42 - BETRAYAL TRAUMA - IF YOUR PARTNER IS HAVING A SECRET LIFE YOU MIGHT HAVE BETRAYAL TRAUMA

Betrayal trauma can be caused by a spouse, partner, friend or a family member.
It is easy to forgive an enemy then a friend . Why? because you feel more pain when it is caused by a loved one.
If you find out that your partner is having a secret second life you will be shock. This doesn't necessarily have to be an affair. It can be financial secrets as well. Like hiding money or real estate.
When you are in a situation like this you have 2 options. Stay with that person and work on the issue or leave. In either case you should be the one to make the decision.
Often friends or family cant be objective about these subjects. Naturally they tend to be on your side and give subjective suggestions.
I highly recommend to take slow steps and get professional help.
And remember,
Trauma equals Disconnect
Healing equals Reconnect
Please stay Connected
Dr. Karol Darsa, Psy.D.
[phone]
karoldarsa.com/
To purchase "The Trauma Map" Book
www.amazon.com/Trauma-Map-Ste...
If you need professional help, please feel free to contact us at
Reconnect Integrative Trauma Treatment Center
www.reconnectcenter.com/
[phone]
881 Alma Real Drive, Suite 311
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
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Lonely Fish by Sascha Ende
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Music: Retreat - Jason Farnham • Retreat - Jason Farnha...
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#trauma #healing #therapy

[@sandraredmond4812]

Thank you for your videos. They all address the aftermath. But in my case it’s been a long time - over 20 years since the disclosure. At the time I was a mess but sadly i did not seek therapy and there was no you tube . I stuffed down my feelings as I had 2 small children and had left my career to care for them and we were living in a new city. I felt powerless. And then I got pregnant less than 2 years after the disclosure when I was still a mess. for the next 20 years I immersed myself in raising my children. Now as an empty nester I feel worse than ever. My husband keeps reminding me I should be over it etc etc and my inability to be over it will be the cause of our demise. I am 62. Not many people know what happened. I did tell his sister at the time as were friends. Well now i cant stand to be in the same room as her as it is so triggering. She told her other friends about it and I felt betrayed again. I feel shame I stayed. Weak and powerless. I dont want to lose all i have sacrificed for yet I feel so disrespected. I wish there was a video that I could share with my husband explaining the long term consequences of unhealed emotional wounds and ptsd from betrayal. He blames me for not getting past it. I am stuck with the shame and pain. Searching for help. Thank you

[@tityhuisman1478]

There are also therapists who are specialized in betrayaltrauma. It goes to the core of your soul. It is as you are mourning a loss. It causes much grief.

[@user-hu5fd4ck1v]

I was betrayed by my wife of 31 years, 2 to 3 affairs per week until she discarded me due to what she said was a loss of my legs, didn't want to be with a gimp. The divorce lasted a year then she slept with my best friend of 35 years shortly after about 2 weeks ago. I'm dealing with a double trauma betrayal and loss of feet. She did a smear campaign and am totally alone now.

[@mohagedi6539]

That's huge shock I wish to get better person soon

[@CherylSimon-ij2db]

I am so very sorry that your wife turned her back on you when you needed her the most. Marriage is intended to last a lifetime. She most definitely did not what she vowed to do when y’all got married. “In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, in good and in bad, til death do you part”. She failed you on just about every vow she made. Not sure if you are a man of faith or not, but you need to lean on God now. It’s your only hope. I see you posted this 7 months ago so your heart is still so very raw. God loves you and he sees all. He knows every intention in everyone’s heart. It will take a lot of time to heal your heart and it does not help things with your best friend turning his back on you either. I too was cheated on. I found out my husband was in a 2 1/2 yr affair with a girl the same age as our youngest daughter. We had been married for 38 years at the time. In a few weeks after I found out that he had 2 additional lengthy affairs all in the span of 13 years. So I was dealing with not only 1 affair, but 3 affairs at the same time. Betrayal trauma is very real. It does something physical to our brains. Once a person reaches a certain number of traumas, our brains “break”. It depletes our immune system and results in autoimmune diseases. I’ve had Bell’s Palsy twice and it is not fun. It looks similar to a what a stroke does to a person’s face. I ended up with a droopy eye and a half smile. Some people recover completely but in some cases it doesn’t. My husband’s secret sin life was revealed over 8 years ago and I still struggle very much. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD, depression, anxiety and eventually had panic attacks and can’t leave my home. I stayed in the marriage but I never could overcome the betrayals. Everyone deals with things differently and every person has their own unique situation. We have been married for 46 yrs now. We have a beautiful family with 3 children and 4 precious grandchildren. I am a woman of strong faith and I chose to keep my family together. I am still angry. To everyone outside of my home thinks I am the one with the problem and my husband is enjoying his life. Church was a huge part of our lives. I have not been to church in years but my husband goes to church faithfully. I refuse to go to church as a couple because that would make me a hypocrite because we are no longer “one”. It’s a very long story but gradually over the past 3 years, my husband is rejecting me sexually. He has had problems with erectile dysfunction for years. He blames me for his condition so he is no longer sexually attracted to me and has said he does not want to have a sexual relationship with me. I was rejected by him for almost 20 years. He was unfaithful for at least 13 years and is now still rejecting me. It angers me because he blames me for the things he has done. It’s really messed up bad!! I want to scream it at the top of my lungs. No one understands how I feel. Until a person has been through a betrayal, there is no way for them to truly empathize and really “get it”. You are not alone. It’s so hard to forgive and move on. You actually had no choice because your wife made the decision for you. She left and divorced you at the worst time of your life. I will pray for you. My heart broke into a million pieces when I read your comment. I pray that God gives you the strength and courage to go on with your life. I’m so very sorry and you most definitely have been damaged both physically and emotionally. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@MaryKoepkeFields]

yikes . . . this is odd