attention when my avoidant ex reaches out for stupid reasons every week and I just give her really simple responses lol But I feel like if I give her attention she'll disappear again. I really want a relationship where we actually want to give each other real attention, not who can be more avoidant than the other.
Stop responding to your ex. By now, if she wanted something more, she wouldn't be texting you anymore and your ex will suggest a meet up. Sounds to me your ex doesn't want you back, but wants a safety net.
@@livenow13 No contact worked and we got back to gether lol Trust me, it works. Go no contact, become the best version of yourself FOR YOU and 3-12 months down the road they will reach out. I've done this SO many times and it's literally never failed me.
It been 5 months since he broke up with me. I reached out to him after 1 month and something but he Said that if i see him will be more hurtful for me. After 4 months i reach out again and he accepted to see me and talked to me...that he has some bad time and that he doesn t sleep anymore at night, and doesn t want to Tell me His problems and wants to keep in him Even if this is feels wrong. We kissed last time and hug and stay like this and told me that he can t get back with me in this mood and state of mind because he would not treat me right ... he described to me that he can t feel anything for anything ... i asked him if i can see him again and he Said yes but to reach out to him because he will not reach out to me... I don’t know what to do..i love him and i want him back. I don t know how to make him OPEN up to me and make him feel secure 😔 Should i continue to ask him see me?
17:22 managing casual with am Av because some can’t handle more 18:16 questions to consider about an Av’s capacity to be in a relationship long term; and if worth waiting for 19:02 what success might look like with an Av i.e. that it wasn’t your fault & may not be best for you 12:10 it takes two people to *really* choose to make it work
She spent time with me several times and I thought she wanted to get back with me. Turned out that she was going to move 1000 km away and was afraid to tell me.
She came back after sleeping with someone else. She said she missed me and wanted to talk about our experiences in our relationship and want to see if we can even have a relationship or move on. She doesn’t sound as enthusiastic about wanting to get back together but we both don’t see a point to the conversation if there is no possibility of getting back together. So it feels like limbo, but I’m giving her a chance to talk and see if we need to move on or not
I really wish my ex would reach out to me. In our 4 and a half months apart I've reached out to her several times. Each response from her was brief telling me to stop. I've never been mad, never mean, our relationship did not end ugly or bad. We both knew we were meant to be together. Our love was amazing. In a weak and selfish moment she quit on us. We were in a period of working on a few things but there were never any signs would be not be together forever. I've been so broken and there's been no healing. I've had much introspection and feel I have grown since breaking up but she's been insistent on moving on without someone else. She very quickly found comfort in someone else's arms and bed. Now she's trying to make that relationship work. It's killing me. The pain is no less now than any other day since day one of this tragedy. I can't move on, I won't love anyone else ever. I don't know what to do.
Hope you're better since then. Just thinking of the fact that she might receive your texts while she's netflix and chilling or whatever with her guy, and they laugh at you like "oh it's that ex that will never move on", this only should be enough not to send anything
OMG! I was just thinking, "I haven't seen a Coach Craig video in a while. I think there should be one out soon (I hope!)." Sure enough, here it is. Having withdrawals, ya know? :-)
Lisa... you can always go on RUclips and type his name in the search and it will show all of his videos even the most recent ones; also, subscribe if you are not already subscribed to his channel and make sure your notifications are set to your preferences. I have mine set to all of his videos.
@@lyndapeoples8127 So what should I do? I act friendly to her and I have been really working on personal growth and hitting the gym, and I think she will have noticed as I used to have really bad body dysphoria when we were together (not because of her). Do I wait until she reaches out again to ask her out? Or do I break no contact to ask her?
Hey Coach! Haven’t been commenting in awhile. A month ago, I thought she was coming back around. The rebound ended. She did this crazy indirect approach text. Then she got crazy jealous (thinks I’m dating!) and blew up my phone 2 days later , then the next day told me she needed closure. Wtf! Obviously still feelings there. A week later she “ran” into me at the beach. I’ve been hiding since and it’s been 18 days. She will kill me off .......
Coach Craig- thanks for all you do for us here. I agree with your comment regarding the idea of "Indirect direct" approach. It's a safe way to ask or to test the water.
Yep you're right Craig, break ups are often a result of problems.... Oh yeah she was confused, anxious and depressed alright! LOL Living with her ex who has numerous domestic violence charges against him and wanting to have a relationship with me? That was mistake number one. Mistake number two, I don't do head games... say what you mean, mean what you say and always, always, always do what you say you're going to do and follow through. Mistake number three was her linking up in her mind that I'm like her ex. Reach out to me was her cry for help in a woman's way. Yeah she had a lot on her plate, going through a merger at work, two kids, a dog, living with and an abusive ex husband and trying to develop a relationship with me... I would say that is a lot! A lot of stress and anxiety leading to depression. Fourth she gave up when she said she was strong. I lost 10 people in 5 month including my grandfather, father, two best friends (which one hanged himself after I left and I never would have left if I knew what was going through his mind) and the last two was my 6 yr old son and his mother who were killed in a car accident! I was so bad that I walked aways from my very successful excavating company and didn't care if my 18 employees stole everything and bailed and I almost checked myself into a mental hospital . I have been through hell and back! It took me two years to get my head straight. After all of that mess I ended up with who I call the Antichrist and you have to be really, really good to obtain such a title from me. But one day this girl's fuse burned out and she was a total different person from the one I met. She was abusive in every sense of the word... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sexually, financially... you name it! I could get away from her because she had a legal right to be in the home we had. Unlike domestic violence where women are the victim, try being a guy and calling 911 saying your girlfriend or wife beat you. When they would show up the first thing they would say is "What did you do to deserve this... hahahah?" I would say you live with the bitch and you'll find out! It took nearly 20 calls before they began to see a "pattern" of abuse. Oh yeah she thinks she hurt me and even said so. Is it scary for her to reach out? You bet! Hopefully she is smart enough to never reach out because when she does, it won't be good! I was dumb enough to take back an ex once and wow, what a mistake! There an ex for a reason! As for courage Craig... I have it! LOL Here is my problem, when I was little, I was very close with my father. Before I started school, my dad would come home for lunch and he would take me around town back in the early 70's where I could watch construction crew working. That was so cool and awesome. We also had a family business and even before I was old enough to work, it we every had a problem my dad would say, come out to the kitchen and lay it all on the table. no holding back.! LOL Basically at times, it was like court where dad would hear both sides of complaints between us siblings and he would give his ruling on it which was always in the best interest of everyone. Other times he would say "Do you want to go get a milkshake?, and we'd go get one if it was driving to one of the other near by towns. As I got older and in high school, I was a touch rebellious but not bad. But we would go get all you can eat fish on Friday nights. There was a bar/lounge that served awesome pizza and after a hard day's work in the family business, dad would say, you want to go get a pizza and a few beers? Absolutely! It was much more than just going to get milkshakes, pizzas or beers. I was spending time with my dad, my hero. After my dark period above, I have been a magnet for obese females with all sorts of mental and emotional trauma. I can't be with someone like that because I'm a personal trainer heavy into health & fitness and I'm tired of being drained mentally and emotionally trying to help them. So I have so deal breakers and it not asking for much. FIrst and foremost, say what you mean, mean what you say and always, always, always do what you say you're going to do. The rest I can bend a little for. I do work for a State agency and was a steward up until a recently. In my business and personal life, 90% of my problems stem from others not having integrity or saying what they mean, meaning what they say and following through. As a result I'm left cleaning up their messes. So Craig when you say we are designed for human interaction, I disagree! Or I'm the exception to the rule. I have tried a few times getting back with ex's and it was a total disaster! They were worse than when we were together! So I don't give second chances for a few reasons. I have goals and I'm striving and working toward them all of the time. I've done just about everything I ever wanted to do and I'm currently 46 with a very successful business. I guess I'm to business minded and i have the time is money attitude. Well that may be a bit incorrect. However, when it comes to problems I take an aggressive approach to resolve them. For example I had an issue with on of my vendors and ended up talking to the V.P. of the company, a woman. I explained the situation and told her we are trying to help single moms... She interrupted and said is that all it takes? (speaking of our need for a few things they changed to keep helping single moms) She gave me a ton of free stuff and services because she too is a single mom and it really radiated with her. On company I pointed out some errors on their website and the head woman contacted me and we had a short discussion. A few days later, Fed-Ex was knocking on the door with some big boxes. At the same time my phone rang and the lady from that business called and I told her I have a shipment from her business for stuff I didn't order. She told me they pay people nearly 6 figures in their I.T. dept to find stuff I pointed out. She couldn't put me on the payroll so what was in the boxes was a way of saying thanks! Inside were a bunch of new laptops and computer equipment. That stuff happens to me all the time and I am very grateful! But when you walk out and give up without first attempting to explore all avenue to resolve a problem. I don't have time for those who come back around and want to beg for forgiveness. Sure I will forgive them, but there are no second chances! They should have though about before hand and breaking up! So my question is Craig, the latest one had a lot on her plate and she is at fault for divorcing her ex who is a wife beaters and living with him and trying to start a new relationship with. I got the whole I need cooping time, I have been emotionally abused. I needed time when I lost my grandfather, my dad , my son, his mother two best friends and four other family members all in five short months. Life is short and I'm not promised tomorrow! So how do you tell an ex your done in a nice way so they don't ever come back around??? As you gave in this example about this guy, he felt like she may not ready or able to handle a healthy relationship. I don't want to get to the point where this guy is and month later and feel like I have wasted more time on someone not able to have a healthy relationship. That is why I don't give second chances. The one I did, she swore up and down she stopped drinking. When we got back together that lasted a short time and drank more than the first time. As I mentioned in other post I have tried to comment on and apparently you screen them? She failed to look at herself and what was her contribution? She then went guy for guy doing the same with each person before marrying the last one. That didn't even last a year! Now she is trying lesbianism blaming guys. That's the problem with the women I find. They try to sell you this fantasy and as you say about women... I see right through them. I don't want to waste time on them and damn for sure a second time around!
This is fascinating: I bumped into my ex last week, offered her a coffee but she couldn’t bc her brother needed her car. So I bought her one to go & got on with my day. 20m later I get a call inviting me to lunch. We had a lovely time, she picked a very nostalgic restaurant, made reference to our buoyant sex life and told me about a really good job (for me) at her place… also talked about getting a dog and/or a horse, kind of asking “what d’you think”, so lots of “buying signs” and I was super kind, easy going but since then it’s been silence from her end… in the meantime I’m doing me..
@@raulsaucedostuff she breadcrumbed me for 7 weeks, similar affectionate behaviours then went cold and cut me off again… denied the previous 6 weeks, accused me of stalking her (complete rubbish) & verbally attacked me in the street. Haven’t had any contact since mid-July…
Hey Craig.... Your channel has helped me get through some of the toughest of times but and be optimistic... This is the girl that I love and value the most in my life... We both wanted to get married and she broke up and it was both our mistake... And I want her back and I have been working on myself . She's been leaving me subtle hints here and there that she still loves me and is Still depressed over the breakup.... But I found out today that her mom has been taking her out to meet guys for arranged marriage (which is still how most people get married in India) and also her mom plays a big role in our breakup as she's been brainwashing her and manipulating her but saying that she has Parkinson's and Is going to die soon... And she might get her married very soon before the year ends.... We have met a few times after the breakup and had a good time... She also whispered I love you in my ear while hugging me good bye one of these times... Please help as I cannot afford a series of personal coachings right now...
My ex and I got into a disagreement then ignored me then when I asked him if he was ignoring me to breakup with me he said no. But he refused to meet with me to talk and then kept ignoring me so I took it as a break up. 2 weeks later I tried to reach out nicely and he still ignored me. However, his roommate is really good friends with my friend, and my friend got me and his roommate together last night for wine and his roommate agreed that what my ex did to me was messed up and that he doesn’t like seeing couples fight. But my ex hasn’t reached out and I haven’t reached out to him in over a week. I assumed he was done with me because he ignored me but why are our mutual friends asking to hang out and talk about it with them? My ex also hasn’t posted on Instagram since the breakup and his roommate said he has been very distant and cold at home. I’m confused.
It’s been nearly four months since my relationship broke down I’ve been working on getting it back on track I’ve never had her text me first It’s always been me too initially message her Lately she has been happy too hear from me and chats with me Where do I go from here? Thankyou
Jay Hi Jay Too cut a long story too short We are in communication and she wants too See me on her next vacation? We’ve had good fun chats She calls me by my pet names and we have good banter She reached out for my Birthday back in August this yr. Her Birthday was only a week or so ago Do I reached out too wish her a great day ect. So it’s been pretty gd However I weakened a little last week and text a bit too much So I’ve backed off now and playing it cool 😎 I’m getting on with my life and I’m dating now so if the opportunity arises where we meet up and I’m feee then I’ll go with no expectations It’s a Long Distance Relationship
My ex broke up with me and originally said he didn’t want to speak to me for least a month but we meet the next day . We had a calm discussion and he told me he misses me and he enjoyed talking to me & possibly want to talk sometime.( he also told me he wanted to see what else was out there) I’m so confused em I his plan b or is he confused ???please help
4 months of no contact with my ex then I get a SMS at 23:30: Ex: Why u not answering me? Me: I did answer you, you put the phone down? Ex: Can I see you Me: If you want Ex: R u free now Me: Yes Ex: I'm walking down pem Me: okay Ex: Dont be mad at me Me: I'm not? Ex: You will be
Craig, what if an ex who is the dumper changes their number? Is there a possibility of hope? My name is James. Have you ever had a success story of the sort? If so, could you please do a video?
It's true ...I hate my voice too but people saying it's cute😂 true night mares ..are in point .. hardly sleeping much ... break ups hurts as hell I want to be ok ..I want forget all and move on...
@@CoachCraigKenneth I just squealed like a little girl when I saw your reply. I'm such a fan. Saving up for your workbooks. Thank you for making my whole week. 😁
My ex called me after 5 days. Told me she thought alot about me, but was just calling to see how i was doing... I totaly forgot to set a date. And told her i realy liked to speak to her, but that i was not looking to maintain a friendship because thats not what i am looking for. Havent heared since, stop stalking me on SM :D Now i am doubting myself. What do i do? :/
You did the right thing by letting her know that you aren’t interested in a friendship, leave her be and know that the next time she contacts you even if it’s casual that she has thought about what you said and is most likely considering the breakup
This seems unreal. My wife & I have 27 years together. I believe she can handle us being together. I'd like to know either way. Yeah, reconciliation or closure. She initiated so I feel She can make the final decision.
She may be trying to get your attention to start a conversation or she may want it back to give it to somebody or to sell it. If she feels angry or bitter towards you, she just hates the thought of you having it!! Don't play mind games with her. Ask her does she have plans for the car seat?
Hi mate u r doing great job Now I'm big fan of u lol Last week wife left me for 52 year old man I'm so mush hurt I feel life this will be batter with me 😭😭😭😭😭 I still love her so much this is only woman I loved har my 35 year age x
Depends , some will some dont (obviously). In my case , the man ive dated until 2 weeks ago , he is someone who was NEVER very open in talking about his feelings. With some people its hard to communicate , therefore it will be hard to get anything out of them. It seemed that he wanted ME to come up first always , he left once before (but the first time he left it was without telling me, he was simply ignoring me and unfollowed me on social media. Instagram to be exact. 2 weeks ago he the difference was that he told me hes going to leave , not going to write what else he said etc etc etc ,it was a mix out of excuses etc ,i knew one reason was a excuse) ANYHOW, the FIRST time he left me , i waited 2 weeks to msg him again , after 2-3 short chit chat i was just saying ''somethings missing'' , a short time later he answered ''whats missing''? , next msg followed and he said ''I MISS YOU'' , AFTER 5 minutes he DELETED that msg (he deleted the ''i miss you'' msg , btw we were talking on instagram , you can always delete the msg's u ever wrote on there). Its the ONLY msg EVER , that he deleted. I asked him , why did u delete that part where u said ''i miss u'' and he (im very sure of) LIED , something about ''im on my laptop ,it sometimes doesnt work really work and deletes msg by itself etc'' , even if that would be possible and can happen , HOW did it NEVER ever happen before that NO msg he ever wrote to me was never deleted. I just dont believe that there was some type of laptop problem. Its like he wants no evidence ,that he actually ADMIT about feeling a exact certain way about me...
@@lyndapeoples8127 I wish I knew as well. I am in no position to be giving advice Lynda. I am the dumpee since Oct.so it's been a learning process. Good luck.
How about the 'indirect indirect approach' where they message you from an unknown number in a way that it makes you think of them but you are not sure that it's them? lol Maybe trying to use your anxiety and make you react somehow to that kind of approach :)))
Hi Craig I reallly admire your skills knowledge and hands on experiences that you've combined and turned into a very proof worthy advice that really works. I would highly recommend watching and practicing the knowledge in vour vidios whether or not your in a relationship or trying to get her back. Your advice in your vidios really work. I would highly recommend them of your in a situation or just trying to make a relationship stronger Thank you Craig
Hey i have been doing no contact for not long! But i posted a snapchat story the other day of me at a restaurant my ex and I used to go to all the time. She saw it and said “Did you see me there????”. I havent responded yet, I dont know i should. HELP!
SandyBeans do you NEED to reply yet? She didn't ask to get together. At this time, do NOTHING. If she really wants you back( I assume she dumped you) she will eventually send you a text or call. At that time , invite her to come to your place to make dinner... if she comes back, great. If not, go nc again... it has to be her idea to get back with you...
After thinking I'd never hear from him again, he sent me an email... it was about how his son was missing me after he told him that we'd broken up. Then he told me he'd tried to make a meal I made and it wasn't as good as mine... and that he was sorry for hurting my heart in our breakup. I am really not sure what to say with it but I sent back a warm email - just saying what I was up to since he'd left my life and all the things that had happened. We'll see.
I wish I had some of that success. It's been 4 and a half months for me and I've reached out but the only replies back told me to stop. She moved on very quickly into someone else's arms and bed. But it's all so messed up doesn't make any sense because we both knew that we found each other for a reason, that we were meant to be together. We rejoiced in knowing this. One weak, selfish moment and she quit on us. Now I don't know what to do since she won't talk to me. I guess we are beyond fixing it and if it happens we need to start fresh. If she just let me talk to her originally this maybe could have been avoided but she kept her distance and didn't allow my opinion to matter. It all just hurts so much. I wish the best for you.
@@ZooomaCW He came back into my life, but he wanted to make it a friendship. I told him no and we had a period of no contact... We've reconnected a little by text and he suggested a meeting next weekend. We'll see. But if he wants to put me back in the friend zone, it's a no from me.
my ex has alot of inner issues we both ackowledge. he came back again after 2 weeks no contact. i kept my cool but its definaltey not my fault. only time will tell.
She said she loved me she’s Hope I enjoy my life without her she felt all I ever did was hurt her when all I ever did was treat her like a queen. I don’t have it in my heart anymore right now to put up with her. I told her at the start I don’t like playing games I told her all of what I’ve been through because we were having that sort of conversation. I really thought she was different but she’s given me no reason lately to stay. & always still putting all the blame on me & it’s just turned into bs & I’m just exhausted & tired & heartbroken but As I continue to watch you’re videos and other good videos on learning to let go. I’m focusing on myself I feel more whole & complete now I don’t no longer need her. And as soon as I keep moving on she keeps popping up. But I no longer feel loved or trust with her
Interesting that I watched this video, because a few days ago, my ex reached out to me asking if I’ve seen her thigh-high boots, and I said that I haven’t, but I found them, and that was that. Now, I’ve been watching your videos and other videos about the subject and I don’t know if she’ll ever reach out again. Maybe she won’t or maybe she will and it’ll be mixed messages or hot and cold.
I love these videos. They are a great reminder to never hit that send button. About to finish the second workbook. But, I have one concern: why is the lady always referred to as "girl"? Am I the only one who feels a little bothered by this terminology?
Hi my ex contacted me after 8 months no contact asking for an umbrella that she'd left!!?? It was raining I guess ... But wouldn't you just buy a new one?? She didn't say hi or how are you ... she just asked if I could find it. She is very avoidant .. Can anyone help diagnose this situation? Any advice would be great. Thanks
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Coach Craig Kenneth I have a while back but no confirmation...
Where do we join? Is it the email list in askcraig.net?
Coach Craig Kenneth hi. I went through the same thing like the 1st email with my 2nd ex bf(12yr relationship). And my current ex (4yrs) was being manipulative, insecure, lashing out, anxious, playing the victim, to then leave and moved in with someone new 1 month after our breakup to her house...smh. i found out he was talkin with her 2weeks b4 the breakup. She doesnt know what shes gottin into, she is so screwed.
Coach Craig Kenneth hi what’s ur email coach
If you sit back and let them have that time they go out getting banged by tons of guys n then you don’t want them back the whole relationship is over for good !that’s why guys have that intense anxiety .
Never put your ex on a pedestal because they will be looking down on you... literally.
100% true
People in general!!!!
Actually that reminds me of a joke I once told my ex (while we were still dating) - the reason I put you on a pedestal is so that way, we look at each other from the same height.
Mine put me on a pedestal, then started throwing all kinds of stuff at me to knock me off.
Wat you guys doin here 😮
So they have the courage to breakup but not the courage to reconsile? SMH
Such true words!!
I am one of those people who are soothed by listening to you. Silence is horrible. You are reassuring.
❤️
Same. When he mentioned the sleep playlist my heart jumped for joy because the "waking up in horror/sadness" thing is still happening to me and im always desperate to put something on. THANK YOU Craig!!!!! This is getting me through such a dark painful time... Ill be looking for that playlist tonight for sure
It's also confusing when they say they miss you, spend time with you, but don't want to recommit to working on the relationship. Your teachings are helping Craig!
Sean Linville This is really confusing to me. If they know you want something else... why do they want to meet up?? :( Friendzone??
Sandra V... because it’s all about them. Selfish & self centred women just want what they want and don’t really give a fuck about what he wants. I have just been through this same bull shit with my wife. She discarded me because she didn’t want to work any problems out, then a week later she contacted me then I found myself in friend zone (with benefits) I have since told her that I’m not interested in her new terms and conditions and if she ever becomes willing to work out the problems like committed, married people should, she should let me know. Otherwise I’m moving on.
YEP! this is the Worst! sometimes, I wonder if she is still contemplating...or just want to keep in my good graces because of our son...maybe a combination of both from week to week. So Frustrating!!!!
That's because those kind of females want their cake and eat it too. Women like that have no idea what they want. By the time they make a decision on what they want, it will be too late and they will lose what they truly wanted in the process and no chance of getting back what they lost.
@_ BUDDHA _ simple. Walk away. If she's "unsure" you can't have her thinking you will wait.
What a cruel joke. Avoidents and Anxious being attracted to one another.
op2001 it’s an excruciatingly painful relationship
That was my relationship with my ex😥
me (anxious) my ex (avoidant) sad but true, have never been more attracted to a girl as i am her sadly
HAhahahahahahahahaha
Yea, I just notice over your comment 🤔
I think I’ve binged so hard on your videos they’ve been played nonstop day and night for the past 2 months lol I’ve probably heard all of them about 3 times by now or More lol
Me too lol
i feel you bro haha
Same here man.... I thought I was the only one.
same
I’m almost at this point & it’s only been a few weeks lol i’m really trying to get through this
I have the courage to tell my ex I miss her, only 1 problem, I am in the wrong position to do so ...
I'm generally not scared at all to show someone I am interested, but since I'm the one that got broken up with I really can't be the one to say I miss her. It'll just push her away sadly, I wish humans were a little less stupid. People can want something, but when they get it push it away
How does this guy not have at least 10 million subs
Have no idea! He is the real deal. A professional!
This video is awesome! Managing your relationship with an avoidant ex, and working on yourself to the point where you no longer blame yourself and are at peace with how things are now and how well you're doing as you grow ... golden, Craig. Thank-you.
12 days no contact. I’ve been asked out by this really nice guy but my heart is with my ex still. It’s been tough and confusing but I’m staying strong and following through with no contact. Thank you so much for the videos you’re awesome. I’m watching them every day. I’m sure it will get better. Good luck to everyone here.❤️
Update? 😊
Update ?
Update?
update?
One of my ex's did do this. I thought she just wanted her plates back lol.
LOL 🤗 Awww. Now you know. Good luck on your next relationship.
Funny
It's difficult reading these signs when you have kids together and so sometimes you are in touch.
I had a girl friend cheat on me. We broke up and went our own separate ways. 10 years later I ran into her best friend. The conversation was lite. As. I was saying goodbye and take care she suddenly says “ She wished she hadn’t cheated on you”. I said, “ But she did”…
Thanks Craig!!!! After being with my ex for a year and half he broke things off stating he needs space after alot of arguing. I started no contact for 2 months....well....he just text me last night asking how i was!!! I thanku SO much for yr videos. I stumbled upon them and your my Fav!!! TY again😊
This sounds a lot like my situation. I’ve been in nc for a month and some days now. This gives me hope
Update?
14:50 I went thru the same. However, experience and education has made me wiser...I did NOT respond to the Bday messages cuz the ex "taught" me thru repetitive pattern that she would vanish on me if I started a friendly convo. So based on the historical data, I chose not to and to this day I know it was the right decision. Indirect directs are DANGEROUS, especially is the ex is an avoidant, and worse, a narcissistic personality. There is a SOLID 50% chance that they do NOT want to get back with you and that's the reality... and if they DO, there is also the chance that they just don't have it in their psychological makeup to come out and do/say what is needed to create the reality of a reconciliation towards a healthier relationship.
I swear our ex is the same person! Lol! Yep ... when I didn’t respond to her last “indirect” text a month ago she blew up my phone in a jealous rage saying “fine, go on dates, I don’t care” then the next day she said “she can’t do this anymore!” 28 days NC ... psycho!!
Very very very well said!!
I agree. My ex has reached out twice and I’ve responded waiting a few hours and a very calm neutral friendly response. Both times that was as far as it went. Drove me crazy but I kept my cool and didn’t text anymore. A few weeks ago was his birthday and I didn’t reach out. I feel so proud of myself!!
I sent a happy birthday to get answer saying how sorry he was and could I ever forgive him....I said yes life was too short to fill with hurt and anger, he then replied that meant a lot to him and i was really special, i didnt respond..............hate games
@@princhipessa1969 let em suffer their sorry miserable life
Yes, Coach Victoria. I loved the three of you together. RIP Coach Margaret.
I wish my ex girlfriend would skip the indirect/direct approach and comes to her senses and tells me that she misses me already; we’ve been together for over 5 years and I have separation anxiety, with an attachment style
After awhile I thought it’s better to be friends and still have her in my life than not knowing her at all.
Wow you have helped unlike ANY other person or channel before. It's like a human behavior college here haha, and I absolutely love to learn all that! I could connect the dots even in my previous relatioship and finally realized the "how" and "why" behind all the actions and circumstances. I feel I never understood myself and other people like I do now. You have a no BS approach and talking PRACTICALLY about this stuff which is the most important. Some coaches just share what they hear from other teachers or what they THINK could be a reason for something, but you, Margaret and Victoria are truly the G.O.A.T.s in this field:) I feel like I have gained a sense for stability through simply watching your content and reflecting. My perspective has done a complete shift and I'm a different person now. It all makes SUCH a massive sense with the golden attachement styles theory! I love it and your videos, please never stop, keep doing this amazing thing!!
I think I blew my chances of being with my ex from not accepting "casual", I have heightened my standards of what I want in relationships, but I'm still left feeling miserable over it...
That is amazing! I see similarities with the last email and my personal situation too. I feel more centered than I was when the breakup occurred. The clarity is coming through. Thank you for the great work you do, Coach!
I've been listening everyday since November 4th. I fall asleep to CC and Margaret. I love what you teach. Thank you.
What if I don’t want to do casual - like I’m good with being friends and relearning each other that way casually - but anything sexual is a no go
It's your life and your body. Don't accept a casual relationship if you are dating to marry.
Grrr....those darned avoidants....lol
my ex said she still cared about me in a message and then about a week later was posting nasty things about me online I don't get people 😂
😂😂😂
Some people will learn how to appreciate you by losing you, if people treat you like an option. Leave them like a choice. & Damn lovers can be so cruel 😔
You are my fave now..Ive been watching videos bout breakup then came across to your channel, I was down and devastated but after seeing your videos, I felt relieved and inspired...😍..plus you're funny, you made me smile again despite what im going through right now..God bless😊
Thank u. Glad I could help ❤️❤️❤️
Do people sometimes reach out due to boredom though? Or wanting to see if they still have control over the situation? I get the feeling my ex doesn’t want me, but also doesn’t want me to move on. She even said she’s being selfish by saying she needs time to work through her depression but thinks she’d like to pick this up again when she’s better. But she can’t commit to anything and I said I can’t wait around as it isn’t fair on me. I just don’t think that’s good enough for me
Hey guys. Im a little confused. Im an Anxious type and Ive been watching Coachs videos for months now . But I do see an odd theme that I dont understand. It seems anxious types have to fix themselves and work on that anxiety and their emotional control. But it seems Avoidants, well you just have to work with them and drop your level of interest to match theirs, because they just cant do a healthy relationship in lot cases they pick you up and put you down again. How is this fair? We do we have to fix ourselves but they dont?
Margaret mentions "cost/benefit analysis in a few videos. This hit me hard. Is it worth me doing all the work, and then going back on the rollercoaster with the avoidant. Definitely had me questioning if it was worth being with them. Or if I deserved better ❤
It does stink that Anxious people are the ones who feel like they have to work more, but ultimately, losing emotional self control and doing things to relieve your anxiety causes active relationship issues. Avoidant people are, by their nature, fully in control of keep their anxiety internalized (often and usually subconsciously, and keep control of their emotions to an unhealthy level, refusing to be vulnerable in any way). So, while an anxious person doesn't mean to, their emotional lack of control comes out affecting others - whereas the idea is, with an avoidant person, their hyper vigilance of keeping control at all times is less of an 'outburst' reaction (aka they were predictable because they're like that all the time, you just lost control unpredictability)
I am an Avoidant who has been broken up with by an Anxious. Believe me, I have spent the last two months working non-stop on my attachment issues. Not just for my relationship but for myself too, cause I know it’s hard to believe but being an Avoidant sucks. You are a victim to yourself, and end up hurting people you actually love because of it. I think the issue I’ve seen with myself and which possibly happens to a lot other Avoidants out there, is that you have no awareness of this until ‘something’ happens to make you realise how misguided you’ve been. I have been working with a therapist the last two months and consuming all the content I can on the topic.
Maybe I’m just an unusual case? But I believe that Avoidants absolutely have to do the work too to become Secure, they do need a really strong motivation or to hit a wall very hard first (like it happened to me), but once you are exposed to how that is also damaging yourself even before damaging your partner it becomes totally obvious that you need to change. I would plead to give Avoidants a chance to change, but also not to just accept them as they are if they really refuse to. Because you’d be hurting yourself and also enabling something that they need to change for their own good to.
Coach Craig and Margaret: i LOOOOVE your videos, I have listened to a dozen of them and I am still exploring.
I would like you to address a topic: What if your ex finally contacts you and she only wants to be friends...it seems rude to say right away: "I'm only interested in being your lover! " In other words, how do you nudge her along in the direction of being more than friends and not ruin her outreach by being impatient...?BTW I think people make too much of this "friend zone" thing.
she met another guy.. we been together for 6 years. Its been 2 years since the break up and she still with the same guy , i did nc since , been working out, having a high status circle friends and having a better job. We lived together she was such a big part of my life But I never bothered her she looks happy with the new guy, she reaches out here and there but not to reconcile. we had 2 dogs that is staying with me , I still have dreams/nightmares about her. I miss her so much but i can never tell her that
I feel for you. Thst would kill me.😢
Video Idea:
Hi Craig, many of us are doing the work and have become better versions of ourselves yet we may be experiencing rejection as we approach new potential partners in person or through online dating. I was wondering if you could do a video that addresses how to keep our self-esteem high if there is continual rejection and perhaps how to respond to that rejection. Especially online - so many people seem to be so callously dismissive these days (i.e. ghost them or they'll say they're no longer interested for seemingly no reason). Thank you.
Momentum Forward online is absolutely a joke, ..id much rather old school it...through,friends,work, random encounters...
I kind of feel bad because I honestly like the attention when my avoidant ex reaches out for stupid reasons every week and I just give her really simple responses lol But I feel like if I give her attention she'll disappear again. I really want a relationship where we actually want to give each other real attention, not who can be more avoidant than the other.
Stop responding to your ex. By now, if she wanted something more, she wouldn't be texting you anymore and your ex will suggest a meet up. Sounds to me your ex doesn't want you back, but wants a safety net.
I’m in the same boat . How did things work out for you?
@@livenow13 No contact worked and we got back to gether lol Trust me, it works.
Go no contact, become the best version of yourself FOR YOU and 3-12 months down the road they will reach out. I've done this SO many times and it's literally never failed me.
@@xmontovanillix hey I just wanted to tell you thanks for the words when I needed it. We got back together!
It been 5 months since he broke up with me. I reached out to him after 1 month and something but he Said that if i see him will be more hurtful for me. After 4 months i reach out again and he accepted to see me and talked to me...that he has some bad time and that he doesn t sleep anymore at night, and doesn t want to Tell me His problems and wants to keep in him Even if this is feels wrong. We kissed last time and hug and stay like this and told me that he can t get back with me in this mood and state of mind because he would not treat me right ... he described to me that he can t feel anything for anything ... i asked him if i can see him again and he Said yes but to reach out to him because he will not reach out to me... I don’t know what to do..i love him and i want him back. I don t know how to make him OPEN up to me and make him feel secure 😔 Should i continue to ask him see me?
17:22 managing casual with am Av because some can’t handle more 18:16 questions to consider about an Av’s capacity to be in a relationship long term; and if worth waiting for 19:02 what success might look like with an Av i.e. that it wasn’t your fault & may not be best for you 12:10 it takes two people to *really* choose to make it work
You're savings lives man
She spent time with me several times and I thought she wanted to get back with me.
Turned out that she was going to move 1000 km away and was afraid to tell me.
You’re still quick in responses. I admire that.
Thank you Kate. But I only depend on Craig for my healing ❤️
She came back after sleeping with someone else. She said she missed me and wanted to talk about our experiences in our relationship and want to see if we can even have a relationship or move on. She doesn’t sound as enthusiastic about wanting to get back together but we both don’t see a point to the conversation if there is no possibility of getting back together. So it feels like limbo, but I’m giving her a chance to talk and see if we need to move on or not
Just discovered your podcast on your Spoyify channel! I play it while I'm sleeping and I wake up hopefull!
What about if that person is a Cluster B disordered who I am trauma bonded to? Damned if they do get in touch, damned if they don't.
I really like what coach crag advises in this video about two people working it out. This sticks in my mind.
I really wish my ex would reach out to me. In our 4 and a half months apart I've reached out to her several times. Each response from her was brief telling me to stop. I've never been mad, never mean, our relationship did not end ugly or bad. We both knew we were meant to be together. Our love was amazing. In a weak and selfish moment she quit on us. We were in a period of working on a few things but there were never any signs would be not be together forever. I've been so broken and there's been no healing. I've had much introspection and feel I have grown since breaking up but she's been insistent on moving on without someone else. She very quickly found comfort in someone else's arms and bed. Now she's trying to make that relationship work. It's killing me. The pain is no less now than any other day since day one of this tragedy. I can't move on, I won't love anyone else ever. I don't know what to do.
Hope you're better since then.
Just thinking of the fact that she might receive your texts while she's netflix and chilling or whatever with her guy, and they laugh at you like "oh it's that ex that will never move on", this only should be enough not to send anything
OMG! I was just thinking, "I haven't seen a Coach Craig video in a while. I think there should be one out soon (I hope!)." Sure enough, here it is. Having withdrawals, ya know? :-)
Lisa he uploads everyday lol
@@acmilanshevachels ..Lol
Lisa... you can always go on RUclips and type his name in the search and it will show all of his videos even the most recent ones; also, subscribe if you are not already subscribed to his channel and make sure your notifications are set to your preferences. I have mine set to all of his videos.
I got 2 in 2 days. One was a business (college) matter, and then today she asked if I had seen the new series of a tv show we had watched together
Lol She's after you, Xavi Mace. I'm a woman and I know how women think!
@@lyndapeoples8127 So what should I do? I act friendly to her and I have been really working on personal growth and hitting the gym, and I think she will have noticed as I used to have really bad body dysphoria when we were together (not because of her). Do I wait until she reaches out again to ask her out? Or do I break no contact to ask her?
Hey Coach! Haven’t been commenting in awhile. A month ago, I thought she was coming back around. The rebound ended. She did this crazy indirect approach text. Then she got crazy jealous (thinks I’m dating!) and blew up my phone 2 days later , then the next day told me she needed closure. Wtf! Obviously still feelings there. A week later she “ran” into me at the beach. I’ve been hiding since and it’s been 18 days. She will kill me off .......
Coach Craig- thanks for all you do for us here.
I agree with your comment regarding the idea of "Indirect direct" approach. It's a safe way to ask or to test the water.
Yep you're right Craig, break ups are often a result of problems.... Oh yeah she was confused, anxious and depressed alright! LOL Living with her ex who has numerous domestic violence charges against him and wanting to have a relationship with me? That was mistake number one. Mistake number two, I don't do head games... say what you mean, mean what you say and always, always, always do what you say you're going to do and follow through. Mistake number three was her linking up in her mind that I'm like her ex. Reach out to me was her cry for help in a woman's way. Yeah she had a lot on her plate, going through a merger at work, two kids, a dog, living with and an abusive ex husband and trying to develop a relationship with me... I would say that is a lot! A lot of stress and anxiety leading to depression. Fourth she gave up when she said she was strong. I lost 10 people in 5 month including my grandfather, father, two best friends (which one hanged himself after I left and I never would have left if I knew what was going through his mind) and the last two was my 6 yr old son and his mother who were killed in a car accident! I was so bad that I walked aways from my very successful excavating company and didn't care if my 18 employees stole everything and bailed and I almost checked myself into a mental hospital . I have been through hell and back! It took me two years to get my head straight. After all of that mess I ended up with who I call the Antichrist and you have to be really, really good to obtain such a title from me. But one day this girl's fuse burned out and she was a total different person from the one I met. She was abusive in every sense of the word... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sexually, financially... you name it! I could get away from her because she had a legal right to be in the home we had. Unlike domestic violence where women are the victim, try being a guy and calling 911 saying your girlfriend or wife beat you. When they would show up the first thing they would say is "What did you do to deserve this... hahahah?" I would say you live with the bitch and you'll find out! It took nearly 20 calls before they began to see a "pattern" of abuse.
Oh yeah she thinks she hurt me and even said so. Is it scary for her to reach out? You bet! Hopefully she is smart enough to never reach out because when she does, it won't be good! I was dumb enough to take back an ex once and wow, what a mistake! There an ex for a reason! As for courage Craig... I have it! LOL
Here is my problem, when I was little, I was very close with my father. Before I started school, my dad would come home for lunch and he would take me around town back in the early 70's where I could watch construction crew working. That was so cool and awesome. We also had a family business and even before I was old enough to work, it we every had a problem my dad would say, come out to the kitchen and lay it all on the table. no holding back.! LOL Basically at times, it was like court where dad would hear both sides of complaints between us siblings and he would give his ruling on it which was always in the best interest of everyone. Other times he would say "Do you want to go get a milkshake?, and we'd go get one if it was driving to one of the other near by towns. As I got older and in high school, I was a touch rebellious but not bad. But we would go get all you can eat fish on Friday nights. There was a bar/lounge that served awesome pizza and after a hard day's work in the family business, dad would say, you want to go get a pizza and a few beers? Absolutely! It was much more than just going to get milkshakes, pizzas or beers. I was spending time with my dad, my hero.
After my dark period above, I have been a magnet for obese females with all sorts of mental and emotional trauma. I can't be with someone like that because I'm a personal trainer heavy into health & fitness and I'm tired of being drained mentally and emotionally trying to help them. So I have so deal breakers and it not asking for much. FIrst and foremost, say what you mean, mean what you say and always, always, always do what you say you're going to do. The rest I can bend a little for. I do work for a State agency and was a steward up until a recently. In my business and personal life, 90% of my problems stem from others not having integrity or saying what they mean, meaning what they say and following through. As a result I'm left cleaning up their messes. So Craig when you say we are designed for human interaction, I disagree! Or I'm the exception to the rule.
I have tried a few times getting back with ex's and it was a total disaster! They were worse than when we were together! So I don't give second chances for a few reasons. I have goals and I'm striving and working toward them all of the time. I've done just about everything I ever wanted to do and I'm currently 46 with a very successful business. I guess I'm to business minded and i have the time is money attitude. Well that may be a bit incorrect. However, when it comes to problems I take an aggressive approach to resolve them. For example I had an issue with on of my vendors and ended up talking to the V.P. of the company, a woman. I explained the situation and told her we are trying to help single moms... She interrupted and said is that all it takes? (speaking of our need for a few things they changed to keep helping single moms) She gave me a ton of free stuff and services because she too is a single mom and it really radiated with her. On company I pointed out some errors on their website and the head woman contacted me and we had a short discussion. A few days later, Fed-Ex was knocking on the door with some big boxes. At the same time my phone rang and the lady from that business called and I told her I have a shipment from her business for stuff I didn't order. She told me they pay people nearly 6 figures in their I.T. dept to find stuff I pointed out. She couldn't put me on the payroll so what was in the boxes was a way of saying thanks! Inside were a bunch of new laptops and computer equipment. That stuff happens to me all the time and I am very grateful!
But when you walk out and give up without first attempting to explore all avenue to resolve a problem. I don't have time for those who come back around and want to beg for forgiveness. Sure I will forgive them, but there are no second chances! They should have though about before hand and breaking up! So my question is Craig, the latest one had a lot on her plate and she is at fault for divorcing her ex who is a wife beaters and living with him and trying to start a new relationship with. I got the whole I need cooping time, I have been emotionally abused. I needed time when I lost my grandfather, my dad , my son, his mother two best friends and four other family members all in five short months. Life is short and I'm not promised tomorrow! So how do you tell an ex your done in a nice way so they don't ever come back around???
As you gave in this example about this guy, he felt like she may not ready or able to handle a healthy relationship. I don't want to get to the point where this guy is and month later and feel like I have wasted more time on someone not able to have a healthy relationship. That is why I don't give second chances. The one I did, she swore up and down she stopped drinking. When we got back together that lasted a short time and drank more than the first time. As I mentioned in other post I have tried to comment on and apparently you screen them? She failed to look at herself and what was her contribution? She then went guy for guy doing the same with each person before marrying the last one. That didn't even last a year! Now she is trying lesbianism blaming guys.
That's the problem with the women I find. They try to sell you this fantasy and as you say about women... I see right through them. I don't want to waste time on them and damn for sure a second time around!
What if your ex contacts you during no contact and talks about the break up? Confused the hell out of me. Even while she's seeing someone else.
ItsSpookie make a date. Have fun, hangout and hook up! Nothing but fun. No reminiscing.
@@christopherhenderson6913 .. he's trying to follow the rules of no contact
Needed this coach 😁
me and my ex use to watch impractical jokers :(
us too :(
The last words I've seen her write was "blinker fluid regulator" on Facebook.
Solid burn. Not sure if playful or vindictive. Definitely intentional.
Confused
This is fascinating: I bumped into my ex last week, offered her a coffee but she couldn’t bc her brother needed her car. So I bought her one to go & got on with my day. 20m later I get a call inviting me to lunch. We had a lovely time, she picked a very nostalgic restaurant, made reference to our buoyant sex life and told me about a really good job (for me) at her place… also talked about getting a dog and/or a horse, kind of asking “what d’you think”, so lots of “buying signs” and I was super kind, easy going but since then it’s been silence from her end… in the meantime I’m doing me..
Update?
@@raulsaucedostuff she breadcrumbed me for 7 weeks, similar affectionate behaviours then went cold and cut me off again… denied the previous 6 weeks, accused me of stalking her (complete rubbish) & verbally attacked me in the street. Haven’t had any contact since mid-July…
That so true you voice soothing, I fall asleep listening to you
Does this include when they reach out for your Birthday?
Also if you have chats with them and you both are playful with pet names ?
this reminds me of when my attachment style was so anxious that I would be ready to marry the girl after the first date lol
Hey Craig.... Your channel has helped me get through some of the toughest of times but and be optimistic... This is the girl that I love and value the most in my life... We both wanted to get married and she broke up and it was both our mistake... And I want her back and I have been working on myself . She's been leaving me subtle hints here and there that she still loves me and is Still depressed over the breakup.... But I found out today that her mom has been taking her out to meet guys for arranged marriage (which is still how most people get married in India) and also her mom plays a big role in our breakup as she's been brainwashing her and manipulating her but saying that she has Parkinson's and Is going to die soon... And she might get her married very soon before the year ends.... We have met a few times after the breakup and had a good time... She also whispered I love you in my ear while hugging me good bye one of these times... Please help as I cannot afford a series of personal coachings right now...
Find a boyfriend for her mom
My ex and I got into a disagreement then ignored me then when I asked him if he was ignoring me to breakup with me he said no. But he refused to meet with me to talk and then kept ignoring me so I took it as a break up. 2 weeks later I tried to reach out nicely and he still ignored me. However, his roommate is really good friends with my friend, and my friend got me and his roommate together last night for wine and his roommate agreed that what my ex did to me was messed up and that he doesn’t like seeing couples fight. But my ex hasn’t reached out and I haven’t reached out to him in over a week. I assumed he was done with me because he ignored me but why are our mutual friends asking to hang out and talk about it with them? My ex also hasn’t posted on Instagram since the breakup and his roommate said he has been very distant and cold at home. I’m confused.
It’s been nearly four months since my relationship broke down
I’ve been working on getting it back on track
I’ve never had her text me first
It’s always been me too initially message her
Lately she has been happy too hear from me and chats with me
Where do I go from here?
Thankyou
You are going to slowly stimulate her interest again. However you mustn't act anxious or pushy.
Wow it’s interesting from where I was too now 😄
Matty Kay what happened?
Jay
Hi Jay
Too cut a long story too short
We are in communication and she wants too
See me on her next vacation?
We’ve had good fun chats
She calls me by my pet names and we have good banter
She reached out for my Birthday back in August this yr.
Her Birthday was only a week or so ago
Do I reached out too wish her a great day ect.
So it’s been pretty gd
However I weakened a little last week and text a bit too much
So I’ve backed off now and playing it cool 😎
I’m getting on with my life and I’m dating now so if the opportunity arises where we meet up and I’m feee then I’ll go with no expectations
It’s a Long Distance Relationship
My ex broke up with me and originally said he didn’t want to speak to me for least a month but we meet the next day . We had a calm discussion and he told me he misses me and he enjoyed talking to me & possibly want to talk sometime.( he also told me he wanted to see what else was out there) I’m so confused em I his plan b or is he confused ???please help
This advice 100% true just follow the step... my wife want me again.. and i said.. i dont know😂😂😂
It's been 4 months. I just wish she'd do something.
4 months of no contact with my ex then I get a SMS at 23:30:
Ex: Why u not answering me?
Me: I did answer you, you put the phone down?
Ex: Can I see you
Me: If you want
Ex: R u free now
Me: Yes
Ex: I'm walking down pem
Me: okay
Ex: Dont be mad at me
Me: I'm not?
Ex: You will be
Ohhhh. Daaam
What happen??
Why does she reach out when I’m in no contact with “how you been” ?
Is ghosting in direct way for an ex to contact you? Is ghosting a way for an ex to get your attention?
What if the ex is even to afraid to do an indirect message?
Craig, what if an ex who is the dumper changes their number? Is there a possibility of hope? My name is James. Have you ever had a success story of the sort? If so, could you please do a video?
It's true ...I hate my voice too but people saying it's cute😂 true night mares ..are in point .. hardly sleeping much ... break ups hurts as hell I want to be ok ..I want forget all and move on...
My avoidant Gf drives me nuts 🙄
Omg I love your humor and I would have loved it if you did a skit on impractical jokers
Maybe one day lol. One of my best friends tours with them!
@@CoachCraigKenneth I just squealed like a little girl when I saw your reply. I'm such a fan. Saving up for your workbooks. Thank you for making my whole week. 😁
Are they compatible if he’s anxious and she’s that avoidant?
Omg impractical jokers were in milwaukee tonight... at the forum. Hadn't heard of them before your video.
My ex called me after 5 days. Told me she thought alot about me, but was just calling to see how i was doing... I totaly forgot to set a date. And told her i realy liked to speak to her, but that i was not looking to maintain a friendship because thats not what i am looking for. Havent heared since, stop stalking me on SM :D Now i am doubting myself. What do i do? :/
You did the right thing by letting her know that you aren’t interested in a friendship, leave her be and know that the next time she contacts you even if it’s casual that she has thought about what you said and is most likely considering the breakup
+=2=3=4=8=0=7=0=7=6=8=9=9=2.
@@gamegirl8945 exactly
This seems unreal. My wife & I have 27 years together. I believe she can handle us being together. I'd like to know either way. Yeah, reconciliation or closure.
She initiated so I feel She can
make the final decision.
My ex asked for a £20 car seat back and no one in her family drives and she doesn’t only I can anyone tell me what’s going on
She may be trying to get your attention to start a conversation or she may want it back to give it to somebody or to sell it. If she feels angry or bitter towards you, she just hates the thought of you having it!! Don't play mind games with her. Ask her does she have plans for the car seat?
So, were you once a comedian?? That would explain why you're so funny! :-)
Evaluate her back pain, dude naw, you don't just troll your way back into someone's life.
Hi mate u r doing great job
Now I'm big fan of u lol
Last week wife left me for 52 year old man
I'm so mush hurt I feel life this will be batter with me 😭😭😭😭😭
I still love her so much this is only woman I loved har my 35 year age x
I listen while sleeping.
These are very soothing. They put ne to sleep, cuz otherwise, I can't. 😢
Depends , some will some dont (obviously). In my case , the man ive dated until 2 weeks ago , he is someone who was NEVER very open in talking about his feelings. With some people its hard to communicate , therefore it will be hard to get anything out of them. It seemed that he wanted ME to come up first always , he left once before (but the first time he left it was without telling me, he was simply ignoring me and unfollowed me on social media. Instagram to be exact. 2 weeks ago he the difference was that he told me hes going to leave , not going to write what else he said etc etc etc ,it was a mix out of excuses etc ,i knew one reason was a excuse)
ANYHOW, the FIRST time he left me , i waited 2 weeks to msg him again , after 2-3 short chit chat i was just saying ''somethings missing'' , a short time later he answered ''whats missing''? , next msg followed and he said ''I MISS YOU'' , AFTER 5 minutes he DELETED that msg (he deleted the ''i miss you'' msg , btw we were talking on instagram , you can always delete the msg's u ever wrote on there).
Its the ONLY msg EVER , that he deleted. I asked him , why did u delete that part where u said ''i miss u'' and he (im very sure of) LIED , something about ''im on my laptop ,it sometimes doesnt work really work and deletes msg by itself etc'' , even if that would be possible and can happen , HOW did it NEVER ever happen before that NO msg he ever wrote to me was never deleted. I just dont believe that there was some type of laptop problem.
Its like he wants no evidence ,that he actually ADMIT about feeling a exact certain way about me...
They won’t. They will approach you with an indirect approach.
drew ski.. for some reason, I seem to be attracting avoidants. Wish I knew why this happens.
@@lyndapeoples8127 I wish I knew as well. I am in no position to be giving advice Lynda. I am the dumpee since Oct.so it's been a learning process. Good luck.
Your videos are great man!! Keep em good!
How about the 'indirect indirect approach' where they message you from an unknown number in a way that it makes you think of them but you are not sure that it's them? lol Maybe trying to use your anxiety and make you react somehow to that kind of approach :)))
Hi Craig I reallly admire your skills knowledge and hands on experiences that you've combined and turned into a very proof worthy advice that really works. I would highly recommend watching and practicing the knowledge in vour vidios whether or not your in a relationship or trying to get her back. Your advice in your vidios really work. I would highly recommend them of your in a situation or just trying to make a relationship stronger
Thank you
Craig
I love these videos....made me look at my situation....🙏🏻
Hey i have been doing no contact for not long!
But i posted a snapchat story the other day of me at a restaurant my ex and I used to go to all the time. She saw it and said “Did you see me there????”. I havent responded yet, I dont know i should. HELP!
P.S. I saw her brother there but not her. And the snap story made it look like i was on a date or with another girl
SandyBeans do you NEED to reply yet? She didn't ask to get together. At this time, do NOTHING. If she really wants you back( I assume she dumped you) she will eventually send you a text or call. At that time , invite her to come to your place to make dinner... if she comes back, great. If not, go nc again... it has to be her idea to get back with you...
Thanks! Just was not sure if this was a form of indirect contact like Craig has mentioned before. But like you said, I went with not replying.
Indeed, right now you need to work on yourself and increase anxiety on her side.
What about no contact with a guy with abandonment issues?
After thinking I'd never hear from him again, he sent me an email... it was about how his son was missing me after he told him that we'd broken up. Then he told me he'd tried to make a meal I made and it wasn't as good as mine... and that he was sorry for hurting my heart in our breakup.
I am really not sure what to say with it but I sent back a warm email - just saying what I was up to since he'd left my life and all the things that had happened. We'll see.
I wish I had some of that success. It's been 4 and a half months for me and I've reached out but the only replies back told me to stop. She moved on very quickly into someone else's arms and bed. But it's all so messed up doesn't make any sense because we both knew that we found each other for a reason, that we were meant to be together. We rejoiced in knowing this. One weak, selfish moment and she quit on us. Now I don't know what to do since she won't talk to me. I guess we are beyond fixing it and if it happens we need to start fresh. If she just let me talk to her originally this maybe could have been avoided but she kept her distance and didn't allow my opinion to matter. It all just hurts so much. I wish the best for you.
@@ZooomaCW He came back into my life, but he wanted to make it a friendship. I told him no and we had a period of no contact... We've reconnected a little by text and he suggested a meeting next weekend. We'll see. But if he wants to put me back in the friend zone, it's a no from me.
In this video he took the risk o saying he loves and misses me and his life is much boring without me. It got me confused.
Needed this one coach
Does Coach Craig talk about Coach Victoria in this video?
“ back pain “ 🤣 aka please blow my back out
my ex has alot of inner issues we both ackowledge. he came back again after 2 weeks no contact. i kept my cool but its definaltey not my fault. only time will tell.
She said she loved me she’s Hope I enjoy my life without her she felt all I ever did was hurt her when all I ever did was treat her like a queen. I don’t have it in my heart anymore right now to put up with her. I told her at the start I don’t like playing games I told her all of what I’ve been through because we were having that sort of conversation. I really thought she was different but she’s given me no reason lately to stay. & always still putting all the blame on me & it’s just turned into bs & I’m just exhausted & tired & heartbroken but As I continue to watch you’re videos and other good videos on learning to let go. I’m focusing on myself I feel more whole & complete now I don’t no longer need her. And as soon as I keep moving on she keeps popping up. But I no longer feel loved or trust with her
All girls playing games bro. Just the diference is how far they gonna play and how much damage you gain
Interesting that I watched this video, because a few days ago, my ex reached out to me asking if I’ve seen her thigh-high boots, and I said that I haven’t, but I found them, and that was that. Now, I’ve been watching your videos and other videos about the subject and I don’t know if she’ll ever reach out again. Maybe she won’t or maybe she will and it’ll be mixed messages or hot and cold.
Its not that simple when you live in diff states and neither wants to live in the other one
I love these videos. They are a great reminder to never hit that send button. About to finish the second workbook. But, I have one concern: why is the lady always referred to as "girl"? Am I the only one who feels a little bothered by this terminology?
Hi my ex contacted me after 8 months no contact asking for an umbrella that she'd left!!?? It was raining I guess ... But wouldn't you just buy a new one?? She didn't say hi or how are you ... she just asked if I could find it. She is very avoidant .. Can anyone help diagnose this situation? Any advice would be great. Thanks
Yeah she misses you I wish my ex would contact me like that
She wanted to get in contact with you. Honestly, after that much time has gone by, she should have said something more substantial.
if your ex trys to follow you on social media and I deny it , could that be trying to reach out? HELP