Hey all! 💕 This video was a lot of work to make and I hope you enjoy it! If you would like to see me make mooore videos like this (more than just once a year, haha) then supporting me on Patreon is a GREAT way to make that happen! My goal is to have enough resources from Patreon that I am eventually able to post every couple months, instead of having such long breaks between vids. Plus, I think we have a ton of fun and bond a lot over there! ☺ Boop: www.patreon.com/MxAshHardell P.S. I will be honest - posting this on the Day of Silence was unintentional, very fitting I think 💙
I am wishing I could just give you so many hugs right now watching this video. Always know you will always be a hero to me. I could never have figured out my issues if not for you and your videos. For your book. While I am still trying to figure out binary or non-binary as a Trans person, I could never have found myself without your help. I know this sucks. We are facing a Genocide. But, my hope is that we as a community can come together and find that love and strength to fight back. Sending love to you and your family, Ash. ❤❤🤗🤗
I saw this on Patreon and very grateful that I did. Can't think of a better place to devote some dimes each month than towards helping Ash produce worthy and timely content like this. 👏🏻
Completely unrelated, but I am so fucking happy for you, for Grayson, and your two new little devils. I remember watching you when I was like 13-14, and I'm 21 now! You were a figure in my growing up and it's so amazing to see you now. This video brought my heart to tears. Much love for you and your family ❤ We will stand together in the face of adversity ❤
It's always a sinking feeling when you think you've been overdramatic, and then the world shouts "HOLD MY BEER" and proves that it's worse than you imagined
@@HeyThere005 I am so sorry and sickened in my heart that you had to endure all of this. I don't know, even as a person a few revolutions around the sun ahead of you, if I would have had the strength you have shown.
@@HeyThere005 listen girl you have caused this not only did you invent your own labels online you helped spread this fake gender identity and queer theory everywhere as a real gay man I saw through all this years ago, there's only two sex's Male and female and sexuality is not a spectrum LGB was hijacked by this gender ideology cult and it has to stop.
@@malbasedvalentine3210 she is one of the biggest cult members ever she spread this all from tumblr, LGB without the T is trending we are reclaiming what was stolen from us.
Ash I grew up watching you as a young queer kid. I had conflicting feelings about my gender so I bought your book. It actually helped me realize I wasn't trans (contrary to what the media says about you grooming us) in reality, your book gave me a comprehensive list of various identities and ways different people show their identities with documented proof that it was backed by science and psychology. I was able to finally differentiate the feeling of not belonging due to gender expression, and the longing to be a different gender. I didn't know what I was feeling at the time? Did I just want to fit in somewhere or did I actually have feelings deep down that I was born in the wrong body? For me, it turned out that I just didn't feel like I belonged with other girls, so I thought I could belong with boys, but deep down I never felt like a boy. What I'm basically saying is: teaching kids about the existence of trans people doesn't make them trans, it gives them the ability to explore their identity, and maybe even define their gender better. Like me, a kid who was a girl and didn't know if I wanted to be a boy or dress like a boy. I'm just a very masculine girl and I love knowing that and not worrying that I may actually be a boy. Whereas someone else may actually want to be a boy and won't know that until they have the knowledge to understand why that is, and what it means. It's not grooming, it's giving kids the knowledge to define themselves. Besides, I was a pre teen and that's already confusing enough without help. The book was a life saver.
Beautifully said, speaking openly with kids about these topics will give them the knowledge they need to decide for themselves. Demonizing it won’t do anything but hurt
Thank you for being such a loud voice when so many of us are so, so tired. I’m thrilled to see you back creating content, even when it’s such a heavy, heavy topic. Take care of yourself Ash. ❤️
i’m autistic and nonbinary. and obviously we can understand what it means to be trans just as much as a cis autistic teenager can understand their gender we’re also not inherently so gullible to change our own genders on a complete whim bc “this youtuber said that there are trans people who exist so that means i must become a Trans™️” i find it so insulting that so many people, especially teachers, treat us as if we’re all eternally 4 years old
Right?! It's so weird and absolutely appalling to see all these transphobes trying to weaponize autism both against the trans community and the autistic community. Ig using children wasn't enough for them. They had to create another victim. Or decide that all trans ppl must be autistic cuz no "normal" person would call themselves anything outside of the binary🙄 I'm autistic and cis gendered, and hearing Ash's trans experience as a kid only ever made me more empathetic towards trans ppl. Also, based on studies I've read in the past, it seems as tho autistic ppl are just naturally more likely to not be cis. I apologize for my long comment lol, I'm just so heated
It always feels to me like this conversation gets stuck and sticky, because some people won't acknowledge the simple truth that we autistic people, are people in every respect. Especially when it comes to the infantalizing and the not acknowledging that we grow up. There are childhood tendencies and traits, and that is true in both Neurotypical children and Autistic children. They recognize that NT kids grow up and out of many behaviours, but when the same is true of Austistic kids (or otherwise neurodivergent kids) it's like the ability to understand this is tossed out the window. We aren't that different than NT kids. We can know ourselves just the same, and we become adults.
same! to some extent, i think young kids might question their gender because their friends are, but its not a "contagion" at all. im autistic and ive known i was non binary since i was 12, but i went in and out of the closet so many times and just tried to convince myself i wasnt bc everyone told me i wasnt
It's especially insane since one of main reasons there are more autistic trans people (compared to general populace) is because the social construction and neuronormativity of gender makes it 1) harder for us to perform gender "correctly"; 2) less likely to be inclined to want to perform it in the first place; 3) more likely to activate resistance to social pressure via persistent drive for autonomy (PDA) mechanism - so if you're gonna blame transfolk for influencing autistic people re: gender, then there's an argument to be made that gender as a social construct itself applies more pressure for autistic people to be trans than any sort of trans representation, and that pressure to be trans would likely lead to more cis autistic people (among those with PDA). Autistic culture doesn't value social hierarchy or normative behavior as much as authenticity and integrity. Our identities tend to not be as interwoven with our social group identities as much as allistic folks, too, so it's slightly easier to be ourselves and act with integrity despite group disapproval / rejection / isolation (it still hurts though).
Probably not gonna watch cuz I've been really drained from this topic and the anti-trans trend in the US, BUT I wanted to stop in and leave a supportive comment and like the video
its a rly good video! but i understand. a good chunk of the time i avoid this type of content too because it IS so draining. you should do what sbest for you
I'm losing my mind at what's going on. I've been out as nonbinary for over 10 years, transitioned, so forth. I'm also Autistic. Seeing Autism being used as a way to gatekeep gender affirming care is terrifying.
@@lunalee3021 Ah yes, very glad to learn that 11 years of special Ed, speech therapy, delayed speech, and sensory processing disorders is a social contagion. Cool. Glad to know that not learning to talk until I was almost 6 was because it was what the other kids were doing. Super!
@@Shackbanshee I don't think that's the case for the huge explosion of girls currently saying they're "on the spectrum." Can't speak for your individual experience though, and not claiming to.
@@lunalee3021 Hey, um, people who couldn't get formal diagnosises when they were kids because the science wasn't as good 20 years ago. Learning more means including more. Any time you see extra diagnosises of anything it's usually because science got better and we understood more about reality. 20 years ago, the "extreme male brain model" was being considered diagnostic (it's nonsense, fiction written like observation. But, people weren't concerned with truths of living autistic people, the research was focused on searching for a way to detect pre-birth autistics to potentially abort) I was diangosed with something that got lumped in when the DSM changed in 2013. My sister isn't diagnosed, but all 3 of her children are, and the difference is just that she's older than I am, so the criteria when she was accessed were literally based on only a very narrow set of things that don't reflect reality. The reality is that autism is genetic and we know that now, and very probably my sister is autistic like her kids and me. When we realize our models were actually wrong, we can change them. It is not different from literally any other instance where this happens, there are lots of diagnosises that didn't even exist 10-20 years ago, it's just that since then the science has expanded on topic, we've learned more. For another concrete instance of change in diagnostics, it was debated 10 years ago if post-viral fatigue syndrome was even a thing, now there's a butt-ton of research on it because LongHaul Covid has made it 5x as prevasive, and painfully obviously a real thing that can in rare cases actually kill people (ex sometimes it acts as an autoimmune to attack the bodies own tissues) not the best example, but the one I most recently saw research on. Also disinformation makes people think Autism is something it isn't, they'll believe it is those 20 years out of date diagnostic standards. But actually Autism comes in a lot of varieties, the primary things we have in common are sensory struggles and social integration issues. I was diagnosed with SPD and OCD and ADD in addition to like 5 other things, and most of my experiences in those categories are better explained by being autistic, not to say I'm not those things in some capacity, but like, my experience is better reflected by the one diganoses than Oops I just happen to have a literal dozen that all overlap with autism. Occams razor.
Last year, after telling my mom about a trans-affirming book my therapist suggested I recommend her, she answered my email back saying she might read the book out of ‘curiosity’ and asked if I had heard of this book she was reading: ‘Irreversible Damage’ by Abigail Shrier. Felt like a cruel joke that the book that took up so much online noise while I was preparing to come out fell into my hands of my mom. I was also mortified thinking about how that book framed and likely shaped her the idea of my identity and body. Transitioning right now is whack. I don’t have anything more insightful to say. I’m in a safe enough position to know I’ll be okay in the end, but this period of my life is gonna stick with me for a variety of reasons.
i feel so sorry you have do deal with that. i have a parent who says theyre accepting and theyre supportive but they read the most transphobic things 😒 like how am i supposed to come out to u if you think my very existence is wrong
I don’t know if this helps, but the day after I came out to my parents my mother started quoting Paul McHugh to me. Since then, she has become my strongest supporter, and helped me recover from bottom surgery.
As a cis woman who is autistic and a teacher I'd like to tell that teacher that it is because we understand what it's like to be hurt by society that many of us are allies. It is because we question things and like to learn that we understand the biology of being trans. We are not gullable, we are not stupid or easy to brainwash or easy to "turn trans". We tend to be quite logical thinkers. I'd like this teacher and anyone who thinks like them to stop targeting both the trans and autistic communities.
It is not about you it’s about the kids as young as 3 years old being indoctrinated on “gender ideology” confusing them telling them they might not be a boy or a girl. Transgender represent a small population but want to push their ideology on everyone and anyone having an opposing opinion is a hater and a transphobe. School’s are also helping to transition children without their parents knowledge.
@@suneblommie4549 That anyone who has an aversion to this insanity of indoctrinating children must speak up against it. There are nutty parent who transition their 18 month from a boy to a girl because they notice him playing more with his sister toys.
Another autist. Once again the correlation continues. Oh, just because you’re a heterosexual, doesn’t really change the overall outcome, because your still apart of the community that is largely autistic. I also do not think you are stupid, but are indeed gullible. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but those like you are as vulnerable and easily manipulated when compared to children. You may indeed be exhibit things logically, but when criticized, and terms like “brainwashing”or “gullible” are said, it’s 100% true. But, there’s a reason for that. Much of the arguments made by these communities, use manipulative language, and emotions to force a person to not object. For if you object those things, you’re objecting against the moral foundations you were taught to make you a “good person”. Unfortunately for autistic people, they don’t see it that way, and take things more objectively, instead of subjectively. Which is why I can question and reject these childish attempts to manipulate, and straw-man my ethics. It’s unfortunate how toxic the whole community is, because they’re intelligent enough to know what people will support them, because it’s easy to manipulate the emotions of the vulnerable, then those who are not.
I was in preschool when I realized something was different about me. I always felt like I was in the wrong body, and like I got 'cheated' out of the life I was supposed to have. I was 19 years old when I learned the word "transgender" and learned what "gender dysphoria" is. I was 33 when my parents found out I'm trans. Trans kids know their gender when they are young, just like cis kids do. Teaching young people that being trans is a thing that exists in the world isn't "grooming," it's just letting them know that what they might be feeling is normal and that there *is* a way to live the life they feel 'cheated' out of.
Yeah that's bs. I'm nearing 40 and don't have a gender. I don't think any of my friends do either. We accept our sex, an immutable aspect of ourselves and focus on important stuff.
I'm a queer genderfluid trans person from Germany. Growing up in the 2000s, I never learned anything about gender and sexuality in school. I knew that gay people existed (our local mail woman was a lesbian), and I remember watching some kind of talent show or something as a kid, and my mum said about one woman on the show (don't know if she was a judge or host or contestant): "She used to be a man, but she's now a woman, and seems much happier. I think she got married a while ago". That was about it when it comes to my exposure to the LGBTQ+ community. I grew up as a girl, but I always felt like something wasn't quite right, and that that something had to do with my gender. I remember getting my first bra and screaming at my mum and the poor worker in the store that I didn't want breasts and I was going to have them removed when I'm old enough, to which my mum said "You mean reduced?" and I said "No, REMOVED! CHOPPED OFF!!!". When I learned that lesbians exist (via my mum telling me that the mail woman was one), I quickly just decided that I was one. I just needed a word to cling to, because I felt different and didn't know why. I just didn't want to feel so weird anymore, I had to feel like there were others like me. A few years later I realized that I was attracted to boys, but by that time I had already learned (from TV probably) that bisexuals exist, so I was just like "Well, I'm bi then". I hadn't come out to anyone yet, I just needed the label for my own peace of mind. I was maybe 16 when my best friend at the time came out to me as a lesbian, and I told her that I was bi. But even when I came out to her, I already was questioning my sexuality again. After that my doubts just became stronger. My thoughts were like: "Ok, I'm bisexual, she's a lesbian. I'm also very horny and kinda desperate. Would I sleep with her?" And my answer was no. Of course, the fact that I wasn't into her didn't mean that I wasn't into women at all, but while I had had crushes on guys before, I never had any on girls. So I was in a crisis, because I needed the label "bisexual" to not feel so alone, but I also came to the conclusion that it didn't really apply. I was a girl, attracted to boys. I was straight, but I didn't feel straight. I felt like something was off, but I didn't have a word to describe it, so I felt powerless. Then I stumbled upon a youtube video by Stef Sanjati. She had done a video on her having Waardenburg syndrome, which had gone viral and ended up in my recommended. So I checked out her channel and learned she was trans. I had already known that trans women exist (again, thanks to my mum), but I had not made the logical conclusion that trans men would also be a thing. But after watching a few of Stef's videos, I started being recommended youtubers like Alex Bertie, Jammiedodger, you, and many others. And after binging their and your videos, I took a bunch of these "Am I trans?"/"How to know if I'm trans" quizzes. And I vividly remember just sitting in my chair and first thinking, then saying out loud "I'm trans". I started learning more and more about the topic, and months later came out to my best friend, then maybe a year later my mum. I had never come out to anyone before, all my questioning and trying out labels was only in my head, because I didn't want attention, I didn't want my life to change, I just wanted to feel like me. I wanted to be absolutely sure before I came out to anyone else, so it makes me so angry when people talk about kids "changing their gender all willy-nilly". All of that, all those years, that was just coming out to myself. Hormones and surgery were still a distant dream. I had to prove myself and the sincerity of my desire to transition over and over, to people who disrespected me and gave me trauma I still deal with, and I couldn't talk back, I couldn't clarify that their ideas about trans people were wrong, because they held the key to my happiness in their hands. I had to tell them the story they wanted to hear, so they would give me a piece of paper that allowed me to change my name and gender on my ID. Still no hormones, no surgery, that's a whole other set of shitty experiences. So when people say those endless examinations and talks with therapists are necessary to find out if one is really trans, that's nonsense. When I told my evaluators the truth about my complex experiences with my gender, one believed me, but didn't write what I said in his report, instead opting for the same old "didn't want to wear dresses" stuff because he knew that that was the story the jugde was expecting. The other evaluator told me he didn't believe me, yelled at me, made me cry in his office. After that, I stopped telling the truth and started telling the story people wanted to hear. Because I've done the legwork, I've educated myself. And in order to get what I knew I needed, I had to convince therapists who hadn't done half the research I did. And time proved me right. I do have regrets though. I would have done things differently if I had had the information back then that I have now, and if I had had the confidence I have now. I would have insisted on getting top surgery first, I may not have started testosterone at all if it hadn't been a prerequisite for top surgery. But that is not the fault of trans educators. It's the fault of people meking nosensical rules, just to enforce their idea of "normal". It's the fault of people gaslighting us into questioning our desires to make us go along with their rules. If I had been told "Here's a bunch of stuff you can do to alleviate your dysphoria", I may have only chosen top surgery at first, maybe I would have started T later after thinking about the pros and cons more. But instead I was told "First you change your name and gender, then you take hormones, then you get your breasts removed, then your uterus, and then you get a dick" That was the way to do it. And I was made to believe that, if I wanted one of those things (my breasts gone), I had to go through with all of them. I stopped after top surgery though, because that was all I wanted. So when transphobes say that people are pressured into transitioning, they kinda do get within spitting distance of a point, but it's not that people are being pressured into transitioning, it's that they're discouraged and kept from transitioning for years, until they refuse to take no for an answer anymore. And at that point they're pressured into "going all the way", because of course you'd want to be "normal", right? But that pressure isn't coming from the community, it's coming from transphobes and transmedicalists, they're the problem. The solution isn't less education about LGBTQ+ stuff, it's more! Not just bits and pieces, teaching the parts that cishet society can "deal with", the stuff that's still heteronormative enough that they can fit it in their worldview, but teaching the whole spectrum. I didn't mean to write such an essay, and I feel like I have still only scratched the surface of what I wanted to say, but I'll leave it at that.
This is very well said, thank you for sharing your experience. The point you made about the pressure of having to transition fully or not at all really resonates with me. And I'm not sure I'd given that point much thought til now. I'm genderfluid, and I feel a few small changes would help with the fluid dysphoria experiences that I have, but "going all the way" would just cause similar dysphoria in the opposite direction. Which just makes me question myself and feel "not trans enough" to say that I have these experiences with my gender.
@@EmmyFluffThat has, unfortunately, been an issue. When I dealt with transition in the 1990s and 2000s I dealt with a lot of cisgender Drs and psychs who were invested in my transition following a narrow path. As I'm a trans woman it was HRT, years of RLE that meant being stereotypically feminine in my dress, and having vaginoplasty. Orchiectomy was unacceptable as was breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, etc. I was promised that I would be denied HRT if I had any of the latter surgeries or failed to have the former. It was all about them making access to transition as difficult as possible in the hope that we would give up because they viewed that as a better outcome. The Drs and therapists members of HBIGDA/WPATH,too.
Thank you for articulating your experience. It is very similar to mine, except I didn't go through the physical transition (yet). I never wanted hormones, but have considered top surgery. I hope I can advocate for myself when the time comes! ❤
Because it is. Being purposely ignorant and claiming that you’re merely trying to be “accepted and left alone”, when you’re purposely trying to force your way into education and condition children to your ideals, is just being straight up disingenuous. You are forcing yourself onto the majority populace, and you think that it’s somehow not an agenda? What form of logic do you people work with?
@@crazylizze98 again, purposely being ignorant, when you already know the answer is evident of your intentions. Even if I were to lay out all the grievances when regarding “your way”, you will obviously justify every single one of them. This is not debate, nor was one ever possible! It’s a cultural war for a reason. There is no reasonable discussion to be made, because each side has their clear cut beliefs of what is true and righteous! It’s a forceful exclusion of whatever offends you. You can make any argument all you want, but the purpose of the ideology is not some simple Disney ending trope…
Ash, I am not a teenager. I was not a teenager when I started to watch your videos. In fact, I was either pregnant or had just given birth to my oldest when I found your videos. But you are the only reason I found out it is possible to get top surgery without taking T first. You are the reason I got top surgery and am now much happier and healthier. Was I influenced by you? Yes. Is that a bad thing? Hell no! You are awesome!
@@rhymerlegend2717 I had easily 300+ straight cis people from TV / internet videos influencing my mind since I was little, and yet I still ended up trans. Please explain that.
@@rhymerlegend2717 "That's scary. If gaining access to more information about options and the world we live in affected your choices, imagine how many young, impressionable minds are out there, gaining information and intelligence that informs their decisions too!" Damn, here I am, being controlled by society. They indoctrinated my mind in elementary when they told me that I could be an artist, and hell, they even suggested art classes to me. The horror! Maybe if I hadn't found out that it was a career option, I would've picked something else. But the power of art propaganda has taken my hand! There's even art tutorials on every corner of the internet. Just because I grew up drawing and honing my skills more than the other kids didn't mean I was *actually* supposed to be an artist. SURELY society is at fault, and they're even going so far as to say artists' works should be valued and protected, properly paid for, and everything else under the sun. What'll they think of next?
@@WolfeWrangle Did they tell you that, in order to be an artist, you must ingest certain pharmaceuticals, or remove your breasts or alter your genitals?
Ash, I feel like I have to be more careful about how I talk about you and others in my life. I have even given a Grad school presentation about my auto-ethnographic journey through RUclips representation to having the language to understand myself. I don't think you influenced my identity at any point, but you and others have given me the ability to recognize in myself something that has always felt off. I have a name for it now, and, thus, the ability to improve my living conditions and seek a path towards happiness. Thank you for that, and I am sorry for having used words like "influential" with you seeing as how that language can be weaponized. In all the uplifting ways, you have been incredibly influential in my life, but you haven't convinced me of something; you've just explained things; shared your life, and I see myself in your stories. A self that already existed, just without language. Please, please, please stay strong. You are doing good; don't question that. Also, in case you needed to hear this after being so vulnerable and fighting back against these perceptions: Your existence is resistance. By existing as you are, you break the myth that Trans people are invalid. You are valid because simply because you are. Existence is resistance.
Oh my goodness what a thoughtful comment! I appreciate the sentiment, but no need to apologize! The way that words like “influential” are used contextually is relevant! I feel like I can tell when it’s in good-faith and with an intent like you explained vs when it’s being weaponized against the trans community. I’m feel pretty confident that however you used that kind of language would be something that I’d probably be comfortable with 💕
As a tween, I had a RUclips channel that also caught the attention of a circle of right wing RUclipsrs. I never talk about to as an adult and try not to think about it, because it’s honestly terrifying. A bunch of grown men with DEDICATED followers made response videos to mine…and then others made response videos to those. My parents told me I had to stop posting when these people tracked down my Instagram and started making sexual and violent comments. Thanks for making this video and being so honest about the personal psychological effects of this type on online hate. Because hate campaigns are so effective at getting victims off the internet, there’s so few survivors speaking about the consequences. Thanks again Ash. Hope you and your family are well and happy ❤❤❤
Please keep making this content. I can't imagine how daunting and terrifying it must seem at times, but intelligent, well thought out, well presented arguments like this, done in a respectful and professional way, truly do reach people and impact the world positively. I have so much appreciation and respect for you. Been following you for years and will continue to. Much love from TN
There is no respect or professionalism. You don’t give any back, and make weak justifications of your shit attitudes. The world is not going to enter a world of peace, because you people are your own form of gatekeepers! You have terrible attitudes, emotional rampages, and look like absolute garbage (seriously so unhygienic). Until the world fits your own strict rules, there isn’t going to peace without extreme violence!
Ash was one of the first creators I saw who opened my eyes to trans and LGBTQ+ ideas when I was younger. I was not indoctrinated by Ash, I was indoctrinated by a fucking heteronormative and VERY cisgender normative society where being trans or anything LGBTQ+ was seen as something you had to "come out as" rather than just a natural and normal thing which might happen. I am grateful for having this influence in my life, and I am grateful that I did not have to wait until I was older to learn about myself and these topics and begin to explore who I am. I am also glad you're still making content to display the truths of the world.
_"I was not indoctrinated by Ash, I was indoctrinated by a fucking heteronormative and VERY cisgender normative society where being trans or anything LGBTQ+ was seen as something you had to "come out as" rather than just a natural and normal thing which might happen."_ Me neither. I don't know who or what helped me open my eyes. I do know that I got a huge leap in acquiring and applying critical thinking skills from watching Potholer54's videos. I don't think he ever made a video on LGBT+. It's just that being less wrong about reality and wanting to expand that into all facets of life will inevitably lead to desiring a more just and diverse society where freedom of expression is encouraged as long as the expression isn't jut manipulative, fallacious, and/or backwards, as all bigotry is. $5 says someone will respond to my comment whining that saying [insert random bigotry] is free speech and that criticising it is the same as becoming a dictator and exterminating "all wrongthink" with jail time, and that I am a hypocrite for advocating for encouraging free expression if it's not toxic and at the same time would ridicule bigotry for being stupid, and get angry and the manipulative uses of fallacies to peddle backwards ideologies that harm more people than it helps. And it basically only temporarily helps already privileged people to stay wrong, toxic, and stupid, so it's helping only the wrong people to do more harm to all of society and all of the coming generations.
@@Arendvdvenk Yeah, well, a matter of time. But yeah, usually it's within a week that some backwards hick will say something dumb while implying falsehoods.
Terrifying isnt a strong enough word for how living in america feels. Im trans/nonbinary, autistic, and disabled. When i hear people call me a groomer I think about how i was groomed by a straight cis man who never got punished. I watch my nonbinary sibling grow up in a household that accepts them fully and their identity and i wonder if they’ll have anyone in the outside world to trust by the time they’re on their own. Im not sure if i believe it’ll get better anymore.
There is absolutely a connection between autism and transness, which etiology I won't get into here-- but I will say that that messaging is anti-autistic and dangerous to the core. We cannot let cis people successfully spread a narrative that adult autistics need medical conservatorship solely on the basis of being autistic. Hard fucking veto. What happens when they say we don't understand the societal implications of having autistic children, or don't have the social skills to raise a "special needs child"? That would be an extremely convenient way to implement eugenics.
It’s been 5 or 6 years since I even considered making a new video but I think it’s time to tell my story. I’m only 10 minutes in to watching this but as someone who shared pieces of their trans existence throughout my teen years after coming out at 14, I know I need to do more for the kids who I was now. ✨ also comment for the algorithm ✨
Just finished watching (I’m one of those who watch everything on 2x speed 😅) Ash you blow me away every time. I hope people see this. I hope they listen. Trans folks like us can and will endure and live on as a community.
I'm worried about the rise in transphobic ableist rhetoric, like how autistic trans people aren't actually trans because they can't understand. It's unfair how I waited years to get properly diagnosed, although my struggles and symptoms as autistic were obvious. I know I don't want to go on hrt because sensory changes and changes in general are hard for me, and I've been worried I am not actually trans because my autism wouldn't make transitioning something I want
As an autistic trans guy... it really hurts to hear people saying "some trans kids are autistic!!!" as some sort of proof that trans people are harming kids and manipulating them because it's "easier" to manipulate autistic kids. As an autistic kid, growing up, I learned that being different than everyone else is something that I'm used to and is normal for me. That is why I didn't go through a very long denial phase, because knowing who I am inside only helped me feel more in touch with myself and didn't really make me feel like more of an outsider than I already was. I was raised religious, and because of all of the sexism and strict gender roles that give women the short end of the stick, I believed that all women wished they were men, hated their female bodies, and hid the fact that they wanted deep voices and muscles. I thought all women just pretended to be happy as women because god was a great big sexist. So, when I learned this isn't the case, and most women want more prominent female features than they already have (unlike me who wanted them gone), it was like a light switch that I realized I'm trans. Unlearning religious propaganda and anti-trans stereotypes took a while, but I'd already known I'm asexual and was slowly coming to the realization that I'm biromantic, so I already had a little bit of connection to the LGBTQ+ community. Although it was a learning process for me and I've known for a long time, coming out might have seemed sudden for those around me. Suddenly, I'm more outspoken on political and religious issues and how I disagree with friends and family in ways I had kept quiet until now. Suddenly, I'm 100% sure I'm a trans guy and not willing to consider the idea that I might detransition later, which makes others think I've been brainwashed by the trans agenda. And sure, others know I'm very matter-of-fact, so now they think I just decided on a whim. But that's just the thing. I'm matter-of-fact because I look at all of the evidence and make an educated decision. You aren't in my head and therefore do not have all of the evidence, so your opinion is less relevant than mine, and I say I've wanted to be a boy my entire life, so I'm trans. It's extremely patronizing to say that just because I'm autistic my sense of self is irrelevant, as if I must be stupid and incapable of complex thought.
All i know is that republicans voted to keep the legal marriage age at 12. and their only reason is "they are still together now" but forget you cant get a divorce till you're 18. So you forced them into a marriage and they cant leave. Ofc they are still together, the child is stuck with them till they are 18 and can leave. Sexuality and gender identity comes out when you hit puberty, its when your hormones are changing and so do your feelings. Its when I found out I was attracted to not just one gender. Its how my friend found out they are trasngender. And with the only support group in highschool before it got shut down (because its Florida and they hate any lgbt people down here) we found people who felt the same way and we learned what the confusing feelings we had were in a healthy way and a space to grow.
It's been so exhausting experiencing the online onslaught of transphobia right now. With people like you making this content to counter the bullshit we at least have a voice in the game. Obviously you don't represent everyone, but you do represent how I feel right now. I'm emotionally drained and I wasn't even attacked! I really hope this message gets out there and people realise that trans people are actual people - with emotions and wants and desires like every other person. We shouldn't have to defend our identity after all that we go through just to realise who we are. I feel stronger together knowing that the community is together and this video contributes to that strength.
I'm not a transmasc public figure victimized by Abigail Shrier. Hell, I'm not a transmasc anything (I'm one o' those MtF enbies you never hear about). But still, my visceral gut reaction to the part about 'Irreversible Damage" is: "ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... God no... Not this again... I don't have the energy..." Like, for real, can't this trans-panic BS just be over already? I miss the 80s, when no one had heard of trans people & society was less hostile to queer folks (not a joke, btw - I was in fact alive in the 80s, & the current climate IS a million times scarier) Anyhoo - awesome video as always. And congrats on the wee'uns - it always cheers me up a little to see LGBT+ people successfully start families, despite all the BS swirling around us.
@@katherinelaw3707 It had its moments - I definitely remember a lot of mean-spirited AIDS jokes. But, mostly, cis-het people just didn't think about LGBT+ people one way or the other. The idea of prominent conservative organizers calling for the "eradication" of trans people (like what happened at CPAC recently) would have seemed like a dystopian sci-fi premiss back then.
Sure we used queer and f word as common slurs and disparaged "transsexuals" on the very rare occasion it came up, and cast as the "bad guys" in all the Disney movies ... but you're right that for the most part, as long as you weren't "too" gender nonconforming, you could mostly skate by unnoticed and at least there wasn't a tsunami of laws designed to limit our rights and open calls for our 1st degree murders.
I’m shattered by the amount of transphobia in the world lately. Funnily enough my religious studies teacher actually lent me your book when i came out at school. I used it to explain how i felt to people like my family. I still go back to visit that teacher and a few others who got me through school. I’m going back into therapy soon in hopes to start my transition medically within the next few years. As much as i want my dysphoria solved quickly, i understand it’s a big deal and needs to be taken seriously. I wasn’t groomed into who i am, simply supported by those around me (which i’m very great-full for.) i didn’t even know what trans was until about 14 and now, with the state of the world, i wish i wasn’t trans because it makes me fear for my life. I also have autism, and again often wish i didn’t as it makes life a lot harder. if anything my autism makes me incredibly emotionally intelligent, even if i can’t always express it properly. i hate that my neurological and identity differences means i’m not human to so many people. even when i didn’t understand my identity/sexuality, whenever i saw anything positively LGBTQ+ related at school or in public it would always make me happy - even though at the time i thought it was just because i was a strong ally lmao. there are SO many bigger issues then trans people and yet we are being targeted. :(
I consider myself thick skinned when it comes to bigotry but the scale of it these days is really starting to hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought things were getting better but there are protesters outside my local library calling people like me "pedophiles". I found so much support through social media but now my timeline is just painful to look at. Idk what else to say but thanks for sticking around Ash.
we are going through a genocide now in the USA, that's why it's so terrifying and hitting so hard right now. It's getting incredibly incredibly serious
I'm a trans person, (obviously), who once talked with a kid (about 12) who suspected they were trans, they weren't. It was a short conversation. Bizarre that things like that never get brought up, even though I gave the exact same support I would give to a trans kid, just to listen to them and believe them.
Being autistic and trans has definitely sucked for me, but only because of how hateful the society I live in is towards minority groups. Understanding myself as trans and autistic has helped me so much, and your content specifically helped me understand my transness ❤ so thanks!
genderfluid fan here, dunno how much ill be able to watch of this because of everything that is going on in the US rn but wanted to leave a supportive comment, a like, and wish you love and safety :)
i've never understood ableist arguments about autistic people not understanding concepts to do with gender and sexuality. I'm diagnosed ADHD and strongly suspect I'm also autistic, and I don't think I've seen a group that understands gender identity and expression better than neurodivergent people I've met through social media. We have such nuanced understandings of these things because of our (and I am generalising here, I know) love and capacity for learning about seemingly nebulous concepts, and our ability to see through the bs of restrictive social norms like cissexism and homophobia.
It’s because people on the spectrum as so much more sensitive too things, they’re more likely to try and understand themselves more. They also don’t feel the pressures of society, and are more likely to be themselves authentically.
@@xdani_thethinkingneko I appreciate your comment and I'd like to ask you not to refer to us as "people on the spectrum". Just calling us "autistic people" is generally preferred by the community and is quicker to say 😊
It feels like Iv'e come full circle, I've been a lurker of the channel for a long time. Since the videos about Asexuality (Grey-Ace here! Those videos helped me to know and understand the label), and I watched a couple of the early coming out/trans journey videos. Mostly because I was curious. Somewhere along the line I started questioning my own gender/gender expression (that in itself is a rather long story, there is some personal stuff but in summary- thanks AVEN for having a section on Gender in their forums.) Anyway, now In 2023 I am subscribed to Jessie Gender, and while their video essays are cool and informative and could be seen as indoctrinating me into the ~Trans Agenda~ what they are really doing is indoctrinating me into Star Trek. Note: The answer that I landed on when it comes to my gender is that i'm Genderqueer. Not quite cis or trans. I am also looking forward to future Ash videos.
It’s been I while since this video was posted so idk if anyone will se this, but one of the things that me and a friend noticed when we were looking through irreversible damage was that every time a trans person is introduced all of their piercings and tattoos are immediately listed. My friend pointed out that this is probably because Abigail Shrier wants the reader to think that all these trans people treat body modification in general as a casual thing. Just an interesting thing I think is kinda relevant to the situation
I watched you since I was 15 and I am 22 now. You showed me how trans people can become trans adults and be happy. I had very little exposure to that at a young age and you became a beacon of hope for me. Thank you for the work you put in and the countless hours I imagine you put into this video. You are so cherished and valued in the trans community. From an Irish trans person (whom you helped a lot💛)
i've been out as trans since 11, always got this shit. its annoying, im nearly 20 now. still transgender! i used to watch your content when i was around 14 (by that time i was out for 3 years) keep up the good work.
You are NOT transgender. You are just a person who doesn't like the stereotypes and or feeling of being in your own body. That doesn't make you the opposite gender.
In the part where you talk about the damage the media did I can’t help but think about Facebook groups that talked about me. I am a teacher and in my classroom I have some queer affirming posters and I share with my students my family, including my boyfriend I love with (which I’ve only done once). After parent night my classroom soon became the target of many parents complainants (btw all the parents who complained I don’t have their child as a student which was really interesting). This lead me down a spiral of wondering if I did something wrong, if I should take my rainbow flags down, and all other stuff. Reading what was said about me was scary and saddening. Things were being said about that weren’t true, and it hurt. I know it’s not on the same scale as you, but I just wanted to share that it does hurt being called a pedo and a danger when all you do is your job. Good video! And never change who you are no matter what the others say!
"One they/them show" got me, lol. So glad to finally see part 2! This one was a lot to take in. Lots of the violent vocabulary in these clips I didn't even think could be used nowadays. Just how intimately aware you are of all of this shows you've been through a lot. It's also jarring how much the vocabulary used by commentary channels against you back then felt a lot more... normal at the time. Not in the sense that it was easy to agree with, but that it was common, it wasn't as shocking or ridiculous as it comes across today. I'm sure there are still a lot of "content creators" acting pretty much the same way now, but I'm glad to have escaped the bubble where it seemed so commonplace. I'm so glad you're still creating. Thank you for your efforts in sharing your experience and educating.
I'm autistic. I've identified as not on the binary SINCE BEFOFE I WAS DIAGNOSED AS AUTISTIC. I had zero information about gender divergence. I had zero role models or even characters in media that were trans, let alone non-binary. I had no information or access to terms that fit how I felt. The narrative that "autistic people are being preyed upon" is infuriating on so many levels. Its infantalizing. It denies our lived experiences. It denies us our autonomy. It makes us out as helpless, naive, and unable to ever be respected as adults. Thank you for bringing attention to this.
Growing up in Ireland, it's ridiculously transparent how conservative Christians do not care about the safety of children. I remember the same people watching by as a sexual abuse scandal by the Catholic Church came to light, and tried to gaslight anyone who came forward about it.
As a cis woman, who fought she was trans and non binary for most of my teenage years I couldn’t be more against transphobic propaganda. I never transitioned medically( nor did i want to honestly) but I had been socially out as tranmasc for the last two of my highschool years. And it helped SO MUCH in the moment. Feeling accepted, exploring my gender, finding who I am. I just don’t know why people are against social transition and hormone blockers, since both are completely reversible and can only help
this video means so much to me. i remember the wave of transphobia that swept across anti-sjw youtube back in the mid 2010s. i was 16 and just realised i was transgender. ash's videos carried me through my teenage years when i was questioning both my sexuality and my gender. i remember being so excited for the abcs of lgbt. i didnt see the mountain of hate ash received following their coming out as trans video but i remember them disappearing from youtube. all this to say im really glad ur back and doing well!
I don’t know if I’ll get through the whole video because…trauma, but I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to the genderqueer community, and I am so incredibly happy for you and Gray. Your videos helped me to come out last year, and now I have a letter of recommendation to start testosterone in May. Thank you, Ash.
i know you'll probably never see this but i showed some of your videos to my family when i came out at 13. im 17 now and fully socially transitioned, starting hormones soon and saving up for surgery next year. thank you for everything you've done
I'm only about 7:50 in, but I already feel so bad that you had to deal with all of that. I had no idea JUST how bad it was for you. I am so thankful that you were publicly open about your identities. For me, you have only educated and supported me throughout my own journey to discovering myself and being non-binary. I cannot express enough just how thankful I am to have had you as a resource and a role model throughout my life. From now on, I plan to make a more concerted effort to add a bit more positivity to your feed. :)
Been a lurker on your videos for like a decade plus, just wanted to drop a word of support! And how sorry I am you've gone through this. I'm a straight cis woman, and watching your videos was always educational to me. I learned so much! I was a young teen when I first watched; I feel like learning about queer content just makes you, whoever you are, think more deeply and thoughtfully about your identity. For me, it affirmed I was cis and straight. For others, if they're not, it might help give words to what they're feeling. It's education, not indoctrination. And compassion/empathy building, imo. anyway, have very much appreciated watching your journey over the years! hope you're feeling well
Ash I hate that you have had to go through all the pain and even more identity confusion because people are cruel. I am horrified at the way the way the word predator is thrown around just because it's a great scare tactic. It just devalues any person who has been actually targeted by a real predator. It's more about control than sex, but there are more sheep in the world than sheepdogs. Sad but true.
I am not trans, I am not a teenager and I am not American, but the situation over the pond is heartbreaking at the moment, so voices like yours are so, so improtant to give trans people everywhere hope. Thank you for continuing to fight even if it is hard sometimes. 💜Still, please take care as well!
Thank you for making this video. It's harrowing, and I can't imagine what it felt like to go through it all. As a former BC, Canada teacher, I wanted to clarify something about SOGI 123: it's always just been a resource. It's not, and as far as I know has never been, mandatory. It's just suggestions for teachers who are seeking out ways to make their classroom more inclusive. And yes, it's gotten a ton of backlash: I've attended a protest/counterprotest in my city about it, and we're one of the most queer-friendly cities in Canada. But it's all manufactured outrage, because again, no one is being forced to use it. So that's the scary "curriculum" they're fear mongering about.
Wanted to say this to you Ash from the bottom of my heart. Finding your coming out video in 2020 helped me to understand who I really am. Yeah it was there when I was entering my 6th grade year. Then in 2013 it became a reality so I hid in fear because of how my family is. Then I slowly began to realize hey I need to do something about this. Thats when I found your coming out video and I did everything that I could do for coming out as who I really was. Here I am at almost 3 years later and living my true authentic life as best that I can. I honestly cannot thank you enough for everything. It is definitely very helpful! Thank you Ash!!!! :) 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
I started crying at 34:00 I had to pause the video. God damn, I can’t imagine what it was like Ash. Thank you for all the hard work throughout the years. Been here since the side ponytail and beers! I’m so so glad you’re here ❤ you are immensely appreciated and loved.
ALGORITHM COMMENT!!! thank you so much for talking about this stuff!! many others and I are very proud of you for using your platform for things like this, in spite of any kind of hate or backlash you might get from it. i admire your strength for being able to talk these things out, even when our community is so fatigued from all the hate and bad news. i know it's a pretty heavy time, and it might sound pretty insignificant coming from a stranger, but again- thank you so so much for being this brave of a human. we're all in this together, and we've got your back!!
I know I've left comments on other videos about how your videos have positively influenced me in the past. Yes embarrassingly enough what made me relize I wanted top surgery was sering yours and feeling guilty for feeling jealous rather than only happy for you. BUT I want you to know that there were signs grom when I was little. Like I loved play shaving, my mom saying "I wouldn't be surprised if ____ grew up to be a boy", I even tried to game the system with younger sibling's toys. Even my older sibling giving me a binder but that was teen years (I genuinely believe it was given for cosplay, tho they told me otherwise later). Im sorry you had to go through all this BS and that the YT algorithm is the way it is. I thibk its gotten worst with YT shorts but now you can tell it not to recommend certain shorts rather than juat disliking and removing from watch history and hoping. I hope things get better for you and everyone you care about.
ash, thank you for being one of the first dominoes that pushed me towards the rabbit hole that eventually led to me getting to grow up to become a much happier trans adult. if being given some tools towards surviving and healing and aiming for thriving is "indoctrination," then i'll damn well take it. you're a good egg. videos like this are so important, especially now. 💛
I was bullied back into the closet in the 90's, by the time I felt the need to come back out, I'd been in a relationship with a man for years with a kid, so my sexuality 'didn't count.' My 1st son was born in 2001, the 2nd 20 years later. How is it possible that my 1st son will have had a more open, accepting world than my toddler? How can the LGBT + community be villianized more now than when I was bullied AND when I came out again?
I'm just slowly starting to accept that I'm a demi girl (though I don't like that term for me. I prefer to just be called a girl.) at 25 and I feel dysphoria in my chest and always have since they first started growing in. So I've been talking to a therapist about it hopefully my health insurance will cover a double mastectomy. And boy do I wish dysphoria was the only reason I wanted them removed. I also have neck, back, and knee issues and my chest only makes those issues worse. And the most health insurance will cover for is reduction surgery unless there's proof of cancer or gender dysphoria. The health care system already sucks and the government wants to make it worse
Your videos are literally so helpful for educating my highly academic and lowly empathetic parents I’m being so genuine. You are able to come across as eloquent and understanding concurrently and these videos slowly aid my parents understanding of me and for that I thank you so much!! So much queer power :)
People need to realize that there are a million ways to be a woman, and a million ways to be a man. Just because you don’t conform to the “gender norms” or whatever, doesn’t mean you are trans, or that you should mutilate your body. (Unless you have gender dysphoria). It just means you are you. You are unique, and you should embrace being a woman. You should be teaching people to be proud of their biological sex no matter how they live their life.
I know I can always come to Ash's channel when I'm triggered by conservative media to calm down and feel seen, heard, and validated 100x over for just being a queer ❤ I am, and the world is, so lucky to have people like you, Ash, to tell them they are ok!!! Thank you for making videos and helping me calm down and feel better 😅
Their rhetoric lacks so much - both in nuance and reality. I grew up knowing I was trans long before I ever learned the word transgender. History certainly does repeat itself when lessons aren’t learned, and I hope that we can this time.
this dropping three days before my top surgery just feels so right after you were the first afab trans person I ever came across online! Thank you for this and all you do.
Hi, Ash! What are your thoughts about folks contacting their local libraries to have Irreversible Damage removed? As a librarian, I know how important it is to have factual information in the library.
The video with you telling your mom you’re trans is so freaking sweet, and I’m so mad people used that to say you are harming people. You are a force for good. Sending love! 🧡
If any of my schools had had anything educational about sex/sexuality/gender (apart from 30 minutes a community mom came into a health class and spoke with us about "abstinence only") I would not have spent my entire life confused, scared, and traumatized about my identities, thoughts, and feelings. I had to put in back-breaking work from 19-25 researching, going to therapy, and discovering that, honestly, is master's or doctoral level work about my own self. These programs that simply let children know, age appropriately I'd like to add!, that there are all sorts of genders and all sorts of ways to love I would have been able to say "Oh! That sounds like me! That's how I feel and who I am." And not just that, I would not have been a victim of predators that are willing to kill you if they can't "get the demons out." I know that my experience was not any where near as traumatic and horrifying as millions of others in this country (including several friends I made in college who were put through conversion camps), but I'm glad to know that there are people fighting for kids to have the information they need to know that their gender and sexuality are normal and not some terrifying thing that needs to be eradicated.
I'm probably going to skip this video as well, watching transphobia videos isn't good for me right now 😑 Still wanted to say Hi! I think way back, you were one of the first gender diverse people I started following. Since those times I've accumulated many and even more turned out to be trans later on. I think one of the funny sides of figuring out you're trans at 37 is looking back at your life and going "How could I be so damn dumb?!" 😂 In a laughing with myself kind of way, not derisively ☺️ So yeah, turns out I'm trans femme or thereabouts 😄 And even though I won't be watching the video, I appreciate the work you're doing and wanted to wish you well ❤️
Beside the heartbreaking topic I just wanted to say that I am so impressed by your art video skills, love the backgrounds and outfits and the editing and everything. Thanks for everything,
Hey! The premiere hasn't started yet, but I don't think I'll be able to watch it live since I have school at that time :( Just wanted to say to Ash that you've been a really big inspiration for over 5 years now, I've been watching and enjoying your content since and you've teached me to keep going, no matter how many obstacles come in your way. I want to thank you Ash because you've motivated me and many others in your community to be ourselves and to be proud of what we are and how far we've come :)! Sorry if this comment makes no sense, it might kind of a ramble in my end but I hope it gets the point across
No worries! It’s a looooong boy so, I understand! I want folks to watch when they have the time to enjoy and take it in! So no rush and thanks for the kind words 💕
As someone who... was a child watching your videos (I probably found your channel when I was 12 or 13, I'm 21 now.), I'm trying to recall how I received all the topics you discussed at the time. I was definitely easily influenced, and was actively falling down several destructive internet rabbit holes as I simultaneously discovered Tumblr... But what I remember from the first ABCs of LGBT videos I watched was the feeling of curiosity and excitement of learning something new that affirmed something already present in me, while also giving me a window into other peoples' experiences. I was in a stage of my development where I was starting to wonder about my identity, and figure out how all of my experiences in relation to the world outside me related to who I was. Your videos made that process feel exciting and expansive (kinda felt like picking off a menu). The tension came when I started telling my mom about your videos. She wasn't bothered, but I was surprised that she didn't know things that felt so obvious from my lived experience combined with your vocab-- like that there are not only 2 genders-- and initially this made me angry. I sort of took you as an authority on the subject and took the norms you presented as truth (I had a habit of idolizing), but I was also taking you as a figure of support to uphold what I knew to be true within myself. When I felt pressure to label myself, or have a certain type of journey, it was only from fellow 13 year old queer kids, who were going through their own insecurity-fueled mean streaks. As I matured, I grew out of my obsessive and angry tendencies related to identity, while settling comfortably in a more amorphous, holistic queerness that I hold today. Overall, your educational content gave me a pretty healthy foundation for that, and I thank you.
Wait there are people who still watch the 700 Club? I'm a Christian and I've never watched that hateful trash. Makes no sense Jesus taught us to love one another but his teachings are not being followed by so called Christians. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope this homophobic trend upward ends soon. I wish you peace and even though it's difficult I wonder if there is legal actions you can take. Take care. I don't think you're a bad person so don't listen to those people saying you are.
The general idea people have of the LGTBQIA+ community is just... false and heartbreaking tbh. My parents haven't accepted me, a trans queer pan person, and even those family members who take pride in being more open don't even use the right name and pronouns for myself. That's because they've always been taught bad and untrue stuff about our community. My mother told me that the only representation she knows of the community are the "men wearing dresses, heels and glitter" at pride, and my father has some really homophobic and transphobic "arguments". It's just... Yh, I hope that there's less and less missinformation getting to younger generations so that we can all be ourselves and be respected and loved as we are. It's hard growing up in such a cruel world tbh, it took me YEARS to accept myself and I'm still struggling to ask for my name, pronouns and identity to be respected. Sometimes I hear so many times stuff like that "non binary doesn't exist" or "your biological sex defines so many things about you and it's even written in your cells" or some other stuff that I doubt if I truly am non binary, trans and just overall queer. Sending a hug, Ash, can't even imagine what all of that must have been like, now enjoy your lil open queer family life and spread some gay happiness haha
cheers from brazil~ you helped me a lot on my journey finding out i was enby myself, and understanding my gender as enby, and ever changing, despite all of that im still myself, and i should be respected as any other person, no more, no less. and thanks for being so brave on the internet, in your personal life, and for sharing bits of your parenting :3 i myself deleted all my social media other than discord and this account, i did that due to bullying and harassement i suffered as a teen, and even now at 23yo i dont plan on going back. but im glad trans voices despite it all still have some space on the internet, and pushback is always there. we are always fighting for respect, and to have our rights protected as equals, and despite it all im up to keep fighting even on my small local scale thanks for being so cheerful in your videos no matter how grin it gets, because smiles are what bring me joy to keep fighting every day as well 💕
hi, ash. i just wanted to let you and grayson know how helpful you've been in so many queer journeys, mine included. i still have a copy of your book from back in the day. thank you for all that you do. ❤
I used to run the LGBT society at my old high school and, at our peak, had 70 students regularly attending our meetings. Then we were told that our content could be inappropriate for the younger students, and we had to send every PowerPoint we made to the Equalities teacher so they could check it. We were not allowed to teach safe binding techniques because it was seen as encouraging being trans. We were subject to spot checks which drastically reduced our membership because our school had a history of outing its students by telling their parents/guardians that their child attended LGBT soc. We were not allowed to recommend the charity Mermaids because they were seen as "too pro-transition", a view which I have only seen TERFs push. Then the final nail in the coffin was the requirement that we have a teacher present at every meeting. Our attendance crashed, plummeted, hit absolute rock bottom even when compared to pre-pandemic numbers. Because how are you supposed to build community when every word said could be told to your parents in a phone call, when a teacher knows you show up and have you marked as queer. And throughout, we were never called groomers or paedophiles. We were also children too. But it was always our "influence over the younger students" or "due to parental concern". Or actions were taken to "protect" the younger students from us or "protect" us from legal ramifications as if teaching queer history is illegal. Like we were dangerous or pushing an agenda. And we didn't realise what was happening at the time because we couldn't recognise this particular brand of intolerance. But now, the more I think about it, the more I realise that any queer influence in a queer child's life is demonised, and we were vulnerable and easily targetable, so we went first. At the time, I wouldn't have called the equalities teacher a TERF, but I absolutely would now. And I have since aged out of the school, but I'm so angry about it because we fought it every step. We knew it would decimate a community we had worked so hard to build essentially from scratch after the lockdowns. It was a place of queer joy, safety and acceptance. It meant so much to me, and I have memories of when it started as a small society, through lockdown and then into my team's leadership. And to know the Equalities teacher decimated it to fuel their transphobia, ableism, and homophobia hurts me. They had power, and they used it to destroy a community.
Thank you for everything, Ash! 💕 I came out to myself as asexual shortly before finding your channel and your ABCs of LGBT videos. You made me feel so valid and like I was normal when I very much felt like I wasn't. I didn't end up keeping up with your videos and then ended up coming out as non-binary a year later. I ended up looking to RUclips for that same kind of validation again, and it turned out that you had recently come out as non-binary too! You made me feel so much less alone and like I wasn't weird or wrong for being the way I am. You've made such a positive difference in my life; you have no idea. Truly, thank you for everything ❤
Ash, you were a huge part of my finding my identity in my 20s and I am so sorry you have had to go through all this bullshit when all you have ever done is share your own experiences so other people can learn from them. ❤❤❤ I'm so happy you seem to be healing and thriving now!
Sounds like she might be the one who is brainwashed, probably by a certain sneaky fox, aka a tv channel which was barred from legally the label "news" it had to be "entertainment" because it lied too much, and was literally intended to spread propaganda. (stated goal of the creator, not mincing words, his memos say 'propaganda') I hope you're able to turn her opinions around and get her to acknowledge reality. Best of luck!
But, you are? The whole concept of non-binary is a social construct created to combat the standards you don’t like when regarding current cultural norms of gender. Instead of taking the more appropriate, and logical approach of being either a tomboy or effeminate male, you instead chose an extreme choice. The *internet created* choice
@@malbasedvalentine3210 How do you know if OP is non-binary or not when they never stated their gender identity? How do you know they aren’t a binary trans person (only the parent comment from Gray is showing for me so from what I can see, Gray never replied to you with an answer to that question because it was never asked)? Also, technically neither of these identities (non-binary and binary trans) are internet-created, gender nonconforming identities have existed for generations, as have trans people. They were just much more unknown in some circles but even with that point, there were and are also many cultures who embraced them as an honored part of their community.
"Algorithm comment" BUT ALSO Ash, I want to say THANK YOU for making videos like these. The cinematography was epic, the empowerment was absolutely beautiful, and most of all, the message that this video sends is so, so important. As a cis bi person myself I can't exactly relate to the trans experience, but I can relate to the queer experience as a whole. This video definitely helps cishet and queer people alike understand trans experiences and I think it's really amazing that you're spreading this awareness, and educating and empowering our communities :) P.S. - ilysm I've been watching your videos since I was questioning and you really helped me throughout the whole questioning/coming out process so thank you so much
Just a reminder, anyone who wants to do something simple that can help can leave a review of Irreversible Damage. It’s valuable to let people know it’s dangerous and hateful misinformation. This hateful book should have a 1 star review everywhere (Amazon, google, book websites). It’s great to put love and kindness out into the world, but sometimes kindness looks like saying something hateful is unacceptable.
Any cis person who doesn't understand gender dysphoria, I strongly advise you to think about what it would take for someone else to convince you to start presenting as another gender. If your answer is "nothing could change me, I know I'm man/woman" then congrats! You finally get it. If your answer is more unsure, then I have great news for you too-- gender is a spectrum, not a rigid binary, and you can present however you want.
The truth behind the indoctrination theme, is that idea contagion or spread of ideas is a thing. I didn't have a word for my gender until I'd met a lot of trans people, whose experiences helped me understand my own.
ash I want you to know that your videos saved me. back when I was in high school I was depressed and always felt different but didn't know why, if I hadn't found your videos I probably wouldn't have been able to find myself so thank you. also, autistic people are actually more likely to be trans or queer those articles are bs and they obviously know very little about autism.
Just going to say being part way through, I know you've already had a lot of people say it on the last video, but I am still so sorry you went through all this. I'm probably (selfishly) hit extra hard because in a venn-diagram way they're not just talking about you, but people like me too--but you had to deal with the full force, personalized attacks, and people being straight up malicious. And you just never should have had to. I'm glad you survived it, I'm glad you're still posting. More so, I'm so so SO glad that you're able to come out the otherside that that and continue living your life and loving your SO (and kids) I hope that this world does a u-turn on all this BS and gets better. A world that uplifts trans people, and trends towards kindness and empathy. (and I'll keep doing what I can to make that world happen activism where I can, and signing petitions, ect. Here's to hoping our kids will get to live in that better future)
Also, just gonna add, because I have another ID's relevant to this, as an autistic adult: ND people have this "surprising" tendency to not fully mesh with societies standards! Wow! Almost like our brains not totally meshing with social standards... means we are more likely to reflect our internal truth rather than societies expectations. Like we're known for being very direct, and overly honest. So if we're Trans at a higher rate, it's probably because we're just less likely to accept people telling us who we are when it doesn't match reality. Of course we're very much not immune to social pressures (by any stretch of the imagination) but we're slightly more resistant to it than our NT peers, partly because we don't always notice certain aspects of that pressure. I struggled really hard with understanding gender for most of my life, and the only reason I didn't figure out I was a flavour of Trans sooner is because I'd only met binary trans people, but I'm Agender/NB and that just wasn't as talked about (in spaces I saw) when I was younger.
As stressful as it is to hear a lot of the clips used, I can imagine sifting through, recording, and editing it all would be consuming as well. I appreciate you continuing to speak out ❤
Love you Ash! This was so comprehensive. I liked how you incorporated so many examples/sources in your discussion. Thank you for doing what you do. You're like the daring, articulate, queer older cousin that we all wish we had who we can feel safe with in a world full of madness😂
Your videos opened me up to the world queer & trans identities & taught me about a world I didn't know existed. I became an advocate bc of you. I wouldn't have known about any of it if it weren't for you. You started my education on the LGBTQ+ community. A community I'm a part of but knew little about. And you helped me begin to understand it. You taught me that sex is a social construct. That male & female are human-made labels just like man & woman. You helped me understand that. And anyone who wants to talk shit about you or you channel, can talk to me bc I'm way more opened minded & educated bc of you. I'm glad you're here & making content. I watched you go thru your top surgery journey & saw genuine light & happiness come into your eyes when it was all done. I'd never seen you truly happy with yourself the way you were when you got your top surgery & I was grateful I got to witness & you were kind enough to share it with us
@@ah6519 I can see how an algorithm might think that, but it's a very obviously hateful and transphobic piece that really only fits very superficial with this video.
@@ah6519 "yikes" is not an expression one uses for expressing being shocked 🤔 I just think getting an ad for a transphobic and misinformed "documentary" on a video by a trans person chronicling their experience with transphobia and misinformation is a "yikes" moment. I don't understand why you are so confused about that.
@@Mal_ I still don’t get it. Asking the question What is a Woman (ie gender issue) is transphobic? What specifically is transphobic about the movie that provides a viewpoint that may disagree?
It’s been difficult growing up with section 28, desperately trying to conform to other peoples ideas of who I should be, it took me till my 20s to fully accept myself & be brave enough to be visibly me only to now face constant scrutiny from gov & media desperate to erase & outlaw who I am.
When I was in college, majoring in education, we were told very explicitly that we shouldn't use "boy and girls" because "students" would work just as well, and the ordering of "boys and girls" could hint at prioritization of boys over girls. This was 30 years ago. I'm struck by how things that were discussed 30 years ago are constantly being talked about today as "new", "social contagion", "rapidly growing".
Thank you so much for being a visible nonbinary creator. I first saw your coming out call when it came out and back then I knew that was me. It isn’t brainwashing, it is representation which is needed because sooner or later the kid is going to figure out “heyyyy im not feeling quite right as a girl/boy”. Thank you for your content and being the person who first educated me on what nonbinary is and that that is me!
Seeing the resurgence of trans voices has really made me so hopeful. Living everyday as a trans individual I know I'm being the visible nonbinary person for others, the same way you have been for me!
Hey all! 💕 This video was a lot of work to make and I hope you enjoy it! If you would like to see me make mooore videos like this (more than just once a year, haha) then supporting me on Patreon is a GREAT way to make that happen! My goal is to have enough resources from Patreon that I am eventually able to post every couple months, instead of having such long breaks between vids. Plus, I think we have a ton of fun and bond a lot over there! ☺ Boop: www.patreon.com/MxAshHardell
P.S. I will be honest - posting this on the Day of Silence was unintentional, very fitting I think 💙
can't wait!!!!!!!💕
Stoked
I am wishing I could just give you so many hugs right now watching this video.
Always know you will always be a hero to me.
I could never have figured out my issues if not for you and your videos. For your book.
While I am still trying to figure out binary or non-binary as a Trans person, I could never have found myself without your help.
I know this sucks. We are facing a Genocide.
But, my hope is that we as a community can come together and find that love and strength to fight back.
Sending love to you and your family, Ash. ❤❤🤗🤗
I saw this on Patreon and very grateful that I did. Can't think of a better place to devote some dimes each month than towards helping Ash produce worthy and timely content like this. 👏🏻
Completely unrelated, but I am so fucking happy for you, for Grayson, and your two new little devils. I remember watching you when I was like 13-14, and I'm 21 now! You were a figure in my growing up and it's so amazing to see you now. This video brought my heart to tears. Much love for you and your family ❤ We will stand together in the face of adversity ❤
It's always a sinking feeling when you think you've been overdramatic, and then the world shouts "HOLD MY BEER" and proves that it's worse than you imagined
Omg yes this
@@HeyThere005 I am so sorry and sickened in my heart that you had to endure all of this. I don't know, even as a person a few revolutions around the sun ahead of you, if I would have had the strength you have shown.
@@HeyThere005 listen girl you have caused this not only did you invent your own labels online you helped spread this fake gender identity and queer theory everywhere as a real gay man I saw through all this years ago, there's only two sex's Male and female and sexuality is not a spectrum LGB was hijacked by this gender ideology cult and it has to stop.
I too also have this revelation every time I see communities like yours top whatever nonsensical idea, or narrative you exhibit today…
@@malbasedvalentine3210 she is one of the biggest cult members ever she spread this all from tumblr, LGB without the T is trending we are reclaiming what was stolen from us.
Ash I grew up watching you as a young queer kid. I had conflicting feelings about my gender so I bought your book. It actually helped me realize I wasn't trans (contrary to what the media says about you grooming us) in reality, your book gave me a comprehensive list of various identities and ways different people show their identities with documented proof that it was backed by science and psychology. I was able to finally differentiate the feeling of not belonging due to gender expression, and the longing to be a different gender. I didn't know what I was feeling at the time? Did I just want to fit in somewhere or did I actually have feelings deep down that I was born in the wrong body? For me, it turned out that I just didn't feel like I belonged with other girls, so I thought I could belong with boys, but deep down I never felt like a boy. What I'm basically saying is: teaching kids about the existence of trans people doesn't make them trans, it gives them the ability to explore their identity, and maybe even define their gender better. Like me, a kid who was a girl and didn't know if I wanted to be a boy or dress like a boy. I'm just a very masculine girl and I love knowing that and not worrying that I may actually be a boy. Whereas someone else may actually want to be a boy and won't know that until they have the knowledge to understand why that is, and what it means. It's not grooming, it's giving kids the knowledge to define themselves. Besides, I was a pre teen and that's already confusing enough without help. The book was a life saver.
If I could like this comment more than once, I would abuse that shit. Seriously.
Beautifully said, speaking openly with kids about these topics will give them the knowledge they need to decide for themselves. Demonizing it won’t do anything but hurt
this is such an important message, thank you for sharing!!!
Thissssss ❤❤❤
The problem is one can't change they sex or gender so it's wrong to try and convince gullible children you can.
Thank you for being such a loud voice when so many of us are so, so tired. I’m thrilled to see you back creating content, even when it’s such a heavy, heavy topic. Take care of yourself Ash. ❤️
Ah thank you, and yes, how could you not be tired in this world, right? 😢
yes this :'( thanks ash
Thank you!
i’m autistic and nonbinary. and obviously we can understand what it means to be trans just as much as a cis autistic teenager can understand their gender
we’re also not inherently so gullible to change our own genders on a complete whim bc “this youtuber said that there are trans people who exist so that means i must become a Trans™️” i find it so insulting that so many people, especially teachers, treat us as if we’re all eternally 4 years old
👏 100% agree. Super insulting. It blows my mind, and I’m so sorry you have to face garbage like this.
Right?! It's so weird and absolutely appalling to see all these transphobes trying to weaponize autism both against the trans community and the autistic community. Ig using children wasn't enough for them. They had to create another victim. Or decide that all trans ppl must be autistic cuz no "normal" person would call themselves anything outside of the binary🙄 I'm autistic and cis gendered, and hearing Ash's trans experience as a kid only ever made me more empathetic towards trans ppl. Also, based on studies I've read in the past, it seems as tho autistic ppl are just naturally more likely to not be cis. I apologize for my long comment lol, I'm just so heated
It always feels to me like this conversation gets stuck and sticky, because some people won't acknowledge the simple truth that we autistic people, are people in every respect.
Especially when it comes to the infantalizing and the not acknowledging that we grow up. There are childhood tendencies and traits, and that is true in both Neurotypical children and Autistic children.
They recognize that NT kids grow up and out of many behaviours, but when the same is true of Austistic kids (or otherwise neurodivergent kids) it's like the ability to understand this is tossed out the window.
We aren't that different than NT kids. We can know ourselves just the same, and we become adults.
same! to some extent, i think young kids might question their gender because their friends are, but its not a "contagion" at all. im autistic and ive known i was non binary since i was 12, but i went in and out of the closet so many times and just tried to convince myself i wasnt bc everyone told me i wasnt
It's especially insane since one of main reasons there are more autistic trans people (compared to general populace) is because the social construction and neuronormativity of gender makes it 1) harder for us to perform gender "correctly"; 2) less likely to be inclined to want to perform it in the first place; 3) more likely to activate resistance to social pressure via persistent drive for autonomy (PDA) mechanism - so if you're gonna blame transfolk for influencing autistic people re: gender, then there's an argument to be made that gender as a social construct itself applies more pressure for autistic people to be trans than any sort of trans representation, and that pressure to be trans would likely lead to more cis autistic people (among those with PDA).
Autistic culture doesn't value social hierarchy or normative behavior as much as authenticity and integrity. Our identities tend to not be as interwoven with our social group identities as much as allistic folks, too, so it's slightly easier to be ourselves and act with integrity despite group disapproval / rejection / isolation (it still hurts though).
Probably not gonna watch cuz I've been really drained from this topic and the anti-trans trend in the US, BUT I wanted to stop in and leave a supportive comment and like the video
100% valid. Take care of yourself 💕
Thanks, same. Its hard to look at stuff without being reminded about it now.
fair
I'll go as far as I can, but same
its a rly good video! but i understand. a good chunk of the time i avoid this type of content too because it IS so draining. you should do what sbest for you
I'm losing my mind at what's going on. I've been out as nonbinary for over 10 years, transitioned, so forth. I'm also Autistic.
Seeing Autism being used as a way to gatekeep gender affirming care is terrifying.
@@lunalee3021 Ah yes, very glad to learn that 11 years of special Ed, speech therapy, delayed speech, and sensory processing disorders is a social contagion. Cool. Glad to know that not learning to talk until I was almost 6 was because it was what the other kids were doing. Super!
@@Shackbanshee I don't think that's the case for the huge explosion of girls currently saying they're "on the spectrum." Can't speak for your individual experience though, and not claiming to.
@Luna Lee technically everybody is "on the spectrum."
@@lunalee3021 my brain works differently from yours and yours works differently from my, it's that simple.
@@lunalee3021 Hey, um, people who couldn't get formal diagnosises when they were kids because the science wasn't as good 20 years ago.
Learning more means including more. Any time you see extra diagnosises of anything it's usually because science got better and we understood more about reality.
20 years ago, the "extreme male brain model" was being considered diagnostic (it's nonsense, fiction written like observation. But, people weren't concerned with truths of living autistic people, the research was focused on searching for a way to detect pre-birth autistics to potentially abort)
I was diangosed with something that got lumped in when the DSM changed in 2013. My sister isn't diagnosed, but all 3 of her children are, and the difference is just that she's older than I am, so the criteria when she was accessed were literally based on only a very narrow set of things that don't reflect reality. The reality is that autism is genetic and we know that now, and very probably my sister is autistic like her kids and me.
When we realize our models were actually wrong, we can change them. It is not different from literally any other instance where this happens, there are lots of diagnosises that didn't even exist 10-20 years ago, it's just that since then the science has expanded on topic, we've learned more.
For another concrete instance of change in diagnostics, it was debated 10 years ago if post-viral fatigue syndrome was even a thing, now there's a butt-ton of research on it because LongHaul Covid has made it 5x as prevasive, and painfully obviously a real thing that can in rare cases actually kill people (ex sometimes it acts as an autoimmune to attack the bodies own tissues) not the best example, but the one I most recently saw research on.
Also disinformation makes people think Autism is something it isn't, they'll believe it is those 20 years out of date diagnostic standards. But actually Autism comes in a lot of varieties, the primary things we have in common are sensory struggles and social integration issues. I was diagnosed with SPD and OCD and ADD in addition to like 5 other things, and most of my experiences in those categories are better explained by being autistic, not to say I'm not those things in some capacity, but like, my experience is better reflected by the one diganoses than Oops I just happen to have a literal dozen that all overlap with autism. Occams razor.
Last year, after telling my mom about a trans-affirming book my therapist suggested I recommend her, she answered my email back saying she might read the book out of ‘curiosity’ and asked if I had heard of this book she was reading: ‘Irreversible Damage’ by Abigail Shrier. Felt like a cruel joke that the book that took up so much online noise while I was preparing to come out fell into my hands of my mom. I was also mortified thinking about how that book framed and likely shaped her the idea of my identity and body.
Transitioning right now is whack. I don’t have anything more insightful to say. I’m in a safe enough position to know I’ll be okay in the end, but this period of my life is gonna stick with me for a variety of reasons.
i feel so sorry you have do deal with that. i have a parent who says theyre accepting and theyre supportive but they read the most transphobic things 😒 like how am i supposed to come out to u if you think my very existence is wrong
I don’t know if this helps, but the day after I came out to my parents my mother started quoting Paul McHugh to me. Since then, she has become my strongest supporter, and helped me recover from bottom surgery.
Sending hugs your way. That’s just a lot to be dealing with.
If you're in either the US or UK, please try to emigrate if you possibly can. I'm fundraising to escape. Neither country is safe for trans people.
thats a mom who cares
As a cis woman who is autistic and a teacher I'd like to tell that teacher that it is because we understand what it's like to be hurt by society that many of us are allies. It is because we question things and like to learn that we understand the biology of being trans. We are not gullable, we are not stupid or easy to brainwash or easy to "turn trans". We tend to be quite logical thinkers. I'd like this teacher and anyone who thinks like them to stop targeting both the trans and autistic communities.
It is not about you it’s about the kids as young as 3 years old being indoctrinated on “gender ideology” confusing them telling them they might not be a boy or a girl. Transgender represent a small population but want to push their ideology on everyone and anyone having an opposing opinion is a hater and a transphobe. School’s are also helping to transition children without their parents knowledge.
@@mystic22g4 what exactly are you attempting to prove here?
@@suneblommie4549 That anyone who has an aversion to this insanity of indoctrinating children must speak up against it. There are nutty parent who transition their 18 month from a boy to a girl because they notice him playing more with his sister toys.
Another autist. Once again the correlation continues. Oh, just because you’re a heterosexual, doesn’t really change the overall outcome, because your still apart of the community that is largely autistic.
I also do not think you are stupid, but are indeed gullible. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but those like you are as vulnerable and easily manipulated when compared to children. You may indeed be exhibit things logically, but when criticized, and terms like “brainwashing”or “gullible” are said, it’s 100% true. But, there’s a reason for that. Much of the arguments made by these communities, use manipulative language, and emotions to force a person to not object. For if you object those things, you’re objecting against the moral foundations you were taught to make you a “good person”. Unfortunately for autistic people, they don’t see it that way, and take things more objectively, instead of subjectively. Which is why I can question and reject these childish attempts to manipulate, and straw-man my ethics.
It’s unfortunate how toxic the whole community is, because they’re intelligent enough to know what people will support them, because it’s easy to manipulate the emotions of the vulnerable, then those who are not.
I 💘 YOUR OWN GRATE Comint and I Truly appreciate & believe Most people in YOUR Position THINK ABOUT This Same Way as you Do ❤ K.M.
I was in preschool when I realized something was different about me. I always felt like I was in the wrong body, and like I got 'cheated' out of the life I was supposed to have. I was 19 years old when I learned the word "transgender" and learned what "gender dysphoria" is. I was 33 when my parents found out I'm trans. Trans kids know their gender when they are young, just like cis kids do. Teaching young people that being trans is a thing that exists in the world isn't "grooming," it's just letting them know that what they might be feeling is normal and that there *is* a way to live the life they feel 'cheated' out of.
Yeah that's bs. I'm nearing 40 and don't have a gender. I don't think any of my friends do either. We accept our sex, an immutable aspect of ourselves and focus on important stuff.
I'm a queer genderfluid trans person from Germany. Growing up in the 2000s, I never learned anything about gender and sexuality in school. I knew that gay people existed (our local mail woman was a lesbian), and I remember watching some kind of talent show or something as a kid, and my mum said about one woman on the show (don't know if she was a judge or host or contestant): "She used to be a man, but she's now a woman, and seems much happier. I think she got married a while ago". That was about it when it comes to my exposure to the LGBTQ+ community. I grew up as a girl, but I always felt like something wasn't quite right, and that that something had to do with my gender. I remember getting my first bra and screaming at my mum and the poor worker in the store that I didn't want breasts and I was going to have them removed when I'm old enough, to which my mum said "You mean reduced?" and I said "No, REMOVED! CHOPPED OFF!!!". When I learned that lesbians exist (via my mum telling me that the mail woman was one), I quickly just decided that I was one. I just needed a word to cling to, because I felt different and didn't know why. I just didn't want to feel so weird anymore, I had to feel like there were others like me. A few years later I realized that I was attracted to boys, but by that time I had already learned (from TV probably) that bisexuals exist, so I was just like "Well, I'm bi then". I hadn't come out to anyone yet, I just needed the label for my own peace of mind. I was maybe 16 when my best friend at the time came out to me as a lesbian, and I told her that I was bi. But even when I came out to her, I already was questioning my sexuality again. After that my doubts just became stronger. My thoughts were like: "Ok, I'm bisexual, she's a lesbian. I'm also very horny and kinda desperate. Would I sleep with her?" And my answer was no. Of course, the fact that I wasn't into her didn't mean that I wasn't into women at all, but while I had had crushes on guys before, I never had any on girls. So I was in a crisis, because I needed the label "bisexual" to not feel so alone, but I also came to the conclusion that it didn't really apply. I was a girl, attracted to boys. I was straight, but I didn't feel straight. I felt like something was off, but I didn't have a word to describe it, so I felt powerless. Then I stumbled upon a youtube video by Stef Sanjati. She had done a video on her having Waardenburg syndrome, which had gone viral and ended up in my recommended. So I checked out her channel and learned she was trans. I had already known that trans women exist (again, thanks to my mum), but I had not made the logical conclusion that trans men would also be a thing. But after watching a few of Stef's videos, I started being recommended youtubers like Alex Bertie, Jammiedodger, you, and many others. And after binging their and your videos, I took a bunch of these "Am I trans?"/"How to know if I'm trans" quizzes. And I vividly remember just sitting in my chair and first thinking, then saying out loud "I'm trans". I started learning more and more about the topic, and months later came out to my best friend, then maybe a year later my mum. I had never come out to anyone before, all my questioning and trying out labels was only in my head, because I didn't want attention, I didn't want my life to change, I just wanted to feel like me. I wanted to be absolutely sure before I came out to anyone else, so it makes me so angry when people talk about kids "changing their gender all willy-nilly". All of that, all those years, that was just coming out to myself. Hormones and surgery were still a distant dream. I had to prove myself and the sincerity of my desire to transition over and over, to people who disrespected me and gave me trauma I still deal with, and I couldn't talk back, I couldn't clarify that their ideas about trans people were wrong, because they held the key to my happiness in their hands. I had to tell them the story they wanted to hear, so they would give me a piece of paper that allowed me to change my name and gender on my ID. Still no hormones, no surgery, that's a whole other set of shitty experiences. So when people say those endless examinations and talks with therapists are necessary to find out if one is really trans, that's nonsense. When I told my evaluators the truth about my complex experiences with my gender, one believed me, but didn't write what I said in his report, instead opting for the same old "didn't want to wear dresses" stuff because he knew that that was the story the jugde was expecting. The other evaluator told me he didn't believe me, yelled at me, made me cry in his office. After that, I stopped telling the truth and started telling the story people wanted to hear. Because I've done the legwork, I've educated myself. And in order to get what I knew I needed, I had to convince therapists who hadn't done half the research I did. And time proved me right.
I do have regrets though. I would have done things differently if I had had the information back then that I have now, and if I had had the confidence I have now. I would have insisted on getting top surgery first, I may not have started testosterone at all if it hadn't been a prerequisite for top surgery. But that is not the fault of trans educators. It's the fault of people meking nosensical rules, just to enforce their idea of "normal". It's the fault of people gaslighting us into questioning our desires to make us go along with their rules. If I had been told "Here's a bunch of stuff you can do to alleviate your dysphoria", I may have only chosen top surgery at first, maybe I would have started T later after thinking about the pros and cons more. But instead I was told "First you change your name and gender, then you take hormones, then you get your breasts removed, then your uterus, and then you get a dick" That was the way to do it. And I was made to believe that, if I wanted one of those things (my breasts gone), I had to go through with all of them. I stopped after top surgery though, because that was all I wanted. So when transphobes say that people are pressured into transitioning, they kinda do get within spitting distance of a point, but it's not that people are being pressured into transitioning, it's that they're discouraged and kept from transitioning for years, until they refuse to take no for an answer anymore. And at that point they're pressured into "going all the way", because of course you'd want to be "normal", right? But that pressure isn't coming from the community, it's coming from transphobes and transmedicalists, they're the problem. The solution isn't less education about LGBTQ+ stuff, it's more! Not just bits and pieces, teaching the parts that cishet society can "deal with", the stuff that's still heteronormative enough that they can fit it in their worldview, but teaching the whole spectrum.
I didn't mean to write such an essay, and I feel like I have still only scratched the surface of what I wanted to say, but I'll leave it at that.
This is very well said, thank you for sharing your experience. The point you made about the pressure of having to transition fully or not at all really resonates with me. And I'm not sure I'd given that point much thought til now. I'm genderfluid, and I feel a few small changes would help with the fluid dysphoria experiences that I have, but "going all the way" would just cause similar dysphoria in the opposite direction. Which just makes me question myself and feel "not trans enough" to say that I have these experiences with my gender.
@@EmmyFluffThat has, unfortunately, been an issue. When I dealt with transition in the 1990s and 2000s I dealt with a lot of cisgender Drs and psychs who were invested in my transition following a narrow path. As I'm a trans woman it was HRT, years of RLE that meant being stereotypically feminine in my dress, and having vaginoplasty. Orchiectomy was unacceptable as was breast augmentation, rhinoplasty, etc. I was promised that I would be denied HRT if I had any of the latter surgeries or failed to have the former. It was all about them making access to transition as difficult as possible in the hope that we would give up because they viewed that as a better outcome. The Drs and therapists members of HBIGDA/WPATH,too.
Wrong.
Thank you for articulating your experience. It is very similar to mine, except I didn't go through the physical transition (yet). I never wanted hormones, but have considered top surgery. I hope I can advocate for myself when the time comes! ❤
They arent even stoppin at goin after kids... My state is about to ban trans healthcare for adults.
I know 😞
🤦♀️😢😢
i love how wanting to not be hated for simply existing is an “agenda”
And if that's too much, being left alone also works
When cartoons start talking about LGBT stuff its an agenda to target children
Because it is. Being purposely ignorant and claiming that you’re merely trying to be “accepted and left alone”, when you’re purposely trying to force your way into education and condition children to your ideals, is just being straight up disingenuous.
You are forcing yourself onto the majority populace, and you think that it’s somehow not an agenda? What form of logic do you people work with?
@@malbasedvalentine3210 what is our way exactly? Please. Enlightened Me
@@crazylizze98 again, purposely being ignorant, when you already know the answer is evident of your intentions. Even if I were to lay out all the grievances when regarding “your way”, you will obviously justify every single one of them.
This is not debate, nor was one ever possible! It’s a cultural war for a reason. There is no reasonable discussion to be made, because each side has their clear cut beliefs of what is true and righteous! It’s a forceful exclusion of whatever offends you. You can make any argument all you want, but the purpose of the ideology is not some simple Disney ending trope…
Ash, I am not a teenager. I was not a teenager when I started to watch your videos. In fact, I was either pregnant or had just given birth to my oldest when I found your videos. But you are the only reason I found out it is possible to get top surgery without taking T first. You are the reason I got top surgery and am now much happier and healthier. Was I influenced by you? Yes. Is that a bad thing? Hell no! You are awesome!
That’s scary. If you were influenced as an adult who knows how many young impressionable minds are being ibfluenced
@@rhymerlegend2717 I had easily 300+ straight cis people from TV / internet videos influencing my mind since I was little, and yet I still ended up trans. Please explain that.
@@rhymerlegend2717 🙄🙄🙄
@@rhymerlegend2717 "That's scary. If gaining access to more information about options and the world we live in affected your choices, imagine how many young, impressionable minds are out there, gaining information and intelligence that informs their decisions too!"
Damn, here I am, being controlled by society. They indoctrinated my mind in elementary when they told me that I could be an artist, and hell, they even suggested art classes to me. The horror! Maybe if I hadn't found out that it was a career option, I would've picked something else. But the power of art propaganda has taken my hand! There's even art tutorials on every corner of the internet. Just because I grew up drawing and honing my skills more than the other kids didn't mean I was *actually* supposed to be an artist. SURELY society is at fault, and they're even going so far as to say artists' works should be valued and protected, properly paid for, and everything else under the sun. What'll they think of next?
@@WolfeWrangle Did they tell you that, in order to be an artist, you must ingest certain pharmaceuticals, or remove your breasts or alter your genitals?
Ash, I feel like I have to be more careful about how I talk about you and others in my life. I have even given a Grad school presentation about my auto-ethnographic journey through RUclips representation to having the language to understand myself. I don't think you influenced my identity at any point, but you and others have given me the ability to recognize in myself something that has always felt off. I have a name for it now, and, thus, the ability to improve my living conditions and seek a path towards happiness. Thank you for that, and I am sorry for having used words like "influential" with you seeing as how that language can be weaponized. In all the uplifting ways, you have been incredibly influential in my life, but you haven't convinced me of something; you've just explained things; shared your life, and I see myself in your stories. A self that already existed, just without language. Please, please, please stay strong. You are doing good; don't question that. Also, in case you needed to hear this after being so vulnerable and fighting back against these perceptions: Your existence is resistance. By existing as you are, you break the myth that Trans people are invalid. You are valid because simply because you are. Existence is resistance.
Oh my goodness what a thoughtful comment! I appreciate the sentiment, but no need to apologize! The way that words like “influential” are used contextually is relevant! I feel like I can tell when it’s in good-faith and with an intent like you explained vs when it’s being weaponized against the trans community. I’m feel pretty confident that however you used that kind of language would be something that I’d probably be comfortable with 💕
That sounds like a bogus degree you're working on.
As a tween, I had a RUclips channel that also caught the attention of a circle of right wing RUclipsrs. I never talk about to as an adult and try not to think about it, because it’s honestly terrifying. A bunch of grown men with DEDICATED followers made response videos to mine…and then others made response videos to those. My parents told me I had to stop posting when these people tracked down my Instagram and started making sexual and violent comments. Thanks for making this video and being so honest about the personal psychological effects of this type on online hate. Because hate campaigns are so effective at getting victims off the internet, there’s so few survivors speaking about the consequences. Thanks again Ash. Hope you and your family are well and happy ❤❤❤
Please keep making this content. I can't imagine how daunting and terrifying it must seem at times, but intelligent, well thought out, well presented arguments like this, done in a respectful and professional way, truly do reach people and impact the world positively. I have so much appreciation and respect for you. Been following you for years and will continue to. Much love from TN
I’m so sorry, LGBT+ folks in TN deserves so much love and support right now! I will keep doing what I can for sure ❤
There is no respect or professionalism. You don’t give any back, and make weak justifications of your shit attitudes.
The world is not going to enter a world of peace, because you people are your own form of gatekeepers! You have terrible attitudes, emotional rampages, and look like absolute garbage (seriously so unhygienic). Until the world fits your own strict rules, there isn’t going to peace without extreme violence!
This is a reminder from Texas that respectability politics are a trap.
Amen
Ash was one of the first creators I saw who opened my eyes to trans and LGBTQ+ ideas when I was younger. I was not indoctrinated by Ash, I was indoctrinated by a fucking heteronormative and VERY cisgender normative society where being trans or anything LGBTQ+ was seen as something you had to "come out as" rather than just a natural and normal thing which might happen. I am grateful for having this influence in my life, and I am grateful that I did not have to wait until I was older to learn about myself and these topics and begin to explore who I am. I am also glad you're still making content to display the truths of the world.
_"I was not indoctrinated by Ash, I was indoctrinated by a fucking heteronormative and VERY cisgender normative society where being trans or anything LGBTQ+ was seen as something you had to "come out as" rather than just a natural and normal thing which might happen."_
Me neither. I don't know who or what helped me open my eyes. I do know that I got a huge leap in acquiring and applying critical thinking skills from watching Potholer54's videos. I don't think he ever made a video on LGBT+. It's just that being less wrong about reality and wanting to expand that into all facets of life will inevitably lead to desiring a more just and diverse society where freedom of expression is encouraged as long as the expression isn't jut manipulative, fallacious, and/or backwards, as all bigotry is.
$5 says someone will respond to my comment whining that saying [insert random bigotry] is free speech and that criticising it is the same as becoming a dictator and exterminating "all wrongthink" with jail time, and that I am a hypocrite for advocating for encouraging free expression if it's not toxic and at the same time would ridicule bigotry for being stupid, and get angry and the manipulative uses of fallacies to peddle backwards ideologies that harm more people than it helps. And it basically only temporarily helps already privileged people to stay wrong, toxic, and stupid, so it's helping only the wrong people to do more harm to all of society and all of the coming generations.
@@stylis666still no takers for that $5, eh?
@@Arendvdvenk Yeah, well, a matter of time. But yeah, usually it's within a week that some backwards hick will say something dumb while implying falsehoods.
Terrifying isnt a strong enough word for how living in america feels. Im trans/nonbinary, autistic, and disabled. When i hear people call me a groomer I think about how i was groomed by a straight cis man who never got punished. I watch my nonbinary sibling grow up in a household that accepts them fully and their identity and i wonder if they’ll have anyone in the outside world to trust by the time they’re on their own. Im not sure if i believe it’ll get better anymore.
There is absolutely a connection between autism and transness, which etiology I won't get into here-- but I will say that that messaging is anti-autistic and dangerous to the core. We cannot let cis people successfully spread a narrative that adult autistics need medical conservatorship solely on the basis of being autistic. Hard fucking veto.
What happens when they say we don't understand the societal implications of having autistic children, or don't have the social skills to raise a "special needs child"? That would be an extremely convenient way to implement eugenics.
It’s been 5 or 6 years since I even considered making a new video but I think it’s time to tell my story. I’m only 10 minutes in to watching this but as someone who shared pieces of their trans existence throughout my teen years after coming out at 14, I know I need to do more for the kids who I was now.
✨ also comment for the algorithm ✨
Subscribed! …so if you tell your story, I hope to watch :)
Just finished watching (I’m one of those who watch everything on 2x speed 😅) Ash you blow me away every time. I hope people see this. I hope they listen. Trans folks like us can and will endure and live on as a community.
I'm worried about the rise in transphobic ableist rhetoric, like how autistic trans people aren't actually trans because they can't understand. It's unfair how I waited years to get properly diagnosed, although my struggles and symptoms as autistic were obvious. I know I don't want to go on hrt because sensory changes and changes in general are hard for me, and I've been worried I am not actually trans because my autism wouldn't make transitioning something I want
As an autistic trans guy... it really hurts to hear people saying "some trans kids are autistic!!!" as some sort of proof that trans people are harming kids and manipulating them because it's "easier" to manipulate autistic kids.
As an autistic kid, growing up, I learned that being different than everyone else is something that I'm used to and is normal for me. That is why I didn't go through a very long denial phase, because knowing who I am inside only helped me feel more in touch with myself and didn't really make me feel like more of an outsider than I already was.
I was raised religious, and because of all of the sexism and strict gender roles that give women the short end of the stick, I believed that all women wished they were men, hated their female bodies, and hid the fact that they wanted deep voices and muscles. I thought all women just pretended to be happy as women because god was a great big sexist.
So, when I learned this isn't the case, and most women want more prominent female features than they already have (unlike me who wanted them gone), it was like a light switch that I realized I'm trans. Unlearning religious propaganda and anti-trans stereotypes took a while, but I'd already known I'm asexual and was slowly coming to the realization that I'm biromantic, so I already had a little bit of connection to the LGBTQ+ community.
Although it was a learning process for me and I've known for a long time, coming out might have seemed sudden for those around me. Suddenly, I'm more outspoken on political and religious issues and how I disagree with friends and family in ways I had kept quiet until now. Suddenly, I'm 100% sure I'm a trans guy and not willing to consider the idea that I might detransition later, which makes others think I've been brainwashed by the trans agenda. And sure, others know I'm very matter-of-fact, so now they think I just decided on a whim.
But that's just the thing. I'm matter-of-fact because I look at all of the evidence and make an educated decision. You aren't in my head and therefore do not have all of the evidence, so your opinion is less relevant than mine, and I say I've wanted to be a boy my entire life, so I'm trans. It's extremely patronizing to say that just because I'm autistic my sense of self is irrelevant, as if I must be stupid and incapable of complex thought.
All i know is that republicans voted to keep the legal marriage age at 12. and their only reason is "they are still together now" but forget you cant get a divorce till you're 18. So you forced them into a marriage and they cant leave. Ofc they are still together, the child is stuck with them till they are 18 and can leave.
Sexuality and gender identity comes out when you hit puberty, its when your hormones are changing and so do your feelings. Its when I found out I was attracted to not just one gender. Its how my friend found out they are trasngender. And with the only support group in highschool before it got shut down (because its Florida and they hate any lgbt people down here) we found people who felt the same way and we learned what the confusing feelings we had were in a healthy way and a space to grow.
It's been so exhausting experiencing the online onslaught of transphobia right now. With people like you making this content to counter the bullshit we at least have a voice in the game. Obviously you don't represent everyone, but you do represent how I feel right now. I'm emotionally drained and I wasn't even attacked! I really hope this message gets out there and people realise that trans people are actual people - with emotions and wants and desires like every other person. We shouldn't have to defend our identity after all that we go through just to realise who we are. I feel stronger together knowing that the community is together and this video contributes to that strength.
I'm not a transmasc public figure victimized by Abigail Shrier. Hell, I'm not a transmasc anything (I'm one o' those MtF enbies you never hear about). But still, my visceral gut reaction to the part about 'Irreversible Damage" is:
"ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... God no... Not this again... I don't have the energy..."
Like, for real, can't this trans-panic BS just be over already? I miss the 80s, when no one had heard of trans people & society was less hostile to queer folks (not a joke, btw - I was in fact alive in the 80s, & the current climate IS a million times scarier)
Anyhoo - awesome video as always. And congrats on the wee'uns - it always cheers me up a little to see LGBT+ people successfully start families, despite all the BS swirling around us.
intresting, I'm a teenage trans person and I always assumed the 80s was a way more hostile environment. I mean I guess it checks out 🤷♂️
@@katherinelaw3707 It had its moments - I definitely remember a lot of mean-spirited AIDS jokes. But, mostly, cis-het people just didn't think about LGBT+ people one way or the other. The idea of prominent conservative organizers calling for the "eradication" of trans people (like what happened at CPAC recently) would have seemed like a dystopian sci-fi premiss back then.
Sure we used queer and f word as common slurs and disparaged "transsexuals" on the very rare occasion it came up, and cast as the "bad guys" in all the Disney movies ... but you're right that for the most part, as long as you weren't "too" gender nonconforming, you could mostly skate by unnoticed and at least there wasn't a tsunami of laws designed to limit our rights and open calls for our 1st degree murders.
I’m shattered by the amount of transphobia in the world lately. Funnily enough my religious studies teacher actually lent me your book when i came out at school. I used it to explain how i felt to people like my family. I still go back to visit that teacher and a few others who got me through school. I’m going back into therapy soon in hopes to start my transition medically within the next few years. As much as i want my dysphoria solved quickly, i understand it’s a big deal and needs to be taken seriously. I wasn’t groomed into who i am, simply supported by those around me (which i’m very great-full for.) i didn’t even know what trans was until about 14 and now, with the state of the world, i wish i wasn’t trans because it makes me fear for my life. I also have autism, and again often wish i didn’t as it makes life a lot harder. if anything my autism makes me incredibly emotionally intelligent, even if i can’t always express it properly. i hate that my neurological and identity differences means i’m not human to so many people. even when i didn’t understand my identity/sexuality, whenever i saw anything positively LGBTQ+ related at school or in public it would always make me happy - even though at the time i thought it was just because i was a strong ally lmao. there are SO many bigger issues then trans people and yet we are being targeted. :(
I consider myself thick skinned when it comes to bigotry but the scale of it these days is really starting to hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought things were getting better but there are protesters outside my local library calling people like me "pedophiles". I found so much support through social media but now my timeline is just painful to look at. Idk what else to say but thanks for sticking around Ash.
we are going through a genocide now in the USA, that's why it's so terrifying and hitting so hard right now. It's getting incredibly incredibly serious
I'm a trans person, (obviously), who once talked with a kid (about 12) who suspected they were trans, they weren't. It was a short conversation. Bizarre that things like that never get brought up, even though I gave the exact same support I would give to a trans kid, just to listen to them and believe them.
Being autistic and trans has definitely sucked for me, but only because of how hateful the society I live in is towards minority groups.
Understanding myself as trans and autistic has helped me so much, and your content specifically helped me understand my transness ❤ so thanks!
genderfluid fan here, dunno how much ill be able to watch of this because of everything that is going on in the US rn but wanted to leave a supportive comment, a like, and wish you love and safety :)
i've never understood ableist arguments about autistic people not understanding concepts to do with gender and sexuality. I'm diagnosed ADHD and strongly suspect I'm also autistic, and I don't think I've seen a group that understands gender identity and expression better than neurodivergent people I've met through social media. We have such nuanced understandings of these things because of our (and I am generalising here, I know) love and capacity for learning about seemingly nebulous concepts, and our ability to see through the bs of restrictive social norms like cissexism and homophobia.
YESSSS
It’s because people on the spectrum as so much more sensitive too things, they’re more likely to try and understand themselves more. They also don’t feel the pressures of society, and are more likely to be themselves authentically.
@@xdani_thethinkingneko I appreciate your comment and I'd like to ask you not to refer to us as "people on the spectrum". Just calling us "autistic people" is generally preferred by the community and is quicker to say 😊
I'm going to watch your first video and then watch this one straight after like a marathon! Much love to you, Gray and your family ❤
CUTE, I love that
It feels like Iv'e come full circle, I've been a lurker of the channel for a long time. Since the videos about Asexuality (Grey-Ace here! Those videos helped me to know and understand the label), and I watched a couple of the early coming out/trans journey videos. Mostly because I was curious.
Somewhere along the line I started questioning my own gender/gender expression (that in itself is a rather long story, there is some personal stuff but in summary- thanks AVEN for having a section on Gender in their forums.)
Anyway, now In 2023 I am subscribed to Jessie Gender, and while their video essays are cool and informative and could be seen as indoctrinating me into the ~Trans Agenda~ what they are really doing is indoctrinating me into Star Trek.
Note: The answer that I landed on when it comes to my gender is that i'm Genderqueer. Not quite cis or trans.
I am also looking forward to future Ash videos.
It’s been I while since this video was posted so idk if anyone will se this, but one of the things that me and a friend noticed when we were looking through irreversible damage was that every time a trans person is introduced all of their piercings and tattoos are immediately listed. My friend pointed out that this is probably because Abigail Shrier wants the reader to think that all these trans people treat body modification in general as a casual thing. Just an interesting thing I think is kinda relevant to the situation
I watched you since I was 15 and I am 22 now. You showed me how trans people can become trans adults and be happy. I had very little exposure to that at a young age and you became a beacon of hope for me. Thank you for the work you put in and the countless hours I imagine you put into this video. You are so cherished and valued in the trans community. From an Irish trans person (whom you helped a lot💛)
i've been out as trans since 11, always got this shit. its annoying, im nearly 20 now. still transgender! i used to watch your content when i was around 14 (by that time i was out for 3 years) keep up the good work.
You are NOT transgender. You are just a person who doesn't like the stereotypes and or feeling of being in your own body.
That doesn't make you the opposite gender.
In the part where you talk about the damage the media did I can’t help but think about Facebook groups that talked about me. I am a teacher and in my classroom I have some queer affirming posters and I share with my students my family, including my boyfriend I love with (which I’ve only done once). After parent night my classroom soon became the target of many parents complainants (btw all the parents who complained I don’t have their child as a student which was really interesting). This lead me down a spiral of wondering if I did something wrong, if I should take my rainbow flags down, and all other stuff. Reading what was said about me was scary and saddening. Things were being said about that weren’t true, and it hurt. I know it’s not on the same scale as you, but I just wanted to share that it does hurt being called a pedo and a danger when all you do is your job.
Good video! And never change who you are no matter what the others say!
"One they/them show" got me, lol. So glad to finally see part 2! This one was a lot to take in. Lots of the violent vocabulary in these clips I didn't even think could be used nowadays. Just how intimately aware you are of all of this shows you've been through a lot. It's also jarring how much the vocabulary used by commentary channels against you back then felt a lot more... normal at the time. Not in the sense that it was easy to agree with, but that it was common, it wasn't as shocking or ridiculous as it comes across today. I'm sure there are still a lot of "content creators" acting pretty much the same way now, but I'm glad to have escaped the bubble where it seemed so commonplace. I'm so glad you're still creating. Thank you for your efforts in sharing your experience and educating.
I'm autistic. I've identified as not on the binary SINCE BEFOFE I WAS DIAGNOSED AS AUTISTIC.
I had zero information about gender divergence. I had zero role models or even characters in media that were trans, let alone non-binary. I had no information or access to terms that fit how I felt.
The narrative that "autistic people are being preyed upon" is infuriating on so many levels. Its infantalizing. It denies our lived experiences. It denies us our autonomy. It makes us out as helpless, naive, and unable to ever be respected as adults.
Thank you for bringing attention to this.
Growing up in Ireland, it's ridiculously transparent how conservative Christians do not care about the safety of children. I remember the same people watching by as a sexual abuse scandal by the Catholic Church came to light, and tried to gaslight anyone who came forward about it.
imagine if the priests had dyed hair and pronouns...it would have been so over for them man...
@@melleen629 On the contrary.
As a cis woman, who fought she was trans and non binary for most of my teenage years I couldn’t be more against transphobic propaganda.
I never transitioned medically( nor did i want to honestly) but I had been socially out as tranmasc for the last two of my highschool years. And it helped SO MUCH in the moment. Feeling accepted, exploring my gender, finding who I am.
I just don’t know why people are against social transition and hormone blockers, since both are completely reversible and can only help
I mean identifying as trans masc rather than full-on ftm is a redflag. I'm glad you didn't end up being a detransitioner
this video means so much to me. i remember the wave of transphobia that swept across anti-sjw youtube back in the mid 2010s. i was 16 and just realised i was transgender. ash's videos carried me through my teenage years when i was questioning both my sexuality and my gender. i remember being so excited for the abcs of lgbt. i didnt see the mountain of hate ash received following their coming out as trans video but i remember them disappearing from youtube. all this to say im really glad ur back and doing well!
I don’t know if I’ll get through the whole video because…trauma, but I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to the genderqueer community, and I am so incredibly happy for you and Gray. Your videos helped me to come out last year, and now I have a letter of recommendation to start testosterone in May. Thank you, Ash.
"that's what the bible says"
... not it doesn't ... it says to love thy neighbor, and not to kill
i know you'll probably never see this but i showed some of your videos to my family when i came out at 13. im 17 now and fully socially transitioned, starting hormones soon and saving up for surgery next year. thank you for everything you've done
I'm only about 7:50 in, but I already feel so bad that you had to deal with all of that. I had no idea JUST how bad it was for you. I am so thankful that you were publicly open about your identities. For me, you have only educated and supported me throughout my own journey to discovering myself and being non-binary. I cannot express enough just how thankful I am to have had you as a resource and a role model throughout my life. From now on, I plan to make a more concerted effort to add a bit more positivity to your feed. :)
I'm pretty sure you can sue that news organization for slander or libel for using your book in their news story in that way lol you should get paid
Been a lurker on your videos for like a decade plus, just wanted to drop a word of support! And how sorry I am you've gone through this. I'm a straight cis woman, and watching your videos was always educational to me. I learned so much! I was a young teen when I first watched; I feel like learning about queer content just makes you, whoever you are, think more deeply and thoughtfully about your identity. For me, it affirmed I was cis and straight. For others, if they're not, it might help give words to what they're feeling. It's education, not indoctrination. And compassion/empathy building, imo.
anyway, have very much appreciated watching your journey over the years! hope you're feeling well
Ash I hate that you have had to go through all the pain and even more identity confusion because people are cruel. I am horrified at the way the way the word predator is thrown around just because it's a great scare tactic. It just devalues any person who has been actually targeted by a real predator. It's more about control than sex, but there are more sheep in the world than sheepdogs. Sad but true.
I am not trans, I am not a teenager and I am not American, but the situation over the pond is heartbreaking at the moment, so voices like yours are so, so improtant to give trans people everywhere hope. Thank you for continuing to fight even if it is hard sometimes. 💜Still, please take care as well!
Thank you for making this video. It's harrowing, and I can't imagine what it felt like to go through it all. As a former BC, Canada teacher, I wanted to clarify something about SOGI 123: it's always just been a resource. It's not, and as far as I know has never been, mandatory. It's just suggestions for teachers who are seeking out ways to make their classroom more inclusive. And yes, it's gotten a ton of backlash: I've attended a protest/counterprotest in my city about it, and we're one of the most queer-friendly cities in Canada. But it's all manufactured outrage, because again, no one is being forced to use it. So that's the scary "curriculum" they're fear mongering about.
Wanted to say this to you Ash from the bottom of my heart.
Finding your coming out video in 2020 helped me to understand who I really am. Yeah it was there when I was entering my 6th grade year. Then in 2013 it became a reality so I hid in fear because of how my family is. Then I slowly began to realize hey I need to do something about this. Thats when I found your coming out video and I did everything that I could do for coming out as who I really was. Here I am at almost 3 years later and living my true authentic life as best that I can. I honestly cannot thank you enough for everything. It is definitely very helpful!
Thank you Ash!!!!
:) 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈
I started crying at 34:00 I had to pause the video. God damn, I can’t imagine what it was like Ash. Thank you for all the hard work throughout the years. Been here since the side ponytail and beers! I’m so so glad you’re here ❤ you are immensely appreciated and loved.
ALGORITHM COMMENT!!! thank you so much for talking about this stuff!! many others and I are very proud of you for using your platform for things like this, in spite of any kind of hate or backlash you might get from it. i admire your strength for being able to talk these things out, even when our community is so fatigued from all the hate and bad news. i know it's a pretty heavy time, and it might sound pretty insignificant coming from a stranger, but again- thank you so so much for being this brave of a human. we're all in this together, and we've got your back!!
I know I've left comments on other videos about how your videos have positively influenced me in the past. Yes embarrassingly enough what made me relize I wanted top surgery was sering yours and feeling guilty for feeling jealous rather than only happy for you.
BUT I want you to know that there were signs grom when I was little. Like I loved play shaving, my mom saying "I wouldn't be surprised if ____ grew up to be a boy", I even tried to game the system with younger sibling's toys. Even my older sibling giving me a binder but that was teen years (I genuinely believe it was given for cosplay, tho they told me otherwise later).
Im sorry you had to go through all this BS and that the YT algorithm is the way it is. I thibk its gotten worst with YT shorts but now you can tell it not to recommend certain shorts rather than juat disliking and removing from watch history and hoping. I hope things get better for you and everyone you care about.
ash, thank you for being one of the first dominoes that pushed me towards the rabbit hole that eventually led to me getting to grow up to become a much happier trans adult.
if being given some tools towards surviving and healing and aiming for thriving is "indoctrination," then i'll damn well take it.
you're a good egg. videos like this are so important, especially now. 💛
I was bullied back into the closet in the 90's, by the time I felt the need to come back out, I'd been in a relationship with a man for years with a kid, so my sexuality 'didn't count.' My 1st son was born in 2001, the 2nd 20 years later. How is it possible that my 1st son will have had a more open, accepting world than my toddler? How can the LGBT + community be villianized more now than when I was bullied AND when I came out again?
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
💙💕🏳️⚧️
I'm just slowly starting to accept that I'm a demi girl (though I don't like that term for me. I prefer to just be called a girl.) at 25 and I feel dysphoria in my chest and always have since they first started growing in. So I've been talking to a therapist about it hopefully my health insurance will cover a double mastectomy. And boy do I wish dysphoria was the only reason I wanted them removed. I also have neck, back, and knee issues and my chest only makes those issues worse. And the most health insurance will cover for is reduction surgery unless there's proof of cancer or gender dysphoria. The health care system already sucks and the government wants to make it worse
Been rockin with you since you appeared on Hannah Hart’s channel WAAAY back in the day. I love seeing you post again!
Side-ponytail days!
The editing, the looks you are serving us, the receipts and research that went into this… THANK YOU ASH!! I’m so grateful for you and your content.
Your videos are literally so helpful for educating my highly academic and lowly empathetic parents I’m being so genuine.
You are able to come across as eloquent and understanding concurrently and these videos slowly aid my parents understanding of me and for that I thank you so much!!
So much queer power :)
People need to realize that there are a million ways to be a woman, and a million ways to be a man. Just because you don’t conform to the “gender norms” or whatever, doesn’t mean you are trans, or that you should mutilate your body. (Unless you have gender dysphoria).
It just means you are you. You are unique, and you should embrace being a woman. You should be teaching people to be proud of their biological sex no matter how they live their life.
I know I can always come to Ash's channel when I'm triggered by conservative media to calm down and feel seen, heard, and validated 100x over for just being a queer ❤ I am, and the world is, so lucky to have people like you, Ash, to tell them they are ok!!! Thank you for making videos and helping me calm down and feel better 😅
Their rhetoric lacks so much - both in nuance and reality. I grew up knowing I was trans long before I ever learned the word transgender. History certainly does repeat itself when lessons aren’t learned, and I hope that we can this time.
this dropping three days before my top surgery just feels so right after you were the first afab trans person I ever came across online! Thank you for this and all you do.
Hi, Ash! What are your thoughts about folks contacting their local libraries to have Irreversible Damage removed? As a librarian, I know how important it is to have factual information in the library.
The video with you telling your mom you’re trans is so freaking sweet, and I’m so mad people used that to say you are harming people. You are a force for good. Sending love! 🧡
If any of my schools had had anything educational about sex/sexuality/gender (apart from 30 minutes a community mom came into a health class and spoke with us about "abstinence only") I would not have spent my entire life confused, scared, and traumatized about my identities, thoughts, and feelings. I had to put in back-breaking work from 19-25 researching, going to therapy, and discovering that, honestly, is master's or doctoral level work about my own self. These programs that simply let children know, age appropriately I'd like to add!, that there are all sorts of genders and all sorts of ways to love I would have been able to say "Oh! That sounds like me! That's how I feel and who I am." And not just that, I would not have been a victim of predators that are willing to kill you if they can't "get the demons out." I know that my experience was not any where near as traumatic and horrifying as millions of others in this country (including several friends I made in college who were put through conversion camps), but I'm glad to know that there are people fighting for kids to have the information they need to know that their gender and sexuality are normal and not some terrifying thing that needs to be eradicated.
I'm probably going to skip this video as well, watching transphobia videos isn't good for me right now 😑
Still wanted to say Hi! I think way back, you were one of the first gender diverse people I started following. Since those times I've accumulated many and even more turned out to be trans later on. I think one of the funny sides of figuring out you're trans at 37 is looking back at your life and going "How could I be so damn dumb?!" 😂 In a laughing with myself kind of way, not derisively ☺️
So yeah, turns out I'm trans femme or thereabouts 😄 And even though I won't be watching the video, I appreciate the work you're doing and wanted to wish you well ❤️
You gotta take care of yourself! I get it! And that’s important! 💙
Beside the heartbreaking topic I just wanted to say that I am so impressed by your art video skills, love the backgrounds and outfits and the editing and everything. Thanks for everything,
Hey! The premiere hasn't started yet, but I don't think I'll be able to watch it live since I have school at that time :(
Just wanted to say to Ash that you've been a really big inspiration for over 5 years now, I've been watching and enjoying your content since and you've teached me to keep going, no matter how many obstacles come in your way.
I want to thank you Ash because you've motivated me and many others in your community to be ourselves and to be proud of what we are and how far we've come :)!
Sorry if this comment makes no sense, it might kind of a ramble in my end but I hope it gets the point across
No worries! It’s a looooong boy so, I understand! I want folks to watch when they have the time to enjoy and take it in! So no rush and thanks for the kind words 💕
As someone who... was a child watching your videos (I probably found your channel when I was 12 or 13, I'm 21 now.), I'm trying to recall how I received all the topics you discussed at the time. I was definitely easily influenced, and was actively falling down several destructive internet rabbit holes as I simultaneously discovered Tumblr... But what I remember from the first ABCs of LGBT videos I watched was the feeling of curiosity and excitement of learning something new that affirmed something already present in me, while also giving me a window into other peoples' experiences. I was in a stage of my development where I was starting to wonder about my identity, and figure out how all of my experiences in relation to the world outside me related to who I was. Your videos made that process feel exciting and expansive (kinda felt like picking off a menu). The tension came when I started telling my mom about your videos. She wasn't bothered, but I was surprised that she didn't know things that felt so obvious from my lived experience combined with your vocab-- like that there are not only 2 genders-- and initially this made me angry. I sort of took you as an authority on the subject and took the norms you presented as truth (I had a habit of idolizing), but I was also taking you as a figure of support to uphold what I knew to be true within myself. When I felt pressure to label myself, or have a certain type of journey, it was only from fellow 13 year old queer kids, who were going through their own insecurity-fueled mean streaks. As I matured, I grew out of my obsessive and angry tendencies related to identity, while settling comfortably in a more amorphous, holistic queerness that I hold today. Overall, your educational content gave me a pretty healthy foundation for that, and I thank you.
Wait there are people who still watch the 700 Club? I'm a Christian and I've never watched that hateful trash. Makes no sense Jesus taught us to love one another but his teachings are not being followed by so called Christians. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I hope this homophobic trend upward ends soon. I wish you peace and even though it's difficult I wonder if there is legal actions you can take. Take care. I don't think you're a bad person so don't listen to those people saying you are.
The general idea people have of the LGTBQIA+ community is just... false and heartbreaking tbh. My parents haven't accepted me, a trans queer pan person, and even those family members who take pride in being more open don't even use the right name and pronouns for myself. That's because they've always been taught bad and untrue stuff about our community. My mother told me that the only representation she knows of the community are the "men wearing dresses, heels and glitter" at pride, and my father has some really homophobic and transphobic "arguments". It's just... Yh, I hope that there's less and less missinformation getting to younger generations so that we can all be ourselves and be respected and loved as we are. It's hard growing up in such a cruel world tbh, it took me YEARS to accept myself and I'm still struggling to ask for my name, pronouns and identity to be respected. Sometimes I hear so many times stuff like that "non binary doesn't exist" or "your biological sex defines so many things about you and it's even written in your cells" or some other stuff that I doubt if I truly am non binary, trans and just overall queer. Sending a hug, Ash, can't even imagine what all of that must have been like, now enjoy your lil open queer family life and spread some gay happiness haha
cheers from brazil~
you helped me a lot on my journey finding out i was enby myself, and understanding my gender as enby, and ever changing, despite all of that im still myself, and i should be respected as any other person, no more, no less.
and thanks for being so brave on the internet, in your personal life, and for sharing bits of your parenting :3
i myself deleted all my social media other than discord and this account, i did that due to bullying and harassement i suffered as a teen, and even now at 23yo i dont plan on going back.
but im glad trans voices despite it all still have some space on the internet, and pushback is always there.
we are always fighting for respect, and to have our rights protected as equals, and despite it all im up to keep fighting even on my small local scale
thanks for being so cheerful in your videos no matter how grin it gets, because smiles are what bring me joy to keep fighting every day as well 💕
I’ve been watching you since your poetry videos years and year ago. You’re always so educated and eloquent
hi, ash. i just wanted to let you and grayson know how helpful you've been in so many queer journeys, mine included. i still have a copy of your book from back in the day. thank you for all that you do. ❤
I used to run the LGBT society at my old high school and, at our peak, had 70 students regularly attending our meetings. Then we were told that our content could be inappropriate for the younger students, and we had to send every PowerPoint we made to the Equalities teacher so they could check it. We were not allowed to teach safe binding techniques because it was seen as encouraging being trans. We were subject to spot checks which drastically reduced our membership because our school had a history of outing its students by telling their parents/guardians that their child attended LGBT soc. We were not allowed to recommend the charity Mermaids because they were seen as "too pro-transition", a view which I have only seen TERFs push. Then the final nail in the coffin was the requirement that we have a teacher present at every meeting. Our attendance crashed, plummeted, hit absolute rock bottom even when compared to pre-pandemic numbers. Because how are you supposed to build community when every word said could be told to your parents in a phone call, when a teacher knows you show up and have you marked as queer.
And throughout, we were never called groomers or paedophiles. We were also children too. But it was always our "influence over the younger students" or "due to parental concern". Or actions were taken to "protect" the younger students from us or "protect" us from legal ramifications as if teaching queer history is illegal. Like we were dangerous or pushing an agenda. And we didn't realise what was happening at the time because we couldn't recognise this particular brand of intolerance. But now, the more I think about it, the more I realise that any queer influence in a queer child's life is demonised, and we were vulnerable and easily targetable, so we went first. At the time, I wouldn't have called the equalities teacher a TERF, but I absolutely would now.
And I have since aged out of the school, but I'm so angry about it because we fought it every step. We knew it would decimate a community we had worked so hard to build essentially from scratch after the lockdowns. It was a place of queer joy, safety and acceptance. It meant so much to me, and I have memories of when it started as a small society, through lockdown and then into my team's leadership. And to know the Equalities teacher decimated it to fuel their transphobia, ableism, and homophobia hurts me. They had power, and they used it to destroy a community.
Thank you for everything, Ash! 💕 I came out to myself as asexual shortly before finding your channel and your ABCs of LGBT videos. You made me feel so valid and like I was normal when I very much felt like I wasn't. I didn't end up keeping up with your videos and then ended up coming out as non-binary a year later. I ended up looking to RUclips for that same kind of validation again, and it turned out that you had recently come out as non-binary too! You made me feel so much less alone and like I wasn't weird or wrong for being the way I am. You've made such a positive difference in my life; you have no idea. Truly, thank you for everything ❤
Ash, you were a huge part of my finding my identity in my 20s and I am so sorry you have had to go through all this bullshit when all you have ever done is share your own experiences so other people can learn from them. ❤❤❤ I'm so happy you seem to be healing and thriving now!
already know I'm going to send this video to my mum haha. she told me I was brainwashed by social media 🙃
Sounds like she might be the one who is brainwashed, probably by a certain sneaky fox, aka a tv channel which was barred from legally the label "news" it had to be "entertainment" because it lied too much, and was literally intended to spread propaganda. (stated goal of the creator, not mincing words, his memos say 'propaganda')
I hope you're able to turn her opinions around and get her to acknowledge reality. Best of luck!
Slayy
How did that go?
But, you are? The whole concept of non-binary is a social construct created to combat the standards you don’t like when regarding current cultural norms of gender. Instead of taking the more appropriate, and logical approach of being either a tomboy or effeminate male, you instead chose an extreme choice. The *internet created* choice
@@malbasedvalentine3210 How do you know if OP is non-binary or not when they never stated their gender identity? How do you know they aren’t a binary trans person (only the parent comment from Gray is showing for me so from what I can see, Gray never replied to you with an answer to that question because it was never asked)?
Also, technically neither of these identities (non-binary and binary trans) are internet-created, gender nonconforming identities have existed for generations, as have trans people. They were just much more unknown in some circles but even with that point, there were and are also many cultures who embraced them as an honored part of their community.
"Algorithm comment"
BUT ALSO
Ash, I want to say THANK YOU for making videos like these. The cinematography was epic, the empowerment was absolutely beautiful, and most of all, the message that this video sends is so, so important. As a cis bi person myself I can't exactly relate to the trans experience, but I can relate to the queer experience as a whole. This video definitely helps cishet and queer people alike understand trans experiences and I think it's really amazing that you're spreading this awareness, and educating and empowering our communities :)
P.S. - ilysm I've been watching your videos since I was questioning and you really helped me throughout the whole questioning/coming out process so thank you so much
Ugh I wanna give them a hug so bad! Nobody deserves to be the center of anything so horrible and disgusting. They're the kindest, most inspiring soul
Who are ?
Just a reminder, anyone who wants to do something simple that can help can leave a review of Irreversible Damage. It’s valuable to let people know it’s dangerous and hateful misinformation. This hateful book should have a 1 star review everywhere (Amazon, google, book websites). It’s great to put love and kindness out into the world, but sometimes kindness looks like saying something hateful is unacceptable.
Any cis person who doesn't understand gender dysphoria, I strongly advise you to think about what it would take for someone else to convince you to start presenting as another gender. If your answer is "nothing could change me, I know I'm man/woman" then congrats! You finally get it. If your answer is more unsure, then I have great news for you too-- gender is a spectrum, not a rigid binary, and you can present however you want.
The truth behind the indoctrination theme, is that idea contagion or spread of ideas is a thing. I didn't have a word for my gender until I'd met a lot of trans people, whose experiences helped me understand my own.
ash I want you to know that your videos saved me. back when I was in high school I was depressed and always felt different but didn't know why, if I hadn't found your videos I probably wouldn't have been able to find myself so thank you. also, autistic people are actually more likely to be trans or queer those articles are bs and they obviously know very little about autism.
Just going to say being part way through, I know you've already had a lot of people say it on the last video, but I am still so sorry you went through all this.
I'm probably (selfishly) hit extra hard because in a venn-diagram way they're not just talking about you, but people like me too--but you had to deal with the full force, personalized attacks, and people being straight up malicious. And you just never should have had to.
I'm glad you survived it, I'm glad you're still posting.
More so, I'm so so SO glad that you're able to come out the otherside that that and continue living your life and loving your SO (and kids)
I hope that this world does a u-turn on all this BS and gets better. A world that uplifts trans people, and trends towards kindness and empathy.
(and I'll keep doing what I can to make that world happen activism where I can, and signing petitions, ect. Here's to hoping our kids will get to live in that better future)
Also, just gonna add, because I have another ID's relevant to this, as an autistic adult: ND people have this "surprising" tendency to not fully mesh with societies standards! Wow! Almost like our brains not totally meshing with social standards... means we are more likely to reflect our internal truth rather than societies expectations.
Like we're known for being very direct, and overly honest. So if we're Trans at a higher rate, it's probably because we're just less likely to accept people telling us who we are when it doesn't match reality.
Of course we're very much not immune to social pressures (by any stretch of the imagination) but we're slightly more resistant to it than our NT peers, partly because we don't always notice certain aspects of that pressure.
I struggled really hard with understanding gender for most of my life, and the only reason I didn't figure out I was a flavour of Trans sooner is because I'd only met binary trans people, but I'm Agender/NB and that just wasn't as talked about (in spaces I saw) when I was younger.
Algorithm comment!
As stressful as it is to hear a lot of the clips used, I can imagine sifting through, recording, and editing it all would be consuming as well. I appreciate you continuing to speak out ❤
Love you Ash! This was so comprehensive. I liked how you incorporated so many examples/sources in your discussion. Thank you for doing what you do. You're like the daring, articulate, queer older cousin that we all wish we had who we can feel safe with in a world full of madness😂
I mean, from my perspective, younger cousin. But same on the rest of what you said 😅
Your videos opened me up to the world queer & trans identities & taught me about a world I didn't know existed. I became an advocate bc of you. I wouldn't have known about any of it if it weren't for you. You started my education on the LGBTQ+ community. A community I'm a part of but knew little about. And you helped me begin to understand it. You taught me that sex is a social construct. That male & female are human-made labels just like man & woman. You helped me understand that. And anyone who wants to talk shit about you or you channel, can talk to me bc I'm way more opened minded & educated bc of you. I'm glad you're here & making content. I watched you go thru your top surgery journey & saw genuine light & happiness come into your eyes when it was all done. I'd never seen you truly happy with yourself the way you were when you got your top surgery & I was grateful I got to witness & you were kind enough to share it with us
Yikes, I got a "What is a Woman" ad on this video... Great platform this one.
All love to you tho Ash ❤
What is a Woman is a video that deals with the subject of gender. Wouldn’t that be perfectly relevant here?
@@ah6519 I can see how an algorithm might think that, but it's a very obviously hateful and transphobic piece that really only fits very superficial with this video.
@@Mal_ But it addresses gender. I still don’t understand how you’re shocked.
Did you watch it?
@@ah6519 "yikes" is not an expression one uses for expressing being shocked 🤔 I just think getting an ad for a transphobic and misinformed "documentary" on a video by a trans person chronicling their experience with transphobia and misinformation is a "yikes" moment. I don't understand why you are so confused about that.
@@Mal_ I still don’t get it. Asking the question What is a Woman (ie gender issue) is transphobic? What specifically is transphobic about the movie that provides a viewpoint that may disagree?
It’s been difficult growing up with section 28, desperately trying to conform to other peoples ideas of who I should be, it took me till my 20s to fully accept myself & be brave enough to be visibly me only to now face constant scrutiny from gov & media desperate to erase & outlaw who I am.
43:17 how can these studies be valid when children transitioning is such a new concept?
When I was in college, majoring in education, we were told very explicitly that we shouldn't use "boy and girls" because "students" would work just as well, and the ordering of "boys and girls" could hint at prioritization of boys over girls. This was 30 years ago. I'm struck by how things that were discussed 30 years ago are constantly being talked about today as "new", "social contagion", "rapidly growing".
Thank you so much for being a visible nonbinary creator. I first saw your coming out call when it came out and back then I knew that was me. It isn’t brainwashing, it is representation which is needed because sooner or later the kid is going to figure out “heyyyy im not feeling quite right as a girl/boy”. Thank you for your content and being the person who first educated me on what nonbinary is and that that is me!
Seeing the resurgence of trans voices has really made me so hopeful. Living everyday as a trans individual I know I'm being the visible nonbinary person for others, the same way you have been for me!