"When you have a parent like we do, you kind of have only two options; you either stay in it forever, or you totally deconstruct yourself to individuate. And those aren't great options." 100%!!! Thank you for another great episode.
@alimay967 It's not a great option for some of us. I'd give anything to have a healthy and loving family! You feel as though you're forced to choose between an unhealthy family that doesn't really love you anyway... or completely separate from them( in every sense of the word), and have no family at all! That is a choice that nobody should be faced with!
"I'd known for a long time that i wasn't wrong, and i was still apologizing to let myself in the family.". Oof. I felt that. It feels like apologizing to the difficult parent just so you didn't lose contact with the safer parent. It's never ending if you aren't able to end that cycle
My wife and I both read the book and loved it. It really brought a lot of perspective to my own upbringing…the book has many instances where you see the poor decisions of your parents, and yourself, effecting you in the future. A lot of accountability and vulnerability.
I greatly appreciated listening to your exchange. It felt like sitting in a room with two people who have made the same kind of experiences and therefore very connecting. Thank you for helping the community to stay connected with our experiences, how hard those were and with the acceptance that it is ok that some of that will always remain hard.
I listened to the entire audiobook! Orenda is an amazing artist and author, painting descriptive and thoughtful passages that left me completely amazed and consumed for days as I worked and listened. I found so much of myself and my childhood in her words, so validated and seen unlike I had previously. I have been working on this in myself for many years, and this book has changed something in me, given peace where before I felt unsteady. It was her vulnerability and ability to articulate these thoughts that made me feel as if I were watching things unfold in front of me as she read, like a friend recounting events sitting with me; a conversation that is as safe as it is honest and insightful, and quite needed for growth. This is an amazing book, and I will keep in with me in my heart as I move forward in my life. Thank you both for sharing!
I listened to your book on my many long drives. I circled around blocks to finish chapters. Locked myself in the bathroom to finish some. Had to pull over to get thru the part where your sister finally leaves.
Brilliant discussion!! Thank you so much!! ❤ I've been through similar upbringing as you two, and at 58, I'm still working on having a good/neutral relationship with my mother who's 91.
Loving listening to the podcast too! Your content is so down to earth and not hyped up like so many online therapists, a lot of it has been so helpful for me too so thank you
Wow, made me think about so much. Mainly what it must have been like to have a mother who might haul off and curse you at any moment because she was busy cursing everybody else. I don't remember my angry critical NPD father being very critical of me, but he was so critical of everybody else, I was always waiting for it to be turned on me. Loved the emphasis on going no contact from an abusive parent so you can become yourself!
I'm sure you have many video topics that you have backlogged but if you ever get around to it, I'd love to see you tackle a video on gaining agency after learned helplessness throughout childhood. How to get over the catch 22 that is not having any agency to change your life after abuse but abuse taking that agency from you and feeling like you can't have agency.
Very abusive and crazy I’ve been putting up with this for 57 years I stopped it for about three years but went back to my mother and took her on a trip forgot how crazy having a relationship with her was and made you feel ended up back in meetings and screwing up my whole life
I wrote a comment about the reality of Withcraft, the solution in Yeshua Hamasciach and repentance, and the comment “disappears “, 👀Too close to the Truth? If anyone would like confirmation of the reality of withcraft, please see Russ Dizdar’s work on “The Black Awakening”, for a start.
I don't normally engage with this kind of comment, but maybe I can help you understand. This is a place of acceptance and healing. I don't think anyone here needs to be criticized or feel attacked any more than they already have been. I know that you're trying to help, but it's not the right time or place. There's so much more to take away from this podcast, and it derails the conversation to start talking about religion. It's more appropriate for a private message.
@@lyndadoerner5341 - You are exactly right. And the most loving thing you can do for someone is to speak truthfully to them. Until they block what they don’t want to hear and when they finally learn the truth they will be mad because nobody told them. They probably tried to but someone disappeared it.
![10 Signs of Narcissistic Parents [2025]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vjr-jh0Cimg/mqdefault.jpg)
![10 Signs of Narcissistic Parents [2025]](/img/tr.png)
"When you have a parent like we do, you kind of have only two options; you either stay in it forever, or you totally deconstruct yourself to individuate. And those aren't great options." 100%!!! Thank you for another great episode.
Why “those aren’t great options “? The second one is pretty great!
@alimay967 It's not a great option for some of us. I'd give anything to have a healthy and loving family! You feel as though you're forced to choose between an unhealthy family that doesn't really love you anyway... or completely separate from them( in every sense of the word), and have no family at all! That is a choice that nobody should be faced with!
@@alimay967but also agreed lol😂I think this is the coolest thing about us
How do you individuate?
"I'd known for a long time that i wasn't wrong, and i was still apologizing to let myself in the family.". Oof. I felt that. It feels like apologizing to the difficult parent just so you didn't lose contact with the safer parent. It's never ending if you aren't able to end that cycle
Yep and the safer parent turned out to be worse for not protecting us and putting their financial needs before us. (For me anyway)
My wife and I both read the book and loved it. It really brought a lot of perspective to my own upbringing…the book has many instances where you see the poor decisions of your parents, and yourself, effecting you in the future. A lot of accountability and vulnerability.
“I could not decipher between who was safe for me and who wasn’t.” This is the most terrifying, crazymaking waking nightmare phase of this work.
I greatly appreciated listening to your exchange. It felt like sitting in a room with two people who have made the same kind of experiences and therefore very connecting. Thank you for helping the community to stay connected with our experiences, how hard those were and with the acceptance that it is ok that some of that will always remain hard.
I listened to the entire audiobook! Orenda is an amazing artist and author, painting descriptive and thoughtful passages that left me completely amazed and consumed for days as I worked and listened.
I found so much of myself and my childhood in her words, so validated and seen unlike I had previously. I have been working on this in myself for many years, and this book has changed something in me, given peace where before I felt unsteady.
It was her vulnerability and ability to articulate these thoughts that made me feel as if I were watching things unfold in front of me as she read, like a friend recounting events sitting with me; a conversation that is as safe as it is honest and insightful, and quite needed for growth.
This is an amazing book, and I will keep in with me in my heart as I move forward in my life.
Thank you both for sharing!
Listening to the audiobook, Orenda is amazing ❤ thank you both 😊
I listened to your book on my many long drives. I circled around blocks to finish chapters. Locked myself in the bathroom to finish some. Had to pull over to get thru the part where your sister finally leaves.
Brilliant discussion!!
Thank you so much!! ❤
I've been through similar upbringing as you two, and at 58, I'm still working on having a good/neutral relationship with my mother who's 91.
Loving listening to the podcast too! Your content is so down to earth and not hyped up like so many online therapists, a lot of it has been so helpful for me too so thank you
Didn’t want to be abusive to others, didn’t want to be like her. No desire to be abusive, but it screwed up perceiving others. Yes.
Wow, made me think about so much. Mainly what it must have been like to have a mother who might haul off and curse you at any moment because she was busy cursing everybody else. I don't remember my angry critical NPD father being very critical of me, but he was so critical of everybody else, I was always waiting for it to be turned on me. Loved the emphasis on going no contact from an abusive parent so you can become yourself!
Loved the book! Triggering but validating
I'm sure you have many video topics that you have backlogged but if you ever get around to it, I'd love to see you tackle a video on gaining agency after learned helplessness throughout childhood. How to get over the catch 22 that is not having any agency to change your life after abuse but abuse taking that agency from you and feeling like you can't have agency.
Just wondered if there are any Discord versions/or sub groups worth checking out?
I have yet to meet a situation like mine
My mother was the same
Very abusive and crazy I’ve been putting up with this for 57 years I stopped it for about three years but went back to my mother and took her on a trip forgot how crazy having a relationship with her was and made you feel ended up back in meetings and screwing up my whole life
I wrote a comment about the reality of Withcraft, the solution in Yeshua Hamasciach and repentance, and the comment “disappears “, 👀Too close to the Truth? If anyone would like confirmation of the reality of withcraft, please see Russ Dizdar’s work on “The Black Awakening”, for a start.
Yurt hub heavily sense soars that kind of jive. I have watched 90 percent of what I say drift off.
I don't normally engage with this kind of comment, but maybe I can help you understand. This is a place of acceptance and healing. I don't think anyone here needs to be criticized or feel attacked any more than they already have been. I know that you're trying to help, but it's not the right time or place. There's so much more to take away from this podcast, and it derails the conversation to start talking about religion. It's more appropriate for a private message.
@ Sorry, witchcraft is a religion, not a philosophy. Furthermore, they were removing my comments. I will not be silenced. Have a great day.
@@lyndadoerner5341 - You are exactly right. And the most loving thing you can do for someone is to speak truthfully to them. Until they block what they don’t want to hear and when they finally learn the truth they will be mad because nobody told them. They probably tried to but someone disappeared it.