Self-supplying Narcissist: Miracle Cure?
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- Опубликовано: 4 май 2023
- The narcissist reacts with borderline-style emotional dysregulation, decompensation, and acting out to deficient narcissistic supply, narcissistic injury, and narcissistic mortification.
Current therapies attempt to harness the narcissist's grandiosity and fantasy defense to effect transformation and behavior modification in lieu of an adult therapeutic alliance.
This often results in even more impaired reality testing even as the narcissist adapts himself to the demands he faces. In short: it induces dissociative and schizoid reactance (as a form of passive-aggressive defiance).
The solution is to transition from manipulative dependency on narcissistic supply to self-reliant and anxiolytic albeit delusional self-supply.
Transition from external supply to self-supply is also a regression from object relations to primary or introverted narcissism with cathexis of infantile narcissistic structures.
This creates an addictive dependency of the False Self on internal structures and processes, a kind of estrangement, as if the False Self has been not only introjected but also projected. Paradoxically, this allows the narcissist to experience a healthy differentiation of external from internal objects.
Self-supply also guarantees a sense of secure base and open the door to good enough self-parenting. It is a bit like self-soothing. Self-supply skirts all the pitfalls of narcissistic injuries and mortifications and the one upmanship power play with the therapist.
Self-supply is regulatory: it stabilizes the sense of self-worth, restores an internal locus of control, and diminishes the need or opportunity for alloplastic defenses.
The fact that all good things (supply) emanate from the inside counters the pernicious effects of the bad object and reduces the frequency of antisocial or non-sublimated misconduct.
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This is one of the best videos ever that I have seen on narcissism - which doesn't demonize narcissists - but takes the narcissistic pain and suffering seriously and offers authentic therapeutic advice of how to heal from narcissism by integrating the false narcissistic self into the personality by self-parenting. Great video, Prof. Vaknin, we are all very grateful to you for your positive contribution in revealing that there is a way out of the narcissistic blind alley. Thank you so much for sharing your innovative therapeutic solutions with us.
Self-care is the cure. Self parenting. Abundance mindset.
This ❤
My hope is for others diagnosed with a cluster B personality to find this form of healing.
First of all, thank you very much for the lectures. I had a narcissistic manager at work for 12 years. When I intuitively recognized this, I ripped off her mask and my nightmare began. Unfortunately, she became a certified coach in Poland and I'm really surprised that no one diagnosed it. I know her. And I feel sorry for people who come to her for any conversation.
After this video only one proverb came into my head. "When the alms are too much, the saint becomes suspicious." I hope Prof. Vaknin talks more about this unprecedented discovery after telling us throughout his career of him as a therapist that the narcissists have no cure.
I am not a therapist. Self-supply is not a cure, it is just a way to eliminate the adverse impacts of the narcissist on others.
@@samvakninBut "how" do you get the narcissist to self-supply.
Wow. If someone cracked the narc code and healed them, they would be rich and in-demand. Sadly, I don’t think its possible.
Interesting video topic ideas:
Cerebral Female Narcissist + Somatic Covert Male Narcissist couple and shared fantasy.
Narcissist Couple where one is self aware and the other is not
I am doing this with my clients in my 4-years developmental program for women New Life New Me: create Good Enough Inner Mother, and later Good Enough Inner Father.
Inner parenting and regulation of nervous system, sense of inner safety and self reliance are two pillars of recovery of developmental trauma.
Inner mothering recreate safe and supportive environment, new childhood.
New information and experience comes into system and everything changes, step by step. Defences slowly, with good experience and raise of trust, are not so necessary as they used to be. Clients explore new safer world, with the blessing and protection of Inner Mother.
One borderline lady did it very well in 3-4 years of this kind of our work.
Thank you, for this. Self supply, brilliant!
I have healed my narcissism with self reliance. Thankfully, I had tendencies and not a disorder. But I had a thought: what if lots of narcs heal but we dont hear about it because technically they werent as far as a disorder?
The stubborn ones are gone.
Thank you Sir for all you do
Sincerely
Texas USA
Your sense of humor is outstanding , besides this video is so helpful for people who are enforced to deal with narcissists in life .
My friends as sounding boards who didn’t judge my truthful narcissistic thoughts was very healing.
How did you find a way to talk about it with others?
Thank you Sam. This is so relevant to my current predicament.
The narc is a void.. he has nothing to give, also nothing to give to himself .. it's pervasive, nothing grows in the void.
💯💯💯
Thank you so much for such an amazing video, Professor Vaknin! Will you post any more videos regarding how to teach narcissists self-supply or recommend any books or papers regarding this topic please? This is the first time I felt hopeful as a NPD patient TBH. Again your working is absolutely cutting edge and uniquely amazing :)
Thank you Sam for the validation. Love the humor and intellect nice balance.
dear Sam Vaknin
What you enrich the world with in terms of insights right now is of huge importance
thank you for your generosity.
Thank you Prof. Vaknin. This sounds like healthy narcissism. It is very helpful and anxiolytic. It removes the experience of victimization, as well. Thank you so much.🌷
Most enlightening video yet...
I love your videos, especially the ones on covert borderline and covert narcissist. I'm unsure if you have ever done a video on comorbid borderline and narcissism. I used the search function as you always recommend, but no luck.
As you said in the video you sometimes like doing requests. Would love to see a video on the comparison of covert borderline vs comorbid narcissism and borderline.
Amazing lecture Sam!!!
This is very, very beautiful!
Wonderful !! Thanks Prof. Sam Vaknin.
A breakthrough in understanding! 🙏
i don't know why i wasn't expecting this video to be so optimistic.
Important knowledge and interesting. Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin. ❤
Narcissists self sufficient supply such as in success psychology when you look in the mirror every day and say “I like my self” along with modified self image.
Always gold professor Vaknin,
Keep it up.
Please Sam..Do another video on: COVERT BORDERLINE..Thankyou..have been listening to you for a decade.
I love your videos I listen everyday! Thank you for your knowledge and sharing with others! Did I miss the video about males who walk away from their children?
Thank you. Sounds Amazing. 🎉
Bravo Sam! 👏👏
Thank you.
תודה רבה אדוני
I have created Angie a few years ago. And she is mine 24/7. Others can only marvel from the sidelines. We need no one no more. Hallelujah
I love good news! Amazing.What's next? Is it about about adopting a completely new language? I can't wait for the next video!
Thank you!!!!!❤️ So much!!!!!!
Just what I’ve been realizing for my self!!!
Fascinating. I was at this point myself before knowing I had NP. I stopped needing supply from others and parented myself. The child would still crave admiration from the external but I became my own supply. It was beautiful and incredibly freeing. I finally started feeling safe in my own body and there was an internal coherence I’d never felt before.
I say this is past tense because after watching your video on ‘how I experience my narcissism’ and resonating with it on a deep level, I depersonalised. The child got so terrified that everything I’ve ever believed could ultimately be false, and I have detached. There’s now a complete fragmentation of parts. I’ve become just an observer of my life.
Is there a way back? Could you share some words on depersonalisation as I know it’s something you experience. It’s been 6 months of hell, i don’t know how to become whole again.
I wich that he will respond
Similar thing happened to me after the ‘high’ of the initial self supply (after what I suspect was a collapse) to lose its potency. What I found helped is to get deeply immersed into a mission and assortment of pursuits that I have full control over and no reliance on others. Can you identify what changed on your end that’s missing now compared to the self supplied state? For me it’s intellectual and financial pursuits and frankly the sense of superiority that I feel even more in control now that I’ve mostly withdrawn from human supply sources, but it could be any mix of goals to conquer oneself. Similar to what neurotypicals aim for? I’m thinking of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs here.
@@egoinward I agree having some sort of outward focus or a mission does help with feeling more self sufficient, plus you don’t really have as much time to focus on the need for it.
I’m currently on a financial pursuit also, never have been much of an intellect. The problem with financial pursuits is they never end. You reach that place where you’ve finally ‘made it’, and then realise you’re still not really happy so need more and more, it’s endless, but something to do I guess! It’s pretty fun even if it lacks depth.
So what changed was waking up to the fact I have NPD. I’ve taken on societies stigmatising view around people with NPD and view myself as a broken mess. It feels like there’s now an internal conflict between 2 identities which were previously integrated. One identity finds the other intolerable or unacceptable & there’s been a subconscious decision to depersonalise. I have lived the last 6 months without feeling anything. It’s like I am not the participant in my life, but rather the observer, witnessing the happenings of it. Nothing feels real, everything is questioned, lots of existentialism. It’s a weird and confusing existence and just hope I will heal from it. Is this something you’ve experienced yourself?
@@twillsJKZkinda sounds like you’ve exchanged grandiose narcissism for martyr narcissism 🤔
@@reabetswemokale1545 Yep, still narcissism, but probably the best you can do with what you’re given.
Brilliant. I thought about it recently seeing my friend with covert narcissism being a lot more self-supplying after years of therapy. I wondered if it was a good solution but maybe it's the only option for now.
Yes! At one point I felt I had multiple souls.
I think you helped. Thanks
This is all well and good but what is the therapeutic process to help the narcissist obtain self supply? It sounds like one would have to help the narcissist change their internal objects, especially the bad mother into a different person who gives supply instead of destructive thoughts. is there any literature or video content showing how this is achieved?
Watch my future videos. This is the first in a series.
I wish I could work and learn from you....most interesting person on the Internet
Could it be possible to teach a borderline to self supply? I mean teach them to not depend on the intimate partner to regulate their moods.
???
Yes.
@@samvaknin how yo do that?
BRILLIANT.
Can you do a video on the codependent that finally loved herself and felt she had healed her wounds in this façade? 20 year relationship to have it end with infidelity, discard and a smear campaign. Totally blindsided. I became a better person in this relationship and this blindsided discard brought me back to being a child. I have learned all I could in the last 5 years. Thousands of hours of research, mainly your channel. I need help to move on and I have no access to a competent therapist for narcissistic abuse where I live. Thank you so much in advance
So what's it like when you have a narcissistic therapist who is undiagnosed and manipulates you and you can't recognize it?
I request you to make a video regarding female somatic narcissist and male covert borderline shared fantasy and relationship. I will be very much thankful to you Prof Sam Vaknin.
היי סם! ❤️ אין מילים פשוט. וואו. התמכרתי לסרטונים שלך ובלילה אני נרדמת עם הקול שלך. רציתי לשאול אם תוכל לעשות סרטון על ההבדל בין אספקה עצמית self supply לבין אהבה עצמית בריאה?
Good idea. Thank you.
😢😢😢😢😢Thank you!
He is the best!!!!!!!
Ok, great. How do you teach him? How, how, how. What exercises. Just give one example, please, please. Great video. Lucky and greatful to receive this. ✌❤🖖 G
Is this similar to Transactional Analysis? Couldn't figure text with (1) to start number or is this number really in California. I'm so ADD and tech backward. Sorry. Thank you for your precious time. Gale
Would perhaps doing art or a sport or activity the narcissists enjoys, if done well and consistently then function as a source of self supply? asking for a friend 😸
not that i am a narcissist or even deal with narcissist but i would love a book on a breakdown of how this is achieved.
This man is a god!😊
Seriously I think this 'self supply' therapy is a gift from God...and I think it call heal a whole lot of childhood traumas...
I would like to throw out a topic suggestion Prof. I am trying to better understand primary psychopathy. It seems to me that there is heavy overlap between primary psychopathy and machiavelonism. Is there a main aspect that distinguishes these two disorders apart? Also, can a person be highly manipulative and power hungry without suffering from a disorder like this?
Thank you for all your insight.
You've also done many videos on narcissist in relationship. Can you do some more with primary psychopathy and machiavellianism and how intimate relationships play out with these types if people.
Watch my videos on dark personalities.
What are techniques for generating self-supply? Notably, if one is self-critical due to the internal bad object?
What, in your opinion, is the best thing to show to a narcissist that would maybe reach him on some level ?
Can we use the same method of self supplying for Border line personality disorder patients ?
I was hoping you could clear something up for me.
In this video, you said that because of the splitting defense, if they get narcissistic supply, that person is all good. But then how does it work when the narcissist is starting to devalue you and therefore makes you all bad (when they no longer see you as the idealized version) from the splitting defense in their mind. I mean aren't they still getting narcissistic supply from you and devaluing you, so would that make you all good or all bad? Or what are the determining factors that make you all good or all bad for them in their mind?
Thank you
Watch my videos on the shared fantasy.
Took me a long time to create me as my new mother and father too.
This is the role that religion was supposed to play
Sam I have a idiotic question and I hope I didn't miss hearing the answer in this video, however, please inform me if you don't mind of...
In previous videos you mentioned that supply may be in multiple forms/ negative, good, just not being ignored.
Ok, in this video we learn how self supply can become the fix all, if you will. Serving both benefits that could help the narcissist and the sources of supply. Very much appreciated if I may also add.
My question is Sam, is it possible even slightly, for the negative supply to become an actual type of self supply to become into effect, could it even create an opposite effect? Perhaps a self hatred to the negative treatment being put into oneself? Making the patient suicidal as a borderline or as the recipient of the usual narcissist cruel signature behavior? Could the narcissist receive a taste of his own medicine? If treating self as typically to the ex-supply ( in an all respectful nature intended)
this is what twins do non stop
Is there any treatment modality that could possibly made to give someone empathy if they lack it?
No.
@angel best thing that worked for me was learning cognitive empathy to conform to social expectations. It’s a behavioral change only, can’t change the emotional.
When we can have this therapy here in America?
So this technique can be applied to a BPD too?
BPDs do not need narcissistic supply. But it can be applied to the borderline's shared fantasy and external regulation via the intimate partner.
Will you be doing a video regarding covert narcissism?
In addition to the 8 I have already done?
@@samvaknin this is the first video I have watched of yours. I will look through your others. That's great news.
How to present this concept to the narcissist if you are a family member?
By sharing this video.
@@samvaknin hello! Thank you so much for this video and all the others. I have shared an hour ago on my FB page…
Most of therapists are not trained in this matter and/or it's not good for their pockets
Is your cold therapy antithetical to this paradigm?
No. It incorporates self-supply as a therapeutic strategy.
Just how do I do that?
So are we talking about delusional self love that leads to actual self love?
Indistinguishable from each other, so with the same psychodynamic effect.
Marker 26:00
Can schizotypal narcissists use self-supplying techniques to fulfill their narcissistic supply?
Yes.
So it means that that they can Heal ? Can the “therapist “ betheir intimate partner?
No and no.