Love this quote, it is so accurate. My ex love bombed me and then when his ex wife became single 5 months later, he left me that very weekend for her. Such a coward.
Sometimes though you need to hear certain things. For example, my ex husband used to do a lot of good things, however almost always followed with talking back. And even though in the end I would have most things I wanted "done", what he was "saying" over the years trumped. I guess the video is not exactly about this, but reading your comment those were the thoughts that came to my mind. As always - no one golden rule)
Insecure broken people "love bomb". They don't feel like they are worthy of love just being themselves, so they try to win your affections by painting the biggest most amazing picture of themselves and what they could give you. It makes them feel good for a moment because in the fantasy they are adequate and worth loving. But then they realize they can't come through with any of the pictures they just painted for you, so they disappear quickly before you find out. It's very sad for everyone involved.
I’ve been love bombed by almost every man I’ve ever dated, almost right away. In my experience, it’s because they wanted sex and thought that saying all the charming stuff would get that for them. It doesn’t work on me. This love bombing has made me so distrusting of the male species and their motives. At this point, I’m expecting to be alone for the rest of my days - and be happier that way. 🤷🏻♀️
I have never love bombed. But I've given love. And when a woman gives back it's such a beautiful thing and can be addicting to a man bc we have such less experience in dating and interaction than women get now days. But I've found that if you dont focus on needing that person to give back but only on what you want to give or able to give how little or how much, then you may get the person you really want to come to you and do that in return. That mindset is not love bombing, it's being a giver bc giving is better than receiving
@@imshaun4563 What do you mean by women having more dating experience than men? Who are women dating for having more experience!? Other women? What you are saying doesn't even make sense. Your interpretation of "dating" is "having sex" and women don't have more experience in having sex, they have more experience in being approached by tons of men who want to get laid. That's very different my dear. Just because 10 men approach me wanting sex doesn't mean that I'll date them, many women learn the hard way that's the reason behind male attention, it honestly feels like shit. To give someone a chance to be vulnerable and grow feelings when the person only wants to use you as a sperm deposit.
@@Sarablueunicorn ok thanks for asking Taylor. So you mean to tell me that the only guys who approach you are straight up asking you point blank for sex??? Or do they want to take you out for a drink atleast?? 🤣 I dont know what goes on in your everyday life approaches but I dont mean your DM's or social media message boxes from men you haven't met. I mean men that you know or who walk up to you. I doubt they feel bold enough to say hey let's go have sex and risk getting rejected that easily that's just stupid. We know that doesnt work with you. But they we want sex eventually. And that is why they will invest their time into you. The thing is men get rejected from simple good interaction with women because they get weeded out so quickly. And that's because they are competing with the men that particular woman feels she has met or can meet one day in her mind. As well as whatever she soaks in socially or family. But since you get approached more, not accepting them or not attracted enough doesnt mean you dont have more opportunity for positive interactions. Those interactions are called experience builders. Some women use them, some dont like you I suppose. But That's what I meant. Potential and opportunity.
I am a man. I have "love bombed." In fact I've done a lot of the things Matthew has talked about.... I sincerely thought i was a nice guy until i watched some of these videos. It's been crushing to hear how I'm not the Robin Hood, Zorro type i thought i was. These lessons are so crushing to me and my identity. I feel a great deal of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I have never been violent or anything like that... I treat women with respect.... or at least i thought i did. I learn a lot from Matthew. I love these videos cause i learn so much about relationships. My parents divorced when i was younger so all my romance/moves i've learned were from movies. This idea that grand gestures get the girl. Not realizing the multitude of insecurities within that thought. ....sigh even though i am upset to learn something like this about myself. I am thankful. Sorry Ladies... :(
We all have issues. But the fact that you are being self aware shows character. Now it’s about changing behaviors. It’s a life long process. None of us are perfect and i woke up feeling guilt and shame about some of my actions. We just have to learn and not repeat it.
Too good to be true is usually too good to be true. And that sucks. I hate when people give up on relationships because of clowns that can’t get it right. Ladies deserve better.
Miracle Sims Yeah that’s what happened with my ex. We were together about 2 months and everything was great. He treated me like a princess and complimented me a lot and said he loved me but outta nowhere he broke up with me. Just like that it was over. It was too good to be true was exactly what I said to myself. I still love him but I’m gonna let his actions speak louder than his words. If he comes back and proves to me it’s real then he might get another chance. If not I can do better.
Kaitlin Mastrantuono yesssss !! OMG I feel the exact same way. We were “together” for 3 months and a couple days after our little 3 month anniversary he told me he cheated on me. Out of nowhere he said how he’s been feeling about things, and how he’s not sure about us anymore because of me and I found out that he cheated after the fact. Even though he said he loved me to death, I was his everything, his world, but actions prove mighty different and it hurts that I couldn’t be the one. It was just my turn with him I guess... lesson learned
Or they take the lower level easier option instead of what they really want because of fear which happened to me yesterday. Well I realised what was happening yesterday.
I was love bombed earlier this year. I hadn’t felt a connection with anyone in years so I fell hard. To him I was probably an easy target. I spent 3 months hoping he would turn back into the man he was on our first date. I begged for him to invest in me and he gaslighted me when I was insecure. It took a month after the breakup to realize the reality. It was very painful but now I realize I’m better off and deserve better.
same happens with me..i brokeup because he didn’t seem happy with me..after break up i begged to him,msged him but he seems very chill..and he told one of our Mutual friend that he didn’t fallen love with me.. that day i moved on.blocked him from every where..now i am okay
I experienced Love Bombing, and as much as I enjoyed it, in the back of my mind I kept thinking “He doesn’t even know me; how can he make such claims?” On the second date he was talking like we were destined to spend the rest of our lives together. I waited to see if this was real... it wasn’t. There was no third date. But I still think about him sometimes even though this was 2 years ago.
It's called Future Faking and it's well used by narcs and avoidant people. At least the garbage took itself out so you didn't have to do it later down the line... 😎
Once a lovebomber feels like they've got you under their control it'll quickly turn into being devalued and eventually discarded if you're dealing with someone with narcissistic traits. That's what happened to me after almost four years together, I was tossed aside for someone new like I never meant anything to him. My advice is to listen to your instincts, if it feels too good to be true it generally is. If someone is telling you they love you or you're their soulmate when they barely know you, ask them why... chances are they won't have an answer.
Yeah it’s a shame that these narcissistic people exist and do this to people. Happened to me too, but in a 7 month period... he started showing his true self after 4 months... but bc I didn’t know or understand what was going on, I got back with him for another 3 months, a year later, & saw everything for what it was. As soon as they have new supply around, it’s like you don’t exist anymore. That was super eye opening 😳
It's a narcissistic trait. The love bomber (be it a man or a woman) puts you on a pedestal and makes up this idea of yourself in their head and as soon as you reveal more of your personality (and hence not "complying" with their image of you) it quickly degenerates. If anyone is interested in narcissism I highly recommend Dr. Ramani Durvasula's content
Finally someone said it. Thank you for that. Love bombing is the first step towards narcissistic abuse. Be aware, don't fall into the trap. Even if he seems innocent at first, someone doing that at early stages of a relationship has selfish intentions.
Oh my God, I have an ex that love bombed me so hard, and when he suddenly left me I was shattered for like 4 years... And we only dated for 5 months. So that goes to show the impact love bombing can have on your psyche. I mean ,I'm sure I had other personal issues going on to which made the breakup worse, but this guy was so warm, caring and intensely loving for like 3 months then went so cold on me.
Broke up with one a month ago. Luckily I came across this video. So familiar to my situation. I have now realized he was NOT my soulmate. Took the wind right out of my sad sails. Now I see it for what it was. I’m already moving on, thank God. But now, with a brand new boundary!
It's a narcissistic trait( I don't want to say personality cause that has its own criteria) but look out for it when you are love bombed and then ghosted intermittently. It can get somewhere pretty dangerous and I unfortunately learned this the hard way
So did I. I have just escaped a narcissistic relationship which Thank God only lasted 3 months but it has fucked with my brain and I am left devastated and I can hardly believe the way I was treated. So yes watch out for love bombing and other narcissistic traits.
farnaz fer same and after this he said he didn’t feel loved by me anymore because I was taking care of myself, and that I was an egoist , so I made him meet someone else new this was the moment when I knew I should cut the bond forever
The best and most fulfilling relationship is the one you have with yourself. Let men meet you where you are - do not give your power away and do not ever play the victim. If you don’t give him a rope he can’t hang you.
Clinically incorrect. On the contrary a narcissist is INCAPABLE of feeling insecure and instead shares a lot of common grounds with psychopathy in that they can not feel empathy.
Lara King that confused me as I’ve read many psychologists described the narcissistic traits of ‘self obsession’ described as an extreme need and an excessive front to keep others and themselves from recognizing the sense of emptiness and insecurity they feel inside. And that this is why they have a constant need to drain people for ego approval. I don’t think that ritual would require empathy.
I would love to see a video on how to recover from the trauma of being love bombed. As much as I hate to admit it, I am still dealing with the insecurities of having this happen to me. The guy dropped me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but blame myself and feel like something was wrong with me😭 I just feel like I can’t trust any man now!
It's Jamie Take some time off to focus on yourself (that’s what I did). I’ve been love bombed before (didn’t know it was a thing until Matthew’s video lol), it was very short but very intense, the guy was sweet, caring, crazy attentive, telling me he loved me, that I was incredible and the woman of his dreams after a short couple of months. He introduced me to his friends, to his family, and spent a lot of time with me. I was on cloud nine, even though deep down it felt kind of wrong, it was going way too fast for me to stop and think properly, it was really intoxicating. I started letting my guard down and started to reciprocate.... Two weeks later, it was all over in a pretty brutal way. The guy went to Cuba for a week and never sent me a single text or, god forbid, call. After almost two months of never ending attention and sweet messages, this abrupt silence transformed me into an anxious mess. He then came back all sweet and lovey-dovey, and then dumped me a week after, via text message, because I dared call him in order to know what we were doing that night (we had vague plans to meet up) and suddenly I was too clingy and we were going « too fast ». The kicker is that he then absolutely refused that I came by his place to collect my things, which he instead had sent to me... Via usps.... At my workplace... And the package contained a pair of lady underwear that absolutely wasn’t mine. You want to know something? I was obviously absolutely shattered when this happened to me, being rejected this way is the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me, however I am laughing about it now as I am writing this text, because it was so absurd. After this happened, my self-esteem was so low I thought I had deserved what he did to me, that it was indeed my fault because I had been pushing too hard. Truth is, like Matthew says, I had simply fallen victim to this guy’s insecurities, he had been pushing so hard for me to like him, how could I have not responded like I did? This was squarely a reflection of his character, and absolutely not of mine. After that, I pretty much took a year off for myself, I was still casually dating (more like casual sex, really lol) but the priority was always me and my needs. I traveled by myself, partied hard, made tons of friends, started working out, tried a ton of new things and actually discovered Matthew’s channel, which in parallel helped me building that core confidence he always talks about. Now, at the risk of being immodest, I’d go as far as to say that I am a pretty kickass woman. I’ve discovered a ton of new interests, made some life long friends, and am in an amazing long-term relationship. I still have my insecure days, of course, but what happened to me 4 years ago is now an amusing-slash-horrifying anecdote, instead of a traumatizing experience that defined the rest of my life. Take care girl, and courage to you! Sorry for the long text, I really just wanted to say that you got this, and that time spent invested in yourself is NEVER wasted, you are never going to regret it. Cheers!
Nanipocket Thank you so much for taking the time to to share your story and for the amazing advice. I really appreciate it! You are absolutely correct about taking the time to just live your best damn life! That brings out an energy that is absolutely magnetising to everyone around you. Thank you once again! I truly feel so inspired to just do me!
Girl I been duped by a man and I did feel guilty for a while but what helped me obtain peace was that i had to remember it was his intention from the beginning to take advantage of me. I am a loving kind and generous person and I been single for a while so I suppose I was prime prey but I nor u r not stupid live and learn keeping smiling
Been there... And after he ghosted me, I was beating myself up for loosing him - maybe I wasn't interesting enough, maybe I showed him not enough atention? But the truth is that he would ghost me anyway. It's his loss. I have a lot more to offer than just affection and being quick ego-boost.
Yes you're 100% right. I just had this happen to me with a dude I only knew for a few weeks. I was being careful since I suspected lovebombing and I turned to be right!
I gave him the best chess play check mate possible. He fell for it. It took me a year to get over it. He was married. He NEVER mentioned. I was livid!!!
i feel uncomfortable when men love bomb me when they don’t know me, praise me for everything i tell them about myself i’m thinking “ok, what’s your intention with it?”
Oh, be very careful. When someone comes at you with super high speed any thing, know the red flags... It might kind of feel good, just be responsible for your better sense... not the emotional feeling you are getting... you will see the difference... Then Run ❤ .
He explained it perfectly. A few years ago I love bombed somebody. I was insecure and needed that validation from someone else so I strung someone along, fed them everything they wanted to hear. After a while they realised what I was doing and left. I am not proud of what I did, I will never treat someone like that ever again, but because I was guilty of this, I can spot it a mile away when someone does it to me. I later apologised to him. He was not responsible for my insecurities. I was and it was my job to fix them. Not his. Never use someone just to make yourself feel better
I’m facing the same shit but the things is he making a lot of effort so far like texting me , buying me gift , bring me to clinic if I’m sick , buying me foods etc , our relationship it’s been 6 months and I was thinking to leave him for avoid to get hurt oneday and I’m not sure if he really do love me or just playing. He not expecting sex btw coz he said he take it serious sex after marriage. Wanna ask , did you really love the girl / guy u love bombed because of you insecurity?
Let's be honest here. The overwhelming majority of men are very unlikely to successful hook women because women rarely fall in love with most men they meet.
I no idea about "love bombing" until after I finally told him not to contact me again because it was incredibly unhealthy. After looking into it and thinking back on everything, I was like wow...this was all a tactic. There is major psychological consequences to being a victim of the love bomber.
I was love-bombed and then ghosted after 5 months. I now realise I dodged a bullet and that he was anxious-preoccupied. I had to learn the hard way but will definitely look out for clingy and intense behaviour next time!
The true test of a relationship is what happens when you both get comfortable. Do you retain that level of kindness, respect and sensitivity that you had in the beginning or is it thrown out the window. I think that's what makes or breaks a relationship
I was love bombed three times in my life, and they were all actually high quality men. Now I learned how to slow down things when they act like this, it's healthier.
wow i was told "you're too sensitive, you need to go out in the world and get hurt " he wanted me to get hurt to learn. The truth is, I am sensitive and emotional because I have already suffered and gone through so much in life before i even met him. I am not weak, i am strong.
@@JennHerz-HTX92 Yeees I understand what you say! I was told to take things with to much implication, so now I try to be more light and easy, kind of "cool girl" faking she doesn't care about being hurt or anything else... But I'm lying to myself, I am not feeling honest with me and other by having this attitude. So I end up thinking that maybe that was not a good one and I maybe deserve who feels deeply, assume and share their emotions. Let's hope together ☺🕊✨
@@JennHerz-HTX92 I think you are right! What it weak is denying emotions and refusing to go into deep connexion. It takes courage to discover someone with all the shiny and more vulnerables parts. People are afraid.
Yep. My ex love-bombed for two years and then dropped me, just like that, out of the blue. He only showed me the ‘Instagram’ version of himself throughout our relationship, until we moved in together. That’s when he realised he couldn’t keep up this Godly imagine he had created of himself and dumped me in an extremely hurtful way. He never loved me. He loved that I loved him.
I got love bombed my senior year of high school by an older guy. I was so heart broken lmfao. He dropped out of college, got back with his “crazy” ex, and broke up with her again. I continued on to my renown university with a full scholarship. That’s how I made myself feel better 🤣 Some people are just hurt so they hurt others, it’s up to you to protect your energy with standards
A friend of mine gave his friend my number. They lived on the other side of the state ( they worked in a mine). We talked for about 6 months before meeting. I thought everything was going good. I guess when we met, he was not attracted to me because after that there was radio silence. It really affected me in that moment. I mean to talk for so long and then nothing. We video chatted and he seemed to not have any problems then. It took me awhile to realize it was not me, but him and that there is others guys out there that will be interested. I haven’t found him yet but I know I will. Sorry for the novel lol.
Well, but in that case it was not his fault or yours...if he didnt´t feel atracted the way he thought he was going to feel, what could he do? It would be worse if he pretended...Those kind of things, like attraction you can only know in real , not online. Thats why online meeting is very misleading. The most sad thing is that he also wasnt into friendship, or he would have kept in touch.
@@caty2ful I don't agree. If you see what they look like. There shouldn't have been a problem because they talked for so long. He could explain not go radio silent.
@@nofybn7794 I've had long conversation online with people and in person they were completely different, it's also not always intentional. One guy I spoke to for a while always took pictures from a certain angle so he would look built and toned, spoke for a few weeks he was great, met him in person and it was completely different from that visually whatsoever, I chose to ignore it went on the date anyway he liked to speak over me or interrupt me, had one-sided conversations, was rude to staff, had a terrible sense of humour and incredibly impolite, a lot of things you can't do in text conversations. Safe to say I let him know I wasn't interested in him and definitely was not interested in maintaining a friendship
But placing the responsibility back on the victim is exactly what narcissistic “love bombers” do. As Matthew and others have said, this works because these people are liars-masters of deception and self-deception. Anyone who isn’t like this is going to be susceptible because descent, honest people aren’t looking to be deceived. The only thing worse than being deceived is feeling like you’re responsible. It’s good to be aware of these things, but unfortunately, there’s not much else we can do. That’s what makes the behavior so toxic.
@@kirsteneobrien you're responsible for your own actions and choices. Choose differently. Choose not to be a victim!! Be aware of what you want and what behavior isnt acceptable and exit when the time comes. People are gonna do what they're gonna do. Yoi don't have to be there when they do it. You have free will and legs to walk away.
It does not always work. The person is not always fooled. This is when "love bombing" becomes "creepy" or "predatory" behaviour where one person pursues someone else who is saying no.
I experienced this also! I was at a steady pace of things coming together slowly and he was full steam ahead and rushing quickly in a ‘love bug’ way and it all came crashing down when he decided after 2 months that things moved too quickly and had to work on himself. It’s a real shame to go through this but knowing it’s not ‘us’ it’s really about their issues and developments, makes me feel reassured now from hearing Matthew that this happens and it’s honestly gave me closure after 2 years! Thank you!
@@isabellasophiarose1100 I know sounds crazy. When it ended I didn't get the full closure from the guy to understand why, so eventually i let it go and moved on with peace of my own. But Matthew's video took me back to that relationship and I had a massive "AHA" moment and thought wow this makes total sense now. Just a reassure that it was never me, it was him all along!
@@isabellasophiarose1100 it sounds insane, but these short-lived, passionate, intense connections can sometimes be even harder to move on from. It’s like living the fairytale romance we’ve always dreamed about and having it come crashing down as quickly as it came can have a horrible effect on your psyche
I met a man who was on an online dating app just to meet new people after moving to my area. He wasn’t looking for a relationship but we started talking and found all of these interests we had in common. We both knew all these old movies that no one else either of us has met has ever heard of. We loved the same music and art and had all the same interests and it felt so special. Our first date was watching the sunset over the river and then watching old black and white movies on a projector. It was the most romantic date I had ever been on. The next few days he pursued me with a vengeance. Calling off work to be with me, spending 30 hours straight together after having just met. Texting me with emojis, kissing, cuddling, pet names, sharing clothes, gifts. He made me feel so special, like Morticia Addams or something lol. I fell for it because of everything we had in common, we had to be soulmates right? After that 30 hours ended he was never the same again. He started lying about having to work early when we were together. He stopped sleeping with me. Eventually he told me he had been seeing another woman the whole time and she didn’t want a relationship but wanted them to only have “relations” with each other, and he agreed. But told me he still wanted to hangout and be friends. He said he doesn’t know what he wants and then gaslit the whole situation by saying we were just having good conversation and one thing led to another. I told him no, goodbye. He said he understood and didn’t put up a fight. At first I was thought it was me. That she must be prettier than me, skinnier than me, more fun, etc. But the truth is he would have done the same thing even if there was never another woman. Because the problem lies within him. He will probably have issues with her too, and many more women to come. I have learned how strong I am in this situation though, because despite the feelings I have for him, I had the strength to walk away. And as powerless as I felt in the situation, I now know I’m more powerful than I thought I was.
It's crazy the morticia Addams part because he was clear about it and he told that's how you should be treated we starting having future plans together moving out getting married having kids texting all day sharing everything then suddenly when we got together before even meeting and he came back from his visit from his family I told him let's meet he said we will and we will remember every convo we had he didn't text me the next day which is not his usual behavior this is a man who used to initiate the texting everyday then I asked are you okay he texted me the day after with a lame excuse that is clear as light that it's a lie and it confirmed all my suspicions that this person was never genuine to begin with and I'm thankful that I ended it and blocked him after few texts that was him trying to gaslight me to make me sound that I'm the problem here.
Yours was clear love bombing. Also always remember never sleep with a man so early in a relationship. If you want genuine connection with marriage then wait till marriage to get physical. I think he wanted to get physical with you so he did all this drama. Also it can also be that he lost interest with you after spending 30 hrs straight with you. Never spend so much time with a man you met recently. Moreover men lose interest after sex and that also could be a reason. He just manipulated you and got all the things that he wanted.
This happened to me, except that he has been trying to keep me in his life for over a year and I was stupid in love enough to let him. And also, he impregnated a married woman he was seeing the whole time we were seeing each other. I am still recovering from my stupid choices.
This was such a timely and poignant message for me. I am just recently out of a relationship where I was seriously love bombed for the first three months and then despite a million red flags, stuck it through hoping the wonderful partner I fell in love with would resurface. After 18 months together he just said he needed to be alone because he was angry with everyone and everything, only for me to find out that within a week, he was living with another girl. Getting over this one has been so difficult despite knowing he is not worth anything that I am feeling and I'm so grateful to you Matthew for your articulate and measured views as well as your insight into human behaviour that has helped make the most complex issues seem like they can be managed, the hurdles jumped. Signing up for your at home retreat tonight. Thank you so much.
Reading this made me never want to date again and probably why I don’t. That is fucking shit, how traumatic to have to deal with finding that out a week later. That made my blood boil reading that, I think k because something similar is happening in my world right now. It hurts so much.
This is something else. I needed this video 6 months ago. I met a guy who I literally thought was the most incredible guy in the world, fell deeply and madly in love with him and was broken up with. We resumed our relationship for about 6 more months but deep down I knew he didn’t really love me but again still kept this charade that he still cared a ton about me. He even took me to NYC. Then 2 weeks later texted me that he found someone else and haven’t talked to him since. Within weeks time he was posting all about her on social media which seeing that made me extremely depressed and anxious. I slipped into the worst depression of my life. I felt hopeless and terrified I would never find true love and get married. I felt like I lost the man I was supposed to marry. I’ve been absolutely terrified to try to date again because I don’t want to experience that magnitude of pain ever again. This video made me see the situation a little differently. Thank you for sharing
I learned in serious depth about narcissistic personality disorder Feb 2019 after I was discarded from 3 long time relationships. It was an aha moment, a smack in the face eye opener, and everything finally made sense. Idealize (love bomb), devalue, and discard is the cycle. You want someone that is grounded, secure, not relying on others for their happiness and the list goes on and on. I've been no contact with the 3rd one for 13 months now and it would take too many words to describe the good in my life now since waking up. You can find an abundance of publications on the internet. It is abuse.
Absolutely!!! Thank you for listing the kind of people to look for, people that are grounded, and don’t need others to make them happy, that are secure in who they are. I’ve learned a lot as well from dating three narcissist, covert and overt
Interesting how we keep falling for them. Same . Father of my children is narscistic. Been separated 20 years. However seem to gravitate towards them still! Got out very quickly with the last one.
Melody don’t feel bad.. It’s just they see something in u, some vulnerability, that u can’t see in yourself & they exploit that. Learn as much as you can so you know what to do if you meet another one or have them in your family. Our job is to figure out what that is, and be aware of it so these sick people can’t take advantage of it. Good luck
Just don't. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with person who love bomb me and it leave me drain when he left. I become addicted to the attention, time, gifts and love he showed. For the few weeks of that I know him, I was questioning him why he does so much for me when he doesn't even know me that much, for me it's too early. For the first year of our relationship, I push him away because what he did for me is too much but he just assure me that he did it because he loves me so much. And now? He left me 2 months ago and I'm so devastated, feeling like I'm dying from pain. I got addicted to the attention he gave to me that I became so independent to him. I lost myself. I just realized now after our break up that what he did to me in the first beginning is love bomb. I didn't think that way before because I love the feeling I'm getting and I believe that he just did it because he love me. As I know him for 3 years, my conclusion to his actions stems from his insecurity (matthew is right)... His relationship with his parents is too painful for him because his father always mocks him for his small mistakes & sometimes hit him. He always do his best but his parents can't seem to appreciate it because they always point out his mistakes. His actions stems from it because I get to know him he's doing his best to please his parents (sometimes they appreciate, mostly they don't)... I think he thinks that pleasing other people will get him love and care.... that's why he bomb love me because he don't feel complete with himself.. I feel pity for him though, but what he did to me is very painful. He just left me out of nowhere, whenI became so dependent of him... It is also my fault though because I'm also not perfect. I got out from a relationship before where someone betrayed me & did not treat me right. So I always ask the Universe to give me someone who will give their all to me. And when he came, I love it so much that finally the Universe heard me. So my lesson here is be careful what you wish for. It's better to see things as they really are, not see things as you fantasized them to be. See people as they really are. I'm not saying that there's no red flags in the beginnings, actually there are some.... But I chose to ignore it because I'm blinded with my fantasies. So be careful ladies. Learn from my lessons. Don't loose yourself, please. Don't be like me right now. It's very painful, I don't know how to get over this pain... Please focus on yourself, don't let someone make you forget who you really are.
It’s the most common narcissistic trait, a very red flag. Normally, narcissism comes from unhealthy relationship with one of the parents, or from a narcissistic parent in the family who treats a child as their possession, rather than a child and doesn’t know how to love them. They message you 24/7, put you on pedestal, want to spend every second with you, want you to be their girlfriend after a week of dating, meet every member of your family, move in with you. They say they in love with you and so on. It’s not love, it’s obsession, that’s how they make sure you are hooked up. After that phase, they start devaluing you. When it’s too good to be true, it’s a beginning of abusive relationships. Listen to your instincts and intuition. Narcissists love strong, independent women, because she can take care of them. Run girls, run 🙌🏻💕
Just don't. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with person who love bomb me and it leave me drain when he left. I become addicted to the attention, time, gifts and love he showed. For the few weeks of that I know him, I was questioning him why he does so much for me when he doesn't even know me that much, for me it's too early. For the first year of our relationship, I push him away because what he did for me is too much but he just assure me that he did it because he loves me so much. And now? He left me 2 months ago and I'm so devastated, feeling like I'm dying from pain. I got addicted to the attention he gave to me that I became so independent to him. I lost myself. I just realized now after our break up that what he did to me in the first beginning is love bomb. I didn't think that way before because I love the feeling I'm getting and I believe that he just did it because he love me. As I know him for 3 years, my conclusion to his actions stems from his insecurity (matthew is right)... His relationship with his parents is too painful for him because his father always mocks him for his small mistakes & sometimes hit him. He always do his best but his parents can't seem to appreciate it because they always point out his mistakes. His actions stems from it because I get to know him he's doing his best to please his parents (sometimes they appreciate, mostly they don't)... I think he thinks that pleasing other people will get him love and care.... that's why he bomb love me because he don't feel complete with himself.. I feel pity for him though, but what he did to me is very painful. He just left me out of nowhere, whenI became so dependent of him... It is also my fault though because I'm also not perfect. I got out from a relationship before where someone betrayed me & did not treat me right. So I always ask the Universe to give me someone who will give their all to me. And when he came, I love it so much that finally the Universe heard me. So my lesson here is be careful what you wish for. It's better to see things as they really are, not see things as you fantasized them to be. See people as they really are. I'm not saying that there's no red flags in the beginnings, actually there are some.... But I chose to ignore it because I'm blinded with my fantasies. So be careful ladies. Learn from my lessons. Don't loose yourself, please. Don't be like me right now. It's very painful, I don't know how to get over this pain... Please focus on yourself, don't let someone make you forget who you really are.
@@princesslacson6291 hey, I just read your comment. I’ve been there myself, so it will take time to heal. It’s a process. You will be going through the phases, it’s like going through withdrawals I guess, but I promise it will pass. You will be happy again😊
@@martasokyrka1045 I'm afraid of the after effects of the trauma he gave me. I'm afraid I'm going to be with the same cycle agin in the future. Thank you for your kind words. I just feel so hopeless right now. No words or beg can make him stay. Like wtf, just like that? 😭
@@princesslacson6291 it’s a process and it’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Don’t even think about asking him to come back, he did you a favour and it also takes time to acknowledge that. Sometimes we need to fall apart in order to build ourselves up from the scratch. It will be the whole new you when you will be done with yourself and you will love it. Every ending is the new beginning.
False trust. I was at the receiving end of that "love bomb" thing. Trust must be earned and I learned it the hard way, that's no respect to the other person. How can someone build a friendship out of this validation need for being loved and being selfish enough to not consider the other person's feelings? That's not fair to me.
All absolutely spot on. Amazingly my ex husband love bombed me. I remember that feeling of being overwhelmed & rushed. Ended up spending 14 years together & it took me until 3 years after the divorce to realise that all I'd fallen in love with was the person who he was during the love bombing phase & spent the rest of the entire relationship trying to get back to the honeymoon period. So yeh, relationships can be based on nothing 🙈 I'm now so much more educated about these behaviours & most important my own behaviour, listening to my gut instinct & how to stick with my boundaries 🌺
I've been watching MH for years every now and then, and still I think he is so underrated. Definitely more people deserve to hear and listen to his words, just to be reminded of your own worth or how equality can look like and many more things. Also not only women but also men (or any person with another gender) can learn from it (even if it is not exactly for every possiple couple combination or gender combination couples (or what do you call that 🤔) but many things can be transfered and the core is about healthy relationships, with yourself, with others, and a healthy lovelife Thanks for all the time until now and in the future, when your messages give us new thoughts or a good laugh etc, Matthew! 💚 ☺️
I'm at a point where I don't know if Love is even a thing anymore. *Do I need it, don't I need it? *Am I loving wrong? *Why do I always get left, though they claim to love me? It's just so confusing.
I came back to this video because I recently met someone & I like him but I'm fearful he may be love bombing. Sometimes people may be unaware they're doing it but for me I've learned its best to take things slow & build a connection over time. I'm kind of done with the instantaneous attraction. It usually backfires. I'm looking for something with longevity.
This is great advice but really earth shattering for me. The guy that love bombed me for 8 months just left me 2 days ago and I was 110% sure he was the one. Now I’m watching this video and recognizing all these patterns in him: how he told me he loved me after a month of being together, how I was only allowed to see him on his terms (we were Long distance but we saw each other almost every month, mostly an effort on my part to make it happen), how he talked constantly about himself (especially on social media), how he made grandiose claims that he wanted to grow old with me...and then the rug was swept from under me. I’m terrified of the damaging effects this will cause on me in the future. Was all of it a lie? 😞
Yes it’s heartbreaking that everything was a lie... happened to me as well he promised to marry me and wanted to meet my family... all these things he said made me put my walls down and I gave the narcissist what he wanted from me... attention, intimacy.. and lots of affection!! I felt shattered when His friends told me he hooked up with a lot of girls in the past and he was keeping me in darkness because i was too SENSITIVE and I would leave him. This man has ruined my mental peace and I don’t wish bad for other people but what he has done has physically, mentally and emotionally affected me and I wish he gets a woman just like him. Only then he will realise the pain of trusting someone and they are cheating behind your back! I just want to heal myself and have good relationship dynamics with my parents so that I don’t have to look for affection outside from toxic people.
@@drReetHooda I know exactly how you feel. Believe me when I found out what type of monster he was and that everything was a lie (plus him never paying my money back) I wanted to strangle the hell out of him. I wished him the worst. Hopefully karma gets them.
OMG Mathew.. you are 100% right. This handsome young Libra came into my life, on our first date showered me with lots of compliments and romantic feelings, i felt swept off my feet by him instantly, but due to past experiences i knew I haven’t earned those complents and i was suspicious of his motives, so it turned out he wanted just sex with me (which i refused) , and within a week he disappeared and started ghosting me.. you are perfectly right about Love bomb that fake people blast on you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Ladies I have gone through this many times. Any guy who love bombs you is looking for love outwardly instead of within themselves first. You can’t expect love to be given to you if that person does not have it within yourself. I in fact have a love bomber currently trying to come in to my life and I told him let’s be friends right now and see where this goes.
It happened to me. I moved to Hawaii to be with him. He quickly showed his real side. Very abusive towards his mom and family. One day he lost it on me cause I mistakenly backed up his car on a curb. When we got home I was so tired of being screamed at that I shoved food on the ground that he was screaming at me to eat. He grabbed and pushed me on a cement floor. He threw a big rock at his mother's front door cause she kicked him out. OMG, I left Hawaii and came back home. I'm safe now.
You just made so much sense out of what I was starting to be pulled into for the past three months. Luckily, I felt something was off but couldn't describe it. So I just backed off and listened to my intuition and left. He didn't understand why and I couldn't clearly explain it. And you just explained to me what I was feeling when I didn't even know. Thank you, Matthew Hussey. You are a relationship genius!
It’s normal to be afraid of love to some degree. I had a man spend thousands on me in three weeks, spoil me with anything I wanted and sent me love novel style texts. I was shocked but let it go on because I felt it was entertaining to some degree. I knew it was abnormal. He turned around and two weeks later did the same exact thing.... same behavior with my childhood best friend who I lived with at the time. She was dumb enough to fall for it. They got married three months later.. the dude is a severe workaholic and predatory in my opinion. The whole thing was absolutely nuts.
I keep getting love bombed by every single guy 😳 Even the ones I casually sleep with and don’t care about start chasing me with “I want to marry you and have beautiful babies with you” I’ve learnt to see it but when will this madness end, wtf is wrong with men 🤦🏻♀️
There is nothing specifically wrong only with men. Not all men lack self-awareness about this phenomenon.
4 года назад+56
Love bombing intents to destroy all other relationships you have like friends and family, to be the only source of love in your life. Makes you feel like you are extremely special, the relationship is scarce to find, the love between you is extremely scarce. It intents to have full control over you, it happens in a ridiculously short amount of time and they gather personal information to use later, especially about your core insecurities. All this would feel unnatural to a secure person. But if you are insecure too, like unconfident or have ptsd, you fall into this. A person who doesnt need to feel extremely special to feel whole, will not attract love bombing too. Do your inner work 💕 Love is not scarce,, it’s abundant 💕 None of the outside sources can be the proof that you are lovable. When you acknowledge that, you are always and already lovable, love bombing just shows how insecure that person is. A healthy love instead, wouldnt demand all of your time and attention, would give you reasonable space and feels intuitively normal and natural 💕
Love your videos, Matthew! So, we’re talking about love bombers. How can we find the person that’s not a love bomber? We keep taking chances with people who are disguising their character and taking risks in the dating world. We keep getting hurt each time we get to know someone. They’re charming, they say I want to spend time with you, you both have long conversations, you actually go on dates, you share your deepest thoughts and dreams. Then BOOM, they’re onto the next, that is wasting your time investing in someone. How can we tell someone is a love bomber when they have the same actions as someone who be able to truly love you? (this is from a gay man that’s been burned so many times)
I ‘m not a couch but i’d say : 1-Set your standards and boundaries and stick to them. 2-Watch actions,not words 3-Constancy ,the most important for me.Everybody can be intense for some weeks.... love building takes time.
I used to only attract these kind of guys. Some of these guys were not even single. Some even married. I'd only attract that because I thought that was all I deserved. I talk about it on my channel. The question to ask yourself is not why someone love bombs you, but why are you attracting that? Are you misreading any of the red flags? Stop being addicted to drama. Break the cycle. You deserve so much more 💜
Heard about this "love bombing" yesterday when my relative said my boyfriend does that. We have a long distance relationship.. Before meeting he seems interested in my life and we have a good time, one that i love about him. But after we meet fave to face and he or I go back home its like he never excisted. Vanishes from the face of the eart. And after month or so he comes back with all the lovely messages and telling how much he loves me. That time when he is gone I feel so insecure, asking what did i do and where is he without an answer. And when he comes back I guess i just was so longing for something i get so happy from being with him again.
Thank you Matthew. Finally I get it. I’d been saying ‘where’d he go?!’ Yes he became super insecure and never got back there. It was confusing as he’d come in strong charismatic and confident so I felt he knew how to repeat that. It’s sad really. I feel for him. His fears caused it to end in the end.
A more simple and crude term for this behavior is "Pump and Dump". There is an even more crude term that rhymes, but I won't type it here, but one of the words is "chuck".
Never heard of this term so I had to watch. Now I totally get it. Makes total sense. Match one of these guys with a lady with low self esteem and you got a big mess.
I can't believe this video poped up in front of me while I'm going through the exact same thing. I am "the healer" in my relationships. And I don't want to be. Not anymore. Who's gonna heal ME? I'm strong and independent but I don't wanna walk these stony roads alone and I need someone as strong as me... For the second time in 2 years , I'm going through this damn "love bombing" thing. I know he's cute, he's giving, thoughtful, I love to wake up to the smell of his breakfasts (he's a French chef) The sex is amazing. BUT in the end it's not changing the fact that he got what he wanted, he got back on his feet with the support and pleasure I provided, and he left at the best and sweetest phase of the relationship. Maybe he didn't do it intentionally but this is called "using people"
I could write so much about what a relationship and marriage and divorce is like with a narcissist/psychopath...npd is no joke... but we can survive ladies🧡 healing takes time be patient with yourself! much love to you all!
I am so happy you talked about this because not many people are familiar with this concept. I remember it was so liberating to understand this concept after going through a horrible heartbreak with a narcissist for three months. Getting to know concepts like love-bombing, gaslighting, ghosting and Cognitive Dissonance helped me overcome this since I had the knowledge to recognize what had just happened to me and to be aware of everything around me... specially rely on time and actions to be able to see whether a relationship was for me or not. Not only this but so many of your videos have made my life so much better now. Thank you so much, Matthew!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for addressing this, Matthew! I went through a similar situation with my now-ex who was absolutely a "Love Bomber". My gut was raising red flags for me the entire time from the start, and I did express these concerns to him all throughout the relationship. And when push came to shove over a year later, his actions simply couldn't live up to his words, and I had to part ways with him after dedicating myself and my resources to "our" plans based on what he promised from the beginning. Now in hindsight, and after this video, I realize all of that love bombing was really all about him and his feelings - not necessarily for me.
Love Bombing is usually done by the Narcissist. The purpose is for the Narcissist supply that is needed for the abusive Narcissist to survive. I also have to add that love bombing is not just done by the man. There are plenty of women who are Narcissist and they too will love bomb in order to get their victims on the hook for further abuse. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint.
With my experience of having been in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder: Love bombing is one of the major red flags to look out for. Maybe someone here needed to read this. I certainly felt a responsibility to comment because this can be part of an actual personality disorder in cases that can be super harmful for the partner. If you need more info, feel free to ask
Hi Natalie! I was in the same situation sadly... it broke my heart and crushed my soul. I know this depends on each person, but how did you manage to get over it and see for what it truly was?
4 months no contact and my mind is blown...what felt like the happiest relationship of my life wasn't even real. It was like being under a spell and now the spell is broken and I am wondering where I am and what's real. Only thing I know for sure is NOT HIM, Not again, I LOVE Me MORE!
Love Bombing is literally one of the worst kind of "Love" you can experience, because you have to realize and accept that you might not be that nice and perfect etc. how he made you feel or told you that you are this and this- after he used/consumed your love and energy , he will throw you away like trash 🗑 not even recycle you .. this is also more likely to happen when your self esteem is literally touching the ground , you will feel worser than before after this, since this happen to me I am so afraid to date ppl or have hard time to open to someone new , my heart is so deeply broken because of so much rejection, I wanna trust someone, I wanna feel something , I’m 21 years old and never did I really experienced authentic love
Very useful info... actually yes, the best filter against this scenarios IS SLOWING DOWN... And knowing our value. We shouldn't fall in love for validation... we should fall in love with a person for who he is. So take time to know each other! don't fall in love just for compliments and validation!
I never try to make anyone feel anything, other than with me, you can be 100% yourself. The only promises I've made, I've made to myself. I'm currently trying to live up to my own expectations as I try to live myself more. I'm trying to stay away from social media as much as I can because I'm having bad experiences and it's bringing my thoughts into a negative space. People love telling me to be patient, but everyone keeps rushing me...
I recently have been loved bombed. I've dealt with many eff boys the love bomb type hits so different. It is more of an emotional hurt. He was never unkind, but once he knew I had my feelings and secured them he retreated. Hasn't ghosted me but chose the "let's slow down" approach. You can't help but feel dumb. The way I described it is he found that Disney loving girl inside the one that genuinely believes in love, he found her and dumped her.
I've met the perfect guy. At least that's what I thought. No one ever say they love me so many times, or that I'm beautiful, smart, sexy, amazing and all in one. He was the happiest guy alive for having me in his life he said. He made so many promisses that I was looking after to become reality. It takes 8 months. He left out of blue a month ago. Without any explanation. He made me looks like crazy cause I wanted an answers but at the same time he was still saying he loves me he's just in bad place in his life atm. I just found out few days ago about his new gf. I'm devastated like never in my whole life.
Eris I came here to watch Matthew‘s advice and realizing how many people here follow the same channels regarding narcissism. All the people above are great teachers. They helped me a lot in the healing process.
This happened to me last year, felt like the love of my life and I was so emotionally broken when he finished it... Then after few months he confessed that he just couldn't keep the promises.. Then I realised that everything else was just words and his imagination, that it was real just for me.. Exactly how you explained. Thank you 💕 after this video I have a chance of actually building a normal relationship
From my experience these type of guys like to promise a lot as it is part of building their image. So just be patient for a while and see if they do what they say. Even in little things.
This sounds like dealing with a person with narcissistic traits. Lately it seems friendships and relationships are mired with a lot of confusion and strangeness. I ask myself lately if people really care about each other at all and I am not sure this is true any longer and it has all become a puzzling game.
This is exactly what happened in my last relationship. And it has taken a few years to move on from him. I had been watching Matthew's videos for a year before I met him and those videos helped me to end the relationship with him. I realize now to take getting to know a guy, at a healthy pace. There is no rush in getting to know someone ❤
This is why I never really started . . . By the time I was allowed to date at 16, I’d already decided that I didn’t want to date in high school. By the time I graduated from college, I was smart enough to realize that most of the good guys were already taken. I still believe in love but I don’t think most men are capable of it. There could be someone out there for me but I’m not holding my breath. I think it’s better to live your life as best you can on your own terms instead of allowing male toxicity to define you. It may be selfish but I’m glad I’m not alone ❤️.
Sarana, unfortunately we live in a narcissistic society where people with narcissistic personality disorder are rampant. If you're not educated on the subject, it's very easy to repeatedly fall prey to narcissistic abuse, and it will feel like that's the norm, or it's all there is. This is especially true if you grew up with narcissism in the home. But I promise you if you educate yourself on the subject and work on boundaries, you'll find it's possible to interact with the (dating) world and not have as much of your time wasted on bullshit. Check out Dr. Ramani on RUclips-- she just started churning out quality content on all things narcissism.
I think the guy I talk nowadays is love bombing me. And I realized it now because he suddenly cut all his attention, calls and texts. He was so nice, romantic and overly interested in me from the start. He acted like he was falling in love with me. But now I realized that It wasn`t something like I thought. I hope I won`t meet somebody like him again.
This is a great breakdown of the motivation and effect love bombing has on its victims, however for real clarity it must be put into proper context. What Matthew is describing is narcissism, and I'm sure he knows this because language such as 'love bombing' belongs to the subject of narcissism (and cultism, both of which are interlinked). Narcissism is a whole toxic, insidious dynamic with grave emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical implications. To refer to parts of narcissism without laying down the whole picture of narcissism will only keep people confused and repeating patterns of codependency or entanglement with narcissists. People deserve to know the specifics of the narcissism dynamic and how or why they might fall prey to it so they can evolve beyond it and define truth in these times of mass deception and illusions.
As a man, i was came out a physically abusive relationship and entered a new relationship. She was amazing, but unknowingly i was being love bombed. I got compliments every day, she told me she loved me after 3 months, promises of a future, and she gave me a penguin (because they mate for life), and she said she'd never hurt me or change her mind about me, and 10 months later she dumped me out the blue when her friend became single. After that she started to pick apart the whole relationship and devalue me saying that she deserves better. I fought for her for over a year until she blocked me on everything, and ghosted. I ended up getting panic attacks, lost a stone in weight, and had a break down, now i think im suffering ptsd. Its been nearly 2 years now and i still cant get over her, i feel sick constantly, and this has destroyed me. I don't understand how people can go from love to hate so easily, and be so heartless without a care in the world, and forget everything that you had together.
“The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.”
― Bob Marley
intothelabyrinthe so right!!
It works for both man and woman
true
He be jammin
Love this quote, it is so accurate. My ex love bombed me and then when his ex wife became single 5 months later, he left me that very weekend for her. Such a coward.
"Don't listen to what people 'say' pay attention to what they 'do'!" Is critically important with all relationships.
So true!!
Thanks So much..your advise make sens to me NOW 2 years ago it did'nt..😅🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤
I second you
😎 Talk is cheap.
Paper is patient.
"I'm from Missouri. Show me." 😏😉
Sometimes though you need to hear certain things. For example, my ex husband used to do a lot of good things, however almost always followed with talking back. And even though in the end I would have most things I wanted "done", what he was "saying" over the years trumped. I guess the video is not exactly about this, but reading your comment those were the thoughts that came to my mind. As always - no one golden rule)
Insecure broken people "love bomb". They don't feel like they are worthy of love just being themselves, so they try to win your affections by painting the biggest most amazing picture of themselves and what they could give you. It makes them feel good for a moment because in the fantasy they are adequate and worth loving. But then they realize they can't come through with any of the pictures they just painted for you, so they disappear quickly before you find out. It's very sad for everyone involved.
Very well phased and it was exactly the case with my experience. And feel so lucky now he gone!
you explained so well why the ghosting after live bombing happens bc nobody has explained the why this happens!! thank you it makes!sense!!
Great insight, Lilly
I needed this. Bless you!!!
Well said. And yes this I exactly what I believe to be the case in my experience with a guy.
I’ve been love bombed by almost every man I’ve ever dated, almost right away. In my experience, it’s because they wanted sex and thought that saying all the charming stuff would get that for them. It doesn’t work on me. This love bombing has made me so distrusting of the male species and their motives. At this point, I’m expecting to be alone for the rest of my days - and be happier that way. 🤷🏻♀️
Same sister 🤗
Same
I have never love bombed. But I've given love. And when a woman gives back it's such a beautiful thing and can be addicting to a man bc we have such less experience in dating and interaction than women get now days. But I've found that if you dont focus on needing that person to give back but only on what you want to give or able to give how little or how much, then you may get the person you really want to come to you and do that in return. That mindset is not love bombing, it's being a giver bc giving is better than receiving
@@imshaun4563 What do you mean by women having more dating experience than men? Who are women dating for having more experience!? Other women? What you are saying doesn't even make sense. Your interpretation of "dating" is "having sex" and women don't have more experience in having sex, they have more experience in being approached by tons of men who want to get laid.
That's very different my dear. Just because 10 men approach me wanting sex doesn't mean that I'll date them, many women learn the hard way that's the reason behind male attention, it honestly feels like shit. To give someone a chance to be vulnerable and grow feelings when the person only wants to use you as a sperm deposit.
@@Sarablueunicorn ok thanks for asking Taylor. So you mean to tell me that the only guys who approach you are straight up asking you point blank for sex??? Or do they want to take you out for a drink atleast?? 🤣 I dont know what goes on in your everyday life approaches but I dont mean your DM's or social media message boxes from men you haven't met. I mean men that you know or who walk up to you. I doubt they feel bold enough to say hey let's go have sex and risk getting rejected that easily that's just stupid. We know that doesnt work with you. But they we want sex eventually. And that is why they will invest their time into you. The thing is men get rejected from simple good interaction with women because they get weeded out so quickly. And that's because they are competing with the men that particular woman feels she has met or can meet one day in her mind. As well as whatever she soaks in socially or family. But since you get approached more, not accepting them or not attracted enough doesnt mean you dont have more opportunity for positive interactions. Those interactions are called experience builders. Some women use them, some dont like you I suppose. But That's what I meant. Potential and opportunity.
I am a man. I have "love bombed." In fact I've done a lot of the things Matthew has talked about.... I sincerely thought i was a nice guy until i watched some of these videos. It's been crushing to hear how I'm not the Robin Hood, Zorro type i thought i was. These lessons are so crushing to me and my identity. I feel a great deal of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I have never been violent or anything like that... I treat women with respect.... or at least i thought i did. I learn a lot from Matthew. I love these videos cause i learn so much about relationships. My parents divorced when i was younger so all my romance/moves i've learned were from movies. This idea that grand gestures get the girl. Not realizing the multitude of insecurities within that thought. ....sigh even though i am upset to learn something like this about myself. I am thankful. Sorry Ladies... :(
There is always room for growth. Look into complex ptsd for childhood trauma. The crappy childhood fairy has good content on this.
It’s good that you have self awareness and are aware of where you need to grow. Be kind to yourself and do better next time. X
Welcome to the other side
We all have issues. But the fact that you are being self aware shows character. Now it’s about changing behaviors. It’s a life long process. None of us are perfect and i woke up feeling guilt and shame about some of my actions. We just have to learn and not repeat it.
Hey it all good, we're all learning here, let's just hope this impact of knowledge leads twards positive change in bad habits
Too good to be true is usually too good to be true. And that sucks. I hate when people give up on relationships because of clowns that can’t get it right. Ladies deserve better.
Thank you. You get it!
It sucks when you felt it was too good to be true and you were right in the end 😔
Miracle Sims Yeah that’s what happened with my ex. We were together about 2 months and everything was great. He treated me like a princess and complimented me a lot and said he loved me but outta nowhere he broke up with me. Just like that it was over. It was too good to be true was exactly what I said to myself. I still love him but I’m gonna let his actions speak louder than his words. If he comes back and proves to me it’s real then he might get another chance. If not I can do better.
Kaitlin Mastrantuono yesssss !! OMG I feel the exact same way. We were “together” for 3 months and a couple days after our little 3 month anniversary he told me he cheated on me. Out of nowhere he said how he’s been feeling about things, and how he’s not sure about us anymore because of me and I found out that he cheated after the fact. Even though he said he loved me to death, I was his everything, his world, but actions prove mighty different and it hurts that I couldn’t be the one. It was just my turn with him I guess... lesson learned
Or they take the lower level easier option instead of what they really want because of fear which happened to me yesterday. Well I realised what was happening yesterday.
I was love bombed earlier this year. I hadn’t felt a connection with anyone in years so I fell hard. To him I was probably an easy target. I spent 3 months hoping he would turn back into the man he was on our first date. I begged for him to invest in me and he gaslighted me when I was insecure. It took a month after the breakup to realize the reality. It was very painful but now I realize I’m better off and deserve better.
I’m on the same exact journey
same happens with me..i brokeup because he didn’t seem happy with me..after break up i begged to him,msged him but he seems very chill..and he told one of our Mutual friend that he didn’t fallen love with me..
that day i moved on.blocked him from every where..now i am okay
Never beg.
Same.
@@tasrifarahman7496 Good on you girl...That asshat doesnt deserve another moment of your time.
I experienced Love Bombing, and as much as I enjoyed it, in the back of my mind I kept thinking “He doesn’t even know me; how can he make such claims?” On the second date he was talking like we were destined to spend the rest of our lives together. I waited to see if this was real... it wasn’t. There was no third date. But I still think about him sometimes even though this was 2 years ago.
I love your story
You are gorgeous🌹
Same happened to me. I feel you. Mine wasn't that long ago but I still think about him sometimes. I know what to look out for now though.
be happy you didn't end up married to him like I did. :D
It's called Future Faking and it's well used by narcs and avoidant people. At least the garbage took itself out so you didn't have to do it later down the line... 😎
Once a lovebomber feels like they've got you under their control it'll quickly turn into being devalued and eventually discarded if you're dealing with someone with narcissistic traits. That's what happened to me after almost four years together, I was tossed aside for someone new like I never meant anything to him. My advice is to listen to your instincts, if it feels too good to be true it generally is. If someone is telling you they love you or you're their soulmate when they barely know you, ask them why... chances are they won't have an answer.
"If it feels too good to be true it generally is." Absolutely right. Chastity and patience are virtues for a reason.
The same thing happened to me after almost 3 years. A life changing experience
@@farnazfer4888 I'm still recovering from what it did to my self-esteem, you're right it's completely life changing. I hope you are healing💛
@@aimee1987 Thank you darling. I wish you success on your healing journey as well. I hope we come out of this better and stronger 💛
Yeah it’s a shame that these narcissistic people exist and do this to people. Happened to me too, but in a 7 month period... he started showing his true self after 4 months... but bc I didn’t know or understand what was going on, I got back with him for another 3 months, a year later, & saw everything for what it was. As soon as they have new supply around, it’s like you don’t exist anymore. That was super eye opening 😳
It's a narcissistic trait. The love bomber (be it a man or a woman) puts you on a pedestal and makes up this idea of yourself in their head and as soon as you reveal more of your personality (and hence not "complying" with their image of you) it quickly degenerates.
If anyone is interested in narcissism I highly recommend Dr. Ramani Durvasula's content
So right!
Thanks for the recommandation, her last book looks very interesting.
@@lafemmesanspseudo7840 you're welcome :)
@@lafemmesanspseudo7840 you'll enjoy her RUclips channel more.
I also recommend Sam Vaknin, one of the key experts in this field too!
Finally someone said it. Thank you for that.
Love bombing is the first step towards narcissistic abuse. Be aware, don't fall into the trap. Even if he seems innocent at first, someone doing that at early stages of a relationship has selfish intentions.
It's not narcissist abuse, geez. Love bombing happens when some has low self esteem
Oh my God, I have an ex that love bombed me so hard, and when he suddenly left me I was shattered for like 4 years... And we only dated for 5 months. So that goes to show the impact love bombing can have on your psyche. I mean ,I'm sure I had other personal issues going on to which made the breakup worse, but this guy was so warm, caring and intensely loving for like 3 months then went so cold on me.
Terribly painful. Yes and they screw with your mind. Very dangerous
Been there, I’m so sorry. It’s brutal.
Broke up with one a month ago. Luckily I came across this video. So familiar to my situation. I have now realized he was NOT my soulmate. Took the wind right out of my sad sails. Now I see it for what it was. I’m already moving on, thank God. But now, with a brand new boundary!
I feel you! Had a similar situation not long time ago. But nothing lasts forever! I am glad it's already in the past for you.
@@sherijenkins706 Same!!! Experience is the best teacher, you know...
It's a narcissistic trait( I don't want to say personality cause that has its own criteria) but look out for it when you are love bombed and then ghosted intermittently. It can get somewhere pretty dangerous and I unfortunately learned this the hard way
Sometimes you don’t get ghosted, they discard you, but never break up with you. So they just cheat and get supply elsewhere.
@@norapeace6526 That's exactly what happened to me. The love bombing for the new victim started before I was even discarded
Its sooo true...even I have learned it in a hard way....they can go to any extent to make you fall!
So did I. I have just escaped a narcissistic relationship which Thank God only lasted 3 months but it has fucked with my brain and I am left devastated and I can hardly believe the way I was treated. So yes watch out for love bombing and other narcissistic traits.
farnaz fer same and after this he said he didn’t feel loved by me anymore because I was taking care of myself, and that I was an egoist , so I made him meet someone else new this was the moment when I knew I should cut the bond forever
The best and most fulfilling relationship is the one you have with yourself. Let men meet you where you are - do not give your power away and do not ever play the victim. If you don’t give him a rope he can’t hang you.
Very wise words here ....x
Jordan Smith well said 🙏
I need this tattooed on my body lol
Wise words
Very well said
all i can say is: narcissistic trait - what comes back to insecurities.
Yes I agree @iris ..have no sympathy for love-bomber insecurities..
They be too calculating...like intentional hit & run.
Clinically incorrect. On the contrary a narcissist is INCAPABLE of feeling insecure and instead shares a lot of common grounds with psychopathy in that they can not feel empathy.
Lara King that confused me as I’ve read many psychologists described the narcissistic traits of ‘self obsession’ described as an extreme need and an excessive front to keep others and themselves from recognizing the sense of emptiness and insecurity they feel inside. And that this is why they have a constant need to drain people for ego approval. I don’t think that ritual would require empathy.
Either way...RUNNNN!!
Doesn't matter WHY the dog will attack you...knowing that you will be attacked is enough to not get close to it!
Love bombers are the worst. So painful when relationship ends...
💯💯
I would love to see a video on how to recover from the trauma of being love bombed. As much as I hate to admit it, I am still dealing with the insecurities of having this happen to me. The guy dropped me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t help but blame myself and feel like something was wrong with me😭 I just feel like I can’t trust any man now!
It's Jamie Take some time off to focus on yourself (that’s what I did).
I’ve been love bombed before (didn’t know it was a thing until Matthew’s video lol), it was very short but very intense, the guy was sweet, caring, crazy attentive, telling me he loved me, that I was incredible and the woman of his dreams after a short couple of months. He introduced me to his friends, to his family, and spent a lot of time with me. I was on cloud nine, even though deep down it felt kind of wrong, it was going way too fast for me to stop and think properly, it was really intoxicating. I started letting my guard down and started to reciprocate.... Two weeks later, it was all over in a pretty brutal way. The guy went to Cuba for a week and never sent me a single text or, god forbid, call. After almost two months of never ending attention and sweet messages, this abrupt silence transformed me into an anxious mess. He then came back all sweet and lovey-dovey, and then dumped me a week after, via text message, because I dared call him in order to know what we were doing that night (we had vague plans to meet up) and suddenly I was too clingy and we were going « too fast ». The kicker is that he then absolutely refused that I came by his place to collect my things, which he instead had sent to me... Via usps.... At my workplace... And the package contained a pair of lady underwear that absolutely wasn’t mine.
You want to know something? I was obviously absolutely shattered when this happened to me, being rejected this way is the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me, however I am laughing about it now as I am writing this text, because it was so absurd. After this happened, my self-esteem was so low I thought I had deserved what he did to me, that it was indeed my fault because I had been pushing too hard. Truth is, like Matthew says, I had simply fallen victim to this guy’s insecurities, he had been pushing so hard for me to like him, how could I have not responded like I did? This was squarely a reflection of his character, and absolutely not of mine.
After that, I pretty much took a year off for myself, I was still casually dating (more like casual sex, really lol) but the priority was always me and my needs. I traveled by myself, partied hard, made tons of friends, started working out, tried a ton of new things and actually discovered Matthew’s channel, which in parallel helped me building that core confidence he always talks about.
Now, at the risk of being immodest, I’d go as far as to say that I am a pretty kickass woman. I’ve discovered a ton of new interests, made some life long friends, and am in an amazing long-term relationship. I still have my insecure days, of course, but what happened to me 4 years ago is now an amusing-slash-horrifying anecdote, instead of a traumatizing experience that defined the rest of my life.
Take care girl, and courage to you! Sorry for the long text, I really just wanted to say that you got this, and that time spent invested in yourself is NEVER wasted, you are never going to regret it. Cheers!
Nanipocket Thank you so much for taking the time to to share your story and for the amazing advice. I really appreciate it! You are absolutely correct about taking the time to just live your best damn life! That brings out an energy that is absolutely magnetising to everyone around you. Thank you once again! I truly feel so inspired to just do me!
Girl I been duped by a man and I did feel guilty for a while but what helped me obtain peace was that i had to remember it was his intention from the beginning to take advantage of me. I am a loving kind and generous person and I been single for a while so I suppose I was prime prey but I nor u r not stupid live and learn keeping smiling
Amen to that. Same thing happened to me.
Same here sis...and it sucks 😖
Been there... And after he ghosted me, I was beating myself up for loosing him - maybe I wasn't interesting enough, maybe I showed him not enough atention? But the truth is that he would ghost me anyway. It's his loss. I have a lot more to offer than just affection and being quick ego-boost.
Yes you're 100% right. I just had this happen to me with a dude I only knew for a few weeks. I was being careful since I suspected lovebombing and I turned to be right!
I gave him the best chess play check mate possible. He fell for it. It took me a year to get over it. He was married. He NEVER mentioned. I was livid!!!
“It was never about building something. It was about feeling something.”
🎯
I needed to hear this. The love bombing was about him and not how he felt about me!
Knowing this finally frees me. 😊
Well said.
i feel uncomfortable when men love bomb me when they don’t know me, praise me for everything i tell them about myself
i’m thinking “ok, what’s your intention with it?”
Hello I know of someone who helped me get my ex back he can also help you just as he did mine too
Consult hiswhtxapp
^+2348156896436
Same and I give in. My compliments, investments are actually sincere but they're coming from another place.
Same
Oh, be very careful.
When someone comes at you with super high speed any thing, know the red flags...
It might kind of feel good, just be responsible for your better sense... not the emotional feeling you are getting... you will see the difference...
Then Run
❤
.
He explained it perfectly. A few years ago I love bombed somebody. I was insecure and needed that validation from someone else so I strung someone along, fed them everything they wanted to hear. After a while they realised what I was doing and left. I am not proud of what I did, I will never treat someone like that ever again, but because I was guilty of this, I can spot it a mile away when someone does it to me. I later apologised to him. He was not responsible for my insecurities. I was and it was my job to fix them. Not his. Never use someone just to make yourself feel better
I’m facing the same shit but the things is he making a lot of effort so far like texting me , buying me gift , bring me to clinic if I’m sick , buying me foods etc , our relationship it’s been 6 months and I was thinking to leave him for avoid to get hurt oneday and I’m not sure if he really do love me or just playing. He not expecting sex btw coz he said he take it serious sex after marriage. Wanna ask , did you really love the girl / guy u love bombed because of you insecurity?
"modify those expectations until time proves those things to be real"
Thank you for these words Mathew my Love!!! 😍😘😘😘
In my experience the guy is a narcissist, trying to hook you to use you.....it’s a red flag..... RUN! This happens on every dating site
FACT
💯
Let's be honest here. The overwhelming majority of men are very unlikely to successful hook women because women rarely fall in love with most men they meet.
@Eris Either way. Those guys are rare.
@Eris yep pretty much. It's a whole other game we talking about
I no idea about "love bombing" until after I finally told him not to contact me again because it was incredibly unhealthy. After looking into it and thinking back on everything, I was like wow...this was all a tactic. There is major psychological consequences to being a victim of the love bomber.
Facts
Why did you tell him not to contact you? And what did he say after?
I feel you there Loretta. It was all okay until I decided to leave, and then I was afraid of his loving apologies.
I've just started dated a guy and its been two weeks and he's love bombing me. so glad u made this, it helped me . xxx 🥰❤
I was love-bombed and then ghosted after 5 months. I now realise I dodged a bullet and that he was anxious-preoccupied. I had to learn the hard way but will definitely look out for clingy and intense behaviour next time!
"I would treat you like a princess"
I don't want to be treated like a princess, I want to be treated like a human being
Ever wonder why you're single then?
I was at my sisters wedding. 2 people that respect each other. That is what i am looking to have in my life. Not sex. Not love bombing. Respect.
Maybe you have to compromise on his/her looks.
Hard to find miss
@@abhishek0o7 even crap looking guys dared to lovebomb me
@@How.Dare.You. samem
The true test of a relationship is what happens when you both get comfortable. Do you retain that level of kindness, respect and sensitivity that you had in the beginning or is it thrown out the window. I think that's what makes or breaks a relationship
I was love bombed three times in my life, and they were all actually high quality men. Now I learned how to slow down things when they act like this, it's healthier.
How can they be high quality if they are love bombers?
Love bombing is a sign of a low value man.
How true is that. People change to the point they are NOTHING like what they initially seemed.
I've had this three times in a row. It's like some kind of addiction. It fades very quickly and they move on to the next in no time at all!
This happened to me recently and it absolutely broke me. What a lesson to learn, thank you for explaining it.
The story of my life... 😅😣😭
And after they said: "You feel too much".
Sorry to be human.
Constance Chovet i was told I am too sensitive. Also a big 🚩 😐
wow i was told "you're too sensitive, you need to go out in the world and get hurt " he wanted me to get hurt to learn. The truth is, I am sensitive and emotional because I have already suffered and gone through so much in life before i even met him. I am not weak, i am strong.
@@JennHerz-HTX92 Yeees I understand what you say! I was told to take things with to much implication, so now I try to be more light and easy, kind of "cool girl" faking she doesn't care about being hurt or anything else... But I'm lying to myself, I am not feeling honest with me and other by having this attitude. So I end up thinking that maybe that was not a good one and I maybe deserve who feels deeply, assume and share their emotions.
Let's hope together ☺🕊✨
@@JennHerz-HTX92 I think you are right! What it weak is denying emotions and refusing to go into deep connexion. It takes courage to discover someone with all the shiny and more vulnerables parts. People are afraid.
@@c.s.5744 💪🏻💪🏻 be brave, stay true to yourself 🙏🙏
Yep. My ex love-bombed for two years and then dropped me, just like that, out of the blue. He only showed me the ‘Instagram’ version of himself throughout our relationship, until we moved in together. That’s when he realised he couldn’t keep up this Godly imagine he had created of himself and dumped me in an extremely hurtful way. He never loved me. He loved that I loved him.
Hello I can recomend you to someone that helped me restore back my ex. He helped me get my ex back. He can also help you too
Whtxapp him
_+2348156896436__
Dr Agbadekun Don’t be like that, Dr A.
Yes! He loved that I loved him! That’s how my situation was.
Classic love bomber
I got love bombed my senior year of high school by an older guy. I was so heart broken lmfao. He dropped out of college, got back with his “crazy” ex, and broke up with her again. I continued on to my renown university with a full scholarship. That’s how I made myself feel better 🤣 Some people are just hurt so they hurt others, it’s up to you to protect your energy with standards
A friend of mine gave his friend my number. They lived on the other side of the state ( they worked in a mine). We talked for about 6 months before meeting. I thought everything was going good. I guess when we met, he was not attracted to me because after that there was radio silence. It really affected me in that moment. I mean to talk for so long and then nothing. We video chatted and he seemed to not have any problems then. It took me awhile to realize it was not me, but him and that there is others guys out there that will be interested. I haven’t found him yet but I know I will. Sorry for the novel lol.
It is so hurtful for someone to do that. But I'm inspired by your attitude about it! 🤍💙🤍💙
Well, but in that case it was not his fault or yours...if he didnt´t feel atracted the way he thought he was going to feel, what could he do? It would be worse if he pretended...Those kind of things, like attraction you can only know in real , not online. Thats why online meeting is very misleading. The most sad thing is that he also wasnt into friendship, or he would have kept in touch.
@@caty2ful I don't agree. If you see what they look like. There shouldn't have been a problem because they talked for so long. He could explain not go radio silent.
@@nofybn7794 maybe there was no chemistry. Maybe he didnt like her smell. It could br a number of reasons. Online is not the same as in person.
@@nofybn7794 I've had long conversation online with people and in person they were completely different, it's also not always intentional. One guy I spoke to for a while always took pictures from a certain angle so he would look built and toned, spoke for a few weeks he was great, met him in person and it was completely different from that visually whatsoever, I chose to ignore it went on the date anyway he liked to speak over me or interrupt me, had one-sided conversations, was rude to staff, had a terrible sense of humour and incredibly impolite, a lot of things you can't do in text conversations. Safe to say I let him know I wasn't interested in him and definitely was not interested in maintaining a friendship
Short answer: Because it works.
What you can do about? Be someone, who can not be fooled. Listen to what he/she is doing, not saying.
But placing the responsibility back on the victim is exactly what narcissistic “love bombers” do. As Matthew and others have said, this works because these people are liars-masters of deception and self-deception. Anyone who isn’t like this is going to be susceptible because descent, honest people aren’t looking to be deceived. The only thing worse than being deceived is feeling like you’re responsible. It’s good to be aware of these things, but unfortunately, there’s not much else we can do. That’s what makes the behavior so toxic.
@@kirsteneobrien you're responsible for your own actions and choices. Choose differently. Choose not to be a victim!! Be aware of what you want and what behavior isnt acceptable and exit when the time comes. People are gonna do what they're gonna do. Yoi don't have to be there when they do it. You have free will and legs to walk away.
It does not always work. The person is not always fooled. This is when "love bombing" becomes "creepy" or "predatory" behaviour where one person pursues someone else who is saying no.
I'd say it's partly narcissistic and partly a commitment issue.
I experienced this also! I was at a steady pace of things coming together slowly and he was full steam ahead and rushing quickly in a ‘love bug’ way and it all came crashing down when he decided after 2 months that things moved too quickly and had to work on himself. It’s a real shame to go through this but knowing it’s not ‘us’ it’s really about their issues and developments, makes me feel reassured now from hearing Matthew that this happens and it’s honestly gave me closure after 2 years! Thank you!
Wow! 2 years to get closure on a 2 month relationship. Thats insane.
@@isabellasophiarose1100 I know sounds crazy. When it ended I didn't get the full closure from the guy to understand why, so eventually i let it go and moved on with peace of my own. But Matthew's video took me back to that relationship and I had a massive "AHA" moment and thought wow this makes total sense now. Just a reassure that it was never me, it was him all along!
@@isabellasophiarose1100 it sounds insane, but these short-lived, passionate, intense connections can sometimes be even harder to move on from. It’s like living the fairytale romance we’ve always dreamed about and having it come crashing down as quickly as it came can have a horrible effect on your psyche
Jesus. Why can't it be a bit easier..so tired of all of these terms and time wasting. Not into someone/relationship, leave them alone!
I met a man who was on an online dating app just to meet new people after moving to my area. He wasn’t looking for a relationship but we started talking and found all of these interests we had in common. We both knew all these old movies that no one else either of us has met has ever heard of. We loved the same music and art and had all the same interests and it felt so special. Our first date was watching the sunset over the river and then watching old black and white movies on a projector. It was the most romantic date I had ever been on. The next few days he pursued me with a vengeance. Calling off work to be with me, spending 30 hours straight together after having just met. Texting me with emojis, kissing, cuddling, pet names, sharing clothes, gifts. He made me feel so special, like Morticia Addams or something lol. I fell for it because of everything we had in common, we had to be soulmates right? After that 30 hours ended he was never the same again. He started lying about having to work early when we were together. He stopped sleeping with me. Eventually he told me he had been seeing another woman the whole time and she didn’t want a relationship but wanted them to only have “relations” with each other, and he agreed. But told me he still wanted to hangout and be friends. He said he doesn’t know what he wants and then gaslit the whole situation by saying we were just having good conversation and one thing led to another. I told him no, goodbye. He said he understood and didn’t put up a fight. At first I was thought it was me. That she must be prettier than me, skinnier than me, more fun, etc. But the truth is he would have done the same thing even if there was never another woman. Because the problem lies within him. He will probably have issues with her too, and many more women to come. I have learned how strong I am in this situation though, because despite the feelings I have for him, I had the strength to walk away. And as powerless as I felt in the situation, I now know I’m more powerful than I thought I was.
It's crazy the morticia Addams part because he was clear about it and he told that's how you should be treated we starting having future plans together moving out getting married having kids texting all day sharing everything then suddenly when we got together before even meeting and he came back from his visit from his family I told him let's meet he said we will and we will remember every convo we had he didn't text me the next day which is not his usual behavior this is a man who used to initiate the texting everyday then I asked are you okay he texted me the day after with a lame excuse that is clear as light that it's a lie and it confirmed all my suspicions that this person was never genuine to begin with and I'm thankful that I ended it and blocked him after few texts that was him trying to gaslight me to make me sound that I'm the problem here.
Yours was clear love bombing. Also always remember never sleep with a man so early in a relationship. If you want genuine connection with marriage then wait till marriage to get physical. I think he wanted to get physical with you so he did all this drama. Also it can also be that he lost interest with you after spending 30 hrs straight with you. Never spend so much time with a man you met recently. Moreover men lose interest after sex and that also could be a reason. He just manipulated you and got all the things that he wanted.
This happened to me, except that he has been trying to keep me in his life for over a year and I was stupid in love enough to let him. And also, he impregnated a married woman he was seeing the whole time we were seeing each other. I am still recovering from my stupid choices.
This information is very useful.
A guy keeps being so caring to me and I feel he is playing the ghosting game.
This was such a timely and poignant message for me. I am just recently out of a relationship where I was seriously love bombed for the first three months and then despite a million red flags, stuck it through hoping the wonderful partner I fell in love with would resurface. After 18 months together he just said he needed to be alone because he was angry with everyone and everything, only for me to find out that within a week, he was living with another girl. Getting over this one has been so difficult despite knowing he is not worth anything that I am feeling and I'm so grateful to you Matthew for your articulate and measured views as well as your insight into human behaviour that has helped make the most complex issues seem like they can be managed, the hurdles jumped. Signing up for your at home retreat tonight. Thank you so much.
Reading this made me never want to date again and probably why I don’t. That is fucking shit, how traumatic to have to deal with finding that out a week later. That made my blood boil reading that, I think k because something similar is happening in my world right now. It hurts so much.
This is something else. I needed this video 6 months ago. I met a guy who I literally thought was the most incredible guy in the world, fell deeply and madly in love with him and was broken up with. We resumed our relationship for about 6 more months but deep down I knew he didn’t really love me but again still kept this charade that he still cared a ton about me. He even took me to NYC. Then 2 weeks later texted me that he found someone else and haven’t talked to him since. Within weeks time he was posting all about her on social media which seeing that made me extremely depressed and anxious. I slipped into the worst depression of my life. I felt hopeless and terrified I would never find true love and get married. I felt like I lost the man I was supposed to marry. I’ve been absolutely terrified to try to date again because I don’t want to experience that magnitude of pain ever again. This video made me see the situation a little differently. Thank you for sharing
Hope you start to feel better soon. In this day it happens too much. Their insecurity ends up becoming ours too xxxx
I feel you.
How are you today?
That's why you should never put your eggs in one basket. Don't expect anything from any one person. Invest your time wisely and don't commit easily.
Absolutely
Wow I didn't know about this phrase. That this thing I've experienced was a thing and has a name. Thank you
😆
Q
Angelina Wong o pop
Who they are also has a name. Narcissistic personality disorder. Google it!
Read jackson mckenzie psychopath free!!!! Must read after breaking up w a narc!!
I learned in serious depth about narcissistic personality disorder Feb 2019 after I was discarded from 3 long time relationships. It was an aha moment, a smack in the face eye opener, and everything finally made sense. Idealize (love bomb), devalue, and discard is the cycle. You want someone that is grounded, secure, not relying on others for their happiness and the list goes on and on. I've been no contact with the 3rd one for 13 months now and it would take too many words to describe the good in my life now since waking up. You can find an abundance of publications on the internet. It is abuse.
Absolutely!!! Thank you for listing the kind of people to look for, people that are grounded, and don’t need others to make them happy, that are secure in who they are. I’ve learned a lot as well from dating three narcissist, covert and overt
Interesting how we keep falling for them. Same . Father of my children is narscistic. Been separated 20 years. However seem to gravitate towards them still! Got out very quickly with the last one.
Melody don’t feel bad.. It’s just they see something in u, some vulnerability, that u can’t see in yourself & they exploit that. Learn as much as you can so you know what to do if you meet another one or have them in your family. Our job is to figure out what that is, and be aware of it so these sick people can’t take advantage of it. Good luck
'Idealize, devalue and discard'. Damn.
Just don't. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with person who love bomb me and it leave me drain when he left. I become addicted to the attention, time, gifts and love he showed. For the few weeks of that I know him, I was questioning him why he does so much for me when he doesn't even know me that much, for me it's too early. For the first year of our relationship, I push him away because what he did for me is too much but he just assure me that he did it because he loves me so much. And now? He left me 2 months ago and I'm so devastated, feeling like I'm dying from pain. I got addicted to the attention he gave to me that I became so independent to him. I lost myself. I just realized now after our break up that what he did to me in the first beginning is love bomb. I didn't think that way before because I love the feeling I'm getting and I believe that he just did it because he love me.
As I know him for 3 years, my conclusion to his actions stems from his insecurity (matthew is right)... His relationship with his parents is too painful for him because his father always mocks him for his small mistakes & sometimes hit him. He always do his best but his parents can't seem to appreciate it because they always point out his mistakes. His actions stems from it because I get to know him he's doing his best to please his parents (sometimes they appreciate, mostly they don't)... I think he thinks that pleasing other people will get him love and care.... that's why he bomb love me because he don't feel complete with himself.. I feel pity for him though, but what he did to me is very painful. He just left me out of nowhere, whenI became so dependent of him...
It is also my fault though because I'm also not perfect. I got out from a relationship before where someone betrayed me & did not treat me right. So I always ask the Universe to give me someone who will give their all to me. And when he came, I love it so much that finally the Universe heard me.
So my lesson here is be careful what you wish for. It's better to see things as they really are, not see things as you fantasized them to be. See people as they really are. I'm not saying that there's no red flags in the beginnings, actually there are some.... But I chose to ignore it because I'm blinded with my fantasies. So be careful ladies. Learn from my lessons. Don't loose yourself, please. Don't be like me right now. It's very painful, I don't know how to get over this pain... Please focus on yourself, don't let someone make you forget who you really are.
It’s the most common narcissistic trait, a very red flag. Normally, narcissism comes from unhealthy relationship with one of the parents, or from a narcissistic parent in the family who treats a child as their possession, rather than a child and doesn’t know how to love them.
They message you 24/7, put you on pedestal, want to spend every second with you, want you to be their girlfriend after a week of dating, meet every member of your family, move in with you. They say they in love with you and so on. It’s not love, it’s obsession, that’s how they make sure you are hooked up.
After that phase, they start devaluing you. When it’s too good to be true, it’s a beginning of abusive relationships. Listen to your instincts and intuition. Narcissists love strong, independent women, because she can take care of them.
Run girls, run 🙌🏻💕
Just don't. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with person who love bomb me and it leave me drain when he left. I become addicted to the attention, time, gifts and love he showed. For the few weeks of that I know him, I was questioning him why he does so much for me when he doesn't even know me that much, for me it's too early. For the first year of our relationship, I push him away because what he did for me is too much but he just assure me that he did it because he loves me so much. And now? He left me 2 months ago and I'm so devastated, feeling like I'm dying from pain. I got addicted to the attention he gave to me that I became so independent to him. I lost myself. I just realized now after our break up that what he did to me in the first beginning is love bomb. I didn't think that way before because I love the feeling I'm getting and I believe that he just did it because he love me.
As I know him for 3 years, my conclusion to his actions stems from his insecurity (matthew is right)... His relationship with his parents is too painful for him because his father always mocks him for his small mistakes & sometimes hit him. He always do his best but his parents can't seem to appreciate it because they always point out his mistakes. His actions stems from it because I get to know him he's doing his best to please his parents (sometimes they appreciate, mostly they don't)... I think he thinks that pleasing other people will get him love and care.... that's why he bomb love me because he don't feel complete with himself.. I feel pity for him though, but what he did to me is very painful. He just left me out of nowhere, whenI became so dependent of him...
It is also my fault though because I'm also not perfect. I got out from a relationship before where someone betrayed me & did not treat me right. So I always ask the Universe to give me someone who will give their all to me. And when he came, I love it so much that finally the Universe heard me.
So my lesson here is be careful what you wish for. It's better to see things as they really are, not see things as you fantasized them to be. See people as they really are. I'm not saying that there's no red flags in the beginnings, actually there are some.... But I chose to ignore it because I'm blinded with my fantasies. So be careful ladies. Learn from my lessons. Don't loose yourself, please. Don't be like me right now. It's very painful, I don't know how to get over this pain... Please focus on yourself, don't let someone make you forget who you really are.
@@princesslacson6291 hey, I just read your comment. I’ve been there myself, so it will take time to heal. It’s a process. You will be going through the phases, it’s like going through withdrawals I guess, but I promise it will pass. You will be happy again😊
@@martasokyrka1045 I'm afraid of the after effects of the trauma he gave me. I'm afraid I'm going to be with the same cycle agin in the future. Thank you for your kind words. I just feel so hopeless right now. No words or beg can make him stay. Like wtf, just like that? 😭
@@princesslacson6291 it’s a process and it’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Don’t even think about asking him to come back, he did you a favour and it also takes time to acknowledge that. Sometimes we need to fall apart in order to build ourselves up from the scratch. It will be the whole new you when you will be done with yourself and you will love it. Every ending is the new beginning.
False trust. I was at the receiving end of that "love bomb" thing. Trust must be earned and I learned it the hard way, that's no respect to the other person. How can someone build a friendship out of this validation need for being loved and being selfish enough to not consider the other person's feelings? That's not fair to me.
All absolutely spot on. Amazingly my ex husband love bombed me. I remember that feeling of being overwhelmed & rushed. Ended up spending 14 years together & it took me until 3 years after the divorce to realise that all I'd fallen in love with was the person who he was during the love bombing phase & spent the rest of the entire relationship trying to get back to the honeymoon period. So yeh, relationships can be based on nothing 🙈 I'm now so much more educated about these behaviours & most important my own behaviour, listening to my gut instinct & how to stick with my boundaries 🌺
I've been watching MH for years every now and then, and still I think he is so underrated. Definitely more people deserve to hear and listen to his words, just to be reminded of your own worth or how equality can look like and many more things.
Also not only women but also men (or any person with another gender) can learn from it (even if it is not exactly for every possiple couple combination or gender combination couples (or what do you call that 🤔) but many things can be transfered and the core is about healthy relationships, with yourself, with others, and a healthy lovelife
Thanks for all the time until now and in the future, when your messages give us new thoughts or a good laugh etc, Matthew! 💚 ☺️
I'm at a point where I don't know if Love is even a thing anymore.
*Do I need it, don't I need it?
*Am I loving wrong?
*Why do I always get left, though they claim to love me?
It's just so confusing.
Same. Samw.
I really like the phrase, “...a more sober image of a person.’’
I came back to this video because I recently met someone & I like him but I'm fearful he may be love bombing. Sometimes people may be unaware they're doing it but for me I've learned its best to take things slow & build a connection over time. I'm kind of done with the instantaneous attraction. It usually backfires. I'm looking for something with longevity.
This is great advice but really earth shattering for me. The guy that love bombed me for 8 months just left me 2 days ago and I was 110% sure he was the one. Now I’m watching this video and recognizing all these patterns in him: how he told me he loved me after a month of being together, how I was only allowed to see him on his terms (we were Long distance but we saw each other almost every month, mostly an effort on my part to make it happen), how he talked constantly about himself (especially on social media), how he made grandiose claims that he wanted to grow old with me...and then the rug was swept from under me. I’m terrified of the damaging effects this will cause on me in the future. Was all of it a lie? 😞
Yes it’s heartbreaking that everything was a lie... happened to me as well he promised to marry me and wanted to meet my family... all these things he said made me put my walls down and I gave the narcissist what he wanted from me... attention, intimacy.. and lots of affection!! I felt shattered when His friends told me he hooked up with a lot of girls in the past and he was keeping me in darkness because i was too SENSITIVE and I would leave him. This man has ruined my mental peace and I don’t wish bad for other people but what he has done has physically, mentally and emotionally affected me and I wish he gets a woman just like him. Only then he will realise the pain of trusting someone and they are cheating behind your back! I just want to heal myself and have good relationship dynamics with my parents so that I don’t have to look for affection outside from toxic people.
@@drReetHooda I know exactly how you feel. Believe me when I found out what type of monster he was and that everything was a lie (plus him never paying my money back) I wanted to strangle the hell out of him. I wished him the worst. Hopefully karma gets them.
OMG Mathew.. you are 100% right. This handsome young Libra came into my life, on our first date showered me with lots of compliments and romantic feelings, i felt swept off my feet by him instantly, but due to past experiences i knew I haven’t earned those complents and i was suspicious of his motives, so it turned out he wanted just sex with me (which i refused) , and within a week he disappeared and started ghosting me.. you are perfectly right about Love bomb that fake people blast on you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Exactly same happened with me.
Ladies I have gone through this many times. Any guy who love bombs you is looking for love outwardly instead of within themselves first. You can’t expect love to be given to you if that person does not have it within yourself. I in fact have a love bomber currently trying to come in to my life and I told him let’s be friends right now and see where this goes.
It is also most likely the beginning of a very abusive relationship
It happened to me. I moved to Hawaii to be with him. He quickly showed his real side. Very abusive towards his mom and family. One day he lost it on me cause I mistakenly backed up his car on a curb. When we got home I was so tired of being screamed at that I shoved food on the ground that he was screaming at me to eat. He grabbed and pushed me on a cement floor. He threw a big rock at his mother's front door cause she kicked him out. OMG, I left Hawaii and came back home. I'm safe now.
@@carmenlamontagne4948 I'm happy you're safe 💙
@@suzan-x3i thank you♥️
You just made so much sense out of what I was starting to be pulled into for the past three months. Luckily, I felt something was off but couldn't describe it. So I just backed off and listened to my intuition and left. He didn't understand why and I couldn't clearly explain it. And you just explained to me what I was feeling when I didn't even know.
Thank you, Matthew Hussey. You are a relationship genius!
It’s normal to be afraid of love to some degree. I had a man spend thousands on me in three weeks, spoil me with anything I wanted and sent me love novel style texts. I was shocked but let it go on because I felt it was entertaining to some degree. I knew it was abnormal. He turned around and two weeks later did the same exact thing.... same behavior with my childhood best friend who I lived with at the time. She was dumb enough to fall for it. They got married three months later.. the dude is a severe workaholic and predatory in my opinion. The whole thing was absolutely nuts.
Intestingly enough, women absolutely do that too. At least I did, in my insecure years🤷🏻♀️
Yes
I was just wondering this and got a notification from you! Your videos are very positive and helpful Mathew!
I was waiting too
Same! Law of attraction
I keep getting love bombed by every single guy 😳 Even the ones I casually sleep with and don’t care about start chasing me with “I want to marry you and have beautiful babies with you” I’ve learnt to see it but when will this madness end, wtf is wrong with men 🤦🏻♀️
There is nothing specifically wrong only with men. Not all men lack self-awareness about this phenomenon.
Love bombing intents to destroy all other relationships you have like friends and family, to be the only source of love in your life. Makes you feel like you are extremely special, the relationship is scarce to find, the love between you is extremely scarce. It intents to have full control over you, it happens in a ridiculously short amount of time and they gather personal information to use later, especially about your core insecurities. All this would feel unnatural to a secure person. But if you are insecure too, like unconfident or have ptsd, you fall into this. A person who doesnt need to feel extremely special to feel whole, will not attract love bombing too. Do your inner work 💕 Love is not scarce,, it’s abundant 💕 None of the outside sources can be the proof that you are lovable. When you acknowledge that, you are always and already lovable, love bombing just shows how insecure that person is. A healthy love instead, wouldnt demand all of your time and attention, would give you reasonable space and feels intuitively normal and natural 💕
I love this and completely resonate with it. Thank you
thank you for this, i needed to read this
I’m happy to hear that 😊💕
You just spelled out my exact experience! From start to finish.
korianne Emerson Lot’s of love and light to you dear 💕
Love your videos, Matthew! So, we’re talking about love bombers. How can we find the person that’s not a love bomber? We keep taking chances with people who are disguising their character and taking risks in the dating world. We keep getting hurt each time we get to know someone. They’re charming, they say I want to spend time with you, you both have long conversations, you actually go on dates, you share your deepest thoughts and dreams. Then BOOM, they’re onto the next, that is wasting your time investing in someone. How can we tell someone is a love bomber when they have the same actions as someone who be able to truly love you? (this is from a gay man that’s been burned so many times)
Pls someone reply on this
I ‘m not a couch but i’d say :
1-Set your standards and boundaries and stick to them.
2-Watch actions,not words
3-Constancy ,the most important for me.Everybody can be intense for some weeks.... love building takes time.
@@user-np6qm2qh6w Yes all these but also dont just date 1 or 2 people at once. Keep your standards high and always have honesty and self respect.
@@user-np6qm2qh6w Endorsed.
I used to only attract these kind of guys. Some of these guys were not even single. Some even married.
I'd only attract that because I thought that was all I deserved. I talk about it on my channel.
The question to ask yourself is not why someone love bombs you, but why are you attracting that?
Are you misreading any of the red flags? Stop being addicted to drama. Break the cycle. You deserve so much more 💜
Heard about this "love bombing" yesterday when my relative said my boyfriend does that. We have a long distance relationship.. Before meeting he seems interested in my life and we have a good time, one that i love about him. But after we meet fave to face and he or I go back home its like he never excisted. Vanishes from the face of the eart. And after month or so he comes back with all the lovely messages and telling how much he loves me. That time when he is gone I feel so insecure, asking what did i do and where is he without an answer. And when he comes back I guess i just was so longing for something i get so happy from being with him again.
Thank you Matthew. Finally I get it. I’d been saying ‘where’d he go?!’ Yes he became super insecure and never got back there. It was confusing as he’d come in strong charismatic and confident so I felt he knew how to repeat that. It’s sad really. I feel for him. His fears caused it to end in the end.
Good man.. this is x10000 applicable to the narcissistic gay dating world.. so sad
Really???? How does it usually show up in the relationships?
@@livingyourstory6885 probably same as in straight rships but perhaps far far more common and extreme!
It’s crazy how it’s rooted in insecurity 🤔
So that's what it's called. I've met a couple guys like that!. I'm so grateful that I attracted a good man now! Whew!
A more simple and crude term for this behavior is "Pump and Dump".
There is an even more crude term that rhymes, but I won't type it here, but one of the words is "chuck".
Never heard of this term so I had to watch. Now I totally get it. Makes total sense. Match one of these guys with a lady with low self esteem and you got a big mess.
I can't believe this video poped up in front of me while I'm going through the exact same thing.
I am "the healer" in my relationships. And I don't want to be. Not anymore.
Who's gonna heal ME? I'm strong and independent but I don't wanna walk these stony roads alone and I need someone as strong as me... For the second time in 2 years , I'm going through this damn "love bombing" thing. I know he's cute, he's giving, thoughtful, I love to wake up to the smell of his breakfasts (he's a French chef) The sex is amazing. BUT in the end it's not changing the fact that he got what he wanted, he got back on his feet with the support and pleasure I provided, and he left at the best and sweetest phase of the relationship. Maybe he didn't do it intentionally but this is called "using people"
I could write so much about what a relationship and marriage and divorce is like with a narcissist/psychopath...npd is no joke... but we can survive ladies🧡 healing takes time be patient with yourself! much love to you all!
I am so happy you talked about this because not many people are familiar with this concept. I remember it was so liberating to understand this concept after going through a horrible heartbreak with a narcissist for three months. Getting to know concepts like love-bombing, gaslighting, ghosting and Cognitive Dissonance helped me overcome this since I had the knowledge to recognize what had just happened to me and to be aware of everything around me... specially rely on time and actions to be able to see whether a relationship was for me or not.
Not only this but so many of your videos have made my life so much better now. Thank you so much, Matthew!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for addressing this, Matthew! I went through a similar situation with my now-ex who was absolutely a "Love Bomber". My gut was raising red flags for me the entire time from the start, and I did express these concerns to him all throughout the relationship. And when push came to shove over a year later, his actions simply couldn't live up to his words, and I had to part ways with him after dedicating myself and my resources to "our" plans based on what he promised from the beginning. Now in hindsight, and after this video, I realize all of that love bombing was really all about him and his feelings - not necessarily for me.
so the compliments aren't genuine, they're just doing it for validation.
What is the validation for them if they are complimenting you?
They want a compliment back
@@junejewell6004and then they don't accept it bc they don't believe you. Crazy
@@junejewell6004and then they reject it bc they don't believe you. Bc they hardly believe themselves.
They're crazy
Love Bombing is usually done by the Narcissist. The purpose is for the Narcissist supply that is needed for the abusive Narcissist to survive. I also have to add that love bombing is not just done by the man. There are plenty of women who are Narcissist and they too will love bomb in order to get their victims on the hook for further abuse. Thanks for sharing your viewpoint.
With my experience of having been in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder: Love bombing is one of the major red flags to look out for. Maybe someone here needed to read this. I certainly felt a responsibility to comment because this can be part of an actual personality disorder in cases that can be super harmful for the partner. If you need more info, feel free to ask
Hi Natalie! I was in the same situation sadly... it broke my heart and crushed my soul. I know this depends on each person, but how did you manage to get over it and see for what it truly was?
The timing of this message couldn’t be more perfect. Thank you Matthew Hussey. God Bless you
4 months no contact and my mind is blown...what felt like the happiest relationship of my life wasn't even real. It was like being under a spell and now the spell is broken and I am wondering where I am and what's real. Only thing I know for sure is NOT HIM, Not again, I LOVE Me MORE!
Omg I deal with constantly and I get my heart broken each time :(
Not anymore. Keep learning about the narscistic traits and find out why you keep attracting men like this. I had to have therapy at one stage.
Love Bombing is literally one of the worst kind of "Love" you can experience, because you have to realize and accept that you might not be that nice and perfect etc. how he made you feel or told you that you are this and this- after he used/consumed your love and energy , he will throw you away like trash 🗑 not even recycle you .. this is also more likely to happen when your self esteem is literally touching the ground , you will feel worser than before after this, since this happen to me I am so afraid to date ppl or have hard time to open to someone new , my heart is so deeply broken because of so much rejection, I wanna trust someone, I wanna feel something , I’m 21 years old and never did I really experienced authentic love
You can and will heal from this . You are stronger than you think...Melanie Tonia Evan NARP and Richard Grannon search those. Good luck 🦋
Very useful info... actually yes, the best filter against this scenarios IS SLOWING DOWN... And knowing our value. We shouldn't fall in love for validation... we should fall in love with a person for who he is. So take time to know each other! don't fall in love just for compliments and validation!
I never try to make anyone feel anything, other than with me, you can be 100% yourself. The only promises I've made, I've made to myself. I'm currently trying to live up to my own expectations as I try to live myself more.
I'm trying to stay away from social media as much as I can because I'm having bad experiences and it's bringing my thoughts into a negative space. People love telling me to be patient, but everyone keeps rushing me...
I recently have been loved bombed. I've dealt with many eff boys the love bomb type hits so different. It is more of an emotional hurt. He was never unkind, but once he knew I had my feelings and secured them he retreated. Hasn't ghosted me but chose the "let's slow down" approach. You can't help but feel dumb. The way I described it is he found that Disney loving girl inside the one that genuinely believes in love, he found her and dumped her.
Hello I can recomend you to some one that helped me get my ex back he can also help you just as he did mine too
Consult his whtxapp
_+2348156896436___
I've met the perfect guy. At least that's what I thought. No one ever say they love me so many times, or that I'm beautiful, smart, sexy, amazing and all in one. He was the happiest guy alive for having me in his life he said. He made so many promisses that I was looking after to become reality. It takes 8 months. He left out of blue a month ago. Without any explanation. He made me looks like crazy cause I wanted an answers but at the same time he was still saying he loves me he's just in bad place in his life atm. I just found out few days ago about his new gf. I'm devastated like never in my whole life.
@Eris thank you
Eris I came here to watch Matthew‘s advice and realizing how many people here follow the same channels regarding narcissism. All the people above are great teachers. They helped me a lot in the healing process.
This happened to me last year, felt like the love of my life and I was so emotionally broken when he finished it... Then after few months he confessed that he just couldn't keep the promises.. Then I realised that everything else was just words and his imagination, that it was real just for me.. Exactly how you explained. Thank you 💕 after this video I have a chance of actually building a normal relationship
I can’t believe this was posted ten hours ago, exactly what I’m living rn thanks 🙏🏼
me too I actually came to the conclusion yesterday.
I have been with such guys and sometimes it's hard to decipher his true intentions
Yeah. You gotta ask the right questions and let them over share. That’s how you can kinda tell what their intentions are.
Can hear a lot of things when you just sit back, let them go, and just listen!
From my experience these type of guys like to promise a lot as it is part of building their image. So just be patient for a while and see if they do what they say. Even in little things.
Start with ur inner work, sitting quietly and listening to how u feel
I think it's the fivehead
This is so sad and so true. I finally understand what went wrong and stopped blaming myself
This sounds like dealing with a person with narcissistic traits. Lately it seems friendships and relationships are mired with a lot of confusion and strangeness. I ask myself lately if people really care about each other at all and I am not sure this is true any longer and it has all become a puzzling game.
This is exactly what happened in my last relationship. And it has taken a few years to move on from him. I had been watching Matthew's videos for a year before I met him and those videos helped me to end the relationship with him. I realize now to take getting to know a guy, at a healthy pace. There is no rush in getting to know someone ❤
This is why I stopped dating.
Problem solved.😠
This is why I never really started . . .
By the time I was allowed to date at 16, I’d already decided that I didn’t want to date in high school. By the time I graduated from college, I was smart enough to realize that most of the good guys were already taken. I still believe in love but I don’t think most men are capable of it. There could be someone out there for me but I’m not holding my breath. I think it’s better to live your life as best you can on your own terms instead of allowing male toxicity to define you.
It may be selfish but I’m glad I’m not alone ❤️.
Sarana, unfortunately we live in a narcissistic society where people with narcissistic personality disorder are rampant. If you're not educated on the subject, it's very easy to repeatedly fall prey to narcissistic abuse, and it will feel like that's the norm, or it's all there is. This is especially true if you grew up with narcissism in the home. But I promise you if you educate yourself on the subject and work on boundaries, you'll find it's possible to interact with the (dating) world and not have as much of your time wasted on bullshit. Check out Dr. Ramani on RUclips-- she just started churning out quality content on all things narcissism.
Kirsten O'Brien I agree with you 100%
I think the guy I talk nowadays is love bombing me. And I realized it now because he suddenly cut all his attention, calls and texts. He was so nice, romantic and overly interested in me from the start. He acted like he was falling in love with me. But now I realized that It wasn`t something like I thought. I hope I won`t meet somebody like him again.
This is a great breakdown of the motivation and effect love bombing has on its victims, however for real clarity it must be put into proper context. What Matthew is describing is narcissism, and I'm sure he knows this because language such as 'love bombing' belongs to the subject of narcissism (and cultism, both of which are interlinked). Narcissism is a whole toxic, insidious dynamic with grave emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical implications. To refer to parts of narcissism without laying down the whole picture of narcissism will only keep people confused and repeating patterns of codependency or entanglement with narcissists. People deserve to know the specifics of the narcissism dynamic and how or why they might fall prey to it so they can evolve beyond it and define truth in these times of mass deception and illusions.
As a man, i was came out a physically abusive relationship and entered a new relationship. She was amazing, but unknowingly i was being love bombed. I got compliments every day, she told me she loved me after 3 months, promises of a future, and she gave me a penguin (because they mate for life), and she said she'd never hurt me or change her mind about me, and 10 months later she dumped me out the blue when her friend became single. After that she started to pick apart the whole relationship and devalue me saying that she deserves better. I fought for her for over a year until she blocked me on everything, and ghosted. I ended up getting panic attacks, lost a stone in weight, and had a break down, now i think im suffering ptsd. Its been nearly 2 years now and i still cant get over her, i feel sick constantly, and this has destroyed me. I don't understand how people can go from love to hate so easily, and be so heartless without a care in the world, and forget everything that you had together.