Can you relate to any of these experiences? Are there others we missed that you'd include as a unique but common autistic experience? Drop your thoughts below!
I relate to a lot of these and I like to watch peoples mouths to help my process what people are saying to me. I have done this since I was little to the point I can lip read people with a local accent to me. One thing that is different, maybe because I am female and have leant to study others and mask from a young age, is that I can pick up others behaviours and learn what is normal with people I spend time with. From this I can pick up if something is wrong and know if I need to ask if they are ok. Even if they say they are fine I know they are not and know I need to give then extra attention and care.
i definitely have higher sensory experiences and can get overwhelmed and shut down like you did. i think getting the loop earplugs or wearing headphones can help(it helps for me)
@DRAGONFLYS06 same experience here, especially re lip-reading, and I remember my mum telling me (when I was little) that she found it easier to lip-read, too - and that she had to learn how to do things differently as they didn't sink in. Pretty sure she had ASD, too, though neither of us was ever diagnosed.
I just wanted to comment here and make a suggestion about the Starbucks thing. I order ahead on the app. Usually, the drink is ready when I get there. It's made life sooo much easier. I also do this sometimes for groceries and food. It eliminates so many difficulties for me.
I get really upset when someone is making assumptions about my emotions or actions. I've dealt with it my entire life and at this point I feel like I shut down automatically because it's beyond exhausting having to constantly mask AND having to explain that I'm not whatever said person thinks I am. I JUST WANT TO EXIST WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. This is why I prefer to be alone 99.999% of the time.
Yes! Please just ask me before you assume. I will not be offended if you say it sounded weird! The people who think being monotone or neutral is automatically negative also drives me nuts. If I say it is never negative and to not assume it is negative, just trust me that I mean it.
Same. Being falsely accused of doing, thinking, feeling, or saying something, or of having motivations I don’t have is one of my biggest triggers. I can’t stand not being believed, especially when I’m not even allowed to defend myself.
Yep. I've gotten really frustrated over that exact same thing. So you're definitely not alone in that. Sometimes I feel silly about it, but I've found it's better to just let myself feel through it. I try to ask myself what the anger wants to do and imagine doing that, but not actually do the thing.That seems to help a bit. A brief distraction or stimming seems to help too.
The ads thing is for everyone. It’s disgusting they force the ads onto people. I get free content yada yada but no one wants the ads. It’s why I don’t have many Google or facebook services as possible. It’s so intrusive
Being autistic is like being in the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once. It’s like I experience the past, present, and future, possible timelines, and every sensory experience all at once. It’s a lot sometimes but then I find new music like or a big chunk of time to do my special interests and it’s wonderful. When my brain has something to focus on uninterrupted, it’s bliss. Otherwise it’s a cacophony of thoughts and senses and it’s really overwhelming.
Being autistic is like playing life on hard mode while being told it’s actually normal mode. I recently told a co-worker that sometimes the world is just uncomfortable for me to be in. … needless to say, I love my house
I was telling someone today about how I like to confine my spaces. I just feel better if things aren't overly wide open. When I clean up and there's just more available space, it feels weird. It feels even weirder when I see open spaces that other people have (in pictures or videos) and I think "Oh, that so cool looking" but then when I'm in one of those spaces I'm wildly uncomfortable. The world seems to love open spaces, at least currently, and I find it off-putting.
Nailed it! It’s like everybody plays normal and you play hard but they say it is normal to you too. And you wonder what the f is wrong with you why you can not keep up with everybody else…
Another informative and helpful video. I'm high-masking, and was 75 when I self-diagnosed (there are NO resources within several hundred miles for adult autistics) and have spent close to two years rather intensely re-learning who I am. And as usual, your humor is so enjoyable.
your self diagnosis is valid ❤ I've had a therapist straight out tell me that in her 12 years in the field she's never met an autistic who was wrong. Only anomolie was one she convinced to get tested to "rule out". If you resonate with this, you're one of us. ❤
@t3hsis324 this is a beautiful thing to say to OP. Also So validating to hear as a 40yr old who is learning all this for the first time. I'm sure I'll get people who don't believe me based on outdated beliefs, but at the end of the day, it's what we know to be true for us and how we self care, that matters.
It's helpful for me to hear from someone who's my age and a year further down the road of re-learning myself. I find it a relief some of the time to finally have an explanation for things that have been happening (or not) my whole life.
@lynncohen1297 I was diagnosed at 57 and there are no services for adults here either. I'm meeting with my local state rep tomorrow. I found out she has an autistic daughter so I'm hopeful she will be receptive to all my frustrations.
Honestly, I live in a major metro area, and I've gotten way more help and support from RUclips videos than I have from what passes for a health care system.
😢 4:43 This is something I haven't heard mentioned in the community. I was splendiphorous but now I am mad. I was always so happy as a child, and I remember people asking why I was mad, and then becoming mad as a second-hand emotion to fear of being misunderstood. I needed this today. I haven't had the desire to speak to anyone openly in weeks. Insufferable months and years if trying to "make others understand". I'm ALWAYS WRONG. 🥺 even when I know I'm right and they misunderstand. Sometimes, I just really hate being right.
I understand you, it's so difficult sometimes to morph your words in a way to get people to understand, and then your mind blanks and you forget half of the words you need to use and then you jumble your sentence up and they misunderstand anyway
Autism is a mess for anxiety. I just sucked it up before I found out I was autistic, and people would sometimes ask if I was ok at restaurants and whatnot. Starting a new job is anxiety inducing, and has a huge impact on my memory, so I feel like a worthless employee for a long time until I can get my brain to chill out. Also, having tinnitus and being autistic at the same time is the worst, because tinnitus almost always comes with an auditory processing disorder, and the stimuli from that in combination with being autistic is terrible. I'm just a mess of nerves all the time it feels like. Take care of your ears. It sucks.
Yes! Tinnitus is a constant stressor. I manage to tune it out some of the time, because otherwise I would lose my mind, but it always wears at me, because, sound sensitivity. I haven’t experienced true silence in decades.
@jimwilliams3816 that's a mess dude. I've had it for about 6 years now. I got it when I was in the military before I found out I had autism. I'm convinced that about half of the military has some brand of autism, because everyone is like I am. It takes a special brand of person to join the military. But I'm not looking forward to the rest of my life having to deal with tinnitus. I just hope it doesn't get much worse.
@@wyattblack6705Yes, tinnitus is a really sucky stressor. Please consider getting your hearing checked. Often? Most of the time? it is correlated with hearing loss, and getting hearing aids can slow down cognitive decline.
I have tinnitus as well and got it checked out at the hospital. My hearing turned out to be excellent and it is a mental issue caused by stress.. Also have issues with balance and get dizziness frequently. I recently got diagnosed as being autistic and struggle with anxiety, turns out everything is related. Now at home with a burnout that has been lingering for a few years, lost my job, had to stop with my studies and still taking care of our household and raising 2 small children.. Not the most ideal combination to reduce worries and stress 😅
@@somuchtoknow1950 it is correlated with hearing loss. I was in an artillery unit, and there's nothing that can properly help your ears when you're right on the gun line.
I never even considered that i could be autistic. But you are the ONLY person who has ever described me, or my experience of things, to me. Nobody else has ever been close to understanding my perspective. I thought people were just all too unique to truly understand each other.
I totally resonate with this comment. My brother is autistic (diagnosed) but I've never until this year considered that maybe I could be too, just presenting in a different way than he does. But I relate so hard to nearly everything on this channel.
@Super_Sair I'm in the exact boat as you! My younger brother was diagnosed when he was a baby, and I think him being somewhat non-verbal makes it more "obvious". But I find videos like this too and relate SO much!
You nailed it! (Oops. I'm not supposed to understand figurative language. Lol.) I especially relate to Not being understood, because NTs assign Their motives and thinking to what I say, and it clearly misses the mark. People assume and don't ask or clarify. Please. Ask. Clarify. Don't assume. So we can finally have a meeting of minds.
I'm 31 and likely undiagnosed. Everyone acts like i'm crazy when I hate being interrupted when i'm working on something. I genuinely don't get how it's so easy for others to just switch gears. I need 3 business days thank you. It genuinely feels like someone grabbed me by the back of the head and slammed my face into the wall. There's a physical sensation I feel to being forced to switch gears. Not having a meltdown every time that happens is something I struggle with a lot.
Same!! Everyone thinks I'm an asshole .....😥 Certain things that others do that to me seems like common sense, they don't even acknowledge....I'll just flip. Feel like I'm a very light hearted happy person ...but I seem to always catch people talking some sort of smack, and never get over that. They will be on the list until the end of time. Oh, and I ramble on and on and on😂🤦♂️
Yh this is me (officially diagnosed) as well. This is why I cannot function in an open office environment, and my smartphone is always on silent. I also don't answer phone calls.
If I ever look like I'm staring at someone talking intently, really, I'm just staring at the wall behind them barely listening to whatever they are talking about
😂😂 My grandfather finds it disrespectful when I don't look at him, but he doesn't understand that I'm actually being respectful- it means I'm listening. When I do look at him, I can't actively listen, because I'm just thinking how I'm uncomfortable. And how much eye contact is too much, too little, etc. Or I just zone out into my own inner world. Depends. 😅
Went through that a few hours ago at an interview.. im still living in that reality, imagining myself being there, and doing things better instead of living here and now. I was so focused on looking "normal", that it was extremely hard to focus on what he was telling me. So i had to make him repeat the questions multiple times because the eye contact was so uncomfortable. Its not easy, but it went alright i think
Note to Chris and Debbie Chris - someone commented that being autistic means being angry most of the time. I can relate to this. Dx'd at 53, I'm going through the 5 stages of grief. Mostly through the denial phase, and now just angry. Angry for not knowing for so long. Angry for the stress its put on my life. Angry that I got married without knowing how difficult it is to be in a close relationship with someone neurotypical. Angry for making their lives less than what they could have had if they had known I was autistic up front. Angry for never being understood. Angry for never knowing how or what to say in emotional situations. Angry because while I can support my family financially, I cannot give them what they need mentally or emotionally. Angry because as I get older I'm more forgetful (on top of the limited executive function forgetfulness). I've literally gone outside and cursed god at the top of my lungs for giving me this nightmare that no one can see, and no one can be supportive of. How do you and Debbie cope when the overwhelming feeling of incompetence floods in? When you're told there's tools you can learn from a therapist, but all they teach is how to fake not having autism (like keeping a list of birthdays, etc, or sticky notes to remind you of basic things). And on top of that, insurance doesn't touch neurodiverse therapy, so you get to watch $200/consultation disappear for just some reassuring mantras. No matter what, I'll have the emotions of a teenager, and being told 'just grow up' don't help, so yeah... how do you manage the anger?
I really feel this... I'm not diagnosed, but I'm positive I have it thanks to videos like this one. (Not sure I want to even bother with the process out of fear of being misunderstood.) It's so easy to get down about "what could have been" if only I had known sooner.
Holy crap. Well, what you described seemed like you were talking about me. I think the best tools I have found are good autistic content creators here on RUclips. Chris and Debbie, Autistimatic, etc. Discussing what it is like to be autistic, explaining normal human experiences through an autistic perspective, and sharing successes and failures. Some of the worst has also been in similar social spaces with toxic autistic people that seem to be using and manipulating the autistic community as some sort of tool… even when those people are also autistic… even when I may side or empathize with what they’re advocating for. I just cannot feel like i am being manipulated like that. That is what living in a neurotypical world feels like and I don’t need that from neurodivergent communities, too. The best tool that is out there is to “know thyself”. When you think you know, question that. When you think you’ve accommodated yourself enough, do it more. Then you will learn how much of it you really require and how much is beneficial over that. And learn that you’re going to have to keep managing that… and you’ll have failures.
I totally get this and I think it's important for you to feel all of those things to process. Like you said, it is grief and there are stages. Something to remember, though, is that there will be positives for your family which stem from your autism. Also, by getting diagnosed you show willingness to understand yourself so you can be better for them. Another thing I try to see as a positive is that because I didn't know I was autistic growing up, I had a lot of experiences that I probably would avoid now. I didn't realise I wasn't neurotypical, so I just took part in many situations that were uncomfortable for me. It was difficult and uncomfortable, but I also think it helped me to develop social skills that have helped me in the long run. It came at a cost, obviously, but I can't change it so I may as well try to see the bright side. Being diagnosed late in life, this is probably true for you too. It does get easier after diagnosis. I was quite upset for a while after mine because the report they wrote just seemed like a list of all my deficiencies. But over time I realised I am still me and now I have the power of knowledge on my side. Hopefully you will too 😊
I'm so angry, all the time, and I am exhausted. I don't want to be anymore. At least once a day I cycle through whether or not I'm just a mean, hurtful person. I'm sorry you know this anger, and I hope we can both find our ways sooner than later. Much love to you friend.
The best explanation is its like perpetually being hung over all input is overwhelming, sounds, smells and textures. There's also almost constantly multiple concurrent thoughts going on at once and the only thing that really slows it is to hyper focus on one thing.
As redpanda said, the last bit is much more related to ADHD. My therapist repeatedly reject the idea of me being au-ADHD. I did not agree with her. I had too many ADHD symptoms that made my life even harder than it already was. Sometimes I felt like my thoughts were on a high-speed train and I had to grab them from there to function, all that wind noise of light speed thoughts was sometimes unbearable. Not to mention the struggle on needing routine and at the same time could not keep up with any for more than a week. Not remembering important stuff, appointments, getting late to things, the attention deficit made it hard to work. After visiting a psychiatrist, she gave me medicine for ADHD, luck me that ones has treatment. The fast thoughts and attention deficit improved enormously. Go seek a second, third opinion if needed. Autism often comes with an extra attachment 🤡
Oh my gosh, you just explained the whole people hearing you through a filter!!!! I've been trying to explain that to people for years! I also ask, "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" I have this freakin' internal narrative that I'm to blame. This weird backwards self-centeredness that I have that much influence on others' moods. And I am currently going through an identity crisis and just learning about myself at almost 54. So glad I'm not alone ❤
At 42 I'm with you all the way. I'm also just having the realisation that I'm likely autistic and that part of the video described it in such a way that hit me like a truck. It answers so many questions. I honestly thought I had a major mental illness but was too scared to see a doctor about it. "If I have problems communicating, how the hell am I supposed to explain to a stranger?". This video and comments like yours has given me the push I need to get checked.
I've been pretty depressed and anxious the last few days because I've been experiencing extreme sensory overload and after watching your video I feel much better. I even laughed out loud a few times because I saw myself in it so much and how absurd all these situations are sometimes. Thank you so much for that!
I always send people who want to understand me better to your channel. If they actually do that, and/or care to know me... well, that's out of my hands. I would say the final stage of coming to terms with autism is accepting that some things will simply never change... no matter how much we wish they would.
I can talk to three people well. I can talk to four people marginally. Five people are right out, I can't devote enough effort to keep track of their facial expressions and vocal inflections. I can deal with sounds and smells. When I was a child I couldn't handle these things well, but over the years I learned to turn off certain parts of myself. I've made the mistake of telling people about this ability and they say it's impossible. It isn't impossible, it just takes a lifetime of practice. I try to make people comfortable, but they wear me out. Socialization is an active effort, like flexing a voluntary muscle, it takes effort and concentration and it exhausts me. UNLESS I am with someone like me, then it gets so much easier.
I cannot talk to anyone, halfway through a sentence I completely forget wtf I was talking about and than start randomly talking about something unrelated.
I had learned to manipulate my dreams. I was always tired and burnt at my teens. I had to sleep 10 to 12 hours a day to get the needed recovery, one day a friend of mine told me about this dream of hers that she was flying. At that time I had never dreamed about me flying. From that day on I started to figure out how to make it happen. It actually worked out, I had this continuous dreams that I just fly around, everywhere for many years during high school. From that point on, nightmares were off the table and I can induce my mind to go some paths I want. At some point of the sleep cycle I can actually be present on my own dreams. I really get amazed on how powerful our mind is, and had learned to respect that even before my diagnosis.
Every time. Every. Single. Time. Every time you release a new video, I cry. I hear you speak; I hear what you say, and every single time it's like the bongs of a church bell, vibrating through my body, heart, and soul. Thank you for helping me change my life. Thank you for helping me not feel like a monster. Thank you for helping me feel more than, and not less. Just thank you for everything, and I love you both dearly.
Wow. I love your videos. I was very very late diagnosed... or at least late for on my part. My parents were told about my "condition" when I was 9 or 10, but they refused to accept it. My mother actually said "We've never had anything like that in our family and we're not going to start now." So I spent 60+ years working things out on my own. I had no idea that there was such a thing as high masking! It's a long story. The short version is that knowing I am not weird or alone is a great comfort. I view my autism not as a problem, but just as a difference with no value judgement. In fact, I hate it when people (like my doctor) tell me, "oh, you're not autistic!" Anyway, thank you for helping me understand and making me feel better.
My favorite experience is preemptively thinking about all the possible ways social encounters can go so that I am prepared to respond to those encounters and carry myself through it in a functional way. This of course means a huge vulnerability to getting caught off guard which leaves me barely able to interact
I like your reference to adoption, I’m adopted and late diagnosis autistic at 51, and diagnosed ADHD and CPTSD…. Life has been hell to be honest, but know I am on a new journey of rediscovering myself and loving who I am.
I have to thank you for this video! It came at the right time. I am 41 years old and was first diagnosed with ADHD, but quickly learned that I was actually AUDHD with more autistic traits. For 27 years I was in therapy and tried every antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication and nothing ever seemed to work. Finally when I was in Portugal last year I talked to a psychiatrist who was also specialized in diagnosing people on the spectrum. This has been the most major eye opening event of my life. I always had a problem with noise, social interactions and had this almost telepathic ability because my pattern recognition was so intense, but anytime I spoke to a therapist I would talk about my depression and anxiety, believing the noise issues, social issues were all because I was in a negative headspace. Turns out I was in a negative headspace because of the noise and sensory overload. I am trying to find my way now to be healthy in my environment (living in Trinidad 🇹🇹 which is a loud, chaotic fast paced culture). Thank you again brother! I hit subscribe and looking forward to learning more
As someone whose parents are from the Caribbean, I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to be born there! Thank you for sharing your experiences, best of luck to you 🙏🏽
@@Jae-by3hf the Caribbean has some beautiful chill islands. Trinidad is not one of them. Trinidad is one of the most dangerous countries in the world and just a really loud, toxic culture.
I wish that commercials, on TV, computer, phone, etc., would not have images that move or pop in or out or vibrate, or scroll from one to another. They just need to stay put! If I can't cover them up, I have to get off whatever site I'm on.
I was eating yogurt when the "gassing up" segment started. the flow is much better now that you use Chris and Debby home videos. you can still cut out more cutaways. it's nice to let people's eyes rest. keep the creative bits like the clapping monkey. let your visual entertainment match your verbal entertainment. good work
Do you mean to tell me that when my brain randomly kicks everyday words out of my vocabulary, OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THAT PROBLEM TOO??? I feel so validated right now. So many people in my life get so frustrated when they talk to me because I'll get hung up on a word that I just *can't* think of and won't for the duration of the conversation, but I'll get stuck on trying to figure it out for rest of the day, which makes me irritable and distracted. Oh my word, Chris, thank you. I think I'm autistic.
I hate it. Lot of time I just wont engage in a conversation because my otherwise cool humorous speach lacks an everyday object or concept’s name so it would be stupid to tell half my sentence and freez… lots of time my colleges names wont come to my mind and it is so frustrating not being able to speak to them because how should I start if I dont know her/his name. Hey you - person whom I speak everyday but I dont remember your name right now - could you help me?
@leejordan001 it's so freaking frustrating. And the other person in the conversation is usually very gracious, but I can still feel their impatience as I struggle to get my everyday words out. And phone calls?? Forget that. I prefer not to stumble over my words EVEN MORE with a stranger who can't see my wild gestures to explain myself.
My wife has Aphantasia. She cannot visualise anything in her mind, including friends or relations. When I told her I could visualise everything, her mind was blown! Hyperphantasia is the opposite of Aphantasia.
It wasn't until recently that I learned it was possible for someone to not "see with their mind's eye." It seems I probably have hyperphantasia. At some of the most inconvenient times, I find that the "projector screen of my mind" has turned off external visual input. This happened a few times while I was driving. In the nick of time, my mind reverts to external visual input and I can avoid a collision, thankfully.
Whoa. That's horrible, but also interesting. I hope it's not rude to ask how it feels to have aphantasia when you haven't had it the whole time? If it is, please ignore me. @@anfie2495
I deal with a lot of different anxieties and I struggle with socializing and just going to the store. After realizing that I am AuDHD and not bipolar, I have stopped taking the numerous different psychiatric meds I bounced back and forth from for close to 20 years. Currently I am dealing with how to overcome 6 years of homelessness and drug use..... Thankfully I am on the road to getting my life back on track and am no longer homeless or hooked on drugs. It's only been within the last two years that I have been exploring my autistic and ADHD nature and broken free of the bipolar medication and everything that goes with it. I can honestly say that I am a much happier and grounded individual and although I am just now finding out who I REALLY am, and I have a lot of work still left to do, I am hopeful for my future for the first time in a while. I just wanted to say thank you again for the content and for continuing to help me to see that I do have a place where I belong.
Ive zoned all my life and have missed out on a lot of life. Classrooms were so loud I went into another world or planet, couldnt nake any friends, they told me I was a space case because I would zone. They were polite but didn't play with me. I wished I had someone to eat lunch with and play with during recess like regular kids. I got zeros on my report card and i didn't know why. 😢
Videos like yours not only help me understand myself, but other autistics, too. I deal with a lot of autistic people at work and sometimes they seem rude or irritable. However, I have learned that they're not trying to be rude. They're just direct and perhaps anxious, so they're not being careful about what they say or don't know how they come across. I try to make their lives easier because I know how I feel in these situations.
Thank you for your comment. I come across as rude as I'm direct, honest and sometimes sound aggressive or grumpy. I wear a disability lanyard but it hasn't helped. I've been dismissed and banned from places (inc places that have been therapeutic for me) without any discourse, without warning, and without them taking into account that I have "protected characteristics" and so "reasonable adjustments" should be made for me. I've lost so much - so much good stuff from places that were good for me and for my particular gifts and talents. I've rapidly gone downhill and recently attempted su - icide again. All I want is acceptance and ways for me to be able to move forward and stay with these organisations, but they just throw me out, reject me, get rid of me. Life's not worth living at the moment. I've had so much rejection I can't take anything else.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I believe it will get better for you. I'm sure it can get better. I don't know what it will take or how long it will take before you see hope, but I hope you can fight the despair and stay here with us. You are a valuable person.
Thank you. 49, and discovering...I very well may be autistic (testing is in my future). I love the humor and light-heartedness you bring into this subject.
I've been watching autistic creators carefully, very VERY carefully since my diagnosis in May. (Comparing and contrasting feelings, experiences, behaviors, and challenges to try to enable me to better understand myself.) I relate to many (majority actually), and some not quite as much. I understand this, of course, and I am making progress. Getting others to understand this about me is painfully difficult - and I am always feeling so misunderstood. I have to say that out of everyone, everything you share in your videos is also telling my tale. You describe my challenges, my ways of thinking and also my own body's horrible embarrassing manifestation of anxiety, hence helping me to feel not so alone, and not such an outcast. Thank you. You're like my stranger platonic Fartner in Autism, and I appreciate everything you are doing 🙏🏼
Did you mean to write "Fartner" or did you mean Partner? Because either way - considering the whole "gassing up" part of this video, "Fartner" made me giggle, I love that. 🤭😂 I'mma legitimately use that word from now on.
@@rememberhilde I used my super masking power and concocted my comment around a "mainstream" styled punch-line! I couldn't stop laughing myself! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I swear that laughter IS the best medicine ❤️
The one autistic experience I wish I could share is the relief after receiving a diagnosis. I didn't end up feeling like I was part of any group. I don't feel "different." It simply explained HOW I am btoken. The brokenness remains. The struggles remain. And, my inability to have a life worth living remains. Maybe there's more I could learn that would get me there, but the diagnosis alone certainly wasn't enough.
I didn't realize how much the world tore me down until I started working from home 2 years ago. It's to the point now that just the thought of leaving my apartment gets me spiraling. All those people, the lights, the sounds I have to be really desperate to make myself go out. Typically it's only for the doctor or emergencies. I get everything delivered and just don't socialize at all. Existence was always difficult. I never understood how people chose to go out and party. Never could do both. If I socialize I can't work. If I work I can't socialize. There is simply not enough time to recover if I'm trying to do both. I tried really really hard for years. I never understood why after about a year of a job it just became so freaking hard to make myself get out of bed and go to work on Monday. Before switching to WFH I was wearing headscarves, sunglasses, and earplugs consistently to get through the day. Then weekends I never left my room. Stayed in there in the dark alone. I LOVED my job though. It was so freaking cool to say I worked at Mercedes-Benz R&D. I finally just couldn't anymore. I did not want to leave but I was having anxiety/panic attacks driving home from work and my family never saw me. I'm undiagnosed at 43. I have an autistic daughter as well. After doing my own research and just being her mom I'm clearly on the spectrum too. We just get each other so much and I've never had a problem understanding her reactions or feelings. Being in my body her stuff just makes sense to me too. No one ever tried to understand me though. I was that kid that was told to go outside and play alone all day. No neighbors so no interactions with people and since my family never saw me I guess they figured I was fine. I was not fine. I existed in my own little world and most of the time still do.
THIS IS SO RELATABLE! I literally spend most of my interactions trying to look like im listening by making eye contact and using appropriate body language...I can't actually listen and do this at the same time aghhh
I realised that I'm autistic, being 48, but actual diagnosis I've got at 51 because of long waiting lists. And yes - these things are so real. Misunderstandings... By the time you just get paranoid about being misunderstood and then explain every single thing in at least two or three ways, till people get annoyed and stop you saying that you are going in rounds... And eye contact. If I actually make eye contact it feels too intense and I start loosing the audio completely. But all my childhood I've been told that looking into eyes mean speaking truth and away means lying. And since I'm too honest for this world, it's rather offensive to think that I'm lying, but with that eye-contact there's no compromise...
And, for every email, you write, re-write, edit, check, re-do, update, go over, amend, etc, etc, etc - until the person you're responding to sends a follow-up message to see if you received and understood/are actioning their first one and you have to start all over again! 😵💫😫
One way to adapt, is to look at the space between people's eyes. Just above their nose. The flat space. It's also a good way to avoid picking up someone's anger if they're being unpleasant or yelling or angry. Staring at the flat spot still looks like you're looking into their eyes. Most people can't tell the difference if you're staring at that spot on their face.
Interestingly (to me), I have the opposite of the not-being-able-to-visualize thing. I'm not here to brag, but to show how different we can be. I visualize like crazy, and can rotate three-dimensional objects in my head, no paper needed -- one of the few advantages of being wired differently. Yes to more than one conversation going on at once being crazy-making; extreme sensitivity to light and noise and any kind of clothing discomfort; extreme dietary limitations. Am still learning about all this, since I'm 74 years old, and have only been sure of my autism or a year or so.
I've memorized certain numbers by simply repeating them/using them so often that I remember them. But it's a very select few, and all connected to myself, or a parent.
So many of your experiences are very similar to mine however I believe myself to be an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I feel like we're on own own with a lot of this stuff. Every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I've asked directly "Do you know what an HSP is?" and the answer is always no. It's so disappointing that the experts don't know about this. Yet the research suggests upwards of 20% of the population is an HSP. Once I did Elaine Aron's HSP test it was clear who I am. Then I read the first chapter of her book which explained why I do the odd things I do. I completely broke down as it finally explained my oddities and the feeling of not fitting in. The greatest invention ever for me = Noise Cancelling Headphones. Thanks for the video! ❤
You are spot on with your examples. I am late diagnosed at 36. Now 37 years old. My biggest struggle is not only people taking me the wrong way but telling me I can’t talk a certain way. I talk naturally fast. I am also very blunt. So people think I am being rude a lot when I am just being my normal self with no bad intentions.
Yes, this is a challenge for sure, and thanks for sharing your experience as fellow late-diagnosed person! Here's to hoping more non-autistic people can start learning about this, so they can know that: A. blunt doesn't mean rude; B. talking fast (or blunt/direct) doesn't always mean I want to get out of the conversation; C. more words doesn't equal better understanding (for me, too many words often convolutes the message)
So many good nuggets in this video! Someone telling me how I feel or what I meant by something is the fastest way to make me angry, and then you can’t convince them they have it wrong! I also really related to paying attention in a way that makes me seem like I’m not, and getting mentally teleported when overwhelmed. Also it’s nice to hear from the 40+ age group about this stuff too.
Yes. So much. The way others don't get short-circuited by the overwhelming "surround sound," it does seem like a perverse super-power. Like, NOBODY should be able to stand this, what is WITH these people? And yet, there is also this: the recollection comes to me, wasn't I able to stand this once upon a time? Yes, I was. My capacity to cope with it has declined exponentially over the past 25 years or so (I'm 66 now). When I was a teenager I could get a charge out of it, the excitement of the crowd. I vaguely remember that. And I remember what gave me a charge from it. Not a sense of involvement or connection to other people (that was never the case) but the sensation that the ambient roar was a blanket that hid me from perception. I could be there and not stand out for actually not being in with anybody. It was so much safer than, say, a school lunchroom where I was sitting all by myself.
Yes!!! I am beating myself up at almost 54, because I remember all of the chaotic things I used to do, taking the kids school clothing shopping for the new school year (all the obnoxious loud music that they play in stores for teenagers!!!). Going to the mall or in large department stores right before the holidays with crowds and Christmas carols, parking lots (working at a Kmart, even!!!). Just going to new places used to bring excitement in my teenager and young adult years. Driving long distances by myself and going to functions by myself was easy. Used to go to PUNK gigs. Now all that chaos brings dread, and it's a fresh piece of hell lol. Luckily, now I have my support human (my husband) who accompanies me on most things, because I can't seem to handle the basic adulty things. I can go to maybe one/two stores at one trip out, particularly ones I'm familiar with, and drive short distances (1-2 hours) to places that I know where I'm going. I wear earbuds at bunko night, because when people scream "bunko" it makes me cringe. When kids are screaming at play in a closed in spaces???. Oh, my goodness. Family get togethers where there a constant changing of plans-the worst!!!!Meltdown city! Having to wear sunglasses if there's any sun reflecting off of bright surfaces, even if I'm in the shade. Honestly, I get so angry and down on myself because I used to be such an independent, strong, go-get-it woman (had to be, never had close families or a tribe) and now I am like a scared little whining puppy.
@@carlawilliams6730 Don't get angry at yourself! I know, easier said than done, but nonetheless worth doing: don't get angry at yourself! It changes nothing, improves nothing, only makes life worse. And since it's entirely in your power not to do that, i.e., not to get angry at yourself, not to make things worse, then it's an eminently good option, not to get angry at yourself. We sometimes can't control other people getting angry at us, but how wonderful that we can peremptorily forbid ourselves to do it to ourselves. 🙂 You can't be a teen again (probably don't want to), but what you can do is explore this new landscape, the you that you are now, with the huge potential lurking behind the choice to manage life on YOUR terms, including the things you're indebted to nobody to like, go to, tolerate or "resonate" with. We're so understanding and caring when a blind person can't see a movie or a deaf person can't listen to a song, or a person in a wheelchair can't play football with us, yet we're just intimated to death at the notion of ever telling anybody, "No, I can't go to events like that, I'm autistic and the massive, raucous sensory immersion of that kind of environment is viscerally crushing to me." We're so afraid of people sneering and saying, "What on earth? You look perfectly fine, you're completely normal, don't be such a prima donna." Two things: 1) most people really won't do that, and, 2) the kind who would, you don't really want them as friends anyway. Accept who and how you are, NOW, and make it work for you, so you can thrive. Without apologies to anybody. They'll get used to it. They have to. People do.
Thank you very much for this video. And for other your videos! Right now I came into depression because of overloading. I have all that specific you speak about. Absolutely everything you described here! All my life I feel a lot of guilt because of that. But you support me a lot with this information. I will try to figure it out. And to approach my life to my specific needs. Thank you ❤
I'm not able to bring up any images in my head, and I love that you called out the crossovers of phrasing that until I realized I had some differences from others I thought were just weird turn-of-phrase. Like 'picture yourself on a beach' meant 'pretend that if you opened your eyes, you'd see a beach' or 'look at the teacher to show your paying attention' really meant ' look up to show the teacher that you aren't playing games on your calculator or doing homework from another class'. I was a total mind F to learn these phrases were literal, which is odd, because I often make mistakes because I take things too literal!
Well, I often fail to explain what being autistic means and why it is challenging. People just don’t get it, even if they try. Then I end up being mad and they give up eventually. What keeps us being the weird, complicated people who always mess everything up „needlessly“.
Yes, autism is like the wind blowing. You may not see it, but it's there! Moving stuff around, messing up the neatly ordered house of cards that you've painstakingly built using all your focus... At the same time, it's the type of wind that sometimes behaves like a sweet breeze, refreshing the room on a hot day! I'm not diagnosed with AUD yet, but I do have ADHD confirmed since I was 7 years old and have always felt very similar to most autistic experiences. I hope to be diagnosed correctly one day, in the meantime, I'll keep looking for tools such as this channel! Much love to everyone!!
You explain things in such a great way!!! It's so hard for me to talk and explain my experiences without sounding confusing. So I really appreciate how you explain things. Ill be showing my friends this video to express how it feels for me (I'm self-diagnosed because I can't afford testing as an adult... but I have been living with these or very similar experiences all my life) thank you so much for your videos!!!!
Thank you so much for your channel and for putting into words what I usually find so difficult to express. As I was recently diagnosed at 38, I can definitely relate to your experiences. It's so odd and (at the same time) satisfying to finally not feel guilty for not wanting to participate in most neurotypical activities. All of a sudden, I understood why I hate birthdays and why my safe space at home is so sacred. Your channel does provide a sense of belonging. Thank you.
So glad Ifoundyour channel! About the food, I was always a picky eater and would always get in trouble for not eating certain things, my sisters would make fun of me... all my life. Even when I was in my mid thirties one of my older sisters told me it was time to grow up and start eating beets (which I always hated with a passion). I got to where I would just tell people, I'm an adult now and no one can tell me, anymore, what to eat. I'm old now and just laugh about it. If my weirdness about stuff bothers you, too bad.
The first point is why my favourite places are in woodlands and forests, without many other people. I get a lot from very little. Flashy, loud, crowded places make me feel like I'm going to pass out.
Finally, someone has described what it is like when I struggle so hard to express what it feels like. I am 49 and have only been receiving help and support during the past few years. Essentially, I am on an extremely long waiting list, along with my daughter. I have become quite skilled at masking my internal struggles while attempting to fit into the neurotypical world around me for the past 40 + years. I feel some relief that I am finally beginning to understand myself and how to manage the negative impacts of being AuDHD in addition to the ups and downs of my CPTSD. Videos like yours provide a sense of relief, as I feel a sense of belonging and realize that I am not alone in these moments of distress. Thank you for your efforts.
Thanks for this - I have a video coming in a few hours about some of the things I've had to do to adjust after diagnosis, but I think the biggest one is getting to understand myself better. Then I don't have to be (quite) so exhausted all the time and am learning to advocate for what I need better too. I hope the support you're getting is improving things for you, and we have a lot more on the way with these topics, but just know that you're definitely not alone on some of these feelings!
Thank you for sharing this video. I really like your list and how you relate it to everyday life and common experiences. I have never once in my life felt like I belong anywhere, not even in my own family. These sorts of things can really take a toll emotionally on someone struggling with autism. What I would love to add is that autism frequently looks very different for girls and women, much like how ADHD looks different. While you have already made a video about girls and women with autism specifically, it's important to include the differences when talking about the general experiences of people on the spectrum rather than listing female symptoms as an exception to the norm. That's how we get a lot of people who don't believe a girl or woman when we say we are autistic because we don't present like the boys and men. The male experience is not the standard, neither the female.
Amazing video! I love your channel and thank you so much for mentioning aphantasia in education! It was and still is a huge struggle for me in certain classes to solve problems that mostly rely on visual approaches or mental imaging. Thankfully I’m in college now and I can sometimes find other resources and approaches that aren’t based on visualization but it takes a lot of time just to find those explanations and I still have to go about learning how to solve those visually based questions anyways. It is so painful and feels so unfair sometimes. Because it’s not a “disorder” there are no accommodations, so you’re just stuck not being able to solve certain questions because you can’t physically do the visualization technique that they’ve required you to do. I’m so over calc 2. I just want to get to my proof based classes 😭 wow that turned into an unexpected rant lol. Thanks to you both for taking the time and effort into making these videos for all of us!!😁
This is very interesting. I can relate to the heightened senses thing when I get high on magic mushrooms. That's what unlocks my inner autism. And yeah, like you said. There are pros and cons to the overwhelming sensory input experience
Going to any sort of food/drink place can be pretty stressful. Too many options, too many people, too many noises. Therefore, my Starbucks' order has been the same for the last 20 years; a hot, venti, caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso. I order this even if I'd rather have chai or something.
The drive thru is my go too... I hardly ever go in any more and even less stay at food places to consume my order. Everything is either to go or I eat in my car.
I really like this video of yours a lot. For me, it’s one of your best ones. I think you’re managing to find an online persona that comes across very natural and is fun.
I feel like I'm in an interesting space... I relate to practically all of this in some level, with the exception of feeling frequently misunderstood. Not sure if I just am surrounded in great people or if I'm better at communication than some. Though it IS hard for anyone to fully grasp my extreme adversion to some sounds and why being over exposed to them causes melt downs or dissociation. Deep conversations are more challenging, though. I can small talk easy because it's almost an auto-pilot thing. But for deeper conversations (which I love) I definitely have to pause for a long time to come up with good verbal replies. But I often fill some of the silence with "hmmm" and thinking gestures so people know I'm paying attention. Also I just LOVE that for the smells/flavors/textures bit you featured a massive adversion to pickles. I had to chuckle because I 100% react that way to them. And no, simply removing them from a sandwich isn't good enough... the bread is contaminated now.
The biggest thing I get is people ask me why I carry a plushy All The Time. I love my plushy so much and she's my comfort item and she helps me regulate emotions or even let me focus on homework and other tasks.
I'm just being investigated for autism at 41, and I used to carry a plushie *everywhere*, until people made me feel bad about doing it "you're too old for that now!" He was an Eeyore I got from Disneyland and he's still so loved, though very worn. Since having the realisation I could be autistic, I've started to let myself enjoy the comfort of those things again, and my brother in law bought me a bat Squishmallow for my birthday, and I've been enjoying all the sensations of how he feels to hold. His wings feel so smooth and soft and his belly is fluffy and nice to stroke. I'm trying to let go of the idea of being a "grown up" and not allowed to find comfort in a toy, and it's really helped me in some stressful situations. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to face judgement anywhere outside of my own home, but I've only been thinking about actually being autistic for a few months now 🙈 I was having a hard time with my mental health, and understanding it *could* be autistic burnout, so letting myself enjoy some comforts is actually really helping me. Sorry I talked a lot at you. I'm glad you find comfort in your plushie too 💕☺️
@@pantherinae_art No problem, Yea it took me a few years to comfortable having a plushy all the time, I'm 17 and going to university in the fall of 2025. I think I am just lucky that the people around me don't care that much, well at least my peers and university should be fine as well.
65 very recently diagnosed. Knowing that many autistics have problems with crowded or noisy places is a relief. Second thinking everything before I speak is normal, so is ordering the same food every time I go to a restaurant, listening rather than talking in a group setting. Many things I thought made me weird or strange or different may be true but I know now is normal for people who are autistic and process the world differently and it’s not just me. I guess having the explanation as to why I’m different is calming, or a relief, or maybe freeing. Happy, it just makes me happy to know why.
:') ADHD here, too. Watching videos like these for months and still can't say if it is really ADHD "by itself". Sounds like me. But not everything. I just can't catch it... Maybe AuDHD? :')
I also have ADHD. However, after years of working on my ADHD, I felt like there had to be more to the picture. Then one of my kids got diagnosed with Autism. It didn't take long after that to realize this is the piece of the puzzle I was missing. This was why I was never satisfied with my own performance. I have ADHD and Autism. I found out about the ADHD in my 20's. I found out about the Autism in my 50's. If there is any chance you think you might have Autism, be sure to look into it.
Thanks for the funny delivery. Refreshing to have a laugh while I’m worried. I’m between diagnostic sessions now. I worry if she’ll get me because I don’t think I interviewed well enough and I’ve heard so many stories about people getting diagnosed wrong. I did email a 17-page document broken down by DSM-5 category so hopefully I’m covered. Wish me luck.
I'm currently struggling with most of the issues you talked about in the 'how you got diagnosed' but with divorce and the nail in the coffin was the dances you were doing and the voice you said 'PASSION' in. Thanks for putting yourself out there and wish me luck on relearning how to live and not just survive.
Oh my gosh, "the exact right answer" is so relatable. Since most people think it's weird to pause instead of answering immediately, I've gotten into the habit of verbalizing my train of thought. As soon as I make connections to what I was saying, I say it, and often even change my mind out loud as I say and think new things. It ends up being a very long answer. Especially because I just have to explain why the answer is different for different people and why it's different for each one of those people. As for the eye contact, yeah. Looking back, those conversations where I look people in the eyes are the ones where I cannot, for the life of me, remember the specifics of what they were saying. Usually, only the title of the conversation makes it into storage, like "Important things to remember if you're thinking of studying nursing & my own experiences". It's like an outline. The title is there, and maybe some of the subtitles. Perhaps a minor point, here and there. The rest is just blank.
You both know I just love your channel. And again you are making me feel safe and make me laugh out loud! About the gas. I had a boyfriend run out of my bedroom from the smell. I laughed so hard. Then he comes in to the bedroom again and takes my hand and in a very serious voice he says that he really wants me to go and see a doctor ”…cause I think you have died inside!” 😂😂😂
Another issue that isn't common is dyscalcula. It's like dyslexia, but with numbers. I struggle with things like switching numbers around as well as things like differing between fifteen hundred and fifteen thousand...if it is fifteen hundred, I have to say the full number one thousand five hundred... it's so annoying when I get the two mixed up because it causes unnecessary panic with the other party. Especially when money owed is involved. Also, getting interrupted in a task is the worst hell.... it takes me at least 15 minutes just to remember what processes in the task being done and then the next steps.
I also have dyscalculia. It’s so embarrassing when I stumble over what to other people seems like very simple math! Im so grateful for smart phones so I always have a calculator on me now. And don’t get me started on analog clocks! Who wants to do math just to tell the time?! 😝
Yes, yes, yes, thank you for bringing this up. Dyscalculia is so frustrating. Besides what you mentioned, mine extends into the realm of physical space, mixing up left and right, and doing the opposite of what I meant to do. So frustrating...
I reallly liked that plant in the background with the red flowers. I've never seen anything like it. The tree branch which curves down the wall is spectacular! Well done on the garden and the video.
Chris cracks me up, and the videos are super informative, the combination of laughing and learning the whole time is amazing, thank you! In process of getting formally dx right now and going to write some things down from this video❤🎉
I was diagnosed at 49 and when I hear other autistics describe the same experiences it's such an overwhelming feeling. Like, I spent 49 years feeling different, but thinking if I could just try harder, or find the right way to do things, I'll be like everyone else. So many years trying to be like everyone else and failing. It's hard to realize when you're older and can't even go back and pick a better path. And the visualization thing, I once had a therapist try to get me to picture a box to put thoughts into and I just sat there for the longest time and I couldn't do it, so I finally just made something up to describe. Therapy never even could help me because therapists don't understand autism either.
Autism and trauma are such a daily battle and I am always met with gaslighting from family, but luckily my wife is amazingly supportive 💜 Kudos to everyone making ot out there! 🙏
Chris your dialogue about the questions at Starbucks was 100% on point for me. Too much sensory overwhelm in there to answer unanticipated questions!! Thank you for your videos, I feel so seen and validated. After having thought I was just “weird” my whole life, it’s so good to know I just have a brain that works differently
Thank you for this, Chris! I relate to this so much. I would say that the misophonia and being misunderstood are the two most common things that I personally experience.
Thank you for this video I thought I had been kind of dumb in my whole life because it always felt like I needed more time to think of answers to things and the answers come up aren’t dumb, but it takes me a second, and I felt very overwhelmed for a very long time with that
late diagnosed also here-- but there are two circumstances in which i really feel autism in daily life; 1. i can never tell how people view me or where i stand with them unless they tell me and if i ask it can seem vain or like I'm asking for a compliment but actually i just want to understand how i seem to other people... and then 2. is that people constantly assume my intentions or thoughts are different than they are. i cannot be friends with naturally suspicious people especially, because they assume i have an ulterior motive or bad intentions when I'm just going about my life. i often have to expressly tell people that there is no hidden meaning behind things that i say and assure them that the emotion I'm expressing is the one i genuinely feel. [NTs doing the opposite seems to cause them no end of trouble, anyway]
Not wanting to answer the door when there is a surprise knock is a 'tism thing?! I've always had an aversion to answering the door and could never really articulate why. When you mentioned that, I was like 😯
I feel a lot of these as well: I am late diagnosed high masking AuDHD (diagnosed at 42) and my entire life I just didn't understand people and I have a hard time with sounds and smells that no one else ever noticed. That people would have a disconnect between their words and actions and that I could not take what they said at face value (took me a lot of years to figure that out and led ot a lot of trust issues). I was and am always running scenarios for everything that could potentially happen so that I can practice in my head what I would do or say so if I ever have that thing happen I have practiced what I will do in advance. I can't go do a new thing without spending days running scenarios in my head. I can't just go to a new restaurant or start up a new public activity or even go to a new grocery store without first researching everything I can about it and practicing in my head how it will go. I grew up feeling like a badly programed robot. My brain was a computer that was running different software than other people I knew, but I could write in extra code to patch my issues and pretend. I wanted to be a chameleon. I had to pretend to be someone I was not so that I could try to make friends. I tried to be a different someone for each group of people I interacted with because each group had different things they liked and having all these different masks was exhausting. I spent 20 years of adulthood going through constant burnout cycles and didn't understand why. Why was everything so hard, why was I so tired, why could I not make new friends. Why would my co-workers get mad at me for doing my job well (do you know how frustrating it is to be told you need to take your work ethic down a notch because you are making other employees look bad????? Why are they even working here if they don't want to do their best job argh! ). Finding out that my issues were rooted in being autistic and having additional adhd related executive function issues was such a relief to me. Knowing that all these struggles were not just in my head and that there was a reason for it all and that I wasn't bad at life or lazy or uncaring -> that I was actually doing amazingly well for being so neuro different was incredibly validating.
I once had a manager tell me that I “care too much” and should “not take my job so seriously.” I was making her look bad by being too competent at my job. I would think of ways to streamline procedures and make the office run more smoothly - things she’d never thought of even though she’d worked there for years. She actually said, “Can you just not care so much?”
It really frustrates me when I try to explain something or give my opinion and or perspective and it’s met with. You got an answer for everything don’t you, or you are a smart ass, or told I’m being mean and cold. Especially being told I lack empathy for not taking action towards making someone else feel good as much or at all. When all I thought I was doing was giving logical perspective and or valid enough points to the discussion. Don’t get me started on eye contact. Especially when I speak. I give little eye contact at all. And barely any when I listen unless I need to see your face to have visual confirmation. It use to frustrate me how often my emotions where read wrong or how often I’m asked if I am okay when I’m sitting silently in bliss processing everything around me. Especially when I’m outside. Now I simply accept it as it comes. If I focus too much on my facial expression I freak out and othering it. If I smile all the time my face gets tired. I stress over trying to make conversation in every social environment which is very unnatural for me. All the things that did help me become approachable is uncomfortable no matter how much I do it. I end up drained and exhausted in the end anyways.
Oh the processing time to answer a question is on point. Often times someone else will answer the question while I am still processing. Or very irretated.
I feel so fortunate that I can spend most of day at home and so going to drive somewhere has become less frequent thank goodness. I totally relate to these issues and eye contact has always been issue, besides being overly sensitives to my senses especially noises. As you were talking I am also processing that is me too. I hear and feel that much the same. I never knew I was masking all of my life. To fit in to the few social situations, I realize my masking is heightened to a greater extent.
Assessed at 53 and its been an insane life changing experience! Complex trauma is a thing too! Anyway.. there's a book to go along with it! This is a great channel and super well done. Nice to see all of your experiences! ❤
I am so Grateful for your channel! I am a subscriber. My 30 yr old son is similar to you but is finding it difficult to fully mask and it’s affecting his job security. I appreciate your information and examples you explain as well as the scenes you recreate certain experiences! I actually see MYSELF more and more too (I’m 59 yrs old). I don’t read all the comments so forgive me if this is a repeat question….. Pls consider making a video IN REAL TIME of your experience and reaction naturally! It would be so helpful to see the REAL YOU in action (without prep time)! Even something like your Starbucks experience! Again, thank you so much for dedicating your time to informing/educating your viewers. 😊
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Can you relate to any of these experiences? Are there others we missed that you'd include as a unique but common autistic experience? Drop your thoughts below!
I relate to a lot of these and I like to watch peoples mouths to help my process what people are saying to me. I have done this since I was little to the point I can lip read people with a local accent to me. One thing that is different, maybe because I am female and have leant to study others and mask from a young age, is that I can pick up others behaviours and learn what is normal with people I spend time with. From this I can pick up if something is wrong and know if I need to ask if they are ok. Even if they say they are fine I know they are not and know I need to give then extra attention and care.
i definitely have higher sensory experiences and can get overwhelmed and shut down like you did. i think getting the loop earplugs or wearing headphones can help(it helps for me)
@DRAGONFLYS06 same experience here, especially re lip-reading, and I remember my mum telling me (when I was little) that she found it easier to lip-read, too - and that she had to learn how to do things differently as they didn't sink in. Pretty sure she had ASD, too, though neither of us was ever diagnosed.
I just wanted to comment here and make a suggestion about the Starbucks thing. I order ahead on the app. Usually, the drink is ready when I get there. It's made life sooo much easier. I also do this sometimes for groceries and food. It eliminates so many difficulties for me.
@@desertdarlene trueee
I get really upset when someone is making assumptions about my emotions or actions. I've dealt with it my entire life and at this point I feel like I shut down automatically because it's beyond exhausting having to constantly mask AND having to explain that I'm not whatever said person thinks I am. I JUST WANT TO EXIST WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. This is why I prefer to be alone 99.999% of the time.
It's not too much to ask of humanity, but humanity makes us feel like we are asking for too much
Absolutely
Yes! Please just ask me before you assume. I will not be offended if you say it sounded weird! The people who think being monotone or neutral is automatically negative also drives me nuts. If I say it is never negative and to not assume it is negative, just trust me that I mean it.
I agree to that. I feel the same.@LokeSaturnine
Same. Being falsely accused of doing, thinking, feeling, or saying something, or of having motivations I don’t have is one of my biggest triggers. I can’t stand not being believed, especially when I’m not even allowed to defend myself.
Does anyone else have internal rage over small changes? ATM I'm really pissed off at the change they made to the ads on RUclips.
Yep. I've gotten really frustrated over that exact same thing. So you're definitely not alone in that. Sometimes I feel silly about it, but I've found it's better to just let myself feel through it. I try to ask myself what the anger wants to do and imagine doing that, but not actually do the thing.That seems to help a bit. A brief distraction or stimming seems to help too.
Ugh! So its not just me! It has really bothered me and I can’t stop talking about it (to myself)!
Yes
Thank god someone else noticed! The ads are so annoying I’m almost not interested in watching videos anymore
The ads thing is for everyone. It’s disgusting they force the ads onto people. I get free content yada yada but no one wants the ads. It’s why I don’t have many Google or facebook services as possible. It’s so intrusive
Being autistic is like being in the movie Everything Everywhere All at Once. It’s like I experience the past, present, and future, possible timelines, and every sensory experience all at once. It’s a lot sometimes but then I find new music like or a big chunk of time to do my special interests and it’s wonderful. When my brain has something to focus on uninterrupted, it’s bliss. Otherwise it’s a cacophony of thoughts and senses and it’s really overwhelming.
You nailed it. Also, sometimes the reactive uncontrollable stims are as preposterous as the actions in the movie, lol.
Precisely!
YES! It's why I LOVE being alone focusing on something. It's infuriating when someone interrupts me because they think I'm, like, bored or something.
Oh yes. I completely relate to this.
❤oooooh your comment gave me great vibes I'm gonna see new perspectives 🎉🎉🎉
Being autistic is like playing life on hard mode while being told it’s actually normal mode. I recently told a co-worker that sometimes the world is just uncomfortable for me to be in. … needless to say, I love my house
This is an excellent analogy I have to say *chef's kiss*
I was telling someone today about how I like to confine my spaces. I just feel better if things aren't overly wide open. When I clean up and there's just more available space, it feels weird. It feels even weirder when I see open spaces that other people have (in pictures or videos) and I think "Oh, that so cool looking" but then when I'm in one of those spaces I'm wildly uncomfortable. The world seems to love open spaces, at least currently, and I find it off-putting.
I just used that analogy with a friend with the addition of having to play hard mode with slightly different controls.
Nailed it! It’s like everybody plays normal and you play hard but they say it is normal to you too. And you wonder what the f is wrong with you why you can not keep up with everybody else…
⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️⬅️➡️B,A,start
Another informative and helpful video. I'm high-masking, and was 75 when I self-diagnosed (there are NO resources within several hundred miles for adult autistics) and have spent close to two years rather intensely re-learning who I am. And as usual, your humor is so enjoyable.
your self diagnosis is valid ❤ I've had a therapist straight out tell me that in her 12 years in the field she's never met an autistic who was wrong. Only anomolie was one she convinced to get tested to "rule out". If you resonate with this, you're one of us. ❤
@t3hsis324 this is a beautiful thing to say to OP. Also So validating to hear as a 40yr old who is learning all this for the first time. I'm sure I'll get people who don't believe me based on outdated beliefs, but at the end of the day, it's what we know to be true for us and how we self care, that matters.
It's helpful for me to hear from someone who's my age and a year further down the road of re-learning myself. I find it a relief some of the time to finally have an explanation for things that have been happening (or not) my whole life.
@lynncohen1297 I was diagnosed at 57 and there are no services for adults here either. I'm meeting with my local state rep tomorrow. I found out she has an autistic daughter so I'm hopeful she will be receptive to all my frustrations.
Honestly, I live in a major metro area, and I've gotten way more help and support from RUclips videos than I have from what passes for a health care system.
😢 4:43 This is something I haven't heard mentioned in the community. I was splendiphorous but now I am mad.
I was always so happy as a child, and I remember people asking why I was mad, and then becoming mad as a second-hand emotion to fear of being misunderstood. I needed this today. I haven't had the desire to speak to anyone openly in weeks. Insufferable months and years if trying to "make others understand". I'm ALWAYS WRONG. 🥺 even when I know I'm right and they misunderstand. Sometimes, I just really hate being right.
14:44 Im pretty sure you can't; let's try to find another way.
Everything i needed to hear that I wish loved ones understood.
I understand you, it's so difficult sometimes to morph your words in a way to get people to understand, and then your mind blanks and you forget half of the words you need to use and then you jumble your sentence up and they misunderstand anyway
Autism is a mess for anxiety. I just sucked it up before I found out I was autistic, and people would sometimes ask if I was ok at restaurants and whatnot. Starting a new job is anxiety inducing, and has a huge impact on my memory, so I feel like a worthless employee for a long time until I can get my brain to chill out. Also, having tinnitus and being autistic at the same time is the worst, because tinnitus almost always comes with an auditory processing disorder, and the stimuli from that in combination with being autistic is terrible. I'm just a mess of nerves all the time it feels like. Take care of your ears. It sucks.
Yes! Tinnitus is a constant stressor. I manage to tune it out some of the time, because otherwise I would lose my mind, but it always wears at me, because, sound sensitivity. I haven’t experienced true silence in decades.
@jimwilliams3816 that's a mess dude. I've had it for about 6 years now. I got it when I was in the military before I found out I had autism. I'm convinced that about half of the military has some brand of autism, because everyone is like I am. It takes a special brand of person to join the military. But I'm not looking forward to the rest of my life having to deal with tinnitus. I just hope it doesn't get much worse.
@@wyattblack6705Yes, tinnitus is a really sucky stressor. Please consider getting your hearing checked. Often? Most of the time? it is correlated with hearing loss, and getting hearing aids can slow down cognitive decline.
I have tinnitus as well and got it checked out at the hospital. My hearing turned out to be excellent and it is a mental issue caused by stress.. Also have issues with balance and get dizziness frequently. I recently got diagnosed as being autistic and struggle with anxiety, turns out everything is related. Now at home with a burnout that has been lingering for a few years, lost my job, had to stop with my studies and still taking care of our household and raising 2 small children.. Not the most ideal combination to reduce worries and stress 😅
@@somuchtoknow1950 it is correlated with hearing loss. I was in an artillery unit, and there's nothing that can properly help your ears when you're right on the gun line.
I never even considered that i could be autistic. But you are the ONLY person who has ever described me, or my experience of things, to me. Nobody else has ever been close to understanding my perspective. I thought people were just all too unique to truly understand each other.
I totally resonate with this comment. My brother is autistic (diagnosed) but I've never until this year considered that maybe I could be too, just presenting in a different way than he does. But I relate so hard to nearly everything on this channel.
@@falsename2285 I didn't consider either. You might want to read my book 'Living with Autism Undiagnosed '. I was diagnosed at 57.
@Super_Sair I'm in the exact boat as you! My younger brother was diagnosed when he was a baby, and I think him being somewhat non-verbal makes it more "obvious". But I find videos like this too and relate SO much!
You nailed it! (Oops. I'm not supposed to understand figurative language. Lol.) I especially relate to Not being understood, because NTs assign Their motives and thinking to what I say, and it clearly misses the mark. People assume and don't ask or clarify. Please. Ask. Clarify. Don't assume. So we can finally have a meeting of minds.
And, here I am nailed by you both. Ow.
Funny thing is I speak and communicate in such figurative language I virtually have my own personal idiom.
I'm 31 and likely undiagnosed. Everyone acts like i'm crazy when I hate being interrupted when i'm working on something. I genuinely don't get how it's so easy for others to just switch gears. I need 3 business days thank you. It genuinely feels like someone grabbed me by the back of the head and slammed my face into the wall. There's a physical sensation I feel to being forced to switch gears. Not having a meltdown every time that happens is something I struggle with a lot.
Same!! Everyone thinks I'm an asshole .....😥 Certain things that others do that to me seems like common sense, they don't even acknowledge....I'll just flip. Feel like I'm a very light hearted happy person ...but I seem to always catch people talking some sort of smack, and never get over that. They will be on the list until the end of time. Oh, and I ramble on and on and on😂🤦♂️
Yh this is me (officially diagnosed) as well. This is why I cannot function in an open office environment, and my smartphone is always on silent. I also don't answer phone calls.
omg - I can even stand it when my cats interrupt me when I'm in the middle of something.
That giving eye contact but not actually listening is so real. 😅
It’s just such a weird feeling too 😂😂
If I ever look like I'm staring at someone talking intently, really, I'm just staring at the wall behind them barely listening to whatever they are talking about
😂😂 My grandfather finds it disrespectful when I don't look at him, but he doesn't understand that I'm actually being respectful- it means I'm listening. When I do look at him, I can't actively listen, because I'm just thinking how I'm uncomfortable. And how much eye contact is too much, too little, etc. Or I just zone out into my own inner world. Depends. 😅
Weirdly enough, when I stare at someone's shoes or something else, I listen better than when I look at their eyes.
Went through that a few hours ago at an interview.. im still living in that reality, imagining myself being there, and doing things better instead of living here and now.
I was so focused on looking "normal", that it was extremely hard to focus on what he was telling me. So i had to make him repeat the questions multiple times because the eye contact was so uncomfortable.
Its not easy, but it went alright i think
Note to Chris and Debbie
Chris - someone commented that being autistic means being angry most of the time. I can relate to this. Dx'd at 53, I'm going through the 5 stages of grief. Mostly through the denial phase, and now just angry. Angry for not knowing for so long. Angry for the stress its put on my life. Angry that I got married without knowing how difficult it is to be in a close relationship with someone neurotypical. Angry for making their lives less than what they could have had if they had known I was autistic up front. Angry for never being understood. Angry for never knowing how or what to say in emotional situations. Angry because while I can support my family financially, I cannot give them what they need mentally or emotionally. Angry because as I get older I'm more forgetful (on top of the limited executive function forgetfulness). I've literally gone outside and cursed god at the top of my lungs for giving me this nightmare that no one can see, and no one can be supportive of. How do you and Debbie cope when the overwhelming feeling of incompetence floods in? When you're told there's tools you can learn from a therapist, but all they teach is how to fake not having autism (like keeping a list of birthdays, etc, or sticky notes to remind you of basic things). And on top of that, insurance doesn't touch neurodiverse therapy, so you get to watch $200/consultation disappear for just some reassuring mantras. No matter what, I'll have the emotions of a teenager, and being told 'just grow up' don't help, so yeah... how do you manage the anger?
I really feel this...
I'm not diagnosed, but I'm positive I have it thanks to videos like this one. (Not sure I want to even bother with the process out of fear of being misunderstood.)
It's so easy to get down about "what could have been" if only I had known sooner.
Holy crap. Well, what you described seemed like you were talking about me. I think the best tools I have found are good autistic content creators here on RUclips. Chris and Debbie, Autistimatic, etc. Discussing what it is like to be autistic, explaining normal human experiences through an autistic perspective, and sharing successes and failures. Some of the worst has also been in similar social spaces with toxic autistic people that seem to be using and manipulating the autistic community as some sort of tool… even when those people are also autistic… even when I may side or empathize with what they’re advocating for. I just cannot feel like i am being manipulated like that. That is what living in a neurotypical world feels like and I don’t need that from neurodivergent communities, too.
The best tool that is out there is to “know thyself”. When you think you know, question that. When you think you’ve accommodated yourself enough, do it more. Then you will learn how much of it you really require and how much is beneficial over that. And learn that you’re going to have to keep managing that… and you’ll have failures.
I totally get this and I think it's important for you to feel all of those things to process. Like you said, it is grief and there are stages.
Something to remember, though, is that there will be positives for your family which stem from your autism. Also, by getting diagnosed you show willingness to understand yourself so you can be better for them.
Another thing I try to see as a positive is that because I didn't know I was autistic growing up, I had a lot of experiences that I probably would avoid now. I didn't realise I wasn't neurotypical, so I just took part in many situations that were uncomfortable for me. It was difficult and uncomfortable, but I also think it helped me to develop social skills that have helped me in the long run. It came at a cost, obviously, but I can't change it so I may as well try to see the bright side. Being diagnosed late in life, this is probably true for you too.
It does get easier after diagnosis. I was quite upset for a while after mine because the report they wrote just seemed like a list of all my deficiencies. But over time I realised I am still me and now I have the power of knowledge on my side. Hopefully you will too 😊
I'm so angry, all the time, and I am exhausted. I don't want to be anymore. At least once a day I cycle through whether or not I'm just a mean, hurtful person. I'm sorry you know this anger, and I hope we can both find our ways sooner than later. Much love to you friend.
weight training accompanied by aggressive music
The best explanation is its like perpetually being hung over all input is overwhelming, sounds, smells and textures. There's also almost constantly multiple concurrent thoughts going on at once and the only thing that really slows it is to hyper focus on one thing.
The last one is ADHD.... Not autism. They're not the same thing.
As redpanda said, the last bit is much more related to ADHD. My therapist repeatedly reject the idea of me being au-ADHD. I did not agree with her. I had too many ADHD symptoms that made my life even harder than it already was. Sometimes I felt like my thoughts were on a high-speed train and I had to grab them from there to function, all that wind noise of light speed thoughts was sometimes unbearable. Not to mention the struggle on needing routine and at the same time could not keep up with any for more than a week. Not remembering important stuff, appointments, getting late to things, the attention deficit made it hard to work. After visiting a psychiatrist, she gave me medicine for ADHD, luck me that ones has treatment. The fast thoughts and attention deficit improved enormously. Go seek a second, third opinion if needed. Autism often comes with an extra attachment 🤡
Oh my gosh, you just explained the whole people hearing you through a filter!!!! I've been trying to explain that to people for years! I also ask, "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" I have this freakin' internal narrative that I'm to blame. This weird backwards self-centeredness that I have that much influence on others' moods. And I am currently going through an identity crisis and just learning about myself at almost 54. So glad I'm not alone ❤
At 42 I'm with you all the way. I'm also just having the realisation that I'm likely autistic and that part of the video described it in such a way that hit me like a truck. It answers so many questions. I honestly thought I had a major mental illness but was too scared to see a doctor about it. "If I have problems communicating, how the hell am I supposed to explain to a stranger?". This video and comments like yours has given me the push I need to get checked.
I've been pretty depressed and anxious the last few days because I've been experiencing extreme sensory overload and after watching your video I feel much better. I even laughed out loud a few times because I saw myself in it so much and how absurd all these situations are sometimes. Thank you so much for that!
I always send people who want to understand me better to your channel. If they actually do that, and/or care to know me... well, that's out of my hands. I would say the final stage of coming to terms with autism is accepting that some things will simply never change... no matter how much we wish they would.
Yup. About to send a video of his to my husband. This stuff is blowing my mind and it would be helpful for him to know exactly whats going on with me.
I’m overwhelmed by the high color saturation on the narration shot…😂
I thought it was really pretty and I was staring at the shades of blue in the folds of fabric and the needoh in contrast :D
Also there’s to much synthetic content on the fabric of that blur hoodie. It’s giving me static feels 😮😮😮
I can talk to three people well. I can talk to four people marginally. Five people are right out, I can't devote enough effort to keep track of their facial expressions and vocal inflections.
I can deal with sounds and smells. When I was a child I couldn't handle these things well, but over the years I learned to turn off certain parts of myself. I've made the mistake of telling people about this ability and they say it's impossible. It isn't impossible, it just takes a lifetime of practice.
I try to make people comfortable, but they wear me out. Socialization is an active effort, like flexing a voluntary muscle, it takes effort and concentration and it exhausts me. UNLESS I am with someone like me, then it gets so much easier.
I cannot talk to anyone, halfway through a sentence I completely forget wtf I was talking about and than start randomly talking about something unrelated.
I had learned to manipulate my dreams. I was always tired and burnt at my teens. I had to sleep 10 to 12 hours a day to get the needed recovery, one day a friend of mine told me about this dream of hers that she was flying. At that time I had never dreamed about me flying. From that day on I started to figure out how to make it happen. It actually worked out, I had this continuous dreams that I just fly around, everywhere for many years during high school. From that point on, nightmares were off the table and I can induce my mind to go some paths I want. At some point of the sleep cycle I can actually be present on my own dreams. I really get amazed on how powerful our mind is, and had learned to respect that even before my diagnosis.
Every time. Every. Single. Time. Every time you release a new video, I cry. I hear you speak; I hear what you say, and every single time it's like the bongs of a church bell, vibrating through my body, heart, and soul. Thank you for helping me change my life. Thank you for helping me not feel like a monster. Thank you for helping me feel more than, and not less. Just thank you for everything, and I love you both dearly.
Wow. I love your videos. I was very very late diagnosed... or at least late for on my part. My parents were told about my "condition" when I was 9 or 10, but they refused to accept it. My mother actually said "We've never had anything like that in our family and we're not going to start now." So I spent 60+ years working things out on my own. I had no idea that there was such a thing as high masking! It's a long story. The short version is that knowing I am not weird or alone is a great comfort. I view my autism not as a problem, but just as a difference with no value judgement. In fact, I hate it when people (like my doctor) tell me, "oh, you're not autistic!" Anyway, thank you for helping me understand and making me feel better.
Ugh, your mom saying that to you breaks my heart! I hate it when parents think their opinions can change facts. My mom's the same way
My favorite experience is preemptively thinking about all the possible ways social encounters can go so that I am prepared to respond to those encounters and carry myself through it in a functional way. This of course means a huge vulnerability to getting caught off guard which leaves me barely able to interact
I like your reference to adoption, I’m adopted and late diagnosis autistic at 51, and diagnosed ADHD and CPTSD…. Life has been hell to be honest, but know I am on a new journey of rediscovering myself and loving who I am.
I have to thank you for this video! It came at the right time. I am 41 years old and was first diagnosed with ADHD, but quickly learned that I was actually AUDHD with more autistic traits. For 27 years I was in therapy and tried every antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication and nothing ever seemed to work. Finally when I was in Portugal last year I talked to a psychiatrist who was also specialized in diagnosing people on the spectrum. This has been the most major eye opening event of my life. I always had a problem with noise, social interactions and had this almost telepathic ability because my pattern recognition was so intense, but anytime I spoke to a therapist I would talk about my depression and anxiety, believing the noise issues, social issues were all because I was in a negative headspace. Turns out I was in a negative headspace because of the noise and sensory overload. I am trying to find my way now to be healthy in my environment (living in Trinidad 🇹🇹 which is a loud, chaotic fast paced culture). Thank you again brother! I hit subscribe and looking forward to learning more
This rings so many bells... Too loudly!! 😂❤
As someone whose parents are from the Caribbean, I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to be born there! Thank you for sharing your experiences, best of luck to you 🙏🏽
@@justinwebb3117 lol apologies on the noise
@@Jae-by3hf the Caribbean has some beautiful chill islands. Trinidad is not one of them. Trinidad is one of the most dangerous countries in the world and just a really loud, toxic culture.
I have learned to use a seam ripper instead of scissors. Gets rid of the tag completely, and helps with the side tags as well.
I wish that commercials, on TV, computer, phone, etc., would not have images that move or pop in or out or vibrate, or scroll from one to another. They just need to stay put! If I can't cover them up, I have to get off whatever site I'm on.
I was eating yogurt when the "gassing up" segment started. the flow is much better now that you use Chris and Debby home videos. you can still cut out more cutaways. it's nice to let people's eyes rest. keep the creative bits like the clapping monkey. let your visual entertainment match your verbal entertainment. good work
omg seriously it makes me so disoriented and angry!!!!
Me too!
Temu was an immediate Heck No! The ads are in your peripheral and are non stop. Its INSANE!
and commercials SCREAM at you! WHY? It sends me into mini rages everytime a commercial comes on, its so unexpected.
Do you mean to tell me that when my brain randomly kicks everyday words out of my vocabulary, OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THAT PROBLEM TOO??? I feel so validated right now. So many people in my life get so frustrated when they talk to me because I'll get hung up on a word that I just *can't* think of and won't for the duration of the conversation, but I'll get stuck on trying to figure it out for rest of the day, which makes me irritable and distracted.
Oh my word, Chris, thank you. I think I'm autistic.
I hate it. Lot of time I just wont engage in a conversation because my otherwise cool humorous speach lacks an everyday object or concept’s name so it would be stupid to tell half my sentence and freez… lots of time my colleges names wont come to my mind and it is so frustrating not being able to speak to them because how should I start if I dont know her/his name. Hey you - person whom I speak everyday but I dont remember your name right now - could you help me?
@leejordan001 it's so freaking frustrating. And the other person in the conversation is usually very gracious, but I can still feel their impatience as I struggle to get my everyday words out.
And phone calls?? Forget that. I prefer not to stumble over my words EVEN MORE with a stranger who can't see my wild gestures to explain myself.
Having one’s access code or pin in a pattern on the number pad really helps. It’s the only way I can remember the numbers.
I taste what I smell, feel what I see, touch what I hear.
Synesthesia
Same !
My wife has Aphantasia. She cannot visualise anything in her mind, including friends or relations. When I told her I could visualise everything, her mind was blown!
Hyperphantasia is the opposite of Aphantasia.
It wasn't until recently that I learned it was possible for someone to not "see with their mind's eye." It seems I probably have hyperphantasia. At some of the most inconvenient times, I find that the "projector screen of my mind" has turned off external visual input. This happened a few times while I was driving. In the nick of time, my mind reverts to external visual input and I can avoid a collision, thankfully.
Haha. Yes! I always assumed visualizing was just another figure of speech. Everyone just plays along, right? 😅
I'm autistic and have acquired aphantasia due to a brain injury
Whoa. That's horrible, but also interesting. I hope it's not rude to ask how it feels to have aphantasia when you haven't had it the whole time? If it is, please ignore me. @@anfie2495
What blew my mind is when I learned that 1/3rd to 1/2 of people don't have an internal monologue.
How does that work?
I deal with a lot of different anxieties and I struggle with socializing and just going to the store. After realizing that I am AuDHD and not bipolar, I have stopped taking the numerous different psychiatric meds I bounced back and forth from for close to 20 years. Currently I am dealing with how to overcome 6 years of homelessness and drug use..... Thankfully I am on the road to getting my life back on track and am no longer homeless or hooked on drugs. It's only been within the last two years that I have been exploring my autistic and ADHD nature and broken free of the bipolar medication and everything that goes with it. I can honestly say that I am a much happier and grounded individual and although I am just now finding out who I REALLY am, and I have a lot of work still left to do, I am hopeful for my future for the first time in a while. I just wanted to say thank you again for the content and for continuing to help me to see that I do have a place where I belong.
Ive zoned all my life and have missed out on a lot of life. Classrooms were so loud I went into another world or planet, couldnt nake any friends, they told me I was a space case because I would zone. They were polite but didn't play with me. I wished I had someone to eat lunch with and play with during recess like regular kids. I got zeros on my report card and i didn't know why. 😢
Videos like yours not only help me understand myself, but other autistics, too. I deal with a lot of autistic people at work and sometimes they seem rude or irritable. However, I have learned that they're not trying to be rude. They're just direct and perhaps anxious, so they're not being careful about what they say or don't know how they come across. I try to make their lives easier because I know how I feel in these situations.
Thank you for your comment. I come across as rude as I'm direct, honest and sometimes sound aggressive or grumpy.
I wear a disability lanyard but it hasn't helped.
I've been dismissed and banned from places (inc places that have been therapeutic for me) without any discourse, without warning, and without them taking into account that I have "protected characteristics" and so "reasonable adjustments" should be made for me.
I've lost so much - so much good stuff from places that were good for me and for my particular gifts and talents.
I've rapidly gone downhill and recently attempted su - icide again.
All I want is acceptance and ways for me to be able to move forward and stay with these organisations, but they just throw me out, reject me, get rid of me.
Life's not worth living at the moment. I've had so much rejection I can't take anything else.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I believe it will get better for you. I'm sure it can get better. I don't know what it will take or how long it will take before you see hope, but I hope you can fight the despair and stay here with us. You are a valuable person.
Thank you. 49, and discovering...I very well may be autistic (testing is in my future). I love the humor and light-heartedness you bring into this subject.
This is so validating and made me emotional to realize how much I could relate. I'm 41 and I'm in the process of getting an official diagnosis.
That's the same age I was when I got diagnosed!
Me, autistic and works at starbucks 😭 i just zone out while making drinks but when i started there it was soooo hard 😭
I've been watching autistic creators carefully, very VERY carefully since my diagnosis in May. (Comparing and contrasting feelings, experiences, behaviors, and challenges to try to enable me to better understand myself.) I relate to many (majority actually), and some not quite as much. I understand this, of course, and I am making progress. Getting others to understand this about me is painfully difficult - and I am always feeling so misunderstood.
I have to say that out of everyone, everything you share in your videos is also telling my tale. You describe my challenges, my ways of thinking and also my own body's horrible embarrassing manifestation of anxiety, hence helping me to feel not so alone, and not such an outcast. Thank you. You're like my stranger platonic Fartner in Autism, and I appreciate everything you are doing 🙏🏼
Did you mean to write "Fartner" or did you mean Partner? Because either way - considering the whole "gassing up" part of this video, "Fartner" made me giggle, I love that. 🤭😂 I'mma legitimately use that word from now on.
@@rememberhilde I used my super masking power and concocted my comment around a "mainstream" styled punch-line! I couldn't stop laughing myself! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I swear that laughter IS the best medicine ❤️
The one autistic experience I wish I could share is the relief after receiving a diagnosis. I didn't end up feeling like I was part of any group. I don't feel "different." It simply explained HOW I am btoken.
The brokenness remains. The struggles remain. And, my inability to have a life worth living remains.
Maybe there's more I could learn that would get me there, but the diagnosis alone certainly wasn't enough.
I didn't realize how much the world tore me down until I started working from home 2 years ago. It's to the point now that just the thought of leaving my apartment gets me spiraling. All those people, the lights, the sounds I have to be really desperate to make myself go out. Typically it's only for the doctor or emergencies. I get everything delivered and just don't socialize at all. Existence was always difficult. I never understood how people chose to go out and party. Never could do both. If I socialize I can't work. If I work I can't socialize. There is simply not enough time to recover if I'm trying to do both. I tried really really hard for years. I never understood why after about a year of a job it just became so freaking hard to make myself get out of bed and go to work on Monday. Before switching to WFH I was wearing headscarves, sunglasses, and earplugs consistently to get through the day. Then weekends I never left my room. Stayed in there in the dark alone. I LOVED my job though. It was so freaking cool to say I worked at Mercedes-Benz R&D. I finally just couldn't anymore. I did not want to leave but I was having anxiety/panic attacks driving home from work and my family never saw me. I'm undiagnosed at 43. I have an autistic daughter as well. After doing my own research and just being her mom I'm clearly on the spectrum too. We just get each other so much and I've never had a problem understanding her reactions or feelings. Being in my body her stuff just makes sense to me too. No one ever tried to understand me though. I was that kid that was told to go outside and play alone all day. No neighbors so no interactions with people and since my family never saw me I guess they figured I was fine. I was not fine. I existed in my own little world and most of the time still do.
THIS IS SO RELATABLE! I literally spend most of my interactions trying to look like im listening by making eye contact and using appropriate body language...I can't actually listen and do this at the same time aghhh
I realised that I'm autistic, being 48, but actual diagnosis I've got at 51 because of long waiting lists. And yes - these things are so real. Misunderstandings... By the time you just get paranoid about being misunderstood and then explain every single thing in at least two or three ways, till people get annoyed and stop you saying that you are going in rounds... And eye contact. If I actually make eye contact it feels too intense and I start loosing the audio completely. But all my childhood I've been told that looking into eyes mean speaking truth and away means lying. And since I'm too honest for this world, it's rather offensive to think that I'm lying, but with that eye-contact there's no compromise...
And, for every email, you write, re-write, edit, check, re-do, update, go over, amend, etc, etc, etc - until the person you're responding to sends a follow-up message to see if you received and understood/are actioning their first one and you have to start all over again! 😵💫😫
One way to adapt, is to look at the space between people's eyes. Just above their nose. The flat space. It's also a good way to avoid picking up someone's anger if they're being unpleasant or yelling or angry.
Staring at the flat spot still looks like you're looking into their eyes.
Most people can't tell the difference if you're staring at that spot on their face.
I’m really enjoying this channel.
Thank you!! Glad you got to join our premiere today - hope you have a great week, and let us know if you have any suggestions for topics!
Your videos are incredibly validating.
I appreciate that!
Awesome Channel and So Relatable!! Thanks for the grins!! Reflections of AuDHD self!
I love these types of videos. It lets me know that I am not alone in dealing with these things. That is extremely comforting.
Interestingly (to me), I have the opposite of the not-being-able-to-visualize thing. I'm not here to brag, but to show how different we can be. I visualize like crazy, and can rotate three-dimensional objects in my head, no paper needed -- one of the few advantages of being wired differently.
Yes to more than one conversation going on at once being crazy-making; extreme sensitivity to light and noise and any kind of clothing discomfort; extreme dietary limitations. Am still learning about all this, since I'm 74 years old, and have only been sure of my autism or a year or so.
I've memorized certain numbers by simply repeating them/using them so often that I remember them. But it's a very select few, and all connected to myself, or a parent.
So many of your experiences are very similar to mine however I believe myself to be an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I feel like we're on own own with a lot of this stuff. Every Psychologist and Psychiatrist I've asked directly "Do you know what an HSP is?" and the answer is always no. It's so disappointing that the experts don't know about this. Yet the research suggests upwards of 20% of the population is an HSP. Once I did Elaine Aron's HSP test it was clear who I am. Then I read the first chapter of her book which explained why I do the odd things I do. I completely broke down as it finally explained my oddities and the feeling of not fitting in. The greatest invention ever for me = Noise Cancelling Headphones. Thanks for the video! ❤
You are spot on with your examples. I am late diagnosed at 36. Now 37 years old. My biggest struggle is not only people taking me the wrong way but telling me I can’t talk a certain way. I talk naturally fast. I am also very blunt. So people think I am being rude a lot when I am just being my normal self with no bad intentions.
Yes, this is a challenge for sure, and thanks for sharing your experience as fellow late-diagnosed person! Here's to hoping more non-autistic people can start learning about this, so they can know that:
A. blunt doesn't mean rude;
B. talking fast (or blunt/direct) doesn't always mean I want to get out of the conversation;
C. more words doesn't equal better understanding (for me, too many words often convolutes the message)
So many good nuggets in this video! Someone telling me how I feel or what I meant by something is the fastest way to make me angry, and then you can’t convince them they have it wrong! I also really related to paying attention in a way that makes me seem like I’m not, and getting mentally teleported when overwhelmed. Also it’s nice to hear from the 40+ age group about this stuff too.
Yes. So much. The way others don't get short-circuited by the overwhelming "surround sound," it does seem like a perverse super-power. Like, NOBODY should be able to stand this, what is WITH these people? And yet, there is also this: the recollection comes to me, wasn't I able to stand this once upon a time? Yes, I was. My capacity to cope with it has declined exponentially over the past 25 years or so (I'm 66 now). When I was a teenager I could get a charge out of it, the excitement of the crowd. I vaguely remember that. And I remember what gave me a charge from it. Not a sense of involvement or connection to other people (that was never the case) but the sensation that the ambient roar was a blanket that hid me from perception. I could be there and not stand out for actually not being in with anybody. It was so much safer than, say, a school lunchroom where I was sitting all by myself.
This is beautiful prose. ❤
Yes!!! I am beating myself up at almost 54, because I remember all of the chaotic things I used to do, taking the kids school clothing shopping for the new school year (all the obnoxious loud music that they play in stores for teenagers!!!). Going to the mall or in large department stores right before the holidays with crowds and Christmas carols, parking lots (working at a Kmart, even!!!). Just going to new places used to bring excitement in my teenager and young adult years. Driving long distances by myself and going to functions by myself was easy. Used to go to PUNK gigs. Now all that chaos brings dread, and it's a fresh piece of hell lol. Luckily, now I have my support human (my husband) who accompanies me on most things, because I can't seem to handle the basic adulty things. I can go to maybe one/two stores at one trip out, particularly ones I'm familiar with, and drive short distances (1-2 hours) to places that I know where I'm going. I wear earbuds at bunko night, because when people scream "bunko" it makes me cringe. When kids are screaming at play in a closed in spaces???. Oh, my goodness. Family get togethers where there a constant changing of plans-the worst!!!!Meltdown city! Having to wear sunglasses if there's any sun reflecting off of bright surfaces, even if I'm in the shade. Honestly, I get so angry and down on myself because I used to be such an independent, strong, go-get-it woman (had to be, never had close families or a tribe) and now I am like a scared little whining puppy.
@@phoebebaker1575 Thank you. 🙂
@@carlawilliams6730 Don't get angry at yourself!
I know, easier said than done, but nonetheless worth doing: don't get angry at yourself! It changes nothing, improves nothing, only makes life worse. And since it's entirely in your power not to do that, i.e., not to get angry at yourself, not to make things worse, then it's an eminently good option, not to get angry at yourself.
We sometimes can't control other people getting angry at us, but how wonderful that we can peremptorily forbid ourselves to do it to ourselves. 🙂 You can't be a teen again (probably don't want to), but what you can do is explore this new landscape, the you that you are now, with the huge potential lurking behind the choice to manage life on YOUR terms, including the things you're indebted to nobody to like, go to, tolerate or "resonate" with.
We're so understanding and caring when a blind person can't see a movie or a deaf person can't listen to a song, or a person in a wheelchair can't play football with us, yet we're just intimated to death at the notion of ever telling anybody, "No, I can't go to events like that, I'm autistic and the massive, raucous sensory immersion of that kind of environment is viscerally crushing to me." We're so afraid of people sneering and saying, "What on earth? You look perfectly fine, you're completely normal, don't be such a prima donna."
Two things: 1) most people really won't do that, and, 2) the kind who would, you don't really want them as friends anyway.
Accept who and how you are, NOW, and make it work for you, so you can thrive. Without apologies to anybody. They'll get used to it. They have to. People do.
oh man...ohhhh, you explained that SO well❤
Thank you very much for this video. And for other your videos! Right now I came into depression because of overloading. I have all that specific you speak about. Absolutely everything you described here! All my life I feel a lot of guilt because of that. But you support me a lot with this information. I will try to figure it out. And to approach my life to my specific needs. Thank you ❤
I'm not able to bring up any images in my head, and I love that you called out the crossovers of phrasing that until I realized I had some differences from others I thought were just weird turn-of-phrase. Like 'picture yourself on a beach' meant 'pretend that if you opened your eyes, you'd see a beach' or 'look at the teacher to show your paying attention' really meant ' look up to show the teacher that you aren't playing games on your calculator or doing homework from another class'. I was a total mind F to learn these phrases were literal, which is odd, because I often make mistakes because I take things too literal!
I always disassociate when I'm overwhelmed. That's been my biggest hurtle. (Because everything is overwhelming. Lol.)
Omg, I need to send this video to all my relatives and colleagues, my kids‘ teachers and their friends‘ parents!
I would except they'd all think I'm just trying to get attention 😞
Well, I often fail to explain what being autistic means and why it is challenging. People just don’t get it, even if they try. Then I end up being mad and they give up eventually. What keeps us being the weird, complicated people who always mess everything up „needlessly“.
Yes, autism is like the wind blowing.
You may not see it, but it's there! Moving stuff around, messing up the neatly ordered house of cards that you've painstakingly built using all your focus...
At the same time, it's the type of wind that sometimes behaves like a sweet breeze, refreshing the room on a hot day!
I'm not diagnosed with AUD yet, but I do have ADHD confirmed since I was 7 years old and have always felt very similar to most autistic experiences.
I hope to be diagnosed correctly one day, in the meantime, I'll keep looking for tools such as this channel!
Much love to everyone!!
You explain things in such a great way!!! It's so hard for me to talk and explain my experiences without sounding confusing. So I really appreciate how you explain things. Ill be showing my friends this video to express how it feels for me (I'm self-diagnosed because I can't afford testing as an adult... but I have been living with these or very similar experiences all my life) thank you so much for your videos!!!!
Spot on, once again it's like someone got into my head and learned everything about me.
Im autistic and thank you im realizing why i am like this
Glad you're finding this relatable! Did you get diagnosed later in life? So much to learn after that for me
Thank you so much for your channel and for putting into words what I usually find so difficult to express. As I was recently diagnosed at 38, I can definitely relate to your experiences. It's so odd and (at the same time) satisfying to finally not feel guilty for not wanting to participate in most neurotypical activities. All of a sudden, I understood why I hate birthdays and why my safe space at home is so sacred. Your channel does provide a sense of belonging. Thank you.
So glad Ifoundyour channel! About the food, I was always a picky eater and would always get in trouble for not eating certain things, my sisters would make fun of me... all my life. Even when I was in my mid thirties one of my older sisters told me it was time to grow up and start eating beets (which I always hated with a passion). I got to where I would just tell people, I'm an adult now and no one can tell me, anymore, what to eat. I'm old now and just laugh about it. If my weirdness about stuff bothers you, too bad.
The first point is why my favourite places are in woodlands and forests, without many other people. I get a lot from very little. Flashy, loud, crowded places make me feel like I'm going to pass out.
Finally, someone has described what it is like when I struggle so hard to express what it feels like. I am 49 and have only been receiving help and support during the past few years. Essentially, I am on an extremely long waiting list, along with my daughter. I have become quite skilled at masking my internal struggles while attempting to fit into the neurotypical world around me for the past 40 + years. I feel some relief that I am finally beginning to understand myself and how to manage the negative impacts of being AuDHD in addition to the ups and downs of my CPTSD. Videos like yours provide a sense of relief, as I feel a sense of belonging and realize that I am not alone in these moments of distress. Thank you for your efforts.
Thanks for this - I have a video coming in a few hours about some of the things I've had to do to adjust after diagnosis, but I think the biggest one is getting to understand myself better. Then I don't have to be (quite) so exhausted all the time and am learning to advocate for what I need better too. I hope the support you're getting is improving things for you, and we have a lot more on the way with these topics, but just know that you're definitely not alone on some of these feelings!
Thank you for sharing this video. I really like your list and how you relate it to everyday life and common experiences. I have never once in my life felt like I belong anywhere, not even in my own family. These sorts of things can really take a toll emotionally on someone struggling with autism.
What I would love to add is that autism frequently looks very different for girls and women, much like how ADHD looks different.
While you have already made a video about girls and women with autism specifically, it's important to include the differences when talking about the general experiences of people on the spectrum rather than listing female symptoms as an exception to the norm. That's how we get a lot of people who don't believe a girl or woman when we say we are autistic because we don't present like the boys and men. The male experience is not the standard, neither the female.
Amazing video! I love your channel and thank you so much for mentioning aphantasia in education! It was and still is a huge struggle for me in certain classes to solve problems that mostly rely on visual approaches or mental imaging. Thankfully I’m in college now and I can sometimes find other resources and approaches that aren’t based on visualization but it takes a lot of time just to find those explanations and I still have to go about learning how to solve those visually based questions anyways. It is so painful and feels so unfair sometimes. Because it’s not a “disorder” there are no accommodations, so you’re just stuck not being able to solve certain questions because you can’t physically do the visualization technique that they’ve required you to do. I’m so over calc 2. I just want to get to my proof based classes 😭 wow that turned into an unexpected rant lol.
Thanks to you both for taking the time and effort into making these videos for all of us!!😁
I find your videos really helpful as someone who lives in an area with no other high functioning autistics that I know of,thank you
One of the best parts of technology - being able to connect with communities regardless of location!
This is very interesting. I can relate to the heightened senses thing when I get high on magic mushrooms. That's what unlocks my inner autism. And yeah, like you said. There are pros and cons to the overwhelming sensory input experience
Going to any sort of food/drink place can be pretty stressful. Too many options, too many people, too many noises. Therefore, my Starbucks' order has been the same for the last 20 years; a hot, venti, caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso. I order this even if I'd rather have chai or something.
The drive thru is my go too... I hardly ever go in any more and even less stay at food places to consume my order. Everything is either to go or I eat in my car.
I really like this video of yours a lot. For me, it’s one of your best ones. I think you’re managing to find an online persona that comes across very natural and is fun.
So incredibly helpful!🎉
Helps me understand my son! Thank you so much!🙏
I feel like I'm in an interesting space... I relate to practically all of this in some level, with the exception of feeling frequently misunderstood. Not sure if I just am surrounded in great people or if I'm better at communication than some. Though it IS hard for anyone to fully grasp my extreme adversion to some sounds and why being over exposed to them causes melt downs or dissociation. Deep conversations are more challenging, though. I can small talk easy because it's almost an auto-pilot thing. But for deeper conversations (which I love) I definitely have to pause for a long time to come up with good verbal replies. But I often fill some of the silence with "hmmm" and thinking gestures so people know I'm paying attention.
Also I just LOVE that for the smells/flavors/textures bit you featured a massive adversion to pickles. I had to chuckle because I 100% react that way to them. And no, simply removing them from a sandwich isn't good enough... the bread is contaminated now.
The biggest thing I get is people ask me why I carry a plushy All The Time. I love my plushy so much and she's my comfort item and she helps me regulate emotions or even let me focus on homework and other tasks.
I'm just being investigated for autism at 41, and I used to carry a plushie *everywhere*, until people made me feel bad about doing it "you're too old for that now!" He was an Eeyore I got from Disneyland and he's still so loved, though very worn.
Since having the realisation I could be autistic, I've started to let myself enjoy the comfort of those things again, and my brother in law bought me a bat Squishmallow for my birthday, and I've been enjoying all the sensations of how he feels to hold. His wings feel so smooth and soft and his belly is fluffy and nice to stroke. I'm trying to let go of the idea of being a "grown up" and not allowed to find comfort in a toy, and it's really helped me in some stressful situations.
I'm not sure I'm brave enough to face judgement anywhere outside of my own home, but I've only been thinking about actually being autistic for a few months now 🙈 I was having a hard time with my mental health, and understanding it *could* be autistic burnout, so letting myself enjoy some comforts is actually really helping me.
Sorry I talked a lot at you. I'm glad you find comfort in your plushie too 💕☺️
@@pantherinae_art No problem, Yea it took me a few years to comfortable having a plushy all the time, I'm 17 and going to university in the fall of 2025. I think I am just lucky that the people around me don't care that much, well at least my peers and university should be fine as well.
The colour saturation in this was a lot, ironically. Love your content 👍
65 very recently diagnosed. Knowing that many autistics have problems with crowded or noisy places is a relief. Second thinking everything before I speak is normal, so is ordering the same food every time I go to a restaurant, listening rather than talking in a group setting. Many things I thought made me weird or strange or different may be true but I know now is normal for people who are autistic and process the world differently and it’s not just me. I guess having the explanation as to why I’m different is calming, or a relief, or maybe freeing. Happy, it just makes me happy to know why.
I’m adhd, but so much of this hits so hard my friend.
:') ADHD here, too. Watching videos like these for months and still can't say if it is really ADHD "by itself". Sounds like me. But not everything. I just can't catch it... Maybe AuDHD? :')
Love your username by the way 😊😊😊
I also have ADHD. However, after years of working on my ADHD, I felt like there had to be more to the picture. Then one of my kids got diagnosed with Autism. It didn't take long after that to realize this is the piece of the puzzle I was missing. This was why I was never satisfied with my own performance. I have ADHD and Autism. I found out about the ADHD in my 20's. I found out about the Autism in my 50's. If there is any chance you think you might have Autism, be sure to look into it.
Diagnosed at 24, videos like this make me feel so not alone in the world. thank you for sharing your experience.
Thanks for the funny delivery. Refreshing to have a laugh while I’m worried. I’m between diagnostic sessions now. I worry if she’ll get me because I don’t think I interviewed well enough and I’ve heard so many stories about people getting diagnosed wrong. I did email a 17-page document broken down by DSM-5 category so hopefully I’m covered. Wish me luck.
I'm currently struggling with most of the issues you talked about in the 'how you got diagnosed' but with divorce and the nail in the coffin was the dances you were doing and the voice you said 'PASSION' in. Thanks for putting yourself out there and wish me luck on relearning how to live and not just survive.
Oh my gosh, "the exact right answer" is so relatable.
Since most people think it's weird to pause instead of answering immediately, I've gotten into the habit of verbalizing my train of thought. As soon as I make connections to what I was saying, I say it, and often even change my mind out loud as I say and think new things.
It ends up being a very long answer. Especially because I just have to explain why the answer is different for different people and why it's different for each one of those people.
As for the eye contact, yeah. Looking back, those conversations where I look people in the eyes are the ones where I cannot, for the life of me, remember the specifics of what they were saying. Usually, only the title of the conversation makes it into storage, like "Important things to remember if you're thinking of studying nursing & my own experiences".
It's like an outline. The title is there, and maybe some of the subtitles. Perhaps a minor point, here and there. The rest is just blank.
You both know I just love your channel. And again you are making me feel safe and make me laugh out loud! About the gas. I had a boyfriend run out of my bedroom from the smell. I laughed so hard. Then he comes in to the bedroom again and takes my hand and in a very serious voice he says that he really wants me to go and see a doctor ”…cause I think you have died inside!” 😂😂😂
😂😂😂 thank you for making a complete mockery of my life and making me LAUGH AT IT.
Another issue that isn't common is dyscalcula. It's like dyslexia, but with numbers. I struggle with things like switching numbers around as well as things like differing between fifteen hundred and fifteen thousand...if it is fifteen hundred, I have to say the full number one thousand five hundred... it's so annoying when I get the two mixed up because it causes unnecessary panic with the other party. Especially when money owed is involved.
Also, getting interrupted in a task is the worst hell.... it takes me at least 15 minutes just to remember what processes in the task being done and then the next steps.
I also have dyscalculia. It’s so embarrassing when I stumble over what to other people seems like very simple math! Im so grateful for smart phones so I always have a calculator on me now. And don’t get me started on analog clocks! Who wants to do math just to tell the time?! 😝
Yes, yes, yes, thank you for bringing this up. Dyscalculia is so frustrating. Besides what you mentioned, mine extends into the realm of physical space, mixing up left and right, and doing the opposite of what I meant to do. So frustrating...
I reallly liked that plant in the background with the red flowers. I've never seen anything like it. The tree branch which curves down the wall is spectacular! Well done on the garden and the video.
Chris cracks me up, and the videos are super informative, the combination of laughing and learning the whole time is amazing, thank you! In process of getting formally dx right now and going to write some things down from this video❤🎉
I was diagnosed at 49 and when I hear other autistics describe the same experiences it's such an overwhelming feeling. Like, I spent 49 years feeling different, but thinking if I could just try harder, or find the right way to do things, I'll be like everyone else. So many years trying to be like everyone else and failing. It's hard to realize when you're older and can't even go back and pick a better path.
And the visualization thing, I once had a therapist try to get me to picture a box to put thoughts into and I just sat there for the longest time and I couldn't do it, so I finally just made something up to describe. Therapy never even could help me because therapists don't understand autism either.
Autism and trauma are such a daily battle and I am always met with gaslighting from family, but luckily my wife is amazingly supportive 💜 Kudos to everyone making ot out there! 🙏
That's so good you have a great supporter in your wife! Let us know if you and your wife have suggestions for topics you'd like us to discuss here too
Chris your dialogue about the questions at Starbucks was 100% on point for me. Too much sensory overwhelm in there to answer unanticipated questions!! Thank you for your videos, I feel so seen and validated. After having thought I was just “weird” my whole life, it’s so good to know I just have a brain that works differently
Thank you for this, Chris! I relate to this so much. I would say that the misophonia and being misunderstood are the two most common things that I personally experience.
Thank you for this video
I thought I had been kind of dumb in my whole life because it always felt like I needed more time to think of answers to things and the answers come up aren’t dumb, but it takes me a second, and I felt very overwhelmed for a very long time with that
music I hear displaying how I feel from watching your video, "I am he are you are he as you are we and we are all together......" Thank you.
late diagnosed also here-- but there are two circumstances in which i really feel autism in daily life; 1. i can never tell how people view me or where i stand with them unless they tell me and if i ask it can seem vain or like I'm asking for a compliment but actually i just want to understand how i seem to other people... and then 2. is that people constantly assume my intentions or thoughts are different than they are. i cannot be friends with naturally suspicious people especially, because they assume i have an ulterior motive or bad intentions when I'm just going about my life. i often have to expressly tell people that there is no hidden meaning behind things that i say and assure them that the emotion I'm expressing is the one i genuinely feel. [NTs doing the opposite seems to cause them no end of trouble, anyway]
Not wanting to answer the door when there is a surprise knock is a 'tism thing?! I've always had an aversion to answering the door and could never really articulate why. When you mentioned that, I was like 😯
Unplanned events can be so stressful!
I feel a lot of these as well: I am late diagnosed high masking AuDHD (diagnosed at 42) and my entire life I just didn't understand people and I have a hard time with sounds and smells that no one else ever noticed. That people would have a disconnect between their words and actions and that I could not take what they said at face value (took me a lot of years to figure that out and led ot a lot of trust issues). I was and am always running scenarios for everything that could potentially happen so that I can practice in my head what I would do or say so if I ever have that thing happen I have practiced what I will do in advance. I can't go do a new thing without spending days running scenarios in my head. I can't just go to a new restaurant or start up a new public activity or even go to a new grocery store without first researching everything I can about it and practicing in my head how it will go. I grew up feeling like a badly programed robot. My brain was a computer that was running different software than other people I knew, but I could write in extra code to patch my issues and pretend. I wanted to be a chameleon. I had to pretend to be someone I was not so that I could try to make friends. I tried to be a different someone for each group of people I interacted with because each group had different things they liked and having all these different masks was exhausting. I spent 20 years of adulthood going through constant burnout cycles and didn't understand why. Why was everything so hard, why was I so tired, why could I not make new friends. Why would my co-workers get mad at me for doing my job well (do you know how frustrating it is to be told you need to take your work ethic down a notch because you are making other employees look bad????? Why are they even working here if they don't want to do their best job argh! ). Finding out that my issues were rooted in being autistic and having additional adhd related executive function issues was such a relief to me. Knowing that all these struggles were not just in my head and that there was a reason for it all and that I wasn't bad at life or lazy or uncaring -> that I was actually doing amazingly well for being so neuro different was incredibly validating.
I once had a manager tell me that I “care too much” and should “not take my job so seriously.” I was making her look bad by being too competent at my job. I would think of ways to streamline procedures and make the office run more smoothly - things she’d never thought of even though she’d worked there for years. She actually said, “Can you just not care so much?”
I got chewed out at my first job after college for not padding my expense account because I made the others look bad... So I relate!
It really frustrates me when I try to explain something or give my opinion and or perspective and it’s met with. You got an answer for everything don’t you, or you are a smart ass, or told I’m being mean and cold. Especially being told I lack empathy for not taking action towards making someone else feel good as much or at all. When all I thought I was doing was giving logical perspective and or valid enough points to the discussion. Don’t get me started on eye contact. Especially when I speak. I give little eye contact at all. And barely any when I listen unless I need to see your face to have visual confirmation.
It use to frustrate me how often my emotions where read wrong or how often I’m asked if I am okay when I’m sitting silently in bliss processing everything around me. Especially when I’m outside. Now I simply accept it as it comes. If I focus too much on my facial expression I freak out and othering it. If I smile all the time my face gets tired. I stress over trying to make conversation in every social environment which is very unnatural for me. All the things that did help me become approachable is uncomfortable no matter how much I do it. I end up drained and exhausted in the end anyways.
Oh the processing time to answer a question is on point. Often times someone else will answer the question while I am still processing. Or very irretated.
Oh my gosh, your description of the Starbucks situation being overwhelming just made my anxiety jump into my throat. Hundred percent I feel you.
I feel so fortunate that I can spend most of day at home and so going to drive somewhere has become less frequent thank goodness. I totally relate to these issues and eye contact has always been issue, besides being overly sensitives to my senses especially noises. As you were talking I am also processing that is me too. I hear and feel that much the same. I never knew I was masking all of my life. To fit in to the few social situations, I realize my masking is heightened to a greater extent.
6:04 OMG SAME I FART SO MUCH WHEN IM ANXIOUS AND I GET MOST ANXIOUS AT SCHOOL 😢😂
Assessed at 53 and its been an insane life changing experience! Complex trauma is a thing too! Anyway.. there's a book to go along with it! This is a great channel and super well done. Nice to see all of your experiences! ❤
What's the book?
I am so Grateful for your channel! I am a subscriber.
My 30 yr old son is similar to you but is finding it difficult to fully mask and it’s affecting his job security.
I appreciate your information and examples you explain as well as the scenes you recreate certain experiences! I actually see MYSELF more and more too (I’m 59 yrs old).
I don’t read all the comments so forgive me if this is a repeat question…..
Pls consider making a video IN REAL TIME of your experience and reaction naturally! It would be so helpful to see the REAL YOU in action (without prep time)!
Even something like your Starbucks experience!
Again, thank you so much for dedicating your time to informing/educating your viewers. 😊