The more I watch him, the more I'm convinced that he's a student or graduated from culinary school. That chopping technique is really good, and the way he describes the dishes, it's not something that can be made up on a spot.
I just discovered your videos And I gotta say I absolutely love these. Feeling nearly sarcastic about how you do this with plenty of good jokes. but watching you try these recopies feels a lot more genuine than other food channels.
I made the Babish deep dish as well, and I noticed that the crust was also very tasteless and pizza-doughy, unlike the buttery, pastry-like crust you normally associate with Chicago deep dish. So it is not just you, lol.
@@b.o.4469I love babish, Josh Weissman is just an unfunny weirdo, he's not even that good tbh, he and that one blond guy that looks like the other blond guy that says greg is also overrated, unfunny and annoying
just found this channel the absolute dryness of the delivery, the plays on words, and the visual and spoken jokes throughout are phenomenal fantastic stuff hope you start blowing up soon also nice ass chopping
This channel is genius! I just found this channel out and your gig is 10/10 so simple and so entertaining. Most of all you don't need fancy equipment, the simpler the better and you'll never run out of material. Plus, you got the perfect voice for this. I'm beyond impressed. You, sir, have optimized yourself. I hate you.
His subscriber count has been increasing dramatically lately. Honestly he deserves it, his videos are hilarious and there's so many pretentious food videos out there that he's not going to run out of content any time soon.
Pretty crazy he got another 900,000 subscribers in just 5 months. I mean, people are subscribing for good reasons obviously, he makes good content, but that's still a crazy growth rate, homie got blessed by the algorithm apparently.
i fucking love this channel so much because the guy making the food is an actual normal human being with a normal human kitchen compared to the mainstream foodtubers run by a michelin star chef and a million dollar kitchen being filmed by a studio
@@hpropganda Come on, kay isn't an actual human. I love her but she cooked fried rice by using hard rice and not even making it first. I am a horrible cook, but I can at least make some rice.
There is a channel I found recently called the Anti-chef, he started out as an average cook failing a lot of recipes and now is actually really good. It's crazy to see his progress. I found him because he was doing all of Julia Child's crazy recipes like that movie/bookJulia & Julia.
@@sailormoonwannabe nah, as bad as she is it's clear she's not trolling, she genuinely tried to fix her rice as well, and even though she failed, she still thought it was something to be proud of.
Lmao I love the discrepancies you take on his recipe. My fav though is "gonna chop a white onion" ... literally shows a yellow onion a sec later. People hate on extra crust but I just see it as extra breadsticks :D
It's a sweet onion which honestly probably works in favor with the acidic tomatoes in the sauce. The bigger, more oblong ones are the sweet ones (insert sex joke right about hear). (maybe here if you want some extra spice)
@@toilet_cleaner_man Can never tell the difference of sweet yellow onions or Vidalias and just regular yellow onions but your comment 100% holds true. But unfair that not teasing Babish.
2:34 ive just been informed that after a month of watching your channel and showing this video to my friend that it is a jojo reference and not your kitchen extraction fan 💀
@d.o.n.t.l.o.o.k ...I don't literally mean him as in he's making the sounds with his mouth...but rather that he uses the sound of a mixer going over him manually mixing things....
Holy crap the dry as fuck humor in this vid is 10/10 youtube really knows how to make me laugh! Fricking great vid LMAO.. I might not watch another of your vids, but know this one made me laugh alot. So thanks man.
I used Babish's recipe and used a bread machine to make a dough. I can confirm it works just fine. The one part I altered was the tomato sauce. Was way too sour, used fresh diced tomato instead.
It's because this man intends on one day, becoming a canoe. If he's good enough he might become an elite canoe, used at the Olympics and World Championships. That's why his food is always grey and beige. Respect the Future Canoe 🛶 🤫😉😁👍
WHY DO I LOVE THIS CHANNEL SO MUCH ?! 😂 Squirting...is NOT allowed. Dead. Dammit you feed the pathetic vibrations in all of us The ranch at the end was a boss OG move!
"the crust ... tastes like a sponge and cardboard had hate sex." I watch a lot of FutureCanoe's videos and love his humor. This is my favorite quote of all times :)
You are on 100k brother. Congrats and PLEASE!! do not upgrade your video equipement like People usualy do. Nothing wrong with that, but beauty of your chanel is that it is genious as it is. That PH level of dough part was absolutely hilarious and unexpected! You are so funny dude! Big respect.
Man I enjoy the lazy angle you take with stuff comedically to the point where I question your decisions greatly, but got damn you dicing that onion was actually immaculate.
Oh dude no, you shouldn't put non stick pans in ovens, they let off toxic fumes when the teflon is heated way more than it should be like when frying or using it normally, you can get away with 5 mins to brown the top but a full half an hour is dangerous I'm way too lazy to check if the guy mentioned it and addressed it, I wrote it at 6:52 point
Advice for future Chicago Style Deep Dish pizzas (or similar size/shaped). Make them 'bigger than necessary', roll them out, put them into the pan, press them into the corners, and let the extra hang over the edge. It holds the shape better, doesn't slip down the sides of your pan, and when you're finished loading the pizza up, filling it out, etc.. You take a rolling pin over the edges to cut the extra off and use it to make whatever you're in the mood for. Me personally, I took the extra dough, oiled it, smothered it in whatever leftover toppings I got with some mozzarella or just go flat 'feta cheese', roll it in the thickest way possible, and cook it with the pizza. I'll even smother it in oil when it's fresh out of the oven so that it turns SUPER crispy on the outside.
with all dough recipes you forget to add more water because using your hands dries out the dough substancially. Thats why your recipes where you have dough usually fail
That onion chop was the most professional, normal, non cursed cooking I've seen in this channel, which in turn made it cursed, it's all come in a circle
A part of the reason your crust wasn’t good was probably because you mixed your yeast, you are just supposed to let the yeast set until it starts to form bubbles and that’s when you know your yeast it ready.
Don't think mixing the yeast matters as long as you still keep it there for long enough, or have it warm enough for the yeast to do it's thing at reasonable speed.
@@aarepelaa1142 nah, you can kill yeast and have 0 reaction. 80f-110f is recommended for most types of yeast to become active. Possible to activate with no water or food so it dies.
@@shadydealz it's literally just flour yeast, some salt and then water for a regular pizza dough, and I'm pretty sure you have to catastrophically mess up for the yeast to die.
no, he literally explained why his dough was bad. Too alkaline, and he didn't work it enough or add salt. Alkaline dough taste worse, and need more salt, and while they ARE easier to work, the tradeoff is you need to work them MORE to develop a good gluten structure. This is why udon noodles need to be kneaded by putting them in bags and stepping on them. super alkaline dough. Without that gluten net, it releases too much co2, which is why his dough in the pan looks like the surface of the moon instead of a smooth big bubble.
His yeast was fine, the dough proofed while he was letting it rest. He wouldn't have had to punch it down if the yeast was dead. His dough sucked because the Babish dough sucks, not because of its pH. Real Chicago style is more like a flaky pie crust than whatever cornbread mistake Babish dreamt up.
Great vid❤ Although you might not be happy with the cheese pull, it's better than those people with their pizza toppings spilling out on the table wasted, that 10 minute rest really is the key huh
need more kneading on the dough, great idea on whatever that alkaline dough thingy, but dough supposed to be hard to handle (sticky because of high hydration) at first to get good bake
this might be the most perfect idea for a lazy video that will work. im really impressed cause ive not seen anyone punting off someone elses video with a sprinkle of originality.
I think yours looks absolutely as good as Babish's. And maybe this is obvious and implied, but I think it was the freshly grated parmesan that got burnt, as opposed to the 'traditional' ground Parm/Gran Padano/Peccorino etc that gets sprinkled on top of the tomatoes in Chicago Deep Dish.
first time i saw that ligma fork or whatever you called it, i wasn't sure what the fuck happened to that fork. but i have grown to really like it. i am even considering making one myself.
“My dough is at the perfect dryness because my hand is incapable of making anything wet” UNDERRATED ASS LINE
Pure gold 😁😆😂
Also "Squirting is not allowed in my house"
I was rolling on the floor XD
My face is stuck in a laughing position
Probably because it’s not funny
The dramatic pH explanation was perfect and was the funniest thing I've seen today 👨🔬
NERD
Damn how boring of a day you having?
@@Games4Life7712 why u guys keep roasting FutureCanoe lol
"Just watch me, Babish..."
Me personally it’s honestly not that funny unless you have a dull day
The more I watch him, the more I'm convinced that he's a student or graduated from culinary school. That chopping technique is really good, and the way he describes the dishes, it's not something that can be made up on a spot.
I remember going on his about and it said he's a line cook but looks like he changed it 😅😅
@@Violetjasmine22 he mentioned it in a video I think
@@Violetjasmine22 whats a line cook?
@@axolotl._1409 a chef in a pro kitchen
he has videos where he actually cooks properly on this channel, the food looks amazing.
“It’s a little bit pathetic, but I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” is a quote I live by daily
If you want to learn how to cook stay away from 3 youtube channels: Babishit , Nick di Knife Throwing Jester and UnTasty.
Not only is FutureCanoe better than the other foodtubers... he's not even a pizza.
YAEEYA
stop lying
This has _just_ the right type of NPC energy; take my hand thumbs up thingy.
he's a fucking casserole
He's a fuckin Casarole
I just discovered your videos
And I gotta say
I absolutely love these.
Feeling nearly sarcastic about how you do this with plenty of good jokes.
but watching you try these recopies feels a lot more genuine than other food channels.
Hahahah “aND I gOtTa saY I LoVE thHSe”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@levantarpesas9972 that is literally what I hust said but spelled dumb.
So congrats I guess
@@typhoon1575👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@levantarpesas9972yes…that is what he said
@@levantarpesas9972 wut even??????? what u on about fam.
I genuinely heard more information about pizza dough in this video than any other top tier bakers on RUclips
His voice certainly gets a “raise” out of me. Wonder if he pitches or catches. I’m flexible
@@garyhost354 He definitely pitches.
@@oneblacksun he can spread spit and slide up this crack.
You know it's serious when they have the L theme playing as they explain shit
with all due respect, who are these "top tier bakers" you are watching?
I made the Babish deep dish as well, and I noticed that the crust was also very tasteless and pizza-doughy, unlike the buttery, pastry-like crust you normally associate with Chicago deep dish. So it is not just you, lol.
Try the Brian Lagerstrom version
Babish is the most overrated food RUclipsr
@@b.o.4469how does your brain skip over Josh Weissman
@@b.o.4469And being overrated is bad how?
@@b.o.4469I love babish, Josh Weissman is just an unfunny weirdo, he's not even that good tbh, he and that one blond guy that looks like the other blond guy that says greg is also overrated, unfunny and annoying
Saying he took 4 sausages last week thinking he can trick us that he’s not as virgin as Jamie’s Oliver olive oil
Yeayah!
@@shahiru4787 fym yeayah
@@mecute-jz4bl bro’s not fluent in james oliverinese
@@shahiru4787he probs speaks mandarizz though
just found this channel
the absolute dryness of the delivery, the plays on words, and the visual and spoken jokes throughout are phenomenal
fantastic stuff
hope you start blowing up soon
also nice ass chopping
The way he said ori-gaano the third time had me🤣🤣🤣🤣 4:36
The
oregano
OREgAno
OReGANo
part at 4:26 just killed me for some reason
That cheesepull was insane man!! Keep it up!
I fully believed you forgetting whose video I was watching 😂
I only really care about the fact he ate deep dish with a fork
@@ed752 No shit he ate deep dish with a fork, that's not pizza... it's a fucking casserole lol
@@foxxinrox lol
LMAOOOO
As someone who has been a avid deep dish enjoyer for over 20 years, your pizza does look pretty good.
This channel is genius! I just found this channel out and your gig is 10/10 so simple and so entertaining. Most of all you don't need fancy equipment, the simpler the better and you'll never run out of material. Plus, you got the perfect voice for this. I'm beyond impressed. You, sir, have optimized yourself. I hate you.
1:48
being unrightfully smart is the cost for being lazy
Congrats on 100k later today bud. You've earned it.
Are you from the future 😂
For real. His voice is so hot. Makes me salivate and get all sweaty.
@@jep9092 literally
His subscriber count has been increasing dramatically lately. Honestly he deserves it, his videos are hilarious and there's so many pretentious food videos out there that he's not going to run out of content any time soon.
Pretty crazy he got another 900,000 subscribers in just 5 months. I mean, people are subscribing for good reasons obviously, he makes good content, but that's still a crazy growth rate, homie got blessed by the algorithm apparently.
i fucking love this channel so much because the guy making the food is an actual normal human being with a normal human kitchen compared to the mainstream foodtubers run by a michelin star chef and a million dollar kitchen being filmed by a studio
tbh there's also kay's cooking but people always roast her into oblivion
@@hpropganda Come on, kay isn't an actual human. I love her but she cooked fried rice by using hard rice and not even making it first. I am a horrible cook, but I can at least make some rice.
There is a channel I found recently called the Anti-chef, he started out as an average cook failing a lot of recipes and now is actually really good. It's crazy to see his progress. I found him because he was doing all of Julia Child's crazy recipes like that movie/bookJulia & Julia.
@@sailormoonwannabe nah, as bad as she is it's clear she's not trolling, she genuinely tried to fix her rice as well, and even though she failed, she still thought it was something to be proud of.
@@hpropganda, There is absolutely nothing normal about what she’s making lmao
His commentary is so simple yet so hilarious 😂
Does he know that his face is visible in the bowl's reflection?
Also, how many times has the ligma fork paid off? Like, two ligma balls or more?
2:41 caught me unprepared 😂
incapable of making anything wet - that's what she said
"my hand is incapable of getting anything wet"
bro im dying here
I love that drizzle of oil on the crust! I do a similar thing, but instead of a drizzle, I spread the oil on the crust with a pastry brush
Lmao I love the discrepancies you take on his recipe. My fav though is "gonna chop a white onion" ... literally shows a yellow onion a sec later. People hate on extra crust but I just see it as extra breadsticks :D
It's a sweet onion which honestly probably works in favor with the acidic tomatoes in the sauce. The bigger, more oblong ones are the sweet ones (insert sex joke right about hear).
(maybe here if you want some extra spice)
@@toilet_cleaner_man Can never tell the difference of sweet yellow onions or Vidalias and just regular yellow onions but your comment 100% holds true. But unfair that not teasing Babish.
2:34 ive just been informed that after a month of watching your channel and showing this video to my friend that it is a jojo reference and not your kitchen extraction fan 💀
Rather than an Extraction fan, wouldn't it be him mimicking a mixer???
@@___Artemis___ bc it doesn't sound like a person
@d.o.n.t.l.o.o.k ...I don't literally mean him as in he's making the sounds with his mouth...but rather that he uses the sound of a mixer going over him manually mixing things....
@@___Artemis___ oh sorry you asked a stupid question i assumed you'd want a stupid answer
@d.o.n.t.l.o.o.k Now now, no need to get testy just because you misunderstood what I was saying
3:48 at least you know how to cut an onion. I can't even do that.
From someone from Chicago that's the most realistic deep dish I've seen. You almost never get a cheese pull if you get it from a restaurant
stop lying
This is what i needed. Not that weird fake dude timeless paddle or whatever
Who?
Holy crap the dry as fuck humor in this vid is 10/10 youtube really knows how to make me laugh! Fricking great vid LMAO.. I might not watch another of your vids, but know this one made me laugh alot. So thanks man.
6:05 that was a hilarious joke
Is no one talking about his knife skill? I enjoy it
The sausage bit. The sausage bit did it for me.
I used Babish's recipe and used a bread machine to make a dough. I can confirm it works just fine. The one part I altered was the tomato sauce. Was way too sour, used fresh diced tomato instead.
I love your videos. I am soo happy, that this channel is growing up so fast. Keep it up!
Why is your food always grey or beige?
Lighting
It's because this man intends on one day, becoming a canoe. If he's good enough he might become an elite canoe, used at the Olympics and World Championships. That's why his food is always grey and beige. Respect the Future Canoe 🛶
🤫😉😁👍
He cooks 2 feet away from Chernobyl
Light, editings, plate he used, etc. He just not putting all of those and show the food at it is on his camera.
It’s radioactive
Why does JB's jaw extend so far out at 8:21? 😂😂
It is proof of the evil snake people lurking in our midst
I thought I was seeing shit, thank you for confirming I'm not bonkers
he has that morrissey chin
As a New Yorker who made my own deep dish pizza I understand why people enjoy it so much it is delicious
Grats on your growth bro, you've quickly become my favorite youtube cook. Thank u
3:16 it's 2am an i was NOT ready for that
Bro go to sleep
Same. It's 2:04am right now
“Just like my last weekend, it’s about to take in 4 sausages.” Huh brother?
Ever since i first watched his video, I've been watching a lottt
It's very comforting and the little laughs every few minutes is nice
this man has been hiding his michelan star chef knife skills
I love the sarcastic commentary while doing this. It’s great.
my dudes cooking skills have no right to be this good for a meme 🤣
WHY DO I LOVE THIS CHANNEL SO MUCH ?! 😂
Squirting...is NOT allowed. Dead.
Dammit you feed the pathetic vibrations in all of us
The ranch at the end was a boss OG move!
If your waiting for the cheese pull 7:50 your welcome 😂😂😂
"the crust ... tastes like a sponge and cardboard had hate sex." I watch a lot of FutureCanoe's videos and love his humor. This is my favorite quote of all times :)
9:05 how dare you put ranch on a pizza!
I loved the dough explanation. So knowledgeable and well thought out
You are on 100k brother. Congrats and PLEASE!! do not upgrade your video equipement like People usualy do. Nothing wrong with that, but beauty of your chanel is that it is genious as it is. That PH level of dough part was absolutely hilarious and unexpected! You are so funny dude! Big respect.
😂 Great Job with that Beautiful Deep Dish Pizza, I want to try some so so so bad lol
1:15
Bro became a genius 🗿
Finally , a my type of cook. Love your videos man
Loving these longer videos
7:48 that pathetic attempt to take some cheese to pull with spatula was both cute and funny
4:25 got me dying so hard 😭
Idk why it took me so long to watch this one… I’ve binged basically all of your other videos over the last few days and man, this one’s a gem ❤
Love your videos so much 😂 only discovered your channel recently and now it’s one of my favouritea
Man I enjoy the lazy angle you take with stuff comedically to the point where I question your decisions greatly, but got damn you dicing that onion was actually immaculate.
Oh dude no, you shouldn't put non stick pans in ovens, they let off toxic fumes when the teflon is heated way more than it should be like when frying or using it normally, you can get away with 5 mins to brown the top but a full half an hour is dangerous
I'm way too lazy to check if the guy mentioned it and addressed it, I wrote it at 6:52 point
amazingly perfect i laughed so hard... every line was perfectly delivered... this is the cooking show that should be broadcasted on the food network.
You've got me wheezing, and it's not from your overcooked crust.
Good jokes. Very funny.
Advice for future Chicago Style Deep Dish pizzas (or similar size/shaped). Make them 'bigger than necessary', roll them out, put them into the pan, press them into the corners, and let the extra hang over the edge. It holds the shape better, doesn't slip down the sides of your pan, and when you're finished loading the pizza up, filling it out, etc.. You take a rolling pin over the edges to cut the extra off and use it to make whatever you're in the mood for. Me personally, I took the extra dough, oiled it, smothered it in whatever leftover toppings I got with some mozzarella or just go flat 'feta cheese', roll it in the thickest way possible, and cook it with the pizza. I'll even smother it in oil when it's fresh out of the oven so that it turns SUPER crispy on the outside.
1:21 i just had my chemistry exam. you don’t need to remind me about the pH questions i fumbled 💔
i really forgot the formula for Ka and Kw 💀💀
So many varieties of oregano. You’re such a foodie!
2:37
My dough is at the perfect dryness because my hand is incapable of making anything wet”
with all dough recipes you forget to add more water because using your hands dries out the dough substancially. Thats why your recipes where you have dough usually fail
"mmm, pretty normal for me" THAT SENSE OF HUMOUR THOUGH.
You are the embodiment of everyone that watches foodtubers but you decided to make a channel! We commend you❤️
i really love that everything that you do is not perfect not like other cooking video they making it so perfect it's hard to copy
5:53 pause hwat did he just say
That onion chop was the most professional, normal, non cursed cooking I've seen in this channel, which in turn made it cursed, it's all come in a circle
A part of the reason your crust wasn’t good was probably because you mixed your yeast, you are just supposed to let the yeast set until it starts to form bubbles and that’s when you know your yeast it ready.
Don't think mixing the yeast matters as long as you still keep it there for long enough, or have it warm enough for the yeast to do it's thing at reasonable speed.
@@aarepelaa1142 nah, you can kill yeast and have 0 reaction. 80f-110f is recommended for most types of yeast to become active. Possible to activate with no water or food so it dies.
@@shadydealz it's literally just flour yeast, some salt and then water for a regular pizza dough, and I'm pretty sure you have to catastrophically mess up for the yeast to die.
no, he literally explained why his dough was bad.
Too alkaline, and he didn't work it enough or add salt.
Alkaline dough taste worse, and need more salt, and while they ARE easier to work, the tradeoff is you need to work them MORE to develop a good gluten structure.
This is why udon noodles need to be kneaded by putting them in bags and stepping on them. super alkaline dough. Without that gluten net, it releases too much co2, which is why his dough in the pan looks like the surface of the moon instead of a smooth big bubble.
His yeast was fine, the dough proofed while he was letting it rest. He wouldn't have had to punch it down if the yeast was dead. His dough sucked because the Babish dough sucks, not because of its pH. Real Chicago style is more like a flaky pie crust than whatever cornbread mistake Babish dreamt up.
I love when he drops the science just to remind us that he does, in fact, know what he is doing.
THAT ONION CHOPPING WAS SO SATISFYING IM SOBBING
I was having a rough day, but watching this made me giggle so much! I loved it the vid!!
Great vid❤
Although you might not be happy with the cheese pull, it's better than those people with their pizza toppings spilling out on the table wasted, that 10 minute rest really is the key huh
Ah yes, we love cheese casarole. Our favorite dish 🤤
Chesse fucking casarole*
It’s not a casserole it’s a pie
It’s not either of those. It would be a tart, more accurately.
@@laminar2477 ???
@@pengil3 a tart is an open pastry with a filling. Aka Chicago deep dish “pizza”
4:14 "Squirting is not allowed in my house so I'm just gonna start cooking" is interesting when someone walks in out of context
1:59 BRO IS THAT A DOG BOWL???
A bowl is a bowl
No, it’s just a regular mixing bowl with a rubber base
Depends, is the dog not eating from it? Then it's just a bowl.
Maybe it’s because I’m watching this at 3am, but 3:12-3:21 broke me. It’s a simple bit, but it’s perfect
Thank you for including the music in the description.
1:10 not me having chemistry class here
need more kneading on the dough, great idea on whatever that alkaline dough thingy, but dough supposed to be hard to handle (sticky because of high hydration) at first to get good bake
everytime i see the ligmafork in use im more convinced that its pretty hanndy to have
It's the best :)
@@FutureCanoe merch opportunity?
"I'm still feeling a little sick from lunch" in this context is probably the funniest thing I've heard all week.
DeathNote soundtrack over pizza pH science.
Two great things that taste better together
I love the casual comments that make you do a double take... I started to list a couple but they just keep coming. Sood gisht, +1 sub
Wait, I saw Ranch. Turn around, never come back
I like the fact that he is already baked before pizza is
That different way of saying oregano killed me lmao
this might be the most perfect idea for a lazy video that will work. im really impressed cause ive not seen anyone punting off someone elses video with a sprinkle of originality.
I think yours looks absolutely as good as Babish's. And maybe this is obvious and implied, but I think it was the freshly grated parmesan that got burnt, as opposed to the 'traditional' ground Parm/Gran Padano/Peccorino etc that gets sprinkled on top of the tomatoes in Chicago Deep Dish.
That looked yummy 😋!
it was the circumcision joke that got me, had to hit the sub button after that one lmao
7:56
"Apple Doesn't fall too far from the tree"
Someone's listening to Eminem’s unreleased & rare songs
LMFAO - Finally a RUclips "creator" that actually TELLS THE TRUTH about the results of his cooking! Thumbs up and 10 out of 10
That's why we love him ❤
1:31 first time I've ever seen a RUclipsr use Masa Maseca
I've made this exact recipe a hand full of times and its top tier. Babish has excellent recipes
first time i saw that ligma fork or whatever you called it, i wasn't sure what the fuck happened to that fork. but i have grown to really like it. i am even considering making one myself.
'my hand is incapable of making anything wet' absolute gold bro. I laughed my ass off.