Dang it's crazy people are mad that an autistic person is tryna explain that autism is a spectrum and just wants more people to question things openly to be helpful.
@@Evirthewarrior You may be right but then again maybe not. Honestly, everybody experiences autism differently and she might be talking about what worked for her and people she knows. So I can't know for sure. All I can say in my case, that this particular video helped me because yes, I know social cues. I do well in social settings. I don't like parties in general. I learned communication skills, active listening skills and non-verbal communication that's why I do well in social settings before I even knew I was autistic. I thought I was just very insecure and anxious. I have been officially diagnosed by a Psychiatrist who specializes in Autism. Plus, there are some things about how I show autism that isn't stereotypical at all and I still got a diagnosis. So there is merit to what she's saying at least in my case.
@@Evirthewarrior Oh I'm aware that there people that do that. I don't like it either. I don't know if this person is faking or it's real. I just found this particular video helpful for me. You said something that made me think. If people are trying to belong to a group, wouldn't make them lonely? Loneliness can cause mental illness. If they are lying about having a disorder or illness to garner attention, isn't that an illness itself either pathological lying disorder or Munchausen syndrome? I'm sorry, I'm going down the rabbit hole with my thoughts and theories.
i’d also just like to add, being self-diagnosed is also valid as long as you have actually done research! like, one or two youtube videos is not enough, but reading several sites and talking to other people with ADHD may be. Getting diagnosed in some places (ahem US) can be really hard and expensive, and it’s not an option for everyone.
I have depression and some days it truly feels like I can’t leave the bed. My family said “You’d leave the house if it was on fire. So you can absolutely get out of bed.” Thankfully a few years later, one of them said “Well, I can imagine that living life like your house is on fire every day can be a bit stressful…” and they have been noticeably more empathetic.
Same thing with time management: you'd be on time if your life depended on it! Is how I ended up hyperventilating until I got tunnel vision e very time I was running late, because the only way I could get out the door was convince myself my life depends on it
@@PrincessNinja007 I feel that. I have depression as well and I struggle taking care of myself, doing the most basic things, and I'm always late everywhere. I've tried all sorts of alarms, even the ones you have to get up and do something to turn them on, but if I don't sense a threat, the struggle remains. I got used yo blaring sounds of alarms and vibrations, even within a couple of days only, and doing so poorly on such a basic thing makes me feel even more unmotivated then I already, and the issue just spirals out of control
@@starlight8115I feel that. While alarm sounds, especially the extra loud ones are a threat for me and I doubt I could get used to them, if I were truly in a state where I couldn't get out of bed, I probably wouldn't do it even if my home was on fire... Not fast enough, at least, to protect myself from some degree of carbon monoxide poisoning.
I had to go through many alarms and went with the one that gave me the most anxiety so I can have a bit of a jolt to wake up to and not fall back to sleep. I hate that I'll wake up pretty scared sometimes and shaking that I just sit there until it goes away. And then I get late to work, but I don't get much anxiety about being late anymore.
i feel like autistic people need to hear this more than neurotypicals cos there's a little bit of a mental illness/handicap gatekeeping problem. it's like if you're not a walking stereotype putting your symptoms on display like a walking austistic parade float, youre not actually autistic. likewise, people who think theyre autistic but dont have the stereotypical symptoms start to mimick them to try and validate their autism, it often comes off as exaggerated. in general you dont need to be an extreme case, and you dont have to have all the stereotypical symptoms to have a mental disorder or handicap. if youre not having panic attacks in class that doesnt mean you dont have a panic disorder. if youre not constantly quiet and mysterious, that doesnt mean you dont have depression. some people hide their symptoms so well you'd have no idea anything was going on inside.
What if do often have panic attacks in class and I'm quiet and have no irl friends (have been called mute before) but when I'm in therapy I gaslight myself into thinking I'm faking it and pretend my symptoms are lighter than they actually are?
@@ice_pls idk im not a therapist, just explaining things from the perspective of someone who is constantly invalidated for their mental handicaps/illnesses because im not a walking aesthetic
@@aniolkaharmonia Ig, just never met someone who I've seen exaggerate their symptoms to a noticeable degree but I've been told I'm faking and exaggerating mine all my life. Mental disorder isn't an asthetic, but people seem to gatekeep it? Like ohh your not actually autistic because you "insert insignificant thing"
@@ice_plsyou've made the first step by recognising that you gaslight yourself in therapy, and when you're feeling less vulnerable try to be honest with your therapist about the fact that you'll likely people please and gaslight (or make things sound better than they are). I say this as someone who wanted to 'please' my therapist by being 'well' or by 'getting better' and so never actually got what I needed out of therapy and wasted my time. If youre able to get therapy, you really do want to make sure you're actually getting what YOU need to get out of it.
Exactly! Masking is very common because of stigmas around mental disabilities. I do think this would be beneficial for neurological and allistic people to hear tho because they're the ones that tend to shame people for "not being autistic enough" because they're usually high masking and low support, but are having a bad day.
fr if i don't like the texture i don't buy it so that problem doesn't exist for me & since i was little, me & my mum cut off & unpicked all my labels 🙈 i still continue to do that to this day. 10/10 would recommend 👍
This. I can go to parties. I even enjoy them most times. I can be really sociable and even had everyone thinking I was an extrovert. The problem? Any time I was at a social event for more than 2 hours, I'd be exhausted *to my core* by the time I got home. 3 hours, and I'd basically stop speaking unless spoken to. 4 hours? Headache. Without fail. Most of the time, I don't even realize I'm masking. The only exception is close friends.
What a refreshing perspective. I have a lot of guilt self diagnosing as ASD. (My uncle and sister both have been diagnosed). I can do all those things. I did for a long time. Now I can’t and it’s more than just work burnout. My sister is ASD and she needs more living accommodations. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 and now I’m finally on ADHD meds (less than a year). I can see all the ways I created systems for myself/ masked well enough. I was telling myself I had to be the “independent” child that “made it”. I was supposed to be the one helping and not needing help. I’m very thankful for my ability to provide for myself this far, move out, put myself through college, buy a home. It’s all falling apart now because I didn’t take my time. Thankfully therapy, medication and a support system has been there for me through this journey.
Can relate completely to this, my brother is diagnosed with adhd and autism, I'm currently not formally diagnosed with anything, but multiple cousins are also diagnosed with autism and or adhd. And yeah, completely relate to what you're saying. I was the older sister who got a 2.1 at university and is the only one so far out of my siblings to live independently, and I find it super hard to ask for help.
Same - we had two people at our wedding with a dinner afterwards but no reception and I was still so anxious, I'm so glad we didn't listen to everyone trying to pressure us to have a big do coz I really enjoyed it once the actual official part was over
Oohh hubby's family demanded a full proper wedding but thankfully it was the pandemic so we had a small ceremony went for photos, then hubby and i went for dinner ourselves. His fam still organized a small get-together coz they insist on such things (...they have no idea he's introverted, possibly autistic, and gets tired too fron such things). We swung by to say hi briefly, but no way could i stay. We had a formal reception half a yr later once the pandemic restrictions let up 🤣 Breaking the wedding day up into smaller chunks was a massive benefit.
My mom's perspective USED TO BE just like the first part regarding me and my behavior. Then, idk if it was RUclips or tiktok, or maybe just me, she stopped thinking "she can't be autistic because she can do x thing" and started thinking "she can do x thing, but only if she has/does this thing" It was the same with ADHD for a while, but we're getting an official diagnosis on my stuffs soon. I had to do the reverse with depression, too, tbh. Went from "I have to be depressed because x" to "am I depressed or is x a normal thing to be sad/upset about?" Gradually learned that my depression only ever came around certain days/events, (deaths of loved ones, days that were emotionally devastating for me, events that forced me around people that mistreated me, etc). I'm glad to finally have a way to phrase the transition ❤
I have severe anxiety. I was actually diagnosed with GAD, which is one of the worst anxiety disorders there is. I went to a substance use treatment and my counselor took some of us to a speakers' jam, which was overwhelming for me. I'm also totally blind, and loud noises overwhelm me, especially that I can bearely hear out of one ear. I told my counselor that I needed the restroom, and he took me to a lady he knew, but she started touching me with this overprotectiveness people generally have when they see me with a white cane, and I freaked out. I felt so invaded and scared I stepped back so fast, which scared the poor woman. I don't remember this, but my counselor swears I screamed his name until I found him. I ended up having to stay outside halfway through and later had a panic attack. My roommate told me that if she diddn't know better, she'd thought I was having a seizure. Thankfully she was able to give me my Ativan and I was off sleeping in ten minutes. I see a lot of autism-related content and I wonder if I would fit on it. I have to have a system for everything. I don't think people realize how taxing simple things are to some of us. P.S.: I shouldn't have to put this as a disclaimer every time, but I use a screen reader to type comments, so that's how I am writing this when I'm blind. I really should stop saying this, but people can be so stupid.
This can be so challenging in my experience as 1: trauma, physical disabilities as well as neurodivergency/invisible or mental disabilities can have so much overlap that we can relate to each other even when we don't have the same condition or conditions; 2: At the same time, there are so many comorbidities, I am sometimes stumped to find how often a person has a whole host of conditions. 3: In short, both can be true at the same time. I may relate to someone despite our conditions not being the same; or I may relate because we have the same experience (with the same condition). I enjoyed reading your comment; it was very well written. And I wish you all the best on your journey, wherever it may go❣️😊
I’m hesitant to trust any algorithm diagnosis but this is getting ridiculous how much audhd content relates to and helps me. Whatever works works, I don’t need to know definitively, but stilllll
I am autistic and I can go to parties under specific circumstances. If it’s a party where I know everyone and no one will complain I leave early, great. If it’s an alternative model or Pride event and I have a safe person, absolutely. If I know the people there won’t judge me for my lack of alcohol drinking if I’m not in the mood for it, brilliant. But if I don’t know at least one person there and more than six others will be there, no way. If I’m already overstimulated or feeling depressed or anxious, hell no. If I know the people going will be going overboard and will likely get too drunk to understand their actions, nope. If I know anyone is going who is a mean or aggressive drunk, never. If anyone who’s going has ever pushed my boundaries and my safe person isn’t there, that person better hope I don’t go
i’ve been diagnosed with autism since I was 10 years old through some stroke of enormous luck (I don’t know how I got assessed so fast when the waiting lists in the uk are years long) and I have had imposters syndrome about it constantly, despite literally being diagnosed, and I honestly wish i’d found this type of thinking sooner because changing ‘can’ to ‘find it easy to’ is such a fantastic way of deciphering it I *can* go to parties but do I find it easy? fuck no I don’t, and I usually have a meltdown afterwards from the stress thank you so much for presenting me with this phrasing because I am going to be using it forever
It's never been easy it was all just always expected of me. Because I was extremely verbal they thought I had no possibility of neurodivergence. I lived up to the standard of I must be fine. Only to realise 20 years later these things would never be so hard were I neurotypical. Thank you for raising awareness so others can find out the truth of themselves sooner and hopefully suffer less.
I'm not autistic but I am proud of myself because I just started doing teenage shit. I'm 21 and never did anything as a teenager that's typical, I used to say I didn't want to but that was my brain making it up because I was scared to. Now I feel that splitting off my brain and went to my first party with my brother and it was cool. Didn't know i was scared of social all my life u til maybe 15 I realized I'm not growing out of it like everyone else. I studied that and self cured a few underlying issues (don't see therapy or doc because that implies I have social anxiety, which will make my brain think it has social anxiety). So now I'm doing better and better and have a presentation about AI and some ones about job interviews and whoopee. I been thru the whole social media mental health thing before realizing there'd a difference between acting autistic due to having autism and acting autistic due to external factors telling you these behaviors are autistic. It's a bad trap (called social contagion) that almost got me but I know now.
Yes! This is how I was finally able to realize that I’m autistic! I realized I had just gotten extremely good at masking and coping, and that as a woman my presentation isn’t what I was taught about in school 20 years ago. It wasn’t until my CPTSD made all these little things that really bothered me as a kid start to really bother me again and my coping mechanisms were just thrown off, so I noticed so many more traits. Things that I’ve learned in the last 5 years are common for autistic women. It’s been really empowering because I have started accommodating myself more often, instead of just powering through the “normal” way. Like, I have always hated washing dishes, but if I wear gloves, and don’t fill the sink with water, it’s so much less awful. I just was told to get over it when so hated textures and sensations growing up. Knowing it’s autism makes it easier for me to work around how I am, rather than trying to fit myself into some kind of mold. If that makes sense.
This is me with concerts 😊 Some people leave a concert and feel energized, I leave conferts feeling drained, tired, and overstimulated. I don't necessarily regret going to concerts, but there are only a few concerts that i enjoyed so so much and would do again. But i would come better prepared to make it through them
This is what I didn't understand for years. I was so used to be uncomfortable and burnt out from forcing myself to do all those things without support tools, that feeling constantly drained felt normal. Now I know I'm auDHD and I'm able to use tools, systems, and adaptions to make my life easier and happier
I recently realised that i love and can handle going to clubs/raves, bc i know exactly what to expect. They're still exhausting but it's worth it. And there's many social situations i'd love to take part in (protest marches, drag shows, dance classes, pride parades..) but it's a muuuuch bigger hurdle because it's not sth i'm used to and the 'script' or 'code' there is just not familiar to me, so i'd be overwhelmed or anxious much quicker. Not that i should hold myself back from trying new things, but yeah. I'm very glad to see ppl highlight this sort of stuff.
Thank you SO MUCH for thinking of non autistic people too. I've seen so many people lately acting like it's impossible to be allistic if you do ANYTHING slightly different than the norm and it's genuinely harmful. As someone who was once misdiagnosed with autism as a teen and had a very hard time figuring it all out for years to come because of that, I really appreciate this approach.
I can do most of these things, but I've figured out with time they are not easy at all and it helped me respect myself more and set better boundaries. Great video!!! I love how that simple change in language makes us understand ourselves so much better
Thank you, so much. I really suffer from imposter syndrome. I'm still trying to figuring my diagnosis that I got just 3 years ago. Videos like this really help.
I think it’s also fair to say that neurotypical people can also struggle with doing these things and it doesn’t mean they’re autistic or another condition or label. Everyone struggles.
This exact thought has been kicking around my head and someone finally put it into words! Also leaving a party by eleven is three hours over time and I expect to be compensated for my time. 😉
A lot of this resonates as a person with hearing loss too. Listening fatigue is so real and needing to leave early because of it always sucked but lip reading drained my internal battery so quick despite loving being around people. But can def see how it could apply to folks across the spectrum too.
Thank you for this, just because we can do things doesn't mean we're not autistic. My psychology professor actually said none of us in the class could possibly be autistic when we discussed ASD cause everyone can hold eye contact. I was literally sitting there stimming with my fingers cause I'm trying to focus on making appropriate eye contact.
This is me fr! I hate to self diagnose but over this year I’ve found more and more stuff about me (as a kid + currently) that fits into how autism/adhd shows up on a biological girl, and this is so real!
This is something me and my therapist have been working on. For a lot of my life I just pushed things down to make myself more palatable to other people. Letting myself feel those uncomfortable feelings helps me figure out how to accommodate for them.
it’s so frustrating bc it’s so hard to be like officially diagnosed autistic when you have comorbidities. my heart goes out to anyone that can relate. please advocate for yourself, always
Yes! For example I struggle with sensory issues a lot less now then I did as a child, but much of that is just that I'm an adult now and able go choose my clothes and my food etc. I simply do not buy things I know will make me uncomfortable. It can be hard to realize too because I imagine most people have clothing textures they dislike or food they hate and would shop based on their preferences, so it can be hard to tell the difference
oh my god this made me realize so much. I've been dragging myself through parties and spending all day fighting to ignore annoying clothing items but then swearing im not autistic because "i can do it!!"
Ugh thank you for this. I’m 25 and trying to get an autism diagnosis at this age is HARD. Every day I get autism content and I struggle a lot internally about whether or not I should just give up on getting a diagnosis because like ‘well I could do this thing’ or ‘I act neurotypical sometimes’ and stuff like this makes me feel like I should keep looking for a diagnosis even if it’s not gonna happen for a while (I’m currently on a 2 year waitlist 😭) but like I can’t hold down a job, I have full on meltdowns, it is NOT easy for me to wear whatever I want but I do it because fashion is super important to me, it is not easy for me to go to parties. Like I definitely think I’m autistic but I have so much self doubt sometimes and with how hard it is to get diagnosed sometimes I just wanna give up.
Treat yourself as if you are. I know that sounds so simple and stupid but sincerely. Interact with the Actually Autistic community. Learn about how they make accommodations for themselves. About what kind of mindset shifts and changes to their life helped them better their lives. It's what I did, and it made a really big difference for me. My life is a lot more peaceful and seems more hopeful, even without a formal diagnosis. Approaching things with the "Okay. Well, I'm going to act as if I AM diagnosed.. now what? How can I help myself?" Can give you great tools. And even if you turn out to not be autistic, you still have some great tools to use, and a better frame of mind to work with. ❤ (note: the Actually Autistic community just means people who are autistic themselves. They ARE generally welcoming of self diagnosis. But they're trying to sort gently push against the "autism parent who knows best for autistics and is the voice for their child" by being the.. well, Actually Autistic voices.)
@@ryanmackenzie6109 thank you so much 🥺 i always feel afraid if entering spaces for autistic people because I feel like, i’m not sure how to word it but, it’s wrong for me to be there. Idk it feels like you just gave me permission to do it and I really needed to read that. Just because I can’t get a formal diagnosis doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to get help dealing with life in general. Thank you seriously 🙂
@@fugitive_ Even if you're not Autistic, a lot of Autistic people are very chill with people hanging out around them who want to learn about autism or learn how to better care for themselves. It is genuinely a really gentle and wholesome community. And I'm glad I gave you that permission. When I started falling really hard into "oh God I think I'm Autistic.." I also needed someone to give me permissions to start. But it helped me so, so much to finally make that leap. Another thing I might recommend. As you listen to stories, struggles or anecdotes from Autistic people, make yourself a list of all of the things you come across that you also experience. Either that you experienced when you were a child, or things that affect you now. Having that list did wonders for my confidence. I used to gaslight myself a lot that "well, I can't be. I don't act autistic." And it wasn't until I put it all down in writing that I realized "Oh.. No, I DO act autistic." It gave me more peace of mind that I had my own little list of things that gave me "proof" of why I was hanging out in the community. It's also a fantastic tool to be able to bring to your diagnosis appointment to be able to say "this is why I think I'm autistic." Lastly. You'll come across a lot of content about unmasking. I am going to share the most crucial information I received about it. Do not try to unmask by taking things away from your life. If you just try to peel of the neurotypical mask, you will be left feeling empty. Instead, fill your life with things that bring you joy. Hobbies, interests, stimming, all the little "weird" things you were scared to enjoy because it wasn't "normal." The mask will fall away more naturally if you take good things into your life, than if you try to push the bad things out. Think of the mask as a wall that keeps the autism OUT instead of holding it in. You can't make a personality from nothing, so give yourself good things. I wish you so, so much luck on your journey. 💜
@@fugitive_ It was some of th best advice I had received too. I'm happy I got to share it with you. And I hope you get the chance to share it with someone else, too, if it helps you. Good luck out there 💜💞
After my graduation from my master program I started feeling super anxious and overwhelmed. My husband asked me how I felt, and I couldn't explain it to him. We were listening to music and he was telling me a story and he looks over and sees me crying, and I can't explain to him why. Just that I felt super overwhelmed and anxious - there were a LOT of people, I never really got to know my class super well so I didn't have people around I was comfortable with for most of it, there was a lot of noise and a bunch of social rules and expectations I didn't understand but has to figure out. I had to do so much pretending, too! I felt awful on a day I was supposed to feel relief and pride. I told my husband "maybe I am autistic? Or just socially anxious?" Idk but that's what this video made me think of. I still don't call myself autistic, but I wouldn't mind being assessed one day.
I’m quite certain I have some form of autism, but I’m afraid to tell my doctors because I know they’re just gonna to say it’s anxiety like I’ve come in with serious life altering symptoms and they said “oh it’s just anxiety here take this blue pill that gives you borderline stomach flu“😤😤😤
Oh I feel you, sis. They did a bunch of tests on me including mri and encephalogram when I went for therapy for my anxiety, declared me a perfectionist yet neurotypical and gave me sedatives that gave me stomachaches. Never again. I know I'm on the spec but I'm scared of getting misdiagnosed if I redo the tests
@@trishasurangana2278 It’s infuriating how many people have just given up on going to the doctor because they know their concerns won’t be taken seriously doctors are the reason I’m alive, but they’re also the reason I’m suffering I wish you all the best
The “can” vs “it’s easy to” issue is why I didn’t even consider I might have autism for three years, and didn’t come to terms with it for another two after that. I’m autistic. Got an informal diagnosis via research study and everything (waiting for a formal diagnosis)
This is why i wonder everyday if im autistic or not. I can do certain stuff but i remember when i was little I literally trained myself to be able to handle these stuff that if I was 100 percent honest i wouldnt fo bc deep down i dont like to do it. Is just that im good at forcing myself to do it anyways to appear somewhat normal.
What happened to me was a misdiagnosis of ADD (which is now just a type of ADHD) because I wasn't hypoactive and the medical community didn't understand low needs autism at the time. I would get bullied and then I was told I had anger issues because I reacted when I would have a meltdown and they wouldn't stop because I'm passive and emotional and being born male in the Southern US you weren't supposed to soft and emotional Also I'm just recently able to let myself understand that I was being bullied because all I was taught about was physically violent bullying when it came to guys, like they talked about verbal bullying with girls ( I also didn't realize at the time that I was trans, didn't know trans women existed until I was 12 cause Southern US, which also didn't help me getting bullied because I've always had traditionally feminine interests and behaviors
As someone who grew up struggling in school but ended up excelling in college, graduate, and law school but with LOTS of social and situational anxiety (thinking it was just normal because I still did well) I needed to hear this. I have never been diagnosed with anything, except when I was little, my mom was told I had some type of learning disability. I don’t feel that my academic experiences nor my day to day is neurotypical, and that is ok.
People constantly assuming autistics CANNOT ADAPT is what's wild to me. We grow up learning to mask, adapt, and communicate (mostly) because we have to in order to survive.
It's very similar to the shit they used to put on enslaved peoples (and that still constitutes a lot of racism). I know that sounds intense but for real, they'd be like "Look, you cannot participate in proper society because of the colour of your skin!" to the maid who knew not only exactly how to set the table with all its fancy linen, insane cutlery and crockery for a banquet but also cooked that banquet, with seasonable produce into fashionable dishes, and served all of those dishes announcing each one with the correct French pronunciation and English translation (at least one part of which their direct enslavers would never be willing, let alone able, to accomplish, the actual work involved) The fact that they did all of that was overlooked and devalued (with regards to them, not their enslavers - with regards to them, they were praised despite doing nothing) because people focused on the colour of their skin. The fact that we're neurodivergent is overlooked because we do so many things NT people expect we can't do - therefore we couldn't be ND. It's a logical fallacy that they just insist on, like saying POCs are somehow less than because they have a different dermal melanin content. It's so stupid, and yet so pervasive. Edit: I was like "Damn, you went WIDE with that." on the re-read and I did get a bit lost. I think I was trying to reference how the system forces those being discriminated against to constantly beat their own efforts, often overcoming those of people with more privilege, while consistently having the acknowledgement of those efforts just summarily ignored, often for the direct benefit of others as opposed to the person making extreme efforts to survive.
That's why a lot of other autistic ppl could not comprehend me not being able to do the stuff they could do. Bc they can. So I must not be trying hard enough. I've had someone I helped figure out they might be autistic say "You're not the only one thats autistic" when i tried to explain that i dont under social norms around conversations and that I truly was trying, but it's a genuine point where I am not avle to function. It hurts somehow even worse when it comes from other autistic ppl that just see ppl with higher aupport needs as "not trying jard enough, bc clearly they can do it fine"
So sorry you had to go through this dearest Yuzu 😣😭😭 hoping you stay safe and your injury heals fully and any pain goes away 😭🙏🏻🤍 please please Yuzu take care and follow through closely with the after care and doctor's advice 🙏🏻⚕ be gentle with yourself and remember that both you and your beautiful skating are always loved no matter what so take care of yourself and focus on healing 🙏🏻 gentle reminder to also to eat and sleep well for faster healing and health 🤍
EXACTLY. I have a lot of guilt around self diagnosed ADHD, but my dr said he wouldnt recommend the seeking a diagnosis because im not considering medication at this time, and its GOOD that all of these videos about adhd management help. Keep in mind that most people dont consider me adhd, and i do brilliantly in all my classes. But thats come from years of all nighters, ridiculous amounts of caffeiene, stressing to the point of literally having an allergic reaction to the stress, doubt, guilt, and self loathing But some people would still say im not adhd, becaue i CAN succeed at uni
This is @ my younger self who would come home from school or events and have to nap or rest for a couple hours. Or more specific to the event side, I'd come home and have to cry because I was overwhelmed. I didn't even know WHY I was overwhelmed, but now I do, and I can avoid it now
I am slowly coming to terms with tbe fact that I might be autistic as well as adhd. In fact, I am finding out that the reason I never thought I was even though I never felt like I quite fit in with society, is that I diagnosed autism and adhd is thick in my family. The things that makes me feel different than everyone else is just normal in my family. Both sides of my family, maternal and paternal. BTW I know of 8 family members officially diagnosed. And at least one great grandparent that would have been. After my youngest was diagnosed at 7 and I learned more and more about autism, I saw it in my kids father before I finally admitted I might be as well. Like heavy denial that my rocking while talking to people was just general fidgetting and not stemming. I am not info dumping I just like to make sure those I am talking too fully understands what I am talking about with no miscommunication. It is normal to prefer to go bearfoot cause shoes pinch or feel trapped in firm fitting clothes. Baggy clothes that allow full movement or clothes with very liitle to it like spaghetti strapped tank tops just feel better. Doesn't everyone need to be comfortable in their clothes to function and think?
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for saying this. I'm seeking a diagnosis but have a lot doubts that it would be the correct diagnosis, but you're so right! I can do most of those things, but I haven't always and was forced to find systems. Even if I'm not autistic, it's very validating to hear someone syruggle with those things and not feel guilty for it not being easy ❤❤ I only ever considered I could be autistic is because of listening and relating to videos of wonderful people like you talking about your experience
I think this is one of the (many) reasons why my ADHD diagnosis came so late. I was able to adapt and get around in life because other people allowed me to be what I needed to be until some people came into my life who wouldn't.
I can read tone, body language, facial expressions and emulate them. As a child, i had an extensive notebook on tone expression because being called by my primary abuser and showing up with a smile would get me beaten for not knowing i was in trouble. So i learned how. Like self taught, all this, as a second language. To survive. Linguistics is still my special interest. But i wonder what it might have been if it didn't have to be.
i leave parties early because there are too many people, they're too loud and i can hear them over my music, they try and talk to me too much, or they're crowding around me too much (meaning to or not) social gatherings full of strangers is so stressful, if it's me and a couple friends i can bare with it a little longer and can actually enjoy quite a bit of time spent with them
I loved going to parties, especially before I was diagnosed. I've almost never had close inner circle type friends, but I've had A LOT of mid circle and tertiary circle friends so it was my way of getting my social needs met. People loved my mask when I was drinking, and my sense of humor landed better when other people were drinking. (I always win roasts but day to day people tell me i'm being mean when I'm joking and I've never been able to find the right delivery.) I've observed myself since becoming diagnosed though, and I use a lot of coping mechanisms. Also my instinct to Irish goodbye is semi notorius. lol
The safe person and time thing is very true for me. I cannot go if I don’t have one of my best friends and I get distressed if I don’t leave by a certain time before hand. I also cannot do much before a party in order to save my energy and social battery because I know it will take so much out of me
another point to note is that high functioning autism can make it easy to do neurotypical things. just because you dont fit any stereotypes, it doesnt mean you cant be autistic
When I was masking I used to be the life of the party - I was the girl everyone invited because I made the party happen. After I stopped masking I couldn't stand crowds or socialising with so many people at once. Now the idea of going to a party freaks me out. I realised my 'system' had been to push through and get blind drunk. Now that I don't force myself to push through painful situations and I've stopped drinking, I'd rather stay at home binge watching and snuggling my cat
My therapist recently told me something that stuck with me which is that there is a lot of crossover when ur not neurotypical. Cause the thought of another diagnosis stressed me out but so did me definitely realizing adhd content and certain autism spectrum elements applied to me. So now I say bipolar is just having depression with a sprinkle of adhd, I say JOKINGLY. But it’s funny kindof how close this is tbh. And how when I forget to say it as a joke it plays off. But like I got a bunch of different behavior than neurotypicals that I DO then need to plan in advance or replan around. Now added to by my chronic pain. Which is another oh yeah I can dance all night hard. But I will need at least one and maybe two days of absolute pain that makes me feel like I am shattering and breaking apart afterwards. And I might fall down a lot the next day.
This exact thing is why I'm still reeling with the newfound diagnosis 😭 so many years of gaslighting myself out of even CONSIDERING it and now here I am making sense of my whole life bc one single counselor said "hey I wonder if you're on the spectrum" 😭❤️
@@Blewlongmun Do explain? like what strain? I'm autistic and use medical MJ specifically indica for pain and sleep. When I was in college, there was this strain that seriously gave me energy and I felt that I can conquer the world. I don't know which strain that was. I wish I know. I need to be careful because I've tried some that gave me anxiety beyond belief. I though that aliens are coming to invade earth lol and I though my friend was warping to be a ghoul. I freaked out. hahahaha..
@@GirlieAndroid I mean I'll smoke any strain, I say we should talk about it more because I'm sure a professional study could find a more proper answer. I've heard high terpenes is better for anxiety, I tend to like sativa more because I think it helps with executive disfunction a little and being tired makes me stressed. I got the BOGO sail on AuDHD too so that changes things as well.
I always assumed I couldn’t be because I work in retail and can do small talk and understand social cues and I get embarrassed when people around me break or don’t notice social cues and norms (which is probably a part of my autism lol) but when I think about it it took me so many years of forcing myself to learn small talk and my whole life of trying to mask and fit in to learn social norms and cues and even still I end up leaving awkward silences or can’t pick up on some things or over think some cues that aren’t even cues but are what I’m used to being cues but the person doing it didn’t realize they were doing it so while I can seem to easily make eye contact while listening (I can’t maintain it while talking) it’s not easy at all I’m in my own head screaming “I hate this just look away! Do they think I’m weird? Is this too much eye contact??” Which my first therapist I mentioned I thought I might be autistic and she hit me with the combo breaker “you can’t be autistic you’ve been making eye contact with me and my 5 year old son had autism and I can tell you don’t have it” word for word I didn’t think that stereotype was as accurate as it actually is let’s just say I did not see her again
I'm pretty sure that the only reason why my understanding of most social cues doesn't end me in trouble often is because I keep quiet a lot and I can empathize a ton. So either I stay a bystander or I think of how I would be in a situation and how their actions might line up with that and I happen to get it at least close enough to skate by most of the time.
I talked to my psychiatrist and she was telling me she didn't think I was based on our interactions, BUT, she also said that I could just be EXTREMELY good and adapt at masking 🙃🙃🙃 and then asked if I wanted to get tested. And honestly, I think I'd rather NOT know..
For me it’s sarcasm. I have always struggled with knowing when someone is being sarcastic or having a joke with me and I am always told “you take everything too literally/seriously” but when I try to make a joke or talk sarcasticly, everyone takes ME seriously, what am I doing wrong? I thought I got it now but clearly I don’t
I think those are just preferences. there's another step to the thought process that you're having that is how you actually determine this. not liking loud noises is not that uncommon. it's what happens if you stay in a location that's loud. are you eventually unable to speak, do u cry for no reason, do you get unjustifiably angry. any one of those is a pretty good indicator that you can be overloaded by sounds, which on its own still doesn't mean you're autistic but it is a point in that direction. with social interaction, when you go to a party are you able to have conversations in groups of more than one person, more than two people if one person is the best friend that you went with. autistic people can't read social cues because they can't read body language. knowing when to talk and being able to perceive the thread of a conversation and match the pace and things like that is done with body language and tone, and autistic people can't process words being said while processing the body language and the tone. in brain scans when they're listening to someone talk, their brain is like lit up and focused on that and The parts that would normally be dedicated to some emotional processing are not activated , not activated to the same degree . if you're having a one-on-one conversation it's much easier to track those things simultaneously, and the other person will be signaling only to you. people subconsciously will make conversational signals more obvious or less obvious based on whether or not the person who should be receiving them appears to be receiving them. if it's not obvious you're receiving them without a trying they'll make their signals more obvious. But in a big group people aren't paying attention specifically to you the dominating vibe is going to be coming from the average person so you'll get confused and lost and not know when to talk how long you should talk for, what the thread of the conversation is. I started to notice when I started speaking which wasn't until I was in college that I didn't know where the line was between appropriate and inappropriate things to say and I would frequently take conversations too far. And for a long time in my life I had already been using that behavior as a way to be funny. But if you find that you are like compulsively going too far in a conversation you never know where that line is, that is a symptom of a lot of things including just being imature but It can be a symptom of autism. also obsessions. most people have obsessions when they're kids but most adults really don't. if you retain an obsession or frequently get obsessed with something for a period of a few months or more, that's another potential sign, especially if during one of your obsessions you basically get mad if anytime that you feel should be dedicated to the obsession is taken by something else or even the suggestion of that. also people say they listen to the same song when they find a new song that they love. I thought then that I was doing that in the same way and one time I told someone that I had listened to the same song like literally on repeat every hour of everyday for about 3 weeks and had heard it thousands of times and I realized that that's not what they were talking about. so fixations like that is another really obvious sign. if you just don't like loud noises and you don't like big groups and you prefer a certain clothes you're not autistic that's just your personality and that's fine and pretty normal.
This is also why most of us withblow support needs and who are NT passing get 0 help. "You don't behave autistic", yeah, no because I'm masking the hell out if it roght now. So many times I did all the "normal" things and then went home and cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand that Im actually autistic until I was in my 40s. 2/3 of my family, including extended family, have AuDHD diagnoses. My son is AuDHD. Why would I be the only one not being ND? It all makes so much more sense now. Why I can't do certain things like create routines and folkow them, why I get really upset by unexpected stuff or things don't go as planned, why I feel weird maintaining eye contact, why loud places and crowds make my skin crawl, why certain foods makes me gag and so much more. Especially the hyperfixation bit where I forget to eat and sleep for days.
I relate, and have been assessed twice (they said no on grounds of i was smart.) but like...i like parties. even alone, or if they're loud. i actually enjoy that stuff.
Over the years I find myself happier I. My own company and find big social events a bother and more draining. It’s got to the point I rarely hang out with anyone except family and they barely come too which I find relieving over time 😅
I don't know. That's the simple answer. The parties I have been to have taught me that I don't enjoy any of the activities of a party. I don't like drinking, it's nasty. I don't enjoy the music because the bass is so loud it's just booming, not music. I don't like dancing, especially not drunk because the room is already spinning, so I don't need to add more motion. The one thing I DO like is the company. Everyone else is having a good time and talking/laughing. Some are telling stories, and that part is great. I can't tell if I'm just like this or if I have problems. I think it's just a personality thing.
Its was always easy for me to go to parties as a teenager. But thats because i lived in a small rural town, Rural to the point larger ones the police knew about and even had unofficial aid from teachers in planning to make sure we stayed safe, networkibg for rides, (one time we even got to borrow the theatre departments light and music equipment. Literally everyone knew eachother or at the very least everyone at these were friends with multiple people you knew. Meaning you could talk to anyone. And for the most part everyone took care of eachother ridesharing, or providing water and checking in on those who passed out ect. And the rare bad apples were shunned immediately after smth would happen. Turns out, after highschool parties aren't really like that as often anymore lol. And sure you dint have to worry about illegal drinking. But i didnt realize *just* how overstimulating parties are when you're surrounded by people you know, and in a rural enough area you can step out when the musics too much. And stull have people to talk to. I barely party anymore. Or go to bars or clubs. Because they're consistently too much. Tho i will admit i understand why people smoke now. I dont personally but going out to the smoking area at certain events or clubs is the closest you can get to that feeling without the constant overstimulation. Unrelated why tf do clubs play the music so loud. Like i should be able to have a conversation with someone 2 inches from me without having to yell into their ear. (In the quiet area)
When I was little, I would tap out at family events early and hide in my grandmas office. People would come up to see me so I could 'still be included'. But not my grandma and grandpa. They were my safe space of quiet. I learned from family to mask so had I didn't learn I was autistic until a year ago. I'm 40. I miss my grandma and grandpa. I think deep down they were the only grownups who saw me as I was.
I appreciate this video so much. I was just thinking about this the other day and realized that while yes I can do those things, I don’t because the toll it takes on me mentally isn’t worth it.
Im hella autistic and went to parties my whole teenage life and still love to go to concerts and parties. I cant wear all clothes, but my closet is full of clothes i CAN wear comfortably. And it expands! I never liked crop tops till the past few years! I leave events earlier because i respect my needs better! But i am soooooo autistic and I do struggle with it!
Parties have given me anxiety since I was a tiny child. Always hated them, but always dragged to them by my family. It sucks the worst when there was food I liked there. I could never eat it because I felt too nauseous just being there.
I relate to so much autistic content overall but there is certain things that resonate with my childhood that are almost obsolete now bc masking dampened quite a few of my symptoms. Like I've only ever had one safe food my entire life and it's been my regular meal almost everyday for my entire life bc of my sensory issues with food. I have major sensory issues with clothes as well, but it was WAY worse as a kid. I wore only leggings most of my childhood bc denim genuinely made me lose my mind and when I finally found a pair I liked I wore only that so much it had holes in the knees from one side seam to the other. I would have explosive "tantrums" in stores when dragged to go clothes shopping and now as an adult I realize I was literally having autistic meltdowns from overstimulation being taken into malls and shops and forced to try on clothes that made me want to rip my skin off all while my abusive mother yelled at me. Now most clothes I can basically go numb to, I scratch at tags or I pull at my crotch in jeans or I fix the seam on my socks but usually I don't even notice it anymore bc I got so used to forcing myself to deal with it. Lately as I've been unmasking and trying to pay attention to my symptoms and what's causing me distress I've noticed I have a lot more reactions to clothes than I give myself credit for bc I got so used to forcing myself. Now I put on a shirt and the armpits are a little too tight that day or the texture of it on my skin is just too distracting or it somehow feels way too hot and I realize oop sensory issues!!! Sensory issues!! Change into something that won't make you lose it in 3 hours. Basically that's just one example for me of how I'm already very stereotypically autistic (for a woman) but there are few outliers where I've learned it's all because of masking, not bc I personally am okay with those things
Yeah I got diagnosed as a 54 year old and I always wondered why if I went to a party or social gathering I had to drink alcohol, if I didn’t I only wanted to stay there for a couple of hours max.
This topic has always been weird for me because I relate to so many autistic people, on and off the internet, and fit almost every stereotype, but when I got tested I was told I didn’t have it. I’ve kind of just gone with it and explained it off as adhd, but I have family members who still think I got a false diagnosis. I don’t really care because the only reason I wanted to know was so that I could learn how to properly care for myself in work/school/stressful environments.
I think I had a terrible idea of my capacity to handle social situations (especially parties) for years because I'd bury my discomfort under substances. If you're hammered, you don't notice the deeply awkward interactions, how you're fawning, how drained you are, none of it. In retrospect I mostly wasn't having a good time, I was getting through it and suffering later; when you're having a meltdown at a music festival where everyone else is having a good time, you start to pay attention ❤
exactly ! it took me forever to realise that my answers are overgeneralisations & my answers ARE black & white thinking ... e.g. yes i CAN go to a party. do i have a a very specific routine & system that i need to complete otherwise i'm unable to go? yes, but i AM able to go like 75% of the time & i have been to parties before. yes, i have to leave early, am exhausted & have migraines for days after BUT i AM able to go. my favourite was another autistic creator talking about "black & white thinking". like yes i sometimes get confused by phrases & sarcasm & tone & social cues but i don't ALWAYS get confused, 24/7, every single second of every day, so the answer is no ... but my answer is an overgeneralisation & perfect example of black & white thinking, it's ironic, a lil sad & quite a bit funny, i am also embarrassed i didn't pick up on the fact i do this sooner. i would joke to my friends & family "yeah but i don't THINK in black & white, i think in colour so i can't possibly have black & white thinking ... " hope my ramble made some sense ! if it doesn't don't worry ! thank you for your video ! new subscriber ♡
If you are in Ontario, Canada, I'd be able to guide you to get a diagnosis for free and yes, Autism and social anxiety and anxiety in general can definitely overlap and so can ADHD as well all at once. I am diagnosed with Autism and General Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. I might have ADHD as well. It's fun (I say sarcastically)
Dang it's crazy people are mad that an autistic person is tryna explain that autism is a spectrum and just wants more people to question things openly to be helpful.
I'm a diagnosed autistic person and I found this video help me with my imposter syndrome.
@@Evirthewarrior You may be right but then again maybe not. Honestly, everybody experiences autism differently and she might be talking about what worked for her and people she knows. So I can't know for sure. All I can say in my case, that this particular video helped me because yes, I know social cues. I do well in social settings. I don't like parties in general. I learned communication skills, active listening skills and non-verbal communication that's why I do well in social settings before I even knew I was autistic. I thought I was just very insecure and anxious. I have been officially diagnosed by a Psychiatrist who specializes in Autism. Plus, there are some things about how I show autism that isn't stereotypical at all and I still got a diagnosis. So there is merit to what she's saying at least in my case.
@@Evirthewarrior Oh I'm aware that there people that do that. I don't like it either. I don't know if this person is faking or it's real. I just found this particular video helpful for me.
You said something that made me think. If people are trying to belong to a group, wouldn't make them lonely? Loneliness can cause mental illness. If they are lying about having a disorder or illness to garner attention, isn't that an illness itself either pathological lying disorder or Munchausen syndrome?
I'm sorry, I'm going down the rabbit hole with my thoughts and theories.
i’d also just like to add, being self-diagnosed is also valid as long as you have actually done research! like, one or two youtube videos is not enough, but reading several sites and talking to other people with ADHD may be. Getting diagnosed in some places (ahem US) can be really hard and expensive, and it’s not an option for everyone.
@@Evirthewarrior that’s a pretty rude and invalidating thing to say. why do you feel that way?
I have depression and some days it truly feels like I can’t leave the bed. My family said “You’d leave the house if it was on fire. So you can absolutely get out of bed.”
Thankfully a few years later, one of them said “Well, I can imagine that living life like your house is on fire every day can be a bit stressful…” and they have been noticeably more empathetic.
Same thing with time management: you'd be on time if your life depended on it! Is how I ended up hyperventilating until I got tunnel vision e very time I was running late, because the only way I could get out the door was convince myself my life depends on it
@@PrincessNinja007 I feel that. I have depression as well and I struggle taking care of myself, doing the most basic things, and I'm always late everywhere. I've tried all sorts of alarms, even the ones you have to get up and do something to turn them on, but if I don't sense a threat, the struggle remains. I got used yo blaring sounds of alarms and vibrations, even within a couple of days only, and doing so poorly on such a basic thing makes me feel even more unmotivated then I already, and the issue just spirals out of control
@@starlight8115I feel that. While alarm sounds, especially the extra loud ones are a threat for me and I doubt I could get used to them, if I were truly in a state where I couldn't get out of bed, I probably wouldn't do it even if my home was on fire... Not fast enough, at least, to protect myself from some degree of carbon monoxide poisoning.
I had to go through many alarms and went with the one that gave me the most anxiety so I can have a bit of a jolt to wake up to and not fall back to sleep. I hate that I'll wake up pretty scared sometimes and shaking that I just sit there until it goes away. And then I get late to work, but I don't get much anxiety about being late anymore.
@@PrincessNinja007 ty for sharing bc reading u was v validating♡
i feel like autistic people need to hear this more than neurotypicals cos there's a little bit of a mental illness/handicap gatekeeping problem. it's like if you're not a walking stereotype putting your symptoms on display like a walking austistic parade float, youre not actually autistic.
likewise, people who think theyre autistic but dont have the stereotypical symptoms start to mimick them to try and validate their autism, it often comes off as exaggerated.
in general you dont need to be an extreme case, and you dont have to have all the stereotypical symptoms to have a mental disorder or handicap. if youre not having panic attacks in class that doesnt mean you dont have a panic disorder. if youre not constantly quiet and mysterious, that doesnt mean you dont have depression. some people hide their symptoms so well you'd have no idea anything was going on inside.
What if do often have panic attacks in class and I'm quiet and have no irl friends (have been called mute before) but when I'm in therapy I gaslight myself into thinking I'm faking it and pretend my symptoms are lighter than they actually are?
@@ice_pls idk im not a therapist, just explaining things from the perspective of someone who is constantly invalidated for their mental handicaps/illnesses because im not a walking aesthetic
@@aniolkaharmonia Ig, just never met someone who I've seen exaggerate their symptoms to a noticeable degree but I've been told I'm faking and exaggerating mine all my life. Mental disorder isn't an asthetic, but people seem to gatekeep it? Like ohh your not actually autistic because you "insert insignificant thing"
@@ice_plsyou've made the first step by recognising that you gaslight yourself in therapy, and when you're feeling less vulnerable try to be honest with your therapist about the fact that you'll likely people please and gaslight (or make things sound better than they are). I say this as someone who wanted to 'please' my therapist by being 'well' or by 'getting better' and so never actually got what I needed out of therapy and wasted my time. If youre able to get therapy, you really do want to make sure you're actually getting what YOU need to get out of it.
Exactly! Masking is very common because of stigmas around mental disabilities. I do think this would be beneficial for neurological and allistic people to hear tho because they're the ones that tend to shame people for "not being autistic enough" because they're usually high masking and low support, but are having a bad day.
I don't have problems wearing a single piece of Clothing I own
Because I threw out the rest that I couldn't
😂 right that's why. I will never own another pair of pants that aren't elastic waist
fr if i don't like the texture i don't buy it so that problem doesn't exist for me & since i was little, me & my mum cut off & unpicked all my labels 🙈 i still continue to do that to this day. 10/10 would recommend 👍
@@rainbowglass8319 I'm jealousnrhat your thing is just tags. I can't handle denim, and I grew up on a farm so it was ALL jeans
@@rainbowglass8319 I mean I'm extreme about it but I genuinely don't think anyone loves tags, but most people just don't do anything about it.
Yup, because I only have clothing I can easily wear 😂
Crazy how ppl will misinterpret this as “if you don’t like going to parties you’re autistic” when that’s not what she’s saying at all.
This. I can go to parties. I even enjoy them most times. I can be really sociable and even had everyone thinking I was an extrovert.
The problem? Any time I was at a social event for more than 2 hours, I'd be exhausted *to my core* by the time I got home. 3 hours, and I'd basically stop speaking unless spoken to. 4 hours? Headache. Without fail.
Most of the time, I don't even realize I'm masking. The only exception is close friends.
What a refreshing perspective.
I have a lot of guilt self diagnosing as ASD. (My uncle and sister both have been diagnosed).
I can do all those things. I did for a long time. Now I can’t and it’s more than just work burnout. My sister is ASD and she needs more living accommodations. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2021 and now I’m finally on ADHD meds (less than a year). I can see all the ways I created systems for myself/ masked well enough. I was telling myself I had to be the “independent” child that “made it”. I was supposed to be the one helping and not needing help.
I’m very thankful for my ability to provide for myself this far, move out, put myself through college, buy a home.
It’s all falling apart now because I didn’t take my time. Thankfully therapy, medication and a support system has been there for me through this journey.
Can relate completely to this, my brother is diagnosed with adhd and autism, I'm currently not formally diagnosed with anything, but multiple cousins are also diagnosed with autism and or adhd. And yeah, completely relate to what you're saying. I was the older sister who got a 2.1 at university and is the only one so far out of my siblings to live independently, and I find it super hard to ask for help.
@@shelley5449 thank you for sharing 💖. It may seem small but it means a lot.
I hope you find peace out there!
This really explains why my wedding was over by 5:30pm
And you're so real for that
Hahaha, gosh this is me. Registry wedding with six attendees and then out to a restaurant afterwards.
Same - we had two people at our wedding with a dinner afterwards but no reception and I was still so anxious, I'm so glad we didn't listen to everyone trying to pressure us to have a big do coz I really enjoyed it once the actual official part was over
Oohh hubby's family demanded a full proper wedding but thankfully it was the pandemic so we had a small ceremony went for photos, then hubby and i went for dinner ourselves. His fam still organized a small get-together coz they insist on such things (...they have no idea he's introverted, possibly autistic, and gets tired too fron such things). We swung by to say hi briefly, but no way could i stay.
We had a formal reception half a yr later once the pandemic restrictions let up 🤣
Breaking the wedding day up into smaller chunks was a massive benefit.
My mom's perspective USED TO BE just like the first part regarding me and my behavior. Then, idk if it was RUclips or tiktok, or maybe just me, she stopped thinking "she can't be autistic because she can do x thing" and started thinking "she can do x thing, but only if she has/does this thing"
It was the same with ADHD for a while, but we're getting an official diagnosis on my stuffs soon.
I had to do the reverse with depression, too, tbh. Went from "I have to be depressed because x" to "am I depressed or is x a normal thing to be sad/upset about?"
Gradually learned that my depression only ever came around certain days/events, (deaths of loved ones, days that were emotionally devastating for me, events that forced me around people that mistreated me, etc). I'm glad to finally have a way to phrase the transition ❤
This is such a great switch up that makes me think about things differently ❤
I have severe anxiety. I was actually diagnosed with GAD, which is one of the worst anxiety disorders there is. I went to a substance use treatment and my counselor took some of us to a speakers' jam, which was overwhelming for me. I'm also totally blind, and loud noises overwhelm me, especially that I can bearely hear out of one ear. I told my counselor that I needed the restroom, and he took me to a lady he knew, but she started touching me with this overprotectiveness people generally have when they see me with a white cane, and I freaked out. I felt so invaded and scared I stepped back so fast, which scared the poor woman. I don't remember this, but my counselor swears I screamed his name until I found him.
I ended up having to stay outside halfway through and later had a panic attack. My roommate told me that if she diddn't know better, she'd thought I was having a seizure. Thankfully she was able to give me my Ativan and I was off sleeping in ten minutes.
I see a lot of autism-related content and I wonder if I would fit on it. I have to have a system for everything. I don't think people realize how taxing simple things are to some of us.
P.S.: I shouldn't have to put this as a disclaimer every time, but I use a screen reader to type comments, so that's how I am writing this when I'm blind. I really should stop saying this, but people can be so stupid.
This can be so challenging in my experience as
1: trauma, physical disabilities as well as neurodivergency/invisible or mental disabilities can have so much overlap that we can relate to each other even when we don't have the same condition or conditions;
2: At the same time, there are so many comorbidities, I am sometimes stumped to find how often a person has a whole host of conditions.
3: In short, both can be true at the same time. I may relate to someone despite our conditions not being the same; or I may relate because we have the same experience (with the same condition).
I enjoyed reading your comment; it was very well written. And I wish you all the best on your journey, wherever it may go❣️😊
I’m hesitant to trust any algorithm diagnosis but this is getting ridiculous how much audhd content relates to and helps me. Whatever works works, I don’t need to know definitively, but stilllll
I am autistic and I can go to parties under specific circumstances. If it’s a party where I know everyone and no one will complain I leave early, great. If it’s an alternative model or Pride event and I have a safe person, absolutely. If I know the people there won’t judge me for my lack of alcohol drinking if I’m not in the mood for it, brilliant. But if I don’t know at least one person there and more than six others will be there, no way. If I’m already overstimulated or feeling depressed or anxious, hell no. If I know the people going will be going overboard and will likely get too drunk to understand their actions, nope. If I know anyone is going who is a mean or aggressive drunk, never. If anyone who’s going has ever pushed my boundaries and my safe person isn’t there, that person better hope I don’t go
I've been working on reframing this in therapy and it is a real bitch to realize how fucking hard EVERYTHING is 😂
Isn’t it though??? Like yeah I had breakdowns every day before but at least I wasn’t consciously acknowledging how much I was struggling 😂😅
@@JacquelineUnderwood right?? And then you can't unsee it anymore 😂😭
Fr 😂
i’ve been diagnosed with autism since I was 10 years old through some stroke of enormous luck (I don’t know how I got assessed so fast when the waiting lists in the uk are years long) and I have had imposters syndrome about it constantly, despite literally being diagnosed, and I honestly wish i’d found this type of thinking sooner because changing ‘can’ to ‘find it easy to’ is such a fantastic way of deciphering it
I *can* go to parties but do I find it easy? fuck no I don’t, and I usually have a meltdown afterwards from the stress
thank you so much for presenting me with this phrasing because I am going to be using it forever
It's never been easy it was all just always expected of me. Because I was extremely verbal they thought I had no possibility of neurodivergence. I lived up to the standard of I must be fine. Only to realise 20 years later these things would never be so hard were I neurotypical. Thank you for raising awareness so others can find out the truth of themselves sooner and hopefully suffer less.
Very well said, this has been my experience as well.
Oh man I was ROLLING at "it's easy for me to" - it's not easy to do ANYTHING!!!! XDDDD yes I CAN but MUST I ??? !!!
I'm not autistic but I am proud of myself because I just started doing teenage shit. I'm 21 and never did anything as a teenager that's typical, I used to say I didn't want to but that was my brain making it up because I was scared to. Now I feel that splitting off my brain and went to my first party with my brother and it was cool. Didn't know i was scared of social all my life u til maybe 15 I realized I'm not growing out of it like everyone else. I studied that and self cured a few underlying issues (don't see therapy or doc because that implies I have social anxiety, which will make my brain think it has social anxiety). So now I'm doing better and better and have a presentation about AI and some ones about job interviews and whoopee. I been thru the whole social media mental health thing before realizing there'd a difference between acting autistic due to having autism and acting autistic due to external factors telling you these behaviors are autistic. It's a bad trap (called social contagion) that almost got me but I know now.
Yes! This is how I was finally able to realize that I’m autistic! I realized I had just gotten extremely good at masking and coping, and that as a woman my presentation isn’t what I was taught about in school 20 years ago.
It wasn’t until my CPTSD made all these little things that really bothered me as a kid start to really bother me again and my coping mechanisms were just thrown off, so I noticed so many more traits. Things that I’ve learned in the last 5 years are common for autistic women.
It’s been really empowering because I have started accommodating myself more often, instead of just powering through the “normal” way. Like, I have always hated washing dishes, but if I wear gloves, and don’t fill the sink with water, it’s so much less awful. I just was told to get over it when so hated textures and sensations growing up. Knowing it’s autism makes it easier for me to work around how I am, rather than trying to fit myself into some kind of mold. If that makes sense.
This is me with concerts 😊 Some people leave a concert and feel energized, I leave conferts feeling drained, tired, and overstimulated. I don't necessarily regret going to concerts, but there are only a few concerts that i enjoyed so so much and would do again. But i would come better prepared to make it through them
Just the thought of going to a concert stresses me out. Anywhere really crowded..
This is what I didn't understand for years. I was so used to be uncomfortable and burnt out from forcing myself to do all those things without support tools, that feeling constantly drained felt normal. Now I know I'm auDHD and I'm able to use tools, systems, and adaptions to make my life easier and happier
This is me my entire life. Everything is hard and has to be set up a certain way. I need tons of recovery time doom scrolling and isolating.
I recently realised that i love and can handle going to clubs/raves, bc i know exactly what to expect. They're still exhausting but it's worth it. And there's many social situations i'd love to take part in (protest marches, drag shows, dance classes, pride parades..) but it's a muuuuch bigger hurdle because it's not sth i'm used to and the 'script' or 'code' there is just not familiar to me, so i'd be overwhelmed or anxious much quicker. Not that i should hold myself back from trying new things, but yeah. I'm very glad to see ppl highlight this sort of stuff.
Thank you SO MUCH for thinking of non autistic people too. I've seen so many people lately acting like it's impossible to be allistic if you do ANYTHING slightly different than the norm and it's genuinely harmful. As someone who was once misdiagnosed with autism as a teen and had a very hard time figuring it all out for years to come because of that, I really appreciate this approach.
I can do most of these things, but I've figured out with time they are not easy at all and it helped me respect myself more and set better boundaries. Great video!!! I love how that simple change in language makes us understand ourselves so much better
Thank you, so much. I really suffer from imposter syndrome. I'm still trying to figuring my diagnosis that I got just 3 years ago. Videos like this really help.
GDI. I really need to get tested. 🙄
(Note: frustration at medical community, not potential diagnosis.)
You got me. I only go to parties if there is a pet, a couch and I can leave early
I think it’s also fair to say that neurotypical people can also struggle with doing these things and it doesn’t mean they’re autistic or another condition or label. Everyone struggles.
"I've had rap music coursing through my veins" is so good
This exact thought has been kicking around my head and someone finally put it into words!
Also leaving a party by eleven is three hours over time and I expect to be compensated for my time. 😉
A lot of this resonates as a person with hearing loss too. Listening fatigue is so real and needing to leave early because of it always sucked but lip reading drained my internal battery so quick despite loving being around people. But can def see how it could apply to folks across the spectrum too.
Thank you for this, just because we can do things doesn't mean we're not autistic. My psychology professor actually said none of us in the class could possibly be autistic when we discussed ASD cause everyone can hold eye contact. I was literally sitting there stimming with my fingers cause I'm trying to focus on making appropriate eye contact.
Why does everyone want do be autistic online in 2024? What’s wrong with you guys? That’s not a cute trend
This is me fr! I hate to self diagnose but over this year I’ve found more and more stuff about me (as a kid + currently) that fits into how autism/adhd shows up on a biological girl, and this is so real!
This is something me and my therapist have been working on. For a lot of my life I just pushed things down to make myself more palatable to other people. Letting myself feel those uncomfortable feelings helps me figure out how to accommodate for them.
Different support needs are real thing, and just because you can do some stuff sometimes doesnt mean you dont deserve the help when you need it ❤
it’s so frustrating bc it’s so hard to be like officially diagnosed autistic when you have comorbidities. my heart goes out to anyone that can relate. please advocate for yourself, always
Yes! For example I struggle with sensory issues a lot less now then I did as a child, but much of that is just that I'm an adult now and able go choose my clothes and my food etc. I simply do not buy things I know will make me uncomfortable. It can be hard to realize too because I imagine most people have clothing textures they dislike or food they hate and would shop based on their preferences, so it can be hard to tell the difference
This is a really helpful shift in language and mindset. Thank you 🖤
And then there's me who says "I can go to parties" and in my head that means a birthday party with 4 other autistic friends
oh my god this made me realize so much. I've been dragging myself through parties and spending all day fighting to ignore annoying clothing items but then swearing im not autistic because "i can do it!!"
Ugh thank you for this. I’m 25 and trying to get an autism diagnosis at this age is HARD. Every day I get autism content and I struggle a lot internally about whether or not I should just give up on getting a diagnosis because like ‘well I could do this thing’ or ‘I act neurotypical sometimes’ and stuff like this makes me feel like I should keep looking for a diagnosis even if it’s not gonna happen for a while (I’m currently on a 2 year waitlist 😭) but like I can’t hold down a job, I have full on meltdowns, it is NOT easy for me to wear whatever I want but I do it because fashion is super important to me, it is not easy for me to go to parties. Like I definitely think I’m autistic but I have so much self doubt sometimes and with how hard it is to get diagnosed sometimes I just wanna give up.
Treat yourself as if you are.
I know that sounds so simple and stupid but sincerely. Interact with the Actually Autistic community. Learn about how they make accommodations for themselves. About what kind of mindset shifts and changes to their life helped them better their lives. It's what I did, and it made a really big difference for me. My life is a lot more peaceful and seems more hopeful, even without a formal diagnosis. Approaching things with the "Okay. Well, I'm going to act as if I AM diagnosed.. now what? How can I help myself?" Can give you great tools. And even if you turn out to not be autistic, you still have some great tools to use, and a better frame of mind to work with. ❤
(note: the Actually Autistic community just means people who are autistic themselves. They ARE generally welcoming of self diagnosis. But they're trying to sort gently push against the "autism parent who knows best for autistics and is the voice for their child" by being the.. well, Actually Autistic voices.)
@@ryanmackenzie6109 thank you so much 🥺 i always feel afraid if entering spaces for autistic people because I feel like, i’m not sure how to word it but, it’s wrong for me to be there. Idk it feels like you just gave me permission to do it and I really needed to read that. Just because I can’t get a formal diagnosis doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to get help dealing with life in general. Thank you seriously 🙂
@@fugitive_ Even if you're not Autistic, a lot of Autistic people are very chill with people hanging out around them who want to learn about autism or learn how to better care for themselves. It is genuinely a really gentle and wholesome community. And I'm glad I gave you that permission. When I started falling really hard into "oh God I think I'm Autistic.." I also needed someone to give me permissions to start. But it helped me so, so much to finally make that leap.
Another thing I might recommend. As you listen to stories, struggles or anecdotes from Autistic people, make yourself a list of all of the things you come across that you also experience. Either that you experienced when you were a child, or things that affect you now. Having that list did wonders for my confidence. I used to gaslight myself a lot that "well, I can't be. I don't act autistic." And it wasn't until I put it all down in writing that I realized "Oh.. No, I DO act autistic." It gave me more peace of mind that I had my own little list of things that gave me "proof" of why I was hanging out in the community. It's also a fantastic tool to be able to bring to your diagnosis appointment to be able to say "this is why I think I'm autistic."
Lastly. You'll come across a lot of content about unmasking. I am going to share the most crucial information I received about it. Do not try to unmask by taking things away from your life. If you just try to peel of the neurotypical mask, you will be left feeling empty. Instead, fill your life with things that bring you joy. Hobbies, interests, stimming, all the little "weird" things you were scared to enjoy because it wasn't "normal." The mask will fall away more naturally if you take good things into your life, than if you try to push the bad things out. Think of the mask as a wall that keeps the autism OUT instead of holding it in. You can't make a personality from nothing, so give yourself good things.
I wish you so, so much luck on your journey. 💜
@@ryanmackenzie6109 this is like the best advice I have ever received in my life :’) thank you so much you are very kind
@@fugitive_ It was some of th best advice I had received too. I'm happy I got to share it with you. And I hope you get the chance to share it with someone else, too, if it helps you. Good luck out there 💜💞
After my graduation from my master program I started feeling super anxious and overwhelmed. My husband asked me how I felt, and I couldn't explain it to him. We were listening to music and he was telling me a story and he looks over and sees me crying, and I can't explain to him why. Just that I felt super overwhelmed and anxious - there were a LOT of people, I never really got to know my class super well so I didn't have people around I was comfortable with for most of it, there was a lot of noise and a bunch of social rules and expectations I didn't understand but has to figure out. I had to do so much pretending, too! I felt awful on a day I was supposed to feel relief and pride. I told my husband "maybe I am autistic? Or just socially anxious?"
Idk but that's what this video made me think of. I still don't call myself autistic, but I wouldn't mind being assessed one day.
Totally recontextualized these kindsa questions for me, honestly.
I’m quite certain I have some form of autism, but I’m afraid to tell my doctors because I know they’re just gonna to say it’s anxiety like I’ve come in with serious life altering symptoms and they said “oh it’s just anxiety here take this blue pill that gives you borderline stomach flu“😤😤😤
Oh I feel you, sis. They did a bunch of tests on me including mri and encephalogram when I went for therapy for my anxiety, declared me a perfectionist yet neurotypical and gave me sedatives that gave me stomachaches. Never again. I know I'm on the spec but I'm scared of getting misdiagnosed if I redo the tests
@@trishasurangana2278
It’s infuriating how many people have just given up on going to the doctor because they know their concerns won’t be taken seriously doctors are the reason I’m alive, but they’re also the reason I’m suffering
I wish you all the best
Thank you for saying this!! Autism is indeed a spectrum and not a one-size-fits-all. ❤
I think my RUclips recommendation is trying to tell me things. This is the 4th autism awareness video I've seen today 😅
Thats true, it’s hard to say if you have it because it all falls on a spectrum and encompasses many different behavioral characteristics.
The “can” vs “it’s easy to” issue is why I didn’t even consider I might have autism for three years, and didn’t come to terms with it for another two after that. I’m autistic. Got an informal diagnosis via research study and everything (waiting for a formal diagnosis)
Way to make me go from "I can't be autistic" to "omg every one of these things are a struggle 😭😭😭"
This is why i wonder everyday if im autistic or not. I can do certain stuff but i remember when i was little I literally trained myself to be able to handle these stuff that if I was 100 percent honest i wouldnt fo bc deep down i dont like to do it. Is just that im good at forcing myself to do it anyways to appear somewhat normal.
What happened to me was a misdiagnosis of ADD (which is now just a type of ADHD) because I wasn't hypoactive and the medical community didn't understand low needs autism at the time. I would get bullied and then I was told I had anger issues because I reacted when I would have a meltdown and they wouldn't stop because I'm passive and emotional and being born male in the Southern US you weren't supposed to soft and emotional
Also I'm just recently able to let myself understand that I was being bullied because all I was taught about was physically violent bullying when it came to guys, like they talked about verbal bullying with girls ( I also didn't realize at the time that I was trans, didn't know trans women existed until I was 12 cause Southern US, which also didn't help me getting bullied because I've always had traditionally feminine interests and behaviors
As someone who grew up struggling in school but ended up excelling in college, graduate, and law school but with LOTS of social and situational anxiety (thinking it was just normal because I still did well) I needed to hear this. I have never been diagnosed with anything, except when I was little, my mom was told I had some type of learning disability. I don’t feel that my academic experiences nor my day to day is neurotypical, and that is ok.
People constantly assuming autistics CANNOT ADAPT is what's wild to me. We grow up learning to mask, adapt, and communicate (mostly) because we have to in order to survive.
It's very similar to the shit they used to put on enslaved peoples (and that still constitutes a lot of racism). I know that sounds intense but for real, they'd be like "Look, you cannot participate in proper society because of the colour of your skin!" to the maid who knew not only exactly how to set the table with all its fancy linen, insane cutlery and crockery for a banquet but also cooked that banquet, with seasonable produce into fashionable dishes, and served all of those dishes announcing each one with the correct French pronunciation and English translation (at least one part of which their direct enslavers would never be willing, let alone able, to accomplish, the actual work involved) The fact that they did all of that was overlooked and devalued (with regards to them, not their enslavers - with regards to them, they were praised despite doing nothing) because people focused on the colour of their skin. The fact that we're neurodivergent is overlooked because we do so many things NT people expect we can't do - therefore we couldn't be ND. It's a logical fallacy that they just insist on, like saying POCs are somehow less than because they have a different dermal melanin content. It's so stupid, and yet so pervasive.
Edit: I was like "Damn, you went WIDE with that." on the re-read and I did get a bit lost. I think I was trying to reference how the system forces those being discriminated against to constantly beat their own efforts, often overcoming those of people with more privilege, while consistently having the acknowledgement of those efforts just summarily ignored, often for the direct benefit of others as opposed to the person making extreme efforts to survive.
That's why a lot of other autistic ppl could not comprehend me not being able to do the stuff they could do. Bc they can. So I must not be trying hard enough. I've had someone I helped figure out they might be autistic say "You're not the only one thats autistic" when i tried to explain that i dont under social norms around conversations and that I truly was trying, but it's a genuine point where I am not avle to function. It hurts somehow even worse when it comes from other autistic ppl that just see ppl with higher aupport needs as "not trying jard enough, bc clearly they can do it fine"
So sorry you had to go through this dearest Yuzu 😣😭😭 hoping you stay safe and your injury heals fully and any pain goes away 😭🙏🏻🤍 please please Yuzu take care and follow through closely with the after care and doctor's advice 🙏🏻⚕ be gentle with yourself and remember that both you and your beautiful skating are always loved no matter what so take care of yourself and focus on healing 🙏🏻
gentle reminder to also to eat and sleep well for faster healing and health 🤍
EXACTLY. I have a lot of guilt around self diagnosed ADHD, but my dr said he wouldnt recommend the seeking a diagnosis because im not considering medication at this time, and its GOOD that all of these videos about adhd management help.
Keep in mind that most people dont consider me adhd, and i do brilliantly in all my classes. But thats come from years of all nighters, ridiculous amounts of caffeiene, stressing to the point of literally having an allergic reaction to the stress, doubt, guilt, and self loathing
But some people would still say im not adhd, becaue i CAN succeed at uni
I'm autistic, recently diagnosed and when you said "try replaing it "it's easy for me to do it"...that hit home
This is @ my younger self who would come home from school or events and have to nap or rest for a couple hours. Or more specific to the event side, I'd come home and have to cry because I was overwhelmed. I didn't even know WHY I was overwhelmed, but now I do, and I can avoid it now
I am slowly coming to terms with tbe fact that I might be autistic as well as adhd.
In fact, I am finding out that the reason I never thought I was even though I never felt like I quite fit in with society, is that I diagnosed autism and adhd is thick in my family. The things that makes me feel different than everyone else is just normal in my family. Both sides of my family, maternal and paternal. BTW I know of 8 family members officially diagnosed. And at least one great grandparent that would have been.
After my youngest was diagnosed at 7 and I learned more and more about autism, I saw it in my kids father before I finally admitted I might be as well.
Like heavy denial that my rocking while talking to people was just general fidgetting and not stemming. I am not info dumping I just like to make sure those I am talking too fully understands what I am talking about with no miscommunication. It is normal to prefer to go bearfoot cause shoes pinch or feel trapped in firm fitting clothes. Baggy clothes that allow full movement or clothes with very liitle to it like spaghetti strapped tank tops just feel better. Doesn't everyone need to be comfortable in their clothes to function and think?
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for saying this. I'm seeking a diagnosis but have a lot doubts that it would be the correct diagnosis, but you're so right! I can do most of those things, but I haven't always and was forced to find systems. Even if I'm not autistic, it's very validating to hear someone syruggle with those things and not feel guilty for it not being easy ❤❤ I only ever considered I could be autistic is because of listening and relating to videos of wonderful people like you talking about your experience
Hey, either way, you’re worth everything, valid and pretty cool. That goes for anyone.
I think this is one of the (many) reasons why my ADHD diagnosis came so late. I was able to adapt and get around in life because other people allowed me to be what I needed to be until some people came into my life who wouldn't.
I can read tone, body language, facial expressions and emulate them.
As a child, i had an extensive notebook on tone expression because being called by my primary abuser and showing up with a smile would get me beaten for not knowing i was in trouble.
So i learned how. Like self taught, all this, as a second language. To survive.
Linguistics is still my special interest. But i wonder what it might have been if it didn't have to be.
i leave parties early because there are too many people, they're too loud and i can hear them over my music, they try and talk to me too much, or they're crowding around me too much (meaning to or not)
social gatherings full of strangers is so stressful, if it's me and a couple friends i can bare with it a little longer and can actually enjoy quite a bit of time spent with them
😅 this is the exact conversation i had with my therapist 4 years ago when i got diagnosed
I loved going to parties, especially before I was diagnosed. I've almost never had close inner circle type friends, but I've had A LOT of mid circle and tertiary circle friends so it was my way of getting my social needs met.
People loved my mask when I was drinking, and my sense of humor landed better when other people were drinking. (I always win roasts but day to day people tell me i'm being mean when I'm joking and I've never been able to find the right delivery.)
I've observed myself since becoming diagnosed though, and I use a lot of coping mechanisms. Also my instinct to Irish goodbye is semi notorius. lol
The safe person and time thing is very true for me. I cannot go if I don’t have one of my best friends and I get distressed if I don’t leave by a certain time before hand. I also cannot do much before a party in order to save my energy and social battery because I know it will take so much out of me
another point to note is that high functioning autism can make it easy to do neurotypical things. just because you dont fit any stereotypes, it doesnt mean you cant be autistic
When I was masking I used to be the life of the party - I was the girl everyone invited because I made the party happen. After I stopped masking I couldn't stand crowds or socialising with so many people at once. Now the idea of going to a party freaks me out. I realised my 'system' had been to push through and get blind drunk. Now that I don't force myself to push through painful situations and I've stopped drinking, I'd rather stay at home binge watching and snuggling my cat
My therapist recently told me something that stuck with me which is that there is a lot of crossover when ur not neurotypical. Cause the thought of another diagnosis stressed me out but so did me definitely realizing adhd content and certain autism spectrum elements applied to me. So now I say bipolar is just having depression with a sprinkle of adhd, I say JOKINGLY. But it’s funny kindof how close this is tbh. And how when I forget to say it as a joke it plays off. But like I got a bunch of different behavior than neurotypicals that I DO then need to plan in advance or replan around. Now added to by my chronic pain. Which is another oh yeah I can dance all night hard. But I will need at least one and maybe two days of absolute pain that makes me feel like I am shattering and breaking apart afterwards. And I might fall down a lot the next day.
This exact thing is why I'm still reeling with the newfound diagnosis 😭 so many years of gaslighting myself out of even CONSIDERING it and now here I am making sense of my whole life bc one single counselor said "hey I wonder if you're on the spectrum" 😭❤️
I'm diagnosed, and yes, sometimes I go to parties. I'm good so long as I have a safe person. And weed tbh.
Not enough talk about weed in the autism community. It’s astonishing how much it helps.
@@Blewlongmun Do explain? like what strain? I'm autistic and use medical MJ specifically indica for pain and sleep. When I was in college, there was this strain that seriously gave me energy and I felt that I can conquer the world. I don't know which strain that was. I wish I know. I need to be careful because I've tried some that gave me anxiety beyond belief. I though that aliens are coming to invade earth lol and I though my friend was warping to be a ghoul. I freaked out. hahahaha..
@@GirlieAndroid I mean I'll smoke any strain, I say we should talk about it more because I'm sure a professional study could find a more proper answer. I've heard high terpenes is better for anxiety, I tend to like sativa more because I think it helps with executive disfunction a little and being tired makes me stressed. I got the BOGO sail on AuDHD too so that changes things as well.
I always assumed I couldn’t be because I work in retail and can do small talk and understand social cues and I get embarrassed when people around me break or don’t notice social cues and norms (which is probably a part of my autism lol) but when I think about it it took me so many years of forcing myself to learn small talk and my whole life of trying to mask and fit in to learn social norms and cues and even still I end up leaving awkward silences or can’t pick up on some things or over think some cues that aren’t even cues but are what I’m used to being cues but the person doing it didn’t realize they were doing it so while I can seem to easily make eye contact while listening (I can’t maintain it while talking) it’s not easy at all I’m in my own head screaming “I hate this just look away! Do they think I’m weird? Is this too much eye contact??” Which my first therapist I mentioned I thought I might be autistic and she hit me with the combo breaker “you can’t be autistic you’ve been making eye contact with me and my 5 year old son had autism and I can tell you don’t have it” word for word I didn’t think that stereotype was as accurate as it actually is let’s just say I did not see her again
"I'm not autistic i just have a system for everything"
I'm pretty sure that the only reason why my understanding of most social cues doesn't end me in trouble often is because I keep quiet a lot and I can empathize a ton. So either I stay a bystander or I think of how I would be in a situation and how their actions might line up with that and I happen to get it at least close enough to skate by most of the time.
I talked to my psychiatrist and she was telling me she didn't think I was based on our interactions, BUT, she also said that I could just be EXTREMELY good and adapt at masking 🙃🙃🙃 and then asked if I wanted to get tested. And honestly, I think I'd rather NOT know..
For me it’s sarcasm. I have always struggled with knowing when someone is being sarcastic or having a joke with me and I am always told “you take everything too literally/seriously” but when I try to make a joke or talk sarcasticly, everyone takes ME seriously, what am I doing wrong? I thought I got it now but clearly I don’t
Meanwhile the assessment questionaires will be like "have you ever gone to a party in your life? Not autistic."
I think those are just preferences. there's another step to the thought process that you're having that is how you actually determine this.
not liking loud noises is not that uncommon. it's what happens if you stay in a location that's loud. are you eventually unable to speak, do u cry for no reason, do you get unjustifiably angry. any one of those is a pretty good indicator that you can be overloaded by sounds, which on its own still doesn't mean you're autistic but it is a point in that direction.
with social interaction, when you go to a party are you able to have conversations in groups of more than one person, more than two people if one person is the best friend that you went with.
autistic people can't read social cues because they can't read body language. knowing when to talk and being able to perceive the thread of a conversation and match the pace and things like that is done with body language and tone, and autistic people can't process words being said while processing the body language and the tone. in brain scans when they're listening to someone talk, their brain is like lit up and focused on that and The parts that would normally be dedicated to some emotional processing are not activated , not activated to the same degree .
if you're having a one-on-one conversation it's much easier to track those things simultaneously, and the other person will be signaling only to you. people subconsciously will make conversational signals more obvious or less obvious based on whether or not the person who should be receiving them appears to be receiving them. if it's not obvious you're receiving them without a trying they'll make their signals more obvious.
But in a big group people aren't paying attention specifically to you the dominating vibe is going to be coming from the average person so you'll get confused and lost and not know when to talk how long you should talk for, what the thread of the conversation is. I started to notice when I started speaking which wasn't until I was in college that I didn't know where the line was between appropriate and inappropriate things to say and I would frequently take conversations too far. And for a long time in my life I had already been using that behavior as a way to be funny. But if you find that you are like compulsively going too far in a conversation you never know where that line is, that is a symptom of a lot of things including just being imature but It can be a symptom of autism.
also obsessions. most people have obsessions when they're kids but most adults really don't. if you retain an obsession or frequently get obsessed with something for a period of a few months or more, that's another potential sign, especially if during one of your obsessions you basically get mad if anytime that you feel should be dedicated to the obsession is taken by something else or even the suggestion of that.
also people say they listen to the same song when they find a new song that they love. I thought then that I was doing that in the same way and one time I told someone that I had listened to the same song like literally on repeat every hour of everyday for about 3 weeks and had heard it thousands of times and I realized that that's not what they were talking about.
so fixations like that is another really obvious sign.
if you just don't like loud noises and you don't like big groups and you prefer a certain clothes you're not autistic that's just your personality and that's fine and pretty normal.
This is also why most of us withblow support needs and who are NT passing get 0 help. "You don't behave autistic", yeah, no because I'm masking the hell out if it roght now.
So many times I did all the "normal" things and then went home and cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand that Im actually autistic until I was in my 40s. 2/3 of my family, including extended family, have AuDHD diagnoses. My son is AuDHD. Why would I be the only one not being ND?
It all makes so much more sense now. Why I can't do certain things like create routines and folkow them, why I get really upset by unexpected stuff or things don't go as planned, why I feel weird maintaining eye contact, why loud places and crowds make my skin crawl, why certain foods makes me gag and so much more.
Especially the hyperfixation bit where I forget to eat and sleep for days.
I relate, and have been assessed twice (they said no on grounds of i was smart.) but like...i like parties. even alone, or if they're loud. i actually enjoy that stuff.
Over the years I find myself happier I. My own company and find big social events a bother and more draining. It’s got to the point I rarely hang out with anyone except family and they barely come too which I find relieving over time 😅
I don't know. That's the simple answer. The parties I have been to have taught me that I don't enjoy any of the activities of a party. I don't like drinking, it's nasty. I don't enjoy the music because the bass is so loud it's just booming, not music. I don't like dancing, especially not drunk because the room is already spinning, so I don't need to add more motion. The one thing I DO like is the company. Everyone else is having a good time and talking/laughing. Some are telling stories, and that part is great. I can't tell if I'm just like this or if I have problems. I think it's just a personality thing.
Its was always easy for me to go to parties as a teenager. But thats because i lived in a small rural town, Rural to the point larger ones the police knew about and even had unofficial aid from teachers in planning to make sure we stayed safe, networkibg for rides, (one time we even got to borrow the theatre departments light and music equipment.
Literally everyone knew eachother or at the very least everyone at these were friends with multiple people you knew.
Meaning you could talk to anyone. And for the most part everyone took care of eachother ridesharing, or providing water and checking in on those who passed out ect. And the rare bad apples were shunned immediately after smth would happen.
Turns out, after highschool parties aren't really like that as often anymore lol. And sure you dint have to worry about illegal drinking. But i didnt realize *just* how overstimulating parties are when you're surrounded by people you know, and in a rural enough area you can step out when the musics too much. And stull have people to talk to. I barely party anymore. Or go to bars or clubs. Because they're consistently too much. Tho i will admit i understand why people smoke now. I dont personally but going out to the smoking area at certain events or clubs is the closest you can get to that feeling without the constant overstimulation.
Unrelated why tf do clubs play the music so loud. Like i should be able to have a conversation with someone 2 inches from me without having to yell into their ear. (In the quiet area)
I alter my clothes. Which could be as simple as wearing something inside out like pajamas, or cutting something off like tags or sleeves.
When I was little, I would tap out at family events early and hide in my grandmas office. People would come up to see me so I could 'still be included'. But not my grandma and grandpa. They were my safe space of quiet. I learned from family to mask so had I didn't learn I was autistic until a year ago. I'm 40. I miss my grandma and grandpa. I think deep down they were the only grownups who saw me as I was.
Big facts, wish more people realized this. I can mask and pretend like I'm fine but internally I'm usually struggling to do the most basic things.
I appreciate this video so much. I was just thinking about this the other day and realized that while yes I can do those things, I don’t because the toll it takes on me mentally isn’t worth it.
Im hella autistic and went to parties my whole teenage life and still love to go to concerts and parties. I cant wear all clothes, but my closet is full of clothes i CAN wear comfortably. And it expands! I never liked crop tops till the past few years! I leave events earlier because i respect my needs better! But i am soooooo autistic and I do struggle with it!
Mine isn’t autism but CPSTD I relate to so much of this stuff. We are in it together
I can wear whatever clothes i want! "Oh even cuordoroy?!" "Uh..."
Parties have given me anxiety since I was a tiny child. Always hated them, but always dragged to them by my family. It sucks the worst when there was food I liked there. I could never eat it because I felt too nauseous just being there.
I relate to so much autistic content overall but there is certain things that resonate with my childhood that are almost obsolete now bc masking dampened quite a few of my symptoms. Like I've only ever had one safe food my entire life and it's been my regular meal almost everyday for my entire life bc of my sensory issues with food. I have major sensory issues with clothes as well, but it was WAY worse as a kid. I wore only leggings most of my childhood bc denim genuinely made me lose my mind and when I finally found a pair I liked I wore only that so much it had holes in the knees from one side seam to the other. I would have explosive "tantrums" in stores when dragged to go clothes shopping and now as an adult I realize I was literally having autistic meltdowns from overstimulation being taken into malls and shops and forced to try on clothes that made me want to rip my skin off all while my abusive mother yelled at me. Now most clothes I can basically go numb to, I scratch at tags or I pull at my crotch in jeans or I fix the seam on my socks but usually I don't even notice it anymore bc I got so used to forcing myself to deal with it. Lately as I've been unmasking and trying to pay attention to my symptoms and what's causing me distress I've noticed I have a lot more reactions to clothes than I give myself credit for bc I got so used to forcing myself. Now I put on a shirt and the armpits are a little too tight that day or the texture of it on my skin is just too distracting or it somehow feels way too hot and I realize oop sensory issues!!! Sensory issues!! Change into something that won't make you lose it in 3 hours.
Basically that's just one example for me of how I'm already very stereotypically autistic (for a woman) but there are few outliers where I've learned it's all because of masking, not bc I personally am okay with those things
Yeah I got diagnosed as a 54 year old and I always wondered why if I went to a party or social gathering I had to drink alcohol, if I didn’t I only wanted to stay there for a couple of hours max.
This topic has always been weird for me because I relate to so many autistic people, on and off the internet, and fit almost every stereotype, but when I got tested I was told I didn’t have it. I’ve kind of just gone with it and explained it off as adhd, but I have family members who still think I got a false diagnosis. I don’t really care because the only reason I wanted to know was so that I could learn how to properly care for myself in work/school/stressful environments.
It’s like you’re the only one in race when everyone else is allowed to walk and you still come in last😊
Beautifully articulated!!!!!!!
I think I had a terrible idea of my capacity to handle social situations (especially parties) for years because I'd bury my discomfort under substances. If you're hammered, you don't notice the deeply awkward interactions, how you're fawning, how drained you are, none of it. In retrospect I mostly wasn't having a good time, I was getting through it and suffering later; when you're having a meltdown at a music festival where everyone else is having a good time, you start to pay attention ❤
exactly ! it took me forever to realise that my answers are overgeneralisations & my answers ARE black & white thinking ...
e.g. yes i CAN go to a party. do i have a a very specific routine & system that i need to complete otherwise i'm unable to go? yes, but i AM able to go like 75% of the time & i have been to parties before. yes, i have to leave early, am exhausted & have migraines for days after BUT i AM able to go.
my favourite was another autistic creator talking about "black & white thinking".
like yes i sometimes get confused by phrases & sarcasm & tone & social cues but i don't ALWAYS get confused, 24/7, every single second of every day, so the answer is no ... but my answer is an overgeneralisation & perfect example of black & white thinking, it's ironic, a lil sad & quite a bit funny, i am also embarrassed i didn't pick up on the fact i do this sooner.
i would joke to my friends & family "yeah but i don't THINK in black & white, i think in colour so i can't possibly have black & white thinking ... "
hope my ramble made some sense ! if it doesn't don't worry !
thank you for your video ! new subscriber ♡
I really appreciate this video but I'm struggling to know if I'm autistic or just socially anxious. I'm assuming these overlap but idk
If you are in Ontario, Canada, I'd be able to guide you to get a diagnosis for free and yes, Autism and social anxiety and anxiety in general can definitely overlap and so can ADHD as well all at once. I am diagnosed with Autism and General Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder. I might have ADHD as well. It's fun (I say sarcastically)